strayhorn

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Thought this might help others who struggle when writing. I know I get in my head too much.

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hobbies masterpost!

a really excellent way to reduce anxiety is to pick up a new hobby. find something you’re interested in, learn it, then use it as a healthy and productive way to cope.

learn to play guitar

learn how to make interactive stories with the free program Twine

learn how to make pixel art

learn another language

learn how to build a ship in a bottle

learn how to develop your own film

learn how to embroider

learn how to make chiptunes (8-bit music)

learn how to make origami (the art of paper folding)

learn how to make tumblr themes

learn how to make jewelry 

learn how to make candy

learn how to make terrariums

learn how to make your own perfume

learn how to make your own tea

learn how to build birdhouses

learn how to read tarot cards

learn how to make zines

learn how to code

learn how to whittle (wood carving)

learn how to make candles

learn how to make clay figurines

learn how to knit scarves

learn how to become an amateur astronomer

learn some yoyo tricks

learn how to start a collection

learn how to start body building

learn how to edit wikipedia articles

learn how to decorate iphone cases

learn how to do freelance writing

learn how to make your own cards and

learn how to make your own envelopes

learn how to play the ukulele 

learn how to make gifs

learn how to play chess

learn how to juggle

learn how to guerrilla garden

learn how to chart your family history

learn how to keep chickens

learn how to do yoga

learn how to do magic tricks

learn how to raise and breed butterflies

learn how to play dungeons & dragons

learn how to skateboard

learn how to do parkour

learn how to surf

learn how to arrange flowers

learn how to make stuffed animals

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I think more historical fantasies and alt histories that have gay marriage be allowed should mess around with the societal implications of this. If your aristocracy allows gay marriage, why? As a release valve for inheritance problems, like monasticism was in parts of medieval Europe? As a way of removing your failchild from the line of succession by legally binding them to the failchild of your political ally, ensuring any offspring they both have will be illegitimate? How about a society where the lower classes are allowed to be gay but the nobility aren’t? Idk there’s just a lot of options that are more interesting than “homophobia just doesn’t real”

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I got a laptop with Windows 11 for an IT course so I can get certified, and doing the first time device set-up for it made me want to commit unspeakable violence

Windows 11 should not exist, no one should use it for any reason, it puts ads in the file explorer and has made it so file searches are also web searches and this cannot be turned off except through registry editing. Whoever is responsible for those decisions should be killed, full stop.

Switch to linux, it's free and it's good.

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001.

monologue culture: why we overshare to no one in particular an essay on the quiet poetry of talking too much to no one at all

there’s a peculiar intimacy to monologuing into the ether. a sort of emotional exhale into digital spaces—voice notes no one asked for, captions that feel like confessionals, 3am tumblr posts typed like love letters and left unsigned. this isn’t attention-seeking, not really. it’s something more tender. more tired. more complex.

we’re not always speaking to be heard. sometimes, we speak because the silence is heavier than the vulnerability.

this is monologue culture.

it’s the way we sit with our feelings—out loud. it's the way we narrate heartbreak to an instagram caption or cry-write three paragraphs into a notes app. it’s when someone asks, “how are you?” and we respond with a novel, even if no one’s reading it. it’s the paradox of speaking into the void and hoping someone sees it, but not really minding if they don’t.

we do this not because we’re unwell (though sometimes, yes), but because it’s a way of survival. we monologue as a soft rebellion against isolation. a kind of makeshift companionship. an archive of our own emotional literacy. a way to know ourselves—out loud.

a little history: the diary, digitized

before there were late-night rants on twitter or poetic overshares on tumblr, there were diaries—pages upon pages of musings, monologues, maybes. people have always needed a place to speak privately but not silently. the digital age didn’t invent oversharing; it just made it observable.

now, we narrate our lives publicly, semi-publicly, or in “close friends” stories meant only for a curated few. but even when we share to no one, when we lock a post or leave it untagged, there’s still a performance to it. a soft kind. not to be admired, but to be witnessed. like cracking open a window and hoping someone hears the piano playing.

the emotional logic of oversharing

so why do we do it?

