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the au you all asked for

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Hello everyone I’m alive

starting a collection

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I don’t NEED tags tumblr I have the power of gays

Sometimes I have the inexplicable urge to roller skate down a flight of stairs

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Sometimes I have the inexplicable urge to roller skate down a flight of stairs

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party poison? more like gay

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t3t we lost one of the polycule

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reblog if your gender is secret

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Walks into the room seductively wearing my rotisserie chicken costume

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“Greetings from sunny zone 3! We ran out of gas :(”

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Today I saw a teenage boy walking down a grassy thing and he had on one rollerblade and one croc and he was just walking down this thing while his friend held his other rollerblade (which was tied to the first one) and they just walked away like it was the most normal thing in the world.

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Why Mario is a Small Female Dog (little bitch): an informative essay.

Mario is a little fucking bitch. “Why, Show, why is he a little fucking bitch?? How can you say this while having never played any Mario related game or watches the movie???????? Isn’t wrong to make to make assumptions about people????????”

NO. ITS NOT WRONG. LET ME EXPLAIN.

of the things that I know about Mario, these are them:

He steals a princes

He likes red

He has a bitchass brother

He CRUSHES FUCKING TURTLES

He’s a little itilain fuck

He says “ITS A ME MARIO” (literally no one cares stfu)

He fights the big turty

Now. I will explain why each of these reasons makes him a little bitch.

He steals a princess:

Seriously? This should be obvious. It’s kidnapping.

If you think kidnapping is good I will skin you

He likes red

I know like 2 other people who like red one of them is good the other one is a transphobic shit. Mario seems transphobic

His bitchass brother

Idk I just fucking hate Luigi

He crushes FUCKING TURTLES

I’m sorry but no one is who crushes little turtitties is a good person. No one.

He’s a little itilain fuck

I dislike those from Italy.m

He says “ITS A ME MARIO”

NO ONE FUCKING CARES MARIO. SHUT THE FUCK UP. NO ONE GIVES A FUCK.

He fights big turty

Same point as turtle crushing.

Therefor Mario is little bitch.

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How to get more 👀 on your fic

If you're anything like me, you have over 40 one-chapter WIPs that have been languishing for years without the fire only loyal readers (and their comments) can fuel.

It's a vicious cycle--readers aren't interested in incomplete stories that haven't been updated for years, but I'm not interested in writing more if nobody's reading my work.

Luckily, I've figured out a quick and easy method to get readers for these incomplete fics.

To demonstrate how effective my method can be, let's take a look at Subscribe and Save Me, one of my fics that never got the attention it deserved:

Now, for some reason, this fic hasn't found an audience yet. But we can easily fix that!

Here is the secret knowledge that Big Fanfiction sites don't want you to know:

A lot of readers are looking for long and completed fics.

A03, Wattpad, and FFN don't employ people to check that fics marked "complete" are actually complete.

They also don't employee anyone to check that chapters aren't just "Cera loves Ducky" copied and pasted thousands of times.

You can still add more chapters to a "completed" fic after it gets some readers and comments to help wake up your muse.

So, you can see that the best way to get new readers invested in our WIPs is simply adding fake chapters and marking our WIPs complete.

Look how much more enticing Subscribe and Save Me looks with these updates:

Don't be fooled! I didn't actually write 11 new chapters. In fact, most of my chapters just consist of this:

But despite how easy it is, this method has always gotten me hits and comments:

Wow! Two new comments already--and I'll get that comment count to four when I reply "Nothing," and "Very happy indeed!"

Good luck out there, friends! Hopefully this strategy brings you as much success as it's brought me!

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val velocity val velocity Garfield

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Bob Bryars killjoy persona is actually Val Velocity, he never did get dusted out in the desert

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The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys (2013)

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I want Val Velocity to choke