steamedmeatbun

[steamedmeatbun]

the transition im crying

[steamedmeatbun]

today I used the phrase "breasting boobily" in casual real life conversation and everyone was shocked asking how I came up with that and I had to explain it. ive been at the devil's sacrament so long that I forgot he wasn't god

[steamedmeatbun]

I want to be the first person on the moon to shoot a sniper rifle at earth and hit a wasp nest.  my whole life so far is leading up to that moment

[steamedmeatbun]

[steamedmeatbun]

[steamedmeatbun]

im so glad nobody on the modern Tumblr Left ever changes their url or icons unless they get deleted and remake because back in The Day (2012) we did that all the time and it made keeping track of who was who nigh impossible. remember halloween urls? man, we used to- [i break out into a fit of raspy coughs that leave me wheezing for air while desperately flailing for the nurse call button] [you notice that my coughs are staining the bedsheet with flecks of blood]

[steamedmeatbun]

Characters who were raised by wolves but somehow still learn how to speak and act human despite of having spent the key developing years without human contact are both unrealistic and frankly kind of boring and overdone by now. Imagine a character team where one of them is a (somewhat) realistic raised-by-wildlife grown feral child, and the other one is essentially a glorified handler, who manages all the people-business for both of them.

And the companion is the only other human person that the feral one trusts in any way at all. Better yet, make them clearly be romantically involved with each other. Like

"Wait, she's your wife? ...Uh, with all due respect, but can she like... Can she even consent?" "Look lad. I respect you being worried for her welfare and for being direct about that instead of circlin' around so I'm gonna be straight about it right back at you: She's bigger than me, stronger than me, and frankly, I don't think she spent much time wondering whether I'm consenting."

[steamedmeatbun]

Time for uppies

[steamedmeatbun]

So oblivious

[steamedmeatbun]

The people who go "well who's going to look after you when you're old?" when you say you're not having kids are breathtakingly naive. Our next-door neighbour, somewhere in her mid-80s, has a son, grandkids, and a grear-granddaughter, and who's the one she calls when she needs help, and checks that she's not spending christmas alone? Me and my boyfriend.

Having kids is irrelevant if the answer to that question is still going to be "the mentally ill faggots next door."

[steamedmeatbun]

A wizard that regularly breaks into the gem shop where magical gemstones are cut from rough stone into their more commonly known sparkly faceted shapes - but he doesn't steal any of them. He sweeps the floor. Bags the stone crumbs and shards and dust he sweeps up. Breaks out again. The goblins who run the gem shop never bother to investigate why the floor just cleans up on its own, they assume that they've got a house elf or something.

So the wizard takes the shards and all, and grinds them all into evenly sized teeny tiny crumbs, and mixes them all together. The magic gemstone chips and crumbs become something new: magic pocket sand. Nobody knows what it'll do to you if he throws it at you. Least of all him.

[steamedmeatbun]

Randomly remembered something I saw online and can't remember the exact details of - a translation of an ancient Egyptian letter that a young soldier sent his family from abroad, I think from Rome. While all the other details are lost to me, I distinctly remember the tone of the letter, because the attitude in it was so shockingly different to the way I was raised. In Finnish, the word for "conceited" is literally "self-loving", and there's a saying about how self-praise reeks, and any kind of praise of one's own is downright shameful. Entire generations have been raised with the idea that saying anything positive about your own children will rot their moral core.

And this guy in this letter was like "Dear father, dear mother, I am now here in Rome! I am sure to prosper thanks to how excellently you have raised me. I have commissioned a picture of myself in my new uniform, so you can see how handsome I look in it."

Like... Damn. Imagine raising a kid to be that unwaveringly confident in their own worth and prospects, and unhesitant to praise you as well. Why would you raise your kid any other way.

[steamedmeatbun]

Honestly, if you're a kid and an adult tells you "they're just trying to get a reaction out of you :)" as a response to being told that some younger kid is tormenting you, that should count as full permission to punt that little shit. Like I would never hit a child, but if you're seven years old and a five-year-old is being a cunt at you and adults just tell you "oh they just want to find out what happens if they keep doing that", wouldn't only be fair to let them know what happens if they keep doing that?

Siblings should never be left responsible of raising each other, but if adults have decided that they are allowed to fuck around, wouldn't it only be your right - or even downright duty - to let them consequently find out?

[steamedmeatbun]

Perfect landing

[steamedmeatbun]

Looking at urban animals has become a lot more fulfilling after learning to not anthropomorphise them. Like the sparrows in the underground section of Helsinki railway station. I used to look at them mildly saddened, thinking that the poor things must have flown in here by accident and now can't get out. But they aren't trapped, really. They're smart birds, surely if they can find their way in, they could find their way out if they really wanted to. They don't care about human concepts of freedom, or manmade vs. natural environments. They are just as free wherever they are.

Here they are safe from the elements, safe from predators, clearly unbothered by the people. There's plenty of odd random scraps for food, and other sparrows to hang out with, and considering the way they sing, this is a place worth marking as territory. If they were trapped and distressed, I don't think that one would be yelling "THIS IS MY HOUSE. IF YOU'RE ANOTHER MAN AND YOU'RE IN MY HOUSE, FUCK YOU FOR BEING IN MY HOUSE."

They're here for the same reason as I am: less noise, wind, and cars, and easier access to deli ham.

[steamedmeatbun]