#(Rook's first captain and mentor)

[memento-morri-writes]

More dnd writing because it's all I have but I here's a snippet from a vignette I did of Rook's past (from Zara's POV), because Rook and his mentors never fails to make me sick (/pos).

[transcript under the cut]

Taking a coin out of her pocket, she rolled it across her knuckles, back and forth. It gave her hands something to do, and prevented the urge to bite her nails, something she hadn’t done in years. Ten minutes passed, then twenty. Zara began to pace as Rook’s breathing grew shakier and the color drained from his skin. Where the hells is Jay? she wondered. The room was so quiet that she could hear every tick of the small clock on her bedside table, and each one echoed in her head. How many ticks does he have left? She didn’t want to think about it.  She’d had crew members die before, of course. You don’t go as many years as a captain as she had and never lose a soul. But all the others who had died had died quickly, in combat. She’d mourned for all of them, even shed tears in private, but there was something different about watching the life drain out of a person right in front of your eyes.

[dinosaurvibe]

Twisted Wonderland x Avengers AU

A/N: I know some of the heroes below are not part of the Avengers, but they are the marvel heroes that fitted the characters best. Below, an extended version of a thought I had while watching the avengers (while having twisted wonderland brain rot, mind you). Hope you enjoy!

Warning: Lazy language, I wrote it down in a rush. I might make a more thought-out version later on, while rewatching the movies.

What if… Housewardens were superheroes and the other dorm members were their teammates? And like the avengers are the mission where all housewardens work together to save the world from the worst.

Heartslabyul — Captain America. No explanation needed- I mean, Riddle obsession with following rules do fit captain america moral code that he follows through and through. But ig it’ll be Captain Roseheart? Captain Rose? Captain Britain? Lol idk but Riddle totally is the more serious/leader like of all the housewardens, I feel. I am not quite sure for the others, Trey as Bucky? Childhood friends separated by unfortunate reasons whose paths recross after years. I like the idea! Ace & Deuce as the new generation of heroes Riddle has to train? Ideas, ideas.

Savanaclaw — Obviously Leona would be a very lazy black panther. But in a world where Leona still has a little ambition, he decided to protect the land from outsiders by becoming “black lion” and saving the citizens. Like please I’m in love with black lion Leona. In the end of the first movie we see like black panther talking to an audience about opening wakanda land and I see like this could be Farena?? 

Octavinelle — Let’s be fr, Aquaman = Octoman. Don’t ask where I get that from. But yeah, I think Aquaman is the only ocean-hero in marvel, so ofc we’ll have to make it fit. I watched the movie so long ago so I don’t have many memories but yea. The story would be like he was a wealthy seamen who decided to go on earth to do business, but it was hard to adapt to land even with his two eels friends. While he is on earth, his home is getting attacked by aliens/idk and when he comes back he discovers near everything is destroyed. Those guys were looking for the legendary trident who disappeared. Azul finds it: he decides to save his people. Why? BENEFIT, YOU FOOLS! Royalty will be forever in debt to him, citizens will throw themself in the deals of the one who saved them! 

Scarabia — Kalim is very spiderman coded. It’ll give an interesting dynamic with Iron man (idia) since we have the overly excited sunshine x mentor introvert. He’d be the crazy rich kid with a hero complex using his money for good, and Jamil would be the poor servant pulled in Kalim’s chaos. Like they both get bitten because idk, Kalim thought it’d be fun to take a closer look (spider), Jamil being scared of bugs dissuading him and… Pouf! Kalim yelps in surprise when he gets bitten, Jamil as the good servant he was trained to be runs to him, only for the spider to feel anxious and bite Jamil too. Abracadabra, two spidermen! May Jamil blood pressure rest in peace.

Pomefiore — Black widow and the dude that shoots arrow?! ITS SO PERFECT! Plus I absolutely love black widow, she’s an icon. She’s sexy and badass, need more to talk about Vil? And she’s friend with hawk (i think??) the dude who shoots arrow, so like, Rook?? But rooks a hunter, so maybe Huntman? As a superhero name idk. Their dynamic would be so dope. And when black widow is like iron man “assistant” it’ll give mad interactions too?? When she beats the guy down in the ring when he says “rule number 1, don’t look away from the enemy–” BAM. Vil when he flipped Floyd over, same vibe.

Ignyhide — No need to spin the wheel, Idia IS Iron-man! Like, please be fr??? Genius and rich family working on high-tech? Isn’t that the Shroud description? Like Ortho would be Shervice (no idea how to write it but like the assistant Tony created that became Ultron afterwards).

I feel like the moment in the game where Idia says “I’m the Boss” does fit the character of Tony a bit, and like… Idia created the armor for “fun” but ended up discovering a new way to use gamma rays/scientist shit and yeah.

Diasomnia — MALLEUS IS THOR ! Like. The way of talking. The foreign chosen one who is lost on earth. Long hair. Incredible strength. Thunder. Heir to the throne. It’s yelling Malleus. Also, SIlver and Sebek can be those friends that helped him escape Asgard with (Loki) to fight the black elves. It fits so weeeeeell. And weirdly Lilia does give a Loki a vibe, but meeeeh. Not sure yet. Anyway, I love the idea of malleus being Thor (and the human he falls for is Yuu, or Idia. Who knows.)

[simblorbo-bracket]

Round 1 - Simblr's Saddest, Wettest Meow Meow - Mainline

Rook (@morrigan-sims) VS. Andre St. Fleur (@armoricaroyalty)

(polls are presented left -> right unless stated otherwise)

Who's sadder? Who's wetter? Read on for more information, and vote with your heart!

What is a ‘Meow Meow’?

(taken from tumblr user @/torturelabyrinth) “The thing about a true poor little meow meow is they have to be 1) downtrodden 2) morally questionable at best 3) deeply and pathetically miserable”

Rook

Why a SWMM? I call him my "idiot bastard man", and it's accurate in every sense of those words. Actual literal bastard son of a nobleman. Ran away from home and joined a pirate crew because he was terrified of getting stuck working a dead-end job for the rest of his life (he was 17). Had 6 great years sailing with his captain, who was the first person who was ever nice to him. He even had one (1) real friend!!! But the rest of the crew hated him and thought the captain was showing him favoritism, so he got given a drugged drink during a "birthday celebration" on shore, and given to a rival captain. She kept him and torture him for 2 years until he escaped. He met two good father figures but one of them turned out to be the BBEG (see above), and the other one died 2 days later. The day after that he got kidnapped again. He's been cursed by a demon lord so he has terribly nightmares and barely sleeps. He's convinced that his life has no value, and is self-sacrificial to the point of self-destruction. Keeps telling people who care about him very concerning news (mainly that he died) in really stupid ways. Has died 3 times, and has been pulled back from the brink countless more. Goes down at least once every combat / gets the shit beat out of him constantly. Was reunited with his one (1) friend and she immediately got killed because of his actions. Has no common sense. Extremely impulsive. Got told he was too reckless to be trusted with his own life. Gets bullied by major villains on a regular basis. Has taunted powerful people twice and gotten killed both times. Has no common sense. A capital L Liar, has never told the truth in his life. Hasn't properly buttoned a shirt in ~9 years. Other people knew that his beloved mentor and father figure was actually the BBEG but they didn't tell him. Had to see said mentor figure get brutally "killed" in front of him.

Origin: He's my longest-running Dungeons & Dragons character, and I have literally never been more obsessed with a character in my life. And completely unbeknownst to me I wrote him to be a perfect parallel to the BBEG of the entire campaign. Hence why the DM made said BBEG show up and be Rook's mentor... Fun times!!!

Additional Propaganda: I mean, just look at this shit:

^ that should say "unless", not "in case", I made a typo and didn't realize until later.

Tags from a friend on a post I made about him:

Andre St. Fleur

What makes him a Sad, Wet Meow Meow? Born to royalty but completely temperamentally unsuited for it, Andre is pathetic and sad and weak-willed and a big, giant loser. He's the king of a small and unimportant country, and he simply cannot parent effectively or stop cheating on his wife. Finally forced to decide between his mistress and his wife of nearly 30 years, he became so paralyzed with indecision that he developed a terminal illness instead, saving him from ever having to make up his mind about anything.

Just some additional pictures of Andre moping, crying, and letting his loved ones down </3

I think my boy has the potential to go far, but even if he gets knocked out in the first round...what could be sadder, wetter, or more pathetic than getting immediately eliminated from the "most pathetic" tournament?

[curiouswisp]

Rook Origins Prompts - Ingellvar

Original post here

Throwing a few of the responses here, I wanted to do the whole prompt, but ran out of steam half way through.

1. How did baby Rook end up in the Ingellvar crypt? Does Rook know this information, or is it a mystery to them? Does anyone else know this information? 

Rukhana’s origins are a mystery to her, and as far as she knows, everyone else as well. Her feelings oscillate between curiosity about her parents (Who were they? What was the reason they had to leave me?) and bitterness about being left behind (Why didn’t they want me?).

2. Who found them in the Ingellvar crypt/who was handed baby Rook by the Necropolis undead/spirits? Does Rook have a relationship with them at any point? 

Rukhana was found by Keepsake and Curio and alerted senior members of the watch of her presence. Ruk checks in with them and likes to say hello when she’s in the Necropolis. 

3. What happened to Rook after they were discovered? Were they given to Nevarra City’s chantry? Did the Mourn Watch keep & raise them? How does Rook feel about this decision? 

Ruk was placed into the Necropolis ward program. Under the program, wards are given schooling and training as Mortalitasi, and possibly later on as watchers, but also have duties to perform to cover room and board. She’s happy with this decision, she loves all the rites and ceremonies of her home and is honored by the responsibility of being a guardian and keeper of the Necropolis. She is not religious and, in retrospect, is very glad she was not raised in the chantry.

4. Did Rook enjoy their upbringing? Did they stay with whoever was raising them, or did they run away? Why? 

Rukhana was raised in a group home/boarding school type situation. While she was grateful to have a roof over her head, food on her plate, and an education, her upbringing is the source of a lot of pain and unhealed issues. There were a few adults over her childhood that she grew close to. One woman in particular was her caregiver for close to 10 years. She was a tough, but fair guardian and pushed Rukhana to excel academically and physically. She passed away when Rukhana was 15, and for two years after, Rukhana frequently ran away to Nevarra city and found a fair bit of trouble. At 17, Myrna stepped in as a mentor figure and helped her find direction. 

Teenage street brawler Ruk (also when she picked up her smoking habit) :

9. What type of duties does Rook do in the Necropolis/as part of the Mourn Watch? Do those duties change over time? Do they enjoy them? 

Rukhana began her career as a guard, escorting and assisting necromancers in the crypts as they performed their duties. Her combat prowess and strategic intuition were well known throughout the watch and, over time, she ascended the ranks of the guard, earning the title of guard captain. She often took on additional duties accompanying senior members of the watch and ambassadors from Nevarra City to political summits and negotiations. She studied these interactions, a freedom afforded as a result of being ignored as a guard for the “important people”. Using observational skills and intuition, she began providing information about when other parties were lying or noting the tells of the other negotiators and political rivals. Over time, this led to the start of a political consultant career, cut short by the War of the Banners. 

11. How does Rook end up involved in the War of the Banners? Why do they choose to lead “a daring attack on the rebellion’s duelling leaders”? Was this the first time they acted without orders, or was it a common occurrence? Did they feel like they had no other options, or did they not stop to consider any others? 

This part of her story deviates from game canon since Rukhana’s canon is a “two Rook canon” Rukhana’s long term, on and off again partner Filomena (also an Ingellvar) was a necromancer in the Necropolis whose research on innovative embalming techniques was being funded by a prominent noble house. This noble house, upon hearing that their ancestors were part of the undead civil war brewing in the crypts and were at risk of losing their entire family crypt in the infighting, tasked Filomena to investigate on behalf of a coalition of noble families. Rukhana had begged Myrna not to send Filomena on the expedition; She knew the Watcher council underestimated the dangers of a mission like that and had not faced the realities of the lower crypts in ages. She stormed into the Hallowed Council and all but demanded to be made the lieutenant leading the reconnaissance campaign. Once her team was able to assess the situation, they knew they wouldn't be able to protect their home and make it out with their lives without desecrating the remains of noble houses. With the responsibility came the consequences, thus Rukhana and Filomena were exiled.

