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fuckin…. im a bit grouchy today, but reading “omg someone who draws, draw this extremely complicated and time consuming idea I had for free teehee just throwing this idea out there” makes me want to chew concrete, this isnt cute, you arent coy. just the flippancy of it rubs me the wrong way, “teehee im not asking for artists to draw for me for free, im just throwing this idea out there teehee”
Drives me up the walls, you want your ideas drawn, animated, whatever? Fucking pay an artist
#text post#certified vent moment#ive just been stressed out over how artists are treated in general#we are simultaneously put on a pedestal ‘omg what you do is so incredible youre so creative i cant even draw a stick figure’#and devalued to absolute shit#even among leftists that talk a big talk about supporting workers#will use shit like AI and when called out on it will whine ‘oh i cant pay artists poor me boohoo’#we arent even seen as workers by people#but our labor is still exploited all the same#im tired man#anyway i had to read someone post ‘pls some artist out there make this amv for me teehee’ on a tag I follow#and it pissed me off#A FUCKIN AMV BRO???? DO YOU KNOW HOW TIME CONSUMING THAT SHIT IS????
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area man somehow stumbles into the mianite fandom, does a triple front flip, accidentally introduces 2,000 people to the series, sticks the landing, and is basically singlehandedly responsible for a miniature fandom revival in the year of our lord 2024, illustrated
#ray's tag#undescribed#keys' art#mcyt#mianite#i uh. genuinely dont know how to bring this up so i just wrote a comic about it.#we are not good at this. thank you everybody for being normal about the fact that we just walked in here and did All This Shit#in our defense we greatly underestimated the power of autism#so uh. tldr. sorry. i think?#you guys are neat and its an honor to be here with such cool people. awkward thumbs up. ye 👍#im gonna. go take a shower now bye#god i hope this isnt too self centric. genuinely i hate talking about myself so much#but its kind of impossible to avoid when you're discussing [waves hand vaguely] All This
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Okay I Finished Deltarune 3+4 . I Feel So Emotionally Overwhelmed That I Am Nauseous .
#the sky speaks#utdr#deltarune spoilers#in the tags that is ->#////////////////////////////#GODDD#kris playing the piano... the mysteriuos phonecalls.............#i wish so badly i could talk to them#i wish we could understand each other#ALSO THE KNIGHT HAS ANTLERSSS#me thinks it's either dess or carol#more likely dess ???#but they also have gaster hands#so perhaps a gaster holiday combo move moment#AND SUSIE.... SUSIE MY SHINING STAR.... MY LIGHT INT HE DARK#THE ENDING LINES ABT HER SMILE..............................#SHES SO NAIVE SHES SO KIND SHES SO VULNERABLE#I LOVE HER SO MUCH AND I AM DREADING THE MOMENT SHE REALIZES KRIS ISNT ALWASY KRIS#like theres so many moments.. even when we're in “control” that little glimmers of their own person peeks thru#i love that the piano scene in the darkworld is prompted by susie...#even while we're in kris. susie has this strange power to ignore us and our control. its like she's rewriting the script thru her own will#AND SUSIE BLEEDING???????? SUSIE NOT KNOWING/FORGETTING ABOUT MONSTER DUST (ITS UNCLEAR HER EXACT THOUGHTS)#HOOOOOOLY SHIT#SUSIE HALF HUMAN THEOARY MOMENT#IM A BELIEVERRR#also#ralsei...................................................... i am going to sob about that boy#the empty room.....#i wonder if he woulda told us what object he is (if he is one) had susie not interuppted his monologuing#AUGH i wanna see all the alternate choices i went rly goodie two shoes thsi time
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i JUST realized this might be related to one of my other friends in the mvk fandom suddenly hardblocking me so uh
hey y'all! if you frequent the mvk tag, there is a regular blogger there who i will not name, but who has some sort of pathological attachment/obsession with me. they and i were tumblr mutuals but we were not close. we DM'd twice and had scattered interactions here and there.
they are accusing me of:
being abusive toward them
being otherwise cruel to them
being ableist against disabled folks who are high-support???
sending suibait/having my friends send suibait
probably other things.
