specialangeleunicebloom3-blog

[specialangeleunicebloom3-blog]

PART 3: Coming Back

13

Chapter 13: I won’t be your Holy Fool

Eunice forced down the accelerator, the enormous power of the Lamborghini engine thrust her nearly into the rear of Greenly’s Aston Martin DB7 which loomed up almost through her windshield filling it entirely. Having slipstreamed Greenly, now Eunice went for it, pulling out from behind him and flooring the pedal, she managed to get level with his front fender. They looked at one another, both with the same determined expression to win at all costs on this hell-bent burn down the heavenly interstate. ‘Oh I’m having so much carefree fun’ Eunice convinced herself. Suddenly, both drivers had to jerk their steering wheels as Rocco thundered down the centre almost taking off their wing mirrors on his supercharged Harley Davidson, grimacing at each in turn so they had no illusions who the winner was going to be.

The old rusty worn out 'Nazareth Carpentry Inc.’ van chugged out of the side-road as the Driver thought the highway looked clear. Out of the corner of His eye to the right He caught something dark shoot over the brow of the slight hill and close on Him with frightening velocity. Too late, nothing for it but to haul the van over the hard shoulder into the ditch with a loud bang and shudder from the back as a huge motorcycle, rear wheel locked in burning rubber, impossibly somehow managed to avoid the collision before coming to an abrupt stop further up the road. More severe braking and shredding of tyre treads as two super-cars arrived from nowhere and also slid to a stop.

The Driver in quite some disarray managed to get down from the cab and go to the rear of His vehicle. Looking underneath He noticed the rear axle had completely snapped in two. He now turned to face this trio of idiots who had belatedly left their vehicles to see if He was alright.

“Oh no, look at what has happened to My van! What am I going to do now?” He appealed to the three, “How am I going to get all My work done, not forgetting all My charitable commitments?” But the three just avoided His gaze, looking sheepishly down at the road surface.

Then, after some sullen exchanges where the two men advised the Van-driver 'to use His fucking eyes in future’, the woman phoned for a tow-truck to come out. When the tow-truck arrived the three simply went back to their vehicles and shot off down the highway, seemingly without a care for the distress and damage they had been responsible for, not even an excuse for an apology was offered.

“So there You have it, My Lord, the great pleasure of meeting the sub-team of elite Guardian Angels as headed up by Il Duce.” The tow-truck guy spoke to his Passenger who’s broken down van was being hauled behind.

“Il Duce’s section? So that was them?”

“I tell You My Lord, those fucking Guardian Angels, with their big fat salaries, penthouse suites, super-cars and hedonistic parties, they just don’t give a fuck, they’re a law unto themselves. The Heavenly Highway Patrol are at their wits end with them tearing up and down the interstate for the sheer hell of it, ripping up any tickets issued as they consider themselves as untouchables, and now they have smashed up Your van, fucking assholes, everyone of 'em!”

“Oh I can’t believe they’re as bad as all that, surely?”

“It’s true! Don’t You know they’ve refused to perform the protective assignments as set by Your Father? I can’t understand why He or Gabriel won’t kick their butts into line!”

“Can I ask, who is the woman? Now she’s a fine one to behold!”

“The woman? Are You nuts? That is Eunice Bloom, and believe it My Lord, she is the absolute worst out of all of them.”

“That was Eunice Bloom? I’ve heard much about her.”

“Well You won’t find anyone more arrogant or uncaring, trust me.”

“Sorry My friend, I must beg to differ, I will not hear a bad word said against her.”

“Why’s that?”

“Solemnly I tell you, I think she is severely depressed.”

____________________________________________________

“Yooooo - nisssss …… Yooooo - Nice!!”

Greenbeans approached the object of his desire, face all lit up and happy. Eunice turned to face him but had already decided she wouldn’t continue with what she had mistakenly started. He put his arms around her and turned his head low to kiss her on the lips, taking it as read, but she pulled her face away and brushed his arms off;

“There’ll be no more of that!” She snapped.

“What’s the matter, baby?” He was incredulous, “What about last night?”

“I let things build up all last week to what happened last night and I shouldn’t have. I’ve been more than kind to you but there’s always a line to these things which shouldn’t be crossed, you just end up making a terrible mistake.”

“No!” Greenbeans’ face crumpled, “You and me, we have a thing…”

“There is no you and me! And certainly no fucking thing.” She slapped him down, “We’re a goddamn laughing stock amongst all the other angels, you hanging around me with your little boy lost eyes all love sick and carrying on. Everyone’s laughing at us behind our backs. It’s got to fucking stop, I won’t indulge you anymore!”

“Oh but come on baby, I’ll always be your Mike Tyson…..”

Eunice closed her eyes and tried to blot out the memory of the previous night, but it couldn’t be suppressed, try as she might. She didn’t know why she’d had sex with Greenbeans, some idiotic idea that because they had both died and missed out on mortal sex together, they had best make up for it in heaven, that and guilt, she felt somehow she owed him. She hoped the experience might have been great but it turned out much the same way as she had imagined it on earth. His little wriggling bottom between her legs was there alright, as was his panting gurning face as he strained out an ejaculation, and her fake orgasm so as not to hurt his feelings and make him feel good about himself. Where the reality diverged from the imaginary was it wasn’t Eunice curling up on Greenly’s chest doing her little vulnerable girl act to make him feel manly, he curled up and went to sleep on her chest! Eunice supposed this was what being a married woman was like, part-time mother and part-time prostitute as a 50:50 existence. But why should all the pleasure be shared out equally, it was probably more like 90:10 respectively!

Eunice remembered the evening hadn’t started particularly well. She had put on her best little black dress and was doing some finishing touches to her makeup in the hallway mirror when the doorbell of her angel-penthouse went;

“Christ! What do You want?”

“Oh, I felt you might be in need of a visit, Eunice,” Jesus explained, “I was just passing on My pastoral rounds when I thought I would pop in.”

“What, now? Greenbeans is just about to come over, we’re going out.”

“Well, just while you’re waiting then.” Jesus stepped over the threshold as Eunice reluctantly stepped aside;

“Look, I’m sorry about Your van, did You get it fixed?” Eunice raised the matter of their last unfortunate encounter but only because she couldn’t think of anything else to say.

“Verily Eunice, it is still off the road, but don’t concern yourself about that now.”

She watched Him as He put His crown of thorns on the hat rack and sat down in the hallway chair. Eunice noticed He was still wearing the same pair of dirty white Nike sports socks under His Jesus sandals He’d had on three days ago. He was the last person she wanted to turn up just as she was in a rush to get ready. Most people found Him an embarrassment and felt awkward around Him. The glory days of the crucifixion were long gone and the Roman Church founded in His name was mired in controversy. He still peddled the same old stuff about ‘The Good News’ and His ‘Message of Love’ but by that stage nobody was listening. Eunice thought it a good job that the McManus brothers hadn’t actually met the person in who’s name they performed their vigilante work. Outwardly at least, it would appear not only clay feet, but clay feet in a pair of dirty Nike socks.

Eunice returned to touching up her eyeliner. Jesus watched as she twisted her body so she could scrutinise her makeup in the mirror. She was a beautiful woman, oh to be a man…… and how gratifying to be a man and hold such a woman in love?

“Eunice?”

“Uh-huh?” Unfortunately He had broken her concentration on the important task at hand, “Oh fuck! I’ve fucking blotched it now!” Eunice grabbed hold of a tissue to instigate a repair.

“Eunice, it came to pass in the land east of the Jordan, a landlord who owned a large estate and had many servants, heard that his brother three hundred leagues distant, needed all the help he could get to finish building a barn in readiness for the nearing harvest….”

‘Oh shit, here we go…’ Eunice thought as she dabbed at the blotch.

“…..The landlord decided to despatch three of his most able servants to render assistance but it was up to them to make their own way there and use whatever of their resources they deemed appropriate for the purpose. The first servant bought himself a camel, hoping that after the journey he could trade it in for a replacement for the return, the second servant bought himself an ass on the basis it would be quite adequate to get him to the desired destination, the third servant bought himself a bicycle since it…”

“Whoa - whoa, stop it for fucks sake!” Eunice rounded on Him, “Where the fuck do You get this shit from? Is it the internet or some other fucked up place?”

“But Eunice, it is the parable of the ‘Three Wayfaring Servants’. Don’t you want to hear the rest of it?”

“Don’t tell me, the fourth servant bought himself a fucking motorised pogo-stick!”

“Fourth servant? But there is no fourth servant in the story. Besides, a pogo-stick wouldn’t be much good on desert sand.” Jesus mistakenly took Eunice at face value.

“Fuck me ragged! Talk about grabbing the tail instead of the fucking reins! What I’m trying to ask is can’t You speak in plain fucking English for once?!”

“English?” Jesus looked puzzled, “But I speak Aramaic.” Eunice stared back, initially not comprehending;

“Oh right, Star Trek and the universal fucking translator, yeah, I get it, knock Yourself out!”

“My dear Eunice, since I’ve started, I may as well finish,” Jesus persisted, “It has a really good moral message worth waiting for!” And so He continued; “The third servant bought himself a bicycle as he thought not having to feed or rest it…”

The doorbell went;

“Greenbeans! Thank Christ you’re here, He’s doing my head in!” Eunice pulled her fellow angel inside.

“Jesus! What brings You here?” Greenly tried to look pleasantly surprised.

“Oh just doing My usual pastoral rounds.” Jesus meekly folded His hands on His lap, “So you two are going out tonight?”

“No great shakes, just clubbing.” Greenly outwardly played down the event. Inwardly he was praying with all his angelic power that the night would end with the ball firmly in the back of the net; ‘May all your dreams come true tonight Mr Sackomatic!’

“Clubbing?” Jesus was very interested, “Do you think I could come too? I’ve heard a lot about your little group of Guardian Angels, you go to all the best parties and know how to have a really good time.”

“Oh, um, You mean come with me and Eunice?” Greenly needed to clarify exactly what was being requested.

“Yes, that’s right, I’d be no trouble to you two at all, just tagging along.” Jesus was much taken by the idea of a fun night out with the two Guardian Angels.

“Oh fuck! The tickets!” Greenly grasped for an excuse, “Eunice, the tickets…”

“The tickets? What tickets?” Eunice frowned back at her date, then suddenly she understood, “Oh yeah, the tickets, of course, I’m such a fucking retard! It’s tickets only, You won’t get in.”

“Oh, I see.” Jesus looked very disappointed, “You don’t know where I could get a ticket?” He wasn’t quite willing yet to give up on the envisaged night’s fun and change of scene.

“Sorry, I’ve no idea,” Eunice quickly checked her makeup and hair one last time in the mirror before snatching up her clutch-bag, “anyway, we’re off now, we’re late as it is.”

“Okay, hope you have fun.” Jesus flatly replied.

“Just make sure You pull the door to when You’re ready.” Eunice grabbed Greenly’s arm and shoved him out through the penthouse door in front of her.

“Christ, that guy’s no fun to be around.” Eunice confided to her date in the elevator down.

“Total loser!” Greenly added his own similar thoughts.

So that was how the evening had started, not satisfied with wrecking His van, she had been monumentally rude and dismissive to Jesus, denying and rejecting His company. Her guilt about her treatment of Him was exacerbated by the fact that at Rocco’s Bar she’d briefly experienced what He had endured over a prolonged and agonising death. Then the evening had ended with an excruciatingly bad fuck just because she was bored and having led Greenly up the hill, what else then was she supposed to do with him? It was God’s own judgement on her regardless of what Greenbeans thought of it, no doubt a brilliant success story! Last night? She now took it out on Greenly;

“What the fuck do you do all day, Greenbeans? You’re here to do a job not lounge around on Cloud Nine polishing your fucking halo!”

“I am doing my job!” He took issue, “I’m actually speaking to you on official fucking business!”

“Oh yeah? Such as?”

“I have a message for you. It’s The Man up on the top floor, He wants to see you.”

“Shit! What could He possibly want?” Eunice absently spoke to herself. When The Man wanted to see you it was usually for some mightily serious transgression you had committed.

“Get your ass up top Bloomy, and good luck,” Greenbeans sent Eunice on her way, “You’ll be needing it!”

__________________________________________________

Eunice took the elevator to the top floor of Heaven HQ to see The Man. She was privileged indeed. Few souls had ever been to the top floor, the pinnacle of the Firmament. She decided to go in one of her official capacities, The Sheriff. She stepped out of the elevator and was immediately accosted by the Archangel Gabriel;

“You’re late Bloom, He doesn’t like to be kept waiting, just remember the importance of who we are up here.”

Eunice considered Gabriel as representing everything that was wrong on the top floor. Who this sycophantic ‘yes’ man was and what The Man saw in him was anyone’s guess. When Lucifer upped sticks and left, Gabriel parachuted himself into the ‘Head of the Angelic Civil Service’ position and no-one stood up to stop him, not even The Man Himself. This self appointed busy-body had been trying to put the Angelic Civil Service on a fully professional and qualified footing for quite some time but had faced resistance from virtually every quarter, especially Il Duce and his elite band of Guardian Angels. Nobody liked Gabriel, in total contrast to the Archangel Michael, who everyone loved and respected.

Eunice knocked on the door of the throne-room. The door opened itself inviting her to enter. She walked across the large open plan chamber to where The Man was waiting for her, enthroned on the marble stepped dais at the far end.

“Ah, Sheriff’s comin’!” The Man took note of Eunice’s attire, especially the huge twin pistols she was packing in her hip holsters, “I love the outfit but I’m not so sure about those Colt Walker 1847s, who the fuck do you think you are with those hog-leg cannons, the Outlaw Josie fucking Wales?”

“Ever since Bantams I’ve decided I need to carry a more powerful gun, something with a bit more penetrative stopping power.”

“What happened to your nice little Para LDA? That was your signature gun just like the other J.B. and his Walther PPK. You’re barking up the wrong tree though with those fucking things. If you want more power get yourself a 0.44 Magnum, all ‘Dirty Bloomy’ and shit. I can then come out with cliché complaints about you; ‘U-Blu… every time you take that cannon of yours out, somebody dies, I’ll have your badge, you’ll be thrown off the force… etc … etc’.”

“Oh I’ll stick with these for the time being, I’m having them bored out to take a proper modern cartridge soon.” Eunice demurred, “My Lord, can we please move to Your agenda, why have You asked me here?”

“I’m shutting Rocco’s Bar down.” The Man abruptly stated the business at hand.

“Why? And why are You telling me?” Eunice didn’t understand.

“I want you to tell him, and then you can take all the shit when he rips you a new ass.”

“Oh thank You, my sweet Lord.” Eunice readily despised the stitch-up.

“Why am I shutting it down? The facility was a one-off set up by Me at great expense and trouble at the request of Rocco so he could meet The Saints, the Earthbound ones, that is, in a mutually flesh and blood form. Virtually straight away Greenly was given access to the facility when he was unfortunately killed. Then The Saints demanded that they should be able to see their deceased Poppa, Il Duce. Okay, initially I ran with this but now every fucker up here is getting in on the act, it’s totally out of hand. You even used it within an hour of dying yourself, for Christ’s sake!”

“That was necessary to stop Detective Kiersky blowing his brains out, I had to use the facility right away.” Eunice justified herself.

“Well what were you doing dead in the first place?” The Man wouldn’t let it go, “For the first time you didn’t listen to your underlying instinct and your intuition, you knew the situation wasn’t right and yet you went ahead. You became arrogant and complacent, you were the little heroine of Boston who had saved everyone from getting nuked, you couldn’t fail, could you? You were invincible, nobody was going to kill you now were they? And what happened?, they shot you and you died, just like any other fucker who buys it every day of the week, you’re nothing special after all. Getting yourself killed so needlessly totally fucked up My ‘Saints’ operation in Boston. I’m now stuck with you up here trying to find something useful for you to do! But that’s enough about you and your negligence anyway,” The Man wished to return to the proposed termination of licence, “I have to close down Rocco’s Bar because the facility is being totally abused! You’re even giving fuckers from Purgatory a day off so they can come to the bar on the piss. An outrageous abuse! How are these fuckers supposed to atone for their sins when you people are operating a fucking day release system?”

“Fucking hell, you know about that?” Eunice knew she was busted.

“I’m God, I know shit! It’s got to the stage where I’m getting requests out of hell from fuckers down there who want to use it, bare-arsed fucking liberty! Who the fuck do they think they are, fucking saved or something?!”

“But You can’t close the bar, there’s no other way people can physically meet without it,” Eunice stated her case, “All you’re left with is us angels floating about in the ether on earth scaring the living shit out of the people we’re supposed to be protecting and doing more harm than good.”

“No! I’ve made up My mind, it’s closing, and you’d better believe it, Miss Goody Two-Tits!” The Man would not be swayed, “The final straw came three nights ago when some fucking bitch who shall remain anonymous to protect the guilty, shot off a fucking gun in the bar completely trashing it! Totally unacceptable!”

“Oh now we’re getting to it…” Eunice realised what the beef was really about, “Why didn’t You just come out with it instead of leading me down such a torturous fuckin’ path? What’s the matter with You?”

“I’m not taking any more of your shit, Bloomy, or Benzie, or whatever the fuck you’re calling yourself at this stage.” The Man had now reached numero uno on His real agenda, “You’re strutting up and down the causeways, shaking your ass at any male angel there to see it, dressed as The Sheriff telling everyone you’re the law around here. Well I’m telling you lady, there’s only one true law enforcer here, and I’m fucking it! I never really rated you. I always considered you a bit of a joke like some character out of a kid’s comic book. I mean, those shoes, the faux bad-ass attitude, and that grotesque accent, where the fuck in the south are you supposed to be from?”

“You’re supposed to be fucking God, work it out Yourself!” Eunice now tried to divert the personal attack on her back to the subject of the bar; “Look, I’m sorry about the bar the other night. I was with The Saints and I couldn’t resist having a bit of fun, the gun thing just happened. They got me back for it though, they mistakenly by chance held me down in the image of the crucifixion and I got the stigmata, it was excruciatingly painful. I hope that never happens again, how can it happen?”

“How what My Son suffered two thousand years ago can manifest itself on the personage of an angel or even a mortal is a mystery to Me, I don’t understand it.”

“How can You say that? Like You just said, You’re God, You’re supposed to know everything aren’t You?” Eunice put Him to the test.

“Alright,” The Man briefly closed His eyes before continuing, “I do understand it, but as you understand this, Guardian Agent Bloom, in relation to the higher planes of reality I can’t effectively explain it to you. I am Him and He is Me, but I don’t really know Him. But why should I explain these things to you? Who the fuck are you? You got yourself killed, out of the goodness of My heart I made you into a Guardian Angel, a very important job up here, you’re supposed to lead by example, and yet at the bar the other night, you behave like that!”

“Christ on a bike!” Eunice looked heavenward in desperation, but she was in heaven, “The job allocated to me has been something I’ve wanted to raise with You for quite some time now. I appreciate the exalted status of being a Guardian Angel, and I love it, I really do, but it’s just the assignments You give me to do.”

“What’s the matter with the assignments? You’ll do as you’re fucking told, that’s the deal.”

“In all seriousness My Lord, surely there are better things I could be doing on earth? I mean, do I really have to spend evening after evening standing looking over Cardinal Sartini’s shoulder at the Vatican?”

“He’s elderly and frail! He could fall over, who would save him then?”

“Do You know what he does with himself every evening? He surfs the internet looking at porn while masturbating, and I have to stand there night after night after fucking night watching that.”

“That’s a fucking lie, and how dare you say such things about a holy man of the cloth!”

“It’s true and You fucking know it is!”

“They’re My friends in the Vatican and I look out for them, and by the grace of God, so will you!”

“Then there was that two week assignment in Rivoli. What the fuck was I supposed to be doing there? I was bored out of my fucking skull!”

“You know why you were there! The roof on the monastery was being replaced and you were there to make sure no masonry fell on anyone’s head during the work.”

“That’s just fucking crazy! I’ve never felt so useless in my entire life, I mean my entire existence.” Eunice corrected herself, “Fucking health and safety work? You can’t be serious!”

“Right Bloom, if you must know, the Abbot there is a very close friend of mine. Before the renovations commenced he had a special Mass said and prayers to Me asking for My protection over everyone involved in the work. I thought wouldn’t it be a great gas to answer the prayers! I immediately despatched Gabriel to appear in a vision to the Abbot that very night. The message was given that a crack team of Guardian Angels would be provided to oversee the work. As it happened, you were the only one available so I sent you, so much for the ‘crack team’ I promised the Abbot. I felt guilty afterwards that I had scrimped on the deal!”

“What a load of bullshit!” Eunice couldn’t contain her outrage, “Talk about job satisfaction? I’d commit suicide if I wasn’t already dead!”

“There’s no need for that! You did exactly as you were asked to do. Did you save anyone?”

“No! Nothing happened!” Eunice indignantly stamped her boot onto the marble floor, “Don’t You understand? The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse stalk the entire surface of the globe wreaking havoc and suffering to millions, surely I could be doing something to avert or at least alleviate the pain of all those poor unfortunates?”

“Nah, fuck ’em! Most of them are unbelievers anyway. I look after My people and fuck everyone else! I set the assignments and you’ll complete them without question. It’s My operation.”

“I don’t understand You. It’s as if you’re completely cut off from reality up here in this ivory tower you’ve made for Yourself.”

“What do you know about Me? You can’t know Me!” The Man arrogantly folded His arms across His chest.

“All I know is that whenever I think about You, only two words readily spring to mind; ‘head’ and ‘arse’. I gets to thinking it can’t be good for You up here closeted with the same old faces day in, day out. There doesn’t appear to be anyone who’ll stand up to You and give You a different point of view. Gabriel? He’d never disagree with You, You can never do anything wrong in his eyes. Then there’s that weirdo hippy Son of Yours, yeah man, peace…, love…., the long lank hair and the beard….”

“Oh, seems to Me you’re talking about Rocco there now!” The Man had a perfect replacement candidate for the image as described.

“Don’t fuck with me! Who else have You got up here? Oh yeah, the Virgin Mary. All that talk about going to Mass and saying The Rosary, what’s the fucking point in that? I don’t think I’ve ever met such a boring woman. Tell me, if ever anyone needed to get laid!”

“Laid? Firstly, Doctor Peach told you to leave one’s family out of personal arguments. You seemed to have learned the lesson with that prayer card and photo destroying incident with Agent Harbinger, but here you are now at it again. Secondly, you have a mother who I know you love dearly, so don’t speak about My Mother in such grossly offensive terms. Shall I now slander and disparage your mother?”

“No, please don’t do that. Okay, I’m sorry, I get You.” Eunice only too eagerly apologised while looking down at her boots.

“I’m not finished! Thirdly, this word ‘laid’. Well you’re a fine one to talk about getting laid and all the implied pleasure one is to have out of it, aren’t you? Only two words readily spring to My mind; ‘hypocrite’ and ‘Greenbeans’.”

“What? How do You know about last night?”

“I am omnipresent, I see everything. I was at the foot of your bed, watching you.”

“Uugghhh!” Eunice turned her back on The Man unable to face Him, “That’s disgusting!”

“That’s got to be the best worst fake orgasm I’ve ever had misfortune to witness. Greenbeans was genuine enough, that’s to be expected from that little weasel, but you? All that writhing about, grunting and groaning ‘Oh Mike, Mike! Give it to me my Adonis!’. You were so fake it was embarrassing! ‘If ever anyone needed to get laid’? Fuck off you bitch!”

“Keep out of my fucking bedroom in future!” Eunice turned around to berate The Man. “I have the right to privacy, God, You’re the pits! You poke Your nose into people’s affairs at all the wrong times, where are you when You’re needed? After I defused the bomb in Boston, why didn’t You protect me from Rachel?”

“Oh no, I never intervene when shit like that happens…”

“You mean she could’ve gouged my eyes out and You wouldn’t have stopped her?”

“Um….. No, I guess not.”

“Well thanks a fucking bunch, You fucking asshole!”

“I’m not here to take that from you! You can raise your complaint with Saint Anthony if you really want to pursue it, he had that brief I believe. Ultimately, when people choose to be righteous, all to the good, when they choose to be sinful, then they have that choice too. This is the covenant I have with humanity, I’m not to fuck with anyone’s freewill.”

“You mean don’t fuck with anyone’s freewill as and when it suits You! You did intervene that day, didn’t You? That time when I was up on the roof and I thought up the necessary solutions to defuse the bomb. Was it divine inspiration or divine intervention? Why did You send that angel? Why did she look like me? Was it to inspire me to think of the word ‘twin’ that ultimately led me to crack the code?”

“First things first. That angel on the roof, do you know who that was? That was Caitlin de Sousa.”

“You’re shitting me! That was her?”

“Yeah, I had her all dressed up like you, the hair, clothes, gun and everything!”

“So why?”

“It was nothing to do with the word ‘twin’. You going up on the roof to look over Boston for some reason reminded Me of the book of Joshua Ch 5 v13-15 when he went to look over Jericho and was similarly confronted by an angel very much in his own image. As Joshua was the sublime warrior prince, in you did I now have the sublime warrior princess? I thought wouldn’t it be fun to also send you an angel and shake you to your core as he had been. If that inspired you to think ‘twin’ then it was fortunate but unintentional, we must conclude that God does indeed move in mysterious ways…” The Man gave the woman a sly grin.

“So You did intervene, but not in a way to directly stop the detonation. So I guess it was divine inspiration after all.”

“Wrong, it wasn’t even that. You did actually work it all out by your little ol’ self with no intervention or inspiration from anyone, especially Me. The intensity of the moment concentrated your entire being to operate at it’s absolute maximum. Fortunately for all concerned, your potential maximum was sufficient to crack the Abort Code and then find a way of defusing the bomb with only two Locator keys.”

“And if I failed, the city and all its inhabitants would have been destroyed!” Eunice’s heart was torn out on learning that The Man would have let it happen.

“Is Boston worth saving anyway? I did not destroy the city of Sodom because Abraham convinced Me there were ten good men residing within it’s walls. Can you convince Me there were ten good men within Boston during that anniversary of 9/11 in order to show I was wrong not to intervene?”

“Ten good men? That’s no problem!” Eunice was confident she could meet the quota easily;

“1 Connor, 2 Murphy, 3 Romeo, 4 Doc, 5 Uncle Cesar, 6 Duffy, 7 Dolly, 8 Kiersky, 9 …. Um .. myself, I was there at the time…”

“Fuck off! You’re a woman, you can’t have women in the list! You know scripture, it says ten good men, women don’t fucking count!”

“Misogynist prick!” Eunice muttered under her breath.

“I heard that!” The Man made sure Eunice knew she hadn’t gotten away with the remark.

“Um.. All the priests in the city?” She returned to the task.

“Name some of them.”

“Erm … The Bishop of Boston?”

“Pathetic!”

“Errr…. Father Michael of The Boston Common Parish?”

“Fuck off you little cow, you made that up! You were a regular attendee at Sunday Mass were you? Were you fuck! And this is the price you pay, you can’t even name one member of the clergy in Boston! You arrogant bitch!”

“Smecker?”

“Ah well, let’s think about that. He wasn’t in Boston that day - I wonder why? But he is often present in the city on Vatican assignments so I’ll give you a half for him. So that’s eight and a half men so far. You need one and a half more to make the ten.”

“The Police Chief?”

“No, corrupt as fuck.”

“Kuntsler?”

“After what he did to you? Fuck off outa here!”

“Zimmerman?”

“Oh no, no, no, no, no! I can see where this is heading. You can’t just run through all the names of the people on your FBI team, that’s cheating!”

“But they’re all good people?”

“You can’t include them, that’s not an answer in the spirit of the question, fucking cheek to try that one!”

“Um…. Lloyd the Janitor? He’s bringing up another asshole’s kids, surely that marks him out as a good man?”

“Nah, he fucked the other man’s wife and now he’s stuck with her and her fucking kids, serves him right, another 'Saw V’ loser if ever there was. Lloyd the Janitor?, suck My dick!”

“Um…. Who else?.….Gorgeous! He’s reformed!”

“Oh you’re scraping the barrel now!” The Man laughed out loud, “What do you take me for? Do I look like a complete fucking wad? Let’s cut to the quick and stop wasting time, basically, you can’t make up the numbers, so I was right to let things play out without intervention, am I right?”

“You’re wrong.” Eunice strongly disagreed, “To talk of the city’s salvation and all the souls within it in such contrived and infantile terms is meaningless. I’m more disappointed with myself for getting sucked into playing this stupid game; ‘ten good men, make up the numbers!’ There are thousands, probably millions of good men and women in Boston more than worthy of being saved, and You didn’t lift a finger, not a finger to help me.”

Silence. The Man did not answer Eunice right away, then;

“Guardian Angel Bloom, believe Me, on the face of it, it was a tragedy when you died, you were doing such good work as part of ‘Team Saints’ on earth and I know how bright you are. When it happened and you were lost to the team I wondered if something could be salvaged. There is a shortage of really capable angels of the right calibre up here, at Bantams your performance there sealed your fate, that is very much the way of it with people like you, that is, you eventually become victims of your own success. I have a Son, but I have no daughter, I thought perhaps it was time I adopted one?” Eunice wasn’t glad to hear that, she thought it sounded rather ominous;

“My Lord, I have only one father, he lays flowers on my headstone and irrigates the soil over me with his tears.”

“And am I not your Father in heaven?”

“Yes, You are my Father in heaven, but no more than any other soul, so don’t get any big ideas about me.”

“I’ve never known such ingratitude. Don’t you know how privileged you are? Not only have you been made an a Guardian Angel but you also reside in heaven with your God, the ultimate prize of all souls.”

“Et in Arcadia Ego!” Eunice spread her arms and gave herself a supercilious little twirl, “Oh, I’m loving it!”

“You ate an omelette at the supermarket?” The Man had a stock joke in readiness for the legend.

“No silly! ‘And I too in Paradise!’, you know the real meaning!”

“It’s open to interpretation as with the Iranian intercepts in Persian, so be it with the Latin. ‘There is death too even in Paradise.’ Note well that eternal life is not a given, even here.”

“That sounds like some sort of threat to me. Aren’t we to come to heaven to find eternal peace and salvation?, and yet I’m not happy here. My life was brutally cut short before it was my time to go, I shouldn’t be here!”

“And yet here you are!” The Man flippantly confirmed the situation Eunice found herself in, “I won’t tolerate dissent anymore, especially from you. Threat or no threat, a dog which turns on it’s master is invariably destroyed.”

“A dog?! You compare me to a dog?!” Eunice looked back at The Man unable to conceal the offence He had caused her.

“What I’m trying to get through to you is that you don’t seem to know your place in the great scheme of things, have you any idea U-Blu? Ultimately it’s My fucking simulation for My benefit and enjoyment. Fuck everyone else, what are you? Just bits of fucking dust anyway!”

“My Lord, we feel pain.” Eunice felt astonished by His insensitivity.

“What do I care about that? I demand respect of My divinity, worship and loyalty from you people. Respect, loyalty and worship without question. Earlier I mentioned Abraham. Now there’s a shining example for you. He would have cut his only son’s throat without hesitation at my bidding. Once it was obvious he had every intention of making the sacrifice, I stopped him of course. How loyal are you Bloom? Will you love and worship Me without question same as Abraham? I have a test for you, but nothing as extreme as what I asked of him, no this will be a simple test of home truths and acceptance of My rights over you and to do with you whatever I wish.” Eunice stood welded to the spot in front of The Man. Anticipation and fear. What could the test be? “That CIA Panel Chairman of yours, Max Von Ranke, he’s a smart man don’t you think Bloom? I noted with great interest how he, to quote ‘bound you with love’. I thought what a good idea, I ought to bind that girl up in heaven with Me. You see I have been more than economic with the truth in relation to the exact circumstances of you ending up here. It was true, however, that I did consider you a joke but after you defused the bomb I began to really take note of your abilities, it was the culmination of a personal journey of yours starting with coming in from Costa Rica and that first stay at the Pentagon. Then after defusing the bomb, a second internal rendition and all that entailed, yet you still came out on top. Yes, I was taking a very keen interest in Special Agent Bloom from then on! And now we come to the gunfight at Bantams Clubhouse.”

“Yes, the gross misfortune of it,” Eunice put on a wounded face, “to take down five heavily armed fuckers and then to be cruelly killed by the fragment of a spent bullet which was actually the last one fired at me!”

“That’s certainly the way everyone in heaven and on earth sees it. I, uniquely know different.”

“That’s exactly what happened, I have the scar on my chest to prove it.”

“Oh yes, there’s no dispute that you died because you were hit in the chest by the bullet fragment. Where I diverge from the script is how it got there.”

“My Lord, what in heaven’s name are You talking about?”

“I was there at the clubhouse. I watched it all go down. As the five thugs who were armed to the teeth entered the building and you being trapped with no way out, I thought yes, this lady is going to die today and I shall get My wish, I shall bind her up in heaven with Me, it was all moving along towards that end very nicely. Okay, you killed the first one, that is to be expected given your excellent combat capabilities, and a second one, yes, that’s within your parameters too since the hit squad were relatively inexperienced and failed to work together to get the job done. When you captured the rifle and used it to kill the third guy I felt a definite shift in the possible outcome as did the two remaining thugs. I thought ‘Fuck Me, she isn’t going to pull this off, is she?”

“No, no, shut up! I don’t want to hear!” Eunice covered her ears and turned away. Rachel was right about Eunice, she was too smart for her own good at times. She had worked out where The Man was leading with all this and it looked a very dark place indeed. As Eunice tried to shield herself from the truth, The Man by-passed her ears by speaking directly into her mind;

“You tricked one to shoot the other and then under a barrage of fire remained calm enough to blow the remaining fucker’s head off. You stood up and dropped the rifle. I instantly froze the timeline. ‘The fucking bitch’ I thought, ‘the amazing bitch!’ What an incredible woman, I’ve just got to have her in heaven on the payroll working directly for Me.”

“Aaagh! No! Don’t say it, please!” Eunice threw herself onto the floor in a heap.

“I rewound the timeline back to the point where the last bullet fired against you hit the protruding nail in the floor, and then ran it forwards again. The bullet broke apart and the fragments flew up but harmlessly away from you. A split second later you used your own last bullet to kill the remaining assassin. Did I have something to work with here?” By now Eunice had curled herself into a protective ball on the marble trying to block out the words but being unable to, “You can get away with rewinding the timeline and fixing some other outcome as long as you only rewind it by a few seconds, any longer and you’ll invariably damage it. I computed I could do it. I rewound it once more and replayed it to the point where the bullet fragments flew into the air. I refroze the timeline at that point. I looked at the largest fragment just hanging there in front of you. Decisions, what should I do? Yes, let’s do it, let’s get the girl up here. I started up the timeline again but only at one fortieth speed, that gave Me enough leeway to put out My hand and flick the largest fragment in the direction of your chest….”

“Aaaaaagh - aaaagh - aaaagh!” Eunice let out a scream as if she had been shot again. The pain of her betrayal and murder was too much to bear.

“….. Once the fragment was safely on its way I returned the timeline to normal speed. Phew! It was going some, I didn’t even see it hit you. Actually, I owe you an apology, I was aiming for your heart to try and kill you instantly so you wouldn’t suffer but I fucked up and it hit the other side of your chest. I did want to rewind again and have another go but I’d already been backwards and forwards several times, doing it any more risked crashing the whole timeline and I couldn’t risk it, you understand that, don’t you My dear?”

Eunice wearily collected herself up off the floor and approached the throne, the time for screaming and protectively curling up into a ball was over. She had been told the unendurable truth and it couldn’t be untold;

“Are You finished?” She bluntly asked.

“For the time being, no doubt you have something to say on hearing My information.”

“Oh what have You done? Do You know how I suffered once I stood up and dropped the rifle? Instantly I knew something terrible had happened. The next moment I felt it, the pumping warm gushing and gurgling of the internal bleeding and external flow. I knew it was serious and I was going to die!” Eunice broke down and needed a few seconds to recover, “That poor foolish man Jack, his initial jubilation that I had survived. I blamed him of course, not You! I vindictively got him to hold me so my blood would smear itself all over him, Jesus forgive me, he didn’t notice!”

“Kiersky? Fucking retard! Now there’s a complete waste of fucking molecular matter if ever there was.” The Man provided His own opinion of the long suffering detective.

“His talking, talking and …….. his talking! What was he saying? I didn’t know! So cold now, so very cold, the hand of death was reaching for me, my lungs filling up, blood in my mouth, suffocating, losing myself, so lonely. Jack finally realising the terrible thing that has happened. In complete anguish and not thinking he lay me out on the bar so the blood poured out of my mouth and chest. That was the last mortal thing I saw, Jack, that tragic man mentally destroyed and suicidal because of Your selfishness. The next thing I knew I found myself in the company of the Guardian Angels Il Duce, Rocco and Greenly. If I hadn’t gone back to earth and brought Jack to Rocco’s Bar the poor deluded creature would’ve killed himself, more blood on Your hands but averted due to my action, now that’s more like the sort of work I should be doing as a Guardian Angel!”

“So much for his ‘Bloomy and Kiersky’ idea. Ha! The cheek of him, chasing after a fair and pretty little German girl like you? All that praying and willing Me not to let you die, talk about praying to the wrong Guy! Fuck him! Why should you give a shit about him? He was the one that led you into the trap and then deserted you. It was all his fault really.” The Man absolved Himself.

“But then I killed them, I killed them all and survived! It was You who killed me! What kind of Man are You? To have Abraham almost cut Isaac’s throat, You even put Your own Son through crucifixion, to leave Boston within seconds of being wiped out without intervening, then to intervene and murder me for Your own selfish ends. My life, my life in Boston! It was dangerous and many friends and colleagues died, but I loved being an FBI Special Agent, and working with The Saints in ridding the city of organised crime, my responsibilities, my duty, my social life, my friends, my everything, and You took it all away from me on a whim!”

“The Lord giveth, The Lord taketh away….”

“What did You ever give me apart from these stupid fucking wings and a shit job carrying out even shittier assignments?”

“Now we’re getting to it, the test. As with Abraham, so it is with you. Despite what has just been revealed to you, you will respect, love and worship Me.”

“You must be fucking deluded, I will not!” Eunice would have laughed at the notion had it been in any other circumstances.

“Oh I think you will.”

“So what are You going to do, make me? Might is fucking right and all that?”

“Nothing as crude as that, though I do have that option of course. Nevertheless, I am confident you will respect, love and worship Me out of your own freewill.”

“Now You’re a crazy fucker, do You know that? If I knew these pistols would have any effect on You I’d take them out and empty them into You, how’s that for the exercise of freewill?”

“Well then we’ll just have to work through the logic won’t we? On your way up here in the elevator, I read your thoughts. You wanted at some stage out of curiosity to raise the matter of prime numbers and ask Me if they were the first act of creation. However, given the way the meeting has progressed you’re now no longer interested. But let Me at least tell you this; you’re a very clever girl aren’t you Bloom, but in many respects quite stupid in the way you try and exceed your capabilities. You were right not to persist with asking me and I’m pleased you didn’t. You don’t know what fundamentals you are trying to envision with your ape brain, what is completely beyond you. You cannot know what higher planes and dimensions I operate in. All this….” The Man gestured to the open throne room and beyond, “is nothing, you are nothing. It’s just a little hobby of mine. Whatever you are, whatever you have, and whatever you can have, comes to you by the grace of Me, am I right?”

“You’re in the wrong if You mistreat me!” Eunice could only think about the way she had been cruelly taken.

“That wasn’t the question I asked! Think of a number, Bloom. Since that fool Aftab Ali put you onto prime numbers, let’s use some of his other numbers; 123? Or 526, how about 108,445, or should we just stick with 524,128,800? That’s a big number don’t you think? That’s the number of times and more, when you try to take Me on using pure cold logic I’ll beat you into the floor with it, so please try and envisage who you’re up against. You stand there right now and do the math, get the following algorithm running in that thick skull of yours, since you’re the one who’s supposed to be so fucking smart. Everything bad in your existence may stem from Me but so does every ounce of good and there has been plenty of that hasn’t there, Bloom? If we forget that fiasco with Greenbeans the other night, you’ve had lots of great sex haven’t you, My little cougar woman? Just before you were brought up here did you really have to take advantage of that naïve kid Zimmerman? There was nothing else like it, was there?, having his balls slapping up against your ass all night, you fucking cradle invader! But putting sex aside for a moment there’s all the other good stuff too. Sitting out on your Pa’s porch down in Etruria with the rest of your family having a cold beer watching the sun go down, that time straight after FBI graduation bunking off with Smecker in his beat up old Ford Mustang down Route 66 all the way to California, yes, on a whim! The open road, the wind in your hair, you took turns to drive, one of the happiest times of your life. Meeting the McManus brothers, your life, your everything, to quote. You had it, regardless of whether it was taken away, you had it, the gift of life and everything good to be had from it. But without Me, you’d have had none of that. Therefore, logically, I can ask you to kneel in front of Me, tell Me you respect, love and worship Me, and are truly grateful to The Supreme Creator.”

The logic began to work on Eunice but she still tried to flee from it making excuses;

“Kneel? What is all this bullshit about kneeling? I had to do that in front of The Chairman. It’s plain wrong. Surely we should all stand tall, proud and kneel before no-one!”

“Yeah, correct, I kinda like that, bar one exception, Me.”

Eunice didn’t have a ready answer so just stood there trying to hold the logic at bay.

“I’d like to hurry you along and say I don’t have all day,” The Man continued, “but we do have all day, all eternity if you wish, this is important to Me, Bloom, take as much time as you like. Keep working the logic, I ask you to kneel in front of Me, tell Me you respect, love and worship Me, and are truly grateful to The Supreme Creator.”

Eunice didn’t need to examine the matter any more. The algorithm in her head had ran it’s course and she knew the logic stood up. The Man did have the right to expect her of her own freewill to do what He had just asked. The Man sensed her falling into line, He had won. There was hesitancy to comply within the woman, but she just needed a little more time to run through it in that head of hers.

At last, with an air of marked resignation, Eunice put her left knee down on first marble step of the dais.

“Both knees, I want both knees!” The Man insisted. Eunice obeyed and knelt with both knees. A long time seemed to pass before she spoke;

“My Lord……… I respect You ………………………………….. I love and worship You, and I am truly grateful to You as The Supreme Creator.”

The Man noted there was a big pause in the middle of the acclamation, nonetheless He knew she wasn’t just saying it, logic had told her it was correct and she meant every word of it.

‘Praise be Jesus!’ As with Abraham, Bloom had passed her test, He had shown her that she must genuinely respect, love and worship Him even though He had destroyed her earthly existence, something she loved to no lesser degree than that which was so precious to Abraham. The Man felt elated, at this point aeons ago, Lucifer had refused to kneel, said ‘Fuck You, I’m off to form my own firm!’ and walked out, retaining his wings and all his powers. But with the Bloom woman, The Man felt immeasurable pride and self-satisfaction at her exercise of freewill to subjugate herself before Him. Result!

“Can I get up now?” Eunice asked in a small voice.

“Well, actually, now you’re down there…..” The Man opened His knees. He thought this hilariously witty, and sexist too, just to rub U-Blu’s nose in it.

“Please, can I get up now?” Eunice tried to ignore the smutty schoolboy humour, the pained and nauseous look on her face betraying her failure to do so.

“Yeah, sure,” The Man eased off, “The test is over, get the fuck up by all means.”

Eunice slowly got back to her feet. Then she walked up the steps until she stood right before The Man enthroned. He hadn’t expected that, what was she up to? To His utter consternation she plucked off her Sheriff’s badge and threw it down at His feet.

“What’s the meaning of this? You’d better think very carefully about what you’re doing, woman.” The Man wasn’t joking now, “This ain’t no High fucking Noon situation, you know.”

“Stick Your fucking job, I quit!” Eunice forcefully terminated their contract, “The Sheriff, The Guardian Agent, the lot!”

“You can’t!” The Man stood up to try and face down the woman, “Just like that? Well, I’ll have those Colt Walkers then!” He had her now, there was no way she’d give up her beloved pistols!

“Oh these, sure!” Eunice pulled both pistols and threw them down with such force, one of them broke a chip off the top marble step.

“Now you listen to Me, you……. You!!” The Man had to restrain Himself from grabbing hold of her, “You pick up that fucking badge or I’ll………. I’ll……..You rebel against Me? Only one other fucking angel has ever done that.”

“He appears to be doing rather well for himself.”

“You dirty ungrateful bitch! So this is it, you want to go and join Lucifer?”

“No, I stood in a church as a young child and made an oath to reject him and all his evil works. Even though I was very young and didn’t really grasp the gravity of the oath, I take it very seriously and stand by it now. Nevertheless, pains me as it does, we do have something in common, we both refuse to process Your bullshit!”

“I won’t let you resign, I will de-wing you first.”

“No You won’t.”

“Oh Yeah? What makes you so fucking sure?”

“Not if I hand them back, You won’t!”

The Man was rendered speechless by such a proposition. An angel, a fucking angel?, to hand back their wings? Hell would freeze over first! It had never happened. Every fallen angel there ever was, was exactly that, fallen and yet still an angel; nobody in their right mind would quit being an angel;

“What insanity is this? How are you going to survive without your wings?”

“I’ll just be like any other soul in heaven, they seem to do alright. And as for asking me if I wanted to join Lucifer, who needs the devil when I have to subjugate myself to a god like You? I’ve been as good as shot by both fucking sides!”

