#(listened to? it’s a podcast isn’t it? idk you get the point)

[ashironie]

i honestly don’t think jonny and alex thought too hard about it (like you were saying). while we don’t get a lot in terms of her character i would disagree that she doesn’t have depth. i think the reason we don’t see her depth is because her questions don’t get discussions. with all the primary characters they’re questions get conversations within the podcast. hers doesn’t, which does lead to her being flatter than many of the other characters, but also considering her and jon (the main character, the character who’s pov we are seeing through)’s strained relationship i kinda like that we don’t get a conversation for her? idk, i personally don’t 100% like her, she’s great and all I just don’t like how fake she can be (as a person not as a character). Not to mention they probably didn’t explore her for time. i haven’t listened to all of protocol (i need to get back into listening) so idk what the excuse is there or if it’s excusable.

But considering the evidence I don’t think Jonny thought of it as a disability, like obviously it makes her situation a little different and it doesn’t disable her in certain ways that were mentioned, but I don’t think he thought about it more than that. Whenever i think of authors intent in tma i have to remind myself that Jonny and Alex (to my knowledge) aren’t autistic, and (again, to my knowledge) aren’t disabled mentally or physically, so they just aren’t going to automatically think of certain things like me or you would. Especially when it comes to side characters. Like you said she didn’t get much focus until season 5 which proves to me that she wasn’t supposed to be too big in the plot until that point, maybe a bit before.

Like you said, them handling Melanie’s blindness was very well, so I don’t think they’d fumble like that if they knew Georgie was or would be considered disabled.

When it comes to impact though, I do agree, seeing the fact she is disabled and seeing how that affects her day to day would be interesting. And I agree with the reading that she is disabled for the reasons mentioned.

on the topic of disability representation, i kinda like when it’s not brought up. If it’s the main character than duh, you have to, that’s a big part of someone. But if it’s a side character, I think it’s more realistic if it’s just not shown to the camera. Reminds me of what it’s like in my own life, knowing so many disabled folk but never knowing a case study on them. They’re just silly, and that’s about it. I like when media just says “oh and this is a person, nothing to see here tho” because that’s what my brain does to disabled people. I have MANY mental disabilities but most of the time that’s just a “oh yeah and” to others in my life, even to my closest friends, i have a disability I rarely talk about with them, and they barely know anything about, despite the disability being very important to how i function and my quality of life.

sorry for the ramble, it’s midnight where I am and i couldn’t be bothered to proof read this

tldr: jonny probably didn’t realize georgie would be considered disabled because he isn’t so that’s probably not his first thought for characters, and she was probably going to be a much more minor character. I personally like completely invisible disability representation because it feels realistic to me as a person around a lot of disabled folk, and it normalizes disabilities more imo.

i feel like not enough ppl talk about the fact Georgie is like. Brain damaged. Obviously she has mobility and can advocate for herself but having an entire part of your brain shut off is very much a disability.

I don't like how people depict her as being 100% high functioning most rational and emotionally stable person in the cast when ever scene she's in sorta hints the opposite to me

Like shes incredibly blunt, talks over people in conversations, and has admitted she has to like. mask. in front of people by acting like shes so worried when she doesnt actually care.

obviously it never comes across as mean or rude. but it is sorta. there. We don't see a lot of her in 'normal' situations but i dont think its a stretch to assume she might have problems respecting other people's feelings, has trouble establishing habits, or struggles to motivate herself for necessary, boring tasks like cleaning or making appointments.

idk its hard to talk about what i think are hints of her being disabled without it sounding liek 'WeLl In HeR SiTuAtIoN ItS JuStIfIeD' like don't careeee if she was right or wrong i care that her pattern of behavior is like mine before I got on lamotrigine.

[supernova41st]

What about the mercs with a fem SO that talks in brainrot sometimes? Would really want medic in there but it's up to you!

Mercs x Brainrot!Reader

A/n: WHY IS THE TF2 FANDOM SO OBSESSED WITH THIS IDEA? 😭 I SAW ANOTHER FIC ABT THIS AND TWO REQUESTS ASKING FOR THIS PLS

warnings: Brainrot.. a lot of images being used, it’s a shit post who cares tbh

Scout

He’s into it too

Guys it’s scout

“Scout ilysm ur so nonchalant <33”

“Thanks babe ^^ I know I’m pretty alpha”

(Oh btw the alpha thing isn’t a joke he unironically listens to alpha male podcasts)

In the middle of spy’s serious moments you’d both lip sync ‘you are my sunshine’ to each other when he’s not looking

“what the bloody hell are you guys doing..”

“…perhaps itz a coping mechanizm zince scout doesn’t have a father?”

Medic really had to take it there

The ‘fatherless child’ meme was a coping mechanism for him tho

“I’m a fatherless child, of course I have abandonment issues”

“Um babe? Idk if you should joke abt that 😚”

“Na it just makes me more sigma”

You guys love to fuck with the blu team sm with your shenanigans, esp sniper!!

Scout would have his bat and you would have whatever weapon you have with you and yell “skibidi” before jumping him

Here’s something he DEFINITELY didn’t learn from you 💯

creds to urwhouchoose2b on Tik tok

Engineer

He tries so hard to understand

Whenever you show him a meme he does the classic old person holding phone away from eyes thing

Yk the

“Ok so this is the ‘im nothing like y’all’ fish”

“alrighty, and this is..?”

“Oh that’s the Freddy five bear meme, see it’s funny cuz his name is actually ‘Freddy fazbear’ but they got his name wrong so like.. yeah”

“…I’m not sure what I’m ‘posed to say ‘bout this, but I think you belong in a looney bin”

Once he had a project that had the word “alpha” in it and he hated mentioning it to you cuz yk

“giggle”

“…what?”

“Skibidi alpha”

“What??”

Demo man

HE LOVES IT LMFAOO

he’s so energetic esp when he’s drunk so he’s happy to have someone he can share that energy with

Y’all know that “Scotland forever” meme

Well you screamed it after another victory as a joke, but when demo heard it he was confused but also excited?

“SCOTLAND FOREVAA”

“OH? ALRIGHT THEN, SCOTLAND FOREVER 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿”

cut to him butt chugging beers

Demo doesn’t get it but he has the spirit

He’ll be right there replicating the TikTok audios after taking the point

Dude is drunk 99% of the time so he’s never bothered to ask what any of this means, he’s just in it for the fun

Once you dragged him to the bathroom since he drake too many beers (shocker) but he didn’t want to do it in the toilet cuz he didn’t want to ‘hurt his dear skibidi’

“Cmon demo you have to puke it out!!”

“Noo, take me to the jawbox I don’t wanna hert me skibidi toilet”

“Oh god what have I done”

I think you rotted his brain a little too much

Spy

Don’t even get him started.

He’s so sick of your antics it’s not even funny

“Guys we all have to remember that it’s not about the money.. it’s about the skibidi.”

Passionately grabs spy’s shoulder

“How have you made it this far in life”

Unlike engie, he really doesn’t want to know about it

Especially during missions

“lol spy you’re so devious ASF”

“shhh, enough blabbering!!”

“You are not carti 😶‍🌫️😶‍🌫️❌‼️‼️‼️”

You make fun of him a bunch, he can’t think of a single moment where you took him seriously

“Y/n get off the cart!!”

“If we were in Fortnite I’d have higher ground + double pump.”

[aaronsinferno]

i've been seeing tweets regarding RG's recent actions on insta saying things like "he's queerphobic but he literally profits from us" or "he should apologize because we don't deserve this (kind of behavior from him)" and i'm like.. man... do you think ryan gives a shit about the 911 fandom? let alone the queer space of the 911 fandom? that man follows tons of IG models (not that there's anything wrong with this but let me mention this for a sec to get to my point), likes reels about mysoginistic jokes/takes, follows podcasters/comedians with very right-wing outlooks, follows dudes like conor mcgregor (who btw has well-known rape cases against him), etc etc..

my point is, RG is on a completely different realm and community on social media compared to what 911 fans would most likely usually see on their fyps and feeds. he is not your ally and never has been. he's your typical machismo-dudebro-joe-rogan-listener type of guy. do you think that with this kind of personality, he is someone who respects the queer community? lmfao fuckin obviously no. ya think he's the type of guy to educate himself on the history of queer culture or lgbtq terminology? man's gonna have a fucking stroke. he is not the gentle-soul-deep-thinker-artist that some of y'all paint him as. there are quite literally (and unfortunately), a million guys like this. he's one of them.

i'm not saying all this in hopes to "expose" him, cancel him or send him hate, truly i'm not!!!, but i'm baffled that i'm seeing some tweets/posts from 911 fans expressing their utter SHOCK at RG's recent actions on social media, and even demanding or expecting a sincere apology from him. my brother in christttttt he is not your friend!!!! stop expecting him to be like your headcanon eddie diaz who's loving, smart, and gay!!!!!! (<-- i know this shit sounds like a joke but i swear some folks genuinely think of him this way).

(i just wanted to share my thoughts with you through an ask because if i post this myself no one's gonna see it bc i barely have followers and heyy i wanna know your thoughts too. i hope that's okay. have a good day!)

You’re right, but I still think calling him out matters even if he doesn’t care and nothing changes. Guys like him rarely face consequences (this show in particular has a crazy history with cast members getting away with insane things) but that doesn’t mean people should stay quiet.

This guy has influence, whether we like it or not. Not just through his socials, but through the kind of people who support and defend him no matter what. And those people do see this stuff. Some of them already go out of their way to bully other fans and even extend that hate to cast members. So even if he never sees it, I promise they will. It’s important they know this behavior isn’t going unnoticed or accepted and show them what they’ve been defending all this time despite the countless warnings. Shame him. Shame them. Hopefully something comes of it. Idk

[wormdevourer]

I’m bored out of my mind rn so I’m writing these >:)

𝓗𝓢𝓡 𝓗𝓔𝓐𝓓𝓒𝓐𝓝𝓞𝓝𝓢

𝙱𝙻𝙰𝙳𝙴

-loves warm things in the winter, like blankets and hot cocoa

-secretly enjoys watching cheesy movies

-doesn’t see the point in technology (but he’ll gladly play games with Silver Wolf if his hand stops hurting)

-he acts like he doesn’t like touch, but he’s actually very touch-starved,,, bro just wants a hug :(

-styles his hair in his room and never tells anyone (like a ponytail or a bun…)

-I feel like he would like v flower idk why

-despises pop music

-listens to murder mystery podcasts to cheer himself up

𝚂𝚄𝙽𝙳𝙰𝚈

-loves to play the piano and violin

-on that note, loves classical music

-he and robin do karaoke a lot (she gets him to sing taylor swift songs, and her own songs)

-loves honey and tea (loves honey in his tea, too)

-lowkey reminds me of aqua from oshi no ko

-has trouble focusing/sitting still (that refined persona is not fooling anyone, son)

-spends a lot of money on keeping his hair perfect

-he’s kinda scared to get older :(

𝙱𝙾𝙾𝚃𝙷𝙸𝙻𝙻

-obviously he’s obsessed with cowboy movies

-if something isn’t colored red, black, or gray, he won’t wear it

-would let you braid his hair

-does crazy dangerous stunts during missions because ‘they can’t hurt me, I’m a fudgin’ cyborg!’ 💀

-loves indiana jones movies

-would go to the mall w dan heng

-if you ever showed him the grand canyon he’d incessantly beg to go there (idk why I just get the vibes 💀)

-yeeeeeeehaw

𝙰𝚅𝙴𝙽𝚃𝚄𝚁𝙸𝙽𝙴

-very protective

-lets you brush his hair

-always smells good (it’s that expensive perfume)

-gives you his coat when you’re cold (cheesy but I feel like he would lmao)

-when he’s bored at work he watches internet dramas play out

-would totally call his friends ‘girlypop’

-‘fuh-riend’

-really really really loves sleepovers (especially the pillow forts and the painting each others’ nails)

who should I write about next?? >:3

[popponn]

call you later; 2.

notes: what if you didn't pick up their call? they left a voicemail, in their own ways. so we still got uh... aryu chigirin and im considering reo. idk who else will come later but i had fun writing this!! character: itoshi rin, bachira meguru. [ part 1 : isagi, sae, nagi ]

itoshi rin

What did you do? This guy is the type to only left anything if it’s urgent, about nii-chan, or about football. Other than that high chances are they are actual death threats and you are not an exception.

