#(setting The Subtext aside)

[normalbrothers]

TOMMY: The stag is to remember him. We eat and then we forget him.

No need to forgive him. Agreed?

[artemisiatridentata]

guys omg i posted my first ever fic on ao3 yesterday and people are being so nice!!! I've already got three sweet and thoughtful comments, almost 100 kudos and nearly 500 hits!! i'm pleasantly surprised :']

[asidian]

I've seen a lot of talk about how hell affected Edwin's pain tolerance, but not very much breaking down how it seems to have affected the way he manages emotion. So to that end, here we go:

Edwin Payne vs emotions (and how his no good very bad helltime messed with him something awful)

Dead Boy Detectives does a very good job early on of establishing the fact that Edwin is not particularly good with people. He's stilted, he's repressed, and though he can be incredibly kind to the people he cares about, he can also be quite abrasive, particularly to those he doesn't know well.

Time and time again, we see Charles step in to be the face man. Charles is the one to greet the clients, to take note of their names, to set them at ease. Charles is the one to support Crystal emotionally, and his interactions with Edwin seem to imply that he's done the same for Edwin, over the years. Charles has to remind Edwin to mind his bedside manner, and he explains to Crystal that Edwin forgets how to talk to people sometimes, because of how long he spent in hell.

In short, these boys compensate for each other's strengths and weaknesses in a lot of ways, and Charles is very much the one doing the emotional heavy lifting in this partnership.

And there's a reason for that, laid out in the text and subtext all throughout the show, and the narrative handles it brilliantly.

Edwin's actor does a fantastic job in expressing the character's reactions – or rather, lack of them. Because in the most shocking scenes throughout the show, Edwin often doesn't seem as horrified as the others in the face of events that ought to be horrific. In the Devlin house, he seems as though the murders scarcely affect him. When the jumper at the top of the lighthouse throws herself down, he's downright composed in comparison to everyone else.

And Edwin repeatedly shows or expresses that emotion makes him uncomfortable. When Crystal and Charles are fighting in episode five, he requests that they set their feelings aside until the case is finished. At the end of the episode, he says that the day has been entirely too full of emotions for his taste.

So, what is it specifically about emotion that bothers him so much?

In hell, emotion meant an awful, bloody death.

Panicking over potential incoming horrors? Nope, sorry, too loud. Dead again. Having a sobbing breakdown in a corner? Nope, sorry, too loud. Injured and trying to keep it down so it doesn't get worse? Nope, sorry, that's too loud, too.

Again and again, we see Edwin trying to tamp down on his emotions, but also, tellingly, trying to keep his emotions subdued and quiet.

When Charles finds him in hell, he's crying without making a single sound. When Esther starts to torture him in episode eight, he doesn't scream at first. He's trained himself out of making noise when something hurts or frightens him.

Of course he wants to set emotions aside until the case is done. He's spent seventy years learning what happens if you don't. You take care of business first. If, and only if, there's an after? That's when you let yourself feel.

Early on, when Edwin and Charles need to find the correct book but Edwin is unable to access their office due to the Cat King's bracelet, Edwin is upset. He's frustrated and out of sorts, blocked from making progress on the thing he knows he needs to be doing – hurting himself trying to get his arm through the mirror until Charles stops him. It's Charles who has to step in and help him calm down. It's Charles who has to remind him to breathe through what is very likely a panicked throwback to those times when if he could not solve his way out of a problem, it would very literally get him killed. In this scene, we get a brief glimpse of how Edwin looks when he starts to lose his grip on his rigid control.

And that's before we even get to these things:

Because as awful as the doll spider was, it wasn't the only thing skulking around the Doll House. Charles stumbles across misery wraiths when he goes to rescue Edwin from hell – and we know from the Devlin house episode that Edwin is extremely aware of what they do and how they operate. They were in his space, looking for despair to feed off during a time when he had it in spades.

Taken all together? It's an absolutely heartbreaking picture.

This boy seemed a little socially awkward before his death, from what we see of his time before hell. But afterward? He's had seventy long years of having to teach himself to regulate his own emotions, under pain of excruciating torture if he didn't do it well enough.

With an object lesson like that, over and over again, for literal decades, it's no wonder that Edwin has such a hard time navigating emotions and everything surrounding them.

[conclaveyaoi]

The Ashtray — Queer-coding and Intimacy Subtext between Aldo Bellini and Giulio Sabbadin

an analysis of the ashtray in Bellini's suite, the chess match in progress, shot compositions and adding my interpretation that Robert Harris uses queer-coded phrasing to imply an intimate connection between them beyond what we see on the surface.

Grab your tinfoil zucchetti. But not really. Jokes aside, I don’t want to “prove” anything, just to point out the potential significance of this and how it relates to the two characters in question. This is based on Robert Harris' phrasings in his book, classic queer-coding in literature, the long-lasting history of gay men in the Catholic church and shot composition analysis. My credentials are a summer course on film at NYU, former member of the chess club at school and being gay with an autistic brain.

This post was what made me notice the ashtray, credit to OP for pointing it out. I thought it was a cool detail. When editing a random clip, I noticed how the ashtray is then revealed to us in this scene. This is the first shot from the angle where we see Bellini sitting next to the chessboard and you can see Thomas is covering the rest of the table:

It is only when Thomas moves that we see the ashtray:

[this covering/uncovering technique is also seen when they all turn to look at Agnes in the cafeteria and Tedesco is blocking Benítez sitting in the back until he walks and we can see him]

We then get another angle of Bellini and the table and this shot includes the chair on the other side of the table that we also couldn’t see in the first shot:

Talking to my tiktok pal @tomwambsgansdarkglasses about this, I took a closer look at the chessboard and wondered: Did Bellini memorise and preserve the last chess match against his friend the late pope, keeping it there as a reminder? Has Bellini been playing chess against himself during the conclave? Why is the ashtray there and what does it represent? Does the chessboard represent the late pope/the papacy/Bellini’s inner turmoil? The table features quite a lot in this sequence (covered, uncovered, stared at by Bellini at one point, next to him in the wider shot and blurred in the end). Here’s a clip:

I. The chess match

I returned to the first scene where we see the last match against the late pope and I don’t think this is the same match preserved. There’s enough to assume this is a different match. Different pieces have been taken. Not to mention how impractical it would be to preserve the last match and take it with him for the conclave. Considering what Bellini says to Lawrence in the beginning, we can also assume the late pope was winning, playing with the white pieces and Bellini playing with the black pieces.

II. Is Bellini playing against himself?

It’s not uncommon for chess aficionados to play against themselves so that was my first assumption. Of course the ashtray may be just a meaningless addition by the set design, same as the extra chair and he was playing both sides. But if we assume the ashtray was put there for a reason, taking into account the table features in nearly every shot of the entire sequence, there’s a chance the implication is that he isn’t playing against himself. Another thing my pal pointed out was: Why would he be placing the pieces taken differently, some organised, the others dropped? And more, wouldn’t it be more practical to be placing the taken pieces on the side so he doesn’t have to reach for the other side of the table? Wouldn’t it be easier to remove the ashtray to get more space? The chessboard has already been introduced to us as an accessory associated with Bellini’s chess interest/his grief/friendship with the late pope/papacy. The chessboard could be on the table by itself and it would make no difference. There’s no need for the chair on the other side too. We can see this is a suite and a bigger room than Lawrence’s through other elements in this sequence. Why the ashtray?

III. The ashtray

Around 10 minutes before this scene takes place, we see Bellini, Lawrence and Sabbadin in the stairwells, where we see Sabbadin smoking. This is his fourth scene (auditorium, bus, breakfast, stairwells) and the first in which he’s smoking. So far we’d seen Bellini and Sabbadin often side by side and surrounded by others but never in an intimate setting just the two of them. To me this can be interpreted as a glimpse into all that we haven’t seen, those two characters being closer than what we had previously seen. There’s an ongoing match happening, perhaps started when the conclave began, perhaps because Bellini relaxes through playing. Where did they go after the auditorium? Where were they before knocking on Lawrence’s door before the stairwells? If they’ve been playing chess since the conclave began, they might have been in each other’s company, just the two of them, every night in Bellini’s suite. There’s intimacy in that. While we see it’s common for the cardinals to be visiting each other in their rooms for canvassing or socialising, this is a level beyond that once you consider Bellini’s queer-coding and the subtle implication of intimacy this brings, using their dynamic in the book as foundation. In a story about the Catholic church, widely known for having a gay subculture and being a common destination for gay men, it seems like an oversight not to make a single nod to homosexuality and queer-coding, in my view. This piece of visual subtext seems to mirror the queer-coded phrasing chosen by Robert Harris in the book to describe their dynamic and the characters, which we’ll revisit soon.

Moreover, if he’s been playing against Sabbadin, he’s playing with the white pieces and winning. Sabbadin, sitting on the side of the ashtray, is playing with the black pieces (emo “undertaker” core). Bellini’s taken pieces are all organised on his side. The few white pieces taken aren’t equally organised, some are dropped near the ashtray.

If the chessboard represents Bellini’s inner turmoil, the late pope, the papacy, the grief, wanting and not wanting, the ashtray represents Sabbadin and his intimate connection to the man himself and the papacy, since he has an interest in becoming Secretary of State in a potential Bellini papacy. The chessboard and the ashtray, side by side. The potential relationship between the two as an added factor in understanding both characters. When Bellini looks at the table, frustrated and not knowing what to do about the simony discovery and what this will mean for the election, he looks at the chessboard and the ashtray. Sabbadin’s point of view is one he has been taking into account throughout the entire narrative and stands next to his inner turmoil and his grief. We had seen that proximity but here we see a potential glimpse into exactly how close their relationship has been through some visual subtext of queerness and intimacy. Watching the film after having read the book, it seems like a visual way of adapting dialogue and descriptions from the book that didn’t make into the movie.

— Further queer-coding in the book (or why I interpret them as being together, in the book at least and don’t think that’s any reach)

I had pointed out before the moments between them in the book are more personal than professional. I like this one where Bellini snaps and brings up his father + first name:

And my favourite being the line that shows not only that Sabbadin has been to Bellini’s suite but also that he chooses to point this out to Lomeli when there was no reason to do so and he could have simply said “I have a suite” or “some of us have suites”:

The book also brings the information Bellini had been Archbishop of Milan before him and of course Sabbadin is introduced in the book as Bellini’s praetorian guard, which, again, is very unique wording:

And Harris doubles down on the description by making Lomeli say in the next page:

In conclusion, I just find this all very interesting and my intention is to explore this visual detail in the cinematography with my interpretation of the queer-coding of Bellini/Sabbadin as a couple in Harris’ book. Thanks to OP for pointing out the ashtray in the first place, thanks to @ tomwambsgansdarkglasses for going through this with me at 1am last night.

PS: If you think my tinfoil zucchetto is too big already, just wait till you find out that I went to sleep trying to discover what that blue led display in the right corner of the shot/on the other table in his suite is. A minibar/electric kettle/coffee maker that each cardinal has in their suites? I’ve checked the tutorial of Tremblay’s coffee machine and that one seems only his own. I’m trying to find the exact match. This is my idea of fun.

[coterieofroses]

scent of embers and amber

Declan O’hara x Reader

Summary: Declan gets a phone call from London, one that leaves him brooding. When his secretary happens upon him at home, she shows him just how far she would go to prove how much he means to her… in a way.

Warnings: 18+, angst, pet names, kissing, cheating(?), drinking, fingering, praise kink, sex

w/c: 2.7k

also on AO3

You had grown used to the smell of the man who seemed to occupy every moment of your waking life. Cigarettes and whiskey, permeate the air, seeping into the wool of his sweaters, and his suits. You knew when the bite of whiskey was stronger, things usually were worse with his wife. He knew that when he’d been researching a critical guest, a reek of tobacco would sit in the natural fibers of his clothes, sometimes even staining the sleeves. The antiseptic of his particular brand of aftershave even became familiar. Declan was a passionate man, and the rhythm of his artistic temperament was something you grew to dance easily around. And for that he was always generous and kind, working as his secretary was rewarding, if there was a world where you had no bills to pay, you may have worked for his praise alone.

It made sense when you followed him when he left Corinium. Knowing full well work might be hard to find again if he should fail. Then when Maud stepped out, following after where her own heart took her, you braced for the fallout. Knowing the coming days would be hard on a man who’d you’d had such a growing affection for. You tried to dismiss it as a schoolgirl crush, but there was so much more affection for this mentor, more than any fleeting feelings for past teachers.

