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Hey everyone. It’s been awhile. I’m back. Kinda. I’m not really used to being this vulnerable, but I’ve been gone for so long and so much happened in my personal life that I feel like I need to explain more than just being vague about life getting hard. This post got longer than expected so I put it under the cut. Just a heads up, there’s a lot to do with physical disability, surgery, illness, depression and the pandemic in this post.

To start, I don’t actually know the words to fully describe it, but mentally I shut down. I could not cope anymore with the stress of the pandemic and trying to protect everyone in my family while also being immune compromised myself. I just collapsed in on myself. I didn’t even realize it was happening till it happened. I kept looking for solutions without really letting myself recognize the problem, because admitting that my depression was getting to the point of overwhelming me, even with medicine and a therapist and friends, was to scary and painful. I didn’t know what to do. Distractions weren’t working. I lost so much time because every day blended into each other and that led to weeks and months blending together, and I shattered. I over promised to people and couldn’t deliver. I signed up for things and had to drop out. 

I was drowning without realizing I’d even slipped under the water. 

Then my body seemed to catch up with my mental state. I wound up being violently sick for a month. It wasn’t Covid. It was a flu that I truly believe if I’d lived in another time period, would have killed me. I had to be admitted to Urgent Care twice for dehydration, I lost weight rapidly because I couldn’t keep anything down, not even water, and my fever got to 102 at one point. When I finally got to the end of that though, there was one more surprise in store for me. I have arthritis. I’ve had it ever since I was a kid. Often times people just associate it with achy joints but it’s so much more than that. It’s an autoimmune disease that causes the body to attack healthy cells by mistake. That’s what leads to the inflammation and swelling of joints. I’m on something now that helps that by suppressing my immune system, but that also makes me more vulnerable to other things and if you’re sick or have an infection, you’re not supposed to take it. So I didn’t take it during the month I was sick. 

Cue my immune system picking up, but because of the arthritis, it went into overdrive and went overboard from after the virus was gone. This wound up causing intense inflammation and pain, specifically in my right knee and elbows. My left arm and right knee especially, I could no longer straighten either out completely, but my leg was the worst. I have never been in the kind of pain I was in during that. It didn’t matter if I was laying or sitting down, if my leg was elevated, level or down, I was just in overwhelming pain. I wound up going to the Emergency Room and being admitted to the hospital for surgery so my knee could be drained. 

I’d like to say I came out of it totally fine right away and it was great. But that wasn’t the case. I had to face one of my greatest fears which is helplessness, because I was. I no longer had the ability to get up from a bed or chair easily or walk on my own. For a few days after I got home from the hospital, I had to have someone hold onto me if I needed to walk because even with a walker, I couldn’t do it on my own. 

Eventually I was able to use a walker on my own and from there move onto using a cane instead. 

It was months of recovery though, not just to rebuild leg strength, but to heal enough from the flu, the arthritis flare up and surgery, to be able to not get exhausted and need to sleep after only a few hours of being awake. 

I’m now able to walk again on my own without assistance and my arms and leg have full mobility again. I’m still not at the leg strength I was previously, but that’s going to come with time and building my muscles again. 

It felt important to me to make this post. Because I’m not good at admitting, even to myself let alone others, that I’m not okay and that I have limitations. I’m so used to just downplaying how I feel and saying I’m okay, even when I’m really not. I made this post too because I was anxious about making this post and coming back because I feel like I’ve been drowning for so long that even now that I’m out of the water, I’m not sure how to begin rebuilding. But I know I want too and that I need to. I think if I had let myself recognize what I was going through much earlier with my mental state, I wouldn’t have over promised things to people or signed up for things and had to drop out and overall, I wouldn’t have disappointed others if I had actually acknowledged that I wasn’t doing good. I couldn’t have avoided the health issues, but I think even they would have felt less emotionally and mentally traumatic, if I had let myself acknowledge previously that I wasn’t doing good and couldn’t take on anything else, even if I wanted to. 

I’m doing that now though. I’m sorry I’ve been gone for so long without a word. I’m sorry if I worried anyone or let anyone down by my absence and lack of communication. I own that. That’s part of the rebuilding process and rebuilding relationships that I let falter because I couldn’t keep up my end. 

I’m doing better now, but I’m not sure if I truly feel I can say I’m okay. It’s something I’m having to take day by day and saying ‘I’m okay’ when I wasn’t, is something that came back to bite me. So even though I’m not sure if I’m okay mentally now, I know I am doing better, and one day I will feel confident in saying I’m okay. 

Thank you all for reading this. I hope this helps knowing more about what happened and why I just vanished from tumblr the way I did. I’m not sure how active I can be right now, but I’m still here. Thank you all. 

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My other post lost traction, so I kinda of have to do another.

I got the car stuff dealt with, thanks to everyone before, but now, I need to pay $200 for my phone to not get turned off. By tomorrow. I know, it’s a lot to ask.

I also need another $200 for another bill, that’s due in a couple days.

I got a new job, but I don’t know when I’ll be getting paid, though it’s between next friday or the friday after, but I don’t know. Regardless, it doesn’t help me any when it’s due tomorrow.

Any help will be appreciated.

My p/aypal is Here. please ignore the deadname.

And for timestamp: the day of making this post is May 29, 2021, and my phone is due tomorrow, on the 30th, and the other bill is due roughly on the 3rd of June.

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Cover, pages 1-5

Pages 6 & 7

Page: 8

Pages: 9-12

Pages 13-15 : Here

Something Milagro and Guy very much have in common is that there are people in their lives who they care immensely about, and if anyone causes those people a problem, said problem maker is in for a bad time.