Eunice turned and walked down the steps without waiting for a reply. With her face now turned away she let the tears come, streaming down her cheeks. To leave the service of The Man was an abomination, the One who had created her, and yet given the way He had snatched her life away after she’d come through every earthly test that had been thrown at her, she could no longer work for Him. Although she loved The Man, she hated the sin, it was too much to bear.

“You fucking bitch! You get back here!” The Man shouted after Eunice, then when she ignored Him, “I’ll destroy you, just you wait and see, there’ll be nothing but eternal damnation for you, you turn your face from Me! Hellfire, I mean it!”

Nah, she won’t do it, she’ll walk to the door alright, but she won’t dare go through it, she’ll come crawling back for her badge, she loves being The Sheriff, The Guardian Agent, The Silver Lady…..

Fuck!!!

She wasn’t shitting Him. The Man watched Eunice bodily reject her wings and leave them at the door before opening it and walking out. She didn’t look back, not once.

Left at the door; “Stick Your fucking job, I quit!”

__________________________________________________

Immediately on leaving the throne room Eunice was pounced upon by Gabriel eager to learn all that which had just gone down but he was straight away taken aback by what was so evidently missing;

“Ah-ha-ha! He de-winged you! You upstart bitch!” Gabriel was very satisfied at the erasure of one within the elite group of Guardian Angels he didn’t like due to the fact they opposed his reorganisation plans for the Angelic Civil Service, “Serves you right, I don’t think He ever made a better decision!”

“He didn’t de-wing me, I handed them back in.” Eunice corrected him and wiped away her tears.

“You what? That’s not possible!” Gabriel accessed the divine database and to his amazement found it to be true, “You crazy fucking bitch, what the fuck are you playing at? You know, I could really get to like you!” He enthusiastically made fun of her.

“I’m done with being an angel, I quit!” Eunice restated her decision. Whether she had been de-winged or had handed them back in didn’t matter, the result was all the same to Gabriel. No longer having any divine power to protect herself, he grabbed hold of her waistcoat collar and began to drag her across the landing;

“You’ve no right to be up here on the top floor anymore, so I’m going to get rid of you!” Eunice tried to resist but she could not fight the unsurpassable divine power of the Archangel. Where was he taking her? No! No! Oh please not that! Gabriel thrust Eunice’s back hard against the balcony railing a full seventeen floors above the hard marble floor of the foyer below and then pulled her half over it poised ready to release the powerless victim:

“Now this is what you get for handing your wings in, try flying now you dumb bitch!” Eunice sensed his grip loosen and with it her imminent downfall.

Suddenly there was a flash of something above Eunice’s head and she was no longer being released into the abyss. She looked up and was shocked to see the heavy silver blade of a broad sword at Gabriel’s throat. She retraced the blade to the arm that wielded it and beyond, the Archangel Michael!

“What are you doing with that girl, Gabriel?” He demanded of his fellow archangel, the blade held firmly in place.

“She’s a common soul, no right to be up here,” Gabriel began to explain, “so I’ve every right to cast her down onto the concourse below.”

“Yes, I saw how you were heading to the balcony and that’s when I decided to intervene. How did she get up here? Common souls don’t have access.” Michael having made his initial disapproval known lowered his sword and re-sheathed it.

“Get that fucking thing away from me!” Gabriel felt more sure of himself once he knew Michael would not sustain his attack, but still decided to play safe and wrenched the small woman back over the railing onto firm ground, “Don’t you see who it is? It’s Eunice Bloom! She’s resigned and handed her wings back, talk about fucking insane! I was going to throw her over the balcony to teach her a well earned lesson about showing some fucking gratitude for such things.”

Michael looked hard at the woman, he hadn’t recognised her at first but on closer inspection to his surprise, yes, it was her. But the other thing Gabriel had mentioned couldn’t be true. He also accessed the divine database to check. Michael agreed with Gabriel on very few things, but in this case he had to, although he wouldn’t show it, the Bloom woman had to be crazy;

“Leave her with me, Gabriel.” Michael asserted himself, “You had better get in there and see how The Man is, after this He’s probably in a terrible mood.”

“Take her! But if I ever see her up here again, I will throw her off this fucking balcony, just watch me!” Gabriel retreated towards the throne room door.

“You come with me.” Michael took a firm hold of Eunice’s arm and led her to the elevator. He pressed the down button;

“Woman, have you lost your mind?” He put his hands to her shoulders and held her in front of him.

“No, I lost my life, it was unjustly taken from me!”

“You were the elite of the elite, The Sheriff, The Guardian Agent, look at you now, you’re nothing, you’ve thrown it all away, a shining career, for what?”

“I want to get out of here, I’m going back down and I’ll stay with my grandparents and their ancestors, I’ll never come back.” Eunice began to cry copiously again, the pain of the injustice done to her had returned, as bad as when she had first heard it. Michael suddenly felt very protective of the little soul before him who had suffered so much, he could see the distinctive wound on her chest under the right lapel of the waistcoat and after having accessed the divine database just now, had been updated on the full dreadful details about the significance of it;

“Oh Eunice, you poor girl, I will come with you as escort and make sure you get to where you want to go, but I’m very worried for you. I’m amazed The Man did not destroy you on the spot but the fact He didn’t doesn’t mean He won’t change His mind in the future.”

The elevator arrived, the door opened and they both went in.

[specialangeleunicebloom3-blog]

14

Chapter 14: Find your inner angel

There was great tribulation in the Firmament about the unprecedented resignation of an angel. Eunice was not one to spread her business about but she did tell Poppa, Rocco and Greenly her reasons who then made sure they told everyone else, such was their outrage at the injustice of her treatment. Opinion was split right down the middle over Bloomygate once news broke about the affair. One side thought The Man should destroy the woman on the basis to provoke Him was the last thing they wanted, the consequences of His thankfully none too often rages were terrible indeed. The wrath of God descending down on all their heads?, it was better the Bloom woman be destroyed than having to suffer that. They already had Lucifer to contend with, they didn’t want another one, even if in relation to the matter at hand this was no longer possible since Eunice had given up all her divine powers.

The other side was generally supportive of Eunice, not only because they were dismayed by The Man’s appalling act of killing the woman, but also their complete disgust on finding out He was regularly watching them having sex.

Eunice still spent time hanging out with the gang at Rocco’s Bar, with Poppa, his sons, Romeo, Greenly and of course, Rocco himself. She laughed and played around as before but somehow it wasn’t the same, her resignation hadn’t really helped, she was still so unhappy with her existence, even her ancestors couldn’t lift her malaise.The gang also did their best. Poppa had always taken the view until then that as all four Guardian Angels had unfortunately suffered violent deaths at the hands of criminal thugs, there was nothing for it but to accept it and get on with their new role of working for The Man. But now things were different, the wrong done to Eunice was unforgivable.

“Don’t worry about that Guy, Eunice,” Rocco put his arms around her, “His Son’s alright but The Man Himself, He’s a total fucking wad!”

But supportive acts such as this did little to relieve their dear friend. _________________________________________________

Gabriel sought a meeting with The Man. He entered the throne room, genuflected once, moved forward, genuflected again, moved forward some more and was about to genuflect a third time….

“Cut all that bullshit out, will you?” The Man was completely fed up with it, “Come here and speak to Me, damn it!”

“My Lord, You mentioned to me before, the small matter of closing down Rocco’s Bar? I have duly procured boarding up materials and a contractor to do the task. All I need now is Your go-ahead, oh magnificent One!”

“Rocco’s Bar?” The Man had clearly forgotten, “Oh that, don’t worry about it now, we’ve got more pressing problems than that.”

“My Lord, really, such as?”

“Are you a complete fucking retard? The Bloom problem!”

“But surely that’s easily solved, My Lord, she’s just a little bitch, destroy her and be done with it.”

“If only it were as easy as that.”

“What could be more simple than that, My Lord?”

“I’m unwilling to tell you, I have my reasons, but you can be rest assured, the whole situation is completely fucked!”

“Don’t destroy her then, just merely replace her. Didn’t you see how well Caitlin de Sousa performed up on the roof that day, if you would kindly remember, a lady put forward as recommended by me specifically for the task. Caitlin would make a great little Guardian Angel for You My Lord, it is high time she was promoted, I mean You can’t keep her as a lowly standby Utility Angel forever?”

“I don’t want de Sousa! I want Bloom!”

“I don’t understand why You think Caitlin could not perform as well as Bloom as a Guardian Angel, but that aside, My Lord, You really must shut down Rocco’s Bar and I’ll tell You why. It’s directly linked to the Bloom problem.”

“Go on….” Gabriel had really grabbed The Man’s interest now and he was determined to feed it with his well thought out disinformation;

“Your elite band of Guardian Angels and Bloom are plotting against You. The plot is for Bloom to form her own primary firm in much the same way Lucifer has. Il Duce, Rocco and Greenly are all going to defect with her.”

“There are only two primary firms, Heaven and Hell, so what’s this other going to be called?”

“Blutopia.”

“Oh I see, ‘Blutopia’, how clever. In Heaven we have the Saved in paradise, and in Hell we have the Damned in eternal torment, so what will be the purpose of Blutopia?”

“I’m not entirely sure,” Gabriel frowned, “all I know is that Rocco’s Bar is going to form the basis for it but they will extend the site to make room for additional souls.”

“And then what?”

“And then, from what I’ve heard, as it is now they’re going to use it as a facility for mortals and immortals to meet up.”

“Okay, for what purpose?”

“Well, to indulge in the craic twenty-four-seven, that is, to be on the piss all day listening to Nuevo-Grunge music, get into fights and occasionally shoot up the bar, a bit like the Wild West.”

“The cunts! You mean they prefer that to worshiping Me in My shining opulence?” The Man quickly showed His ire.

“You must smite them, My Lord,” Gabriel gave what he thought was wise counsel, “act now and show no mercy to those who would turn their face from You, ‘The Glorious Omnipresent Light of the Firmament!’.”

“Yeah, thanks for that, you always have to taste the contents of My colon don’t you?”

“I only aim to serve You, My Lord.”

“Yeah, right, now fuck off and find out when they are next meeting. Hmmm, yes, I think it’s about time I paid those fuckers a visit at the bar and showed them who’s boss!” The Man decided on his next course of action.

_____________________________________________________

Eunice hadn’t yet arrived but all the rest of the gang were at Rocco’s, another night on the craic. The Barman Rocco, Poppa, Greenly, Connor, Murphy and Romeo all waiting for her arrival.

The “Craic” 

The “Craic II”: Fill ‘em up again Barman!

‘Cloff…Cloff …Cloff…’ The sound of horse shoes approaching.

The nose of the horse pushed open the saloon doors and on in it came, the pale head, the neck, forelimbs, Eunice ducked her head low under the door beam and then sat upright in the saddle;

“Hello y’all!” She was wearing the uniform of a Union 7th Cavalry Captain, black Stetson with crossed swords badge and gold acorns, deep blue shirt with the bright yellow bandana around her neck, light blue breeches with the yellow stripe, black riding boots and white forearm length leather gloves. Her weaponry; standard issue, Army SA pistol in a flap over holster, army sabre, and 1873 Springfield carbine in the saddle holster. The horse also looked every inch the part, pure white and marshal with it, dark blue and gold edged cavalry sheet under the shiny black saddle.

Connor, Murphy, Romeo and Greenly all swarmed around the beautiful horsewoman.

“Whoop! You look amazing, Eunice!” Connor took hold one side of the bridle and patted the horse’s nose.

“I’m not so sure about the uniform,” Murphy took the other side of the bridle, “Shouldn’t you be a Confederate Cavalry officer?” He remarked in jest.

“Oh I think this is the uniform for me, Murphy,” She said from up high, “Someone once told me she was breaking my sword and expelling me from the 7th Cavalry. Well here I am, sword intact!” Eunice slapped a gloved hand on her scabbard, “Mr Romeo, are you going to let a lady sit up here all day and not lend a hand to help her down?”

“Yes Ma’am, Captain Bloom!” Romeo eagerly obliged, taking her hand, and with his other hand providing a step for her boot to use. The Guardian Angel Greenly watched the mortal Mexican help the lady down, was that an element of jealousy in his eye? Eunice placed herself facing the horse;

“Go on Silver, park yourself outside.” She stroked his nose. Silver dutifully about turned and passed back through the swing doors, “That’s my party piece for the night over!” Eunice announced to everyone’s great amusement.

She went over to the bar and took off her gloves and cumbersome sword and placed them on the bar before selecting herself a stool. The craic commenced as usual, the lady holding court at the bar with Connor, Murphy, Romeo and Greenly huddled around her. Rocco busied himself behind the bar keeping the drinks well supplied to the patrons. Poppa stood at the bar slightly apart from the little group of friends watching them talk, laugh and drink. How sad for Eunice, the uniform and the horse, it was all a show put on for the boys to try and convince them she was alright, her happy face, but Poppa could see through it, she was acutely unhappy and it wounded him deeply knowing her true state of mind. He knew she could only fake this happiness so many times, eventually she would stop coming to the bar and retreat inside herself. He felt so useless, was there nothing he could do to help her?

 _______________________________________________________

The Man approached Rocco’s, yes, Gabriel had been right, the lights were on, they were inside. Outside there was even a fucking horse! Whatever next? As The Man approached the door He felt Himself fully take on the body of a mortal although much of His divine power remained, interesting that, the unique properties of Rocco’s Bar. By that time the bar had already acquired a bit of a bad reputation, fights, shootings, unauthorised wing displays, all day and night drinking sessions, brain numbingly loud music, and the Barman himself was something to contend with even at the best of times.

The Barman himself was something to contend with even at the best of times

The Man barged through the swing doors, Rocco behind the bar gaped in shock and Il Duce dropped his drink, but the group of five seated at the bar with their backs turned didn’t notice, such was Taylor Duffy’s ‘Plastic Jesus’ being played at nearly the full 32 decibels.

The Man walked over to the jukebox and ripped the power cord out of the wall. The five abruptly ceased chattering and turned around. Deathly silence.

“Who the fuck are you?” Connor challenged the gatecrasher.

“Connor!” Poppa snapped.

“Is this the landlord, Rocco?” Murphy queried, “I’ll teach him not to fuck with your music, shall I put my fist down his fucking throat for you?”

“Murphy! Silence!!” Poppa virtually screamed at his son.

“Jesus Christ, we’re fucked!” Greenbeans all at once became the prophet of doom. Eunice stared at the brothers and made sure she caught each of their eye in turn, and assertively shook her head as a clear signal ‘Don’t’.

“What are You doing here?” Rocco asked The Man, “You can’t gatecrash in here uninvited.”

“I’ll fucking well invite Myself thank you very much Mr Rocco!” The Man threw back, “Il Duce, would you like to introduce Me to the three mortals present if you don’t mind?” Poppa took a long pause before dealing with the request, given the magnitude of the information to be revealed;

“Boys, Romeo, believe it or not, and you’d better believe it, this is the Avatar personification of God, the Father of Jesus Christ who’s image you wear on your backs.” Poppa watched the changing expressions on the faces of the three men, disbelief, amazement, awe, but finally resentment. They had been told and could not forget that The Man was responsible for murdering their beloved Eunice. They too were just as torn up as the remaining Guardian Angels in the group between loyalty to the Supreme Creator and supporting their friend.

“How is My operation in Boston?” The Man addressed The Saints directly but they just looked elsewhere avoiding eye contact.

“With our help it’s going just fine.” Poppa spoke on their behalf.

“I wasn’t asking you, shit-head!” There was a palpable shock from all observers present as The Man had never spoken to Il Duce in that way before, a dangerous line had been crossed, “What are you three fuckers doing here anyway?” He now addressed the angels present, “Why aren’t you at work on My assignments?”

“We don’t like the work, we thought we’d come here instead.” Poppa advised.

“Oh did you now?” The Man acknowledged the response with a threatening tone. It was obvious that they loved that bitch more than they loved Him! The heavy confrontational atmosphere now pervading the bar caused the resident cat to jump off it’s stool and bound for the door.

“Fucking pets!” The Man watched the cat leave, “Who’s is that?”

“That’s my cat.” Rocco answered.

“And the bird?” The Man looked at it in the cage at the far end of the bar. “That’s Eunice’s parrot.” Rocco kept the information coming.

“When you think of all the time and effort I spent setting up this facility for you people and look at the way you’re running it?” The Man looked up and down the bar-room, “We have a horse, a cat and a parrot, all we’re missing now is a fucking dog, but since she has resigned I guess Bloom fulfils that role now?” The Man couldn’t resist trashing the one who had advised Him where to put His job, and after all, wasn’t she the primary target, so why not get started on her without further delay? Her friends all went rigid at the remark, their non-verbal affront to the attack on her dignity so readily apparent, “Barman, where’s My fucking drink?”

“Make Yourself at home, take a seat with the crew here…” Rocco gestured The Man towards the seated.

“I’ll sit by Myself if you don’t mind.” The Man went down to the far end of the bar. As He sat on the stool Joey piped up;

“You’re a fuckin’ asshole! You’re a fuckin’ asshole!”

“We are truly elephant dick pounded in the ass, no reach around jungle fucked now!” Greenly was virtually weeping into his glass at the bird’s learned but inopportune utterance.

“What will it be?” Rocco asked The Man.

“Vodka.” The Man provocatively answered knowing The Saints had issues with the Russian Mafia in the past.

“I don’t serve vodka here, I never stock it.” Rocco declined.

“You do now, look behind the bar where you keep your best Irish whiskey.” The Man instructed.

“Oh You fucking ass-wipe!” Rocco had opened up the relevant cabinet, “By all means turn fucking water into wine, but my fucking whiskey into vodka? You bastard!”

“I’ll have a bottle of that now and a glass.” The Man laughed.

Rocco yanked out a bottle and skidded it down the bar to The Man on it’s base, he then grabbed a shot glass and flung it in the same direction so it rolled and tumbled all the way to The Man.

“Why thank you, how considerate of you.” The Man remarked laden with conceit before pouring Himself a drink, “Bloom, hey U-Blu….” The Man noticed the four seated men protectively huddled closer to the new focus of His attention, “So this is how you’re spending your time as an ‘ordinary’ soul? Fancy dress and a pantomime horse? What a fucking joke you are, but then again you always were, weren’t you?” He noticed the sneaky bitch was wearing a gun even after supposedly handing in all her weapons upon resigning. Eunice remained silent, she did not want to argue with The Man, she just wanted to be left alone. The Man emptied his glass, swallowing the contents whole and then He refilled it, His own brew, the best.

Now He had begun working on the woman He wouldn’t stop carrying out something He had thought up in the last few minutes. He would challenge her to a duel. As He walked outside He would tell her to follow Him. In order to save face she would comply and in support her little cabal of friends would also come out. Then He would shoot her down, not dead, that wasn’t possible since she was already dead, but such to the extent that it destroyed her vital image as held so dear by her friends. Then they might finally see sense, fall into line and get back to fucking work! But what if she was faster on the draw than He was? Oh, He’d thought of that. When it came to the draw, He would run Rocco’s Meantime including Bloom at half speed, He would operate at normal speed, that ensured He would be quicker on the draw and be first.

“Nobody drinking?” The Man derided the stone dead atmosphere, “Barman, fill everyone’s glass, I wish to make a toast.” Rocco refused to budge, “No? Then U-Blu here will have to make the toast. Wakey - wakey Bloom, party piece time, but not one of yours, one of Mine! Start reworking that algorithm we went through in the throne room the other day in that monkey brain of yours, you know the one, the one with the unassailable logic to it, that’s right, you remember? No time like the present, get off your fucking ass, come here and kneel!, and say to Me the acclamation.” The Man noticed Bloom bodily slump forward onto the bar needing support.

“Don’t kneel in front of Him, Eunice.” Connor whispered.

“I have to, my love,” She whispered back, “It’s the logic, you see, the logic.” She got up from her seat.

“No!” Romeo grabbed her belt and tried to pull her back down.

“Stop it Romeo! I have to do this.” She prised away the fingers and released his grasp. She walked over and stood before The Man.

“Take that fucking hat off when you’re in front of Me! I will not take such wanton insolence from you!” The Man didn’t really mean that, it was more for the consumption of her friends, especially the newly introduced mortals.

Eunice took off her cavalry hat and threw it away. After a few moments to prepare herself, she got down on one knee and then the other. To The Man, this was pure gold, to have this happen and with all her friends watching!

Eunice ran the algorithm in her head, it was necessary to do this to protect herself;

The cold beer shared with her family on the homestead porch in Etruria, standing up in the front of the Mustang with the wind in her hair, Route 66, Smecker at the wheel, the craic with The Saints, …… beautiful young boy Carl making such pure and sweet love to her…..

“My Lord, I respect, love and worship You unconditionally, as The Supreme Creator.” Eunice said loudly enough so that everyone could hear.

Poppa fearfully watched the reaction of his boys and Romeo, they were literally quivering with a scorching rage to outdo even the fires of hell. They exchanged knowing glares, no, they weren’t going to let this slide for much longer. Rocco was leaning back up against the bottle dispensers with his eyes closed, Greenbeans had his forehead pressed to the bar unable to look up. Poppa now turned his face away from this macabre circus, the continuous bullying and humiliation of Eunice by The Man was too much to bear. As the Supreme Creator they were supposed to love Him, but He seemed hell bent in His determination to make them hate Him.

“Voila Gentlemen! You can always rely on Bloomy for a great party piece, can’t you!” The Man raised His hands in conquest for the benefit of the audience. Eunice slowly got to her feet. “Where are you going? I didn’t say you could get up.” The Man sought clarification.

“My Lord, the logic does stand up and You have every right to ask me to recite the acclamation as many times as You wish. However, after so many times there will inevitably come a point where I will tell you to go fuck Yourself.”

“Whatever. The rules are simple in life, death and the afterlife, get what you appreciate or appreciate what you get, this is the hand I have dealt you in My infinite wisdom.”

“I got what I appreciated and it was criminally taken from me, but I have every intention to get it back and keep it this time!”

“Yeah, that’s right, trying to get you to concede any ground is like the proverbial blood out of a stone, you don’t give much away, do you, you tight pussied bitch!” The Man outdid her indignation. Poppa sensed everyone, including himself, wanted to rush over and punch The Man’s face in. Not only had He shown gross disrespect and degraded the woman, He had also uttered a manifest lie, Eunice was most generous and beautiful with it. Nevertheless, Eunice kept fighting on her own behalf for now;

“That was a shocking thing to say to me, but that’s it, isn’t it? All you theologian fuckers are the same, you can’t tolerate any woman who defiantly takes control of her own body. Why am I such a threat to you? What are you frightened of?” As The Man had no ready answer, He continued trying to steamroll right over Eunice;

“One last chance, Bloom.” The Man gave His final terms, “You’ve got to find your inner angel, get your ass back up to that throne room, pick up your wings where you left them, your badge and your Colt Walkers. Then get the fuck back to Rome and look after Cardinal Sartini like you’ve been booked to do on the assignment roster, capiche?”

“No.”

“No? Right then, you leave Me no option. I’m going through that door and if you’re not out in three minutes after Me, I’m coming back in for you.”

“No! Don’t You do that!” Rocco shouted at The Man, “Nobody gets called out in here, I won’t allow it!”

“You shut the fuck up and keep out of it. It’s between the caller and the called out, and nobody else, that’s always been the rules.” The Man had no intention of complying with any of Rocco’s bar rules, “You’re another bastard I’ll have to deal with later too.”

“But You don’t have a gun.” Eunice remarked on The Man’s deficiency for the task.

“Oh so I don’t.” The Man made play by looking down at His belt, “I’ll just have to make use of that rifle on that flea-bitten nag of yours outside. You like powerful guns? So do I, I’ll blow you into a parallel fucking universe with it. Is that thing you’re wearing there loaded?” Eunice looked away unintentionally betraying the fact that it was. The Man got up without finishing His drink and made for the door, “Three minutes!” He reminded Eunice as He walked through.

The six men immediately rushed over to Eunice to give her what moral support they could, everyone was shouting advice at her all at once;

“Don’t go out Eunice!”, “Give me the gun Eunice!”, “I’ll go out and face Him for you, Eunice!”, “I’ll jump Him when He comes back in.”, “I’ll grab His legs and then Romeo, you hit Him with a stool from behind!”, “Boys, stop and think for Christ’s sake!” and “We’re fucking doomed!”

She couldn’t tell who was saying what, and wasn’t that interested anyway.

“Everyone, everyone! Shut the fuck up!” Poppa restored order, “Be quiet!” Everyone turned to hear some sage advice, all apart from Eunice, quiet and reflective.

“Eunice, don’t go outside.” Poppa put his arm around her.

“Oh no, I’ve no intention of going.” She replied heedlessly, “I’ve played along with His infantile rants for long enough, but no more.”

“Then, my dear, what are you going to do?” Poppa needed to know the alternative.

“He can come back in, and then He can destroy me.”

“No Eunice, no!” Romeo sank to his knees and clasped himself to her. Under the enormous force of his arms she felt as if the small of her back was about to snap, but by that stage it didn’t matter, she didn’t care anymore, she had accepted her confirmed destruction.

“Oh my dear child, no.” Poppa pulled her head onto his shoulder.

“I’ll use her gun, Murphy, you get her sword…” She heard Connor begin to make a plan of action, “Romeo….., oh I don’t know, use a snooker cue or something. Angels, use all the divine powers you possess, six against one, we can take Him!” But the angels present remained strangely silent.

“You idiots!” Eunice pulled her face away from Poppa’s shoulder, “You can’t fight The Man and win, He has infinite power to draw upon from higher planes. And even if you could win, it wouldn’t be right. The day you raise a hand against your God is the day you cast yourself into hell. Save yourselves, let Him destroy me and then that’s the end of it. That first night at the Pentagon, to experience true nothingness, I am so fucking tired, peace at last…”

“You know Eunice, if you picked up your wings again, The Man might make a special dispensation for you….” Poppa tried his hardest to search for a resolution or else everything would be lost, “If everyone can compromise then I’m sure we can work…” Suddenly he held himself in check, all he was thinking about was his precious boys and himself. Eunice should not give in, “Eunice, my dear lady, you do what you want to do. Everyone, united we stand.”

“Divided we fall?” Greenbeans completed the standard oath as a question.

“No! United we fall as well!” Everyone got Poppa’s meaning straight away, “If Eunice goes down, we all go down, none of us could continue with ourselves afterwards anyway! We’re all agreed?”

“Agreed!!” All the other men proclaimed.

‘Crack-off-off!’

Everyone turned to look towards the door on hearing the echo of the rifle report;

“He’s already test fired the rifle.” Eunice recognised the distinctive sound of the Springfield, “Gentlemen, please don’t do this for me. It’s futile throwing your existence away for one who is already gone bar the next minute or so.” Eunice pleaded with them to reconsider.

“Shut up Bloomy, since when did any of us ever listen to you!” Rocco put his arm around her waist and led her back to the bar.

One woman seated at the bar, four men also seated, two either side very close to her, one man standing at the bar watching over the five, one barman behind the bar, they watched the last minute on the bar clock tick down, High Noonesque.

________________________________________________

Upon leaving the bar The Man passed Silver and pulled the Springfield out of the saddle holster, as He did so the horse turned it’s head and gave Him a steady gaze.

“What are you looking at?” The Man returned the stare before moving on to the open area outside the bar. He checked the weapon was loaded, so now what? The Man decided it would be best to perform a trial run of the half speed timeline trick He was going to use to ensure He would be fastest on the draw. He needed a stand-in for Bloom; yes My dear Gabriel, since she was your recommendation, who better than the little ‘twin’ on the roof? He summoned Caitlin de Sousa to avail herself instantly to hand;

“Ah, supposed to be Bloomy’s twin are you? Well, I’ve got just the perfect little ‘stand-in’ job for you…” The Man belittled the dishevelled low status angel who had been virtually ripped out of heaven to make herself present. Although shocked by such a precipitous transportation, Caitlin still tried to genuflect and kneel in the presence of the Almighty;

“Forget that shit! Get the fuck up!” The Man impatiently kicked dirt up into her face, “Stand over there opposite Me and within the next twenty seconds act as if you are drawing a pistol on Me, and make sure you do it as fast as you can.” The Man told her in no uncertain terms.

Caitlin now understood with great trepidation the purpose of the rifle in The Man’s hands, He wanted her to do what?, draw on Him when He was wielding that? Try not to think about it, she had her instructions…

Stand-In; Ooh, all those nasty dangerous little shards of glass! (or NOT the real thing!)

The Man ran Rocco’s Meantime at half speed. Soon enough, Caitlin’s hand came up but to The Man’s annoyance, she was still too fast for Him to bring the weapon to His shoulder and aim it accurately enough. So He re-ran the simulation at one eighth speed. This looked more promising, as her hand came up He had ample time to level the weapon, aim accurately and fire.

The power of the rifle bullet at such close range blew the whole right side of Caitlin’s face away and a good chunk of her cranium too. Excellent trial run, this would work. After returning the timeline to normal speed The Man approached and stood over the Utility Angel’s smashed and floundering form on the ground;

“Alright de Sousa, put your brains back in and get the fuck outa here, make way for the main event, the real thing.”

The Man looked at His watch, the three minutes were up. No sign of the Bloom woman or her entourage. Well, they were so fucking stupid none of them could count anyway. He gave them another minute. Still no sign of anyone. They had called His bluff, they weren’t coming out even after He had done a trial run messing with the speed of the local timeline, the inconsiderate fuckers.

He was now stuck outside with no plan B, like a prick.

This calling Bloom out plan had backfired spectacularly. He could either run back to the top floor at HQ and be humbled or go back in and face a wall of intransigence. He could destroy them but He was reluctant to do that though He wouldn’t admit to Himself why. Fuck it! He would have to go back in, though what He was supposed to do once He got there, Christ knew. He looked at the rifle in His hands. They would be waiting to ambush Him once He walked through the door. They only had one gun but who would be using it? All incumbents with the possible exception of Greenly, were excellent with a gun, but Bloom had to be one of the best. Hadn’t He seen her gun-craft at Bantams where she single-handedly took out five heavily armed thugs? She had also captured a rifle and used it to devastating effect.

All incumbents were excellent with a gun, but Bloom had to be one of the best

He looked once more at the weapon in His hands. He could try and do one of His timeline fixing tricks inside the bar to swing the ensuing gunfight in His favour but due to the unique internal nature of the premises, that might not be possible and would be too much hassle to set up anyhow. He decided to go back in unarmed, they wouldn’t shoot an unarmed man would they? Even if they did, they couldn’t kill Him, but being gunned down by His own fucking guardian angels once it got out would be the ultimate humiliation all the same, talk about making Lucifer’s day! He would have to go back in and try and save face while facing them down. Fuck everything, it was all too vague, He had no real idea what would happen now. Fucking Gabriel and his fucking half baked ideas!

The Man walked up to the side of Silver and slid the rifle back into the saddle holster. He took a few minutes to run His hands over the mane, neck and flanks of the beautiful stallion;

“What would you do, Silver?”

“That’s easy, My Lord.” Silver turned his head to face The Creator, “Abdicate and give your kingdom to me, Richard the fucking Third!”

_______________________________________________

“Hey, you in there!” The Man pressed His cheek tight to the doorjamb barely showing the tip of His nose, “I’m coming in, and I’m unarmed, so don’t shoot, d’ya hear?” No answer.

“Look, the first one that shoots Me will get cast into hell and eternal damnation, d’ya hear Me? ……… Ya fuckers!”

Still no answer. He was frightened to go in as He fully expected Bloom to come at Him like the banshee she was at Bantams, fanning the Army SA spitting out a hail of bullets.

He fully expected Bloom to come at Him like the banshee she was at Bantams, fanning the Army SA spitting out a hail of bullets

He moved His cheek forward just enough so He could get a one-eyed view of the bar. Rocco was behind the bar, Il Duce was standing at it and the other five seated with their backs to the door. The Real Magnificent Seven;

“Right, I’m coming in now and I’m not armed so don’t shoot!”

The Man pushed open the swing door, hopped inside and kept Himself low down against the wall. What was going on?, the seven were frozen like statues. Had the timeline trial outside somehow frozen time within the bar? No, obviously they were just staying still. Now The Man felt it permeating the whole atmosphere, the love these six men had for the woman was so strong He could almost reach out and grab some of it, but none of it was for Him. So much love for the woman and yet they hated Him, The Creator. Nevertheless, The Man felt greatly relieved they weren’t going to attack Him and much of His former ebullience returned. He walked over to the seven and stood behind the woman;

“So what happened Bloom, no stomach for a fight? You’re as yellow as that fucking bandana!”

“Eunice is no coward!” Rocco leapt to his friend’s defence, “And You know that, so why lie?”

“What were You trying to do calling me out?” Eunice turned to confront The Man, “Playing with peoples souls, it’s all a game to You isn’t it? Just a game!”

“Of course it’s a game you stupid bitch,” The Man hit back, “Just so many pixels in a fucking machine, you know, X-Box and shit.”

“Fuckin’ jerk-off with His fucking X-Box,” Greenbeans whispered to Murphy, “Playstation is far superior.”

“You’re in the game whether you like it or not Bloom,” The Man attempted to build a usable front, “We’ll see what courage you do have….”

The seven waited for utter destruction or eternal damnation. Unknown to them The Man would not contemplate either as an option, but without these, He had nothing else to bargain with. He had no idea how to proceed. He paced down to the far end of the bar. Poppa closed his eyes and prayed ‘If that fucking bird opens it’s fucking trap again, so help me, I’ll wring it’s fucking neck!’. Thankfully, Poppa’s prayers were answered and the bird remained silent.

The Man stopped, turned around and walked back down the length of the bar passing the seven statues to reach the other end, turning and retracing His steps back again. He had no idea what this was supposed to achieve. He felt like Detective ‘Popeye’ Doyle in The French Connection during the bar scene shake down with all the punters sullenly facing forwards; ‘Did you drop something?’ but who could He pull into the backroom? He had no informant, not on this team. He reached the parrot end and turned to come back again. Poppa sensed the unbearable tension within the air was about to explode, and he knew his friends felt it too. What was The Man going to do? They were all held hostage in a fixed state of paralysis. As The Man passed behind Eunice, she could take it no more;

“What the fuck do You want?” She looked over her shoulder.

“You bitch!” The Man also couldn’t take the impasse any longer and lunged at the woman grabbing her bandana. Her seated friends immediately leapt to her aid.

“Don’t You fucking touch her!” Connor sprang off his stool.

“Bastard!” Murphy did the same.

“I’ll fuckin’ kill You!” Romeo tried to grab hold of The Man as did the brothers. Greenly jumped up to protect Eunice but tripped and roughly fell against her nearly knocking her off the stool.

“Boys! Boys! Respect The Man!” Poppa tried to shout some sense into them, “Know who you’re taking on!” He threw himself into the melee trying to pull everyone apart but got inextricably embroiled as well. The Man couldn’t believe it as The Saints grabbed hold of Him, His divine personification was being manhandled by mere mortals, how extraordinary, Rocco’s Bar did indeed have some unusual properties! Eunice twisted herself away from Greenly, let The Man rip away her bandana and slid off the stool;

“Stop it! Stop it you fucking bastards!” She pulled out her pistol, pointed it upwards, BLAM!!, blasting a huge hole in the ceiling;

“Aaaagh - fucking bitch!!” Everyone else immediately scattered. The Man, Greenbeans, Connor, Murphy and Romeo all dived under the nearby tables.

“Fuck me, she’s at it again!” Romeo feared for his life, Poppa leapt over the bar and crouched low. Only Rocco had remained as a statue throughout the whole incident, the bulk of the shattered plaster had fallen down on him for some reason, giving him a very distinctive snow-cap to wear. Romeo nervously looked out from under his table upwards, with fervent gratitude he saw there was no chandelier over it this time.

“Do you know I’ve only just got the place fixed up from the last time, you bitch!” Rocco glowered at Eunice. He decided that for the time being he was not her friend after all, “You hand that in over the bar.” Eunice hesitated, reluctant to give up her firearm. “You hand that fucking thing over right now!” Rocco shouted at her. Seeing how furious he was, Eunice placed the weapon on the bar top.

Surrendered to Rocco over the bar, the last one

Rocco grabbed it and threw it down into one of the bar side cabinets. He then flipped up the bar hatch and gestured Poppa to go through before following him out into the bar-room. The woman having been disarmed allowed the fugitives from under the tables to begin emerging, but not The Man.

“Hey, You under there, You The Man,” Rocco stood by the table, “You’re barred!”

“You can’t bar Me,” The Man looked up from under it, “I’m God!”

“It’s my fucking bar and I’m the Barman, that’s as good as being fucking God! You finish Your drink and get out!”

“I don’t want to finish My drink.” The Man rejected the offer and furtively emerged from His refuge.

“Then get out now then, interfering with my fucking jukebox and calling someone outside! Actually, you can all get out now!” Rocco expanded on his initial idea, “The bar’s closed for the night, it’s kicking out time!”

“Hey, now wait a minute Rocco….” Murphy tried to reason with the Barman;

“Out! Out! Everyone out!” Rocco ignored Murphy and began to usher all the patrons except Poppa, into the centre of the room so he could eject them as a group.

“Fuck you Rocco, it’s only a fucking dump anyway!” Greenly wished to remonstrate.

“Aaahh maaann!” Romeo wanted to stay and finish the evening as he had started it.

“Come on, get lost! Fucking riff-raff bringing down the whole fucking neighbourhood,” Rocco pushed the group of The Man, Greenly, Eunice, Connor, Murphy and Romeo out the door, “especially you Bloom after shooting up my fucking bar for the second time in so many nights, get on your horse and fuck off!”

Rocco stood at the doorway watching all six of them leave, bickering and cursing at their treatment by the Barman, and that the whole evening had been a washout of an experience, descending into farce. Poppa came out and stood by Rocco;

“Not chucking me out?”

“No, I respect you too much, fuckin’ asshole that you are.”

“Smecker was wrong about you, you’re not an idiot are you, not as stupid as you look?”

“Why, thank you for the observation, I really fucking appreciate that, Il Douche-bag!”

“But that really was a smart move of yours, I was most impressed by your quick thinking.”

“Yeah, I know, when Bloomy let her gun off I immediately seized the opportunity to clear the bar and I certainly needed to act fast, your boys were playing with some serious shit, them and that fucking Mexican, they’re fucking nuts! And that’s coming from me!”

“Ah, the boys, the boys, you know what they’re like, impulsive and reckless, Jesus Christ!, they attacked The Man, I thought that’s it, we’re as good as ‘Erin Go Brag!’.”

“Fucking nuts I tell you! Did you know they planned to torch a whorehouse in downtown Boston? Fucking mental!”

“Oh I heard about that, that was the night they had that bust-up with Eunice, but it was just the drink talking, my boys would never do anything like that.”

“Wouldn’t they? They sank that fucking boat and wrecked the Pier 9 harbour area, that’s gotta be on par with torching a joint.”

“El Nicoya and his Loreto Norte gang had to pay for the death of Eunice even though we found out later The Man was ultimately responsible. The boys were never going to rest easy till they had avenged Eunice, you and I would’ve done exactly the same, though probably not tried to kill ourselves in the process! Fucking jet-skis? Fucking lunatics! They take after their mother you know.”

Rocco almost fell backwards into the bar on hearing this but just about recovered himself;

“Yeah, they’re all that, attacking The Man just now, talk about digging yourself a pit! Clearing the bar was all about saving face, and especially the face of The Man.”

“I could see it just as you could Rocco, The Man was badly stuck, He’d painted Himself right into a corner with no way out, all that pacing up and down, Jesus, He needed a ‘get out of jail free card’. I got the impression He was very relieved when He left along with the group.”

“Yes, I got that impression too. I thought by tarring everyone with the same brush and throwing them out as a group would somehow unite them, however brief, it didn’t matter whether you were a God, a Guardian Angel, a mortal, or just a little lost soul, you got kicked out all the same, but most importantly, with your face saved and intact.”

“It was a smart move but it doesn’t buy us much time. The situation is still not resolved, The Man will be back with a vengeance, you can count on it.”

“That’s all I can do, Il Duce, fire fight the flames at present. But where do we go now from here?”

“I will intercede on Eunice and The Man’s behalf, I will try and get them to negotiate.”

“Well I admire you for trying and I wish you luck, but after tonight it’s obvious they fucking hate each other.”

“No Rocco!” Poppa was astounded by his friend’s opinion, “Eunice would never hate The Man, her God, and He would never hate her, not truly despite such bad words being exchanged.”

“But they must hate one another! He has to hate her after that fucking abominable display He made her do, kneeling in front of Him and reciting that acclamation, and she must hate Him all the more for it, in front of all her friends, fucking ripped the guts outa me watching it!”

“Yes Rocco, I had to turn away, I couldn’t bear to watch it either, but now it has sunk in, I realise something marvellous and quite wonderful went down. There was nothing forced about it at all, she willingly knelt and meant every word of the acclamation, yes, she really does love The Man. As I listened I thought how terrible of The Man to use that poor girl as a doormat to wipe His feet on in front of us, but now I don’t think it reflects badly on her at all, the fact she can do it so selflessly and mean every word reveals to us all what we already suspected about the depth and strength of her character, and of course, her intelligence. You would never comply if you were stupid and ignorant, you would kick off in order to save that word again ‘face’.”

“I think I’m beginning to see it now, Il Duce, the brilliance and nobility of her soul, why does she need wings when she has all that?”

“Wings or not, and intercession or not, The Man may still decide to destroy Eunice and the rest of the team along with her; can we find a way forward to satisfy all concerned?”

“What we need is a roadmap, that’s what we need, but be sure and put U-Blu in the driver’s seat!”

“Either way Rocco, we can’t keep doing such useless crappy assignments, something’s got to give soon.”

“Fuck the fucking assignments! All I want to know is who is going to fix up my fucking bar again, tell me that!”

“Oh it’s not so bad Rocco, you’ve got twenty-four bottles of God-made homebrew vodka in your Irish whiskey cabinet. You tell me where you can get a better vintage than that!”

[specialangeleunicebloom3-blog]

15

Chapter 15: Father’s Daughter

The Man sat in His throne room all alone brooding. He had locked the door and wouldn’t see anyone, not even Gabriel. The situation was intolerable, things had come to a head, what was The Man going to do about that fucking girl? She was in ‘Defiance’ of Him and He couldn’t let her go unpunished otherwise people would no longer be afraid and respect Him for it. He had to punish her else lose face which wasn’t an option, not for Him at least. The simplest solution would be to destroy her and if it had been anyone else who had resigned He most certainly would have done so by now. So why hadn’t He done it then? He knew the reason, but always pushed it to the back of His mind, He couldn’t bear it at the forefront of His consciousness. This bitch was so bad-ass she was good, or was it she used to be bad-ass but was now just plain bad?, He couldn’t decide. Never since the departure of Lucifer had The Sparks ‘This Town Ain’t Big Enough For The Both of Us’ resounded so loudly in His mind. What a mistake it had been to bring her up to heaven. He thought it would be great having Eunice up there on the payroll. He could have her all to Himself and order her about. In that respect He was no different from Kiersky that fateful day at Bantams Clubhouse. Both selfish enterprises had ended in disaster, one couldn’t try that with Eunice, you couldn’t have her, she is for the world, not any one personage, divine or otherwise. But if she is for the world, then what world? He created it and everything within it, she was created for the world and not the other way around, did she exist before the very stars her cosmic matter came from? To think of how she started out, nothing but a little ball of white fluff, now look at her! Are the very same stars supposed to fall to ground and make themselves into a carpet for her delicate feet?

Fuck it, why not wipe the whole fucking timeline and reboot it from scratch, easily done, He mulled it over in His mind;

“Wipe the entire thirteen and a half billion year timeline over that bitch? Fuck that!” He needed to try something else, “I know! I’ll just wipe it back to 1970 before she was born and start the simulation from there, shall I do that?” He thought long and hard;

“I can’t give her up, I love the cow too much.”

What was it about these fucking apes? In this simulation where for a bit of fun He had morphed a markedly one dimensional avatar of Himself into human form, it being a crude accident of the four billion year evolutionary process, why had he really done it? Was He that seriously empty, that lonely? This fucking simulation, where was the fun in trying to control every aspect of it? He needed some variation to keep it interesting, no?

To touch the gene pool and set it in motion, let it run for four billion years and look what it came up with. First came Albert Einstein, and then after him Eunice Bloom. Albert Einstein or Eunice Bloom? It was no contest which The Man wanted to share heaven with. Angels, we all need our angels. The Man expected that He would want someone like Audrey Hepburn, so beautiful, elegant, noble, impeccable manners and decorum, well spoken and so intelligent, and so the list goes on. But what did He go out and find as she arrived with an ETA of ten minutes? Stepping out of that squad-car, ‘The Real Thing’, Special Agent Eunice Bloom! Thank you Shaymus.

How bizarre.

Stepping out of that squad-car; The Real Thing

Now Eunice had many of those aforementioned attributes in relation to Audrey Hepburn, the would be perfect angel, but Bloomy was definitely no Audrey. Choice number two; Audrey Hepburn or Eunice Bloom? What does common sense tell you to choose? Again, inexplicably it was Bloomy who He wanted! He wanted her but He couldn’t have her, not in the present situation. He hadn’t brought her on board at all, all He had done was drive her away. He didn’t want her turned against Him. He was God and as such He could do no wrong, and yet He had done wrong, killing Eunice. How could He get her back on side? He knew what she wanted, she wanted her old earthly life back but that was unattainable, the timeline had moved on too much. It was a pity nothing could be done on that front as when thinking on Eunice He had often envisaged her as an adopted daughter. She was special by name and special by nature. The Man had only resurrected someone once before, but that someone had been pretty special too.