[heroofshield]

Rook Wednesday: Faction

How Did Your Rook Join Their Faction

The Lords of Fortune attacked the slave ship that she was on, freed everyone once the captain & first mate were killed and said that if anyone could join the Lords if they wanted to. Zea decided that being with them was better than nothing. Also she liked the bright and flashy outfits they were all wearing so she figured that given enough time, she'd be dressing like them as well.

What's Their Relationship Like With Their Faction Leaders

Isabela was on the raid that freed Zea, and the red hair plus sharp comebacks for almost everything reminded her of Hawke so she decided to keep an eye out on the newest recruit. Didn't want to seem like she was playing favorites, so she let others train Zea but made sure that she was on her first raids and showed her a few tricks that she didn't tell just anyone.

The relationship was still somewhat formal, but Isabela gave her a ribbon for winning her first Hall of Valor fight and if she found any books always sent them her way since Isabela knew how much Zea liked to read.

It did sour when Zea had to be sent away, and she spent the longest time being angry at Isabela- but when she goes back to Rivain during the game, the anger is mostly in the past and she's glad to see her old mentor (they still have an informal fight in the hall of valor over it though).

Why Did They Get Sent Away? Does It Follow The Reason Ingame Or Is It Something New

Same as in-game. Zea has A Thing about not leaving people behind, so when the Rivaini noble wanted to...well she didn't want them on the trip anyways. She's more upset over the fact that she couldn't plead her case to Isabel (she was in the Lords's infirmary recovering from injuries related to said incident) and was hastily told that she needed to leave and not really given a full explanation. Isabela did write her a letter to explain everything, but Zea didn't read it at first because it just made her angry. All she knew was that she was being bundled out of the encampment in the dead of night and told that Isabela's friend who had also been on the treasure hunt was going to help them.

It was only midway through their Solas Hunt did Varric tell Zea how he knew Isabela and the highlights of some of their hi-jinks in Kirkwall. Then she read the letter from Isabela and realized why she'd sent Zea away (that and some personal items finally made it to Zea and seeing that it was from Isabela made her soften).

If They Could Join A Different Faction, What Would It Be

Shadow Dragons 100%. Her anger/unresolved issues regarding her time in slavery means that she'd be an easy recruit for them (although that would also lead to the reason SD!Rook got booted from them as well, because she wants it to go up in flames). Also her book knowledge would be a bonus because who else would want to read some thick book for hours? Tarquin would like her if only for that reason.

@anderfels

[sun-marie]

About me:

- Marie, mid-twenties, she/her, ✝️👋🏻

- somewhere between a yapping blog and an art blog

- I am critical of things I love on occasion, I usually don't tag it though (sorry)

- Interests/Fandoms: Dragon Age, Mass Effect, Fire Emblem, Baldur's Gate 3, Eora (Pillars of Eternity + Avowed), Octopath Traveler 2, The Legend of Zelda, Pokemon

- Minors please don't follow as I don't filter myself with y'all in mind 🙏🏻

- DNI if you're a bigot, I don't tolerate that and I will block you

Art Commissions Info <3

Buy me a coffee <3

dividers by @/uzmacchiato here <3

Tagging System:

#Marie Speaks (yapping tag)

#oc: [name] (thoughts or artwork about my oc's)

#sun-marie art (my artwork)

#lemon (nsfw or nsfw-leaning content)

My OCs:

an attempt to list all my ocs in one place for easier navigation <3

Dragon Age

Rhiannon Tabris (she/her), Dragon Age Origins Hero of Ferelden and Warden Commander of Ferelden, Elf ❤️ Alistair tag / playlist Aelon Mahariel (he/him), Dragon Age Origins Hero of the Fifth Blight and the Lost Warden, Dalish Elf ❤️ Morrigan tag / playlist Katheryne Cousland (she/her), Dragon Age Origins Arlessa of Amaranthine, Human ❤️ Ser Gilmore tag / playlist Anwen Hawke (she/her), Dragon Age Exodus (II) Champion of Kirkwall, Human ❤️ Fenris (playlist) tag / playlist James "Jamie" Trevelyan, (he/him), Dragon Age Inquisition Inquisitor and Herald of Andraste. Human ❤️ Cassandra (playlist) tag / playlist Aveline "Ava" Trevelyan, (she/her), Dragon Age Inquistion Arcane Advisor and Mentor for the Inquisition, Human tag / playlist Lydia "Rook" Laidir (she/her), Dragon Age Veilguard Lord of Fortune Sailmaster and Leader of the Veilguard, Elf ❤️ Lucanis (playlist) tag / playlist Calypso Mercar (she/her), Dragon Age Veilguard Shadow Dragon Agent, Qunari tag / playlist Lucas Amell and Madolyn Surana (he/him and she/her), Other Survivors of the Kinloch Hold Circle, students of Aveline Trevelyan in the Inquisition, Human and Elf tag / playlist

Mass Effect

Vanessa Shepard (she/her), Mass Effect Trilogy Commander of the Systems Alliance and First Human Spectre, Colonist War Hero, Renegon, Human ❤️ Kaidan tag / playlist Marco Ryder (he/him), Mass Effect Andromeda Pathfinder of the Andromeda Initiative, Vanguard, Human ❤️ Peebee tag / playlist

Baldur's Gate

Zephyr Skybreeze (she/her), Baldur's Gate 3 Way of Four Elements monk of Mielikki, sage background, theologian, biracial wood elf and air genasi ❤️ Gale (playlist) tag / playlist Viola, The Dark Urge (she/her), Baldur's Gate 3 Death Domain cleric of Kelemvor, good-aligned, ??? Tiefling ❤️ Wyll (playlist) tag / playlist Ruathym Dhalmass (he/him), Baldur's Gate 3 Circle of Spores druid and Beastmaster ranger, Seldarine Drow ❤️ Lae'zel (playlist) tag / playlist

Eora

Sabina Lancaster (she/her), Pillars of Eternity series Watcher of Caed Nua and Captain of the Defiant, Rogue + Ranger Mutliclass (Ranger companion: Eamoc the Stag), Meadow Folk ❤️ Aloth (playlist) tag / playlist Cedrych Hartwell (he/him), Avowed Imperial Envoy of Aedyr and Court Augur, Elf-godlike tag / playlist

[ryuichirou]

Replies

Happy Monday! Catching up a bit... About our recent posts, Jade and Floyd’s new card and some random twst-related stuff.

Starting with replies about the OruVil comic from a couple of days ago!

Anonymous asked:

HOGH I really love that recent Film Club art~

And the outfits you gave them is so good!

Thank you for the food! 💚

Hi, 💚 Anon! You’re very welcome and thank you!! I am very happy you liked the outfits; for some reason (pretty obvious one tbh), picking clothes for Vil always makes me nervous lol So I’m glad it looks ok!

I love Film Club...

Anonymous asked:

FUCK SORRY IM BACK

💚 ANON HERE

I FORGOT TO SAY THAT ORTHO DESIGN IS SO GOOOOD I SWEAR I LOVE LOVE LOVE IT HE'S SO TALL  AND BEAUTIFUL asddsfdsgfGAfdf

HI AGAIN, 💚 ANON!!

Thank you again! I really like to think that Ortho would’ve been a handsome guy. Well, it’s not like he isn’t handsome as he is~

blackbutlerfandomnerddomain asked:

DUDE ORTHO HAS SOME FASHION SENSE HOLY SHIT!!!

Yes! This is what you become when you have Vil as your mentor <3

Anonymous asked:

Rook would be cheer captain of anything he's so excited for literally nothing half the time.

I would say good for him, but honestly, good for everyone around him. We all need Rook hyping us up for no reason in our lives sometimes.

Anonymous asked:

The tweels are the worst kind of caretakers XD XD XD

(this is related to this post)

Well, at least their caring nature makes Azul recover way faster! <3 Isn’t that sweet?

Anonymous asked:

Hmmm, is Neige enjoying watching Vil’s agonized screams?

This one is probably referring to a sketch from Ko-Fi; and it’s related to a fic that Katsu wrote!

But to answer your question: I think he is just mesmerised by his acting talent <3

Anonymous asked:

Oooh, so who’s the lucky someone who took Trey’s v card? What’s his body count?

This one is also related to a sketch from ko-fi wink wink~

Anon, I really want you to ask this question to Trey directly while looking into his eyes, I think it would result in our witnessing a human being becoming a tree (to become unnoticeable) in real life. But jokes aside, I think Trey is the type of person to have his first time with just some guy who he was kind of attracted to, nothing big or serious. He might have had a couple of encounters like this... But stopped the moment Riddle became a NRC student for some reason.

TLDR; Trey Clover has stories to tell but he doesn’t anyone to know about it.

Or maybe! Maybe he is still a virgin and this whole thing is just a big misunderstanding. Who knows~

Anonymous asked:

does fem idia only forgo bras or is she just straight up commando under her clothes

Come on, Anon, she’s not a certain eel woman... and not even another certain eel woman. She wears panties! <3 Sometimes this is the only thing she wears though.

Anonymous asked:

Hyperventilating right now, have you guys seen the new upcoming Tweels (in their merform) ssrs cards??? They look so HOT 🔥

Yes!! They look very good! I’m really looking forward to seeing them in good quality + the groovies, I am so glad we got them!

Anonymous asked:

Why is everyone crapping on the anatomy of the new tweels’ ssr card? It looked great to me 😓

They are? I’m very out of the loop, the only thing I’ve seen is some kids being angry at them having pecks + abs and at people thinking they look sexy... Which is very stupid; they’ve always had pecks and abs, they’re mermen, for fuck’s sake, they use their stomach and chest muscles a lot. And the cards are very obviously drawn to look sexy lol of course people are going to comment on that.

If we’re talking about anatomy though, I think the anatomy on twst cards is always “good enough”; sometimes it’s amazing, sometimes it’s less successful, but with these two in particular I don’t see anything super offensive anatomy-wise. This isn’t a certain Diasomnia boy’s certain groovy.

Anonymous asked:

I’m  going to guess that Azul leaves a lot of his lovers unsatisfied with his speed rounds of sex

(referring to this post)

Not necessarily! Speed rounds of sex is Azul’s ideal form of sex because it’s efficient. But Azul would also absolutely hate to leave his lover unsatisfied because it would hurt his ego; so basically no one leaves until everyone is satisfied... which is even worse somehow lol This is probably one of the reasons Azul doesn’t like sex very much.

Anonymous asked:

Strange idea, but Azul with Idia or something and they're having fun and whatnot and Idia's just so tired and wants a break and he keep saying that, but Azul doesn't believe him.

So he just keeps going.

I don’t think anything strange about your idea, Anon, I think this is pretty normal for these two. Azul doesn’t necessarily have more stamina than Idia, but he does have a lot of energy, stubbornness and determination! And horniness too sometimes...

Anonymous asked:

have you considered jade/jamil at any point?

Not in any serious way; we just haven’t seen anything that would get us the sparks yet. But we’re not opposed to it.

Anonymous asked:

For some reason, this clip: https://youtu.be/enJda42gLcA?si=SQe9LFw1SsfDX4Ev. Especially when she was questioning what all the suffering was for because that’s exactly what Riddle was doing during his overblot

My main takeaway from this video is damn I would love to read a detective book written by Riddle...

But also, I see what you mean! It’s easier to deal with trauma if it results in something good or at least right. But unfortunately, this isn’t how it always is...

[six-improbable-things]

a small compilation of Zara talking to her youngest crew members

These were all from a little vignette from Rook's backstory where the Idiot Bastard Boy (he was ~18 at this point, had only been with Zara a little less than a year) got himself bitten by a super venomous sea serpent thingy and just... didn't tell anyone. (In his defense, he didn't know they're venomous, and it wasn't a serious wound otherwise.) The first two are directly back-to-back, only reason it's two screenshots is because of a page break. The other two, with Jay, are separated by some time.

But yeah, Zara is a lot of fun to write. She really does know how to handle each of them. Stern and authoritative with Garan to demand his respect, firm but gentle with Rook as a mentor and the first positive figure in his life, encouraging and comforting with Jay when she needs it most, helping her assuage her guilt… She really is an excellent captain, and there’s a reason her crew respected her so much, even though she wasn’t as big a name or as flashy with her power as Wolf.