Because Milagro will put up with Boucher getting in her face, but the second he did that to Sidonie, the countdown to an ass kicking began.

Speaking of Guy, we got two more pages before more lantern stuff!

For more comics and work you can find me on twitter @ inkytortoise

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Self reblog. Working on more pages. <3

HERE WE GO!!

Cover, pages 1-5: Here

Pages 6-7

Page: 8

Pages: 9-12

I am beyond excited to begin sharing this with you all, and I hope you enjoy it.

First five pages of Green Lantern fancomic part 1.

Updates: Monday & Thursday

For more of my work on this comic and more you can find me on twitter @ inkytortoise

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Reblogging some art to let people know I’m still around and working on things, life just decided to hit me with a steam truck these last few months. But I am here!

Two pieces done for Detroit Evolution Artfest.

Top piece was for prompt: Vacation. The sun is very much questioning whether it’s a joke to Gavin, because no matter how hot it gets, he remains cold. 

Bottom piece was for prompt: Mafia AU. Ada is guarding Nines and Gavin for Mafia boss Lazzo. She’s not getting paid enough for this at all. lol

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❗️Texas Winter Outage Resource Compilation:❗️

General Tips

ATTN: Anyone With No Heating Or Power Currently

Texas Aid Donations

Easy light source for when you need to conserve device battery and flashlights aren't enough

Reptiles and Power Outages

Easy heater using a terracotta pot and a lighter

What is happening in Texas: An explanation of the power issues

So Your Temperate Home is Suddenly an Arctic Hellscape

if u have more helpful posts like these that arent already on this list, PLEASE add on!

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Collection of warmup sketches from twitter.

1. Some Green Lantern missions are harder than others.

2. After said difficult mission, no one stayed awake for the entire movie. I love this little family so much! <3 <3

3. I could see Milagro, Keli, and Damian forming a bizarre kind of friendship. Meaning Guy and Batman wind up running into each other more. 98% of the time Guy and Bruce are fighting, 2% of the time, they manage to get along.

4. I’ve never drawn Bleez before, and she’s fun!

5. Red Lantern Guy and Rankorr. Angry, angry dudes.

6. I love Kilowog. Guarantee he got that crop top from Guy.

Warmup sketches go up on my twitter first, where you can find me @ inkytortoise

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Tina losing her hat and her heart.

Done for the Detroit Evolution Artfest prompt: Western AU.

I really loved drawing this one. I think it’s the outfits and also really proud of how the horse turned out!

For more of my work you can find me on twitter @ inkytortoise

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Cover, pages 1-5

Pages 6 & 7

Page: 8

Pages 9-12: Here

Pages: 13-15

Milagro and Sidonie are adorable, and I love writing them. Getting some Earth stuff set up before Lantern stuff kicks into high gear! For more comics and work you can find me on twitter @ inkytortoise

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Cover, Pages 1-5

Pages: 6-7

Page 8: Here

Pages: 9-12

Smaller update today, but bigger update Thursday. <3

For more comics and work you can find me on twitter @ inkytortoise

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There are things I want to say, but I don’t want to give spoilers either. lol

Anyway, Milagro’s expressions are so fun to draw.

Cover, pages 1-5

Pages 6 & 7: Here

Page: 8

Pages 9-12

For more comic updates and work you can find me on twitter @ inkytortoise

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HERE WE GO!!

Cover, pages 1-5: Here

Pages 6-7

Page: 8

Pages: 9-12

Pages: 13-15 I am beyond excited to begin sharing this with you all, and I hope you enjoy it.

First five pages of Green Lantern fancomic part 1.

Updates: Monday & Thursday

For more of my work on this comic and more you can find me on twitter @ inkytortoise

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Keli, and Milagro are trying to help. They really are! Meanwhile Guy’s entire brain just came to a screeching halt.

I want them to meet other members of the JLI in this comic! Including Ice, Fire, and Booster especially. Now it’s just figuring out how to work all of them in. lol

For more of my work and comic updates you can find me on twitter @ inkytortoise

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WIP and sketch.

1. I feel like Keli and Milagro are the reason Guy and Kyle made a kids menu. Kyle would have insisted on quality crayons too! Originally I wasn’t gonna shade this one, but after I finished the flat colors, I decided I wanted to. No idea what these three are talking about, but they’re having fun. And Guy absolutely has funko pop versions of himself and the other GLs!

2. Being a lantern can be hard. Hugs help.

3. Guy: I will teach them to question stupid orders!

    Guy: *Gives a stupid order*

    Keli and Milagro: *ignore order*

    Guy: *surprised pikachu face*

4. Playing with concepts for Milagro’s lantern design for the comic. She really goes from “I am overwhelmed, but doing my best!” to “I am here to cause villains so many problems, and have the best time doing it.” I also really like the idea of her using sword/blade based constructs, which means she’s much more of a melee fighter.

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Hey guys,

I’ll make this short. Today a racist idiot burned our car completely. It can only be sold for scrap because the motor, brain and sensors are fried.

We’re a family of black latine immigrants. we did not get any stimulus checks. I was forced to drop out cause I can’t pay for college so I’m using my shop to sustain my family, and without a car this is just so, so much more difficult.

I beg of you. If you’ve ever used these:

Please. please consider boosting and/or donating. I’m in complete shambles over this. 

http://paypal.me/mothcharm  http://ko-fi.com/swordknight  https://mothcharm.bigcartel.com

Thank you ♥

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a resource for housing and transportation tonight for those in the city. please get out before 6 PM.