EDIT: someone's informed me they're accusing me of posting private stuff from their vent account? the only account i know of theirs is the one we were mutuals on
i can't stress enough that none of this is true. there is no proof of it and if you press this person they will have none. all that happened was some time about a year ago when we were mutuals, i feared they might be vagueblogging about me when i was having depressive episodes and i sent them this message about it:
i was being honest here, but they then turned around and said i was spot on--they were vagueblogging about how badly they wanted me to shut the fuck up, stop whining, etc (paraphrasing, but that was the vibe exactly) every time i needed social support. they have since deleted their message admitting to this. i am so sorry i cannot prove it.
since then multiple mutual friends of ours have unfollowed them because they squat on ym blog and, again, pathologically blog about me. they revel and make posts about "justice" and "karma" whenever i am upset on here. they scream and yell and cry whenever i am happy. they have admitted to wanting to convince their mutuals to abandon me:
again, i can't prove this is about me but i have a lot of testimonials from people who noticed this being in both our circles and can vouch for it. initially i was just going to roll my eyes and move on but i think they might be telling other people i'm some horrible fucking abuser who mistreated them when i wasn't even close enough to them to do so.
anyways, sorry to everyone who tracks the tag! i don't know how to prove that i didn't hurt this person. but... like... if they approach you, please do your best to use best judgement and consider the facts in front of you.
again, i will not be naming them. this is not a callout post. this is a preventative measure, because i am a traumatized wreck and i really cannot deal with things of this nature.
#manfred von karma#wordy wendy#literally someone in the mvk fandom who i never had a bad interaction with#just suddenly blocked me out of the blue#and i was heartbroken and reached out with no response#it happens to me p often but it seemed particularly random...#and then by chance i stumbled upon this blog#whose vent tag has hundreds upon HUNDREDS of posts about me despite not having spoken to me in almost a year#and i know they are friends#so i am like. 90% sure they accused me of some horrible shit in private#given how much they post about wanting to turn all our mutual friends against me#really ugly behaviour overall. their vent tag is full of some absolutely reprehensible things.#including talking about how much they hate minorities#and very thinly-veiled posting about how they want palestinians to die and suffer#because theyre tired of seeing donations#i do not know how a person like this slipped into my circle back then#they seemed normal when we first met and just kinda... i don't know. i'm not going to speculate on what changed.
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guys i know i have NOOT posted on this acc in ages but we had our therapy intake today and BEING HONEST IS SCARYY someone save me /j
but i think it went welllll i havent brought up my potentially having d.i.d or anything but i did bring up dissociation so HOPEFULLY this place is good cause oughhh we have NOT had great experiences with mental health professionals the entire past year
#the therapist stories i have guys....oughh#but i haven't ACTUALLY met the actual therapist thatll see us they had someone do the intake then they assign a therapist based off thatt#so 🤞🤞🤞 hopefully that goes well ???#i would have brought up d.i.d but considering our area without doxxing us......yeah nobodies gonna take that seriously 3:#i DID try to look for a d.i.d therapist or someone who even specialized is dissociation AT LEAST and our whole state ?? NOBODY WAS AVAILABL#so <//3 oughh#i did actually bring it up with our first therapist last year but thats actually a funny story cause she didnt know shit about it and said#“im getting goosebumps im so fascinated by d.i.d” and did NOT treat us like a person BUT#the funny thing about that is this was before we got other names aside from source and when she'd ask who's fronting and i would say red#she kept saying “...reddit ??”#and when vesper would talk about this animation thing for school we had around that time she kept hearing anime instead of animation man 🧍#so according to that lady marz solar solariex is now just reddit solar solariex 😞😞 /j#BUT BACK ON TOPIC im actually proud of myself i actually didnt lie about any mental health history with us this time even if it was SCARYY#so go meee 🎉🎉🎉🎉 /j#anyways i wanna redo how we have tags here and also redo our pinned post eventually i just have not done thatttt#so if stuff changes on this acc thats why BECAUSE I DONT LIKE HOW ELY SET UP THE TAGS AT FIRST SMHHH 😒😒 /lh#but im basically gonna treat this as like a sys acc slash alt acc so i can yap more & just whatever else we dont want on solariex >:3c#-marz#sys yappings
