spooky-hollyyy

[spooky-hollyyy]

Frazzled

I’m deep in a crisis in my life and I feel like I’m cutting myself with a double edged sword. By crisis I mean a totally minor thing that a normal person will figure out in minutes to a few hours where as I sit on it for months and months and some reason obsess over it.

At this point I can’t tell if I miss someone or if I miss the idea of the person or the highlights of everything I had with them. In which I’m confused if I feel “in love” or i might be lusting for a person, though I feel like I already know the answer.

Let me start off by saying, I am completely in love with the man I am with now, he’s is the most amazing, loving, patient person I’ve ever met - true marriage material. I’ve been married before in my life (a story for a different time) and that’s what scares me. I’m scared that I can’t truly give myself to one person, because I think about the same person every day, who isn’t the one I am with today.

I met this man, someone who could literally be my father, at my job about a year ago - I’ll call him Leo. When I first noticed Leo, before he even walked in, he pulled up on a lime green Suzuki motorcycle, wearing a white riding helmet with a little black mustache on the front. He was tall with a medium build, in good shape for a 47 year old man, piercing green eyes. I chatted with him every time he would come in, little flirttier every time. I never thought I’d think someone 20+ year older than me would be someone I would want to hang around with. When my ex-husband and I split up, he showed up again. I told him that I had never ridden a bike before and he offered to take me, I had agreed and he gave me his number. Feeling incredibly nervous, I didn’t message him for almost 2 weeks. After finally getting in touch with him, we set a day to go for a ride - it was incredible. I’ve never felt such a rush.

Not only did this man give me a need for speed and want for the extreme, he also gave me the best head/sex I’ve had in my life. Despite that, at the time I knew I didn’t want to be with anyone seriously, due to recently getting out of a marriage. After a few months of having fun with him, I met my now boyfriend and actually fell completely in love. Upon meeting him, I was still riding with Leo, I was talking to 2 men at the same time. Unfortunately, shortly after meeting my boyfriend, Leo and I got into an accident on his bike. Ruined the bike, burned a hole in my ankle and ass, and that made me realize I did t want to be with Leo. Realizing this, I took the wuss way out and told Leo through text, I basically wasn’t choosing him.

At the time i thought I was making the right choice, choosing someone I know I can take to meet my family and not get disowned. But since I have made this choice, I feel like I’ve made the wrong one. I love my boyfriend so very much, but there are times I feel myself longing for Leo, we do stay in touch every now and then but I know I’m leading him on though I kind of do feel a way about him.

I feel lost and I know I’m hurting both men in my life, but it hurts me to lose either one of them.

I need guidance, how can I get through the thicket of these woods?

[spooky-hollyyy]

this is the money dog, repost in the next 24 hours and money will come your way!!

[spooky-hollyyy]

i can’t do this anymore

[spooky-hollyyy]

1: did you ever think you were straight?

2: what’s your favorite element of gay culture?

3: are you femme, butch, or neither?

4: do you prefer to date femmes or butches?

5: what’s the worst part about being a lesbian?

6: what’s the best part of being a lesbian?

7: how long were you questioning for?

8: what’s the most annoying thing straight people do?

9: what do you look for in a girl?

10: of you had to marry someone you know right now, who would you choose?

11: do you have a crush right now?

12: do you fall in love easily?

13: is there anyone in your life right now you think you’ll date in the future?

14: is there anyone you want to be kissing right now?

15: do you think you’ve met your future wife yet?

16: top, bottom, or vers?

17: is there anyone you wish you could fuck right now?

18: rough or gentle?

19: how many stereotypes do you fit into?

20: what version of the lesbian flag do you like most? (butch, lipstick, original, etc.)

21: do you have a good gaydar?

22: be honest, would you rather be straight?

23: are you cis?

24: are you a sugar mommy or a sugar baby at heart?

25: are you committed to someone at all right now emotionally?

26: are you looking for a serious relationship currently?

27: is there someone you’d like to be in a serious relationship in?

28: do you want children?

29: is your family accepting of your sexuality?

30: how confident are you in your sexuality?

31: are you polyamorous or monogamous?

32: what’s advice do you have for your 12 year old self?

33: have you ever been to a gay bar?

34: leather jackets or flannel?

35: describe your dream girlfriend

36: do you have any lesbian friends?

37: what elements of gay culture do you actively participate in?

38: do you find straight people irritating?

39: would you rather adopt a kid or have a biological kid?

40: do you love yourself?

[spooky-hollyyy]

i understand that my friends don’t wanna talk every day. i understand that my s/o doesn’t wanna be lovey dovey and super indulgent every day. lots of people need rest from performative emotions. all people need rest in general! it’s okay!! it doesn’t mean they don’t love me!! it’s not a judgement or punishment!! they deserve to take their rest, and they deserve for me to treat their needs with respect!

[spooky-hollyyy]

[spooky-hollyyy]

Why don’t girls hit on me what am I doing wrong, do I act too straight

[spooky-hollyyy]

[spooky-hollyyy]

The only time in my life I can relate to a Gold Metal wining Olympian…

[spooky-hollyyy]

[spooky-hollyyy]

[spooky-hollyyy]

He got himself stuck

[spooky-hollyyy]

[spooky-hollyyy]

[spooky-hollyyy]

[spooky-hollyyy]

[spooky-hollyyy]