Though, he can not deny that you are sort of his favorite in a way—won't admit that to your face too, though. That’s why he even bothers calling you and not just left a message or tell some poor soul to call you instead. While he probably feels a bit irked that you didn’t pick up, he will save the nagging when he finally met you face to face later. And even then, most of teammates will clarify that rather than nagging it’s more like his way of asking for your extra attention. It’s adorable, if you ignore the fact that the next movie night will definitely without a doubt would have to be a horror movie night just to cheer him up. Prayers and thoughts, if you dislike horror.

The message he will left is exactly like him, in a way. Rude, doesn’t have many words, but if you squints you could hear what sounds like a caring nosiness. While he isn’t the type to suddenly get clingy because of one unpicked-up call or thing about it too much, call him back soon as you can even if he didn’t say or rush you to do so. Would never say it to your face, but having you around him calms him down a lot and that includes your voice.

“Where are you right now?” Rin sounds like he was angry, as usual. “You better not be picking up problems left and right or I swear I will—”

A background noise that sounds like a chirpy teasing interrupted him, reminding him not to be so scary, which Rin replied with a snarling growl, “Shut up! And that wasn’t for you—I got a match so you better fucking watch it and fucking message me where you are while you are at it. I will get you home later so you better wait for me or else…..that’s all. Later. Next time don’t just go somewhere without telling me, stupid.”

bachira meguru

Do you know how long of a voice message can someone left on an unpicked up call? If you don’t you will find out soon.

He probably would not really question why you are not picking up, but mostly because whenever you got separated he will always call you in the most ungodly timing possible just for chatting. Somehow. So, at this point, it has become more of a norm for you to not pick up and just call him again later. He is not being nosy, it’s just more of how he expresses his love—sharing literally everything with you. This has led to several one-sided awkwardness from your part between you and some of his teammates, but hey Bachira Meguru’s Hottest Soccer Gossips is a very important segment in your daily life with him.

Which being said, yeah, get ready. He will talk into the phone as if you were there replying to him—and indeed he always manage to predict how you will react. Listening to his voicemail during work is a good replacement for podcasts and such as in case you are bored by them. Though, sometimes, when he is in a rush and have to keep the message shorter than usual, it’s really sweet! He rarely manage to remind you to call him back though, as it feels like norm for you to do so. Don’t forget it, so you don’t get a Bachira Meguru species asking to be carried around for the whole day on the next holiday. He has muscles and those things are not light.

“So, so, so!” Meguru began with his chirpy voice, not leaving any greeting as usual. “Today Isagi and Chigirin kind of clowned and I really, really want to tell you that story—but I gotta go fast, so I will tell you at home later, okay?” Meguru worded out each word in a rushed manner, akin to an excited buzzing bee waiting to run somewhere with skips in his steps and ball for him to dribble.

“Last night I dreamt about Zico so I will definitely win today! But I also dreamt you were there bundled up because you got a fever. Not like I’m complaining if I get to take care of you with my specials, but stay healthy, ‘kay, ‘kay?” Meguru said, jokingly yet dotting. Then, immediately, he continued, “Oh, well! That’s all—I will call again later or you could! So, see ‘ya, Lovely! Love you! Muuuach!”

[ashironie]

I don’t have a good feeling about Celia

I tried to post this earlier but it got deleted so fuck

But from so many standpoints she just irks me

-She has the same character archetype as Alice. Many have pointed out their similarities and while this by itself isn’t much (as is everything on this list) with everything else it makes me weirded out

-She just came out of the blue. We had no warning in the episodes before no build up. We were introduced to the concept she was coming and then she came with little fanfare.

-Her introduction to the rest of the cast is a lot different than Sam’s. A lot understated. Maybe Jonny and Alex just didn’t want to do the same thing again but it felt really rushed and weird.

-I cannot see how she can possibly contribute to the plot in any meaningful way if she is just another victim coworker. She was introduced too late to have her death feel like anything but fridging (when you make a character just to kill them for momentary character drama), once again she shares a character archetype with Alice so the only thing that they could give Celia could be given to Alice perfectly fine, and she once again feels forced

-Celia was also too comfortable too quick for me. She just instantly trusted none of her coworkers would report her for talking shit about their boss. She seemed too genuine about everything even though she was in a completely new environment. And she was just so laid back with everything, like sure she might not know the full scale of things but she seems like she’s been their for as long as anyone can remember (something that might be due to the fact I associate this trait with Alice who has been there a long time)

-idk if I’m reaching or going crazy with this one but Alice seemed off. She moreso just said “I’m Alice” and and Aliced all over the place. But as soon as Celia left she said ‘yeah’ sorta suspiciously? Maybe I’m crazy. Then she’s back to herself replying to Gwen, who we can assume is only less interested in what Celia has to say due to the situation she’s found herself in during ep 4 was it? with Lena. The only time we really get to know her thoughts about Celia when she isn’t in front of her is when she’s bugging Sam about his crush on her, and also literally all conversation she has with Celia she also has with Sam and shifts the conversation (aside from just meeting Celia) to Sam (imo). The only time we get her opinions on Celia away from other characters is the little ‘yeah’.

-We don’t see Colin’s reaction to Celia either, which would mark the third episode in a row where Colin is only mentioned (to my knowledge). Though we don’t have any mention that he’s been hostile to her. The only characters that truly talk to her and that we can see their reactions to her are Alice and Sam. One who I’m convinced is suspicious of her and the other who’s ’in love’ with her (I was completely caught off guard by this due to not even thinking about any of that in the very beginnings of a horror podcast, I’m autistic and demiromantic, and because I was half listening the first time I listened. I sense it more but it still feels like a stretch to me before Alice mentions it though makes a lot of sense due to Sam’s reaction to her mentioning it)

-I feel like I’d be amiss to not mention the fact this is the episode we truly have an Avatar in it. Needles is the first avatar we tma enjoyers know as an avatar (in Norris’s statement in ep1 we have the maybe scammer but it’s unclear weather that’s an Avatar, someone being possessed, or something else entirely). Thematically, this would be a great way to establish a connection with Avatar and Celia. She was introduced exactly when Avatars were. Also the episode name could also be a reference to the fact we are having our “introductions” to Avatars thought this episode, but that’s unrelated.

-People has also pointed out Celia is in Tma, same name and same voice actress (so no Michael situation or helen and Mel’s therapist situation [I think I remember them having the same voice actress and that being a problem] here). Although I don’t know what the could mean but that’s actually the reason I decided to rewrite this mini-notsomini-rant.

I could be wrong about all of this and am prepared to be wrong but still, needed to get this out there.

[angelicdudles]

Hello! So, just wanted to ask about your Fallen Angel ocs; could you tell us a little about each one?

Hiya! And of course! I’ll always happily talk about my freaks

First Hannah (Haniel) and Em (Ooniemme)

They’re not canon when you first meet them in FE but will be canonically dating by the end (I still have not come up with a ship name for them annoyingly…)

Before the fall, Em and Cori were very tight knit friends, not as close as Cori and Danny.

Also pre fall: Em was just below Danny’s status in the horde, while Hannah was a knight

Hannah is somewhat the black sheep of the group, they were the last to join the sell out rebels by a long shot. They did fall with the rest of the group, but weren’t part of the rebellion, she was caught in the crossfire of it all.

Their matching heart tattoos where done way before they started dating, and was a very drunk decision (Nate did them lol)

Other quick facts:

- Em is omni & genderfluid and Hannah is pan ace & trans,

- Hannah is into decora fashion but is a little too self insecure to fully embrace it,

- Hannah listens to mostly loud emo punk style music while Em is more of a 2000s white girl music enjoyer but also like phonk and heavy metal,

Now these two idiots.

Adrien is hella straight (and isn’t homophobic but has repeated the ‘just don’t shove it in my face’ rhetoric, but dw we fix him lol) and Nate (Nathaniel) is the gayest person in all of the angelic planes.

Also it’s not helped that Adrien is incapable of realising that Nate has feelings…

Sooo yeah they’re a little toxic.

They’re incredibly codependent (bonded pair do not separate) and are never found alone.

Both were a part of the rebellion, both of them were at a similar status to Em, and now barely associate with it. Nate admitting to regretting falling and wishing she could go back.

And both now work in the Naraka prison, both as construction workers. Best job they could get unless they wanted a desk job.

Other little fun facts:

- Nate did all of Adrien’s tattoos (he also has a tramp stamp…)

- Part of Adrien’s face is missing cuz they had a scrap with a guard when they fell, unlike the others who mainly broke their own horns (it was slice, which was an attempt to cut off his head)

- Adrien is blind in his left eye

- Nate is a podcast enjoyer, Adrien thinks he should start a podcast

- Nate has a closet full of the same outfit he wears everyday (even pre-fall, post-fall, post-plane splitting, pre-plane splitting, etc etc etc)

- Nate cut its own halo, and by cut I mean barely scrape lol

- both r intersex, also Nate uses any pronouns and is achillean and enby

And I guess I’ll talk about these two as well while I’m here

Timmy isn’t an OC, but he’s so different from the canon character (he’s a background character we see in de:pp season 2) that he might as well be.

And my Ishim sona might be included in fic? I haven’t decided yet. Honestly I haven’t had a moments peace to think about this fic for more then 5 minutes that idk… Might have to give them a different name if I do. Might also change the tattoo (it’s based on the one I have irl)

Anyway, Timmy is Em’s twin brother but they aren’t all that close. They’re not not close, just not that tight knit.

Timmy has his own group of friends (the other fallen angel ocs we see in de:pp, I need to draw them all at some point lol) but he does hang out with the rebels.