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#cassy bitches#i am. so fucking tired and annoyed and stressed#our fucking shower hasn't worked in two weeks bc my parter decided to remodel and then didnt finish the job!#and now her fucking sibling fucked up our dishwasher and it leaked water EVERYWHERE including apparently under the floorboards#and im pretty sure i can smell black mold in the kitchen now which! great! another nightmare we're gonna have to fix ourselves#since we cant afford to get a contractor and even if we could no one ever returns our calls when we do try to hire someone#AND my friend went to surgery for appendicitis and that's freaking me out#and ON TOP of that ive been creatively juiced out and feeling like shit about the things i make and my ocs and like. me#like everyone's just been secretly tolerating me all this time and if i disappear no one's going to notice#i feel like nothing i make or am doing is worthwhile and im just GROSS and ANGRY and ANNOYING#and even complaining in tags on a post makes me feel like a whiny baby like. there are wars etc why am i complaining boo hoo#so i cant even talk to people about how i feel bc it makes me so ashamed that im feeling this way to begin with#ive been resisting the urge to just delete everything at this point bc then at least i wont have the urge to check everything and feel wors#why does awful shit always happen right around my birthday. why am i cursed like this
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idk how to even like. put this pain into words and i would normally vent about this shit on twitter, but the person its about follows me on there so like. anybody have skills for coping with the crushing realization that the person u love most in this world and have built ur life around sees ur current situation together as a temporary hurdle that's preventing them from their truest and happiest self which. is separate from u entirely? anyone know how to deal with this?
#live with my best friend in the whole entire world who. honest to god makes me the happiest person alive.#like im always waxing poetic about her in the tags on posts about platonic love#and i talk about her like she put the stars in the skies because for real it feels like she did for me#she is. the most important person in my life#and every day i feel grateful just to come home and sit with her#like honest to god i cannot imagine a future that is better than this#if i have a bad day i get to come home and my best friend in the world will make me laugh#what more could i ever ask for#but tonight we talked and she made it abundantly clear that. even if i do everything right#even if i'm the perfect roommate and the best friend i can be#in just over a year#when she's making enough money for it#she plans on moving into a place of her own#which like. makes sense for her. of course we were going to get to this point.#but i just. don't know what i'm going to do.#and it kills me that we're on different pages because for some reason i thought this was a long term thing#i thought we were going to move into a house together#i was just telling my coworker this week that we need to move into our forever home soon which was partially a joke#but also. even if i was making a million dollars a year.#i would still want to be here. with her.#or somewhere else. with her.#like it's so hard to imagine a future without her. it breaks my heart and scares the shit out of me.#and i know i can't afford it here. and i can't move in with strangers. and i'm working my dream job but i'm scared that i'm going to have t#give it all up and move back east because. i can't do this alone. and she's all i have. and all i ever wanted.#and she's leaving.#she doesn't want to be with me.#sry this is so fucking. ugh. idk. i just don't know what to do.#for real might just drop everything and move to chicago if it comes down to it ksdkfljdfs#its what sufjan would have wanted#fucked up terrible no good week
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thrilling sequel to my poll from back in January
#I wish I was kidding about the eulogy one. I really wish I was#decisions decisions. who to chose#the people I actually like…?? or the people who like me?#these are so stupid I love making them.#bbge polls#bbge.text#more info on each#bc I want to yap abt em#1 - PLEASE return my calls… this girl was so kind and gentlemanly and we had suchhhh awesome chemistry#she goes to an Ivy League so it could be she’s just hella busy w work not ghosting me#I hope it’s that I really liked her :’)#2 - I actually did ask him out. kinda indirectly . and casually. too casually bc now neither of us have brought it up again#he makes me so happy to be around 😭 it makes me kinda emotional#he’s just like… sHOCKING and endearing and never the same#I love him unfortunately no matter what. as a human#3 - SAME FOR HERRRR OMG :( my beloved.#no one has ever been kinder to me maybe.#‘British’ is a downside here bc that means v long distance and . also bc I thought it would be funny to count as a point against her lol#we met during the summer and I miss being around her every day#4 - OKAY. we TOTALLY have chemistry and NOO ONE has acknowledged it. but it’s THERE every time we talk.#and I’ve never really had that w somebody before in this way idk 🫥#I accidentally referred to her as my ‘partner’ when our party members were teamed up together to do something and it was probably FINE but#it sounded so romantic I got embarrassed asf#she can probably tell I like her I don’t think I’m slick 😭😭#and I feel like she might like me too? or we just get along real well I’m not sure#bc we get along like. REALLY well#5 - I stare at her all the time… she is stunning. she writes great poems. soft spoken in this incrediblyyyyy endearing way#I worked up the courage to talk to her n get her number for WEEKS!!!! and then. nothing lol#6 - he’s a great conversationalist… and I know he’s single….. but he also likes Quentin Tarantino like. abnormal amounts idk#shit . I’m out of tags. for the rest uhhh use ur imagination bye :)