You returned to the Priory late one night, a thick folder in hand, knowing he would be up. His office was the only illumination left in the vast residence. That and the porch light he always left on. You had wondered a few times if it was for you but never grew the courage to ask. Instead of knocking and waking the dog or Taggie, you quietly let yourself in the front door and made your way to his office. Your hand was raised to knock but the shattering of glass you heard caused you to abruptly stop, and pause. You could hear Declan on the other side of the door, a gentle, lightly intoxicated ‘Fuck’, leaving his lips before you pushed inside, and shut the door behind you.

A whiskey glass was in pieces on the floor, and the bottle on his desk was, rather thankfully, only half gone. He sat at his desk brushing the glass aside with his slippered foot. Without a word you approached, setting the folder on his desk. As you turned to move for the dustpan, Declan reached for your wrist. His firm holds causing you to turn and face him.

You’d been polite enough several times before not to look when he’d worked himself up like this. The flannel he wore was loose and had a few more undone buttons than was fit for the company. His undereyes were darkened with a lack of sleep. But he fixed you with the same kind, sad gaze he almost always did, despite his stupor.

“Why?” he asked you simply. His voice was a deep grunt.

“Why, what, Mr. O’hara?” you replied, your brow knitting together with confusion.

“Don’t call me that, you never call me that,” he grumbled softly, uncomfortable with your choice for propriety at this time. “Why bother with me? I’m sure you’d be better paid, better suited, with a better man. Maybe any other man. Probably in London,” he drawled, clarifying his question.

“I don’t want another man, Declan,” you sighed at him, and his hold on your wrist relaxed slightly. Seeming to cling to you for comfort loosely. You were telling the truth, your last boyfriend had broken up with you due to your dedication to the job. You’d hardly sought out another. You had even less ambition to abandon him for another boss.

“You’d be the only one,” he gruffed, ignoring the subtext of your words, or missing them, you couldn’t quite tell. “I got a phone call from London,” he offered. The frown you replied with letting him leave it at that. You knew it was Maud already. Knew it was attention from another man. As the silence lingered he sniffed and looked pointedly away toward the darkened windows that acted more like mirrors in the dim glow of the desk lamp in the room. His hand dropped limply from your wrist, falling to his knee. If you’d looked out the window, you’d notice he was looking at your reflection, standing close to his.

A gentle sigh left you as you lifted your hand. You hesitated a moment before placing it gently on one of his broad shoulders. “You’re good to me Declan. You deserve the loyalty you inspire,” you attempted to soothe him softly. Your words had struck an off chord, causing his jaw to clench and a disgruntled frown to form under his mustache.

“Loyalty,” he refrained, looking back at you with simmering anger. The kind you’d seen directed mostly at Rupert or Tony. Never you, the look alone made your skin crawl, your hand slip off his shoulder as you swallowed back any pride you had left.

“I’ll just leave that here, and come back another time…” you attempted hurriedly, all while Declan rose to his feet. Before you could scurry out, or even take a step back he’d let his fingers comb into your hair, grasping you perhaps not so gently by the nape of your neck and tilting your head to look up at him. Your eyes met his gaze that looked much more sober than you’d expected, and still far too intense.

“Have you thought how far you’d go for me? What you’d endure?” he questioned, hard, unreadable.

“I’d do anything you needed me to, Declan.” you attempted confidence, but it came out in more of a whisper. The answer seemed to make him let out a soft laugh, or perhaps a scoff.

“So I’d have to need it then?” he replied, clearly rhetorically. He let out a soft sigh, gently shaking his head from side to side.

“Anything you wanted, Declan,” you admitted softly in return, eyes wide and earnest. You felt the fingers in your hair tense, a soft pulling at the root that pulled a gasp from you.

“Shouldn’t say things like that,” he warned you softly, the anger in his gaze seeming to melt into something else. “Y’don't mean it,” he grumbled, mostly to himself before you attempted to shake your head in disagreement, leading to effectively only tugging your hair and loosening his grip.

“Of course I do,” you attempted, but further protests were silenced by Declan leaning in and pressing his lips to yours. Suddenly your senses were flooded with the taste of the scent you’d memorized. The taste of whiskey and tobacco on your tongue, mixed with the sharpness of the menthol in his aftershave. It made your head spin and give in to him. A culmination of thoughts you’d let wander far too many times. When your thoughts came back, your hands planted firmly on his chest, the coarse feeling of his flannel on your palms as you pushed him back.

“You’re drunk,” you offer softly, attempting to give him an out and let him decide it was a mistake he could forget.

“I’m not,” he replies bluntly, confirming what you knew, but letting you get away if you wanted. “Sorry, love,” he mumbled, beginning to part from you, detangling himself from his hold on you before you grasped his collar and pulled his lips back to yours.

When it hits him that you’re just as eager to kiss him back, he’s like a man possessed. Hands move to your waist as he holds you close for a moment, lips searching yours hungrily. The prickle of his unshaven cheeks chafed your skin slightly. He groans into your mouth before lifting you up and setting you to sit on the edge of his desk, using a forearm to shove more papers out of the way.

His haste causes him to break the kiss, and for a soft giggle to leave you. It’s clear he’s desperate for you. Once he’s satisfied, he gently cups your face, savoring looking down at you, his pupils blown wide with lust as you look up to him, lips slightly agape.

“Need you…” he admits softly, broken and wanting. When you nod it’s enough for him to rush to begin helping you undress.

“Take me then, Declan.” you encourage him as you slip your trousers down your legs, your panties along with them as you sit bare now on his desk’s surface. Your words elicit a feral growl from his throat as he nudges between your knees, spreading them slightly. A soft hiss when he gets sight of your slick petals.

“Pretty girl.” he coos the praise, aimed more at your cunt, than you, causing a blush to flood your cheeks. He traces his index and middle fingers on your lips until you open your mouth further, and then he wets them on your tongue. All until you wrap your lips around his thick fingers and suckle around him. Your eyes meet as he lets out a soft groan. “‘another time,” he grunts, a promise at your suckling before pulling his fingers free from your mouth and tracing them down your body to play along your slit. The heat and texture of his calloused fingers causes you to squirm involuntarily under his touch.

“It’s alright darlin’, just need to be good to you first,” he rumbles soft praise to you before stepping closer. You’re engulfed by him as he presses a soft kiss to the top of your head, fingers slipping through your folds to gently prod at your entrance, sinking slowly in. A soft growl leaves him when you give in and shift so your sensitive pearl brushes against his palm. Needy gasps leaving you as you press yourself harder against him, seeking the friction as he eases his fingers into you, filling you gently, starting to curve and work them into you in earnest.

“Always good to me, Declan,” you whined back, high and needy before you pressed your face into the crook of his neck, taking deep breaths, the scent of him filling your lungs and making your head swim. “So tight…” he grumbled in reply, continuing to lavish you with praise as your walls fluttered around his fingers, adjusting to their thickness. Your hands on his chest grasp onto him greedily, pawing at his shirt as you whimper into the meat of his shoulder.

“God, please Declan,” you began to beg. At first, he only answered with a groan of his own, fingers picking up their pace as his palm dragged against your clit.

“I know, I know, but I gotta get you ready first,” he replied, pleading with you. It seemed to go on deaf ears though, your nails digging into the cotton of his shirt and barely dulling the sharpness as you whimpered little aimless pleas as he worked you up until you began to sob out in pleasure. Noises of release were only muffled by his bulk as he used his free hand to gently stroke your hair. Your hips bucked against the hand buried into you. All the while he soothed you through your climax.

As you came down from your high Declan slowly pulled his fingers from your slick walls. He eased you to sit up as he put them to his lips, suckling your slick clean off them. Leaving you to gaze over his face, dazed with lust and the culmination of your tamped-down affections, your hand that’s been clawing at his chest drifted down to reach for the bulge tenting his trousers. Grasping at his hardened length, and getting a clear idea of the size of him, big, but more so thick. His insistence on warming you up is more than warranted.

A grunt left him as his hand fell from his mouth at your groping. “Not gonna be able to stay sweet about it if you keep that up,” he warned, thick and gravely. Hands come to rest at your hips and scoot you to the very edge of the desk.

“Don’t want you to,” you breathed, head still spinning. “-want you to take what you need,” you reminded him, kneading once more over his bulge as you sat up slightly to press kisses to his stubble-covered jaw.

You think you heard him curse under his breath at your continued pleading with him. It seemed your encouragement was enough to cause him to snap, unzipping his trousers and relieving his hard length from his boxers. Taking your chance your hand slid down his chest, popping the snaps of his flannel shirt to leave his broad, hairy chest bare to you, the garment loosely hanging over his shoulders.

He grasped the base of his cock, reddened and already leaking with evidence of arousal. Lining himself up with your entrance he let out a soft hiss as he bullied his way into your tight heat, your inner walls fluttering as they struggled to content with his size. Even considering his attempt to warm you up. By the time he bottomed out you’d been left breathless, your arms moving rest at the back of his neck as you held him close. Once fully seated he eased you back further onto his desk, taking each of your thighs in hand and pressing them back as you were laid open and exposed to him. It gave you just enough time for you to be able to catch a few shallow breaths before he took you in earnest.

He draws his hips back just to snap them back into yours, filling you somehow deeper than before. It rips a sharp gasp from you, a desperate whine breaking from your throat, you’d know if you weren’t so impossibly wet the stretch would sting.

“Bein’ such a good girl for me,” he praised, “Takin’ it so well, darling,” he continued between grunts, building up a brutal pace as his hips pumped into yours, any resolve to hold back or be gentle melting as he had you effectively pinned down on his desk.

You laid back, over the piles of papers and envelopes, ignoring them entirely as he leaned forward, pinning his hands down on the surface, and trapping you with your legs draped over his forearms. When you met his gaze you could barely see the warm brown of his eyes, too filled with lust as he dragged his length through you with every thrust. The whimpering moans that left you only spurring him on, every few pleasured whimpers being answered with a throaty grunt of his own pleasure, becoming more beast than man.

“I’m gonna,” you warned softly between wrecked-sounding moans, your voice broke and crackling as you neared another peak. “Don’t stop,” you begged, a broken whimper as you locked your arms around his neck.

Holding Declan close was hardly a struggle; he tucked his face into the crook of your neck and let out a growl into your skin as your walls fluttered around his length. Your thighs shivering with the intensity of the pleasure that overtook you, you were left gasping out, eyes rolling back as the searing heat overwhelmed you. Declan’s thrusts stuttered as you clamped down hard around him, his pace faltering as he hit his own peak. He attempted to lean back and pull out, but with you clamping down around him, and holding his face into your chest he spilled his release into your eager cunt.

“Shit,” he grunted in a mix of satisfaction and frustration under his breath, finally snapping from your daze enough to let go of your hold. He took his chance to lean back up, let you lower your legs, and pull out. His spend dripping out of your twitching walls in his wake.

“It’s okay,” you only offered softly in reply. “L-like it, even,” you admitted before using your forearms to prop yourself up slightly, and watch the maddened glint in Declan’s eyes only be fueled by your admission. A soft sigh left him before he leaned in and cupped your face, his thumbs running over your cheeks.

“Perfect, darlin’,” he practically cooed before pressing a soft kiss to your lips.

[seiwas]

two-part something (shouto x reader)

wc: 1.3k

contains: christmas, holiday parties, santa, mid-20's pro-hero!shouto x assistant!reader

full fic sequel: three-part honesty

a/n: just a lil writing exercise on shouto! first time writing him hehe

shouto’s late to his agency’s holiday party tonight. 

he breathes out, warmth floating as white puffs from his lips. the heating system on his office floor has been turned off, subtext directed solely to him: whoever’s here today, at this time, shouldn’t be.

his fingers move deftly around his waist, routinary—utility belt unbuckling as he reaches his desk. 

the venue for tonight is on one of the lower floors—a function room where briefings and press conferences are normally held. the number of attendees has grown compared to last year’s, sidekicks doubling and staff tripling; expected, given the agency’s projected growth next quarter. 

this is the agency’s third move since humble days in a rented studio unit (one shouto stubbornly and adamantly paid for fully, on his own), but one thing’s invariably stayed the same—

shouto’s office has always existed in its own space, whether tucked in a corner or spread out over an entire floor.

and wherever that space is, so are you. 

he settles in his seat, leather creaking as he twists to stretch his back. it’s been a long night, being dispatched earlier for an emergency downtown. his hand reaches for the folder on his desk, fingers swiping to release the yellow paper clip on the far left corner—evidence of your presence. 

since being hired as his assistant five years ago, you’ve devised a system for shouto that he now deems essential to keeping his entire agency afloat. his own urgency for paperwork hinges on the color of your paper clips (blue for next month, green for next week, yellow for tomorrow, and red for now).  

he should listen to you; the details of this evening’s take-down can be set aside for tomorrow—tomorrow, when everyone’s allowed to clock-in midday for the sake of tonight’s festivities. knowing you though, you’ll still show up early, if only to go over his desk, ensuring to swap that yellow paper clip for red. 

if he finishes this now, you won’t need to ensure anything; in all the years you’ve been his first and only assistant–a perfect match for how much of a workaholic he is–you might actually opt to sleep in for once. 

besides, it’s more productive if he gets it over with; crimes and mishaps never take breaks to party, after all—even during the holidays. 

that’s what he’ll tell you, at least. 

the party’s more for everyone else than him, anyway. 

he clicks his pen, letting out another puff of warm air as he spreads the document in front of him: 

page 1: basic information. identification details, time markers, a summary of the take-down. 

page 2: breakdown of events. scene-by-scene, additional comments, a two-beat knock on his door. 

then comes your voice, soft, unsure—

“sir?” 

