sunswillow

[sunswillow]

Wrong

I am undoubtedly very scared of the future…

The world is my oyster

In bright,fantastical colour

I see the world itself.Vividly.

My world has barely started

My years are not chiselled

By your hardships

My future is boundless

My calling is not here

In a whirl of independence

My decisiveness you mixed into impulsion

Creates my own revolution

You were my inspiration

Something you can barely fathom

You were the maker

Of my pools of tears

My unease,nervousness and erratic attitude

Reach to the depth of your heart

Twisting and feeling,I’ll pull too

Tearing those strings

Like an unneeded loose thread

You thought the world of me.

You thought the world was before me.

You thought the world grew since me.

You thought wrong.

[sunswillow]

Flesh in flesh

…

In a nauseating dizziness 

Seams keep bleeding crimson

The half-moons in my palms

Get deeper and deeper

Going through my flesh

Any intricacies of my person

Slashed and choked,bloody and bruised

Ashen and forgotten.

How would you feel?

Had I grown your own teeth?

With the sharpest canines.

And the pain,through the yellows and blacks-

Only to feast upon your flesh?

It would merely be your own fault.

That I chased you so suddenly 

Through your capture,I devoured you.

Inside of me,would be you

Not that you’d notice

You’d feel your wounds.Oozing.

Spouting out your own degeneracy.

It’s all yours

That pity

Sympathy

The sweet smelling flowers near your grave

It’s all mine.

The fault.In this.

Never.What made me do this.

Who made me.

The person I am

Not who I was

Is completely filled by you

I am full of you.

Therefore I am sick.

                      Of.

                          You.

[sunswillow]

Larks

I don’t know what this is or where it came from.It’s not very good.I’ve gotten rusty.

I wish I was a lark

A singing morning bird

Welcoming a new light into this world

Each day

A person would rise

Someone always would

Staring out their window

With endearing eyes

I’d be wonderfully free

Not only flying to and fro but

I’d never say the wrong thing

For I could never speak at all

I’d chirp with such adorable delight

My tweeting and caw

With a dignity I dare not have now

To look at me with distain

To spy in disgust

I’d swoop into a new place

Nestling happily elsewhere

Then perhaps I’d be killed

Poachers or hunters

Never their target

But merely an obstacle

An obstruction in their work

But even then

Just be a dumb bird

Flying too near

Flying too high or low

Scatterbrained

Wild

And therefore

Unnecessary to hate

To care anymore about

Once they’ve gotten

What they actually wanted

It never would’ve been me.

[sunswillow]

Blather

My head hurts

‘I swear I’m not selfish.’

Hot tears ran down his porcelain cheeks

He cried silently

Standing still like a statue

Proving a point,he babbled

He blathered and blabbed

Like a child who hadn’t grown up

Or maybe grown up too soon

His lies were bitter and metallic

Retching soundlessly

[sunswillow]

His eyes

Sudden interests intrigue yet irk me at the same time

They soften turning to me

Brighten closely

Like a reigning solar gaze

I can’t bear to look

Something in panic

The creases in your face

They’re mistaken

They’re out of place

Final

I don’t understand what’s wrong

The shadows are deeper

Those creases rawer

That disgust

That anger

That burning rage

Contained in one subject

One subject…I can’t bear to look at.

[sunswillow]

Encre

I tried a hand at shorter lines.It didn’t work out.The title is French by the way.I am not French.

Pausing

It’s quiet here

My thoughts combined into a single stream

The all flow so peacefully

I can see myself in the river’s reflection

First time in years

Eons of me

Myself,a person I hadn’t met before

It’s strange up here

I can do whatever I’d like

These plains,I wander frequently

Do I mirror my used to be thoughts?

Sometimes I grab at a letter or two

I stare at them deeply

I can’t recall them anymore

Throwing them back into the inky waters

I wish I dreamed more

I wish I had some passion

Some empathy,music to enlighten me

I wish I wasn’t so greedy

In this land of empty

I have nothing

Yet everything

All at my disposal

Yet I dream of more

Those inky waters pull me in

[…]

[sunswillow]

Perfection

This is bad.Horrifyingly so.Forgive me,it’s personal.

I wasn’t planned

But I’m proving myself aren’t I?

I’m wonderful in all aspects

I’m perfectly made,perfectly pretty

Perfectly balanced,perfectly healthy

Like the gift you sought out idols for

Here I am,wrapped with an elegant ribbon

Exciting right?

