sicklyslug

[sicklyslug]

also i restarted my meds so its making me so hungry all the time >:(

so difficult to starve and lose weight when all of my medication makes me so hungry and never feel full.

[sicklyslug]

just got my referral to get top surgery !!!

i feel so unbelievably happy

[sicklyslug]

doing my first 2 day fast in like almost 2 years, i'm on day 2 now and its good. its been so long that it feels strange to not even eat something small but i'm excited to get back into fasting once i manage to move out.

oh and i got my watch working !!

[sicklyslug]

god i wish i could sit on someones lap like this without crushing them :/

[sicklyslug]

my biggest fail as an ed-haver is that ive never listened to lana del ray willingly, ive only heard like video games on the radio so like...

do i get kicked out of the club now or what?

[sicklyslug]

oh lord please let me try the nectar of the gods.

(please im begging you let me try ultra strawberry dreams ill do anything i just need to know what its like, i need this in my life please god im begging you directly)

[sicklyslug]

i know its really not a lot but since the start of the year when i relapsed, i've lost 10kg as of today which i'm very happy about.

i wish i could lose it quicker but living with my partner makes restricting very hard ://

proud of what i'm managing though <3

[sicklyslug]

𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭𝐬. 𝐢 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐢𝐭'𝐬 𝐝𝐢𝐟𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐮𝐥𝐭. 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐯𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐝𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐨 𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐥. 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐟𝐚𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐯𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 - 𝐢 𝐚𝐦 𝐬𝐨 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮.

𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐯𝐞 𝐠𝐨𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐝𝐨𝐥𝐥.

[sicklyslug]

excited for when i've lost so much weight my binders don't fit anymore 💖💖💖

[sicklyslug]

one of my friends is so skinny that she wears sweatpants under her normal pants because she's so cold all the time and it makes me so envious.

[sicklyslug]

my sleeping has been so god awful, i'm so exhausted but i can never fall asleep until 8am and wake up by 12pm latest. its been like this for over 2 weeks and i just need to rest.

i'm so fucking exhausted and there is nothing i can do about it.

[sicklyslug]

my partner definitely knows that i've relapsed, hopefully they don't know how long i've relapsed for :/

[sicklyslug]

i want to start running before the summer but i don't know how to start which i know sounds ridiculous, but surely there's something to it to help. every time i try i always stop so quickly because i get winded or get a stitch and i don't know what i'm doing wrong.

if anyone has any tips that would be great <3

[sicklyslug]

reminder that even if you have an ED, it’s not okay to fat/food shame others.

[sicklyslug]

the worst part about restricting and how i want my body to be is that i'm not even yearning for a sickly malnourished frame. i don't want to be only bones or hospitalised because i'm so stick thin.

i just want to be like, a healthy skinny. for people to look at my body and know that i'm thin but not suspect anything or worry about it, i like the idea of being sickly which feels so depraved, but the only reason why i cant bring myself to set that goal is because i know that people will worry. i cant let myself be an inconvenience to others any more in my life.

yet still, the most fucked thing about all this is that i cant even reach my goal of 'normal' skinny, because im still so grotesque and greedy that i cant get to my perfect weight that will make myself and others around me happy for me. how fucked is that.

[sicklyslug]

more m4scsp0 bc I'm sick in the head and weak in the knees

[sicklyslug]

time for a ciggie