[transcript under the cut]

image one

Garan saw his opportunity and jumped in. “That son-of-a-bitch nearly killed me! He has no place on this crew. You sh-” Zara held up a hand to stop him. “It is not your place to decide who does or does not belong on this crew. I am the captain and my word here is law.” Garan opened his mouth but she kept going. “I will handle this. Go see Kholl to get your arm splinted. And while you’re down there, send someone up to take your place for the rest of the shift. And Garan,” she fixed him with her best commanding stare, “do not forget that on this crew you will treat your fellow crew mates with respect.” Garan looked as though he wanted to argue, but she held his gaze and he eventually moved off towards the hatch leading belowdecks. She could hear him grumbling as he went, and made a mental note to ask some of the other crew members what he was saying about this later.

image two

Once he was gone, she turned her attention to Rook. He was looking at the floor now, and still hadn’t spoken. “Rook, what happened? You’re not usually careless with your knots.” When he said nothing she added, “You can be honest. I’m not going to throw you off the crew.” She paused. “It wasn’t intentional, was it?” He still remained silent, but shook his head slightly. Zara sighed. “You made a mistake, and that mistake hurt a crew member. That’s not something to be taken lightly. It wasn’t intentional, and no one was seriously hurt, which is a blessing. But you can’t take shortcuts when it comes to sailing, especially not the rigging. One mistied knot can cost someone their life, or a ship its mast.” Rook was still staring at the floor, not seeming to hear any of her words. Zara frowned. “Rook, are you listening to me?”

image three

“What’s going on? Will he be okay?” she asked, voice shaking. Zara forced her own voice to stay steady. “He was bitten by an Amaru.” Jay’s face fell, tears welling up in her eyes. “Kholl thinks he can pull through, though.” She handed Jay the list Kholl had written. “He said to give you this. It’s instructions for an antidote.” Jay froze, mouth dropping open in shock. “He wants me to make it?” She took a half-step back. “I- I’ve never done something like this, I’m not sure I can-” Stepping closer to her, Zara put an arm on Jay’s shoulder and squeezed gently, cutting her off. “Kholl has faith that you can do this. And so do I. Now, go, quickly. Rook’s counting on you.” Jay nodded. “Yes, captain.” She took off towards the ladder, nearly at a sprint, the instructions for the antidote clutched tightly in her hand.

image four

Kholl seemed to recognize this and sighed, shaking his head as he left. As soon as he was gone, Jay turned to Zara. “It’s my fault,” she blurted out. “It’s my fault he’s…” she trailed off as her voice grew choked. Zara gently placed a hand on her shoulder. “It’s not your fault. Rook chose not to tell anyone he was bitten.” She shook her head. Rook was quick-witted and a fast learner, but gods he could be foolish sometimes, especially when it came to his own life. Jay shook her head. “You don’t understand. I knew he was hurt and I didn’t check the wound or send him to the infirmary. If I had…” Tears welled up in her eyes. “If I had known he was bitten, not clawed, he’d be fine now, right? And now he might die, and it would be all my fault.” “He told you it was a claw wound?” Zara asked, brow furrowing in confusion. Why would he lie about what had hurt him? “No, that’s why it’s my fault. He said it was just a scratch and I assumed he meant a claw.” “Jay, there’s no way you could have known what he meant.” “But I’m a healer! I should have looked at the wound!” “You are not at fault for his decisions.” Taking Jay by the shoulders, Zara gently pushed her towards the door. “It’s been a long day, and you’ve done a lot. Do as Kholl said and get some rest.” When Jay hesitated, she added, “I’ll tell you if anything changes with Rook.”

[queerbrujas]

then it vanished away from my hands (part one)

pairing: nate sewell x eva navarro word count: 2.3k rating: T warnings: pure angst. not too hardcore yet (will ramp up in later parts), but this doesn’t have a happy ending.

part two | part three | read on ao3

Something unexpected happens during Eva’s turning.

See the end for more notes.

—

part one: take me home where I belong

The process and the preparations are much less complicated than Eva expected them to be.

Tedious, repetitive, but simple.

She speaks to Rebecca. More as a courtesy than anything else; she seeks her informed opinion as a colleague and as a member of her team, as an experienced mentor, but not, never, as a daughter.

Rebecca isn’t happy, not at all, but she has long resigned herself to the fact there is nothing she can do, that Eva wouldn’t listen to her even if there was.

Not in this.

(“Maybe there is some of me in you, after all,” Rebecca had told her, what seems like a lifetime ago. A different conversation, long before she knew the depth of what she was getting into, and yet it echoes, now, in her mind.)

Eva fills out a request form.

After the Agency greenlights it, and only then, she quits the police department.

This does require a few explanations, but Eva's involvement with the Agency isn’t a secret, even if the nature of it is.

Neither is it a secret that she had never wanted to join the force at all, and so nobody is exactly shocked—it’s not hard to convince everyone of what is, in the end, more than half the truth: they have offered her a better job that is much more suited to her skillset and inclinations.

A job that, most importantly, takes her away from Wayhaven.

(She had, after all, always wanted to leave. This is something everyone knows.)

Captain Sung is sorry to see her go, tells her she was a fine detective and that Rook would have been proud of her. She barely tenses at this.

Tina insists on throwing her a goodbye party.

Verda congratulates her on the promotion, with a smile and good wishes and love from Eric and Cara and Lacey.

She will miss them, a little. Not enough.

Not anywhere near enough.

—

Then there’s paperwork, more paperwork than she has ever had to deal with in her life.

There is counseling, endless sessions that she sits through with gritted teeth.

She finds them unnecessary. Redundant. She knows her own mind and doesn’t need, hasn’t ever needed any of this.

They are, of course, meant to ensure this is not something she will regret.

Why has she chosen this? What are her motivations?

She is made to list all of them. Outline them. Number them and rank them and develop them as though it is a test.

In a way, it is.

They do not say it is, but it hangs, unspoken, in the air. The idea that they might strongly discourage her from pursuing this if they consider she is not doing it for the right reasons, not fit for the transformation, for the shift it will bring to her life.

She is aware of this.

The minefield of questions she navigates with practiced ease. She does not say how the human world has lost every appeal it might have once held, but she does say her life is not, cannot be merely human anymore.

Not after everything she’s been through.

The counselor nods at this. They are a fae of some kind, but they were not born as one.

This, Eva knows, works in her favor.

It is not wise to tie these decisions to interpersonal relationships, the counselor says, their voice level and impersonal, almost flat. Of course, she must be aware of this already, is she not?

She is currently romantically involved with a vampire, yes?

It is imperative that she acknowledge the possibility of this relationship ending. Would she still want to go through with this, if that were the case?

Would she still want to live through eternity, then?

Immortality is not reversible. This is something she must remember.

Immortality is not reversible.

Eva suppresses a scoff, taps her foot on the ground. Taps her fingers on the arm of the chair. But she nods her assent anyway.

The process could be deferred for a year or two if she wished it; she is within the optimal time window still. It would give her additional time to reflect.

It is something they recommend. Though of course, they are quick to insist, the choice is ultimately hers.

She thanks them, and she declines it.

This, then, leads to more paperwork. Paperwork with questions and specifics about every last, minute detail.

Does she want to have the process handled by an Agency representative, or does she have a request for someone specific?

The Agency does not recommend that the process be carried out by a romantic partner. Is she aware of this?

She is, naturally.

(Nate wouldn't do it, anyway.)

(And after the conversation with Nate, she had wanted to ask Morgan. But Morgan—well, Morgan can't.)

Is she aware of the risks? The survival rate? The potential trauma? The changes that her body will/could suffer? The recovery period?

The unpredictability of her blood?

The risks?

The survival rate?

The potential trauma?

Rinse and repeat, ad nauseam.

She signs what feels like a hundred release forms, over and over.

She wants to do this the right way, the proper way.

(When has she ever done things any differently?)

She signs the forms and the paperwork without complaints, without hesitation and without delay.

—

The day comes.

(Weeks later, after all the forms have been processed and reviewed and approved, signed and countersigned. But eventually, it comes.)

With Morgan it's simple. It's her steely gaze and a raised eyebrow, questioning. Questions Eva is familiar with.

You sure about this? No taking it back now.

And then, same as always: you all right?

Eva gives a sharp nod, her shoulders relaxing.

That is the only answer Morgan needs from her.

(Morgan has always believed her when Eva tells her she can handle herself. That knowledge, in itself, is reassuring.)

—

With Nate—with Nate it’s not so easy. Not so simple.

It never has been, not with the way they feel about each other, not with the way they cling to each other, to every breath, to every beat of their hearts.

There is worry and fear in his eyes, dark and consuming, and she knows he is thinking about everything that could go wrong. She wants to soothe him, wants to kiss him and tell him it’s okay, it’s going to be okay.

So she does.

And he sinks into it, grateful for the distraction (this, he always is; this has not changed). Grateful for any excuse not to think about what could be, his mouth almost devouring her own in a nearly bruising kiss and here she understands what he is telling her, too.

Please.

Please, I can’t live without you.

I spent three hundred years without you and I can’t do that anymore.

The pendant he had given her lies against the hollow of her throat, warm between them as their bodies press against each other’s, the heliotrope and edelweiss, the white clover and honeysuckle.

Deep devotion, eternal love.

Eternal love.

She does not mention it and neither does he, but she knows it does not escape his notice that she is wearing it. The agreement it stands for, the acceptance.

There had been arguments, before the choice was made.

(Though in reality the choice had been made long, long before, from the first time his hands left trails of fire on her skin and she wanted nothing more than to be branded, burned, for it to leave a permanent, indelible mark.)

(Everything that came after that was just confirmation of what she already knew.)

There had been arguments.

There had been raised voices that she regretted, that she very nearly hated herself for. But she couldn’t understand why or how—this is something she has never understood about Nate, and something Nate has never understood about her.

Humanity, humanity, humanity—

(“Would you rather watch me die?”

She spit out the words at him, not out of malice, but with the knowledge that they would hurt. Knowing, too, that the hurt was necessary. Knowing that unless she did things this way nothing would ever get done.

Nothing would ever get solved, concerning the very glaring problem they were facing.

“I won’t do that to you.”

Mortality was a problem, and this was the solution.

“Even if nothing happens to me, how long do we get before I’m too old? Thirty years? How long is that to you, Nate? You've been alive more than ten times that.”

She paused then, but he said nothing. He'd fallen quiet, and she could feel the harshness of her words and her voice, the knife being twisted deeper each time she spoke, but there was no point to gentling them when he refused to see what was in front of them: they did not, would not have another choice.

“Shit, Adam has been alive a millennium and you will too—are you going to remember me in five hundred years?”)

She pushes the memory away.

She cups his face with both hands now, the kiss turning gentle, soft. His lips brush against hers, lightly, so lightly, and send a tingling feeling through her entire body.

His skin is warm under her hands and the taste of him, mint and rain, almost makes her forget everything else, everything, nothing but him in her thoughts.

Nate.

“I love you,” she whispers in the space between their lips as she pulls away, only a fraction, eyes still half-closed and relishing the taste, the feeling of him. The warm comfort of his hands still tangled in her hair. “Te amo. I'll be fine, mi vida. Don't worry so much about me.”

“You know that's impossible, joonam,” he says in return, and though she knows he is serious (they have discussed this time and time again), there's still a soft smile on his lips.

“And I love you. More than I will ever have the words for.”

She smiles, warm, fond, and nudges her nose against his.

Words have never been her strong suit.

But she’s found them, with him, found words old and new as she has found warmth and light and life.

“I’ll be back to you in no time. You know how stubborn I am,” she says lightly, and kisses him again, short and sweet.

A promise, a beginning.

—

She had asked Adam to do it.

He was the obvious choice,

(choice, choice, choice)

if Nate wouldn’t and Morgan couldn’t; she and Adam don’t often speak but there is respect and there is understanding between them, too. There is determination and a desire for order that they share.

(he had also made a choice, once)

She would trust him with her life, and so she does.

(The fact of the matter is she would trust them all with her life and much more.

Farah just as much as the others, too, even if she is not as close with the younger vampire, by virtue of temperament. But she loves her as she would love a sister, as she would love someone whose absence would make the world dimmer—how funny, she thinks, that she loves her, that she loves them.

She had never loved like this before.)

—

It is difficult not to think of the warehouse on the outskirts of Wayhaven.

Not the one she has almost come to know as home, but the other one, the one where she knew, for the first time, what involvement with the supernatural would truly mean.

The sterile environment of the Agency facility is nothing like it.

Clean-smelling, almost like a clinic; white and well illuminated and with doctors and techs on hand to supervise and monitor.