—before you step inside, heels clicking against the natural stone finish of his office floor. 

he looks up, wide-eyed, piercing gray and blue. 

your gaze flits to the papers in front of him, eyebrows scrunching before you sigh. there’s an all-too-familiar smile on your face, a quiet chuckle brought about by how characteristic it is of him to be in this situation right now. 

“sir, that report is tagged yellow.” 

he shifts, looking at your paper clip; without a word, the leather of his seat crinkles again. it’s like this with shouto sometimes, you’ve come to learn: a non-response is a response on its own.

when his eyes meet yours, you shiver. 

goosebumps litter the sides of your arms, the decision to forego your blazer leaving yourself exposed to the chill of tonight’s office air. you try to hide it, but some things are impossible to keep from shouto. 

of course he notices your jaw quivering. 

“are you cold?” he stands up immediately, already moving halfway out from behind his desk.

“i’m okay, sir,” you stop him just as quickly, hands motioning for him to stay where he is.

two beats of silence find him tilting his head, gaze as intense as it’s always been pointed towards you. 

“shouto.”

“pardon, sir?” you step closer, leaning forward. 

“call me shouto.” 

the red fabric in your hand almost slips from your hold. 

this isn’t the first time shouto’s insisted on you using his name—he offered it up the moment he hired you, and the day you searched store after store for his thrifted leather chair during the agency’s second move; he’s suggested it plenty over the years, a casual reminder that it’s no big deal—if the world can call him shouto, so should you. 

pro-hero shouto, top three in the charts. 

pro-hero shouto, late to his agency’s holiday party because of paperwork—his tendency to be a workaholic. 

pro-hero shouto, asking you to call him shouto, but not in the way the world does. 

his eyes don’t leave yours as you blink, swallowing down your feelings (inappropriate, you tell yourself). 

“shouto.” you repeat. 

he nods slightly, a small, imperceptible lift to the corners of his lips. there’s an awkward pause as he looks down to the papers on his desk then up at you again.

“the party,” you clear your throat, smoothing out the fabric between your fingers, “you’re running late to your own party, si–shouto.” 

he tilts his head again, confused, “is this party not for everyone else?” 

you blink—he’s got you there. 

“i guess that’s true,” you sigh, chuckling. a pause, “that report is still yellow, though.” 

blue and gray land on white, bond papers spread out on his desk. he could argue with you, but where has that ever gotten him? you’ve kept him in check for years—it’s how he’s managed to stay on top of things. 

he looks down at his jumpsuit, the same shade of blue since he was 15. not much has changed with the design of his hero suit, just an overall sleeker design fit to match his age. the utility belt still exists, albeit more compact and less clunky; a similar modification was done to the straps that run down the sides of his chest. 

if anything, the biggest change is how the suit has molded around him—shoulders more defined, arms large enough for the fabric to cling onto it. shouto’s build has always been lean, but the areas of defined muscle stick out more evidently now that he’s older, much taller and wider.  

“i don’t have a costume.” he pouts.

you grin, stepping closer to his desk, hips digging into the edge. the red santa hat unfurls from your hands as you wave it in front of him—a perfect match to the shades of his hair. 

he blinks before you catch it, the slight curve of his lips as he leans forward, dipping his head low enough for you to reach the top of it. you tiptoe just a bit when you open up the hat to place it over his head.

you’re gentle with your touch, fingers running through the strands of his hair lightly; you tuck them neatly underneath the fluffy white rim of the santa hat. 

(it’s warmer near him, you notice—his quirk regulating a circumference of heat around himself that extends to you right now, you know. but you’re confident you’d still feel your own version of it–on your cheeks, down your neck–even if he weren’t). 

the hat sits perfectly atop his head, much like anything else that’s on him. when you lean back, moving away to take a better look, you notice it—

midnight blue, the backdrop on shouto’s floor-to-ceiling windows, littered with speckles of white—the first snowfall, and one you stand in awe of.

—gasping at the sight. 

you’re still so near when your eyes light up, zeroing in on the view behind him. you can’t help it, that smile on your face, bright and pretty, he thinks; it’s a short moment, but he feels it, a two-part ‘ba-dump’ that resounds in his heartbeat. 

a/n: they thrift the chair bc it's real leather so buying a new one is just no-no + he texts natsuo otw home after the party that he feels a bit funny! (it's just his feelings 😭)

comments, tags, and reblogs are greatly appreciated ♡

[drusill-a]

[WWDitS finale spoilers]

Aside from the obvious – the gross shipbaiting and mocking naive viewers who dared to believe an m/m dynamic could be treated as anything other than the butt of the joke – my biggest issue with the WWDitS finale is that it’s an ending that could have made sense… but at most after s2. Back then, we were still watching a story about characters who didn’t share any particular bonds (except for Nadja/Laszlo) and who were entirely static, unaffected by the things they experienced.

The thing is, the creators themselves realized you can’t build a long-running story on that formula – eventually, the characters had to evolve at least a little, and their relationships had to deepen so viewers would have any reason to root for them. And so Guillermo’s position in the group began to change – first, he earned their minimal respect, then a very solid place, until finally, in season 5, all the other characters had reached a point where they didn’t even hide that they genuinely cared about him a lot. The same happened with Colin, who at first was completely left out by the other housemates but gradually earned an equal spot in the group and developed that stupid yet sweet bond with Laszlo (erasing those memories was, imo, one of the writers’ biggest mistakes). Laszlo showed himself capable of empathy, which he proved again in s5 by helping Guillermo, and even Nadja, who used to completely disregard everyone’s feelings, had several moments in later seasons where she openly cared – at least in her own way –  about the others.

And of course, that’s how we got the romantic subtext between Guillermo and Nandor. Over all those seasons – from s3 up until s6 – I was certain it was a classic will they, won’t they dynamic that would end with them getting together. I just couldn’t believe the writers would spend the last 4 seasons making their relationship more equal and showing Nandor’s journey to realizing Guillermo genuinely mattered to him, only to do nothing with it – or worse, regress them back by three seasons. But the late s6 Nandor’s “no homo” attitude has very little in common with the Nandor from seasons 4 and 5, who was openly pining and lusting after Guillermo.

From Guillermo’s perspective, this ending is an absolute tragedy – even the end of the previous episode gave him much more hope. Maybe he’d lost his lifelong dream and still hadn’t found a new purpose, but he had found a family and a place in the world, with a potential chance to build something meaningful with Nandor in the future. I don’t understand why this episode had to undo all of that – to show us that none of his friends really listen to him, that the power dynamic with Nandor will always be uneven, and that ultimately he wasted 16 years, and no one would really care that much if he left. Considering how great Guillermo’s development was, especially in gaining confidence from s4 onward, this ending feels so unfair and insulting to his character.

I feel like the writers’ biggest mistakes have been forcing a return to the status quo after every season. After the breakup in s3, the characters should have stayed apart for at least an episode or two. Colin should have remembered that Laszlo raised him, and they should’ve kept their funny, fucked-up father-son relationship until the end of the show. Guillermo should’ve been a real vampire for at least a full season—or, in my opinion, permanently—because, as it turns out, the writers had absolutely no idea what to do with his character once he lost that goal. Relationships that had evolved shouldn’t be randomly reset by a couple of seasons just because the writers couldn’t be bothered to put in the effort to write anything new for them.

You can’t have your cake and eat it too – if the writers were so dead-set on giving us an  ending that says “nothing in these characters’ lives matters, and nothing will ever change,” they should have made the show half as long and spared viewers the trouble of getting invested in character and relationship arcs that ultimately went nowhere.

This is a comedy show that was supposed to make people feel better. After this finale, I feel mocked by the creators for believing that the queer ship they sold me for 4 seasons had a chance of being treated equally to an m/f ship. I’m also sad because the characters were regressed and left stuck in eternal limbo, and generally I feel ridiculed because the writers openly made fun of us for getting emotionally invested in the story they wrote for us.

And maybe the biggest crime of these last few episodes was that they weren’t even remotely funny—so you can’t even say they prioritized comedy over character development, because it failed on that front too.

[fangsforiris]

hello can you do this but with the sakamaki brothers please and thank you so much if you do 💙https://www.tumblr.com/fangsforiris/754832768603750400/mukami-jealousy-hcs?source=share

Sakamaki Brothers Jealousy HC’s

— — — — — — — — —

Shū:

• He wouldn’t be as outward with his jealousy, if anything it’d be subdued.

• But if he is jealous, you wouldn’t know it.

• If there’s one thing he’s good at, it’s feigning ignorance and placing a wall.

• Canonically in the HDB and MB Anthropology Manga, Shū gets jealous by stupid things, and is in a sense, comical with it.

• He wouldn’t get fussy like Kanato or Ayato.

• More so annoyed that he’s finding himself attached to someone at this level again.

• All of the boys have a certain level of possessiveness, so it’s not shocking if Shū displays his in lethargic and apathetic fashion.

• He values those close to him, so he wouldn’t want to give away what’s his so quickly. That’s where a lot of the motivation towards being jealous can come from.

Reiji:

• Definitely stern and set with it.

• He takes his jealousy seriously, and wouldn’t want to find himself jealous over anything ‘stupid’ or ‘over the top.’

• Reiji will 100% pull his S/O aside and confront them head on about what bothers him.

• Although, at times he can choose to let it linger, waiting for his S/O to figure out what’s bothering him themselves.

• Almost like a game if anything, all at his S/O’s expense.

• He has no problem with punishing his S/O and blaming them for any unwanted advances or attention being made at them.

• His jealousy is more so triggered by Shū and anything to do with him.

• It sends him into a bit of a frenzy, since it’s all linked to his underlying inferiority complex. Which results in his own diminution of his own talents, which can come off as borderline masochistic.

Ayato:

• You’d know right off the bat if this man was jealous.

• He makes no attempt at concealing his true feelings when it comes to his S/O.

• If he’s upset, don’t be shocked when he does take certain things into his own hands.

• That being, if his S/O is being flirted with in front of him, he has no problem with exhibiting violence to show he possesses someone.

• Ayato is all about possession, and is easily one of the most possessive characters.

• So if he thinks his placement is being threatened, he will react in earnest.

• His jealousy can border the lines of unhealthy and obsessive.

• He’d try his best to resist the urge of marking his prey to showcase his property, but at the end of the day, what good would it do if not even his prey can see the faults?

Kanato:

• Easily one of the most explosive individuals to come into contact with.

• You’re threatening his place in his S/O’s life? It’s like alarms and warning bells going off in his mind.

• Due to his extreme mental instability and heavily implied bipolar disorder, he will switch up instantly if Kanato feels attacked or under heavy scrutiny.

• He has no problem with playing pouty and creating a fuss to appeal towards the ‘lolita’ and ‘cutesy’ side he likes to portray to the outside world.

• But in private? He’s a blamer or victim blamer 100%

• He will pin it all on his S/O, even if the circumstances were unavoidable towards his S/O. Kanato does not care.

• He will get physical. As seen within his routes, he does have temperament issues.

• So even if he does subdue himself from having any physical reactions, his S/O is in no way getting out of the heavy verbal abuse coming their way.

Laito:

• Laito is known to put up a wall, almost like Shū, in terms of concealing his true feelings.

• If he’s jealous, it’ll be in the subtext that one would have to take out to fully understand him.

• Laito is someone who, when jealous, wouldn’t want to admit it.

• With his horrible track record with others, he has a slight fear towards true love and the feelings that come with it.

• So for him being jealous, it would subconsciously tear him apart more than his S/O, if anything. That is, if he was to pursue punishment.

• He’d be sure to make his usual perverse remarks, doing anything to not seek out of the ordinary.

• As seen within his routes, he can switch whenever, keeping the Player and Yui on their toes. Expect that for his S/O.

• He’d keep more of an eye on his S/O, lest he becomes left in the past of his own ghosts and worries. It’ll all come in a full circle with Laito, with whatever he does, he knows to expect it to come back at him. Almost like karma.

