#[[silly strings.txt : out of character]]

[number1salesman1997]

(sorry, that ask was in reference to the tenna stuff in ch3)

((I'll be honest, I haven't played the next few chapters yet. I don't have a lot of money for video games so I planned on waiting until the full release to buy it properly. If anyone's got an LP that gives you the full experience or close to it, then I'll give it a look when I can, though. Unfortunately I also don't have much time to watch very long things, but I'll get through it eventually.))

[number1salesman1997]

this is not the canon reason that my NEO looks the way he does but once i joked about it my mind would not know peace until i drew it

[number1salesman1997]

((like this post for targeted advertisements :^) some of you have been too safe from the spam for too long, hehehe))

[number1salesman1997]

(( That art of 11 foot tall NEO is driving me nuts. 

Do you know what it would mean if he was that goddamn big. 

11 feet is seriously pushing giant robot territory. I had previously headcanoned that he was loaded into the robot in sentient item form as the LoadedDisk...but at 11 ft, tiny gremlin puppet Spamton could literally just fit inside of him. 

What I’m saying is what if he’s a mech. 

Spamton Genesis Spamtongelion.... ))

[number1salesman1997]

(( like this post for a starter! i might post them spread out over the course of the day but i’ll get to everybody eventually ))

[number1salesman1997]

going to bed, but first! muse nicknames/insults...?

Spambot

Sleazeball

Noodle scheister

Crusty old man

Enlongated birdrat

Feral mailman

Ponzi buddy

Dumpsterfuck

And...grease! Just grease!!

[number1salesman1997]

sunday again? no problem

some soft/romantic spam headcanons, mostly wholesome, some weird, and like 1 is mildly spicy if you squint because i don’t honestly have anything truly “sinful” about spamton for sinday

Spamton hasn’t had many real friends, much less relationships, so at least at first, he might brush off affection at first or even outright reject it if he's feeling down on himself. He's depressive at times, so he doesn't always feel like he deserves it. He can be kind of depressive, so he can be distant and in need of reassurance.

Other times, he is an absolute little sponge for attention and can be downright clingy. Hope you like being prodded with a long hard nose because beaky nuzzles. He loves being affectionately patted and groomed/fussed over, and is basically touch starved so he WILL cry sometimes over it. Unprompted compliments, petnames, etc. will make him hyperventilate with glee.

Likes to smell and lick and sometimes pocket things belonging to the object of his affections like an absolute creep so have fun with that too

Gets extremely stressed and overwhelmed easily. He can go from little red circle cheeks to full blown red face in under a minute. Might short out a bit if he becomes too flustered.

He will always be wanting to do the sleazy arm-loop-around-the-waist. Particularly in public spaces. He is not especially possessive but he would definitely want to “show off” that he is loved and that this person is “his” in a way.

Spamton’s love languages are gift giving and spending quality time with the subject of his affections. If he knows something they like, he’s going to get them That Thing Only in excess until they say something about it. In addition to this, Spamton being an enjoyer of awful jank will often gift people things that just. Suck. However if you explicitly tell him anything you want him to buy for you, he will single-mindedly pursue the capital to buy the thing for you even if he goes broke in the process because he can “JUST EARN MORE KROMER [[rofl]]” He also wants to spend every waking moment with his specil person so that he can be there just in case they have need of him. He wants to feel like he’s useful and important to those he loves.

Spamton’s idea of a fun date is a long walk through town (aka an excuse to go shopping), going for a fly above town (aka an excuse to show off his wings while conveniently getting to hold somebody), going to see a movie (and watching all of the ads like it’s part of the experience), and honestly just. Consumerism. Any kind of holiday that involves consumerism will result in Spamton blowing stoopid money on relevant purchases for that someone. Hope you fucking LOVE Christmas and Valentine’s Day.

He will ask to borrow money for ridiculous harebrained business ideas and you probably won’t get that money back.

He will call and text you. All the time. At all hours of the day. "SAW A SNAIL TODAY. [[effervescent]]”

If anyone is rude or threatening toward the object of his affections he will steal their credit card information. Doesn’t matter if they’re in a relationship or not. He’ll do this for good friends sometimes too. But if it’s more than a friend he will go out of his way to RUIN them financially and then spend the money on that person.

If he ever ended up in a proper relationship with anyone he would brag about his s/o constantly, in both wholesome and less wholesome ways. He would YES want people to know he has a partner and shoehorn them into conversation so he looks good, but he would also talk them up a lot and tell people about why they’re so great and be sure everyone knows how special they are.

And if you want anything ~spicy~ I hope you like 46 year old virgins because even during the success years he never really got close enough to anyone to sdfjjakgkljer kge;rlsl;a fjre ;

[number1salesman1997]

PIPIS NEST CANON???????

[number1salesman1997]

a PSA about RPC drama

please forgive my long post because i promise to you that i say what i say with peace and love, even if it is a bit of tough love.

i don’t normally make a habit of butting my nose into drama when it has not personally involved me, but when it comes to misinformation, willful ignorance, and blanket statements about what constitutes “petty drama” well, that really gets my goat.

when you find a callout post for someone in your community, i BEG you to consider evidence when it is shown to you. i beg you to look over ALL such evidence and DO NOT skip any of it. 

i know some of us with autism, adhd, dyslexia, and probably other issues have issues reading through large blocks of text. trust me, i have 2/3 of those things so believe me when i say i empathize with you there. i would advise you to take a step back for the sake of your own mental health in such cases, perhaps read things piece by piece at a pace that is most comfortable to you. 

but after you are feeling better, i BEG you to do this not for anyone else’s sake necessarily, but at least do YOURSELF the favor to BE INFORMED and come to a decision yourself once you have ALL the evidence laid out in front of you, but you HAVE to read it ALL if you want to be properly informed.

and i know some of us don’t like conflict. i know we are here because this is our hobby and that when things get in the way of that hobby that make it difficult for us to enjoy this hobby in a way that is lighthearted and fun it can be discouraging. it can be upsetting. it can cause anxiety and worse. 

nobody wants to lose interaction. nobody wants to lose friends. nobody wants to deal with shitty people, and nobody wants to deal with clique behavior.

it is up to YOU to decide what accusations you think are petty and what you think is worth concern with regard to internet drama, so i’m not going to tell anybody what to think. all i can say is what i do and do not personally have moral disagreements with, draw my lines in the sand where i feel it is prescient, and ask others to do the same.