She signs one final form on entry and then there is nothing standing between her and this.

It is difficult not to think of the first time she felt vampire fangs ripping into her skin.

Adam’s barely puncture her neck, instead of tearing into her wrist as Murphy’s had done. Almost gently, almost delicately—with care and quick efficiency.

It is not the first time since then that she has felt the bite of fangs (always willing, always wanted), but bury it as she may, the memory always resurfaces.

She closes her eyes and focuses on the feeling.

There is a lingering something, an ache in her temples, like being underwater far too deep.

Pressure in her ears, a ringing sound.

It passes after a few seconds and Eva feels the pain in her neck, sharp and deep—there’s warmth and she thinks, oddly, incongruously, that it is not too unlike having her blood drawn.

She is aware of what’s happening: she insisted on knowing the mechanics of it, every step.

The warmth she feels is the injection of venom into her bloodstream, and within minutes it will start attacking her DNA, it will start melding with her own genetic code and changing it, altering it, molding it.

Enhancing it.

Adam withdraws now, pulls away from Eva’s neck and wipes away the very small amount of blood left on his mouth with the back of his hand, his expression unreadable as always.

She has been warned of the pain that comes next.

She has been warned of the way her body will feel like it’s on fire, of the way her muscles will pull and stretch and her bones will reshape and her blood will burn from within.

She has been warned.

But it doesn’t come.

The wound in her neck pulses along with her heartbeat, and there is a trickle of warm blood running down her skin, down her throat.

There is no pain.

By now she should, by all accounts, be undergoing a full transformation, genes and physiognomy rearranged, blood reconfigured.

She should be in agony.

All she feels is the warm trickle of the blood and the pulsing of the small wound.

Nothing is happening.

A different feeling starts to bubble in her throat.

She meets Adam’s eyes, and he looks just as confused as she is.

No mistakes have been made, she knows this, she is sure of this.

Everything has been controlled and accounted for; regulated, monitored.

She sees, out of the corner of her eye, the techs start to speak among themselves.

It’s not working.

Why is it not working?

———

This was inspired by a post by @crowsintheisland asking what would happen to a detective who discovered they couldn’t turn into a supernatural because of their blood. My brain took that idea and ran with it.

[sassysnowperson]

writer's meme - TY to @r0b0tb0y for the tag!

How many works do you have on AO3?

168 - oh man that's more than I'd realized. I passed 150 and didn't even notice!

What’s your total AO3 word count?

1,133,901

So many.

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Since r0b0tb0y and I were just talking about this, I conveniently have a list of all 20 ranked by number of works

134 - Star Wars 7 - Original Works 7 - Marvel 2 - Pirates of The Carribean 2 - The Old Guard 2 - Discworld 1 - Good Omens 1 - Leverage 1 - The Good Place 1 - Avatar: The Last Airbender 1 - Ocean’s 11 1 - Harry Potter 1 - The Goblin Emperor 1 - Gundam Wing 1 - Star Trek: TNG 1 - Hades (Videogame) 1 - Sailor Moon 1 - Russian Doll 1 - Mummy/Wonder Woman crossover

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Lol, looking at my top five - it falls into two categories

1. Fics I wrote right at the height of a fandom's popularity that got a massive reader boost because it was the Hot Thing Right Then

2. Star Wars Fix-Its

~

A Series of Better Decisions - A Padme/Obi-Wan/Anakin SW Prequel Trilogy fix-it where Anakin talks to Obi-Wan and spends Revenge of the Sith in a stressed-out bisexual panic instead of becoming a Space Fascist. He winds up fake-poly-dating Obi-Wan to try to bring down Palpatine, and eventually winds up in a better place due to the power of Quitting Your Job and becoming a househusband.

Galactic Response Time - Captain Marvel - an at the time MCU canon-compliant gen fic that ran the universe forward and explained how Carol really TRIED to show up for all those other crises that happened, but it turns out most of the major MCU disasters only lasted like three days and space is real big, y'all. Featuring Nick Fury cathartically bitching with his Space Bestie.

New Lands for the Living - Fix-it where the sequel trilogy ends Even Worse, Poe goes back in time to mercy-kill the timeline, and much to his dismay winds up married to just-before-Original-Trilogy Luke Skywalker. He has an existential crisis about his own existence, meets some competent women, and starts fixing things.

Life's Little Pleasures - The Good Omens fic where I put all my ace feelings, featuring metaphysical bonding and good scotch.

Flustered - Another Padme/Anakin/Obi-Wan SW Prequel Trilogy fix-it, where Order 66 never happens. Anakin gets some therapy and Padme gets a horrible crush on Obi-Wan.

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I do! I love getting to talk to people about fics, and I so appreciate people making the effort to comment I want to spend some time with them! It's so much easier not to comment, I know.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Hmmm this is not my normal wheelhouse. I usually go angst that gets resolved by the end. Let me look to see what the options are.

Okay, I think we've got two contendors: In Waystation an exhausted Poe Dameron crash-lands in a station where a Bodhi Rook that lived and then hid now lives with Baze and Chirrut. There is a little epilgue that implies they're going to meet again, but the bulk of the fic does end with Poe making the decision to go back to the Resistance, and leaving Bodhi behind. Still, I think it's more wistful, rather than angsty.

Time Enough for Mourning takes it though, I think. Davits Draven/Antoc Merrick, that is entirely about Draven mourning the fact that Antoc has died. The end is still, I think, more cathartic than angsty, but it is overall probably the strongest "break out the waterworks" of my fics.

Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I do occasionally, usually when someone prompts me and I find something in there that makes my brain go!!! I think the strangest is probably The Face Underneath. It's a Cassian Andor/Elim Garak fic where I drag Garak into the Star Wars Universe for a triple drabble series where he is an old mentor of Cassian's.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Mmm, not proper hate. Realtalk, the most devastating one for me was when I posted a fic that the only comment was a spelling critique.

And yes, there was a spelling error, but still, very crushing to have that be the only feedback. (It has since found a few readers that said nice things, very healing :D)

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Yes! Uh - consensual, between adults, often M/M adults, tho I have written explicit femslash, hetfic, and poly piles. It's usually affectionate, often plays with power dynamics even if it doesn't go into full dom/sub.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that anyone has made me aware of, I've never looked.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Had a request or two, but never been linked the result - so not sure if it didn't happen or if I just didn't get linked. I welcome it!

I have had several fics podficced, and I LOVE that. What a joy! Making a blanket permission statement that allowed podfic is one of the best decisions I've made as a fic author. Suddenly, Podfic!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Once or twice! I like the idea of doing it, but follow-through is hard. Hoping to do some co-writing soon though, so we will see!

What’s your all time favourite ship?

Sorry, unrepentant multi-shipper here. I like possibilities, and finding the story that will bring people together, more than one specific thing.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I don't have ANYTHING I've given up on, but there are a few fics in my unpublished drafts that were beautiful ideas, and really struggled to become contained stories. They all want to be sprawling things, and I have not felt sprawling-thing-writing passionate about those ideas. But, you never know! Inspiration may strike.

What are your writing strengths?

I'd say character voice, along with that, dialogue. Also humor moments that still have real weight and don't undercut the story, as well as straight comedy writing.

What are your writing weaknesses?

You see, I, uh, do this thing where I don't really end a sentence - I think about ending it, I even assume, at some point while I'm writing that I have ended it; I have not and it meanders, persistently, until I have constructed a whole paragraph made out of one chain of words and a hodgepodge of punctuation.

Also the thing where I accidentally use an unusual word five times in one paragraph because my brain has grabbed onto it like an excited puppy and keeps offering it up as the Perfect Word.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I love having multilingual characters. When writing, I tend to keep all the words in English and use dialogue tags to denote language shift - unless I am inventing the language, or have a speaker of that language willing to beta the bits to make sure I don't mess them up too badly.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Actually wrote and posted? Rogue One.

Fandom of my heart my younger self spun out stories in my imagination about? Where if I had my own computer and easy access to a fic archive they almost certainly would have become spectacularly earnest fics?

ReBoot and Sailor Moon. The Sailor Moon was an AU that took place on the sun and they all had kick-ass horses. Baby Sass knew what was up.

What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

Nope, sorry, can't pick, love them all in different ways for different reasons.

Tagging: @semisweetshadow, @anamelesstraveler, @jules-of-the-crown - and generally if you follow me and want to do it, do so and tag me in it!

[memento-morri-writes]

a small compilation of Zara talking to her young crew members.

She really does know how to handle each of them. Stern and authoritative with Garan to demand his respect, firm but gentle with Rook as a mentor and the first positive figure in his life, encouraging and comforting with Jay when she needs it most, helping her assuage her guilt... She really is an excellent captain, and there's a reason her crew respected her so much, even though she wasn't as big a name or as flashy with her power as Wolf.

[transcripts under the cut]

Image One:

Garan saw his opportunity and jumped in. “That son-of-a-bitch nearly killed me! He has no place on this crew. You sh-” Zara held up a hand to stop him. “It is not your place to decide who does or does not belong on this crew. I am the captain and my word here is law.” Garan opened his mouth but she kept going. “I will handle this. Go see Kholl to get your arm splinted. And while you’re down there, send someone up to take your place for the rest of the shift. And Garan,” she fixed him with her best commanding stare, “do not forget that on this crew you will treat your fellow crew mates with respect.” Garan looked as though he wanted to argue, but she held his gaze and he eventually moved off towards the hatch leading belowdecks. She could hear him grumbling as he went, and made a mental note to ask some of the other crew members what he was saying about this later.

Image Two:

Once he was gone, she turned her attention to Rook. He was looking at the floor now, and still hadn’t spoken. “Rook, what happened? You’re not usually careless with your knots.” When he said nothing she added, “You can be honest. I’m not going to throw you off the crew.” She paused. “It wasn’t intentional, was it?” He still remained silent, but shook his head slightly. Zara sighed. “You made a mistake, and that mistake hurt a crew member. That’s not something to be taken lightly. It wasn’t intentional, and no one was seriously hurt, which is a blessing. But you can’t take shortcuts when it comes to sailing, especially not the rigging. One mistied knot can cost someone their life, or a ship its mast.” Rook was still staring at the floor, not seeming to hear any of her words. Zara frowned. “Rook, are you listening to me?” 

Image Three:

“What’s going on? Will he be okay?” she asked, voice shaking. Zara forced her own voice to stay steady. “He was bitten by an Amaru.” Jay’s face fell, tears welling up in her eyes. “Kholl thinks he can pull through, though.” She handed Jay the list Kholl had written. “He said to give you this. It’s instructions for an antidote.” Jay froze, mouth dropping open in shock. “He wants me to make it?” She took a half-step back. “I- I’ve never done something like this, I’m not sure I can-” Stepping closer to her, Zara put an arm on Jay’s shoulder and squeezed gently, cutting her off. “Kholl has faith that you can do this. And so do I. Now, go, quickly. Rook’s counting on you.” Jay nodded. “Yes, captain.” She took off towards the ladder, nearly at a sprint, the instructions for the antidote clutched tightly in her hand.

Image Four:

Kholl seemed to recognize this and sighed, shaking his head as he left. As soon as he was gone, Jay turned to Zara. “It’s my fault,” she blurted out. “It’s my fault he’s…” she trailed off as her voice grew choked.  Zara gently placed a hand on her shoulder. “It’s not your fault. Rook chose not to tell anyone he was bitten.” She shook her head. Rook was quick-witted and a fast learner, but gods he could be foolish sometimes, especially when it came to his own life. Jay shook her head. “You don’t understand. I knew he was hurt and I didn’t check the wound or send him to the infirmary. If I had…” Tears welled up in her eyes. “If I had known he was bitten, not clawed, he’d be fine now, right? And now he might die, and it would be all my fault.” “He told you it was a claw wound?” Zara asked, brow furrowing in confusion. Why would he lie about what had hurt him? “No, that’s why it’s my fault. He said it was just a scratch and I assumed he meant a claw.” “Jay, there’s no way you could have known what he meant.” “But I’m a healer! I should have looked at the wound!” “You are not at fault for his decisions.” Taking Jay by the shoulders, Zara gently pushed her towards the door. “It’s been a long day, and you’ve done a lot. Do as Kholl said and get some rest.” When Jay hesitated, she added, “I’ll tell you if anything changes with Rook.”