He wasn’t part of the rebellion though, and only fell a few months later due to an accident when training (he was also a knight like Hannah)

Fun facts:

- In the early days of the horde, Tim and Em would switch clothes to try and trick the other angels. It never worked

- Post-fall they still steal each others clothes occasionally

- I headcanon Tim to be bisexual

- he’s always wearing that lock necklace, no reason why he just does

[ceaseless-watchers-special-girl]

on knowing another

(longpost i’m so sorry guys it came to me in the shower)

There’s a vague undercurrent of a theme in the Penumbra Podcast about knowing another person. It’s subtle, but it pops up every so often. It’s shown in the way we get to know the characters, especially as we get an insight into their minds in season 3, but it’s also shown in their relationships with each other, and that’s what I want to explore a little bit more.

Peter Nureyev, as we get to know him.

In season 1, Nureyev waltzes into Juno’s life

"JUNO: out of nowhere on a beam of goddamn starlight"

in Juno’s own words, and we all see him as some incredible, untouchable, unbelievably sexy master thief who’s interested in Juno for some unknowable reason (maybe that’s the Juno kinnie speaking idk). We think he’s cool, we think he’s funny, we think he’s dangerous and we think we love him but really, we’re just interested in him. We don’t actually know him yet.

And then, we have Angel of Brahma. We see his past, from his own perspective. And that’s not how knowing another is supposed to happen, you’re not supposed to be thrust into it headfirst, but that’s what we get with Nureyev, and so one second we don’t know him, and the next, we know him better than anyone else, because we’ve seen that he isn’t perfect. Not because he was wrong to kill Mag, that’s a whole different debate, but because he was put in a difficult situation in which there was no right choice. It is impossible for any person to be perfect, and so it was impossible for us and for Juno to truly know Nureyev until we knew what made him flawed.

Diamond Hijikata

Let’s travel back in time a bit, to when Juno was with Diamond. We see Diamond Hijikata from Juno’s point of view, we know her the way Juno knew her, and it is impossible for us to know her any other way, because we only ever see her through Juno’s eyes. Juno thought Diamond was flawless. I might be projecting a little here, because I thought Diamond was flawless. Every time I listen to Embrace of Ice, I fall in love with the version of Diamond Hijikata in Juno’s head. Sometimes, she says things that don’t quite fit with that version, and I brush it off, because Diamond Hijikata is impeccable, perfect, and so even if she sounds a little condescending at times, even if she sounds like she sees Juno as a toy to play with, as a way to piss of her mother, I don’t believe it. I choose to trust her instead. Because I think I know her.

And then, we get the scene in the third part of Embrace of Ice.

“JUNO: I thought I knew who you were. DIAMOND: You do, doll. Nothing's changed. You've just... learned more.”

But everything’s changed. Diamond isn’t who I thought she was, who Juno thought she was. Her name was Diamond Hijikata, sure. She went to college. She had friends, mostly troublemakers. She liked protests, and standing up for things, and pissing off her mother. She didn’t like flaunting how privileged she was. And that paints a certain picture, doesn’t it? Of a girl who stands up for what she believes in, who uses her own privilege to help those who don’t have any, who refuses to let corrupt authority keep her down; and it’s hard not to fall in love with someone like that. But that’s not who Diamond Hijikata was.

Diamond Hijikata was bored and rebellious. Captain H says so, at the very start of Embrace of Ice.

“HIJIKATA: Doesn't believe a word of what she says when she gets like that. JUNO: I don't think so. When she gets on a tear, she's so…”

Juno doesn’t agree with her. Juno thinks Diamond thinks like he does, that she believes in what she fights for. But when those fights threaten her own life, her own privilege, she backs down, and we are struck with the ugly truth that Diamond doesn’t believe in what she fights for. She doesn’t actually want to help those who are disadvantaged. I’m not even sure she sees Juno as an equal. And the sad fact is, I don’t know who Diamond is anymore. Neither does Juno. And I don’t even know who to be mad at anymore. Diamond hasn’t broken my heart, because the Diamond I was in love with never existed anywhere except in my head. If I had to bet, I’d say Juno feels the same way. And so he doesn’t love Diamond anymore, he never did, but he doesn’t hate her either, because:

“JUNO: The older I get, the harder it is to blame someone for being the most honest version of themselves, no matter how ugly the truth is. I'll take it over a pretty lie every time.”

The thing is, Diamond isn’t a bad person. And you can hear that in her little monologue in Embrace of Ice part 3.

“DIAMOND: Because I’m not a bad person. I'm not.”

She’s right, in a sense. She didn’t really do anything wrong. She wasn’t in on her mother’s plans, she wasn’t trying to thwart Juno at every turn. All she knew was where the ballroom was. She even has a cute little story to go with it. It’s so human, so understandable. But it’s human in a way none of us expected of Diamond Hijikata, because she is not the version of her we have in our heads. If we really knew her, we wouldn’t have been surprised at her actions. So Diamond didn’t betray us, not really. She didn’t intentionally decieve Juno or intend to cause him harm. She just wasn’t who Juno thought she was. And that’s why her actions seems so surprising, why it feels like a betrayal: because we don’t know her. That’s why the thought of her hurts so much: because how are you supposed to mourn losing the person you loved if they never even existed in the first place?

(god, fuck, this whole essay began because I couldn’t stop thinking about Diamond Hijikata, she hurts me so much I can’t even decide how to feel about her. send help.)

Peter Nureyev again

We see inside Nureyev’s mind in season 3, and everyone jokes about how much of a mess he is, but the fact is we love him anyway. And we don’t love him despite it, we love him because of it, because loving another is knowing another and seeing their flaws and saying “I understand”. This ties into what Juno says to Vespa before the wedding:

“JUNO: …everyone thinks they know you, right? They make up a version of you in their heads, and if you don’t play the part right they start asking questions. Sometimes with words. VESPA: Sometimes with a look. I know. JUNO: Yeah. “What’s wrong,” “are you okay,” “you seem angry”... all that. But... I don’t know. One day I wasn’t playing the role the best and I could tell he just didn’t mind. Or... he’d already stretched the role out until it actually fit me. And I realized I’d already done the same thing for him.”

Juno knows Nureyev now. So far, he’s seen Nureyev switch between personas, seen Nureyev when he isn’t playing anyone, been inside his head, lived with him for a year and talked with him extensively about their relationship (I don’t remember any quotes for this one, but I’m pretty sure they mention it in season 3 at some point. Might be Shadows on the Ship?). He knows Nureyev, well enough that the version in his head fits Nureyev perfectly, and so Juno can be certain that the man he loves really is Peter Nureyev, and not a version of him, because he knows Peter Nureyev.

Slip Jackson

Little shift in perspective now, let’s stop focusing on Juno for a second. Slip Jackson, Nureyev’s ex, the guy who’s been driving the plot of the story for the past year or so despite being in a coma. He’s Nureyev’s first love, and he and Nureyev spend a lot of time toying with the idea of knowing each other. They knew each other when they were kids, about 10 years old, and they meet again 6 or 7 years later by chance. A lot has changed in that time — it might not seem like a lot to an adult, but kids develop rapidly, and don’t stop until about 25, so  they’ve both really changed since they saw each other last, and they’ll continue to change. They’re young, and still learning who they are (god, it feels so weird to write that when I’m not much older, but anyways).

And so when Nureyev learns that Slip still does drugs, he’s a little horrified, because he doesn’t understand how Slip could be willing to take that risk. Slip clearly hasn’t developed or matured in the way Nureyev thought he would, and the two of them realise that they don’t really know each other all that well. Slip asks if he’d like to try drugs, and Nureyev refuses, and that’s that for a while. But then they live together for a while, and Slip offers Nureyev a way off Brahma, and he tells him about his dream, about the drug he wants to make. And Nureyev, who’s just figured out that he has the biggest crush on this man, decides he wants to know him a little better.

“NUREYEV: I... would like to try one, I think. Is your offer still open? SLIP: I don't... that's really nice of you, but I don't want you to think you have to try it just to, um, make me feel better, so-- NUREYEV: It isn't to make you feel better. It's to know you, Slip. And I think I'm finding I'd like to know you quite well.”

(Alexa, what’s the most romantic way to tell your boyfriend you want to do drugs with him?)

Then they run away to Saraswati together, and Slip goes on all these secret outings which Nureyev can’t follow him on for a while. Nureyev is forced to trust Slip, to place his life in his hands, but they’re still getting to know each other, and unlike with Juno and Diamond, Nureyev is aware that the version of Slip in his head might not match up with the real Slip. So, he gets paranoid, and the entire mess with the poker game and the executives happens.

But after it, they have a talk. A good one. This is one of the things I love about Slip: he makes Nureyev talk about his feelings, and he’s really good at putting things into perspective. You see it in the latest episode, too, with how they talk about Mag. It’s not perfect, but it seems incredibly mature for someone his age (though, again, not sure how much authority I have on the age aspect of this).

“SLIP: A person can't just tell you who they are cuz we're all too complicated for that. I wouldn't know where to start, and even if I tried, I'd miss most of everything and maybe you'd think I was hiding those things from you, but it wouldn't be true. Too much of me is invisible to me because I'm around it all the time, every day. You can try to see the world from someone else's point of view, but at the end of the day... we're all just ourselves. We're stuck there. But just because I can't say it doesn't mean you can't know it. All I can do is be honest, minute to minute, day by day. I'm sorry I'm not the person you apparently thought I was -- but to be fair, I never said I was that person to begin with. Only you did. So... how about we make each other a promise? NUREYEV: A promise? Promise what? SLIP: A promise to be honest with each other. If we're honest, each of us can give the other the best shot at knowing us, you know? You can decide who Slip Jackson is, and... well. If he's worth your time.”

THIS. This is basically the point of this whole essay (it’s so much longer than I intended I’m so sorry). I start chewing on my own bone marrow every time I listen to this, because he’s so right.

Knowing someone isn’t knowing big things, like their name, or face, or random fun facts about their life. Those are things you pick up along the way. Knowing someone else isn’t knowing what their favourite colour is, it’s them telling you what their favourite colour is and you realising that it makes sense they would like that colour, that it fits in with the image of them in your head. Knowing someone isn’t knowing all their layers, their past, their future, though all those things are important in their own way. Knowing someone is understanding the essence of them, the soul underneath all those layers, the sense of self, of who they are which philosophers have been trying to define for centuries, which Peter Nureyev has been trying to erase from himself for decades.

Slip and Nureyev loved each other because they loved everything they knew about each other, and wanted to know more. Slip’s loss hits Nureyev like a bulldozer because he never really gets to know who Slip is — the chance is taken away from him, and Nureyev is convinced it’s all his fault. He’s determined to bring Slip back so he can finally know who Slip is, even though he’s trying to erase himself so there’s nothing left of himself to love back.

Peter Nureyev forever

And then, season 5. Yowzers.

