sirquincythe3rd

[sirquincythe3rd]

dealing with the worst case scenario

your condom breaks

you feel a lump on your breast

your friends are ignoring you

you’re stranded on an island 

you got rejected by a crush

you get into a car accident

you got stung by a bee/wasp

you got fired from your job

you’re in an earthquake

your tattoo gets infected

your house is on fire

you’re lost in the woods

you get arrested abroad

you get robbed

your partner cheated on you

you’re on a ship that’s sinking

you fall into ice

you’re stuck in an elevator

you hit a deer with your car

you have food poisoning

your pet passed away

you fall off of a horse

you or your friend has alcohol poisoning

you have toxic shock syndrome

your house has a gas leak

[sirquincythe3rd]

the construction workers have something to say

[sirquincythe3rd]

"having sex with your friends is basically incest" is a take of all time

[sirquincythe3rd]

what happens beneath a bars countertop… ft. cowboy!simon riley

his throat rumbles, slow and reverberating as he watches you steady. pupils dilating before shrinking to adjust when they meet yours, you’re almost sure the honey, sugary brown is giving you cavities, sucking you in tight like some sweet addiction.

“you got a voice, pretty boy, or d’you prefer starin’?” and though your tainted accent drawls out sharp, your knees are seconds from buckling. and there it is again, that muted laugh, the one that doesn’t crack past his lips, just rolls deep in his throat.

“yer voice is shakin’, hon,” and its cruel the way he leans himself in, close enough you can taste the bittersweet brandy on his tongue. close enough, you can see your mirrored reflection in those blown pupils. yet, when he speaks again it’s low, voice dropping octaves so you’re the only one to hear. “s’are yer legs, want me to pull up a seat?”

and he smiles, measured and cruel as your throat tightens up, dipping in a slow swallow. you choke up on his words, brain short-circuiting as you try to catch your breath. and what’s worse is his eyes drop just as your thighs shift, watching the way you press the meaty, fatty flesh together and tighten em.

but your mind catches up fast enough, tongue rolling out in a brutal hit. “go fetch me one…” and with a taunting movement, you dare to lean just a bit closer. “before i decide to use your face.”

and it works effectively, his smirk falters before his teeth are baring at his bottom lip, snagging it tight. simon’s brain weighs out, before he’s nodding deliberate, calculated with every movement. he likes your sharp edge, the way you push him further, and it certainly has his cock snagging just at the zipper of his jeans. his glinting belt buckle suddenly too tight, suddenly cutting off a bit of blood flow.

“try’na boss me around already?” his thick accents wafts in and out, a soft southern drawl ever so slightly touching his tongue. “better off beggin’ for the things you want, sweet’eart. gotta learn how to ask me nicely, now.” and his fingers hitch over the worn edge of his hat, head dippin in a sweet sarcasm of respect, left eye shooting down in a wink.

and you smile sweetly, tilting your head slow as you step closer. your chest knocks his slowly, as your nose nudges up along his ear. you can feel the soft hitch of his breath, the way his chest falls and halts under yours.

you brush your knuckles gently across the corduroy of his coat, enjoying the way it slides smooth over your skin. he lets his chin dip, eyes tracking your movements with precision, zeroing in on your hand but you’re faster, quicker to move then he thinks.

so when your hand slides between his thighs, and your palm cups up around the tight bulge of his cock, he’s gasping. he’s sure the room is spinning with how long he hasn’t exhaled, he’s sure it’s written all over his flushed face by now.

you nip at his ear giggling gently, just enough to lace his stomach up tight, just enough to make his balls raise in interest. your forehead knocks at his hat, when you breathe hot into his ear, “oh, baby, i don’t ask. if i want something,” and your hand fists up tight. “i’ll get it, understood?”

wrote this to post malone btw i am too freaked out.

divider - @bernardsbendystraws

[sirquincythe3rd]

Topless lego night

[sirquincythe3rd]

Me when me when me when I call his name while on the phone and he says "yes ma'am?"

[sirquincythe3rd]

HEAR. ME. OUT.

Okay, Simon is your roommate. Okay? He's in his bed jerking off, and he can't come yet. He's overwhelmed because of that. And then you enter the room and BOOM. Y'know?

-😶‍🌫️

I hear something purring. Oh wait—

⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹

You could hear him, grunting and groaning, his panting breaths audible through the thin walls. He'd been at it for so long; you'd been listening all this time, and you were a little worried for him.

