shoujoinsights

[shoujoinsights]

Meant to be

I remember having this thought in August of 2017, I was riding a taxi in Baguio with my sister. I said to myself, if there was someone who is really meant for us in this lifetime, I wish I didn't meet him. I was so sure at myself that time that I was done with any type of romantic encounter. I didn't believe in its fairytale-like ideas. I kept telling myself that time, if there is someone then I hope there was a sign on his forehead to warn me because I would definitely run away from him.

Fast forward to 2019, I was about to take back every word I was so sure of that day.

I met you but I didn't know it was you already. I thought that you were something fleeting. Someone who is bound to go away eventually. I was more than skeptical about taking a risk because I have convinced myself that you are not it.

I was different before and after you. I don't believe in the greatness of love. The butterflies and all that comes with it. With you, I always expected the worst, it was like wanting to bet your cards but was afraid of losing everything. Expressing it was not as colorful as it was before, I was just dangling between flight and fight.

I didn't believe in you, my doubts were all over the place and I didn't want to get my hopes up for something I was not sure.

But I was there, I tried to reciprocate everything, tried hard to push away the thoughts that were consuming me and despite my best efforts I still go back, I still think maybe you were not for me. Maybe this was a system error like having two positive magnet pieces, never the pair we can clasp together.

My 2017 self would have disagreed with my choices yet here we are 4 years after, we got married and started a family. Who would have thought this would be possible. I guess, me running away was never meant to be, we had a lot to overcome, it came in waves but eventually, it settled down. It took us a long way to get here somehow.

Guess this is true, If they were meant to be in your life, nothing could ever make them leave. If they weren't, nothing in the world could make them stay.

[shoujoinsights]

No matter how weak and unworthy you feel, keep your heart burning. Grit your teeth and keep moving forward. If you just curl up in a ball and hide, time will pass you by. It wont stop for you while you wallow in your grief, do not fret. (rengoku demon slayer)

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It's easier but that doesn't mean the one who has it hard is always right. -Panda (Jujutsu Kaisen)

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all we know (ft. phoebe ryan) // the chainsmokers

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(๑•́ ω •̀๑)

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slowly letting you go

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