#(though she would kill me for accusing her of being emo)

[laeliana]

“It’s not that I don’t want to talk to you about it, Minerva. It’s just that I feel like I’m stirring a storm in a teacup.”

“The last time you stirred a storm in a teacup, we ended up together, you and I.”

Artemis raised an eyebrow. “Do you mean I shouldn’t do it?”

“No.” Even though he couldn’t see her, he was sure Minerva was grinning. “I mean you should do it more often.”

Artemis chuckled again. With anyone else, that would have been a record. With Minerva, it was everyday business. She always knew what to say. She had gotten into his head like no other could.

“So, Artemis Fowl II,” said Minerva, her lips brushing his ear. She was warm and comforting like a blanket thrown over his shoulders. Like milk and honey when his throat was sore. “Could you use a bit of female solidarity?”

“I could,” he conceded. “But I’ll make it do with yours.”

“Ah, sarcasm. You’re sooo nervous, n’est-ce pas?”, cooed Minerva. “Go ahead. Talk to your girlfriend.”

Artemis tsked. “It’s no easy matter. I’m not sure she’s smart enough to understand it.”

“Connard. Come on, I’m listening.”

He sighed and twisted in her arms. He wanted to look at her face. “I placed a bug in Principal Guiney’s office. From there, I heard him complaining to his secretary that nothing travels faster than light but word at St. Bartleby’s.”

Minerva raised an eyebrow, staring at him with the patient look usually reserved for children under three.

Artemis grinned back. “It didn’t found it really amusing, either. The thing is, my disappearance caused quite a stir three years ago, and since I cannot mesmer the entire school, there have been several theories about my mysterious reappearance and the fact that I haven’t aged a day. Some say I was abducted by aliens. Others say I died and was replaced by an android. Ever since A Midsummer Night’s Dream has been studied in English Literature class, the less obtuse among them have debated about whether I might be a changeling or not. Old superstitions are hard ro kill, and luckly no one is knowledgeable enough to throw eggshells at me. Most think I’m just a vampire. Not that this is anything new.”

Minerva looked like she was about to say something, but before she could, Artemis gave her a stern look: “Minerva?”

Green eyes narrowed into slits: “Artemis. I don’t appreciate being interrupted, especially when I haven’t said anything yet.”

“Don't worry, I'll give you the chance to tear me apart for this. But first I wanted to make sure you weren’t about to begin with some nonsense about how this is all your fault, or something like that, because I really lack the stren...”

“Artemis,” Minerva cut off abruptly. Her voice had turned icy cold and the name hanged between the two of them for a moment, full of all the meanings it carried. Then her voice softened: “I didn’t mean to. I just wanted to say that it must be tiring, always being on the mouth of people not up to you. That’s all.”

A muscle at the corner of Artemis’s mouth twitched, and he averted his gaze. “I’m sorry, Minerva. I really am. Most of the time I don’t mind, but every now and then it gets… tiring to be constantly compared to a vampire.”

“Yes,” Minerva nodded.

Artemis glanced at her. He wasn’t sure what she meant by that word, and after what she had said, he had expected a little more sympathy from her. “Or to an undead,” he ventured.

“Yes,” said Minerva again.

“Or to a goth or an emo, whatever that means. I doubt the former refers to the architectural style.”

“Yes, both of them.” A small smile danced at the corner of Minerva’s lips. “But you say it as if it was a bad thing.”

Artemis frowned. He doubted that his less-than-liked classmates were secret admirers. “Isn’t it?”

“Not for me.”

“Dr. Paradizo. Have you considered that perhaps your feelings for me are clouding your mind?”

Minerva puffed out her chest, and again her voice was icy cold: “Professor Fowl. Are you accusing me of lacking objectivity? Of watching the world through baby pink lenses?”

“Perhaps you should lend me your eyes, then,” countered Artemis, and he supposed this was going to be be the end of the conversation.

Minerva grinned at him in that very special way, the one that when it was on Artemis's face was often referred as vampiric smile. The one that usually meant that he had done – or was about to do – some mischief. A smile that anyone would have met with some worry, and the same was true for Artemis. But his worry was tinged with anticipation. Because Minerva Paradizo was a genius, too. And whatever thought her mind might have birthed, it couldn't be any less than outstanding.

"Lend you my eyes. That's what I'm going to do, Artemis Fowl. That's what I’m going to do."

Have you ever stared into the mirror and wondered: "Who are you, looking at me?"

Artemis Fowl II does not know the point of not return is one step ahead. Or perhaps Artemis knows, and wants it more than anything else.

FOOL'S PARADISE - IF I WAS YOUR VAMPIRE

After next saturday, Artemis will never be the same.

[shutupanakin]

Wasting Your Time Ch.3

“Wh— what?” Tommy choked out, his voice hoarse from the lack of use all day.

The man rolled his eyes, as if he didn’t just ask a completely impolite question. “I said, do you have any booze?”

Tommy sat still. He reached into his jacket pocket, his hand finding only a plastic pen. Could he stab this man with a plastic pen?

Tommy pulled said piece of plastic out, visibly holding it up. “I have a pen.” Something about the bemused look on the man's face made Tommy click it, and again, repeatedly.

click click click click click click click click—

...

or; Tommy planned on dying. He meets Wilbur instead.

Chapter Summary: Tommy is wrong. Wilbur tries to teach him color theory.

cw for suicidal ideation

Tommy was not proven right.

In better words, his thesis, his argument, it was wrong. He was wrong, okay? He could admit that! He was wrong and Wilbur was right. Wilbur, him, and his stupid antithesis. Wilbur got the good grade, Wilbur got the pat on the shoulder from the teacher. Tommy got credit for participation. Tommy got a pity smile and a gold star sticker and a ‘good job! You tried!’

Tommy should be happy. He is happy! He talked to Tubbo and Ranboo. After they were all done with classes on Friday, because Tommy had waited that long— he talked, and they listened! They did!

“ Would you guys be happier if I— I don’t know. Stop hanging around you, or something?” He was picking at the thread, pulling it so tight he could feel it move the inside of his sleeve.

The answer he got? They said no. Ranboo was quiet, letting Tubbo babble. Then Ranboo would reword what Tubbo said, more coherently. And Tommy resisted his urge to just scream, because that was their dynamic. Of course it was! Tubbo was the controlled forest fire and Ranboo was damage control.

What Tommy did not expect was when he had pointed that out, his friends didn’t let him burn out like he thought they would. Tommy wasn’t the tree burning up, Tommy was the water that Ranboo was using to put it out.

They had hung out at Ranboo’s all weekend, after that. Sam was busy and couldn’t handle the noise, Tubbo’s dad worked nights and refused to leave the house to them alone. Ranboo’s cousin was cool about it, thank god. The guys' friends were fucking awesome, Tommy thought. The shorter American was telling him about Molotov Cocktails and one with the stupid fucking glasses tried to teach him and Tubbo some clutch in Minecraft.

Tommy wasn’t afraid to admit that he lost.

The train, as it always does, stops in front of him. Tommy didn’t hesitate this time, grabbing his seat at the back. There might have been more of a skip in steps this time, but no one he knew was there to point it out. The woman at the front promptly ignored him. He sat down, hands tucked firmly in his jacket pockets.

He did not doubt that Wilbur would show up this time. The man himself had indicated that he’d love being proven right. Tommy was willing to let him take this, to take this ego boost. Tommy knew when to admit that he was wrong— he was, okay?

“I like your pin.” Ranboo’s cousin said, passing him a coke from the fridge. “Smile. Nice.”

Tubbo looked at him, his eyes settled on Tommy’s jacket. He reached out, fabric gripping up in his hand. His thumb ran over the yellow and black pin. “Bee.” Tubbo tilted his head. “When did you get this?”

“Oh. Uh.” Tommy stuttered. “Uhm. Two weeks ago! There’s this cool shop a bit out that sells them.”

Tommy fiddled with the bee, adjusting the diagonal position it had fallen into. He didn’t tell Tubbo or Ranboo about Wilbur— he didn’t know how to explain it. How to explain him. He didn’t want to tell them what had led him to go to the train station in the middle of the night. That was a conversation that Tommy was simply not ready for, yet.

Wilbur was also eerie, and he was sure that only Tommy himself could deal with his weirdness for a whole night. He would probably psychoanalyze Tubbo and make him cry, or monologue to Ranboo and give him a breakdown. He’d keep them separated for a bit, Tommy decided.

When they pulled into their next stop, Tommy didn’t shut his eyes this time. He watched Wilbur come into view through the window. Wilbur entered swiftly, following behind a man that nabbed a seat in the front.

“Hello, fellow science experiment,” Wilbur grinned, placing himself down opposite Tommy. “I assume it went well?”

If Tommy was in a worse mood he would curse him out. “I’ll have you know, it went exceptionally well, Mr. Soot. I even walked here with a bit of pep in my step. I did that! Not you!”

“Of course you did, they were your words, I just gave you a motive.” Wilbur hummed.

Tommy scowled. There it was. “You’re a prick,”

“A correct prick.” Wilbur said. “So your friends took it well then?”

Tommy hesitated. “Well. You could say that? They’re trying, now. They’re listening. I’m not just hitting the pavement anymore. But we’re talking! And we spent the whole weekend at Ranboo’s!”

“So you are getting somewhere,” Wilbur concluded. Tommy nodded.

“It— it’s nice enjoying myself, hanging out with them. Ya know? Like it’s not a chore. It’s easy. I don’t have to zone out to be around them.”

They stopped. No one got on, the man remained at the front.

When Tommy was around them, he would have to do that. Zone out. Sometimes it wasn’t on purpose, other times he just found himself begging to just go, anywhere else, but he was too aware to go away, their voices were too loud and the air was too cold and Tommy couldn’t fucking breathe—

He didn’t feel that way all weekend.

Tommy didn’t feel trapped. He was in the present. He was in the present and he was happy. If not just for a few moments, Tommy was okay and he didn’t have to think about anything else.

“So it worked,” Tommy said. “It did! We’re working on it; this weekend was fucking great though. I know how to make a Molotov Cocktail now—“

“You what —“

“I didn’t actually make one,” Tommy emphasized. “I was just taught how! It’s quite easy actually! Ranboos' cousin, one of his friends just... it was a lot of vandalism advice.”

Wilbur groaned. “Please do not get arrested for vandalism. You need better influences.”

“You’re a bad influence,” Tommy waved him off. “don’t worry big man. Can’t come to see you if I’m arrested. Sam would also kill me. In cold blood. Dead, I would be dead as fuck, man.”

If Sam had to bail him out for something as stupid as setting something on fire, he would be so fucked. Oh, Sam was so fucking overbearing when he was paying attention, he would never hang out with Ranboo again. Or Tubbo for that matter. Sam would deadbolt his door closed. Tommy would never see the sun again. Screw prison, Sam would lock him up himself.

Tommy will not be doing that, thank you. If anyone offered to help him burn something down, he would certainly not be taking it.

They stopped. A woman got on, the clanking of her jewelry as she sat down echoing in Tommy’s ears.

“How am I a bad influence?” Wilbur enquired.