‘Special’…. You see there is a ‘special’ before my ‘agent’. If we’re gonna address each other formally, I’d appreciate it if you popped it in there, because it makes me feel special

Damn her! Why was He thinking about her all the time? Surely there were more important things to think about in the great scheme of things? He couldn’t get her out of His head, the would be Pennsylvanian Cowgirl for heavens sake!

What to do? What to do?

Rogue FBI Agent…… Rogue Guardian Angel!! ________________________________________________________

Poppa couldn’t just stand by and do nothing, there was too much at stake. He asked if he could come and see The Man. To his great surprise The Man had Gabriel arrange an appointment time. On the way up to the throne room Poppa just happened to share the elevator with the Archangel Michael. The Archangel and the Guardian Angel looked at one another, both angels and yet employed on a completely different job spec. Archangel, way up high at the pinnacle of the corporate ladder unlike a mid-tier Guardian Angel, elite one or not.

“So Michael, what’s the feeling up on high, is my section of Guardian Angels to be destroyed?”

“No, I don’t think so. The Man can’t easily replace you if He does that.” Michael gave his inside opinion.

“What about Eunice Bloom?”

“Nah, that won’t happen either.”

“Why don’t you think so?”

“I’ve seen it all before, The Man and a woman, but He’s completely obsessed with this one. All this sentimental talk about He wants her as His adopted daughter. Every man over fifty wants Bloom as his adopted daughter for crying out loud!”

“Ah….” Poppa hadn’t thought of that as a possibility. So it happened The Man was a man after his own heart? If true then he was disappointed he didn’t pick up on the vibe, “The plot thickens….”

“Good luck with your meeting, break a leg!”

Michael joked as he left the elevator two floors from the top. Poppa continued to the top floor and on leaving the elevator made his way to the throne room.

“You mother fucking Guardian Angels!” Gabriel grabbed hold of Poppa outside the door and held him up against the wall.

“What the fuck is this all about? What have we done now?” Poppa strained as the force used by the archangel was almost enough to crush his chest.

“Caitlin! Caitlin de Sousa!” Gabriel shoved Poppa one last time against the wall before releasing him, “Access the divine database about her on the night all you fuck-heads were at Rocco’s!” Poppa did as he was advised and a look of abject horror passed over his face as he found out what had happened to the utility angel outside Rocco’s;

“Jesus help her, no….” Poppa shuddered when he realised what The Man had done to Caitlin, that is, if He had test fired the rifle against her, then it followed He must have also planned to do the same with Eunice. Dreadful business, that gunshot heard when they were all huddled safely together inside the bar. “My dear Gabriel, I am so sorry,” Poppa put his hand on the archangel’s shoulder, “are you looking after the girl? Where is she now?”

“Her heavenly image is repaired, we all know that’s indestructible, but the brutality of the act has all but destroyed her mind, she is in a mental facility at the back of this very building!”

“Oh Gabriel, no, please say it isn’t true…” At the very least Poppa was most grateful that Eunice no longer had access to the divine database. If she found out The Man had tested the rifle out on someone who she considered her heavenly sister, Poppa knew Eunice would feel responsible and blame herself. Given how everything appeared to be resting on ever melting thin ice, it was best she didn’t know.

“I don’t know why I fucking bother!” Gabriel swiped Poppa’s hand away, “Do you know the hoops I have to jump through every day just to try and keep The Man happy? Nobody appreciates me and the important work I do, trying to keep it all together. You selfish Guardian Angel fuckers, because one of your people won’t toe the line, it’s one of my people that gets wasted. But that’s always the way of it with internal politics in any organisation, it’s the little people at the bottom that end up victims and get caught in the fallout.”

“Gabriel, a terrible thing has been done to your girl, please, sir….” Poppa reached out once more for the archangel who appeared to be fast approaching breaking point over all the stress caused by the Bloomygate affair.

“Get in there and sort your shit out, and you pray The Man deals with it, otherwise you people will be dealing with me!” Gabriel stormed off the landing unwilling to engage any further. Poppa was at a loss how to commence negotiations with such an entity who indulged in such wickedness, nevertheless, with a heavy heart he opened the door and entered the throne room.

“Il Duce, come forward.” The Man invited Poppa over, “Why have you asked for the meeting, for what do I owe you the pleasure?”

“I’ve come to see how You are after what happened.”

“You’re not interested in Me at all! All you’re worried about is that I might decide to take divine retribution against your sons, which is exactly what they deserve.”

“I intercede on everyone’s behalf, You, Eunice, the boys.” Poppa tried but The Man knew he was lying;

“You just remember Who’s image your sons have on their backs and also Who happens to be one and the same thereto.”

‘Shit, this hasn’t started well’ . Poppa thought, even so, he felt morally driven to challenge The Man about Caitlin;

“I’d also like to intercede on behalf of Caitlin, I know what You did to her…”

“Fuck her! If I ever hear the name of that bitch again! It’s Bloom I want to discuss, Bloom, Bloom, BLOOM!! Get it into your thick fucking head!”

“Okay, whatever.” Poppa decided it was futile to pursue the matter when The Man was in such a mood.

“I’m particularly annoyed about your group of Guardian Angels who have dangerously interfered with the timeline,” The Man right away got down to mentioning His own particular gripe, “there was an unauthorised viewing of the future so that you could save the lives of your sons, a disgraceful abuse of power!”

“Fuck!  You found out about that?”

“I didn’t intervene to save My Son from crucifixion, what is good enough for Me should be good enough for you!”

‘Hypocrite’ Poppa thought, after what The Man had done to Eunice.

“But leaving that to be dealt with later, as I most certainly shall,” The Man moved onto the other matter raising His ire, “what’s all this I’m hearing about you people wanting to form a break away firm called ‘Blutopia’ with the Bloom woman as the ringleader?”

“What? I’ve never heard of anything so ludicrous, who told You that?”

“I won’t reveal My sources.”

“Blutopia?” Poppa stifled a laugh, “We could never reject You, Our Lord God, The Creator. We may fall out time to time, but our place is here with You, we belong to You.”

“Too right, and don’t you fucking forget it!”

“As for Eunice, My Lord, the silly little girl can’t do anything to harm You now, she is no longer an angel, she has given up all her divine powers, she can’t even ring-lead a precious bean!” Poppa needn’t have explained himself as The Man had already decided the ‘Blutopia’ plot was bullshit, it had to be given the source of the information;

“Her angelic divine powers,” The Man spoke with deep disappointment, “to throw them away like that, the reckless maverick!”

“My Lord, You’re a fucking idiot if You think You’ve enhanced Eunice by making her an angel, You got Yourself an angel but You diminished the woman. Fantastic she may be as an angel, but in mortal earthly form she’s just as fantastic anyway. What were You trying to achieve?”

‘Got Myself an angel and yet diminished the woman.’ The Man thought intently on Poppa’s insightful observation. He would remember that and keep it in his armoury for future use against somebody He had particularly in mind.

“If you mistreat her, it rebounds on you.” Poppa hadn’t yet finished, “Think about it; Kuntsler then Harbinger. To hurt her, Bloomy is bad for you, but to love her…. fucking shit!” He felt the tears rising up, “Oh my sweet Lord, she is so good for you. Tell me My Lord, have You ever held her in Your arms?”

“No, I don’t give hugs, not to apes.”

“Oh, but You must try it. When I have her in my arms she is like the daughter I never had.”

“Oh no, she’s My adopted daughter, not yours!” The Man quickly put in His counter claim. Poppa could not help but feel slightly hurt by the last interjection;

“This is the way I see it, You The Creator and Eunice. If Punch can go down to hell, take on the devil and whup his ass, isn’t it about time someone came up to heaven and did the same to You?” Poppa braced himself for the expected lightening bolt but to his surprise and great relief The Man appeared to think on the idea without flying into a rage;

“Nobody ‘whups My ass’, Il Duce, you know that. But I am open to suggestion and wise counsel. As U-Blu said to Me, the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse stalk the earth. As God I do have an obligation to lead by example and instigate good and righteous deeds. I let Myself down by getting you to do, as I recognise now, worthless assignments. I shall create, with your input, a new job-spec for you three remaining Guardian Angels on that team and if successful we can move this new contract onto all the other teams, hopefully an acceptable and worthwhile working method of operations going forward.”

“Thank You My Lord. That is most generous and kind of You.” The Man liked Il Duce, he genuinely meant what he said and there was no arse-licking involved, “And Eunice, My Lord? She will be taken back on as the elite Guardian Agent on our team?”

“Who knows, that’s not up to Me to decide. Will she take up her wings again? Look at them, dumped in the corner of the room. I had to put them there to stop everyone coming in tripping over them. Look at the state of them, the feathers are all falling out due to the lack of divine energy from the host, they’re dying.”

“My Lord, if the job is right for her, I’m sure she would love to be an angel once more.”

“That’s exactly what I’m hoping too. But I don’t think it’s going to be that easy, I think she wants much more than just being an angel. There’s going to have to be some intense negotiations undertaken with U-Blu, I know it. To that end I’m sure I’m going to have to make some very special arrangements to accommodate her. If she wants it then I have a special assignment for her.”

“I’m glad to hear it My Lord.” Poppa felt his heart lift.

“Go to her Il Duce. Tell her to come and see Me. If she won’t see Me then there’s nothing I can do, we will have lost her.”

“Don’t worry My Lord, I think I’ll be able to persuade her to come.” Poppa was quietly confident, “Getting back to this new job-spec for us, what happens if You change Your mind and start giving us shit to do again?”

“My dear Il Duce, you can always sue Me!” The Man gave Poppa a wry smile which was knowingly returned.

____________________________________________________

Poppa went to see Eunice at her ancestors’ pod, it was a lot more rudimentary than the five star angel penthouse she enjoyed before handing her wings back, nonetheless, she seemed to have adapted to her new existence as best she could.

“How are you, my dear.” He held her against him.

“How are you, my dear.”

“How do you think?” She replied downcast.

“I’m glad you’ve stopped trying to make things out to be better than they are, that’s brave of you.”

“I don’t shit anyone about this situation, certainly not myself.” They both sat down on the well worn sofa in the living room.

“So what do you do with yourself all day?” Poppa asked.

“Initially when I first came here, nothing much. It was such a shock to the system for the first time in twenty years or more of having absolutely nothing to do, I’d hang with my grandparents and their parents, help them with day to day tasks, sometimes go for a walk, but often cry my eyes out sitting alone in my room.”

“How dreadful for you.” Poppa showed earnest concern.

“Latterly though, I’ve been doing a bit of charity work. Jesus came here on one of His pastoral rounds.”

“Jesus?” Poppa lightened up at once on hearing the name.

“I didn’t want to open the door because I felt ashamed. I didn’t want Him to see me without my wings so He would know how far I’d fallen, my angelic career finished. But something told me I should open the door so I did. He didn’t bat an eyelid about me no longer being an angel, He just accepted me for who I am, put His arm around me and asked if I was alright.”

“That is what He is like, Eunice. He is not like His Father at all in that respect. The Man up top is all into gilded throne-rooms, pageantry, opulence, armies of angels and saints to glorify His personage and do His bidding. Jesus, in total contrast couldn’t give a shit about any of that. It must be the Mother Mary’s genes that are dominant in His case, I guess. ”

“But then I did feel really ashamed.” Eunice confided.

“What is there to be ashamed about when Jesus does not care about such stuff?”

“I felt ashamed because that night I went out clubbing with Greenbeans I was rude to Jesus. He wanted to come with us but we made excuses so we could leave Him behind.”

“Don’t worry about that Eunice. You were right not to take Him. For one it was you two love birds’ night out together, the last thing you would’ve wanted was to have someone tagging along. Secondly, He was deluding Himself if He thought He’d enjoy going clubbing, I should think most people at the venue would’ve laughed at and ridiculed Him. Was He still wearing those dirty pair of Nike sports socks?”

“I couldn’t tell. They certainly looked the same but I think He probably bought Himself a pack of three.”

“Hm, that’s possible!”

“He told me the rest of the ‘Parable of the Three Wayfaring Servants’.”

“Fuck.” Poppa wasn’t avid to hear, “Go on, let’s have it.”

“He rambled on for about twenty minutes stringing it out, but basically, in a nutshell, whatever method you use on your journey, be it the analogy of a camel, an ass or a bicycle, all methods to get to God are valid, just make sure you get there.”

“Christ! That’s terrible!” Poppa laughed, “He’s losing His touch!”

“Yeah, I tried to sound impressed, I said ‘Fucking ‘A’ Jesus!’ and ‘Man, that’s really deep.’ but I think He knew I was lying. But leaving such reservations aside, when you think about it long enough, I think there is something in it, don’t you?”

“Yes Eunice, I think you might be right. We’re all on the journey, at what stage on it are you?”

“I’ll tell you. He mentioned somebody vulnerable in the community was moving pod that weekend and He was the only one who offered to help. Since I had my pickup out front doing nothing and His van still hadn’t been repaired, He asked if He could borrow it. After I said okay He then asked me if I would like to go along and help, just in case I wasn’t too busy. At this stage I’d usually make an excuse, but then I thought damn it, I wasn’t doing anything else so I said yes, I’ll go along, I could at least do the driving and also some of the lifting and carrying. However, when we got to this lady’s new pod I discovered that she wanted her old kitchen units cut down and modified so they would fit into the new kitchen. Not thinking, I just happened to mention to Jesus while he was doing the task; ‘You’re the Son of God, why are You doing such mundane work?’ He answered; ‘Who did you say I was?, ……. I’m a carpenter.’ Afterwards, I don’t know why, but I felt much better.”

“Ah yes, the Man from Nazareth,” Poppa felt a peaceable glow inside, “stick with Him and you won’t go far wrong.”

“On Thursday mornings He stands behind the till in a charity shop but He can’t do it this week because of other commitments so I’m going to cover for Him.”

“That’s most commendable of you.” Poppa remarked unable to summon up much enthusiasm in his tone.

“You think it’s bullshit, don’t you, Noah?”

“It is worthwhile and useful work, but I have to advise you that you’re completely wasted doing only this and being stuck out in the wilderness here.”

“You know I’m not happy, do you think I’m at least contented?”

“No, I don’t. And even if you were it would be a wrong and complacent end for you. There are billions of people on earth who are in such dire circumstances they could use your rare talents to help them. You need to be an angel once more.”

“I won’t do the assignments The Man is asking me to do. What about yourself, Greenly and Rocco?”

“Better assignments are being negotiated but The man won’t let that continue for much longer, He will destroy us if we don’t go back soon. Can you help us Eunice? Above all, can you help The Man? We want to know, He wants to know, what do you want?”

“The clock will be wound back to just before the final two shots were fired at Bantams and there will be no interference with spent bullet fragments!” There was a sharp intake of breath from Poppa on hearing the demands;

“That’s a big ask, Bloomy, to turn the timeline back over eighteen months, I’m not sure you can even turn it back a minute without crashing it.”

“Well then if we can’t go back in time then I want my old life in Boston anyway! I want to be flesh, blood and mortal again, FBI Special Agent Eunice Bloom!”

“I see. Did you know I have been to see The Man since we had that punch up at Rocco’s?”

“Oh I get it, He sent you to twist my fucking arm, you fucking turncoat!”

“Now you just wait a minute young lady, you know me better than that! All sides are in deep shit, and especially The Man. In order to reassert His divinity, He will have to destroy us, but you know in your heart it’s the last thing He wants to do. I have been accused of only thinking about myself and my precious boys and yes, they are precious, The Saints operation in Boston and all that, but again, you know me better than that. What I’m trying to salvage from this shitty quagmire is that if all sides keep talking, negotiating and above all, compromise, we can get the lions share of what we want, makes us happy and most important of all, help the people and souls who are in most need of it. If we let this elite band of angels and mortals ‘Team Saints’ be destroyed then we truly deserve hellfire for our arrogance and negligence. And you, Eunice, the jewel in the crown, look at you, a little lost soul in nowhere land - no disrespect to your ancestors….”

“No offence, I know what you mean.” Eunice well understood.

“For you to end up like this…..” Poppa got up and pulled Eunice off the sofa into his arms once more, “If you could only know the depth of the love the whole team has for you, Eunice. I told The Man you were to me like the daughter I never had.”

“Oh not you as well!” Eunice recoiled, “You’re all the same, you, The Man….”

“Yes, yes, I know, the flowers on your tombstone and the tears…., I know all about that and the way you feel, we mean no harm by it.”

“Oh alright, so what do you want?” Eunice returned the question.

“When I mentioned talking, negotiation and compromise, that’s exactly what The Man wants to do. I’m begging you, go and meet Him and see if you can come to some arrangement.”

“Okay, but I won’t be steamrolled into anything I’m not willing to do.”

“Don’t Eunice, I don’t want you to do that. But please talk, talk and keep talking. Don’t let him provoke you into a slanging match and do not walk out, stay in there and fight your corner…, oh fuck, what am I saying?, that’s completely the wrong term, that suggests to go in all confrontational, so what approach do I want you to take?” Poppa seemed briefly unable to think of one, then; “Save us Eunice, save us all, save The Man, and of course save yourself. Each and every one of us deserves better, and the needy deserve our help. You know it’s right, and bad-ass woman or not, you always did the right thing. Eunice, on my knees….”

“You people and your fucking knees! If anyone else kneels in front of me or asks me to kneel in front of them again, I’ll cut them off at the fucking knees!” Eunice pulled herself out of Poppa’s arms;

“Will you go and talk to Him, my dear?”

“Yeah, okay.”

[specialangeleunicebloom3-blog]

16

Chapter 16: No time like the present

Guardian Angel Greenly marched straight into the Bloom ancestral pod. There was nothing within this simple homestead to stop him, it was divine power against no power at all.

He barged into Eunice’s bedroom without knocking. That was one small part of her resignation he didn’t mind, the fact for the first time in his existence he could whup her ass without the threat of having his arms ripped off;

“U-Blu, rise and shine, it’s job interview day!” He stood over her huddled up little form under the duvet on the bed.

For the first time in his existence he could whup her ass without the threat of having one’s arms ripped off

“Fuck off will you, what time is it?” The protest emanated out from under the duvet.

“It’s time you thought about your future, and all the rest of ours.” Greenly hung the clothes bag he had been carrying on the back of the door so that the contents wouldn’t be creased, and placed the shoebox on the dressing table.

“I don’t want to go, I’m depressed, I can’t face Him….” More mutterings from the hidden. Greenly rushed over, lifted the bottom of the duvet and grabbed the pair of exposed small ankles, using them as a hook to land the pyjama clad owner abruptly out of the bed and onto the floor;

“Aaaaieee! You bastard Greenly, leave me be! Fucker!” Eunice cried out. Greenbeans loved every moment of that. Of course he hoped Eunice would take up her wings again and the requisite divine power, but until then, to get one over on her for once, an evil pleasure to be enjoyed while he still had the chance;

“I’m getting you to that job interview even if it kills me!” Greenly released her ankles almost throwing them back at her, not quite realising the irony of what he had just said.

“Job interview? What the fuck do you mean? It’s just an informal chat arranged by Il Duce so me and The Man can settle our differences….”

“Oh it’s a job interview alright for a very specific job, there’s nothing informal about it, that’s the way I heard it at least,” Greenly was certain, “that’s why I’ve brought you those business clothes hanging up there on that door. You and your fucking Wild West outfits, you’re in the real world now so get your ass up off the floor, into that shower room and get yourself ready. There’s not a minute to lose. I have my own responsibilities too in this matter you know. Ordinary souls aren’t allowed into Heaven HQ and certainly nowhere near the top floor. I am going to escort you through security and get you to the top. Didn’t you hear me? Move your fucking ass!”

“Don’t you order me about!”

“I fucking will and more. On the way over you’ll read this resume of your work experience both earthly and heavenly and be fully conversant with it just in case The Man asks you about it.” Greenly produced the relevant paperwork from inside his leather jacket, “I prepared this from the divine database and I know The Man will be impressed with it.” Eunice reached up and snatched the document out of his hand. She quickly scanned the details of her work experience;

“Last earthly assignment ‘Gunfight at Bantams Clubhouse’. Are you fucking serious? That’s beyond all reason and taste to include that.” Eunice was repulsed by the thought of it.

“Don’t fuck about! That’s the most important thing on there. Even though The Man killed you, He mentioned He was most impressed with the way you single-handedly took out those five thugs, now you be sure and mention that, make a big play of it, make Him think He owes you and He’ll do the decent thing and hire you.”

“Fuck this! It’s all starting again, this bullshit! Posturing and pretence. Oh Il Duce, have you got a lot to answer for!” Eunice cast away the sheets of paper.

“Right, that’s enough!” Greenly pounced on the sitting woman and lifted her up. She tried to resist but against the Guardian Angel’s unstoppable divine power she had no chance, ‘Yes’ Greenly thought, ‘just until she’s an angel again, loving it!’ He kicked open the shower door and dumped her in.

“You bastard! I hate you!” She tried to come back out clawing at him.

“Get back in and get yourself washed, bitch!” he laughed and pushed her back, “If you’re not out in five minutes I’ll come in and scrub you with a fucking broom!”

After fifteen minutes Greenly forced his way into the shower room, on reflection he thought the five minute deadline unreasonable, however, he did come in wielding a broom.

“Hey!” Eunice had just finished drying her hair and grabbed a towel to cover herself, “Respect a lady’s privacy!”

“Nothin’ I ain’t seen already!” He swung the broom-head backwards and forwards in an implied threat.

“It’s a nice change to see you without the handle of that broom sticking out of your ass for once!” She pushed past him out into the bedroom and ripped the lid off the shoebox;

“Fuck! Sensible shoes!”

“You can’t wear six-inchers to a job interview, you know that.” Greenly stood at her shoulder, sans-broom. Ignoring him she took up the clothes bag, threw it flat on the bed and unzipped it;

“A three-piece suit and a blouse? That’s too many layers Greenbeans! I much prefer a two-piece.”

“It’ll be fine. I always wanted to see you in a three-piece, come on, put them on, let’s see how do you look, Audrey.”

Eunice put on the clothes, first the starched white cotton blouse with it’s thin open necked collar that sat just inside the v-neck of the waistcoat. The suit itself was a charcoal grey, single breasted jacket and pencil skirt. She put on some flesh coloured stockings and the black leather shoes as provided. Greenly picked up some gold hoop earrings from the dressing table;

“Here, these will look nice.”

“Were you born yesterday? I can’t wear those to an interview, studs are the thing to wear.” Once Eunice had decided she would go to the interview then it would be done properly, earrings sorted, one strong piece of jewellery, a short belcher gold necklace to rest on her collarbones inside the blouse. Eunice then applied her makeup, understated and natural looking, finally she pinned up her hair, side-parting it and winding it into perfect shape on her head.

“Eunice, you’re such a beautiful woman.” Greenly stood in admiration of the pre-eminent professional lady, a billion dollar look, “I missed this image, the Special FBI Agent, see, I was right about the three-piece.”

“I guess you were.” Eunice looked at herself in the full length mirror, “Oh, I nearly forgot,” she pulled open the top drawer of the dresser and took out an American flag-pin, inserting it into the left lapel of her jacket.

“Don’t wear that Eunice,” Greenly objected, “by all means wear a brooch but never wear any kind of badge. It’s not even the one the President gave you, your mother had that one.”

“I know she did. But on this one thing I’m going against good interview advice. Heaven may be bigger, better and more important than the USA, but this pin will rest over my heart and I want The Man to see it there. I want Him to get the message; ‘There’s no place like home’.”

“Il Duce has told me what your greatest wish is and I expect you’re going to this interview with the intention of getting it. I totally agree with him that what you’re asking can’t be done but I wish you the very best of luck in that respect. In all honesty, the situation is totally fucked so for the sake of all involved, see The Man and sort it out.”

“What if I am successful? How do you feel about not having me around, Mike?”

“I wish more than anything in heaven or earth you would stay here with me, but if you’re not happy, and if I selflessly love you which I do, then I must let you go.” Eunice did not say anything in reply but gave Greenbeans a heartfelt look, almost sad. “Come on Bloomy, let’s get this done, and everything fixed!” He held open the door and offered her his arm.

“Well, thank you kind sir!” She took up the offer.

Outside, Greenly led Eunice to his new car, a ferocious Ferrari Diablo which he had exchanged for the Aston Martin, ‘Oh the perks of being an angel!’. To think all this balanced on a knife edge at present.

“Don’t you think you’re being a bit flash with this Greenbeans?” Eunice carefully got into the passenger seat trying not to crease her clothes.

“What’s the matter, bitch? You’re just pissed because I took your Lamborghini as my second car when you quit. Now look at you, left driving that old wreck of a pickup, girl, have you dropped off the grid. If ever there was an incentive to get your wings back! Get this job Eunice, get it and be part of our elite team once more!”

“For your information, I like my pickup. I remain my mother’s daughter whatever I do.” Eunice attempted some inverted snobbery but it was completely lost on the man about town in the driver’s seat.

Greenly felt wonderful driving on the way out to Heaven HQ, he was an elite Guardian Angel, in his beautiful car with his beautiful girl sat beside him, when he pulled up at HQ, what an entrance to knock ‘em dead!

Greenly entered the main door with Eunice safely on his arm. The two Security Angels on duty immediately came together on seeing the woman was not an angel and thus not normally entitled access;

“It’s okay, she’s with me, we’re here on official business.” Greenly showed them the appointment letter from Gabriel. After inspecting the letter, the first one said to the other;

“It’s that crazy bitch who resigned, it’s the Bloom woman!” Both Security Angels laughed at her presumed idiocy.

“If I didn’t need to get up to the top floor right now, I’d fucking deck the both of you!” Greenly pushed them apart, “Come on, Eunice, ignore these dregs of the Angelic host.” He shepherded her through. The two Security Angels watched the power-suited woman pass between them with curiosity. They didn’t quite know what to make of Bloom, was she really that stupid or just avant-garde? In contrast to what Lucifer had done, could it be that resigning was now the new ‘Fuck You!’?

As the woman and her divine chaperone crossed the foyer the Receptionist Angel on seeing them immediately picked up her telephone;

“Fuck it, Eunice!” Greenly spoke out of the side of his mouth, “Gabriel now knows we’re here. I was hoping we would avoid the oily little bastard!” Sure enough when Greenly and Eunice vacated the elevator on the top floor, the PA to The Man was waiting for them;

“Bloom! You’re seven minutes late! Not a good first impression and I’ve duly taken note!”

“Don’t be such a hard ass, Gabriel.” Greenly defended his charge.

“Know your place, Greenly, you’re only here on escort duty.” Gabriel was quick to remind the lower ranking angel the boundaries of his current remit, “Now you’re here Bloom, it’s straight into the first part of the process, the aptitude test.”

“Aptitude test?” Eunice expressed her depreciation, “Can’t I just go in and see The Man, we’ve got a lot to discuss…”

“Do the test Bloom!” Gabriel stood mightily over the ordinary soul, “I’m the Archangel Gabriel and anyone who wants to apply to be an angel has to go through the correct procedures.”

“None of us had to go through anything like that, we died and were given the job virtually straight away on merit, no questions asked.” Greenly didn’t understand why things had changed.

“That route to angelhood is now closed. This is a new procedure whereby we do things properly and scientifically, candidate profiling, shortlists and shit.”

“But I am the only candidate for the job.” Eunice didn’t understand either.

“I don’t care, just do the fucking test! Go in there,” Gabriel pointed at an antechamber, “you’ve got half an hour to complete that bank of multiple choice questions!” He shoved a wad of bound together paper in her hand.

Eunice sat at a table in the antechamber and opened up the ‘Multiple Choice Questionnaire for Guardian Angel Candidates’ at random about one third of the way through;

No 52. Archbishop Ferdenzi is driving down from France into Italy for a very important conference at the Vatican and you have been assigned to protect him. As he drives over a road bridge that traverses a near bottomless ravine, a car coming in the opposite direction suddenly swerves out of control and into the path of Archbishop Ferdenzi’s car. Do you:

A: Force the other car off the bridge into the ravine thus saving the protectee.

B: Let the cars collide as you know all modern cars in Europe must comply with E.U. crash-test survivability standards.

C: Check that the airbags in the protectee’s car are switched on.

D: Force the other car back into it’s correct lane and hold it there thus preventing the head-on collision.

Eunice swiped at the edge of the booklet turning over a good many more pages:

No 131. One evening Satan turns up at the door of your angel penthouse and offers you riches, men/women/both*, infinite power and adulation of the damned, if only you would turn your face from God and join him. Do You:

A: Join him on the basis that once an angel always an angel and we’re all part of one big happy family really.

B: Ask him about the detailed pay and conditions in hell on the basis you may be able to broker a better deal in heaven now you have been approached by another prospective employer.

C: Call up the Heavenly PD and report there is someone who has gained unlawful entry to heaven and is at large in the community.

D: Say ‘Get behind me Satan, you shall not tempt a servant of The Lord!’ and then slam the door in his face, before informing your Commanding Angel of the incident.

  * Delete as appropriate

“What the fuck is this patronizing bullshit?” Eunice turned the booklet over to the last page and burst out laughing. In his haste to print off the document Gabriel forgot to omit the last page which was titled:

Instructions to Assessors.

Mainly ‘A’s Reject the candidate at this stage. High level of unsuitability.

Mainly ‘B’s Reject the candidate unless there are insufficient numbers attaining mainly ‘C’s and ‘D’s.

Mainly ‘C’s Candidates attaining mainly ‘C’s should be utilised to make up the numbers if there are insufficient numbers attaining mainly ‘D’s.

Mainly ‘D’s High level of suitability. Shortlist for face to face interview.

Eunice threw the document down on the table, she had no intention of filling out such an affront to her intelligence. So much for Gabriel and his new recruitment procedure, it appeared to be all so rushed and ill thought out, he didn’t have a clue.

“Time’s up Bloom!” Gabriel burst in at the expiry time, “Have you finished the test?”

“Yeah, sure, it’s on the table.”

“The Man will see you now, go to the throne room.” Gabriel reached for his precious test paper. Eunice jumped up and ran from the room making her getaway before he discovered the unpalatable truth. She ran to the throne room door where to her annoyance, Greenly stood in her way;

“Here, take this with you!” He tried to force on her another copy of the resume of work experience.

“What the fuck do I need that for?” She dodged around him, “You’d think I’d know what the fuck I’ve been up to for the best part of twenty years!”

The Man looked up. He couldn’t help but feel such endearing weakness at the sight of the applicant, aah, little wing.

“Come closer.” Eunice did as she was asked and approached the throne. “I like this, Bloom, I like it a lot.” He looked her up and down, “I’d almost forgotten you as the consummate professional lady.”

I’d almost forgotten you as the consummate professional lady

“Well don’t great minds think alike? You can thank Greenbeans for that. He told me it was a formal job interview, but an aptitude test? Don’t you think that’s going a bit far since I’m the only candidate?”

“Damn that man, damn that man Gabriel! It is not a fucking job interview! I told him specifically to contact you through your friend Greenly, all softly-softly like so nobody needed to get all defensive. But he’s such a self-important prig he had to try and take control of the whole procedure and make it something it isn’t.”

“So we are here to talk, negotiate, and come to some arrangement if that’s possible?”

“Too right, that’s all it ever was, as discussed with Il Duce.”

“Okay, but I’m still glad I got dressed up all professionally like this, it shows respect to You and I feel self respect when I look my best.”

“The American flag pin?”

 "Home is where the heart is.“

"Fuck! You don’t waste time do you? Talk about broaching a subject subtly!”

“Aren’t you going to offer the lady a chair?”

“Chair? What fucking chair? There’s only one chair in the room. Everyone else has to stand before Me, why should you be any different?”

“I am a fit girl,” Eunice shrugged, “and my shoes are sensible.”

“No gun?”

“No, not this time…” Eunice paused to consider the matter and stroked the empty space on her midriff, “Inappropriate, not diplomatic….”

“Wise move, to shoot up Rocco’s once is unfortunate, twice? I think you get My drift….”

“I wasn’t going to tolerate people fighting over me, besides, the gun is gone, Rocco confiscated it, that was the last one.”

“The Springfield?”

“Back with the Lone Ranger, along with the horse!”

“In that case I’ll forget about the pump-action stashed behind the headrest in your pickup, mother‘s daughter. But regardless of that, I’m disappointed you should mourn your stupid antique guns, what about your fucking wings?”

“I have the right to withdraw my labour.”

“Really? First she goes rogue and then she goes commie!” The Man expressed His displeasure to an imaginary audience.

“Workers of the world unite! Born on the 1st of May!!” Eunice had the perfect quip just poised in wait to lay on The Man.

“I’ll have you up in front of Senator McCarthy if you carry on with subversive talk like that My girl! However, I must give credit where credit is due, more in your line would be ‘Monday’s Child is Fair of Face’, so I don’t need to look very far for proof of that, do I now! But moving on to our negotiations proper, the whole crux of the problem is that you just don’t want to be here, do you?”

“Everyone knows of my desire to get my life back, but everyone also advises me it is unattainable.”

“I know about that shit-head Kiersky expressing if he could give up his life in exchange for you getting yours back, he would gladly do it. Shall I do that, U-Blu, as a straight swap?” The Man had no intention of doing such a thing but He wanted to keep the dialogue going, even if it meant discussing unlikely outcomes.

“Leave poor old Kiersky out of it! That poor guy has suffered and been blamed enough due to what you did to me.”

“What did I do to you? I made you into an angel in heaven, and not just any old angel like Caitlin, but an elite Guardian Angel, a privilege few souls could even dream of. Given everyone is a sinner, one is lucky even to get into heaven.”

“You shot me! And You even fucked that up! How I suffered in those final minutes, dying and knowing I was dying! You ask me to worship You as The Creator? You’ve created nothing but havoc!”

“You were on a ‘Boondock Saints’ operation at the time. Just remember in who’s name The Saints act for. My beloved Son went through crucifixion, your few minutes suffering is nothing in comparison to what He went through.”

“But He’s Your Son, He’s God, He has the capacity to take it.”

“Don’t you elevate My Son to divinity when it suits you. You get yourself a god but every time you do that you diminish the man, and what He suffered as a man.” Brilliant, rehash Il Duce’s insight about Bloomy and then clobber her with it, perfect! The Man felt very pleased about twisting Il Duce’s thoughts to win an argument against Bloom and it appeared to have worked, she looked down and did not answer. If He could keep the momentum going perhaps He could push her over the edge and force her to back down and see sense;

“Look Bloom, I’m asking you, right, I’m telling you…, fuck it, you have to do as I say! I created you, you are in My image…..”

“Oh no I’m not.” Eunice cut Him dead, “This piece of ass…” She gestured to herself, “is not in the image of You, old man, and a good job too….” She stuck her chin out defiantly, “You couldn’t carry it off!”

The Man clenched his fist to His forehead. Just when He thought He had her on the ropes, she sucker punched Him with her acerbic wit;

“This is no joke Bloom, you don’t appear to appreciate the peril you are in.”

“Laughing is much more preferable to crying, and I’ve done too much of the latter up here.”

“My poor deluded child, you stand at the edge of the abyss, do you really want to be cast into it? Don‘t you know who I really am? I can dissemble you atom by atom, particle by particle, I can destroy you! Or should I leave you intact and cast you into hell to suffer for eternity with your friend Lucifer since you’re so determined to join him in defying me? Will I do that Bloom?”

“No.”

“No? Why shouldn’t I?”

“Because You love me.”

The Man was all of a sudden at sea, He hadn’t expected that reply and struggled to come up with something to counter it;

“Well, that’s just laughable, what do I care about you, you’re nothing….”

“My Lord, You demean Yourself by denying it. It doesn’t become You to lie.”

“Fucking hell, this is totally fucked, this situation. You are an impossible woman!”

“I want to be the impossible woman. I want to go back.” She had done it again, another razor sharp answer striking at His heart.

“Why do you want to go back to earth anyway? You are much better off and safer up here in heaven. Do you know why? Within your lifetime if you still had it, once the A.I. Singularity is reached, it will advance at an exponential rate so the human race is fucked whichever way you look at it. You will either be enslaved or exterminated like so many parasites, so much for your precious earthly life. For My part I shall find this fascinating because as humans will experience it, they shall have an A.I. god to rival Me.”

“Then while it lasts let me have it, A.I. Singularity or not, I deserve to face it along with the rest of the human race as I would’ve done if it wasn’t for Your cruel intervention. While it lasts there is still worthwhile work I can do. Your Son is a carpenter, I am an FBI Special Agent.”

“So you want to be a G-Woman again? You’re already a G-Woman as you’re one of My angels, you’re a God-Woman!”

“Thanks but no thanks, I’m not happy here.”

“You mean you really expect to return to the FBI? That’s not practicably possible. Even if you could go back you could never be on any FBI payroll, how would that work?”

“Of course it can work, all You have to do is put the clock back to the last few moments of the gunfight at Bantams. Keep Your greasy little mitts to Yourself and let the timeline progress as it should’ve done, simple!”

“Simple as that? Well that’s where you’re totally fucking wrong, Bloom. There’s nothing simple about it. I can’t fuck with the timeline to that extent, put it back eighteen months? Don’t you know the consequences of that? Just think of all the millions upon millions of people that have been born all over the world in those eighteen months, can you really expect Me to just wipe them out?”

“What are You on about? They would all still be born just the same?”

“No they fucking wouldn’t! You’re supposed to be so fucking smart? Well start acting like it! Molecular matter doesn’t work like that. Think about it, when a woman just happens to ovulate, and then it just happens to get fertilised by a male sperm, one of millions perfectly able to fulfil the task, already you are contemplating trillions to the trillions of variables that brought that one piece of creation into being. Turn the clock back by eighteen months and none of those people will exist.”

“But you will get millions of other people instead,” Eunice knew The Man was right and just said that to put off admitting it.

“Yes you will, correct. You get millions of new souls but you annihilate those which were already there. That can’t be morally right.”

“Who are You to talk to me about morals, after what You did to me?”

“Correct again, Bloomy! I did wrong, but doing what you ask is wrong too. Two wrongs never made a right. You’ve heard of the ‘Butterfly Effect’? Many people scoff at the idea but on a molecular, atomic and subatomic level it fundamentally exists, everything interconnects with everything else all at the same time. I simply can’t do all the exponentially off the scale computations.”

“You’re God, You can do it, put every particle in the entire universe where it should’ve been if You hadn’t fucked with things at Bantams.”

“No I can’t. So far I have mentioned human reproduction, but what about all the other factors affecting the outcome of everything? The sea is full of water sloshing about doing it’s own thing, the air is full of wind in similar mode, all the other animals and plants, fuck it, the entire planet is subject to internal and external dynamics such as volcanism and the solar wind. It can’t be unravelled, it’s all a chaotic mess! However, leaving all that to one side, I think you need to contemplate what is actually at play within the higher levels I operate in. Analyse this, it’s mind blowing when you think about the entire thirteen and a half billion year timeline of the universe, have you ever thought what are the chances over that time period of you……. being you? The six billion souls on earth have to be filled by somebody and although infinitesimally improbable, why shouldn’t one of them be filled by you? Each and every one of you, think how lucky you are to be you, right here right now. Life abounds on earth, from trillions upon trillions of single cell organisms to the blue whale, not forgetting all the plant life, every tree and blade of grass, and yet, there you are, a human and again, not just any old human like someone living in complete ignorance in the Dark Ages or before, but one which resides in the 21st Century with a high level of intelligence and consciousness, and not forgetting all the technology which enables you with enhanced knowledge to access and appreciate it all. Even looking at relatively recent Earth history, if a huge meteor hadn’t wiped out the dinosaurs, humans wouldn’t exist anyway, but how far do you want to go back?, why did the earth form in the first place, the material could quite easily have been used to form some other world, dead to life like Venus, or in some other worthless solar system in another galaxy of no living consequence. So there lies the question, over thirteen and a half billion years given everything interacts with everything else, what are the chances of you……. being you? And what are the chances of you being you, right here right now, in this time and place about to face the mighty A.I. Singularity? Get the algorithm going Bloom, do the math.”

Eunice ran the question over in her head several times as instructed;

“The math? It doesn’t add up. It has to be some sort of contrivance.”

“Oh, a contrivance?”

“Yeah, just like that ridiculous fucking contraption of a moon which happens to sit perfectly within the disc of the sun.” Eunice appeared deflated by the expanse of the orbit The Man was asking her to contemplate, His colossal intellect was beating down on her;

“The math does add up but you just don’t see it. You know scripture, Bloom; ‘every hair on your head is counted’.” The Man was in His ‘Ultra-God’ mode lauding it over the simple soul. Yes, it was working, she was subdued and silent,…………………….. then;

“So the fuck what?” Eunice shrugged, “Okay!”

“Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha!” The Man couldn’t help but fall back in the throne, the way the deep heavy conversation had been suddenly punctured, “That’s the Bloom woman, always with an answer to everything!” He said for the benefit of the still present imaginary audience, “Keep doing the math Bloom, always do the math. What you’re asking can’t be done or it’ll be too dangerous, we’ll probably generate some diabolical paradox that’ll implode the whole universe. I did you wrong Eunice…,” He called her Eunice, He never did that! “…I inflicted the worst injustice upon you imaginable, and yet I cannot undo it for the sake of everything else.”

Eunice stayed silent while she weighed up everything that had just been said to her. The Man was right, it was unworkable to do what she was asking. So compromise…;

“I have some math of my own for You, My Lord, some logic and an algorithm for You to process. You have done me wrong. What was done cannot be completely undone, but You owe it to me to undo it as far as You can. You will send me back.”

“Are you still wearing those fucking ear plugs? Haven’t you listened to a word I’ve said? You can’t go back, you’ll wreck the timeline with potentially cataclysmic consequences.”

“I took out those five assassins sent against me, I earned to keep my life on earth, so give it back to me! That’s all I’m asking so I don’t want to affect Your precious timeline. Send me back now, there’s no time like the present.”

“Hey, no-no-no-no-no-no!” The Man laughed shaking His head, “That’s never going to work. You mean you’re going to step out of the shower all ‘Bobby fucking Ewing’ and say ‘Hi y’all, fooled you! I’m not really dead!’.” Eunice thought for a moment taking a sideways look up at the ceiling and pursing her lips;

“Yep, that’s about the long and short of it. It’s no skin off my nose. I’ve got no problem with telling everyone on earth exactly what happened. I’ll tell everyone You viciously murdered me and then were shamed into resurrecting me. Then we can all curse You and be damned.”

“Get outa here! There’s no way I’ll let you drag My good name into disrepute.”

“You’re already in disrepute and on a massive scale. Everyone hates You and wilfully condemns You on every street corner on earth. They all curse You for Your non-interventionist hell of a creation.”

“No, that’s a lie. The world is full of churches full of people kneeling and worshiping Me.”

“A dwindling band of fools if ever there was! Nobody with any sense likes You, even your own Son is not on speaking terms with You at the moment so I’ve heard.”

“What? How dare you talk to Me about such personal matters! Do you know what a bitch you are? Someone asking to be resurrected? That hasn’t happened for two thousand years, someone telling Me to go fuck Myself?, that hasn’t happened since Lucifer! Who the hell are you to say such things?”

“You will do the math, the logic and the algorithm as set. You will undo the wrong You did to me as best You can. You will send me back.” Eunice’s terms were unequivocal.

“What you’re asking is too much, you can’t be made such a special case! What the fuck makes you so important?”

“The logic stands, keep that algorithm running, You must put right the wrong You did to me as best You can. You will send me back.”

Eunice refused to quit in ramming it home. The Man at last let out a heavy sigh and then He said;

“You will do nothing down there to bring My name or the name of My Son into disrepute. You will keep a low profile and not draw attention to yourself…..” What did He say? Eunice’s heart missed a beat, then began race away, He was going to do it, He was going to send her back! “….. I will get Gabriel to inform the Vatican of your imminent return. Cardinal Carrovaldi shall remain your handler though I’m fucked if I know what he’s supposed to do with you when you arrive, otherwise you will be free to do good works in the name of My Son as you see fit. I presume you will pick up where you left off with the Boondock Saints?” Eunice only just about caught her breath to answer, she was so overtaken by the news;

“Yes My Lord, that and helping Special Agent Kuntsler and his department at the Boston Bureau.”

“You reckon? I said low profile, remember, try and keep it discreet. Why do you want to help old Cunty anyway?, he as good as beat you up.”

“I am an FBI Agent and I will do FBI investigative work again.”

“No you’re not, remember what I said about the FBI payroll. You can act as an FBI Agent if you wish, but in your heart only. Nevertheless, talking of payrolls and jobs, Gabriel was partially correct in calling our meeting here a job interview because there is a specific job on offer. I know you came here to negotiate and compromise as necessary, so then let us both compromise. You want a flesh and blood mortal body?”

“Yes, to be alive and living on earth, more than anything .” Eunice confirmed her deepest desire.

“Okay, the image of you now will be made flesh and you shall live amongst them, however, there are strings attached….”

“Go on, hit me.”

“You will be flesh and blood but you will be an angel too, conditional on your return will be that you must take up your wings again and the divine power that attaches to them.”

“That is not undoing what was done”, Eunice declined, “that is something additional, I can’t agree to that.”

“Yes You will, compromise remember, and I think I am right insisting on that condition. Where’s the harm Eunice? Just think how much more effective you’ll be in your mission with the powers of an angel to hand?”

