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These two are SO CUTE!!!! I love the Hawking Crew!!
OHHH MY GODDDD My heart skipped a beat... Thank you so much for drawing my creatures....?!??!?! Give her gossip NOW...
^ Me on my way to fucking Get you
#Giggling kicking my legs over this i love ur art style so much having udraw my creatures is such an honor tysm...#uss hawking crew#trek ocs#<- just 2 sort it properly...
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Anything from Volumes 1-3 that is setup that you don't think is given enough attention or respect for good setup?
Sidenote to this:
Open seat with no person in it + Salem having someone looking for the Choice Relic was hinting at Summer Rose. Did we have anything hinting at her pre Beacon's Fall or just things that she fits given additional context?
regarding summer specifically, while i wouldn’t call them hints per se, there are a handful of beats in v1-3 that smell like foreshadowing to me:
the first is “she was right about you; such arrogance.” – cinder might well be referring to salem here, of course. however. what strikes me about this remark is that arrogance is not a characteristic that salem seems to perceive in ozma; rather she describes him, in her soliloquies and songs, as a self-destructive, deceitful, manipulative fool blinded and trapped by his faith in the old gods. cowardly. fallen from grace. think of what she says to oz in 8.9—look how you’ve diminished, how you’ve lessened yourself—she sees him groveling at the feet of tyrannical monsters and sees debasement.
does it follow for salem to characterize ozpin to cinder as, primarily, arrogant? i’m not convinced it does. but summer rose? well… hm. consider, also, that the full line is “this whole time, right beneath our feet… she was right about you; such arrogance…” <- i think it is more likely than not that “she” is someone inside the brackets of “our,” and in context “our” is either [cinder + ozpin] or [cinder + her associates physically present at beacon].
in the event that “she” is not part of “our” the more naturalistic phrasing is “beneath our feet… salem was right about you” – because “she” otherwise has no antecedent. of course, some allowance here for this to be a narrative choice not to name salem yet, but we’re one (1) episode off from revealing her face and by this point we’ve known for a while that cinder works for someone else, so the choice to drop the name here or in the volume credits is of fairly trivial importance. unless of course cinder isn’t talking about salem.
second: “Oh! We've also stopped some bad guys, too! I guess it's like they say: "like mother, like daughter"! I still wonder why Ozpin let me into the school early…” [laugh track] – obv this part of ruby’s address to summer’s memorial headstone foreshadows ozpin’s conspiracy and team strq’s involvement therein. but it also foreshadows this exchange:
RUBY: We don’t have to kill you to stop you, and we will stop you. SALEM: Your mother said those words to me… she was wrong, too.
and i think it bears pointing out that ruby is wrong here, and later in the volume qrow specifically calls attention to this and lays out why she’s wrong. team rwby didn’t stop the bad guys; they cut off one avenue of attack and cinder circled around from a new direction that took advantage of torchwick’s imprisonment, and this also resulted in the public break between ozpin and ironwood which eroded the cohesion of the inner circle. ergo, ruby thinks she stopped the bad guys but in the long run the consequences of the breach all benefited salem.
looks into the camera like im on the office.
like mother, like daughter!!!
further, that sequence of events ultimately leads to the final confrontation between her and torchwick – wherein he declares “if you can’t beat them, join ’em,” and shortly gets eaten by a grimm right after making it clear that he intends to kill her. torchwick’s death is thematically motivated – a narrative rejection of his cynical every-man-for-himself, dog-eats-dog outlook – but consider that:
summer rose, if she is indeed salem’s willing agent, is certainly at beacon tonight – because she’d be the one who stayed behind to hold the fort.
summer is thus the one salem instructs to “reinforce our numbers at beacon,” meaning the grimm; that instruction only makes sense if the person receiving it can communicate with or command grimm. ergo, summer must have some degree of control over grimm.
ruby is disarmed and on the ground getting beaten by a man who fully intends to kill her, and a grimm swoops down out of nowhere to eliminate him faster than he can blinks. and then… the grimm rears up, roaring at her, and comes down with a sweep of its wings that creates a blast of air that pushes her away. that isn’t aggression!! that’s a defensive threat display!! (the feilong in v4 does the exact same thing – trying to push the boat away). it’s ruby who charges the gryphon, and while it lunges forward in reaction to her charge, all that happens is she gets her feet on its head and pushes off to leap over it, and the grimm goes fucking flying so hard it crashes into the ship’s interior and never emerges. the point being,
math.
it’s plausible that the grimm was drawn to torchwick’s murderous rage. but the way it behaves immediately after it swallows him – that very clear “get away from me please” body language, and ruby -apparently- kicking a grimm the size of a goddamned clydesdale dozens of feet and then through the hull of a literal warship? ruby is strong, but she’s not… that strong. but if the grimm didn’t want to engage her and propelled itself under and past her at the same time as she vaulted off its head? that would explain what happens perfectly – ruby’s kick altered its launch trajectory just enough that it crashed.
minutes later, someone loyal to salem scraped a very badly injured cinder off the top of beacon tower and left ruby alive where qrow would find her. salem’s vested interest in keeping ruby alive is VISIBLE throughout the battle for beacon, and notably include a perfect opportunity to capture her while she’s in a coma atop beacon tower that isn’t taken – suggesting that salem makes her singular attempt to capture ruby solely to reassure cinder that Something is being Done.
and if summer rose has command over grimm and was at beacon that night… the gryphon’s behavior is exactly what i’d expect if all the grimm had marching orders to insure this one girl in particular – the spitting image of their commander – doesn’t come to serious harm. there’s a nonzero chance that gryphon did in fact save ruby On Purpose!
…and that happens in the context of a fight between ruby and the bad guy she thought she stopped (but she was wrong), who joined salem because “if you can’t beat em, join em.” (salem voice) she was wrong, too…
also
<- like mother like daughter. summer had a nevermore’s eye view of the battle for beacon, in this essay i will –
third: this one is something i didn’t really Think About until v9 and specifically the v9 ost dropping, but some of the things cinder says in v2-3 strike me as like – she got that from summer im sure of it. for example, in midnight, cinder’s view of huntsmen is that they’re free, they have power, they can go anywhere and do whatever they want, and rhodes never contradicts this. where did she get “huntsmen and huntresses should conduct themselves with honor and mercy”? who taught her the aspirational moral ideal?
summer rose, maybe.
but in the deeper sense,
where did cinder get the ‘destiny’ conceit? her underlying beliefs about how the world is are a product of her childhood, but the overt framing of fate/destiny isn’t present in midnight; nor has salem ever spoken of destiny and her philosophical views are in many ways a rejection of destiny – salem does not believe in fate, she is the woman who dedicated her life to toppling the gods.
and on close examination this looks like yet another suspiciously summer rose shaped hole!! “you’re special, ruby […] special the way your mom was special […] it was said that those born with silver eyes were destined to lead the life of a warrior.” – in after the fall, ozpin gives coco an entire pep talk whose central conceit is embracing and submitting to the turns of fate – sacrifice “show them gods and deities/blind and keep the people on their knees” & guide my way “you were born to hypnotize them all/they all said their prayers/can you hear me up there?”
cinder, of pyrrha: “people assume she’s fated for victory, when she's really taking fate into her own hands. interesting. add her to the list.” & “it’s not about overpowering the enemy; it’s about taking away what power they have.”
<- that second statement is salem’s strategic doctrine, through and through. but the ‘power’ cinder is talking about here is derived through manipulating the perception of destiny; the self-fulfilling prophecy. the invincible girl cannot be touched because she makes subtle adjustments to insure that no one is able to try. it is pyrrha’s belief in destiny that destroys her, as it destroys ozma. ozpin invokes fate to justify and explain his choices. those born with silver eyes are destined to lead the lives of warriors.
summer rose was destined to live and die fighting the grimm – so the world promised her. maybe she believed, maybe she felt like she had no choice but to accept her prescribed fate. until she met salem, and took fate into her own hands. made a choice. broke the chains. it’s about taking away what power they have, like salem did when she tore the scales from summer’s eyes, like summer did when she refused her destiny and joined hands with the grimm instead.
what does summer rose look like through cinder’s eyes? she was a huntress. she was literally destined to be one of the greatest huntresses in history, a hero, the shining pillar upholding the world order that chose the enslavement of children as a fair price for peace. fate dictated that she be the icon, the idol, the embodiment of the system that brutalized and subjugated cinder – she had every privilege cinder could ever dream of, freedom and security and a home, a loving family – and she chose to walk away.
and if they talked about that like, ever, and specifically if summer talked about that warrior’s destiny as a cage, a curse she had to escape – is it any wonder that cinder would adopt that framing to make sense of what happened to her? if summer rose was fated to stand at the pinnacle, then does it not follow that cinder fall was fated to be ground into the foundations? and likewise, if summer rose can shatter her pedestal and fall from grace, then cinder fall can shatter her chains and rise. summer proves that the idea of destiny is powerful but not inviolate. and it is hollow, it is a lie, a fiction, and that means it can be taken away. revealed as a deception. destroyed.
anyway
to the broader question
i think people really, really do not give the jaundice arc enough credit for the long-term set up it’s doing.
