#‘ & scheherazade at five am ▬▬ [ prompt . ]

[howlinchickhowl]

🎶🎶 Music tag game 🎶🎶

@heymrspatel and @notherenewjersey both tagged me to do this cute little music tag game, thanks pals!

Rules: List the last five songs you listened to

The last thing I listened to, similar to Julissa, was just an album straight up and so in the interest of interest, I'm gonna do one song off that album, the one that prompted me to listen to the whole thing, and then the next five songs i listened to before that lol.

And that's alllll she wrote! This was such a nice little one to play, I am tagging the last five people in my notes, @pookiebearmick @cantgobackto-sd @highqualitymercy @somewheresomedaysomeone and @sirrudo. And anyone else who wants to play <3

[behld]

tags 01.

[abeautifulblog]

Where's this thing gonna end?

So I've changed my answer a few times when people have asked how much is left in the fic -- here's the behind-the-scenes.

Originally it was going to be a one-shot -- just that first chapter, a static portrait of depression and alcoholism. The ending of it caught people off-guard, because we expect change and progress in our narratives, so it's disconcerting to reach the end and get neither. It begins with Robert miserable and hungover, alone in the dark except for Betsy, and it ends with him miserable and drunk, alone in the dark except for Betsy, no improvement, not even any cause for hope. It’s a rude thing to do to readers, but that’s what alcoholism and depression is.

And then the bake sale chapter came to me; I don't recall the inspiration, and initially I was apprehensive of the reception it would get because it was so very different in tone from the first chapter. But hey, it turns out people like seeing Robert have a good day too, and together those two stories didn't form any real meta structure, but I could live with that.

And then, Scheherazade-like, the same night I posted “The Zara Shirt," my brain furnished me with the complete plot for “This House Just Sings (This House Just Screams).” And suddenly the chapters started getting harder to write, because suddenly they mattered more. It wasn't just about Robert's depression anymore, or his fluffy escapist romance with Gene, it was also really, really important to me that people understood just how fucking terrible Joseph is, that there is nothing sexy about psychological abuse, and goddamn this fucking fandom and their hard-on for shipping Robert with Joseph. Usually I don't care if people like a pairing that I'm not into -- Steve/Tony? Sure, you do you, bro -- but this... christ almighty.

At best, Joseph is a manipulative serial adulterer who took advantage of someone mentally ill and grieving. At worst, you're shipping Robert with his rapist. If you like Robert, you shouldn't want him anywhere near Joseph, and I could write a thousand words of meta on the subject -- or I could write a fic that delivers the same message.

Anyway, after that installment, the series had developed enough that I felt it deserved some closure before I stopped. As I was working on “This House,” I was also kicking around some ideas for the next chapter to be something more lighthearted, as a palate cleanser -- a romp in which Robert and Mary scheme to trick Gene into getting a dog. Then after that, I thought, would be the closing chapter, featuring some important conversations between Robert and Gene, showing what lasting change looks like for someone like Robert, and ending on a note that is not without complications, but hopeful. (Kind of like the ending of the game.) Five chapters in all, three serious installments with two lighter interludes.

Except it didn't happen that way, because after "This House" my brain was like "lol okay but what if you wrote a sex comedy about Gene and Alex and Craig and Smashley having a foursome instead?" And after that my ideas started wandering more toward Gene's angle (*cough* and Alex) and we got three Gene-centric chapters in a row -- “The In-Laws,” “Her Dad's Dumb Crush,” and Gene's remix of “The Zara Shirt.” And with each chapter, Alex became more and more integral to Gene's world, and rightfully so -- you don't love and live with someone for fifteen years without shaping each other. Gene's history is so deeply wrapped up in Alex, all the major touchstones of his life have involved Alex, all his beliefs about what relationships should be and how to make them work were formed by his experiences with Alex.

And it was while I was writing the foursome chapter that it stopped being a coincidence that Robert and Gene hadn't had sex yet, and crystallized as yet another thing that Robert had issues about -- which is why the chapter that wound up coming out next was the morning-after coda, “After the Storm,” when they finally acknowledge the existence of those issues. And it meant that the ending wasn't simply a matter of getting around to writing a sex scene (and addressing the alcoholism, and addressing the depression), it also needed to work through the intimacy issues that Robert's Joseph-related PTSD had left him with.

(That's part of what delayed the sex comedy -- that in the original version, it was Robert who prompted it, and Gene told the story to him, not Mary. But halfway through, it became blindingly clear that this is not a story Gene can tell Robert. Not at this point in their relationship; Robert is already wildly insecure about his worth as a partner and how he measures up to Alex's memory, and struggling with his hangups about sex. Listening to a story about how much Gene adored Alex (and all the crazy awesome uninhibited sex they had) would have gutted him. So it got overhauled, and Robert got swapped out for Mary and her more neutral, prurient curiosity.)

And that means the ending isn't just addressing the romance, and the substance abuse, and the depression, and the PTSD, Robert also needs to reconcile himself to the memory of Alex and the place that he's always going to hold in Gene's heart.

So yeah, I admit, I keep moving the goalposts.

But what makes an ending satisfying is whether it provides proper closure and forms symmetry with the rest of the story. And as the story evolves, so too does the ending need to, or you're going to wind up with a Harry Potter epilogue situation -- a jarring return to primary colors after the story has broadened into shades of gray. Delving deeper into Robert's character and his myriad issues has meant reassessing where the finish line needs to be -- and for Robert, the finish line has never been about sex, or even romance, really. They show that in the game -- that his good ending isn't about getting to shag the Dadsona, it's about finding the will to change and finding someone who cares about him enough to support him in that endeavor.