“Purely on the basis that it will help me in my work, I agree since you have made it conditional. I am determined to return!” Eunice and The Man knew the last statement had only been partially truthful, she missed being an angel and all the wonderful things it entailed.

“Negotiation and compromise! Easy isn’t it when you try? Think of it, a mortal and yet an angel too. I can confirm there has never been one like you before if you accept, you will be the first, special, hence your new job title ‘Special Angel Eunice Bloom’.”

“Special Angel Eunice Bloom.” She repeated the title, “Yes, I think I like that!”

“And the rest of the conditions!”

“Oh whatever now? What else do You want?”

“Special Angel Eunice Bloom will be your primary title which reflects the special nature of your earthly operations, however, I will expect you to come up to heaven on a regular basis and report to me your activities. Due to this I want you to take up all your previous honorary titles, and just in case you’ve forgotten them, they are; Guardian Agent Eunice, The Silver Lady, and The Sheriff, here catch!”

The Silver Lady

Eunice caught the heavy brass Sheriff’s badge in midair and then made to put it in her pocket.

“No, not there!” The Man stopped her, “Put it on your lapel, no!, better still, on the waistcoat over your heart.”

“God, You are an asshole.” Eunice remarked as she pushed the ugly blunt pin into the pristine material of her new suit.

“Hey! Show me some respect for all I’m doing for you. I’m having those Colt Walkers bored out to take modern shells like you suggested. You can pick them up when they’re done.” Eunice wasn’t particularly interested in the pistols, her attention was fully employed on the matter of getting herself earthbound. “Special Angel Eunice Bloom, do we have a deal?” The Man stood up and concealed his Dolly-esque crossed fingers behind His back. Eunice appeared to be taking her time in making the decision, then;

“Do we have a deal?” She reiterated the question to herself, “Like I said, You ’re an asshole.”

“Whey-hey!” The Man threw up His arms in celebration, “Welcome back on board. Surely everything is for the best now! We couldn’t have continued like we were for much longer, you and Me falling out and everything, it was so unnatural. Huh, talking of unnatural, to think you’ll now have two bodies, as you are now made flesh, and the old one entombed in Etruria.”

“Leave her to rest, the good woman,” Eunice began to think about the contribution of her former shell, “I may owe my existence to You but all my life experiences I owe to her. God, she worked hard all through her short life, her training, her FBI investigative work, her Team Saints operations, and she played hard too. She loved her life as lived out in that body, the skeleton, the muscles, her heart, the lungs which You punctured, and her brain from which stems all the deductive processes and the salvation of a city, My Lord, she did her duty! Let her rest, and I shall stand shoulder to shoulder with my father when we place flowers on her tombstone and irrigate the soil over her with our tears.”

“Oh Eunice!” The Man cringed, “You can’t do that over your own grave, that’s sick!”

“I owe so much to that woman, and so do many of her friends. Although lost to decay and corruption, we love her.” Eunice was resolute.

“Jeez, she means that much to you? Wait a minute…… Ah-ha-ha-ha!” The Man threw back His head almost hysterical at the joy of the ‘can-do’ solution entering His mind, “You don’t need to be made flesh and blood as you are now, you can have her back!”

“That’s not possible, what about what You said about the timeline?” Eunice was puzzled.

“The timeline isn’t affected! You can have her back in the present!”

“Whoa-whoa-whoa, hang on there just a moment. After eighteen months in the hot southern Etrurian soil, I don’t think she’s going to be in exactly great condition, no matter what the Boston morgue people did to spruce her up!”

“Don’t you understand Eunice, I can repair her, as good as the day you died. I can do it, trust Me, and I really can, it’s child’s play for Me, thank God there’s a part of all this mess that can be sorted easily! Let’s resurrect her, repair her and then you can jump straight back into her. For you to be reunited with your own body again and living as you were, the joy of it!”

“Oh I see, Habeas Corpus, so let’s get the fuck on with it then.” Eunice was swayed by The Man’s argument, “I’m not too taken with the idea of there being two of me, even if one happens to be dead.”

“Remember Eunice, I am trying to put right the wrong I did as best I can with regards your flesh and blood body. I shall repair everything apart from the bullet scar on your chest, let that be My mark upon you in recognition of your journey to heaven and your return to earth. As My Son wears the marks of His crucifixion with pride, so will you yours.”

“I want to retain my scar, it is like an old friend and I wouldn’t feel complete without it now.”

“Great! Surely you know this is the best solution, and you want to be reunited with the lady again, don’t you?”

“Yes, more than anything…. Uh-hh!” Eunice stifled a laugh, “I’ll be like Smecker now. We’re both officially dead with fake empty tombs!”

“Not quite, Smecker’s tomb was never inhabited.”

“Who cares? What’s more important is how am I to live? I may have the powers of an angel but my flesh and blood body will still need feeding, clothing and sheltering. You said I couldn’t go back on the FBI payroll, so what am I to do with no salary coming in?”

“Well that’s fucking rich! My Son when He was on earth had nothing, not even a place to lay His head. What was good enough for Him….”

“But I’m a high maintenance girl!”

“Yeah, right, let me see… I know, there will always be forty bucks in your purse, I guarantee it.”

“That’s not very much, how can I live on that?”

“If you want that Coco Chanel handbag for $2,000? Do the math, you’ll just have to open your purse fifty times!”

“Don’t fuck with me…”

“You will be provided for, don’t worry about that aspect of your return. I think I will ask Cardinal Carrovaldi to take you onto the Vatican payroll as My representative in an ambassadorial role, how does that grab you?”

“That sounds very generous, thank You. Oh I can’t wait now, just get me down there so I can strut my stuff!”

“No cowgirl outfits!”

“Who, me?” Eunice put on a little innocent pout.

“You’ll dress professionally as My personal representative when you’re down there, Special Angel Bloom, dress as you are now on official business, wear your FBI Suits for fucks sake!” Then as an afterthought, “Go on then, wear the fucking six inch heels if you must!”

“It ain’t perfect but I’m very satisfied with the deal we’ve just agreed.” Eunice offered to shake the hand of The Man who accepted it;

“I’m just so glad we are buddies again, I couldn’t cope with it, not being friends and you need your God as a friend. I couldn’t get that Sparks song ‘This town ain’t big enough for the both of us’ out of My head since we fell out, I think it’s time now for another Sparks song.”

“What might that be?”

“The No. 1 song in Heaven.”

“What is the number one song in heaven?” Eunice felt it was good to talk to The Man again informally, just as a friend.

“Setting aside the obvious answer of ‘The No. 1 song in Heaven’ by The Sparks, the song can be anything you fucking like, that’s the beauty of it. Request your song dear Eunice, My Sparkangel …..”

Eunice couldn’t think of a song, she had been so tied up with her ongoing feud with The Man she had barely listened to any music since it all blew up. Then it came to her;

“David Bowie’s ‘Heroes’.”

“That’s an interesting choice, Eunice, released a bit before your adolescence but nevertheless a timeless classic. What made you choose that?”

“I don’t know, it just came to me, it just feels somehow right.”

“I’ll make sure it gets blanket airtime on Radio Heaven, hey, I’ll even fix it so that it goes to No. 1 in the chart, then it really will be ‘The No. 1 Song in Heaven’!”

“Fuck it! Why do You have to cheat at everything?” Eunice was not grateful for the particular offer this time, “This game You play where You can bend the rules at will?”

“I want to play by the rules Eunice, but the game gets harder at every progressive level.” The Man made His excuses, “Let’s not start arguing again, surely we’ve done enough of that to last eternity? Anyway, before we finish off, is there one last thing you will do for Me?” The Man remembered what Il Duce had advised Him to try with Eunice.

“Yet another one of Your darn conditions?” Eunice raised an eyebrow.

“Absolutely! You will do this for Me and make an old Man happy? Come here My girl and let Me embrace you.” Eunice nodded her assent and held her arms apart inviting The Man to take her up.

It was decision time for The Man, should He just merely embrace or instigate the other deviant idea? Il Duce sat on one shoulder telling Him to embrace the girl with genuine loving affection, Lucifer sat on the other, goading Him to take advantage of the situation, after all, He was God, wasn’t it His prerogative after all the trouble she had caused Him? She needed to be taught a lesson, go on, forget being just a crummy avatar for once, give her the 'Real Thing’!

Lucifer won.

As The Man took her in His arms, He kissed her forehead. Trustingly and affectionately, she then put her head on His chest and her arms around His waist. He heard her exhale as she relaxed with closed eyes within the gentle act.

“Come here you little speck of stardust that you are…” He muttered as He rested his chin down onto her head, ‘Hmmmm…..’ her soft femininity, “There’s My girl…..”

Then He went for it, the meld.

He poured His higher dimensions omnipresence into Eunice, filling up all the space-time between her atoms and even at the subatomic level, washing every particle with Himself, the densest and heaviest of substances, pure solid light.

No words can adequately describe what Eunice experienced being melded with the essence of God but He was most satisfied to experience her complete ecstasy in the event horizon of His unsurpassable ultra divinity, it was tantamount to knowing the Supreme Being in all His forms. To crush her with such omnipresent power, she would love Him forever now.

He kept it up, pouring and pouring, disintegrate every particle, wash it, reintegrate it, do it again. The God plasma in the higher dimensions was flowing in perfect harmony with the woman, so let it flow, flow and flow. In it’s stabilised and perfect state, strobing in equilibrium, everything about it was so right ………………………… A fluctuation …………….……….. Now an unexpected ripple …………………..…….. An anomaly!

He was The Creator wasn’t He? To think there were things within His creation that might be beyond His control? Never! Something was coming back through!

“No, stop, stop it!” He desperately tried to break the meld but it wouldn’t release Him, “No! No,…. please….. Get away!!”

With every vestige of His power He managed to just about break free and push Eunice onto the floor. He turned, stumbled up the steps and managed to slump down into the throne.

“You…., you devil-woman!” His eyes bored down into Eunice, sitting on the marble floor looking up at Him, strangely with a completely neutral expression on her face, given the beyond unique experience she had been subjected to. Now He turned away unable to look her in the eye;

“You have your wings, you have your ministry, go…, go now!” __________________________________________________

Gabriel grabbed up the questionnaire as Eunice ran out towards the throne room. Right away to his fury he noticed she hadn’t bothered to fill it in. He thumbed through it back to front, completely blank….. Oh fuck! He had printed out the ‘Instructions to Assessors’ on the back page! What an idiot he was, rushing to get it printed off that morning and not even looking at it! Nevertheless, perhaps this was all for the best, Bloom’s refusal to attempt any of the questions was a fail of the test so on that basis he would be recommending to The Man that she should not be appointed. He dumped the questionnaire back onto the table and went back out onto the landing where he discovered Bloom had already gone into the throne room. Guardian Angel Greenly was pacing nervously up and down outside;

“How did the aptitude test go Gabriel, okay I hope?”

“Just fine.”

After twenty minutes, Greenly could stand it no longer;

“You ought to get in there Gabriel, He could be in there all touching her and shit!”

“Right, you’ve escorted that bitch up here, you’ve done your job, now you can fuck off!” The Archangel had seen enough, Greenly’s constant pacing was now making him nervous.

“Fuck you! I need to be here when she comes out so I can escort her down.”

“No you don’t. If He appoints her, which will happen over my damnation, she can make her own way down, if He doesn’t then I shall have the great pleasure of throwing her over the balcony. Go on, get lost!”

“Throw her where?…. You can’t……”

“Go on, get out.” Gabriel pulled rank over the other angel, “If you don’t go I’ll kick you out of the Angelic Civil Service and de-wing you, you can kiss goodbye to your precious Ferrari Diablo then, you fuck-head.”

“Fuck you, you arse-licking fucking gimp!” Greenly made his displeasure known but nevertheless made for the elevator. With Greenly out of the way, Gabriel could wait in peace for the outcome without distraction. What were they doing in there?, come on, hurry up!

It was with relief after waiting for quite some time Gabriel saw the handle move down and the door open. Out stepped Bloom, and yet not Bloom.

Fuck! She had her wings, The Man had appointed her after all, fuck it! An angel, but……….no! Impossible! This angel outranked him! But there was no rank above Archangel!

“What are you?” Gabriel began to tremble.

“I am The Spechangel Eunice.” She stated her new primary title. Gabriel stepped backwards in awe;

‘Think you shit-head, your career!’.

He at once fell to his knees, dropped his head and drew his fully extended wings forward in homage, it was as if he were one of the angels on the lid of The Arc of The Covenant;

“My Lady, what at your pleasure may I humbly bid to do for you?” He spoke low into the gap between his wings.

“Go into the throne room and see to The Man’s needs.”

The Man heard the door open. Oh no, please don’t let her come back, don’t let her see Him in this broken state…;

“You!”

“My Lord……. My Lord……” Gabriel came forward bowing and scraping, “What happened?”

“Go and get Il Duce up here, NOW!!!”

_____________________________________________________

“Of all the dirty underhand fucking things….” The Man accused Poppa as he approached the throne, “You tricked Me!”

“My Lord, in what way have I tricked You?” Poppa was eager and under quite some stress to find out what he was being brought to book for.

“The Bloom woman! You told Me to embrace her, and now look at what has happened!”

“What did You do to her? Did You rape her?, You bastard!” Poppa now became the accuser.

“No, nothing like that, I instigated a meld, I thought I would reveal to her My higher dimensional Self, I supposed she would experience something beyond human comprehension and pleasure, naturally I hoped she would love and adore Me for it.”

“And did You ask her consent for that?”

“I am God, the Alpha and the Omega, I don’t need to ask permission….”

“Yes You fucking do!” Poppa couldn’t control his anger now. How many more times was that poor girl to be abused? “I advised You to hold her in a simple embrace and experience her gentle femininity, but of course, You can’t fucking do anything in moderation, can You? You’ve got to go for the big spectacular deal. As You said, this meld is beyond what I or any other human can comprehend, but whatever it was, I for one am glad it backfired on You, a bad trip indeed. I warned You about mistreating Eunice and how it would rebound on You but You wouldn’t listen, it seems You got Your just deserts!”

“No! You’re wrong, Il Duce, you’re so wrong! That’s just it, it wasn’t bad. Something came back like a lightening bolt in slow motion, it was good, so good, calm and gentle, she touched Me here.” The Man placed His right hand over His heart, “Something melted.”

“Ah-ha-ha, something melted in the meld!” Poppa laughed at the thought, “Would it be that uncaring heart of stone of Yours? Perhaps I’m wrong. It maybe that if you mistreat her she still might be good for you anyway, that was certainly the case with Kuntsler, whether it will happen in relation to Harbinger, that remains to be seen. Needless to say, You didn’t expect that to happen during the meld?”

“No, of course not. I was in complete control and I expected to be, this anomaly in the Firmament came as a complete shock to Me, to not be in control of any part of this plane of reality, it has never happened before.”

“It would appear My Lord, that God does indeed move in mysterious ways after all, in this matter it seems that You have unintentionally bit Yourself in the arse! Seriously though, it pleases me to think You have genuinely come to love the true woman, now You can appreciate her unique and real worth, and from now on do it selflessly. You must have invested immense power and energy into the meld, think not what it has done to Eunice but what it has done for You, such an enormous investment has generated the requisite return, has it not?”

The Man digested what had been said in silence. Poppa now felt some urgency to find out what had happened after the meld. Had The Man destroyed her, or had the event also backfired on Eunice causing irreparable damage?

“Where is Eunice?” Poppa asked after his dear friend.

“I told her to leave the throne room. I don’t care where she is at present but we came to an arrangement for her to be resurrected and returned to earth.”

“I had hoped You would agree to that, even so, since everyone below thinks she is dead, how is it supposed to work?”

“I haven’t the faintest fucking idea! I’ve told her to report to Cardinal Carrovaldi at the Vatican but I know she won’t stay there long. Sooner or later she’ll turn up in Boston determined to take up her old life where she left it, getting mixed up with your precious sons and that crazy Mexican no doubt.”

“Where’s the harm in that? It’s still Your operation?” Poppa felt joy plus huge relief at the news.

“No harm at all I guess, she may be returning as flesh and blood but take note, part of the deal was that she should return as an angel too with the ability to wield all necessary divine power as she sees fit.”

“That’s madness. Now that’s something that simply cannot work!”

“Yes it can. I’ve created a new type of angel for the purpose, a ‘Special Angel’ or ‘Spechangel’ if you like and Eunice is the first. Initially I knew she wasn’t interested but I was determined that she should take up her wings again, to not have J-Be as one of My angels? Unacceptable!”

“What a fucking mash-up.” Poppa expressed his reservations, “How are people on earth going to react when they recognise it’s her?”

“I don’t fucking know and by this stage I don’t fucking care!” The Man related His weariness, “I’ve had enough of this ongoing mess, the Bloom woman, falling out with My elite team of Guardian Angels. Fuck those idiots on earth, they can deal with her as they find her!”

“Putting the matter of Eunice to one side, I’m glad myself, Rocco and Greenly are back in the fold and serving Our Lord in our proper place. We were wondering though, are You still thinking about closing down Rocco’s? I pray that You will reconsider, Team Saints and the Guardian Angels, we need to see one another on a regular basis, not forgetting Eunice who after what You have just told me will be inhabiting both worlds.”

“That fucking place! Why did I ever agree to setting it up? I even ended up being physically assaulted in there, and we all know who by, don’t we Il Duce?”

“We need to move on and let’s stop dwelling on old wounds…” It was Poppa’s turn now to hold his fingers crossed behind his back.

“Okay, the bar stays open, but there’s going to have to be some rules laid down, it’s totally out of hand what’s going on down there night after night. I’m going to get Gabriel to draft up some regulations to govern the premises.”

“There’s no need to! Rocco has already come up with some regulations of his own! He calls them ‘The Ten Commandments’. Do You want to know what they are?” Poppa helpfully offered.

“Not now, I don’t want think about such trivia after all this business concerning Eunice Bloom,” The Man looked thoroughly fed up, “just tell Rocco to lodge his bar-rules with Gabriel so he can enter them in the Constitution.”

[specialangeleunicebloom3-blog]

17

Chapter 17: Made in U.S.A: S.A.E.B.

1 a.m. FBI Office Building, Boston.

John sat at his desk with only the one lamp on, snowed under in files, the last agent remaining. No end in sight, he couldn’t crack the Zamudio case try as he might. A particularly nasty New York war that had spilled over the state line into Boston, lots of body-bags, too much work.

‘Whooosh! …… Whooosh!……’.

What the fuck? John wildly looked around his office then something caught his eye, falling;

‘Plapp!’

A huge white feather dropped onto the mess of paperwork right in front of him. Where in heaven had that come from?

Presently he heard footsteps, click.., click.., click.., staccatos steady and rhythmic coming along the corridor outside his office. There was a knock at the door. Who could it be at this time of night? John unclipped the gun retaining strap on his hip holster just in case.

“Come in.” He granted access. The door opened and in the dim light silhouetted by the door frame a familiar figure now stood;

Fuck! That was… it couldn’t be… The necklace he had repaired and the flag pin given to her daughter by the President glinted through the shadows. She had probably come to kill him given the lateness of the hour. She had taken her time to make the decision but it was right that she above anyone else should do this. So much for unclipping the holster strap, he would let her do it such was his present hellish existence, that and the unresolved guilt. Justice at last, go girl!

“Mrs Bloom…., Beatrice? What are you doing here?….” His voice choked off. Oh no, no, no! This wasn’t Mrs 90%, this was the 100%, ‘The Real Thing!’

“Eunice…”

He whispered in disbelief as she walked out of the shadows over to him.

“Hello John, how are you?” She said almost in anticlimax. It was all there, the smart dark blue two piece jacket and pencil skirt, the pure white silk blouse, the silver Para LDA in the crotch holster, the immaculate blonde hair perfectly pinned in a professional ‘up’ style, beautiful smiling Eunice eyes, and of course, the shoes! But was it really her? Or was she just a dream, a wish fulfilment fabricated by John’s subconscious? His tired and befuddled brain would not accept the evidence;

“No Eunice, it’s not you, it can’t be you, you died, you were buried. Whatever the fuck you are, you’re an impostor, you’re not real!”

“But I am real, John.” Eunice sincerely smiled at him, “I’ve come back to help you, you’re in such a dark place, please let me help you, don’t push me away.” John put his face in his hands to blot out the image standing over him. When he took his hands away she would be gone, he was hallucinating, these late nights, the coke, he was fucked. He took his hands away. Nope, she was still there, looking down at him with such benevolent compassion, almost enough to make him disintegrate.

John stood up and moved around the desk to where Eunice was standing. He reached out with trembling hands and gently held her head. He then turned it slightly to his left;

“Sweet Jesus!” He let out. The mole just below the outer corner of her left eye seemed to be there. To make sure it was real he touched it with his forefinger. Now he glanced down at her neck;

“No…. this doesn’t make any sense!” There was the other distinctive mole slightly off centre. This too he touched to make sure it had substance and wasn’t some sort of trick sent to fool him. Now the other distinguishing mark, the sign of her martyrdom. John moved her right blouse lapel to one side.

“Don’t John, there’s no need…” She said quietly.

There it was under her collar bone, the entry wound of the bullet fragment. Again he placed his fingers upon it to confirm its existence. But to completely clinch it for himself he felt compelled to do one last thing. He pushed his hand this time inside the left lapel of her blouse. Was this manifestation a mere ghost, cold and devoid of all life? He had to know.

“Oh you silly foolish man, stop this, please…” she spoke intimately to him as he felt it, the gentle undulation of the pulse under his palm. John had his hand to the warmest, safest and most loving place in the universe.

Small woman’s heart, infinite woman’s love. The heart of Boston has returned and it beats again!

“My God,” John felt uncontrollable tears welling up, “It is you….”

“You believe now?” Eunice enquired in her little matter-of-fact way, so her, “Looks like you’ve got your big paws all over me once again John, isn’t it about time you changed?!”

Then it struck him, the presence of the necklace and the flag pin could only mean one thing. The baby girl had to have been home to her mother to retrieve them. Would it ever stop, being emotionally crushed by this woman?

“Eunice, my Eunice,” the man’s big shoulders began to quake with overwhelming emotion, “This past year I have missed you, I have missed you so much, I can’t stand it, I can’t cope…” His big arms swept up Eunice and he held her close, he was sobbing helplessly onto her shoulder, “It’s Marianne, she left me!”

“Well then we’ll have to get her back.” She put her arms around him and pulled hard.

“Not a chance, she won’t answer my calls.”

“Then get somebody else. Look, once I help you with work, your personal life will sort itself out as it did before, you know that. Come on John, let’s work on the Zamudio case together, we can crack it, just like the old days! Put some coffee on, I’ll go through all the files, fresh eyes an’ all, no time like the present. Let’s do it!”

This seemed to bring John to his senses. With Eunice on board, things would work out, he was certain. He felt a whole lot better as they spent the remaining hours till dawn going through all the evidence together. John remained stuck to his chair as Eunice systematically reviewed and took in all the evidence over the following hours. She unpinned her hair and shook it loose falling in waves to caress her, she stood up numerous times, clicked up and down the office in her skyscraper heels, her boundless enthusiasm and discourse with John. She was funny, witty, decisive, analytical, reflective, beautiful. She hadn’t changed a bit, it really was her!

“Right, first the basics.” announced Eunice after she had covered everything.  She began to pace back and forth as she related her thoughts on the case to John, “That informant fucker Melendez obviously hasn’t told you everything, he’s holding out on you and playing for both sides on the pitch. You need to lean on him and make sure what you’ve already got on him count. He’ll plea bargain, it’s a cert. Do you really believe his wife will stand by him John? Take her downstairs and show her one of the holding cells and she’ll turn state’s evidence, trust me John, it’s called women’s intuition. The additional evidence you get from Melendez and his old lady will be decisive, I know it. Desist with the Creighton witness, he’s shit personified, I wouldn’t let him near the stand, defence will bury him and the case with him, he’s got too much previous to be credible. So what else is there? My gut instinct is that the weapons used came in from the former Yugoslavia. You could try Interpol ballistics but regardless of any joy there, it’s a hallmark of the Sergiyev Cartel to use such former communist shit, a particular group of Boston businessmen you so far haven’t considered. Take it as read John, work these angles and it will snowball. A little inside knowledge from ‘upstairs’ goes a long way, I guarantee it.” Eunice stopped her pacing and faced the seated John , “And that Special Agent Kuntsler is the sound of the fat lady singing….” She spun round in a little twirl the way she always did, “Or if you like, I just need to go and powder my nose!”

John watched her walk through the door, 06:45 a.m. People were starting to arrive for work. Eunice didn’t come back, she had melted into air, thin air leaving not a racke behind.

John and his agents worked the angles, everything quickly fell into place, the bad guys went down. Result. Nonetheless, this wasn’t the end of John’s renewed working relationship with Eunice, she would come back and work on other cases with him from time to time as required, always at night but at least with these follow up visits, she forewarned him in advance of her impending appearance.

______________________________________________________

Late in the evening the doorbell of Kiersky’s apartment rang. He opened the door and to his astonishment was confronted by… Eunice!

“Hey you!” Was all he could manage as he grabbed her to him, gorgeous, soft and lovely.

“Hey you.” She gently replied.

“How? … Why? …” Jack demanded as he released her. It was if nothing had changed from the time they used to go on their little clandestine excursions into the dark underbelly of the city. She stood as if ready for the next outing in her smart black trench-coat, her beautiful hair tumbling all over it’s shoulders as it always had;

“Take it as another miracle Jack!” She smiled at him. “I’m no longer tied just to Rocco’s Bar if I want to see any of you guys, so how do you like that!”

“I think I like that very much! Stay all you want, be my guest!”

“No can do Jack, I’m going out now to check something on behalf of The Saints, I’ll be needing my car.”

“Well, it is your car…” Jack surrendered it back to the true owner without hesitation and tossed her the key, “Can I come too?” Eunice gave Jack a noncommittal look which was to be expected given the outcome of their last joint venture;

“No.” Came the abrupt reply. Jack was disappointed but fully understood the decision, “Be seeing you!”

“Yeah, I understand, be seeing you too, Eunice.”

Eunice turned and walked away a few steps as Jack stayed at the door watching, then something brushed against his leg;

“Daddy, who is the beautiful woman?”

On hearing the tiny voice, Eunice immediately spun around and rushed back to the door to seize the little one up into her arms;

“Aaaaaahhh!! Isn’t she lovely! Hmmm…, she’s got that soft slept in bed smell to her….”

The child was inescapably drawn to the warm smiling face of the angel, especially the captivating eyes. The little girl placed her small palms on the top of Eunice’s cheeks so that she could gaze into the eyes from a perfect vantage point;

“Are you Queen Elsa from ‘Frozen’?”

“Ah-ha-ha-ha!” Eunice pulled her head away breaking facial contact, “Don’t kids say the most ridiculously funny things, my niece and nephew are exactly the same! No, it’s you, my little star, you’re the Queen from ‘Frozen’!”

“What’s going on out here?” Eunice saw the face of Jack’s wife appear in the doorway, “Excuse me, my daughter if you please…” She scowled at Eunice showing her disapproval of the ultra-family show of affection as she pulled the child out of the stranger’s arms.

“Mummy, is that my new teacher?”

“Hestaire! Get back into that bed before I skin you alive!” The child was roughly grounded before her pyjama top was grabbed and used to pull her back inside the doorway where she then scurried off back to her bed.

“Amy, don’t be like that in front of…”

“She gets it from you!” Jack felt the lash of his wife’s tongue.

Eunice thought it would be easy to condemn the woman for her rough treatment of the child but to look at her stressed and tired face, four children to look after in a cramped apartment, how supportive a father was Jack?, and a marriage that had all but failed except for on paper, the woman was at the limits of her endurance. Eunice knew how hard every evening it was to put her niece and nephew to bed and keep them there, she often wondered how her poor harassed sister Clarice thus far had avoided strangling them!

“Who are you?” Jack’s wife looked the attractive visitor up and down not hiding her hostility.

“Good evening Mrs Kiersky.” Eunice politely greeted the other woman in her usual sunny way and offered her hand, “Eunice Bloom, how do you do?”

“Eunice Bloom?” Jack’s wife looked confused taking the hand in a feeble hold, “Weren’t you the woman who died?”

“Thankyou. As you all know you just can’t believe everything you see and hear, can you? Now if you’ll excuse me, I must be on my way….” Eunice turned and retreated down the landing leaving Jack’s wife dumbfounded in the doorway.

Once more Jack watched her go, pleading. Eunice reached the end of the landing then paused, after a moment she turned again, looked back to the door and beckoned Jack furiously, mouthing ‘Come on!’.

Jack looked to his wife, then at Eunice, then back to his wife; no competition! Jack’s wife disdainfully watched him as he grabbed his hat and coat before scampering after the object of his desire.

Down in the parking lot they approached Eunice’s trusty silver Mercedes, she saw it as an old friend, full of memories, most of them good;

“Didn’t you get the dent in the wing fixed, Jack?”

“No, you put it there.” The reply wasn’t a rebuke.

Eunice got into the driver’s seat and noticed Jack had moved the seat and the steering wheel to fit his proportions. In order to quickly get moving she rushed raising the seat and lowering the steering wheel.

“No, that’s not right.” Jack prevented her from starting the journey, “Here let me show you…” He tweaked the adjustment of the seat and steering wheel and then asked Eunice how it was;

“Just perfect, how did you know?”

“Oh I know, I don’t forget!”

They moved off into the night. Jack was so happy to be back in Eunice’s car as a passenger with her in the driving seat, it was literally heaven on wheels. Eventually they left the highway and Eunice took another one of her shortcuts through the back alleys. Sure enough Eunice had the uncanny knack of turning down the one blocked with trash cans, this time on the driver’s side.

“Stop and I’ll get out.” Jack offered, confident that as she had already mentioned the un-repaired damage, she wouldn’t want any more. Eunice looked at Jack then straight ahead with a little grin of evil intent on her face. With a rev of the engine and a surge forward she drove through the trash cans sending them flying with a loud crash;

“Oh well, at least now I have matching dents!” Eunice pointed out the limited good in the situation.

“Look what you’re doing to my car!” Jack protectively spoke up for the sentimental asset.

“Your car? Don’t you mean my car.” Eunice was back in the driver’s seat.

“No, mine, your mother gave it to me!”

“No, I’m back now, It’s mine!”

They looked at one another;

“Our car!!”

The two dear friends smiled at one another with such genuine affection. They sat and watched the road in front very contented with the present.

“Where are we going?” Jack asked at last.

“Where do you think? I didn’t let on earlier but we’re actually going to see The Saints out on assignment, where else!”

There came a point where Jack couldn’t help himself but watch her every move intently, a miracle. As he did so she smiled, he smiled too, she looked at him and smiled some more, so did he, now he couldn’t stop. He started to laugh, she began to laugh, then both of them really loudly, almost out of control!

Jack contemplated this fucked up life where people suffer, know nothing but fear, get hurt and die, but where they belong, laugh, love and are loved too. Don’t you know you’re made? To be in it rather than out of it, the crazy impossible miracle of life!

 Eunice was back, alive.

_________________________________________________

Janice Farrar was on her way to work on the bus one morning and although still feeling sleepy, she half spotted something looking very familiar at a newspaper stand on the sidewalk. She jumped out of her seat and rushed forward, pounding on the driver’s partition;

“Stop the bus! Stop the bus for fucks sake, I need to get off!”

“I can’t stop here, there’s no stop for another half mile!” He refused.

“Stop right now, you bastard!” She punched the partition with her fist.

“Jesus! What’s your fucking problem! Go on then, get the fuck off!” The bus lurched to a standstill and the doors sprang open, but valuable yards had been lost. Janice rushed back to the news-stand;

“Where is she?” Janice accosted the newspaper seller.

“Where’s who?”

“The blonde lady!”

“I didn’t sell nothing to no blonde lady.”

“She was there, reading a paper right by the racks!”

“Oh that broad, she didn’t buy anything, talk about a fucking library service!”

“Where did she go?”

“Fucked if I know, she went down the side-street I think…” Janice rushed away and looked into the side-street to be confronted by a myriad of commuter faces. Hopeless.

Out of town on Interstate 93 a real fast lady in a Ford Mustang roared into Harrah’s filling station.

“Fill it up.” She called out to the attendant. After he had done so he asked her if she would like her windshield cleaned.

“Okay, I’ll just redo my eyeliner while you’re about it.” With that she took off her sunglasses. The strawberry blonde hair may have been trussed up in a headscarf all ‘Thelma and Louise’ like, but yes, the attendant was adamant, without a shadow of doubt it was Eunice Bloom. He recognised her instantly from all the prior television reports and photographs of her in the press. She paid for the gas and then was gone, speeding off on the highway in the same way she had appeared, ethereal, intangible, somehow there but beyond reach.

Congressman Simon Carmichael and Congresswoman Josephine Blackmore were going to lunch and walking across George Thorndike Angell Memorial Square to a restaurant on the other side. To their sheer amazement Eunice Bloom approached them from that end of the square and she stopped to talk. They talked at length about crime in the city, politics, television, food, holidays, family and many, many other things. Later, the two members of Congress swore that Miss Bloom was as real as they were or any other living person, they both actually shook hands with her as they parted.

Marco turned around to face his special customer in the rear. Whereas it was an immense honour to have such a celebrity in his cab he wasn’t too impressed that even the great and good should be so reluctant to part with their hard earned cash. Three journeys cross town plus the waiting times, $96.75 was the damage done as displayed by the meter.

“Here, take this…” Two bills were put into his hand;

“Sorry Ma'am, this is not enough….”

The purse was reopened, some more cash taken out and passed over the seat. Still $16.75 too little. Should he let her go with the shortfall?, but that would wipe out any slender profit margin, and he’d already suffered one runaway without payment earlier that morning, he couldn’t afford any more mishaps;

“Ma'am, I must insist on the full amount….," Marco felt his tone harden as he referred his gaze back to the meter, "my kids, you know…?”

He sensed her fiddling with her purse again. As he leant back over the seat a final $40 was delivered;

“Thank you sir, for your kind service and patience this morning.” She sincerely placed a hand on his shoulder before getting out.

Many other cab drivers in the city were also positive they had taken a fare from Eunice Bloom, a waitress in an all night diner out of town at 3 a.m. said she was certain she had served her and numerous other people similarly testified they had met her. Some of these sightings were evidently cases of mistaken identity or hoaxes but most were recalled by reliable and truthful witnesses. In fact so many came forward with genuine recollections of all the miraculous and incredible things that Eunice did, if these could be written down, I suppose the great internet itself and all it inherit would have insufficient capacity to contain them. Amen.

Cometh the hour, cometh the Angel…. She’s a good woman, and when she comes (after an ETA of ten minutes) in your hour of need, she will help you. Eunice, come quickly

[specialangeleunicebloom3-blog]

Appendices

Eunicisms

1) ‘Special’…. You see there is a ‘special’ before my ‘agent’. If we’re gonna address each other formally, I’d appreciate it if you popped it in there, because it makes me feel special.

2) It is because I am so fucking smart that I make smart people feel that they are retarded!

3) ‘With all due respect’. Man, I hate it when people say that, because it is inevitably followed by a disrespectful remark. Here, let me give you an example. With all due respect, Detective, this matter falls under whatever jurisdiction … I… fucking… say… it does.

4) Something smells like a pig’s ass in Summertime.

5) Ever heard the phrase ‘we have an elephant in the room’? Hope you fellows brought some peanuts.

6) On a sultry Saturday in September, the Saints saved seventeen souls…… Try saying that five times fast!

7) Let’s have ourselves a good old fashioned shoot ‘em up!

8) Oh how kind of you to put something on and cover up that useless little piece of skin on the end of your penis, that is, your body!

9) So again, you ask me if I am beautiful and intelligent? …. I……..FUCKIN’……….AAAAHHHHMMM!! You see Sergeant Badger, I ain’t gonna hide it under a fuckin’ bushel!

10) In my informed opinion, people who commit such things should be hung up by the bodily appendages exclusive to their gender!

11) I’ll knock your teeth so far down your throat you’ll have to brush ‘em through your asshole!

12) Well as it happens I don’t know it, but if my first name was ‘Shit-for-brains’ I’d keep quiet about it too.

13) You want my advice? Don’t be here when the panel comes back in, leave…, oh, I don’t know, go and throw yourself in the Potomac.

14) Have you always been this stupid, or were you struck by lightening in 1995 or something, and since then never looked back?

15) Besides, try and shoot yourself in the brain like that again and I’ll have no option but to get you some bullet proof underpants!

16) Well, isn’t forgiveness a funny thing? It can do so much for the forgiver even more so than to the forgiven, but in this respect it is much the same as physical exercise, it has few takers.

17) Jack,……Jack,….. Do not kneel before me…….. I’m not the fucking Pope!

18) It’s a nice change to see you without the handle of that broom sticking out of your ass for once!

19) Oh no I’m not…. This piece of ass is not in the image of You, old man, and a good job too….. You couldn’t carry it off!

With all due respect, Detective, this matter falls under whatever jurisdiction …I… fucking… say… it does. 　

  Oh no I’m not…. This piece of ass is not in the image of You, old man, and a good job too….. You couldn’t carry it off!

ROCCO’S BAR RULES (or the Ten Commandments)

1) No shooting up the bar.

2) Surrender all guns across the bar (after Eunice shooting it up twice, I have to insist on this from now on)

3) No Jesus sandals over socks (Yes Jesus of Nazareth, that especially means you)

4) No Hells Angels (except for the mortal hairy biker types)

5) No-one from Limbo (sorry guys, you’re underage)

6) No-one who takes themselves too seriously, head too far up their own arses (Yes, The Man, that mean’s you!)

7) No talking in parables (no prizes for guessing who that’s aimed at!)

8) No-one unwilling to join in the craic (please note: spelt ‘CRAIC’ not ‘CRACK’)

9) Pets are allowed but at the owner’s and especially the pet’s own risk. 　

  The Barman himself was something to contend with even at the best of times

DEXTER FINALLY MEETS HIS NEMESIS

Dexter: Rita! I just can’t hide it anymore! I’ve just got to tell somebody! I’m….. I’m a serial killer! I’ve killed hundreds of people. I can no longer live a lie and hide the truth from you my dear wife!

Rita: It’s okay Dexter, it’s no big deal….

Dexter: What the fuck? What’s with the southern accent Rita?

Rita: Well Dexter, I’ve been leading a bit of a double life myself if you must know. I’m not really Rita your wife, I’m actually FBI Special Agent Eunice Bloom on undercover assignment and I’ve had you under surveillance for quite some time!

Dexter: Oh my God, No! No!! Everything can’t end like this!

Eunice: I’m sorry dear husband, but there can only be one sanctioned vigilante operation I will allow and that is The Boondock Saints of Boston, so I’m just gonna have to take you down. Best get yourself fitted up now for the electric chair!

Best get yourself fitted up now for the electric chair!

Translation of Abraxas Spanish track titles

Oye Como Va        Listen to how it goes

Samba Pa Ti          Samba for You

Se A Cabo             It’s Over

El Nicoya               The Nicaraguan (as with the Persian and Latin, open to interpretation!) 　

PICTURE GALLERY

Peoples of the world unite, born on the 1st of May!

Monday’s child is fair of face

Internal Rendition I & II. Free Eunice! (5'10"? Still wearing the 6" Pradas then!)

At Maximum

Thank-you Shaymus, thank-you, thank-you, thank-you, thank-you, thank-you, thank-you, thank-you, thank-you, thank-you, thank-you, thank-you!!

[specialangeleunicebloom3-blog]

Epilogue

High Noon

Bill had a choice what to do with the pump-action shotgun which lay on the desk in the back office but not much of a choice. Either turn it on his beloved wife of twenty-five years and then himself, or use it on those mother-fuckers who were coming at noon to take everything he had? Either way he would die, the first option at his own hand, the second probably at the hands of the Massachusetts State Police since they were expecting trouble and would be present to back up the court officers and bailiffs there to instigate the foreclosure and seizure of the business premises, stock, vehicles and other assets. There was a third option of course, just walk away as the bailiffs changed the locks and evicted Bill and his wife onto the road with pretty well nothing more than the clothes they stood up in. But Bill was an American, he had the right to bear arms so you just watch him.

This DIY store and ironmongers which had been built up from nothing by Bill and his wife over twenty years meant everything and was all they had. It financed both their sons’ college education and hopefully when sold as a going concern would provide the couple with a relatively secure retirement. Eight years ago, what better than to buy the business premises outright, you can’t really go wrong investing in bricks and mortar and surely this is better than continuing to pay ever increasing rents to some absent and uncaring landlord? Bill had it all worked out, gradually pay down the mortgage while the value of the property increased, step by step, slowly consolidate and build on what you have……..

Wrong!! What Bill hadn’t envisaged in his long term plans was the scale of the corruption and dishonesty of the bankers and financiers who had provided the property loan. They foreclosed on the loan, even though Bill hadn’t missed a payment, and they had the legal right to do so as the mortgage contract stated ‘Repayable on Demand’ with no provision for notice.

Why had they done it? The adjacent shopping mall wanted to expand onto Bill’s site and use the premises as a garden centre so the bankers moved very quickly against him. Seize the property, sell it at a knockdown emergency sale value to a ‘friend’ who then sells it on to the mall at full commercial value, the difference either split between the bankers and their friendly buyer or if the owners of the mall are involved, then a three way split, but regardless of the carve up, the quick profit must be equivalent to hundreds of thousands of dollars, and where had this come from?, well, Bill of course, every cent he had ploughed back into the business over twenty years. It was legalised theft. Bill could imagine the bankers and all the other fuckers involved rubbing their hands;

‘Fuck you Bill, so much for your slow build $100 per week held back for reinvestment year after year after fucking year, we’re not interested in making money like that, we want to generate instant profit and lots of it, we’re talking big bucks, there is the annual prestige super-car to be purchased and we shall be needing a large injection of personal funds to finance all that, so fuck you Bill, what do we give a fuck about your shitty little business or your fucking kids education? With no money coming in to pay the mortgage on your family home, we’ll probably seize that too. Face it, there’s nothing you can do, we’ve got you stitched up good and proper, it’s only a game to us so go on now, fuck off and die you LOSER!’

The thought of killing his beloved wife wasn’t an option, there was no way he would do that to her, the mother of his sons, so it looked like it would have to be option two, fight back and kill some of them, no other way, to rob him in a day of all he had worked for over so many years, he couldn’t let them get away with it, someone would have to face the consequences of foreclosing on the wrong man, the sheer injustice of their actions.

Bill looked at the office clock; 11:37, they would be here in twenty-three minutes. If only God could pass this cup from him, to be portrayed later in the day’s headlines as a deranged gun-nut, taken down by the state police after opening fire on the bailiffs and court officials, everything destroyed, even his good name, but what else was he to do?

“Oh Lord Jesus, save me from the depths of despair!” Bill began to pray;

‘And shepherds they shall be for me, My Lord, for me,

Power hath descended forth from Thy Hand

so their feet May swiftly carry out Thy commands.

So they shall flow a river forth to me and teeming with souls

With souls shall it ever be.

In Nomeni Patri, Et Fili Spiritus Sancti….’

Bill broke down on saying the final words. Is this the end?

He pulled himself together and picked up the shotgun, loaded it with shells up to full capacity and placed it under the desk out of sight from his wife so that she wouldn’t suspect what he was about to do.

“Bill! They’ve arrived early, they’re outside and someone’s at the trade counter!” His beloved Geraldine put her head into the office. Bill looked out the window, there was this big guy sitting up against the front wing of a car in the parking lot, he was wearing a gun in a hip holster. The clock said 11:47, if these bastards couldn’t wait for the appointed time then neither would he. Time for action;

“Go into the storeroom and wait there love, I’ll speak to whoever’s at the counter.” Once he was sure Geraldine was safely out of the way Bill grabbed up the shotgun and chambered a round. He had no choice, if this is the way it had to be then it was forced upon him. He calmly went into the trade counter area.

There was the fucking parasite, back turned and looking at the power tools so neatly displayed on hooks all over the wall. Quietly, he closed on the enemy and levelled the gun muzzle one inch from the back of the head;

“Lady, if you think you can just walk in here and take everything I have, you ain’t gonna walk out…”

“Now that’s not very neighbourly, is it Bill?” She turned and smiled so benevolently at him. She was beautiful. His finger slipped away from the trigger and he felt his grip loosen on the gun, he could never hurt anyone like that. The muzzle was now inconveniently in the lady’s face so she gently placed her forefinger to it and manoeuvred it away to one side, “Besides, I don’t think that is going to be very effective,” she continued in her lilting southern accent, “not against me at any rate….”

Oh no! This lady had suffered far worse than anything Bill was experiencing, she had been shot high up in the chest and by the look of the wound not too far in the past either, he needed to put the gun away, right now, never ever think of shooting anyone again!

No, this lady could not be the enemy, someone who flooded the whole front of the shop with an aura of loving kindness. That smile so delicate and feminine, the eyes, they took his very soul…

_____________________________________________________

Option three, and yet not option three. Bill had stashed the shotgun behind the trade counter before calling Geraldine to him. They then left with the lady just as the bailiffs as backed up by the police arrived to change the locks. She escorted Bill and Geraldine outside taking each by the arm either side of her and on reaching the rather careworn silver Mercedes she says to the big guy;

“Okay Jack, fire it up, let’s go.” before placing them safely in the rear seats.

