#「ᵐᵉᵗᵃ ᵗᵃᵍ」ᵗʰᵉ ᶜʳᵒʷ ᶤˢ ᵗʰᵉ ʳᵃᵛᵉᶰ'ˢ ᵖᵒᵒʳ ᶜᵒᵘˢᶤᶰ

[killthebxy]

i have so many mixed feelings about the season finale.

so.

many.

mixed.

feelings.

and i don’t really know where to start... so i think i’ll start at the end. and i’ll start by making a separation in my analysis.

1. if we look at s08 ep6 on its own

          i’ve been writing Jon Snow since January 24th, 2017. s07 happened during April-May 2017, if i remember well? which means, some of you who’ve been with me from the start of my blog have watched me watching s07; have watched my reactions and my opinions and my rants. ever since then, i have been very open and very vocal about how much i loathed the idea of Jon as the rightful heir to the Iron Throne, and Jon eventually sitting this throne as king --- those of you who’ve followed me for less time also likely know this very well, because gods know i never shut up about it. so, considering the finale that Jon had... someone might tell me: you must be very happy! and, well... i am very happy. i was not made to see Jon sitting the throne. i was not made to see everyone call him Agony and hail him and glorify him. i got to see him wearing his black cloak again and returned to where he belongs --- away from thrones and kings and queens, away from the ungrateful northern lords, making peace with the free folk. hell, i even got to see him hugging Ghost, imagine. who would have thought, Jon Snow loves his soulmate more than his own life. sarcasm aside... yesterday, i told a couple of you that i had two final, very little requests of ep6: i wanted to see Jon crying (because i had read the leaks, and thus i knew what to expect) and i wanted to see those beautiful curls freed from the bun. and i got this. i got to see, FINALLY, after weeks, Jon Snow and not Agony Targaryen. loyal to the end, struggling with the cruel decision he had to make, quoting master Aemon, accepting his fate, doing his duty no matter the cost --- as he once did with Ygritte. if we look at this episode only, i got everything i ever hoped for, and for this i am grateful. and yet...

2. we cannot look at s08 ep6 on its own

          and this is where it all begins and ends. because ep6 does not exist on its own. does not exist in a void. nothing of what happened came out of spontaneous generation. Dany wasn’t suddenly the mad queen. Tyrion wasn’t suddenly clever again. Grey Worm wasn’t suddenly thirsty for blood and revenge. Jon Snow wasn’t suddenly Jon Snow and not Agony Targaryen. and this is why everything in this season is irredeemable to me, no matter how much i loved Jon’s finale if we look at it objectively and pragmatically.

          do you know why i love George’s writing so much? it’s not for the prose --- very honestly, 90% of the persons i roleplay with write better than him. it’s not completely for the storyline, either, though it is amazing --- very honestly, some of the book chapters are boring and long and fillers and with descriptions and details that no one cares about. i love George’s writing, however, for his absolutely brilliant talent to manage such a vast universe. he’s got so many major characters, thrice as many minor characters, even more characters that only appear at the end of the books, listed as part of the great houses and such. the experience of reading A Song of Ice and Fire, and least for me, was that --- you get to a point you lose track of what’s going on, exactly because there is SO MUCH going on. so many characters, so many stories, so many destinies. and i remember myself often asking: how the hell will some of this make sense in the end, this is huge and so complex. and then... then you get to A Dance with Dragons... and, fuck, it does make sense. ALL of it starts tying together. all the details, all the little plot twists, all the symbolism, all the foreshadowing --- it all comes around and ties together, it all makes sense. all these many, many parts come together in a whole --- and this is why i praise George so much. this is why i admire his writing so much. because, even if i am upset with some choices, it all makes sense. it all is fluid, coherent, so pleasing to read and to follow and so goddamn captivating.

          and then you look at s07 and especially s08... and you find nothing of this. where George does kill a lot of characters, he keeps the bulk of them and considers all of them --- and D&D simply kill them all off for not having any better use for them. where George writes intricate, complex, layered characters and 99% of them are purely made of grey areas and grey morals and so very few are completely good or completely evil --- and D&D turned them completely flat, shallow, predictable, cliché, borderline boring if not downright so. where George named this the world of ice and fire and makes it so that the big, overarching theme is flawed, very different humans trying to gather together to survive the common, legendary foe --- D&D were done with the Long Night in like 40 minutes, and the only thing dark about it was the terrible lighting that makes iconing ep3 a nightmare. and i could go on, but i think i’ve made my point. D&D haven’t the 10th of George’s talent --- and, hey, i can accept this. -i- don’t have the 10th of George’s talent for sure, and very few people in this world have the 10th of George’s talent when it comes to tying together such a huge, deep, complex plot. and i can live with this. i could live with predictable, cliché writing in s07, and still be able to enjoy it at least half the time. i wasn’t happy, but i was content.

          but s08? well. s08, the way i see it, was simply two things: 1) D&D trying to be George and trying to go for plot twists and trying to make a bittersweet ending of some sort... and then 2) D&D realizing they are as far from George as the Earth is from Pluto, and going fuck it we’ll resolve everything based on shock value. and i wish i was joking or exaggerating or being sarcastic --- but they have stated this themselves and are proud of it, apparently. you only have to google it and you’ll easily find it. these two gentlemen looked at, say, Daenerys, and asked themselves: we want her to be the mad queen in the end, what can we do to lead to this outcome? and they did it. it’s as simple and as linear as this. and literally everything and everyone, logic and common sense included, gets thrown under the rubble for the sake of making this happen. and this is why i have zero respect and zero credits for them, at the end of all things, even if i did love Jon’s finale when i look at it isolated from everything else.

because.

          yes, Jon Snow, the honorable man with a good, kind, merciful heart who does whatever needs to be done for the sake of his people, no matter the toll it takes on himself. check, this is the Jon i know and love. Jon Snow, not a glorified savior who succeeds where everyone else fails, not Azor Ahai reborn, but a tool, an instrument used to bring salvation --- Lightbringer itself. check, this is the Jon i know and love. Jon Snow, who was never destined for a happy ending, carrying the guilt and suffering the consequences of his decisions. check, this is the Jon i know and love. but what happened before this? what about everything that led him to this? 

          book!Jon and show!Jon were always different, this isn’t a new thing. even during seasons 1-5, where the show followed the book canon for the most part (at least in Jon’s case), they were already different. show!Jon has a lot more personal agency, in that he chooses to do a lot of the things he does --- while book!Jon tends to get sucked into the whole ordeal, and he tries to navigate it as well as he can. for an example: show!Jon offered himself to go with Qhorin Halfhand, book!Jon was chosen by Qhorin and caught by surprise and even lord commander Mormont was like ????. another example: show!Jon sends Grenn to hold the gate against Mag the Mighty and brings on himself the responsibility of commanding the Wall during the attack, book!Jon gets command imposed on him by Donal Noye and then again in the morning by master Aemon. again, i could go on and on, but i have made my point. regarding all this, while i do prefer book!Jon, i never hated show!Jon. some parts, even, like the battle at Hardhome, i honestly loved and i wish i could get that POV in the books.

          now, s06... post-revival. this is where the books-show rift happens for good, as they ran out of source material. very sincerely, i did not watch s06 as a whole --- i only watched Jon’s scenes. so if you ask me what was going on otherwise, i don’t know and i don’t really regret this choice. s06 Jon is a sort of limbo for me, because i cannot say if his portrayal was good or bad. clearly, this is when he starts making stupid decisions and being far more reckless, but... as mentioned, this is post-revival. this is a man who was stabbed in the heart by his own sworn brothers, who got wrenched back out of the grave, who immediately got told: hey you gotta keep fighting and you gotta start by going and reclaiming Winterfell and saving your little brother. given this context, can i judge him for not being himself? i can’t and i never did, which is why i accepted s06 (again, re: Jon Snow only) for what it was. and i was content with it, even if the revelation of his parentage for show!canon did not impress me.

