souprights

[souprights]

Officially six weeks on T!! Six weeks has been my goal to make it to since starting T, and I feel things are only uphill from here. 3 months is my next big goal :)

As for changes, I’ve been doing better emotionally, but mood swings are still out of hand sometimes. Waiting till after holidays are done and past to really pin that on T, though.

I’m still not getting any more hair on my legs or arms, which I’m actually bummed about. Hoping it starts growing soon! In the meantime, blonde hairs are coming in sparsely on my knuckles and along my jawline. Very hopeful on my facial hair working out.

My voice continues to change. Day-to-day, it doesn’t sound too different, but I’ve scared a teacher getting on the mic for the first time in a while when I’d just woken up--so my morning voice is definitely much, much lower. It also sounds/feels a lot different singing now. I can’t really sing, but it’s been an hour drive to and from school, so I sing along to the radio for fun.

Tw; bottom/menstrual talk from here on.

Bottom growth still is painless and barely happening. I don’t mind, to be fair. My menstruation lasted about two days longer than usual (though those extra days were very light) and usual pains (cramps, headaches, etc.) were all much much worse than usual, and lasted longer.

There’s been a lot of cleaning discharge, though it’s less than it was when I first started.

[souprights]

5 weeks on T today!!!! This was my first week on 50mgs :)

Teeny tiny, fluffy facial hairs have been coming in small amounts, which is most exciting for me. My voice continues to change. Hot flashes happen less, and are shorter. My skin is now back to the way it was pre-T (it’s not super dry anymore thank goodness). Strength is going up a tiny bit this week, too!

My mood has definitely gotten better this past week, ngl, but my mood tends to be pretty unstable so I’m not pinning feeling any better or worse emotionally on T.

I’m still not getting any thigh hair or much new hair on my body, but there’s still plenty of time for that. I’m waiting on a big voice drop to get me into male-passing ranges, but I’m pretty happy with how things are progressing!

Tw for menstrual and bottom growth below!

My menses was a few days late (but, again--irregular Pre-T, so not gonna pin timing on T). It seemed way better for the first day, but from the second day on it was very heavy and my cramps were the worst pains I’ve ever felt in my life--I could barely walk for a few days. I will say it hasn’t ended yet, and it’s usually over by now.

Also, all the crazy hormones going on beforehand totally messed me up emotionally. It was rough and I was sad and grumpy 24/7.

Bottom growth still isn’t painful or anything at all for me. I believe there’s been some growth? But I don’t really keep track so I don’t know.

[souprights]

Pre-T vs 4 weeks on T

[souprights]

4 weeks on T, and my first shot of 50mgs!

I went from 25mgs a week to 50mgs on Sunday, and I’m hoping that gets the ball rolling on more of the changes I’m looking for.

My voice has definitely been pichier, cracking more and continuing to drop. Quite a few hot flashes and inability to sleep are on and off, but I have been noticing hair growing in on my upper arms and along my happy trail. They’re mostly blonde, but having any hair grow in is nice.

Emotionally, I’ve been getting more and more irritable and more easily, and also becoming less social. 

TW; lower area mentions, menstrual mentions.

My libido has been crawling up, and bottom growth is going slowly but surely, and isn’t painful (fingers crossed it won’t be!). My cycle isn’t slated to start till tomorrow, so I’ll find out over the next week if it’s going to be delayed or continue as normal, but it tends to be irregular to begin with, so even if it is pushed back, I don’t know how much T is going to have to do with that.

[souprights]

Three weeks on T yesterday! Definitely mood swings have been a thing, muscle soreness, and being tired 24/7. My throat gets sore really really quickly just from talking, as well. Sweating way more, and having hot flashes, too. My voice is continuing to change and drop tiny bits, though (I’ve just sounded like I’ve had a cold this week), which is nice. Aside from that, nothing else “positive” has been happening.

My dose is doubling to 50mgs a week next shot, so I’m hoping that encourages some good things to happen.

[souprights]

Two weeks on T!  Not much happened this week, tbh. Energy has been up, skin is getting a little less dry, and libido has dropped. Still on 25mgs a week.

[souprights]

good afternoon to chaotic asexuals and biromantics

our sexualities are twinning

[souprights]

My pre-T voice, for reference!

[souprights]

Yikes, it got pretty late before I remembered to post it, but this was my one week on T voice! Not too much different from pre-T (but it’s changed more since).

I’ve been on 25mgs a week and there haven’t been many changes (aside from my voice dropping more and more every day). There’s been a little tiny bit of hair coming in new places; my upper arms, mostly. I’ve been having trouble sleeping, but get more tired easily. I’ve had a few hot flashes, and sweat a little bit more now. My skin was also very dry.

TW; Bottom Growth and talk of down there--

There hasn’t been any pain regarding growth yet, but there was a lot of cleaning discharge starting since a few afters after my first shot. My libido plummeted week one (I’m ace, so I didn’t care anyway). No news on shark week yet, given I started two days after the last one.

[souprights]

Starting T

I am officially one hour on T! I didn’t expect it to happen so soon, or so easily, but here we are. Every week, I’m going to try to remember to post a voice update and a small bit about the things that change.

