sseolarity

[sseolarity]

No Way Back

yoon jeonghan x reader | 1.9k words

On a night of rain, karaoke, and confessions, Jeonghan tries to silence the ache of a love that ended too gently to hate by calling it a coincidence— a breakup with no villain, no reason... and no way back.

genre/s — angst now playing — coincidence by svt jeonghan a/n: this song really makes me so emotional, that was why i was inspired to write something about it :))

"Jeonghan hyung, why did you guys break up anyway?"

"Seokmin-ah, you just started talking to him, and that’s your opening line? What kind of friend are you?”

"Ya hyung, is curiosity illegal for me or what? This guy never tells us anything!"

“Seok, come here. Face me for a sec," Jeonghan says, grabbing Seokmin’s face and turning it gently toward him. The latter looks at him with a grin, and Jeonghan smiles back, before lightly slapping his friend’s cheek.

"Ow! That hurt, you jerk!" Seokmin yelps, making the whole table burst out laughing. The other guys have their hands on either their faces, heads, or stomachs as they laugh out loud. Jeonghan just shakes his head while chuckling as he hears various curses fly out from Seokmin’s mouth because of the teasing he receives.

"Curiosity got into your head, Seokminie? It was just all a coincidence. We met by accident, broke up by accident. Fair trade, I guess? It’s the universe’s idea of balance.”

"What? What does that even mean?! Hyung, you really don’t make sense sometimes! I didn’t get any of that!"

Jeonghan just laughs at his friend’s scrunched-up face, then picks up a glass full of liquor. He turns away and drinks— as if each sip will help him swallow the pain that won’t ever really go away.

But deep down, he knows he never really can.

Coincidence. He keeps whispering that to himself, like a mantra he bites down on. He tells himself that everything happened by accident just to hush down that stubborn part of him that keeps hoping that she will find her way back into his arms again.

What’s even new for Jeonghan? With the kind of work he does, he’s grown used to fresh faces drifting in and out of his days. Countless introductions that fade just as quickly as they come. It’s almost ordinary now, this endless cycle of hellos and goodbyes. 

So really, what’s new? Nothing. People come and go. And whatever they had? Just another trace of that quiet, cruel truth: some things aren’t meant to stay, no matter how much he wishes they would.

"It just happened, Seokmin-ah. Don’t push it further. That’s it."

"Is that even possible, hyung? You broke up because… nothing? What, you just woke up one day and the feelings were gone? Hyung… is nonsense, really, all that comes out of your mouth?"

Jeonghan grabs a clean tissue, crumples it up, and forcefully shoves it right into Seokmin’s mouth. The latter doesn't even have time to complain and just bursts out laughing at what his hyung did.

"You’re so noisy, Seok. You’re drunk already, just drink more.”

The other members started making noise again, cheering Seokmin to drink more. Jeonghan leans back and feels the leather fabric of the long sofa they are sitting on. He glances at his members for a moment, then lets his eyes drift off, staring blankly at the wet windowpane being softly kissed by rain droplets.

How far can Jeonghan look back when remembering a past shared with someone he once had a deep connection with?

Where does he even start remembering the love they once shared?

Love.

Oh... the name that Jeonghan used to call her. The name he loved so dearly, he'd seized every chance he got to say it.

The name that, to him, always sounded so beautiful, like each letter was carefully chosen and formed together. Perfect. Nothing to fix or add. Just a word that felt like it belonged to her alone.

But now, it’s just a name he keeps in silence. A name that he carries quietly in the corner of his memory— locked away, out of fear that saying it might make the loss too real.

"Jeonghan, you’re not even drinking! The night’s not getting any younger!"

Laughter roars at their table, and Jeonghan just shakes his head, as if doing so can make all the thoughts eating him up disappear from his mind.

Jeonghan doesn’t even sing that night.

Even when the mic is handed to him, even when the others cheer him on, tease him with old favorites— they can’t pull a voice out of him.

He just smiles. Drinks. Pretends.

Because he knows— if he opens his mouth, he might end up singing her name instead.

Seokmin notices. Of course he does. But he doesn’t say anything. He just stays near, like gravity, steady and unspoken.

The night drags on, and the other members slowly leave one by one... until Jeonghan is left alone with Seokmin.

Seokmin finishes his reserved song on the karaoke while Jeonghan just sits there, watching him. The flickering light from the TV and the soft glow of the room catch the quiet spark in his younger friend’s eyes. Jeonghan stays silent, wondering when it will ever come back to him— the spark, that feeling of being truly alive. Not just breathing. Alive.

"Hyung, should I order more drinks so that you’ll get drunk and cry?"

"You idiot. You’re a menace, you know that?"

They both share a laugh, and Seokmin sets the mic down on the table in front of them. Jeonghan hears him let out a small sigh before sitting comfortably beside him.

"Hyung… you really haven’t seen her since you two broke up?"

Jeonghan doesn’t answer immediately. He just stares at the mic on the table, listening to the static hum of the karaoke machine. They just let the time pass by without moving an inch.