why pour our hearts into spaces not designed to hold them?

well—for one, there’s structure in monologuing. there’s clarity in forming thoughts into paragraphs. there’s relief in naming what we’re feeling, even if we’re doing it while crying into our pillow with one arm extended for typing.

oversharing, especially when it feels one-sided, is often less about the listener and more about the speaker. it’s the emotional equivalent of picking at a knot until it loosens. you talk it through not because you want advice, but because the weight feels lighter when spoken. and when written—oh, when written—it feels like a spell cast to trap the ache between lines.

fun fact: “oversharing” is often gendered

did you know that the very idea of oversharing is loaded with bias? in communication studies and digital discourse, the label is disproportionately applied to femmes and feminine-coded speech. women and girls are told they “talk too much,” “go too deep,” or “make things awkward” with emotional openness.

but in reality? sharing openly, and with nuance, is a form of emotional fluency. it’s not oversharing. it’s storytelling. and storytelling is power. it’s a legacy passed down through letters, journals, whispered poems in the dark.

so the next time you call yourself cringey for oversharing on your blog or sending a five-minute voice note to your best friend about the way a bird looked at you—maybe pause. maybe remember that talking too much about what hurts is a kind of care. maybe even a kind of art.

the performance of silence vs. the performance of speech

we romanticize the quiet types—the mysterious ones who “don’t post much” or “keep to themselves.” but we rarely ask why someone shares out loud. we rarely notice how brave it is to monologue without a promise of being understood.

silence can be powerful. but so can loud vulnerability. and those who monologue—those who overshare, whisper their spirals, dramatize their heartbreaks with all the flair of a tragic heroine—deserve grace.

there’s performance in all kinds of expression. but monologuing is a unique one. it’s a performance of being present in your own unraveling. it’s what happens when you refuse to disappear just because you're hurting.

monologues as placeholders for connection

when we talk to “no one in particular,” we’re often talking to the someone we wish existed. the best friend who’s still awake. the stranger who might get it. the future version of ourselves who’ll reread our rants and finally understand.

it’s not loneliness that drives monologue culture—it’s hope. a strange, soft hope that somewhere, someone might nod along, or smile a little, or whisper “same” into the dark.

we write long captions, post rambling blogs, tweet drafts meant for no audience because it feels like company. it feels like we’re building a trail of breadcrumbs back to ourselves.

being known vs. being heard

there’s a distinct ache in wanting to be known rather than just heard. and monologues? they bridge that gap. they reveal who we are in ways casual conversations rarely do.

a tumblr post about how your heart feels like a cracked teacup says more than “i’m sad.” a ramble about a stranger who reminded you of someone you lost says more than “i miss you.”

these moments, these monologues—they stitch together the poetry of living. they say: i’m trying. i’m feeling. i’m reaching.

and yes, maybe no one will reply. maybe no one will read the entire thing. but it lives. it exists. and that matters.

in defense of talking too much

maybe this is your sign to keep narrating. to keep voice-noting. to keep typing things out like they matter—because they do. maybe you are not too much. maybe you are just alive in a world that often asks us to mute our inner symphonies.

so write the three-paragraph instagram caption. post the crying selfie if it helps. rant to your drafts. record your thoughts in the middle of the night. speak, even if you’re not sure anyone’s listening.

because sometimes, the person who needs to hear you most—is you.

scribbled down by, R.

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anybody else . can anyone hear me

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”you can just make an oc” you dont understand anything. the character needs to mutate naturally until unrecognizable. like all evolutionary processes it takes time. you can’t force it or it doesn’t take. you must endure weird ooc thematically discordant versions of a guy until they bud off into beautiful new life. have patience

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I love Enlighter. Most annoying man you've ever met in your life actually does stand for truth and justice. Refuses to stop being complete pill about it in very petty ways. Motivated primarily by spite and envy but unwilling to lie or cheat to get ahead. WILL go through your entire internet history to drag out all your receipts just because you beat him in a popularity contest. Still isn't actually revealing anything untrue or even misleading.