(or the very overt textual statement from THE HISTORY PROFESSOR! placing the blame for the violent radicalization of the white fang squarely on human bigotry and persecution of faunus in general; the white fang arc is clunky and hamstrung by the inadequacy of its vocabulary, but the fandom talking point that the narrative perspective on this subject has “evolved” or “improved” is just. not true. v1 is very emphatically clear that 1. terroristic violence is not activism, 2. ascribing the terroristic violence of a few to an entire minority group to rationalize bigotry is bigoted in and of itself and completely unacceptable, and 3. violent radicalization is created through relentless discrimination and hate, which creates a self-reinforcing circle wherein the justifiable outrage of the persecuted outgroup and the extreme violent reactions provoked by the persecution are distorted into a justification for further persecution by those of the in-group who materially benefit from perpetuating this cycle!!! all of this is explained in an almost afterschool special manner by the main character faunus rights activist and the history professor!!! in volume one!!! what changed is that the writers developed the skill and vocabulary necessary to weave these ideas into their storytelling in a more effective and more cogent way!!! literally begging the rwby fandom to start listening to the actual words the characters say)
ahem. the jaundice arc lays so much of the groundwork for jaune’s and ruby’s character arcs reaching all the way to v9 and undoubtedly beyond; it sets up the first pieces of the ozlem fractal; it foreshadows the white fang arc and sets up blake’s character arc of self-reclamation and figuring out how she wants to use her voice as an activist; it draws attention to the misogynistic cultural norms that define and are defined by the history between ozma and salem; it lays the foundation for the scene in v2 where ozpin questions blake, which hits the way it does because we have the context of anti-faunus harassment occurring openly at ozpin’s school and nobody doing anything about it, and by extension is the first stroke of the salem-faunus connection that is almost certainly the keystone holding the entire narrative together because it is her relation to the faunus that provides the key to decipher the lost fable.
the jaundice arc is a crucial load-bearing pillar that supports the entire narrative and people revile it because nobody in this fandom can be fucking normal about jaune. lmao
#in general i don’t think rwby gets enough credit for how much gets set up in the first two volumes#or how well the dominoes falling in v3 is executed#like the fandom gets properly excited when things from v1-2 come to fruition but like#i think there’s a really strong tendency across the board to kind of#mentally compartmentalizing the beacon arc as this sort of#experimental prelude to the actual story. the writers figuring out how to write by trial and error#and by extension to treat these long game narrative culminations as just. ''callbacks''#or post-hoc stitching together from the raw material of the early volumes#when really it’s just. the story was planned out from the start! lol!#''oh but the maidens didn’t even exist until v3'' salem and cinder are in the first goddamned episode.#their narrative arcs were planned in advance but probably had a hole (like ‘what is cinder hoping to get out of this specifically’)#that was being actively workshopped while they worked on the first couple volumes#until someone came up with the idea that the keys to the magic vaults salem needed to open#could be people whose magic you can steal and that’s what cinder wants#this is how planning a story works you block things out roughly and refine more and more as you go!!!#ahh!!!!!#there is too much foreshadowing and critical setup in v1-2 for it to be anything but on purpose and planned#nobody has any business being surprised at this point when seeds planted in v1-2 sprout. and yet
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Nick himself said that his knowledge is confined to the leaks prior to s4, the s4 scripts from his verified source (likely within a source) and basic knowledge most fans paying attention have been able to formulate about s5 based on what has been released officially/unofficially, trends from Netflix and common sense.
He is saying based on all that, he doesn’t think byler is happening.
And if we think back to what the Duffers themselves shared in the 4x09 script, it literally implies Mike’s monologue worked, and that it was entirely genuine. This tells me that the script the Duffers released for Emmy consideration, is not that far off from what Nick saw for himself.
I think it’s likely Nick got something that the average below the line worker might manage to get their hands on if they tried hard enough. A copy they know they have to water-down to prevent these very situations from happening.
Unfortunately for the Duffers, it just so happens that they didn’t scrub their watered down copy hard enough.
Unfortunately for Nick, he admitted that it’s possible and even likely that the production will release things that aren’t exactly accurate with the sole purpose to lead fans sleuthing astray, without realizing it may have ironically already happened to him.
#byler#stranger things#8flix#it would take an eternity to cover everything about scriptgate properly#there are just so many aspects of it that are unknown or are known but just not thoroughly understood bc 8flix has existed for some time#even prior to that fateful dry summer back in 2022#and including scripts beyond just st which made 8flix seen as a reputable source for scripts across the board#personally i've found myself back and forth on it#was nick sus for telling fans a script was dropping hour by hour and then going radio silent for days only to not release a script at all?#yes (and all while using the loophole argument that technically people donated to 8flix and got a complementary script with that donation)#were the st writers fishy for saying they'd release a script for a scene but would then need at least 2 business days to post each one?#also yes#are we really doubting that they have secrets in their scripts that they have to remove/shift a bit for the generic all-access version?#if so.. why?#I think very few people see the version of the script that the duffers have#shawn likely has it plus his own notes with it bc he also contributes ideas and runs it by the bros for his episodes and more bc he's an EP#maybe other key-players with that sort of control over the production could have more honest scripts i.e. the writers room#outside of that you have the main cast who MIGHT get those scripts + additional notes on their characters as discussed separately one on on#but beyond that scripts are meant to be vague#it's supposed to be 1 minute of screentime = 1 page of script#quite frankly multiple versions of the scripts exist and we're getting the barest of them all... minus a few slips here and there...#I could go on forever but i wont for my sanity bc the reality is we don't know for sure what happened and we probably never will#i'm more interested in seeing how this all pans out#nick has come out for vindication at least once this summer and last summer since 2022#i'm getting hefty slap on the wrist vibes here which if anything just makes this all so much more insane bc i mean... the implications?...#is it giving bad blood? is it giving enemies to lovers?#maybe nick will give us more vague hints when the next dry summer rolls around
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I showed my students some Rosings scenes yesterday and in my last period class I let it play a little longer so that it continued into Darcy’s first proposal (even though we hadn’t read it yet) and it played all the way up until the exact moment that Lizzy drew breath to answer him. The bell rang and then they shouted at me in a unison of disappointment and disbelief anskskskskksks.
#I cackled#sometimes (often) the truest strength of my class is that it is a masterclass in emotional timing#in that some part of my subconscious brain is always thinking about how and when to time things#and I’ll just know when to start things so that it’s never quite giving them all they want to see at once#but MAKING them wait until the next day#(and also timing it so that they have 2 chapters they will want to read) (to literally find out what happens)#many will still not do it but I think everyone feels the pull nonetheless#(or at least I like to think)#and kids are funny because they’re hungry for stuff to care about#but if you immediately put a Good Thing in front of them too fast#they don’t understand and their not understanding leads to disdain#and so I am really really wary of giving them what they want or what I want them to want too soon#like. it’s also about —are they ready for it#and kids also WANT to understand. so you have to clear away their misunderstandings you have to set them up properly#for the Moment. and then you have to time it so they don’t get to have it all at once!!!!!!!!#it’s so satisfying to me when it happens#Anyways I’m kind of just yammering here because guess what I have 3 classes and I only really feel this with one of them#and they’re the class I’ve been running on sort of waves of excitement all year#they’re likable and teachable and I teach them at the end of the day#and there’s all this warmth we have for each other#so it’s really fun#my other classes ESPECIALLY my first one is so emotionally different#things often fall emotionally flat with them#so I have to present a little differently. ignore the emotion. leave it off to the side.#and simply speak calmly and logically about it as a story to be understood and discussed#this is theeeee fallback and baseline for all classes tbh#I can never approach their emotions as they HAVE to care about it#(and sometimes I worry that as my powers have grown some kids feel that I am trying to make them care :((((((()#(especially the boys and then they lash out at me and it’s sooooo ugly and painful)#anyway my point is. the emotions are often still there but they manifest differently. and i get at them by pretending i do not see
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One of the interesting bits of trying to resume working on the game after so long is looking back at my ancient Draft Placeholder versions of an image from 4 yrs ago trying to remember what the hell I meant back then, to hopefully interpret it into some more final (ish..) form of the same thing .. making slow progress lol
#At this point I've decided it's just a consistent design decision to have the sketchy slightly wonky sort of art ghbjj#I simply don't have the digital art skills/tools/patience (mostly that) to do 100% digital things and have a Clean Polished Professional#Neat Looking Perfect Crisp Lines sort of thing like one would see in most games. I'm drawing everything in pencil half decently (not strict#ly making sure every line is straight or that the perspective even makes sense) and then scanning it in and coloring it on the computer#and that's about it. In another world I could hire an artist or two to do professional backgrounds and charcter art or etc. - but as I am#a mere penniless peasant hermit with functioning issues who has to do every aspect of everything themselves - I'm just going to do#what is possible within the time frame/my ability/etc. and then just be like ''ah you see! actually this is intentional~ it has a homemade#crafty hand drawn sort of charm about it - yes? this was the direction all along!!'' LOL#Which for the record I'm not like complaining that it's necssarily Bad or anything - more just I suppose not the Professional Polished#style you Typically see in a lot of things - again the like - sketchy unclean lines of it all.#(like I think usually people use some sort of symmetry tool to make sure that all sides of a box are neat and clean and have that#Professional Game Art type of feel about them - rather than 'this is a scan of scraggily pencil lines in which I did not even bother to use#a ruler or try to get them all that even' lol). So it's not that it's BAD really.#just I think.. perhaps ''unconventional'' compared to the examples of other#games I've looked at. BUT. the point is to convey an idea. I think your art has failed if you do not convey a concept properly. But so#long as it meets your purposes and is not SOO cluttered/scribbly that nobody can even tell what's going on (unless that IS your intention)#then like.. I think it's fine. You can tell a house is a house even if it's not polished. No worries. (<convincing myself)#ANYWAY.. also 'Nanyevimi Market Quest' is still SUCH a placeholder name but I genuinely can never think of anything else so#I've just been going with it for now ToT... There's no distinct actual throughline story/plot so there's no 'theme' to base a title#around. Kind of like how 'The Sims' is just called the sims because naming it like 'Sims: Downfall Of Pleasantview' (one of the#towns in TS2 i think) would be a weird misname since what happens in the game totally depends on what you choose to do with it#So you can't really name it anything THAT specific (a player might not even choose to have a house in Pleasantview. what then? etc).#So it's just like..uh well...GENERALLY speaking.. everyone is uh.. on a personal quest..vaguely.. which takes place in a Market street full#of shops.. and you are mostly talking to shopkeepers... BUT it's not just a Market Quest since it's also in a fantasy world.. so we need to#give the fantasy world name.. and that's about it. I'm just at a loss for anything else. Maybe the like 2 and a half playtesters I#manage to scrounge up will have better ideas ghhh.. 'Nanyevimi Quest: Get To Know Some Shopkeepers' 'Find A Job In Fantasy World' you could#say 'Market Adventure' but some would argue just having a bunch of conversations and wandering around is not much of a real adventure.#don't want to set people up for thinking there's any drama or combat or anything. 'Do Menial Errands For Mentally Ill Elves Simulator' ghjg#(also sidenote: the '''chibi'' style versions of the characters on the menu screen....EVIL.. that style is SOOO hard for me to draw in for#some reason.. I just can't get the proportions right/have trouble fully ''simplifying'' the design.. took me HOURS lol... aUGHh)
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i'm no professional, but being a pretty decent home baker has given me an unshakeable confidence that i can bake most things regardless of technique. surely the bake will sense that i have a pure & noble heart and will simply work with me
#i mean i do follow the recipe but like. forgot to take the butter out of the fridge so its not softened - eh stick it in the microwave#forgot to take the eggs out so theyre still cold & separate slightly in the batter - eh it'll work#dont have a zester to zest a lemon with - eh i'll just chop up the rind. the cake will understand#my post#personal#and the thing is it works 95% of the time!! i havent properly fucked up a bake since i made banana bread 2 years ago and it just sort of#collapsed#still not sure what went wrong there tbh. pretty sure i opened the oven door too early?