So what had changed? Bill had still lost everything, the business, all his money, his sons’ education and probably his family home. So where was the gain? Since being taken into the care of this lady both Bill and Geraldine experienced a tremendous liberating loving feeling envelop them. They still had one another, two intelligent and capable sons, and the beginning of a new future. Everything was going to be alright, thank God for such divine relief, and it had come so swiftly;

whoosh…. , whoosh!!

As the car made sedate progression along the highway, Bill enquired of the lady up front;

“Please ma’am, who are you people?” Bill noticed the driver turn and smile at the lady who smiled back. Then she turned and half leant over the seat, her ID card held open for the benefit of Bill and Geraldine;

“Let me introduce myself, Special Angel Eunice Bloom.”

[specialangeleunicebloom3-blog]

PART 3: Coming Back

13

Chapter 13: I won’t be your Holy Fool

Eunice forced down the accelerator, the enormous power of the Lamborghini engine thrust her nearly into the rear of Greenly’s Aston Martin DB7 which loomed up almost through her windshield filling it entirely. Having slipstreamed Greenly, now Eunice went for it, pulling out from behind him and flooring the pedal, she managed to get level with his front fender. They looked at one another, both with the same determined expression to win at all costs on this hell-bent burn down the heavenly interstate. 'Oh I'm having so much carefree fun' Eunice convinced herself. Suddenly, both drivers had to jerk their steering wheels as Rocco thundered down the centre almost taking off their wing mirrors on his supercharged Harley Davidson, grimacing at each in turn so they had no illusions who the winner was going to be.

The old rusty worn out 'Nazareth Carpentry Inc.' van chugged out of the side-road as the Driver thought the highway looked clear. Out of the corner of His eye to the right He caught something dark shoot over the brow of the slight hill and close on Him with frightening velocity. Too late, nothing for it but to haul the van over the hard shoulder into the ditch with a loud bang and shudder from the back as a huge motorcycle, rear wheel locked in burning rubber, impossibly somehow managed to avoid the collision before coming to an abrupt stop further up the road. More severe braking and shredding of tyre treads as two super-cars arrived from nowhere and also slid to a stop.

The Driver in quite some disarray managed to get down from the cab and go to the rear of His vehicle. Looking underneath He noticed the rear axle had completely snapped in two. He now turned to face this trio of idiots who had belatedly left their vehicles to see if He was alright.

"Oh no, look at what has happened to My van! What am I going to do now?" He appealed to the three, "How am I going to get all My work done, not forgetting all My charitable commitments?" But the three just avoided His gaze, looking sheepishly down at the road surface.

Then, after some sullen exchanges where the two men advised the Van-driver 'to use His fucking eyes in future', the woman phoned for a tow-truck to come out. When the tow-truck arrived the three simply went back to their vehicles and shot off down the highway, seemingly without a care for the distress and damage they had been responsible for, not even an excuse for an apology was offered.

"So there You have it, My Lord, the great pleasure of meeting the sub-team of elite Guardian Angels as headed up by Il Duce." The tow-truck guy spoke to his Passenger who’s broken down van was being hauled behind.

"Il Duce’s section? So that was them?"

"I tell You My Lord, those fucking Guardian Angels, with their big fat salaries, penthouse suites, super-cars and hedonistic parties, they just don’t give a fuck, they’re a law unto themselves. The Heavenly Highway Patrol are at their wits end with them tearing up and down the interstate for the sheer hell of it, ripping up any tickets issued as they consider themselves as untouchables, and now they have smashed up Your van, fucking assholes, everyone of 'em!"

"Oh I can’t believe they’re as bad as all that, surely?"

"It’s true! Don’t You know they’ve refused to perform the protective assignments as set by Your Father? I can’t understand why He or Gabriel won’t kick their butts into line!"

"Can I ask, who is the woman? Now she’s a fine one to behold!"

"The woman? Are You nuts? That is Eunice Bloom, and believe it My Lord, she is the absolute worst out of all of them."

"That was Eunice Bloom? I’ve heard much about her."

"Well You won’t find anyone more arrogant or uncaring, trust me."

"Sorry My friend, I must beg to differ, I will not hear a bad word said against her."

"Why’s that?"

"Solemnly I tell you, I think she is severely depressed."

____________________________________________________

"Yooooo - nisssss …… Yooooo - Nice!!"

Greenbeans approached the object of his desire, face all lit up and happy. Eunice turned to face him but had already decided she wouldn’t continue with what she had mistakenly started. He put his arms around her and turned his head low to kiss her on the lips, taking it as read, but she pulled her face away and brushed his arms off;

"There’ll be no more of that!" She snapped.

"What’s the matter, baby?" He was incredulous, "What about last night?"

"I let things build up all last week to what happened last night and I shouldn’t have. I’ve been more than kind to you but there’s always a line to these things which shouldn’t be crossed, you just end up making a terrible mistake."

"No!" Greenbeans’ face crumpled, "You and me, we have a thing…"

"There is no you and me! And certainly no fucking thing." She slapped him down, "We’re a goddamn laughing stock amongst all the other angels, you hanging around me with your little boy lost eyes all love sick and carrying on. Everyone’s laughing at us behind our backs. It’s got to fucking stop, I won’t indulge you anymore!"

"Oh but come on baby, I’ll always be your Mike Tyson….."

Eunice closed her eyes and tried to blot out the memory of the previous night, but it couldn’t be suppressed, try as she might. She didn’t know why she’d had sex with Greenbeans, some idiotic idea that because they had both died and missed out on mortal sex together, they had best make up for it in heaven, that and guilt, she felt somehow she owed him. She hoped the experience might have been great but it turned out much the same way as she had imagined it on earth. His little wriggling bottom between her legs was there alright, as was his panting gurning face as he strained out an ejaculation, and her fake orgasm so as not to hurt his feelings and make him feel good about himself. Where the reality diverged from the imaginary was it wasn’t Eunice curling up on Greenly’s chest doing her little vulnerable girl act to make him feel manly, he curled up and went to sleep on her chest! Eunice supposed this was what being a married woman was like, part-time mother and part-time prostitute as a 50:50 existence. But why should all the pleasure be shared out equally, it was probably more like 90:10 respectively!

Eunice remembered the evening hadn’t started particularly well. She had put on her best little black dress and was doing some finishing touches to her makeup in the hallway mirror when the doorbell of her angel-penthouse went;

"Christ! What do You want?"

"Oh, I felt you might be in need of a visit, Eunice," Jesus explained, "I was just passing on My pastoral rounds when I thought I would pop in."

"What, now? Greenbeans is just about to come over, we’re going out."

"Well, just while you’re waiting then." Jesus stepped over the threshold as Eunice reluctantly stepped aside;

"Look, I'm sorry about Your van, did You get it fixed?" Eunice raised the matter of their last unfortunate encounter but only because she couldn't think of anything else to say.

"Verily Eunice, it is still off the road, but don't concern yourself about that now."

She watched Him as He put His crown of thorns on the hat rack and sat down in the hallway chair. Eunice noticed He was still wearing the same pair of dirty white Nike sports socks under His Jesus sandals He’d had on three days ago. He was the last person she wanted to turn up just as she was in a rush to get ready. Most people found Him an embarrassment and felt awkward around Him. The glory days of the crucifixion were long gone and the Roman Church founded in His name was mired in controversy. He still peddled the same old stuff about ‘The Good News’ and His ‘Message of Love’ but by that stage nobody was listening. Eunice thought it a good job that the McManus brothers hadn’t actually met the person in who’s name they performed their vigilante work. Outwardly at least, it would appear not only clay feet, but clay feet in a pair of dirty Nike socks.

Eunice returned to touching up her eyeliner. Jesus watched as she twisted her body so she could scrutinise her makeup in the mirror. She was a beautiful woman, oh to be a man…… and how gratifying to be a man and hold such a woman in love?

"Eunice?"

"Uh-huh?" Unfortunately He had broken her concentration on the important task at hand, "Oh fuck! I’ve fucking blotched it now!" Eunice grabbed hold of a tissue to instigate a repair.

"Eunice, it came to pass in the land east of the Jordan, a landlord who owned a large estate and had many servants, heard that his brother three hundred leagues distant, needed all the help he could get to finish building a barn in readiness for the nearing harvest…."

‘Oh shit, here we go���’ Eunice thought as she dabbed at the blotch.

"…..The landlord decided to despatch three of his most able servants to render assistance but it was up to them to make their own way there and use whatever of their resources they deemed appropriate for the purpose. The first servant bought himself a camel, hoping that after the journey he could trade it in for a replacement for the return, the second servant bought himself an ass on the basis it would be quite adequate to get him to the desired destination, the third servant bought himself a bicycle since it..."

"Whoa - whoa, stop it for fucks sake!" Eunice rounded on Him, "Where the fuck do You get this shit from? Is it the internet or some other fucked up place?"

"But Eunice, it is the parable of the ‘Three Wayfaring Servants’. Don’t you want to hear the rest of it?"

"Don’t tell me, the fourth servant bought himself a fucking motorised pogo-stick!"

"Fourth servant? But there is no fourth servant in the story. Besides, a pogo-stick wouldn’t be much good on desert sand." Jesus mistakenly took Eunice at face value.

"Fuck me ragged! Talk about grabbing the tail instead of the fucking reins! What I’m trying to ask is can’t You speak in plain fucking English for once?!"

"English?" Jesus looked puzzled, "But I speak Aramaic." Eunice stared back, initially not comprehending;

"Oh right, Star Trek and the universal fucking translator, yeah, I get it, knock Yourself out!"

"My dear Eunice, since I’ve started, I may as well finish," Jesus persisted, "It has a really good moral message worth waiting for!" And so He continued; "The third servant bought himself a bicycle as he thought not having to feed or rest it…"

The doorbell went;

"Greenbeans! Thank Christ you’re here, He’s doing my head in!" Eunice pulled her fellow angel inside.

"Jesus! What brings You here?" Greenly tried to look pleasantly surprised.

"Oh just doing My usual pastoral rounds." Jesus meekly folded His hands on His lap, "So you two are going out tonight?"

"No great shakes, just clubbing." Greenly outwardly played down the event. Inwardly he was praying with all his angelic power that the night would end with the ball firmly in the back of the net; ‘May all your dreams come true tonight Mr Sackomatic!’

"Clubbing?" Jesus was very interested, "Do you think I could come too? I’ve heard a lot about your little group of Guardian Angels, you go to all the best parties and know how to have a really good time."

"Oh, um, You mean come with me and Eunice?" Greenly needed to clarify exactly what was being requested.

"Yes, that’s right, I’d be no trouble to you two at all, just tagging along." Jesus was much taken by the idea of a fun night out with the two Guardian Angels.

"Oh fuck! The tickets!" Greenly grasped for an excuse, "Eunice, the tickets…"

"The tickets? What tickets?" Eunice frowned back at her date, then suddenly she understood, "Oh yeah, the tickets, of course, I’m such a fucking retard! It’s tickets only, You won’t get in."

"Oh, I see." Jesus looked very disappointed, "You don’t know where I could get a ticket?" He wasn’t quite willing yet to give up on the envisaged night’s fun and change of scene.

"Sorry, I’ve no idea," Eunice quickly checked her makeup and hair one last time in the mirror before snatching up her clutch-bag, "anyway, we’re off now, we’re late as it is."

"Okay, hope you have fun." Jesus flatly replied.

"Just make sure You pull the door to when You’re ready." Eunice grabbed Greenly’s arm and shoved him out through the penthouse door in front of her.

"Christ, that guy’s no fun to be around." Eunice confided to her date in the elevator down.

"Total loser!" Greenly added his own similar thoughts.

So that was how the evening had started, not satisfied with wrecking His van, she had been monumentally rude and dismissive to Jesus, denying and rejecting His company. Her guilt about her treatment of Him was exacerbated by the fact that at Rocco’s Bar she’d briefly experienced what He had endured over a prolonged and agonising death. Then the evening had ended with an excruciatingly bad fuck just because she was bored and having led Greenly up the hill, what else then was she supposed to do with him? It was God’s own judgement on her regardless of what Greenbeans thought of it, no doubt a brilliant success story! Last night? She now took it out on Greenly;

"What the fuck do you do all day, Greenbeans? You’re here to do a job not lounge around on Cloud Nine polishing your fucking halo!"

"I am doing my job!" He took issue, "I’m actually speaking to you on official fucking business!"

"Oh yeah? Such as?"

"I have a message for you. It’s The Man up on the top floor, He wants to see you."

"Shit! What could He possibly want?" Eunice absently spoke to herself. When The Man wanted to see you it was usually for some mightily serious transgression you had committed.

"Get your ass up top Bloomy, and good luck," Greenbeans sent Eunice on her way, "You’ll be needing it!"

__________________________________________________

 Eunice took the elevator to the top floor of Heaven HQ to see The Man. She was privileged indeed. Few souls had ever been to the top floor, the pinnacle of the Firmament. She decided to go in one of her official capacities, The Sheriff. She stepped out of the elevator and was immediately accosted by the Archangel Gabriel;

"You’re late Bloom, He doesn’t like to be kept waiting, just remember the importance of who we are up here."

Eunice considered Gabriel as representing everything that was wrong on the top floor. Who this sycophantic ‘yes’ man was and what The Man saw in him was anyone’s guess. When Lucifer upped sticks and left, Gabriel parachuted himself into the ‘Head of the Angelic Civil Service’ position and no-one stood up to stop him, not even The Man Himself. This self appointed busy-body had been trying to put the Angelic Civil Service on a fully professional and qualified footing for quite some time but had faced resistance from virtually every quarter, especially Il Duce and his elite band of Guardian Angels. Nobody liked Gabriel, in total contrast to the Archangel Michael, who everyone loved and respected.

Eunice knocked on the door of the throne-room. The door opened itself inviting her to enter. She walked across the large open plan chamber to where The Man was waiting for her, enthroned on the marble stepped dais at the far end.

"Ah, Sheriff’s comin’!" The Man took note of Eunice’s attire, especially the huge twin pistols she was packing in her hip holsters, "I love the outfit but I’m not so sure about those Colt Walker 1847s, who the fuck do you think you are with those hog-leg cannons, the Outlaw Josie fucking Wales?"

"Ever since Bantams I’ve decided I need to carry a more powerful gun, something with a bit more penetrative stopping power."

"What happened to your nice little Para LDA? That was your signature gun just like the other J.B. and his Walther PPK. You’re barking up the wrong tree though with those fucking things. If you want more power get yourself a 0.44 Magnum, all ‘Dirty Bloomy’ and shit. I can then come out with cliché complaints about you; ‘U-Blu… every time you take that cannon of yours out, somebody dies, I’ll have your badge, you’ll be thrown off the force… etc … etc’."

"Oh I’ll stick with these for the time being, I’m having them bored out to take a proper modern cartridge soon." Eunice demurred, "My Lord, can we please move to Your agenda, why have You asked me here?"

"I’m shutting Rocco’s Bar down." The Man abruptly stated the business at hand.

"Why? And why are You telling me?" Eunice didn’t understand.

"I want you to tell him, and then you can take all the shit when he rips you a new ass."

"Oh thank You, my sweet Lord." Eunice readily despised the stitch-up.

"Why am I shutting it down? The facility was a one-off set up by Me at great expense and trouble at the request of Rocco so he could meet The Saints, the Earthbound ones, that is, in a mutually flesh and blood form. Virtually straight away Greenly was given access to the facility when he was unfortunately killed. Then The Saints demanded that they should be able to see their deceased Poppa, Il Duce. Okay, initially I ran with this but now every fucker up here is getting in on the act, it’s totally out of hand. You even used it within an hour of dying yourself, for Christ’s sake!"

"That was necessary to stop Detective Kiersky blowing his brains out, I had to use the facility right away." Eunice justified herself.

"Well what were you doing dead in the first place?" The Man wouldn’t let it go, "For the first time you didn’t listen to your underlying instinct and your intuition, you knew the situation wasn’t right and yet you went ahead. You became arrogant and complacent, you were the little heroine of Boston who had saved everyone from getting nuked, you couldn’t fail, could you? You were invincible, nobody was going to kill you now were they? And what happened?, they shot you and you died, just like any other fucker who buys it every day of the week, you’re nothing special after all. Getting yourself killed so needlessly totally fucked up My ‘Saints’ operation in Boston. I’m now stuck with you up here trying to find something useful for you to do! But that’s enough about you and your negligence anyway," The Man wished to return to the proposed termination of licence, "I have to close down Rocco’s Bar because the facility is being totally abused! You’re even giving fuckers from Purgatory a day off so they can come to the bar on the piss. An outrageous abuse! How are these fuckers supposed to atone for their sins when you people are operating a fucking day release system?"

"Fucking hell, you know about that?" Eunice knew she was busted.

"I’m God, I know shit! It’s got to the stage where I’m getting requests out of hell from fuckers down there who want to use it, bare-arsed fucking liberty! Who the fuck do they think they are, fucking saved or something?!"

"But You can’t close the bar, there’s no other way people can physically meet without it," Eunice stated her case, "All you’re left with is us angels floating about in the ether on earth scaring the living shit out of the people we’re supposed to be protecting and doing more harm than good."

"No! I’ve made up My mind, it’s closing, and you’d better believe it, Miss Goody Two-Tits!" The Man would not be swayed, "The final straw came three nights ago when some fucking bitch who shall remain anonymous to protect the guilty, shot off a fucking gun in the bar completely trashing it! Totally unacceptable!"

"Oh now we’re getting to it…" Eunice realised what the beef was really about, "Why didn’t You just come out with it instead of leading me down such a torturous fuckin' path? What’s the matter with You?"

"I’m not taking any more of your shit, Bloomy, or Benzie, or whatever the fuck you’re calling yourself at this stage." The Man had now reached numero uno on His real agenda, "You’re strutting up and down the causeways, shaking your ass at any male angel there to see it, dressed as The Sheriff telling everyone you’re the law around here. Well I’m telling you lady, there’s only one true law enforcer here, and I’m fucking it! I never really rated you. I always considered you a bit of a joke like some character out of a kid’s comic book. I mean, those shoes, the faux bad-ass attitude, and that grotesque accent, where the fuck in the south are you supposed to be from?"

"You’re supposed to be fucking God, work it out Yourself!" Eunice now tried to divert the personal attack on her back to the subject of the bar; "Look, I’m sorry about the bar the other night. I was with The Saints and I couldn’t resist having a bit of fun, the gun thing just happened. They got me back for it though, they mistakenly by chance held me down in the image of the crucifixion and I got the stigmata, it was excruciatingly painful. I hope that never happens again, how can it happen?"

"How what My Son suffered two thousand years ago can manifest itself on the personage of an angel or even a mortal is a mystery to Me, I don’t understand it."

"How can You say that? Like You just said, You’re God, You’re supposed to know everything aren’t You?" Eunice put Him to the test.

"Alright," The Man briefly closed His eyes before continuing, "I do understand it, but as you understand this, Guardian Agent Bloom, in relation to the higher planes of reality I can’t effectively explain it to you. I am Him and He is Me, but I don’t really know Him. But why should I explain these things to you? Who the fuck are you? You got yourself killed, out of the goodness of My heart I made you into a Guardian Angel, a very important job up here, you’re supposed to lead by example, and yet at the bar the other night, you behave like that!"

"Christ on a bike!" Eunice looked heavenward in desperation, but she was in heaven, "The job allocated to me has been something I’ve wanted to raise with You for quite some time now. I appreciate the exalted status of being a Guardian Angel, and I love it, I really do, but it’s just the assignments You give me to do."

"What’s the matter with the assignments? You’ll do as you’re fucking told, that’s the deal."

"In all seriousness My Lord, surely there are better things I could be doing on earth? I mean, do I really have to spend evening after evening standing looking over Cardinal Sartini’s shoulder at the Vatican?"

"He’s elderly and frail! He could fall over, who would save him then?"

"Do You know what he does with himself every evening? He surfs the internet looking at porn while masturbating, and I have to stand there night after night after fucking night watching that."

"That’s a fucking lie, and how dare you say such things about a holy man of the cloth!"

"It’s true and You fucking know it is!"

"They’re My friends in the Vatican and I look out for them, and by the grace of God, so will you!"

"Then there was that two week assignment in Rivoli. What the fuck was I supposed to be doing there? I was bored out of my fucking skull!"

"You know why you were there! The roof on the monastery was being replaced and you were there to make sure no masonry fell on anyone’s head during the work."

"That’s just fucking crazy! I’ve never felt so useless in my entire life, I mean my entire existence." Eunice corrected herself, "Fucking health and safety work? You can’t be serious!"

"Right Bloom, if you must know, the Abbot there is a very close friend of mine. Before the renovations commenced he had a special Mass said and prayers to Me asking for My protection over everyone involved in the work. I thought wouldn’t it be a great gas to answer the prayers! I immediately despatched Gabriel to appear in a vision to the Abbot that very night. The message was given that a crack team of Guardian Angels would be provided to oversee the work. As it happened, you were the only one available so I sent you, so much for the ‘crack team’ I promised the Abbot. I felt guilty afterwards that I had scrimped on the deal!"

"What a load of bullshit!" Eunice couldn’t contain her outrage, "Talk about job satisfaction? I’d commit suicide if I wasn’t already dead!"

"There’s no need for that! You did exactly as you were asked to do. Did you save anyone?"

"No! Nothing happened!" Eunice indignantly stamped her boot onto the marble floor, "Don’t You understand? The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse stalk the entire surface of the globe wreaking havoc and suffering to millions, surely I could be doing something to avert or at least alleviate the pain of all those poor unfortunates?"

"Nah, fuck ’em! Most of them are unbelievers anyway. I look after My people and fuck everyone else! I set the assignments and you’ll complete them without question. It’s My operation."

"I don’t understand You. It’s as if you’re completely cut off from reality up here in this ivory tower you’ve made for Yourself."

"What do you know about Me? You can’t know Me!" The Man arrogantly folded His arms across His chest.

"All I know is that whenever I think about You, only two words readily spring to mind; ‘head’ and ‘arse’. I gets to thinking it can’t be good for You up here closeted with the same old faces day in, day out. There doesn’t appear to be anyone who’ll stand up to You and give You a different point of view. Gabriel? He’d never disagree with You, You can never do anything wrong in his eyes. Then there’s that weirdo hippy Son of Yours, yeah man, peace…, love…., the long lank hair and the beard…."

"Oh, seems to Me you’re talking about Rocco there now!" The Man had a perfect replacement candidate for the image as described.

"Don’t fuck with me! Who else have You got up here? Oh yeah, the Virgin Mary. All that talk about going to Mass and saying The Rosary, what’s the fucking point in that? I don’t think I’ve ever met such a boring woman. Tell me, if ever anyone needed to get laid!"

"Laid? Firstly, Doctor Peach told you to leave one’s family out of personal arguments. You seemed to have learned the lesson with that prayer card and photo destroying incident with Agent Harbinger, but here you are now at it again. Secondly, you have a mother who I know you love dearly, so don’t speak about My Mother in such grossly offensive terms. Shall I now slander and disparage your mother?"

"No, please don’t do that. Okay, I’m sorry, I get You." Eunice only too eagerly apologised while looking down at her boots.

"I’m not finished! Thirdly, this word ‘laid’. Well you’re a fine one to talk about getting laid and all the implied pleasure one is to have out of it, aren’t you? Only two words readily spring to My mind; ‘hypocrite’ and ‘Greenbeans’."

"What? How do You know about last night?"

"I am omnipresent, I see everything. I was at the foot of your bed, watching you."

"Uugghhh!" Eunice turned her back on The Man unable to face Him, "That’s disgusting!"

"That’s got to be the best worst fake orgasm I’ve ever had misfortune to witness. Greenbeans was genuine enough, that’s to be expected from that little weasel, but you? All that writhing about, grunting and groaning ‘Oh Mike, Mike! Give it to me my Adonis!’. You were so fake it was embarrassing! ‘If ever anyone needed to get laid’? Fuck off you bitch!"

"Keep out of my fucking bedroom in future!" Eunice turned around to berate The Man. "I have the right to privacy, God, You’re the pits! You poke Your nose into people’s affairs at all the wrong times, where are you when You’re needed? After I defused the bomb in Boston, why didn’t You protect me from Rachel?"

"Oh no, I never intervene when shit like that happens…"

"You mean she could’ve gouged my eyes out and You wouldn’t have stopped her?"

"Um….. No, I guess not."

"Well thanks a fucking bunch, You fucking asshole!"

"I’m not here to take that from you! You can raise your complaint with Saint Anthony if you really want to pursue it, he had that brief I believe. Ultimately, when people choose to be righteous, all to the good, when they choose to be sinful, then they have that choice too. This is the covenant I have with humanity, I’m not to fuck with anyone’s freewill."

"You mean don’t fuck with anyone’s freewill as and when it suits You! You did intervene that day, didn’t You? That time when I was up on the roof and I thought up the necessary solutions to defuse the bomb. Was it divine inspiration or divine intervention? Why did You send that angel? Why did she look like me? Was it to inspire me to think of the word ‘twin’ that ultimately led me to crack the code?"

"First things first. That angel on the roof, do you know who that was? That was Caitlin de Sousa."

"You’re shitting me! That was her?"

"Yeah, I had her all dressed up like you, the hair, clothes, gun and everything!"

"So why?"

"It was nothing to do with the word ‘twin’. You going up on the roof to look over Boston for some reason reminded Me of the book of Joshua Ch 5 v13-15 when he went to look over Jericho and was similarly confronted by an angel very much in his own image. As Joshua was the sublime warrior prince, in you did I now have the sublime warrior princess? I thought wouldn’t it be fun to also send you an angel and shake you to your core as he had been. If that inspired you to think ‘twin’ then it was fortunate but unintentional, we must conclude that God does indeed move in mysterious ways…" The Man gave the woman a sly grin.

"So You did intervene, but not in a way to directly stop the detonation. So I guess it was divine inspiration after all."

"Wrong, it wasn’t even that. You did actually work it all out by your little ol’ self with no intervention or inspiration from anyone, especially Me. The intensity of the moment concentrated your entire being to operate at it’s absolute maximum. Fortunately for all concerned, your potential maximum was sufficient to crack the Abort Code and then find a way of defusing the bomb with only two Locator keys."

"And if I failed, the city and all its inhabitants would have been destroyed!" Eunice’s heart was torn out on learning that The Man would have let it happen.

"Is Boston worth saving anyway? I did not destroy the city of Sodom because Abraham convinced Me there were ten good men residing within it’s walls. Can you convince Me there were ten good men within Boston during that anniversary of 9/11 in order to show I was wrong not to intervene?"

"Ten good men? That’s no problem!" Eunice was confident she could meet the quota easily;

"1 Connor, 2 Murphy, 3 Romeo, 4 Doc, 5 Uncle Cesar, 6 Duffy, 7 Dolly, 8 Kiersky, 9 …. Um .. myself, I was there at the time…"

"Fuck off! You’re a woman, you can’t have women in the list! You know scripture, it says ten good men, women don’t fucking count!"

"Misogynist prick!" Eunice muttered under her breath.

"I heard that!" The Man made sure Eunice knew she hadn’t gotten away with the remark.

"Um.. All the priests in the city?" She returned to the task.

"Name some of them."

"Erm … The Bishop of Boston?"

"Pathetic!"

"Errr…. Father Michael of The Boston Common Parish?"

"Fuck off you little cow, you made that up! You were a regular attendee at Sunday Mass were you? Were you fuck! And this is the price you pay, you can’t even name one member of the clergy in Boston! You arrogant bitch!"

"Smecker?"

"Ah well, let’s think about that. He wasn’t in Boston that day - I wonder why? But he is often present in the city on Vatican assignments so I’ll give you a half for him. So that’s eight and a half men so far. You need one and a half more to make the ten."

"The Police Chief?"

"No, corrupt as fuck."

"Kuntsler?"

"After what he did to you? Fuck off outa here!"

"Zimmerman?"

"Oh no, no, no, no, no! I can see where this is heading. You can’t just run through all the names of the people on your FBI team, that’s cheating!"

"But they’re all good people?"

"You can’t include them, that’s not an answer in the spirit of the question, fucking cheek to try that one!"

"Um…. Lloyd the Janitor? He’s bringing up another asshole’s kids, surely that marks him out as a good man?"

"Nah, he fucked the other man’s wife and now he’s stuck with her and her fucking kids, serves him right, another 'Saw V' loser if ever there was. Lloyd the Janitor?, suck My dick!"

"Um…. Who else?.….Gorgeous! He’s reformed!"

"Oh you’re scraping the barrel now!" The Man laughed out loud, "What do you take me for? Do I look like a complete fucking wad? Let’s cut to the quick and stop wasting time, basically, you can’t make up the numbers, so I was right to let things play out without intervention, am I right?"

"You’re wrong." Eunice strongly disagreed, "To talk of the city’s salvation and all the souls within it in such contrived and infantile terms is meaningless. I’m more disappointed with myself for getting sucked into playing this stupid game; ‘ten good men, make up the numbers!’ There are thousands, probably millions of good men and women in Boston more than worthy of being saved, and You didn’t lift a finger, not a finger to help me."

Silence. The Man did not answer Eunice right away, then;

"Guardian Angel Bloom, believe Me, on the face of it, it was a tragedy when you died, you were doing such good work as part of ‘Team Saints’ on earth and I know how bright you are. When it happened and you were lost to the team I wondered if something could be salvaged. There is a shortage of really capable angels of the right calibre up here, at Bantams your performance there sealed your fate, that is very much the way of it with people like you, that is, you eventually become victims of your own success. I have a Son, but I have no daughter, I thought perhaps it was time I adopted one?" Eunice wasn't glad to hear that, she thought it sounded rather ominous;

"My Lord, I have only one father, he lays flowers on my headstone and irrigates the soil over me with his tears."

"And am I not your Father in heaven?"

"Yes, You are my Father in heaven, but no more than any other soul, so don’t get any big ideas about me."

"I’ve never known such ingratitude. Don’t you know how privileged you are? Not only have you been made an a Guardian Angel but you also reside in heaven with your God, the ultimate prize of all souls."

"Et in Arcadia Ego!" Eunice spread her arms and gave herself a supercilious little twirl, "Oh, I’m loving it!"

"You ate an omelette at the supermarket?" The Man had a stock joke in readiness for the legend.

"No silly! ‘And I too in Paradise!’, you know the real meaning!"

"It’s open to interpretation as with the Iranian intercepts in Persian, so be it with the Latin. ‘There is death too even in Paradise.’ Note well that eternal life is not a given, even here."

"That sounds like some sort of threat to me. Aren’t we to come to heaven to find eternal peace and salvation?, and yet I’m not happy here. My life was brutally cut short before it was my time to go, I shouldn’t be here!"

"And yet here you are!" The Man flippantly confirmed the situation Eunice found herself in, "I won’t tolerate dissent anymore, especially from you. Threat or no threat, a dog which turns on it’s master is invariably destroyed."

"A dog?! You compare me to a dog?!" Eunice looked back at The Man unable to conceal the offence He had caused her.

"What I'm trying to get through to you is that you don't seem to know your place in the great scheme of things, have you any idea U-Blu? Ultimately it’s My fucking simulation for My benefit and enjoyment. Fuck everyone else, what are you? Just bits of fucking dust anyway!"

"My Lord, we feel pain." Eunice felt astonished by His insensitivity.

"What do I care about that? I demand respect of My divinity, worship and loyalty from you people. Respect, loyalty and worship without question. Earlier I mentioned Abraham. Now there’s a shining example for you. He would have cut his only son’s throat without hesitation at my bidding. Once it was obvious he had every intention of making the sacrifice, I stopped him of course. How loyal are you Bloom? Will you love and worship Me without question same as Abraham? I have a test for you, but nothing as extreme as what I asked of him, no this will be a simple test of home truths and acceptance of My rights over you and to do with you whatever I wish." Eunice stood welded to the spot in front of The Man. Anticipation and fear. What could the test be? "That CIA Panel Chairman of yours, Max Von Ranke, he’s a smart man don’t you think Bloom? I noted with great interest how he, to quote ‘bound you with love’. I thought what a good idea, I ought to bind that girl up in heaven with Me. You see I have been more than economic with the truth in relation to the exact circumstances of you ending up here. It was true, however, that I did consider you a joke but after you defused the bomb I began to really take note of your abilities, it was the culmination of a personal journey of yours starting with coming in from Costa Rica and that first stay at the Pentagon. Then after defusing the bomb, a second internal rendition and all that entailed, yet you still came out on top. Yes, I was taking a very keen interest in Special Agent Bloom from then on! And now we come to the gunfight at Bantams Clubhouse."

"Yes, the gross misfortune of it," Eunice put on a wounded face, "to take down five heavily armed fuckers and then to be cruelly killed by the fragment of a spent bullet which was actually the last one fired at me!"

"That’s certainly the way everyone in heaven and on earth sees it. I, uniquely know different."

"That’s exactly what happened, I have the scar on my chest to prove it."

"Oh yes, there’s no dispute that you died because you were hit in the chest by the bullet fragment. Where I diverge from the script is how it got there."

"My Lord, what in heaven’s name are You talking about?"

"I was there at the clubhouse. I watched it all go down. As the five thugs who were armed to the teeth entered the building and you being trapped with no way out, I thought yes, this lady is going to die today and I shall get My wish, I shall bind her up in heaven with Me, it was all moving along towards that end very nicely. Okay, you killed the first one, that is to be expected given your excellent combat capabilities, and a second one, yes, that’s within your parameters too since the hit squad were relatively inexperienced and failed to work together to get the job done. When you captured the rifle and used it to kill the third guy I felt a definite shift in the possible outcome as did the two remaining thugs. I thought ‘Fuck Me, she isn’t going to pull this off, is she?"

"No, no, shut up! I don’t want to hear!" Eunice covered her ears and turned away. Rachel was right about Eunice, she was too smart for her own good at times. She had worked out where The Man was leading with all this and it looked a very dark place indeed. As Eunice tried to shield herself from the truth, The Man by-passed her ears by speaking directly into her mind;

"You tricked one to shoot the other and then under a barrage of fire remained calm enough to blow the remaining fucker’s head off. You stood up and dropped the rifle. I instantly froze the timeline. ‘The fucking bitch’ I thought, ‘the amazing bitch!’ What an incredible woman, I’ve just got to have her in heaven on the payroll working directly for Me."

"Aaagh! No! Don’t say it, please!" Eunice threw herself onto the floor in a heap.

"I rewound the timeline back to the point where the last bullet fired against you hit the protruding nail in the floor, and then ran it forwards again. The bullet broke apart and the fragments flew up but harmlessly away from you. A split second later you used your own last bullet to kill the remaining assassin. Did I have something to work with here?" By now Eunice had curled herself into a protective ball on the marble trying to block out the words but being unable to, "You can get away with rewinding the timeline and fixing some other outcome as long as you only rewind it by a few seconds, any longer and you’ll invariably damage it. I computed I could do it. I rewound it once more and replayed it to the point where the bullet fragments flew into the air. I refroze the timeline at that point. I looked at the largest fragment just hanging there in front of you. Decisions, what should I do? Yes, let’s do it, let’s get the girl up here. I started up the timeline again but only at one fortieth speed, that gave Me enough leeway to put out My hand and flick the largest fragment in the direction of your chest…."

"Aaaaaagh - aaaagh - aaaagh!" Eunice let out a scream as if she had been shot again. The pain of her betrayal and murder was too much to bear.

"….. Once the fragment was safely on its way I returned the timeline to normal speed. Phew! It was going some, I didn’t even see it hit you. Actually, I owe you an apology, I was aiming for your heart to try and kill you instantly so you wouldn’t suffer but I fucked up and it hit the other side of your chest. I did want to rewind again and have another go but I’d already been backwards and forwards several times, doing it any more risked crashing the whole timeline and I couldn’t risk it, you understand that, don’t you My dear?"

Eunice wearily collected herself up off the floor and approached the throne, the time for screaming and protectively curling up into a ball was over. She had been told the unendurable truth and it couldn’t be untold;

"Are You finished?" She bluntly asked.

"For the time being, no doubt you have something to say on hearing My information."

"Oh what have You done? Do You know how I suffered once I stood up and dropped the rifle? Instantly I knew something terrible had happened. The next moment I felt it, the pumping warm gushing and gurgling of the internal bleeding and external flow. I knew it was serious and I was going to die!" Eunice broke down and needed a few seconds to recover, "That poor foolish man Jack, his initial jubilation that I had survived. I blamed him of course, not You! I vindictively got him to hold me so my blood would smear itself all over him, Jesus forgive me, he didn’t notice!"

"Kiersky? Fucking retard! Now there’s a complete waste of fucking molecular matter if ever there was." The Man provided His own opinion of the long suffering detective.

"His talking, talking and …….. his talking! What was he saying? I didn’t know! So cold now, so very cold, the hand of death was reaching for me, my lungs filling up, blood in my mouth, suffocating, losing myself, so lonely. Jack finally realising the terrible thing that has happened. In complete anguish and not thinking he lay me out on the bar so the blood poured out of my mouth and chest. That was the last mortal thing I saw, Jack, that tragic man mentally destroyed and suicidal because of Your selfishness. The next thing I knew I found myself in the company of the Guardian Angels Il Duce, Rocco and Greenly. If I hadn’t gone back to earth and brought Jack to Rocco’s Bar the poor deluded creature would’ve killed himself, more blood on Your hands but averted due to my action, now that’s more like the sort of work I should be doing as a Guardian Angel!"

"So much for his ‘Bloomy and Kiersky’ idea. Ha! The cheek of him, chasing after a fair and pretty little German girl like you? All that praying and willing Me not to let you die, talk about praying to the wrong Guy! Fuck him! Why should you give a shit about him? He was the one that led you into the trap and then deserted you. It was all his fault really." The Man absolved Himself.

"But then I killed them, I killed them all and survived! It was You who killed me! What kind of Man are You? To have Abraham almost cut Isaac’s throat, You even put Your own Son through crucifixion, to leave Boston within seconds of being wiped out without intervening, then to intervene and murder me for Your own selfish ends. My life, my life in Boston! It was dangerous and many friends and colleagues died, but I loved being an FBI Special Agent, and working with The Saints in ridding the city of organised crime, my responsibilities, my duty, my social life, my friends, my everything, and You took it all away from me on a whim!"

"The Lord giveth, The Lord taketh away…."

"What did You ever give me apart from these stupid fucking wings and a shit job carrying out even shittier assignments?"

"Now we’re getting to it, the test. As with Abraham, so it is with you. Despite what has just been revealed to you, you will respect, love and worship Me."

"You must be fucking deluded, I will not!" Eunice would have laughed at the notion had it been in any other circumstances.

"Oh I think you will."

"So what are You going to do, make me? Might is fucking right and all that?"

"Nothing as crude as that, though I do have that option of course. Nevertheless, I am confident you will respect, love and worship Me out of your own freewill."

"Now You’re a crazy fucker, do You know that? If I knew these pistols would have any effect on You I’d take them out and empty them into You, how’s that for the exercise of freewill?"

"Well then we’ll just have to work through the logic won’t we? On your way up here in the elevator, I read your thoughts. You wanted at some stage out of curiosity to raise the matter of prime numbers and ask Me if they were the first act of creation. However, given the way the meeting has progressed you’re now no longer interested. But let Me at least tell you this; you’re a very clever girl aren’t you Bloom, but in many respects quite stupid in the way you try and exceed your capabilities. You were right not to persist with asking me and I’m pleased you didn’t. You don’t know what fundamentals you are trying to envision with your ape brain, what is completely beyond you. You cannot know what higher planes and dimensions I operate in. All this…." The Man gestured to the open throne room and beyond, "is nothing, you are nothing. It’s just a little hobby of mine. Whatever you are, whatever you have, and whatever you can have, comes to you by the grace of Me, am I right?"

"You’re in the wrong if You mistreat me!" Eunice could only think about the way she had been cruelly taken.

"That wasn’t the question I asked! Think of a number, Bloom. Since that fool Aftab Ali put you onto prime numbers, let’s use some of his other numbers; 123? Or 526, how about 108,445, or should we just stick with 524,128,800? That’s a big number don’t you think? That’s the number of times and more, when you try to take Me on using pure cold logic I’ll beat you into the floor with it, so please try and envisage who you’re up against. You stand there right now and do the math, get the following algorithm running in that thick skull of yours, since you’re the one who’s supposed to be so fucking smart. Everything bad in your existence may stem from Me but so does every ounce of good and there has been plenty of that hasn’t there, Bloom? If we forget that fiasco with Greenbeans the other night, you’ve had lots of great sex haven’t you, My little cougar woman? Just before you were brought up here did you really have to take advantage of that naïve kid Zimmerman? There was nothing else like it, was there?, having his balls slapping up against your ass all night, you fucking cradle invader! But putting sex aside for a moment there’s all the other good stuff too. Sitting out on your Pa’s porch down in Etruria with the rest of your family having a cold beer watching the sun go down, that time straight after FBI graduation bunking off with Smecker in his beat up old Ford Mustang down Route 66 all the way to California, yes, on a whim! The open road, the wind in your hair, you took turns to drive, one of the happiest times of your life. Meeting the McManus brothers, your life, your everything, to quote. You had it, regardless of whether it was taken away, you had it, the gift of life and everything good to be had from it. But without Me, you’d have had none of that. Therefore, logically, I can ask you to kneel in front of Me, tell Me you respect, love and worship Me, and are truly grateful to The Supreme Creator."

The logic began to work on Eunice but she still tried to flee from it making excuses;

"Kneel? What is all this bullshit about kneeling? I had to do that in front of The Chairman. It’s plain wrong. Surely we should all stand tall, proud and kneel before no-one!"

"Yeah, correct, I kinda like that, bar one exception, Me."

Eunice didn’t have a ready answer so just stood there trying to hold the logic at bay.

"I’d like to hurry you along and say I don’t have all day," The Man continued, "but we do have all day, all eternity if you wish, this is important to Me, Bloom, take as much time as you like. Keep working the logic, I ask you to kneel in front of Me, tell Me you respect, love and worship Me, and are truly grateful to The Supreme Creator."

Eunice didn’t need to examine the matter any more. The algorithm in her head had ran it’s course and she knew the logic stood up. The Man did have the right to expect her of her own freewill to do what He had just asked. The Man sensed her falling into line, He had won. There was hesitancy to comply within the woman, but she just needed a little more time to run through it in that head of hers.

At last, with an air of marked resignation, Eunice put her left knee down on first marble step of the dais.

"Both knees, I want both knees!" The Man insisted. Eunice obeyed and knelt with both knees. A long time seemed to pass before she spoke;

"My Lord……… I respect You ……………………….............. I love and worship You, and I am truly grateful to You as The Supreme Creator."

The Man noted there was a big pause in the middle of the acclamation, nonetheless He knew she wasn’t just saying it, logic had told her it was correct and she meant every word of it.

‘Praise be Jesus!’ As with Abraham, Bloom had passed her test, He had shown her that she must genuinely respect, love and worship Him even though He had destroyed her earthly existence, something she loved to no lesser degree than that which was so precious to Abraham. The Man felt elated, at this point aeons ago, Lucifer had refused to kneel, said ‘Fuck You, I’m off to form my own firm!’ and walked out, retaining his wings and all his powers. But with the Bloom woman, The Man felt immeasurable pride and self-satisfaction at her exercise of freewill to subjugate herself before Him. Result!

"Can I get up now?" Eunice asked in a small voice.

"Well, actually, now you’re down there….." The Man opened His knees. He thought this hilariously witty, and sexist too, just to rub U-Blu’s nose in it.

"Please, can I get up now?" Eunice tried to ignore the smutty schoolboy humour, the pained and nauseous look on her face betraying her failure to do so.

"Yeah, sure," The Man eased off, "The test is over, get the fuck up by all means."

Eunice slowly got back to her feet. Then she walked up the steps until she stood right before The Man enthroned. He hadn’t expected that, what was she up to? To His utter consternation she plucked off her Sheriff’s badge and threw it down at His feet.

"What’s the meaning of this? You’d better think very carefully about what you’re doing, woman." The Man wasn’t joking now, "This ain’t no High fucking Noon situation, you know."

"Stick Your fucking job, I quit!" Eunice forcefully terminated their contract, "The Sheriff, The Guardian Agent, the lot!"

"You can’t!" The Man stood up to try and face down the woman, "Just like that? Well, I’ll have those Colt Walkers then!" He had her now, there was no way she’d give up her beloved pistols!

"Oh these, sure!" Eunice pulled both pistols and threw them down with such force, one of them broke a chip off the top marble step.

"Now you listen to Me, you……. You!!" The Man had to restrain Himself from grabbing hold of her, "You pick up that fucking badge or I’ll………. I’ll……..You rebel against Me? Only one other fucking angel has ever done that."

"He appears to be doing rather well for himself."

"You dirty ungrateful bitch! So this is it, you want to go and join Lucifer?"

"No, I stood in a church as a young child and made an oath to reject him and all his evil works. Even though I was very young and didn’t really grasp the gravity of the oath, I take it very seriously and stand by it now. Nevertheless, pains me as it does, we do have something in common, we both refuse to process Your bullshit!"

"I won’t let you resign, I will de-wing you first."

"No You won’t."

"Oh Yeah? What makes you so fucking sure?"

"Not if I hand them back, You won’t!"

The Man was rendered speechless by such a proposition. An angel, a fucking angel?, to hand back their wings? Hell would freeze over first! It had never happened. Every fallen angel there ever was, was exactly that, fallen and yet still an angel; nobody in their right mind would quit being an angel;

"What insanity is this? How are you going to survive without your wings?"