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todays orv mood: standing at the water dispenser under my dorm building waiting for my instant noodles to cook just pacing in circles and swearing
#orv liveblog#should i tag spoilers for like. ramble in tags??#ok i'll do it just to be safe#orv spoilers#idk in case my webtoon only irl friend suddenly decides to log back into her tumblr after 3 years#context chapter 311/46th scenario#ok theres a lot going on here#first off 1863th round yjh is a character made to haunt me specifically so when the name hell of eternity came up wow i was feeling like#500 emotions at once and none of them were good#second i saw someone on lofter say today that most of the talking kdj and yjh do in this book is through fights and just#LIKE I JUST. cannot get over how our perspective of their relationship is just always being filtered through these two people#who are just fuckin INCAPABLE of TALKING ABOUT THEIR FEELINGS like NORMAL PEOPLE#like it drives me so insane that this book is so show dont tell by necessity bc kdj is a fucking moron so we just get these#insanity inducing details like yjh paying to extend his midday rendezvous with kdj for 3 years and just using it as a personal journal#and then you get past all the fuckin. the two of them beating the shit out of each other by way of communicating and its like#'i want to lock you up so you'll stop dying because im scared im not strong enough to be able to stop you and we cant lose you again' LIKE?#SIR WHAT??????? HELLO??????????????#also the line that made me start pacing in circles around the water cooler while swearing in mandarin was specifically#'i couldn't be the protagonist. i couldn't save someone else'#says the DEMON KING OF SALVATION. like damn its 'sacrifice's will is a stigma that didn't really suit me' all over again#like i love that kdj has the nerve to be like 'of course i dont want to die' and yjh just absolutely does not buy it for a second#god. i want to hit him on the head with a brick.
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read the scratch upd8. little too close to home
#tw vent#in tags at least#when i was reading hs like 3 ish years ago i related a lot to vriska and terezi cause i was in what i think was a really destructive#friendship qpp thing with my best friend online and a boy who liked both of us but mostly her.i was incredibly isolated irl as was my friend#and all my other online friends. i really should have seen that something bad could happen but i didnt and i got into a really deep#depression for like 3 months after but. my dearest friend girl decided to start befriending a 30 yo man and i. like an idiot. followed her#like a lovesick puppy even though all the warning bells were going off. we were in a gc with him that we texted in at all times of the day &#night and we shared selfies and dreams and our daily problems with isolation or hw or whatever. he got more and more creepy and my dearest#friend lashed out at him because she was scared while i sort of stopped talking as much because i was scared but. he still talked to me lots#in dms. he talked shit about the authority figures in our lives and isolated us from our ither online friends he made creepy picrews of me &#my friend getting married and he talked about moving in with us one day. we blocked him but sometimes he still tries to contact me. after it#blew up my friend left me and discord which is probably best and after my depression time i eventually got an irl friend or two but. i never#got over it. he did it to other people too we found out later. he always complimented me on being so sharp and talented and it was nice caus#it was really my first compliment from an adult who wasnt my family and. ig it got to my 14 yo head. anyways. the update made me cry. i had#read that it was bad and knew it would be bad for me specifically cause doc scratch always reminds me of that time in my life but. i didnt#think it would be that bad. i dont blame hs2 creators or anyone else and ig im glad i braved the storm but it was really painful to read#gonna go watch a more light hearted thing now.#if anyone sees this dw ill get over it#anyways. believe the warnings this update is very triggering and you can skip it if you want#glad i have like 5 followers rip
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No Stonathan Sunday today. I got some really sad news and I can't write anymore today.