[morrigan-sims]

Top 24 Screenshots of 2024

I was tagged by @loony-moonsims Thank you!! (Sorry for being so late. I was on vacation and didn't have access to my laptop with all my screenshots.) I'm not going to tag anyone else to do this because it's way too late and I don't know who has or hasn't done it. But if you want to, feel free to say I tagged you!!! It is a lot of fun to do! I already did one favorite post from each month in my 2024 "Year In Review" post, but that was strictly one per month and didn't give me a chance to talk about it. So expect a lot of rambling under the cut.

tw for blood in several images and for spider imagery in Oct/Nov.

January

Starting on January 1st, I fell head-over-heels in love with Pathfinder: Wrath of the Righteous -- now my favorite game of all time -- and with Areelu Vorlesh. I tried my hand at recreating characters from images, which I'd never done before, and it actually turned out pretty well. (And started a mini obsession.) My first version of Areelu was not my most accurate, but I do have a deep soft spot for it, for many reasons. And while Reda isn't perfect either, I do love how she turned out as a sim.

February

The month of goth/dark fantasy people, I guess. The Lady of Ravens was very fun to design, and I discovered that that pose looks perfect with the crow/raven accessory I have.

March

In March I got bored of sweet, cutesy flower sims, and decided it was about time someone played into the horror of being both a person and a plant. And thus this sim, who someone described as "sleeping beauty if she took control of the roses and became a villain" was born. She has thorny vines growing under and over her skin, and that rose has burst from her eye. I wanted her to have little thorns poking out from under her skin, but no such cc existed, unfortunately.

Also in March, I played the first of Rook's two Horrible, Very Bad, No-Good weekends. This render (lovingly dubbed "Mirror Punch" in my folders) was meant to represent the scene that the party saw upon rushing to see what the giant crash they all heard from the lower floor of the inn was about. Rook had just woken up from being asleep for over 12 hours after passing out from exhaustion and stress, only to be told that the "chihuahua" the party had rescued the day before just so happened to be the very same man who had sold Rook to Captain Wolf 3 years ago. Oh, and this was after dying once and then having a very emotionally tense conversation with his mentor once he woke up. Because my boy is an idiot who doesn't know how to handle emotional surprises, he decided to try and punch a mirror, because repeatedly killing an imaginary version of said chihuahua/man wasn't working.

I'm still incredibly proud of this render. Editing the mirror to be cracked took me over two hours, let alone drawing in all the blood.

April

In April I was deep in my pirate obsession, in part brought about by obsessively watching Black Sails for the first time. I made the first draft of my ship infirmary (now the canon appearance of the Tide Breaker's infirmary), and also made this sim, who despite my best attempts to NOT relate everything to Rook ended up becoming the canon appearance (in my head at least) for Kholl, the Tide Breaker's surgeon, and Jay's mentor.

May

May was a great month for renders. Actually this one specific week was great for renders, since these both got posted in less than a week. The Nine of Swords is still one of my favorite renders I've ever made. I just love the way the composition works, with the chains framing it, and the swords (all copies of Wolf's rapier from my edit of her as Justice) hanging over Rook's head. Of course, I can only take partial credit, since I was inspired by Sara Kipin's version of the card.

Morana's Death card was also a lot of fun to make. It was my first attempt at putting trees into blender (a pain in the ass, but worth it) and with using photo background (easier, and also worth it). I really enjoyed how the final product turned out, and it's just such a good representation of her. She's named after a Slavic goddess of death and winter, and she's a necromancer from a frozen place, so it works well. I also really like the added touch of the red coming from the skull's eye, which was suggested by someone I was on call with while making the render.

June

June was ALSO all about the dnd characters. Aside from spending way too much time furnishing Lockwood Manor and making its awful owner, making Val as a sim, and giving Zenara a zillion new outfits, I also made these two edits.

The Judgement card was my first big in-game edit in a very, very long time. It was an interesting challenge to get it to turn out how I wanted it to. While the editing for this one was very simple, getting everything else as I wanted it was difficult. There was a lot of TOOL involved, and gshade and Relight saved my ass when it came to getting the nighttime scene to look right. This card is a recreation of a moment from Avra's backstory, where she awoke in her own grave. On digging her way out, she found a raven messenger waiting for her. The Judgement card is just too fucking perfect for her, and it was a lot of fun to create my own version of it.

Aspen's Fool Card was an idea that had been floating in my mind for MONTHS before I finally got around to making it. I could not possibly be happier with how it turned out. This was my first experiment with sizing up sims in blender, and it worked perfectly!!! A giant version of Fin (the jester-like god of death and Aspen's warlock patron) looming over Aspen dancing on strings was exactly what I had in mind. It was also my first experiment with bringing in 3D meshes that weren't already made for the sims, which was interesting.

July

July was all about the Liars. I played through (most of) Rook's SECOND Horrible, Very Bad, No-Good Weekend, which kicked off with the traumatic reveal that Rook's beloved mentor, Sigmar, was actually a corpse being puppeted by the BBEG, Dr. Purity. And not only that, but the party wizard, Maka, had known since day 1. Given Rook's name, and the fact that the special moves Sigmar had been teaching him were all named after chess pieces, it was just too damn perfect to turn Rook into a chess piece for this render. To this day, it's one of my favorite renders I've ever made. Not only does it LOOK amazing, but the layers upon layers of symbolism and little details hidden in it, most of which mean nothing to anyone other than me and the DM of Rook's game. This was my 2nd experiment with giant sims in blender, and also with outside models, as well as my first horizontal/landscape render. Making the pose for this one was a TON of fun, and I got to play around with some editing methods I hadn't used in a LONG time.

Speaking of Dr. Purity, his Temperance card was my most detailed blender set to date!! The many objects were a lot of fun to import and set up. And the editing was SO much fun. Drawing all the shadows on his clothes was a ton of fun, as was fixing the clipping in his hair and figuring out how to make it look like there was liquid in the flask was also fun. This is maybe my least popular render, but I am proud of it and I do love it. We finally got a face reveal of the BBEG, of course I had to do something with that!!! (I definitely didn't only start caring this much about him after finding out he was Sigmar's true identity. Nope, not at all.)

August

In August, I was back in a furnishing mood, this time working on the pirate ships. (I was simultaneously working on making maps for all three of them for our VTT.) I really love how this shot of Zara's cabin turned out. And this coming weekend Rook gets to step into this room again, this time as Captain in his own right! I can't fucking wait.

The Weeping Angels gif was SO much fun to make. It wasn't my first time making a gif, but it was the first in a long time, and also by far the most complicated one I'd ever made. It ended up being well over 30 frames long, and I love the final result!!! (After I made it, I watched it so many times I started to get a headache, lmao.)

September

September Rook was still having a Bad Time, and I got obsessed with Carrion.

I love how the editing (although simple) turned out on this render of Rook. The accents on the chains, the veins I drew under his skin, it all looks great. My poor boy, he does NOT deserve this, lmao. Sorry buddy. This render is (somewhat understandably) one of my least popular, but I still love it a lot.

Theodore's render is also super simple, but looks really good to me. Once again, drawing in details on the armor/clothes was a fun experiment, and so was adding more definition and age to Theodore's face. This was also only my 2nd time sculpting clothing in blender (the first being the Nine of Swords) with his cape, and it looks quite nice.

October

In October, I was hard-core fixating on Zara's upcoming introduction, so she (FINALLY) got her own tarot card. I can't believe it took me as long as it did to realize the World was her card. Anyways, I like how this one turned out. The symbolism with the items and their placement was a lot of fun to add in, and the colors turned out great.

The other shot I really really loved was this preview picture for my spider legs accessory edit. Using TOOL to get the sim in position was a pain, but it turned out SO worth it. This sim in general was super fun to make and looks badass as hell, but her in this pose with the throne is even better.

November

In November I took a break from editing and rendering to get back in P:WotR mode, so I did some neat little recreations of character portraits from the game. I was on my evil run this time, and these two were my two new discovery favorites. I was quite happy with how well I was able to recreate these just with what I had in my game.

December

In December I was back on my rendering bullshit, this time with Carrion. I'd had this idea for MONTHS, since one of the other players in his campaign gave it to me, honestly the scenes were basically done. I barely had to do anything to them, and the editing was super basic. (Hilariously someone left tags saying they loved the editing, and my only thought was "thank you, but I basically didn't do anything". Which I guess is a compliment to my blender skills if it makes them look well-edited.)

I especially loved pulling the reversal of the werewolf, where the full moon is monstrous and the new moon is safe. Also just creating Carrion's monster form in general was a lot of fun to do. I made several pieces of cc just for Carrion (his normal armor, his monster arm spikes), and did some whacky things to get him to look how I wanted. (There's actually two copies of monster Carrion standing there. One of them is just the tips of his toes the other is the rest of his body, sans toes. I did this so I could give him the split feet, which are actually illithid feet from BG3, converted by Shandir.)

I also just straight up painted + clone-stamped in a portion of his arm in the monster image, because it was clipping with his leg. I'm proud to say I don't think you can tell. And adding small lights for his eyes in that form was also a very fun little touch. (Honestly, the lighting in general was an adventure in this one. I hated it at the time, but looking back it was an interesting challenge.) I also learned what HDRIs are and how to use them, so that was a fun learning experience for me!

Final Thoughts

I made SO much progress in rendering this year, and I'm very proud of myself. I would love to whittle down my unfinished renders / not started render concepts to zero in 2025, but knowing me that's never going to happen. (ADHD, baby!!!) But I had a TON of fun this year and I'm so happy with all the things I made, be they in CAS, in build mode, or in blender.

And I'm glad you all were along for the ride!!! Whether you've been following me for years, or you just followed me last week, I'm glad you're here. While I'd make these things for myself, it's a thousand times more fun to share them with others, and knowing other people like my work just makes me more motivated to make it.

[simblorbo-bracket]

Round 4 - Simblr's Saddest, Wettest Meow Meow - Losers Bracket

Andre St. Fleur (@armoricaroyalty) VS. Rook (@morrigan-sims)

(polls are presented left -> right unless stated otherwise)

They may be down, but they're not out yet! Who deserves a shot at redemption, to prove that they, truly, are the saddest and wettest of meow meows despite all the odds?

What is a ‘Meow Meow’?

(taken from tumblr user @/torturelabyrinth) “The thing about a true poor little meow meow is they have to be 1) downtrodden 2) morally questionable at best 3) deeply and pathetically miserable”

Andre St. Fleur

What makes him a Sad, Wet Meow Meow? Born to royalty but completely temperamentally unsuited for it, Andre is pathetic and sad and weak-willed and a big, giant loser. He's the king of a small and unimportant country, and he simply cannot parent effectively or stop cheating on his wife. Finally forced to decide between his mistress and his wife of nearly 30 years, he became so paralyzed with indecision that he developed a terminal illness instead, saving him from ever having to make up his mind about anything.

Just some additional pictures of Andre moping, crying, and letting his loved ones down </3

I think my boy has the potential to go far, but even if he gets knocked out in the first round...what could be sadder, wetter, or more pathetic than getting immediately eliminated from the "most pathetic" tournament?

Rook

Why a SWMM? I call him my "idiot bastard man", and it's accurate in every sense of those words. Actual literal bastard son of a nobleman. Ran away from home and joined a pirate crew because he was terrified of getting stuck working a dead-end job for the rest of his life (he was 17). Had 6 great years sailing with his captain, who was the first person who was ever nice to him. He even had one (1) real friend!!! But the rest of the crew hated him and thought the captain was showing him favoritism, so he got given a drugged drink during a "birthday celebration" on shore, and given to a rival captain. She kept him and torture him for 2 years until he escaped. He met two good father figures but one of them turned out to be the BBEG (see above), and the other one died 2 days later. The day after that he got kidnapped again. He's been cursed by a demon lord so he has terribly nightmares and barely sleeps. He's convinced that his life has no value, and is self-sacrificial to the point of self-destruction. Keeps telling people who care about him very concerning news (mainly that he died) in really stupid ways. Has died 3 times, and has been pulled back from the brink countless more. Goes down at least once every combat / gets the shit beat out of him constantly. Was reunited with his one (1) friend and she immediately got killed because of his actions. Has no common sense. Extremely impulsive. Got told he was too reckless to be trusted with his own life. Gets bullied by major villains on a regular basis. Has taunted powerful people twice and gotten killed both times. Has no common sense. A capital L Liar, has never told the truth in his life. Hasn't properly buttoned a shirt in ~9 years. Other people knew that his beloved mentor and father figure was actually the BBEG but they didn't tell him. Had to see said mentor figure get brutally "killed" in front of him.