“HAH!” Tommy blurted. “Look at me! Mr. Soot! I go on trains in the middle of the night! I gamble with teenagers. I am suuuuuuch a good role model.”

“I do not gamble with teenagers!” Wilbur cried. “No money has been placed! I told you that!” Wilbur accused. “Also I am not the one telling you to blow stuff up.”

“ Memememememe — I said nothing about blowing anything up,” Tommy argued. “I was at most implying arson. I said absolutely nothing about exploding shit! That’s you!”

Wilbur slapped his hand against his forehead. “Oh, you insolent child!”

“Oh, you cryptic old man!”

Wilbur shot up. “Hey!”

“I hardly know anything about you,” Tommy retorted. “You— you could be a war criminal or something for all I know—“

“Do I look like a fucking war criminal to you?” Wilbur interrupted.

“... You could be!” Tommy exclaimed. “What’s your favorite color?”

“What is your favorite color?”

“Red. Answer the question.”

Wilbur groaned. “Blue. Used to be teal.”

“Why did it change?” Tommy pressed.

“There is not enough of it here,” Oh god, Tommy thought. Here we go. “The sky is cloudy. The water is gray. It is muted, it is drowning in black and white film instead of saturation. I wish there was more of it. Especially down here.” He longed, Tommy was exasperated.

“Wilbur, we are underground. Look at the graffiti.” Tommy deadpanned. “Or just go on Google man. Color blue— not everything needs to be a Greek tragedy.”

“That is not a natural blue,” Wilbur objected. “It is artificial! From a spray bottle, or on a screen!”

“I’ll bring you some flowers or something, okay?” Tommy snapped. “You’ll get your fucking blue.”

“I will sneeze on you.”

Tommy hit the side of the seat. “You will not!”

Wilbur made a face, rearing his head back. “A—a— ACCHOO. Like that. But you will not be expecting it.”

“Fuck you! And your blue!” Tommy exclaimed, Wilbur cackled.

“And why do you like the color red so much then?”

There was no special reason as to why Tommy enjoyed red. When teachers asked in primary school he gave it as a response, no deep or intricate thought attached to it. That was the difference between him and Wilbur. Everything Wilbur did and said seemed to have some sort of deep thought attached to it, everything he said was planned out, and said carefully.

Tommy was decidedly not that.

Tommy existed in the moment and Wilbur existed around it, quietly observing. Whispering. Taking notes.

“No reason,” Tommy shrugged. “It’s just kinda nice. Loud.”

“Like you.” Wilbur teased.

Tommy groaned, hitting the back of his head against the glass. “Stop patronizing me! I’m done doing color theory with you!”

“Oh I can do color theory—“

Tommy put his hands out, gesturing for him to stop. “No, no. Please do not. I’m begging you. I can only handle so much of your monologues.”

Wilbur scoffed. “My ‘monologues’ are fantastic, I will have you know.”

“You should write songs,” Tommy said. “You’re a right emo; you— you— you could take all that messed up shit up there,” Tommy pointed. “and make stuff. I dunno.”

“I mean I used to,” Wilbur breathed. “not anymore though.”

“Why not?” Tommy pushed.

“Have not felt like it.” He said simply. “No fun in doing it anymore. Can not even sing to anyone.”

Tommy’s brows furrowed. “That’s shit,” he grumbled.

“Poor me, having to exist being friendless!” Wilbur sighed. Tommy knew he was being dramatic, but it still made Tommy glare.

“Hey!” Tommy objected. “I’m your friend!”

“That just makes me sad,” Wilbur groaned, rubbing his face. “we are friends?”

“ Nooo,” Tommy drawled. “I only meet mere acquaintances on the tube line in the middle of the night.”

“You came back here because of our deal,” Wilbur pointed out. Tommy’s brows creased, because technically he was right. To be proven right, to be proven wrong, that’s why he kept coming here. Some sort of odd mutual trust and genuine curiosity enabled Tommy to keep coming back.

Sam might call it a lack of self-preservation.

And he wouldn’t be wrong, sneaking out in the middle of the night, to a tube station, alone, to meet a practical stranger was in every right dangerous. The first time Wilbur had stumbled into the seat across from him, Tommy couldn’t bring himself to care about that part, the danger. If Wilbur had mugged him then and there it wouldn’t have changed anything.

Once again, the thought of not seeing Wilbur again was bothering Tommy. Did Tommy want to make another deal? To continue this odd tradition? Tommy felt, alright. Kinda. He was happy. This was a good weekend. His classes yesterday were bearable, the overwhelming feeling to pull his hair out was muffled under the warmth in his chest.

Did feeling better mean he would never see Wilbur again? Surely they could keep doing this. Just a... check-up.

“You should play again,” Tommy suggested. “if not for anyone else, then just for yourself ya know?”

“Do you play anything?” Wilbur asked.

“I know piano,” Tommy thought. He hadn’t played said instrument in a bit. He had a keyboard that sat in his closet collecting dust. He hadn’t taken it out since he moved into the flat with Sam. “I haven’t played it in a while. Too much noise.”

Their stop was coming, Tommy realized. Tommy hit his leg awake, standing up. “Guess we will dive into that later,” Wilbur said. Tommy shook his head.

“No, no,” Tommy was going to put a stop to that right now. “I’m not you. There’s no deep, depressing reason. I just don’t play anymore. Stop psyche evaluating me, or whatever the fuck you people call it.”

“Alright, alright.” Wilbur said lightly. Taking the lead as Tommy followed him out. “Are you still going to get pins?” Tommy hummed an ‘mm-hmm’ in response.

“I like the pins,” Tommy confirmed. “Do you want anything?”

Wilbur shrugged him off. “Nah,” He waved. “Knick knacks, I would have no use for that. Nowhere to put them.”

“Are you homeless?” Okay, that was a bit rude, Tommy would admit. But that slipped, alright? “Because that would explain a lot actually.”

“ No,” Wilbur said immediately. “I have a house, Tommy.” He groaned in exasperation. “Believe it or not, I can exist in different places other than a tube station. ”

“No, but it makes sense! Every time I see you you’re wearing the same shit!”

“It is my Tuesday jumper,” Wilbur defended. “I already told you that.”

“ It is my Tuesday jumper .” Tommy mocked. “Fuck you. You don’t have a house.”

They stopped outside the glowing Jack Of All Trades sign.

“Get something cool this time. Like an orca.” Wilbur suggested as Tommy pushed open the glass door, Tommy mumbling a ‘will do’.

Jack leaned over the counting, scrolling through his phone. His eyes met Tommy as he strolled further into the shop. “Hello again!” He put his phone down on the counter. “I was wonderin’ if you were gonna show up.”

“It’s become a habit,” Tommy said, reaching into the bowl.

“What’s ya name again?” Jack enquired.

Oh, Tommy realized. “Tommy,” He answered. He took the blood-orange-flame-shaped pin in his hand, placing it on the glass counter.

“You’re gonna run me out of pins,” Jack joked, sliding the pounds over to the register.

“You’re gonna run me broke,” Tommy joked back. He clipped the pin in, securing it. “Bye Jack!”

Jack waved as Tommy pushed out the door. Wilbur stood waiting for him, raising his eyebrow as Tommy showed him the new pin. “You did not get an orca,” Wilbur pointed, disappointed.

“He didn’t have any orcas, big dubs. Is that why you got banned?” Tommy asked, turning backward as he walked in front of Wilbur. “He didn’t have any orca merch? Is that it, Wilbur? Have I cracked the mystery yet?”

“Nope!” Tommy’s excitement visibly dropped. “Good guess! Still wrong.”

“ Ughhhh, ” Tommy groaned, kicking a stone. “Fuck you, man. Just tell meee,” Tommy begged.

“No,”

“Please.”

“Still no.”

“Did you steal something?”

“No.”

“Did you kill his mother?”

“ What ?!— Tommy, no!”

“Are you a felon, Wilbur?”

“Let me stop you while you are ahead,” Wilbur said. “The answer is no, no, and no. To everything.”

Fuck you, Tommy thought. He didn’t like not knowing things. He’d figure it out. He would drop it for now, because this clearly wasn’t getting anywhere, but he’ll make Wilbur slip. He will! He just needs to catch him off guard. He could do that! Outsmarting Wilbur would be a feat, an accomplishment.

“I’ll figure it out, you watch,” Tommy grumbled.

“Good luck with that Toms,” Wilbur hummed.

“I don’t need luck,” Tommy stated. “Just my big brain.”

“You do have a big head,” Okay, that was mean, Tommy thought.

“That was unnecessarily rude,” Tommy stated. “I can’t believe you’ve done this to me, Wilbur. My self-esteem. It’s ruined.”

“Oh come on,” Wilbur retorted. “I have a big forehead. Look.” Wilbur lifted the curly bangs that framed the front of his face.

“Oh no,” Tommy cried. “Don’t do that, please. My eyes! I can’t stare directly at it!”

Wilbur fixed his hair, chuckling. “My jumper buddy used to call me Forehead-Bur.”

Tommy snickered. “Jumper buddy sounds cool.”

“He really is not. He is a real loser.”

“Like you?” Tommy chortled.

Wilbur scoffed. “Shut it!”

When they got to the station, two women were standing together on the platform. Tommy nodded politely while Wilbur simply ignored them. When it had pulled in, Tommy trailed Wilbur to the back. The two women had sat down at the front.

“Got any plans for this week?” Wilbur asked, Tommy shrugged.

“Got a test Thursday. That’s about it.” Tommy thought. “I think Tubbo wanted to go to the mall Friday, dunno. I’ll have to text him.”

It would be the next time that Tommy would see him; his, Ranboo’s and Tubbo’s schedules made it difficult to see each other during the week. Tommy was no longer actively avoiding them now, though. Maybe Tommy could set up a game of Pub G, or CSGO.

He was starting to feel guilty for blowing them off, actually. Tommy would have to make up for that. He didn’t really regret coming to see Wilbur, he couldn’t. If Tommy was given the choice between playing a first-person shooter game on a Tuesday night with them versus… this…

Tommy knew what he would choose.

They stopped. No one on or off.

“You have anything planned?” Tommy asked.

Wilbur did not look like he was expecting to be asked. “Hmm,” He wondered. “Might go see my dad. Been a bit.”

Tommy did not know why that had shocked him so much. A father! Everyone had a father, Tommy knew that alright? That was completely logical.

Wilbur had just, given off the feeling of someone who didn’t have anyone. Wilbur was a feather floating in the wind. Tommy supposed that feather had to come from a bird then, perhaps it was missing it.

“You should bring your dad something,” Tommy said, shaking off the frown.

“Like what?”

“Like— like a snowglobe or something man, I don’t fucking know. Flowers!”

“He likes birds,” Wilbur thought aloud.

“Chicken,” Tommy decided.

“ No,”

“Chicken,” Tommy repeated. “You gotta let me know how that goes next time.”

“Next time?”

Oh.

They stopped. The two women left, the brunette left quickly while the blonde frowned at him.

Tommy forgot that they hadn’t even thought of another deal yet. Did they need that at this point? Couldn’t Tommy just show up and trust that Wilbur would be there, deal in the air or not?