"I’ll just be like any other soul in heaven, they seem to do alright. And as for asking me if I wanted to join Lucifer, who needs the devil when I have to subjugate myself to a god like You? I’ve been as good as shot by both fucking sides!"

Eunice turned and walked down the steps without waiting for a reply. With her face now turned away she let the tears come, streaming down her cheeks. To leave the service of The Man was an abomination, the One who had created her, and yet given the way He had snatched her life away after she’d come through every earthly test that had been thrown at her, she could no longer work for Him. Although she loved The Man, she hated the sin, it was too much to bear.

"You fucking bitch! You get back here!" The Man shouted after Eunice, then when she ignored Him, "I’ll destroy you, just you wait and see, there’ll be nothing but eternal damnation for you, you turn your face from Me! Hellfire, I mean it!"

Nah, she won’t do it, she’ll walk to the door alright, but she won't dare go through it, she’ll come crawling back for her badge, she loves being The Sheriff, The Guardian Agent, The Silver Lady…..

Fuck!!!

She wasn’t shitting Him. The Man watched Eunice bodily reject her wings and leave them at the door before opening it and walking out. She didn’t look back, not once.

Left at the door; "Stick Your fucking job, I quit!"

__________________________________________________

 Immediately on leaving the throne room Eunice was pounced upon by Gabriel eager to learn all that which had just gone down but he was straight away taken aback by what was so evidently missing;

"Ah-ha-ha! He de-winged you! You upstart bitch!" Gabriel was very satisfied at the erasure of one within the elite group of Guardian Angels he didn’t like due to the fact they opposed his reorganisation plans for the Angelic Civil Service, "Serves you right, I don’t think He ever made a better decision!"

"He didn’t de-wing me, I handed them back in." Eunice corrected him and wiped away her tears.

"You what? That’s not possible!" Gabriel accessed the divine database and to his amazement found it to be true, "You crazy fucking bitch, what the fuck are you playing at? You know, I could really get to like you!" He enthusiastically made fun of her.

"I’m done with being an angel, I quit!" Eunice restated her decision. Whether she had been de-winged or had handed them back in didn’t matter, the result was all the same to Gabriel. No longer having any divine power to protect herself, he grabbed hold of her waistcoat collar and began to drag her across the landing;

"You’ve no right to be up here on the top floor anymore, so I’m going to get rid of you!" Eunice tried to resist but she could not fight the unsurpassable divine power of the Archangel. Where was he taking her? No! No! Oh please not that! Gabriel thrust Eunice’s back hard against the balcony railing a full seventeen floors above the hard marble floor of the foyer below and then pulled her half over it poised ready to release the powerless victim:

"Now this is what you get for handing your wings in, try flying now you dumb bitch!" Eunice sensed his grip loosen and with it her imminent downfall.

Suddenly there was a flash of something above Eunice’s head and she was no longer being released into the abyss. She looked up and was shocked to see the heavy silver blade of a broad sword at Gabriel’s throat. She retraced the blade to the arm that wielded it and beyond, the Archangel Michael!

"What are you doing with that girl, Gabriel?" He demanded of his fellow archangel, the blade held firmly in place.

"She’s a common soul, no right to be up here," Gabriel began to explain, "so I’ve every right to cast her down onto the concourse below."

"Yes, I saw how you were heading to the balcony and that’s when I decided to intervene. How did she get up here? Common souls don’t have access." Michael having made his initial disapproval known lowered his sword and re-sheathed it.

"Get that fucking thing away from me!" Gabriel felt more sure of himself once he knew Michael would not sustain his attack, but still decided to play safe and wrenched the small woman back over the railing onto firm ground, "Don’t you see who it is? It’s Eunice Bloom! She’s resigned and handed her wings back, talk about fucking insane! I was going to throw her over the balcony to teach her a well earned lesson about showing some fucking gratitude for such things."

Michael looked hard at the woman, he hadn’t recognised her at first but on closer inspection to his surprise, yes, it was her. But the other thing Gabriel had mentioned couldn’t be true. He also accessed the divine database to check. Michael agreed with Gabriel on very few things, but in this case he had to, although he wouldn’t show it, the Bloom woman had to be crazy;

"Leave her with me, Gabriel." Michael asserted himself, "You had better get in there and see how The Man is, after this He’s probably in a terrible mood."

"Take her! But if I ever see her up here again, I will throw her off this fucking balcony, just watch me!" Gabriel retreated towards the throne room door.

"You come with me." Michael took a firm hold of Eunice’s arm and led her to the elevator. He pressed the down button;

"Woman, have you lost your mind?" He put his hands to her shoulders and held her in front of him.

"No, I lost my life, it was unjustly taken from me!"

"You were the elite of the elite, The Sheriff, The Guardian Agent, look at you now, you’re nothing, you’ve thrown it all away, a shining career, for what?"

"I want to get out of here, I’m going back down and I’ll stay with my grandparents and their ancestors, I’ll never come back." Eunice began to cry copiously again, the pain of the injustice done to her had returned, as bad as when she had first heard it. Michael suddenly felt very protective of the little soul before him who had suffered so much, he could see the distinctive wound on her chest under the right lapel of the waistcoat and after having accessed the divine database just now, had been updated on the full dreadful details about the significance of it;

"Oh Eunice, you poor girl, I will come with you as escort and make sure you get to where you want to go, but I’m very worried for you. I’m amazed The Man did not destroy you on the spot but the fact He didn’t doesn’t mean He won’t change His mind in the future."

The elevator arrived, the door opened and they both went in.

[specialangeleunicebloom3-blog]

14

Chapter 14: Find your inner angel

There was great tribulation in the Firmament about the unprecedented resignation of an angel. Eunice was not one to spread her business about but she did tell Poppa, Rocco and Greenly her reasons who then made sure they told everyone else, such was their outrage at the injustice of her treatment. Opinion was split right down the middle over Bloomygate once news broke about the affair. One side thought The Man should destroy the woman on the basis to provoke Him was the last thing they wanted, the consequences of His thankfully none too often rages were terrible indeed. The wrath of God descending down on all their heads?, it was better the Bloom woman be destroyed than having to suffer that. They already had Lucifer to contend with, they didn’t want another one, even if in relation to the matter at hand this was no longer possible since Eunice had given up all her divine powers.

The other side was generally supportive of Eunice, not only because they were dismayed by The Man’s appalling act of killing the woman, but also their complete disgust on finding out He was regularly watching them having sex.

Eunice still spent time hanging out with the gang at Rocco’s Bar, with Poppa, his sons, Romeo, Greenly and of course, Rocco himself. She laughed and played around as before but somehow it wasn’t the same, her resignation hadn’t really helped, she was still so unhappy with her existence, even her ancestors couldn’t lift her malaise.The gang also did their best. Poppa had always taken the view until then that as all four Guardian Angels had unfortunately suffered violent deaths at the hands of criminal thugs, there was nothing for it but to accept it and get on with their new role of working for The Man. But now things were different, the wrong done to Eunice was unforgivable.

"Don’t worry about that Guy, Eunice," Rocco put his arms around her, "His Son’s alright but The Man Himself, He’s a total fucking wad!"

But supportive acts such as this did little to relieve their dear friend. _________________________________________________

 Gabriel sought a meeting with The Man. He entered the throne room, genuflected once, moved forward, genuflected again, moved forward some more and was about to genuflect a third time….

"Cut all that bullshit out, will you?" The Man was completely fed up with it, "Come here and speak to Me, damn it!"

"My Lord, You mentioned to me before, the small matter of closing down Rocco’s Bar? I have duly procured boarding up materials and a contractor to do the task. All I need now is Your go-ahead, oh magnificent One!"

"Rocco’s Bar?" The Man had clearly forgotten, "Oh that, don’t worry about it now, we’ve got more pressing problems than that."

"My Lord, really, such as?"

"Are you a complete fucking retard? The Bloom problem!"

"But surely that’s easily solved, My Lord, she's just a little bitch, destroy her and be done with it."

"If only it were as easy as that."

"What could be more simple than that, My Lord?"

"I’m unwilling to tell you, I have my reasons, but you can be rest assured, the whole situation is completely fucked!"

"Don’t destroy her then, just merely replace her. Didn’t you see how well Caitlin de Sousa performed up on the roof that day, if you would kindly remember, a lady put forward as recommended by me specifically for the task. Caitlin would make a great little Guardian Angel for You My Lord, it is high time she was promoted, I mean You can’t keep her as a lowly standby Utility Angel forever?"

"I don’t want de Sousa! I want Bloom!"

"I don’t understand why You think Caitlin could not perform as well as Bloom as a Guardian Angel, but that aside, My Lord, You really must shut down Rocco’s Bar and I’ll tell You why. It’s directly linked to the Bloom problem."

"Go on…." Gabriel had really grabbed The Man’s interest now and he was determined to feed it with his well thought out disinformation;

"Your elite band of Guardian Angels and Bloom are plotting against You. The plot is for Bloom to form her own primary firm in much the same way Lucifer has. Il Duce, Rocco and Greenly are all going to defect with her."

"There are only two primary firms, Heaven and Hell, so what’s this other going to be called?"

"Blutopia."

"Oh I see, ‘Blutopia’, how clever. In Heaven we have the Saved in paradise, and in Hell we have the Damned in eternal torment, so what will be the purpose of Blutopia?"

"I’m not entirely sure," Gabriel frowned, "all I know is that Rocco’s Bar is going to form the basis for it but they will extend the site to make room for additional souls."

"And then what?"

"And then, from what I’ve heard, as it is now they’re going to use it as a facility for mortals and immortals to meet up."

"Okay, for what purpose?"

"Well, to indulge in the craic twenty-four-seven, that is, to be on the piss all day listening to Nuevo-Grunge music, get into fights and occasionally shoot up the bar, a bit like the Wild West."

"The cunts! You mean they prefer that to worshiping Me in My shining opulence?" The Man quickly showed His ire.

"You must smite them, My Lord," Gabriel gave what he thought was wise counsel, "act now and show no mercy to those who would turn their face from You, ‘The Glorious Omnipresent Light of the Firmament!’."

"Yeah, thanks for that, you always have to taste the contents of My colon don’t you?"

"I only aim to serve You, My Lord."

"Yeah, right, now fuck off and find out when they are next meeting. Hmmm, yes, I think it’s about time I paid those fuckers a visit at the bar and showed them who’s boss!" The Man decided on his next course of action.

_____________________________________________________

 Eunice hadn’t yet arrived but all the rest of the gang were at Rocco’s, another night on the craic. The Barman Rocco, Poppa, Greenly, Connor, Murphy and Romeo all waiting for her arrival.

The "Craic" 

The "Craic II": Fill 'em up again Barman!

‘Cloff…Cloff …Cloff…’ The sound of horse shoes approaching.

The nose of the horse pushed open the saloon doors and on in it came, the pale head, the neck, forelimbs, Eunice ducked her head low under the door beam and then sat upright in the saddle;

"Hello y’all!" She was wearing the uniform of a Union 7th Cavalry Captain, black Stetson with crossed swords badge and gold acorns, deep blue shirt with the bright yellow bandana around her neck, light blue breeches with the yellow stripe, black riding boots and white forearm length leather gloves. Her weaponry; standard issue, Army SA pistol in a flap over holster, army sabre, and 1873 Springfield carbine in the saddle holster. The horse also looked every inch the part, pure white and marshal with it, dark blue and gold edged cavalry sheet under the shiny black saddle.

Connor, Murphy, Romeo and Greenly all swarmed around the beautiful horsewoman.

"Whoop! You look amazing, Eunice!" Connor took hold one side of the bridle and patted the horse’s nose.

"I’m not so sure about the uniform," Murphy took the other side of the bridle, "Shouldn’t you be a Confederate Cavalry officer?" He remarked in jest.

"Oh I think this is the uniform for me, Murphy," She said from up high, "Someone once told me she was breaking my sword and expelling me from the 7th Cavalry. Well here I am, sword intact!" Eunice slapped a gloved hand on her scabbard, "Mr Romeo, are you going to let a lady sit up here all day and not lend a hand to help her down?"

"Yes Ma’am, Captain Bloom!" Romeo eagerly obliged, taking her hand, and with his other hand providing a step for her boot to use. The Guardian Angel Greenly watched the mortal Mexican help the lady down, was that an element of jealousy in his eye? Eunice placed herself facing the horse;

"Go on Silver, park yourself outside." She stroked his nose. Silver dutifully about turned and passed back through the swing doors, "That’s my party piece for the night over!" Eunice announced to everyone’s great amusement.

She went over to the bar and took off her gloves and cumbersome sword and placed them on the bar before selecting herself a stool. The craic commenced as usual, the lady holding court at the bar with Connor, Murphy, Romeo and Greenly huddled around her. Rocco busied himself behind the bar keeping the drinks well supplied to the patrons. Poppa stood at the bar slightly apart from the little group of friends watching them talk, laugh and drink. How sad for Eunice, the uniform and the horse, it was all a show put on for the boys to try and convince them she was alright, her happy face, but Poppa could see through it, she was acutely unhappy and it wounded him deeply knowing her true state of mind. He knew she could only fake this happiness so many times, eventually she would stop coming to the bar and retreat inside herself. He felt so useless, was there nothing he could do to help her?

 _______________________________________________________

 The Man approached Rocco’s, yes, Gabriel had been right, the lights were on, they were inside. Outside there was even a fucking horse! Whatever next? As The Man approached the door He felt Himself fully take on the body of a mortal although much of His divine power remained, interesting that, the unique properties of Rocco’s Bar. By that time the bar had already acquired a bit of a bad reputation, fights, shootings, unauthorised wing displays, all day and night drinking sessions, brain numbingly loud music, and the Barman himself was something to contend with even at the best of times.

The Barman himself was something to contend with even at the best of times

The Man barged through the swing doors, Rocco behind the bar gaped in shock and Il Duce dropped his drink, but the group of five seated at the bar with their backs turned didn’t notice, such was Taylor Duffy’s ‘Plastic Jesus’ being played at nearly the full 32 decibels.

The Man walked over to the jukebox and ripped the power cord out of the wall. The five abruptly ceased chattering and turned around. Deathly silence.

"Who the fuck are you?" Connor challenged the gatecrasher.

"Connor!" Poppa snapped.

"Is this the landlord, Rocco?" Murphy queried, "I’ll teach him not to fuck with your music, shall I put my fist down his fucking throat for you?"

"Murphy! Silence!!" Poppa virtually screamed at his son.

"Jesus Christ, we’re fucked!" Greenbeans all at once became the prophet of doom. Eunice stared at the brothers and made sure she caught each of their eye in turn, and assertively shook her head as a clear signal ‘Don’t’.

"What are You doing here?" Rocco asked The Man, "You can’t gatecrash in here uninvited."

"I’ll fucking well invite Myself thank you very much Mr Rocco!" The Man threw back, "Il Duce, would you like to introduce Me to the three mortals present if you don’t mind?" Poppa took a long pause before dealing with the request, given the magnitude of the information to be revealed;

"Boys, Romeo, believe it or not, and you’d better believe it, this is the Avatar personification of God, the Father of Jesus Christ who’s image you wear on your backs." Poppa watched the changing expressions on the faces of the three men, disbelief, amazement, awe, but finally resentment. They had been told and could not forget that The Man was responsible for murdering their beloved Eunice. They too were just as torn up as the remaining Guardian Angels in the group between loyalty to the Supreme Creator and supporting their friend.

"How is My operation in Boston?" The Man addressed The Saints directly but they just looked elsewhere avoiding eye contact.

"With our help it’s going just fine." Poppa spoke on their behalf.

"I wasn’t asking you, shit-head!" There was a palpable shock from all observers present as The Man had never spoken to Il Duce in that way before, a dangerous line had been crossed, "What are you three fuckers doing here anyway?" He now addressed the angels present, "Why aren’t you at work on My assignments?"

"We don’t like the work, we thought we’d come here instead." Poppa advised.

"Oh did you now?" The Man acknowledged the response with a threatening tone. It was obvious that they loved that bitch more than they loved Him! The heavy confrontational atmosphere now pervading the bar caused the resident cat to jump off it’s stool and bound for the door.

"Fucking pets!" The Man watched the cat leave, "Who’s is that?"

"That’s my cat." Rocco answered.

"And the bird?" The Man looked at it in the cage at the far end of the bar. "That’s Eunice’s parrot." Rocco kept the information coming.

"When you think of all the time and effort I spent setting up this facility for you people and look at the way you’re running it?" The Man looked up and down the bar-room, "We have a horse, a cat and a parrot, all we’re missing now is a fucking dog, but since she has resigned I guess Bloom fulfils that role now?" The Man couldn’t resist trashing the one who had advised Him where to put His job, and after all, wasn’t she the primary target, so why not get started on her without further delay? Her friends all went rigid at the remark, their non-verbal affront to the attack on her dignity so readily apparent, "Barman, where’s My fucking drink?"

"Make Yourself at home, take a seat with the crew here…" Rocco gestured The Man towards the seated.

"I’ll sit by Myself if you don’t mind." The Man went down to the far end of the bar. As He sat on the stool Joey piped up;

"You’re a fuckin’ asshole! You’re a fuckin’ asshole!"

"We are truly elephant dick pounded in the ass, no reach around jungle fucked now!" Greenly was virtually weeping into his glass at the bird’s learned but inopportune utterance.

"What will it be?" Rocco asked The Man.

"Vodka." The Man provocatively answered knowing The Saints had issues with the Russian Mafia in the past.

"I don’t serve vodka here, I never stock it." Rocco declined.

"You do now, look behind the bar where you keep your best Irish whiskey." The Man instructed.

"Oh You fucking ass-wipe!" Rocco had opened up the relevant cabinet, "By all means turn fucking water into wine, but my fucking whiskey into vodka? You bastard!"

"I’ll have a bottle of that now and a glass." The Man laughed.

Rocco yanked out a bottle and skidded it down the bar to The Man on it’s base, he then grabbed a shot glass and flung it in the same direction so it rolled and tumbled all the way to The Man.

"Why thank you, how considerate of you." The Man remarked laden with conceit before pouring Himself a drink, "Bloom, hey U-Blu…." The Man noticed the four seated men protectively huddled closer to the new focus of His attention, "So this is how you’re spending your time as an ‘ordinary’ soul? Fancy dress and a pantomime horse? What a fucking joke you are, but then again you always were, weren’t you?" He noticed the sneaky bitch was wearing a gun even after supposedly handing in all her weapons upon resigning. Eunice remained silent, she did not want to argue with The Man, she just wanted to be left alone. The Man emptied his glass, swallowing the contents whole and then He refilled it, His own brew, the best.

Now He had begun working on the woman He wouldn’t stop carrying out something He had thought up in the last few minutes. He would challenge her to a duel. As He walked outside He would tell her to follow Him. In order to save face she would comply and in support her little cabal of friends would also come out. Then He would shoot her down, not dead, that wasn’t possible since she was already dead, but such to the extent that it destroyed her vital image as held so dear by her friends. Then they might finally see sense, fall into line and get back to fucking work! But what if she was faster on the draw than He was? Oh, He’d thought of that. When it came to the draw, He would run Rocco’s Meantime including Bloom at half speed, He would operate at normal speed, that ensured He would be quicker on the draw and be first.

"Nobody drinking?" The Man derided the stone dead atmosphere, "Barman, fill everyone’s glass, I wish to make a toast." Rocco refused to budge, "No? Then U-Blu here will have to make the toast. Wakey - wakey Bloom, party piece time, but not one of yours, one of Mine! Start reworking that algorithm we went through in the throne room the other day in that monkey brain of yours, you know the one, the one with the unassailable logic to it, that’s right, you remember? No time like the present, get off your fucking ass, come here and kneel!, and say to Me the acclamation." The Man noticed Bloom bodily slump forward onto the bar needing support.

"Don’t kneel in front of Him, Eunice." Connor whispered.

"I have to, my love," She whispered back, "It’s the logic, you see, the logic." She got up from her seat.

"No!" Romeo grabbed her belt and tried to pull her back down.

"Stop it Romeo! I have to do this." She prised away the fingers and released his grasp. She walked over and stood before The Man.

"Take that fucking hat off when you’re in front of Me! I will not take such wanton insolence from you!" The Man didn’t really mean that, it was more for the consumption of her friends, especially the newly introduced mortals.

Eunice took off her cavalry hat and threw it away. After a few moments to prepare herself, she got down on one knee and then the other. To The Man, this was pure gold, to have this happen and with all her friends watching!

Eunice ran the algorithm in her head, it was necessary to do this to protect herself;

The cold beer shared with her family on the homestead porch in Etruria, standing up in the front of the Mustang with the wind in her hair, Route 66, Smecker at the wheel, the craic with The Saints, …… beautiful young boy Carl making such pure and sweet love to her…..

"My Lord, I respect, love and worship You unconditionally, as The Supreme Creator." Eunice said loudly enough so that everyone could hear.

Poppa fearfully watched the reaction of his boys and Romeo, they were literally quivering with a scorching rage to outdo even the fires of hell. They exchanged knowing glares, no, they weren’t going to let this slide for much longer. Rocco was leaning back up against the bottle dispensers with his eyes closed, Greenbeans had his forehead pressed to the bar unable to look up. Poppa now turned his face away from this macabre circus, the continuous bullying and humiliation of Eunice by The Man was too much to bear. As the Supreme Creator they were supposed to love Him, but He seemed hell bent in His determination to make them hate Him.

"Voila Gentlemen! You can always rely on Bloomy for a great party piece, can’t you!" The Man raised His hands in conquest for the benefit of the audience. Eunice slowly got to her feet. "Where are you going? I didn’t say you could get up." The Man sought clarification.

"My Lord, the logic does stand up and You have every right to ask me to recite the acclamation as many times as You wish. However, after so many times there will inevitably come a point where I will tell you to go fuck Yourself."

"Whatever. The rules are simple in life, death and the afterlife, get what you appreciate or appreciate what you get, this is the hand I have dealt you in My infinite wisdom."

"I got what I appreciated and it was criminally taken from me, but I have every intention to get it back and keep it this time!"

"Yeah, that’s right, trying to get you to concede any ground is like the proverbial blood out of a stone, you don’t give much away, do you, you tight pussied bitch!" The Man outdid her indignation. Poppa sensed everyone, including himself, wanted to rush over and punch The Man’s face in. Not only had He shown gross disrespect and degraded the woman, He had also uttered a manifest lie, Eunice was most generous and beautiful with it. Nevertheless, Eunice kept fighting on her own behalf for now;

"That was a shocking thing to say to me, but that’s it, isn’t it? All you theologian fuckers are the same, you can’t tolerate any woman who defiantly takes control of her own body. Why am I such a threat to you? What are you frightened of?" As The Man had no ready answer, He continued trying to steamroll right over Eunice;

"One last chance, Bloom." The Man gave His final terms, "You’ve got to find your inner angel, get your ass back up to that throne room, pick up your wings where you left them, your badge and your Colt Walkers. Then get the fuck back to Rome and look after Cardinal Sartini like you’ve been booked to do on the assignment roster, capiche?"

"No."

"No? Right then, you leave Me no option. I’m going through that door and if you’re not out in three minutes after Me, I’m coming back in for you."

"No! Don’t You do that!" Rocco shouted at The Man, "Nobody gets called out in here, I won’t allow it!"

"You shut the fuck up and keep out of it. It’s between the caller and the called out, and nobody else, that’s always been the rules." The Man had no intention of complying with any of Rocco’s bar rules, "You’re another bastard I’ll have to deal with later too."

"But You don’t have a gun." Eunice remarked on The Man’s deficiency for the task.

"Oh so I don’t." The Man made play by looking down at His belt, "I’ll just have to make use of that rifle on that flea-bitten nag of yours outside. You like powerful guns? So do I, I’ll blow you into a parallel fucking universe with it. Is that thing you’re wearing there loaded?" Eunice looked away unintentionally betraying the fact that it was. The Man got up without finishing His drink and made for the door, "Three minutes!" He reminded Eunice as He walked through.

The six men immediately rushed over to Eunice to give her what moral support they could, everyone was shouting advice at her all at once;

"Don’t go out Eunice!", "Give me the gun Eunice!", "I’ll go out and face Him for you, Eunice!", "I’ll jump Him when He comes back in.", "I’ll grab His legs and then Romeo, you hit Him with a stool from behind!", "Boys, stop and think for Christ’s sake!" and "We’re fucking doomed!"

She couldn’t tell who was saying what, and wasn’t that interested anyway.

"Everyone, everyone! Shut the fuck up!" Poppa restored order, "Be quiet!" Everyone turned to hear some sage advice, all apart from Eunice, quiet and reflective.

"Eunice, don’t go outside." Poppa put his arm around her.

"Oh no, I’ve no intention of going." She replied heedlessly, "I’ve played along with His infantile rants for long enough, but no more."

"Then, my dear, what are you going to do?" Poppa needed to know the alternative.

"He can come back in, and then He can destroy me."

"No Eunice, no!" Romeo sank to his knees and clasped himself to her. Under the enormous force of his arms she felt as if the small of her back was about to snap, but by that stage it didn’t matter, she didn’t care anymore, she had accepted her confirmed destruction.

"Oh my dear child, no." Poppa pulled her head onto his shoulder.

"I’ll use her gun, Murphy, you get her sword…" She heard Connor begin to make a plan of action, "Romeo….., oh I don’t know, use a snooker cue or something. Angels, use all the divine powers you possess, six against one, we can take Him!" But the angels present remained strangely silent.

"You idiots!" Eunice pulled her face away from Poppa's shoulder, "You can’t fight The Man and win, He has infinite power to draw upon from higher planes. And even if you could win, it wouldn’t be right. The day you raise a hand against your God is the day you cast yourself into hell. Save yourselves, let Him destroy me and then that’s the end of it. That first night at the Pentagon, to experience true nothingness, I am so fucking tired, peace at last…"

"You know Eunice, if you picked up your wings again, The Man might make a special dispensation for you…." Poppa tried his hardest to search for a resolution or else everything would be lost, "If everyone can compromise then I’m sure we can work…" Suddenly he held himself in check, all he was thinking about was his precious boys and himself. Eunice should not give in, "Eunice, my dear lady, you do what you want to do. Everyone, united we stand."

"Divided we fall?" Greenbeans completed the standard oath as a question.

"No! United we fall as well!" Everyone got Poppa's meaning straight away, "If Eunice goes down, we all go down, none of us could continue with ourselves afterwards anyway! We’re all agreed?"

"Agreed!!" All the other men proclaimed.

‘Crack-off-off!’

Everyone turned to look towards the door on hearing the echo of the rifle report;

"He’s already test fired the rifle." Eunice recognised the distinctive sound of the Springfield, "Gentlemen, please don’t do this for me. It’s futile throwing your existence away for one who is already gone bar the next minute or so." Eunice pleaded with them to reconsider.

"Shut up Bloomy, since when did any of us ever listen to you!" Rocco put his arm around her waist and led her back to the bar.

One woman seated at the bar, four men also seated, two either side very close to her, one man standing at the bar watching over the five, one barman behind the bar, they watched the last minute on the bar clock tick down, High Noonesque.

________________________________________________

 Upon leaving the bar The Man passed Silver and pulled the Springfield out of the saddle holster, as He did so the horse turned it’s head and gave Him a steady gaze.

"What are you looking at?" The Man returned the stare before moving on to the open area outside the bar. He checked the weapon was loaded, so now what? The Man decided it would be best to perform a trial run of the half speed timeline trick He was going to use to ensure He would be fastest on the draw. He needed a stand-in for Bloom; yes My dear Gabriel, since she was your recommendation, who better than the little ‘twin’ on the roof? He summoned Caitlin de Sousa to avail herself instantly to hand;

"Ah, supposed to be Bloomy’s twin are you? Well, I’ve got just the perfect little ‘stand-in’ job for you…" The Man belittled the dishevelled low status angel who had been virtually ripped out of heaven to make herself present. Although shocked by such a precipitous transportation, Caitlin still tried to genuflect and kneel in the presence of the Almighty;

"Forget that shit! Get the fuck up!" The Man impatiently kicked dirt up into her face, "Stand over there opposite Me and within the next twenty seconds act as if you are drawing a pistol on Me, and make sure you do it as fast as you can." The Man told her in no uncertain terms.

Caitlin now understood with great trepidation the purpose of the rifle in The Man’s hands, He wanted her to do what?, draw on Him when He was wielding that? Try not to think about it, she had her instructions…

Stand-In; Ooh, all those nasty dangerous little shards of glass! (or NOT the real thing!)

The Man ran Rocco’s Meantime at half speed. Soon enough, Caitlin’s hand came up but to The Man’s annoyance, she was still too fast for Him to bring the weapon to His shoulder and aim it accurately enough. So He re-ran the simulation at one eighth speed. This looked more promising, as her hand came up He had ample time to level the weapon, aim accurately and fire.

The power of the rifle bullet at such close range blew the whole right side of Caitlin’s face away and a good chunk of her cranium too. Excellent trial run, this would work. After returning the timeline to normal speed The Man approached and stood over the Utility Angel’s smashed and floundering form on the ground;

"Alright de Sousa, put your brains back in and get the fuck outa here, make way for the main event, the real thing."

The Man looked at His watch, the three minutes were up. No sign of the Bloom woman or her entourage. Well, they were so fucking stupid none of them could count anyway. He gave them another minute. Still no sign of anyone. They had called His bluff, they weren’t coming out even after He had done a trial run messing with the speed of the local timeline, the inconsiderate fuckers.

He was now stuck outside with no plan B, like a prick.

This calling Bloom out plan had backfired spectacularly. He could either run back to the top floor at HQ and be humbled or go back in and face a wall of intransigence. He could destroy them but He was reluctant to do that though He wouldn’t admit to Himself why. Fuck it! He would have to go back in, though what He was supposed to do once He got there, Christ knew. He looked at the rifle in His hands. They would be waiting to ambush Him once He walked through the door. They only had one gun but who would be using it? All incumbents with the possible exception of Greenly, were excellent with a gun, but Bloom had to be one of the best. Hadn’t He seen her gun-craft at Bantams where she single-handedly took out five heavily armed thugs? She had also captured a rifle and used it to devastating effect.

All incumbents were excellent with a gun, but Bloom had to be one of the best

He looked once more at the weapon in His hands. He could try and do one of His timeline fixing tricks inside the bar to swing the ensuing gunfight in His favour but due to the unique internal nature of the premises, that might not be possible and would be too much hassle to set up anyhow. He decided to go back in unarmed, they wouldn’t shoot an unarmed man would they? Even if they did, they couldn’t kill Him, but being gunned down by His own fucking guardian angels once it got out would be the ultimate humiliation all the same, talk about making Lucifer’s day! He would have to go back in and try and save face while facing them down. Fuck everything, it was all too vague, He had no real idea what would happen now. Fucking Gabriel and his fucking half baked ideas!

The Man walked up to the side of Silver and slid the rifle back into the saddle holster. He took a few minutes to run His hands over the mane, neck and flanks of the beautiful stallion;

"What would you do, Silver?"

"That’s easy, My Lord." Silver turned his head to face The Creator, "Abdicate and give your kingdom to me, Richard the fucking Third!"

_______________________________________________

 "Hey, you in there!" The Man pressed His cheek tight to the doorjamb barely showing the tip of His nose, "I’m coming in, and I’m unarmed, so don’t shoot, d’ya hear?" No answer.

"Look, the first one that shoots Me will get cast into hell and eternal damnation, d’ya hear Me? ……… Ya fuckers!"

Still no answer. He was frightened to go in as He fully expected Bloom to come at Him like the banshee she was at Bantams, fanning the Army SA spitting out a hail of bullets.

He fully expected Bloom to come at Him like the banshee she was at Bantams, fanning the Army SA spitting out a hail of bullets

He moved His cheek forward just enough so He could get a one-eyed view of the bar. Rocco was behind the bar, Il Duce was standing at it and the other five seated with their backs to the door. The Real Magnificent Seven;

"Right, I’m coming in now and I’m not armed so don’t shoot!"

The Man pushed open the swing door, hopped inside and kept Himself low down against the wall. What was going on?, the seven were frozen like statues. Had the timeline trial outside somehow frozen time within the bar? No, obviously they were just staying still. Now The Man felt it permeating the whole atmosphere, the love these six men had for the woman was so strong He could almost reach out and grab some of it, but none of it was for Him. So much love for the woman and yet they hated Him, The Creator. Nevertheless, The Man felt greatly relieved they weren’t going to attack Him and much of His former ebullience returned. He walked over to the seven and stood behind the woman;

"So what happened Bloom, no stomach for a fight? You’re as yellow as that fucking bandana!"

"Eunice is no coward!" Rocco leapt to his friend’s defence, "And You know that, so why lie?"

"What were You trying to do calling me out?" Eunice turned to confront The Man, "Playing with peoples souls, it’s all a game to You isn’t it? Just a game!"

"Of course it’s a game you stupid bitch," The Man hit back, "Just so many pixels in a fucking machine, you know, X-Box and shit."

"Fuckin’ jerk-off with His fucking X-Box," Greenbeans whispered to Murphy, "Playstation is far superior."

"You’re in the game whether you like it or not Bloom," The Man attempted to build a usable front, "We’ll see what courage you do have…."

The seven waited for utter destruction or eternal damnation. Unknown to them The Man would not contemplate either as an option, but without these, He had nothing else to bargain with. He had no idea how to proceed. He paced down to the far end of the bar. Poppa closed his eyes and prayed ‘If that fucking bird opens it’s fucking trap again, so help me, I’ll wring it’s fucking neck!’. Thankfully, Poppa's prayers were answered and the bird remained silent.

The Man stopped, turned around and walked back down the length of the bar passing the seven statues to reach the other end, turning and retracing His steps back again. He had no idea what this was supposed to achieve. He felt like Detective ‘Popeye’ Doyle in The French Connection during the bar scene shake down with all the punters sullenly facing forwards; ‘Did you drop something?’ but who could He pull into the backroom? He had no informant, not on this team. He reached the parrot end and turned to come back again. Poppa sensed the unbearable tension within the air was about to explode, and he knew his friends felt it too. What was The Man going to do? They were all held hostage in a fixed state of paralysis. As The Man passed behind Eunice, she could take it no more;

"What the fuck do You want?" She looked over her shoulder.

"You bitch!" The Man also couldn't take the impasse any longer and lunged at the woman grabbing her bandana. Her seated friends immediately leapt to her aid.

"Don’t You fucking touch her!" Connor sprang off his stool.

"Bastard!" Murphy did the same.

"I’ll fuckin’ kill You!" Romeo tried to grab hold of The Man as did the brothers. Greenly jumped up to protect Eunice but tripped and roughly fell against her nearly knocking her off the stool.

"Boys! Boys! Respect The Man!" Poppa tried to shout some sense into them, "Know who you’re taking on!" He threw himself into the melee trying to pull everyone apart but got inextricably embroiled as well. The Man couldn’t believe it as The Saints grabbed hold of Him, His divine personification was being manhandled by mere mortals, how extraordinary, Rocco’s Bar did indeed have some unusual properties! Eunice twisted herself away from Greenly, let The Man rip away her bandana and slid off the stool;

"Stop it! Stop it you fucking bastards!" She pulled out her pistol, pointed it upwards, BLAM!!, blasting a huge hole in the ceiling;

"Aaaagh - fucking bitch!!" Everyone else immediately scattered. The Man, Greenbeans, Connor, Murphy and Romeo all dived under the nearby tables.

"Fuck me, she’s at it again!" Romeo feared for his life, Poppa leapt over the bar and crouched low. Only Rocco had remained as a statue throughout the whole incident, the bulk of the shattered plaster had fallen down on him for some reason, giving him a very distinctive snow-cap to wear. Romeo nervously looked out from under his table upwards, with fervent gratitude he saw there was no chandelier over it this time.

"Do you know I’ve only just got the place fixed up from the last time, you bitch!" Rocco glowered at Eunice. He decided that for the time being he was not her friend after all, "You hand that in over the bar." Eunice hesitated, reluctant to give up her firearm. "You hand that fucking thing over right now!" Rocco shouted at her. Seeing how furious he was, Eunice placed the weapon on the bar top.

Surrendered to Rocco over the bar, the last one

Rocco grabbed it and threw it down into one of the bar side cabinets. He then flipped up the bar hatch and gestured Poppa to go through before following him out into the bar-room. The woman having been disarmed allowed the fugitives from under the tables to begin emerging, but not The Man.

"Hey, You under there, You The Man," Rocco stood by the table, "You’re barred!"

"You can’t bar Me," The Man looked up from under it, "I’m God!"

"It’s my fucking bar and I’m the Barman, that’s as good as being fucking God! You finish Your drink and get out!"

"I don’t want to finish My drink." The Man rejected the offer and furtively emerged from His refuge.

"Then get out now then, interfering with my fucking jukebox and calling someone outside! Actually, you can all get out now!" Rocco expanded on his initial idea, "The bar’s closed for the night, it’s kicking out time!"

"Hey, now wait a minute Rocco…." Murphy tried to reason with the Barman;

"Out! Out! Everyone out!" Rocco ignored Murphy and began to usher all the patrons except Poppa, into the centre of the room so he could eject them as a group.

"Fuck you Rocco, it’s only a fucking dump anyway!" Greenly wished to remonstrate.

"Aaahh maaann!" Romeo wanted to stay and finish the evening as he had started it.

"Come on, get lost! Fucking riff-raff bringing down the whole fucking neighbourhood," Rocco pushed the group of The Man, Greenly, Eunice, Connor, Murphy and Romeo out the door, "especially you Bloom after shooting up my fucking bar for the second time in so many nights, get on your horse and fuck off!"

Rocco stood at the doorway watching all six of them leave, bickering and cursing at their treatment by the Barman, and that the whole evening had been a washout of an experience, descending into farce. Poppa came out and stood by Rocco;

"Not chucking me out?"

"No, I respect you too much, fuckin’ asshole that you are."

"Smecker was wrong about you, you’re not an idiot are you, not as stupid as you look?"

"Why, thank you for the observation, I really fucking appreciate that, Il Douche-bag!"

"But that really was a smart move of yours, I was most impressed by your quick thinking."

"Yeah, I know, when Bloomy let her gun off I immediately seized the opportunity to clear the bar and I certainly needed to act fast, your boys were playing with some serious shit, them and that fucking Mexican, they’re fucking nuts! And that’s coming from me!"

"Ah, the boys, the boys, you know what they’re like, impulsive and reckless, Jesus Christ!, they attacked The Man, I thought that’s it, we’re as good as ‘Erin Go Brag!’."

"Fucking nuts I tell you! Did you know they planned to torch a whorehouse in downtown Boston? Fucking mental!"

"Oh I heard about that, that was the night they had that bust-up with Eunice, but it was just the drink talking, my boys would never do anything like that."

"Wouldn’t they? They sank that fucking boat and wrecked the Pier 9 harbour area, that’s gotta be on par with torching a joint."

"El Nicoya and his Loreto Norte gang had to pay for the death of Eunice even though we found out later The Man was ultimately responsible. The boys were never going to rest easy till they had avenged Eunice, you and I would’ve done exactly the same, though probably not tried to kill ourselves in the process! Fucking jet-skis? Fucking lunatics! They take after their mother you know."

Rocco almost fell backwards into the bar on hearing this but just about recovered himself;

"Yeah, they’re all that, attacking The Man just now, talk about digging yourself a pit! Clearing the bar was all about saving face, and especially the face of The Man."

"I could see it just as you could Rocco, The Man was badly stuck, He’d painted Himself right into a corner with no way out, all that pacing up and down, Jesus, He needed a ‘get out of jail free card’. I got the impression He was very relieved when He left along with the group."

"Yes, I got that impression too. I thought by tarring everyone with the same brush and throwing them out as a group would somehow unite them, however brief, it didn’t matter whether you were a God, a Guardian Angel, a mortal, or just a little lost soul, you got kicked out all the same, but most importantly, with your face saved and intact."

"It was a smart move but it doesn’t buy us much time. The situation is still not resolved, The Man will be back with a vengeance, you can count on it."

"That’s all I can do, Il Duce, fire fight the flames at present. But where do we go now from here?"

"I will intercede on Eunice and The Man’s behalf, I will try and get them to negotiate."

"Well I admire you for trying and I wish you luck, but after tonight it’s obvious they fucking hate each other."

"No Rocco!" Poppa was astounded by his friend’s opinion, "Eunice would never hate The Man, her God, and He would never hate her, not truly despite such bad words being exchanged."

"But they must hate one another! He has to hate her after that fucking abominable display He made her do, kneeling in front of Him and reciting that acclamation, and she must hate Him all the more for it, in front of all her friends, fucking ripped the guts outa me watching it!"

"Yes Rocco, I had to turn away, I couldn’t bear to watch it either, but now it has sunk in, I realise something marvellous and quite wonderful went down. There was nothing forced about it at all, she willingly knelt and meant every word of the acclamation, yes, she really does love The Man. As I listened I thought how terrible of The Man to use that poor girl as a doormat to wipe His feet on in front of us, but now I don’t think it reflects badly on her at all, the fact she can do it so selflessly and mean every word reveals to us all what we already suspected about the depth and strength of her character, and of course, her intelligence. You would never comply if you were stupid and ignorant, you would kick off in order to save that word again ‘face’."

"I think I’m beginning to see it now, Il Duce, the brilliance and nobility of her soul, why does she need wings when she has all that?"

"Wings or not, and intercession or not, The Man may still decide to destroy Eunice and the rest of the team along with her; can we find a way forward to satisfy all concerned?"

"What we need is a roadmap, that’s what we need, but be sure and put U-Blu in the driver’s seat!"

"Either way Rocco, we can’t keep doing such useless crappy assignments, something’s got to give soon."

"Fuck the fucking assignments! All I want to know is who is going to fix up my fucking bar again, tell me that!"

"Oh it’s not so bad Rocco, you’ve got twenty-four bottles of God-made homebrew vodka in your Irish whiskey cabinet. You tell me where you can get a better vintage than that!"

[specialangeleunicebloom3-blog]

15

Chapter 15: Father’s Daughter

The Man sat in His throne room all alone brooding. He had locked the door and wouldn’t see anyone, not even Gabriel. The situation was intolerable, things had come to a head, what was The Man going to do about that fucking girl? She was in 'Defiance' of Him and He couldn’t let her go unpunished otherwise people would no longer be afraid and respect Him for it. He had to punish her else lose face which wasn’t an option, not for Him at least. The simplest solution would be to destroy her and if it had been anyone else who had resigned He most certainly would have done so by now. So why hadn’t He done it then? He knew the reason, but always pushed it to the back of His mind, He couldn’t bear it at the forefront of His consciousness. This bitch was so bad-ass she was good, or was it she used to be bad-ass but was now just plain bad?, He couldn’t decide. Never since the departure of Lucifer had The Sparks ‘This Town Ain’t Big Enough For The Both of Us’ resounded so loudly in His mind. What a mistake it had been to bring her up to heaven. He thought it would be great having Eunice up there on the payroll. He could have her all to Himself and order her about. In that respect He was no different from Kiersky that fateful day at Bantams Clubhouse. Both selfish enterprises had ended in disaster, one couldn’t try that with Eunice, you couldn’t have her, she is for the world, not any one personage, divine or otherwise. But if she is for the world, then what world? He created it and everything within it, she was created for the world and not the other way around, did she exist before the very stars her cosmic matter came from? To think of how she started out, nothing but a little ball of white fluff, now look at her! Are the very same stars supposed to fall to ground and make themselves into a carpet for her delicate feet?

Fuck it, why not wipe the whole fucking timeline and reboot it from scratch, easily done, He mulled it over in His mind;

"Wipe the entire thirteen and a half billion year timeline over that bitch? Fuck that!" He needed to try something else, "I know! I’ll just wipe it back to 1970 before she was born and start the simulation from there, shall I do that?" He thought long and hard;

"I can’t give her up, I love the cow too much."

What was it about these fucking apes? In this simulation where for a bit of fun He had morphed a markedly one dimensional avatar of Himself into human form, it being a crude accident of the four billion year evolutionary process, why had he really done it? Was He that seriously empty, that lonely? This fucking simulation, where was the fun in trying to control every aspect of it? He needed some variation to keep it interesting, no?

To touch the gene pool and set it in motion, let it run for four billion years and look what it came up with. First came Albert Einstein, and then after him Eunice Bloom. Albert Einstein or Eunice Bloom? It was no contest which The Man wanted to share heaven with. Angels, we all need our angels. The Man expected that He would want someone like Audrey Hepburn, so beautiful, elegant, noble, impeccable manners and decorum, well spoken and so intelligent, and so the list goes on. But what did He go out and find as she arrived with an ETA of ten minutes? Stepping out of that squad-car, ‘The Real Thing’, Special Agent Eunice Bloom! Thank you Shaymus.

How bizarre.

Stepping out of that squad-car; The Real Thing

Now Eunice had many of those aforementioned attributes in relation to Audrey Hepburn, the would be perfect angel, but Bloomy was definitely no Audrey. Choice number two; Audrey Hepburn or Eunice Bloom? What does common sense tell you to choose? Again, inexplicably it was Bloomy who He wanted! He wanted her but He couldn’t have her, not in the present situation. He hadn’t brought her on board at all, all He had done was drive her away. He didn’t want her turned against Him. He was God and as such He could do no wrong, and yet He had done wrong, killing Eunice. How could He get her back on side? He knew what she wanted, she wanted her old earthly life back but that was unattainable, the timeline had moved on too much. It was a pity nothing could be done on that front as when thinking on Eunice He had often envisaged her as an adopted daughter. She was special by name and special by nature. The Man had only resurrected someone once before, but that someone had been pretty special too.