Origin: He's my longest-running Dungeons & Dragons character, and I have literally never been more obsessed with a character in my life. And completely unbeknownst to me I wrote him to be a perfect parallel to the BBEG of the entire campaign. Hence why the DM made said BBEG show up and be Rook's mentor... Fun times!!!

Additional Propaganda: I mean, just look at this shit:

^ that should say "unless", not "in case", I made a typo and didn't realize until later.

Tags from a friend on a post I made about him:

[brokenhardies]

PERSONA 5 -- KOSEI TRIO AU

so basically, this au is a big arcanaswap au, with the main variable being that the main trio are yusuke, goro and hifumi

i dont have many ideas for them yet but here we go;

starting gang - madarame’s palace

the biggest difference is that instead of opening with kamoshida, we open with madarame’s palace. goro is trying to use his detective skills to figure out what happens to all of madarame’s students, and while initially adverse to the idea of his mentor being a bad person, yusuke goes along with this after being dragged into the metaverse alongside goro. morgana is kept in a laser cage in the palace. 

yusuke - the fool

codename is ‘azure’. initial persona is goemon. basically the same overdramatic nerd as in canon, raised by madarame, the usual. however, he’s the one who yaldaboth chooses for his scheme, and is classified as the trickster. wild card user

goro - the lovers

codename is ‘ace’. initial persona is robin hood. still the detective prince, but tires to keep a low profile by attending kosei. very popular, especially amongst girls. gets dragged into the metaverse alongside yusuke due to him researching madarame’s plagiarism

hifumi - the chariot

codename is ‘rook’. initial persona is nobunaga,  first great unifier of japan and head of the oda clan. still has the same background as in canon, complete with being made fun of for her overdramatic nature. yusuke asks for her help with strategising madarame’s palace which leads to him showing her the metaverse. navigator

morgana - the moon

codename is still ‘mona’. initial persona is zorro. there’s a heavier focus on mona’s lack of identity in this au, as well as how distant he feels from the other human persona users. sort of like his thing for ann, he has a thing for hifumi, which she more sees as just him being an affectionate pet

the team expands - kamoshida & kaneshiro’s palaces

kamoshida’s palace gets kicked off by goro being given an assignment to investigate a recent suicide attempt by shiho suzui at shujin high. the group immediately discover that this jackass has control of the whole school, treating it like his castle, and has been using male students as slave labor, and assaulting female students on top of that. the party members introduced here are;

shiho - the star

codename is ‘knight’. initial persona is medusa, a beautiful mortal turned horrific gorgon by athena after she was assaulted by poseidon. her main confidant is learning to recover from kamoshida’s abuse, as well as how to find peace in herself. she joins the team by accident due to trailing goro as he’s trying to investigate kamoshida

ren - the emperor

codename is ‘noctis’. initial persona is arsene. still has the same background as before, being falsely accused of a crime and dragged to tokyo on probation. he feels like he has no control of his surroundings, because no matter what he does, he’s considered a delinquent or criminal. even after they defeat kamoshida, he still feels deeply insecure - which he hides with sarcasm 

kaneshiro’s palace occurs after kamoshida’s, with our gang of 6 persona users being brought into the world of the yakuza thanks to a certain ‘detective prince’ not being able to keep his mouth shut. the person who drags them into this world is

ann - the justice

codename is ‘agent’. ann is still shiho’s best friend and a model, but she has a much darker backstory. she got into modelling following an accident that left her mother bedridden and the family lacking in funds. as a result, she has a side job -- that being basically acting as a spy for siu. 

goro figures this out and when she badmouths the phantom thieves, he decides to bet his job on whether or not the phantom thieves can change the heart of a notorious mafia boss. ann ‘awakens’ during the palace, but it’s quite clear that she’s hiding something from the gang...

the rising star, fallen from grace - ryuji’s palace

ryuji - the hermit

codename is ‘seer’. persona is captain kidd. instead of just having his leg broken by kamoshida, ryuji also got ‘expelled’ by him as well. now with no real prospects and working two jobs to help support his mother, poor ryuji is a shadow of himself in the game, basically locking himself in his room, and only leaving the house to work because that’s all he thinks he’s good for. 

it’s actually one of his bosses who puts forth the request to change ryuji’s heart, knowing full well that he’s suffering under all the stress he’s putting himself through, especially considering he still has a busted leg that he can barely walk on. 

his palace is one of his workplaces, which takes the form of a massive sporting arena, with shadow ryuji forced to fight in gladitorial style battles for the entertainment of a giant cognitive version of his mother. ryuji winds up entering his palace through the metanav, and the group help him come to terms with his deep seated issues. 

i imagine he takes the navigator role. he and morgana still bicker from time to time as well, bc some things dont change

an accident - okumura’s palace

much like in canon, the phantom thieves have been starting to get popular after helping destroy medjed (which happens at the same time as ryuji’s palace, as a certain someone is pulling the strings). but morgana has been starting to doubt himself more often, especially now that most of his roles (navigator, healer, strategist etc.) have been taken up by the rest of the thieves. he and ryuji get into an argument that leads into him running off, but unlike in canon, yusuke follows morgana. this leads them to a backstreet, wherein they meet;

sumire - the fortune

codename is ‘rouge’. persona is cendrillon. sumire got injured in the car accident that took kasumi, removing both of their dreams of gymnastics for good. even though she is still a first year, she’s taken on a part time job working at okumura foods as an analyst. 

it’s through her that yusuke discovers about the mistreatment of the employees by okumura and feels especially sympathetic due to the fact that he understands what it’s like. he contacts the thieves and returns to the hideout with sumire, who is mainly there to help with the planning. 

morgana is initially hesitant to communicate with the team, which leads to a whole bunch of miscommunication between the gang. yusuke decides that maybe the group need to take some mementos requests to improve team morale before they go for okumura’s palace, but the phansite is blowing up with requests for him. 

during one of these mementos requests, morgana nearly gets killed going up against a dangerous shadow by himself, which leads to sumire’s awakening. this only serves to make morgana MORE insecure about his position on the team, which makes okumura’s palace even harder

also; at the same time, yusuke has been working at a flower shop, and one of his fellow employees is one haru okumura. yusuke is high wisdom, low intelligence personified so he didn’t spot the thread until either sumire or ann basically tells him that haru is related to kunizaku. he decides to ask her a few questions for the metanav, but haru asks why he’s doing this, which leads to her getting dragged along for the ride

haru - temperance

codename is ‘rose’. persona is milady. haru has to juggle being both the heir to okumura foods and an ordinary student with a part time job. she and yusuke have been working on a confidant for a while (id say shes about the same rank as shiho or ren, as the job opens around about the same time as kamoshida’s palace) and have become close due to their shared eccentricities.

haru awakens pretty much the same way as in canon, with the reveal that the biggest threat is her being basically sold into marriage with a total creep. blah blah blah worst palace in the game blah blah blah after they defeat shadow okumura and get his treasure, ann stays behind...

only to shoot shadow okumura in the head. this leads to okumura’s death, public support for the phantom thieves collapsing, haru having a breakdown and the group needing to decide whether what they’re doing is morally right or not. the bad news is there’s one more thing they need to do - one last job before the phantom thieves disband, set up by ann;

steal the heart of her boss, sae nijima. 

the harder they fall - nijima’s palace + interrogation 

this is where things get tricky. when the group arrive to the siu building, they have an encounter with nijima’s younger sister makoto. 

makoto - judgement

codename is ‘hero’. persona is johanna. makoto is very brash and headstrong, but also desperately wants to prove herself to her sister. the group don’t really have the heart to tell her that they’re stealling nijima’s heart, until much later. and she joins the group at that point, unlocking her persona while facing off against her sister in a stand down.

then just as theyre about to grab the treasure... yusuke is arrested. they were betrayed by one of their own. 

cue the interrogation, which leads to yusuke and sae bonding, forming a confidant on top of that (sae is the high priestess in this world). but then, yusuke hands sae his phone, telling her to give it to her ‘agent’ - ann takamaki

ann walks into the room, pointing a gun at yusuke with a frown on her face.

“i’m sorry, kitagawa-kun. i have to do this.”

“i know. just get it over with.”

BANG

she places the gun in his hand to make it look like a suicide... but here’s the thing -- he’s alive. that was a ploy by the thieves to discover the true traitor... 

ann takamaki is the black mask who is organising the mental shutdowns

the final countdown - shido’s palace and yaldaboth 

the group are rattled by ann’s betrayal, ESPECIALLY shiho. how could someone she’s known since childhood betray her and her friends like that?

we discover that one of the main reasons she was kept around on the siu was because she was doing sexual favours for the group. to make things even worse, the conspiracy blackmailed her into performing the shutdowns with threats of making the acts even worse

ann really doesn’t want to do this, but feels like she has no choice. she grew to respect and love the phantom thieves during their time together, but its the only way she can take revenge on the rotten adults who ruined her life

nearly everyone has been through the same amount of shit, but they’re willing to forgive her... but this leads into shido’s palace

basically, same shit as canon - big ass cruise ship, swimsuits, and a fight with black mask that ends with them getting shot by a cognition of themselves. (oh and sidenote; ann’s 'true’ persona is nemesis, the goddess who enacts retribution against those who fall to hubris. surprisingly fitting!) 

they defeat shido, in the process finding out that he’s goro’s biological dad and that he was the one who put ren on probation. then the whole yaldaboth shennanigans happen. a note; everyone has their ultimate personas by this point, and their mostly the same in canon, except for yusuke. atm im thinking of giving him mephistopheles, who is the demon from faust, bc yusuke’s a dramatic little shit. the day is saved! everyone’s lives are back to normal, but ren’s going back to juve following christmas...

or at least, that’s what yusuke thought, only to be shocked to find out from the man himself that he isn’t... and that ann takamaki, who died in shido’s palace, is alive

the ideal & the real - maruki’s palace

so basically the shujin students have been recieving counselling from maruki, and he’s also been visiting various students from kosei. yusuke has a social link with him that’s been increasing his sp, but he finds maruki suspicious (again, remember him and madarame) 

suddenly, as if by magic, everyone’s lives have been improved -- hifumi’s mother is nicer and she’s back to being a shogi wiz, akechi’s mother is alive and shido is in jail, morgana is human now and can spend more time with the phantom thieves, shiho’s best friend is back to life and she’s recognised as a star volleyballer, ren’s no longer on probation and can spend an extra semester in tokyo without fear of jail time, ryuji’s no longer working 2 jobs and his leg is no longer hurting, sumire’s sister is alive and she no longer has to live with survivors guilt or living up to her expectations, haru’s father’s alive and is considerably less of a jerk, and makoto’s father is also alive and her relationship with sae has been improved. 

hell, even madarame’s back and offering yusuke to be his pupil again, but god yusuke will not accept it. neither will ann. unlike goro, ann’s personality of being sweet and bubbly wasn’t really a ruse, but she can be a little short tempered and aggressive in battle as the black mask. they find maruki’s palace and discover that maruki has been doing all of this using cognitive psience. he also needed a fellow person to perform these, which leads the group to sojiro sakura’s house

futaba - the faith

i know. i know. it took me long enough. she’s more or less here as the last confidant, introduced following hawaii. still the same backstory, she goes along with maruki’s plan as they have similar goals. 

maruki even offers to bring her mother back, and while she initially accepts, she realizes that it’s wrong fairly quickly. she also doesn’t have a persona, she’s more like just a confidant here, but she’s very important to the plot as she’s the one who helps with discovering the plot

then maruki’s palace happens, complete with him and yusuke fighting on the glass roof. maruki begs him to reconsider, saying that he can create a world where beauty doesn’t need to be hidden beneath the evils of the world, but yusuke counters, basically with a variation of his amazing awakening speech. he goes back to the mona-copter and everythings back to normal. 

[pollylynn]

Clepsydra—A Season 3/4 Caskett One-Shot

Title: Clepsydra WC: 2400

A/N: Post-Knockout (or technically, post–Rise conversation). There are very glancing references to Naked Heat and Heat Rises here. 

How much time? 

He knows better than to ask questions he does not want to know the answer to. Or once he knew better. He once was a man who knew better than to ask, to act, to want. He once was a man. 