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Live laugh love Kumonoue & Yuichiro’s straining relationship 💕
#skye’s-endless-imaganitories.txt#demon slayer#kimetsu no yaiba#kny#kimetsu gakuen#kimetsu academy#gotouge#demon slayer fanart#<—- i mean. I guess????????#I’ve already posted this on yt but i thought it would be nice to share it on tumblr with all of you!!#This interaction is hereby non-canon as Kumonoue is really 2 shy to actually do something like this#And the poor girl would really take two centuries to eat her food because omg. That girl is NOT normal ‼️‼️#I feel like Yuichiro would be the only one in her friendgroup(?) to actually notice the….. unhealthy. abnormal things she does sometimes#And blud would NOT be afraid to call her out on it!!#Like. They’ll be sitting down on the lunch table together and Yui turns to her with a sort of disgruntled yet concerned look on his face#And he’ll be like. “…I wish you stopped getting distracted and actually ate your food properly. Don’t you know that’s an unhealthy habit?”#And Kumonoue would look at Yui with a confused look on her face and go#“Is it?” While Yuichiro looks at her in disbelief + disappointment.#The neurodivergent lifestyle is just too confusing for a simpleton like Yui /j#The video might be a little fuzzy…….#If it is i apologize 4 that 💔#But i hope you all enjoy regardless!!#happy saturday everyone!!#Or maybe sunday if you’re not in my area!!#And happy lesbian visibility week!! I see you gay girlies!!! 💕💕
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first art post of the new year!!! granted, i don't share my art here that much anyway, but– shhh.
hehehehhhooo,, here's something i've been working on for 'bout a month,, albeit not consecutively– took a few,, very very long breaks in between working on this,, but i managed to finish it in the end! am i satisfied with it? .......ehhhh? not completely, but if this took any longer, it might not have seen the light of day, so like. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.
anyway,, made a little poster for my favorite fic, tommyinnit's services for villains, vigilantes, and various other vagabonds, by @scorpionoesit!!! it's really really good,,, and i've always wanted to make more art for it,, so i decided– poster! at least,, that's what it's mean to resemble,,, dkdmkdmdkd.
i will freely admit,, i'm... not the biggest fan of the fan-made logo i tried to design for it,, feels a bit boring, and could definitely have used a bit more pizazz, something to make feel more like the fic itself(what does that mean? you figure that out),,,, but– again, steam was running low,, dkdnksjs. graphic design is my passion. i do also have other complaints, but i'm afraid i already punched my one-use self-critique card,, oh well,,, dkdnkxjdkd.
regardless,, even with the flaws only i can really see,, this still turned out pretty okay!! hope you enjoy it, mx. scorpio and mx. alibi!!! and i hope everyone else has a wonderful new year!!!!
#my art#dream smp#services for vagabonds#tommyinnit fanart#tommyinnit#i don't wanna try tagging the rest of them so i'm just not gonna <3#anyway wrow i wonder who the skull guy and mysterious shadowy figure are....... could be anyone.#i was gonna try and fit in some sort of hero so i could check all the dots of everyone tommy's help#specifically either dr**m (derogatory) or phil#(was mostly leaning towards phil)#but 1) couldn't figure out a way to make it look good with the current set up#my first thought was to try moving the current characters around a bit; but then it would feel too crowded#my second thought was to have them appear from the smoke; somehow? a smoky figure?#but that only really looked good in sketch form and i didn't have the patience to figure that out properly#and 2) no clue what their designs look like. don't even know what their powers are; yet!#was also wanting to fit fundy in but it didn't work for the first reason#fun rapid fire character design facts: niki has a littol sharp tooth 'cause of the joker stuff!#i originally gave tubbo green eyes;; but i decided blue-green looked cooler#tech– [cough] i mean;; *orion's* cloak has a faint lil orion pattern on can barely see it but it's there i assure you !!!#(i tried my best for his design but i am. not the greatest at outfits;; especially hero/villain ones)#tommy has long hair bc it's *MY* art and *I* say he gets long hair. this definitely isn't canon to vagabonds i just like to do this#<- also why michael and tommy have freckles#tommy has a bit of green in his design(through the patch) due to a theory of mine :D#might have over-rendered the hair a bit but. fuck you i like it#anyway i think that's all i have to say about it? if you've actually read all these tags;;; have a cookie -> 🍪#pretend it's a peanut butter cookie#actually. no pretend it's both. you get two cookies. as a treat.#anyway have a good rest-of-your-day !!!!!!
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I fear my desire for toxic yaoi may out power my self preservation skills tbh
#hm. hmmmm#hmmmmmm mmmmm. by this i mean. ...... hm. i may. possibly. restart s6. i never got past ep 2.#actually maybe i can just skip part 1 since it seemed like absolute trash#my fear is that my Cares Too Much disease gene will turn me into a raging bitch and thats just not good for my blood pressure tbh#because like. i fully believe in constructive criticism. or even a good bitch. when properly tagged.#but its also the sort of . marie kondo. does this bring joy? sort of thing.
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Fishing Habits
Summary:
“I know what you’re doing,” Dan said without preamble. “Huh?” Jay said. “Oh, right. I know you work for the school, but I didn’t think you’d be that much of a hardass.” “What?” Dan said. Jay paused, looking Dan over for a moment. “Actually, what are you talking about? I don’t think we’re on the same page.” “With the fish,” Dan clarified. Jay raised the odd ridges of flesh over his eyes that functioned as eyebrows. “I’m mer, you asshole. I can talk to them. They told me what fucked-up shit you’ve been pulling. What’s your problem?” “Sometimes I get hungry,” Jay said. “Can I see your notes now?”
Dan is an ordinary merman-pretending-to-be-a-human. Jay is... something else entirely. He seems like a really pleasant guy, except for how freaked out all the fish are. And Dan's college has just opened a new aquarium...
On Ao3 here.
There was an understanding, which had been in place as long as Dan could remember, that meant that one must not reveal the existence of The Supernatural to human society, and if one did the people they made the reveal to needed to be dealt with in some way—sworn to secrecy, brought into the fold of the Oceanic, or even, at absolutely worst, killed. Dan didn’t want to deal with it. There was a lot of paperwork involved in fucking up the order of things, and it was a huge hassle, and also there was a lot of risk involved. It wasn’t like Dan had any real need to reveal he’d grown up under the Pacific rather than in it, anyway. And his parents were living off the coast of Oregon now anyway, so he didn’t even have to do that much lying about it. It was easy and he kept it well under wraps.
He did five years of field work before they told him they were going to require him to come back to the university and teach at a handful of classes before he’d be allowed back out into the field or he’d lose his position, which also meant losing most of his source of funding and the grant he was working with. They offered to let him teach it remotely, of course—the department chair apologizing profusely the entire time—but Dan was doing altogether too much of the work from six hundred feet below the surface of the Atlantic and that just wouldn’t work out. No way to maintain The Secret. Instead he resigned himself to another few years living on land and away from the fishes, rented an apartment, and returned to Spokane to teach two sessions of classes about saltwater ecology in the Pacific to incoming students and one class on field work to older biology majors. Oh well. At least he could visit home on the weekends.
Since his own research was put on pause and the college did promise to pay for his tuition, Dan opted to take a handful of classes, too. What else was he going to do? He was still in touch with the rest of the field crew, and when they finally started writing, sure, he’d refocus onto that, but at the moment he wasn’t going to be of any help. And in one of the classes was a gray man.
You weren’t allowed to do that, but he was doing it. Dan was perfectly certain that there were laws against being out in the open with visibly-discolored flesh across all the major out-of-sight jurisdictions, and he was also pretty sure the Sideways Court was still offering free glamours for anyone who desperately needed into human society and also could prove beyond a reasonable doubt that they couldn’t just change their colors themselves, though Dan had also heard that the paperwork to prove either was a nightmare and the Sideways Court sounded just kind of awful to boot. The Oceanic North-Pacific Authority was a lot better in a lot of ways. God knew applying for his visa was a nightmare of bureaucracy. But the point was: the gray man was openly flouting the rules. And worse than just being gray alone, he also had horns. His fingernails were blue, his teeth were sharp and needle-shaped, and his eyes had no pupils, just scleras and black centers that looked like hollow glass marbles. He had ripples crisscrossing his skin like vines growing just beneath the surface, and though Dan couldn’t be sure, he thought his body was a weird consistency, too, that he bent further than Dan expected when he bumped into things or wore a heavy bag over his shoulders. There was no way his appearance was legal. Dan felt for him, because it had to be difficult doing all that, but it wasn’t allowed. He’d probably get in trouble for just being around it, if someone came and found out and reported the guy and Dan hadn’t said anything.
Still. Dan had to respect it. And it was interesting to see how fast the other students got used to Jay and his gray skin and his horns and his eerie pupil-less eyes. Honestly, Dan was kind of disappointed in himself. His initial anxiety was unfair, wasn’t it? It was the laws that were unfair. Human society clearly wasn’t the problem it was cracked up to be.