“I... I—I think I want to keep doing this?” Tommy admitted, pulling at his hair. “Showing up. And talking, to you, ya know? I enjoy it. I keep thinking like, what deal, what bet this time we could make again. And nothing comes up.”

“You want another deal?

“Do you?” Tommy asked, genuinely. “I don’t… I don’t want to make you feel like you have to come back here.”

They stopped. A small group got on, this time kids around Tommy’s age holding bottles wrapped in brown bags.

Wilbur thought for a moment, like he was mewling over his next words carefully. “As long as you need me, we can keep doing this,” Wilbur said softly.

Catharsis, there it was. Tommy swallowed. “Okay. We can do that.” It was another deal, in all technicality. An extended one at that. Conditional.

But Tommy was relieved from that pressure of not knowing if there will be a next time. Because now he knows for sure there will be! And another after that!

Wilbur might have started as a buffer to what Tommy considered the inevitable, a simple delay. Despite the serotonin high that he had for the past few days, Tommy hadn’t forgotten about Wilbur. He hadn’t forgotten about why he met him in the first place.

Did he want to anymore?

Tommy didn’t have an answer, apparently.

That’s why he needed these meetings with Wilbur to continue, they got him to the end of the week, they got him through his current problems. He helped him fix his relationship with Tubbo and Ranboo. Maybe Tommy wanted to figure out what he could solve before he left. What he fixes— then he’ll decide.

He’d make up his mind then.

Because was Tommy’s decision to make, not Wilbur’s. Not Sam’s, not Tubbo’s, not Ranboo’s. His. He knew that. Alright! Tommy knew that.

They stopped. The loud group got off.

Tommy eyed them as they left. “It looks like you asked the wrong teenager for booze,”

Wilbur cackled, his boisterous laugh filling the now mostly empty train car. “I had forgotten I did that,” He giggled, wiping away at his eye.

“I didn’t!” Tommy pointed. “Man, I thought you were going to stab me. Or demand for my wallet. Or both.”

“You thought I was going to mug you?”

“You asked me for booze!”

“I was breaking the ice!”

“You break the ice by asking for alcohol ?”

“Yeah! You looked miserable. I thought you could use a good laugh.”

“I didn’t,” Tommy said. “I clicked a pen at you. I was prepared to stab you with that in case you were a wrongun.”

“Oh no, ink poisoning,” Wilbur dismayed. “What will I do?”

“Go to the ER,” Tommy replied. “But you’re probably banned from that too.” Wilbur was silent. Tommy had meant that as a joke. “Wilbur…”

“It is a long story,”

“Oh my god.”

“It is!”

“Geez man,” Tommy rubbed his temple. “And you scold me for making jokes about Molotov Cocktails!”

“They are mini bombs.”

“And you’re not allowed in places in half of England!”

“I did not set anything ablaze, Tommy,” Wilbur said, rising. His stop was next. The night was coming to an end. “Try not to get arrested between now and next week.”

There it was, his confirmation. “No promises big man!” The train was stopping. “Try to stop pissing people off!”

“See you, Tommy!” Wilbur stepped out, not looking back at Tommy.

When they moved again, Tommy startlingly realized that he was alone. Just him. Two weeks ago, Tommy would’ve killed for this. He would’ve died for this.

Tommy sat alone, and the flashing markers of the tunnel were too bright and the rumbling, vibrating feeling of the tube going at its ungodly speed was nauseating because Tommy should’ve been—

He could’ve been—

Tommy shook his head. Squeezing his eyes shut. He could drown out the lights. He was okay. He was alone, and that was okay. It didn’t matter. Being alone didn’t make a difference. Nothing changed. The time of the night was really starting to become very prominent to Tommy. He wanted to go home and just sleep. Tommy checked his phone, no new messages other than some old Instagram notifications.

When his stop came up, he practically bounced up and sprinted off of the train, pushing past a concerned-looking ginger woman. He was up the steps before the train could even pull out.

Tommy was alive for right now, and he was okay with that.

[shirtlesssammy]

3x05: Bedtime Stories

Then:

John’s dead, the Colt exists, and Dean’s going to Hell

Now:

In a housing development in NY, three brothers argue over building materials and windy weather conditions. One brother falls victim to the blood cannon, and then another does. A third hides behind cinder block and thinks he’s safe --but he’s not! 

On a lonely road, the brothers have a particularly heated brother moment. Sam insists on calling a crossroads demon now that they have the Colt. Dean refuses. Dean doesn’t CARE if he dies. He only cares that if they mess with the deal, Sam dies. He’s not going to let that happen. Dean changes the VERY HEATED subject to ask about the case of the week. Sam doesn’t have much, but all signs point to werewolves. 

Detective Plant and Page interview the last brother standing. He’s in the hospital and is expecting the sketch artist to take down his account of the assailant. Dean leans into it and tasks Sam with the sketching duties. Sam gets to drawing.

The brothers are asking seriously leading questions, but the dude doesn’t have anything supernatural to add. It was a normal dude. His brother(s) are dead. He asks Sam, “How would you feel?” OOOOOOFFFFF. 

The moment ends with a little levity when the guy asks to see the sketch. 

(The little tattoo of the Wylie E Coyote SLAYS ME.) 

The brothers rule or werewolves and demons. 

On a nature hike gone wrong, a couple, lost in the woods, stumble upon a gingerbread house of glory. They’re SAVED! A kind old lady greets them and offers them hospitality. They agree to come inside and rest a bit. 

They stay for a bit of poisoned pie and disembowelment. YUM. 

A young girl watches from the window as the couple enjoys its own demise. 

Sam and Dean head to the hospital to interview the wife, who somehow survived the witch’s slaughter. Ted Beneke The doctor who oversaw the last survivor is there trying to comfort the woman. 

Sam and Dean ask the woman about what happened. It appears that she didn’t eat as much and while the witch was carving up her husband, she was able to push the old lady and kill her. The woman asks about a little girl. The woman describes the girl, and I presume Sam sketches her. 

At the old lady’s house, the EMF is going crazy. Sam posits that they’re maybe dealing with fairy tales. The original Grimm Brothers didn't tell happy ever after stories. What’s the deal with the ghost though?

Time for research. 

Dean spent 6 HOURS at the library and came up with nada. While they talk about the implausibility of the case, they walk and stumble upon a frog in the road. 

Sam notices a house with a pumpkin and a mouse and thinks of Cinderella. Dean gets a little gross and accuses Sam of being gay. Dude, LET it GO. Cool, confident Sam doesn’t give a shit, and they head to investigate. 

With guns drawn, they scour the house. They find a young woman chained to the oven. She tells them her step-mother went crazy and beat and chained her up. Dean notices and alerts Sam to the little girl watching them. 

Dean follows her only to have her disappear, leaving an apple behind.  

Dean and Sam unpack the symbolism to conclude that they’re staring down the barrel of a Snow White myth. (Dean saw the porn version.) Sam thinks that the little girl spirit is leading them to her sleeping (real) body. I crack Sixth Sense jokes to myself. 

At the hospital, a nurse who’s never heard of health information privacy reveals that there are no comatose little girls there, but there is “Callie” - the comatose daughter of the doctor we met before. She’s been in a coma for years. 

Cut to the doctor reading Little Red Riding Hood to his blushing, non-intubated(???) daughter. While he reads the story, an elderly woman gets carjacked at the supermarket while the young girl looks on. 

Sam and Dean catch the end of the fairy tale and grill the doctor using their patented Winchester puppy-dog-eye power. The doctor reveals that Callie was brought in at the age of 8 after swallowing bleach. His wife - her stepmother - was the one who found her. Now, the stepmother’s dead and the doctor is all alone...

I swear it’s been at least a couple years since I’ve seen this episode...but Dean then brings up Sixth Sense five minutes after I invoke the movie’s name - and the plot line of the ghost trying to tell about her killer. I’m forced to high five Dean over his Shyamalan reference. They speculate that Callie’s ghost has been marinating in a mix of vengeance and Grimm for years now. They conclude that it would PROBABLY be pretty uncool to burn Callie’s comatose body. Glad these two have their heads on right. 

Just then the carjacked granny gets rushed into the Emergency Room. She perishes from savage wounds - like those of a wild dog. Sam and Dean flash their badges at the EMT and get the address of her granddaughter. Sam stays behind to try to help Callie while Dean promises to “stop the Big Bad Wolf.”

Sam corners Doctor Garrison and tells him that his wife poisoned Callie. 

And now Callie is hanging around as a spirit driving people to commit gruesome murders. The doctor looks at his daughter sorrowfully and then SHOCKS us all by revealing that he’s seen Callie’s spirit as well. 

Meanwhile, Dean breaks down the door of the grandma’s house. He finds the terrified little girl and immediately starts fighting with the Big Bad Wolf and it clicks for me: OOOOOH RIGHT, Dean is the huntsman in this story. 

Sam tells Doctor Garrison that Callie has been trying to reach him - if he only listens to her he can help her to move on. 

Meanwhile, back at grandma’s…

Dean gets the tar beaten out of him while the ghost looks on. Doctor Garrison’s voice ripples into the scene, and Callie’s ghost pops back to the hospital. She confirms the story about her poisoning. He asks her to stop killing people and promises to let her go. The monitors flatline in the room as Callie moves on. 

At the house, the Big Bad Wolf suddenly snaps out of it. He doesn’t know where he is or what’s happening. Way to go screwing this dude for life, Callie. 

Later, the doctor recaps the plot; the kidnapped granddaughter is okay and everyone seems to be acting normally again. He tells the Winchesters that he should have let Callie go a long time ago. Dean looks pointedly at Sam.

Sam and Dean lob emo puppy eyes at each other over Dean’s impending demise. Later, Dean tosses and turns in his motel bed.

For Sleeping Beauty Science:

Sam packs up a bag and heads out the door. SAMMY PLZ. He buries a box at the crossroads and when the crossroads demon appears, he pulls the Colt on her. If she doesn’t drop Dean’s deal, he’s going to kill her. 

She laughs at his posturing. “Aren’t you tired of cleaning up Dean’s messes?” If Dean’s gone, then Sam is FREE, after all. (I hiss once again at the finale.) And anyway, she can’t nullify Dean’s contract because her boss really REALLY wants it for himself. Sam swallows moodily, then shoots her and watches her spark out. Sam, sweetie. Please work on using your words.

Once Upon a Quote:

I tell you one thing, there's no way I'm kissing a damn frog

Hey, you know fairy tales, I know movies

Aren't you tired of cleaning up Dean's messes? Of dealing with that broken psyche of his?

 Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive!

[panic-at-the-fiction]

Hello Darling pt3

Summary: (y/n) is the salvatores younger sister and she is low key in love with one of the originals. You know which one. The only problem is he is a low key psychopath and neither of them remember that this isn’t their first meeting.

Warnings: just harmless flirting

A/N: I’ve been in love with Kol Mikaelson for 3 days now. I’m being forced to watch vampire diaries with my mom and Kol and the rest of the original family are like the only reason I’m still watching it.