“NUREYEV: You think you know me. The nameless thief. You presume, just because I've told you my real name and let you peruse a few carefully-curated passages of my life story, that you have access to a "real" me that nobody else does. Is that right? JUNO: This isn't gonna work, Nureyev. That journal was true. I know it was. NUREYEV: (LAUGHS) How could you possibly? JUNO: Because I know you. NUREYEV: You know what I've shown you. Nothing more. JUNO: Can't help but notice you haven't said it yet. NUREYEV: I don't need to play your game. JUNO: If you don't care it'd be really easy to.  "I never want to see you again." Like that. NUREYEV: Childish! JUNO: Once you let somebody know you, Nureyev, there's no going back. They've got your number. Chances are you got theirs, too. I let you know who I am because I love you and I'm scared as hell about what that means, but at least I can admit it, goddammit!”

Nureyev is desperately pushing the idea that Juno doesn’t know him, that Nureyev’s been lying all along, that the “Peter Nureyev” Juno knew was just another persona, that Juno never really knew the real Nureyev, just like he never knew the real Diamond. Because if Juno doesn’t know Nureyev, he can’t possibly love him, and that makes it so much easier to break up with him.

But there’s just one catch here. Juno does know Nureyev. As much as Nureyev wants to pretend that all Juno saw was what he let him see, it’s not true. Juno saw right to the core of him, right to the beating heart of what makes Peter Nureyev Peter Nureyev, and he refused to look away until he knew every inch by heart, and he loved what he knew. He still does. And that’s how he knows that Nureyev needs his help now, that’s why he’s not giving up on our favourite master thief.

And that is why this:

“NUREYEV: I do not want to see you any more, Juno. JUNO: What? NUREYEV: You said it would just take those words to excise you from my life entirely, didn't you? Well, I've said them. I have no interest in seeing you any longer. None. I am done. We are finished. Do you understand me? JUNO: Yeah, I get you. So I guess I'll just... go now. NUREYEV: No! JUNO: I... what?  NUREYEV: I... that is, you…”

didn’t surprise me. Well, the first bit did. But the turnaround made complete sense. Don’t get me wrong, it’s really shitty of Nureyev to do, but he’s at a point in his life where he’s not sure he can handle Juno being in his life, but he loves him far too much to tell him to leave. Even after he breaks up with him, he immediately backtracks.

And that’s why Juno keeps implying throughout the episode that Nureyev might take him back, and why he doesn’t leave at the end despite promising he would. Because he and I both know that Nureyev doesn’t want him to.

Juno never really hides who he is, and so people either love him or hate him. I think that’s really cool of him.

Nureyev hides who he is almost constantly, from almost everyone. It’s so much easier for him to pretend he did the same with Juno, and that’s what he’s trying to do. But he didn’t, so Juno isn’t giving up on him. Juno knows Nureyev, and he loves Nureyev, and so he’s not going to rest until Nureyev is finally okay (or relatively okay, at least).

TLDR: Juno didn't know Diamond all that well, so he couldn't be with her. Nureyev decided he wanted to know Slip so that he could learn to love him, but the opportunity was taken away from him. Juno comes to know Nureyev and he loves him because of it, but Nureyev is determined to go back to being unknown in season 5 so he can distance himself from Juno and pretend they're not in love. Knowing someone and loving them are linked, blah blah blah.

idk man I don’t have a conclusion these are just thoughts. Loving someone is inherently tied to knowing them, ig. Anyways who’s excited for Nureyev to have a mental breakdown???!!

[generatedhandle]

Season 3 Ramble#11 - No Love Lost

Greetingsx3 Welcome to another episode of MM..MANGA, the podcast about getting more people into more manga… though if i’m being honest this episode isn’t really intended to get people into any series… not even on some reverse psychology shit

but before I get into the ramble, what it’s all about and how it’s gonna go down… I have yet another guest on with me today so I'll let her do a small intro

Name - Ajoni

Fav manga & anime - Yakuza Fiance & Mob Psycho

Youtube Channel -

Now... what this episode is about, the title alludes to it but the point this month was to try to read things we didn’t think we’d like or already knew we didn’t like but give them a quick run back to see if we still didn’t like them... why?? We’ll get to that after we’re through. As for how this ramble is gonna go..

First we’ll each mention 3 manga we read for the first time because we thought we wouldn’t like them. Talking about the least 3 hated, least hated to most hated.

Then, 3 manga we spun the block on to see if we still thought they were ass, again least hated to most hated.

Finally we kinda just spitball about shit we hate in manga, our most hated manga, stuff like that...

[ok so usually we'd both go really hard and give all the details but we both felt that giving all that time and effort things you don't like isn't good for you, which reflects here in the transcript but trust it was a good ramble and we had fun so listen in if this transcript is a bit too sparse for you]

First Time

Ajoni

2) Komi can’t communicate

thought it would be loser guy, hot girl but it was actually cute.

1) Please don’t toy with me miss nagataro

loser guy, hot girl(?). read two chapters. gross.

[couldn't stomach reading anything else after this lol]

Me

3) Ultimate Exorcist Kiyoshi

I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THE EXORCISTS!!!... that being said this turned out to be a comedy so i dig it and will be loosely following it.

2) Kagurabachi

They made a Korean revenge flick into a movie and shonen heads are calling it peak... i dig swords tho so I'll be following loosely...

1) Make the exorcist Fall in love

actually the best out of all three plot wise but i have it here as the most hated cause the pacing is super wack to me... i explain it better in the ramble... but i will definitely finish this.

Spin the block

Ajoni

1) Prison School

Saw the first volume cover and she had just tried "don't toy with me" so she decided she has free will and doesn't need to do this or anything she doesn't like. [...real...]

Me

3) Orient

My initial problem was that they seem to be starting way too strong like close to the level where magi ended (same creator), and i knew it could only escalate from there so i dropped it. I was more prepared going in but it still didn't have any pull idk...

2) Magico

.... listen to the ramble...

1) Fairy Tail

enough has been said.... let's move on...

so a brief pause to touch on why we'd do this to ourselves... I'm of the firm belief that if I claim to like or dislike something i should be able to communicate why with more than just "peak" or "mid". If I'm only ever reading things I think I'd like it's easier to box myself into a certain way of thinking and thus communicating. In any case, breaking the mold every now and then by actually taking a close look at things I don't like not only helps more accurately describe why I don't like them, because of the contrast, it further helps more clearly define why exactly I do like the things I like "because there's no this" or "this but without that".... in any case you never know what new things you'll find and love in all that muck out there... or something lol..

Spitballing

basically we both hate the loser guy hot girl lane, rent a girlfriend came up, don't toy with me again, uzaki even though not really loser guy the girl is definitely some sort of bait.... as for the animanga community, we wish more people would carve out their own unique tastes instead of whatevers the top 10 of the season and wish newer fans would look past the lack of stamina and check out older stuff that inspired the things they love today...

and that was pretty much it, then there's some post ramble ramblings you'll definitely have to listen in for.

If you've read all the way to here then i hope you enjoyed and hope you have a good one 🛐

[teruthecreator]

for the character ask meme i feel you have enough of a history with this man for me to request, if you would like: lancaster?

RUBS MY HANDS TOGETHER HOOOOOOOO BOY

Sexuality Headcanon:

gay (i think this is canon?)

Gender Headcanon:

man we dont got time to think about this because of the Everything but i think he could rock some he/she swag in another life

A ship I have with said character:

HARLAAAAAAAAAAAAAANC OH MY GOD THEY MAKE ME INSANE. THEIR DIVORCE NOT-DIVORCE IS GOING TO DRIVE ME UP A WALL. literally like just their canon dynamic makes me insane like. not to get too into spoilers bc theres friends who arent caught up but just like the Everything going on between them post -3 incident is like. GOD. the ep where they actually talk some of it out had me literally cheering and clapping around my house like i was watching a football game. literally they are so IGOR coded it PAINS ME. YOU GOTTA LISTEN TO IGOR MAN SO YOU CAN SEE MY VISION BUT THE VISIONS THERE THE IGORISMS ARE THERE AND THEY KILL ME. i will literally push all my wips aside to write the one bed fic i swear to fucking god

A BROTP I have with said character:

LANCASTER AND LOVE MAKE ME A LITTLE CRAZY OKAY. JUST. OHHHHHHHHHHHHH OHHHH THEIR BOND. the fact that they start so opposite and love not really wanting to trust him or talk to him to like. TO LIKE HER ACTIVELY SEEKING HIM OUT AND MISSING HIM AND WANTING TO SPEND TIME WITH HIM. IT JUST MAKES ME DIE MAN IT MAKES ME WANNA DIE. the dnd ep really gets me bc she trusts him so much, even when he did That, and it really goes to show how much her opinion on him has changed. the fact that she’s the only one to humanize him in the beginning of his -3 imprisonment is everything to me THEY MEAN EVERYTHING TO ME YOUR OFFICER

A NOTP I have with said character:

i have yet to peek into the fandom for this podcast but if i see a single person shipping lanc w d-1 i will start throwing tables at heads

A random headcanon:

okay so i’ve been thinking A LOT about what lancaster’s favorite redbull flavor would be. because there are a lot of fucking flavors of redbull and he isn’t just drinking the regular redbull bc Why Would You Do That so like. i’ve had to use my EXTENSIVE knowledge of redbull flavors—as a redbull connoisseur myself—to decide what flavor screams Orion Lancaster Findusalive. and i THINK i have the results of my findings. i think his absolute FAVORITE would be peach-nectarine because it’s really sweet (like INSANELY SWEET) and heavy on the peach flavoring to the point that i don’t even think the nectarine is in there. and idk he just seems like a peach guy to me. i think second favorite is probably watermelon bc it is objectively The Best redbull flavor on the market and he would be a fucking fool not to like it. and then third favorite would probably be something like blueberry or juneberry (the two are almost identical in flavor to me). those are my findings as the certified Redbull Guy

General Opinion over said character:

he makes me want to EAT DRYWALL. GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD i genuinely dont think theres anything else i can say other than that. there are so many layers to him and so much going on i knew from the MOMENT i started that he would be a character that stuck out to me. and the more i hear from him the more i am certain of this. this is a certified ollieguy to me but make no mistake he is also a michguy. not as much as klein but close!!!! very close. my little onion <3

[themagicmusicman]

idk why but something that’s been on my mind loads today is how shitty parents who dont support their children transitioning are.

i think it goes without saying that this is a negative thing for adults to do to their kids, but thinking about it deeper, it really sucks. this might have been brought on by listening to an episode of a podcast about that critikal and sneako situation, and how the people on this podcast were talking about “should children be allowed to transition?”

i feel like for me personally, giving an answer to this is very easy. socially, yes, absolutely they should. medically, i think waiting until they’re 18 is the best choice. a lot of people would disagree with this but here’s my logic:

socially transitioning is harmless. there’s no irreversible change done to the body, so therefore i think it’s fine. social transitioning generally consists of changing your name, pronouns and how you present yourself (clothes, hair, etc).

think about it, are any of these things irreversible? you can always change your name or pronouns back to what they originally were, or to change them multiple times. if a child originally used she/her, then used he/him, and now wants to use she/her again, that’s a very doable thing. obviously it would be a difficult change for peers, friends, family and so on, but it’s a realistic thing that can be done.