          s07. this coincided with the birth and infancy of my blog, and honestly i was so excited to get to share this experience with everyone --- and this much was absolutely amazing. i was writing my Master’s thesis back then and i had a lot more free time, so i was able to stay up late and watch it live... and, boy, was that a ride. i had so much fun back then, and all of it thanks to my beautiful followers and friends who were there to live through this with me. but as far as the season itself went... yeah, that was the beginning of the end. because, unlike s06, Jon didn’t have excuses anymore to be stupid and reckless. and yet he still was. he still just grabbed a bunch of sturdy men and ventured into the fucking Frostfangs in the middle of winter without even bringing 1 (one) horse, just to name the most blatant of stupid examples. and the whole glorified superhero savior vibe? my good beans, i wrote a meta with 4000+ words to justify why that frozen lake scene was total bullshit and why Jon did die his second death there --- exactly out of spite for how much i hated it. how much i hated that D&D were turning the boy i love into a commercial protagonist who does the impossible and suffers no consequences and gets to have everyone else’s portrayal tossed under the wreck for the sake of glorifying him further. Rickon was already a plot device, Benjen Stark was a plot device, and i had the sinking feeling it would not stop there. s07 had bad and lazy writing, was terribly rushed and with very little character development, was pointing towards a very obvious and very cliché ending: Jon & Dany, the power couple, sitting the throne, having a baby, living happily ever after.

          and today... today i ask myself: how can you fuck up a plot so much, to the point where i wish i was made to see this cliché, predictable ending instead? i spent a year and a half whining about how much i did not want to see Jon sitting the throne... only to now look at the finale and be like --- sweet summer child, what did you know of fear. because, hey, yes, Jon was reborn from his ashes and Agony was cast aside and he got exactly the endgame i prayed for --- but at what cost? to get here, i had to see ALL the northern lords and half his family spitting on him for his decision to bend the knee. to get here, i had to see him literally say: it’s true, my name is Aegon Targayen. to get here, i had to see him avoiding Dany and not having the balls to talk to her about it until the very last moment. i had to see him plan the defenses of Winterfell like a complete stupid idiot who has no clue what he is doing. i had to see him forgetting Ghost is his soulmate. i was even deprived of the thing i love more in Kit’s acting, which is fighting on the ground --- for the sake of an epic dragon battle, yes, but that by rights he should not have survived. i was denied a one-on-one battle with the Night King, no matter who’d win and no matter who’d get to destroy the NK in the end. i got an epic moment of him roaring back at an undead dragon, yes, but what came in the next episodes got me to the point of headcanoning that he died during that moment. i had to see him not even mourn Edd’s death and going for Lyanna Mormont gods know why, who openly questioned and defied him. i had to see him being the by-the-book definition of a douchebag who sits drinking with friends and completely ignoring his girl who’d just lost one of her closest loved ones and was so clearly dissociating throughout that entire feast. i had to see him being described as so stupid that he obviously bent the knee for love and Dany was going to play him like a fiddle. i had to see him practically being made to choose between his family and the girl he loves. I HAD TO SEE HIM ABANDONING GHOST. i had to see him, again, pull away from Dany when she needed him most --- and, yes, in show!canon it is incest and all that, but you don’t have to fuck or kiss the girl you love to be there for her. i was denied, again, 1 (one) decent fighting scene on the ground because all he did at KL was to cut down a few soldiers with a few basic slashes.

          and, very frankly, what bothers and disgusts me the most out of all of this hellhole... i had to see character after character ruined, completely ruined in their essence, for the sake of stating: hey Jon Snow is a good guy! Rhaegal, who had to be butchered for the sake of triggering Dany and also because Dany and Jon and Tyrion were too stupid to remember Euron’s fleet still existed.  Missandei, who had to be butchered in chains for the sake of triggering Dany. Grey Worm, who had to be metaphorically butchered and turned into a blood-thirsty savage longing for blind revenge for the sake of Agony Targaryen, our lord and savior, being the merciful savior who claims pity for unarmed men. the women of King’s Landing, who had to be raped by northern soldiers, again for the sake of Agony being the good guy who saves one of them. and at the end of the day... Daenerys Targaryen. the little girl who wanted to go home and return to her house with a red door. who was exiled and sold and raped and harassed and humiliated and abused and betrayed and used and objectified. who made terrible choices more than once, yes and i erase none of them, but who made them with a good intention and who paid the price of said choices --- like Jon himself did, like we all, flawed human beings, do. the strong, willful, kind woman who heard Jon’s plea for help and went to save him and his men beyond the Wall and who lost one of her children for it. the queen who wanted to break the wheel and to make this world a better place. the breaker of shackles. Mhysa. she, who was never her father. reduced to this, for the sake of making Jon Snow the good honorable man who does his duty even at expense of his own interest and his own happiness.

          dear Mr. Daniel B. Weiss and dear Mr. David Benioff: do you know since when Jon Snow is a good honorable man who does his duty even at expense of his own interest and his own happiness? since always. since 283 AC. since far, far before you got your incompetent, untalented hands on him. and he never needed to be shown as one --- he was one. without the need to sacrifice 90% of the plot and the characters to make him seem so. he IS so. and this is why i’ll never forgive you, even if you did give me exactly the finale i wanted. because what you did to him, in order to bring him here? honestly, you deserve no redemption. ever. and if there is one thing that makes me extremely, utterly, earnestly happy today, it is that never again you will touch him. Jon Snow belongs to George, and he belongs to me, and he belongs to every beautiful talented roleplayer who writes him, and he belongs to every beautiful talented roleplayer who writes muses who interact with him. never to you, again. and for this i thank the old gods of the forest. today, Jon Snow is finally at rest. and, as of today, i can finally stop writing out of spite --- and return to writing because i love this boy.

[killthebxy]

i can’t believe it took me this long to realize it, but.

          i’ve been processing episode 3 for the past couple of days, and coming to terms with why i felt so underwhelmed by it but, at the same time, i did love the final outcome --- i.e., Arya, little sister, is the princess promised to bring the dawn. underwhelmed because to me it personally feels like the climax of the season will be about the Iron Throne, and it makes the threat of the Long Night seem like... just a minor hassle that had to be dealt with. which, in turn, it’s almost like everything Jon has been struggling to do for the past three seasons, aka get everyone to understand that they must unite and forget about petty wars that don’t matter --- was as good as nothing. this is what really bugs me, because it breaks my heart to never see this boy get 1% of the appreciation he deserves. yes, i am still bitter at the northern lords. i’m going to be forever bitter.

but then i had an epiphany.

          because my portrayal is book based --- even in show-only plots and threads, my struggle is always to try to bring Jon’s personality and psychological functioning in the books and adapt it to the show situations and, trust me, this is the one true struggle. but i was musing about this and i noticed a parallel --- this is the Night’s Watch all over again. no one ever thanked the Night’s Watch in general about everything they did, it’s not only about Jon. this entire realm always took them for granted, just this bunch of ragged guys in black that are freezing their balls off at the edge of the world to keep guard on grumkins and snarks. and honestly it gave me solace to realize this, odd as it may be --- because it only confirms my personal idea that it is there that Jon belongs.

and then i realized even further, episode 3 confirmed another of my favorite theories.

Arya Stark, the princess that was promised. again, Jon & myself are 100% here for this and to praise the little sister as she deserves.

          what does this make Jon, then? the one who brought the free folk into the realm, the one who united them with the sworn brothers, the one who took a knife in the heart for his people, the one who helped reunifying the North, the one who helped reclaiming Winterfell, the one who made allies with the Targaryen queen and by extension with Essos, the one who returned beyond the Wall and died there for the sake of bringing a wight to King’s Landing, the one who went to King’s Landing to try to make an alliance with the House that brought death and ruin to his family, the one who paid the price of being despised by his own liege lords for his decisions because he made them for a greater good, the one who was ready to fight the Night King eye on eye so that no one else would have to, the one who was ready to die fighting an undead dragon if this meant buying time for someone else to destroy the Night King and/or to avenge Viserion’s death?

what does this make Jon Snow? Jon Snow is not Azor Ahai, the savior.