Eventually Dan worked up the courage to tell Jay that he was mer. He wasn’t sure what he had been expecting. Jay had just nodded, shrugged, and said, “Cool.” That was it. And, honestly, as far as Dan was concerned, that was plenty. He didn’t need to be friends with a twenty-something nonconformist—or however old Jay was; he hadn’t asked, really—and just because they were both in the same class didn’t mean anything, really. They knew each other’s names, and Jay occasionally asked Dan for notes. That was plenty.
-
Dan wasn’t much of a partier and he wasn’t much of a night owl, and he didn’t’ spend a lot of time out of the house. What he did was usually at a river somewhere. Spokane was gorgeous and full of lively fish, and by virtue of his heritage Dan could chat. Fish didn’t usually have a lot to talk about, but something had them in a tizzy when Dan finally made it out to his favorite spot, and they were particularly anxious to tip him off.
At first, he couldn’t make heads or tails of why it mattered to him that someone had developed new lures (aside from how his job was kind of to keep an eye on what people were doing with his rivers and all). But it came together eventually. Jay had something weird about him. He’d started coming to the water just like Dan had—here and elsewhere—and chatting, just like Dan had. And Dan had lured them into a sense of security. They should’ve been secure, talking! Even when Dan was hungry he didn’t eat the fish he talked to! But to talk to Jay was dangerous. Fish that talked to Jay too long vanished. And he had strange lures, luminescent sweet blue worms that made fish dizzy and sick if they bit them off and which moved even when torn apart until they were eaten. The fish insisted, almost en masse, that this strange gray man who chatted up their waters was bad news, and on the whole they badly wanted Dan to find him and make him cut it out.
Dan didn’t even know what to make of it at first. He asked question after question, trying to understand what they meant first and then after to try to ensure they weren’t actually talking about his classmate. The fish were convinced he was unfathomably ancient, even though he was taking first-year classes. But it became too clear that they were the same person after not long at all. A handful even had his name to relay, and even though they pronounced it a little differently, there was no question that he was the same person with the same name. Brazen.
The fish generally knew what predation was and it—well, it bothered them, sure, but it was an understood way of life, and they knew Dan himself ate fish and was part of human society where fishing was done. They’d never come to ask him to put an end to regular fishing before. The first and last time any of them had banded together like this, it was six fish, and they wanted him to handle a chemical mess that he’d been almost completely useless about. The fact that he had nearly forty fish across a whole host of species asking him to put a stop to Jay’s hunting meant that something about that guy was very, very off.
At least, when it came to the fish.
Still, Dan didn’t want to jump to conclusions. Maybe he was just a weirdo. But he had access to most of the college labs, and there were fishtanks in several buildings, and so—nervously and feeling like he certainly looked a bit out of his mind—he went around, talking to the fish there. He didn’t like what he found. All the fish knew Jay. There was no doubt he could and did talk to them, often at odd hours when the fish said that they were typically bored, which meant he was on campus late at night and early in the morning sneaking in to talk with them. Several tanks were apparently head-over-heels charmed. Others, these fewer and further between and, Dan noted after a short while poking around, more likely to have deaths in the fish population waved off than more carefully-managed tanks, told Dan nervously that Jay wasn’t what he seemed. That he had been charming and pleasant and had these magnificent worm lures that they’d never seen before, and then without warning he’d coaxed one of them into his hands and ate them, just like that.
These were domestic fishes, indoor fish. Pets, practically. It was alien to them that a person would do that, and it scared them. But it didn’t seem Jay would willingly strike too many times in the same place, rotating tanks out at random. And what for? Sometimes, they said, he’d come back, and chat like nothing had happened even though they all saw him kill one of their number without a thought. There was something wrong with him. Dan, if Dan knew him, should be cautious.
These fish didn’t seem to understand that there was a world of difference between eating a human (or a mer, really) and eating a goldfish, but Dan promised to take the warning under advisement anyway.
-
Upon the day that Dan decided to confront Jay about his weird, creepy fish-eating behavior, several interesting things happened.
The first was simple. A colleague from the Environmental Sciences branch had invited him to downtown Spokane for no clear reason just before when Dan typically took his lunch. Alicia had been a close friend when Dan was doing his dissertation and she was currently working on her own postdoc research a little ways outside Spokane, just far enough from where Dan lived that they only got together so often. She told him that it was a surprise, and ot to look anything up about the location, so he obligingly didn’t.
It turned out to be an aquarium. More than that, it was an aquarium owned and run jointly by the college and a handful of others, and while it was still in the final stages before opening, Dan—by virtue of his employment with the school and his own degree focus in fish care and fish wellness—was welcome back whenever, provided he told them what he was doing and didn’t meddle unexpectedly. They wanted him to give his thoughts on a couple of tanks. And the tanks were fascinating. For some reason, whoever had done the design of the building had had a vision and they’d executed it; the tanks looked like classrooms-turned-reefs, replicas of desks and tables cast in plaster and then given coral to grow over them, furnished with lighting that looked like fluorescent strip lights in classrooms and even sometimes sporting false windows out to the street. And all the while, inside, sharks and huge groupers and small brightly-colored reef fish and schooling fish and others besides serenely went about their business. It was inspired, it really was. His parents would’ve gotten such a kick out of it.
Alicia had shown him around, and then they’d gotten food. It was a very nice afternoon, all things told.
The second was less pleasant. Just as he and Alicia were going their separate ways, Dan got an email from the school about a missing student, a request for more information if anyone had any. They had last been seen about a week before, and their car had just turned up abandoned at Lake Wenatchee, a state park a little ways outside Spokane. Dan hadn’t seen that happen before. Unfortunate, but not anyone he knew. He filed it away mentally and had pretty much stopped thinking about it by the time he got back to his apartment.
The third, and most objectively inconsequential, was that his first afternoon class had been canceled. His professor had come down with the flu.
And, finally, though they didn’t have class together today, Jay had called Dan and asked to meet with him. Evidently Jay had missed a lecture, or maybe several, and wanted to see Dan’s notes. The timing was just right.
“I know what you’re doing,” Dan said without preamble.
“Huh?” Jay said. “Oh, right. I know you work for the school, but I didn’t think you’d be that much of a hardass.”
“What?” Dan said.
Jay paused, looking Dan over for a moment. “Actually, what are you talking about? I don’t think we’re on the same page.”
“With the fish,” Dan clarified. Jay raised the odd ridges of flesh over his eyes that functioned as eyebrows. “I’m mer, you asshole. I can talk to them. They told me what fucked-up shit you’ve been pulling. What’s your problem?”
“Sometimes I get hungry,” Jay said. “Can I see your notes now?”
“Sometimes you get hungry?” Dan echoed. It took him a moment to remember how to form sentences properly. “Go to the—fucking—there are vending machines all over campus, there’s a cafeteria, you’re an underclassmen, don’t you have a meal plan—you get hungry? Hungry?”
Jay looked at Dan as though he were completely unimpressed and completely unmoved. “Okay. Can I see your notes now?”
Dan took a deep breath. “Jay, I’m here on behalf of the fish to ask you to cut the shit.”
“Huh,” Jay said. “Are you, like, going to let me see your notes, or was this just, you know, pretext to yell at me?”
Dan sighed, pulling his knapsack around to see if he could find his notebook. “No. As much as I think the way that you’ve started going after these fish is creepy as all fuck, I don’t really want your grades to suffer. Stop eating the fish.”
Jay shrugged. “I guess I can go out of campus and—”
“No,” Dan said, cutting him off. “Not the campus fish, all the local fish. I first heard about this from the fish in the Spokane. Everyone at Riverside Park is sick of your shit. It’s creepy, Jay. What’s the point of getting all buddy-buddy with fish you’re planning on eating?”
Jay’s eyes narrowed. “What, should I kill without a thought, then? What if I catch a fish with obligations?”
“That’s not why you’re doing it.”
“You’re right,” Jay said. “It’s not. But it is a consideration, among many. I don’t think it’s as bad as you think. And, no, I won’t be stopping any time soon.”
Dan shook his head and threw the notebook at the table. “Give it back to me when we have class again. And after that, I don’t want to hear from you.”
“What’s the big problem?” Jay said, suddenly sounding much more concerned. “Acanthis, they’re just fish.”
“They’re not just fish to me,” Dan snapped. “I’m mer, you asshole. It’s not the same. And—the way you do it is creepy. I don’t like it. Just because I know fish aren’t people to you doesn’t mean they don’t matter to me.”
“Oh,” Jay said. “The issue is that I eat fish?”
“I eat fish!” Dan said. “Are you being—are you being willfully stupid now? The problem is that you’re making friends with the fish you eat!”
“Ah,” Jay said. “Yeah, no, sorry, there’s nothing you can do about that. It’s been good knowing you, Acanthis. Thanks for the notes.”
“Fuck yourself,” Dan said, rather charitably, as far as he was concerned, and stormed back out of the library.
-
Jay did not stop preying on the fish. He did stop asking Dan for notes. He did also return Dan’s notebook, in about the same condition as he’d taken it, but there was an odd blue stain on one page.
And life continued as it normally did. The class continued. Dan got familiar with the professor, a lovely older woman called Dr. Bernadotte Maragou, who was very sweet and worked in the Health Sciences department but was still nonetheless teaching an ecology course because the school was lacking a professor to teach it and she had the necessary bioinformatics background. Unfortunately, Jay did, too. He was—to everyone else, at least—charming, or at least something like it. To hear Bernie speak, he was sweet and helpful and wouldn’t hurt a fly. But if she could hear the fish, she’d think he was the devil. All everyone else’s adoration served to do was make Dan like him even less.