‘Special’…. You see there is a ‘special’ before my ‘agent’. If we’re gonna address each other formally, I’d appreciate it if you popped it in there, because it makes me feel special

Damn her! Why was He thinking about her all the time? Surely there were more important things to think about in the great scheme of things? He couldn’t get her out of His head, the would be Pennsylvanian Cowgirl for heavens sake!

What to do? What to do?

Rogue FBI Agent…… Rogue Guardian Angel!! ________________________________________________________

 Poppa couldn’t just stand by and do nothing, there was too much at stake. He asked if he could come and see The Man. To his great surprise The Man had Gabriel arrange an appointment time. On the way up to the throne room Poppa just happened to share the elevator with the Archangel Michael. The Archangel and the Guardian Angel looked at one another, both angels and yet employed on a completely different job spec. Archangel, way up high at the pinnacle of the corporate ladder unlike a mid-tier Guardian Angel, elite one or not.

"So Michael, what’s the feeling up on high, is my section of Guardian Angels to be destroyed?"

"No, I don’t think so. The Man can’t easily replace you if He does that." Michael gave his inside opinion.

"What about Eunice Bloom?"

"Nah, that won’t happen either."

"Why don’t you think so?"

"I’ve seen it all before, The Man and a woman, but He’s completely obsessed with this one. All this sentimental talk about He wants her as His adopted daughter. Every man over fifty wants Bloom as his adopted daughter for crying out loud!"

"Ah…." Poppa hadn’t thought of that as a possibility. So it happened The Man was a man after his own heart? If true then he was disappointed he didn’t pick up on the vibe, "The plot thickens…."

"Good luck with your meeting, break a leg!"

Michael joked as he left the elevator two floors from the top. Poppa continued to the top floor and on leaving the elevator made his way to the throne room.

"You mother fucking Guardian Angels!" Gabriel grabbed hold of Poppa outside the door and held him up against the wall.

"What the fuck is this all about? What have we done now?" Poppa strained as the force used by the archangel was almost enough to crush his chest.

"Caitlin! Caitlin de Sousa!" Gabriel shoved Poppa one last time against the wall before releasing him, "Access the divine database about her on the night all you fuck-heads were at Rocco’s!" Poppa did as he was advised and a look of abject horror passed over his face as he found out what had happened to the utility angel outside Rocco’s;

"Jesus help her, no…." Poppa shuddered when he realised what The Man had done to Caitlin, that is, if He had test fired the rifle against her, then it followed He must have also planned to do the same with Eunice. Dreadful business, that gunshot heard when they were all huddled safely together inside the bar. "My dear Gabriel, I am so sorry," Poppa put his hand on the archangel’s shoulder, "are you looking after the girl? Where is she now?"

"Her heavenly image is repaired, we all know that’s indestructible, but the brutality of the act has all but destroyed her mind, she is in a mental facility at the back of this very building!"

"Oh Gabriel, no, please say it isn’t true…" At the very least Poppa was most grateful that Eunice no longer had access to the divine database. If she found out The Man had tested the rifle out on someone who she considered her heavenly sister, Poppa knew Eunice would feel responsible and blame herself. Given how everything appeared to be resting on ever melting thin ice, it was best she didn’t know.

"I don’t know why I fucking bother!" Gabriel swiped Poppa’s hand away, "Do you know the hoops I have to jump through every day just to try and keep The Man happy? Nobody appreciates me and the important work I do, trying to keep it all together. You selfish Guardian Angel fuckers, because one of your people won’t toe the line, it’s one of my people that gets wasted. But that’s always the way of it with internal politics in any organisation, it’s the little people at the bottom that end up victims and get caught in the fallout."

"Gabriel, a terrible thing has been done to your girl, please, sir…." Poppa reached out once more for the archangel who appeared to be fast approaching breaking point over all the stress caused by the Bloomygate affair.

"Get in there and sort your shit out, and you pray The Man deals with it, otherwise you people will be dealing with me!" Gabriel stormed off the landing unwilling to engage any further. Poppa was at a loss how to commence negotiations with such an entity who indulged in such wickedness, nevertheless, with a heavy heart he opened the door and entered the throne room.

"Il Duce, come forward." The Man invited Poppa over, "Why have you asked for the meeting, for what do I owe you the pleasure?"

"I’ve come to see how You are after what happened."

"You’re not interested in Me at all! All you’re worried about is that I might decide to take divine retribution against your sons, which is exactly what they deserve."

"I intercede on everyone’s behalf, You, Eunice, the boys." Poppa tried but The Man knew he was lying;

"You just remember Who’s image your sons have on their backs and also Who happens to be one and the same thereto."

‘Shit, this hasn’t started well’ . Poppa thought, even so, he felt morally driven to challenge The Man about Caitlin;

"I’d also like to intercede on behalf of Caitlin, I know what You did to her…"

"Fuck her! If I ever hear the name of that bitch again! It’s Bloom I want to discuss, Bloom, Bloom, BLOOM!! Get it into your thick fucking head!"

"Okay, whatever." Poppa decided it was futile to pursue the matter when The Man was in such a mood.

"I’m particularly annoyed about your group of Guardian Angels who have dangerously interfered with the timeline," The Man right away got down to mentioning His own particular gripe, "there was an unauthorised viewing of the future so that you could save the lives of your sons, a disgraceful abuse of power!"

"Fuck!  You found out about that?"

"I didn’t intervene to save My Son from crucifixion, what is good enough for Me should be good enough for you!"

‘Hypocrite’ Poppa thought, after what The Man had done to Eunice.

"But leaving that to be dealt with later, as I most certainly shall," The Man moved onto the other matter raising His ire, "what’s all this I’m hearing about you people wanting to form a break away firm called ‘Blutopia’ with the Bloom woman as the ringleader?"

"What? I’ve never heard of anything so ludicrous, who told You that?"

"I won’t reveal My sources."

"Blutopia?" Poppa stifled a laugh, "We could never reject You, Our Lord God, The Creator. We may fall out time to time, but our place is here with You, we belong to You."

"Too right, and don’t you fucking forget it!"

"As for Eunice, My Lord, the silly little girl can’t do anything to harm You now, she is no longer an angel, she has given up all her divine powers, she can’t even ring-lead a precious bean!" Poppa needn’t have explained himself as The Man had already decided the ‘Blutopia’ plot was bullshit, it had to be given the source of the information;

"Her angelic divine powers," The Man spoke with deep disappointment, "to throw them away like that, the reckless maverick!"

"My Lord, You’re a fucking idiot if You think You’ve enhanced Eunice by making her an angel, You got Yourself an angel but You diminished the woman. Fantastic she may be as an angel, but in mortal earthly form she’s just as fantastic anyway. What were You trying to achieve?"

‘Got Myself an angel and yet diminished the woman.’ The Man thought intently on Poppa’s insightful observation. He would remember that and keep it in his armoury for future use against somebody He had particularly in mind.

"If you mistreat her, it rebounds on you." Poppa hadn’t yet finished, "Think about it; Kuntsler then Harbinger. To hurt her, Bloomy is bad for you, but to love her…. fucking shit!" He felt the tears rising up, "Oh my sweet Lord, she is so good for you. Tell me My Lord, have You ever held her in Your arms?"

"No, I don’t give hugs, not to apes."

"Oh, but You must try it. When I have her in my arms she is like the daughter I never had."

"Oh no, she’s My adopted daughter, not yours!" The Man quickly put in His counter claim. Poppa could not help but feel slightly hurt by the last interjection;

"This is the way I see it, You The Creator and Eunice. If Punch can go down to hell, take on the devil and whup his ass, isn’t it about time someone came up to heaven and did the same to You?" Poppa braced himself for the expected lightening bolt but to his surprise and great relief The Man appeared to think on the idea without flying into a rage;

"Nobody ‘whups My ass’, Il Duce, you know that. But I am open to suggestion and wise counsel. As U-Blu said to Me, the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse stalk the earth. As God I do have an obligation to lead by example and instigate good and righteous deeds. I let Myself down by getting you to do, as I recognise now, worthless assignments. I shall create, with your input, a new job-spec for you three remaining Guardian Angels on that team and if successful we can move this new contract onto all the other teams, hopefully an acceptable and worthwhile working method of operations going forward."

"Thank You My Lord. That is most generous and kind of You." The Man liked Il Duce, he genuinely meant what he said and there was no arse-licking involved, "And Eunice, My Lord? She will be taken back on as the elite Guardian Agent on our team?"

"Who knows, that’s not up to Me to decide. Will she take up her wings again? Look at them, dumped in the corner of the room. I had to put them there to stop everyone coming in tripping over them. Look at the state of them, the feathers are all falling out due to the lack of divine energy from the host, they’re dying."

"My Lord, if the job is right for her, I’m sure she would love to be an angel once more."

"That’s exactly what I’m hoping too. But I don’t think it’s going to be that easy, I think she wants much more than just being an angel. There’s going to have to be some intense negotiations undertaken with U-Blu, I know it. To that end I’m sure I’m going to have to make some very special arrangements to accommodate her. If she wants it then I have a special assignment for her."

"I’m glad to hear it My Lord." Poppa felt his heart lift.

"Go to her Il Duce. Tell her to come and see Me. If she won’t see Me then there’s nothing I can do, we will have lost her."

"Don’t worry My Lord, I think I’ll be able to persuade her to come." Poppa was quietly confident, "Getting back to this new job-spec for us, what happens if You change Your mind and start giving us shit to do again?"

"My dear Il Duce, you can always sue Me!" The Man gave Poppa a wry smile which was knowingly returned.

____________________________________________________

 Poppa went to see Eunice at her ancestors’ pod, it was a lot more rudimentary than the five star angel penthouse she enjoyed before handing her wings back, nonetheless, she seemed to have adapted to her new existence as best she could.

"How are you, my dear." He held her against him.

"How are you, my dear."

"How do you think?" She replied downcast.

"I’m glad you’ve stopped trying to make things out to be better than they are, that’s brave of you."

"I don’t shit anyone about this situation, certainly not myself." They both sat down on the well worn sofa in the living room.

"So what do you do with yourself all day?" Poppa asked.

"Initially when I first came here, nothing much. It was such a shock to the system for the first time in twenty years or more of having absolutely nothing to do, I’d hang with my grandparents and their parents, help them with day to day tasks, sometimes go for a walk, but often cry my eyes out sitting alone in my room."

"How dreadful for you." Poppa showed earnest concern.

"Latterly though, I’ve been doing a bit of charity work. Jesus came here on one of His pastoral rounds."

"Jesus?" Poppa lightened up at once on hearing the name.

"I didn’t want to open the door because I felt ashamed. I didn’t want Him to see me without my wings so He would know how far I’d fallen, my angelic career finished. But something told me I should open the door so I did. He didn’t bat an eyelid about me no longer being an angel, He just accepted me for who I am, put His arm around me and asked if I was alright."

"That is what He is like, Eunice. He is not like His Father at all in that respect. The Man up top is all into gilded throne-rooms, pageantry, opulence, armies of angels and saints to glorify His personage and do His bidding. Jesus, in total contrast couldn’t give a shit about any of that. It must be the Mother Mary’s genes that are dominant in His case, I guess. "

"But then I did feel really ashamed." Eunice confided.

"What is there to be ashamed about when Jesus does not care about such stuff?"

"I felt ashamed because that night I went out clubbing with Greenbeans I was rude to Jesus. He wanted to come with us but we made excuses so we could leave Him behind."

"Don’t worry about that Eunice. You were right not to take Him. For one it was you two love birds’ night out together, the last thing you would’ve wanted was to have someone tagging along. Secondly, He was deluding Himself if He thought He’d enjoy going clubbing, I should think most people at the venue would’ve laughed at and ridiculed Him. Was He still wearing those dirty pair of Nike sports socks?"

"I couldn’t tell. They certainly looked the same but I think He probably bought Himself a pack of three."

"Hm, that’s possible!"

"He told me the rest of the ‘Parable of the Three Wayfaring Servants’."

"Fuck." Poppa wasn’t avid to hear, "Go on, let’s have it."

"He rambled on for about twenty minutes stringing it out, but basically, in a nutshell, whatever method you use on your journey, be it the analogy of a camel, an ass or a bicycle, all methods to get to God are valid, just make sure you get there."

"Christ! That’s terrible!" Poppa laughed, "He’s losing His touch!"

"Yeah, I tried to sound impressed, I said ‘Fucking ‘A’ Jesus!’ and ‘Man, that’s really deep.’ but I think He knew I was lying. But leaving such reservations aside, when you think about it long enough, I think there is something in it, don’t you?"

"Yes Eunice, I think you might be right. We’re all on the journey, at what stage on it are you?"

"I’ll tell you. He mentioned somebody vulnerable in the community was moving pod that weekend and He was the only one who offered to help. Since I had my pickup out front doing nothing and His van still hadn't been repaired, He asked if He could borrow it. After I said okay He then asked me if I would like to go along and help, just in case I wasn’t too busy. At this stage I’d usually make an excuse, but then I thought damn it, I wasn’t doing anything else so I said yes, I’ll go along, I could at least do the driving and also some of the lifting and carrying. However, when we got to this lady’s new pod I discovered that she wanted her old kitchen units cut down and modified so they would fit into the new kitchen. Not thinking, I just happened to mention to Jesus while he was doing the task; ‘You’re the Son of God, why are You doing such mundane work?’ He answered; ‘Who did you say I was?, ……. I’m a carpenter.’ Afterwards, I don’t know why, but I felt much better."

"Ah yes, the Man from Nazareth," Poppa felt a peaceable glow inside, "stick with Him and you won’t go far wrong."

"On Thursday mornings He stands behind the till in a charity shop but He can’t do it this week because of other commitments so I’m going to cover for Him."

"That’s most commendable of you." Poppa remarked unable to summon up much enthusiasm in his tone.

"You think it’s bullshit, don’t you, Noah?"

"It is worthwhile and useful work, but I have to advise you that you’re completely wasted doing only this and being stuck out in the wilderness here."

"You know I’m not happy, do you think I’m at least contented?"

"No, I don’t. And even if you were it would be a wrong and complacent end for you. There are billions of people on earth who are in such dire circumstances they could use your rare talents to help them. You need to be an angel once more."

"I won’t do the assignments The Man is asking me to do. What about yourself, Greenly and Rocco?"

"Better assignments are being negotiated but The man won’t let that continue for much longer, He will destroy us if we don’t go back soon. Can you help us Eunice? Above all, can you help The Man? We want to know, He wants to know, what do you want?"

"The clock will be wound back to just before the final two shots were fired at Bantams and there will be no interference with spent bullet fragments!" There was a sharp intake of breath from Poppa on hearing the demands;

"That’s a big ask, Bloomy, to turn the timeline back over eighteen months, I’m not sure you can even turn it back a minute without crashing it."

"Well then if we can’t go back in time then I want my old life in Boston anyway! I want to be flesh, blood and mortal again, FBI Special Agent Eunice Bloom!"

"I see. Did you know I have been to see The Man since we had that punch up at Rocco’s?"

"Oh I get it, He sent you to twist my fucking arm, you fucking turncoat!"

"Now you just wait a minute young lady, you know me better than that! All sides are in deep shit, and especially The Man. In order to reassert His divinity, He will have to destroy us, but you know in your heart it’s the last thing He wants to do. I have been accused of only thinking about myself and my precious boys and yes, they are precious, The Saints operation in Boston and all that, but again, you know me better than that. What I’m trying to salvage from this shitty quagmire is that if all sides keep talking, negotiating and above all, compromise, we can get the lions share of what we want, makes us happy and most important of all, help the people and souls who are in most need of it. If we let this elite band of angels and mortals ‘Team Saints’ be destroyed then we truly deserve hellfire for our arrogance and negligence. And you, Eunice, the jewel in the crown, look at you, a little lost soul in nowhere land - no disrespect to your ancestors…."

"No offence, I know what you mean." Eunice well understood.

"For you to end up like this….." Poppa got up and pulled Eunice off the sofa into his arms once more, "If you could only know the depth of the love the whole team has for you, Eunice. I told The Man you were to me like the daughter I never had."

"Oh not you as well!" Eunice recoiled, "You’re all the same, you, The Man…."

"Yes, yes, I know, the flowers on your tombstone and the tears…., I know all about that and the way you feel, we mean no harm by it."

"Oh alright, so what do you want?" Eunice returned the question.

"When I mentioned talking, negotiation and compromise, that’s exactly what The Man wants to do. I’m begging you, go and meet Him and see if you can come to some arrangement."

"Okay, but I won’t be steamrolled into anything I’m not willing to do."

"Don’t Eunice, I don’t want you to do that. But please talk, talk and keep talking. Don’t let him provoke you into a slanging match and do not walk out, stay in there and fight your corner…, oh fuck, what am I saying?, that’s completely the wrong term, that suggests to go in all confrontational, so what approach do I want you to take?" Poppa seemed briefly unable to think of one, then; "Save us Eunice, save us all, save The Man, and of course save yourself. Each and every one of us deserves better, and the needy deserve our help. You know it’s right, and bad-ass woman or not, you always did the right thing. Eunice, on my knees…."

"You people and your fucking knees! If anyone else kneels in front of me or asks me to kneel in front of them again, I’ll cut them off at the fucking knees!" Eunice pulled herself out of Poppa's arms;

"Will you go and talk to Him, my dear?"

"Yeah, okay."

[specialangeleunicebloom3-blog]

16

Chapter 16: No time like the present

Guardian Angel Greenly marched straight into the Bloom ancestral pod. There was nothing within this simple homestead to stop him, it was divine power against no power at all.

He barged into Eunice’s bedroom without knocking. That was one small part of her resignation he didn’t mind, the fact for the first time in his existence he could whup her ass without the threat of having his arms ripped off;

"U-Blu, rise and shine, it’s job interview day!" He stood over her huddled up little form under the duvet on the bed.

For the first time in his existence he could whup her ass without the threat of having one's arms ripped off

"Fuck off will you, what time is it?" The protest emanated out from under the duvet.

"It’s time you thought about your future, and all the rest of ours." Greenly hung the clothes bag he had been carrying on the back of the door so that the contents wouldn’t be creased, and placed the shoebox on the dressing table.

"I don’t want to go, I’m depressed, I can’t face Him…." More mutterings from the hidden. Greenly rushed over, lifted the bottom of the duvet and grabbed the pair of exposed small ankles, using them as a hook to land the pyjama clad owner abruptly out of the bed and onto the floor;

"Aaaaieee! You bastard Greenly, leave me be! Fucker!" Eunice cried out. Greenbeans loved every moment of that. Of course he hoped Eunice would take up her wings again and the requisite divine power, but until then, to get one over on her for once, an evil pleasure to be enjoyed while he still had the chance;

"I’m getting you to that job interview even if it kills me!" Greenly released her ankles almost throwing them back at her, not quite realising the irony of what he had just said.

"Job interview? What the fuck do you mean? It’s just an informal chat arranged by Il Duce so me and The Man can settle our differences…."

"Oh it’s a job interview alright for a very specific job, there’s nothing informal about it, that’s the way I heard it at least," Greenly was certain, "that’s why I’ve brought you those business clothes hanging up there on that door. You and your fucking Wild West outfits, you’re in the real world now so get your ass up off the floor, into that shower room and get yourself ready. There’s not a minute to lose. I have my own responsibilities too in this matter you know. Ordinary souls aren’t allowed into Heaven HQ and certainly nowhere near the top floor. I am going to escort you through security and get you to the top. Didn’t you hear me? Move your fucking ass!"

"Don’t you order me about!"

"I fucking will and more. On the way over you’ll read this resume of your work experience both earthly and heavenly and be fully conversant with it just in case The Man asks you about it." Greenly produced the relevant paperwork from inside his leather jacket, "I prepared this from the divine database and I know The Man will be impressed with it." Eunice reached up and snatched the document out of his hand. She quickly scanned the details of her work experience;

"Last earthly assignment ‘Gunfight at Bantams Clubhouse’. Are you fucking serious? That’s beyond all reason and taste to include that." Eunice was repulsed by the thought of it.

"Don’t fuck about! That’s the most important thing on there. Even though The Man killed you, He mentioned He was most impressed with the way you single-handedly took out those five thugs, now you be sure and mention that, make a big play of it, make Him think He owes you and He’ll do the decent thing and hire you."

"Fuck this! It’s all starting again, this bullshit! Posturing and pretence. Oh Il Duce, have you got a lot to answer for!" Eunice cast away the sheets of paper.

"Right, that’s enough!" Greenly pounced on the sitting woman and lifted her up. She tried to resist but against the Guardian Angel’s unstoppable divine power she had no chance, ‘Yes’ Greenly thought, ‘just until she’s an angel again, loving it!’ He kicked open the shower door and dumped her in.

"You bastard! I hate you!" She tried to come back out clawing at him.

"Get back in and get yourself washed, bitch!" he laughed and pushed her back, "If you’re not out in five minutes I’ll come in and scrub you with a fucking broom!"

After fifteen minutes Greenly forced his way into the shower room, on reflection he thought the five minute deadline unreasonable, however, he did come in wielding a broom.

"Hey!" Eunice had just finished drying her hair and grabbed a towel to cover herself, "Respect a lady’s privacy!"

"Nothin’ I ain’t seen already!" He swung the broom-head backwards and forwards in an implied threat.

"It’s a nice change to see you without the handle of that broom sticking out of your ass for once!" She pushed past him out into the bedroom and ripped the lid off the shoebox;

"Fuck! Sensible shoes!"

"You can’t wear six-inchers to a job interview, you know that." Greenly stood at her shoulder, sans-broom. Ignoring him she took up the clothes bag, threw it flat on the bed and unzipped it;

"A three-piece suit and a blouse? That’s too many layers Greenbeans! I much prefer a two-piece."

"It’ll be fine. I always wanted to see you in a three-piece, come on, put them on, let’s see how do you look, Audrey."

Eunice put on the clothes, first the starched white cotton blouse with it’s thin open necked collar that sat just inside the v-neck of the waistcoat. The suit itself was a charcoal grey, single breasted jacket and pencil skirt. She put on some flesh coloured stockings and the black leather shoes as provided. Greenly picked up some gold hoop earrings from the dressing table;

"Here, these will look nice."

"Were you born yesterday? I can’t wear those to an interview, studs are the thing to wear." Once Eunice had decided she would go to the interview then it would be done properly, earrings sorted, one strong piece of jewellery, a short belcher gold necklace to rest on her collarbones inside the blouse. Eunice then applied her makeup, understated and natural looking, finally she pinned up her hair, side-parting it and winding it into perfect shape on her head.

"Eunice, you’re such a beautiful woman." Greenly stood in admiration of the pre-eminent professional lady, a billion dollar look, "I missed this image, the Special FBI Agent, see, I was right about the three-piece."

"I guess you were." Eunice looked at herself in the full length mirror, "Oh, I nearly forgot," she pulled open the top drawer of the dresser and took out an American flag-pin, inserting it into the left lapel of her jacket.

"Don’t wear that Eunice," Greenly objected, "by all means wear a brooch but never wear any kind of badge. It’s not even the one the President gave you, your mother had that one."

"I know she did. But on this one thing I’m going against good interview advice. Heaven may be bigger, better and more important than the USA, but this pin will rest over my heart and I want The Man to see it there. I want Him to get the message; ‘There’s no place like home’."

"Il Duce has told me what your greatest wish is and I expect you’re going to this interview with the intention of getting it. I totally agree with him that what you’re asking can’t be done but I wish you the very best of luck in that respect. In all honesty, the situation is totally fucked so for the sake of all involved, see The Man and sort it out."

"What if I am successful? How do you feel about not having me around, Mike?"

"I wish more than anything in heaven or earth you would stay here with me, but if you’re not happy, and if I selflessly love you which I do, then I must let you go." Eunice did not say anything in reply but gave Greenbeans a heartfelt look, almost sad. "Come on Bloomy, let’s get this done, and everything fixed!" He held open the door and offered her his arm.

"Well, thank you kind sir!" She took up the offer.

Outside, Greenly led Eunice to his new car, a ferocious Ferrari Diablo which he had exchanged for the Aston Martin, ‘Oh the perks of being an angel!’. To think all this balanced on a knife edge at present.

"Don’t you think you’re being a bit flash with this Greenbeans?" Eunice carefully got into the passenger seat trying not to crease her clothes.

"What’s the matter, bitch? You’re just pissed because I took your Lamborghini as my second car when you quit. Now look at you, left driving that old wreck of a pickup, girl, have you dropped off the grid. If ever there was an incentive to get your wings back! Get this job Eunice, get it and be part of our elite team once more!"

"For your information, I like my pickup. I remain my mother’s daughter whatever I do." Eunice attempted some inverted snobbery but it was completely lost on the man about town in the driver’s seat.

Greenly felt wonderful driving on the way out to Heaven HQ, he was an elite Guardian Angel, in his beautiful car with his beautiful girl sat beside him, when he pulled up at HQ, what an entrance to knock ‘em dead!

Greenly entered the main door with Eunice safely on his arm. The two Security Angels on duty immediately came together on seeing the woman was not an angel and thus not normally entitled access;

"It’s okay, she’s with me, we’re here on official business." Greenly showed them the appointment letter from Gabriel. After inspecting the letter, the first one said to the other;

"It’s that crazy bitch who resigned, it’s the Bloom woman!" Both Security Angels laughed at her presumed idiocy.

"If I didn’t need to get up to the top floor right now, I’d fucking deck the both of you!" Greenly pushed them apart, "Come on, Eunice, ignore these dregs of the Angelic host." He shepherded her through. The two Security Angels watched the power-suited woman pass between them with curiosity. They didn’t quite know what to make of Bloom, was she really that stupid or just avant-garde? In contrast to what Lucifer had done, could it be that resigning was now the new ‘Fuck You!’?

As the woman and her divine chaperone crossed the foyer the Receptionist Angel on seeing them immediately picked up her telephone;

"Fuck it, Eunice!" Greenly spoke out of the side of his mouth, "Gabriel now knows we’re here. I was hoping we would avoid the oily little bastard!" Sure enough when Greenly and Eunice vacated the elevator on the top floor, the PA to The Man was waiting for them;

"Bloom! You’re seven minutes late! Not a good first impression and I’ve duly taken note!"

"Don’t be such a hard ass, Gabriel." Greenly defended his charge.

"Know your place, Greenly, you’re only here on escort duty." Gabriel was quick to remind the lower ranking angel the boundaries of his current remit, "Now you’re here Bloom, it’s straight into the first part of the process, the aptitude test."

"Aptitude test?" Eunice expressed her depreciation, "Can’t I just go in and see The Man, we’ve got a lot to discuss…"

"Do the test Bloom!" Gabriel stood mightily over the ordinary soul, "I’m the Archangel Gabriel and anyone who wants to apply to be an angel has to go through the correct procedures."

"None of us had to go through anything like that, we died and were given the job virtually straight away on merit, no questions asked." Greenly didn’t understand why things had changed.

"That route to angelhood is now closed. This is a new procedure whereby we do things properly and scientifically, candidate profiling, shortlists and shit."

"But I am the only candidate for the job." Eunice didn’t understand either.

"I don’t care, just do the fucking test! Go in there," Gabriel pointed at an antechamber, "you’ve got half an hour to complete that bank of multiple choice questions!" He shoved a wad of bound together paper in her hand.

Eunice sat at a table in the antechamber and opened up the ‘Multiple Choice Questionnaire for Guardian Angel Candidates’ at random about one third of the way through;

No 52. Archbishop Ferdenzi is driving down from France into Italy for a very important conference at the Vatican and you have been assigned to protect him. As he drives over a road bridge that traverses a near bottomless ravine, a car coming in the opposite direction suddenly swerves out of control and into the path of Archbishop Ferdenzi’s car. Do you:

A: Force the other car off the bridge into the ravine thus saving the protectee.

B: Let the cars collide as you know all modern cars in Europe must comply with E.U. crash-test survivability standards.

C: Check that the airbags in the protectee’s car are switched on.

D: Force the other car back into it’s correct lane and hold it there thus preventing the head-on collision.

Eunice swiped at the edge of the booklet turning over a good many more pages:

No 131. One evening Satan turns up at the door of your angel penthouse and offers you riches, men/women/both*, infinite power and adulation of the damned, if only you would turn your face from God and join him. Do You:

A: Join him on the basis that once an angel always an angel and we’re all part of one big happy family really.

B: Ask him about the detailed pay and conditions in hell on the basis you may be able to broker a better deal in heaven now you have been approached by another prospective employer.

C: Call up the Heavenly PD and report there is someone who has gained unlawful entry to heaven and is at large in the community.

D: Say ‘Get behind me Satan, you shall not tempt a servant of The Lord!’ and then slam the door in his face, before informing your Commanding Angel of the incident.

  * Delete as appropriate

 "What the fuck is this patronizing bullshit?" Eunice turned the booklet over to the last page and burst out laughing. In his haste to print off the document Gabriel forgot to omit the last page which was titled:

Instructions to Assessors.

Mainly ‘A’s Reject the candidate at this stage. High level of unsuitability.

Mainly ‘B’s Reject the candidate unless there are insufficient numbers attaining mainly ‘C’s and ‘D’s.

Mainly ‘C’s Candidates attaining mainly ‘C’s should be utilised to make up the numbers if there are insufficient numbers attaining mainly ‘D’s.

Mainly ‘D’s High level of suitability. Shortlist for face to face interview.

 Eunice threw the document down on the table, she had no intention of filling out such an affront to her intelligence. So much for Gabriel and his new recruitment procedure, it appeared to be all so rushed and ill thought out, he didn’t have a clue.

"Time’s up Bloom!" Gabriel burst in at the expiry time, "Have you finished the test?"

"Yeah, sure, it’s on the table."

"The Man will see you now, go to the throne room." Gabriel reached for his precious test paper. Eunice jumped up and ran from the room making her getaway before he discovered the unpalatable truth. She ran to the throne room door where to her annoyance, Greenly stood in her way;

"Here, take this with you!" He tried to force on her another copy of the resume of work experience.

"What the fuck do I need that for?" She dodged around him, "You’d think I’d know what the fuck I’ve been up to for the best part of twenty years!"

The Man looked up. He couldn’t help but feel such endearing weakness at the sight of the applicant, aah, little wing.

"Come closer." Eunice did as she was asked and approached the throne. "I like this, Bloom, I like it a lot." He looked her up and down, "I’d almost forgotten you as the consummate professional lady."

I’d almost forgotten you as the consummate professional lady

"Well don’t great minds think alike? You can thank Greenbeans for that. He told me it was a formal job interview, but an aptitude test? Don’t you think that’s going a bit far since I’m the only candidate?"

"Damn that man, damn that man Gabriel! It is not a fucking job interview! I told him specifically to contact you through your friend Greenly, all softly-softly like so nobody needed to get all defensive. But he’s such a self-important prig he had to try and take control of the whole procedure and make it something it isn’t."

"So we are here to talk, negotiate, and come to some arrangement if that’s possible?"

"Too right, that’s all it ever was, as discussed with Il Duce."

"Okay, but I’m still glad I got dressed up all professionally like this, it shows respect to You and I feel self respect when I look my best."

"The American flag pin?"

 "Home is where the heart is."

"Fuck! You don’t waste time do you? Talk about broaching a subject subtly!"

"Aren’t you going to offer the lady a chair?"

"Chair? What fucking chair? There’s only one chair in the room. Everyone else has to stand before Me, why should you be any different?"

"I am a fit girl," Eunice shrugged, "and my shoes are sensible."

"No gun?"

"No, not this time…" Eunice paused to consider the matter and stroked the empty space on her midriff, "Inappropriate, not diplomatic…."

"Wise move, to shoot up Rocco’s once is unfortunate, twice? I think you get My drift…."

"I wasn’t going to tolerate people fighting over me, besides, the gun is gone, Rocco confiscated it, that was the last one."

"The Springfield?"

"Back with the Lone Ranger, along with the horse!"

"In that case I’ll forget about the pump-action stashed behind the headrest in your pickup, mother‘s daughter. But regardless of that, I’m disappointed you should mourn your stupid antique guns, what about your fucking wings?"

"I have the right to withdraw my labour."

"Really? First she goes rogue and then she goes commie!" The Man expressed His displeasure to an imaginary audience.

"Workers of the world unite! Born on the 1st of May!!" Eunice had the perfect quip just poised in wait to lay on The Man.

"I’ll have you up in front of Senator McCarthy if you carry on with subversive talk like that My girl! However, I must give credit where credit is due, more in your line would be 'Monday's Child is Fair of Face', so I don't need to look very far for proof of that, do I now! But moving on to our negotiations proper, the whole crux of the problem is that you just don’t want to be here, do you?"

"Everyone knows of my desire to get my life back, but everyone also advises me it is unattainable."

"I know about that shit-head Kiersky expressing if he could give up his life in exchange for you getting yours back, he would gladly do it. Shall I do that, U-Blu, as a straight swap?" The Man had no intention of doing such a thing but He wanted to keep the dialogue going, even if it meant discussing unlikely outcomes.

"Leave poor old Kiersky out of it! That poor guy has suffered and been blamed enough due to what you did to me."

"What did I do to you? I made you into an angel in heaven, and not just any old angel like Caitlin, but an elite Guardian Angel, a privilege few souls could even dream of. Given everyone is a sinner, one is lucky even to get into heaven."

"You shot me! And You even fucked that up! How I suffered in those final minutes, dying and knowing I was dying! You ask me to worship You as The Creator? You’ve created nothing but havoc!"

"You were on a ‘Boondock Saints’ operation at the time. Just remember in who’s name The Saints act for. My beloved Son went through crucifixion, your few minutes suffering is nothing in comparison to what He went through."

"But He’s Your Son, He’s God, He has the capacity to take it."

"Don’t you elevate My Son to divinity when it suits you. You get yourself a god but every time you do that you diminish the man, and what He suffered as a man." Brilliant, rehash Il Duce’s insight about Bloomy and then clobber her with it, perfect! The Man felt very pleased about twisting Il Duce’s thoughts to win an argument against Bloom and it appeared to have worked, she looked down and did not answer. If He could keep the momentum going perhaps He could push her over the edge and force her to back down and see sense;

"Look Bloom, I’m asking you, right, I’m telling you…, fuck it, you have to do as I say! I created you, you are in My image….."

"Oh no I’m not." Eunice cut Him dead, "This piece of ass…" She gestured to herself, "is not in the image of You, old man, and a good job too…." She stuck her chin out defiantly, "You couldn’t carry it off!"

The Man clenched his fist to His forehead. Just when He thought He had her on the ropes, she sucker punched Him with her acerbic wit;

"This is no joke Bloom, you don’t appear to appreciate the peril you are in."

"Laughing is much more preferable to crying, and I’ve done too much of the latter up here."

"My poor deluded child, you stand at the edge of the abyss, do you really want to be cast into it? Don‘t you know who I really am? I can dissemble you atom by atom, particle by particle, I can destroy you! Or should I leave you intact and cast you into hell to suffer for eternity with your friend Lucifer since you’re so determined to join him in defying me? Will I do that Bloom?"

"No."

"No? Why shouldn't I?"

"Because You love me."

The Man was all of a sudden at sea, He hadn’t expected that reply and struggled to come up with something to counter it;

"Well, that’s just laughable, what do I care about you, you’re nothing…."

"My Lord, You demean Yourself by denying it. It doesn’t become You to lie."

"Fucking hell, this is totally fucked, this situation. You are an impossible woman!"

"I want to be the impossible woman. I want to go back." She had done it again, another razor sharp answer striking at His heart.

"Why do you want to go back to earth anyway? You are much better off and safer up here in heaven. Do you know why? Within your lifetime if you still had it, once the A.I. Singularity is reached, it will advance at an exponential rate so the human race is fucked whichever way you look at it. You will either be enslaved or exterminated like so many parasites, so much for your precious earthly life. For My part I shall find this fascinating because as humans will experience it, they shall have an A.I. god to rival Me."

"Then while it lasts let me have it, A.I. Singularity or not, I deserve to face it along with the rest of the human race as I would’ve done if it wasn’t for Your cruel intervention. While it lasts there is still worthwhile work I can do. Your Son is a carpenter, I am an FBI Special Agent."

"So you want to be a G-Woman again? You’re already a G-Woman as you’re one of My angels, you’re a God-Woman!"

"Thanks but no thanks, I’m not happy here."

"You mean you really expect to return to the FBI? That’s not practicably possible. Even if you could go back you could never be on any FBI payroll, how would that work?"

"Of course it can work, all You have to do is put the clock back to the last few moments of the gunfight at Bantams. Keep Your greasy little mitts to Yourself and let the timeline progress as it should’ve done, simple!"

"Simple as that? Well that’s where you’re totally fucking wrong, Bloom. There’s nothing simple about it. I can’t fuck with the timeline to that extent, put it back eighteen months? Don’t you know the consequences of that? Just think of all the millions upon millions of people that have been born all over the world in those eighteen months, can you really expect Me to just wipe them out?"

"What are You on about? They would all still be born just the same?"

"No they fucking wouldn’t! You’re supposed to be so fucking smart? Well start acting like it! Molecular matter doesn’t work like that. Think about it, when a woman just happens to ovulate, and then it just happens to get fertilised by a male sperm, one of millions perfectly able to fulfil the task, already you are contemplating trillions to the trillions of variables that brought that one piece of creation into being. Turn the clock back by eighteen months and none of those people will exist."

"But you will get millions of other people instead," Eunice knew The Man was right and just said that to put off admitting it.

"Yes you will, correct. You get millions of new souls but you annihilate those which were already there. That can’t be morally right."

"Who are You to talk to me about morals, after what You did to me?"

"Correct again, Bloomy! I did wrong, but doing what you ask is wrong too. Two wrongs never made a right. You’ve heard of the ‘Butterfly Effect’? Many people scoff at the idea but on a molecular, atomic and subatomic level it fundamentally exists, everything interconnects with everything else all at the same time. I simply can’t do all the exponentially off the scale computations."

"You’re God, You can do it, put every particle in the entire universe where it should’ve been if You hadn’t fucked with things at Bantams."

"No I can’t. So far I have mentioned human reproduction, but what about all the other factors affecting the outcome of everything? The sea is full of water sloshing about doing it’s own thing, the air is full of wind in similar mode, all the other animals and plants, fuck it, the entire planet is subject to internal and external dynamics such as volcanism and the solar wind. It can’t be unravelled, it’s all a chaotic mess! However, leaving all that to one side, I think you need to contemplate what is actually at play within the higher levels I operate in. Analyse this, it’s mind blowing when you think about the entire thirteen and a half billion year timeline of the universe, have you ever thought what are the chances over that time period of you……. being you? The six billion souls on earth have to be filled by somebody and although infinitesimally improbable, why shouldn’t one of them be filled by you? Each and every one of you, think how lucky you are to be you, right here right now. Life abounds on earth, from trillions upon trillions of single cell organisms to the blue whale, not forgetting all the plant life, every tree and blade of grass, and yet, there you are, a human and again, not just any old human like someone living in complete ignorance in the Dark Ages or before, but one which resides in the 21st Century with a high level of intelligence and consciousness, and not forgetting all the technology which enables you with enhanced knowledge to access and appreciate it all. Even looking at relatively recent Earth history, if a huge meteor hadn’t wiped out the dinosaurs, humans wouldn’t exist anyway, but how far do you want to go back?, why did the earth form in the first place, the material could quite easily have been used to form some other world, dead to life like Venus, or in some other worthless solar system in another galaxy of no living consequence. So there lies the question, over thirteen and a half billion years given everything interacts with everything else, what are the chances of you……. being you? And what are the chances of you being you, right here right now, in this time and place about to face the mighty A.I. Singularity? Get the algorithm going Bloom, do the math."

Eunice ran the question over in her head several times as instructed;

"The math? It doesn’t add up. It has to be some sort of contrivance."

"Oh, a contrivance?"

"Yeah, just like that ridiculous fucking contraption of a moon which happens to sit perfectly within the disc of the sun." Eunice appeared deflated by the expanse of the orbit The Man was asking her to contemplate, His colossal intellect was beating down on her;

"The math does add up but you just don’t see it. You know scripture, Bloom; ‘every hair on your head is counted’." The Man was in His ‘Ultra-God’ mode lauding it over the simple soul. Yes, it was working, she was subdued and silent,…………………….. then;

"So the fuck what?" Eunice shrugged, "Okay!"

"Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha!" The Man couldn’t help but fall back in the throne, the way the deep heavy conversation had been suddenly punctured, "That’s the Bloom woman, always with an answer to everything!" He said for the benefit of the still present imaginary audience, "Keep doing the math Bloom, always do the math. What you’re asking can’t be done or it’ll be too dangerous, we’ll probably generate some diabolical paradox that’ll implode the whole universe. I did you wrong Eunice…," He called her Eunice, He never did that! "…I inflicted the worst injustice upon you imaginable, and yet I cannot undo it for the sake of everything else."

Eunice stayed silent while she weighed up everything that had just been said to her. The Man was right, it was unworkable to do what she was asking. So compromise…;

"I have some math of my own for You, My Lord, some logic and an algorithm for You to process. You have done me wrong. What was done cannot be completely undone, but You owe it to me to undo it as far as You can. You will send me back."

"Are you still wearing those fucking ear plugs? Haven’t you listened to a word I’ve said? You can’t go back, you’ll wreck the timeline with potentially cataclysmic consequences."

"I took out those five assassins sent against me, I earned to keep my life on earth, so give it back to me! That's all I'm asking so I don’t want to affect Your precious timeline. Send me back now, there’s no time like the present."

"Hey, no-no-no-no-no-no!" The Man laughed shaking His head, "That’s never going to work. You mean you’re going to step out of the shower all ‘Bobby fucking Ewing’ and say ‘Hi y’all, fooled you! I’m not really dead!’." Eunice thought for a moment taking a sideways look up at the ceiling and pursing her lips;

"Yep, that’s about the long and short of it. It’s no skin off my nose. I’ve got no problem with telling everyone on earth exactly what happened. I’ll tell everyone You viciously murdered me and then were shamed into resurrecting me. Then we can all curse You and be damned."

"Get outa here! There’s no way I’ll let you drag My good name into disrepute."

"You’re already in disrepute and on a massive scale. Everyone hates You and wilfully condemns You on every street corner on earth. They all curse You for Your non-interventionist hell of a creation."

"No, that’s a lie. The world is full of churches full of people kneeling and worshiping Me."

"A dwindling band of fools if ever there was! Nobody with any sense likes You, even your own Son is not on speaking terms with You at the moment so I’ve heard."

"What? How dare you talk to Me about such personal matters! Do you know what a bitch you are? Someone asking to be resurrected? That hasn’t happened for two thousand years, someone telling Me to go fuck Myself?, that hasn’t happened since Lucifer! Who the hell are you to say such things?"

"You will do the math, the logic and the algorithm as set. You will undo the wrong You did to me as best You can. You will send me back." Eunice’s terms were unequivocal.

"What you’re asking is too much, you can’t be made such a special case! What the fuck makes you so important?"

"The logic stands, keep that algorithm running, You must put right the wrong You did to me as best You can. You will send me back."

Eunice refused to quit in ramming it home. The Man at last let out a heavy sigh and then He said;

"You will do nothing down there to bring My name or the name of My Son into disrepute. You will keep a low profile and not draw attention to yourself….." What did He say? Eunice’s heart missed a beat, then began race away, He was going to do it, He was going to send her back! "….. I will get Gabriel to inform the Vatican of your imminent return. Cardinal Carrovaldi shall remain your handler though I’m fucked if I know what he’s supposed to do with you when you arrive, otherwise you will be free to do good works in the name of My Son as you see fit. I presume you will pick up where you left off with the Boondock Saints?" Eunice only just about caught her breath to answer, she was so overtaken by the news;

"Yes My Lord, that and helping Special Agent Kuntsler and his department at the Boston Bureau."

"You reckon? I said low profile, remember, try and keep it discreet. Why do you want to help old Cunty anyway?, he as good as beat you up."

"I am an FBI Agent and I will do FBI investigative work again."

"No you’re not, remember what I said about the FBI payroll. You can act as an FBI Agent if you wish, but in your heart only. Nevertheless, talking of payrolls and jobs, Gabriel was partially correct in calling our meeting here a job interview because there is a specific job on offer. I know you came here to negotiate and compromise as necessary, so then let us both compromise. You want a flesh and blood mortal body?"

"Yes, to be alive and living on earth, more than anything ." Eunice confirmed her deepest desire.

"Okay, the image of you now will be made flesh and you shall live amongst them, however, there are strings attached…."

"Go on, hit me."

"You will be flesh and blood but you will be an angel too, conditional on your return will be that you must take up your wings again and the divine power that attaches to them."

"That is not undoing what was done", Eunice declined, "that is something additional, I can’t agree to that."

"Yes You will, compromise remember, and I think I am right insisting on that condition. Where’s the harm Eunice? Just think how much more effective you’ll be in your mission with the powers of an angel to hand?"

"Purely on the basis that it will help me in my work, I agree since you have made it conditional. I am determined to return!" Eunice and The Man knew the last statement had only been partially truthful, she missed being an angel and all the wonderful things it entailed.

"Negotiation and compromise! Easy isn’t it when you try? Think of it, a mortal and yet an angel too. I can confirm there has never been one like you before if you accept, you will be the first, special, hence your new job title ‘Special Angel Eunice Bloom’."

