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bvidzsoo · 11 months ago

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Love Me Like A Rockstar (11)

ー☆ Chapter 11: Alkaline

Author: bvidzsoo

Pairing: Song Mingi x female reader

ー☆ Warning: none, just a load of fluff hehet ー☆ Word count: 9k ー☆ Genre: university!au, enemies to lovers!au, rockstar!au ー☆ Rating: sfw ー☆ Summary: Love. You wanted none of it. You had already been heartbroken very badly once, you didn't wish to go through that ever again. But the Universe works in intricate ways and, somehow, you found yourself webbed up in a local rockstar's life, Song Mingi. He was everything you expected him to be, yet nothing like you imagined him he would be. What happens when you find mutual understanding and have heartful conversations? Will he be able to break down your walls? Will you be able to chase away his darkness?

A/N: Aaand the new chapter is here! Hi lovelies, as promised, no more waiting a month for updates. I am so excited to hear what you thought of this chapter as OMG was I dying writing it LOL. I didn't think it would turn out to be my favorite, but here we are...there's a lot of realizations happening in this chapter ahaha. I hope you enjoy it and please listen to Alkaline before or while reading this story, however for once, I think it would be smart to listen to it before as...this is a little insight...but the lyrics reflect Mingi's thoughts so well, so keep that in mind too!^^ I hope you enjoy and lmk what you've thought of chapter 11! <3

Taglist: @orshii @or5i @lovely-red2 @scarfac3 @juicy-red @sunaswifes-blog @voicesinmyhead-rc @teez-the-time @maru-matt @kyeos4ng @deathbyyeekies @chicksmoothie @mjlbn01 @xhexy @tmtxtf @hwashiningstar @thatfavouritesong @ateez-atiny380 @xciiiomwliah @vixensss @catchingskzzzs @tesssaurrr @ginger-mingi

⟨Series M.list ↭ Previous Chapter⟩

♫Playlist♫

Staring up at the unknown building as the Honda’s engine got cut off, I couldn’t help but feel disappointed. I pouted as I craned my neck to look up through the window at the not too tall structure, wondering where in the hell we were. I heard Mingi unbuckle his seatbelt and then snort, making me look over at him.

“You look like your parents forgot it’s Christmas and didn’t buy you a present.” He noted, making my pout deepen as that sort of has happened when I was a lot younger compared to now.

“I only have a mom…” Mingi’s face fell for a second as I sighed, crossing my arms in front of my chest, “Where are we?”

“Uh,” Mingi gulped, cheeks tinged red as he averted his eyes, “my place.”

A beat of silence passed as my eyebrows furrowed. I unbuckled my seatbelt and threw another glare at Mingi, “But I said I didn’t want to go home.”

“Exactly,” Suddenly, he was beaming as he faced me again, “and so, I didn’t take you to your home! It’s my home.”

Well, he’s got the spirit but his logic was faulty. I pursed my lips, suddenly curious of what his place looked like, the alcohol having dissipated from my body, preventing me from being a whiney child that was inconveniencing Mingi, not that he seemed too irked by my previous behavior at the pub.

“What about your parents?”

“What about them?” Mingi chuckled, opening his side of the door, “I live on my own, come on.”

I huffed and opened my door as well, feeling a small blush spread onto my cheeks. Was I seriously about to go inside Mingi’s apartment in the middle of the night? And why did I not find the idea alarming or repulsive? There must be something very wrong with me if I willingly follow him up to his apartment without creating even the smallest fuss, “Will you just stand there all night?”

I narrowed my eyes at Mingi and crossed my arms as I closed his Honda’s door, finally letting him lock his car as he chuckled, “I wanted to do something fun.”

“Well, doll, most places are already closed in our little town.” He said with a shrug, placing an arm against the side of the car, leaning his weight on it, “But I guess we could hang out at a convenience store like raunchy teenagers or something—”

“No, that’s outdated!” I cut him off, eyebrows furrowing at the stupid idea. I was well past the age of hanging out in front of convenience stores and causing trouble. Mingi sighed, pushing off the car as he walked around it, approaching me with a gentle expression on his face. I gulped and fixed my posture, pushing my hair behind my shoulders as I suddenly felt nervous due to our proximity. What has gotten into me? The memory of his lips pressing against the corner of my mouth was rather fresh in my mind, and I had to avert my eyes as I wasn’t used to Mingi’s platinum blonde hair yet; it made my stomach coil in a weird way.

“If you’re uncomfortable coming inside my apartment, you can say so, Y/N. I thought we are always direct with each other.” Well, he’s not wrong about that. We are direct with each other, transparent even, as long as it’s not about our feelings. I cursed myself for the direction my thoughts started straying towards and instead looked at him, feeling a little shy, and smiled.

“No, it’s good, we can go.” Mingi didn’t seem too convinced so I sighed and slowly reached out for his hand, “I want to, Mingi.”

“Great!” I have barely finished my sentence as his face lit up with happiness, thick fingers lacing with mine as he pulled me towards the entrance of the building. I chuckled as I followed after him blindly, amused by how easy it was to please this guy. He seemed to get enthusiastic about the smallest things, most frequently when things went his way. I tried to ignore the persistent flush of my cheeks as Mingi led us inside the building by our interlaced fingers and guided us towards the stairs, fishing his keys out of his jean’s pocket. We didn’t say much as we tried to be quiet, and that unfortunately allowed my mind to wander towards thoughts it shouldn’t have. Like Mingi’s tall built and how ravishing he looked in tonight’s outfit for the performance. Or the rawness of his voice whenever he closed his eyes and sung from deep within his soul. The way his nose scrunched whenever he got lost in the music as he stayed on beat while relaying the lyrics. Or the fact that his hair had gotten longer and instead of cutting it, he decided to dye it a platinum blonde which made his features sharper than I thought they were. It made my throat dry as I remembered what his body close by felt like, his warmth, the familiar cologne, the way his eyes crinkled, and crooked front teeth showed whenever he smiled too wide.

I grimaced as I slammed into Mingi’s back, instantly flushing even more as he looked over his shoulder with a chuckle. We have arrived in front of a white door with the numbers 18 on it, and so lost in my thoughts, I failed to notice that Mingi had stopped as he was trying to unlock the door. As if lightning zapped me, I released his hand and cleared my throat, running my fingers through my hair. Was it a smart idea coming here if I couldn’t even control my own thoughts?

“Welcome to my little lair.” Mingi’s voice held amusement as he pushed the door open and stepped aside, letting me enter first. I thanked him quietly and gulped as I mustered up any final courage that I needed to not run back down the stairs and hail a cab, and entered his apartment. It was dark, but only for a second as Mingi’s hand reached for the light switch, and then the door was closed behind us, locked and secured, making my heart race as we were now on our own, in the confines of his safe haven, “Don’t mind the mess, I didn’t expect visitors tonight.”

He seemed a little embarrassed as he stepped out of his boots, rubbing the back of his head as I followed his lead and untied my own boots, glad to have them off my feet—they were rather heavy. He leaned down to fetch us flip flops, and I smiled as he pushed one towards me before he wore his. The flip flops were a tad bit bigger than my own feet, but it wasn’t difficult to walk around in them. Mingi seemed to fiddle with his fingers for a second before he walked towards his sofa, grabbing the blanket off it to fold it nicely and place it back on it neatly. The living room space and kitchen were one big room. The walls were white and the floorboards light, the window open as the white curtains were pulled aside to let in the chilly air of the night. A TV on a stand was placed underneath the window, a huge plant in the left corner of the room, and an electric piano in the right corner, the wall above it lined with shelves and a ton amount of books and mangas that I had no idea how Mingi managed to store there—the place was rather small and stuffed. I didn’t allow my eyes to linger on the framed pictures, but it was hard to mistake the familiar photo of Yunho and Mingi hugging when I’ve seen it so many times before. Then, not too far from the TV, a coffee table and a sofa were placed facing it, and Mingi scrambled around to gather a few empty soda cans off the coffee table, shooting me an apologetic smile as he rushed to the kitchen’s side, throwing them away into the trashcan. His kitchen was small but cozy, the cupboards a dark wooden color, looking rather nice. The table was round and spacious, Mingi’s laptop and notebooks strewn across it, as well as some forgotten croissant that looked a bit too old to eat. I noticed the wall to my right was decorated with framed records and snippets of lyrics from probably his favorite artists, and I smiled as I noticed a quote that I knew too well, ‘Art is a line around your thoughts’.

“I had no idea you knew Gustav Klimt?” I muttered bewildered, walking towards the piece of paper that was plastered onto the white wall. Mingi made a surprised noise, and I felt his eyes on me as I traced the words with my fingertips.

“He’s my favorite painter.” Mingi answered with a chuckle, making my eyes widen as I faced him. How come he’s never mentioned that before? I didn’t even think for one second he enjoyed fine art like I did.

“Really?” I sounded a little breathless as Mingi smiled warmly, shrugging off his jacket, which had me forgetting all about Gustav Klimt as my eyes fell on his bare biceps. Fuck, I can’t be checking him out again. He’s just a man and he’s got arms like everyone else, and it’s not like I haven’t seen muscles before. Why must I act like a Victorian man when he sees ankles?! This was rather embarrassing, and much to my dread, I knew Mingi saw me checking him out again as an amused smirk sneaked onto his lips, one eyebrow raised.

“Really.” He answered, voice a few octaves deeper and I crossed my arms in front of my chest, giving him a challenging look. If he was so confident in himself, shouldn’t he call me out for salivating after him all night? Make me more embarrassed or something, “I’m kind of fed up with these clothes, would you like to change into something more comfortable?”

I hummed and nodded, shrugging off my own leather jacket, not oblivious to the way Mingi’s eyes widened slightly, the flush on his cheeks instant. I tried to stifle a giggle as I tied my hair in a low bun, giving him a soft smile, “Do you mind if I also shower? I’ve danced around all night long…”

“Sure, no problem!” Mingi’s voice was higher pitched and it sounded panicked for a second as he scrambled inside another room, which upon flooded with light proved to be his bedroom. I caught myself grinning widely and then instantly frowned, trying to calm my nervous heartbeat as I watched Mingi throw open a huge closet and rummage through it. The prospect of having to wear his clothes dawned on me just now, and I felt like sticking my head out the window for the cool air to calm my flushed cheeks. I feel like I’ve been blushing ever since I stepped out of his car, and that was embarrassing. These emotions and thoughts were very unlike me, the last time I remember being like this was when…I had that stupid crush on Yunho. A lump seemed to form in my throat at the sudden thought of Yunho, skin crawling now that I realized I was standing in his best friend’s apartment, very probably about to have a sleepover with him. But Mingi and I were friends, there was nothing weird about hanging out at one’s place and spending the night over too. If it would have been weird or inappropriate, Mingi wouldn’t have brought me over. It was weird to realize just now that I completely trusted him and felt safe around him, not having to wonder whether his motives were genuine or not.

Mingi suddenly appeared in the doorway of his room clearing his throat as he glanced down at the clothes in his hands, “I, uh, I hope these will fit you.”

“Thank you.” I smiled as I walked over, feeling my heart go crazy as it started beating even faster, making me so embarrassed I wanted to hide away for an eternity. Mingi avoided eye contact, which was good because I couldn’t handle it at the moment, as he handed me over the clothes and then led me towards a closed door, turning on the light for me.

“There’s clean towels in the cupboard and some make-up remover too.” When I gave Mingi a questioning gaze, completely forgetting that he liked to wear eye makeup, he quickly scrambled to explain himself, “Oh, you know…sometimes Seonghwa sleeps over and he’s always wearing make-up so he left it here for me, since…I also wear some at times…”

“Right.” I chuckled, feeling silly for having Mingi explain such insignificant thing, but unfortunately, my thoughts had strayed to different scenarios, and I was a little irritated for feeling reassured upon hearing his explanation, “I won’t take long, promise.”

Mingi hummed and I quickly hurried inside the bathroom, shutting the door behind myself hastily as I leaned against it and released a long breath I didn’t realized I had been holding. God, it was becoming more and more difficult to behave like a normal being. There was no reason for my heart to race like this, nor was there any reason to be nervous around Mingi. I was merely spending the night, and it was going to be fun, since we’re friends.

True to my word, I quickly cleaned up, rather pleased upon seeing so many skincare products in Mingi’s cupboard; it’s always nice when a man takes care of himself and cleans up well. The fact that I had to shower with the body wash Mingi uses, and afterwards wear his clothes that had the familiar scent of the softener he uses was…challenging to digest, but because I didn’t want to spiral into a full-blown panic attack, I decided to ignore it, and analyze it another time—when I was preferably alone and not in Mingi’s bathroom. The grey sweatpants he had given me were, obviously, way too big, but he was thoughtful enough to give me one that had strings and I could tie them securely around my hips, the white t-shirt, as expected again, loose around my body, making me look smaller than I was. I have never felt small before in men’s clothing, and it was contrasting with how I have always looked when wearing Yunho’s clothes.