Jon Snow is Lightbringer itself, a tool made to be used to bring salvation.

[killthebxy]

meta on exactly what jon would change in his reformation of the night's watch in spring verse, either in our own canon or outside of it?

— @zcldrizes​ —

          okay so! this is a big thing for me and i have a lot of emotions about it, so let me try to be as concise and clear as possible. also, friendly reminder that everything in this meta regards show canon only, for the obvious motive that none of this happens in the books (at least so far). so:

          at this point, it is no secret to anyone that my favorite Jon = lord commander Jon? and parts of s07 and the entire s08 have only confirmed it to me, that no offense but the North does not deserve my boy and i am 100% with Tormund when he states that Jon belongs in the REAL North. therefore, and this isn’t even a new thing because i have been pleading for this since s07, my endgame outcome for every show-based verse where Jon does not end up with Dany (for one motive or the other) is that he wants nothing to do with crowns or kings or queens or thrones, and he does return to the Night’s Watch.

now…

          one fact, the Wall was shattered at Eastwatch — however, the way i see it, this was a circumscribed occurrence, aka a bit of it was destroyed but the entire rest of the Wall still stands. i don’t believe it operates in a chain-reaction logic, in that one bit of the Wall is destroyed and the rest promptly follows — as far as we know, we would need the Horn of Joramun for this. therefore, there is still a lot of Wall left, so to speak. however, another fact is that the Night’s Watch is reduced to… possibly some 100-200 men in total, at this point, and assuming everyone at Castle Black and/or at the Shadow Tower was also not turned into wights. on the other hand, what good will the Watch be now that everything is over and peace has returned?

consider:

          the Wall was originally created, according to legend, by Bran the Builder with the help of the Children of the Forest and giants, with the objective to keep the Others away — only later it eventually became a mean of segregation towards the free folk. and, whereas the Long Night is now over, so it was 800 years ago and still it happened again in the series’ present time. thus…

          in the scenarios/verses i mentioned in that paragraph up there, my canon is that Jon returns to Castle Black with the intention to properly restore the Night’s Watch to its former honor and importance, and as a mean to ensure that what has happened will never again be forgotten — and, should the Others raise anew in a distant future, they will not be allowed to create as much chaos. for this, he will promote an official and formal alliance between the black brothers and the free folk, to reiterate the idea that human beings must stick together no matter what side of the Wall they’re born at. this will be Jon’s purpose in life.

now, what will change?

          the objective for short-term is to rebuild Castle Black and Eastwatch-by-the-Sea, then to restore all the abandoned castles and have them manned. also, to repopulate the Gift and the New Gift, so that the Watch will have its own food and other resources, as to not be so entirely dependent on donations from the rest of the realm (……or ridiculously large loans from the Iron Bank, but this is a tale for book!canon). eventually, and come spring, a long-term objective will be to expand into the haunted forest and possibly all the way over to the Fist of the First Men — so that the Fist will become the first and foremost fortress to keep an eye on the lands of always-winter, just in case something suspicious starts brewing again. also eventually, there will be a line of beacons linking the Fist with Castle Black, similar to the concept we see in The Lord of the Rings, to act as communication with Castle Black should there be a need to immediately prepare the defenses.

besides this, a note:

          in my verses where Jon does end up marrying the queen (usually Dany, but it can also be Cersei or literally anyone i plot with), i have always headcanoned that Jon does not take the title of king — rather, of consort. to this i now add that Jon is given the title of lord commander of the Night’s Watch once more, because he will be caring for and cooperating with his men even from a distance. in most of these verses, Jon is Rhaegal’s rider and therefore he can travel north much faster than by any other common means — which eases this process by a great deal.

finally, and related to this last notion:

          considering, in some verses, Jon will be married to the queen, he will suggest a change to the Night’s Watch’s vows — because, if he is not forsaking love and a wife and children himself, he would never demand his men do it. he will propose a democratic solution: once everything is set in motion and the black brothers’ number grows, a voting will happen and the brothers themselves will decide if they wish to keep the tradition of the vows or not. to be clear — one will still sear a vow to the gods they keep, to become the shield that guards the realms of men (to take no part in the politics of the realm, etc), but they will not be forced to swear vows of celibacy anymore, should the voting decide so. the only exception to this will be the vows of the maesters, because this is a matter of the Citadel and Jon would not want to claim responsibility over it.

re: the free folk, and according to what already happens in A Dance with Dragons, they will not be demanded to bend the knee to no one, nor to swear the vows — provided they vow to obey whoever will be their superior;

once everything is more settled and the voting is done, women and girls of age will be allowed to take the black, should they want to;

no one will ever be forced to take the black again, like it used to happen to criminals — you will join out of your own free choice, and the lords of each region will deal with their troubles rather than to send persons to the Wall like it is the realm’s dumpster and as a cheap way to get rid of their own responsibility.

[killthebxy]

why is Jon Snow roaring back at a dragon? --- a smol meta

          we need to look at this by parting this specific moment into three smaller ones. first and foremost, Jon’s only goal at the moment is to get to the godswood --- to protect Bran and to try to destroy the Night King. at the yard, though, his way is blocked by undead!Viserion. there is no time to go find an alternate route, and therefore Jon knows his best option is to try to sneak around the dragon and pray he isn’t noticed.

moment 1           this is what Jon tries to do, exactly. he’s trying to survive, obviously, and he’s trying to be as inconspicuous as possible. we see him trying to make use of the tunnels and passages, trying to hide himself behind rocks and debris as to not be noticed. considering there’s wights pouring in, however, he’s forced to go out in the open and to expose himself --- and eventually Viserion sees him. i have no doubt that, should he want it, Viserion would have either gone for Jon immediately or just knocked over half of the castle on top of him --- but i don’t think i’m wrong in assuming, at the moment, he’s on guard duty. his main objective is to keep the route to the godswood closed off, because at this point the Night King is there. Jon is fully aware he’s running out of time, so he risks a dash outside again to retrieve Longclaw --- but, again, he’s seen and he has no choice but to shield himself behind that rock.

moment 2           at this point, Viserion is fully locked onto Jon --- he’s not moving, he knows Jon is behind that rock and is ready to strike as soon as Jon makes himself apparent. and Jon knows this as well... and i have no doubt he firmly believes he’s going to die in this moment. there is no way he can ilude Viserion’s watch, there is no way he can get to the godswood. the Night King is going to kill Bran along with everyone who may yet still live there, and will consummate the Long Night. and thus Jon knows the only choice he has left is how he wants to die --- either hiding, or face to face with a dragon.

moment 3           this isn’t just any dragon, though. this isn’t just a monster, this isn’t a stranger --- this is one of Dany’s children and this is the child who died because she chose to go save him and his men beyond the Wall. and this is what triggers everything. i headcanon that Jon feels extremely guilty for Viserion’s death, precisely because he considers it is his fault that Dany and the dragons where there in that moment to start with; he did not give her anything in return before that moment (i.e., bending the knee), and she went to his rescue nonetheless and she lost a child for it. and this is also why, back in that moment, Jon wanted to charge at the Night King on his own like a madman --- because he was a madman in the moment, mad with anger for Dany’s grief. and right now he’s face to face with the creature that Viserion has become... he wishes Dany could be the one to put him to rest, but that is out of option at this point --- Jon firmly believes they are all going to die, it’s just a matter of minutes. add to this my headcanons for the days before the battle, where Jon has been entirely focused on setting up the defenses and barely eating or sleeping and also repressing everything he learned from Sam in the crypts (re: in my canon, that he is the son of Ashara Dayne but, generally speaking, that Dany never told him of burning the Tarlys), which ultimately ends in a semi fight with Dany before the battle --- this is when he snaps for good, and this is when he grows completely and absolutely reckless. he is going to die, he cannot do anything anymore to protect his loved ones, he probably cannot even slay Viserion as a gift of mercy --- but he is going to at least die in the attempt. when he stands up, his idea is to beckon in Viserion and have him snap his jaw at him, hoping that at the perfect timing he’ll be able to slide Longclaw into the dragon’s mouth and therefore shatter him by means of a blade made of Valyrian steel. and likely the jaw will snap right over him at the same time, but that doesn’t matter anymore. if he can do this last gesture to redeem himself for Viserion’s death, he will --- and this is why Jon Snow roars back at a dragon. it’s out of desperation, out of grief, out of guilt and regret that he cannot do better than this, but also out of sheer determination to right this wrong. because he is no Stark, but he could die like one.