You hadn't gotten any sleep last night. You spent 3 hours in the emergency room with Matt because he wouldn't drink your blood. He didn't want to risk becoming a vampire. But you were trying to be a nice person nowadays so you respected his decision and waited with him at the ER. You didn't get home till 4 in the morning, and it took you at least an hour to get out of that stupid dress you had worn. You really wish you hadn't had gone to that stupid party. It had been filled with one disappointment after another, but now you were home in your apartment. With no annoying brothers, no doppelgänger sluts, and no originals. The sun was coming up and you were finally able to get some sleep for the day.

You didn't wake up till about 12 in the afternoon. By the time you showered and left your apartment it was already 1 o'clock so you were shocked when you arrived at your brothers house in time to see Rebekah Mikaelson leaving in the same dress she had worn to the party the night before. She only ignored you and walked out of the house. Not even making eye contact with you.

Damon walked down the stairs barely dressed after having obviously just taken a shower.

"What was Rebekah doing here?" You knew exactly what she had been doing, but you needed your brother to admit it.

"She was just leaving." He smiled and walked away trying to ignore your question. You followed him into the library.

"No Damon, I mean why was she here in the first place?"

"I may or may not have gotten drunk and brought her back here after Elena shut me down last night." He poured himself a drink.

You couldn't help but laugh at your ass of an older brother. It was only a couple hours ago that he accused you of sleeping with an original and here he is brushing off his one night stand like it didn't matter that he's a big fat hypocrite. "You know what? Eat Shit Damon."

"Aww come on (y/n) so what if I slept with Rebekah. Why do you care?"

"I care because last night when you weren't busy fawning over Elena you were slut shaming me for being around an original but today you're sleeping with one of them like it's no big deal. So yeah, Damon. eat shit and see if I care!" You stormed out of the house, not wanting to be around your brother any longer. He was a jerk and he never made an effort to apologize for it. Not like he did with Stefan at least.

You decide it was best if you went back to not caring and day drinking. So you headed back to the mystic grill and picked back up where you left off yesterday, half way through a bottle of whiskey.

By the time ten o'clock rolled around you were on your fourth bottle of whiskey and you were starting to crave something stronger, something that didn't come from a bottle. You looked around the room eyeing everyone in the bar. It was really packed since it was ten-o'clock on a Saturday. You were sizing everybody up to see who you could snatch away and take a bite out of. You notice some girl walking towards the bathroom. You quickly finished your drink and tried to go after the girl. But when you turned to leave your seat Kol was standing in front of you, blocking you from going after the girl.

"Hello Darling, I see your day drinking again. Whiskey of all things. Most girls are into champagne and fruity cocktails nowadays but you really aren't must girls are you." He set his coat on the back of the chair and set down next to you at the bar.

You really didn't want to see Kol right now or really ever. You saw another girl head to the bathroom so you gave up trying to feed from them and refilled your whiskey glass. "Not like most girls? Was that supposed to be a complement? You're gonna have to do better than that after what you did." You kept staring at the wall in front of you. You didn't want to look at him right now. Hell you didn't want him to be there right now.

"Oh yes how is the quarterback? All hyped on vampire juice and healed now?"

"No, he wouldn't take my blood. I had to sit in the ER with him all last night."

"Oh so is that why you're here drinking?"

"Why are you here Kol?" You turned to face him.

"Would you believe if I said that I care about your problems?" You rolled your eyes and you could tell he was just being sarcastic. "Yeah I wouldn't either. I'm not usually the one to care about other people and their problems. That was usually Elijah. Though I do feel different after having been daggered and living in a coffin for so long maybe I can give it go. So how about you tell me your problems and I'll tell you mine?"

You ignored him, just went back to staring at the wall and drinking your whiskey. "Well fine then I'll start first. Today my brother and my mother tried to kill me and all of my siblings, but then your brothers accidentally stopped them by killing my brother, permanently this time, before my mother could complete her spell. So now she's off in the wind trying to figure out how to finish us off."

He took the whiskey bottle from you and grabbed an empty glass to fill it up. You just stared at him, you felt bad about what had happened to him. You couldn't even imagine what he must be feeling right now. "I'm so sorry about what happened with your mother and for what my brothers did. I had no idea they were planning any of this. Which one of your brothers was it?"

"Finn." He downed what he could of the whiskey and refilled. He was obviously having a bad day.

"Were you two close?"

"No not really. He was a lot older and he spent the better half of the last millennium in a box for having a stick up his ass."

"Your family is something else."

He laughed a bit "You're telling me. So what happened to you today? Couldn't be any worse than my day."

"No but it wasn't any good." Kol just kept drinking and nodded along. "Went to my brother's house this afternoon to check in on them and make peace after last night. Turns out he and your sister hooked up last night. So I called him a hypocritical dick for yelling at me last night and for accusing me of sleeping with you then stormed out of the house and came here."

"So that's where Rebekah was last night. I'll have to remember to torment her later with that." He raised his glass and clinked it with yours, "Cheers."

"Cheers." You couldn't help but to stare at Kol. Despite everything he did last night you didn't hate him. He was different tonight, he wasn't cocky and confident he seemed genuine. About an hour and a bottle later. You were both pretty drunk, even for vampires. You found yourself once again wanting to spend more time with the jerk. After everything he did to your friend you still liked him, more than you probably should have. Everything about him just seemed so familiar and comfortable.

You decided it was best that you left before you tried to do anything you might regret. "I should probably get going, it's late."

"Do you need me to walk you home or get you a cab?" Kol started to laugh, "I'm trying to be nice here, I'm not sure it's working for me."

"No, I'll be okay. I don't live far from here." You got up and started to walk towards the door as Kol stopped you about half way.

"Hey (y/n) wait!" He grabbed your wrist and turned you around to face him. "I'm sorry about what I did at the ball yesterday. I was mad at my sister and I took it out on your friend Matt and your brother."

It fell silent between you two for a moment. Kol was still holding your wrist in his hand. You started to laugh, "What's so funny?"

"Nothing, it's just, you're apologizing for trying to kill my only friend and my brother and I've just forgiven you. I'm not even upset about it, Because I've been there before, when you're so mad at someone that you take it out on someone else. It's just so weird I should be mad at you right now but I'm not. Part of me likes you even more now." You just kept laughing at yourself. You were totally drunk off your ass. You didn't even realize you said you liked him out loud.

"Wait did you just say you like me more now? So you actually did like me before?" Kol smiled at you. You were mad at yourself for saying that out loud but glad you got Kol to perk up a bit. You noticed him moving a bit closer to you.

"Maybe" the alcohol was really kicking in. You felt more confident than you had in a long while.

Kol leaned down a bit so you two were closer together "Does that mean I still have a chance?"

"Maybe." You saw him glance down a few times to stare at your lips too. You both were waiting for someone else to make the first move. You were as close as you two could get without touching.

Tired of the waiting, Kol closed the gap between you. He pulled you closer by your wrists before moving his hands to the side of your face. Your hands ran up through his short brown hair. You could already taste the whiskey on him. It didn't take you long before you both were gasping for air and had to pull apart slightly. Neither of you could seem to decide what to say next.

You broke the silence, "You know on second thought I might need a walk home. My place is just two blocks over."

Kol pulled away from you and laughed. He quickly grabbed his coat from the back of his chair. He smiled and held his hand out to you "Well then, lead the way."

I just want to say thanks again to @hellish-ramblings-of-an-emo for helping me edit these and get these first few chapters out here. You have been such an inspiration to me and you make me want to write more everyday!

Also thank you to all the people who have been liking this story and I’ll be posting new chapter from now on every week! I would also love to take request for fic ideas to help me fill up this blog with stories.

[felassanis]

WHY FENHAWKE IS IMPORTANT. FENRIS ANALYSIS.

(I’m not saying you have to romance fenris, if you do not like fenris you do you boo boo romance a fucking candelstick. I just have to put this ‘disclaimer’ even tho it’s obvious, cuz we have easily offended geezers up in this fandom who have accused me before of having ‘acted superior with my romance choice’ and all that bollocks.)

Kinda long, kinda detailed, but I had a lot of fun thinking about this. Also, I am not analysing Rivalmance, I am analysing scenes and dialogue from Fenris’s ‘nicemance’’ mentions of mental illness but nothing triggering.

Fenris’s story in Dragon Age II has a outer layer and an inner layer. The outer layer is of course fighting for his freedom. Becoming a free man is his conscious desire. In order to get this Fenris will do anything from never staying in one place for too long to killing anyone that comes after him. This ‘becoming a free man’ is the obvious story regarding Fenris. It’s the first thing we learn about his arc: The slave who wants to be free. And it’s up to our Hawke to help him achieve that.

But, we also have what I call the ‘true story’. His inner layer or ‘subconscious’ desire surrounds the element of revenge, overcoming trauma and learning to move on. It’s the story of Fenris we will eventually learn about and slowly uncover as the game progresses. 

Fenris deep down wants to move on. It’s not just about being free, Fenris knows he wants to be free. He is fully aware of that. What he doesn’t acknowledge however, is that in order to be truly free he’s got to learn to accept what has happened to him, accept it was out of his control and accept that it is in the past. But....he won’t. 

I will admit, Fenris’s speech can be hella emo and overdramatic, the way he talks is extremely gothic novella and the writers could have done a better job at showing not telling. But, the reason he talks the way he does about ‘plagues in his heart’ and whatnot, is to exemplify the complete and utter turmoil this elf possesses. You can tell he’s thought about it a lot, because he talks so poetically that you can’t help but think ‘no one naturally talks likes this’ it shows he has overthought the emotions his past has caused at great lengths. I guess, you could analyse it as ‘no one talks that way, unless they’ve rehearsed it’ which yes, I think he has rehearsed it to some degree. Not to sound purposefully broody and meloncholic just for the aestheitc; he just knows with full clarity how it makes him feel and he’s able to describe it naturally in that articulated manner. 

I highly doubt he even knows he’s doing it honestly, his speech is very different from the other characters. Anders for example also suffers from trauma and mental health, but he doesn’t speak like this. For Fenris it just comes naturally...

Every time we talk to Fenris before spending the night with him is about slavery. We find him running from slavers, we kick down the doors to hunt down his slave master and he talks to Hawke about what has happened to him regarding his days of being a slave. The topic of slavery is heavily ingrained into his character but the game isn’t doing that because Bioware wants you to think ‘OOH he’s so angsty and broody! He’s such a tormented soul don’t you just love him?!’ Nah, Bioware is merely saying that this character’s past was so horrifying that he simply cannot get over it. He talks about it so much because it has engulfed him; he’s not free of the chains as Flemeth said. 

The ‘chains’ she’s referring to is that ‘slavery’ has very much swallowed his whole identity. He’s not yet willing to claw his way out of the jaw of his past. He’s both unwilling and likely unaware he talks about it so much with Hawke.

The only other conversation where it’s not heavily discussed is when him and Hawke discuss the theme of home in his first one on one. It becomes very clear that Fenris has not had a home in a long time due to being on the run, he asks Hawke why they haven’t returned to Ferelden and nearly every option Hawke has is pretty much ‘Kirkwall isn’t so bad, I’ve built a life here’ or ‘my family is here, I have roots’ to which Fenris will sound...longing. Exhibiting a clear desire to have his own place to call home, yet he won’t come out and say it. Hawke says “It sounds like you want to settle down,” and Fenris will respond “I could see myself staying, for the right reasons,” and I just...look, he is deliberately giving himself an out when he says that. ‘The right reasons’ is a clever way of Fenris setting up an escape plan for when his paranoia inevitably settles in and it’s time to pack up and move on. ‘The right reasons,’ yeah, we both know Fenris, that when you decide it’s time to go you can then just be like ‘I haven’t found the right reason to stay’ and run. But the reason you haven’t found the right reason to stay, is because you are not MAKING a reason to stay! 