After having walked out of the bathroom, before I could say much, Mingi stormed past me inside the bathroom too, muttering something about not taking long either and that I could drink some water and snack on the chips he had placed on the coffee table. Deciding to wait for him in the living room, on the sofa, I texted my mother that I would be back in the morning as I decided to sleep over at a friend’s house, purposefully leaving out Mingi’s name as I knew she’d go crazy with her questions. I could only hope she wouldn’t text Seulgi, who knew where I actually was.

Mingi, done in under ten minutes, had a towel around his head—much like when he had showered at my place—and I watched from the sofa with big eyes as he opened the bathroom’s door, humming absentmindedly as he struggled to wear his flip flops. I gulped, unable to stop my eyes from raking over his body as he started towel drying his hair, still oblivious to my insistent staring. He wore khaki-colored sweatpants and a loose grey t-shirts, its sleeves reaching just above his elbows and the end past his waistline. His black tinged nails were rather contrasting against the white towel he had finally lowered from his head, and he jumped when he saw me looking, as if he had forgotten that I was here.

“Hi.” I muttered with a giggle, completely ignoring the fact that I was blushing again. Mingi froze for a second before he grinned widely, shaking the platinum hair out of his eyes. It was still damp as it fell flatly against his head, the ends poking out in different directions at his nape.

“Let’s go to bed?” Mingi suggested, sounding rather unsure as I hummed and stood up, wearing my flip flops as he placed the towel on the back of a chair and then switched off the lights, leading the way to his bedroom as I shuffled after him, heartbeat once again starting to pick up its rhythm. I placed my hands behind my back and fidgeted with my fingers, hoping Mingi wouldn’t pick up on my nervousness as he switched on the bedside lamp, clearing his throat as he turned to face me. For some reason, he couldn’t hold eye contact, and so, I took advantage of that and quickly checked out his room. It was simple, much like the rest of the apartment, with its walls white and floorboards light in color, a black fluffy rug placed under his double-sized bed, which was right across from the door. There was a black closet to the left, with a beanbag pressed to the corner and three guitars lined up against the wall. To the right, however, as you entered his room, was a large desk with equipment that he probably used for recording his songs, notebooks laying open with a half-eaten burger in a plate next to them. A few more pictures were hung up on the wall, but I quickly averted my eyes out of fear of spotting Yunho again.

“Uh, so…” Mingi rubbed the back of his head, looking down at the bed before he sneaked a glance at me, “I could sleep in the living room if you don’t want to share a bed with me.”

“Yeah, that’s cool with me.” I said in a serious tone, watching as Mingi paused for a second, looking surprised that I was about to make him sleep on the sofa. But to my surprise, he said nothing else as he went to pick up his pillow, making me chuckle, “I’m just fucking with you, Mings, you don’t have to sleep on the sofa, it looks uncomfortable for a tall person either way. It’s not my first time sleeping next to a guy, you know…”

Mingi chuckled, trying to hide his face as he turned around, his cheeks slightly flushed, “Ah, right, I forgot you had a dickhead boyfriend that made you hate men—”

“That’s not completely true.” I cut him off, crossing my arms in front of my chest defensively, “I mean, he was a dickhead, but it’s not just his fault, you know.”

It felt weird bashing Yunho all of a sudden, especially since Mingi was unknowingly talking about his best friend. I didn’t want him to say something that he’d regret if he ever were to find out my ex is his best friend, it just didn’t feel right.

“You really think all men are like that, huh?” Mingi raised an eyebrow as he pulled the covers back and plopped down on his bed, bouncing on the mattress as he stared at me expectantly. I gulped and shuffled closer, feeling nervous again as his eyes were glued to my form, perhaps lingering a bit too much on the t-shirt and sweatpants I was wearing. I slowly sat on his bed, struggling to breath regularly as Mingi’s familiar scent was even stronger now, vanilla mixed with something flowery, the softener he used, no doubt. If anyone would’ve told me two months ago that I’d be sharing a bed with Mingi, in his apartment, I would’ve laughed in their face and suggested a visit to the psychic ward. But right now, it was as real as it could get, and I subtly had to pinch my arm to make sure I wasn’t dreaming, or hallucinating in a drunken stupor. But I wasn’t drunk anymore, hadn’t been for a while now, and the shower too made sure to sober me up completely. My alcohol tolerance was pretty good, and the key for me to remain drunk was continuously drinking, once I stopped, an hour tops and I was all sobered up no matter how much I had drunk previously.

“Most are.” I muttered as I shimmied my bare feet underneath the cold covers, hiding them underneath as they always got cold rather quickly. Mingi chuckled as he adjusted himself as well, pulling up the covers to our waists as he turned his head to look over at me. Silence settled over us and I chewed on my bottom lip, watching from the corner of my eyes as his eyes bore into the side of my face as he bit the inside of his cheek. He seemed to be mulling over something as he raised his left hand and rubbed at his chin, pressing his fingers against his lip. Overwhelmed with the memory of his lips pressing so close to mine, I flopped backwards and prayed for the covers of his bed to swallow me up and hand me over to the monster underneath his bed. But that, obviously, didn’t happen as Mingi gulped rather loudly, laying down too on his side as he first adjusted the covers, pulling it up to our chests.

“Well, I suppose we’re both tired.” He whispered and I hummed, trying to calm the frantic beating of my heart as the room was suddenly coated into darkness as Mingi switched the lamp off. I released a long breath as quietly as I could as Mingi lay on his back, mirroring my position, as we stared up at his dark ceiling. He raised his hands and intertwined them as he let them rest over his chest, and I raised one arm and placed it over my head as I started twirling a strand of my hair. I couldn’t lay still and I feared Mingi could hear the annoying way my heart was racing, making me feel too warm under the thick covers. His scent was too strong like this, and as I turned my head to the right, facing away from Mingi, I was alarmed to find the pillow smelling strongly of the guy laying next to me in bed. Mingi sighed, although I suppose he meant to do it silently as he stuttered mid-breath and paused, making me chew on my bottom lip as I tried not to laugh. Everything about this was so awkward, it made my skin crawl as I couldn’t take it anymore.

“You know,” I spoke up, voice shaky for some reason, and I felt Mingi’s head turn as he looked at me despite the darkness of the room, “I never asked why your band name is Noir Zenith.”

“Yeah, you didn’t,” Mingi chuckled, making me raise my eyebrows as I turned my head to look at him, “you were too busy shitting on me to care about something so insignificant.”

“I—that’s not—” I groaned and Mingi snickered as I closed my eyes, pressing the heel of my palm into them, “Okay, you’re right. And that was rather assholey of me, so—now I’m genuinely interested.”

“Wow,” Mingi breathed, grinning from ear to ear as I opened my eyes, finding his beaming with something I couldn’t exactly understand, “you actually admitted to being an asshole to me?!”

“I’m not saying it again, so savour it while you can, pretty boy—” Massive fuck. The silence that settled upon us again was mortifying and I turned my head away, contemplating about rolling out of his bed and walking myself over to the sofa to sleep on for the night. I couldn’t face Mingi, and maybe it was better as his tone was laced with smugness and excitement.

“Pretty boy, huh?” He snickered, and I groaned loudly for him to hear, “First you admit I’m hot, then that I’m somewhat attractive, and now that I’m a pretty boy?! I feel like I’m living every man’s dream over here—”

“I think I have asked you a question, Song Mingi.” I snapped as I turned to lay on my side to face him, eyes narrowed at a smirking Mingi, only making him look smugger than he was before, “Don’t change the subject.”

“It’s a little hard when a gorgeous girl calls me pretty boy—” I groaned loudly, pressing my hands against my ears as Mingi started cackling, kicking his legs as if he was a little boy. My eyebrows furrowed as I gave him an incredulous look, making him giggle as he suddenly turned onto his side too, coming face to face with me. I gasped quietly, our faces just a little bit too close for comfort, but Mingi quickly shuffled slightly backwards, making me release a quiet breath as my heart was racing for the nth time at this point tonight.

“Fine, fine, I’ll stop.” Mingi grinned as his left hand settled between us, laying palm down against the mattress. I could only hope he didn’t notice my eyes linger on his painted nails as his fingers were ring free for the first time since we’ve known each other, “As you might have realized, I’m the founder of the band, and despite Seonghwa, Wooyoung and I being a team, I knew what I wanted my band’s name to be before I even met them.”

I hummed as I listened closely to Mingi, resting my hands underneath my head, completely ignoring the fact that the pinkie of my right hand was lightly brushing against Mingi’s forefinger, “Noir means black in French, right? And thus, I associate it with darkness and pain, yearning for something you no longer have, loneliness, and fear. Zenith, meanwhile, means the highest point reached in the heavens by a celestial body or simply a culminating point. In the context of our band’s name, however, I use it as the highest point of when you feel hurt, when the darkness gets to you, the point where it feels like there’s no return anymore, that nothing and nobody can help you anymore. The first song I ever wrote—you know it, you’ve heard it—is the lowest I’ve ever been. Ever since then, after experimenting enough, I have realized I am inspired most at my highest—or maybe some would say lowest—points, no matter what I’m feeling. I write best when I’m feeling the most…is basically what I’m trying to say. I hope I’m making sense; this is the first time besides my friends that someone’s asked what the name means…”

I took a deep breath and slowly released it, feeling an immense warmth spread through my chest, close to the feeling of adoration and admiration. I gulped, pondering whether I should do what my body desired to do, and in the end, the intrusive thoughts won over as I slowly sneaked my palm over the back of Mingi’s hand, holding onto it gently, “It makes sense, I know what you’re saying.”

I kept my eyes on our hands as I felt warm all over, too shy to suddenly look at Mingi as he lowly hummed, flipping his hand around to interlace our fingers, “When my emotions get too overwhelming, I grab my sketchbook, or a canvas, and start painting. It doesn’t matter what I’m feeling, the point is to empty my mind and let through whatever it is I’m experiencing. My goal, mostly, is to numb my mind and silence my thoughts.”

“Do you often feel overwhelmed?” Mingi’s voice was quiet, shaky a bit and my eyes snapped up, taking in his face as he was biting his lower lip, eyebrows furrowed. He looked troubled, but somehow serene at the same time, like he was thinking of something he couldn’t make sense of yet.

“Yes.” I chuckled and shrugged, absentmindedly rubbing circles against his knuckle, “My mind is a mess at all times, Mings, it takes a lot to silence it. Especially when I’m dealing with emotions that I don’t know how to navigate. I’m afraid of feeling too much because I fear it will consume me, turn me headless, and make me fall deeper into that feeling, blinding me to the faults of the other person.”

“You’re afraid to fall in love.” Mingi whispered and I gulped, never having said it out loud before, but also never having had anyone else point it out. Not even Seulgi, who knew me like the back of her hand. I nodded, our gazes meeting as Mingi had an understanding look in his eyes, as if he knew the feeling.

“I hate to admit it, but I’m afraid of many things.” I muttered, lightening the atmosphere as Mingi chuckled, giving a squeeze to my hand as I hid my face in the pillow, giggling quietly.

“I knew you were just trying to impress people with your fearless bravado.” Mingi teased, narrowing his eyes playfully as I scoffed.

“But I am fearless, it seems like you don’t know me too well.” I raised my eyebrows at Mingi as he gasped, feigning hurt, “Impressing others is the last thing on my mind.”

“Perhaps,” Mingi hummed, suddenly turning serious and making my cheeks heat up with the intense way he was looking at me, “but you certainly know how to leave an impression on someone.”

I paused, mouth opening to say something, but I found myself speechless. Instead, I felt myself blush harder, and I was thankful for the darkness as I knew Mingi couldn’t see the degree of my deep blush despite being close to my face, “Also, you’ve started calling me Mings. I actually love that nickname; Yunho sometimes calls me that.”

Yunho. Something coiled deep in my heart again as the lump was back in my throat and I hummed, gently untangling our hands as I turned back onto my back, running my fingers through my hair. Mingi didn’t move, eyes boring into the side of my face with a confused look in his eyes. I tried not to withdraw myself, but it was hard when I was reminded that the two were best friends, “The little dirt you always have on your cheekbone when you perform—”

“It’s my signature!” Mingi groaned loudly, flopping back onto his back like a child as he kicked with his legs again. I chuckled and bit my lower lip, suddenly realizing that teasing him was rather hilarious.