[killthebxy]

a smol meta; re: Jon Snow and the independence of the North

          this is just a brief appointment, as i have come to realize this is a huge thing that keeps being tossed against Jon --- you abandoned your people, you gave up your home, you offered the North to a foreign invader queen. i’m not going to go in-depth into my position about the whole “you bent the knee for love”, because i’ve ranted enough in a lot of different metas (i’ve been ranting about this since s07ep6 tbh), and i’ll simply but categorically state: Jon did not bend the knee for love, he bent the knee for coming to realize Daenerys has the potential to be a just and noble and kind ruler --- whether he’s right or wrong, that is up to each one’s judgment, but the point is this one. because i’ll say it again and i’ll say it forever: since when does Jon Snow put his interests before his duty and before his people’s well being? that’s right: never. so this case is closed.

          with this out of the way --- i’m going to be very clear. i don’t think Jon is thinking about the North’s independence at all --- not as in, he doesn’t want it or doesn’t care for it, but in the sense that it isn’t a priority at all. they got to know that the Night King now has an undead dragon, they got to know Cersei betrayed them and has an army of 20,000 sellswords ready to finish them off if the Dead don’t, they got to know the wights are already as far into the realm as Last Hearth --- do you honestly believe it is sensible to think about preaching independence right now? honestly? yes, i also do understand Sansa’s perspective, in that she’s the one at least apparently more adamant about this --- she, of all people, has suffered under the hand of southron royalty. i do not deny her this. my point is simply: PRIORITIES. which is exactly what Jon tried to convey to Cersei, at the Dragonpit. there’s 99% chance we are all going to die, and instead of gathering up you are all so worried about who gets to rule what in the future? because we won’t have a future if we don’t unite, and THIS is what seems to be so goddamn hard to understand gods know why.

          now, one final note. is it possible for Jon to completely separate his sentiments from his decisions? no, of course not. he’s a human being like any other, and he has his own prejudice and bias. it’s impossible to look at Dany, at this point, and not see the woman he loves beyond the queen he chose to swear fealty to. i do not deny this at all --- my point is, this personal sentiment is reflected on his actions and decisions only by a small degree. put it like this: let’s say there’s two queens in contest, both equally kind and noble and just and honorable and all that --- out of the two, he’s going to choose Dany because she’s the one he loves --- but because she has everything else, as well. and, while he knows she personally doesn’t like the idea of a fractured kingdom where the North is independent, and while he has the tendency to want to please her because he loves her, his own perspective on independence for the time being is very clear: there’s no time for that right now and i have SO MUCH to think about and prepare so i am not even going to waste precious time on petty wars and fights that i have been condemning for three seasons.

tl;dr --- let’s focus on the Night King and then we’ll talk about independence. if there is anything left to be independent, and anyone left to discuss it.

[killthebxy]

a heap of headcanons: the last hours before the Battle for Winterfell

inspired + complemented by @needlcd & @zcldrizes own posts

first of all, all of these come following my personal take on the events of s08, as i am show!canon divergent. this can be found: HERE.

Jon has had A LOT to do, ever since Tormund, Edd, and Beric arrived with the news. as Warden of the North, it falls on him to supervise the setting up of defenses. just as much, he’s been trying to learn as much as he can about the Unsullied and the Dothraki, as to understand how to better place them in the battlefield. he’s also been keeping close talks with Gendry and the other smiths, and helping with distributing dragonglass weapons to everyone himself, in between everything else already stated. for all this, he doesn’t have much free time up until after the strategy meeting we see in episode 2.

even though he concludes such meeting with “let’s get some rest”, he doesn’t follow his own advice really. he’s very antsy and understandably so, and cannot bring himself to stay still --- so he goes on a final round to make sure everything and everyone are as prepared as they can possibly be. this is when he goes to check in on Sansa and Bran, to also ensure they are well and to try and reassure them a bit --- again, as much as possible in the situation.

after this comes the scene we see in episode 2 between Jon, Sam, and Edd. they reminisce about their times at the Night’s Watch, particularly the night that Mance Rayder stormed the Wall --- note that @tymptir and i headcanon Grenn as very much alive and at Winterfell. Jeor Mormont and Mance himself (ft. @starfrckled) just as much, so Jon spends some time with all of them as well. he also finds Tormund (ft. @talltalkr) in between his moments with Brienne & co, and they talk of how they did not survive Hardhome to let the Night King come kill them in their own home now. particularly, while he says nothing about this, Jon prays to the old gods that Tormund will not be made to see/fight his daughters who have been turned into wights at Hardome.

next, comes the scene at the crypts with Dany. based on my divergent background and on my own plot with @zcldrizes, the source of tension between them at this point is the fact that Dany did not tell Jon that she burned the Tarlys for treason. now... Jon does understand this. he’s a commander himself, he’s executed men (and boys) for similar reasons. so what’s driving him off, at the moment, is 1) how conflicted he is, because he does not wish to hurt her but he also does not wish to hurt Sam, and 2) based on my plot with @tymptir, one day before, Sam revealed to Jon in these same crypts that his mother was Ashara Dayne (ft. also my plot with @ashccra). ever since, Jon has been struggling to come to peace with the fact that Ned never told him of it --- and here comes into play the heightened paranoia he was left with after the mutiny at Castle Black and his revival (if you’d like details on how this affects my portrayal of Jon, you’re welcome to read: this meta). Jon has ever felt the need to prove himself, as per his bastard-born nature and the internalization of this stigma (again, a meta: here), but after his own men betray him this grows A LOT worse --- as in, that was an absolute failure on my end and i deserved what happened. at this point, he’s questioning himself if maybe this is why his father never told him anything --- if Ned was ashamed to have him as a son, if Ned saw him under the same light Cat (for example) did and only tried to hide it out of kindness. then, suddenly... he gets told that Dany also hid such a huge fact from him, and this goes even further downhill. it is important to note: right now, after Sam’s revelation (+ the current very stressful circumstances + his own physical and mental exhaustion, as he’s been barely eating and sleeping during the past couple of days), Jon is NOT in his right mind. he’s exhausted, he’s paranoid, he’s dealing with HUGE guilt for being unable to guarantee his loved ones and his people will live to see another day. this is why he’s been avoiding Dany, and this why, even if they do talk right now at the crypts, he’s still very much distant --- it’s a self-defense coping mechanism. Artie and i, therefore, headcanon that, while they do not really fight, they are unable to properly discuss everything, either --- so they agree that they cannot afford to go into this battle whilst angry at each other, and they agree to take some time apart and to finish this talk later --- both of them fully aware that, likely, there won’t be a “later” for either or both of them.

after this, Jon heads for the godswood for a good while. he’s spoken to the statues of Ned and Robb already ( @kingwholost you can be sure there IS a statue of Robb), and now he goes to speak to the old gods. for the most part, though, he does not pray --- not yet. he simply seeks their calm and their peace and their wisdom, and sits under the heart tree honing Longclaw’s blade as Ned so often used to do with Ice, himself. and it does bring him a little bit of comfort.

finally, he heads back to his room and begins donning his Stark armor. and listen. idc what episode 3 will bring, JON -IS- WEARING ARMOR BECAUSE HE IS NOT STUPID. also the stewards @thedolorous & @satincrow are welcome to come help for a bit if they want. eventually, @needlcd comes to join him and he wouldn’t have it any other way --- he’s spending his potential last hours alive with his little sister, his heart, light of his eyes, the person he loves most in this world and quite more than his own life. he doesn’t need more than a look to see how distressed she is and, if nothing else, he’s happy that he can finally be here to keep her safe after all the horrors she’s had to face on her own. there isn’t much talking, as there is not need to be, and he simply lets her snuggle into him as much and for as long as she needs --- he lets her cry if she needs and makes no comment, simply running his fingers through her hair. Jon himself does not cry, not yet, because this moment is for her.