So I wouldn't say that I have a plan for the ending exactly -- I'm still playing it by ear and letting the story unfold as it wants to -- but I do know what it needs to accomplish and I am building toward that resolution, not just meandering around pointlessly. It'll probably cap out around 100k~120k, because novel-length is the only way I know how to tell a story.

Now if I could just get over this fucking writer's block that leaves my head full of stories but without the words to tell them.

[solvecrimeandjuicelimes]

The Avengers play Tale of the Arabian Nights

I decided to fill my own prompt and write the Avengers playing board games, this is the first of a series. It’s also on Ao3

“Ok, game night everyone.” Tony announced to the group, a pile of various games resting atop it. Clint sorted through the large collection, trying to figure out which would be the best, immediately setting aside games like Werewolf and Resistance, not really in the mood for the shouting that would occur. Steve appeared perplexed at the different games, he used to play them a bit with his mum, but none as varied as the pile in front of him. One game stood out to him though, the name intriguing him.              “What’s this one?” He asked, picking up a game entitled Tales of the Arabian Nights.

             Clint looked up and grinned at the same time Tony said, “Fantastic, based off the tales of the Arabian Nights, obviously, great fun, lots of different things can happen in it.”              “Shotgun Sinbad,” Clint yelled, going to tackle the game off Steve.              “Nope, my game Legolas, you can be Ali Baba.”

             “But you played Sinbad last time!”              “Don’t care, my game my rules, if you’ve got a problem, go play exploding kittens with someone else.”              Clint grumbled slightly, but eventually allowed Tony to have the character her wanted, knowing it was no good to argue, and decided to use Aladdin, if only to go against Tony’s suggestion. Steve carefully read each character profile, before deciding on Ali Baba, Bruce grabbed one at random, and ended up with Ma’aruf, while Natasha enjoyed the back story of Zumurrud, leaving Thor with Scheherazade.

             “So how do we play this?” Bruce asked.              “It’s really simple, we move our characters around the map, and at each location we have an encounter where we draw form this deck. Then the person on the left of the active player will have this book.” Clint pointed to a rather thick tome that Steve had looked through earlier, it was full of different scenarios, with Book of Tales written on the front. “then the person on the right will have this reaction matrix.” He waved a thin sheet in the air. “Everyone has a board with the various reactions you can do on it. When an encounter happens, you’ll get a number, then you roll one of the d6s, add the number on the area you’re on and then decide your reaction. The person with the Book of Tales will tell you the matrix, then, once you decide your action, the person with the matrix will inform you of a number, you then roll this dice.” Clint held up a strange dice, two sides had a plus, two side had a minus, while the last two were blank. “This decides which tale you’ll use. Now everyone choose enough destiny and story to add up to twenty, can be both ten, or any other combination. Then draw three random skills, and finally everyone gets a quest to get themselves started.”              There was a made rush as each avenger set up their character, wealth tokens were placed, as were story and destiny markers.              Each avenger ended up with the following characters;              Tony; Sinbad – Piety, Seduction, Magic.              Clint; Aladdin – Wilderness Law, Bargaining and Evaluation, Stealth and Stealing.              Steve; Ali Baba – Luck, Weapon Use, Storytelling.              Bruce; Ma’arf – Seduction, Quick Thinking, Appearance.

             Natasha; Zumurrund – Courtly Graces, Enduring Hardship, Wilderness Law.              Thor; Scheherazade – Seduction, Stealth and Stealing, Enduring Hardship.

 Two hours into the games, Clint was married and in prison, Tony was on pilgrimage after being scorned due to rejecting a beloved, Bruce, much to everyone’s amusement, was turned into a beast after annoying a Djinn, Thor had changed genders and was Blessed, Natasha had become a respected Sultan, and Steve was a determined, grief stricken, vizier, and also closest to winning.

             At this point, it was Clint’s turn, with Tony to his left and Thor to his right.              “I rolled a five, so I encounter a…” Clint picked up his Imprisoned status, “Mad Jailer, fuck. Ok, I will honour, the Mad Jailer.”

             Thor looked down at the matrix in his hand, “What was your role on the destiny dice?”              “Plus.”              “Stark, look at number 1523.”              Tony flicked to the passage in the book and said, “Do you have courtly graces, or acting in disguise?”

             Despite the rather large collection of skills Clint had accumulated, neither of the listed were among them. “Shit, no.”              “Ok, then. The Jailer sneers at your words. No Skill; ‘You are obviously unused to the discourse with civilised men.’ Wow this knows you so well.”              Everyone at the table laughed while Clint shoved him lightly, “Just read the passage.”              “Ok, ok, ‘I will hold my displeasure this time, but do not speak to me again without learning the behaviour of courteous folk.’ Destiny one.”              “That, actually went pretty well, though I am still in prison. You’re turn Tony.”

After another hour of playing, Steve ended up victorious, though everyone argued that the true winner was Clint, who never escaped prison and ended up with my status effects which each turn. Joking that his family was suffering because of it. Though Thor was the most enthusiastic, and was the best at reading out the tales.

             “That was actually a lot of fun, we’ll have to have more board game nights, though maybe next time one that doesn’t last so long?” Steve said once the game was packed away.

             “Of course spangles, I’m sure we can find one that’s shorter, there’s a lot of games out there after all.”