“It says ‘Fix on’, why?” I giggled as I interlaced my hands behind my nape, resting my head on them.

“Ah, so you have seen it?” Mingi paused for dramatic effect and I nodded, curious to hear his answer, “Well, it’s a lot sillier than the name of our band. I suppose it’s something I wish for others to do, to focus on me when I’m up on the stage, to fixate on me, you know?”

“Sounds like something you’d want, yes.” I muttered, and felt Mingi painlessly kick at my ankle under the convers, making me laugh, “What? You love attention, Mingi, and you can’t even deny it.”

“Well, fine.” Mingi huffed and I glanced at him from the corner of my eyes to see him pouting, “Is that so bad?!”

“Of course not,” I chuckled, turning my head as I fought the glare of my face as my thoughts wandered back to the chick that’s been all over him all night long, “except when you can’t set clear boundaries with your baboons, you know?”

A laugh bubbled past Mingi’s lips, shaking him as my eyebrows furrowed, not finding what I said funny at all, “I still can’t believe you call our fangirls baboons.”

“It’s what they are.” I muttered under my breath with a grimace, turning my head as Mingi suddenly turned his to face me.

“Well, they are nice and they’ve actually helped us become more well-known,” Mingi explained, sounding rather grateful, making me feel bad that I couldn’t stand them, “So, I’m grateful to them.”

“Especially to the blonde one that always clings to you—” I realized my slip up when it was already too late as I felt Mingi press up onto his elbow, leaning a bit over my body as I refused to look at him.

“Doll, besides knowing her name and what she looks like, I have no idea who she is.” He said, eyebrows furrowed as his eyes bore into mine, “And I have no intentions of getting to know her past that level. Like you said, boundaries exist, and I’ve made mine clear with her.”

“That’s why she dies at the sight of you, and is all over you whenever she can.” I huffed and Mingi sighed, reaching out with his left hand as he adjusted my hair, making me freeze.

“I don’t like her.” Hearing him say that made my heart skip a beat, and I averted my eyes, feeling rather pleased to hear him say that, “She’s not the type of girl I’m into.”

I wanted to know what type of girls he was into, but before I could let my tongue slip up again, I nodded wordlessly and searched for a clock. It was on his desk, facing us, and my eyes slightly widened when I realized it was close to 3am, “Let’s go to sleep.”

“Sure.” Mingi whispered, smiling slightly as he settled back in the bed, staring up at the ceiling as I slithered my arms underneath the covers, closing my eyes. It was silent in the room once again, not awkward at all anymore, yet it felt like there was room to say more. I wanted to say more, but I was afraid I would say something that I wasn’t ready yet to voice. What would Yunho think if he knew I was with his best friend? Worst of all, what will Mingi say if he finds out I’m Yunho’s ex? I was scared of both answers, and until I was completely ready to face the consequences of my own actions, I would stall and enjoy my limited time with Mingi. My gut feeling told me it wouldn’t last for too long, the good and happy, it never did. The thoughts weighted heavy on my mind and I released a long sigh at the same time as Mingi, making the ends of my mouth curve up. Seems like I wasn’t the only one plagued with late night thoughts, unable to go to sleep just yet. Deciding that it wouldn’t work with my head so full and my skin still buzzing from being this close to Mingi, in his clothes, in his bed, surrounded by his familiar scent, I sat up abruptly.

“I can’t sleep.”

“Me neither.” I had barely finished my sentence as Mingi’s eyes flew open, looking at me with a borderline desperate expression, “Kitchen raid?”

“Kitchen raid.” I nodded and showed him a thumbs up as we hurriedly got out of bed, apparently making it a race of who would reach the kitchen first as Mingi failed to wear his flip flops, rushing after me as I yanked his door open with a giggle, and toppled outside as he tried to yank me back by the t-shirt I was wearing. Knocking into my side—but gently—Mingi passed me and cackled mockingly as he reached the round table first, giving me a smug look.

“Did you think you could race me in my own apartment and win?” For a second, I saw Yunho in him as he stood grinning as if this victory meant anything. Yunho was insanely competitive, making everything a game while we were together, often times exhausting me with them; they weren’t my favourite activity. Suddenly, the room was flooded with light as Mingi switched it on.

“What do you have, pretty boy?” I decided to speak up and ignore his teasing, pushing thoughts of Yunho to the back of my mind as a thoughtful look crossed Mingi’s face.

“Well, if you’re hungry we can whip up some eggs or like make a sandwich?” He rubbed the back of his head, not looking too confident, “Or, uh, maybe we could drink something?”

“As long as it’s not alcohol, sure, I’m not hungry either way.” I said as I walked further inside the kitchen, making Mingi’s eyebrows furrow as he turned and walked towards the sink, opening the cupboard above it. He rummaged around and I decided to sit on the counter, swinging my legs as I placed my hands underneath my thighs.

“I have hot chocolate!” Mingi exclaimed in triumph, and I chuckled as he turned around with a grin, holding two plastic bags containing chocolate powder.

“I’d like one serving then, kind sir.” I bowed my head mockingly, making Mingi’s eyebrows raise.

“You’re rather generous with nicknames tonight, Y/N.” He gave me a teasing look as I rolled my eyes, “Is it just the alcohol talking, perhaps?”

“I’m not drunk, Mingi.” I chuckled, watching him move around the kitchen, grabbing mugs and pouring water into them to heat up, “I have a high tolerance.”

“But you were drunk when you were dancing with that guy.” Mingi muttered, grimacing as I narrowed my eyes at him.

“I was tipsy, and I quite enjoyed dancing with Chan before you decided to bother us.” I pursed my lips, giving him a pointed look as he stole a glance at me while placing the mugs in the microwave to heat the water up.

“I don’t have whipping cream.” He said as he leaned against the counter, crossing his arms in front of his chest as the microwave hummed quietly. I couldn’t help but smile as he remembered how I liked serving my hot chocolate.

“It’s fine, I think it would be too sweet right now.” I said as Mingi nodded, his gaze becoming intense again as he watched me sit on his counter. I cleared my throat and looked away, pulling my hands from underneath my thighs to cross them over my body in a comforting manner.

“Well, when guys usually dance with you, they want something more too, you know?” Mingi’s voice had dropped a few octaves, and I looked over with narrowed eyes as the microwave dinged.

“Then do you want something more from me too?” I fired back, giving him a displeased look, “You danced with me too, not just Chan.”

Mingi froze as he had just opened the microwave’s little door, eyebrows furrowing as he shot me an unimpressed glance, “What I wanted was for you to be safe and not taken advantage of, Y/N.”

I gulped, suddenly feeling guilty as Mingi looked slightly hurt by my assumption as he took the mugs from the microwave, and closed the little door a little harsher. I couldn’t help but remember the near kiss, and wonder if he hadn’t done it because he thought I was drunk. I bit my bottom lip as I sighed, watching Mingi’s back as he poured the powder into the warm water.

“I—I didn’t mean to assume anything like that, I’m sorry.” I spoke up, licking my lips as Mingi still hadn’t faced me despite reaching for a teaspoon to stir our drinks, “I know you wouldn’t take advantage of me and were only looking out for me, but Chan was just happy to meet someone that was his senior and shared his major.”

Mingi turned as he grabbed the mugs and then approached me, “I guess we have both overreacted tonight, then.”

“Yes.” I chuckled and took the mug he handed me, “Thank you.”

We took a sip of our hot chocolates in unison, humming at the sweet taste bloomed on our tastebuds, giving each other a pleased nod as I took one more sip, blowing on it slightly as it was too warm, “Since we’re already speaking about it, what did you think of our performance?”

I lowered the mug from my lips and watched as Mingi took another sip, a rather large one, not afraid of burning his tongue, “I think you were really good, all three of you. Like I have once said before, the three of you work well together, your voices blending in a way I haven’t heard before. It’s really beautiful, actually, you capture your audience since the very first note you play.”

Mingi hid the huge smile stretching onto his lips behind his mug, averting his eyes shyly, “What did you think of the lyrics? I’ve written the song around two years ago.”

It was my time to look away shyly, my quick heartbeat not foreign anymore at this point, “They were—poetic, almost. I find your lyrics deep and—genuine, like anyone could relate to it, and I think that’s not something you achieve easily. But I mean, what do I know, I’m just a fine arts major.”

Mingi chuckled as he took another sip of his hot chocolate, and then placed the mug on the counter, resting his left hand close to my knee as he leaned his hip against the edge of the surface. I took a small sip as I tried to stop my eyes from checking him out again, but it seemed rather hard as this was the first time I’ve seen Mingi in casual clothing, looking comfortable, and rather soft. It was weird, but somehow, he looked really good, and I felt myself flush at my own thoughts, averting my eyes as Mingi raised an eyebrow questioningly, “I appreciate all feedback, music major or not, after all, you are also part of my audience. And what matters to me most, is how my audience perceives my music and lyrics, if the message I want them to hear goes through.”

“Don’t fret over it so much, Mings.” I chuckled, holding the mug with both hands as I lowered it into my lap, “The crowd loves you, and it was pretty packed down there tonight. You’ll make it big one day, have more faith in yourself.”

Mingi bit his bottom lip, his hand lightly brushing against my knee, “Hongjoong is a very influential person in our world, he’s even composed music before, so sometimes he stops by to help. He’s working on signing us up with a record deal, actually.”

“What?!” I exclaimed excitedly, eyes widening as Mingi fought a grin off his lips by licking them, “That is amazing, Mingi!”

“Yeah, I finally feel like I’m headed somewhere with my life.” He whispered abashed, looking down at the floor as I smiled widely, feeling happy for him. It was nice to see him so happy and excited for what was to come, coming to the sudden realization that I hated seeing Mingi hurt and mad—especially if he felt like that because of me. I didn’t want him hurting because of me, that’s not what friends do.

“I think you looked very hot tonight.” And once again, I blurted out something I didn’t mean to. Mingi’s head snapped up as he looked at me, eyes widening just a little as his eyebrows slightly twitched, he looked like a puppy somehow, it was almost alarming, “I mean, uh, your costume—it was really edgy. You know, giving rockstar vibes and whatnot.”

Mingi hummed, looking down as I took a large sip of the hot chocolate, licking my lips and averting my eyes as Mingi looked back up at me with a thoughtful look on his face. His eyebrows had slightly furrowed now, bottom lip between his teeth, and I couldn’t help but let my eyes linger on the soft looking skin. My heart had started racing for some unknown reason again as I looked back up into his eyes, gulping upon seeing Mingi’s sharp eyes become more intense, more determined that they were a second ago. My fingers tightened around the mug as I cleared my throat, waiting to see what Mingi would do next. He licked his lips and his eyes fell a little lower on my face before he slightly stepped closer, his hand pressing into my knee now, “I really want to kiss you right now, Y/N.”

I froze, feeling my muscles stiffen as he voiced his desire, my heart racing beyond the point of return, making me feel warm despite wearing a t-shirt—his t-shirt. I gulped and bit my lower lip, eyes searching his face for any signs of amusement or joke, but he was dead serious. And I was dead serious too as I pushed away all doubts and prejudices, voice breathy as our gazes bore into each other’s, “Then kiss me.”

The mug barely touched the surface of the counter when Mingi’s large palms cupped my cheeks, his eyes switching between my right and left one as I gulped, tilting my head back just a little bit. I felt nervous but excited at the same time, and my lips parted as Mingi’s lips pulled into the tiniest smile, before he finally closed the distance between our faces. His lips were warm, and soft—plush as they were slightly plumper than mine, pressing against mine gently, softly as if he didn’t want to scare me away. I appreciated his gesture big time, hearing my own heartbeats in my ears as I grabbed the sides of his t-shirt, needing to anchor myself in something. Mingi seemed to grow more confident as I pressed my lips back against his, more determined and less soft as he had been at first, his lower lip slotting between mine perfectly as I latched onto it, sucking it between my lips, making Mingi exhale through his nose, his grip on my cheeks turning firmer. My own hands released his t-shirt in order to travel up his back, gently tracing his firm muscles through his t-shirt, so that my arms could settle around his shoulders. Mingi’s right hand pressed into my lower back as I allowed him to guide me lower on the counter, welcoming him between my legs as our bodies pressed flushed together, our warmth mingling with each other as Mingi’s scent was the only thing I could smell on me and around us.