Extremely horny about it, yeah, but also worried.

Over in his room, Simon is suffering. His wrist aches from leading his hand up and down so much, and his cock is jerked raw. It’s so hard, it aches. It’s been going on for too long. He’s tried everything, but nothing is enough to push him to his orgasm.

“C’mon, come on!” he groans, pissed and frustrated, his skin sticky with sweat. He’s desperate for release, achy and needy. He’s whining and grunting, hips bucking into his hand every time his orgasm is close, but it slips away, over and over.

He’s so caught up in the need, the pain of not being able to come, the desperation, that he doesn’t hear the door open.

He almost jumps out of his skin when your soft voice asks, “Simon?”

And he can’t help it. Seeing you standing there, your gorgeous eyes on his cock—his body just loses it.

He grunts, hand squeezing himself hard as he comes, spilling thick ropes of cum onto his hand, sticky and warm.

You gasp, watching him with wide eyes, as you feel a hot sensation pool low in your belly, followed by the familiar ache of need between your thighs.

Simon lays back on the bed, breathing heavy as he recovers. Eventually, he opens his eyes but avoids your gaze, whispering your name as he weakly tugs at his bed sheets to cover himself. “What’re you doing here?” he asks, mortified.

“I heard you,” you admit quietly. You close the door and find yourself walking closer to the bed.

He looks at you, clearly embarrassed. “So you decided to just barge in here?” he scoffs, but there’s no strength nor bite to his words.

“You’re lucky I did. Who knows how much longer you would’ve spent jerking off if I hadn’t?” you tease quietly, sitting on the edge of the bed.

Simon’s eyes, darkened with desire, study you. “C’mere,” he says after a while, pulling you closer, and lays you down on the bed.

“What’re you doing?” you ask, giggling nervously. “Simon?”

“Gonna repay the favor,” he murmurs, lying down on his side next to you as his hand slips into your pants. He groans when he feels how wet you are. “Fuck, you got this wet just hearing me jerkin’ off?”

You blush so nicely. “I…yeah,” you say breathlessly.

“Yeah,” he echoes, grinning. “Lemme take these off.” He pulls your pants off, along with your panties. “Gotta pay you back for the favor you did me, huh? Can’t have you all worked up and wet because of me and not get you off. That would just be selfish.”

---

Taglist

@booboobear-12 @lilychristine01 @smzyyx @mxsatorisimp @akkahelenaa @crypticlxrsh @m-0-ssy-m-3-ss @actualpoppy @dawnnightshade666 @dethspllz @massivecandycrusade @mentally-unstable-hottie13 @shushyoudontknowme @readinggeeklmao @despairingrat @h0lydrag0ns @poseidonsbichild @sillylittlereader @vanillarosekiss @jangles-the-clown @lem-hhn @doubledizzy22 @http-bell @readingthingy @velvetdimond @thegaywitchofwhimsy @weaniebeaniebaby @havoc973 @lucienofthelakes @keiminds @8pmismybedtime @i-wanabe-yours @happysmappy @jp600fox @moonbluff @hobiebrownenthusiast @dragons-flare @canyonmooncreations @foxintheferns @dreamland08 @fertilise-me @dravenskye @hobiebrownenthusiast @liidiaaag @viviansvault3 @alwayzmsbehavn @nicolebarnes @tysukier @icouldntthinkofanythingclever @cd-mr 

*if you wanna be added to my Ghost taglist, lmk 💛

---

Simon Riley masterlist

[sirquincythe3rd]

Ghost makes the mistake of trying to keep up with soap at the bar and gets fuck-off levels of drunk.

Which is usually fine, he can be pretty funny for blackmail material so long as someone makes sure he doesnt fall over. Unfortunately ghost has decided that no one is allowed to touch him because as he says to price "ahm spoken for! Get yer mitts offa me!"

As adorable as it is, ghost is still a big guy who can throw around his weight even when drunk. Easily shrugs gaz and soap off of him, growling that hes "married to a damn amazing spouse! Ah wouldnt fuck it up for a night with you!"

It gets to the point that price desperately calls you to pick up your husband, because ghost is starting to make a scene. You arrive just as ghost is starting another speech about being taken when he locks eyes with you and melts. Nothing else in his world as he makes little grabby hands, hugging you the second youre within range. "Babbbyyy!" He whines "I missed you! Where did you go?"