BUT.

sometimes these uncomfortable conversations NEED to be had for the sake of the safety of those of us in the community who are vulnerable, and this behavior of making a blanket statement to dismiss ALL callouts as clique behavior is extremely unhelpful and antithetical to having a proper conversation about ANY kind of serious or harmful topic.

and while there IS a nuanced discussion to be had about the nature of callouts and what i’m going to call “cancelling by association” for lack of any other real term for what to call it (because trust me, while THIS blog is new, i’ve been around the block in the wider tumblr RPC over seven years now. i’ve seen it happen in real time) 

sometimes, when you go through all the evidence that has been shown to you, you have to pick a side. and whether that side includes those who choose to associate with pernicious individuals and how many degrees removed one can be before being “cancelled by association” as it were, is also up to individual discretion. i can’t and won’t tell you where to draw that line.

but surely we are all at least mature enough to realize that sometimes there are simply NOT two sides to an issue where everyone can meet in the middle and agree to disagree and make up at the end of the day to preserve friendships. it is a child’s logic to assume that all disputes can end in this way.

some issues are polarizing for GOOD reasons. some issues are polarizing because one side does not want to promote things which are harmful, and one side disagrees that there is even harm being DONE. these two viewpoints are utterly incompatible.

and while there is ALSO a nuanced discussion to be had about the exact degree to which fiction effects reality, i think we are also all mature enough to recognize when someone shows a clear pattern of behavior in promoting inc*stuous and p*doph*lic content that there is very little if any nuance to be discussed.

if one has TRULY gone over ALL evidence shown, to then dismiss those of us upset by such behavior, especially those among us who are minors and/or survivors of inc*stual ab*se, is childish and cowardly at best, and makes you a convenient smokescreen for predators at worst.

if you do this, then i hate to break it to you ARE as harmful as the offenders themselves in my eyes, because you are being so god damn dishonest and muddying the waters of the discussion at hand.

and at the risk of sounding overly paternalistic i am VERY disappointed in some of you for trying to silence people in the name of “keeping the peace”.

at least be honest about deciding where your moral boundaries lie instead of crying bully when your friends are being called out for what by all accounts is A DAMN GOOD REASON

learn to have the tough conversations when they demand to be had instead of trying to vilify the people who are most hurt by such misconduct, and grow the fuck up.

[number1salesman1997]

(( as much as spamton enjoys luxury goods, i also like to think he has a sort of “horseshoe” theory attitude toward the quality of a given thing. 

so while he enjoys nice suits, fancy cars, and has the most luxurious bedsheets known to darkner, he ALSO conversely will deliberately purchase items he can tell are scams from experience just to obtain the hilarious bootlegs.

he would order one of those awful and unnecessarily expensive gold leaf encrusted foods they order in those buzzfeed Worth It videos and the fact that it tastes underwhelming or even awful whilst being extremely expensive would legitimately be a selling point for him.

and additionally his favorite director is neil breen. 

the evidence: computer hacking, evil corporate businessmen, weird religious references, shitty stilted dialogue, music by stockmusic.net, a convoluted process is required to even purchase these films in the first place, and all of the main characters are played by neil breen himself and are the coolest most infallible dudes ever in hilarious shows of incompetence in writing that neil breen himself is so egotistical as to be entirely oblivious to. total spam move. he watched i am here....now and was like “wow...kin”. 

and THAT’S!!! my sleep deprivation headcanon of the day ))

[number1salesman1997]

(( sorry for the lack of activity lately, my back has been absolutely killing me. the pain has not fully gone away for weeks now. the only thing keeping me going most days is either self medicating or “self medicating” and even when i’m in bed on mobile, the time it takes to write everything i want to say is so slow and frustrating that i just haven’t been feeling it at all tbh ))

[number1salesman1997]

i see a lot of people taking asks but i can’t possibly keep up with them all just on the dash so like this post if you’re accepting trick or treating asks to receive a NEO in your inbox!

[number1salesman1997]

detailed zoom on the face, plus open-eyed version/alt expression

[number1salesman1997]

(( also tumblr has decided it would be mega cool to just. not show. certain drafts of mine on certain devices. and then also suddenly make them completely unavailable on either device for SOME REASON????? so now they are just like, completely gone into the aether???? so if i had any threads going that i had replies drafted for they are all gone and because my brain is a sieve i have no idea what any of them were and i am really really sorry but i have no idea what the fuck going on ))

[number1salesman1997]

deltarune fandom: NOOOO, DON’T DRAW SEXYMAN SPAMTON IT’S CRIIIIINGE

me: ♪ ♫ how bout i do anyway ♩ ♬

[number1salesman1997]

(( i used to be confused about the spamton thirst but then i saw a few very good pieces of fanart and i have to say...i am NOT immune to propaganda! ))