eventually... Arya falls asleep in his arms, Ghost by now also joined into the little cuddle pile, and Jon spends the last hours before the sound of the warhorns with himself. he’s exhausted, but he cannot sleep --- and he does not want to sleep, not when this may be his last chance to have his little sister safe in his arms. he thinks about everything and everyone, at this point. and this is when he prays: gods of my father, protect my people. protect Arya and let her live to see brighter days, she’s been through so much. protect Bran and Sansa. protect Dany and allow her to give justice to her child. protect my good and loyal friends who’ve followed me to the end of the world. i beg you, give me strength and skill to keep them all safe or at least alive. guide my steps and let me save them. and this is when he cries... or as close to crying as Jon Snow ever comes; a few silent, tiny tears rolling down his cheeks, and that he promptly wipes away with the back of his hand. it’s not his first time waiting for the enemy to come, though even wildling hosts pale in comparison to literal Death. at this point, Jon has a very cocky relationship with the possibility of his own dying --- because he has gone through it (twice, as i headcanon that he died in that frozen lake). not as in “i am so tough and death can’t kill me”, no, but in a completely detached sort of toxic mindset --- i have died and they brought me back because they still had a use for me (Melisandre told him this, through different words) --- if i die again and they still need me, they’ll bring me back yet again. but you, Lord Snow, you’ll be fighting their battles forever. he does not feel bitter about it anymore, for the simple reason he has repressed that experience to the point of being numb to it. therefore, right now, Jon is not afraid to die --- his only huge, overwhelming fear is that he will be unable to keep his loved ones alive/ unharmed, especially this skinny little girl currently sleeping in his arms. so, when the time comes, this is why he does not feel any of his fatigue anymore --- a sort of parallel with the wights; our enemy does not tire. Jon himself has become a wight animated by fire, rather than ice. and he will not tire --- not while he has his family and his home and his people to defend, or die in the attempt.

one final note: if there is one thing i do not tolerate in the show, it is the lack of consequences when it comes to Jon’s actions (frozen lake, cough, just to cite the more blatant case). i do NOT write Jon Snow as an overpowered superhero who can recklessly do whatever he wants and does not pay the price for it. i don’t know how the battle will unfold --- for example, if he will be wounded during it --- but i know that, should this be the case and the show does not acknowledge it, i will. in post-battle scenarios, despite what happens, he will suffer physical consequences for his actions --- and, if nothing else, he’s going to crash VERY HARD and go comatose for at least some 24h because his body will have reached the limit of exhaustion.

[killthebxy]

a heap of headcanons, pt. 3:

the aftermath + consequences of the battle for Jon Snow

also known as an extensive list of all the damage Jon took during this battle

whilst on the ground, Jon is relatively safe and guarded behind the castle walls.

once he rides Rhaegal to battle, however, this is when it starts. as i headcanon that Jon is wearing armor, at this point he will shed the bulk of it and keep only the ringmail --- making himself exposed, but he will need freedom of movements to ride a dragon, especially considering he isn’t as experienced as Dany.

building on @zcldrizes‘s own headcanons: riding a dragon at such high altitude, at such high speed, in the middle of a literal winter storm, is brutal on the body. while he is mildly protected by the ringmail, Jon is forced to hold onto Rhaegal’s scales as hard as he can, which ends up tearing the leather of his gloves and leaving gashes on his palms. he is also supporting his entire body weight (+ringmail) on strength of arms alone, which puts extensive strain on these muscles. this is part of the reason why, when we see him back on the ground to fight the wights, he isn’t as graceful with Longclaw in hand as we are used to --- hands slashed open, arm muscles under extreme tension.

still regarding the dragon ride, again with the altitude and pressure and cold, Jon is left with freeze burns/ frostbite on his face. nothing that cannot be healed afterwards, but it will be very noticeable at the end of the battle and it will require time to heal.

still regarding the dragon ride, at one point Viserion attempts to snap at Jon directly and misses only by miracle --- and because it catches Jon’s heavy, thick cloak instead. it ends up being ripped off and, while he is protected for the most part by the ringmail, the grazing of Viserion’s teeth breaks through fabric, metal, and skin and leaves a gash along Jon’s shoulder blades and upper back --- a superficial wound and not exactly dangerous, but it is there no less.

when Rhaegal lands so roughly, Jon is thrown off. he hits the ground harshly and at high speed and rolls off a few meters, and is left quite jolted. from this moment, he gains a few cracked ribs and bruises all over, as well as a few smaller gashes from the ringmail cutting into his flesh. because he hits solid rock ground so violently, he is also left with a mild concussion --- we can see in the scenes after this moment that, more than limping, Jon seems to be a bit uncoordinated in his movements, especially when he chases the Night King (he does not usually run this slow) and then within Winterfell, when he more than once collides with the walls. this is the other reason, again, why this time around he’s more clumsy in his sword fighting. from this fall, he is also left with a deep gash on his right cheek.

overall, Jon is subjected to varying degrees of burns --- during the air fight, during the moment when Dany saves him from the wights right after the Night King flees, and particularly during his confrontation with Viserion at Winterfell’s yard. while that lump of fallen rock protects him from the bulk of the blue flames, it grows extremely hot no less and this has the ringmail burning roughly right against his flesh. by the time the battle is over, Jon’s back and his shoulders and the back of his arms are extensively burnt --- not as badly as his right hand when he fought Othor, but still with first and second degree burns a bit all over. Jon is NOT immune to fire/heat, even in threads where i may write him as Rhaegar’s son.

by the end of the battle, it’s easy to guess that this boy took the beating of his life and is standing up still only because of the rush of adrenaline + sheer stubbornness. realizing what happened, i.e., that someone somehow defeated the Night King, he will immediately rush to the godswood --- from there, he will want to go find Dany and Rhaegal after leaving them behind, and then the rest of his family and friends --- because he won’t allow himself to rest even though he’s stumbling everywhere at this point, until he’s certain of their fate. therefore, he will only finally stop if someone else forces him to or if he collapses out of absolute exhaustion.

after this, because his body reached the limit, Jon will remain unconscious for a week or so --- between 5-7 days. he will be left with a new scar on his right cheek from the fall, one on his back from Viserion’s snap, several small scars on his palms from riding, and faint burn scars a bit all over his back and shoulders.

[killthebxy]

a heap of headcanons, pt. 2:

the defenses of Winterfell + strategy for the battle

          let it be known that i am writing these for a simple reason: i am greatly unsatisfied with how the battle was planned for episode 3. my portrayal is always book-based, even in show-only plots and threads, and book!Jon is a brilliant strategist --- he and Robb learned it all from Ned and, while it is true that Jon lacks real war experience when compared to Robb, it is no less true that this boy: 1) helped defend Castle Black from Styr’s attack, even if it meant risking to be the one to kill Ygritte, 2) was charged with the defense of the Wall, at age 16, by Donal Noye who believed him fully capable of such, 3) was named acting commander by maester Aemon, the sagest of men, and 4) held the Wall against Mance Rayder, 100,000 wildlings, mammoths, giants --- not because he had the numbers, but because of his exceptionally intelligent planning of their defenses. add to this the fact that Jaime Lannister, lord commander of the Kingsguard, a man able to battle Ned Stark eye on eye, is at Winterfell, and definitely there is no way i will ever accept how badly this battle was planned. i am no battle specialist myself, but i will try my best to make sense out of this. and also: i headcanon that these strategies were placed together by Jon and Jaime, with Tyrion’s supervision together with Jorah, Grey Worm, Dany’s bloodriders, Sandor, Beric, Tormund, Davos, Theon, and Brienne (i.e., characters with training and experience in battle strategy) --- and then shared, discussed, debated, and fixed as necessary together with everyone else in the castle. no one was left out, no matter their role.