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the dash is in tatters. please say something nice to the person you reblog this from. it's so sad to see you all so sad

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the “Mirabelle” segment in the Mal du Pays fight stands out so sharply compared to the rest of the “party” encounters.

for every other character, we get something intensely personal and specific to the relationship Siffrin has with them and how that represents a facet of his own character and self-image—all through the warped lens of hatred and doubt, but still indicative of what Siffrin values and fears in regards to each of them.

“Bonnie” points out Siffrin’s failings as a protector, how all his attempts to keep Bonnie safe has only ever caused them pain. It calls back to their friendquest, the kingquest, and the “rotten adults” event.

“Odile” questions the humanity & personhood of someone without memory, history, or culture rooting them to the world, and dismisses their friendship as impossible. It calls back to her friendquest, their shared sense of distance from the concepts of “home” and “family,” the forgotten country, and the “we’re not friends” joke she makes that Siffrin instantly internalizes until the first full family run.

“Isabeau” admonishes their clinginess, their fear of change and intimacy, their desperation for love driving them to manipulate him and the rest of the party because the "real” Siffrin is unknowable and unlovable. It once again calls back to his friendquest, Siffrin’s touch therapy, the Favor Tree shoulder touch/Bad Touch, and the confession (warped, here, into a confession of disconnect and disgust).

for Mirabelle, we get…

it’s bare-bones, almost generic compared to the others. there are a few obvious reasons for this!

first, MDP does open its mouth to continue. maybe it was going to continue this “scene” with Mirabelle, or maybe it was going to switch to another track. we don’t know.

compared to the way the other sections start, Mirabelle’s gets much harsher, much faster. the others begin with confusion, disappointment, resignation. slowly and steadily laying out exactly why Siffrin brings them so much grief.

“Mirabelle” gets right to the point. a simple, eager dismissal, cutting to the heart of the matter without hesitation or build-up, devastating in its simplicity. more than anything, rather than warping any positive memory, it calls back to Mirabelle’s botched friendquest in act 5, with her immediately slapping him and saying they were never friends before she leaves them alone. like that event erased all the good that came before it.

it’s an immediate attack, prompting Siffrin to cut it off before we get a chance to “learn” more, had the encounter continued.

structurally, this single line is the finishing blow, the thing that pushes Siffrin to their breaking point. having listened to their “party” tear into them, protests growing weaker and weaker each time, no longer able to listen to a single word more, he attacks instead. it’s the culmination of everything that came before—every other character’s lengthier message could be distilled into this statement.

it’s an emotionally punchy way to end the party section of the encounter. but it gives us almost nothing to latch onto when it comes to the specifics of Siffrin’s relationship to Mirabelle. not like the others do.

so….what does it tell us?

well. first off it really reminds me of a different scene—one from the Prologue.

it’s almost a miniature inverse of the MDP scene. a succinct reaffirmation of the bonds Siffrin shares with each of them. it’s affectionate and warm and emotional—the humor and camaraderie between him and Isa, the driving determination and protectiveness that Bonnie inspires, the quiet and clever understanding at the core of Odile.

but, again, Mirabelle’s part is more…factual? distant? impersonal? she’s the savior. her quest brought them together. it doesn’t tell you a lot about what makes Siffrin’s relationship with Mirabelle significant.

which. is actually the thing that i think is particularly telling.

i talked about how Mirabelle doesn’t fully believe that Siffrin cares deeply about the party in a different post, but i think that goes both ways.

just like Mirabelle reads Siffrin’s aloof, easygoing jokester persona as a lack of heartfelt connection to her and the others, Siffrin reads Mirabelle’s open affection with everyone she knows as rendering his connection to her less meaningful in her eyes.

why should Mirabelle, the savior, the hero, the protagonist, think Siffrin is significant in any way at all? they’re just a footnote in her story, soon forgotten once this chapter is over. a fond memory, at best.

of course, she’s kind and compassionate. she treats him with welcoming warmth and care—just like she treats everyone else. that’s just who she is. endlessly loving, endlessly loved.

