shocckk

[shocckk]

I was more like

Well that was unexpected

You know when you’re watching TDWT and heathers like now ay Jose

And alejandro just loses it and trauma dumps

And your just like

Well that escalated quickly

haha I’m so funny

[shocckk]

Idk why you sound so confused. The legion went over this

I just realized, this is going to be the first school year since we met that we didn't share a class.

:(

But remember, though I may not be there physically

When I complete my training, I shall kill all those who have wronged you with the blade of a thousand suns.

LMAO okay 😭 thanks

[shocckk]

Cheese grater.

[shocckk]

Vro Im the youngest of 16- 🪽

Ok

[shocckk]

You remind me alot of 2 specific brothers of mine. I dont know if thats good or bad but I dont have beef with them.- 🪽

(Also I do stay anon, but I unanon when I gotta put pocs and Im on the acc of someone I trust)

Well I am the youngest of 3, (me, my brother, and my sister (ascending in age order))

[shocckk]

To clarify, my money is on Chestnut. Most men could eat a hot dog in around 15-20 seconds minimum, and Usain Bolt's fastest 100m time ever was 9.6 seconds, but he's currently out of his prime, meaning we can estimate Bolt's total time to be around 27-32 seconds. Just this year, Chestnut ate over 70 hot dogs in a minute, that's 1 hotdog in less than a second. Now Chestnut isn't the fittest guy around, but he's not super obese, he can run 100 meters in under 30 seconds, so I think Chestnut takes it.

My best friend and I disagree on this question so I need your help tumblr

[shocckk]

My best friend and I disagree on this question so I need your help tumblr

[shocckk]

Your time started 10 years ago. ✉️⏳

Aka my entry for the Taskmaster fanzine for the show's 10th anniversary!

Inspired by the 360° camera shots that usually appear in ad break links, I'm obsessed with them. Alex Horne has a funky shape to begin with, but he never fails to crack me up in those. Also, they just look cool.

Anyway, this show has brought me much joy in the past year and I hope it gets to continue to do so as long as making Taskmaster brings joy to the cast&crew!

[shocckk]

"TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMS"- Jimmy Rees, 2023

[shocckk]

Im starting to have beef with you. -🪽

I'm just saying, that if you're going to be an anon, then don't take yourself off of anon, it sorta defeats the whole purpose of anonymity when you, y'know, show your identity

I don't have anything against you, it's just- Why call yourself an anon, and then not be anonymous? We all know who you are, so what's the point of being an anon?

[shocckk]

Hello, shock. It is I, 🦇- AAAAAAAA

MY PILLOW!! (Ill have you know Im Mileena but I already had this saved.)

OH LOOK! HELP IS ON THE WAY!!

YYAAAAAAAAYYYYYY, IM SAVED, but… I have transformed, I am no longer 🦇 and instead became 🪽

@emilsgrippers

And this is the story of how my anon changed

Ok

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You know that by sending photos, I can, like, see your username right?

...

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Sorta takes away from the whole "anon" thing

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I already knew who you were because of my high intelligence, but my point still stands

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You should watch Kamen Rider OOO

[shocckk]

*smiles proudly*

Ok, first question, someone asks for clarification on a task, what do you say?

Hold on, before we resume our training,

Are you willing to get waterboarded by random people?

oh yeah sure why not

[shocckk]

Good, each part of your training shall focus on an essential skill to be an assistant, if you succeed you get a rosette with the Taskmaster on it

If you fail, you get waterboarded

First task

Drink the bin juice, made of milk, rum, wine, fruit juice, and probably dirt, in 10 seconds, and don't flinch or make a face

I shall train you to be the perfect assistant, but it'll be $20

(better than Little Alex Horne's training regimen, that's $26.76 and a flight to England)

I'll teach you to do things like handle eggs, be purposely difficult, how to make an opening gag for an episode, how to make puns with contestant names that involve the topic of the task, and put you through the average experience with a contestant (this isn't your average type of abuse)

hell yeah i save $6.76????

[shocckk]

Awww, I wanted to be an assistant, I had several openings gags prepared

I was even about to build a shed for my tasking activities

I was training my food tolerance, and was even learning to cook disgusting, but edible food for food tasks

I learned how to say "all the information is on the task" with perfect inflection

I was about to buy a walk machine and stamp

I WAS PERFECTING MY TROT

But I shall respect your wishes

As for you, @wannabehusk , we've got a lot of training to do

On the topic of you being a taskmaster, I remembered that every Taskmaster needs an assistant, but I ran into a problem

You see in the original Taskmaster, the Taskmaster (Greg Davies) and the assistant's (Alex's) relationship was composed of 2 parts: 1. They are in a weird homoerotic relationship, and 2. Greg is VERY abusive to Alex.

But there's a problem, I originally thought, "oh, homoerotic relationship, [your partner] would be perfect for the role" but then I remembered the second part: the abuse. And seeing as abuse is a really heavy topic for you, I assumed that you wouldn't want to abuse your romantic partner, even if it is a persona played up for cameras, and not the real you (like the actual taskmaster)

So I thought of this for a while. Do I make your partner the assistant, and throw out the abuse? Or do I make someone else the assistant, and throw out the homoerotic relationship. And I was stuck, until I remembered there's international version of Taskmaster

So I decided to check these international versions, and what I found almost every time, they favored the abuse over the homoerotic relationship.

So that settles it, find someone else, but who? And so I thought more. And I realized, there's a reason why the abuse of the assistant is able to exist, and why it seems to be favored over the homoerotic relationship. 1. The assistant isn't just abused by the taskmaster, but abused by everyone. And 2. The assistant is portrayed as someone who's to some extent, pathetic, and spineless. But there's a secret 3 thing with the assistant that sort of goes along with this. They do almost everything, they write the tasks, they're there to supervise the tasks, and will usually do something at the request of the contestants if they need to do something for the task (even if it's at the sacrifice of their dignity).

So I started to think "okay, so scrap the homoerotic relationship, but who's got the free time to write tasks and supervise them, would prepare the tasks, and is pathetic and spineless enough to take abuse from both the Taskmaster and contestants"

And then I looked in the mirror

So this is my application to be your taskmaster's assistant (platonically)

wait- no!!! I can ask my mans first

@wannabehusk, wanna be sexed up abusive lesbians?

[shocckk]

Everyone, I am happy to announce that this is now my post with the most notes, beating Kamen Rider Gaim on the computer!

Thank you Fatiha El-Ghorri for freeing me from the orange samurai hell!

"I've got an auntie, WHO'S A B!TCH"- Fatiha El Ghorri, 2025

[shocckk]

shocckk.

im getting a haircut tomorrow.

do you know what that means.

[shocckk]

Yes, actually, I have several max level cookies, including wind archer, dark cacao (4 star ascended), aegis hollyberry, asc. Pure vanilla, and several others

Call me golden cheese the way my kingdom be ballin'

okay but do you have a max level shadow milk cookie