Cooking and cleaning

Empathetic and not one bit pathetic

I’m kind and loving

Won’t you be gentle with your gift?

Hold it close to your heart?

Leave me in mint condition?

Perfectly pristine,perfectly fine

It’s lovely to see,right?

I’m perfectly cute!Perfectly busy too…

Chores,errands and constant pushing

My condition begins to deteriorate

With that my perfection crumbles.

Exciting,right?

[sunswillow]

Scared

It’s scary,not knowing whether you’re a good person or not.

Like an out-of-body experience

I drift away

My lips curl into a neat smile

And my words soften into mush

Almond-shaped eyes

And geeky looking braces

With feigned innocence

Something so childish couldn’t be bad

I talk with others scarily well

They’re completely calm with me

Yet…I’m scared of them

These people could never know me

If they find out what I am

Under this mask

They’ll hate me

Inhumane.

One day they will realise it

They’ll leave

Laughing at our time together

My walls torn apart

But I’m fine for now

I’ll just be the great liar I am and have been

No matter how frightful I may feel

They can never know,

“How bad of a person I am.”

[sunswillow]

Piece of metal

Sometimes I wish I could disappear but that’s a poem for another time

I am but a blade for my master

I may be swift and sharp

Yet I hold no thoughts of my own

Had I any thoughts to act on

My edge would be dulled

My Master’s enemies are mine

I cause harm to my enemies

I do not feel guilt as my being strikes them

Down.They fall.

These lifeless bodies were made from me

Only me.

I mold to my Master’s hands

My commander,my teacher

Yet never shall we ever be comrades

I am and always will be a hunk of sharpened metal

I ought to be nicer.

Though I would be blunter

What good is a dull edge?

No whetstone could be made for this

I’ll continue to serve my Master

Unless I shatter into glittering mirrors

Or stood in a foe’s chest

Left as warning or trophy

Or maybe I’ll rust away

Become one of the forgotten

Perhaps that is my perfect Fate.

[sunswillow]

Shifting skies

This is a pretty short poem.I’m not sure about my words in this.Strange.

I could constantly look at stars

Counting the ones that run by

I wouldn’t dare wish on them

I can’t bring myself to

The things I want are unreachable

They should stay that way

Floating above me,looking pretty

Like the cosmos in the glassy night sky

For my hopes and dreams fill me with suffering

My tears are what ground me

I’m chained to this life I lead

Tirelessly grasping for something I never asked for

Sometimes I think stars leak from my eyes

A desperate calling to me alone

That I can wish on them

That if I can’t catch them for myself

Those stars will return to me.

[sunswillow]

Casual dreaming

Back to my usual writing style…I’m not sure how I feel about it anymore.

Sometimes I get jealous

I don’t mean to

But I digress

I do

I’ve never had strings nor purpose

The creator made me with thoughtless passion

I sit calmly watching other puppets play

On this shelf,I observe

Had I been created later?

Would they look at me with that same spark in their eyes?

With that smile I can’t quite seem to figure out

I want smiles and laughter like everyone else

I want to be there

To be used,to have my strings pulled so tightly

They need to be redone time and time again

The paint on my face perfected each month

Why don’t I get that?

Cursed to sit on this shelf forever

I feel these things so greatly

I ask my Master for strings

Out of love,they say,

“Then who would free you?”

[sunswillow]

Scrap paper

I’ve been sick for a while now

Writing makes me sad

But I love writing

My emotions fill into a small bubble

Bursting beautifully in poems and songs

Writing is hard

When others don’t look at my writing

When they don’t hear my words

It’s a shame that happens

I am not happy with my writing

It’s too wordy and complex

Others don’t understand the meaning

They refuse to try

I gave up writing

It took me a while to come to terms

That my writing isn’t great

It’s ugly and complicated

It’s filthy

Maybe if someone looked at my writing

Or if someone had listened to me

It might’ve turned out differently

My passion is gone and my hopes have departed

I don’t like writing

Not anymore

It’s a bother and the words hurt my head

Writing makes me sad.

[sunswillow]

Looking into a mirror

This isn’t poetry but I do like literature.Sorry for my absence.

Stepping out of the warm steam,I wiped the condensation from the mirror.It was in that moment I saw such a pretty figure,nudity had been a blessing before the Fall of Man and a form of purity before being overwhelmed with shame,no doubt to the fault of disobedience and a certain serpent.It was foggy yet so bright…that figure stared back at me with starred eyes and rosy cheeks full of life.