same with wearing different clothes, or changing your hair. if someone cuts their hair and then decides they want it long again, they can just grow it out. same the other way; if someone grows their hair out long and then wants it short again, they can just cut it.

another option for people who are socially transitioning is things like binding, packing, tucking and padding. for trans males or individuals who want to look more masculine, binding is a great way to get a flatter looking chest. there are a lot of different options for it (commercial binders, binding tape, certain bras or shirts), and it can be dangerous is done in the wrong way, but theres a lot of online recourses to help bind safely (i’ll be linking a website at the end of this post where you can read about safe binding, packing, tucking and padding)

packing is another option for people who want to look more masc; again, with quite a few options, including diy packers and prosthetics. this can be as simple as a pair of socks shaped like a penis that you can put in your underwear to resemble a bulge.

as for the transfem options, im a lot less familiar with them, so again, see the link at the end to find out more. however, i do know theres are options such as tucking (positioning male genitals such as the penis and testes to make them less prominent) and padding (using undergarments to resemble boobs, can also be used for hips or ass)

my point is, there are so many ways to socially transition, and they’re all safe and reversible if need be. why as a parent would you want to take this away from your own child?

it isn’t hurting anyone, be it the child or other people, and it makes the child themselves more comfortable and happy with who they are, even if it is for a small amount of time. surely that’s more important than your own beliefs?

once they are 18, they have the choice to get surgery or hormones if they choose to, and that’s fine in my opinion. i think it is a good idea to first see a medical professional or psychiatrist (although i think that’s something people have to do before medically transitioning in most countries) but it’s their choice at that point.

before then, help your child accept themselves for who they are by using their preferred name or pronouns, helping get them the clothes, prosthetics or haircut they want, and just supporting them in their decisions.

have a great day yall, and remember :

Trans rights are human rights 🏳️‍⚧️

[vro0m]

I genuinely don’t understand Steiner. Granted I didn’t really pay attention to Haas like that but anytime I did it was him basically, I think verbally abusing is a strong word, but I have no better word for how he treated his drivers or how it came across to me. He does this podcasts now and I do appreciate his bluntness every once in while but if you listen to him it’s almost like there’s residual resentment for idk what and for Mick too if I’m being honest. I know Mick crashed quite a bit and yes budget was thin but Idk I feel like Steiner didn’t manage him well. Was Mick as bad as Logan?? Isn’t it the same thin budget?? Kevin was underperforming earlier this year(call it being a “good teammate” or whatever it was still underperformance cuz it led to penalty points) yet we didn’t get any sound bites. I gave Steiner the grace that with the budget and bad cars and “mid” drivers, he was allowed to act out while he was TP and feel wronged when he was fired but with this new TP and their new found ability to maximize a race weekend, is it really that out of this world to say Steiner was a problem?

Oh don't get me wrong Steiner is a piece of shit and was a terrible TP. Just the car being bad wasn't his fault.

[quitefair]

9, 19, and 29 for the writer questions?

9. Do you believe in ghosts? This isn’t about writing I just wanna know

I could go on for days about this, but the simple answer is yes. You don't grow up in this part of the world without a healthy respect for the supernatural. Even if you've got the most logical, analytical, non-believing mind out there, having never experienced a single weird thing, trust me. You have to.

I grew up with my grandmothers and other elder relatives and family friends all saying the same kind of stuff. Don't stand under that tree after dark. Don't go out at night during Hungry Ghost Month. If you smell something sweet in the air, don't comment on it.

Southeast Asia is so fucking charged with supernatural energy that you need to, I wouldn't say believe, but at least respect the fact that you're probably sharing this realm with something other than humanity, and that's alright tbh. Just ignore them and keep on with your day, is all.

19. Tell me a story about your writing journey. When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going?

I dabbled at around 16-18 with some horrendously bad original fiction, then dabbled even more with fandom after that, but stuff really only took off with Dragon Age back in 2014.

It's really been a rollercoaster, with more ups than downs - I have a very emotionally and physically draining job and when I tried to force myself to write even while exhausted, it burned me out to the point where I had to stop writing completely for like... two? Three years? There was other stuff as well that made my emotions surrounding writing a little sour, stuff related to fandom lmao (as it always is), but now I'm in a place where I'm comfortable with listening to myself, and not forcing the flow. Not beating myself up over not writing when life gets in the way.

29. Where do you draw your inspiration? What do you do when the inspiration well runs dry?

Movies! Shows! Musicals! DND Live Plays! Drag Queen Podcasts!

Idk, you couldn't pin down my taste in anything if you tried - except that most of them probably involve fantasy or history of some kind. I love a lot of stuff, which is a detriment in a lot of ways, because I end up hyperfixating on things instead of writing lmao. Still working on that.

ask me weird writing questions!

[feedingicetothedog]

helloooo idk if you're big on asks but I just wanted to chime in and 1. say that your guys' podcast is insanely good, it's so thought out and broad (like hitting so many viewpoints at once) I really really enjoy it!

2. I wanted to ask what you think about the structure of the "unreliable narrator" and how it was executed, especially in season 2. Because for me personally it gets very hard to discuss scenes that, frankly don't make sense to be in there. Like the unspoken 'I love you' from Lestat in ep5, the trial rehearsal in ep8, or any of the coven scenes without Louis that - in theory - are a fascinating study in leadership dynamics and Santiago and Armand's relationship but also can be written off as Armand literally lying about everything (which I've seen a lot of people do). Do you think the series will revisit stuff, leave it open, continue being vague about perspective or change the subjectivity? Would love to hear your thoughts!

first off thank you so much for listening to our podcast it means a lot and i’m so glad you’re enjoying it ☺️🖤

and as far as the unreliable narrator thing goes i always operate under the assumption that everything we’re presented is basically true since the show is very clear about what is and isn’t real. any points that are meant to be questioned tend to be brought forward in the moment or shortly after (like in the s1 finale or how the trial stuff is countered in the next ep). i believe armand about the coven stuff bc it makes sense and if it gets revisited then we’ll see what’s added or contradicted but to assume that everything is fake or that someone is 100% lying and the real truth w come out is very boring to me and it would be bad television to keep telling a story and then retelling it from a different person’s perspective over and over again. like that sounds so boring and not interesting bc then who’s to say that that person is telling the truth and so on and so forth. so tl;dr i think irt whether i think the series will revisit stuff in general my answer is yes but only as it's relevant to the narrative and not just as a fact check on someone else's biography bc that's not interesting and there's too much interesting stuff they could be doing instead.

however specifically regarding those moments you mentioned i think is just the writers giving us the audience more information than louis would have for the sake of ease. there are certain things that will have more impact for us watching if they just tell it to us which i have mixed feelings about in terms of execution. but also i'm a little more lenient about these shortcuts taken in s2 bc they were under a crunch to get the eps in due to the writer's strike so certain choices just have the vibe of "we didn't have time to make this more subtle". i'm honestly surprised that s2 is as good as it is considering, i was fully prepared to be like "this season is such a disappointment" but honestly i love every ep except the finale which is a pretty alright track record in my opinion. so i guess my answer about what i think about the scenes that don't make sense is just at the end of the day this is a fictional show and not a documentary so i'm not too concerned about it from that angle but also i feel that they weren't super strong narrative choices either (but not enough so that i takes me too much out of the moment esp in s2ep5).

thanks again for sending this question! i love talking about iwtv so i'm always open to asks. also i hope this made sense i started to just sort of go off lmao

[wvffles]

eeeeeeeeeeeee i'm loving this series so much already !!💙

Ben’s grip tightens a fraction. “All I need is a fucking ride. That isn’t too much to ask, now is it, sweetheart?”

well ben you're not exactly asking now are you 🤠 also i do love how she's still snapping back at him, even if it's not the best idea with the temper he has 🤣

For all Vought claimed to care about diversity, your boss once commented on your “wild” hair shedding on the tile floor.

the familiarity of this made my eye twitch a little bit loll

“Where are you from, exactly?” he asks. 

oh no...

He rolls his eyes. “You know what I mean. What are you, Mexican or something?” You raise a brow, your lips pursing when he begins to smirk.   “I do like me a juicy taco,” he says. 

jesus christ ben 🤦🏽‍♀️ I actually had to take a moment to pause and take a deep breath lmfao he's just soooooooo, out of pocket sometimes like dude pls 😭

“All right. Calm down, Chiquita. You should take it as a fucking compliment,” he says. He raises a brow at you. “You’re a real spicy one, aren’t you?”

oh i'll show you spicy alright, lmfaoooo he's ridiculouss 😩😂 i'm only laughing because it's ben, and also fictional (<3) but it's wild to me how there really are people like this irl, just boggles my mind

“I’ve gotten with a few Latinas in my time,” he says as he leans back in his chair, crossing his arms as his thighs splay out a little wider in the sweatpants you let him borrow. “Always with that fuckin’ feisty little temper. But you know what, I got no problem with a hot tamale.” 

yeahhh i'd have to start cussing him out in spanish 😭 show him what a 'feisty temper' really looks like lmfao pinche cabron 🤣

“I know for a fact you can get basically whatever you want on this fucking thing within half an hour,” he says. “Do what you need to do to get some grub over here, but you’re not leaving this fucking apartment until I say so."

some of us are poor, benjamin 🤦🏽‍♀️ it really does cost an arm and a leg to get anything these days it's the worsttt :/

honestly I thought I was gonna yap some more but I realize now that i'm thinking of the whole story so far, including the next two chapters 😩😅 it's so good already !!💗

what I feel is a bit different from this story compared to your other SB stories is that in this, the reader seems a lot more civilian-like. idk if that makes sense like, in the bmd-verse I feel that given the nature of that mc's job, she was a bit more used to "combative situations" and in lost on you that mc is a supe herself, whereas in this story she's really just like, your average person working in an office, which to me adds an extra sense of like vulnerability to this dynamic.

and I mean i'm not saying she's a complete damsel in distress because she is certainly holding her own lmao, but she is being thrust into this whole new dangerous world, thanks to the unfortunate luck of working at that hellish company ;_; like poor girl just wanted to pursue her interests and stay afloat then boom, the building is crumbling and she's harboring a fugitive 😭 one with outdated morals at that ay no, pobresita 😔

+ after listening to the podcast episode I do just wanna put this out there — you're doing super well with navigating this challenging dynamic !!💙 as a fellow latina poc i’m absolutely lovinggg this and i’m excited to see how they got from point a to point b (aka lost in translation) lol <333

UNRAVEL ME - Part 1

Pairing: Soldier Boy (Ben) x Afro-Latina!Reader

Summary: In the wake of Vought Tower finally falling, you find yourself crossing paths with Soldier Boy. Rogue, weakened, dangerous, and hunted, he needs a place to hide. You’re not about to offer up your own home to shelter a supe wanted by Homelander and the CIA…but he’s also not going to let you refuse.