Moreover, his second one on one? Where if you flirted with him he’s like ‘You’re amazing, but I’m a slave...why would you want me?’ here, Hawke is beginning to represent that ‘right reason’...a reason he could stay, and that gives him some food for thought, as well as some potential fear...This is repeated when the flirting gets a bit more heated durng the second conversation. Where’s he drunk (I think?) and him and Hawke dance around ‘getting to know each other’ only for Fenris to suddenly back out.

A good quote, ‘if you feel as though you have no place in the world, you must make one,’ is something I think resonates with this elf. He doesn’t have a purpose in the world, he is on the run constantly with his past eating away at him. But he does want purpose, he’s just unable to grasp it. His story is about carving himself a new purpose, a new future.

Now, obviously...Fenris can’t really settle down. Not until he’s stopped being hunted which will only occur when Danarius is dead. I’m obviously not glossing over that and saying ‘Fenris is a bitch who won’t move on’ that’s not what I’m saying AT ALL. He has good reason to not stay in one place and he has good reason to paranoid. But, Danarius and the slavers? that’s not the inner conflict that I’m trying to analyse. Danarius and the slavers are an obstacle, they are the physical hurdles he has to jump over. So, yeah I know Fenris cannot do any of what I have said because of those hurdles, but he also can’t do any of that until he’s dealt with his inner conflict; which as I said before is him learning to move on and accepting the past.

The inner conflict NOT BEING ADDRESSED is exactly why after he kills Hadriana he feels EMPTY. In the moment that he is face to face with someone that caused him so much pain; she bullied him to no end and like any person Fenris loses it. All those years of abuse...he has the chance to exact his revenge and he does it. However, after being consumed with hatred for so long and at such an intensity...what is left? Now she’s dead...he feels nothing.

I want to point out that Fenris says ‘I couldn’t let her go, I wanted to...but I couldn’t’ at first I when I heard this line I was a bit confused. But thinking about it, Hadriana isn’t just a character in Dragon Age. In Fenris’s story she represents a chapter in his lifethat Fenris THOUGHT HE HAD CLOSED. He says ‘This hate...I thought I had gotten rid of it’ Hadriana represents Fenris’s rage...Hadriana while a complete fucking bitch, isn’t Danarius. Danarius is the one that haunts Fenris. While I have no doubt that she deserved to die, and I shudder to think what she might have done, she isn’t as bad as Danarius. Fenris...could have let her go, and if he had done then it would have represented some ounce of moving on...but he kills her, he gives into his rage and kills her. 

Fenris had convinced himself that he was over it to some degree, but he isn’t. So once her blood laments his hands, it is a revelation to him. A scary one...and that is why he feels ‘disquiet’. Or alternatively, you could see it as Fenris perhaps ALWAYS knowing he was not over his hate deep down, but Hadriana finally brought it to light. His hate has always been quelling inside of him, but it’s only really after Hadriana, does Fenris finally fucking realise it. So when it’s revealed to him, it becomes too much for him to handle hence why he stomps off leaving the party. Thus, beginning Act 2 of Fenris’s story...

Sorry for all of that, but now I’M GOING TO TALK ABOUT HAWKE.

After he leaves the party, you will find Fenris at Hawke’s estate waiting for them. Now that hot, emotional fury has lifted from his senses he’s ready to be nice again and say sorry. 

After apologising; Hawke as concerned as always, asks him if he’s okay...and Fenris, without being drunk, will be completely honest with Hawke. He will confess the conflict he is feeling, he’ll describe what Hadriana made him feel and he will confess how her death left an emptiness inside of him...I don’t doubt that Fenris is a reserved person. He’s not one to voice his problems and past. While the entire cast of DAII know Fenris was a slave, I feel like only Hawke truly knows the details. However gory. The Fog Warriors story truly shows how much trust he has for Hawke, that isn’t a story that paints him as the good guy...yes, to some degree he was a victim but he did murder people who only wanted to help, who were willing to fight for his freedom. The Fog Warriors are parallel to Hawke, they were people he respected and looked up to just as he does with Hawke yet he killed them. Him telling that story...my god, imagine how hard that must be. Hawke is doing the same thing for him that the Fog Warriors did, but he trusts Hawke so much that he feels like they should know. 

Back to the romance scene, he is completely vulnerable in that moment. After his rant he has a moment of clarity and realises he’s distanced himself from the original goal of meeting up with Hawke. They’re so easy to talk to he forgot himself. So, he’s about to leave. Until Hawke reaches out for him.

THE KISS SCENE, wow...ok. The armour design defintely had a hand in it, we know his arms are showed off in that armour because he’s not keen on hiding them, he won’t hide from the slavers who know exactly what those markings mean. 

Hawke grabs HIS SKIN. As they try to stop him from leaving they touch his skin...

Back with Hadriana when Hawke can reach out for him, they grab his shoulder, the part of him that’s cladded in thick leather (or whatever the heck it’s made out of)...nothing happens. HERE THEY TOUCH HIS SKIN. All that SPIKY armour! And Hawke is close enough to Fenris that they can reach out and touch his bare arm. 

He glows, and while it can be speculated, the lyrium seems to briefly cloud his mind and instinctively he seems to think he’s being hurt, on reflex he slams Hawke against the wall. He appears angry, hostile...could be the lyrium defending him...but it’s probably more to do with physical abuse....

I love seeing that blue cloud fade from his eyes, as he slowly slips back to reality and processes what has just happened. His animation shows him stepping back, slowly because he must be thinking ‘I have just made this worse, I came here to apologise, and these damn markings just made me attack Hawke’ in this moment Hawke sees Fenris in a state. The Lyrium, the ‘magic that has spoiled him’ took over...he probably thinks they ought to be mortified. But instead? Hawke kisses him.

Hawke has seen him in the state he probably feels disgusted by. There’s no way this hasn’t happened before, where he’s lost control. And he probably feels akin to a mage succumbing to a demon. But Hawke...Hawke just loves him, and wants to make him feel loved. They saw that flicker of horror in his eye as he pinned them against the wall, and they just would want to blow it out. 

Of course Fenris is going to reciprocate. There’s no one he respects more, no one he trusts more (nor fancies more :) ) and after he did what he did they still kiss him. Finally, it is here that Hawke represents a future, and for that night he’s willing to have a taste of that future. To feel happy and loved, to forget about his past and focus on Hawke...

Then, the past comes to bite him in the arse.

He remembers his life before the the lyrium. Suddenly, without warning it is then stolen from him. He lost his life TWICE.

He lost it twice because of the Lyrium, the lyrium inflicted upon him by Danarius, the Magister who fucking...well, you know. The Magister who enslaved him and others and who has been sending out slavers to hunt him down, the very same slavers Hawke and Fenris fought that very day...the slavers that ambushed him and Hawke.

See where I’m going with this? Fenris recollecting his memories only to lose them is a double edged sword. One side, it’s clearly devastating and anyone would be disturbed if their whole life just vanished so suddenly. And if being with Hawke is just going to repeat that then you can’t blame him for wanting to end it. But also, Hawke? This human that represents a potential future? Being with them made him remember the past, the past he is still haunted by and clings to. How can he have a future with someone when being with them is tainted by the past?

I had a whole rant about this in another post so I won’t ramble too long since this post is already a thicc bitch but...Fenris cannot delve into a relationship with Hawke. He isn’t ready for the committment when he’s still being haunted by the past, both physically and mentally. Before he can have a future, he needs to work on himself in order to be ready for that future. He needs to kill Danarius. Now we circle back to him overcoming his obstacles and finally achieving his subconscious desires. 

I said that mental illness is reallt well portrayed in Fenhawke because Fenris and Hawke are seperated for YEARS. Yet, the beauty of it is that Hawke waits for Fenris. They stay by him, they support him and protect him and they remain at his side until the day they finally get to witness him pull out Danarius’s heart. It utterly evokes the beauty of good relationships such as patience, compromise and adoration of all flaws. Yes, they seperate and yes I know people got a bit mad. However, Fenris leaving Hawke strengthens their bond.

Fenris is the one who closes the chapter on Danarius, because as I have said if you are struggling with mental illness only you can help yourself and take the steps to recovery. There are the lucky few who have others surrounding them that will be of support and of course that helps...but it is down the one person to realise they are drowing, and it’s up to them if they grab the lifeguard.

With Danarius dead, once again that feeling of numbing emptiness prevails and instead of getting angry Fenris owns up to the fact that...he needs to move on. That if he’s ever going to be happy he needs to accept what happened to him. Whether or not you let verania live, it was important for Fenris to think he could have reclaimed the past. Because this time when he is once again proven wrong it finally clicks that the past has nothing for him anymore. I do wish he could have had a family, but...it is kinda fitting that Verania is a mage, that she isn’t interested in reuniting with Fenris. The ties have been cut, the past isn’t the answer.

He feels alone. Obviously, that’s not tue, because guess who’s been by his side all this time? And who is standing there right now, looking upon him with much love in their eyes reminding him ‘I’m here Fenris,’

That smile, *swoons* that smile. :’) As though Hawke has said something so bloody obvious. Making him smile because ‘yeah, he should have known that’ And that MY FRIENDS, Is probably when Fenris is already concieving the possibility of spending the rest of his life with Hawke...RIGHT THEN AND THERE.

Fenris has a long way to go to move on, but the important thing is is that he’s now finally willing and able. He doesn’t know where it will lead, but whatever or wherever it leads he’s going to walk it with Hawke. He talks about wishing he had stayed with Hawke when he finally confronts them with what happened between them all those years ago. He says that because now his head is clearer and he sees what he should have done. But Fenris sweetie, you had to go through what you did in order to be the man you are today, it’s ok that you made mistakes. You’re here now and so is Hawke.

A platonic bond with Fenris is important, but Fenris and Hawke probably never see each other again if that’s the case. If you romanced him, Fenris flees Kirkwall with Hawke. He ain’t leaving their side, because they are his future.

Fenris has a fucking amazing arc, bioware did really well with him and his romance was so well done and I love analysing his behaviour. Hawke really helps him get through his trauma and they are there to take his hands and lead him down the road to recovery. This was a romance DONE RIGHT

thank you for coming to my TedTalk.

[love-sapphirerose]

Yashahime: Princess Half-Demon Episode 23

https://www.animenewsnetwork.com/review/yashahime-princess-half-demon/episode-23/.170583

For me, a key part of writing these weekly reviews is breaking down the plot and themes of each episode. Now, I'm trying my best, dear readers, but more so than even the worst of the episodes that preceded it, “The Princesses Strike Back” really does feel like a bunch of random scenes that were haphazardly slapped together with no rhyme or reason to speak of. I'd be lying if I told you that I fully understood what was even going on, by the end of things, but I guess I'll give it a shot?