Still, the end of the semester approached apace, and Dan kept his focus on himself and his friends as much as he was able. Most of the fish that Dan was familiar with knew better than to trust Jay by now, and he heard that Jay was venturing further and causing trouble in different places instead, but he left it alone. Realistically, what was he going to do? It was the only reasonable thing. He stopped by the aquarium on occasion, which was a delight in and of itself, and he got his work done, and he kept in touch with his colleagues in the Atlantic and they kept him posted on what they were seeing with the shark populations they were monitoring. There were some instances of bad news—the missing student never showed up, and another one or two, Dan wasn’t sure, joined them in vanishing off the face of the earth, but it was a city and these things happened and it didn’t happen to anyone Dan knew. At the end of the day, all was as well as it could really be.
Until it wasn’t.
One week before the end of classes, Bernadotte announced to the class as a whole that the university was going to launch the aquarium publicly, explaining briefly what it was and much more rapidly turning to something worse: that, as a pre-opening event, the Environmental Sciences college was hosting an event and anyone enrolled in an CoES class was welcome, for free and everything. Dan watched Jay perk up, visibly interested. Absolutely not.
It was one thing to be eating goldfish from the tank and wild fish out of the river. It was something else entirely to start eating out of an aquarium. Dan couldn’t help but feel protective over a project he’d helped with, too, even if it hadn’t been that much help. He knew a lot of those fish. He was absolutely not letting this rule-flaunting, skeevy asshole fuck it all up.
He accosted Jay outside class. “You are not going to that aquarium.”
“The one with the art installations?” Jay said. “Yes I am. Do you want something, Acanthis?”
“Would you quit calling me by my last name? Stay out of those fucking fish tanks.”
“No,” Jay said. “I have another class to be at, Acanthis, would you get out of my face?”
“The second anything goes wrong at that aquarium, I’m pointing the finger at you,” Dan said. “Don’t even fucking think about it. I’ll know if even a single fish is fucking hurt. If you even speak to them.”
“Acanthis. I have places to be,” Jay said. “Move, or I’m pushing you.”
“This is the only warning I’m fucking giving you,” Dan growled. “Take it. Stay out of the fucking aquarium.”
Jay scoffed and shouldered past Dan. Dan made no effort not to be pushed out of the way, but called after Jay, “I mean it!”
Jay shook his head, like he was rolling his eyes where Dan couldn’t see them, and kept walking. So the aquarium was screwed, basically.
-
Dan knew he was being a little unreasonable. He wasn’t going to let that stop him, though.
Asking around turned up that Jay likely didn’t have a car, so Dan figured that he was going to try to catch a ride with someone else to the aquarium. It was hardly walking distance, from campus to the center of downtown Spokane. Trying to stop Jay from getting a carpool was going to be hard, but not impossible, of course. He’d figure something out. If he could even figure out who was bringing Jay…
…which turned out to be easier than Dan had expected. Two days after the announcement in class, Bernie had announced that she’d gotten some students who were struggling to make it to the aquarium location, and she would be organizing carpools. That just meant that Dan needed to see who got Jay’s name and somehow convince them not to bring Jay. These were students. He could probably bribe them, or ply them with cookies and alcohol, or something. Wouldn’t be too hard.
It wasn’t to be. Bernie ended up with three kids on overflow, and Jay was one of them. Bernie was a really lovely lady, and sweet as they came. And there was absolutely no way Dan was going to be able to tell her what the issue was without having to answer difficult questions about himself, and besides, she’d probably insist that he was being too hard on Jay and there was a good reason to eat goldfish after telling them you thought they were the best individual fish on the planet or something. So just telling Jay’s transportation to leave him behind unexpectedly was out of the plan.
Eventually, in a fit of desperation, Dan asked Bernie if he could catch a ride with her along with the other three students. She said that he could, and that it’d be a little cramped but there would still be room for everyone.
The night before the event, Dan started asking around again, trying to find Jay to warn him off a second time. This time he didn’t succeed. Everyone knew who he was, of course, but no one could quite find him. One girl even asked Dan if he thought Jay was ”next”—baffling Dan, and when he asked what she meant, she started carrying on about mysterious disappearances and serial killers like she thought they were living in a movie of some sort. No one else Dan spoke to was any more helpful. Jay had to be off-campus somewhere, or maybe he’d vanished into thin air. Dan wasn’t optimistic enough to trust in the latter, but he crossed his fingers anyway. That would be one disappearance Dan wouldn’t mind, that was for sure.
The inexorable march of time went on, as it always did. Tomorrow rolled around. Dan woke up on the morning of the aquarium event and knew that this was it. He was out of time. He just had to find some way to make it happen.
This time, he succeeded in waylaying Jay. It was by chance, even—he caught sight of Jay’s stupid gray horns just barely peeking out over the sea of faces at the front doors to the library and zeroed in on Jay as fast as he could. He grabbed Jay by the arm and couldn’t suppress a second of distaste at the texture of Jay’s flesh—strangely squishy and stiff all at once, like a very full water balloon instead of flesh with bones in it—and then Jay whirled around. “Acanthis?”
Dan opted not to call him on the name thing this time. “This is the last time I’m going to say it. Stay away from the aquarium.”
“Didn’t you say last time was going to be the only warning?” Jay said.
“I am so serious,” Dan said. “You do not want to test me on this. Stay away from the aquarium! Do I make myself clear?”
“Uh-huh. Enjoy the rest of your day, Acanthis.” Jay started to pull away from Dan, and Dan grabbed his arm tighter. His odd glassy eyes narrowed. “You’re going to want to let go of me right now.”
“Tell me you’ll stay away from the aquarium.”
Jay wrenched his arm away from Dan’s grip, much harder than Dan expected. His knuckles ached at the sudden force; he could swear he heard one of his joints crack. “I told you to let go of me, didn’t I? I don’t know how to say this politely, Acanthis—stop telling me to stay away from the aquarium. I’m allowed to be curious about it just like everyone else is. Just because you have a problem with me doesn’t make it my concern. I’m tolerating this, because you work here and I’m probably leaving after another semester. But if you push me, I’m going to start pushing back. Do I make myself clear?”
“I don’t have a problem with you, I have a problem with you eating—” Dan realized abruptly that they were in public and lowered his voice. “Eating the fucking fish! I think that should be fucking understandable.”
“No, you also have a problem with me,” Jay said flatly. “You are not the only one, and I do not care very much. But you will never be able to dictate what I do and don’t do. You had better get that through your head right the fuck now.”
Dan, disbelieving, shook his head. “I can’t fucking believe you.”
“Great,” Jay said, shoving past Dan. He hit Dan in the chest with his shoulder, clearly intentionally. “See you at the aquarium, Acanthis.”
“No you fucking won’t!” Dan called after him, but he vanished seamlessly into the crowd before he was even done speaking.
Fucker.
-
Finally, out of ideas, Dan called up a local friend who did some contract work with the Sideways Court and asked them to temporarily hex Bernie’s car. He felt bad about it, but it wouldn’t be any real harm done, and it’d just keep the car from starting for a while. It would stop the other two students from getting to the aquarium either, but Dan was willing to call that an acceptable loss. He turned up at the parking lot next to the cafeteria at the appointed meeting-time even though he knew it wasn’t going to get him anywhere; it seemed only fair to miss it, and besides, that let him keep an eye on Jay.
Jay gave Dan a very dubious look when he arrived. “You’d better not be waiting here for me, Acanthis.”
“Nope,” Dan said. “Carpooling.”
Jay gave him a long, hard look, and then shrugged and pulled out his phone. “I assume you’ll be dogging my steps all night?”
“You’d best believe it.”
“I don’t mean to insult you, Acanthis,” Jay said, “but this strikes me as a phenomenally stupid plan.”
“I keep telling you, my name is Dan,” Dam said. “And my plan is fine.”
“I’m sure it is,” Jay said, not looking up from his phone. “Look, for all anyone knows, you’re the concern here. Everyone at the library saw you getting handsy and aggressive with me. You have fuck-all in the way of evidence. And I’m—”
A car pulled up along the cement, and Jay cut off, picking his head up. “Ah, there’s Doctor Maragou,” he said, in exactly the same casual tone.
That was weird, and eerie. “Hey, Bernie,” Dan called, trying to keep any sort of distrust out of his tone of voice. “How’s your day been?”
“Oh, hi, Dan,” Bernie said. “Hi Jay! It’s great to see you both. Have you seen Sophia and Luke?”
“Not yet, but there’s still plenty of time,” Jay said, smiling warmly. “Dan, I know you’re closest with Doctor Maragou. Do you want to sit up front?”
“Generous of you,” Dan said, “yeah. Bernie, should we get in now?”
“Yeah, why not?” Bernie asked. “I think I see Sophia coming over now, anyway. It shouldn’t be too long.”
True enough, Sophia was cresting the small hill between the walking path and the parking lot. As Dan watched, Luke, the fourth student, walked over as well. So that was the whole crowd.
Dan didn’t need to jostle around, not in the front seat, but in the back Sophia, Luke, and Jay had to work out seating arrangements; Jay had volunteered to sit in the middle, but there was a little bit of difficulty with the seatbelts, and it took a few minutes of shuffling about before Luke finally announced to Bernie that they could start driving. Bernie nodded, smiling, and made to pull out of the parking lot. And then her car made a terrible backfiring noise.
“What the hell was that?” Luke blurted. “I mean, um, sorry Professor.”
“What the hell was that?” Bernie muttered, stepping on the gas again. Nothing happened.
“That’s… weird,” Sophia said. “Professor M., has that ever happened before?”
“Nope,” Bernie said. “I’ve never had any car do that before.”
“I can take a look at it,” Sophia said, already opening the door. “I’m good with cars.”
“Hang on a minute,” Bernie said, turning her key in the ignition. Nothing happened. “Are you sure you know what you’re doing?”
“Yup,” Sophia said.
“How sure?” said Bernie, pressing on the gas again.
“Very sure,” Sophia said. “I like cars. Pressing on the gas isn’t going to do anything good if it‘s not igniting, so maybe stop doing that.”
Bernie stopped pressing on the gas very quickly. “Okay. You can look under the hood, if you want. Let me come out and look at it with you.”
The two of them stood outside the car looking at the hood for a good ten or eleven minutes. Jay made dubious eye contact with Dan through the rearview mirror. Dan pretended not to notice.