His lips tasted like mint, mingled with hot chocolate as they lazily moved against mine, taking his time to savor the kiss instead of turning it rushed and messy as I had expected him to kiss. Not that I wondered often what Mingi kissed like, but that didn’t matter anymore as this was the real deal. My skin tingled anywhere he touched, and I was grateful that I was sitting on the counter as my knees would’ve gone weak when he held the side of my neck, thumb stroking my chin every time our lips moved, covering my skin in goosebumps. I leaned up as much as I could, allowing Mingi to tilt my head back more by the hand he had on my neck, my fingers tangling into the soft platinum strands brushing against his nape. A sigh left his lips at the motion, and I nipped at his bottom lip as I felt my body awaken with a fire I have never felt before. Nobody’s kissed me like this before, so gently yet passionately at the same time, just wanting to feel everything and savour the moment for as long as possible. My hands trembled as I chased after his lips when he dared pull back even the slightest bit, capturing his bottom lip between my teeth as I bit down it, but not to the point it was hurtful, feeling painted fingernails dig into my lower back through the fabric.

Mingi’s nose nuzzled against mine as he pressed an open-mouthed kiss against my lips, making my heart swell and almost explode out of my chest as I pulled him even more into myself, to the point it was turning painful. I was sure he could feel my heartbeat against his own chest as it was frantic and making me struggle to intake any air, but that was also Mingi’s doing as he was stealing away every breath I tried to inhale. My knees locked him into place as I squeezed them against his hips, prompting Mingi’s lips to press harder against mine, more insistently. It felt like every single emotion that we tried to suppress and hide, suddenly came to the surface, speaking volumes as our lips struggled to find an even rhythm again, growing hotter and a little more rushed, desire blossoming in both of our chests. My lungs had started begging for air, but I couldn’t bring myself to pull back, to pull away from Mingi, my body welcoming him in like no one before, my mind silent for the first time when I was around someone. There were no questions or doubts running through my mind, just the endorphins that came from kissing the man I have started to adore. Finding it hard to breathe too, Mingi pulled back just barely, his lips pressing more kisses against mine as our chests heaved, trying to inhale in air, our breaths meddling as we breathed in each other’s oxygen. I felt warm all over, jittery and giddy, as Mingi’s forehead pressed against mine, making me exhale shakily as our lips brushed against each other’s just barely. He was breathing through his lips hard, both hands cupping my cheeks again as he gently rubbed his thumbs against my flushed skin.

I tried to find peace again and calm my erratic heartbeats, my eyelashes fluttering open as my gaze ran over Mingi’s elated expression, bottom lip between his teeth before he was breathing through his lips again. I admired the beauty of his perfectly shaped face, naturally sun-kissed, scars from his acne faded, some new ones redder. His tall nose looked sharper from up-close and the tip slightly turned more to the side, his cheeks flushed probably as much as mine. His mole underneath his eye was more visible now that he didn’t have any makeup on, and before I could talk down myself, I leaned my chin up and pressed a soft kiss against his beauty mark, Mingi’s breath catching in his throat. I smiled and cupped his cheeks too, his eyes fluttering open as I couldn’t help but grin widely at him. Mingi’s brown eyes were warm and shone with a glimmer that wasn’t there before, slightly teary, but before I could get worried over it, he chuckled as he pressed another chaste kiss against my lips. I smiled widely and nuzzled our noses together, feeling joy flood my body like never before.

“I don’t know about you,” Mingi whispered, voice deeper and raspier, “but I am actually sleepy now.”

I chuckled and released Mingi’s face, feeling a little disappointed when he did the same to me, “Actually, me too.”

And it wasn’t a lie, I could feel the lack of sleep finally catch up to me as Mingi’s hands rubbed at my knees for a second before he pulled back, grabbing our unfinished hot chocolates as he walked towards the sink. I hopped off the counter as he quickly washed them, drying his hands in his sweatpants as he turned to face me. I knew my cheeks were still flushed, and I feared it wouldn’t go away for a while now as my lips tingled from Mingi’s kisses, body yearning for his warmth and comforting scent. All I wanted was to curl up against his chest and hug him until he became fed up with it, wanting to feel his lips against my skin as he whispered sweet nothing into my hair, into my ears. Alarmed by my own sudden desires, I marched towards the bedroom, Mingi following after me as he flipped the light switch.

My actions were hurried as I swiftly climbed into bed, pulling the covers up to my chin as I lay on my side, my back to Mingi as he settled in beside me, a lot calmer than me. I gulped, feeling the silence stretch on, not awkward but too silent, almost as if we should have said something. I pondered whether I should speak up and bring up the kiss, question what it meant for us, but Mingi suddenly started giggling, it becoming muffled as if he had pressed his hands against his mouth.

“What’s so funny?” I found myself asking, feeling the corners of my mouth tug up as Mingi’s deep giggles continued.

“I—” He paused, sucking in a deep breath as he made me silently laugh, “I fell on the stage, tonight. But it was dark, so nobody saw but Seonghwa.”

I couldn’t help but laugh loudly as I pressed my face into the pillow that smelled completely like Mingi, “You’re an idiot, you could’ve gotten hurt.”

“No, I could’ve completely fell on Seonghwa’s drums and ruined the performance!” His words made the both of cackle like mad people, chests shaking with laughter, and tummies hurt by the time we managed to calm down. Mingi became quiet as I chuckled one last time, mouth hurting from how widely I was smiling. Mingi took a deep breath and released it slowly, probably finally settling down, determined to sleep, “Good night.”

“Good night.” My voice was quiet and small, and I gnawed on my lower lip as I braced myself for what I was about to do. Mustering up the last pieces of my courage, I suddenly turned and raised up onto my elbows, Mingi’s eyes flying open in fright as he didn’t expect my sudden movement. I leaned over him as he was laying on his back, and pressed a swift kiss against his lips, his eyes wide as I pulled back before he could turn it into more. I quickly rolled over and pulled the covers over my head, squeezing my eyes shut as all I wanted to do was scream and kick my legs, my heart hammering like crazy against my ribcage, cheeks on fire. I felt Mingi move around too, the quietest cough, and then the soles of his feet pressing against mine, making me fight against all demons in my body to lay still and will my heart to stop beating so God damn fast.

『Not acid nor alkaline

Caught between black and white

Not quite either day or night

She's perfectly misaligned

I'm caught up in her design

And how it connects to mine

I see in a different light

The objects of my desire』

❱❱ Next chapter

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orionebulart · 1 day ago

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Can you see my vision?

Uh, no?.. Erm, okay then, nevermind. Bye! *awkwardly crawls back into darkness*

It's just my personal headcanon. Please don't kill me! If you prefer some different orientation for Pleakley, that's cool, I'm not going to take that away from you. Let's agree to disagree, okay?

Are you really willing to hear me out? Oh, alright, here I go.

Firstly, the episode "Fibber". Pleakley's mom insists on her son getting married, while he actually doesn't want that. Then the one-eyed one tries to pretend he already has a fiance, so mother would leave him alone. When the lie is revealed in the finale, Pleakley confesses "I don't wanna be married, mother. I'm happy just as I am." Like he doesn't say "I don't wanna marry a woman" (which would mean he's gay), but "I don't wanna marry at all". Some people might object me by saying "That was back in 2000's, nobody would allow speaking about these things THAT frankly!" Aaand... this is a good point actually. However, there's still a room for interpretations. This can be considered as indirect confirmation that Pleakley is gay, as well as this can be a DIRECT confirmation that he's asexual/aromantic.

Secondary, the episode "Hunka-Hunka". In the very beginning, when Lilo's panicing because of her crush, Pleakley looks very confused.

Like "Gurl, why are you like this?.." As if he's unfamiliar with all this heart attack after senpai has finally noticed you.

And then he spend the rest of the episode dressing up, primping... flirting with a crowd of surfers! Why do you think he has been doing all this? To get laid? No, he tried to prove that his camouflage is beautiful. Even when Pleakley thinks he has a secret admirer, he is excited for this very reason. He wants people to appreciate his disguise skills.

Also Pleakley is fond of melodramas. However, it seems like he think of those as an Earth culture studying method rather than realization of his (potential) romantic fantasies... Gosh, this dork is sooo Peridot-coded! (Or shall I say Peridot is Pleakley-coded? After all, the latter was created before her.) And Peridot is confirmed as aroace, by the way.

I wish I had more examples but I didn't watch this series for a really long time. I need to refresh my memories.

Anyway that's why I think Pleakley would be great aroace representation! Thank you for listening my TED talk.

"But what about shipping?" you would ask me. Eh-heh, whoops! Sorry, guys... I suppose J&P shippers (who are 90% of the fandom apparently) have already unfollowed me. Guess I'll die alone on this hill. Not like I'm surprised though

#lilo and stitch #pleakley #wendy pleakley #pride month #aromantic #asexual #aroace #lgbtqia #headcanon #unpopular opinion

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bisnes-socks · 8 months ago

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talking about ready to go on this fine sunday evening

the very beginning of the song, before the guitars come in, and it's just like a synth sound, some backing vocals and bass, reminds me of kinda like old school hiphop. an opening like that could easily lead into a real rap beat, it's giving like early 90's and early 2000's hiphop. i was kind of expecting it to go the rap route when i first heard the song! but nope, in comes a siiiiick metal inspired guitar riff (jukka i owe you my life???) that's some chugging, i am also ready to go with a riff like this. hell of an opening.

his vocals come in one style, transition into another, then a new style for the chorus, and yet another for the second verse. FOUR vocal styles for one song. that's not so typical for pop music these days. i love how fearless he is with vocals in general, he's not afraid of sounding weird or funny. and even with the funny voices, he himself never becomes a joke, because he commits and puts his whole back into it. that is genuenly a skill, to be able to be so playful and still be for real.

and his singing in the chorus is good, very pleasing. i especially love his voice with the word"haluut" like he hits some soft vibrato in the second chorus right there, that is some good shit.

and guys. the way the chorus is built. it's incredible.

the long pauses in between words is so good and so... cunty lmao. it's like he is leaving room for the listener to jump to conclusions, only to call you and your mother and the whole country and culture out for being negative nellies who wish artists would fail (context for that can be read here)

so the first time hearing the chorus is like:

sä (who me?) haluut (oh? i do?) nähä (see what 🫣) ku mä (when you what 😳) flomaan taas ojaan kuraiseen (ooooh snap he said that part out loud)

and like i said it's so cunty, it's so deliciously arrogant to open the whole entire album this way, because there is so much space in the chorus to expect all sorts of things. because it could go anywhere. like...

1. sä -> oh he's talking to me now

2. haluut -> he is calling out something i want and desire. that's very disarming as a listener, makes you feel on edge because whatever he is going to claim that you want, you either have to come to terms with him being absolutely bang on the money correct, which means he sees right through you and you feel exposed, or he is going to say something you don't want, which will be a whole different journey, could be funny, could be offputting, could be anything!

3. nähä -> oop, what is it that he thinks i want to see, is this going a voyeristic route? is he going to expose everyone for being horny for him? whatever it is he is calling everyone voyers, basically.

4. ku mä -> it's so very deliciously arrogant to just straight up make a chorus that starts by him straight up telling you, that you, yes YOU, want to see me [do anything]. he's like. you're obsessed with me, aren't you. and he is RIGHT. makes the listener a bit red in the face, don't you think?

5. flomaan taas ojaan kuraiseen / mokaan ja maitojunaan meen -> aaand (finnish) people know exactly where this is going now. he is calling out the culture, he is calling out the haters, he is calling out the negativity and the vahingonilo (schadenfreude?) in this country. and we know exactly who he is talking to, we all know these people.

KING SHIT.

THE CUNT ON HIM to make this the opening track because we know it's aimed at, you know, like Pekka from Janakkala or whatever, who spent all of 2023 huffing and puffing because he thinks this Käärijä business is ridiculous and a waste of time and so he told everyone who was excited about CCC and ESC that ultimately Käärijä would fail and embarrass himself and the whole country. So Jere knows Pekka from Janakkala is still mad that "mikä lie Käärepaperi se nyt oli" actually succeeded and continues to succeed, so he calls that shit out in the first fucken song. It's like he's saying hi to all the haters who put the record on with every intention of trashing it and complaining about it. and it is them to whom he is being like "why are you so obsessed with me honey, why are you here to peep at me, hmm?"

the gaps in the chorus are like the audio equivalent of awkward eye contact you can't escape. he's saying i fucken see you.

and then the one time he modifies the chorus, he says "mä haluun ajaa tosi kovaa, vaik pelti kolisee, hei baby i'm ready to go" and that's him informing everyone that he's going to continue to do whatever he wants to do, he doesn't care if he gets a bit banged up or bruised on the way, because he is ready. and then it goes back to like "you want to see me fail, but i'm ready to go". the confidence in all that is genuenly admirable and something that this culture needs.

and i think the rest of the lyrics, in the verses, are about that too. he's going full speed ahead because he does not care if he stumbles. he's doing what he wants, what he always wanted, it's his passion, and he no longer has anything to lose. he's not afraid of failure. he knows there are people who want to see him fail, because it would confirm their own sad world view, but he does not give a flying fuck and he's not going to let that kind of mindset affect him. so he is fucking ready to go.

and musically, this song combines all of the käärijä elements really well! like i said, the opening sounds first like old school rap, then like metal, then going into more of a dance beat, the use of different vocal styles, a strong message, proper attitude sprinkled with a lot of humour and some twinkle in the eye. and the way he switches between pronouncing ready to go the finnish way and a more "proper english" way, is also a fun little international Käärijä detail.

a banger of a song with the cuntiest attitude we've seen in a while. incredible.