The first shot did hurt, but only afterward, and only a small bit. More of a small sting than anything else. I’m excited for my future :)

[souprights]

There will come a day when

Everyone will use your correct pronouns

No one will use your deadname

You will be able to be fully, unabashedly yourself

If for no other reason,

Stay alive for that day

[souprights]

DIY for Transmasc Minors/Those still living with unsupportive family

For context, I'm just turned 17, still living with my parents and live in the USA. This is just my experience! It may not be the best/easiest way to go about DIYing. I'm going to do my best to make this as comprehensive as possible, and please let me know if anything if incorrect or if I should add anything.

Firstly, if you're under the age of 16, I don't recommend this at all!! DIY should be a last-ditch effort, after you've tried all else. Please seek therapy, a supportive friend group, and a good community before turning to illegal means, because, yes, purchasing and being in possession of T without a script is illegal.

What's it Gonna Cost?

For cost, you're going to need about $60 - $115 of reliable income a month. Depending on the site you use, and how many millilitres of (injectable) T you purchase, that's going to vary, but $60 is the typical minimum I can find. Don't forget shipping is going to be around $15-30.

This only includes the T!! Don't forget you're going to need needles, bandaids, and alcohol swabs if you're injecting, as well as blood tests.

What Kind of T?

Whether you use gel or injections is entirely up to you and your comfort. However, please avoid orals! Those are just gonna wreck your liver, no matter how painlessly tempting they may be.

Gels run more expensive, but with injectable, there's extra purchases/packages to be had.

Hang On, Blood Tests?

To make sure your levels are in a safe/normal range, you're going to need a blood test. If possible, look for Quest or LabCorp-esque places to get proper bloods done. I was too nervous to do that, given how closely my parents track my every move while I'm not at home, so settle for finger prick at-home tests if necessary. Unless the site advertises Discreet Packaging, I highly recommend having these sent to a friend and picking them up at school/when hanging out.

Do one before starting T, one at Month One, Two and Three, respectively. Based on your levels, adjust or figure out your dose. If everything is typical at Month Three, you don't have to test again till Month Six. After that, check at your One Year mark, then yearly thereafter.

Where/How Do I Get All This?

eroids.com is the first place I turn to when looking for places to order T. You can read reviews for each site listed, and get an average rating from people who've used the sites. If you want to go for gels, I suggest poking around Reddit and finding other people who've DIYed with gel, and asking them for their opinions and recommendations. Make an informed decision no matter what you choose, and spend PLENTY of time researching.

For needles, bandaids, and alcohol swabs I honestly just use Amazon. MAKE SURE you mark your order as a gift, or else you're probably going to run into the issue of the packaging being marked with "medical supplies." Imagine your overbearing parents seeing that and ripping open your package, and immediately assuming you're spending your days in back alleys shooting up. Not fun. Take my word, and learn from my mistake.

As for bloods, just poke around till you find a test that takes your free T and total T both, or go somewhere and have it done proper.

Now, you might try using a PO box to not worry about your family seeing any packages arriving, or having it sent to a friend with more relaxed/accepting parents. Later in the year (when I'm doing this) using the approaching gift-giving holidays to keep people out of your parcels might be plausible. Or maybe your family doesn't care. Ultimately, imagine the worst case scenario and judge what to do knowing your own situation.

Okay, But....Bitcoin

Ah, yes. Daunting, tricky Bitcoin. Majority of sites only accept Bitcoin as payment. But I swear it's not as bad or hard as it sounds. Your first issue is honestly going to be finding somewhere that doesn't require you to be 18+ to purchase it. Now, don't worry too much. For me, I got my older sister to put in all her details, and I just used my money to make purchases. You can do the same with an 18+ friend, relative, or relative of a friend's. Or, send an 18+ friend's CashApp the money necessary to make a Bitcoin purchase and transfer for you.

Now, my first order of T was only about $60, with shipping and everything, since I only bought 4ml total to begin with. If you buy a bigger vial, it's going to cost more. $60 was as much as I could spend without making my parents suspicious (they keep an eye on my bank account), so if you have a similar problem or a smaller spending threshold of concern, don't worry. Just spend your max threshold on buying Bitcoin as often as you can. The Bitcoin will be stored for you to compile and use later. Keep in mind its value may go down, so buy a bit extra if you're saving up over time.

I use an app called Edge to handle all my Bitcoin transactions. It's simple, easy, and you can use a card, a direct bank transfer, Apple Pay or Cash (if there's a Bitcoin ATM near you--no worries, there's a handy map in the app itself to lead you to the nearest one of those). I used Apple Pay, so unfortunately, I can't help with any other methods than that. You can also use CashApp, but Edge's verification went much much faster, and I was not in the mood to wait a few extra days.

There's going to be a fee, usually outlined before you select your payment type. I included that in the cost of the T above, which might be more or less.

And lastly, it's not instant. It usually takes a few hours, but if it's more than a few days, reach out to customer support.

Each site lists instructions with how to send payment once ordered. Just follow their instructions, and talk to them if you have any trouble. They're usually more than happy to help you send them money.