first and foremost, while i do not personally agree with the suicidal plan of “let’s lure in the Night King and use Bran as bait”, i will accept it because otherwise i would have to change literally the entire episode and everyone’s own muses’ actions and this is obviously not my intention. the strategy is what will differ.

the Unsullied are the main line of defense and their purpose is to shield the castle --- if a single wight enters the castle, everything is lost. the Dothraki riders, on the other hand, are purely offensive and they need a vast field to perform their attacks. HOWEVER. whilst they are still the van, they are not pitched head-on towards the wights nor are they tossed carelessly like meat to be slaughtered. they will be placed on the sides of the field, so to speak, so that they can charge into the wights as the wights come forth. so, let’s envision it like this: there is Winterfell, right in front Winterfell the Unsullied legions are placed as a shield. the wights will charge right into this shield, as they are vicious and rely on ruthlessness only, therefore they attack in a block. this will allow, therefore, for the Dothraki to charge into them from the sides, supporting the shield this way and minimizing their deaths as much as possible.

regarding the dragons: this will build on my plotting with @zcldrizes and @perzyr. i write Jon as having no Targaryen blood (except for very few threads plotted otherwise), and he is able to ride Rhaegal only because of a bond they have built ever since Jon arrived at Dragonstone --- Rhaegal chooses Jon for his rider not because of blood, but because of the person Jon is. still, Jon is a much less experienced rider than Dany, and his initial plan is not to go fight in the air. for the initial part of the battle, Jon stays on the ground and supervises and commands from atop Winterfell’s walls, together with Arya and Sansa and Davos. Ghost is with him, because Jon knows his direwolf won’t make a difference in this sort of battlefield --- there is 99% chance Ghost will be butchered, and he will be much more useful within the castle walls, to help shielding from the inside out.

regarding the dragons, pt.2: again based on my plotting with Artie and Daisy --- while Jon stays on the ground for now, Dany flies off with Drogon and Rhaegal. considering everything i state above, too --- they begin burning the waves of wights, again as a way to keep casualties to a minimum, which allows the Dothraki riders to only charge in when it is safe --- and then retreat again, rinse and repeat. eventually, Dany spots the Others by the edge of the wolfswood and steers Drogon that way to go fight. Rhaegal stays behind and continues supporting the forces on the ground because 1) he refuses to fight Viserion (this is @perzyr‘s beautiful headcanon, with a lot more detail and depth to it than i am exploring here), and 2) he refuses to abandon Jon. after some moments of airborne fighting, Dany realizes she will be unable to bring down Viserion on her own and this is when she returns for Jon --- in this moment, Jon and Rhaegal together decide to go fight as well, and this is when everything else happens like we see unfolding in the episode.

on the other hand, this when the odds start becoming very tilted against everyone fighting on the ground. with the dragons gone off to fight Viserion, the armies do not have that protection anymore --- and they are greatly outnumbered by the wights. this is when the retreat begins.

unlike what we see in the episode, the walls are very well prepared to deal with wights trying to climb up --- this is literally what Jon had to face when defending the Wall, and he’ll put all this knowledge and experience to good use. atop the walls, there are boulders and scorpions and barrels filled with stone and ice and more barrels of oil and torches. everyone there is armed with longbow or crossbow, and fire arrows.

in the meanwhile, however, something else happens that definitely ruins all these preparations --- the moment when the Night King, after being knocked off Viserion and now face to face with Jon, rises all the dead soldiers. because this means there is now wights within the castle walls, no matter what.

regarding the crypts: i had a thought of headcanoning that, rather than the crypts, Jon would have everyone gathered at the great keep --- because he is not stupid, and he knows the crypts are an accident waiting to happen, as soon as the Night King brings up his arms. however i ultimately chose not to because 1) again, it is not my intention to change half the episode for everyone, and 2) in theory, the crypts ARE the safest place. not when the dead rise, yes, but at this point the entire castle is overrun and it will make little difference where you are. no place is safe anymore --- when the crypts fall, every other place is already gone before.

one final note regarding Ghost: as i said, he is NOT sent off to fight, as in my personal opinion this makes little sense. he stands by Jon for as long as Jon is on the ground. once Jon leaves with Rhaegal, he instructs Ghost to retreat to the crypts and guard everyone there --- exactly because he knows there is a real risk matters will go downhill. for this battle, Jon had a layer of armor made for Ghost, that covers his torso. around his neck, he wears a collar with spikes made of dragonglass, to both help him defend and attack against the wights. if anyone who writes the Staklings wants to join me in on this, i am more than glad to headcanon that Shaggy, Summer, and Nymeria (and Frost, ft. @clevrest) are also wearing similar armor.

          tl;dr: if you look at the outcome, it is pretty much the same as what happens in the episode. a similar number of persons died. HOWEVER. they died because the odds were severely against them and because it was impossible to have done much more --- not because anyone in Winterfell was too stupid to properly plan this battle.

[killthebxy]

          i decided a bit of writing about this topic would be a good idea, considering it’s one i talk more and more often about in this blog. so... why am i so openly opposed to the idea of Jon sitting the Iron Throne? as a starting point, for this to be viable, the show went for the theory that Jon is the son of Rhaegar Targaryen and Lyanna Stark --- fair enough. it is not my favorite theory for Jon’s parentage, but it doesn’t bug me and i can live with it. especially because it has some advantages, such as making it possible that Jon becomes the one who rides Rhaegal, which is always super interesting to explore in my writing and my headcanons. the actual problem, as turns out to be the case with pretty much everything D&D do, is not the content but the way in which it is presented.

          first, and from my perspective, it’s cliché writing that clearly aims for a happy ending --- Jon Snow is our lord and savior and never did anything wrong in his life, therefore deserves to be king and rule for 76 years and live happily ever after. i’m speaking for myself here, but i’m sure 99.8% of the ASOIAF rp community will agree when i say that this series (the books, at least) are NOT meant to have a happy ending. bittersweet, at most. because that’s the world GRRM has built and, hey, it’s real life. it is very unrealistic to expect that this story can have a simplistic ending, where the good guys win and the bad guys lose and everything is linear and easy. so what did D&D do? they clearly wanted Jon to become the main protagonist, because Kit Harington is hot and has nice hair and the audience loves him, so they needed a motive to make him the heir to the throne --- so let’s just find a way to make him a Targaryen because Targaryens are the royal people! let’s go for the easiest way possible and say that he’s Rhaegar’s son even though there was barely any foreshadowing for this before (friendly reminder that GRRM is quality trash for symbolism and foreshadowing) and let’s do it because we can and for the heck of it! who cares if it’s commercial writing and cliché people love this!!!!! lol who cares for realistic characters and storylines anyway we have CGI dragons!!!!

          which immediately raises a question: what about Aegon Targaryen? and by Aegon Targaryen i mean Egg, Young Griff, the son of Rhaegar and Elia and younger brother to Rhaenys --- the only Aegon Targaryen i will ever acknowledge in this blog. for argument’s sake, i’ll assume that in the books Young Griff is not an impostor and Jon Connington is actually doing the realm a service --- which means this is the actual heir to the Iron Throne, if we also go by a logic that a rebellion is a non-valid way to claim a throne and that Robert was indeed a usurper. even if Jon is Rhaegar’s son, Egg is older than Jon --- therefore, HE comes first in the line for succession. and here let me be fair --- this isn’t solely a GOT problem, it is very difficult, if not impossible, for a show to ever capture the depth of the books it is based on. the ASOIAF series has hundreds of characters, i do not completely fault the show for not including all of them and i can understand this. what i cannot understand is thinking that Aegon is the only Targaryen name that ever existed and therefore LET’S NAME EVERYONE AEGON!!!!!!!! seriously. even if the guy does not exist in the show (or, well, never survived the sack of King’s Landing) --- why would you do this. literally you could just use Google and search “popular kingly Targaryen names”. can you be any lazier than this.