Subaru:

• Subaru is quite aggressive. Just as an individual and how he can come off at times with his reactions and over the top emotional moments.

• So he wouldn’t take to it kindly with being placed in a position where he’s to be the jealous one.

• There’s two ways it can go. Either he’s flustered and embarrassed about feeling this type of way for his S/O, or he’s viscerally upset at the notion.

• As an individual, it depends on the situation and if he were to get physical with the person/object that is creating this feeling of jealousy within him.

• He’d subconsciously resent himself for feeling these emotions.

• As if someone like him didn’t have the right to even love, much less feel the need to have ownership over someone who didn’t feel the same way back.

• If he’s questioned about it by his S/O, he’d either respond with anger directed towards them for allowing it, or simply shut off and ignore their complaints/queries.

• Subaru tries to be complicit, but with his internal inferiority complex and hatred towards himself, it acts as a conduit for his conflicting feelings.

[charcubed]

Doctor Odyssey thoughts after the penultimate episode!

Or more accurately... Doctor Odyssey "worst case scenario crash out" exploration of a sorts, with some thoughts I've been sitting on without sharing for a bit:

• I'm staying in line for ODY3 and hopefully renewal because I'm incredibly stubborn, but more importantly because I personally find it more fun/rewarding to have excitement and "hope" about the shows and storylines I enjoy until the (possibly bitter) end. I don't find it fun to make myself truly miserable preemptively when watching something.

• I don't think it's an accident that this finale storyline involves a "group wedding" in language even if we don't get to see it in practice (more on that later), and also that the ship's got double booking going on as they're overrun with passengers. I think the intent/setup for some possible throuple follow-through is deliberately all there and so close we can taste it.

• However. That being said:

�� We all have eyes and brains. I don't need to recount all the ways the throuple has felt like more of a love triangle and less like a throuple for several episodes, even since the absolute emotional peak and gorgeous cinema of Hot Tub Week seemingly put us back on track. Some of that was for episode reordering reasons, yes... but there hasn't been a ton of effort to course correct since, and overall in the back half of the season we also haven't gotten much Tristan/Max interactions either which has fucked with the characters' dynamics.

• Setting aside the boys' side of the triangle though: the bare minimum hope now is for Avery to choose them both, and for the boys' part to be either hinted at or developed in a second season. This is what we've been reduced to hoping for at this point with one episode to go, right? Manifesting it regardless.

• But!

• Look. Doctor Odyssey's been a miraculous gem of a show since day one that drew us all in because it had clarity of purpose about showcasing diversity in different kinds of people, love, and relationships, and because it was very obviously intended to have the thesis of a polyamorous slow burn love story. That is the show's premise and its point, and that's also the reason why it's felt like it's been floundering a bit as that point became decentralized. The reason why it's so miraculous that the show's been accomplishing all of what it's done so far is that it's on network fucking television. Network TV is infamous for the restrictions it operates under (the cast talked about this in interviews in regards to the threesome choreography a little) and the censorship of queer storylines that tends to befall it because of executive oversight.

• Censorship is why we have subtext and queercoding, and also why people's use of the word "queerbaiting" is nearly always bullshit that erases nuance and the acknowledgement of the constraints queer storytelling is often put under. But I digress.

• All this to say: this ain't my first rodeo. It likely isn't yours either. And there is, unfortunately, a non-zero possibility that – despite its miraculous existence – Doctor Odyssey as a show did not get to evade the crush of the censorship boot and network executive interference indefinitely. Especially after coming back from hiatus.

• That statement ^^^ stands on its own merit, because I think at this point it can be a hypothesis that holds up based on a lot of storyline and character dynamic shifting we've been seeing. It's not a wild thing to think.

• But here is where I also put my conspiracy hat on for a quick second, as a treat. Last episode, when we heard the Captain say to Max, "It got me thinking about the future and life after the Odyssey. Family. Love. But you just can't make someone else want the things that you want. So I’ve taken the next-best course: accept and surrender"... I was like, hmmm. What I'd LIKE for that to mean, in the style of unsubtle typical Doctor Odyssey foreshadowing, is an eventual "accept and surrender" to a throuple scenario. But in the moment, the dark second thing that occurred to me for its potential meaning was a worst case scenario option: that that line is potentially extra-narratively about having to accept and surrender to doing more of a love triangle than polyamory.

• Here's why: The Captain is the consistent mouthpiece of love and support for the OT3 in our show. I adore him. He is the captain of the ship, pun intended. "The three of you take care of each other. I like seeing that," for example. When Captain Massey speaks of what he wants for our trio, it's what we (and likely the creative team behind the story) want too. So him saying he couldn't make someone want what he wanted... It did make me wonder if it was a small warning.

• (Also worth noting that, in a semi-abrupt turn, this was about how the Captain just lost the baby he was so excited to have. The baby and life he accepted he was ready to move forward + embrace in the Hot Tub Week episode, which was also our peak ODY3 indication episode. Captain lost his baby... did we lose ODY3? And so on. He is also about to be removed from his position of authority as Captain in the final episode of the season, based on the promo; whether he'll be reinstated by the end of it remains to be seen, but of course I hope so from a character perspective as part of a happy-ish ending.)

• Yes, this all sounds bananas. But remember, the Captain's lines aside, my point here is that this is still network TV, and there is no end to the amount of things network executives can decide to turn around and stifle when it comes to queer stories.

• Part of this is because I'm still thinking about that Disney exec's quote about a possible Doctor Odyssey renewal. We've all seen it:

"I really love Doctor Odyssey, I think it’s a wildly inventive show, and we’re doing everything we can to support it. That decision ultimately lies with Ryan Murphy, whether Ryan wants to continue to do it, and he feels like there’s stories to tell that he feels confident in."

• I have quietly felt like this quote was some level of bullshit from the moment I read it lol. Again, this is all conjecture, BUT: there is a non-zero possibility that the execs gave Ryan Murphy an ultimatum about no longer doing polyamory, and since that's the premise of the show, he is stuck struggling to figure out where the show can go from here. Which is maybe why it's a decision (but not much of one) that the execs say Ryan Murphy has to make, which positions him as the bad guy who has to take the fallout from fans if he ostensibly ~just decides not to continue the story~ if renewal doesn't happen.

• So. With aaalllll that in mind, this is my Responsible Posting moment before the finale next week (and God I'm tired of having to write this type of post. But this ain't my first rodeo):

• If we do end on some fuckass "Avery chooses Max in the love triangle and Tristan's heart is broken" type of worst case scenario story, and especially if we don't get renewal after that, it will suck so fucking bad. SO bad. It'll be a tragedy after all the potential. In my stubbornness, even as I type this, I still have some level of belief that won't be the case and that even if we don't get explicit throuple we'll somehow get a secret third thing lol. But I'm preemptively holding up the Hot Tub Week episode (and these words from the director of it) and shaking it like a rag doll to remind everyone that that episode was crystal fucking clear and given to us as a gift that works as an optional "I've decided the story ends here" if we need it to be. That is not an accident, or queerbaiting, or whatever-the-fuck-else people will start calling it (and the threesome, and the multiple explicit poly relationships we got on network TV, and all the other queerness this show gave us) if this goes south. I'm saying this now in advance in case it ends up being needed: You aren't insane, this show wasn't stringing you along maliciously, what we did get was still beautiful, shit happens when it comes to network TV even in the big year of 2025, yes we can and will crash out but we can do so with nuance without blaming creatives who fight for the stories we love rather than the people above them who limit their work, Goddammit.

• And! And. If we do get a fuckass ending, I will personally also be perceiving and witnessing and pointing to whatever throuple crumbs we may get in between the fuckery. Because if NOTHING ELSE, I do have faith those crumbs will be there despite any bullshit. The creators of this show knew what they were making, and if they weren't allowed to make it properly anymore, then... it may be a situation where they did what they could, and so I'll be doing what I can to glean the hints at that.

• I hope this makes sense.

• TL;DR: if they leave the throuple behind for a love triangle "resolution" type of ending in the eleventh hour, remember how we got here and understand how we got here and know where to direct your ire.

• Thank you for coming to my TED talk. This was written out of caution and minor foreboding but hopefully it'll all become unnecessary.

• Now let's get this ODY3 + renewal anyway despite it all. Yes? Yes.

[donkeys-waffles]

Just as a warning to those that may be concerned, this is a Bakugo bashing post. If you love Bakugo as a character, then more power to you. He's my least favorite character across the board. And this is me venting my distaste for him, so be warned. Thank you :)

As I'm rewatching MHA, I've gotten to season 6 when Bakugo apologizes to Izuku. And there's something that really bothers me about it.

I feel like Bakugo had potential as a character. Like he really did, even though I don't like his character. I feel like there was potential for him to be an important figure in Izuku's development and growth. And the apology scene wasn't too bad for me. But I feel like it fell short in two major points.

Izuku rarely addresses and monologues about his own trauma/childhood. He expresses very little justified rage and the only real proof of the impact of his childhood lies within his body language and the subtext. His fear of Bakugo, borderline suicidal hero complex, every single scar on his body from overworking himself, constantly undervaluing himself and his efforts/improvements, and much more.

And the last point is Bakugo, I can understand wanting to keep core aspects of his character, but he has to change a little more to have it be considered character growth. The reason he bullied Izuku is because he felt that when Izuku reached out to him, Izuku viewed him as weak (delusional but go off. Literally harassed and assaulted someone for a decade because they tried to help you up when you fell.) His entire character arch was centered around the idea of not just winning, but also saving. He was supposed to understand the importance of both. But not only that, he was supposed understand and accept that help is needed, and you can't always win. I mean, if Izuku were to help him in a pinch now he needs to learn to set aside his arrogance, pride, and inferiority complex to accept help, and not explode into an overgrown toddler because he lost. With learning the importance of saving, he's supposed to not center his ENTIRE objective around strength and being the best all the time. And this could be done, while also still keeping his character true to himself. I always hear about his character development as a reason to like Bakugo, which... I don't completely agree. The only two changes are he doesn't physically attack people (Izuku) and doesn't call him Deku anymore, which GOOD I would hope that'd at least change. But his focus is still completely centered around winning. He says as much after the apology, in the baths, he's still fighting Izuku to become number 1. And that's not a bad thing entirely. I understand that's his character, what I want to see change is how he handles losing, how he handles not being the best and failing especially to Izuku. And what I get is an OVA with Bakugo having a temper tantrum because of a tie with Izuku, he used his quirk and was screaming about it too. It doesn't help that every chance he gets he talks about winning and out-besting Izuku in something, even with his fight with AFO he talks about it. Like he doesn't care that AFO is finally dead, and he saved the world, doesn't even offer a small sense of relief that he helped a lot of people, no, he beat Izuku and is clearly better and that's all that matters.

It's just, that entire mentality is what caused Izuku his problems, this mentality caused Bakugo to abuse him for a decade. I feel like the apology could've been done better, but it was just added to give Bakugo good boy points and then completely brushed aside. He's changed in some ways, but he hasn't changed enough to warrant forgiveness. Not when his competitiveness is still seen as somewhat mean spirited. Even when he found out about Izuku losing OFA, I just sat as he cried and thought "WOW, if I had my childhood bully that abused me for a decade for being quirkless, cried because I was quirkless again and couldn't compete with them anymore. I'd punch them so hard in the face." Like the audacity. Excuse me, I'm the one lying broken and battered in this hospital bed, with my dreams crushed again, and YOU'RE crying because you can't have an opponent for being the number 1 hero.

It's like Izuku is never seen as a person to Bakugo for most of the show, just something to kick aside, something to squash so he doesn't have to face his own inadequacy, and now just something to beat. Something with a power strong enough to rival the great Bakugo. And I feel like the narrative is trying to push that they were fighting for this dream together, since childhood up until this point in canon. That the bullying never happened, like that whole decade didn't exist. They do this through the scene of Bakugo crying and the All Might cards, but like how can you forget the last 5 seasons of the show and what 300+ chapters of Bakugo doing his upmost to crush Izuku under his boot. They most definitely DID NOT fight for that goal together their whole childhood, Bakugo has been crushing that boy's dreams of being a hero for years, instilling in him deep rooted self-hatred and a fat imposter syndrome.

[chaehwa-archives]

friendly rivalry deep dive part 18

Episode 8 is the climax of the first half of Friendly Rivalry, and it feels different from every episode that’s come before. The main characters have been established, and for the first time they’re all gathered in the same place. All the pieces are on the game board.

Our main girls, Jae-yi and Seul-gi, have gone through a whole arc together. After enduring betrayal and heartbreak, they’ve reached a tentative reconciliation. For a few magical hours, Seul-gi sets aside her doubts and reservations, and enjoys the romantic night of her dreams.