#i'll put it down here in the tags in case people wonder#faith talks#death mention#animal death#is that enough to do an expand?#i think so#basically one of my family's dogs passed today#and she was the momma to my personal dog and had been with the family for nine years#was probably ten or eleven (our last rescue dog before my mom couldn't do rescues anymore)#and i'm really worried cause the other family dog my parents still have was her seeing-eye dog because she was mostly blind#and now charlie can't find her and has been crying and looking for her#and i'm so worried about him#shit i don't even want to think about yoyo's reaction when we go home for Christmas and there is only charlie#yeah i may be more offline today than usual#we'll see how distracted i need to be
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"unmedicated undiagnosed ADHD gang" bitch our ADHD ain't even unmedicated despite being undiagnosed, it's not Adderall or anything but technically our anxiety meds get prescribed for ADHD as well..... Would be so cool if I remember to take it more than every few days
#we r doing so poorly internally but well otherwise?????#hard to explain lmao GETTING BETTER FOR SURE THO#having some pretty depressing thoughts and frustrated w irl stuff#but pushing thruuuuu#gonna nail that routine when we implement that shit#also have discovered accepting our systemhood=/=accepting not being a singlet for like the 50th time#if that makes sense#like there's no denying these fucking symptoms anymore but our brain keeps pushing it out of our mind#and so it's tough to communicate or remember switching#and we're sick of masking but uncomfortable not masking#and some things we literally can't physically talk about or they'll get worse#the balance is delicate rn lmaoooooo chugging thru tho#j bitching in the tags hours#also chez#we been tag teaming it today the body is exhausted djfjjsjd
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what if instead of messaging me in the middle of the night about your stupid fucking girlfriend and your stupid fucking problems with her you actually act like my fucking friend and message me like how you message everyone else in our group
#bye ignore my venting bigger problems what fucking ever#im sick of her ass she only messages us for us to help her with her fucking girlfriend problems like we arent even friends atthis fckn point#and i love her shes so funny whatever but god shes literally the worst because i just want to be friends i dont fucking care ab her goddamn#selfish ass gf thats shes obsessed with. be obsessed tell me about it but cant we be friends ab other stuff too#we used to be her 'favorite friend' cause we shared so many interests and we hung around what fucking ever but fuck that right#get a gf and just use us to help better yalls relationship without even telling her you're sharing her private msgs w us huh yeah sure#what fucking ever im so done with this bitch and i cant even get my contacts out cause i have long nails and im js poking my eye#AND SHE WOULD NEVER BE SORRY if our friendship fell apart she would tell everyone i was jealous of her gf or what ever i literally dont care#she was like an older sister before i dont get why getting a gf would have to change shit like ok good for u but what ab us#what about me its not even fucking fair like is it that hard to keep up w ur friends?? NO its fucking not#taking me so long to write a post bc im still fucking helping her with her stupid dumb selfish idiotic gf omfg#just BREAK UP i literally dont fucking care just leave her if she makes u unhappy its literally online tf is she gonna do to u nothing omfg#why am i the one being punished when shes the one with the stupid dumb gf that hates her and herself i dont fucking care i js want m friend#and i cant tell any of our mutual friends cause she dont do that to them its js me so itd be like im being dramatic#and like shit i guess i am but i dont care atp thats all she ever talks to me ab like ok i get it i helped u but stop jfc#but if i said that we'd never talk again bc what fucking ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! cause im just dramatic whatever#if u cant resolve these simple problems of communication on ur own then maybe u shouldnt be in a relationship idk js my thoughts! die#sry the 1 person who knows what xactly i mean is asleep and im so tired of getting late night msgs being like hii can u help me SHUT UP#id love to help if we were actually still fucking friends but we arent so js leave me alone bruh#post#nickpost#will delete in morning my mom keeps telling me to put my phone down bt i need 2 say smfh 2 some1#i hate change i hate slight differences in my normal day to day i hate everything i hate not having smth to rely on i hate change i hate it#sry im alg now im js sick of her ass js leave bruh#nimbhe my moms yelling im tired anyway i need to js isolate myself forever no problems if im on an island alone#living my best life in the shade drinking idk water or whatever and just talking to myself bc who even needs friends right!!!!!!!!#its 11:11 make a wjsh#adding more cz whatever im deleting this ltr anyway#its so clear where i stand with everyone cause its always close but not close enough friendly but not friends and i guess its the same w her#bye im out of tags etc whatever nobody matching my freak ever never comfortable in any friendships