          anyway. on the other hand, and even assuming Egg does not exist anymore in the show --- then what about Dany’s claim? true, in this scenario, Jon’s claim would come first --- because he’s older, and because he’s a man. much as it IS sexist and misogynist and unfair, this is the way Westeros works save for Dorne. thing is... the only way for this to make sense would be if Jon is Rhaegar’s legitimate son AND THIS IS THE “DETAIL” THAT MAKES ME SEETHE AND SPIT SALT EVERYWHERE. let me address this step by step... i already wrote a meta about Jon’s bastard nature (CLICK) and the impact it has. being a bastard is the central pillar in Jon’s identity and his psychological functioning, and you do not erase 20+ years (in show canon) of living with this mindset in a day or two. you do not. it’s not realistic, it’s not humanly possible. Jon has internalized that stigma, he sees himself the way almost everyone in Westeros sees bastard children, and he feels the constant need to compensate for it --- to prove that he’s not of bad blood and not a cunning, treacherous, ambitious person who’d do anything to have a real name and real power. you don’t just push a button in your brain and suddenly none of this matters anymore.

          which comes laced with another huge problem, to say it very mildly: the annulment of Rhaegar’s and Elia’s marriage. i am honestly not even going to detail how much of a complete disrespect this is, to Elia Martell in particular and to Dorne in general --- my lovely friends who write Dornish muses can do this much more brilliantly than me. but. can i just state how much of a dick move this is? how racist and xenophobic? let’s just grab this poor woman who was already humiliated, raped, harassed, butchered by Gregor Clegane and shit on her even more by saying almighty beautiful noble Prince Rhaegar didn’t care for her to the point of getting a divorce for the sake of marrying another woman. because according to robot-Bran HE LOVED HER AND SHE LOVED HIM!!!!!! ROBERT’S REBELLION WAS BUILT ON A LIE!!!!!!!!! WHO CARES IF AERYS II LITERALLY ROASTED BRANDON AND RICKARD STARK ALIVE!!!!!!! IT WAS ALL FOR EPIC ROMANTIC LOVE!!!!!!!!! ...like. what do you even say to this. i, as someone who loves Jon Snow with every cell of my entire being, am ASHAMED that Elia Martell was portrayed as no more than meat for slaughter and a plot device so that my muse could become a legitimate heir to an ugly iron chair. not to mention --- what does this whole thing mean in the end? that a bastard is not fit to be king, therefore he must first be legitimated by any excuses possible no matter how low and vile. BASICALLY D&D CONFIRM EVERY SINGLE STEREOTYPE ABOUT BASTARDS. THEY’RE ONLY GOOD AND PROPER IF THEY HAVE ACTUAL PURE BLOOD. CAN YOU BELIEVE HOW STUPID THIS WHOLE THING IS, I FEEL MY SOUL LEAVING MY BODY EVERY TIME I EVEN THINK ABOUT THIS.

          ...in conclusion. these are the reasons why i absolutely loathe the idea of Jon as the heir to the Iron Throne. continuity errors and cliché/lazy writing that i can live with to a degree but, above everything else, the disrespect to Elia and the disrespect to Jon himself. and this is why, in this blog, i will never ever acknowledge Jon as a legitimate Targaryen. in this blog, he’s always bastard-born, no matter who his father or mother are. and this is also why the only verse where i’ll write Jon as heir to the throne and king is my mad king verse (CLICK) --- because it comes with consequences and at a heavy price, and even in this verse he’s bastard-born. in every other verse and thread and plot i write, he’s king regent/king consort because he married the rightful queen. and he’s a Snow. Jon Snow doesn’t need to have legitimate birth for me to love & adore him fiercely and for me to want to die a thousand deaths for him, and he certainly does not need to be heir to a chair. and, no matter what s08 brings, i’ll be here to rewrite it because D&D are gonna ruin this boy’s essence and nature over my cold dead body turned to a wight with black hands and blue eyes.

[killthebxy]

--- @satincrow​ ---

^^^the gif in question,

          which falls into the category i have named Moments When Jon Snow Was So Ready To Die --- which in turn breaks my little heart to pieces because it happens far too often. i think you used a perfect choice of word: relief. relief because he knew very well there would be little chance of both of them making it out of this night alive, and that likely both would be dead at the end anyway. it’s the same sentiment we see in the books (remember that Satin is there along for the ride!!!), but in the show Jon is allowed this very brief instant of reunion rather than to find her already post-battle --- and i believe it’s the wildest mix of emotions. relief, joy, regret, fear, atonement, guilt, hope, sadness, surprise, acceptance.

          i don’t think Jon realistically had any hope of having a future together with Ygritte, no matter the outcome of the battle --- and possibly had just as little hope that she would forgive him for what he did. and yet, at the same time... it’s even more heartbreaking when we see him saying things like we’ll go back to that cave, the maester will heal you --- because he was never one for this sort of mindless optimism, and still we see him clinging to it for a little bit because it’s literally all he has left as he’s watching her die in his arms. 

          .....but back to the gif. let’s also not forget that this moment happens literal seconds only after Jon’s smackdown (i swear this pun wasn’t intended) with Styr, and honestly at this point Jon just wants to find a quiet little spot to recover for a bit --- and instead he walks/stumbles across the corner and finds Ygritte with her arrow pointed at his face. so, yes, he was so ready to die ---he was exhausted, injured, seeing brothers die left and right, still not sure if they would manage to push through, in show!canon having sent Grenn to hold the gate against Mag the Mighty--- and likely he believed it would have been the perfect epilogue and exactly what he deserved. wrong to love her and wrong to leave her. and i personally believe that, should Olly not have interfered, Jon would not have done anything to defend himself or to avoid his fate. he would have let Ygritte take his life as retribution for his betrayal, because it would have been well deserved.

tagging @arcusignis for reasons

[killthebxy]

          forgetting that scene for a moment --- i need to put down my thoughts about another one, that actually broke my heart more although at a more subtle level: the meeting with the northern lords.

          and i need to start by stating that, much as i love & adore Lyanna Mormont, i must ask what i already asked to Sansa in s07ep1 --- why are you openly questioning your leader? i don’t care if he’s a king or not, he’s your leader --- you chose him, you supported him, you called out those who turned their back on House Stark, only to do this now? to take back all this because he made a decision, as everyone chose him to do, and before even allowing him chance to justify that same decision? since when does it work like this, especially in the North? the North is different, the North is loyal, the North remembers.

          fair enough --- the North is also very traditional and quite closed off. i am not erasing the other side of the coin. it is logical and to be expected that they distrust southrons, especially Targaryens and Lannisters. nor would Jon ever want to be a ruler who isn’t questioned and rules through fear and absolute authority and power. never. i fully acknowledge Lyanna’s and Sansa’s and everyone’s right to be suspicious and to be upset. this is not my point, however.

          my point is a simple one: all i see here is Jon being regarded and treated as a bastard, despite all the pretty chants and words. as one with bad blood, born of lust and treachery, deceitful, cunning, not to be trusted. all i see here was that these lords chose him after the Battle of the Bastards, and deep down never truly trusted him. never truly believe he was worth it. only followed him because 1) there was nobody better left and 2) they needed someone to care for them and protect them. or else they would not question him at every single turn. and this is what breaks my heart. that no matter what he does, it is never good enough in the end. i lost count to how many times in this episode he says that he never wanted a crown, and how again he says that titles don’t matter to him. but he accepted it because he wanted to fight for his family and for his house and for his people. ever since he arrived at Castle Black, he’s been protecting those who need protection and standing up for what is right even at his own risk and cost --- first at a smaller level, by very humbly admitting his wrong-doings and getting over himself and making amends with the recruits, to defying the entire Watch to bring the free folk to safety for which he paid with his life, to going against Ramsay Bolton of all people when severely outnumbered and right after that betrayal and after returning from beyond the grave, to going back beyond the Wall to try and gather proof to convince Cersei to forget petty wars and unite for the sake of AN ENTIRE REALM.

and never, not once, a single person showed him an ounce of gratitude for any of this. and what does he do? he continues fighting for all of them.

