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Lilo: "OHANA MEANS FAMILY! Family means nobody gets left behind OR forgotten!"

Experiment 628: "Am I a joke to you?"

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Hand me my shovel, I'm burying myself alive

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Time to wretch and pule this panoramic of nonsensical relics. Here is Part Eight of the No Mockwater AU!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/64330984/chapters/165141184

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Your baby teeth would pray for you

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Happy Valentine's Day! Here, have Part Seven of the "No Mockwater AU", AKA, angsty Wazubela fluff!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/63083425/chapters/161550439

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MASTERPOST: Theory/Over-Analysis: "A Certain Sage..."

Behold: my hilariously NSFW theory about Annouu_ronpa's "A Certain Sage..."

I regret nothing.

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Something that keeps me up at night:

If "Yes to Err is Human, So Don't Be One" predates "Camp Here and There"… …Then who the FUCK was "pretty boy" supposed to be?

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Merry (early) Christmas, everyone! I present to you: my magnum opus! Let's take a trip down the rabbit hole, shall we~?

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Theory/Blurb/Ravings: The Rough "Salad Fingers" Timeline (and SF's Birthday)

I can't figure out a good way to write this right now, so have my completely insane ramblings. I think I just figured a good hunk of the timeline, and maybe exactly when SF's birthday is.

So…

The Queen when Britain entered WW1 was Mary of Teck. Her birthday was May 26. Britain entered WW1 ("the Great War") on August 4, 1914. Depending if SF was hospitalised with scarlet fever (Episode 9 and 10) BEFORE or AFTER August 4, we can eliminate every date that was a Monday (since he stayed in there for "six Mondays"; Episode 10).

Assuming SF waking up in the bed in Episode 12 implies he got out of the hospital on a Tuesday, this means we can narrow the date down even further. Since we know he doesn't share his birthday with Queen Mary, we can eliminate May 26 (Monday) and its following Tuesday (May 27). Ditto for the War declaration (Monday August 3, Tuesday August 4).

POSSIBLE DATES: July 7, July 14, July 21, July 28, and August 11 for BEFORE the War declaration. August 11, August 17, August 24, August 31, and September 7 for AFTER the War declaration. Notice the overlap of the date of August 11.

Assuming that August 11 is SF's birthday, that means that Hubert's is likely "six Mondays" BEFORE he was hospitalised. This would make Hubert's birthday June 30 of whatever year.

You have to be at least 18 to work in a post office (Episode 12) and to be drafted in Britain (Episode 7). If Bordois is "half" of Jeremy's age (Episode 12), and all the other boys are roughly the same, that means Jeremy, SF, and Hubert (et al) were around 36/37 years old in 1914. And SF is older than Kenneth, but it's unknown if they were twins. Let's just assume he's one year older. 37 in 1914.

This means SF's birthday is August 11, 1877. This makes him a Leo, and Hubert (June 30) a Cancer. Kenneth was born in 1878, and Bordois in 1896 (with a birthday before May 5). This is also assuming that he didn't spend a seventh Monday in there and that all of these events are just SF re-enacting his life in the show (AKA, the "it's all a dream" theory).

This also means Episode 12's exact date is May 5, 1914. Significance unknown. Because everything else points towards most of the timeline taking place in July/August. IDK anymore.

AND NOW THE TIMELINE???

Prior to War-- Marjory rejects SF's first marriage proposal (Episode 4). She eventually marries him anyway (Episodes 5 and 7).

The last happy moment SF has is when Jeremy gifts him Horace Horsecollar (Episode 6).

Marjory miscarries Andrew ("andrew-hands"; "what a terrible thing to say"; Episode 11). He is buried under the tree in the front yard ("I'm cold out here, daddy"; AKA Mr. Branches; Episodes 7 and 9).

SF's mother/Mrs. Bainbridge attempts to poison SF with soup (Episode 11). Reasons unknown.

During the War-- War starts Aug 4, 1914. Jeremy (role in War unknown; Episode 6), Hubert (Navy Captain; Episode 5), Charlie (Bosun; Episode 5), and Kenneth (Sailor; Episode 7) are drafted. SF and Milford are both hospitalised with scarlet fever (Episodes 9 and 10) and miss the draft ("it was frightfully rude of you blokes to leave for the Great War without me"; Episode 7). Milford dies at some point from this and a head wound (Episode 3). SF survives.