#käärijä

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sockatoothewafflebird · 3 months ago

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AHEM AHEM SO i have been provoked. oh my god this got long. like. loooong. oh man i am SUCH a yapper. so like 60% of it is under the cut. oh also @robotgutzz you asked to be tagged in this so here ya go buddy

first things first my hatchling is named Elbaite. the best way to introduce them to people, in my opinion, is just: they're a slightly taller (and gabbs would say prettier if you managed to get it out of them somehow) feldspar with added geologist and linguist interests. basic info, ellie is a linguist first, geologist second, an an astronaut... well, for about seven hours (how long the loops last in their universe).

they're reckless. they put themself between danger and other people, which has gotten them plenty of scars and plenty of fun stories to tell hatchlings. (tephra is their favorite, the little troublemaker, but you didn't hear that from me!) they legit got a chunk of their ear taken off by an animal attacking their group on a camping trip. they fought it off while the others ran.

basically they're a mini feldspar, except they're a nerd as well as a hero. the people around them think of them as a hero, anyway. they,,,, uhm.. dont really have much respect for themself.. and they cope by having no self-preservation instincts and joking a lot and being a people pleaser..... yaaaayy (a sad little poof of confetti appears out of nowhere)

so, now, gabbro! putting the rest under the cut because i wanna explain how i characterize gabbro before i explain how they work together so. teehee this gonna get longggg

*ahem ahem* just saying this right now so it's blatantly clear: gabbro is autistic when i'm the one writing them. i autism-beamed them and now they're an artistic, autistic, astronaut. AAA if you will.

with that outta the way, gabbro is first and foremost an artist. in every sense of the word. they write more than they draw and they sculpt or carve more than they write but they Make Things. lots of things. that's why they were so excited about the statues- proof the nomai were the same as them, in a way. oh boy when they find the quantum trials they freak tf out because "OH MY STARS??? IM NOT CRAZY LETS GO"

and WHY do they think they're crazy. well. that's because everyone made them think that way! because their autism makes them Weird. they like to be alone, they enjoy their own company just as much as the company of others. and in a tight-knit communal society that values togetherness immensely, that just won't do! so as much as the others care about gabbro, they don't really understand what they need, and that leads to some interesting issues (that i plan to touch on eventually).

(AND. they're one of the only members of OWV that doesn't officially have a profession. gossan trains astronauts, slate is an engineer, hornfels is an educator and curator. riebeck has archaeology, chert has astronomy, even elbaite has linguistics and geology!)

they found it hard to make friends when they were younger. they tried, and failed, because they simply didn't get it. so they instead made friends with trees, bugs, rocks.

aaand this is where elbaite comes in. this is there the time buddies become buddies.

so, elbaite has a very strong sense of justice. everyone should be included, everyone's needs matter (except their own, in their opinion...) no matter what, and there should always be compromise. this leads tiny little hatchling elbaite to feel bad that hatchling gabbro is never included. so, a little eight-year-old hatchling with bandages all over their body from their escapades, approaches a twelve-year-old in an oversized sweater holding a bug in their hand, and says, "let's be friends."

gabbro is confused. "uh... why?" they say, because no one has ever asked to be their friend before. and they're like a lot younger than them. elbaite says, "because! i wanna!" thinking this plan will go perfectly, like half of their plans don't end in them getting hurt somehow. and somehow it does. and now gabbro's got a little buddy that drags them into games and activities, and they don't know what to do with that because half the time the social interaction ends up stressing them out (though they appreciate the effort ellie puts in. they appreciate that they try.)

gabbro does make other friends eventually. spinel and chert. and by association, halite, though hal has opinions on gabbro that they simply keep to themself. wahoo.

anyway, yeah, long story short they're buddies before they're time buddies. when people say things about gabbro behind their back, ellie is there to give them a death glare or flick them in the ear or however they decide to defend their buddy that day.

on with The Big Thing. this refers to gabbro's launch day. they graduated the program a lot later than most as previously mentioned. their disability paired with how others treated them made the last bit of training a lot harder for them, and they had to take a break from it.

long story short, a lot of STUFF happened right before they launched, so they left without any goodbyes. and then a year later, at 20 (they got their sapwine ceremony done early because they wanted to get it over with(and launch slightly early lmao)), elbaite launches.

(THIS IS WHERE I ACTUALLY GET TO THE POINT SMHHH WHY DID I DUMP SO HARD)

so then the loops start. and this is where my ramble actually gets to the point stars above this is wayyy too long--

ahem. ahem. so the loops start. and at first, elbaite is like, okay, this is something new i can do. i have a goal, a mystery to solve, so i'll be okay. i can figure this out, and i can get us out of it, and i'll be fine. we'll be fine! everything is fine. i am fine. (ellie is not, in fact, fine!!)

gabbro is kind of, well, stuck, so. they just chill. the wind threw a rock straight into their skull and knocked them out for a loop, once, but other than that they just chill on their island. they don't even know what's happening, just that chert says something about the sun over the radio every loop and hornfels doesn't remember that they lost their ship.

their mindset? eh, guess i'll die.

the first twenty-two loops ellie aboids giant's deel like the plague. eventually they get over themselves and the find gabbro. they talk, establish that yes we are still friends, have a couple insane revelations because holy shit i'm not alone in this? and decide to start traveling together.

here's the gist of it: elbaite always takes the brunt of the most brutal deaths. they keep shielding gabbro from space debris with their body and getting hit, or pushing them out of the hatch of the ship when the reactor explodes, or.. a lot of other things. elbaite is naturally inclined to put themself between gabbro and whatever danger is hurtling towards them. they cant handle when someone else suffers, if they could have helped it, or suffered in their place.

meanwhile, gabbro is just along for the ride. they adapt pretty quickly to the whole "death doesn't matter" thing and they often have to remind ellie that it's not the end of the world (figuratively, i feel like i should specify) if they run out of time. gabbro notices how hard ellie is overworking themself, and they know if they say "ellie you gotta take a break" they'll just brush it off, so... they use things like "ugh can we have a break loop? im starting to get a headache" or "ugh im soooo tired, i need a nap, buddy." as excuses and stuff. and of course because ellie cares about them they comply. teehee.

while gabbro naps (they do actually sleep a lot, true to their word, but if they didn't want ellie to take breaks gabbro would try to stay awake for them), ellie studies nomai text, and starts to teach themself how to write in nomaian. (which becomes very helpful in the au idea i have where they are able to travel with solanum due to funky quantum time business.)

they keep each other sane, unintentionally, and in the process they become ride-or-die besties. and they begin to appreciate each other more. and more. and become closer. and closer. until they start making flirty "jokes". and eventually neither of them know if they're joking anymore.

and then ellie has an "...oh... oh no" realization moment when they discover their feelings have, indeed, become romantic. and gabbro is like "...huh... hmm..." like they're just letting their emotions do their own thing. long story short they're both inexperienced but gabbro's mindset is "woahhh... feelings are weird..." and ellie's is "i CANNOT let this distract me from The Goal."

...im gonna end this here, probably make another whole post if i feel like it and people want it. if i do it'll mainly focus on the romantic parts of their relationship.

so.... toodles!!! time buddies for life!!! sorry for yapping so much lmfao i cannot believe how long this is and its so terribly organized.... i promise i'll flesh these dynamics out in fics soon enough!! pinky swear!!!!! i shall offer more snippets and yaps if provoked!

(ahem ahem part 2 here)

#time buddies #outer wilds #outer wilds spoilers #gabbro #the hatchling #hatchling oc #outer wilds hatchling #outer wilds gabbro #gabbro outer wilds #longposts #looong posts #word walls #waffles word wall

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askbensolo · 2 months ago

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Hi, I’m Ben, Nice to Meet You

Releasing May 4th, 2025

What up my dudes, it’s your boy! I am excited (and terrified) to announce that my debut autobiographical novel, Hi, I’m Ben, Nice to Meet You, will be hitting the HoloNet soon! I have never completed a project this big, and I’m grateful for how it’s challenged me as a writer and storyteller.

Apparently the way people market books nowadays is listing off a bunch of tropes and spoilers. Which I hate. Like, hello? You barely even need to read the book anymore. But, hey—I ain’t above a little hustle.

In this book, you’ll find:

Me (Ben). Stupidly in love. Friends-to-lovers. Interracial relationship. Short girl tall guy. Is that enough tropes for you? (Please say yes. I’m losing a piece of my soul with each one.)

A host of new characters you’ve never met…particularly one very large, very messed-up Twi’lek clan with toxic dynamics and lurid power struggles.

A travelogue on T’chabuli Rylothian culture, food, religion, places, and customs.

Snoke???

Angst of the “Yes I’m a Guy, Yes I’m in My Twenties, No I’m Still Not Interested in Sex” variety.

Me making Mistakes and Questionable Decisions™ (and learning from them).

Blurrgs.

Aaand, of course—my witty, charming, sarcastic, hilarious, unbelievably attractive, and oh-so-humble personality.

Thank you all for supporting me as a writer and a person over the past nine years. Means a lot. Anyway, I'm gonna go hide in a hole now—I’m gettin’ stage fright. See ya!

— Ben

#askbensolo #ben’s novel #hi i’m ben nice to meet you #announcements #ben solo #star wars fanfiction #ryloth #twi’lek #star wars oc #ben solo x oc

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uonit · 2 months ago

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veteran red pikmin→→→Olimar (Olimar is not there.)

Pikmin adores Olimar, but veteran red has been by his side the longest, so I am excited if he had romantic feelings to him… Also it would be cute if he got upset when he realized he loved Olimar only after people pointed it out to him. Aaand it would be cute if he were very reserved and secretly exploded with love for Olimar.

#pikmin #my image

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acidblum · 1 year ago

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Torn Apart • A.A.

Cop!Abby Anderson x Reader, slight Ellie Williams x Reader (AU)

MASTERLIST DO NOT BUY TLOU

SERIES MASTERLIST / II PART..

W/C: 3.25k (for warnings check the series masterlist)

A/N: omg heyy!! so excited for yall to read this, it's been in my drafts for nearly a month aaand i'm finally serving as i should hehe, any commentary pls don't hold it back i wanna know what yall think, likes and reblogs r very appreciated, enjoy my luvs <3

you wake up to the sound of Riley's heavy breathing beside your ear, you groan at her in your sleepy voice "fucking hell Ri what in the hell are u doing"

she chuckles at your annoyance " you've got to wake ur ass up cherry aaand get yourself ready to go" patting you on the butt u swat at her hand, flipping yourself on your back.

"what time is it" she checks her phone "eh its 10 it'll be better if we could get to the cabin quick". you hum at her, your body feeling absolutely wrecked, you glance at her opening one eye only.

"when is Ellie coming?" god knows you can't be late when Ellie pulls up in her white trashed minivan, she'll pester you endlessly just to get a rise out of you.

"eh you know she had to go to the gas station to fill her lady up".

you drag yourself out of the bed and into the conjoined bathroom hopping over a few clothes scattered her and there on the floor with the intention of brushing your teeth and getting ready, you look at your reflection getting jump scared "fuck i really look like shit" you hear a chuckle through the left ajar bathroom door.

"yeah well that's what you get when you fall asleep really late talking to a hot sidechick even though you know we'll have to hit the road early"

"ugh spare me your yapping pleaseee and besides i think i like this one"

you're going to stay at Joel's new built modern summer cabin for a week, he says it's homey and it’s nice and all but there's a fifty percent possibility of not getting a good stable network there it actually scares you shitless.

you come out of the bathroom and put on some denim shorts and look for a summer appropriate top to wear "if you don't stop throwing everything on the floor!" you ignore her and continue going ballistic on the wardrobe, you huff " there is literally nothing to wear" she looks at you in utter disbelief " are you kidding me right now?". you get saved from her usual wrath when you hear the doorbell ring once which is definitely not Ellie otherwise the doorbell will be burnt already.