[killthebxy]

Aside from Arya, who’s death would have the biggest reaction from Jon?

          i feel like this question is both very easy and very hard… Arya is definitely the epitome of it, as you pointed, because their bond is just that strong, pure, earnest, untouchable. which, at the same time, leaves everyone else a bit at the same level? i /might/ say that it would possibly be Robb… if we forget he’s already dead ofc, but. after Arya, Jon has ever been closest with Robb. but at the same time, Bran or Rickon would hurt him equally, as would Ygritte or Sam or any of his good friends at the Watch or Dany, or Sansa after they reunited and slowly began mending their relationship.

          so… i think i will say it would be Ghost, actually. because this isn’t a matter of who Jon loves most — he would gladly die for any of the above, without hesitation, plus a few others like Ned or Benjen or Tormund. but if we take this as a bond — then, yes, i believe it would be Ghost, because Ghost is Jon’s soulmate. and should Ghost die, so would a part of him.

[killthebxy]

I'm curious. I know you chose a different au for your Jon, but don't you feel like that godmods and compromises Ned's character as a noble man?

          thank you so much for this question, nonnie, as it is excellent and allows me to explore my decision further. first, i already leaned towards this idea way before the time for s08 approached. even by the end of s06, when the revelation was first made through Bran’s vision, i was kinda… i didn’t completely dislike the idea, for it has potential to be awesome if done right and properly developed, but i didn’t go crazy for it either. i do love Ned as Jon’s biological true father, and i do prefer pretty much any other option to Rhaegar — and this when i get to write and plot with someone as talented as @rhaegxr, who understands the character so, so well and his details and his quirks and his grey areas. you could say this much is a bit of pure personal preference — the same way my favorite color is blue, Ned is my favorite for Jon’s father. but i will come back to this.

          now. why have i decided to go show canon divergent on this? first and foremost, because i follow book canon for the most part — and, in book canon and as far as the story goes, Jon is the son of Ned Stark with an unknown woman — someone possibly called Wylla, if we think about the chat with Robert in one of the first chapters in the first book. and, until (and if ever) George makes it explicit and official in either TWOW or ADOS, this is the canon that i will follow in my personal interpretation. if this happens, then at the time i will read those chapters and i will judge them for myself and i will decide what to do.

          another reason that i won’t discuss much in this ask, because i have already written this meta regarding the topic, is the way the show conducted the whole thing — aka the annulment and the absolute lack of respect for Elia Martell AND for Jon himself. this by itself bothers me enough to make me not really want to have anything to do with this idea at all, which is why i have mostly ditched it save for threads plotted otherwise. right now, i am not sure what will i do regarding what has happened so far in s08… but, very honestly, i’m leaning towards rejecting that canon entirely even in show-based only threads. i will likely make my decision after ep2.

          as for the last part of your question — again, thank you for asking because that is a very valid point. it can be seen that way — because Ned indeed being Jon’s biological father implies that he committed adultery. but here, exactly, is where i start raising my points. first, would this truly compromise, to use your own words, Ned’s character as a noble man? as in, assuming a person makes one mistake in their life, should this dictate everything they are and erase everything else good and positive they do? to me, personally, not at all — but i fully acknowledge this is my opinion only, and it is perfectly fine for others to not agree with me. but this also brings me to my second point: do you know why i love George’s characters so much, nonnie? for how realistic and complex they are. if you exclude children such as Shireen and Rickon and Tommen, among others, you do NOT find a character who is completely good or completely bad. sure, we have awful lads like Joffrey or Ramsay, just to name the most obvious ones, but even them have a backstory and motives to be the way they are — motives, not excuses. they aren’t just the embodiment of all chaos and spawns of Satan just because and for the sake of being edgy. on the other hand, characters who are mostly good and kind and honorable, such as Jon himself or Davos or Sam, have flaws and shortcomings and some of them have dark spots in their past. whilst some are closer to black and some are closer to white, all of George’s characters (save the exceptions i mentioned) fall in the grey area. as we all do, as human beings who exist in the real world. 

          and THIS is why i like the idea of Ned as Jon’s father even if this means a stain on Ned’s honor — because this makes him human. realistic. this makes him a man who tries his very best to be honorable and noble and everything good, but he is not perfect. he is not immaculate. to use a common expression, he fucks up like everyone does. and i really, really like this. i don’t personally enjoy perfect pristine untouchable characters who can do no wrong and never once faltered --- i enjoy characters who make me relate to them and to their struggles, their conflict, their weakness, their flaws. and just to conclude: i like this idea because Jon himself holds Ned in the highest regard not in spite of this, but because of it. all he ever wanted more in his life was to make Ned proud, because he considered him the most honorable man even if he once slipped in such a raucous manner. and, for example, when Jon is trying with all his might to resist Ygritte as to keep his vows but eventually succumbs --- it is Ned he immediately thinks of: was he as weak as i am, when he dishonored himself in my mother's bed? Ned is absolutely central in Jon’s identity and narrative, and he does not need to be perfect and completely flawless to be so, in my very humble opinion.

[killthebxy]

You know...i hate to be vulgar but considering he calls it, well, it. Does Jon Snow not even know what his cock is called?

          you know, for all i want to snicker at this — it is a valid question. though, to be fair, he only calls it “it” in the show, and it is more for the comic relief than anything else. however! i won’t go as far as saying he doesn’t know slang names, especially with Robb and Theon at such close age and with the brothel right outside the castle’s walls, at Wintertown — noble birth or not, they were still boys hitting puberty and full of hormones. so, the way i see it, it’s more of a ‘being polite’ thing. Ned raised his boys to be courteous and noble and i don’t think he’d be pleased with vulgar words being tossed around. for this motive, actually, in my writing in canon verses i tend to use general expressions we see in the books such as loins or crotch or man parts.

[killthebxy]

See, now I am actually curious. Considering Jon's stance on duty and honor and punishment, does he view Dany killing someone via dragonflame as her using a headsman???

          it is an interesting question and i don’t think it can be a yes/no reply — because Drogon is not Dany’s “servant” — like, say, Ser Ilyn Payne is to the crown. Drogon is her soulmate, like Ghost is to Jon, and therefore he understands the reasoning behind letting him pass the punishment, so to speak. at the same time though, having a headsman —whether we consider Drogon one or not— is a common thing in the south, so Jon isn’t surprised either way. it is the North that is different, because our way is the older way. the only argument i can see somebody having about this is that death by dragon fire is cruel and ruthless and terrible and all that, but — honestly, considering how insanely hot a dragon’s flame is (let alone from up close), it’s instant death and in this regard it is no different than execution by beheading. it’s only more extravagant-looking.

[killthebxy]

does Jon feels the need to protect Shireen?

          nonnie, that is the understatement of the century. though they don’t have much interaction in book!canon (and in show!canon i believe they have exactly….. zero?), i have no doubt Jon looks at this child and 1) it breaks his heart, because no child should ever look so sad, and 2) it infuriates him slightly because Selyse mostly treats her like a block of ice, and 3) it makes him sad because it is so nostalgic and looking at her is the same as recalling he will never see his little siblings again, and 4) for all of these he wants to keep her safe and warm and make sure she knows she’s loved and that she is so much more than just the rightful heir to some ugly chair made of a thousand melted swords. 

          though, at the same time, he would never approach her first nor so informally because, again, she is the heir and not only he is a bastard himself, but the Night’s Watch takes no part in the politics of the realm — and also he kind of pissed off her father by refusing to take Winterfell for him, and also sweet-talked him into letting him have the free folk to the point where Stannis Baratheon, of all people, tells him that he haggles like a crone with a codfish. and let me just conclude by mentioning that brief scene where Val is terrified of Shireen because, to her people, greyscale is absolutely dreadful, and Jon (who even canonically has a little crush on Val) has a moment of being like wth is wrong with you this is a little girl you’re talking about if you don’t wanna snuggle her i will???? — so, yes, he is very much protective of Shireen even if openly he may not always show it.

ft. @scldsouls & @thekingstrueheir