He doesn’t know what he is now. A being—a not quite person—caught between was and aching to be. Caught between now and I’ll call. 

When? 

He knew better than to ask that, at least. The man he once was knew better. 

When? 

There’s no profit in wondering. He wonders anyway, just beneath the surface, but on the surface, he works the case alongside the boys. He is at the precinct with the sun each morning—all three of them are. He takes the case home with him each night when even the long summer sun is a distant memory to the sky. He takes it all home. 

He stares at the digital storyboard. He burns through legal pads without number, trying to piece together theories that can give them any kind of lead, any course of action at all. 

He feels hamstrung in all of it. Ryan and Esposito are diligent. They are every bit as determined and fired up as he is. But the ideas that should flow fast and furious from his mind will barely come at all. He feels as if he’s standing on one leg with his right hand tied behind his back, half blindfolded. Without her, he feels like he’s missing half himself. 

How much time?

They are turning in circles before long. They are doubling back, checking and rechecking. They are coming up on nowhere quickly—the point at which it’s all ritual. They are abruptly rear-ended straight into it by the arrival of Captain Gates, whose second official act is to kick him to the curb. Her first is to shut down the investigation entirely. A stalled investigation, a waste of resources, inappropriate to begin with. 

It doesn’t stop them, of course—not the three of them. He works the digital board—the only board, now—all day at home. He rends lined yellow pages in frustration, then dives for the shredded remains in the wire basket under his desk when he’s suddenly convinced he was on to something this time. 

The boys come straight to the loft after work. They come with sleeves rolled up, bearing pizza and beer. They stay until the wee hours, then creep home for barely detectable amounts of sleep. They work—the three of them—but there’s nothing new. There’s been nothing new for . . .

How much time? 

He won’t let himself count the days, the weeks. He wills his mind away from the reality that they have moved into months—plural—long since. He wills his mind away from the merciless, ultimate truth. But it’s there, just beneath the surface.  

On the surface, he tears the book apart. He reduces it to its component phonemes, and Gina is irate. He assumes Gina is irate from the triple-digit number of voicemails that have piled up. He doesn’t speak to her, of course. He doesn’t speak to anyone, really. His mother and Alexis are away. 

He’d sent them away at the very outset—We don’t know, we don’t know. I need to know you are safe. Please. He’d sent them away, and at this point, they are staying away. He knows, distantly, that they are staying, because the silence stretches out when he calls, when they call and he notices that it’s safe to pick up. He doesn’t speak to anyone, really. 

The book is easy. It’s surprisingly easy once he starts knitting it together again. There’s Montrose to create. He’s come up before, in passing, but Nikki’s Captain needs to come to life in this one, and he does—his features, his mannerisms, his voice. They find their way on to the page like the lemon juice secret messages he used to leave for himself as a kid. 

He’d write them out and tuck them in winter coat pockets in summer, hoping to find them at some much later date, hoping he’d forget and rediscover with the heat of a lightbulb or a match from the kitchen drawer. He’d tuck them away, hoping for some pleasant summer surprise in the grey of December. 

It never happened. He was too impatient, his memory too perfect or his technique too sloppy. But that’s what happens now. Writing Charles Montrose—remembering his friend and mentor—is a like discovering a treasure trove of lemon juice secret messages. 

There’s his care for Nikki. There is his mentorship and his love for her. And there are his failings. There are the terrible ghosts that haunt the man, but even writing that is easy, because there is conflict. There is a struggle, and there are warning signs. There is a a story—a tragedy, yes, and his jaw, his spine, his whole body aches when he writes the man’s death—but there on the page is a fucking story that makes sense. It’s easy, compared to the real world, and one night—one moment on a well-honed knife blade between night and morning—he looks up, and he is finished. 

The book, unwritten and written again, is finished. 

He closes the last chapter file just as Nikki opens a book and settles in at Rook’s bedside. He checks the manuscript folder and sees the chapters neatly, chronologically, arranged. 

He’s written from beginning to end—something he never does. He’s done a handful of factual sanity checks, but he has not looked back in any meaningful way. Each chapter’s Last Opened date matches its Date Modified exactly, and each of those maps on to the date he has sent each one off for editing—for proof of life—Chapter X, Draft. And now he is simply done. He .zips the folder and sends it to Black Pawn as an attachment, all at once—no revisions, no worrying each sentence in each chapter to death. No revisions, and no looking back.  

He dials Gina’s number, heedless of the time. 

“It’s done,” he says flatly. He hangs up before she’s finished with her sleep-heavy Hello. 

He sleeps, then. It’s not the first time since Roy Montgomery’s funeral—not the first time since the shooting. The demands of his body aren’t kind enough to have propped him up all that time. He has slept in ten thousand brief snatches and awoken with a start every time. He has awoken with the sharp, aching certainty that they days, the weeks, the months have all been an awful nightmare. 

How much time?

But now, he sleeps straight through most of the day. His phone wakes him. His mother, Alexis, he registers as he fumbles the thing on. His daughter is clipped, cool, distant. His mother oscillates between high sarcasm and cautious hope that sleep—the real sleep she hears in his unguarded voice—will have done him some good at last. 

The doorbell buzzes. He stumbles through the office. Alexis comes back to the phone, softened by two degrees, no more. She says she loves him. She just worries about him. He says the same and promises he won’t forget to call tomorrow. 

He tugs open the door on the third or fourth try. He’s expecting Ryan and Esposito. Except he’s not expecting Ryan and Esposito. He remembers this as he blearily takes in the bike messenger holding a box of manuscript paper like a pizza. He remembers that Ryan and Esposito aren’t coming quite every day any more, because there’s no real need. Because they’re nowhere. Some of the good the sleep has done him ebbs away at the thought. 

He signs for the box and tips the messenger. He slices through the tape holding the cardboard cover on and sees the angry post-it first. Gina’s handwriting, her rage rising up from every stroke of the pen. Edits. Acknowledgments. Not done. 

He tosses the post-it aside, and wants to weep. He sits down hard on the stairs with the manuscript in its box between his feet, and he realizes that he hasn’t.

He recalls, for reasons a dime store shrink could fathom, her dry eyes and the absolute clarity of her words after the hangar—No one outside this immediate family. He recalls the tears on Ryan’s cheeks, glinting in even the dim light. But he has no memory of his own state of being. He can see himself there among them. He can describe his position in the room, where his hands came to rest, the angle of his head. He can say for certain that he did not weep for Roy Montgomery. He has not wept for him. 

He has not wept for her. Not really, though the last tears he can remember shedding were those that fell on to her body as her shockingly warm blood pumped out of her chest and spilled over the ornate brass buttons of her dress uniform. 

He has not wept for the terrible, inevitable conclusion he has put off for days, weeks, months, —plural. He has staved it off with the case, with the book, with this facsimile of a life he has been living, but now it seems he has reached the end, and he wants to weep.

He reaches between his feet instead. He grabs the stack of pages that make up the first chapter by expert feel. He wanders, back to the office and retrieves his dark blue editing pencil. 

He works quickly, slapping one chapter face down and retrieving the next. Once again, it’s easy. He’s critical of the fact that Montrose feels somewhat abruptly introduced—his life requires more exposition than a third book should have—but there’s no remedy for that, other than what he’s managed to do in rendering things as impressionistically as possible.

He paces, pages and pencil in hand. He hunches over the desk. He slouches in the leather chair. He moves through the manuscript with focus that cannot be healthy, but what about this is? What about the man he once was is anything like healthy. 

It’s an odd hour again when he finishes—when he decides he’s finished. He sets his worn-down blue pencil aside five or six pages before the end of the last chapter. That’s as it should be, as it needs to be, as it will stay. Nikki opens the book at Rook’s hospital bedside. 

It’s morning, he thinks, though the hour on his watch dial is ambiguous and there’s a thick cloud cover over the city. The street below his glass office wall probably says morning. He feels heavy in the world. Tired, yes, but also heavy, as though he might go to the floor in an all at once heap any second. 

He should go to bed. He should try for sleep, or rest, or . . . physical stillness, at least but the final pages draw him back. He sinks into his desk chair. He frames the pages with his hands and he reads. The whole of it is clear to him as the words reach inside him. He turns the final page and he sees the book for what it is—a love letter to her. 

That’s what Paula called Heat Wave. It wasn’t. Heat Wave was . . . attempted seduction mashed together with a note passed all the way around a sixth grade classroom. It was the work of a boy pulling the pigtails of the girl he liked, as Beckett herself had so aptly put it. As Kate had so aptly put it. 

This—these pages stacked high beside him, ending on a wounded, aching note—is a love letter. It is an elegy for a man they both loved, and it is the hell that they have rained down on one another, all this last year. It is the secrets she has shared with him and him alone, and it is his heart laid bare to her. 

It is the offering she does not want. 

How much time? The rest of forever. That is in the inescapable truth he has staved off all these days, weeks, months, and he has come to the end of it. Almost. 

There is a page after the last—happy to read to him endlessly and then another page. It’s blank save for a single word, once again, in Gina’s furious handwriting. ACKNOWLEDGMENTS in all caps this time. His head drops to his hands. He presses his palms against his eyes and feels the weight of what he dashed off last year. The few grudging words of thanks to Beckett herself, and the sly jab of the knife—his thanks to Gina for staying on top of me. He is, amidst the wash of everything else, ashamed of that. He is sorry for it and baffled by the instinct that led him into such a cheap, pointless shot.

He sits with everything that has transpired over the last year. He knows there is anger awaiting him in the middle distance. He knows he will live in the days, the weeks, the months to come with the kind of fury born of absolute despair. And still, in this moment, with his head bowed over the thing he has unmade and made new, he is baffled by the instinct to cause her pain. 

So, he decides, he won’t. He takes up his worn-down blue pencil. He scrawls in the space below Gina’s single, angry word, just her name at first, Detective Kate Beckett. Grief travels strangely down his arms at the sight of the letters there. It settles between the bones of his wrists, sending out aching pulses of longing. 

He knows, in the part of himself that his not yet utterly destroyed, that he has to go on. He knows that it’s important he sketches the broad outline of what he means to say, right here and right now, but it seems impossible with tendrils of sorrow winding through his hands. 

The answer, when it comes a long moment later, is one she has given him—an unhesitating, apt assertion of something true. He’s meant to steal it from her all along. He steals it now and gives it back. Detective Kate Beckett, he writes again, and just below it, how to make sense of songs.  A/N: Not really sure where this came from. Someone on AO3 left a really nice comment on “Kindness Yet,”  and for some reason that just put me in a Season 3/4 state of mind. And I’ve always been fascinated by the meta of the books. Also, I’m just not going to bed at all these days, because my head just won't fucking shut up. 

[themissinglynx]

Let’s Worldbuild a Warriors AU - What’s in a Name

Within the Clans of the Vale, names carry great significance. They’re used to quickly identify key aspects of a felid’s identity such as appearance, personality or skillset, homeland, and rank within the clan.

History

The felids who lived in the Vale before the Gray Family’s arrival had a general unspoken rule when it came to naming their children, name according to color. However, this was not always the case, as with two kittens the Gray Family met named Birch and Alder.

The origin of the two-part name came from the Gray Family, who came from a culture with fanciful names such as Quickwater, Sunshadow, and Graywing. Occasionally a felid would be named after their color, but not often.

The blend of these two traditions produced the two-part naming system. Kittens were named according to their appearance (a red kitten named Fire, a black kitten named Rook, and a tortoiseshell named Dapple). Originally, suffixes had no meaning and it was generally “anything goes”. Fire-eyes, Rookflight, and Dapplepelt, while seemingly normal names to onlookers, would be seen as odd and unfitting names to descendants of the Vale.

As the ages went on, gaining the second part of one’s name was used as a rite of passage, reserved for adults and accepted members of clan life. Leaders and deputies began using certain suffixes to quietly mean certain things. “Snow is pretty quick on her feet, so her name is Snowbreeze.” It soon became common practice that the suffix was to be symbolic of a felid’s skill, personality, or general competence. Just after the written word was invented, suffixes became somewhat standardized. Clans and deputies still had their own personal flourishes, such as the case with Thunderclan using -thorn as a substitute for “skilled fighter” and with Riverclan’s use of -song to replace -throat.

