spider-in-my-ear

[spider-in-my-ear]

your music has infested my brain

Who the fuck has been listening to Sara Sometimes more than me?!?

@sarasometimes

[spider-in-my-ear]

Who the fuck has been listening to Sara Sometimes more than me?!?

@sarasometimes

[spider-in-my-ear]

Does my blood not please you?

I know its color is weak

And it runs thin and clear

But I still will spill as much upon your alter as you will drink.

[spider-in-my-ear]

been toying with the concept of vampirism as like, needing something that you inherently can't provide for yourself. vampirism as dependency- especially in cases of vampires who refuse to (or straightup *cannot* for whatever reason) feed on anyone without consent, who must rely on blood freely given by living humans.

an independent young adult, so eager to move out on her own and see the world by herself, is turned into a vampire. her human parents are willing to feed her, but now she'll be dependent on them. she can't move away, can't stray too far from the family farm by herself, because she can't be too far from her source of blood for too long. she's afraid of what will happen when her parents are too old to give blood to her, if she'll be able to find someone else to depend on. she'll outlive them all eventually, if she's not left to starve.

a sociable vampire with a wide network of human friends who are willing to offer up their blood to her. they're happy to help her, but she still feels like a monster for having to take their blood all the time. she tries to take as little as possible while they beg her please take more, we hate seeing you so hungry all the time, please let us help. 

a vampire trapped in an abusive marriage because he relies on his wife for blood. if he leaves her without an alternate support system to feed him, he'd starve. she isolated him from all his other loved ones who might've been willing to feed him years ago. she holds the fact that she gives him her blood over his head anytime he tries to defend himself.

[spider-in-my-ear]

IknowIknowIknowIknowIknow

They aren’t Ihaven’tsuffered

My blood isn’t staining the ground

And yours shines a starlight crimson

and my veins run clear

Is my blood spilled

On every home I’ve known

Not enough for you

Are my wounds not deep

Enough for care

[spider-in-my-ear]

Is my blood spilled

On every home I’ve known

Not enough for you

Are my wounds not deep

Enough for care

[spider-in-my-ear]

You’re the one who cut into me

Carved your vitriol onto my bones

You started this slaughter

Now keep going

[spider-in-my-ear]

You don’t get to wash my blood off your hands

And you sure as hell don’t get to wash it off of me

[spider-in-my-ear]

tw: unreality

None of it is realStop lyingIt never happened It’s okYou’re fineEverything is fineAre you being honest with themWith yourselfYou’re lying againStop lyingStop lyingStop lyingWhat is wrong with youWhy won’t you be honestAre you so incapable of being honest that you can’t even process the truthNone of it is trueThis isn’t trueWhat you’re writing right now isn’t even trueIs itIt’s all a lieIt’s all fakeNone of it ever happenedThey know none of it ever happenedThey know you’re lyingThey know you’re a liarThey told youDon’t you rememberBut that never happenedThey never said thatWhy did you make that upWhat is wrong with youJust tell the truth

[spider-in-my-ear]

tw: mention of blood, violence, gore

Hurt me please please please

crush my heart in your grasp

rip the tendons from me

Shred my skin to ribbons

tear my veins apart

The blood stains on your hands

have long since dried

you washed them away and forgot

So please please please

will you just hurt me

Like you used to

rend me anew

I want to see my blood

Dripping from your fingers

My viscera staining your arms

I want to feel

mutilated and broken

Like you always made me

I want you to fight and claw

for every scrap of me

[spider-in-my-ear]

How can I know you

tend to our hearth

If I can not feel

the burn of the flames?

[spider-in-my-ear]

Myrmarachne aka Noticeable Pervasive Deceit

tw: mention of blood, allusion to self harm, unreality

You’re fine it’s all ok

It’s not real it’s a nightmare(daydream)

Every word that

comes out of you is

dishonest

No matter how much you hurt yourself you will never have truly suffered

You’re not actually hurt

say nothing

This is why you should say nothing(we don’t talk about it*1)

Your words aren’t reality the truth is not in your MouthMindImaginationMemory

There is no one but you he(a)r(e)*2

I have given up on

believing anything

you say

It’sNotRealIt’sNotRealIt’sNotRealIt’sNotReal

None of it ever happened why can’t you just admit that or at least not the way that you say it you’re fine you’re complete(ly) fine none of it is true Why can’t you just say that

all of the notes are wrong?

an agony a comfort*3

You are breaking character you are the character

You are in the lime light and the glare

burns your paint away to reveal the

meat and plastic

Blood on your face your hands your floor A stratagem Conscious movements a mimicry of unconscious behavior no hands have your blood on them save your own

a Spider in the death Spiral

*even this is a lie

*not a lie but certainly a misleading thing to say

*the former must be true but may still be a lie or at least self contradictory

[spider-in-my-ear]

Arachnophilia

tw: mention of spiders, mild gory imagery

You clothe yourself in spider silk

Wearing webs

Like the latest fashion in whatever town you stubble into

A silk lining on worn denim

A fragile cloak that falls apart

When a thread is pulled

You strip nude

And strands of silver cling to your skin

So you tear the skin from your flesh

But the fibers of your muscles are made of spider silk

Even as you rend your flesh from your bones

The hollow cavity of your chest is filled with cobwebs

And the spider in your head keeps spinning

[spider-in-my-ear]

Plastic bugs

tw: mention of blood, bugs, wasps, spiders, ants

And moths try and fail to fly away dropping so many needless words and so many thoughts

Like blood droplets between a vein and floor

And ants pace around and around and around and around and around and around a spiral

So add one more to their numbers

And spiders spin and pull rayon threads and polyester webs piteous and seeming weak

Abandon your strings and be free

And wasps burst from a chest cavity and swarm from a mouth with stingers bared

They hide in the moments of starlight

[spider-in-my-ear]

Playing House

tw: mention of spiders

Little spider playing

With the insects caught in your web

Playing pretend

Do you hear them?

Little spider

Do you hear

Your dolls are screaming

[spider-in-my-ear]

Not!Me

The spirit rebels

That ephemera asserts its reality

But the flesh remains

Unwavering.

Meat and blood and bone

Lay unchanging

Who is wearing whose skin

[spider-in-my-ear]

I’m ready to receive

Reblog this to receive something