At least until she loses her dad’s phone and gets stabbed by a drug addict. Life at Chaehwa sure is a rollercoaster.

I’ve been struggling with how to approach this one. Episode 8 is one of the most iconic in the whole series, and it’s truly a masterpiece of efficiency. How can one episode have more fluff than all the previous episodes combined, and also have the most labyrinthine plot so far? How do they pack so much into thirty minutes? Did the writers sell their souls to Gay Satan?

Well, first, let’s talk about that. I briefly mentioned the queerbaiting debate in my discussion of the Episode 4 dream kiss, and now that we’ve arrived at one of the gayest episodes, I fear it’s time to put on the hazmat suit and wade into the discourse once again.

I’m sympathetic to viewers who go into Friendly Rivalry expecting a GL romance and end up feeling betrayed. It’s true that FR doesn't check every single box if that’s what you’re looking for. There’s no direct verbal confession, no kiss outside of Seul-gi's dream. If you need someone to say “I love you” to consider a relationship canon, you’re going to be disappointed.

But...media literacy y’all. It matters. Friendly Rivalry is a story about hidden motives and buried desires. The characters are emotionally damaged and repressed teenagers. And from the beginning, FR has used symbolism and subtext to express emotional states. This show is begging you to look past the surface and engage on a deeper level.

And yet...when it comes to Jae-yi and Seul-gi’s feelings for each other, Friendly Rivalry does not ask you to work so hard. It’s pretty damn direct! *Crucial plot information* is often conveyed with ten times more subtlety. The only way this episode could be any more romantically coded is, again, if there were a kiss or confession, but that wouldn’t make sense for Jae-yi or Seul-gi at this point.

It’s worth asking: If FR revolved around a het pairing, would there really be any doubt that these characters are in love?

I can still see how someone might view this as bait, though, if the story were about something else. If after this episode Jae-yi and Seul-gi’s relationship were sidelined and never mattered again, I would be upset. And that does threaten to happen for a while, so I can understand some frustration if you’re only here for the gay shit.

But the ending clarifies what FR is about—and the ending also isn’t very subtle about it imo. Friendly Rivalry is about Jae-yi and Seul-gi and their love for each other. Without that, there’s no story.

And that’s ignoring cultural context, because I’m not an expert on the K-drama industry, so I don’t know what restrictions the creators were working within. Personally, whether it’s due to cultural pressures or artistic choice, I kind of like that Jae-yi and Seul-gi don’t just say “I love you.” That would be waaay too basic for these freaks.

Final word on the subject: I know why people want “confirmation” and why they can get turned off by ambiguity in queer stories. They want to know that the creators are actually on their side and not just toying with them for money. But Friendly Rivalry does not scream “cynical cash grab” to me. The director spent years working on the script, it was filmed on a small budget without sponsorships, and at first it only aired on a minor streaming platform. I mean Hye-ri bought her own costumes with her own damn money! No one involved in this project thought it might end up on Netflix one day. Queerbaiting makes art worse because it’s lazy and safe. “Safe” isn’t a word I would ever use to describe Friendly Rivalry.

We don’t expect every straight romance to be a romcom. I don’t want to live in a world where every queer story has to conform to the same standard to be considered “real.” True love is weird. It’s personal. It can be complex and even ambiguous. It’s not always “I love you.” Sometimes it’s “I’ve been imagining your death a lot lately.”

Sorry for the rant. Let’s pick up where we left off.

After her rendezvous with Jae-yi on the rooftop, Seul-gi is sedated for an endoscopy and has a dream. This is the first dream sequence since the kiss in Episode 4. That dream established how Seul-gi was feeling about Jae-yi about the time: ...horny. She was just beginning to process her attraction, fantasizing about Jae-yi coming onto her in a context that was both safe and thrilling.

The tone of this dream is different. On the beach where she was abandoned, Seul-gi’s father is searching for her, passing out flyers. Seul-gi calls to him again and again, but he doesn’t hear her. No one does. The tide rises, and water soaks her feet. Even so, she’s unable to move.

Then Jae-yi appears and offers her hand. Together they walk away from the beach, through the woods, as the princess dress is carried off by the waves.

Not only is this Seul-gi’s first dream since Episode 4, that was also the last time we saw her as a child. In that episode, Seul-gi told the story of her abandonment, and Jae-yi pretended to sympathize. But her false sympathy couldn’t bring true healing.

Conversely, in Episode 2, we saw how Jae-yi’s outstretched hand was able to transcend time, space, and her own scheming. Without realizing it, her gesture extended all the way to that girl abandoned by her bullies on the roof and offered hope: You aren’t alone up here. I see you.

The second time Jae-yi offers her hand on a roof, in Episode 7, it has even greater weight. This time, her sympathy is real, and she doesn’t just feel bad, she does something about it. She gets down off the wall, lifts Seul-gi up, and confesses her feelings and intentions.

When she reaches out the second time, Jae-yi removes her armor first. This gesture says more than I can see you. It says I’m willing to sacrifice for you. I’m willing *to be seen.* And this gesture reaches all the way to the root of Seul-gi’s trauma, to the girl still crying for her father on the beach.

Letting go of trauma is never easy. It becomes a part of you. The princess dress has defined Seul-gi’s life since her abandonment. She’s always been the outcast, the unloved girl people ignore or despise. Without that wound, who is she? If she leaves the beach, where will she go?

The shirt Seul-gi wears in her dream is simple and white. She’s a blank slate. She glances back wistfully at the part of herself she’s leaving behind. But with Jae-yi there, holding her hand, the woods aren’t so scary. Wherever Jae-yi is going, she wants to go, too.

If the first dream was there to confirm Seul-gi’s physical attraction, this dream confirms that Seul-gi is horny for true love. Even in her most private and sensitive memories, Jae-yi is there—and Seul-gi would rather leave everything she knows behind than be separated from her.

Compared to the first half, the second half of Friendly Rivalry is a lot more plot-driven, and that trend starts with Episode 8. This episode has *so* much going on in it. I don’t want these posts to turn into long tedious summaries, so I might have to get more creative in how I approach writing them.

But here’s the speedrun: Jae-yi wakes up after the endoscopy and spies Ye-ri sneaking away to the lockers with Seul-gi’s locker key. Later that night, while everyone is gathered at the school for the big post-midterms festival, Jae-yi figures out with A-ra’s assistance that Ye-ri, working for Tae-joon, has stolen Woo Do-hyeok’s phone. Jae-yi locates the phone while it’s charging and unlocks it using the date of Seul-gi’s disappearance as the passcode. She finds threatening texts from her father, and a very upsetting video of her sister, Je-na, in a sexual situation with Seul-gi’s dad.

Then she bumps into Je-na herself in the flesh.

Meanwhile Beom-su is having the worst night ever. Being knocked out of the top twenty has done a number on her mental health, and she gets more disoriented after chugging a drug cocktail that A-ra sells her off the books. Ye-ri entices Beom-su into helping her find a charger for Do-hyeok’s phone, promising her a turn in the blind date booth in exchange, but when Beom-su actually does what she asks, Ye-ri (who has lost the phone she wanted to charge thanks to Jae-yi) lashes out in frustration. Beom-su’s resentment builds as her grip on reality weakens. Finally she takes out her rage on Seul-gi by stabbing her in the arm with a kitchen knife.

Gyeong is also here! First she’s trying to study like a big nerd, then she has a run-in with Tae-joon, who’s at the festival to work a food stall, then she goes on an awkward blind date with a drug dealer. The dealer, Byeong-jin, is here to uhhhh sell fentanyl to high schoolers? And harass Seul-gi I guess. (Bro get a life. You look 27 years old.) Gyeong tracks down Seul-gi to talk to her about Tae-joon, and maybe why an adult man passing out transdermal patches to teenagers is looking for her, but they both get sidetracked when Seul-gi realizes her dad’s phone is missing. Gyeong suspects that Jae-yi stole it.

Let’s pause to pay tribute once again to Oh Woo-ri’s phenomenal acting. Her awkward gestures, her facial expressions, the stiff way she walks...she truly embodies Gyeong down to the finest detail.

And of course Je-na is here, too, posing as a visiting student from Hoegyeong High School. This is the first time we’ve seen her outside of flashbacks and photographs. I’m not 100% sure I know what she’s doing at the school tbh—does she think the phone is here? It seems pretty clear now that she’s the one calling it. Or is there something else she might be after in the C-Med room?

I’m skipping lots of details, but those are the broad strokes.

Mostly I want to focus on Jae-yi and Seul-gi in this post, because they are my Roman Empire, but I also want to talk a little about Ye-ri. She’s always been a morally gray figure (okay, to be fair, everyone in this show except Tae-joon aka the devil incarnate is morally gray) but she has a sweet side—she would never be mean to Gyeong, not even for a bazillion won. In Episode 8 though we see her at her worst, being downright vicious to a girl who clearly needs help.

At first I thought it was a little out of character for her to be this cruel to Beom-su. Then I thought about the circumstances. It’s the school festival—everyone is here. Even if Ye-ri weren’t stressed about trying to extort a powerful and dangerous man for money, she would be on edge. Ye-ri depends on her image for security. In social situations, she’s in survival mode. If she were alone with Beom-su, in a different setting, her good heart might prevail, but here, where she could be seen by anyone? Maintaining her image is top priority. And Beom-su is poison to that image. To be caught hanging out with—or worse, being nice to—the paranoid druggie kid is social suicide.

Notice the way Ye-ri transforms around Gyeong. Gyeong is also an awkward loser—but because she has high social status in the class, Ye-ri doesn’t care at all! I mean, she’s also truly madly deeply in love with Gyeong, so she probably just thinks Gyeong’s dorkiness is cute. By the way, note the colors of the big heart behind Ye-ri on the blind dating booth...green, Gyeong’s color...and pink?? Shippers you have been vindicated.

Okay...it is time. My babies...oh my sweet babies.

On my old blog (rip) I started developing a Grand Unified Theory of Fluff—why sometimes I love it, and other times...I do not (*cough* theloyalpin *cough*). Episode 8 is my platonic ideal. It’s not just a textbook example—it is the Sistine Chapel, the Complete Works of Shakespeare, the Holy Grail of fluff. It is giving us exactly what we want, and it’s almost unbearably cute, but it is always serving the characters and story. Jae-yi and Seul-gi share about six minutes of screentime in this episode altogether, but those six minutes have more impact than the literal hours Pam and Dokrak spend feeding each other in Us. (Okay it’s probably not hours but…)

First of all, it’s just so cathartic. We’ve wanted this for Jae-yi and Seul-gi since the first episode, and you can tell they’ve wanted it for nearly as long. Finally they can relax around each other. Finally they can enjoy each other’s company. Finally they can act like the kids they were never allowed to be growing up.

If these scenes were just about the euphoria of having fun with your crush while recapturing your lost innocence together, that would be enough. I would eat that shit right up. But this wouldn’t be Friendly Rivalry without at least a dozen more layers of emotional complexity on top.

There’s a subtle tension in Jae-yi and Seul-gi’s interactions from the beginning. Look at Jae-yi’s face when she first finds Seul-gi at the festival. She’s not smiling. Her expression is somewhere between concern and determination. She’s worried but driven.

Jae-yi isn’t relaxed at all—she’s on high alert. She knows that Ye-ri is up to something, and that whatever she’s up to has something to do with Seul-gi. The concern in her eyes is for Seul-gi’s safety. But she’s determined to prove (to Seul-gi and to herself) that she wasn’t just messing with Seul-gi’s heart again when she promised to protect her. She wants her girl to have fun tonight. And she’s made it her mission to give this night to Seul-gi as a gift—even if it means keeping her ignorant.

For Seul-gi’s sake, Jae-yi plays another role. She pretends to be silly and carefree so that Seul-gi can be.

But somewhere along the way, the line between performance and reality starts to blur. Jae-yi gets swept up in her own act. She starts to have fun in spite of herself.

In the past we’ve seen how Jae-yi fools herself into thinking she’s in complete control, while in fact it’s Seul-gi pulling her along, making her do things she’d never do otherwise. Most recently we saw this pattern in the Episode 7 rooftop scene. Jae-yi thinks she’s “won” with her sneaky pee scheme—but it’s Seul-gi tugging on her heartstrings, and her love for Seul-gi, that pull her back from the brink of despair.

Now Jae-yi has cast herself in the role of Seul-gi’s protector. She thinks she’s taking control of the situation to ensure that Seul-gi has the time of her life. But little does she know it’s Seul-gi who’s making her forget all her fears, and allowing her, for maybe for the first time in her life, to feel free.

It is so sweet y’all. I’m sobbing rn.