“Um,” Luke, the other classmate, said awkwardly after about two minutes of sustained silence. “So, uh, you’re Professor Acanthis, right?”
“You can call me Dan,” Dan said.
“Yeah, but you teach the fieldwork for nonmajors class, right?”
“Yeah,” Dan said. “Why?”
“Is it particularly hard?” Luke asked. “I mean, work-intensive. I’m setting up my schedule for next semester.”
Dan paused, trying to think about that. “I just started teaching it this semester. I think it’s pretty light, but you’re better off asking one of my students.”
“He means it’s very easy,” Jay said tonelessly. “Acanthis, tell him your late work policy.”
“It’s Dan,” Dan said. “As long as it’s in before the end of the semester, I don’t take points off late work.”
“They meet once a week, there’s a lab report due but you can work on it in the class, and it’s for nonmajors,” Jay added. “Very easy class. If you want an easy A you should take it.”
“Huh,” Luke said. “Thanks… Jaaaaaames?”
“Jay,” Jay said, but now that Dan was listening he pronounced it a little oddly, sort of more like ‘Joy’ than ‘Jay’. “Luke, right?”
“Yeah,” Luke said. “Are you planning on taking it next semester? I thought you and Professor Acanthis had… um.”
“Drama?” Jay asked, and laughed under his breath. “No, it’s nothing serious, but I’m on the pre-med track. Have to take macrobio field instead. I’m only in class with Doc Maragou because it qualified as an elective.”
“What’s the deal, actually?” Luke said. “Like, if you don’t mind me asking, because I heard you guys were really, uh… but you seem chill now.”
“Like I said,” Jay said, “it’s nothing serious. Me and Acanthis have a couple disagreements over… I don’t know, I don’t want to get into it. And a friend of a friend was talking shit about me that he believed, but I think we’re over that. Mostly it’s personality clash.”
“It’s not personality clash,” Dan said. “He’s fucked over a few friends of mine and won’t stop doing it.”
Jay raised his eyebrows at Luke, who smiled rather tightly back. “It is really not that serious. He doesn’t like that I don’t do what he tells me. I get it. I don’t like to be told what to do. It’s a personality clash. We’re working it out. This time next year, I imagine you won’t even hear that me and Acanthis were arguing.”
“Huh,” Luke said. “Right.”
Dan willed himself not to argue, even though that was blatantly untrue. He didn’t need to hash the whole thing out in front of a human audience. Fortunately, about that point Bernie came back around. “We can’t figure the problem out,” she said through the driver’s-side door, “so you three might as well come out. I’m not sure what we’re going to do here.”
“Damn,” Luke said.
“It’s a bit of a walk,” Jay said, “and it’ll get us there a little late, but we could take the Six over to Riverside.”
Dan turned to look at him, uncomprehending. He could see the other three do the same.
“The bus,” Jay said. “Don’t any of you go anywhere?”
“I only take the campus shuttle,” Luke said. “Sorry.”
“Huh,” Jay said. “Anyway, if that’s the plan, we should probably get moving. If we miss the bus we’re going to be waiting for a good hour for the next one.”
“I think the event ends at eight,” Bernie said.
“And it’s, what, six now?” Jay said. “So we’ll basically miss it. I don’t particularly want to do that,” he said, making eye contact with Dan with a weird little sedate smile on his face, “so unless anyone has objections, let’s get moving.”
“How far of a walk is it?” Bernie asked.
Jay shrugged. “Maybe a few miles? It’s at the transit center. Do you know where I mean?”
“Oh!” Bernie said. “Okay, I think I can do that.”
“Fan-ta-stic,” Jay said. “Luke, Sophia, you two on board?”
“Yeah, sure,” Sophia said.
“You didn’t ask Dan,” Luke said.
“Oh, don’t worry,” Jay said. “He’s going to follow me no matter what I ask him.”
“Oo-kay,” Luke said. “Yeah, I’ll come.”
Jay smiled, waving a hand and starting to walk rather briskly. “Alright. We have half an hour. Let’s move.”
Dan had never walked between the campus and the transit center like this before. This part of Spokane—of Washington, really—was gorgeous. Jay kept them hurrying along the side of the road, but Dan and Sophia kept slowing down to look at the trees or the rock faces or the rivers and falling behind. Dan wished he could say it was intentional, but it really was just that beautiful. And because they kept stopping at the same things, he and Sophia had started talking, aimlessly commenting on the trees and the water.
Then the road they were walking along turned into a bridge, high over a wide waterfall. All of them stopped, even Jay.
“This reminds me of where I grew up,” Sophia said to Dan. “I was walking distance from Wairere as a kid.”
Jay turned as though that had caught his attention. “Wairere Falls?”
“You’ve been there?” Sophia asked, looking a bit surprised. “Yeah.”
“They were more impressive than this, I think,” Jay said. “I don’t know, the last time I was in New Zealand was nearly thirty years ago.”
“Aotearoa,” Sophia said.
“Couldn’t have been,” Luke said, at about the same time. “How old are you?”
Jay laughed. “You think someone with a face as plastic as mine looks my age? I appreciate the vote of confidence. I’m pushing forty.”
Was that his cover? That he’d just undergone a bunch of surgeries?
“Oh, wow,” Bernie said. “What did you do before you decided to go into medicine?”
Jay glanced sidelong at Dan. “Professional fishing. Do you still need a moment to ogle?”
“Not hassling us to get moving again already?” Dan asked.
“We’ve got a little time,” Jay said.
“You were on us the whole way here,” Sophia said, still staring at the falls.
“Yeah, because I knew you were all going to stare here. It’s a nice waterfall. Take your time. I’ll tell you when we really have to get a move on.”
Dan turned that one over in his head for a moment. Was Jay expecting him to have delayed more intensely? Was that what that actually was? Or was this actually a moment of… what, generosity in disguise? Jay was such a strange person.
It was a nice waterfall, though, and the water below it looked deep and clear. Dan walked to the part of the railing Jay was leaning on, trying to look subtle, and leaned over. “Between the two of us, we’re the only ones who can breathe under water.”
“I can’t, actually,” Jay said. “I don’t breathe at all.”
Dan stopped, looking at him properly. Jay shrugged. “No lungs. Don’t breathe.”
“But you can live under water, right?” Dan did his best to clarify.
“Yeah, that I can,” Jay said. “What about it?”
“Have you ever gone over a waterfall like that? If you’re here, and you were in New Zealand around waterfalls.”
Now it was Jay’s turn to look at Dan oddly. “I have, actually. Not often, but I have. Are you about to ask me for advice?”
“I just… wonder, I guess,” Dan said. “Does this one look like it’d be good to jump off of?”
Jay was quiet for a moment, studying the water. “Well, depends what you mean by good. You’ll probably get spun really hard. Impacting the water will probably hurt, but you don’t want to dive or anything here, or you’ll risk hitting the bottom, I think, it doesn’t look that deep to me.”
“You could’ve just said no,” Dan said.
“Those are the only problems. If you don’t like being disoriented, that’s on you,” Jay said. “The water is clean and clear and there’s no rocky outcroppings to hit yourself into. It’s pretty damn good, as far as these things go.”
“Sounds kind of unpleasant.”
“It’s one of those things,” Jay said, turning toward the other three. “If you liked it, you’d probably already know that by now, and if you don’t, you’ve never thought about it. I’m not sure what kind of thrill-seeking mer adolescents get up to, though.”
“Me either, really. I lived most of my life on land after I turned twelve.”
“Huh,” Jay said. “That’s why you’re like this.”
“Like what?” Dan started, but Jay was already walking toward the other three. “Jay!”
“We’re going to get moving again, guys,” Jay said, waving. Bernie, Luke and Sophia reluctantly fell into step behind Jay again. Dan, for his part, hurried up to stand next to him so he could ask what the fuck Jay was talking about.
“What do you mean, that’s why I’m ‘like that?’”
“Do you want them hearing? I thought your being here meant you had to be super hush-hush.”
“Honestly, I’ve been wondering this whole time. Why don’t you?”
Jay gave him a disbelieving look. “Obviously I’m supposed to.”
“Well—you’re not, and no one’s tried to arrest you yet.”
“You’d be surprised at how low-profile I can be. Plastic surgery,” he said, tapping the ridges of flesh around his eyes, “tattoos, nail polish, and sometimes I can pass the horns off as a headband. Sometimes, if I’m really worried,” he glanced back at the other three, “they’re not looking. Watch this.”
Dan turned toward him, not sure what he was about to do, and was completely unprepared for his horns to just—sink back into the top of his forehead seemingly of their own volition. “What—?”
“It’s uncomfortable, though,” Jay said, replacing them with a gesture that looked more like spitting something out than horns protruding through his face. They were now streaked with some sort of bluish, viscous fluid, like dish soap. Jay ran his hands over them, and then rubbed his hands together, and when he went back to talking neither the horns nor his hands were wet.
“Neat trick,” Dan said, totally astonished.
“Handy, yeah,” Jay said. “Look, not that I’m not appreciating the conversation not suddenly being you yelling in my face and all, but can I ask what prompted the change of heart?”
“No hearts have been changed. I don’t want you to eat my fish,” Dan said. “But I can’t see a way to stop you getting to the aquarium, so I guess I’ll just have to tag around all night like you said I was going to. Might as well make it a little fun, right?”
“I suppose that makes sense,” Jay said slowly, not looking as though he understood at all.
-
The bus was miserable, but the aquarium was fantastic, so it balanced out. Dan did tail Jay the whole time, though Jay obligingly let Dan pick over the remnants of the sushi bar before they went around to the exhibits instead of trying to lose Dan so he could go start snatching schooling fish or something. Dan asked him if he wanted anything, concerned as he was for the live fish in the exhibits; Jay demurred. Something about a food allergy, or something; Dan wasn’t sure exactly what he meant but he sure made it sound like there wasn’t anything at the table that wouldn’t somehow make him sick.