So I've ordered my T

Shipping times are going to vary!! Keep this in mind. If you used eroids, users typically include shipping time in their reviews. This may influence which site you pick. Domestic sites tend to have faster shipping and don't risk customs seizing your pack--if customs seizes a pack with an illegal substance, you're going to get a letter. That's pretty hard to find an excuse out of, way closer to impossible.

Typical processing times are 2-5 days, but may vary a little, depending on things that may include a lovely little pandemic. Shipping is typically 1-2 weeks for domestic sites, 3-5 weeks for international. Shipping prices tend not to vary much, however, no matter where the warehouse is.

Hiding Changes

This is going to be the tricky part. I've known some people to only go on T for three months or so, as to get some changes to reduce dysphoria, but not have family members notice. If you spend a lot of time around family, the changes are gradual and they might not notice. But keep your own safety in mind above all else. What's the worst that's going to happen if your family confronts you over your changes? How long will you be able to write off your voice as "a cold" before someone wises up? How much longer are you going to be staying with your family?

I'm out to my unsupportive family, so despite being discouraged from any transition of any sort, any and all voice changes I'm writing off as voice training. Facial hair? Minoxidil. More muscle? I've been working out. These may or may not be things you can use, so consider carefully.

Aside from your voice and facial hair, there won't be anything too difficult to hide or write off. Shave your facial hair away as soon as you get up if it develops/needs to be hidden. Consider and compile a list of excuses as to why your voice is changing in case of questions.

Hiding Supplies

This is going to depend a lot on your house and situation. Do you have animals, parents or siblings who invade your spaces and find your hidey holes? A piece of advice I read in an MtF guide to DIY is to hide something you won't get in trouble for where you plan on hiding your hormones, and see if anyone finds it over a few weeks. Repeat until somewhere safe is scouted.

I have small cardboard boxes I keep under my bed, in a cabinet I have in my room, and on my desk. Only bandaids are kept on the box on my desk. But the other places I hide things have an equal distribution of my supplies, so even if someone finds one box, I'll be able to continue HRT.

Try to keep your T much better hidden than other supplies. I'm in an arts-focused degree in college, and a very artistic person, so I've managed to write off needles and syringes as pieces to build a 3D art project for a portfolio. Try to find an excuse to use if your needles are found. Maybe the art thing works for you, maybe not.

Consider taking precautionary measures of removing/covering labels of your T if you're using an injectable kind. You might be able to get away with calling it a prop of some kind, for a TikTok video or something if it's found.

Disposing of Needles/Wrappers/Etc

Alright, so you've done your first shot of T, or applied your first gel packet. Congrats! Now, how to hide the evidence? Firstly, for gels, it won't be too difficult. Just use a plastic grocery bag and fill it with other miscellaneous rubbish and mix the wrappers in with that. Toss the tied bag in your own bin, or a neighbour's bin if that's safer. If that's not possible, do so at school.

Needles are a more tricky circumstance. If you're able to purchase and safely dispose a sharps bin, 100% do that. If you're in a place like me and that's not possible, go and buy some soda with twist-top lids, or get them from friends. Once the bottle is empty, you can toss needles into there. In my experience, 1ml syringes and the small needles used for T injections fit in these 500ml bottles no issue. I throw these sealed bottles in the bin once they're full. I know this isn't proper disposable, but I'm unable to get a sharps bin.

Never throw exposed needles into the bin, or leave them somewhere anyone or anything could possibly be exposed to them.

For T bottles, I've only ever found one site that sells it in containers smaller than 10ml. I'm not sure if the 10ml bottles would fit into the soda bottles or not, so follow the same procedure as disposing of gel wrappers. If that's not possible, use a sharp knife to cut open your soda bottle at the widest part and put the bottle in there, before using a strong adhesive tape (not scotch tape--duct tape or something similar) to seal the incision before disposing of it.

In Conclusion

I've left out a list of the changes T causes, and starting doses, because those are all easy things to find, which you probably know already. Regardless of what this small guide says, please keep your own safety in mind and do as much research as possible before moving forward with DIY, and know that I'm no kind of professional, and all this is based off my tiny bit of experience.

As of the original posting of this, I haven't yet started T. I'm going to start in about two weeks, however, and have gathered everything necessary. I may update this guide further as I take T.

[souprights]

Been a hot minute since I posted! But I'm doing well and wanted to let yall know. College has started up again, my 17th birthday is next month and I'm seeing my friends regularly once again :)

[souprights]

sexual attraction: wow I wanna fuck that

romantic attraction: wow I wanna date that

sensual attraction: wow I wanna cuddle that

aesthetic attraction: wow that exists

[souprights]

REBLOG IF YOU ARE HELLA BORED AND WOULDN’T MIND SOME CURIOUS ANONS.

[souprights]

Stupid Corona

Everyone’s been affected by the coronavirus at this point, but it’s looking like my dad might lose his job due to the lack of technology being bought right now. Because of that, I can’t get a therapist right now, since it costs money. I’ve been upset about that, but I’m pulling myself up. I’m gonna get to where I’m going regardless.

[souprights]

Lil vent I drew a bit ago, but I like it a lot! So I’m posting it anyway, minus the angsty feelings :P