I must admit,it was ignorant of me to dream.

Dream that I was that figure.Looking back at me from that glass,that I too was a porcelain beauty.With wavy,wet brunette locks cascading down their back.Foreign to the real world.

Had I not been so selfish…maybe I wouldn’t have dreamed at all.

Though now,my pleasant reader,that moment has passed and I was too eager to get a closer look.That wonderful mirage discarded and I was met with reality.

It filled me with an emptiness that burdened my thoughts but they shall pass,like all things do.

During that moment,I had picked myself up and dried my hair for it would not stop dripping onto my carefully crafted wooden floor.

I knew then,just as I know now.

I couldn’t have ruined two beautiful things at once.

[sunswillow]

Solar Request

This poem is a bit worse for wear but it’s been a while…

A popping stamp of your foot

Your smile shines with pride,one I could never imagine

A glowing portrait,one of grace

I’d offer my hand,dear maiden

Yet I’m afraid the moon shall meet another

Lone star child prince,only knowing nights comfort

His blanket flowing freely off shoulder

Comforted by a sea of cosmos

Beloved lord,allow me this peace

Take me as your regent,for I will be ‘Abel’

Praying to Holy Solaris,douse me in flame

Your sleeping eye closing with a golden light

Rivalling the greatest spark,hidden away

Let’s meet again,My liege.

[sunswillow]

Forgive me

Inspired by the short novel,

“Forgive me,Leonard Peacock”

It hit a little too close to home (Triggering topics)

The pastor’s daughter couldn’t save you with her prayers

She never would,stuffed with a cursing religion

Brains were dead the moment she set foot on this world

A festering sack filled with lies

That antique you held in such high regard,

A relic of your unforgettable bloodline.

It creaked in your hold

Trigger rough and unmoving in your hands

It failed you

A last saving grace wrapped in pink construction paper

Failed you

You crept to the window of the traitor

Slowly pressing the heirloom into the glass

Waiting for the bright star signal

Only to be met with darkness and sinful lust

You coward.You ran.

Ran far,the flashing had faded and last hope seeped away

Dial for the tin man with an already beating heart

Silence

You were taken away and comforted

Old thing away in the river,sinking to the bottom

He came and got you,your very own saviour

Told you a shiny secret and your trust prevailed

Baring out your soul and gnashing as you went

They brought comfort,taking you away to their own abode

You left quickly

A chance to see another day

Another day where life can seemingly change

To be different

To meet her.Both daughter and wife.

Hold on

Come meet your bundle of joy

Come meet,

S

[sunswillow]

Kill me with blunt force trauma

This could be triggering to some.This is a little dark,forgive me.I had just gotten a bit of inspiration let’s say.

Glass litters the room and your eyes flicker towards me

And I’m sorry…I’m so sorry for this

I can’t handle your eyes so just stop looking at me

Your eyes look through me,as if my person isn’t here

Thousand mirrors along the bathroom floor,

Looking at me,all staring.

As if I haven’t been here before,being so cyclical

This world continues to turn yet why at this standstill?

Why have you paused?Why have you just stood there?

You’re not helping me.You’re letting me drown.

Was I not meant to be saved?Do you not want to save me?

Our string will snap so quietly,as if it were never there

Our childish innocence,deteriorated.

Minds unlinked.

The glass is dirty,only translucent

No one could know it fully

Maybe if this were a dream

Maybe if you had just came an hour later

We wouldn’t be in this mess

This whirlwind of uncertainty

Offer me your hand,friend.

And as I touch you gently

Please

Kill me with blunt force trauma.

[sunswillow]

Good night dearest

Fitting for late night poetry,no?

Cushion your head and fall to sleep’s rhythm

Let your twinkling eyes shut

And let your lashes flutter flat onto your cheeks

A content,dainty smile,that wonderful vision

Bon Voyage,sail towards your dreams

An endless sky of pure hazy fulfilment

Find something there that you could not here

It’ll hold deep in your heart

Traverse that world

Yet gain no recollection

A small secret to be locked up,enjoyed only in the welcoming arms of rest

A truly beautiful thing to have by each night

Let the night terrors disperse

They hold no purpose here

The moon maiden’s protective hold

Her soothing gaze and quiet melodies

Sent you to drift across the boundless waters

Milky Way,cosmos,asteroids

All at your fingertips,sailing peacefully

Gliding through each pathway

Til you grow sleepy once again

I’m afraid everyone has to

Wake up.