but Mirabelle…isn’t actually as affectionate with Siffrin as she is with the others. because, like the rest of the party, she thinks Siffrin doesn’t like to be touched! and Siffrin takes the lack of physical affection as an indication of how they’re viewed rather than as a boundary that’s being respected. (despite repeated indications and pretty goddamn direct statements to the contrary. buddy. please.) this is most obvious with Isabeau, but it applies to all of them, and i’m sure it factors into how he thinks Mirabelle sees him.

even with this perceived distance between them, though, Mirabelle means so much to Siffrin. “don’t make Mirabelle upset” is a consistent imperative in both the Prologue and ISAT. he plays a supporting role—keep her safe, keep her comforted, keep her happy. failing at this is devastating. this is true for the whole family, of course, but it feels extra urgent when applied to Mirabelle; her anxiety means she's visibly upset and in need of comforting more often than the others, and Siffrin readily jumps to reassure her or fix whatever he said wrong.

the first time you beat the King and talk to everyone at the end, Siffrin is left blushing, smiling so hard it hurts, and speechless with happiness at being praised by Mirabelle and told that she treasures their company. recognition that maybe they are special to her...until, of course, the unintentional dismissal. "come visit sometime" instead of "please, stay with me a little longer, i want you to be a part of my life." "treasured," but not special enough to keep.

every other party member says some version of "come visit" in their end talks. but there's weight in the (You promise.) to Mirabelle compared to the others' conversations, which are infused with more jokey, lighthearted affection, riding on relief and hope for the future. nothing like the bursting joy Siffrin feels at Mirabelle's acknowledgement.

and in the "What's her name?" event—special dialogue that has a chance to happen in Act 4 when looping to Dormont—

calling her "Mira" is an unspoken bid for friendship, learned from Isabeau's expressions of affection through nicknames. it's an attempt at connection that Siffrin initiated, but never got a direct answer for, since Mirabelle never calls him a nickname (until she tries and fails to come up with one during friendquest runs). he wants to be closer to her!! (but does she want that, too?)

no matter how hard each of them try, there’s this disconnect. why would someone like you care about someone like me?

during the introduction of the friendquests, Mirabelle tries so sincerely to ask Siffrin what’s wrong. she calls them out on lying about being fine, offers to listen to and support him, says that she wants him to be happy……and he just!!!! doesn’t get it!! Siffrin thinks that the only reason she would offer something like that is because she’s too nervous to ask for that kind of support from him first. why would she care about them except in their role as a resource for her?? anything else would be weird!!!!

and getting into Mirabelle’s friendquest itself, yet again there’s far more emotional distance here than compared to the others’, throughout each major iteration.

with Bonnie, he has a full-on outburst about the importance of keeping them safe, and establishes new boundaries around touch. with Isabeau, they remember how making him laugh shaped their personality from something formless and undefined to who they are now. with Odile, he finds a kindred spirit in their shared detachment, then seethes with jealousy over her ability to go to a physical place to find answers. in each case, it’s intimate, specific, emotional, and deeply personal on both sides.

with Mirabelle, Siffrin doesn’t share much at all about himself, either externally or internally.

they share that they’re not interested in having sex because “it’s weird,” and that he has something important to him but that inspires intensely complicated and contradictory feelings. still personal things that he hasn’t shared with anyone before! but…he says he doesn’t like to think about it.

and they don’t. they don’t elaborate on either thought, not even to us. it’s all buried deep, where it can’t interfere with helping Mirabelle, where it can’t hurt them by looking it in the eye.

after Kingquest, instead of (You think about the stars.) in response to “something that brings you both joy and grief,” it’s (You don’t think about anything.)

they’re at their most verbose (internally, of course) after Mirabelle says that ignoring her problems would be “too cowardly” for her.

(Why doesn’t she leave it behind, then?)—a reflection of that “cowardly” attitude, of abandoning painful things instead of confronting them. Siffrin recognizes that Mirabelle won’t take that approach, even though they don’t understand it.

it next becomes “why should she be forced to contort herself to the world? why can’t the world change to accommodate her as she is, instead?”—a sense of indignation and protectiveness on her behalf, perhaps. Mirabelle isn’t doing anything wrong; why should she be the one who has to change?

and then:

it’s bitter and self-deprecating. it’s similar to the way Siffrin thinks about his inability to reconnect with his past compared to Odile, but the emotions are all directed inward. he doesn’t direct any of that bitterness towards Mirabelle for her deep connection with her faith in the way he does towards Odile for her “privilege” of deciding her origins don’t matter.

