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09. The success of the series premiere of The O.C.—and the series in general—changed the course of young-adult programming. Without The O.C. there is no Gossip Girl; without The O.C. there is no Laguna Beach (subtitled The Real Orange County), and by extension there is no The Hills, or Spencer and Heidi, or The City, that show starring Whitney Port that MTV tried to make happen. With The O.C., Josh Schwartz proved that there was a giant, thirsty, young audience craving soapy melodramas, ushering in a new era of TV on the back of a chain-smoking bad boy from Chino, a nerdy kid who liked Death Cab for Cutie, a literal Abercrombie model, and a pretty girl with predilection for vodka.

“The 100 Best TV Episodes of the Century” on THE defining show of my youth.

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bumping my abroad blog for the coming year! am currently in the planning but not yet packing phase of my preparations.

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a summer of 50 days more or less

at 50%: might be stir crazy if not for depleated energy

edit: this cut article for validation

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Maria Tania for Teeth Magazine, March 2018

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I could do some things well. Some things I was good at, like math or painting or even sports, but the second a boy put his arm around me, I forgot about wanting to do anything else, which felt like a relief at first until it became like sinking into a muck.

“Lust” by Susan Minot

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“all summer long”

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Having a Coke with You

is even more fun than going to San Sebastian, Irún, Hendaye, Biarritz, Bayonne or being sick to my stomach on the Travesera de Gracia in Barcelona partly because in your orange shirt you look like a better happier St. Sebastian partly because of my love for you, partly because of your love for yoghurt partly because of the fluorescent orange tulips around the birches partly because of the secrecy our smiles take on before people and statuary it is hard to believe when I’m with you that there can be anything as still as solemn as unpleasantly definitive as statuary when right in front of it in the warm New York 4 o’clock light we are drifting back and forth between each other like a tree breathing through its spectacles

and the portrait show seems to have no faces in it at all, just paint you suddenly wonder why in the world anyone ever did them                                                                                                     I look at you and I would rather look at you than all the portraits in the world except possibly for the Polish Rider occasionally and anyway it’s in the Frick which thank heavens you haven’t gone to yet so we can go together for the first time and the fact that you move so beautifully more or less takes care of Futurism just as at home I never think of the Nude Descending a Staircase or at a rehearsal a single drawing of Leonardo or Michelangelo that used to wow me and what good does all the research of the Impressionists do them when they never got the right person to stand near the tree when the sun sank or for that matter Marino Marini when he didn’t pick the rider as carefully as the horse                       it seems they were all cheated of some marvelous experience which is not going to go wasted on me which is why I’m telling you about it

— Frank O'Hara

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Grand Lisboa Hotel, Macau.

> Photo by Nuno Assis (2007).

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American Beauty (1999) dir. Sam Mendes

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Ferdinando Scianna

Italy, 1988

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i think im trying to write an essay about brad pitt ha ha 

Brad Pitt

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reaping & sowing fruits of ambivalence 

reverb

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i’m remembering how i would get all worked up only for my anger to dissipate in an instant. not sure that i can count on any ‘instant.’

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so three things: i’m trying to get better at listening and responding to my ‘gut,’ i’m still turning over the literal vs. metaphysical space of “what teenagers are learning from online porn,” and now i’m thinking that these two are related. is there perhaps a real sort of embodied knowing?