AN: Finallyyyyy lol. I know I've been talking about this series for months now, but it was genuinely challenging for me to write this prequel for Lost in Translation (which was requested by various Tumblr friends and anons who wanted to see Soldier Boy matched with a woman of color). I think maybe it's because this is now my third Soldier Boy series, and getting this guy to show character growth is hard to do three different times. 🤣 But let's see how it goes with another post-season 3 misadventure! 💜💙 This series also fulfills a hilarious prompt for @jacklesversebingo!

Song Inspo: “Unravel Me” by Sabrina Claudio

JVB Prompt: Accidental Old Person Acquisition

Word Count: 6K

Tags/Warnings: Angst, threats, SB being his typical asshole self, obnoxious flirting, racial elements, Ben drinks Cuban coffee, among other ethnic mini adventures in the future. The reader is a mixed-race Afro-Latina with textured hair. 

💜 Series Masterlist

💙 YouTube Playlist || Spotify Playlist

Part 1: Hot Tamale

Vought Tower is falling.

Or at least, that’s what it feels like: the ground trembling like a Magnitude 7 earthquake, overhead lights flickering, a line of rubble falling on your head as you finally manage to squeeze out of the stairwell and into the main floor's reception area. You take in a large gulp of air, breathing past the oppressive clog of warm bodies, sweat, fear, and a hint of piss.

The walls quake along with the tile floor; you spill onto it hard, hitting your knees, though you curl your fingers fast when a woman from Legal almost steps on them in her dagger heels. Fuck!

Fear and adrenaline compel you to scramble onto your feet and claw your way through the gift shop. Maybe you'll be able to cut through the aisles of overpriced Starlight plushies and Special Edition Black Noir Funko Pops to get to one of the east exits.

It's Vought’s very own 9/11. You were told to evacuate over the intercom, and now you're about to find out why.

It’s taken over an hour to try and escape. You’re still trapped in the building, obviously, caught up in the lobby. It's backed up by the clusterfuck of people squeezing themselves through the narrow exit doorways to the garage, like rats clamoring over one another to avoid extermination. Somehow they've broken through the glass to override the security protocols that had first tried to lock you all in.

Just when you make it past the display of red, white, and blue Homelander mugs, a blinding light catches your eye through the tall windows and the growing darkness of the evening. The light falls and falls, what looks like a tangled ball of red and orange and green.

It explodes into the ground, shaking the very foundations of New York City. You cling to the display table and manage to dive underneath it.

You hide there until the shaking stops.

Tears sting in your eyes as the unsteady screams of your coworkers ring out in the lobby, even though you don’t recognize most of them. You suddenly remember your boss; you lost sight of him on the way down the first five flights of stairs. You morbidly wonder if he was one of the ones who got trampled along the way, or blown off the side of the building in the crash.

When the outside world is quiet again, you crawl out from underneath the table. Everyone who still can is slowly getting to their feet, picking themselves up, some of them helping the people closest to them. You don’t know what the hell is happening, but you have a strong feeling Homelander is involved. He’s been playing at CEO for weeks, now that Stan Edgar has been deposed.

Instead of leaving out the front, you continue your plan of going through one of the east side exits. There’s a narrow alley that leads to the garage farther down. You step out into the evening light, made darker in the alley behind what’s left of the Tower. You know the metal door to the garage isn’t too far away, but before you can get to it, you see a man stumbling right toward you.

It's too dark to see him clearly, and even though you back up a couple of steps, the green of his uniform captures your attention.

“Oh my God,” you breathe. “Soldier Boy?”

He glances up at you through furrowed brows. The state of him, ragged and soot-stained, his labored breaths, and the way he’s leaning against the wall—it all tells you that he’s been through some major shit.

“Uh, a-are you okay?” you ask shakily, clutching your messenger bag.

“I’m fine,” he says, though his eyes bore into yours with an intensity that makes your spine prickle with unease.

In record time, your brain collects what little you know about the ancient relic of a supe that’s mere steps away from invading your personal space. Homelander has been calling him a rogue in the press, but even though your role at Vought barely makes you a blip on anyone’s radar, you know enough about what really holds the company together…which means you know better than to believe even one iota of what that star-spangled prick told the public. 

Your gaze flits over Soldier Boy, now with some concern despite your wariness.

“Are you hurt?” you ask.

“I said I’m fucking fine. Do I look fucking hurt?” he growls tiredly. When he tries to stand a bit straighter, he almost stumbles against the wall.

Part of you twinges with sympathy, but still, your lips purse at his attitude.

“Dude, you don’t want me to tell you what you look like,” you say.

His eyebrow twitches. He opens his mouth to retort, but that’s when a man’s voice can be heard nearby. You turn your head at the sound.

While you’re distracted, Soldier Boy grabs you with more strength than you anticipated and drags you along with him against the wall. You gasp, but he holds a dirty half-gloved hand over your mouth.

Voices begin to echo from down the other end of the alley, closer to the main road. The supe has already turned his head in that direction, but your gaze flicks there next, your eyes wide and fearful.

“I don’t need a fuckin’ doctor,” says a man. His accent is thick as hell, like a Mary Poppins chimney sweep. Cockney? He’s tall, wearing a long black coat to match his black hair. He’s also arguing with a black man and a skinny white guy. A couple of ambulances zoom by, for a moment overtaking their voices and casting their bodies in the red glow of the siren alarms.

“Considering you coughed up blood on my fucking shoes, I’m dumping you off at the nearest hospital within a mile, and then you lose my number for good. Got that, motherfucker?” says the black man. He’s just as intimidating as the other guy, if not more so, considering the way the Brit's leaning against the wall like he might keel over right there.

The skinny guy breaks the tension between them. “Look, we should go. Annie’s got Maeve, and Homelander could be circling the sky looking for us right now.”

Queen Maeve? What happened to her? She was supposed to be in rehab. Who's Annie? Oh shit. Annie January. Starlight broke Maeve out? No. I should've known that rehab story was bullshit too. Who fucking knows what actually happened there. More importantly, what's happening here?!

Your thoughts tumble into one another while your heartbeat pounds in your ears. Your breathing comes out shallower through your nose, considering the big meaty hand covering your mouth.

If Homelander's looking for these guys, then none of this little scene is good. It makes you a fucking witness. Shit...

Soldier Boy tightens his hold on your arm. Slow and quiet, he opens the door to the parking garage with his elbow, since his other hand is still locked over your mouth. He guides you in. 

“Don’t scream, or I’ll start squeezing,” he warns. At least he releases his hand from your mouth, instead, grabbing the back of your neck. “Where’s your car?” 

“Wait, come on,” you plead, your voice shaking. “Whatever you did, I don’t want to know, but I didn’t sign up to be your getaway driver.” 

Ben’s grip tightens a fraction. “All I need is a fucking ride. That isn’t too much to ask, now is it, sweetheart?”

“Depends on where you’re trying to go,” you say. But you decide that not getting snapped in half is good enough reason to lead him to your car. You rarely have cause to drive it, so it mostly just stays parked here in the garage. For once, you’re grateful that you shell out a portion of your monthly paycheck to reserve this space. 

You fish your keys out of your car and unlock the door with shaky hands. Soldier Boy watches you press the button on the small key remote with furrowed brows, but he takes it from you after forcing you in the driver’s seat, so he can enter the car on the passenger side.

The second your tiny blue Kia rumbles pitifully to life, your music blares loud enough to feel the bass in the floor. Soldier Boy smacks the radio buttons roughly until it stops.

You give him a thin smile. 

“Not a fan of Bad Bunny?” you ask.

Irritated, he grabs a hold of the small plushie swinging from your rearview mirror. He yanks it off despite your protest, nearly breaking the mirror, and stares in gruff bewilderment at the white fluffy heart. It has a Dominican flag embroidered on the front and a Cuban flag on the back—custom made on Etsy.

The supe raises a brow, but he dismissively tosses it somewhere in the back seat. When you look at his grumpy face, he just reminds you of Oscar the Grouch. He reaches down and shifts the seat back, but he barely has any leg room for those thunder thighs and combat boots.

“Just fucking drive,” he says, his voice like sharp gravel.

Again, your annoyance sparks at his rudeness. Are all supes assholes, or is it just the ones you’re forced to interact with?

“Okay, but where the hell do you want me to take you?” you ask. “The subway? The airport? The Hudson River? What?”

He thinks about it, drumming his fingers against his leg. His uniform is a bit poppier than military green, yet more classic than Homelander’s with the stretch of that silver-plated eagle across the chest. 

“Too many eyes at the airport. I need to lie low for a while before I get outta dodge,” Soldier Boy admits. Then he sits back in your passenger seat, adjusting the recline until his broad frame is below the view of the window. You think it’s both for his own comfort and so he’s less likely to be seen. 

“Your place should be all right,” he says, crossing his arms over his chest.

Your mouth falls open in shock. “Are you for real?” 

He just gives you a stern look. He’s not fucking kidding.

“Look, you may be a superhero and all, but I don’t fucking know you! And…” Just then, clarity strikes you as you remember what’s been going on in the news for the past week. “Didn’t, uh, didn’t you…blow up a building in Midtown?”

He doesn’t seem to want to answer at first, leveling you with that stoic, bearded face. His gaze eventually drifts away from yours. 

“That was an accident.” 

Your breath gets caught in your throat. “That’s a pretty big accident.”

Again, Soldier Boy doesn’t answer you. You try to focus on the road, but it’s pretty impossible when you have a supe that’s supposedly risen from the dead in your passenger seat, who also exploded 19 people on accident, who tried and failed to kill Homelander.

Speaking of, Homelander himself is looking for this guy…which means you’re helping a fugitive escape. What’s worse, he wants to crash on your goddamn couch.

One of your hands leaves the steering wheel to cover your mouth. You press your hand there until the mix-match of gold and silver rings start to bite into the sensitive flesh of your lower lip. 

“Coño su madre,” you mutter the curse under your breath. I’m so fucking screwed.  

You unlock the door to your third-floor apartment with a heavy sigh. As usual, it gets stuck the first time you try to swing it open. You throw a little more strength in your arm the second time, and the door finally budges. 

You flick the lights on inside and unveil the shoebox that is your home. It’s barely a one-bedroom. The open kitchen lies to the right with a small two-seater table nestled against the wall, while the “living room” lies to the left. There you managed to fit a faded violet loveseat couch from your college days, a bookshelf from Goodwill, and your TV perched on what’s supposed to be a coffee table.

Straight ahead is a narrow hall that leads to your bedroom door on the right side and the one and only bathroom on the other. 

Well, this is gonna be fun. Slumber party with America’s Most Wanted, you think, with no small amount of Jesus fucking Christ weighing your steps.

Soldier Boy’s broad shoulders barely clear the open doorway. He shuts and locks the door behind him and takes stock of your apartment with a slow turn of his head. He doesn’t seem impressed, except for the paintings, funky ‘60s style shelves, and other canvases decorating the walls.

“You some kind of artist?” he asks, giving a cursory glance to each one.

“Uh, yeah, kinda,” you nod. “But most of these aren’t mine.”