We open in the present, with Mr. Kirin bumping into Sota and his little family to ominously inquire about Towa's whereabouts. Here is where I will be as fair as I can possibly be and highlight the one moment of the episode I liked, where Sota blames Towa's extended absence on a medley of random illnesses, just like Kagome's folks did back in the day for her. That was a cute callback, and what I wouldn't give for a version of Yashahime where we got more connections to the original series like it. Mr. Kirin also takes a moment to point out the spooky demon comet in the sky to Sota, but Sota can't even see it, so the only reason this scene exists is to establish that Kirinmaru has some kind of cross-temporal connection with his…what? His doppelganger? Descendant? Time clone?

Who cares! The show definitely doesn't, since it immediately transitions to Kirinmaru meeting up with none other than Sesshomaru's Mother, whose name is…”Sesshomaru's Mother”. Very creative. Anyways, here is where Kirinmaru and Sesshomaru engage in some incredibly vague conversation that nearly explains what our villain's motivations are beyond simply murdering SesshMoMaru's grandkids, but nope. That would make too much sense, so the show decides to skip all of that and introduce the Windmill of Time, which as best as I can tell is a completely new thing that is not a holdover from InuYasha, and all of my Googling of “time windmill” only turned up some obscure non-fiction books. What is the Windmill of Time? I don't know! All that Kirinmaru mentions is that Sesshomaru has been seeking something called Akuru's Pinwheel. What is that? I don't know! Later on, we see a kid named Akuru with a pinwheel that Sesshomaru completely ignores so…yeah, no, I've got nothing.

Now, here's where we need to double back a bit; this episode is titled “The Three Princesses Strike Back”, right? What are they striking back against? That one, at least, is simple enough to track: The girls are taking the fight back to Zero, and Setsuna even has the mysterious “Blood Blade” to add to her fighting repertoire. The last fight with Zero was a relative highlight of the series' back half, so at this point I was still wondering if the show could manage the same trick of being sort-of decent twice in a row. It turns out the exact opposite happened, instead; once the girls arrive at the burnt-out ruins of the old Grampyasha manor, the episode takes a full nosedive in quality and basically devolves into utter nonsense.

Here's the shakedown: After a bunch of lame banter between the girls, Zero, and Riku, the pirate boy eventually reveals that, now that Moroha and Setsuna have arrived with their Red and Gold Rainbow Pearls, he's gathered every one of the lost gems to return to Zero. She was apparently unaware that this plot was even in place, and reacts very angrily, though she ends up taking the Rainbow Pearls back anyways. Now, the show has repeatedly claimed that the Pearls are the source of her demon powers, except she's had demon powers this whole time, and when she finally does reunite the collection of off-brand Infinity Stones that Yashahime has been building up for twenty-three weeks now, the grand result is…Setsuna killing her in less than a minute, with a single blow from her Blood Blade.

I'm not kidding. After all of the hullabaloo Yashahime raised over “Rainbow Pearl, this” and “Rainbow Pearl, that”, Zero ends up getting one-shotted by Setsuna and dying in Riku's arms. Does…does Yashahime realize how inconceivably stupid this looks from the audience's perspective? It gets worse, too: When she dies, Zero's spirit is whisked off to the underworld, where she gets into a very long back-and-forth with SessMoMaru about the respective pain they suffered over Grampyasha's stepping around over the years. The conversation doesn't go anywhere at all except for Zero freaking out when SeshMoMaru accuses her of indulging in petty “human” emotions. Oh, I guess there's the teensy detail that we learn of how, when Zero dies, Rin also must die, so Sesshomaru pops in to use the Tenseiga's life-giving powers on Zero's corpse.

In all of this chaos, Rin wakes up with the goofiest look on her face for all of five seconds or so, and then immediately dozes off without a single word when Zero comes back to life. Rin isn't the only victim of the episode's truly terrible artistic gaffes, though; there's one shot of Zero's dead body that literally looks as if someone cropped a JPEG of the character from a different scene into the frame, and then flipped it on its side to make it look dead. It has to be seen to be believed:

Look, I know it's COVID times, and I know that animation is one of the most difficult and underpaid jobs pretty much anywhere, but for real. Yashahime. What the heck are we doing here? And then, when Zero wakes up and angrily demands the Rainbow Pearls from Riku, despite them being just a couple of feet away on the ground, only to have the about-face interrupted by Kirinmaru descending from heaven like some kind of Hot Topic Emo Demon Jesus? I ask again: Just what in the heck are we doing, Yashahime?

The preview for “Sesshomaru's Daughter” has an ominous mood that goes so far as to foreshadow that Setsuna is going to die, and it bills itself as “The final episode”. On the one hand, please God, yes, let this finally be over! On the other hand, there is no universe wherein Yashahime can satisfactorily wrap up its story in a mere 22 minutes. We're one week away from the finale, and I'm not even sure that the story has started, yet. I don't know what I fear more: The possibility that Yashahime might truly attempt to conclude this terrible, terrible story for good in just one week, or the possibility that there might be more weeks, months, or even years of Yashahime yet to come…

Odds and Ends

• I damn near forgot to mention that, when Zero is revived and raging at Sesshomaru, Towa's inner-monologue pops in, and she muses, “Living in the world is hard. If you don't follow the set rules, you're treated as an outcast. I was so tired of it when I was in the other world. What Zero is feeling now is probably like how I felt back then.” This is, generously, one of the most inane and incompetent bits of writing I've seen in, God, I don't know how long. It's even worse than that wretched non-sequitur about Towa being too addicted to her cellphone from Episode 14, and that's really saying something. I'm far more accustomed to Yashahime's flagrant, spiteful disregard for “making sense” and “letting its characters sound like functional human beings”, so I guess it didn't hit me quite as hard.

[greasepaint-and-glitter]

The futures priceless babe

TW: alcoholism, abusive parenting, panic attack

Ethan Green was 16 the first time Lex put eyeliner on them. It had always been a long running joke between the two of them that Lex would have been a hot dude and Ethan the prettiest girl. So they had put Lex's hair in a ponytail under a hat and given her a fake emo dude fringe. She'd laughed her ass off and taken a whole bunch of shitty pictures before turning to Ethan and saying "Your turn". 

They'd protested and tried to wiggle away but Lex, not one to give up easily, had pinned them down and to the best of her ability drawn shaky eyeliner on them. They'd complained the whole time but then something on Lex's face changed and they stopped. 

"Holy shit Ethan, I know this was a joke but you look really good" 

"You're kidding me. Me? Look good? In makeup?" 

"See for yourself" 

Lex pointed at the small mirror above the sink and Ethan went to look. 

"Holy shit". Lex was right, they did look really good in makeup. They looked different. But a good different. And it made them happy in a way they couldn't explain. 

Later that night, when they were back in their own house and the eyeliner had been safely washed off to avoid endless questions from their dad, they did some googling. They learned a lot that night and fell asleep happier than they had in weeks. 

They come out as non binary a week later.

--- 

The second time was different. It had been about 6 months since then and nothing had changed. Lex and Hannah came round a lot, school was boring, they smoked, they laughed, things were normal. Ethan pretended not to notice that both of them were getting thinner. They pretended not to see the bruises in the places Lex would only show to them. It was an unspoken rule between them that no one talked specifically about what was going on with their parents. It was always "mum's a bitch" or "dad's being difficult". But they couldn't ignore it when Lex and Hannah showed up at their place at 3 am in the pouring rain. 

Ethan had smuggled them inside, being careful not to wake their dad and sat them down in their room. Lex was frantic. She was all over the place, not speaking in full sentences and pacing around Ethan's room like she was trapped. 

"Lex. Lex. Lex!" She spun round to look at them. "We don't have to tell me what's going on if you don't want to but please calm down. Come sit on the bed, I'll get you and Hannah some clean clothes and then we can talk, yeah?" 

She just stared at them. Hannah was sat in the corner biting on her chewy necklace harder than they'd ever seen, staring into space with tears rolling silently down her face.

They didn't know what to do.

Luckily for them, Lex still had half a brain so she got Hannah her blanket and a pillow from Ethan's bed and laid her down on the floor where she was. Hannahs sniffles quickly turned to snores and that seemed to settle Lex a bit. She turned back to Ethan. 

"I'm so sorry" She came over to sit next to him on the bed. "Mum.. she.. I thought she was going to try and kill us E. She was so angry. I've never seen her like that before. She's usually... well she's usually a dick." Lex gave a sad laugh before continuing "But tonight was something different. She accused Hannah of stealing her vodka and I just couldn't stay there with her yelling and throwing shit and I had nowhere else to go and I'm so so sorry" 

Ethan stared at her. "You have no reason to be sorry. That's.. god Lex I don't even know what to say. How can I help?" 

"Hug me? Please?" 

So they hug. And the hug turned into cuddling, which turned into spooning and Ethan was almost asleep when Lex says 

"Ethan. Is that an eyeliner pencil?" 

That woke them up like nobody's business. They'd completely forgotten about it amongst all the chaos but they'd bought it yesterday and had been wanting to try it for themselves. 

"Um.. yes?"

"Why?"

"Why what?" 

"Why is the sky blue. What d'you think? Why do you have an eyeliner pencil?" 

Usually Ethan would be embarrassed beyond belief but Lex is smiling and after today that's such a relief that they just go along with it. 

"..to do eyeliner"

"On you?"

"Yeah" 

"Oh. Okay"

There's a moment of silence before Lex speaks again. 

"Do it for me?"

"What?"

"Put it on. I wanna see you in it." 

Something about that gives Ethan butterflies, though they'd never ever admit it. So they do. It's their first time putting it on so they're shaky and it comes out wonky but the look on Lex's face is worth it. For a split second she absolutely melts, her face just lights up and she looks at Ethan like they're the prettiest person on the planet. They feel their face go red and suddenly feel very exposed and awkward. They laugh through it and call her a dumbass for wanting to see them in eyeliner at a time like this but deep down they're so happy.

Lex pulls them onto the bed and their heart is racing but she just says "I may be an idiot but you do look good in eyeliner". They fall asleep cuddling and Ethan wakes up the next morning with panda eyes and (after much teasing from Hannah) learns the importance of makeup remover.

--- 

It's been a year since Lex and Hannah moved in with Paul and Emma. Emma teaches Lex how to cook something that isn't pot noodle and Paul and Hannah just seem to get each other. It's basically the perfect life for them. Ethan is trying very hard not to be jealous but it's really hard when at the end of a day of being part of a happy family, they have to come back to a quiet house that smells of dust and is full of anger and fear. 

That's when they start drinking. They know it's wrong. They know but they can't help it. It starts off as a one off thing. One evening they've just had enough of everything. They know they should call Lex but it just hurts to see her living the life that they so desperately want. It's selfish. It's ridiculous. They don't care. So they drink. And it helps. To start with it really helps. They're a lot happier because they know they have an out. If things get too much they'll have a few (or more than a few) beers and it goes away. But then they start to want it more. It's almost constant. The need is just sitting there at the back of their brain. 'This would be more fun drunk' 'god this class is so boring, gin would help you make it through' 'ugh god Paul shut up and let me get home so I can get blackout'. That's when they know it's out of their control. And it freaks them the fuck out. But it's okay because they can still hide it. 

