#💢 ( 𝕒𝕟𝕠𝕟𝕪𝕞𝕠𝕦𝕤 | anonymous )

[feeblefortuity]

Shy doesn't actually like you, you know. She feels sorry that your life is so pathetic and doesn't want you to die of a stroke before your kids grow up. She'd probably end up with them, considering what a flake their mother is

💢

Eric's breath hitches, that does seem to sting him quite a bit. His mortality and the wellbeing of his family was a very big sore spot on a long, long list of sore spots.

He could simply ignore the errant thought, but decides instead to entertain it, contest it.

"Shy does like me. Even if she feels sorry for me, there's something else keeping her around besides pity, because I know for a fact there's only so long you can stay with someone out of pity before you give up entirely.

Even if she truly is simply putting up with me, I know that she loves and cares for my children as if they were her own.

Whe-- If something were to happen to me... I hope-- I know that she would help Maria take care of them."

[feeblefortuity-arch]

I want to crunch on some rocks. Not like a boulder or anything but maybe some clay or drywall

"What in the--"

"RAY! HAVE YOU BEEN GIVING MY EMAIL ADDRESS OUT AGAIN?! I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU, THAT'S NOT FUNNY!"

"Was it the rock cru-"

"YES IT WAS THE BLOODY F-- ..YES IT WAS THE ROCK CRUNCHER!!!!"

[feeblefortuity]

You have the nervous stare and state of mind of someone who ran over another human and does his best to hide it. Have you?

"....legally, I only 'grazed' him."

[feeblefortuity]

Do you have any plans for your birthday? If you're not doing anything, I'd really like to take you out, anywhere you like. If you want, you can even bring the kids and I'll treat you guys to dinner. Whatever would make you most happy."

"O-oh, um.. No...no real plans as of right now, no... I-if this is who I think it is, dinner does sound lovely. With the kids in tow, unfortunately there's a limited number of places we could go that I could guarantee accommodations for, but... Well, it would be wonderful regardless, and i'm sure Maria would appreciate a night off to do her own thing..."

[feeblefortuity]

Hey Eric, hows the kids?

"Oh, they're quite well, thank you. It was Show and Tell day at their school recently and they--unbeknownst to me, of course--brought one of my books chronicling the history of Jazz. You know, its origins, roots in blues, ragtime, and other genres, prolific artists, that sort of thing. Remarkably fascinating and informative for me, mind-numbing load of complete tosh for most other people who are not me, especially a class of bored, fidgety children. Teacher cut them off right about the time they started talking about World War II."

"So now I am colloquially known 'round the children's school as 'The Jazz Guy'...which is one of the kinder nicknames i've been given, so there's that at least."

[feeblefortuity]

Baggage: I have severe abandonment issues and will do anything to make sure you see me as acceptable enough to keep around.

💢

"Soooo, about the same thing I do at work every day to avoid having to find a new job in my 40's? I mean, sure, nasty habit to have, but listen... I'm divorced, i've got two kids, not a lot of money, and a growing list of mental and physical health concerns. If you're willing to deal with all that and still enjoy my company? Why even bother dating at that point?! We can just get the papers signed and be done with it.

I'll even let you keep your own surname if you prefer it! I'm well aware 'Feeble' is a bit of a...mm. A harsh one."

[feeblefortuity]

Giving a ten pound bag of butterscotch

"Ah... Wh- H- Th-thank you?? I'm-- Two questions: How did you get this many sweets and are you trying to send me into cardiac arrest?"

"...though, I-- Er-- Suppose a few can't hurt... What's the occasion? P.P. finally keel over dead from all the cigar chomping and skirt chasing? .....please don't tell him I said that."

[feeblefortuity]

You're a good man and you deserve so much more than this.

He bristles, shoulders high and tense, and that telltale vein beats against his temple. Eric hated being pitied. Pity hurt worse than outright derision. There was no comfort in someone telling you that your miserable life made them sad.

Pity was lazy. Pity meant nothing.

...but why did this feel like pity to him?

It was the truth.

I'm a good man. I deserve so much more than this.

He lets himself sit with the affirmation for a moment, lets himself feel the tightness in his chest. He doesn't fight the tears when they sting in his eyes, only lowers his head and weeps.

[feeblefortuity]

have you heard the rumours round the office? they say Powers is thinking of replacing poor Allison, saying that incident with the 7-hour long phone call was the last straw! I heard from Graham that they're interviewing for the position now... and the number one candidate is apparently quite the handsome lad if the ladies round the coffee machine are anything to go by. Shame you're not a lady yourself, eh chum? You could do with some office romance to take the edge off, ha!