"I'll get it" riley says before walking out to the door in quick strides, you hear Dina and Riley's yelling at each other so you put on the top u picked hurriedly and go to the living room " oh my god i missed you guys" before glancing at you behind Riley's back and jumping at you giving you the tightest hug she could.

muffled by her hug " ungh de i can't breath" she lessens and holds your shoulder like a teacher giving you an advice "we're gonna have so much fun if you AAAND Ellie get along, pleaseee?? do it for me if not out of respect" she looks at you pleadingly.

"ugh she isn't even here yet" you roll your eyes looking at anything but Dina's puppy eyes, glancing at riley who is now sipping on a cup of strawberry juice on the counter and she wiggles her eyebrows at you in an encouraging manner "you two should fuck already you know that right?" your eyes widen and you blow raspberries at her.

"oh no way in hell am i gonna sleep with that dirtbag who refers to a minivan as the lady" you shake your head at them in absolute disbelief. "but I'll try to be civil even if she's a bitch" Dina sits on the couch looking at you.

" I see the way she looks at you ALL THE TIME, she's onto you cherry" giving you an honest smile.

you hear the infamous minivan horn going off outside opening the curtain to cheek and you see her, a cigarette dangling from her pink lips, wearing her usual boring attire and them sunglasses. and Jesse's there with her, you mutter under your breath "here comes hell" riley comes to open the door having your bags ready from the day before "will you please just be nice to her?" you scrunch your nose at her before running to the room to bring your handbag and crouch down to put on your shoes.

Jesse greets you with a hug and tries to pick all of your bags at once grunting.

she doesn't get out of the van, just looking at you through her sunglasses with an amused look before she yells "aren't u a sight to see cherry pie" you ignore her and walk to put the smaller bag in the van before Dina comes and hands Riley the house keys.

loading up in the van sitting between riley and Dina, Ellie takes off her sunglasses looking at you through the mirror while you hold eye contact with her "eyes on the road pothead" everyone turns to u, you just couldn't hold it in at all, she smirks at you "wouldn't you love that huh?" before Jesse turns on the radio connecting his phone to the aux, riley chimes in "give it to me Jesse jess make me hear your sweet melodies" he smiles turning to her "just for u we've got the best of tunes Riri" I Got You Babe by Etta James starts playing and Jesse turns the speaker up.

the windows roll down, the smell of greenery and earth hitting your nose, wind smacking you square in the face and i got you babe by Etta James starts playing, Dina looks at you and everyone starts yelling from the top of their lungs.

People say that we don't know

What love is, or how to make it grow

Well, I don't know if all that's true

'Cause you've got me and baby, I've got you

Oh, babe, I got you, babe, I got you, babe

Ellie starts doing the saxophone bit whilst trying to drive properly, you hit her shoulder to get her to pay attention while everyone's jamming, she holds your hand into hers and bites your finger chuckling. you yank your hand mouthing at her "motherfucker" before you go back yelling with everybody again.

I've got flowers in the spring, yeah

I've got you, I've got you to wear my ring

And when I'm sad, you're a clown

And when I get scared, you're always around, oh

multiple songs in and you're getting pretty drowsy, laying your head onto Dina's shoulder ready to make up for Riley waking you up from your sweet slumber, Dina lays her head on top of yours and you doze off for the rest of the way to Houston. you get shaken up by riley again feeling like a grump but shaking it off when you hear Jesse talking about a cop signalling for Ellie to pull over, you straighten up watching the 5'8 cop get out of the police car, coming up to Ellies side taking off her sunglasses before putting her hand on her waist.

"Can I see your ID? and where are y'all heading to?" Ellie hands the cop her ID and glances at Jesse for a moment before trying to hide her annoyance while you try to fix yourself rolling the window on Dina's side down looking at the cop from under your lashes.

"we're go-" cutting ellie off, giving the cop the most genuine please fuck me eyes "we're actually heading to the millers new cabin" the cop's eyes widen before she gives you the most charming smirk. you lower your eyes trying to be subtle but not very subtly checking her out reading her badge "A. Anderson'' looking at her fitted figure wearing some tight blue jeans, a button up shirt topped with a cream jacket with her badge hanging off of her waist, and them cowboy boots imagining how you'd like to give it to her good.

Dina struggles while half of your body is out of the window over hers "cherry i cant brea-" you look at her shushing her before directing you eyes to the officer's eyes before she continues " oh that new cabin, i thought you're a bunch of kids trying to investigate the place" you look at the officer in a dreamy way " oh no not at all but quick question officer Anderson?" she looks at you with curiosity.

"Yes ma'am?" in all seriousness you ask "just call be cherry please and are you by any chance married?" everybody whips their head at you in disbelief over your boldness even if you've always been like that, the officer chuckles at you before shaking her head no at you and handing Ellies ID "why are you offering miss cherry?" Ellie whips her head to the officer, the look of absolute hatred on her face "can we go no-" cutting her off AGAIN smiling at the officer "maybe i am doing just that officer".

she pulls a card out of her back pocket and hands it to you. "call me Abby and hit me up whenever you need something, my father's cabin is right beside yours and stay out of trouble it's dangerous out here" you take the card out of her extended hand and nod your head so fast at her you might get a concussion " oh i bet it is officer Abby thank you for being so thoughtful" Abby taps the car twice for Ellie to start her up and drives away mimicking you sucking up to the officer.

Five minutes later, the van stops in front of the two story cabin, quite cozy with big windows, the air smelling very earthy prompting you to take a deep breath.

Everyone gets out of the van including Ellie, they start taking the bags out to head in. she looks at you with a condescending look, almost disappointed.

"what?" you roll your eyes at her, folding your arms and giving her a mean look, "you just had to do that huh cherry" she is absolutely fuming that her face had gone red with the way she’s holding it in.

acting clueless you smile tilting your head to the left at her with a laugh bubbling in your guts. "do what exactly, have fun for a fucking minute?" you smirk at her. she squares up in your space looking you down. before Jesse comes and hands her one of the heavy bags "Ellie would you hold this for me" handing it to her "stop and go unlock the cabin for us jezz".

she never breaks eye contact with you "yeah man i got it" giving you a warning look that tells you she'll be dealing with you later.

you scoff quietly and help them by carrying a bag while Ellie unlocks the door, Dina tutting at you disappointingly. you shrug at her balancing the bag and walking up the stairs and into the cabin with everyone following behind you. you hear Riley go off.

"oh my god this place is amazing"

"tell me about it, i didn't even believe him when he told me he'll give me the key to stay here for the summer" Ellie goes on while walking to the fridge and reading the yellow sticky note Joel probably put for her to see picking it and reading it "ugh he had to write down some rules".

"yeah well you can't really blame him"

says Dina coming in carrying the beer cooler and putting it on the counter. before opening the fridge and crouching down loading the beer inside the coldest part of the fridge

with all your belongings inside, riley huffs and lies down on the sofa facing the counter and you follow her grunting from sitting in the bus for nearly 3 hours.

"this old man really thinks we'll go to bed at 'a sensible hour' ugh what a boomer"

you chime in muffled by your head on the small pillow beside riley " well Ellie i won't lie to you, your dad is at beekeeping age. i’ll let him father me however he likes" prompting Ellie to make a gagging noise at your comment. and Riley to chuckle beside you.

"if only Sarah was here man you'd know how to shut the fuck up for a minute, i swear you just have to do this and ruin everything"

"the fuck you mean 'i ruin everything' you fuck face" you grunt at her picking yourself up off of the couch and walk to the fridge, opening it to get yourself a bottle of water. "and Sarah is a beautiful grown woman, you ellie miller is a booger eater" opening the bottle chucking it with absolute thirst with Ellie looking at you with utter shock.

Jesse starts full on laughing hands on his knees at what you said, making Ellie look at him as if he betrayed her for life "what the actual fuck Jesse, you could back me up at least!"

"well Ellie you did eat them boogers back in the day"

Dina stand up and put her hands on her hips "alright guys we need to assign our rooms"

" i want the one facing the lake" you go off cutting everyone, sticking your tongue to Ellie who looks absolutely pressed by you. "aaaanndd riley will sleep with me, won't you baby" looking at her with pleading eyes "i love you but absolutely NOT i need my space please cherry" patting your head with her palm in an apologizing manner.

After the rooms get assigned, everybody starts heading up to change per Dina's requests to head to the lake, you open the bedroom's door, fling your handbag on top of the bed and shimmy out of your shorts and top. opening your bag and choosing a favorite two piece of yours, wrapping a light shawl around your hips and putting on some basic flip flops. you pick the card abby gave you deciding on calling her while sitting with Dina outside.

jumping on your tiptoes down the stairs, seeing Jesse crouched in front of the fridge holding four beers for each of you and standing up with Ellie beside him before he hands her one.

he notices you holding the card in one hand and your phone on the other "So you're calling her huh?" he says, smirking at you. Ellie mumbles under her breath something but you don't catch what she's saying. "yeah i mean she was totally into me and i want to have some fun while we’re here you know" you say winking at him before walking out the backyard and into where the lake is, seeing Riley and Dina sitting on the chairs around the firepit.

Dina looks at your hands while you dial the number

"oh my god you are not doing this!" "whaattt yes i am doing it! i need some excitement, i can't just sit here with ellie breathing down my neck"

Riley scoffs "of course you're doing this, i won't even try to stop you, just put it on speaker"

you hit dial and put it on speaker, it rings three times before she picks up "officer Anderson" stoic and straight to the point it makes your core tingle.

you glance at Dina for a moment and she nods at you in a hysteric yet encouraging manner, you reply in a sultry voice " hey officer Anderson, ya missed me?" Abby full on cackles " it's Abby for you honey and yeah i might've thought about you a bit" "gosh i hope so because I've been thinking about you in them boots nonstop"

you start biting your lips remembering how she looked "when can i see you?" "So eager for me?" she asks in a condescending tone, "very very eager for you officer Anderson" she chuckles "oh, fuck you calling me officer like it doesn't turn you on just to say it"

you smile before hearing someone talk to her on the other side "o-oh sorry cherry i have to go you know duty calls, I'll see you later alright" "bye" and the line goes off. "wow that was something, so what will you be married to her in two months time?"

riley asks you with a raised eyebrow only making you actually imagine marrying to Abby and building a family with her, daydreaming for a bit before shaking yourself awake

"pfft no I'm not, I'm going for a dip". right before you stand up Jesse comes out of the sliding door with a weird look on his face, looking at you in particular.

“Sooo, ells invited cat”

Ellie comes in from behind him with cat trailing behind her like a lost puppy with a stupid smile blasted on her face, she looks at you with a red lipstick print on her cheek, guilt can be seen behind her green eyes. Yours prickling with unshed tears you bite your lips before going ahead and jumping into the weirdly cold lake, coming up for a much needed breath of air you see a figure on the other side of the lake which you can’t pinpoint of it’s even real before you hear your name being called by ellie.

“Cherry”

“I genuinely think we shouldn’t talk right now, wouldn't want your girlfriend to get jealous”

She feels in a predicament looking at you in disbelief “she isnt my girlfriend”

“Well it definitely felt like it ellie” looking at her hunched form, playing with her nails, looking very nervous and on edge, She looked good. Such a shame she had to ruin what y'all once could've had. You keep yourself afloat and play with the water to fill the silence and maybe she’ll give up and leave but no, it's not an ellie thing to give up even though she kinda did give up on the both of you once.

“I had to cherry i swear, it wasn't my intention she just kept pressing and i blurted it out and she must've asked tess for the location or smthn’ “

You help yourself out of the lake before wrapping the shawl back on your wet form, looking at ellie over your shoulder, before walking away. hearing her whisper.

“I’m sorry”

TAGLIST 🗞️: @liasxeatt

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kodokberjamur · 1 month ago

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I want to cry because my professor told us to write a maximum of 10 pages for the article, and I have only written up until the research method, and yet, I'm already at page 9. I scrolled up and realized that I yapped too much in the introduction. The introduction does not need to be 4 pages long. So I have to cut like. Half of it. AGH.... No............... </3 WHY DO LIMITS EXIST. WAIT LOL I suddenly remembered that one scene from Mean Girls: the limit does not exist! Man, I wish that also counted for word/page limits.... Aaand now I want to rewatch it. Again. How many times have I rewatched this movie? Everything about it is just so good and it definitely deserves the hype—OKAY THAT WAS MOST DEFINITELY AN UNWANTED TANGENT. I should stop before I suddenly start yapping about Mean Girls. (already did. Kodok you actually just suck.)