You just chuckle, used to ghosts antics. A quick kiss to his forehead has ghosts brain rebooting only to fall all over again when he sees you "honey," he grips your face gently, reverently "you are so hot. So so beautiful and so fucking hot."

You snort, nod along and expertly remove ghost from the seat. You give the lads a wave goodbye as ghost waxes poetically over how sexy you are, trusting gaz to send the video later.

[sirquincythe3rd]

The "we shouldn't be doing this" as we're uncontrollably heavy breathing into each others mouths

[sirquincythe3rd]

what's the term for the kink where you get off on being forced to admit stuff. where you don't like to talk about your embarrassing secrets unless someone is condescendingly teasing you about it and they're getting sadistic pleasure from your discomfort and they have you backed into a corner and you know they're not going to let you know peace unless you spill your guts to them. i get so insanely horny for that. but like. i would never fucking admit that though. you could not torture that information out of me

[sirquincythe3rd]

reblog if you're corny and insufferable

[sirquincythe3rd]

Simon Riley and Bartender Reader (part 2 coming soon!!)

PSA: i fixed the accent, im so sorry yall 😭😭

you run a bar down where he stays when he’s not on a mission, just south from his apartment.

he visits every now and then, gets a beer, maybe two, and tips you like he never runs out of money. it was sweet, but also a bit worrying. you confronted him about it one day, after he left yet another hundred dollar bill as a tip, stopping him just before he got up.

“how come you’re giving me such a big tip? it’s way too much Sir” he flinches a bit at the last word, something you keep in mind for when you inevitably let him into your bed. he doesn’t think too much about a response, already knowing what he wants to say.

“Simon, but keep calling me Sir if ye want, pretty thing li’you deserve ta spoil herself rotten.” and then he leaves, the bell on top of the door ringing to let you know he’s gone.

*******

the next time you see him he’s with friends, one with skin the same tone as yours, another with teddy bear eyes, and one with a beard and eyes the color of murky waters. Simon keeps glancing up at you ever now and then, checking to see if you’re watching.

he knows you are, military training and all, but he also wants you to see that he’s looking. he wants you to know he wants you, and he hopes maybe you’ll keep him.

him and his friends stay there for a bit, laughter and booze dying down once the night goes one, trading broad smiles for low lidded eyes and yawns in between words. simon doesn’t let his guard down though.

he’s been watching a guy eye you down the whole night, waiting for him to strike. his back is curled like a cat, hands itching for the knife he keeps in his belt buckle.

he waits for the moment that he decided to put his grimey fucking hands on you and then he leaps into action. you barely have a moment to wince in pain at the man’s grip before Simon is pulling him off of you.

he grabs the man’s neck turning him to himself before smiling and slamming his face to the ground. it’s a loud thud, and you think if the man wasn’t so hardheaded he’d be dead by now, but what are men if not stubborn?

“keep yer hands off’a her. think ya liked to have all 10 fingers, yea?” it’s hot honestly, watching this rich stranger slam a man for simply touching you. you think if there weren’t anybody else here you’d let the guy on the ground cry to the police while you get fucked in the break room.

you pull Simon off the man, rushing everybody else out. he thinks maybe you’ll yell at him, slap him or something. he gives a look to his friends, one that you can’t tell if it’s a plea or a “get the fuck out”. but they know it’s the latter.

he waits for the yelling, the anger, the inevitable “get the fuck away from me and never come back”. he doesn’t think he can handle another person shutting him out, especially one he’s already told his boys about-

“i wanna fuck you, like right now.” oh?

[sirquincythe3rd]

Some light somno request…

Simon wakes reader up with oral. Some sleepy pushback, both knowing they’ll give in and let him get. To. Work.

Oh dear God, what I wouldn't give to wake up like this 😮‍💨

⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹

You'd slept in his just shirt and a pair of panties. It hadn't occurred to you what effect it would have on him in the morning.

You're not even aware he's already up and between your legs until he kisses one bare thigh, then the other. You stir awake, groaning, hands weakly and sleepily pushing his head away.

He chuckles softly, kissing your pussy over the cotton of your panties, your weak hands not deterring him. “No?” he asks. “Why no?”

“‘s too early,” you whine, though your eyes flutter open to look down at him.

