skeletonazzy

[skeletonazzy]

these flared jeans used to be very tight around my thighs when i sit, they feel more loose now

[skeletonazzy]

my boyfriend said he doesnt want to be intimste with mebuntil he know for sure that i wont break down in tears during it, but ny brain is telling me its bc im starting to eat more..

[skeletonazzy]

it's past 6:30am, the gym is already opened and i was supposed to walk out 5 minutes ago, im still in bed. i feel so mentally drained atleast ill get my steps today from work hopefully

[skeletonazzy]

i want to look disordered. I I want all the people around me notice that I’m disordered. I want to have ana face and ana body.

I don’t want to look “naturally skinny” or “born that way” skinny.

I want to look sick. As sick as I feel.

I want to feel dizziness and fatigue. I want to feel nauseous each time I smell food from how hungry I am. I want to feel freezing cold permanently.

I want to be validated. I want to feel validated. I wanted each and every lb I lose be noticed. I want my starving and exercising results to be acknowledged.

I want to be shamed for promoting ed and being “unhealthy skinny” and “threatening skinny”

And one day, it will become my reality. No matter how much effort would it take.

[skeletonazzy]

do not go more than 4 hours without eating... they want me to have a heart attack

[skeletonazzy]

my dietitian said I should start eating lunch and dinner, 2 meals and then we work our way up to having : breakfast, mid-morning snack, lunch, midday snack, dinner, evening snack

i almost burst into tears, im seeing her Monday and she said we'll do a weigh in so ill still stick to the plan of 2 meals but I'll try to lose more weight until then

[skeletonazzy]

10.11.24

MW : 52.1kgs

i couldn't post saturday bc I couldn't calculate the takeaway my parents ordered and my bf was staying over

i did a 46hrs fast

couldn't finish all of it, but had to eat bc I was "paler than usual" and looked like i was "coked up" what my mom and bf said, my whole body was shaking.

I have barely any energy to move around so I'm gonna just finish this entry now.

Intake : 668

Burnt : 6

Net : 662

[skeletonazzy]

don't know what's different with this fasting but I feel so weak, like I can barely hold myself up while going to the bathroom

[skeletonazzy]

thank fuck I was busy yesterday so I didn't even think about eating food.

I had work, then had to do some shopping, then I deep cleaned my room, and then I opened a monster and vibes to music until my bf got home, I had a breakdown and passed out so he didn't make me food

[skeletonazzy]

no drug or alcohol could ever compare to the high of seeing the scale drop lower.

[skeletonazzy]

[skeletonazzy]

7.11.24

never been as disappointed with myself as today (that's a lie)

Breakfast : A wrap with mozarella. chicken goujon and a low cal peri peri sauce (388cals)

I was still hungry after..

lunch : 9 pieces of milky bar chocolate (309cals) and low cal rice cake thingies (78cals)

now you thought i was done... nopee

at work i felt very weak and faint so my dumbass decided that I should get..

Break : triple sandwich (476cals) and a 40g can of pringles (207cals)

Intake : 1458 (this hurts)

Burnt : 496

Total : 962

I'll do better tomorrow, that's a promise 🫶

[skeletonazzy]

I just want to be edtwt skinny, people call me skinny but I still have stomach fat, they don't get it

[skeletonazzy]

just walking to work is taking so much energy, don't know how I'll survive this shift

[skeletonazzy]

me when i weigh myself in the morning bc i just lost a pound in water weight and think its actual progress

[skeletonazzy]

6.11.24

was forced to break my 46 hour fast to eat sadly

breakfast : monster ultra rosa

then I had my blood tests done and almost fainted which wasn't fun 🥲

dinner : pierogi with meat and greek yogurt + a fibre birthday cake

Intake : 435 cals

Burnt : 253 cals

Net : 182 cals

[skeletonazzy]

If I don't lose this w8 by Christmas the lights ain't gonna be the only thing hanging from the tree