Anyway, painful news aside, I decided to go and edit the fic I was working on, and—it's almost ready!!! Thank God for long weekends, am I right? AAAA I MIGHT BE ABLE TO POST IT ON MY BIRTHDAY!! I'M SO EXCITED KSJDKS ALSO I tried playing with the formatting on gdocs a bit, like the italics and stuff, and then copied and pasted everything to AO3... THE FORMATTING STAYED. IT ACTUALLY STAYED. ALL THIS TIME I COULD'VE JUST USED GDOCS INSTEAD OF MANUALLY FORMATTING EVERYTHING SHDKSJFKSJDK. WHAT. THE. FFFFFROG. I could've...... all this time, I could've just.......... why would I..... why would you......... why did I even.......... what why who where when how.

AH YES ALSO THERE'S SOMETHING ELSE I'M REALLY EXCITED ABOUT THAT I WANT TO SHOW YOU GUYS, BUT. Not now. I'm actually feeling really impatient to show you, but... it's going to have to wait </3 let's just say it involves........ something cute. The size of my palm.

Whoops. At this point it feels like I never even took that break. Well, it's not as though that break really did anything... For one, I spent the whole month writing a fic anyway, and it's not like I stopped brainrotting. In fact, it's gotten worse because I just keep missing Tr*yJ*d* more and more everyday. IF ANYTHING, I DESERVE A LONG BREAK FROM UNI. AGH. SCREW UNI. Uni has given me... back pain, eye strain, neck pain... Insanity...... Nightmares...............

Oh also my rice cooker broke... (very relevant and useful piece of information)

Okay sorry for yapping </3

#yapping toad #and I swear I'm not neglecting anything...#I've been working on that article all day and. man. I'm exhausted #So then I took multiple breaks... those breaks being editing the fic...#HEHEHEHE #I'M SO EXCITED TO POST IT GUYS #It's probably the most self indulgent thing I have ever written by far #I've said this a few times but I used to write a lot of humour #I'm testing those skills again #HEHEHEHEHEKAJFKSHF #I HAVEN'T EVEN FINISHED EDITING IT AND YET I'M ALREADY SO GIDDY

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teasibby · 5 months ago

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My thesis idea got approved and so far I am working on it under a wip name of "Storytelling and use of affects in Dungeons and Daddies". My first hypothesis is that Anthony's experience as a writer shines through in the base story and collective storytelling adds to that, with the dice bringing elements of improvisation and humour. That's all good, I am thriving with this section and it is so fun.

The part I am struggling is my second hypothesis is that each family represents some sort of conflict within them and each child represents an emotion. The dads need to face both, the emotion of the child and the conflict of the family before they can move on. The conflicts are handeled with a help of fantasy genre conventions. But this is where I am stuck in!

(The overanalytical drabbles of my ideas under the cut)

The Oaks are like super obviously dealing with a generational trauma that is a physical creature in the fantasy world. Lark and Sparrow are repserenting love and hate, both of them. The thing is that one internalises the hate and gives out love to cover it; one gets consumed by the hatered and aims it outside and is repulsed by the idea of love fixing everything.

The Stamplers on the other hand! The conflict starts out as Terry rejecting the idea of Ron as a "new father". He is grieving, not ready to let go of Terry sr. He goes through literally every step mentioned in Patrick Colm Hogan's book "What Literature Teaches Us about Emotion" (2011) So Terry represent grief, quite clearly. But that conflict is solved by the end of Saving Terry arc! The next conflict starts when we get to Ron's memories and we see how Ron never recieved parental love. It is being spelled out how Ron tries so hard to be something he never got to have; a safe father figure. But Ron doesn't have quite as clear conflict as Henry or say Darryl have, and I am struggling to put this thought out with fewer words.

Aaand The Willsons have such a good conflict and Grant says it out loud, thank you Anthony! They speak, but they never talk. Carol and Darryl's marriage is falling apart because they do not talk about the things that are bothering them. They are stuck to pretending that everything is okay, taxes mean sex and movienights are dates. Very safe, very mundane, very not passionate. Grant has never seen his father cry. When Yeet and Killa are discussing if Grant should kill someone or not, Grant says out loud the problem in their family "If my father has taught me anything, it's that we can always talk about it later." He is just 12, but Darryl forgets that very effectively. He guides Grant by framing close and serious matters to be more distant. ("Hey buddy, I need your help here a bit. Kill that chimera and we can make burgers, you'd like a burger, Yeet would like a burger yes?") Grant therefore represents distance and not being good enough. Darryl is very proud of his son, but never says it to his face in a way that would reach. The silence is also funnily enough incorporated into the fact that Frank's vision can't talk to Darryl.

Finally, The Closes. Where do I even start. So the conflict is the other parent dying. It affects both of these characters but neither of them is willing to face that feeling. They wrap it in a narrative of "We will do. It's fine, I'm cool, doesn't even bother me". Where Terry is allowed to grieve his father, Nick is not (by Nick, I think he denies it himself in order to please or impress or appeal to Glenn). Glenn doesn't do it either, because as we hear in the trials, he felt like Nick needed a strong father who had his shit together. The moment Morgan was gone, Glenn switched to a survival mode. They both describe their relationship to be buddy-like and "tight", they are very laid back. As much as Darryl, Glenn also tends to forget that Nick is like what, 12. I think Nick's need for a father can be found in his saving arc. He's so excited to have found a forest full of drug-flowers, because he knows Glenn likes that. He asks if they can "leave the others behind and stay here". The fantastic isn't scaring Nick, he sees it as an oppoturnity where Glenn isn't going away and he gets to be around him. But where I struggle is to put this in one emotion that Nick would represent. Is it seek of approval? Grief? Safety? Stability?

So... That's quite a lot. If you have any thoughts on the feelings or conflicts feel free to comment or slide into my DMs! I am not in the official discord but just know that if I were this would fly out there so fast. I also might not answer right away, I don't have this app on my phone lol.

I just need to get this out and I figured you might appreciate these more than my poor loved ones who don't even listen the podcast. My three hour yappings about each kid just goes straight through xd

#dungeons and daddies #dndads #academic weapon #ramblings #yapping #embarrassingly long deep dive into the subject

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nerdofmanymediumsandfandoms · 6 months ago

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tetro ch3 spoilers

this isn't a suspect list or even any theorising i just wanted to write out my thoughts now that the MOST EMOTIONALLY DEVASTATING tetro friday's over

i keep going back to the memory of the bda this morning.

first of all, i was expecting it to happen next week even before [overdue] so i was already freaking out, the initial sight of hama and thinking he was gonna trigger it again, the rising tension as the conversation went on, thinking someone was gonna stumble into the conversation bleeding out, then collapse in front of them.

and then hasegawa screamed. and i knew there was a likelihood about to see the death of one of two of my favourite characters. i still held out a bit of hope that maybe it could possibly be someone else. i closed my eyes to avoid inferring the death from the new thumbnail, and clicked.

IMMEDIATELY TEARS SPRING TO MY EYES AND I DESCEND FROM MY CHAIR TO KNEES ON THE FLOOR BECAUSE NOT ONLY HAS MY HEART BEEN BROKEN BY A SILHOUETTE I USUALLY GET EXCITED ABOUT SEEING IN A THUMBNAIL BUT THERE IS A FUCKING LINE ACROSS HIS NECK THAT I K N O W WHAT IMPLIES AND I AM NOT OKAY WITH THIS FACT

and then i go on for the next few hours of crying, slightly crazed ranting, (including cursing both tetro for being so amazingly written and va'd that i would get this torn up and myself for getting so attached to a very clearly doomed character), and a whole lotta pacing. but at least i think this is it. i get a little more emotional devastation at hearing about the fact that HIS TONGUE WAS FUCKING CUT OUT AND HIS STOMACH WAS CUT OPEN but yeah.

aaand then i walk into the bathroom to wash my hands (sidenote this is the second time ive been in a bathroom during a bda which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened twice) and i get the upload ping and WHAT DO YOU MEAN BDA FOUR WHAT THE FUCK I THOUGHT IT WAS SAFE I TOOK SOLACE IN THE FACT THAT AT LEAST IT WAS OVER I DIDN'T THINK TETRO WOULD DO A DOUBLE MURDER AND OH MY FUCKING GOD TSUNO LIKE I HAD THOUGHT WE MIGHT GET AN ONSCREEN DEATH THIS CHAPTER BECAUSE OF THE MECHANICS OF THE MOTIVE BUT NOT DURING THE FUCKING INVESTIGATION

at least i knew as soon as i saw okazaki enter the room wada was in i knew she was getting fucking stabbed but that was still wild

I CANNOT FUCKING WAIT FOR THE TRIAL NEXT WEEK

#tetro danganronpa pink #tetro danganronpa pink spoilers #tetro pink #tetro danganronpa spoilers #tetro danganronpa #screaming on the ceiling #this wasn't even meant to be about anything but my reaction to bda 3 but I just kept typing oops

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hypnoprincesslottie · 18 days ago

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Okay probably last ask of the day (i know i keep spamming your inbox teehee) but!!! Thoughts on intox???

How about intox mixed with hypnosis? I personally think it has lots of potential and sounds amazing, unfortunately I am yet to try it 💔

don't worry i like the spam and your questions are fun!

i luv intox!!! especially combined with hypno hehehe... (i may have a little post related to that...) !! gettin a cute subby doll drunk or high and playing with them is very exciting for me!

aaand when i get drunk or high i get a lot more forward, lovey-dovey and bossy hehehe

#asklottie #intox

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marengogo · 1 year ago

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Rambling in INFJese - Part 10: Queerful In South Korea

SGMB and RPWP focused playlist

[Music is a very big part of my life and I’m MOSTLY INCAPABLE of writing without music, so I just thought I'd share what I am listening to while writing this]

🐺 — 🐺 — 🐺—

Gurls, Bois and Enbies … Hellooooooooooo 📢 Yes, I’m finally, officially, back from my travels.

Am I feeling relaxed and refreshed?

NO.

In fact, I’m pretty sure I’m more tired than when I left 😬. You see, there was more excitement than I thought, or even budgeted for, but, lowkey highkey I knew it was going to turn out like that, so, it was what it was and it was unforgettable 😊💜.

Now, on to the topic of today!

As the title kinda spoils, I would like to bring forth the topic of queerness in present day Korea, touching upon specific sub-subjects within this main-theme, which you will discover as you keep reading.

In order to provide more context and understanding, I’ll have to bring up a bit of Geography, a tad of Politics and a lot of History, and let me make this clear, even though I have been out of politics for quite some time I used to be very invested in world politics … I am presently indeed somewhat annoyed, because there seems to be a lot of misinformation that has been going around with regards to what it might mean to be gay/queer person in South Korea, in the big year of 2024, which is why I’d also like to encourage us to be proactive and do some research, on our own, with the available resources that are out there. I know it sounds heavy, but I promise I’ll try and make it as least cumbersome, and as much relatable to what might concern all Queer people, and JK and JM of course, as possible ✌🏾.

Let’s start with some Geography.

Asia … is a big ass continent. Because it is so big, amongst the people who make these kind of decisions, it was decided that this continent would have to be divided into 5 regions: Central, East, South, Southeast and West. The regions we are going to be concerned with are East and Southeast also known as ASEAN. The East has a total of 8 countries, out of which we are going to focus on 4 being; China, Japan, South Korea and Taiwan, while the Southeast has a total of 11, out of which we are only going to concentrate on 1, being Thailand … aaand that was all for Geography; painless right?

Great. So now it is time for some of History. We are now going to be talking about the history of the BL genre and the Queer art genre within two particular cultures; Eastern and Western.

BL, otherwise known as Boy’s Love, is a genre that was born in Japan in the 1970s. To properly discuss the world of BL it would take way too many blogs, so I’m afraid I won’t delve too deep into it, but in order to proceed with our discourse I need for everyone to at least understand the substantial difference between, for example, a series like The Eight Sense and Heartstopper. The first is a BL and the other is a Queer Coming-of-Age Drama. These two series are the I most point out very positive outcome of a lot of struggle and progress within both the BL and Queer art genre through the years.

The East and BLs - BL was created by women to be consumed by other women in Japan. It had nothing to do with creating content for gay/queer people, and this is very fundamental for everyone to understand. The thing is that it doesn’t matter where in the world you are, if you are or were a girl/woman you know the struggles are real. Different parts of the world deal with this frustration in different ways, and Japan and eventually the other 4 Asian countries I listed above found this to be one of them. The BL genre is basically having two men in a forbidden relationship, driven by mad passion, and who would always choose each other over the rest of the world. Star crossed-lovers where one of them would always be the Seme/Top or male-male and the other the Uke/Bottom or female-male. At the core of it all, BL was intended to be escapism, which eventually turned into fetishism and now can be all the above and something else entirely; evolution aye?