These dynamics are maybe easiest to see in the scene at the food stand, when Tae-joon interrupts their date to mansplain about the health risks of I DONT FUCKING CARE YOU ASSHOLE GO AWAY, LET THEM ENJOY THEIR DATE GODDAMN IT, IF YOU TOUCH A HAIR ON SEUL-GI’S HEAD MOTHERFUCKER I SWEAR TO GOD—

Um. Sorry!

The moment Seul-gi mentions that she wants to eat, Jae-yi glances over at the stand where her father is working. She’s clearly worried and doesn’t want to go. But her woman is hungry. She has no choice. (Notice it’s Seul-gi taking the lead, and Jae-yi following.) Then, when Jae-yi is introducing Seul-gi to Gyeong’s mother, something really interesting happens. Jae-yi takes Seul-gi suddenly by the arm, grinning from ear to ear.

She knows Tae-joon is right there. She knows he’s watching her. He’s always watching her.

Is she deliberately provoking him? Is she telling him stay away, she’s mine? These are things Jae-yi has done before—neither would be out of character for her. But when she steals a glance back at her dad, her expression is strangely distant and reflective.

...I think she just forgot.

For a moment, she was too happy to worry about what her dad would think. She stopped calculating her every movement, and just...did what she wanted to do! Which was touch Seul-gi of couse. (When is that ever not what Jae-yi wants to do.)

It’s interesting that Jae-yi learned fear from her father, a man who is seemingly incapable of fear. Any assault on his power he responds to with a cocky little smirk (an expression we’ve seen Jae-yi wear many times now), as if no threat is worth taking seriously.

But this is a facade just like Jae-yi’s—one he’s spent his whole life perfecting. Behind that smug punchable mask, fear is probably the one emotion that he does feel.

And nothing—nothing in the entire world—makes Tae-joon more terrified than seeing his daughter happy and beyond his control.

This bitch can’t help himself. He has to reassert his dominance. He puts on his authoritative “health expert” persona and starts droning on about phosphates, trying to seize control the way he usually does, by pretending to care about his daughter’s wellbeing. He’s probably done this to Jae-yi a thousand times.

But Seul-gi does not give a fuck. She just ignores his ass! And when he keeps pushing, she pushes back. She says no, you can’t control this situation, or your daughter, or life itself—so fuck off. Your diet advice is not needed. And now that she strongly suspects him of being involved in her father’s death, she even taunts him about it.

Seul-gi, you are a treasure. Jae-yi, never let this girl go.

As Jae-yi opens up more and more, we’re watching her relationship with Seul-gi transform into something more and more reciprocal. Back in Episode 3, Seul-gi confessed to being envious of Jae-yi, who seemed to have everything in the world. But Jae-yi has as much reason or more to be envious of Seul-gi. Seul-gi grew up alone and forged her identity in isolation. She learned early not to care what other people think. Because of that, she has no pretensions. She isn’t trying to seem cool or earn anyone’s favor. Everything she does, she does for herself.

Jae-yi has never been able to live like that. She’s always been at the center of attention, performing for a crowd. And she’s had to define herself in opposition to the people around her—in opposition to her sister first, and then to anyone else who could be a threat. Jae-yi is all pretense. She’s been acting for so long, she’s forgotten how to just be.

In Seul-gi’s dream at the start of this episode, we saw Jae-yi give her the courage to start moving on from her past. Now their roles have reversed. Because Seul-gi is there, Jae-yi has the courage to ignore her father’s gaze, even when he’s standing right there in front of her. Seul-gi gives her the strength to act for herself, without worrying about what other people will think of her.

They are so perfect for each other. I know they’re still in high school but just let them get married already. Please.

I keep thinking to myself, “oh that’s just a cute lil fluff scene, I can’t have that much to say about it,” and then I end up having so much to say about it. Take the ball pit scene. At first, my reaction was simply no thoughts head empty just let them kisisskss already omg. But even this fluffiest of fluff scenes has hidden depths.

We’ve seen a few callbacks to Episode 4 already. The ball pit scene made me think not only of Seul-gi’s dream in Episode 4, but also of Jae-yi’s scuba diving trip story. Remember when Jae-yi tells Seul-gi she felt relaxed under the water, and Seul-gi says, “Like being in your mom’s belly before you were born?”

The ball pit is our symbolic body of water. You could replace it with a pool and this would just be the romantic gaze-into-each-other’s eyes pool scene from dozens of movies. But ball pits are also something we associate with childhood. Playing in a ball pit isn’t something you usually do as an adult, or as a teenager. If you’re self-conscious, it could even be a little embarrassing.

Jae-yi and Seul-gi were both forced to grow up too fast, and for both of them, the past represents comfort, a time before trauma altered their lives. If only Seul-gi could go back to when her parents were still alive, before she was abandoned...If only Jae-yi could go back to a time before she distanced herself from her sister, or even further, back to before she was cursed with consciousness.

The ball pit isn’t real water. It’s one of the most unreal-looking sets in FR—an ice-cream-colored soft pastel dream world. It’s the stage for a fantasy. Jae-yi and Seul-gi can’t really go back in time, but in this alternate reality, they can pretend for a little while.

In some ways this ball pit scene is like the bathtub fantasy come to life. Jae-yi is taking the lead, putting moves on Seul-gi, giving our poor girl a gay panic attack. (I love how you can just *see* her entire interior monologue in her eyes like oh shit oh god is this happening can this really be happening i think it’s happening oh fuck she’s so cute what the fuck i can’t breathe i think i’m dying help?) But the irl version is different from the dream. In her dream Seul-gi had Jae-yi play the role of the confident, dominant, mature one. That Jae-yi wasn’t vulnerable at all, because she wasn’t real.

When this Jae-yi takes the lead, she puts herself in the vulnerable position first. She jumps into the ball pit and beckons Seul-gi: Come on, let’s be stupid and act like little kids! Without Seul-gi’s influence, there’s no way Jae-yi could be this unselfconscious. It’s a two-way fantasy now, one they’re creating together. And for a moment the world fades away and it’s just the two of them. They can’t turn back the clock, but they can almost make time stand still.

Unfortunately they are in a very public place, in a very conservative country, and they are just now starting to feel comfortable enough around each other to start exploring these feelings. It’s not the right time or place for an actual kiss. But you know they both want it.

This scene is also important for GL scholars investigating the most urgent questions of our day, like: When Jae-yi and Seul-gi meet up again post-Episode 16, who’s going to make the first move? (I think Jae-yi will be the first to go in for the kiss, but she’ll panic and start second-guessing if Seul-gi wants it or not, and Seul-gi will have to lean in the rest of the way.)

Okay I swear to god I am almost finished. (This post got sooo much longer than I intended it to be.) The scene after the ball pit is another of my favorites, mostly because SEUL-GI HOW TF ARE YOU SO CUUTE, YOUR SMILE WILL BE THE END OF ME. But no, once again, there’s actually a lot going on here! Look at the way they sit side by side on the bench, Seul-gi sprawled out like she’s hammered out of her mind, missing one sock, while Jae-yi sits prim and proper. Jae-yi takes off her cat ears, too, because the cat ears were her costume, something she wore to help get into the spirit of the role.

She’s thinking, Mission accomplished, my work here is done. Seul-gi had fun! She did it!!

Jae-yi offers to buy Seul-gi new socks, because of course she does. She is slipping out of one role and back into a more familiar one, the Jae-yi who showers the object of her affection with gifts. (Seul-gi is still wearing that scarf btw. She’d probably have ended up wearing it for like a month straight if not for the whole getting stabbed thing.) But before she can go, Seul-gi reaches out and grabs her wrist...

And Jae-yi stops.

The last time this happened, in Episode 6, Jae-yi slipped out of Seul-gi’s grasp, wearing one of those Tae-joon-certified smirks. This time she doesn’t even try to wriggle away. She’s letting someone touch her—and look at her face. She’s stunned.

Is she stunned just because Seul-gi touched her?

Or is it because......she likes it?!

A realization has been dawning slowly on Jae-yi all night long. I don’t know if she’s quite figured it out yet, but that’ll come soon.

As for Seul-gi, she’s just had the greatest night of her entire life, and she wants to return the favor. But she has nothing to give—nothing that Jae-yi doesn’t already have—except honesty. If Jae-yi is finally being sincere, Seul-gi wants to pay her back with sincerity.

So she admits how she feels. She doesn’t trust Jae-yi—the damage can’t be undone in a single day—but despite that, Jae-yi is special to her. She wasn’t upset about tying for first place. She was also over the moon.

This...this isn’t a story about rivalry at all! And those gazes sure don’t seem very friendly!!

One last thing, about the gazes. Throughout the evening, we’ve seen Jae-yi sneak little glances at Seul-gi whenever Seul-gi isn’t looking. She’s monitoring her mission progress, making sure Operation Best Date Night Ever goes off without a hitch. At least, that’s probably what she tells herself she’s doing.

Then comes the fireworks scene, the last moment Jae-yi and Seul-gi share in this episode before being separated. The world is cruel. In a very short time, Jae-yi is going to discover a terrible secret about her sister, and Seul-gi is going to get shanked.

Jae-yi looks over at Seul-gi as she’s watching fireworks for the first time in her life. And something clicks. Not just “this girl is the most beautiful precious loveliest thing I have ever laid eyes on” although yes probably that too. But ever since midterms, when she first saw the test results, Jae-yi has been working toward a discovery.

Seul-gi makes her happy.

Not buzzed or electrified. This feeling is different from the chemical rush of competition. It has nothing to do with winning. Seul-gi could beat her, and she still wouldn’t care.

Jae-yi doesn’t need the game, doesn’t need victory, doesn’t need to be the best. These things might have made her forget her despair for a little while, but they only made her hate herself more in the end.

*This* is all she needs.

Through Seul-gi, Jae-yi is starting to realize that there is more to life than her father’s curse. There is more to life than his kill-or-be-killed nightmare. It’s possible to find joy in little things. It’s possible to find joy in someone else’s success. It’s possible to find joy in someone else’s joy.

Jae-yi has never been enchanted by anything more than by Seul-gi’s enchantment. And being a witness to Seul-gi’s happiest night is the happiest she’s ever been.

Love didn’t free Jae-yi from fear. But by actively choosing love, and letting love guide her, she’s starting to see the possibility of another way. Maybe, if she follows these instincts, she can find the key to her liberation.

[unsoundedcomic]

So then, does Ssael stand for irresponsibility? Cause seriously, Duane in the current scene so far doesn't look like a religious man finally actually following his God's teachings, he looks like an idiot utterly blinded by his passions, even to the immediately obvious consequences of his possible actions. If swearing fealty to a God is cheap, then I struggle to imagine a course of action cheaper than abandoning his moral tenets once the push comes to shove.

Moral tenets are only worth the results they reap. If they reap dead children, a broken family, and abject misery, abandoning them is logical. In fact abandoning them is absolutely required, if you would walk Ssael's way.

Ssael abandoned all the moral tenets of his society. That society had human sacrifice, fealty to tyrannous creator gods, no hope of a better world. Morality is a consensus, not an absolute. If you don't vibe with what the majority is sending out, you challenge it. This is exceptionally hard to do, and most don't.

Ssaelism doesn't exactly wear this on its sleeve though; you'd think it might since it's really the subtext of all Ssael did. But lots of religions do this. The ostensible thrust of the god or prophet's message is set aside in favour of what's convenient for the majority and lucrative for the institution to preach and enforce.

Anyway, Duane is listening to his conscience in this moment, and that conscience is as near to the voice of God as I think a person can honestly hear; that passion is as honest and warm and real as any man could expect the voice of God to be.

If it turns out to be incorrect later? He'll rise to deal with those consequences. And Ssael will still be with him, and he will still be with Ssael. His conscience will be clear.

[hurlumerlu]

i feel like i’m missing something about the ashtray that you’re seeing, so i must ask, what do you find so fascinating about it?

Well this is probably going to end up being a bit embarassing for me, but no, I don't think you're missing anything about the ashtray. I think it's meant to add just a touch of unease and not much else.

The reason I'm so obsessed with it - my neuroses aside - is because of how gratuitous it feels.

As a transition shot (which I'm using to mean "first shot we get to signify we cut from one scene to another", my apologies if it's not the right technical term) it's kind of a jarring one: a simple, abrupt cut from a relatively colorful shot of Kant in his home to this close up of an object in predominently dark and sepia tones. It's also not the most informative one.

All the clues as to where we are (the computer, the notebook, the chair, the lamp) are background things, out of focus. The one thing that is in focus is something that's never really been brought to our attention: yes, the captain is the only character we've seen smoking so far, and yes, the ashtray is technically present in his office when we're introduced to him, but I had to look for it to find it and would have never noticed it otherwise:

So we've got all those rather discreet, almost subliminal informations about our location, and smack in the middle of it the figure of a naked woman tits up, laying under one of tv's most beloved phallic symbols, and it's just... why? Why put that shot in? What's the point? They very well could have just put a shot of the office through one of its doors, they even did it in the cut version.