"Special Angel Eunice Bloom." She repeated the title, "Yes, I think I like that!"

"And the rest of the conditions!"

"Oh whatever now? What else do You want?"

"Special Angel Eunice Bloom will be your primary title which reflects the special nature of your earthly operations, however, I will expect you to come up to heaven on a regular basis and report to me your activities. Due to this I want you to take up all your previous honorary titles, and just in case you’ve forgotten them, they are; Guardian Agent Eunice, The Silver Lady, and The Sheriff, here catch!"

The Silver Lady

Eunice caught the heavy brass Sheriff’s badge in midair and then made to put it in her pocket.

"No, not there!" The Man stopped her, "Put it on your lapel, no!, better still, on the waistcoat over your heart."

"God, You are an asshole." Eunice remarked as she pushed the ugly blunt pin into the pristine material of her new suit.

"Hey! Show me some respect for all I’m doing for you. I’m having those Colt Walkers bored out to take modern shells like you suggested. You can pick them up when they’re done." Eunice wasn’t particularly interested in the pistols, her attention was fully employed on the matter of getting herself earthbound. "Special Angel Eunice Bloom, do we have a deal?" The Man stood up and concealed his Dolly-esque crossed fingers behind His back. Eunice appeared to be taking her time in making the decision, then;

"Do we have a deal?" She reiterated the question to herself, "Like I said, You ’re an asshole."

"Whey-hey!" The Man threw up His arms in celebration, "Welcome back on board. Surely everything is for the best now! We couldn’t have continued like we were for much longer, you and Me falling out and everything, it was so unnatural. Huh, talking of unnatural, to think you’ll now have two bodies, as you are now made flesh, and the old one entombed in Etruria."

"Leave her to rest, the good woman," Eunice began to think about the contribution of her former shell, "I may owe my existence to You but all my life experiences I owe to her. God, she worked hard all through her short life, her training, her FBI investigative work, her Team Saints operations, and she played hard too. She loved her life as lived out in that body, the skeleton, the muscles, her heart, the lungs which You punctured, and her brain from which stems all the deductive processes and the salvation of a city, My Lord, she did her duty! Let her rest, and I shall stand shoulder to shoulder with my father when we place flowers on her tombstone and irrigate the soil over her with our tears."

"Oh Eunice!" The Man cringed, "You can’t do that over your own grave, that’s sick!"

"I owe so much to that woman, and so do many of her friends. Although lost to decay and corruption, we love her." Eunice was resolute.

"Jeez, she means that much to you? Wait a minute…… Ah-ha-ha-ha!" The Man threw back His head almost hysterical at the joy of the ‘can-do’ solution entering His mind, "You don’t need to be made flesh and blood as you are now, you can have her back!"

"That’s not possible, what about what You said about the timeline?" Eunice was puzzled.

"The timeline isn’t affected! You can have her back in the present!"

"Whoa-whoa-whoa, hang on there just a moment. After eighteen months in the hot southern Etrurian soil, I don’t think she’s going to be in exactly great condition, no matter what the Boston morgue people did to spruce her up!"

"Don’t you understand Eunice, I can repair her, as good as the day you died. I can do it, trust Me, and I really can, it’s child’s play for Me, thank God there’s a part of all this mess that can be sorted easily! Let’s resurrect her, repair her and then you can jump straight back into her. For you to be reunited with your own body again and living as you were, the joy of it!"

"Oh I see, Habeas Corpus, so let's get the fuck on with it then." Eunice was swayed by The Man’s argument, "I’m not too taken with the idea of there being two of me, even if one happens to be dead."

"Remember Eunice, I am trying to put right the wrong I did as best I can with regards your flesh and blood body. I shall repair everything apart from the bullet scar on your chest, let that be My mark upon you in recognition of your journey to heaven and your return to earth. As My Son wears the marks of His crucifixion with pride, so will you yours."

"I want to retain my scar, it is like an old friend and I wouldn’t feel complete without it now."

"Great! Surely you know this is the best solution, and you want to be reunited with the lady again, don’t you?"

"Yes, more than anything…. Uh-hh!" Eunice stifled a laugh, "I’ll be like Smecker now. We’re both officially dead with fake empty tombs!"

"Not quite, Smecker’s tomb was never inhabited."

"Who cares? What’s more important is how am I to live? I may have the powers of an angel but my flesh and blood body will still need feeding, clothing and sheltering. You said I couldn’t go back on the FBI payroll, so what am I to do with no salary coming in?"

"Well that’s fucking rich! My Son when He was on earth had nothing, not even a place to lay His head. What was good enough for Him…."

"But I’m a high maintenance girl!"

"Yeah, right, let me see… I know, there will always be forty bucks in your purse, I guarantee it."

"That’s not very much, how can I live on that?"

"If you want that Coco Chanel handbag for $2,000? Do the math, you’ll just have to open your purse fifty times!"

"Don’t fuck with me…"

"You will be provided for, don’t worry about that aspect of your return. I think I will ask Cardinal Carrovaldi to take you onto the Vatican payroll as My representative in an ambassadorial role, how does that grab you?"

"That sounds very generous, thank You. Oh I can’t wait now, just get me down there so I can strut my stuff!"

"No cowgirl outfits!"

"Who, me?" Eunice put on a little innocent pout.

"You’ll dress professionally as My personal representative when you’re down there, Special Angel Bloom, dress as you are now on official business, wear your FBI Suits for fucks sake!" Then as an afterthought, "Go on then, wear the fucking six inch heels if you must!"

"It ain’t perfect but I’m very satisfied with the deal we’ve just agreed." Eunice offered to shake the hand of The Man who accepted it;

"I’m just so glad we are buddies again, I couldn’t cope with it, not being friends and you need your God as a friend. I couldn’t get that Sparks song ‘This town ain’t big enough for the both of us’ out of My head since we fell out, I think it’s time now for another Sparks song."

"What might that be?"

"The No. 1 song in Heaven."

"What is the number one song in heaven?" Eunice felt it was good to talk to The Man again informally, just as a friend.

"Setting aside the obvious answer of ‘The No. 1 song in Heaven’ by The Sparks, the song can be anything you fucking like, that’s the beauty of it. Request your song dear Eunice, My Sparkangel ….."

Eunice couldn’t think of a song, she had been so tied up with her ongoing feud with The Man she had barely listened to any music since it all blew up. Then it came to her;

"David Bowie’s ‘Heroes’."

"That’s an interesting choice, Eunice, released a bit before your adolescence but nevertheless a timeless classic. What made you choose that?"

"I don’t know, it just came to me, it just feels somehow right."

"I’ll make sure it gets blanket airtime on Radio Heaven, hey, I’ll even fix it so that it goes to No. 1 in the chart, then it really will be ‘The No. 1 Song in Heaven’!"

"Fuck it! Why do You have to cheat at everything?" Eunice was not grateful for the particular offer this time, "This game You play where You can bend the rules at will?"

"I want to play by the rules Eunice, but the game gets harder at every progressive level." The Man made His excuses, "Let’s not start arguing again, surely we’ve done enough of that to last eternity? Anyway, before we finish off, is there one last thing you will do for Me?" The Man remembered what Il Duce had advised Him to try with Eunice.

"Yet another one of Your darn conditions?" Eunice raised an eyebrow.

"Absolutely! You will do this for Me and make an old Man happy? Come here My girl and let Me embrace you." Eunice nodded her assent and held her arms apart inviting The Man to take her up.

It was decision time for The Man, should He just merely embrace or instigate the other deviant idea? Il Duce sat on one shoulder telling Him to embrace the girl with genuine loving affection, Lucifer sat on the other, goading Him to take advantage of the situation, after all, He was God, wasn’t it His prerogative after all the trouble she had caused Him? She needed to be taught a lesson, go on, forget being just a crummy avatar for once, give her the 'Real Thing'!

Lucifer won.

As The Man took her in His arms, He kissed her forehead. Trustingly and affectionately, she then put her head on His chest and her arms around His waist. He heard her exhale as she relaxed with closed eyes within the gentle act.

"Come here you little speck of stardust that you are…" He muttered as He rested his chin down onto her head, ‘Hmmmm…..’ her soft femininity, "There’s My girl….."

Then He went for it, the meld.

He poured His higher dimensions omnipresence into Eunice, filling up all the space-time between her atoms and even at the subatomic level, washing every particle with Himself, the densest and heaviest of substances, pure solid light.

No words can adequately describe what Eunice experienced being melded with the essence of God but He was most satisfied to experience her complete ecstasy in the event horizon of His unsurpassable ultra divinity, it was tantamount to knowing the Supreme Being in all His forms. To crush her with such omnipresent power, she would love Him forever now.

He kept it up, pouring and pouring, disintegrate every particle, wash it, reintegrate it, do it again. The God plasma in the higher dimensions was flowing in perfect harmony with the woman, so let it flow, flow and flow. In it’s stabilised and perfect state, strobing in equilibrium, everything about it was so right ......…………………… A fluctuation …………….……….. Now an unexpected ripple …………………..…….. An anomaly!

He was The Creator wasn’t He? To think there were things within His creation that might be beyond His control? Never! Something was coming back through!

"No, stop, stop it!" He desperately tried to break the meld but it wouldn’t release Him, "No! No,…. please….. Get away!!"

With every vestige of His power He managed to just about break free and push Eunice onto the floor. He turned, stumbled up the steps and managed to slump down into the throne.

"You…., you devil-woman!" His eyes bored down into Eunice, sitting on the marble floor looking up at Him, strangely with a completely neutral expression on her face, given the beyond unique experience she had been subjected to. Now He turned away unable to look her in the eye;

"You have your wings, you have your ministry, go…, go now!" __________________________________________________

 Gabriel grabbed up the questionnaire as Eunice ran out towards the throne room. Right away to his fury he noticed she hadn’t bothered to fill it in. He thumbed through it back to front, completely blank….. Oh fuck! He had printed out the ‘Instructions to Assessors’ on the back page! What an idiot he was, rushing to get it printed off that morning and not even looking at it! Nevertheless, perhaps this was all for the best, Bloom’s refusal to attempt any of the questions was a fail of the test so on that basis he would be recommending to The Man that she should not be appointed. He dumped the questionnaire back onto the table and went back out onto the landing where he discovered Bloom had already gone into the throne room. Guardian Angel Greenly was pacing nervously up and down outside;

"How did the aptitude test go Gabriel, okay I hope?"

"Just fine."

After twenty minutes, Greenly could stand it no longer;

"You ought to get in there Gabriel, He could be in there all touching her and shit!"

"Right, you’ve escorted that bitch up here, you’ve done your job, now you can fuck off!" The Archangel had seen enough, Greenly’s constant pacing was now making him nervous.

"Fuck you! I need to be here when she comes out so I can escort her down."

"No you don’t. If He appoints her, which will happen over my damnation, she can make her own way down, if He doesn’t then I shall have the great pleasure of throwing her over the balcony. Go on, get lost!"

"Throw her where?…. You can’t……"

"Go on, get out." Gabriel pulled rank over the other angel, "If you don’t go I’ll kick you out of the Angelic Civil Service and de-wing you, you can kiss goodbye to your precious Ferrari Diablo then, you fuck-head."

"Fuck you, you arse-licking fucking gimp!" Greenly made his displeasure known but nevertheless made for the elevator. With Greenly out of the way, Gabriel could wait in peace for the outcome without distraction. What were they doing in there?, come on, hurry up!

It was with relief after waiting for quite some time Gabriel saw the handle move down and the door open. Out stepped Bloom, and yet not Bloom.

Fuck! She had her wings, The Man had appointed her after all, fuck it! An angel, but……….no! Impossible! This angel outranked him! But there was no rank above Archangel!

"What are you?" Gabriel began to tremble.

"I am The Spechangel Eunice." She stated her new primary title. Gabriel stepped backwards in awe;

‘Think you shit-head, your career!’.

He at once fell to his knees, dropped his head and drew his fully extended wings forward in homage, it was as if he were one of the angels on the lid of The Arc of The Covenant;

"My Lady, what at your pleasure may I humbly bid to do for you?" He spoke low into the gap between his wings.

"Go into the throne room and see to The Man’s needs."

The Man heard the door open. Oh no, please don’t let her come back, don’t let her see Him in this broken state…;

"You!"

"My Lord……. My Lord……" Gabriel came forward bowing and scraping, "What happened?"

"Go and get Il Duce up here, NOW!!!"

_____________________________________________________

 "Of all the dirty underhand fucking things…." The Man accused Poppa as he approached the throne, "You tricked Me!"

"My Lord, in what way have I tricked You?" Poppa was eager and under quite some stress to find out what he was being brought to book for.

"The Bloom woman! You told Me to embrace her, and now look at what has happened!"

"What did You do to her? Did You rape her?, You bastard!" Poppa now became the accuser.

"No, nothing like that, I instigated a meld, I thought I would reveal to her My higher dimensional Self, I supposed she would experience something beyond human comprehension and pleasure, naturally I hoped she would love and adore Me for it."

"And did You ask her consent for that?"

"I am God, the Alpha and the Omega, I don’t need to ask permission…."

"Yes You fucking do!" Poppa couldn’t control his anger now. How many more times was that poor girl to be abused? "I advised You to hold her in a simple embrace and experience her gentle femininity, but of course, You can’t fucking do anything in moderation, can You? You’ve got to go for the big spectacular deal. As You said, this meld is beyond what I or any other human can comprehend, but whatever it was, I for one am glad it backfired on You, a bad trip indeed. I warned You about mistreating Eunice and how it would rebound on You but You wouldn’t listen, it seems You got Your just deserts!"

"No! You’re wrong, Il Duce, you’re so wrong! That’s just it, it wasn’t bad. Something came back like a lightening bolt in slow motion, it was good, so good, calm and gentle, she touched Me here." The Man placed His right hand over His heart, "Something melted."

"Ah-ha-ha, something melted in the meld!" Poppa laughed at the thought, "Would it be that uncaring heart of stone of Yours? Perhaps I’m wrong. It maybe that if you mistreat her she still might be good for you anyway, that was certainly the case with Kuntsler, whether it will happen in relation to Harbinger, that remains to be seen. Needless to say, You didn’t expect that to happen during the meld?"

"No, of course not. I was in complete control and I expected to be, this anomaly in the Firmament came as a complete shock to Me, to not be in control of any part of this plane of reality, it has never happened before."

"It would appear My Lord, that God does indeed move in mysterious ways after all, in this matter it seems that You have unintentionally bit Yourself in the arse! Seriously though, it pleases me to think You have genuinely come to love the true woman, now You can appreciate her unique and real worth, and from now on do it selflessly. You must have invested immense power and energy into the meld, think not what it has done to Eunice but what it has done for You, such an enormous investment has generated the requisite return, has it not?"

The Man digested what had been said in silence. Poppa now felt some urgency to find out what had happened after the meld. Had The Man destroyed her, or had the event also backfired on Eunice causing irreparable damage?

"Where is Eunice?" Poppa asked after his dear friend.

"I told her to leave the throne room. I don’t care where she is at present but we came to an arrangement for her to be resurrected and returned to earth."

"I had hoped You would agree to that, even so, since everyone below thinks she is dead, how is it supposed to work?"

"I haven’t the faintest fucking idea! I’ve told her to report to Cardinal Carrovaldi at the Vatican but I know she won’t stay there long. Sooner or later she’ll turn up in Boston determined to take up her old life where she left it, getting mixed up with your precious sons and that crazy Mexican no doubt."

"Where’s the harm in that? It’s still Your operation?" Poppa felt joy plus huge relief at the news.

"No harm at all I guess, she may be returning as flesh and blood but take note, part of the deal was that she should return as an angel too with the ability to wield all necessary divine power as she sees fit."

"That’s madness. Now that’s something that simply cannot work!"

"Yes it can. I’ve created a new type of angel for the purpose, a ‘Special Angel’ or ‘Spechangel’ if you like and Eunice is the first. Initially I knew she wasn’t interested but I was determined that she should take up her wings again, to not have J-Be as one of My angels? Unacceptable!"

"What a fucking mash-up." Poppa expressed his reservations, "How are people on earth going to react when they recognise it’s her?"

"I don’t fucking know and by this stage I don’t fucking care!" The Man related His weariness, "I’ve had enough of this ongoing mess, the Bloom woman, falling out with My elite team of Guardian Angels. Fuck those idiots on earth, they can deal with her as they find her!"

"Putting the matter of Eunice to one side, I’m glad myself, Rocco and Greenly are back in the fold and serving Our Lord in our proper place. We were wondering though, are You still thinking about closing down Rocco’s? I pray that You will reconsider, Team Saints and the Guardian Angels, we need to see one another on a regular basis, not forgetting Eunice who after what You have just told me will be inhabiting both worlds."

"That fucking place! Why did I ever agree to setting it up? I even ended up being physically assaulted in there, and we all know who by, don’t we Il Duce?"

"We need to move on and let’s stop dwelling on old wounds…" It was Poppa's turn now to hold his fingers crossed behind his back.

"Okay, the bar stays open, but there’s going to have to be some rules laid down, it’s totally out of hand what’s going on down there night after night. I’m going to get Gabriel to draft up some regulations to govern the premises."

"There’s no need to! Rocco has already come up with some regulations of his own! He calls them ‘The Ten Commandments’. Do You want to know what they are?" Poppa helpfully offered.

"Not now, I don’t want think about such trivia after all this business concerning Eunice Bloom," The Man looked thoroughly fed up, "just tell Rocco to lodge his bar-rules with Gabriel so he can enter them in the Constitution."

[specialangeleunicebloom3-blog]

17

Chapter 17: Made in U.S.A: S.A.E.B.

1 a.m. FBI Office Building, Boston.

John sat at his desk with only the one lamp on, snowed under in files, the last agent remaining. No end in sight, he couldn’t crack the Zamudio case try as he might. A particularly nasty New York war that had spilled over the state line into Boston, lots of body-bags, too much work.

‘Whooosh! …… Whooosh!……’.

What the fuck? John wildly looked around his office then something caught his eye, falling;

‘Plapp!’

A huge white feather dropped onto the mess of paperwork right in front of him. Where in heaven had that come from?

Presently he heard footsteps, click.., click.., click.., staccatos steady and rhythmic coming along the corridor outside his office. There was a knock at the door. Who could it be at this time of night? John unclipped the gun retaining strap on his hip holster just in case.

"Come in." He granted access. The door opened and in the dim light silhouetted by the door frame a familiar figure now stood;

Fuck! That was… it couldn’t be… The necklace he had repaired and the flag pin given to her daughter by the President glinted through the shadows. She had probably come to kill him given the lateness of the hour. She had taken her time to make the decision but it was right that she above anyone else should do this. So much for unclipping the holster strap, he would let her do it such was his present hellish existence, that and the unresolved guilt. Justice at last, go girl!

"Mrs Bloom…., Beatrice? What are you doing here?…." His voice choked off. Oh no, no, no! This wasn’t Mrs 90%, this was the 100%, ‘The Real Thing!’

"Eunice…"

He whispered in disbelief as she walked out of the shadows over to him.

"Hello John, how are you?" She said almost in anticlimax. It was all there, the smart dark blue two piece jacket and pencil skirt, the pure white silk blouse, the silver Para LDA in the crotch holster, the immaculate blonde hair perfectly pinned in a professional ‘up’ style, beautiful smiling Eunice eyes, and of course, the shoes! But was it really her? Or was she just a dream, a wish fulfilment fabricated by John’s subconscious? His tired and befuddled brain would not accept the evidence;

"No Eunice, it’s not you, it can’t be you, you died, you were buried. Whatever the fuck you are, you’re an impostor, you’re not real!"

"But I am real, John." Eunice sincerely smiled at him, "I’ve come back to help you, you’re in such a dark place, please let me help you, don’t push me away." John put his face in his hands to blot out the image standing over him. When he took his hands away she would be gone, he was hallucinating, these late nights, the coke, he was fucked. He took his hands away. Nope, she was still there, looking down at him with such benevolent compassion, almost enough to make him disintegrate.

John stood up and moved around the desk to where Eunice was standing. He reached out with trembling hands and gently held her head. He then turned it slightly to his left;

"Sweet Jesus!" He let out. The mole just below the outer corner of her left eye seemed to be there. To make sure it was real he touched it with his forefinger. Now he glanced down at her neck;

"No…. this doesn’t make any sense!" There was the other distinctive mole slightly off centre. This too he touched to make sure it had substance and wasn’t some sort of trick sent to fool him. Now the other distinguishing mark, the sign of her martyrdom. John moved her right blouse lapel to one side.

"Don’t John, there’s no need…" She said quietly.

There it was under her collar bone, the entry wound of the bullet fragment. Again he placed his fingers upon it to confirm its existence. But to completely clinch it for himself he felt compelled to do one last thing. He pushed his hand this time inside the left lapel of her blouse. Was this manifestation a mere ghost, cold and devoid of all life? He had to know.

"Oh you silly foolish man, stop this, please..." she spoke intimately to him as he felt it, the gentle undulation of the pulse under his palm. John had his hand to the warmest, safest and most loving place in the universe.

Small woman's heart, infinite woman's love. The heart of Boston has returned and it beats again!

"My God," John felt uncontrollable tears welling up, "It is you…."

"You believe now?" Eunice enquired in her little matter-of-fact way, so her, "Looks like you’ve got your big paws all over me once again John, isn’t it about time you changed?!"

Then it struck him, the presence of the necklace and the flag pin could only mean one thing. The baby girl had to have been home to her mother to retrieve them. Would it ever stop, being emotionally crushed by this woman?

"Eunice, my Eunice," the man’s big shoulders began to quake with overwhelming emotion, "This past year I have missed you, I have missed you so much, I can’t stand it, I can’t cope…" His big arms swept up Eunice and he held her close, he was sobbing helplessly onto her shoulder, "It’s Marianne, she left me!"

"Well then we’ll have to get her back." She put her arms around him and pulled hard.

"Not a chance, she won’t answer my calls."

"Then get somebody else. Look, once I help you with work, your personal life will sort itself out as it did before, you know that. Come on John, let’s work on the Zamudio case together, we can crack it, just like the old days! Put some coffee on, I’ll go through all the files, fresh eyes an' all, no time like the present. Let’s do it!"

This seemed to bring John to his senses. With Eunice on board, things would work out, he was certain. He felt a whole lot better as they spent the remaining hours till dawn going through all the evidence together. John remained stuck to his chair as Eunice systematically reviewed and took in all the evidence over the following hours. She unpinned her hair and shook it loose falling in waves to caress her, she stood up numerous times, clicked up and down the office in her skyscraper heels, her boundless enthusiasm and discourse with John. She was funny, witty, decisive, analytical, reflective, beautiful. She hadn’t changed a bit, it really was her!

"Right, first the basics." announced Eunice after she had covered everything.  She began to pace back and forth as she related her thoughts on the case to John, "That informant fucker Melendez obviously hasn’t told you everything, he’s holding out on you and playing for both sides on the pitch. You need to lean on him and make sure what you’ve already got on him count. He’ll plea bargain, it’s a cert. Do you really believe his wife will stand by him John? Take her downstairs and show her one of the holding cells and she’ll turn state’s evidence, trust me John, it’s called women’s intuition. The additional evidence you get from Melendez and his old lady will be decisive, I know it. Desist with the Creighton witness, he’s shit personified, I wouldn’t let him near the stand, defence will bury him and the case with him, he’s got too much previous to be credible. So what else is there? My gut instinct is that the weapons used came in from the former Yugoslavia. You could try Interpol ballistics but regardless of any joy there, it’s a hallmark of the Sergiyev Cartel to use such former communist shit, a particular group of Boston businessmen you so far haven’t considered. Take it as read John, work these angles and it will snowball. A little inside knowledge from ‘upstairs’ goes a long way, I guarantee it." Eunice stopped her pacing and faced the seated John , "And that Special Agent Kuntsler is the sound of the fat lady singing…." She spun round in a little twirl the way she always did, "Or if you like, I just need to go and powder my nose!"

John watched her walk through the door, 06:45 a.m. People were starting to arrive for work. Eunice didn’t come back, she had melted into air, thin air leaving not a racke behind.

John and his agents worked the angles, everything quickly fell into place, the bad guys went down. Result. Nonetheless, this wasn’t the end of John’s renewed working relationship with Eunice, she would come back and work on other cases with him from time to time as required, always at night but at least with these follow up visits, she forewarned him in advance of her impending appearance.

______________________________________________________

 Late in the evening the doorbell of Kiersky’s apartment rang. He opened the door and to his astonishment was confronted by… Eunice!

"Hey you!" Was all he could manage as he grabbed her to him, gorgeous, soft and lovely.

"Hey you." She gently replied.

"How? ... Why? ..." Jack demanded as he released her. It was if nothing had changed from the time they used to go on their little clandestine excursions into the dark underbelly of the city. She stood as if ready for the next outing in her smart black trench-coat, her beautiful hair tumbling all over it’s shoulders as it always had;

"Take it as another miracle Jack!" She smiled at him. "I’m no longer tied just to Rocco’s Bar if I want to see any of you guys, so how do you like that!"

"I think I like that very much! Stay all you want, be my guest!"

"No can do Jack, I’m going out now to check something on behalf of The Saints, I’ll be needing my car."

"Well, it is your car…" Jack surrendered it back to the true owner without hesitation and tossed her the key, "Can I come too?" Eunice gave Jack a noncommittal look which was to be expected given the outcome of their last joint venture;

"No." Came the abrupt reply. Jack was disappointed but fully understood the decision, "Be seeing you!"

"Yeah, I understand, be seeing you too, Eunice."

Eunice turned and walked away a few steps as Jack stayed at the door watching, then something brushed against his leg;

"Daddy, who is the beautiful woman?"

On hearing the tiny voice, Eunice immediately spun around and rushed back to the door to seize the little one up into her arms;

"Aaaaaahhh!! Isn’t she lovely! Hmmm…, she’s got that soft slept in bed smell to her…."

The child was inescapably drawn to the warm smiling face of the angel, especially the captivating eyes. The little girl placed her small palms on the top of Eunice’s cheeks so that she could gaze into the eyes from a perfect vantage point;

"Are you Queen Elsa from ‘Frozen’?"

"Ah-ha-ha-ha!" Eunice pulled her head away breaking facial contact, "Don’t kids say the most ridiculously funny things, my niece and nephew are exactly the same! No, it’s you, my little star, you’re the Queen from ‘Frozen’!"

"What’s going on out here?" Eunice saw the face of Jack’s wife appear in the doorway, "Excuse me, my daughter if you please…" She scowled at Eunice showing her disapproval of the ultra-family show of affection as she pulled the child out of the stranger’s arms.

"Mummy, is that my new teacher?"

"Hestaire! Get back into that bed before I skin you alive!" The child was roughly grounded before her pyjama top was grabbed and used to pull her back inside the doorway where she then scurried off back to her bed.

"Amy, don’t be like that in front of…"

"She gets it from you!" Jack felt the lash of his wife’s tongue.

Eunice thought it would be easy to condemn the woman for her rough treatment of the child but to look at her stressed and tired face, four children to look after in a cramped apartment, how supportive a father was Jack?, and a marriage that had all but failed except for on paper, the woman was at the limits of her endurance. Eunice knew how hard every evening it was to put her niece and nephew to bed and keep them there, she often wondered how her poor harassed sister Clarice thus far had avoided strangling them!

"Who are you?" Jack's wife looked the attractive visitor up and down not hiding her hostility.

"Good evening Mrs Kiersky." Eunice politely greeted the other woman in her usual sunny way and offered her hand, "Eunice Bloom, how do you do?"

"Eunice Bloom?" Jack’s wife looked confused taking the hand in a feeble hold, "Weren’t you the woman who died?"

"Thankyou. As you all know you just can't believe everything you see and hear, can you? Now if you'll excuse me, I must be on my way...." Eunice turned and retreated down the landing leaving Jack's wife dumbfounded in the doorway.

Once more Jack watched her go, pleading. Eunice reached the end of the landing then paused, after a moment she turned again, looked back to the door and beckoned Jack furiously, mouthing ‘Come on!’.

Jack looked to his wife, then at Eunice, then back to his wife; no competition! Jack’s wife disdainfully watched him as he grabbed his hat and coat before scampering after the object of his desire.

Down in the parking lot they approached Eunice’s trusty silver Mercedes, she saw it as an old friend, full of memories, most of them good;

"Didn’t you get the dent in the wing fixed, Jack?"

"No, you put it there." The reply wasn’t a rebuke.

Eunice got into the driver’s seat and noticed Jack had moved the seat and the steering wheel to fit his proportions. In order to quickly get moving she rushed raising the seat and lowering the steering wheel.

"No, that’s not right." Jack prevented her from starting the journey, "Here let me show you…" He tweaked the adjustment of the seat and steering wheel and then asked Eunice how it was;

"Just perfect, how did you know?"

"Oh I know, I don’t forget!"

They moved off into the night. Jack was so happy to be back in Eunice’s car as a passenger with her in the driving seat, it was literally heaven on wheels. Eventually they left the highway and Eunice took another one of her shortcuts through the back alleys. Sure enough Eunice had the uncanny knack of turning down the one blocked with trash cans, this time on the driver’s side.

"Stop and I’ll get out." Jack offered, confident that as she had already mentioned the un-repaired damage, she wouldn’t want any more. Eunice looked at Jack then straight ahead with a little grin of evil intent on her face. With a rev of the engine and a surge forward she drove through the trash cans sending them flying with a loud crash;

"Oh well, at least now I have matching dents!" Eunice pointed out the limited good in the situation.

"Look what you’re doing to my car!" Jack protectively spoke up for the sentimental asset.

"Your car? Don’t you mean my car." Eunice was back in the driver’s seat.

"No, mine, your mother gave it to me!"

"No, I’m back now, It’s mine!"

They looked at one another;

"Our car!!"

The two dear friends smiled at one another with such genuine affection. They sat and watched the road in front very contented with the present.

"Where are we going?" Jack asked at last.

"Where do you think? I didn’t let on earlier but we’re actually going to see The Saints out on assignment, where else!"

There came a point where Jack couldn’t help himself but watch her every move intently, a miracle. As he did so she smiled, he smiled too, she looked at him and smiled some more, so did he, now he couldn’t stop. He started to laugh, she began to laugh, then both of them really loudly, almost out of control!

Jack contemplated this fucked up life where people suffer, know nothing but fear, get hurt and die, but where they belong, laugh, love and are loved too. Don’t you know you’re made? To be in it rather than out of it, the crazy impossible miracle of life!

 Eunice was back, alive.

_________________________________________________

Janice Farrar was on her way to work on the bus one morning and although still feeling sleepy, she half spotted something looking very familiar at a newspaper stand on the sidewalk. She jumped out of her seat and rushed forward, pounding on the driver’s partition;

"Stop the bus! Stop the bus for fucks sake, I need to get off!"

"I can’t stop here, there’s no stop for another half mile!" He refused.

"Stop right now, you bastard!" She punched the partition with her fist.

"Jesus! What’s your fucking problem! Go on then, get the fuck off!" The bus lurched to a standstill and the doors sprang open, but valuable yards had been lost. Janice rushed back to the news-stand;

"Where is she?" Janice accosted the newspaper seller.

"Where’s who?"

"The blonde lady!"

"I didn’t sell nothing to no blonde lady."

"She was there, reading a paper right by the racks!"

"Oh that broad, she didn’t buy anything, talk about a fucking library service!"

"Where did she go?"

"Fucked if I know, she went down the side-street I think…" Janice rushed away and looked into the side-street to be confronted by a myriad of commuter faces. Hopeless.

Out of town on Interstate 93 a real fast lady in a Ford Mustang roared into Harrah’s filling station.

"Fill it up." She called out to the attendant. After he had done so he asked her if she would like her windshield cleaned.

"Okay, I’ll just redo my eyeliner while you’re about it." With that she took off her sunglasses. The strawberry blonde hair may have been trussed up in a headscarf all ‘Thelma and Louise’ like, but yes, the attendant was adamant, without a shadow of doubt it was Eunice Bloom. He recognised her instantly from all the prior television reports and photographs of her in the press. She paid for the gas and then was gone, speeding off on the highway in the same way she had appeared, ethereal, intangible, somehow there but beyond reach.

Congressman Simon Carmichael and Congresswoman Josephine Blackmore were going to lunch and walking across George Thorndike Angell Memorial Square to a restaurant on the other side. To their sheer amazement Eunice Bloom approached them from that end of the square and she stopped to talk. They talked at length about crime in the city, politics, television, food, holidays, family and many, many other things. Later, the two members of Congress swore that Miss Bloom was as real as they were or any other living person, they both actually shook hands with her as they parted.

Marco turned around to face his special customer in the rear. Whereas it was an immense honour to have such a celebrity in his cab he wasn't too impressed that even the great and good should be so reluctant to part with their hard earned cash. Three journeys cross town plus the waiting times, $96.75 was the damage done as displayed by the meter.

"Here, take this..." Two bills were put into his hand;

"Sorry Ma'am, this is not enough...."

The purse was reopened, some more cash taken out and passed over the seat. Still $16.75 too little. Should he let her go with the shortfall?, but that would wipe out any slender profit margin, and he'd already suffered one runaway without payment earlier that morning, he couldn't afford any more mishaps;

"Ma'am, I must insist on the full amount....," Marco felt his tone harden as he referred his gaze back to the meter, "my kids, you know...?"

He sensed her fiddling with her purse again. As he leant back over the seat a final $40 was delivered;

"Thank you sir, for your kind service and patience this morning." She sincerely placed a hand on his shoulder before getting out.

Many other cab drivers in the city were also positive they had taken a fare from Eunice Bloom, a waitress in an all night diner out of town at 3 a.m. said she was certain she had served her and numerous other people similarly testified they had met her. Some of these sightings were evidently cases of mistaken identity or hoaxes but most were recalled by reliable and truthful witnesses. In fact so many came forward with genuine recollections of all the miraculous and incredible things that Eunice did, if these could be written down, I suppose the great internet itself and all it inherit would have insufficient capacity to contain them. Amen.

Cometh the hour, cometh the Angel…. She’s a good woman, and when she comes (after an ETA of ten minutes) in your hour of need, she will help you. Eunice, come quickly

[specialangeleunicebloom3-blog]

Appendices

Eunicisms

1) ‘Special’…. You see there is a ‘special’ before my ‘agent’. If we’re gonna address each other formally, I’d appreciate it if you popped it in there, because it makes me feel special.

2) It is because I am so fucking smart that I make smart people feel that they are retarded!

3) ‘With all due respect’. Man, I hate it when people say that, because it is inevitably followed by a disrespectful remark. Here, let me give you an example. With all due respect, Detective, this matter falls under whatever jurisdiction … I… fucking… say… it does.

4) Something smells like a pig’s ass in Summertime.

5) Ever heard the phrase ‘we have an elephant in the room’? Hope you fellows brought some peanuts.

6) On a sultry Saturday in September, the Saints saved seventeen souls…… Try saying that five times fast!

7) Let’s have ourselves a good old fashioned shoot ‘em up!

8) Oh how kind of you to put something on and cover up that useless little piece of skin on the end of your penis, that is, your body!

9) So again, you ask me if I am beautiful and intelligent? .... I……..FUCKIN’……….AAAAHHHHMMM!! You see Sergeant Badger, I ain’t gonna hide it under a fuckin’ bushel!

10) In my informed opinion, people who commit such things should be hung up by the bodily appendages exclusive to their gender!

11) I’ll knock your teeth so far down your throat you’ll have to brush ‘em through your asshole!

12) Well as it happens I don’t know it, but if my first name was ‘Shit-for-brains’ I’d keep quiet about it too.

13) You want my advice? Don’t be here when the panel comes back in, leave…, oh, I don’t know, go and throw yourself in the Potomac.

14) Have you always been this stupid, or were you struck by lightening in 1995 or something, and since then never looked back?

15) Besides, try and shoot yourself in the brain like that again and I’ll have no option but to get you some bullet proof underpants!

16) Well, isn’t forgiveness a funny thing? It can do so much for the forgiver even more so than to the forgiven, but in this respect it is much the same as physical exercise, it has few takers.

17) Jack,……Jack,….. Do not kneel before me…….. I’m not the fucking Pope!

18) It’s a nice change to see you without the handle of that broom sticking out of your ass for once!

19) Oh no I'm not.... This piece of ass is not in the image of You, old man, and a good job too..... You couldn't carry it off!

With all due respect, Detective, this matter falls under whatever jurisdiction …I… fucking… say… it does. 　

 Oh no I'm not.... This piece of ass is not in the image of You, old man, and a good job too..... You couldn't carry it off!

ROCCO’S BAR RULES (or the Ten Commandments)

1) No shooting up the bar.

2) Surrender all guns across the bar (after Eunice shooting it up twice, I have to insist on this from now on)

3) No Jesus sandals over socks (Yes Jesus of Nazareth, that especially means you)

4) No Hells Angels (except for the mortal hairy biker types)

5) No-one from Limbo (sorry guys, you’re underage)

6) No-one who takes themselves too seriously, head too far up their own arses (Yes, The Man, that mean’s you!)

7) No talking in parables (no prizes for guessing who that’s aimed at!)

8) No-one unwilling to join in the craic (please note: spelt ‘CRAIC’ not ‘CRACK’)

9) Pets are allowed but at the owner’s and especially the pet’s own risk. 　

 The Barman himself was something to contend with even at the best of times

DEXTER FINALLY MEETS HIS NEMESIS

Dexter: Rita! I just can’t hide it anymore! I’ve just got to tell somebody! I’m….. I’m a serial killer! I’ve killed hundreds of people. I can no longer live a lie and hide the truth from you my dear wife!

Rita: It’s okay Dexter, it’s no big deal….

Dexter: What the fuck? What’s with the southern accent Rita?

Rita: Well Dexter, I’ve been leading a bit of a double life myself if you must know. I’m not really Rita your wife, I’m actually FBI Special Agent Eunice Bloom on undercover assignment and I’ve had you under surveillance for quite some time!

Dexter: Oh my God, No! No!! Everything can’t end like this!

Eunice: I’m sorry dear husband, but there can only be one sanctioned vigilante operation I will allow and that is The Boondock Saints of Boston, so I’m just gonna have to take you down. Best get yourself fitted up now for the electric chair!

Best get yourself fitted up now for the electric chair!

Translation of Abraxas Spanish track titles

Oye Como Va        Listen to how it goes

Samba Pa Ti          Samba for You

Se A Cabo             It’s Over

El Nicoya               The Nicaraguan (as with the Persian and Latin, open to interpretation!) 　

PICTURE GALLERY

Peoples of the world unite, born on the 1st of May!

Monday’s child is fair of face

Internal Rendition I & II. Free Eunice! (5'10"? Still wearing the 6" Pradas then!)

 At Maximum

Thank-you Shaymus, thank-you, thank-you, thank-you, thank-you, thank-you, thank-you, thank-you, thank-you, thank-you, thank-you, thank-you!!

[specialangeleunicebloom3-blog]

Epilogue

High Noon

Bill had a choice what to do with the pump-action shotgun which lay on the desk in the back office but not much of a choice. Either turn it on his beloved wife of twenty-five years and then himself, or use it on those mother-fuckers who were coming at noon to take everything he had? Either way he would die, the first option at his own hand, the second probably at the hands of the Massachusetts State Police since they were expecting trouble and would be present to back up the court officers and bailiffs there to instigate the foreclosure and seizure of the business premises, stock, vehicles and other assets. There was a third option of course, just walk away as the bailiffs changed the locks and evicted Bill and his wife onto the road with pretty well nothing more than the clothes they stood up in. But Bill was an American, he had the right to bear arms so you just watch him.

This DIY store and ironmongers which had been built up from nothing by Bill and his wife over twenty years meant everything and was all they had. It financed both their sons' college education and hopefully when sold as a going concern would provide the couple with a relatively secure retirement. Eight years ago, what better than to buy the business premises outright, you can’t really go wrong investing in bricks and mortar and surely this is better than continuing to pay ever increasing rents to some absent and uncaring landlord? Bill had it all worked out, gradually pay down the mortgage while the value of the property increased, step by step, slowly consolidate and build on what you have……..

Wrong!! What Bill hadn’t envisaged in his long term plans was the scale of the corruption and dishonesty of the bankers and financiers who had provided the property loan. They foreclosed on the loan, even though Bill hadn’t missed a payment, and they had the legal right to do so as the mortgage contract stated ‘Repayable on Demand’ with no provision for notice.

Why had they done it? The adjacent shopping mall wanted to expand onto Bill’s site and use the premises as a garden centre so the bankers moved very quickly against him. Seize the property, sell it at a knockdown emergency sale value to a ‘friend’ who then sells it on to the mall at full commercial value, the difference either split between the bankers and their friendly buyer or if the owners of the mall are involved, then a three way split, but regardless of the carve up, the quick profit must be equivalent to hundreds of thousands of dollars, and where had this come from?, well, Bill of course, every cent he had ploughed back into the business over twenty years. It was legalised theft. Bill could imagine the bankers and all the other fuckers involved rubbing their hands;

‘Fuck you Bill, so much for your slow build $100 per week held back for reinvestment year after year after fucking year, we’re not interested in making money like that, we want to generate instant profit and lots of it, we’re talking big bucks, there is the annual prestige super-car to be purchased and we shall be needing a large injection of personal funds to finance all that, so fuck you Bill, what do we give a fuck about your shitty little business or your fucking kids education? With no money coming in to pay the mortgage on your family home, we’ll probably seize that too. Face it, there’s nothing you can do, we’ve got you stitched up good and proper, it’s only a game to us so go on now, fuck off and die you LOSER!’

The thought of killing his beloved wife wasn’t an option, there was no way he would do that to her, the mother of his sons, so it looked like it would have to be option two, fight back and kill some of them, no other way, to rob him in a day of all he had worked for over so many years, he couldn’t let them get away with it, someone would have to face the consequences of foreclosing on the wrong man, the sheer injustice of their actions.

Bill looked at the office clock; 11:37, they would be here in twenty-three minutes. If only God could pass this cup from him, to be portrayed later in the day's headlines as a deranged gun-nut, taken down by the state police after opening fire on the bailiffs and court officials, everything destroyed, even his good name, but what else was he to do?

"Oh Lord Jesus, save me from the depths of despair!" Bill began to pray;

‘And shepherds they shall be for me, My Lord, for me,

Power hath descended forth from Thy Hand

so their feet May swiftly carry out Thy commands.

So they shall flow a river forth to me and teeming with souls

With souls shall it ever be.

In Nomeni Patri, Et Fili Spiritus Sancti….’

 Bill broke down on saying the final words. Is this the end?

He pulled himself together and picked up the shotgun, loaded it with shells up to full capacity and placed it under the desk out of sight from his wife so that she wouldn’t suspect what he was about to do.

"Bill! They’ve arrived early, they’re outside and someone’s at the trade counter!" His beloved Geraldine put her head into the office. Bill looked out the window, there was this big guy sitting up against the front wing of a car in the parking lot, he was wearing a gun in a hip holster. The clock said 11:47, if these bastards couldn’t wait for the appointed time then neither would he. Time for action;

"Go into the storeroom and wait there love, I’ll speak to whoever’s at the counter." Once he was sure Geraldine was safely out of the way Bill grabbed up the shotgun and chambered a round. He had no choice, if this is the way it had to be then it was forced upon him. He calmly went into the trade counter area.

There was the fucking parasite, back turned and looking at the power tools so neatly displayed on hooks all over the wall. Quietly, he closed on the enemy and levelled the gun muzzle one inch from the back of the head;

"Lady, if you think you can just walk in here and take everything I have, you ain’t gonna walk out…"

"Now that’s not very neighbourly, is it Bill?" She turned and smiled so benevolently at him. She was beautiful. His finger slipped away from the trigger and he felt his grip loosen on the gun, he could never hurt anyone like that. The muzzle was now inconveniently in the lady’s face so she gently placed her forefinger to it and manoeuvred it away to one side, "Besides, I don’t think that is going to be very effective," she continued in her lilting southern accent, "not against me at any rate…."

Oh no! This lady had suffered far worse than anything Bill was experiencing, she had been shot high up in the chest and by the look of the wound not too far in the past either, he needed to put the gun away, right now, never ever think of shooting anyone again!

No, this lady could not be the enemy, someone who flooded the whole front of the shop with an aura of loving kindness. That smile so delicate and feminine, the eyes, they took his very soul…

 _____________________________________________________

 Option three, and yet not option three. Bill had stashed the shotgun behind the trade counter before calling Geraldine to him. They then left with the lady just as the bailiffs as backed up by the police arrived to change the locks. She escorted Bill and Geraldine outside taking each by the arm either side of her and on reaching the rather careworn silver Mercedes she says to the big guy;

"Okay Jack, fire it up, let’s go." before placing them safely in the rear seats.

So what had changed? Bill had still lost everything, the business, all his money, his sons' education and probably his family home. So where was the gain? Since being taken into the care of this lady both Bill and Geraldine experienced a tremendous liberating loving feeling envelop them. They still had one another, two intelligent and capable sons, and the beginning of a new future. Everything was going to be alright, thank God for such divine relief, and it had come so swiftly;

whoosh…. , whoosh!!

As the car made sedate progression along the highway, Bill enquired of the lady up front;

"Please ma’am, who are you people?" Bill noticed the driver turn and smile at the lady who smiled back. Then she turned and half leant over the seat, her ID card held open for the benefit of Bill and Geraldine;

"Let me introduce myself, Special Angel Eunice Bloom."