On every wall, there’s a cluster of art, from canvases to pottery, glass, burnished clay, and brass. There are replicas of paintings by Salvador Dalí and Frida Kahlo, Picasso and Basquiat, Monet and Amelia Peláez, even a sculpture of a woman that you tried to replicate from Ana Mendieta. It’s meant to represent the suffering of women. Hell if today doesn’t qualify.

You toss your messenger bag onto the couch and throw up your arms at your sides.

“Well, since the police, Homelander, and probably the rest of the government are looking for you, you should do the whole ‘get outta dodge’ thing in the morning,” you say. You clasp your hands together in the facsimile of a prayer and politeness all in one. “But if you really wanna spend a night on my couch, then that’s okay.”

We’ll get through this. Just one night of insanity and then this’ll all be over. 

“That bed looks big enough for two,” the supe says. He nods at your open bedroom door and smiles suggestively, his gaze roaming over your form.

You get that shiver down your spine again, even as you blush. You take a pointed step away from him.

“Uh, how about fucking no,” you snap. “That door will be locked, and I have a taser that I’m not afraid to use on any tender bits.”

He raises a brow at you, but he snorts. He steps toward you, his gait slow and arrogant. You cross your arms while he closes the distance, his hair falling forward across his forehead as he stares down at you with a hint of a sneer. His chin and forehead are still stained with grime, just as his red gloves are scuffed and half burnt from whatever happened in that blast.

Your heart trips up faster. A tremble of fear runs through you, but you refuse to move.

“You do realize that that’s tantamount to flicking me with a rubber band,” he says. His half-lidded gaze runs over you with a note of interest. The corner of his mouth raises in a smirk. “Besides, whatever we might get up to, I can guarantee you’ll enjoy it. Just ask Loni Anderson. Farrah Fawcett. Hell, Molly Ringwald. Love me a fuckin’ redhead once in a while.”

You give him a look that could (proverbially) crumble Empire State.

“Don’t fucking bet on it,” you say.

Yes, your voice is quiet. Yes, you have to work past a swallow. But you don’t ever drop your gaze. You meet him head-on with every bit of stubborn fire you have left inside you.

“If you touch me, I’ll scream," you say, a wary trembling in your chest. "Even if you kill me, they’ll find you that much quicker.”

His smirk falls away. His gaze roams over you again, this time in a different way. Maybe he sees the way your entire body is tense, locked up tight, prepared to recoil and scream if he tries to grab at you. He relents.

“Christ, relax. It’s your fucking loss anyway, sweetheart.” His eyes roll dismissively as he turns away from you. “I need a shower.”

He strides down the hall in search of it. You move quickly to get ahead of him. The last thing you need is him rifling through your bedroom drawers.

“Ah, wait! I’ll get you a towel,” you say. It irritates you to have to treat him like a “guest,” but you don’t know what else to do. The man can literally snap your neck. Even for that big ass bluff you just pulled, you really, really don’t want to die.

You could try calling the police while he’s in the shower, but you don’t know what he’ll do if he finds out. And who’s gonna be quicker on the draw—the human police force, or the literal super soldier?

No, it’ll be more painless to just wait this guy out and see him off in the morning. For now, he doesn’t seem inclined to hurt you. He even took a rejection of you “sleeping” with him pretty well, for a supe. They tend to think they're God’s gifts to humanity. Working at Vought, you’ve been propositioned more than enough times. Though God forbid you say no for a ride on their magical dick. You’d rather not jump on that potential steel trap. You know a guy in Marketing who had his happy place literally frozen and chipped off.

After finding a fresh towel for Soldier Boy, he shuts himself in the lone bathroom across from your room. Soon, the old pipes roar to life. You retreat into your room for a long, slow breath. It’s less steadying than you’d hoped.

You also shut and lock the bedroom door behind you, for whatever good that might do you. 

Not much, you realize warily. 

You sink your fingers into your hair and blow out a sigh of frustration. What even is my fucking life right now?

Tugging on the knotted curls, you loosen them from the bun you wrapped tightly this morning. For all Vought claimed to care about diversity, your boss once commented on your “wild” hair shedding on the tile floor. 

Taking in a few deep, yoga-style breaths before you lose your shit, you dig into the recesses of your closet and dresser drawers. Your most recent ex had left at least one shirt, maybe a pair of boxers. Soldier Boy will have to make do with your favorite sweatpants. They’re stretched out enough from years of wear and washes that they’ll probably fit him. 

Juuuuust great. You're really contemplating this asshole wearing your clothes.

By the time you gather your bearings, shove your soul back into your body and leave your room, Soldier Boy is exiting the bathroom, the fluffy purple towel slung low around his hips. 

“Jesus!” You jolt and instinctively step back. There’s nowhere far to go in the hallway, so your ass ends up bumping against the hollow wall. 

Once again, he wears a smug sort of smile as he stares down at you in amusement. 

“Like what you see, huh, baby doll?”

“Put your tits away, please,” you snap, handing him the bundle of clothing while trying not to look at him directly. You can’t help glancing at his muscular frame out of the corner of your eye. 

Good lord, it’s like he was chiseled from marble. Make that marble with a golden tan, and a patch of hair across his chest that you could run your nails through.

His lips curve with a cockier smile. You quickly look away.

Great. He caught you ogling for one tiny second. And with that moment of human weakness, all that strong talk you accomplished earlier had probably just withered away into nothing. Is he going to take that as an invitation to slide into bed with you tonight while you’re trying to sleep?

Yeeeah. Who the hell are you kidding? You’re going to tape your own eyes open if you have to, but you’re not dropping your guard around this guy. He doesn’t seem to actually want to hurt you. He wants to use you for convenience’s sake. But it doesn’t change the fact that he’s dangerous, hunted, arrogant as fuck, and weirdly horny for a guy who just threw himself off a building.

Subtly clearing your throat, you move past him to the living room. There you set up the couch for him to sleep on. He ventures back into the bathroom to get dressed, which gives you a small break. You’re mentally counting the seconds. 

He comes back somewhat fully dressed. The shirt is a bit small for him, as are the boxer shorts. 

“Christ, who did this belong to, a fucking eunuch?” Soldier Boy asks. “Tell me you’ve got a brother. Because if this was your boyfriend’s, then he wasn’t doing shit for you, sweetheart.”

You begin to blush on reflex, shooting him a steely glare. Those clothes did belong to your ex, but that’s none of his damn business. 

“As promised, here’s the couch,” you gesture to the neatly fitted sheets, blankets, and even a fluffy(ish) pillow you so generously laid out for him. “Again, I will be locking my bedroom door, and if you make even a step in that direction, prepare to get tased in the dick. It’s already set on the max setting.”

Soldier Boy smirks. You fail to see how what you’ve said is in any way funny. You’re definitely not laughing, but you do blink in surprise when he takes your hand and brings the back of it to his lips for a kiss. His beard briefly rasps against your skin. He looks down at you, meeting your eyes with his own. The green in them makes you falter. 

“Believe it or not, I appreciate the help,” he says, turning on the charm. “What’s your name, sweetheart?”

Your lips purse. Does he really think hitting you with that Brad Pitt tone of voice is going to work on you? He fucking kidnapped you, and not to mention, is currently holding you on house arrest.

“Oh, now you want to know my name? After conning me into being your Uber driver and your Airbnb in one?” You try to slip your hand out of his, but his grip tightens. He’s still smiling, amused by your struggle. 

“Come on, what’s your name?” he cajoles.

You sigh. Despite your better judgment, you give it to him begrudgingly.

"What's yours?" you ask, mostly drenched in sarcasm. Though a small part of you is...curious.

He stares back at you for a moment, something almost like surprise flicking through his gaze. His lips twitch at the corners, wry and humorless.

"Ben," he says, finally letting go of your hand.

“Okay, cool. So nice to meet you, uh, Ben," you reply, gesturing at his overall form. You still can't believe he's standing here like an iron lamppost in your living room. Are you about to step into the portal to Narnia now and continue this fever dream, or fall straight down to hell?

"All right, mind if I go now?" you say, crossing your arms as the snark escapes its cage. "I’ve had a bitch of a day and I need my beauty sleep."

Ben raises a brow.

Shit. You bite your lip.

Okay, you know you’re being a bit too hostile to a man who can all too easily snap you in half, but he’s got this way of pushing every single one of your buttons at once. Not in a good way. In the wish I could fucking scratch your eyes out kind of a way.

You're frankly lucky that Soldier Boy just seems amused by your attitude. Silly woman with her silly fits of belligerence.

His green-eyed gaze slides from the curve of your jean-clad thighs to your hips, over your breasts concealed by a red blouse, and finally up to your chin, your lips, your eyes. You can’t help the way your skin tingles at his scrutiny, even as you frown.

“From where I’m standing, sleep isn’t what you need,” he says. He somehow manages to sound both flattering and suggestive. 

Your face flares hotter, and your lips press tightly together.

“Sweet dreams, Soldier Boy,” you say, somewhat sarcastically as you head back to your room. You intend to grab your pajamas and take them with you into the bathroom. You’re going to have to bring your taser and lock yourself in there for a shower, even with the obvious safety hazard. What-fucking-ever at this point, as long as it keeps out Hungry Like the Wolf out there. But his reply makes you pause. 

He snorts. “Good night, sweetheart.” 

You turn to look at him over your shoulder. He spares you one final look, less arrogant and more taciturn, before he turns away and lowers himself down onto the couch.

You sigh, but you can’t help peeking around the corner at the supe sitting in your living room. His broad frame takes up the entire center of the little couch. You’re not all that sure he’s going to be comfortable there, since his long legs are definitely not going to fit across the loveseat, but he’s going to have to deal with it until tomorrow. 

You watch him rest his elbows above his knees and blow out a long, tired breath. He raises a hand to rub between his furrowed brows. For a long beat, he just stares vacantly at the floor between his knees. 

Then he leans back against the couch, crosses his arms, and closes his eyes. He seems…lost. Exhausted.

You wonder if he has anyone in his life worth getting back to. Anyone at all.

Shaking your head, you quietly make your way back to your room.

Ben finds himself watching you the next morning. He sits at the two-seater table while you putter about in the kitchen.

You’re cute, he has to admit, all sleepy and barely awake as you slide around in your fuzzy red slippers. A large Knicks shirt hangs off your body, exposing one smooth shoulder. Your sweatpants are overlarge as well, which only makes him think about the generous curves you’ve got hiding underneath. He took notice yesterday. You had a lot to work with under that little blouse, jeans, and chunky heels.   

Yesterday you were put together, even though you’d clearly had a rough time escaping the Tower. Today you've slunk out of your room with baggy pajamas, your hair a mess of curls running down your back. 

“Want a cafecito?” you ask.

Ben raises a brow. “If you mean coffee, then that’d be good. Something hot to eat would be even better.”

“First of all, this isn’t a bed and breakfast,” you say, turning to him with an edge to your voice. “Look, I’m exhausted. There’s a bakery down the street. I can pick something up.” 