Until one day Lex shows up unexpectedly. She lets herself in as usual and comes up to Ethan's room. She knows something's off as soon as she walks in. The lights are off, the curtains are shut and Ethan is lying on their bed. To start with she thinks they must have just been tired and fallen asleep until she steps further into the room and trips over a bottle. Her heart stops. 

"Lex" 

"Ethan" her voice is shaky "What is going on here"

" 'm sorry lex. 'm not your mum, promise" 

She turns the light on. Their room is a tip. The floor is covered in dirty clothes, the underneath of their bed is full of bottles and their bed clearly hasn't been changed in months. But it's how Ethan looks that scares her the most. They're lying almost fully naked in their bed. Their skin is pale and their hair is greasy but that's not what's making Lex tear up right now. They've taken their eyeliner pencil and drawn all over themselves. Circled ever scar, every bruise, every place that they've been hit. They're covered.

The rest of that day moves like clockwork, robotic and stiff and uncomfortable. Ethan doesn't remember any of it but they're later told by Lex that Paul and Emma came over. They took them back to their house and sat them in the shower. Lex says that they tried to drag them to bed but they kept wanting to apologise to Hannah. They cried the whole time. 

--- 

Ethan has been sober for 3 months and every day they are more like their old self. Lex and Hannah start to trust them again and it feels good. They have bad days of course but on the whole they're doing a lot better. 

One day Lex invites them over to hers and the whole family sit them down. Paul speaks first. 

"Ethan. We know you've struggled in the past but you've been doing really well as of recently. We're all very proud of you." Everyone agrees and Ethan starts to tear up. "We've discussed it as a family and we want to adopt you" 

"What Paul is trying to say" Emma chips in "is that if you want to move in with us you're more than welcome to. We can't officially adopt you because you're 18 but if you want to get out of your house, god knows I'd want to, you can do that here."

"You're serious?" Ethan looks at Lex in disbelief but she just grins and nods at them. "Absolutely"

"Holy shit. Holy shit! Yes oh my god yes, please!" 

Lex leaps at Ethan and tackles them into a hug. "You don't have to say please you dumbass" 

Over the next couple of weeks they slowly sneak Ethan's stuff out and move it into Lex's room. The night they officially move in, Hannah gives Ethan a makeover to celebrate. 

---

They woke with a start. Rain was hammering against the window and the thunder was almost constant. Ethan froze. They'd always hated storms ever since they were a little kid. Something about them just made them stressed. Now they're shaking in fear at this fucking storm and Lex is right there. She's never seen them like this before. They start to panic. There's so much happening and the storm is outside and they don't want Lex to wake up and what if Hannah hears them crying and- 

They feel Lex's hand on their shoulder. Without meaning to, they curl into an even tighter ball and start sobbing. They'd hoped Lex would never see them like this, it's so fucking embarrassing.

"Ethan" 

They can't even look at her. She pauses, figuring out what to do.

"E, please, focus on your breathing. In for four, hold for four, out for four. Like you do with Hannah when she's struggling. Can you do that for me?" 

Ethan still doesn't move but they do what she's saying and soon they've calmed down a bit. 

"There we go that's better. Can you look at me?" 

They shake their head. Thunder crashes again outside and they flinch. It clicks in Lex's head. 

"Oh! Is it the storm that's bothering you?" 

Ethan almost starts crying again but nods. "I'm sorry" he mutters "it's stupid"

"Hey" Lex laughs gently "It's not stupid at all. C'mere, lie down. It's just a storm it's not gonna hurt you" 

Lex grabs Ethan's new eyeliner and doodles on their arms to calm them down like Emma does for her when she's having a bad night. Later on, Ethan will remember what it was she drew and get a tattoo of a tiny little hand drawn house with two little stick figures in the garden.

They lie together in the dark for a while. Every time there's a roll of thunder Ethan scootches closer to Lex until they're basically spooning her. She turns round so they're face to face and even though the storm hasn't calmed outside, all Ethan can think about is how close she is and the feel of her breath on their neck and they want to kiss her so badly it hurts. So they do. And she kisses back. And it's not perfect because Ethan is still half crying and Lex is way too eager but they're both so happy. They fall asleep that night with Ethan's head on Lex's chest, listening to her heartbeat. Ethan never worries about another storm again.

---

The day they move into their own apartment makes them both cry. Emma tells them about a thing her sister used to do whenever she moved house and they decide to do it together, the whole family. They get out sharpies and Ethan uses their eyeliner and they write on the walls of the living room. Dreams, hopes, wishes, memories they never want to forget and moments they want to last forever. They all cry and laugh and at the end of the day they sit on the floor and eat cake in a room full of boxes and love. Ethan draws a love heart on each of them with the eyeliner and none of them rub it off. 

One day Lex will put eyeliner on Ethan on their wedding day and Hannah will call them both pretty. It will be one of their favourite memories, but that night, falling asleep with each other in their new apartment. That's the happiest they've ever been.

[colbybrocksmolder]

Tumblr – Colby Brock x Reader

Tumblr is…a mixed bag. You’d made some of your closest internet friends on this poorly run website, but you’d also received more than your share of crazy fangirl hate. What’s crazy though, is how easy it is to make friends in the Sam and Colby fandom on Tumblr. 99% of everyone you’ve met is super nice and the group kind of shuts down the haters pretty quickly.

This last round of drama kind of wore everyone down. It all started with a hate anon that your friend DaddyDobrock received. “If Sam and Colby saw half of what you guys wrote on here they wouldn’t want you as fans 🙄.” She handled it well. She laughed and told the anon to lighten up and fuck off. You guys were pretty used to petty hate anons and rarely answer them, but boy was this asshole persistent.

Absolute-randomness-forever replied to a similar message with “If you don’t like what we post, don’t follow us?” Again, not really feeding into any drama.

Sp00kybrock got one trying to get her opinion on the whole thing. “Don’t you think most of the Sam and Colby tumblr fandom is toxic? Like, I bet Colby would cringe so hard if he went on this site. 🙄” She defended her friends, laughing it off. “My friends and I aren’t toxic. We post memes and joke around, but we support the boys 100%.”

Jakeywebber commented on a few of the new posts. “Does this person even watch the boys? They obviously don’t know that their sense of humor is exactly like ours.”

The anons continued to come in, a few other people getting them but not replying. They always ended with 🙄. The problem with one toxic anon is that they attract others that want to feed into the drama, and soon the hate is taken too far.

Someone got an anon telling them to kill themselves. Eye rolling emoji included. The blog posted the anon with no comment other than “deleting now” and went offline. To say that the rest of you were up in arms is an understatement. Lightenupbrock, that-one-brock-boy, badassbrock, the-sun-is-dark, colbyjacksmack, rewindfridaynight, xplr-lurker, brockboytrashz…you all jumped in and defended your friend. You sent them messages making sure they were okay, trying to convince them not to delete.

*Twitter notification* Colby Brock Tweeted : “FYI we see more than you think we see. Don’t pretend to be our fan and then treat other fans like shit. Especially anonymously. 🙄”

Daddydobrock posted “Anyone else see this?” with a screenshot of the tweet.

A few of the others reblogged it, adding comments. By the end of the thread, your group of friends was convinced that Colby either had a tumblr or occasionally lurked on it.

*tumblr messages*

Xplr-lurker : Hey, have you heard from the girl that got the kys anon?

You and Xplr-lurker had been tumblr friends for about 6 months. They messaged you after they saw how you interacted with the other blogs. You were always helpful, kind, encouraging…You had a reputation for being a sweetheart and Xplr-lurker had messaged you thanking you for it. You two became friends pretty quickly, asking how each other’s days went and such. Neither of you ever really posted your personal info on your blogs, but you knew a bit about each other. You both lived in Cali, you were about the same age, and you loved sending each other super emo tumblr posts when you were bored. Usually hella late at night. He knew you were a girl and you knew he was a guy. Other personal details kind of trickled through in your everyday interactions.

Y/n : Yeah. She doesn’t want to be online for a while, but she isn’t going to delete her blog. I gave her my phone number just in case she needed to talk.

Xplr-lurker : I figured you would 😊 I’m glad she’s okay.

Y/n : Me too.

Y/n : Hey, did you see Colby’s tweet? I think he saw all of this go down. I mean, maybe I’m just assuming too much, but he ended a tweet about anon hate with that stupid eye roll emoji just like the anon does.

Xplr-lurker : I mean, he said he checks his dms all the time. Maybe someone sent it to him?

Y/n : Maybe.

Y/n : Honestly, I’m just as mad for him and Sam as I am for the girl. How shitty is it that they have to watch the people who call themselves fans treat other fans like garbage? And they can’t do a thing about it.

Xplr-lurker : That sounds like it would suck.

Y/n : Right?

You had written a whole big post about how hypocritical it was for this toxic anon to accuse everyone else of being bad for the fandom when they were so willing to go out of their way to harm other fans. You reminded them about the videos Sam and Colby used to post about being confident and helping others. Their entire YouTube career started with them making videos wanting to help people. Just like every other post, you signed it with two black heart emojis. 🖤🖤

You had continued talking to xplr-lurker as you wrote the post. Venting a little bit about how frustrated you were.

*Twitter notification* Colby Brock Tweeted : “Don’t worry, we know there are amazing fans out there, too. 🖤🖤”

Y/n : Dude. I think I’m paranoid, now.

Xplr-lurker : What do you mean?

Y/n : Nothing. I’m exhausted. I just need sleep, lol. You do too, nerd. You said you needed to be up by 9 and it’s already 4am.

Xplr-lurker : Holy shit, my friend is going to kill me if I’m falling asleep tomorrow, haha.

Y/n : Haha, good luck! I’ll talk to you later.

Xplr-lurker : Thanks. Sweet dreams.

See, it’s pretty common for social media influencers to have secret accounts. It gives them a way to like posts and follow fans without starting drama. After collabing with CrankThatFrank, Colby was convinced to make a tumblr. He picked Xplr-lurker so that it made sense for him to interact with his own fans. He mostly just reblogged cool edits and funny traphouse memes. He’d comment on funny posts and throw his two cents in on theories and gossip. For the most part, it was kind of fun. People on tumblr were brutally honest but fucking hilarious. He never planned on talking about tumblr or letting anyone he interacted with on tumblr know that he was behind the username…but then he found your blog. He’d contemplated telling you for a few weeks now. The two of you talked almost every night and he felt bad. He felt like he was lying to you.

He’d first messaged you just to say a quick thanks for being so positive in the fandom, but the more he talked to you the more he kept wanting to talk to you.

The 🙄 anon stopped sending people messages after Colby’s tweet. Your friends on tumblr were able to go back to posting ridiculous screenshots and cool photo edits over the next week or so. You’d reblogged a gif of Colby about to lose his shorts on a waterslide with the caption “I feel like Elton has been trying to get Colby naked in vlogs since the start of TFIL”.

Xplr-lurker : *sent waterslide post*

Xplr-lurker : This is a fat fact. Lol.