Well now, that sounded like a pipe dream and a half. A new secretary in the Data department wouldn't solve all of Eric's problems, not by a longshot, but it would sure help! He frequently found himself having to do his secretary's job for her, along with his own, while Allison prattled on to her friend on the other line at a speed usually reserved for auctioneers.

Eric feels himself go a bit red from that last remark. He really hated that sort of playful ribbing, especially when he was still coming to terms with the fact he was, indeed, attracted to men.

"Ah-haha.. Sh-shame, yes." He gave his best, most painfully forced little laugh, "Sorry, i've got.. i've got to get these figures in by end of day..."

Eric proceeds to shuffle off, papers hugged close to his chest. He swallows at the knot forming in his throat and tries to preemptively steady his breathing as he feels a panic attack coming on.

[feeblefortuity-arch]

Eric meeting your other muse, Larry?

// oh that's a good one.

he'd probably give him the ol' "women, am i right" when he hears Eric's divorced, get him (reluctantly) to go on a pub crawl with him and encourage him to get back out there. Eric would watch Larry "work his magic" and he'd be like, "oh god i've made a horrible mistake."

they'd both get piss drunk after striking out multiple times, Eric would use an especially rancid pick-up line he got from Larry and get clocked straight in the mouth and the both of them would get thrown out of the pub.

and then Larry would hook up with Maria at the end of the night well within earshot of Eric.

[feeblefortuity-arch]

opinions on the french?

"H-

Wh-"

"Graham, I've just clocked in, could you give me at least half a minute before attempting to rope me into whatever sort of discrimination lawsuit you're clearly in the process of inciting?"

[feeblefortuity]

You're hot, dude. I'd be down for a night of fun but I dunno if you're chill with casual hookups or if even you swing that way.

"O-oh.. Well..I..I, ah.. I-I-I mean, th-that's very..very flattering of you, b-but i'd have to...to know who you are, and and a-and ah.."

If I swing that way? ...oh.

"Y-you're a... m.."

"I'm... L-like I said, I think i'd be a bit more willing... t-to discuss this if I knew who you were...?

Just..

Just discussion."

[feeblefortuity]

The chicken, emotionally unmoved, has made a home in one of his bushes.

Eric watches the bird make its way over to the bushes by his fence and he follows after it in a panic, watching it disappear into the shrubbery. As he tries to fish it out of the bush, he hears the telltale upper-crust trill of Mrs. Sue Perfect from behind the fence that separates their houses. He turns to see her peering over the fence, thoroughly amused by what she sees.

"Eriiiic, how aaart thouuuu!" She greets him, "Doth mine eyes deceiveth me, or was that yet another farm animal galavanting about your premises?" Sue clicks her tongue in her usual patronizing manner, "My goodness! Let us both pray your lovely ex-wife doesn't learn of your new little hobby! She may stage a revolt with some of her ecologically-concerned compatriots! Ooooh, I can just see the picket line now!"

So could Eric.

"Aaah-ha-ha! No, no, n-not a hobby, no! It..ah..it must have gotten loose someplace and wandered over here! You know those suburban London chicken farmers! Making their problems everyone else's! Ha ha!"

The bird squawks loudly behind Eric, and he shrieks in surprise.

"Mmmm, yes. Well, I do hope for both our sakes that you find that poor bird's owner posthaste!"

[feeblefortuity]

There is a chicken taken roost in the yard. Its white and speckled grey. She clucks softly at Eric.

It's Claire who spots the bird first, gazing out the window at it.

"Daddy!" she calls out to him, "There's a chicken in our yard! May I go outside and see it?"

Eric's dropped a half-washed plate on the floor when he hears the phrase, "There's a chicken-" come out of his daughter's mouth, and by the time she says "-in our yard", he is already in said yard.

That is, indeed, a chicken in his yard.

He grabs the rake that's been lying in the grass since last Autumn (The one he miraculously hasn't stepped on and smacked himself in the face with yet), and waves it awkwardly in the chicken's direction.

"Get out of here you stupid bastard..!" Eric hisses through gritted teeth, painfully aware that if his neighbour, Mrs. Perfect, caught wind of him trying to wrangle a stray chicken in his backyard she'd no doubt have something to say about it.

...probably mention that Donkey Incident at the gymkhana because, god, that woman remembers everything.

[feeblefortuity]

He's a 10 but I feel like he'd cry if I looked at him too loud.

♢      —        send  [ THEY’RE A 10 BUT … ]  and finish it in my muse’s inbox.

// correct :O)

[feeblefortuity]

they're a 10 but they're constantly at a 10 with stress so you're worried about their health.

♢      —        send  [ THEY’RE A 10 BUT … ]  and finish it in my muse’s inbox.

"Oh, that's not entirely true! Sometimes i'm at an 11."