As a matter of fact, your favorite Colombian bakery is right around the corner. You start thinking about all the pastries you’re going to treat yourself with, even though it does make you miss the Cuban bakeries back home. You would absolutely kill for an empanada with guava and cheese right now. 

Instead of cold-blooded murder, you set the tiny espresso cup of coffee in front of Ben. His face shifts to confusion and bewilderment. 

“I asked for a cup of coffee, black, not this baby doll tea set cup of coffee,” he says. 

“It’s a Cuban espresso,” you inform him. “And believe me, you don’t want it any bigger than that.”

Unless he just wants to spend the rest of the day on the toilet. Maybe he needs to clean out his system. 

“Just try it,” you encourage. “I think you’ll like it.” 

He eyes you with skepticism, but he takes a sip.

It’s sweet, but the rich, robust taste hits him between the eyes. His brows raise high.

“Okay,” he says with a growing smile. “I see what you mean.”

“See? Now you don’t gotta doubt me again,” you nod. He watches you pour one for yourself, stirring in a frankly alarming spoonful of sugar. 

“Where are you from, exactly?” he asks. 

You glance over at him, taking issue with the way he asks the question. 

“New York,” you respond tartly. You're really from Miami, but he doesn't need to know that.

He rolls his eyes. “You know what I mean. What are you, Mexican or something?”

You raise a brow, your lips pursing when he begins to smirk.  

“I do like me a juicy taco,” he says. 

His slutty grin is too much for you. Your hand tightens around your coffee cup.

“Okay, a lot to unpack there, Romeo, but no. Not all of us are Mexican!” 

“All right. Calm down, Chiquita. You should take it as a fucking compliment,” he says. He raises a brow at you. “You’re a real spicy one, aren’t you?”

You gape incredulously. “Excuse me?” 

Chiquita?! What the hell is that? Is he saying you look like a goddamn banana, or does he actually know a few words in Spanish? Is he actually calling you a little girl? And for the cherry on top, did he really just call you spicy?!

Either way, he’s about to get slapped across his pig-man mouth. 

“I’ve gotten with a few Latinas in my time,” he says as he leans back in his chair, crossing his arms as his thighs splay out a little wider in the sweatpants you let him borrow. “Always with that fuckin’ feisty little temper. But you know what, I got no problem with a hot tamale.” 

“Oooh.” The sound is pure and unadulterated FED UP. You down your espresso like a shot. You’re already contemplating another dose, because you don’t have the energy for this.

But you’re also reminded then, that this man came to fame in the 1940s. He was born, what, before the damn Dust Bowl and the Great Depression? He’s literally an ancient relic, a walking black and white billboard of tóxico, and he acts like one too. 

You fairly slam your ceramic cup on the dining table as you slide into the seat across from him. 

“Just so we don’t have any more conversations like this in the future, here it goes,” you say with a sharp sigh. “My mom is Cuban. My dad is black and Dominican. I’m as mixed as it gets, but I’m in no way spicy. If you’ve got me mad fucking tight right now, it’s because you clearly have no idea what decade you’re in.”

Your insult strikes a nerve, making his eyebrow twitch. Soon, however, his lips curve. 

“I’ve got you tight, huh?” he says, cocking his head. A lock of his hair falls roguishly across his brow. “Gotta say, wouldn’t be the first time I’ve had that effect on a woman.” 

You freeze, another hot blush burning in your cheeks. You can feel it making its way down your neck. “That’s…that’s not what you think it means.”

His lazy, arrogant, salacious smirk really makes you want to slap him, but you have a feeling that it’ll hurt you way more than it would hurt him. You get up from the table and ignore the loud scrape of the chair on tile.

“You know what? Forget it! I’m hungry. Don’t follow me.”

You go back to your room and lock the door behind you. You come back out a few minutes later dressed in what he thinks is your way of teasing him—in some ass-hugging jeans and a shirt that clings to your form. Ben watches you cross the room, smiling at the way you give him some narrowed side-eye while twisting your hair up into a wild ponytail. It’s a simple thing women do that’s always attracted him for some reason.

He also likes the shade of red you painted on your lips. 

“You are a feisty little thing,” he remarks, sipping his espresso. “Can’t say I mind.”

“Good. Stay here,” you hotly retort. Or better yet, get the FUCK out of my apartment.

You don’t say that last bit out loud, but he can read it loud and clear in your eyes, filled with that Latina fire. He remembers it all too well.

He grabs your wrist before you slip by him though. He hears the way your breath hitches, your gaze snapping down to meet his. You manage to hide most of your fear.

Maybe it makes some part of him twinge, deep down. You don’t know that he mostly finds you amusing. That he’d rather not hurt you, considering you don’t pose even one fraction of a threat to him. That like it or not, he needs to stay in your rathole apartment until he can figure out how to get out of the city unseen, let alone out of the country.

“You think I’m fucking stupid?” he asks.

You say nothing, but the look on your face tells him what you want to say. His eyes narrow.

“You’re not leaving,” he says.

“Well, I’m not cooking,” you counter. “There’s nothing to cook—”

“Order a damn delivery.”

“You know how expensive that is? Between delivery fee and tipping nowadays, Doordash charges a whole other meal on top of the meal! UberEats isn’t much better. Plus, none of the good places around here deliver like that. Not for breakfast at least. And anyway, I really need to go grocery shopping. What do you expect me to do, open a can of tuna and a jar of olives for breakfast?”

Ben’s not going to pretend he knows what the fuck you’re talking about, but his patience is running out.

“All right, enough. Give me your uh, your phone,” he demands. His tone gains an edge, a warning.

You expel an irritated huff, but you reach into your purse and all but slam it on the kitchen table. He takes it and examines it with some curiosity, but mostly, he retains his stoicism.

“I know for a fact you can get basically whatever you want on this fucking thing within half an hour,” he says. “Do what you need to do to get some grub over here, but you’re not leaving this fucking apartment until I say so."

He raises his brows and meets your eyes in a not so subtle warning.

"Just so you know, I've got a sharper ear than you think," he adds. "If you get stupid and try making a call for help, it's gonna be the last thing you fucking do. You understand me?”

Your teeth grind together, but ultimately, your sense of self-preservation reminds you not to poke the bear anymore. You force your anger and fear to dim to embers beneath your skin, and you nod in agreement. You then lower your gaze, waiting for him to let you go.

When he does, you slip away from him as soon as possible, taking your phone as you go.

For what it’s worth, you lock the bedroom door behind you. 

AN: Aaaand we're off! lol Did you expect him to basically force her into house arrest? 😅 We're gonna have some fun on this one, but there's also going to be a fair bit of action and slow-burn moments.~

Next Time:

You suddenly stand from the table, your chair scraping across the floor. You can tell the sound irritates his sharp ear as he glances up at you with a frown.

“You are a goddamn fugitive. You get that right?” you say, regarding him with an incredulous tilt of your head. “Now you’ve hooked me into this. I could get into serious shit because of you, and you don’t even seem to care! What…what kind of fucking superhero are you supposed to be?”

At the same time, you don’t know why this surprises you. Most of the supes you’ve met couldn't care less about the average person. The entire purpose of Vought’s Legal Department springs to mind.

Still, you thought America’s first supe ever—the one who supposedly fought in WWII, pounded Nazis up the ass, and represented the ideals this country was supposed to be founded on—might actually give a shit. Yet again, it stings to be proven wrong.

Ben’s expression had been verging on apathy, but now, he’s irritated and angry. He pushes back from the table and stands up to his full height. Even wearing your ex’s plain gray crew shirt and some threadbare sweatpants, the man’s frame is intimidating. He makes slow steps closer until he’s looming over you.

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[cavefilllingcorporation]

{The termination message to the ODSTs; The CFC is downsizing BONUS}

{So… I have some bad news. Really bad news. Long story short, there was an IRL thing today that kinda revealed something huge… I’ve been spending way too much time invested in the CFC and more specifically RP. I can’t continue with the RP, at least for future storylines. As much as I have tried, I cannot multitask with the RP, and RP takes up hours of my time, even in a single session. Heck, I have been a part of D&D games with sessions that are considered long, and yet most non-delivery interactions usually equal if not surpass those situations.

You see, the CFC was never supposed to be… this. It wasn’t supposed to take up as much of my life as it has. You see, the original goals of the CFC for me were simple. One, to force myself to write short stories, or at least character dialogue segments. That way I could practice my writing while I focused on other professional development, and eventually, I could walk away from the blog in some way to start professional writing. And second, to justify and vindicate the unique video game playstyle I like, where I do a boring grindy task while listening to a podcast or a YouTube video. I enjoy this when the content is right, so that is what I made. I did hope to gain a little traction on this site, mostly so that I could have people engage with the QnA to help things along and give me breathing room when I needed it, but that was about it.

Then the Anti-Project Plan came around. There was nothing wrong with the concept of the plan. I had started way too many large projects, so I needed to finish them before I could get to the normal stuff. However, thanks to an extremely inefficient oil processing system, I ran into a dry spell of content. There wasn’t much to write about, no real stories to facilitate, and I was getting desperate for an escape. That’s when I heard about the Chaosdivers, and decided that dipping my toes into the waters of RP and whatnot would be fine… it was not fine.

I like RPing, but I don’t like the consequences of it. I like the stories that are made in the moment, but I don’t like writing them in the blog that I have. They are some of the worst stories to write experience wise, to the point where I dread the idea of writing them, yet they also clog up the blog as I am desperate to catch up to present day (which isn’t going to happen until after April at this rate). I like the time that is spent in the moment, but I don’t like realizing how much of my time was used up after the fact. The hours spent RP could be used to create the CFC’s database, process materials, write other stories, etc. Worse, its not just free time that is being used up, as it is preventing things like reading, exercise, professional development, and more, as well as lessening the quality of things I should be prioritizing.

I don’t plan on abandoning the Vixie storyline, but I won’t continue it until Jay has recovered in lore. After that, I’ll take as much time as needed to come to a satisfying conclusion for the story arc… and then that will be it. No more drawn out storylines for the CFC, no more trips to any CFC lands and whatnot. I’m not even sure I want to continue the deliveries, least I fall into temptation of joining in again, something I desperately don’t want to have happen. So maybe Jay will get his wish of cutting ties with the CFC? Idk for sure.

[Lore_Chaplain], I’m sorry that you have to hear this. Moreover, I’m not sure what this means for his future employment in the CFC. It was reliant on the faction that I was going to make, and now that it’s going the way I think it is, I’m not going to have it as an RP community, if it exists at all. If it does exist, it will be a group of writers and gamer enjoying what they love. I’m struggling with the little time I RP here, how well will I do not only managing the entire RP section, but also creating and constantly updating a content bible for my original lore?

To [Jay] and the mods, thank you so much for RPing with me during this time and accepting my broken lore. I know I barged in with an OP faction, yet you tolerated it and helped me have fun with it all the same. And to everyone who I RPed with, thank you all for helping me have a fun time here. I know I can’t continue after the Vixie storyline is finished, but I am glad for the brief time that I had.}