Marjory is either severely injured during and/or dies shortly after childbirth during this, too ("we've been given a duff one, Marjory"; Episode 9). Yvonne is given to Aunty Bainbridge (Episode 9).

Melvin ("rotten friend"; not drafted for unknown reasons; Episode 13) and/or Bartholomew ("sensitive to terms regarding the hardening of skin"; not drafted for unknown reasons; Episode 13) attacks Bordois (Episodes 4 and 6) and frames Jeremy for it.

Hubert's ship sinks ("you're just a sticky river"; Episode 6). Hubert, Charlie, and Kenneth go down with it ("give my regards to the Colonel"; Episode 13). Jeremy manages to survive somehow ("I thought you were out fighting the Great War"; Episode 6).

SF's father/Mr. Bainbridge (who is likely wheelchair-bound; Episodes 2, 6, 8, 9, and 13) accuses Jeremy of attacking Bordois ("deflowering her rose"; Episode 6). He doesn't give him a chance to defend himself. Mr. Bainbridge kills Jeremy with a rock (Episode 13) in the kitchen (Episode 2), and buries him under the floorboards (Episode 12).

SF learns about Jeremy's fate via a letter (Episode 9) since the phone lines were cut (Episode 5). He was still too sick to leave the hospital and convince his father to spare Jeremy (Episode 10). SF blames Hubert for Kenneth's death because it was his ship ("soot and poo" from Episode 2; "dirty immigrant" from Episode 8).

The War's Ending In-Universe-- The Great War goes nuclear.

Kenneth has a proper funeral ("glass brother", AKA "glass onion", AKA "coffin"; Episode 11) and is buried (Episode 7) in a graveyard ("floor sugar" in Episode 7; "Great Sand Floor" in Episode 13).

Eventually, only SF, Aunty Bainbridge (Episodes 1 and 9), Yvonne (Episode 9), and possibly Mable (Episode 5) and Dr. Papanak (Episode 10) are left.

SF eats the last fish (Episode 2).

Then either because of the radiation or a freeze, there's a bad harvest (Episode 13). Cue the Bainbridge family resorting to cannibalism to survive (Episodes 10 and 13). The corpses of Jeremy (Episode 6) and Kenneth (Episode 7) may or may not have also been consumed. A slight ditto for Milford (Episode 10) and Oven Kid (Episode 2).

SF goes mad from isolation. Cue him constantly reliving his memories over and over again ("the safety cupboard"; Episode 8). Etc. Mable (Episode 5) very well may have been the last human contact he'd ever have.

And that's all I can figure out. My actual coherent theory is long enough to be a novel.

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Swiss Family Ganja

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Part Six of the "No Mockwater AU" is gonna be wild, guys...

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Here's something I haven't seen anybody bring up. I was wondering if this particular line of Irumyuui's was just a translation error or not… Because now, I don't think it is???

When talking about the Abyssal Curse in her native language, Iru consistently says "Mazya", but Belaf says "Maja".

This means either one of two things:

1. Belaf, perfectionist as he is, has been pronouncing the very word for "Great Pit" wrong this whole time OR 2. Irumyuui speaks in baby-talk even in her native tongue!

Because this is consistent even in the original Japanese!!!

…So... I don't know which is more likely?!

Has Belaf blanked on his pronunciation or does Irumyuui have a lisp??? Who knows!

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I'll write you a prescription for some sunshine in your life.

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...Well. I just realised... If Wazukyan hadn't been right about the formation of Iruburu... And about how Belaf was needed to begin the Narehate process...

If Wazukyan HAD fucked up and basically sacrificed him for no reason, Belaf could've EASILY become his White Whistle...

Imagine how lucky they got that Iruburu even got founded AT ALL. This could've turned out SO BADLY.

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...Guys, I just realised that SF might be a vampire.

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Uhhh... I forgot Inktober was a thing. Here, have a Baby Bel instead. ♥

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Who'd wannna be human, anyway? Here's Part Five of the "No Mockwater" AU!