sunandinichakrabarty

[sunandinichakrabarty]

When pain is your idea of love, the most earth-shattering poetry comes out of the most wounding relationships. These wounds are not just to your heart but to your sense of self. It's a tunnel where all you see is them. And once you come out the other side, you realize everything has changed. Your friends are distant, your family is torn, and your old self is burning on the castle you built around you, brick by brick as a home for you and your misery.

[sunandinichakrabarty]

love as religion; a sacrament of devotion / malec special

quote / the mortal instruments graphic novel / the red scrolls of magic - cassandra clare / 'say yes to heaven' - lana del rey / ruhlare / the mortal instruments coloring book / gaston leroux - the phantom of the opera / magnus's letter to alec / tag - anne carson / 'take me to church' - hozier / cassandra jean / selected letters - john keats / queen of air and darkness - cassandra clare / sweeney - anne sexton / quote / deathless - catherynne m. valente / 'evermore' - taylor swift

tag list: @magnus-the-maqnificent @literallytypogod @hoezier-than-thou @sociallyineptbibliophile @queenlilith43

@khaleesiofalicante @wandererbyheart @raziyekroos @onetimetwotimesthreetimess @alexandergideonslightwood

@noah-herondale-lightwood @elettralightwood @dustandducks @deliciousdetectivestranger @delightfullyterrible

@letsgofortacos

@kita-no @thelightofthebane @secrettryst @goldendreams3 @cityofdownwardspirals

@stupidfuckindinosaur

@i-have-not-slept @rinadragomir @potato-jem @kasper-tag

@banesapothecary @culiehua @izzysimcns

[sunandinichakrabarty]

Change isn't gonna make it in time to save enough women from this torment.

[sunandinichakrabarty]

I've always been terrified I'll be that element of surprise and newfound happiness that one usually enjoys and they think they want more of, but soon they realize they don't need it and they move on with their lives. While I become a tea time tale for the nth time. I'm afraid an interesting story is all I'm worth. That everyone I meet secretly wishes I was this temporary existence, and as soon as I leave, I'll be this beautiful presence that once was but now is no longer in their lives. I'm terrified that I light people's lives up temporarily, and as soon as I leave, no one will grieve my departure. They'll smile while they realize it was some good time, but they could do without meeting me ever again. That I wasn't worth being looked for me a while longer.

I'm afraid I might be good as a tale that no one bothered to chase.

[sunandinichakrabarty]

Asking someone to take care of themselves is such an act of loving selfishly. Take care of yourself because I care for you. Take care of yourself because I want to wake up to know that you're healthy. It brings me joy. Take care of the most important person to me. Take care of that brilliant smile, I'd hate to see it fade, even for a second. Take care of yourself because this world is more bearable with you by my side.

[sunandinichakrabarty]

Somewhere between yin and yang lies buried the reality of our very lives.

[sunandinichakrabarty]

When their faces pop up on Google Photos because "it's a trip down memory lane, " but it only brings to torn pieces of you in an antique store. They ruled your life once. In your joys, pains, and everything in between. The face of a friend. A long lost love. A mistake you made ages back, but it still pops up because you haven't had the guts to delete their pictures. Hell, you can't even begin to look at them because they cut the stitches on wounds you sewed shut.

"Hold onto the memories, they will hold onto you," but only you wish they didn't haunt your dreams. And it hits you. "I am still not over it." Not the good parts. But them forgetting the good parts and sticking to the bad ones. You wonder what was worth ruining the very memory lane that you lay bricks for together. 'Nothing' is the echo from the mountains.

[sunandinichakrabarty]

It's funny how sometimes we wake up each day and go off to sell ourselves. Not literally. But we just sell ourselves to the people we call friends. Acquaintances. Coworkers and bosses. It's funny how we act like they are our latest customers and it's going to matter if they like the product. How we let them use "pick up" lines like picking up groceries. Or even a gorgeous dress. We allow ourselves to feel like objects. Ready to be picked up hoping they love us. Choosing everyone over yourself because you believe thats how it is. Begging for them to stay is love.

But the beauty lies in when one day you wake up and decide, "That's it. I won't be sold anymore." You decide its their loss and walk out with your newfound hope. That's when you see you have chosen yourself. Above all else. And that's when you realize you've found true love that you don't have to beg to keep. They'd sit there in your silence and happily talk in loud smiles and frantic frowns and poetic tears. And they'd stay. Because they choose you without you selling yourself to them. So get up, baby girl. Be the person who chooses you. The rest will follow. And if they don't, you promise me you'll still choose you. You'll still love you. They'll stay if they want to and please tell me you'll always want to.

[sunandinichakrabarty]

if there's one good thing to come of constantly seeing antis and hate in the tsoa tags, it's that i've realized patroclus is a really unreliable narrator (which i knew already, i just finally figured out how to put it into words).

so when i search the tsoa tags, there's all these anti tsoa posts about how horrible and evil it is that miller depicted the two of them as 'soft uwu gay boys' (their words, not mine. i've seen this phrase in almost every hate post about the book), and like, that's fine, that's just one interpretation of their relationship (it's really not, actually. it's homophobia and a bit of sexism), but also, that's the whole point of the book.

we already know they were cutthroat soldiers that fought in a war. that was never up for debate. the whole point of tsoa is to show another perspective of their story, the perspective that shows that these soldiers were capable of loving and being loved. since this is what miller wanted to portray, obviously she showed them as softer and gentler than in the iliad. besides, if she had just gone off of the iliad exactly, it would just be another translation, not a retelling.

i saw a post a while ago that said tsoa is actually patroclus telling his side of achilles' story to thetis at the end so she would let him finally be at rest, and i really liked that (if i ever find the post, i'll link it). but thetis knew all about how important they were to the war. what she didn't know was how her son could care, and create, and love, so that's the part of his story patroclus focused on, so, of course, he left stuff out and downplayed the violence and fighting.

and then, since it is in patroclus' perspective, he was eternally aware of his physical inferiority to achilles, and, again, that's not the story he wanted to tell. based on his narrations, he was deeply self-conscious, to the point where he felt that doing anything for himself felt like he was stealing or doing something wrong, and the only thing he was ever sure of was achilles' love for him, and even that took years to finally cement within him. he was never going to focus on his own achievements because he didn't think he had any. he was never going to focus on the things he did that achilles could also do since there was no point as achilles was always better than him.

and it wasn't out of jealousy. he literally said why should he be ashamed when achilles was better than everybody? agamemnon was the one that couldn't accept that

but, anyways, my point is that patroclus was never going to tell the whole story, and, really, he went through all of this for y'all to call him a 'soft uwu gay boy'? as if one the most respectful and healthy gay relationships i've ever read is too soft? because men aren't allowed to be soft? fuck you

and as for those of you that are pissed that thetis got short changed: y'all grew up without controlling parents and it shows