Mirabelle is doing what Siffrin can’t—facing the things that terrify her, exploring her relationship with something complicated but important to her, holding true to her faith out of genuine love and passion while also striving to be true to her own needs.

how can Siffrin, who blindly follows a faith that they can barely remember, a faith that brings them only pain, refusing to challenge or question or even think about anything difficult—how can they compare to Mirabelle, with her resilience and resolve?

this extends to Mirabelle’s side quest with the Change God, as well; Siffrin is directly mocked by the god that Mirabelle loves so dearly right after seeing that same god heap her with praise and adoration. but there’s no resentment or anger towards Mirabelle for being the beloved favorite while Siffrin’s suffering is watched with glee, no questioning what makes her worthy.

it’s like—even as an incredibly, deeply repressed person, Siffrin is at their most repressed when it comes to Mirabelle. aching to connect with her like they do with the others, but unable to conceive himself as being on the same level as importance as her, not even able to consciously harbor a significant negative emotion towards her as an individual.

even in the botched friendquest, Siffrin is not deliberately cruel to Mirabelle.

“You know, you don't have to be bonded to anyone. If you're alone for your whole life, then that's just how it is. Isn't it better to just come to terms with it now, rather than later? You don't need to be with anyone to be happy, after all! So... So you should just accept it! Accept that you'll always be alone!”

literally all of that was intended to be sincere advice on how she can be happy and come to terms with her own desires outside of what society expects! a condensed version of the conclusion that they reached together, that she found fulfilling and soothing! it’s just. phenomenally badly worded, and also delivered with the fakest smile you’ve ever seen plastered on their face.

this is also true for Bonnie, where their attempts to hurry things along once again caused the conflict. but the same can’t be said for Odile or Isabeau—Siffrin directly attacks their character (Odile’s overbearing nosiness, Isabeau’s cowardice) and lashes out in ways designed to hurt them the most. even though he instantly regrets it, it still happened.

but not Mirabelle. they never tried to hurt Mirabelle.

she’s the savior. she’s the reason they’re all here. the reason Siffrin has found this family, these people who welcomed him and surrounded him with joy and warmth after so many years spent wandering lost, aimless, and alone. all this connection and happiness, they owe it to her for bringing everyone together.

she’s a symbol of friendship more than she is a close friend.

the same way Mirabelle imagines Siffrin as a mysterious, carefree rogue who would only be annoyed at any attempt she might make to get to know them, Siffrin imagines Mirabelle as a noble hero, burdened by greatness but resilient, who doesn’t need some needy cling-on taking up her time and attention when she has far more important things to worry about.

if you die to the King before finishing Kingquest, you have a chance to get a scene devoted to each party member. Bonnie flees, and Siffrin hopes they can escape if time continues after he dies. Isabeau's eyes are fixed on Siffrin, wishing to take their pain away. Siffrin's rumination about Odile is tinged with bitterness—she can't move, can't protect the others, can't protect herself, is always facing away.

Mirabelle, the defiant hero, stares down the King. once again, the focus is on her mission, her role. not the party.

in spite of all the reassuring and hand-holding they end up doing for her at times, i think there's an undercurrent of something like reverence for her, in moments like this. of course, Siffrin knows about Mirabelle's insecurities, especially after her (real) friendquest. they know the Change God didn't choose her, and how guilty and torn she feels about the deception she allowed to persist. they know about the tension between her orientation and beliefs, the pressures she feels to excel and conform. all so much bigger and more important than his own pitiful loneliness.

he’s there to support her as long as she needs them, as long as she’ll let them, and no longer.

"… I know I should be fine with leaving, because you're fine with it, too! I-It's fine that this journey meant more to me than to all of you! And that, as soon as this journey is over, you'll forget me!"

You're awful. You're not my friend, not my ally, not anything. You never were.