Jay was fascinated by the first-floor exhibits that looked like classrooms. Eventually they made it to the second floor, after Jay had done a long loop around the expansive ground level and spent a lot of time in the touch-tank mumbling to a nervous epaulette shark until he could coax it up toward him. Dan didn’t like it then, but it hadn’t been sinister after all, and he was trying to relax. But just after they made it to the second floor, Jay slipped off into the shadows, and Dan just barely caught up to him before Jay—with Dan’s keys—slipped behind the Employees Only door and beckoned for Dan to follow.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing,” Dan hissed, as soon as he was inside. “They’ll kick you out if you’re back here.”
“Not if I’m with you,” Jay said, which wasn’t true.
“Yes, they will. And they’ll revoke my clearance.”
“Come on. I want to talk to the nursery sharks.”
“Absofuckinglutely not,” Dan said. “I’ll tell on both of us.”
“What the fuck is the big idea?” Jay said. “Look, you can hear both sides of the conversation. And they’re nursery sharks, and I’m not even hungry. I’m curious about living in those drowned fake rooms. Do you know which tank we should be looking for?”
“We’re not doing this,” Dan said.
“Alright, I’ll find out without you,” Jay shrugged, and started walking. Dan reached out to grab Jay’s arm, and—
Well. Dan didn’t actually know what happened, only that his hand closed on solid-ish flesh, and then it was suddenly not solid under his hand at all, and Jay had sort of just pulled away around his fingers. Weird.
“You can come with me or you can stay there, but you’re not grabbing me in private,” Jay said. “I’m not interested in being yanked around, I don’t give a damn how worried you are about the fish. I’m not even going to put my face near the water.”
With deep misgivings, Dan hurried up and followed behind Jay. “It’s, um, door seven. The exhibit you want.”
“Thank you,” Jay said, sounding legitimately a little bit surprised. “Appreciate it.”
“Don’t expect a repeat,” Dan said. “And I will be warning them about you later.”
Jay hummed, pushing through the door slowly. Beyond, they could hear the pump and the water splashing.
Jay bent down by the side of the tank, reaching out with one hand. “This is going to look strange.”
“Everything you do looks strange,” Dan started, but he was right—it did look real fucking strange. The palm of his hand… uncoiled? Rippled and widened? And from the inside came slightly luminescent blue tendrils, about a half-inch wide each and visibly very soft, and slick with some sort of fluid with the consistency of honey, or maybe laundry detergent. He stuck these into the water without a worry, and then said, not too loudly, “Hey. Up here.”
Abruptly Dan remembered the lures. “You have those inside you? You feed them to the fish!”
“Sometimes they’re hungry,” Jay said.
“What are they, worms?” Dan asked. “Some sort of… fungus?”
Jay looked up from the water to squint at him. “Are you trying to fuck with me? Like, is that a joke?”
“What?”
Jay reached over with his normal hand and grabbed one tendril firmly, and then pulled. Hard, actually, hard enough that Dan thought it looked like it had to hurt, and then with a quiet squelching sound a small octagonal segment of his gray skin pulled free from the side of his hand and so did the tendril, still moving freely. “It’s me. I feel like that should be obvious, if the fish were reporting on me to you. That one bass got a good mouthful of my leg a few months ago.”
“What are those?” someone else said, and Jay and Dan both jumped and turned to see that there was a small nursery shark staring up at the both of them. Dan wasn’t terribly familiar with her, but he thought her name started with an s sound, or maybe an m. “Can I eat them?”
“Sure,” Jay said.
“They make fish sick,” Dan said quickly. “Better not.”
“They make fish sick?” Jay repeated. “They shouldn’t. Just drowsy, maybe.”
“Dizzy and sick, is what they told me.”
Jay looked down at his own hand curiously. “So, I’m Jay.” He said it oddly again. Maybe Dan was mispronouncing it. “My friend here is Dan.”
“Danistei,” Dan said, because he gave his real name to the fishes, thank you, and then registered that Jay had said his actual name.
“What’s your name?” Jay continued, as though nothing had happened.
“Svisa,” said the nursery shark.
“Nice to meet you, Svisa,” Dan started.
“We’re delighted you’ll speak to us,” Jay continued, coming very close to cutting Dan off. “I have a couple questions about the environment.”
“Oh, like he’s always asking,” Svisa said.
“Probably,” Jay said. “Do you know what your environment is a replica of?”
“It’s a replica?” Svisa said.
“It’s a replica of a human classroom,” Jay said, rapid-fire. “Thank you, Svisa. What do you think of the lighting on the side of the wall?”
“Oh, he really is always asking that one. It’s fine.”
“You come here from anywhere interesting?”
“Not really,” Svisa said.
“Captive-bred,” Dan cut in. “Svisa, are you bored?”
“A little bit,” Svisa said. “Nothing left in here to catch, and I know all the hiding places. When it’s light out, I can watch the other tank, but they’re dimming everything now.”
“They’re dimming everything,” Jay repeated. “Okay, Dan, up, let’s get out of here before we get caught.”
“Caught,” Svisa repeated.
“We’re not technically supposed to be back here right now,” Dan explained hastily, getting up. “Thank you so much for chatting, Svsia. Jay, was that what you wanted to know?”
“One last question,” Jay said. “How dark are the hiding places?”
“Dark enough,” Svisa said, delicately closing her jaws on a big chunk of Jay’s exposed tendrils. They sheared off cleanly, and started to leak thinner, less viscous blue fluid into the water; Jay rapidly curled them back up without even a hiss. “You’re leaving, I’ll see you some other time.”
“Me, maybe,” Dan muttered. “Jay, if she gets sick, I’m holding you to account for it.”
“She should be fine. It’s like weed,” Jay said. “Bye, Svisa, thanks for talking. Might see you again, might not. I’m curious about the way it feels down there. Dan, hitting the road?”
Dan sighed and followed behind Jay, and the two of them stepped out of the tank room and then into the Employees Only hall and then back into the rest of the museum. It was dim. “What time is it?”
“You have a phone, don’t you?” Jay said, but he was pulling his own out as he said it. “Eight ten.”
“They closed up fast,” Dan noted, a little surprised. “I wasn’t expecting them to kick everyone out and turn the lights off ten minutes after the event ended.”
Jay shrugged. “Maybe they’re just efficient. Let’s make sure they didn’t lock us in.”
They hadn’t, so the two of them walked out the doors and tried not to look suspicious. Or at least Dan tried; Jay looked casual as anything, sauntering out confidently.
“Stop looking over your shoulder,” Jay murmured out of the corner of his mouth, and Dan straightened up. “No, that’s worse, you look even more like you’re sneaking into the pantry to steal cookies or something. Do you just not do this sort of thing?”
“No, I don’t,” Dan said.
Jay paused. “Why were you messing with me so much, then? Starting out strong for your first few bits of mischief?”
“I,” Dan said, trying to wrap his head around that. “It was about the fish. It has always been about the fish.”
“But you had to know I wasn’t going to go after the fish in a new aquarium,” Jay said, sounding almost stupefied. “Right?”
What? “What? No.”
“If I’m going to an aquarium, there’s going to be close monitoring, people around,” Jay said. “And it’s not like they’re filling, anyway. Obviously I’d just go pick someone off in an alley beforehand, if it was that big a deal.”
“I told you, I don’t like you eating the wild fish either,” Dan said. “But I guess—”
“Fish?” Jay repeated. “No, I mean—” And then he stopped, and turned to gesture Dan toward an alley. “Come take a detour with me.”
“What do you mean, not fish?” Dan said, following easily.
Jay looked Dan up and down, still walking. The alley was longer than Dan expected. “I know you said something, at some point, about the ‘patterns,’” and here he made air-quotes with his fingers, “of the way that I ate the fish being ‘creepy.’”
“Yeah, because they are,” Dan said. “I mean, I might’ve been judging you wrong, but it still seems real fucking creepy to me. I don’t really get—”
Jay raised a hand and cut Dan off. “And I read into that, I think. I thought you meant the patterns I ate everything with were creepy.”
“I mean,” Dan started. “I don’t know.”
Jay smiled oddly, waving for Dan to walk a little faster. “And I thought to myself that that was fair, because you were right. And I didn’t know how much you’d told anyone, or how much trouble I’d be in if you had.”
“Jay. What are you getting at.”
“Fish are very unsatisfying, you know.” Jay sighed. “They don’t have much to talk about. Their secrets are inconsequential and not very interesting. And, now, I have a problem, the kind you’re not likely to have heard of. “
“Where are you leading me?”
“You’ll see,” Jay said. The alleyway had gotten so dark that it was difficult to make out anything except for the points of light reflecting off his eyes from the distant billboards on the street. “I need a secret—given freely—before I can eat my fill. Makes it had to order off the dinner menu. Told myself, hey, hospice care, that’s got to be the gig for me. But it doesn’t leave me a lot of time to hunt. So I’ve been scavenging the fishtanks. But do you know what one of the first things you told me was?”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Dan stopped walking.
“This explains why threatening you didn’t seem to do anything,” Jay said. “Did you even know I was threatening you?”
“When the hell were you threatening me?”
“That’s what I mean,” Jay said. “I’m full, now, I’m not eating anything. Or anyone. But you know what I’m getting at, don’t you?”
Dan shook his head. “You eat fish, and you’re implying you’ll eat me.”
“About the gist of it, yeah,” Jay said. “Keep walking, we’re going to get to the bus stop a few blocks early. I didn’t want to take you through here if you already knew I was likely to maybe eat you. Didn’t need that kind of thing getting me in trouble, you understand. You cannot do anything about me, but if you decided to start running and screaming it would’ve made my life inconvenient.”
“Are you,” Dan said, trying to find the polite term for it. “Are you a… person with a vamparasitic affliction?”
“Am I a what?” Jay said. “Vamparasitic affliction? Can you not say vampire now?”
“I think it’s offensive,” Dan said.
“If I were a vampire I wouldn’t be offended,” Jay said. “But no. I’m an obligate carnivore under a curse, but it’s a different one. You’ve seen me walk in the sunlight.”