(informative, very easy to read, but does not set any particular tone)

But they didn't want to, so it has to be purposeful. My thoughts on its purpose below. It turns into me trying to analyse the captain and Kant's relationship, so it gets kinda long, and just as a heads-up, I discuss sexual coercion down the line.

So, like I said in the begining of my post, I think it's meant to add just a touch of unease and not much else. I stand by it, but I am very interested in that unease. Frankly, even if it was the most tasteful sculpture of a bare lady I had ever seen, I would still question its presence in Christ's office (where he works as a police captain.) But it's pretty far from tasteful, isn't it? Regardless of aesthetic considerations (I think it's fugly), it's an ashtray. The captain stubs his cigarettes and drops their ashes on the figure of an arched, naked body. There's inarguarbly an element of sleaze to that choice of prop, or as my wife would put it "yeah, it's here to tell us that cap's kind of a creep."

And it's not the first time the subtext got sleazy around these two either. They had one of their talk in a bathhouse (probably a universal spot for gay hookups, but certifiably a thai spot for gay hookups) in a steam room (even if there wasn't a long history or eroticising those places, Style almost jerked off/blew Fadel in one last episode). Of course, it's also an hommage to spy stories, spies sure love their saunas, but I don't believe it's only that. Because 1/again, that FadelStyle scene one episode prior. 2/I will not do JoJo Tichakorn Phukhaotong the insult of implying he does not know his gay porn and 3/

they didn't have to touch. They could have exchanged informations and gone their separate ways without touching even once. If they had to touch it could have been a hand on the shoulder or a handshake. (That's what I thought would happen! When we got a glimpse of that scene in the trailer, and I wrote my very first fic for this fandom, I genuinely thought the scene would only be an hommage to spy stories, and that all the potential sleaziness I was seeing there was just, well, me being me. I wrote the fic because I thought the show wouldn't go there!) But instead we got the captain following Kant to a bathhouse, the both of them meeting in a sweat room (something made explicitely sexual in the previous episode), Christ telling Kant he has to "up his game" and to not "tell anyone about this" and then slapping his thigh in a manner very reminiscent of another thigh grab we saw in episode 2, this one definitely sensual.

I'm calling that subtext, and I'd say whoever did the cut for the tv version agreed with me, since they completely removed that damn ashtray. Now, it could simply be a matter of female-presenting-nipples, but I'm willing to bet the thigh grab was also cut (if I'm wrong, feel free to point and laugh). EDIT: @deliriousblue checked, and I was in fact wrong! They kept the thigh slap. I don't think it detracts from my point too much, though, as it doesn't negate anything I said before about sexual subtext/coding. (but If anything, it makes the switch from ashtray close-up to wide office shot stands out even more)

So there's something sexual lurking in the outskirt of Kant & Christ's relationship. It's implied, it's light, but it's there.

I think part of the purpose is just a little playful nod to porn clichés, but I would argue that there's a bit more to it, because Kant and the captain's relationship actually has a very clear sexual component.

Not in that I think they fucked (in canon. i don't think they fucked in canon. i do think it should be explored in fics.), but the plain fact is that Christ is whoring Kant out. It probably didn't start that way, the begining of their partnership was probably more "you have names and contacts and I want them" but how could it stay like that? Once Kant gave all the name he already had, once the captain started to assign him to cases he had no previous contacts with, no point of entry, do we really believe Kant wasn't expected to exploit a sexual angle? I think the people who say Kant didn't have to make Bison fall for him are kidding themselves, and not only because there would be no story if he hadn't. Our societies are far less suspicious of the idea of a stranger suddenly getting close to you because they're hoping for sex than it is of a total stranger getting close to you with hopes of friendship. That's just how it is! You make friends in the circles you already run in, and with the general understanding that real intimacy will be slowly built overtime. Meanwhile a random hookup can have access to your bedroom the very night they met you. There's just no contest: for the kind of missions Kant seems to be sent on, with absolutely no backup or cover story or anything, seduction is pretty much the only trick up his sleeve, especially if the captain presses him for fast results like he did in the show. (not to mention that, on an almost "meta" aspect, the captain chose a young man who's Thai BLs level of conventionally attractive to do his dirty work) The captain may not have said "I need you to have sex with dangerous people", if only to have a layer of legal plausible denial, but he certainly expected it, and even if - a big if - Kant got the idea himself for expediency the first time, Christ kept placing him in situations where he would have to do that again. The captain's a pimp, the currency is intel, and the show said "you don't have to face it if you don't want to, that might be a bit much for a romcom, but we are not shying away from it." Or at least that's where my reading currently lands.

And I do think it's interesting that the two times we were reminded of this aspect of sexual coercion, it was followed first by the KantBison mutual dubcon of episode 3, and second by the captain actually bothering to look physically threatening to Kant for the very first time. Because as you pointed out in the tag under this post, the show plays super interestingly on First Kanaphan's actual height and how often Kant is dwarfed by others, but the captain almost never bothers to use his own considerable height. He sits. He lounges. When he gets up it's never into Kant's space. He can turn his back on him without fear. He doesn't threaten, he reminds. Until Kant himself threatens not just to quit but to bite back and suddenly the confrontation is physical, even though they're not touching. A reminder not just of the consequences, but of their respective place. Then it passes, and here's the nonchalance again: Christ goes back to his ashtray.

And if I may abandon sincere media analysis for just a second and be a little cheeky? Here's a picture of the captain in his sofa, knee slightly parted, Kant coming toward him. And the cigarette I called one of tv's most beloved phallic symbols?

yeah, it's pointing up.

[meganechan05]

The 6 Heroes

Been on my mind for a long while but took time for me to finally finish figuring out their designs and color schemes. So everything is under the cut.

Rhyniol Husty: (ライニオール・ハスティー)

This is a younger version of Rhyniol compared to what we saw in the movie. Essentially what I believed he would look like just as he took the throne as a young King rather than the very ornate and heavy-looking clothes he wears in Hakabaka. His famous cloak passed on for generations was originally open with the long cloth primarily behind him so his arms aren't as restricted when fighting.

Personality-wise, he's sorta a mix of both Racles and Gira where he does everything for the sake of others regardless of what happens. He's rather brash but as the battles continue, he develops his skills to become the strongest and the leader.

Raine Brasieri: (レイヌ・ブラシエリ)

Jeramie's father. A laid back individual who does his best to be a pacifist between both humand and Bugnarok after learning the latter was in the same situation at the hands of Dugded. But, like his son, he had to learn that sometimes violence is the only way to get the point across when it comes to war. And like his son, he's actually terrible at providing text for subtext. Most likely because he only spent time with his family during his exile so they always understood each other. His death when Jeramie was a child was due to transferring his Symbol of Rule to his son which was protecting him from illness. His last wish was hoping Ishabana would protect his son from the same fate.

He's very much a romantic and his attitude tends to get on everyone's nerves. I'm pretty sure Rhyniol always warned his bloodline to stay away from Raine's because of this and later have a stroke when he learns about Giramie.

Neura Ferous: (ニューラ・フェロス)

A thrill-seeking tinkerer who has their eyes set on innovation even with all the obstacles of what was available at the time. The other Kings see them as a bit of a nutjob whenever she gets inspired at the worst times, but they get the job done.

The development of the OhgerCalibur and King's Weapons was their work as well as the Kings' Symbol of Rule after some were damaged (further explanation at the bottom of the post).

Their design is based off of pilots as she's often riding God Tonbo from atop its head rather than the cockpit.

Cosca Cula: (コスカ・クューラ)

An honest women who considers everyone her family and would do her best to protect them. While she performs tasks expected of women at the time, the other Heroes were well aware of her strength as a warrior and would even be afraid of her if they take things too far. But she tries to offset such intimidating behavior by being playful at times which only makes things worse.

Her founding of Toufu was because of her wish to feed the planet wonderful food and for descendants to be powerful and protective of their own families.

Rodi Ran: (ロディ・ラン)

A free-spirited individual who admires anything he seems beautiful inside or out, though he prefers his descendants to be both. His blonde and pink hair is actually a mutation caused by his Mark that became a dominant trait passed down in his bloodline.

Despite being a healer, Rodi is actually prone to violence and would threaten others with his Mark with a sweet smile on his face; something inherited by his descendent, Himeno. The others often have to hold him back whenever he gets too agitated as even Raine would need to hold him back.

Xerces Glauco: (セルセス・グラウコ)

The last Hero to join the team due to their disbelief that they were tasked with protecting humanity after growing up witnessing the darkness of it. But they were convinced to join the team after being told becoming a Hero can allow them to make change and achieve the justice they always wanted.

Aside from Raine, Xerces was one of the Heroes that sympathized with the Bugnarok the most and almost had a falling out with Rhyniol when the plan was to make the Bugnarok the enemy. When founding Gokkan, Xerces made sure the laws they and their people agreed one would apply to both humans and Bugnarok in hopes the two sides would find peace.

As the original user of the Ice Seal, both of their eyes are ashen in color. When teaching their successor the Seal, they didn't know why it only affected one eye but played it off as a choice.

The Symbol of Rule:

Many months ago, I had a theory about the 6 Heroes' weapons and how 5 of them were what inspired the King's Weapon and the Modes used by all Kings: Sword, Gun, Sickle, Bow, Claw.

I believe the development of both the OhgerCalibur and King's Weapon was used as a way to unite the Five Kingdoms even with borders and the eventual issues between the next generations of Kings. The OhgerCalibur being based off ZERO was to respect Rhyniol who won the competition to become the planet's King but then decide it should be split between the five. The King's Weapon was to symbolize the Heroes banding together to fight a large threat. The ability to switch between different Modes allows flexibility.

But what about the Symbols of Rule?

Basically my thought was based off the fact that in Episode 44 when the new Alliance was signed, the Symbols of Rules were glowing: The OhgerCrown, Yanma's earring, Himeno's crown, Rita's bracelet, and Kaguragi's amulet. The outlier was Jeramie's KumonoSlayer despite the fact his Symbol was actually the gem embedded in his chest.

This was probably an afterthought but hear me out: the gem was only half of the actual power of Immortality.

What I found odd was the use of the gem when it came to defeating Grodie. How did the power of Eternal Life grant a living corpse true life but also have said corpse be killed after being granted eternal life? It didn't make sense to me, really, so I had to think through everything. I shouldn't, but my lore brain demands it.

As I said before, the KumonoSlayer glowed with the other Symbols of Rule when the Alliance was signed and sent the light that pierced the universe. I believe it's the other half of the Symbol or it's the main source of the power but gave half of its power to the gem. Such power returning upon Grodie's defeat.

I'm only saying this because of Jeramie's story with his mother. She died in battle when he was still a child (if we assume he aged normally and stopped aging upon reaching adulthood) and there was no sign of his father during said flashback. He was also much more attached to his mother despite having fond memories of his father like how he was the one who taught Jeramie how to draw and told him the story of King-Ohger.

Given the implications that his father died some time after turning his KumonoSlayer into Jeramie's mask. Without the KumonoSlayer, he would no longer have full access to the power of Eternal Life which would make him more susceptible to illness and disease and die an early death. And it's highly likely given the fact he was banished and wouldn't have been allowed near humans so he wouldn't get the treatment he needed. He would leave everything to Nephila to take care of their child before she, too, dies but in battle.

So what about the other Symbols?

This is a bit more of a stretch as it's connected to my theory of the original weapons of the 6 Heroes were actually the modes used in the King's Weapon.

We'll start with Husty Family. The OhgerCrown and Lance were sealed away due to its universal power. The OhgerCalibur ZERO was Rhyniol's original sword and also the key to sealing and unsealing the Crown and Lance (along with the king's crown). And in order to activate ZERO, it needed a blood sample of the one wielding it to transform.

The power of the other Symbols were also sealed.

Considering the other 4 countries don't have 2000-year-old weapons like Shugoddom or Jeramie, the next closest thing would be their Symbols of Rule. If we consider the idea of the Heroes taking their damaged weapons and turning them into such Symbols, it's most likely how they sealed it. What makes them different from Shugoddom is that reforging such weapons would free the Symbols of the restriction that is requiring the bloodline to use it which is important given that 3 of the countries don't use bloodline for succession.

But again, these are just theories and speculations based off what the show has given us. I could just be reading into it too much, but it's a lot to think about whenever I'm trying to brainstorm stories revolving around the Symbols.

As for the markings on the drawings, its mainly my take on the fact that they're the original users of said powers so such use would create long-lasting effects on them.