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i cant even say anything about the new episodes because i can barely form coherent thoughts right now. talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique, never been done before—
#SPOILERS FOR THE NEW EPISODES IN THE TAGS !!!! DONT READ IF YOU HAVENT WATCHED THEM IM SO SERIOUS !!!!#ofmd#our flag means death#ofmd s2#ofmd s2 spoilers#ok so what? what did i just watch?#the most beautiful shit i’ve ever seen?#yeah#i think so#first of all#man anne and mary did not disappoint#murder wives fr#that whole episode was so insane and i loved it#not everyone thinking ed was gonna keep the bunny (stede bunnet) and it getting killed off immediately#gives me the vibes of that one the last of us clip#ed saying you wear fine things well ????#SHUT UP. THE WAY I CRIED#also the fact that the moon wasn’t full when they kissed representing how they were still healing and taking things slow#stede fr thought he was gonna get some that night i swear#can we talk about how i’m starting to like izzy#THE NOTE??? HELLO????#i’m so fucking glad they’re healing#let’s appreciate fang/kevin too#he’s been a real one from the beginning of the season#stede bonnet#ed teach#blackbonnet#izzy hands#anne bonny#mary read
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basement is flooding 💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥 :(((
#my most favorite magical amazing silliest place in the universe (my room) is in the basement :(#it’s not like Actually flooding but Someone (we don’t know who. might be our new neighbor.) turned on the hose outside and just. left it on#and the water leaked into our basement and into the walls and shit. there was a huge pool of water in the furnace room or whatever it’s#called and. there water literally underneath the floor. like literally water is leaking through the floor boards and i found out when i sat#on my rug and realized i was getting all wet. like i literally walked across my room and water was seeping through the cracks of the floor#water was EVERYWHERE#in like over half the basement. the floor of the main area is ruined i think and holy shit apparently like the inside of the walls or#foundation or whatever is so like wet and soggy that we might have to take out the entire wall that separates my room and the furnace room#and if we have to do that my stepdad says he’ll just remodel the entire basement while we’re at it. which means my room would basically be#gone. this is so fucking stupid#all because some idiot left the hose on. and we don’t even know who it is either. i think it’s our new neighbor because he kinda just#comes to our house a lot and talks to us or just hangs out in our yard. and sometimes he shows up when none of us are home#idk it’s stupid apparently there’s a shit ton of damage and that’s freaking me out because i literally love my room so much it’s my favorit#place to be ever and all my friends call it the autism room because it’s filled with all my favorite things#like my walls are bright neon lime green i got collections and shit i’ve got minecraft posters and like a million plushies everywhere#my room is literally so autism coded#ANYWAY. probably nothing will happen but yeah#side note i have a shit ton of asks to answer and tag games to catch up on and stories to read but i’ve had literally zero spoons lately#i’m gonna play minecrafttttt (in the process of building a pc so soon i’ll be able to get mc java!!! excited about that!!!!)#wyrms says stuff
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Me thinking about the fact that during the 19th and 20th centuries there were several proposals to unify romania and bulgaria, mostly made by bulgarians: alrighty, now how can I make this angsty
#Just talking recreationally#Hetalia#Bulgaria#hws romania#Aph#Hws#Yeah im feeling brave today and maintagging my random thoughts XD#Ro/bul is like my main ship when im looking for angst and shit. The opportunities are endless#I like that they werent always allies yknow?#Ill be honest I also like unrequited/one-sided ro/bul(at first) with bul being in love. Like head over heels for Ro#While romania seemingly is not.#And like. In my hc romania has commitment issues and trust issues(i will elaborate on this one day haha) in general so like.#He might care about bulgaria somewhat(and might even love him?) but the proposals for an union kinda Scare him.#And even if they were allowed to unite. He has so many fears about that. Most of them boil down to:#“What if we are incompatible. What if we ruin our friendship. What if it ends badly.”#I mean. They last time they were sorta united was during the second(and maybe first?? Idk at the moment) bulgarian empire.#And they didnt always get along even then. Etc etc#Im tired atm so sorry if some of these dont make sense. My hcs and ideas are actually a bit more complex but I dont feel like really#Explaining them at the moment. Also if I messed up some history sorry. Also a lot of ideas for their relationship I didnt even mention haha#Do people even read the tags
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