swishshy

[swishshy]

0 days

[swishshy]

5 days clean

[swishshy]

20 days clean

[swishshy]

back to day 0

[swishshy]

my parents are laughing at me for wanting to get myself a weighted blanket and / or this large teddy bear. why can’t they understand that I just need comfort. yes, i am probably “too old” for it but i don’t care. i am anxious and tired and would give anything to feel comfort.

[swishshy]

sometimes i tell myself that “it is not that bad” and then i realize that it is only wednesday and i have already relapsed twice

[swishshy]

[swishshy]

It honestly hurts so bad.

[swishshy]

I know I've said it a thousand times but I'm so lonely that it hurts. The kind of alone that weights on your chest and makes you wanna cry even though you have no energy to cry anymore so you just lay in bed and wonder how can your life mean so little to everyone and even to yourself

[swishshy]

There’s a couple of books and albums that I want to buy (because they’re the few things that could bring me happiness), but I’m not sure if I will be here for much longer and I don’t want to spend money that my family could use when I’m gone. I am scared of my own thoughts and feelings.

[swishshy]

Forever. I just need to get away forever…

[swishshy]

I haven’t self harmed in about 6 months and now that is back to 0. What a disappointment I am

[swishshy]

I am so tired, I just want to stay in bed all the time. But my fear of failure and of dissapointing my parents is stronger. And that’s the only reason I haven’t stopped. But I don’t want to fight myself anymore. I am too tired. Of fighting. Of trying. Of never feeling like it’s enough.

[swishshy]

I have to make really important decisions regarding my degree and it makes me want to curl into a little ball and also brings back my self harm urges

[swishshy]

I didn’t bring anything to cut with and now I’m really regretting that. The urge is so strong.

[swishshy]

Do you ever hold on the all the things you have lost even if that hurts more than letting them go?

[swishshy]

It’s scary how easy it would be to take all the pills I have available just to see what happens