[crustyfloor]

brainvomit I can go on and on about the apparent hints we're getting in merch and subtext that allude to a Till revival but it grates on my nerves that it could easily be disproven in several ways, so I can never be certain, but honestly.. I'm quite confident in a Till revival. And I'm coming to expect it to some degree (In part because it's been months since there's been a proper update on him, otherwise his post-mortem comic would've been uploaded ages ago and that would be that,, but since it's seemingly being held off it leads me to think that it's an intentional decision because there is more content with him and his perspective to come, probably in later episodes)

from a writer's perspective, it feels like the logical next step. On the other hand, he might be really dead. It can happen, hell, it probably will happen because it's already clear that the chances of him living or staying dead are so situational, depending on where this story is going it might be right for him to just stay dead, (and that much in regards to the plot I can't really guess with much confidence either). I'm already so unsure how Vivinos plans to juggle all this worldbuilding and development within one or possibly two new episodes, I trust her ability, and so far she hasn't disappointed me, even when she's left me confused and upset for some time- and Vivinos is always introducing surprise plot twists to the story when I least expect it so now I'm not surprised that Till was shot anymore (aside from the agony and dread of actually seeing it) losing to Luka served it's own purpose, and I wouldn't be surprised if she brought him back

Even if revival is a very bold decision for a character, I wouldn't say it's as completely out of the realm of possibility as some may think, and it wouldn't be "impossible" to do. Alnst still has sci-fi themes. If aliens can exist, then many other things are on the table. That's why I like the robot/alive Sua theories so much. (and even though I wouldn't lean too much on realistic facts that would apply to our world to a fictional setting where plot armor exists, they're also still within the reasonable time frame to resuscitate Till, time isn't moving that slowly between the episodes Blink gone and Wiege so it's not too ridiculous if they're fast enough they can save him)

Sometimes I feel like I'm riding too close to the sun with the absurdity of insisting that Till could revive while his dead body is right there but I don't feel like we would be exploring the full scope of his character if his development ended here, yeah it's already been made somewhat cleared up that he wasn't as indifferent to Ivan's presence as we would have assumed given Ivan's view of him, but that's still pretty up in the air, we have a lot of assumptions about his character and his perspective but ultimately a lot of questions about him are still unanswered and up in the air, and personally, I'd deeply hate leaving this series not knowing as much about him as I could've, sure you could say that's simply his narrative, sure you could say death naturally comes when you least expect it to, that's just the way life is and I would accept that narrative if it came to it and Vivinos executed it in a way that made sense but ehg, it's just cliche to me and I believe there are better ways to handle his character

Whats irks me the most is that if this is where it ends for him, he's dead and there's no elaboration that kind of storytelling would only validate Ivan's narrative, the most we know about Till in regards to his perspective is through Ivan's eyes, to accept that Till's character and his relationship with Ivan is simply built on unrequited feelings and indifference to Ivan is just assuming that what Ivan says is the truth and not his skewed perspective like we know it is. But if there's no way to make that obvious this narrative would only do everything wrong... 1) validate Ivan's perspective 2) It leaves everything about Till's perspective majorly up to interpretation without some solid ground, aside from the fandoms already here and there takes that just wouldn't be good writing (?) there's really a difference in leaving mystery and interpretations to the hand of the viewer and just not answering valid questions, and not leaving any solid content to work with and interpret in the first place, whether this direction is meant to be either or I wouldn't be fully satisfied with it anyway . We see Ivan's impact on Till in Blink gone in the emotional turmoil Till goes through, it shows enough that, as opposed to what Ivan thinks, Till cared about him, but really, what do we know?

That's my biggest gripe; I don't want Till's story to end on such an abrupt and sour note that doesn't truly serve him as a character. I believe this could all be resolved in comics and side content, too. But the reason why I bring this up here is that one of the most reuccuring themes of Alnst is exploring the perspective of the ones who must live on after their loved ones die impactful, painful, unforgettable deaths, it's a present theme to show how the characters (Mizi, Luka) progress after it, it's about showcasing endurance and the human spirit. Characters shouldn't just die for the sake of it, without contributing to this and showing it, and Till hasn't yet shown it (It'd make sense if they wanted to show this in his death too, but I'd question what groundwork we were really meant to be laying here.. and I'd hope it'd done right at least)

In the case that the story shifts in a way that supports this to it's full potential (ie. not killing off everyone and blowing up the stage), reviving Till and allowing him the means to process his thoughts on Ivan and his death and what he did and what that means to him enough to put it into words would be great for his character, it's probably overgenerous for how little time we might have but I'm realllyyyy hanging onto hope here that the story will even shift to open up for this chance in the first place. If Vivinos doesn't plan to do either of these things to further Till's growth as a character visibly, then his death is rendered pointless and dismissive, and I'm not serious about that wording

because his death isn't inherently useless, none of the deaths are, and his death serves a purpose regardless. It's most likely being used to bring about Mizi's new turning point in her character development, yes blink gone is one of the many sequences of events in furthering Mizi's story first and foremost, Till's downfall signifies a new turning point in the story, still it doesn't mean he has to remain in that role to move the story along (unless vivinos would like to express that all hope is lost now and she's going to blow up the remaining characters, given Till was practically standing as a hope that things would change), if Vivinos has any interest in not making him look like a sacrifice and tool as a character for the sake of Mizi's growth after experiencing more loss, and not making his character completely reliant on Ivan's unreliable perspective (Because Cure is mostly Ivan-centric and that's the most we get of their dynamic together), She can bring him back, it can still have emotional relevance without being forced or random. And if done right, it wouldn't even erase the impact his death left on Mizi

(And I do worry about that, because revival in alien stage ideally shouldn't take back any of the tension or attention from the current events because otherwise that would be poor writing too, while I'm writing this I realize this story is really put in a tough spot because everything could go all sorts of bad ways) but it's not like if Till were to come back it'd erase the irreversible mental scar his death reopened within Mizi and be one of the driving forces on her mind come whatever she may do next (But what about the moment of hope in Blink Gone that represented Till's naive feelings for Mizi that overrid all sense of rationality and made him run to grab her hand? reviving him wouldn't rewrite that dread either... if anything, the impact of a near-death experience would also be fascinating to write on a character like himself with all the developments he's had so far)

On another note, I'm sure there are characters that may have better reasons to come back to the story, namely HyunA, but I believe what distinguishes Till from her is the possibility that bringing her back would be redundant, the possibility that it would actually remove the impact she intended her death to have on Luka. Her words would be for nothing if Luka doesn't realize this is for real, and he'll have to live with that truth and these new realizations. Everything contributes to that one message. HyunA serves us the "Live through the pain, forgive yourself, you live on" narrative right there.. So naturally, the best way I can see this being formatted is allowing us to continue to explore the perspective of Post round-1 Mizi, Luka, and Till after losing Sua, HyunA, and Ivan perhaps even going HyunA's route and finding a home within the rebellion to allow them to grow and grieve and introspect... #hopefulstage

HyunA is the catalyst for Luka's development, and it turns around to benefit both of their characters. Ivan is the catalyst for Till's development, and in turn, growth from Till would also contribute to Ivan's character . Allowing Till to live on would be a satisfying way to execute this narrative (But of course, this all goes out the window if like I said before Vivinos plans for this story to take a different direction, all I'm saying is that if the plot allows it I don't want Vivinos to miss the opportunity to expand on Till's character this way, if not in other forms that confirm he's dead). Till is my favorite character, so I'm aware I have bias and I'm indulging my delusions, but the way I see it, there's nobody who can resolve this better than Till can, there's nobody who can elaborate on his and Ivan's story better than he can, because Mizi was their friend, but nowhere near as emotionally close to them as they were to each other, she loves them but she only knows so much about them as people and just "her friends" so it's a tough spot, and Luka doesn't know them at all. Till is resilient, always coming back from the brink, and has always been fighting for agency and freedom. In that way, he parallels HyunA a lot. And I have a soft spot for both of them that wants to see them flourish and grow, and heal. If it's allowed, I want him to have that, I want him to have the space to grow with as much time as we have left, and I want him to have a fair and well-written wrap-up otherwise, I don't know I'll probably change this opinion a little bit later down the line and I still have too many questions on what the helllll is about to go on with this story to write anything sensical but if he's alive awesome if he's dead okay i'd just strongly prefer the former if it suits the overall narrative and I want it to make sense and not feel like he's been written off (and worse, I don't want his character to be perceived as shallow because of wherever vivinos chooses to direct his arc next)

all this to say I really want his perspective or any indication of anything about his current status hepl

[antianakin]

I think I'm able to perhaps put a few words to why I really dislike that the Ahsoka show had her choose to come to the conclusion that Anakin was GOOD, that he was a good person and good teacher to her, rather than having her refuse to forgive him and just having to let go of him entirely.

Ahsoka is a character who has been, for her ENTIRE RUN on Star Wars, defined by Anakin and her relationship to him. She's never been able to escape that. She was created as an explanation for why Anakin "matured" over the three year gap between AOTC and ROTS, but her lack of existence in the films means she can have no greater impact on Anakin than that. She is wholly irrelevant to his character but she does not EXIST without him. In Rebels, she is only in one season where all of her appearances are fixated on her discovery of Anakin's betrayal and how that impacts her, leading up to their final confrontation where she appears to die fighting him. She comes back only so her relationship with Anakin can be used to help Ezra let go of Kanan. In TOTJ, she has an entire episode dedicated to explaining that the only reason she survived Order 66 was because of some kind of special training Anakin gave her that made her stronger, better, faster than any other Jedi. In The Mandalorian, her appearance was full of subtext about her trauma regarding Anakin and the way she reacts to other Jedi as a result of that. In The Book of Boba Fett appearance, that subtext is still there, primarily in her conversation with Luke where she even tells him how much he reminds her of Anakin. Which leaves us with the Ahsoka show itself and how it REVOLVES around that relationship, from Sabine being turned into Anakin 2.0 to everything in episode 5 to Ahsoka claiming she'll support Sabine in everything because this is what Anakin did for her to Anakin literally showing up in ghost form to Thrawn predicting everything Ahsoka will do because he has some familiarity with Anakin.

Ahsoka CANNOT escape this relationship, she cannot move out from this particular shadow and become her own person because her character seems to ONLY EXIST to be "Anakin's student." She can almost literally not stand on her own at this point. If her story doesn't revolve around Anakin in some way, it doesn't seem to really exist (please keep in mind here that I am mostly looking at HIGH CANON appearances for this because that's what I am familiar with; I'm sure that some comics have probably managed to move away from her relationship to Anakin a little bit sometimes but I haven't read any of them so they're not being counted in this analysis, especially since I don't think they're really impacting her higher canon characterization anyway).

It's even just visible in how other characters perceive her. She is constantly being COMPARED to Anakin, we keep hearing how like Anakin she is. The only time I can think of that she is compared to anyone OTHER than Anakin is when Trace and Rafa tell her that she acts like a Jedi even if she isn't currently calling herself one (bless their SOULS for this moment, they deserved so much better than the hate they got and one single appearance on fucking TBB). We never hear anyone say she reminds them of Obi-Wan, or Yoda, or Plo Koon. It's ALWAYS Anakin even though she's known Yoda and Plo Koon longer and she seems to spend almost as much time with Obi-Wan as she does Anakin.

By having Ahsoka decide to deal with her feelings about Anakin by just... setting aside all the bad shit he did and focusing ONLY on the good moments that he had and letting that define him, it makes it nearly impossible to separate her from him. If he's good, then it's a GOOD thing to compare her to him. If he's good, then his influence on her HAS to have been a good one. For me, it ruins ANY nuance that could have come from going the opposite direction and recognizing that while he had some good moments, he was in fact an overall bad person who was a terrible teacher to her. He betrayed her, he tried to kill her (and only failed because she was saved by someone else), he abandoned her. I don't care WHAT he did before this, this automatically makes him a BAD TEACHER.

And recognizing that Anakin was a bad teacher would force Ahsoka to look at HERSELF more critically, too, to recognize the places where she has made the same mistakes perhaps, where she's started leading herself down a similar path to his, and then choosing to NOT BE LIKE HIM. Anakin should be (like he is with Luke) the personification of her own darkness. Palpatine represented Anakin's greatest demons and personifications, Anakin can represent something similar for Ahsoka. He is an indisputable part of her now, but she doesn't HAVE to become him, she doesn't have to let that CONTROL her. And by making that choice, she frees herself from being defined by him for the rest of her life.

But now, the narrative has bound Ahsoka to Anakin forever. She'll never be anything more than Anakin's student because this has become what defines her as a person and a character. And it just... it sucks. Ahsoka deserved better than that.