“Can you eat garlic?”
“I can’t eat any plants.”
Dan could start to see the lights at the end of the walkway now. “Why do you eat people, if you can just eat fish?”
Jay looked at Dan for a moment, and despite the low light Dan thought he could see Jay’s needle-sharp teeth glinting in a very sharp smile. “Why does anyone prefer to eat anything? Just tastes better.”
#my writing#jai#pov oc is just some guy. doesn't matter very much#oc#original fiction#low fantasy horror#or something like that#what if a mysterious stranger that sort of seemed like a vampire was actually something different and worse: blue#if you get to the end and you're going 'man i thought that character was going to [spoiler but it should be obvious]' and are wondering#why the other guy decided to apparently not do anything about it But reveal the secret anyway: 1. he's wildly amused by this 2. he just#found out that he'd overestimated the threat level of said character by about 500x and furthermore decided after talking to him#that he's an idiot and can be easily charmed by 'giving secrets' (and he's right). but never fear.#said character is also unable to [removed; spoiler] anyone right now but next time he does he knows where he can look#and he's verrrrrry confident the other character won't be able to come up with any way to make it too much of a problem for him#as long as he keeps playing friendly and gets properly buddy-buddy#which is very funny because he was literally warned that that would be dangerous.
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I drew along with Abby's pokemon from memory stream (their version linked below)! This session was Alcremie, Popplio, Amoonguss, and Gyrados
#pokemon#pokemon from memory#kiy art#alcremie is a lot smoother than i remembered i just made them look like actual frosting#i feel so bad making popplio a lil sad but every happy pose make their head an accidental teapot in my brain#amoongus ended up like that bc i was thinking of pokepark 2#gyrados is a cute shrimp now but also broke their neck since i had no clue how to make so few segments twist properly lol#also i spent the 'preshow' portion of stream finally organizing the big box of colored pencils i used by color#i question why the manufacturer organized not in that way bc i kept having to adjust my sorting finding greys and browns in all 3 trays
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🌷
#i’ve been wanting to do a little scene of sorts#but haven’t mustered the wherewithal insofar#however. i have plans to do Nothing tomorrow#and hopefully also not stay in bed either 😭#i canceled the birthday dinner i was gonna do#for myself. because. well. i have no Joy atm#but i’m doing a tiny 2 person version on sunday#anyway have been thinking#it’s so cruel she had to go and die this month#i’m a november baby#& thanksgiving is my favorite holiday#but now it’s like. totally recast by grief :/#she loved thanksgiving too so like#i hope it gets easier.#this year it’s just.#thinking about holding her hand#while she breathed her last breaths#and how i can’t even do the memorializing i want#bc i’m tired and also estranged from 1/3 of the family#today very suddenly became really really hard#but at least crying properly is cathartic#and so is finally booting up my game to Play :^)#i WILL do this mini project this weekend 😤#manifesting … demanding … 🕯️✨
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i am happy! but somebody is so very not!! and it is very confusing!!!
#jumping up and down leaping around playing tuoys#and then someone who has a gaping chasm in their chest cavity where it aches and aches and aches and aches#scary !!! feels like a horror movie !!! the dissonance !!!#oh and also Colin is here too which quite a literal wrench to throw in HAHAH#(he is a clockwork man)#waving at him excitedly HELLO HI IT IS NICE TO MEET YOU PROPERLY HURRAY HELLO!!#but yeah I don't know who the one is with the (hopefully metaphorical) gaping chest wound either so 🤷#that makes Juno and Chase and me who does not know who she is#there seems to be two sort of groups that us parts function in#Juno Lake Kam LB Marble Mari me Chase all are one group#and then Hunter Fawn Colin Andrew Nine Parsley Cecil Odelia are the other group#and Sunny and Moon float between the two groups#and Nine used to be in group 1 and is now group 2. and me and Mari used to be group 2 and now we're group 1#and the two groups seem to have access to a different pool of memories and an entirely different spectrum of emotional experiences?#Kam isn't actually group 1 because she is the Gatekeeper™ but she just hangs out w group 1 in her spare time#well MOSTLY anyways. sometimes its group 2 but mainly she hangs around group 1#IDK ITS VERY INTERESTING I THINK!#💫🌻
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ggghhg i hate vehiclessssssss ghghghhghhhhh [dies dies dies forever]
#just me hi#i'm going to get right back to it but i need to complain or i'll turn into a stale loaf of Bread lmao :3👍#so here it is. why's it gotta be so hard hhghfh#okay buildings suck i hate buildings. but also they don't make me want to immediately explode at the merest hint of actually drawing them#vehicles?? Vehicles ???? i am going to just. what if i just put everyone in magical cardboard boxes and did that huh. what is the point !!#i have to draw motorcyclessss and carssssss and i'm okay with bikes to a degree actually <3 and horsessssssss and truckssssssssssss#god forbid you pick an older model with like 20 articles on it cuz most of them are going to only have a side profile and 3/4s view of that#dang thing. which yea sounds manageable 'why is this a problem keeps' i cannot properly see the FRONT#i have to guess?? i have to Guess ???? my dearest wish i think i'm just going to live in the sewers. with the sewer creatures#GGHHHHHHHHHHHH#i am going to practice drawing this stupid thing that i'm going to use for like 7 panels MAX and then i'm going to commit a FOUL crime. lik#rearranging someone's usual playlist without them knowing so they're confused every time they listen to it afterwards#//okay enough of that. we're good hbfhsfh :3#i have done other things today ! i've actually made a rough timeline for pi.e so thaaaat's cool :D#that and found a cool artist to follow on pillowfort. i. forgor their user but they have cool art .w.#/also i'm past the halfway mark on this first chapter which is !!!#i don't want to jinx myself cuz i know i'm really good at that hfhsv - but i think i'll start storyboarding the next part if i can get a#couple more pages done :D#//also the cowboy au grows stronger everyday hhhgfshvbh#i kind of knew some sort of au was inevitable but i did not think it would be an old west one loll :3#still trying to figure out the logistics#i wanna find some good historical fiction from those eras (1860s-70s) but i do not have the brain space for it rn fbhs - so this will do :>#it won't have any of the magic or gods i think bc of that but i'm having fun regardless :D#it Does have some occult though. because i was playing the story for my brother and i Do enjoy scaring him hhbvhfhsfvh#there are devils on the ranch!! or are they devils?? he hasn't gotten that far yet lol :>#//i also may have some sort of weird lean towards the spooky because Somehow each of my stories end up containing some sort of thriller#element?? lmao rip my siblings#but it never happens on purpose. again; rip my siblings hfhhvsh#//oo running out of tag space lol <//3#i shall return. probably with more wip stuff cuz i started like 4 canvases in 2 days hhghghdvs - toodles !!
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#my posts#you know how this usually goes#i make an amount of tags so that if you read this its bc you've clicked and its not bc i am just posting it like whatever lmao#... unsure if i should even post it tho but what else do i do just leave it in my brain? idk maybe its the same maybe its better#maybe its worse? .... why have i been feeling kind of like this and at this kind of intensity for like about 2 weeks or more#2 weeks is how long ive been properly aware so i think its more but like. man.#like maybe its been like a month and i just havent been keeping track of time bc january is way too long to even try lmao#. but. idk. i just wish i could be kinda.. stable. like i cant feel good lmao#like it truly doesn't matter nothing is good enough in general#what i do isnt good enough#what goes on around me doesnt help trying to ignore the constant.. dread?#and like all things considered i should be doing good currently#or at least not this bad#but here i am constantly trying to not let myself feel too bad until im alone bc man.#so... yeah it just doesnt feel like anything is truly worth it not me as a person nor the things i do nor the things i experience lmao#also lately ive been just feeling more..... disconnected to others... like i dont understand them and they dont understand me#but like.. more than usual#and i guess its me? that it's kind of a me problem#idk I'm just tired. i need to sleep. i want to let face down on some sort of big water body or do something that will make my life worse#or they i will regret lmao#i. wont do any of those#also when i mean face down in some sort of bldy of water or whatever i dont necessarily mean like die#not against it but its not the only option#just lay there and float..... also not against it#i just want something that i cant have i guess bc im not sure what it is#like i just know what i want is to not constantly feel like this but idk how lmao#... u would sleep if i can bc man also I'm so tired#.... adding tags its a bit worse than I assumed lmao im also thinking about wether i deserve stuff or not lmao#like it got windy and cooler and i was like 'a blanket by my legs would be nice' only to be like 'no you don't deserve that ' like ah yeah#its kinda worse than i thought lmao
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when you’re so shit at Spanish that it literally doesn’t even occur to you how to pronounce this word until looking at the wiki 👍🏼
#though the most I’m familiar with the word when it comes to starting a car [insert all the times ive heard family say they have to#'arrancar el carro']. and like I know nothing about cars so bare with me in the way I’m gonna explain this but#when the engine won’t start so you open the hood and connect wires from the car that won’t start to one that works fine#anyways also very stupid of me considering I HAVE heard the term espada in terms of this series before#now I’m curious how arrancar is gonna be pronounced once I get that far#bc I was trying to guess and in my head I kept going Aron-kur(?)#but like knowing how 2000s anime pronounce jp works I wonder if they’ll butcher esp one too#are they gonna say ah-rahn-kar properly? cmon there’s a half Mexican guy in the series you can do this#<-(Falsely optimistic)#BUT ALSO IN MY DEFENSE i had never actually heard the word sword (espada) irl growing up#but my understanding of spanish is all sorts of fucked up tbh#like the first time i had champurrado i freaked out wtf i was getting this thick chocolate drink and not a hard giant cookie (champurrada)#my parents never said chancla they said chancleta#i had no idea a chicote was a whip until i looked it up later in life. i thought it was a belt which just happened to be made of leather..#saying as someone whos parents didnt threaten them with a belt or sandals but A FUCKING WHIP. APPARENTLY.#papote instead of pajilla (later found out i was mispronouncing even that my whole life bc its actually pOpote)#and pelo colocho instead of chino are the other 2 big commonly spoken differences
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