Mainly Asian women perhaps used BL to feel like their opinions and emotions could matter, in an environment where like also many other countries in Africa men are the ones that have the last say, or just any say at all. So they fulfilled their fantasy of being heard, and having power, while at the same time having the “strongest/most ideal” of men fall desperately in love with this male version of themselves. It is obviously much more complex than my two line sentence explanation, but for now, kindly keep this image in your mind.

Moving on!

The West and Queer Art - The queer genre in the West for the longest time was almost always a guaranteed tragedy. Interestingly enough, even though the first movie that mentioned homosexuality was in the 1960, the beginning of Queer culture in movies was, also for the West, in the 1970s. I can’t tell you the amount of books and films I have read and seen in my day says the woman in her thirties LOL and, despite the heart-wrenching looming tragedy, I would still enjoy finding comfort during those few chapters/scenes when the couple/pairing was happy, even though I knew for a fact that either one of them or both would die, or be eternally separated, or some other kind of tragedy.

The funny thing is that I would just accept it, because why not? Is not like my reality showed any different. It wasn’t like I was aware of happy and successful queer people around me, so why would I expect to read or watch anything else? Also I am a nasty ass angsty person so really I have no excuse.

… are y’all following me thus far?

Now, let’s take a bit of a leap into the 2000s where money-makers finally clocked in on the fact that there is mad-money that can be made with BL in the East and Queerness in the West. In the East we start adopting fanservice within boybands and Asian-Dramas, we start printing thousands of BL mangas, and producing as many animes to match. In the West we keep having the token queer comedian appear on every show as well as making movies of historic queer figures who have impacted the world somehow, so that the queers can feel represented, even though all the actors are for the most part straight, because at this point in time, even though we acknowledge that Queer people exist, coming out is still very meh.

As the 2000s progress and we enter the 2010s thanks to actual progress within some western countries, the interweb and social media it becomes increasingly easier for an Eastern Fujoshi/Fudanshi/Fujin (Bl lover girl/boy/enby) to find themselves in say the UK, which has areas that breathe queerness and queer history and for a Western Queer to find themselves in say Japan where they can easily buy a manga about “queers” in happy relationship or, somewhere in South Korea, can easily see two very attractive boys/girls from a random kpop band openly kiss.

And then, in the midst of this “cultural” exchange, and awakening, something happens.

The Eastern Fujoshi/Fudanshi/Fujin realise that there are actual real queer people in the world sounds stupid, but believe me, it is not. That queer people are not just characters in a book, or anime, and that in fact there really are people in the world who are for example of the same sex and truly wanna be together and, if gay, for example, can also be both very masculine and still want to be together. At the same time the Western Queer realise that they actually can be happy, and that they deserves a happy ending, because some of this BLs aren’t half as bad and they sometimes make valid points and then you find out that actual queer people are now also writing BLs so things start to make some sense.

As I mentioned, society was also changing, Queer people in the West started gaining a few rights, such as being able to get married in America and some European countries, and as a consequence, in the following decade, we now have series and movies that have Queer protagonist, with happy endings to boot! In the East, things are either not moving at all or moving a bit differently, or kinda slowly, but still it is movement. Within the countries that are moving differently, talking about Queerness is still heavy but has finally become something that they “don’t mind” just talking about and the gay neighbour is actually seen as the gay neighbour, whether they will talk to them is debatable, but at least they are recognised as such and not absurdly explained away or their existence ignored.

Now back to geography. The reason why I mentioned those 5 countries (China, Japan, South Korea, Taiwan and Thailand) is because at some point in the 2010s they were the main producers, and consumers, of BL within the Asian continent, and yes, while still being hella homophobic and, but let’s be real for a second, queer people have been around since the beginning of time, so even though BL was made and intended for women, our Queer Eastern Siblings would find a way to secretly also consume BL, being the closest thing to reading about a queer relationship, so added to the westerner consumption as well, it is no surprise that these 5 countries suddenly had a boom, despite having been being homophobic.

Hence, it can be said that these 5 countries were on the same wavelength in the early 2010s, but what about now? With the considerable change in behaviour and thought with regards to Queer people in these countries in the early 2020s where do these 5 countries stand with regards to their Queer people and politics? Well, China has now banned BLs entirely, and I will not delve into their further lack of queer rights. Taiwan and Thailand have legalised Queer marriage. Then there is Japan which is making progress towards trying to legalise Queer marriage with to my greatest joy a successful ruling that happened this year in March related to same-sex unions … so, what about South Korea?

Well … SK is so close 🥹 … Yet so far 😫

It’s like they are taking 4 steps forward and 3 steps backwards, constantly. They are well far from China-levels which is a fucking relief I tell you! but they are dragging their feet to be at Japan-levels (and Japan is very close to Thailand and Taiwan Queer status currently). Yet, it is not as negative as it seems, or as some people try to portray it. You look around social media and they depict SK as if it were China. SK is currently facing a situation where it notices that things are changing and change is scary y’all. Resistance is the usual reaction to change, and the older generations, mainly those led by the Christian groups are not really where is at. SK’s youth and older liberal generations hold the answer to the Queer Korea questions.

So what exactly makes SK look hopeful? Well, time to get back to some History again 😘

The first Queer organisation in SK was formed in 1993 by 3 gay men and 3 lesbian women. The following year the 6 separated into 2 groups and formed the first gay organisation and the first lesbian one respectively. In 1997 we have the first demonstration for gay and lesbian rights, which then lead into 2000, the year of the first Pride Parade, which is one of the events of the very first Seol Queer Culture Festival Daegu Queer Culture Festival will be created in 2009, do keep this in mind … but another major event happened in the year 2000.

Y’all know that saying X walked so that Y could run? Well Hong Seok Cheon was basically forced to walk so that Queer Korean could learn how to properly train to run.

Though Seok-cheon is presently back to being somewhat popular again, his coming out was pretty traumatic. His career as comedian/actor started in 1994 and he was quite popular which landed him a good number of acting roles, and a lot of placements in comedy shows, as well as a kids show. In 2000 he was asked about his sexuality and he had no qualms in replying that he was gay. The show editors decided to cut out that part but a journalist gotta love them 🙃 got a hold of the footage and forced him to “elaborate”. Upon confirming, Seok-cheon lost all his jobs and was shunned verbally abused, discrimination and the lot, oh yes … by his own country.

Not surprisingly, given that nobody in his own country wanted to interact with him, he at first thought of moving to the US to start afresh, but then decided against it. Seok-cheon decided to stay and prove to everyone in his country that he could make it and be successful again. And that he did. In 2002 he opened the first of what now is a high end chain of 9 restaurants in Itaewon. 2004 he joined the Democratic Labor Party and was selected by Time magazine as the Asian Hero of that year and in the following years Seok-cheon will keep racking up achievements 🎶🎵Did you see my bag? Did you see my bag? 🎶🎵 Namean?! (I’m not gonna list them all but you should definitely look him up and learn a bit about him, if you are interested).

But how does that connect to today? In 2008 he started his own talk show Coming Out and though there was a bit of resistance at the beginning as expected, the youth came in force and he started gaining audiences and boom! He was back on TV and slowly he’d get also a few cameos on prominent media, such as the Netflix drama Itaewon Class. Now let’s leave the lime-light for a second and let's look at the military 😬. It is vitally important that people understand that being gay is not illegal in any of the 5 countries we’ve been talking about yes, even China, but the public opinion and beliefs of each country greatly influence how their queer communities are thought of and treated.

Now, SK Military has become pretty infamous within the queer community for conducting witch-hunts in order to find out and humiliate gay soldiers, so much so that organisations such as Amnesty eventually had to step in. That being said, let's be real real real for a second. Though it is appalling what they have done to the queer soldiers, the SK military was also very famous for hazing, assaulting, causing cadets regardless of sexuality to want to unalive themselves and what more. All of the aforementioned, which put SK’s military on the map in a not so positive light globally, added to the increase in suicides, made the government address the situation, and they eventually came up with solutions such as the buddy system, which was first implemented in 2003. But, back to the gays. The most popular witch-hunt happened in 2017 where two soldiers amongst others were outed, but these particular two were found guilty of having sex off-base, during off hours.

In 2022 this conviction was overturned, the soldiers were no longer guilty and it is now no longer illegal, for queer soldiers, to have sex off-base during off-hours. You know what else happened in 2022? SK aired their first Queer reality shows, one being To Me(a)rry Queer and and the other being His Man. In 2023, His Man 2 will give us our first successful real-life queer couple, who are our beloved couple Junseong and Seongho (together known as Junseongho). They are the first queer couple to ever appear on Dazed magazine and we are all familiar with Dazed, it is not the front page like our boys get, but we all know how big of a deal this is, right?

You know what else happened in 2023? Remember that Daegu Queer Culture Festival I was talking about? The Mayor of Daegu (big Christian sympathiser) tried to stop this festival which includes the Parade and many other events, even though the Court ruled it was okay for the Festival to be carried out. The Mayor gathered other supporters and pulled up to the group, but the Daegu Police protected the Festival and removed the mayor and his “friends” from the premises. This was big and made news worldwide.

In fact, Daegu’s Queer Culture Festival is the second largest one in the country, after Seoul’s. This is mainly possible because the Local Authorities (such as the police) are quite independent in belief from their present Mayor and the Christian factions. In contrast, for example, Busan’s Queer Culture Festival had a two year run but was then cancelled in 2019. Unfortunately, in Busan, The Mayor, the Local Authorities and the Christian factions are buddy-buddies making it much harder to get protection and permissions, aaaaaand things like that, kids, is why it is super important to vote for your local administration as well.

Even though these are all very important stepping stones, SK is nowhere close to being the UK, obviously. The LGBTQ community still has to get all their core rights being legalised, and queer people can still be subject to random ass attacks, such as the singer Holland had in 2022, which, by the way, also still occasionally does happen in the UK and everywhere else in the Queer World. Which is a general minority reality I’m afraid.

Furthermore, it is still illegal to have sex on base, which the country maintains that they are upholding because they are trying to prevent possible sexual assaults not too mad about this tbh, which is a valid concern, but most importantly they now know that the world is watching and why is that important? Because, for example, even though they are now separated, one of the boys from the Me(a)rry Queer couples enlisted around the same time with JK & JM and from his posts and photo-booth pictures that other soldiers posted of him, he seems to be making friends and to be comfy as comfy as you can get while serving, kinda like Joonie and most likely JM & JK

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Not quite the attitude of someone fearing a witch-hunt, right? But then again, there isn’t much to hunt when you are already out, it is afterall illegal to hunt people and the world is now aware; is there? …

Now back to the general people of SK. According to a survey conducted in 2023 last year, 56% of South Koreans still oppose same-sex marriage (in comparison with only 26% of Japanese). 56% is not bad but then 72% don’t want queer people in their neighbourhoods and workplace, though 81% think that it is not right to terminate people because of their sexual orientation 4 steps ➡️3 steps ⬅️… … … Basically it’s okay to be queer here as in SK, but not here-here, perhaps over there like a queer only neighbourhood or something which at the moment is the Itaewon district.

So yes, 2024 Queer SK is still struggling though they are not going to be overtly nasty about it, because the world is watching. I mean, don’t get me wrong, progress is progress and we love to see that, it is actually amazing, but there still needs to be a general environment where LGBTQ rights in SK need to be recognised and for queer Koreans to not be discriminated against in their social/work/family life. It is also great that Queer media is trying to transition more and more from only BL to actual Queer Drama, for example I am really looking forward to watching Love In The Big City which btw also stars Kim Go Eun.

There is still work to be done, but I think Jung Cueri, a lesbian woman who helps with the Seoul Queer Culture Festival, says it best (here is the full article https://www.dw.com/en/why-are-south-koreans-less-welcoming-of-lgbtq-neighbors/a-68698268 ):

“I think the attitudes of younger generations of Koreans are getting better," she said, pointing out that young LGBTQ+ individuals "tend to come out sooner to their families, in their workplaces and schools than my generation because they are more aware of their sexuality through social media and exposure to various discussions that are more tolerant of LGBTQ+ people." And the cultural festival can help to be a catalyst to change further, she believes. "It will get better," she said. "And that is why the organizers and everyone else involved in the festival are working so hard; they know that Korean society will get better, and they want to contribute to that.

From where I stand it seems Hopeful, Queerful, if you may.

So, Fighting!, Queer South Korea!

Always respectfully yours,

Marengo.

#Rambling in INFJese #Queer SK #Hopeful Queer Struggle #Instagram

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