Upon the Fall of Skyclan, Cloudpath the Crownless forged the Vanguard, a training regime taught by skilled monster slayers for the purposes of teaching felids how to adequately handle monsters so another clan doesn’t fall. Only felids who’ve already earned their full name are permitted to join as to not endanger apprentices. Upon the first fireteam’s graduation from the regime, a new usage came to old, discarded suffixes and suffix system was re-standardized. Upon becoming adults, a felid would gain a body part suffix, such as -tail for agility or -heart for a strong moral code. Upon graduating the Vanguard, a felid would gain a more metaphorical name, like -bark and -rock for those same meanings.

Warrior and guardian names do not correlate. “Adderfang” does not mean “has fangs like an adder”, but instead means “dark brown tabby warrior with a temper”. Likewise, “Sandstorm“ and “Lionblaze” both mean “cream guardian with a temper”. The only exception is names based on life-threatening injuries, such as “Halftail”, “Tornear”, or “Crookedjaw”.

Prefixes

The Vale is a vague temperate/subtropical forest region, including flora and fauna from Eastern America, Central Europe, South Island New Zealand, Eastern China, and Japan. Any given animal or plant that can be found in those regions can be found there or in the surrounding area.

Some prefixes can have multiple meanings, as is the case with Dandelion-. It can be given to gold felids in reference to the flower and to white felids in reference to the fluff. Another example is the prefix Fox-, which can mean “a red felid with a white belly” in reference to the red fox, or can mean “a dilute tortoiseshell” in reference to the gray fox. Some names imply pattern, like Birch- means a gray tabby and other tree prefixes. Mothers prefer to not name their kittens after “filthy” bugs, such as mosquitoes, flies, and the like, but will name them after butterflies, spiders, bees, and others.

Prefixes that are too broad of a category such as Flower-, Bark-, and Bird- are not used. Words used in biomes such as Lake-, Meadow-, River-, or Marsh- are also not used because it’s a biome, not a plant or animal that can be boiled down into a simple color or two. Things that don’t have a color or change color too often are not used, such as Sky-, Wind-, Ripple-, Thunder-, and Breeze-.

The prefixes Sun-, Moon-, Star-, and Shadow- are not used due to the first three being sacred and the last one the name of a clan, which would be considered rude.

Names of abstract concepts such as Brave-, Quiet-, and Kind- are not acceptable as they do not have a color and will often be rebelled against by the kitten in question.

Suffixes

The role of the suffix is to identify a felid’s rank and individuality. A felid earns their suffix through their own merit and not being named after another. Suffixes come in three tiers: skill, personality, and appearance.

Skill suffixes are the highest tier and are given the highest priority. Felids with this suffix are normally specialists and don’t venture too far from the roles their skill makes easy.

-claw: A felid skilled in fighting. Felids with this suffix are usually large and burly, but can sometimes be brilliant strategists. They normally escort weaker members of society from settlement to settlement, such as young mothers, kittens, elders, shamans, and healers with their sick. -claw felids are the ones most likely to join the Vanguard. It’s unusual to see an older felid who hasn’t joined the Vanguard. Guardians with this suffix are named -thorn, -briar, -burr, -rose, and -thistle.

-foot: A particularly swift felid. Felids with this suffix are usually lean and muscled in the legs. Many -foot felids become messengers for inter-clan communications. Guardians with this suffix are named -breeze, -dust, or -bolt.

-leg: A felid strong at swimming. Felids with this suffix normally have strong limbs and carry a bit of fat on their bodies. An overwhelming majority of -leg felids are from Riverclan, but some Shadowclan felids gain it from time to time. Guardians with this suffix are named -water, -brook, -stream, and -creek.

-maw: A shaman skilled in hearing the voices of the gods. This suffix is sparse among shamans, but it does spring up every couple of generations. Shamans with -maw are highly revered by the spiritual or judged with contempt by the skeptical. Guardians with this suffix are named -feather and -light.

-nose: A felid skilled in tracking. Felids with this suffix are normally hunters, trappers, foragers, and those sent to find little Dawnkit who ran off a few hours ago. They tend to be very detail-oriented and often wear clothes with fanciful embroidery. Guardians with this suffix are named -shade or -ivy.

-tail: A felid with great agility or dexterity. Felids with this suffix have a similar body structure to -foot felids, but are generally smaller. -tail felids normally are messengers, hunters, or trailblazers. Guardians with this suffix are named -bark or -branch.

-throat: A felid skilled in the art of the voice. This suffix can be given to bards, diplomats, linguists, storytellers, or just those who are well-spoken. -throat felids are often revered for their wisdom and knowledge and those who earned it for their diplomacy skills often become captain or leader of their clan. Guardians with this suffix are named -voice or -song.

-tongue: A felid skilled in healing and medicinery. Felids with this suffix tend to be one of two personality types: sweet and optimistic, or the most brutally honest personality you’d ever met. There is no in-between. Guardians with this suffix are named -root, -leaf, or -berry.

-whisker: A prudent hunter. Felids with this suffix are much like -nose felids, but tend to be more simple and pragmatic. They are almost always hunters, but some become herdsmen. Guardians with this suffix are named -dawn and -dusk.

Personality suffixes comprise of the second tier. Felids in this category tend to have a wider range of roles in society, but some of them give them an inclination to narrower roles.

-back: A felid skilled in teaching apprentices and older kittens. These felids are normally no-nonsense and thrive in the teaching of young minds. Older kittens, apprentices, and young warriors heed their words and instructions. Kittens who may be difficult apprentices will often be given to -back felids as mentors. Guardians with this suffix are named -stone or -rain.

-belly: A felid with a nurturing personality. It’s essentially the younger version of -back and mollies tend to earn this suffix more often than toms. -belly felids can be dismissed as being soft baby-makers, but those who dismiss them tend to forget about the rage of a mother ursa. Most -belly felids will take to domestic services, spinning thread, weaving blankets or baskets, looking after the kittens of the settlement and teaching them life lessons. The role of laying the groundwork for a kitten’s life is integral to any society, one that -belly is meant to honor. Guardians with this suffix are named -flower or -moss.

-fang: A felid with a turbulent disposition that tends to mellow out over the years. These felids are full of energy in their youth and are often easily pissed off, mostly because of their impatience. They tend to be great motivators, if only because that means they’ll finally shut up about the lost sheep or why don’t the leaders kiss and make up already or why can’t Pebblepaw get the goshdang maneuver right it’s so simple! However, as the years pass, their temperament will calm down. It’s nothing like a -pad felid’s calmness, but it’s a welcome one nonetheless. They tend to do a lot of jobs in society, everything from messengers to hunters to cotton seed pickers. A lot of them find the hated job somewhat calming, probably because they’re sent to do it so often. Guardians with this suffix are named -storm or -blaze.

-flank: An optimistic felid with a comforting disposition. Morale has to stay up and these felids are generally the ones to do so. They like pranks and puns and silly stories, but also seem to know the right words to say to a grieving felid. -flank felids take up many roles in society, it wouldn’t do justice to list them all here. Guardians with this suffix are named -shine or -blossom.

-heart: A felid with a strong moral code and/or sense of justice. These felids are much like -fang felids in that they tend to be great motivators, but alternatively, they can be great deputies, captains, and leaders. -heart felids tend to be very outspoken and confident in themselves and are very popular choices in leadership roles, for better or worse. Guardians with this suffix are named -spark or -rock.

-pad: A patient, calm, and gentle felid. These felids tend to be rather emotionally stable compared to others. When they show strong negative emotions, it’s telling that something genuinely is wrong and action must be taken soon. They tend to make friends easily, even in other clans. -pad felids can be good babysitters or substitute mentors, while others like the company of animals like sheep, goats, or rabbits. Guardians with this suffix are named -cloud, -frost, or -mist.

Appearance suffixes comprise of the third tier. These are for felids who are now adults, but don’t show any skills or personality that a suffix may cover. Many of these can be jack-of-all-trades sorts and fulfill many jobs throughout clan life. Instead of organizing alphabetically, I’ll organize by priority.

-face: A particularly beautiful or handsome felid or one who models the clan ideal. It’s essentially a more flattering -fur or -pelt. -face felids don’t normally become guardians, so the less than a handful of times a -face guardian has graduated, they were named -soul, much to the disdain of other felids.

-stripe: A tabby with distinct stripes. Will be ignored in favor of -fur or -pelt if the prefix already alludes to this (such as Oak-). Guardians with this suffix are named -fern or -grass.

-spot: A spotted felid. Can refer to spotted tabbies or white cats with spots of other colors in their fur. Will be ignored in favor of -fur or -pelt if the prefix already alludes to this (such as Lynx-). Guardians with this suffix are named -dew.

-speck: A speckled felid. Is much like -spot, but has smaller spots. Will be ignored in favor of -fur or -pelt if the prefix already alludes to this (such as Sparrow-). Guardians with this suffix are named -flake.

-patch: A white felid with patches of another color. Will be ignored in favor of -fur or -pelt if the prefix already alludes to this (such as Swift-). Guardians with this suffix are named -puddle.

-fur: A competent longhaired adult. Guardians with this suffix are named -tuft.

-pelt: A competent shorthaired adult. Guardians with this suffix are named -coat.

All the suffixes mentioned here neatly fit into the “other” category. (Note felids age differently than humans do, so some ages will be skewed.)

-kit: A member of the clan under ten years old. They’re not allowed outside of their settlement without adult supervision. Older kittens commonly assist with domestic life, but still have plenty of time to be kids. Once they turn eight, they occasionally sleep with the apprentices to get used to being away from their parents or guardians.

-paw: A member of the clan between ten and fifteen years old. They all sleep in a single hut in their settlement. Generally, they’re not allowed outside the settlement without adult supervision. Before becoming a warrior, the deputy will assign them a task, be it organizing and leading a patrol on their own, sparring with a -claw or the deputy, escorting the shamans on their daily tasks, or simply doing domestic work.

-path: The leader of a clan. Leaders are most commonly the previous captain of the clan, and captains a former deputy. Most leaders are respected for their charisma, wisdom, and diligence. Many of them have spouses and families of their own, but all of them have mentored at least one apprentice. A leader does not have the gift of nine lives, but one would be rightly mistaken if one were to read their literature.

-spirit: A kitten or apprentice who died. This is tied to a religious belief that the gods will only bring warriors into Starclan. Upon a body’s (or whatever scraps of a corpse they can find) cremation, the shaman renames the kitten or apprentice -spirit as the flames consume the dead.

-ear, -eye, -face, -foot, -jaw, -pelt, -tail: The most common suffixes of renames. If an apprentice or warrior survives a life-threatening injury, they’re given the choice to take on a name that fits their new description, like Tatteredpelt or Clawedface. No one’s pressured to do it, but due to the aforementioned religious belief, apprentices are a little more fussed over if they qualify for a rename. Their injuries are nothing to be shamed about, but instead are a celebration of the felid’s survival.

Other Notes

Normally, felids don’t name their kids after others as to not strip their child’s individuality and in the early days, there was a tradition of no repeated prefixes within the clan as to not cause confusion. However, since clans have gotten much larger than forty felids per clan, this tradition is largely ignored. If there happen to be two felids from different clans with the same name, say, Robinpelt, they’ll introduce themselves as, “Robinpelt of Windclan”. If there are two felids from the same clan, they’ll use the name of their location or their occupation as part of their name, “Robinpelt of Hollow Village” or “Robinpelt the Smith”. Sometimes, if married to someone important, their title will evoke the name of their spouse, “Robinpelt, Wife/Husband to Darkpath”.

By the time an apprentice nears their graduation, they have a good idea as to what their warrior name will be. Warrior ceremonies are performed by the local deputy and sometimes the captain. Shamans perform the ceremonies for their own apprentices and for new leaders. Leaders perform ceremonies for new guardians.

In the Tongue of the Vale, there are two spellings for words a felid can be named after: one for being used as a name (the old words) and the other referring to the actual plant, animal, color, element, etc (the evolved words). Most are pronounced the same, but words used for names are spelled conservatively with old spellings. An example using our own language is as the following:

“Wait, so you’re saying that I have to spell my name ‘Aakclwu’, even though we don’t say it like that anymore, even though my name is ‘Oakclaw’? That tree over there is spelled O-A-K, this thing on my finger is spelled C-L-A-W. Why is my name spelled ‘Aakclwu’??”

Linguists and scribes are trying to update the language to be more user-friendly, such as scrapping conservative spellings in favor of the evolved words and updating words that evolved from consonant and vowel shifts. Shadow and Thunderclan, as a whole, don’t really like this, but Riverclan is quite pleased about the update.