He mouths at your thighs, meeting your gaze with a pair of puppy eyes he knows you can't say no to. “Too early? Love, all you gotta do is lie there and let me take what I want,” he says lowly as he starts tugging your panties off.

You whine again but stop fighting him. Instead, you lift your hips to help him take your panties off. He grins, tossing your panties aside, and then glances at your pussy.

“Fuck,” he whispers, mouth already watering, cock hardening, as he leans in. He glances up at you one last time before smirking and going down.

His mouth covers your pussy, tongue sliding up and down between your folds as he works you up.

You gasp softly, hips bucking against his face, and Simon has to hold onto your hips to keep you still.

He sucks at your clit, relishing the way your writhe and squeal, as one of his fingers slides between your thighs. His middle finger circles around your entrance, feeling the slick dribbling out of there, feeling you clench around nothing.

He looks up at you, your eyes shut tight and your chest heaving with each breath. You look beautiful, all natural and messy from sleep. You look like a goddess.

He pushes his finger into you, grunting when you squeak and squeeze his head between your thighs slightly. He adds a second finger, slowly thrusting them in and out of you as his tongue and lips busy themselves on your clit.

You moan, one hand moving to grab at his hair, the other one clenching the bed sheets tight. You rock your hips against his hand in time with the thrusting of his fingers, hearing the obscene sounds of your wet cunt grow louder.

“Simon, fuck,” you whimper, trembling a little, body writhing and shaking.

He moans when you say his name, his cock twitching in his pajama pants. He doesn't let up. Instead, he sucks and licks at your clit harder, thrusts his fingers faster and curls them up to press against that spongy spot he knows makes you lose it.

Your back arches, a coil wound tight in your lower belly, and you're squealing and mewling. “Please! Please! Mm!”

Simon growls into your pussy, doubling down on his efforts. He's begun grinding his hips against the bed, desperate for some sort of relief for his aching cock.

You become breathless, letting out only gasps and quiet whimpers, and Simon knows that's it.

He drags his teeth over your clit, and you go whirling off the edge.

Your orgasm wracks your body. You cry out as you come, hips bucking against his face, thighs squeezing his head between them hard, fingers tugging his hair painfully.

But Simon doesn't mind. He loves the way he makes you lose control, loves giving you pleasure.

As you come down from your high, he pulls his fingers out of you and quickly latches his mouth to your pussy again, eagerly drinking up your slick.

When he pulls back, his mouth and chin are glistening from you, and his pupils are blown wide with lust.

He climbs over you, kissing your lips, letting you taste yourself before he pushes his hips against yours so you can feel his hard, heavy cock through his pants. “Looks like it's gonna be a good morning, love.”

---

@booboobear-12 @lilychristine01 @smzyyx @mxsatorisimp @akkahelenaa @crypticlxrsh @m-0-ssy-m-3-ss @actualpoppy @dawnnightshade666 @dethspllz @massivecandycrusade @mentally-unstable-hottie13 @shushyoudontknowme @readinggeeklmao @despairingrat @h0lydrag0ns @poseidonsbichild @sillylittlereader @vanillarosekiss @jangles-the-clown @lem-hhn @doubledizzy22 @http-bell @readingthingy @velvetdimond @thegaywitchofwhimsy @weaniebeaniebaby @havoc973 @lucienofthelakes @keiminds @8pmismybedtime @i-wanabe-yours @happysmappy @jp600fox @moonbluff @hobiebrownenthusiast @dragons-flare @canyonmooncreations @foxintheferns @dreamland08 @fertilise-me @dravenskye @hobiebrownenthusiast @liidiaaag @viviansvault3 @alwayzmsbehavn @nicolebarnes @tysukier @icouldntthinkofanythingclever @cd-mr

*if you wanna be added to my Ghost taglist, lmk 💛

---

Simon Riley masterlist

[sirquincythe3rd]

imagine you start dating me cause you think i'm funny and pretty and then BOOM i am a fucking pervert who is obsessed with your body and wants to fuck you 24/7

[sirquincythe3rd]

Tell me why I liked a post from one person, whom I later found out mainly posted pro trump stuff, and now my dashboard is filled with antis 🥲

[sirquincythe3rd]

[sirquincythe3rd]

Voice kink? That's so cute. Let me talk you through all the disgusting things you're into sometime?😌