I can’t wait to never see you again.

it’s all MDP “Mirabelle” needs to say. Siffrin was never worth her attention or affection in the first place, no need to waste any more breath than this. she gave everything to them, and they are nothing to her. her story will continue without him.

they’re both doing each other a disservice, seeing one another like this. enforcing a distance that doesn’t need to exist. they flatten and deny each other and themselves in their attempts to "not bother" the other with their own worries and desires. neither of them can conceptualize the other as equally insecure and longing for connection, and especially not connection with each other.

because of the way they simplify each other in addition to how much of their true feelings they repress, i think it might be fair to say that Mirabelle and Siffrin have the shallowest friendship prior to Act 6. there's affection, there's genuine love and protectiveness and teasing and support and more—none of that is fake at its core! they both made earnest attempts to reach out and understand one another. but each attempt was one-sided to some extent, blocked by some combination of their own preconceptions, always missing the chance to stand eye to eye.

the pedestals had to crumble and the illusions shatter before they can truly see each other as people beyond their roles.

[strayhorn]

He left me at the altar.

So now I keep a bouquet in the house at all times. Usually in the kitchen or on my table to remind me that I will hold one again.

But recently, I have taken to staring at it instead of working. Trimming it, maintaining it, rearranging the flowers. I worry that I may need to throw it out or I will lose myself in it's petals.

But if I throw it out...

[strayhorn]

*Gives a reason*

...no. it's not visceral enough.

*erases*

how to develop oc

give them random or nonsensical personality trait or opinion

ask yourself why

think about it too much

congratulations! they now have a tragic backstory

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Please tell me I'm not the only one who makes "Frankenstein but Frankie isn't a piece of shit" aus.

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Roll initiative pls

Level 7 Tabaki Mastermind Rogue / Trickery Domain Cleric

Proficency in Insight and Perception to find that inspiration and good company.

Ability Scores (Standard Array):

STR: 10. DEX: 15. CON: 8 (Concentration Debuff). INT: 17. WIS: 14. CHA: 12

Background: Artisan with Persuasion and Investigation as proficencies and the Crafter feature which lets you use Painter’s Supplies. Rogue gives you expertise in Perception and Insight. Also, You speak Goblin, Halfling, and Celestial.

Lifestyle: Aristocrat. Alignment: Neutral Good

[strayhorn]

Also this critter!

They have gotten the temporary name of "Angels" and they're these personifications of magic, specifically this rare magic based on stars and the unknown. They are sapient but can't speak in human tongue, using clicks, trills and body language to communicate.

Their wings are similar to pterosaur wings, except feathered instead of leathery, and they use their long heavy tail as a counterbalance when walking. There is variation, with slightly different tail fins or even horns, but colours can vary a lot. Usually, they are mostly dark with brighter splashes, resembling the night sky during a clear night. Their face-light also vary in colour, being red, orange, yellow, white or blue.

The youngsters are translucent with large haloes around their heads, as well as being mostly aquatic.

Beings of magic are pretty rad, but love the stars for faces. Makes me think of shooting stars~

Actually the more I think about it, they kind of remind me of Lugia from p*kemon - very strong, very powerful, very bird

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Hello Stray!

It's been a while since I last rambled about ocs here, so have a newbie of sorts:

Iere! She's a Lone Pine Mountain Devil who was raised by humans in a cyberpunk-esque world. She also just so happen to be the last living Pine Devil in existence...

She's very feisty and sassy, yet is kindhearted and helpful to a fault. She WILL dive headfirst into danger if it means protecting her adopted family and friends. She loves space, reading and art.

In her setting (Electric Angel's Dance), Lone Pine Mountain Devils are Guardians of Nature, protecting the natural environment from desecration and destruction. In a sense, they break humans' classification of life; being both physical yet seemingly supernatural at the same time.

Plus, Electric Angel's Dance takes place in a massive city-state, where nature has been replaced with GMOs and Biomechanical creatures. It also is ruled by a company that creates said organisms.

Oh!!! My god!!!!

They look so full of mischief! And they were raised in a Cyberpunk world! I wanna be this winged phenomena so badly! So cool!