And finally, Jeonghan mutters quietly.

"I saw her. But… It’s like… I don’t."

Seokmin doesn’t say anything back. He just lets the silence wrap around them both. The tension lingers, not suffocating, but fragile. As if something would shatter the moment either of them speaks.

"At the broadcasting company. Also… that place we always used to eat at when we had free time…" he trails off, his gaze falls to the tiled floor as if he is watching their memories play out beneath the tiles. "Same places, but different people."

Seokmin shifts on his seat, uncertain whether to speak and comfort his hyung or just keep his mouth shut. But before he can decide, Jeonghan speaks again.

"She seemed the same," he murmurs, "But me? I don’t even know how to look at her now. It’s like… everything that’s left in me after we broke up is just there to remind me not to love her anymore.”

There's no bitterness in his voice— just a quiet exhaustion. Like he’s finally admitting to himself that he lost something he knows he'll never get back again.

"You know," he says softly, turning to Seokmin, who quickly shifts to look at him. "I didn’t know it would be this hard when we decided to end things the right way— the so-called healthy breakup. I thought it would be easier, because at least we ended things without stepping on each other. That no one’s pride and soul got crushed.”

"So… why...?"

"It’s so hard because there’s no bad guy. No one to point their fingers at. No reason to get mad. No one to blame. It just happened. It happened because it had to," he stated, letting out a low, dry laugh.

"It’s so ironic, isn’t it? They call it a healthy breakup, but I feel like I got ripped apart. Everything’s so hollow that I can’t feel my heart anymore. It’s so hard to move forward… So the only way I stop myself from going crazy is to keep telling myself that it was all just a coincidence."

Seokmin opens his mouth, then closes it. He just sighs softly before placing his left hand on Jeonghan’s shoulder and squeezing it lightly.

As if on cue, the karaoke machine cues up the next song they reserved— some old ballad that neither of them really knows.

"It’s just a coincidence. I get by every day by repeating that thought to myself. From the moment I open my eyes in the morning, to those random pauses in the middle of the long day… until I drift off to sleep.” Jeonghan gulped after saying it, his throat tightening at the memory of all those nights alone.

He remembers every night— his face damp with tears, his knees pressed deep into the cold floor of his bedroom, as quiet, broken pleas escape weakly from his mouth. How the night sky casts the moon’s soft glow into the corner of his room, yet his mind keeps sinking deeper into a dark abyss.

“That's how I fool myself, thinking that our breakup is bound to happen, just like how we met. That’s… how far I’ll go just to make the pain feel manageable."

And for the first time that night, Jeonghan sings.

Not in a way that his younger friend can fully understand, nor in words clear enough for anyone to truly grasp what he’s going through.

Jeonghan sings softly, a tinge of desperation in his voice. His tone wavers, not from lack of breath, but from the weight of everything pinning him down. Every word he utters feels like peeling away the layers of denial he wrapped himself in.

He sings. Not perfectly— he misses a few notes, sometimes his voice drops into a whisper— but it’s full of honesty and emotion.

When the last note of the song fades into the stillness of the night, neither of them speaks. They just stare blankly at the empty cups and bottles in front of them as the karaoke screen roars and lights up with Jeonghan’s score.

Seokmin glances at his hyung after a moment, just as he hears him sigh— as if that's the first time Jeonghan allowed himself to do that.

"It was just all a coincidence," he says, barely audible. "But that doesn’t mean I didn’t choose it. I always chose her, I know that to myself. And… in the end… I chose to let go of what we had."

And with that, he stands before stretching his arms. He picks up his jacket and quietly puts it on.

"Where are you going, hyung?"

Jeonghan shrugs. "I don’t know. Anywhere, as long as it’s not back." He glances first at Seokmin, who is sitting quietly on the sofa, eyes following him, before murmuring something under his breath. And after that, he quietly walks toward the door, pushes it open, and slips out without another word.

Seokmin watches him go— watches his Jeonghan hyung slowly disappear beyond the doorway, the door swinging shut behind him. He is left in silence, replaying Jeonghan’s last words over and over in his head.

"If all of this really just happened by chance… then she’s one accident I’ll never, ever regret."

Jeonghan went out of their karaoke room. The hallway is dim, and all he can hear is the faint echo of another room’s laughter from down the hall.

He steps outside, then stops for a moment, letting the soft night breeze caress his face. In front of him is an empty street that’s glistening under the yellow glow of lampposts, puddles catching the bits of city light. He exhales, then slips a hand into his pocket, pulls out his phone, and opens her name in his contacts…

And stares at it.

He doesn’t click the call button, nor does he delete her number.

He looks up as his thumb moves to switch off his phone, then slips it back into his pocket. Jeonghan starts walking, with no destination in mind, only the need to walk away from everything behind.

He keeps walking. Not back. Never back.

The rain has stopped. But inside Jeonghan— it’s still falling.

Just a little more quietly now.

thank you for reading .ᐟ