Y/n : Right? Hahahahaha

Xplr-lurker : I think he does it for views.

Y/n : Probably. It’s the same reason Colby gets shirtless in his own videos. He knows people will click the thumbnail, haha.

Colby sat on his balcony laughing. You were absolutely right.

Xplr-lurker : Is that why you clicked?

Y/n : Haha, nah. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a beautiful human being. You’d have to be blind not to see that. But I found Colby through TFIL.  

Xplr-lurker : What made you keep watching him then?

Colby felt bad for baiting you out, but his curiosity got the better of him. As far as you knew, he was just another fan. This is when he’d get your most honest answer.

Y/n : A lot. First, he’s a huge goofball. Watching him and his friends do dumb shit to make each other laugh is the best.

Y/n : And everything him and Sam have done together? Those two dudes are fearless. They just remind me that I’m the only one holding myself back, you know? One day I’ll actually get out of my own way and make something of myself.

Y/n : He also seems super genuine. He never seems afraid to speak his mind or call something like it is. It actually bums me out watching some of his “friends”, If you know what I mean. I know that not everything they put out there is 100% accurate to how they actually are in real life, but I hate that slimy feeling I get knowing that a lot of them use Sam and Colby and don’t actually give a shit.

Y/n : I know I sound like a massive fangirl at this point, haha. I think I just needed to get that off my chest.

Colby sat there trying to figure out how to respond. He had a huge grin on his face seeing you spill your guts like you did.

Xplr-lurker : Haha, don’t worry about it. You just sound like you care. That’s not a bad thing.

Over the next few weeks, you guys continued to talk like normal, but it got a little more personal. He wanted to be able to call you a friend, but he was still afraid to tell you who he actually was. You two talked more about your passions and the things you struggle with. You’d always sent each other music to check out, but he’d confessed that he’d been dabbling in trying to write lyrics. He needed to find a way to talk to you as COLBY and not xplr-lurker.

*Twitter notification* Colby Brock Tweeted : “You feel so close but in reality I’m sitting here on my balcony alone.”

One of your tumblr friends had screenshot the tweet, adding the caption “This is how it feels to have better friends on the internet than in real life.”

You reblogged it and tagged xplr-lurker. You added “I wouldn’t trade our late-night talks for the world.”

Xplr-lurker : *sent tagged post*

Xplr-lurker : Yeah?

Y/n : Duh. You know that.

Xplr-lurker : Same.

Colby sat there, his fingers hovering over the keyboard on his phone.

*Twitter notification* Colby Brock Tweeted : “1 like = 1 ‘don’t be a pussy’ whispered in my ear.”

Xplr-lurker : Not to sound like a creepy internet person, but have you ever met any of your internet friends in real life?

Y/n : Haha, I don’t think you’re creepy. And yes! I’ve met a few of them. Why?

Xplr-lurker : I know we live in the same city and I’ve always wondered if you’d want to get coffee or something.

Y/n : That would mean that you’d get to see how awkward and clumsy I am in real life. I don’t know if I’m willing to put you through that, hahaha.

Colby laughed. That response was better than the “fuck off, creeper” he expected.

Xplr-lurker : Oh, shut up. You’d be the one dealing with me being awkward.

Y/n : Suuuuuuure. You don’t know what you’re getting yourself into.

Y/n : I’m actually walking home from my favorite coffee shop right now, haha. It’s called 101. They’re open until 3 am and they have the best food.

Xplr-lurker : WHY ARE YOU WALKING ALONE SO LATE AT NIGHT?!

It was well past 2am and the thought of you walking the streets of LA by yourself kind of had Colby on edge.

Y/n : I live like 5 minutes away. Don’t worry.

Colby pulled up 101 Coffee Shop on his phone. It was less than a 10 minute drive from his apartment. *We actually live pretty close* he thought, switching back to the tumblr app.

Xplr-lurker : Tell me when you make it home safe. LA is scary at night.

Xplr-lurker : Also, that coffee shop is not far from me. If you ever want to meet up there, I’m down.

Y/n : I just walked in my front door. Stop worrying, mom.

Y/n : And I’ll be headed back there tomorrow around midnight. My roommate’s boyfriend is obnoxious and he comes over every night around then. I usually hang out at the coffee shop and work on stuff on my laptop for a few hours.

Xplr-lurker : I’m glad you’re safe. I’ll definitely try to make it there tomorrow.

Y/n : I’ll be the one with the messy bun, laptop, and baggy Y&R hoodie, lol.

Xplr-lurker : If I don’t chicken out, I’ll wear an XPLR hoodie.

Y/n : Well I need to go to sleep. If I don’t see you tomorrow, I’m sure I’ll still talk to you on here.

Xplr-lurker : For sure! Have a good night!

Y/n : You too. 🖤🖤

“Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.” Colby said, sighing. This was it. He was either going to walk into that coffee shop and blow his cover or he was going to chicken out like a little bitch.

The whole next day he had a hard time paying attention to anything or anyone. He was too busy trying to figure out the best way to tell you who he was.

“Colby!” Sam laughed, waving his hand in front of his friend’s face.

“What? Sorry.” Colby said, shaking his head and turning towards Sam.

“You okay?” Sam asked. Colby just stared at him for a minute. “I’m going to take that as a no?”

“I’m not, not okay.” Colby answered, sounding cryptic.

“Okaaaayyy.” Sam said slowly. “Care to explain?”

“I’m just nervous to meet up with someone later.” Colby tried to sound casual. “It’s nothing big. I’m just anxious, I guess.”

“Who?” Sam asked.

“A girl I met online.” Colby said, waiting for Sam to tease him.

Sam furrowed his brows. “Like on a dating app?”

“No.” Colby shook his head. “She’s a fan.”

Sam made a confused face. “Not to make it sound like I think you’re stupid, but are you being catfished again?” He laughed.

Colby couldn’t help but crack a smile, hiding his face behind his hands. “No, actually. I don’t even know what this girl looks like.”

“What?!” Sam asked, confused.

“That’s not the weirdest part.” Colby said, peeking through his fingers at his best friend. “She doesn’t know I’m me.”

“Is this for a video or something?” Sam asked, not understanding at all what was going on.

“Nope. I made an account to interact with fans and we just kind of clicked.” Colby tried explaining. “We’ve been friends for like 6 months, but we only ever talk through our usernames. The more I say this out loud the crazier it sounds.” Colby laughed.

“Sooooo, you’ve never seen a picture of her?” Sam asked.

“Nope. Not for sure. I THINK I found her personal blog, but I could be wrong.” Colby answered. “I only know her name because it’s in her profile, but she’s never asked me mine.”

“Is she going to be mad?” Sam asked, trying to wrap his head around the whole thing.

“That’s kind of why I’m so nervous.” Colby said, biting his lip. “She told me where she’s going to be tomorrow night and I don’t know if I should just show up or if I should rip the band-aid off and tell her who I am in our dms before we’re supposed to meet up.”

Sam had a blank stare on his face. “I honestly have no idea how to help you.”

“Don’t feel bad. I don’t know how to help myself.” Colby laughed.

“Tell me how it goes?” Sam asked.

“Of course.” Colby nodded, zoning out again.

At around 11:30pm you’d walked to the coffee shop. You ordered a drink and your late dinner and sat down in the corner booth. You worked on some things you were currently writing and gone through and caught up with your emails. At about 1am, you’d convinced yourself your tumblr friend had chickened out.

Right around 12:30am, Colby was stood in front of the coffee shop he was supposed to meet you at. There were only a few people currently in the shop, so it was pretty easy to figure out which one was you. He’d taken a deep breath and walked through the door, darting to the counter when he started to panic. With his back to you, he ordered a coffee. *I don’t even like coffee* he thought to himself. He kept peeking at you from the pick-up counter while he waited for his order. You had headphones in your ears, mouthing the lyrics to whatever song you were listening to. When the barista called out his name, he grabbed his coffee and left the shop.

Xplr-lurker : I’m stuck.

Xplr-lurker : You’re normally the person I go to for advice, but I feel like it’s unfair to put this one on you.

Xplr-lurker : You’re beautiful, btw.

You looked up from your computer, searching for your friend.

Y/n : Thank you? Are you here?

Xplr-lurker : I was. I chickened out. I kind of panicked.

Y/n : Aww, I promise you have no reason to panic. So why are you stuck? I’m always here to listen and give advice when I think I can help. You know that.

Colby sighed, sitting in his car.

Xplr-lurker : I guess it’s better just to come out with it.

Xplr-lurker : My name is Colby.

You waited a few seconds for further explanation.

Y/n : Okay? I don’t get it.

Xplr-lurker : Like, I am Colby Brock. I made this account to interact with fans.

Y/n : Please tell me you’re just fucking with me as a friend and not a delusional fanboy that’s trying to actually convince me he’s someone he’s not.

*Great* you thought to yourself. Not only did you have to walk home at night by yourself in LA, now you had to keep an eye out for a crazy person who wanted you to believe they were Colby. You thought this person was your friend and now you were afraid to leave the coffee shop.

Xplr-lurker : Neither? I know I fucked up by not telling you sooner.

Y/n : Well, since whoever is on the other end of this message knows I’m here alone, I’m going to call my roommate to pick me up. You know, you were really cool. You were my favorite person to talk to. This really sucks. You didn’t have to be anyone but yourself.  

When Colby tried to reply to your message, the chat said that he had been blocked. “Oh, fuck.” He said, jumping back out of his car. When he got to the door of the coffee shop, he could see that you were packing up your stuff.

“Y/n!” he called from the door, walking towards your booth.

Your eyes flew towards the boy walking in your direction, your hands frozen holding your laptop.

Colby slowly slid into the other side of the booth you were sitting in, putting his phone down with the tumblr app open. “I’m so sorry.”

“What the fuck?” you whispered, still not moving.

“You have every right to be mad at me and I swear I never meant to freak you out. I didn’t really think it through when I told you who I was. Is your roommate coming?” He asked, talking so fast you could barely process what he was saying.

You sat your laptop down and grabbed his phone. “My roommate wouldn’t come pick me up even if I did call her.” You said, looking at the tumblr app on Colby’s phone. You were the only person he had messaged.

“You were going to walk?” Colby asked, grabbing his phone when you handed it back to him.

“I was going to order an Uber.” You laughed. “This is crazy. You’re crazy.”

“Are you mad?” Colby’s face was apprehensive, waiting for you to tell him to fuck off.

“A little.” You nodded, laughing. “You asked me questions about yourself! I fangirled to you about you!” You remembered, covering your now blushing cheeks with your hands, hiding your face.

He laughed. “I feel the need to say this in person…You’re beautiful.” He watched as you peeked over your fingers. “And I’m the one that should be embarrassed about that, not you.”

“Why did you ask me to meet if you didn’t want me to know who you were?” You asked, remembering that this whole thing was his idea.

He laughed, reaching to grab one of your hands. “I’ve been trying to nut up and tell you who I am for over a month.”

“Why me? You didn’t even know what I looked like?” You were still trying to take in the fact that Colby Brock was sitting here in your favorite coffee shop holding your hand.

“I didn’t really care what you looked like. You’ve been a great friend to me since we first started talking and I was just some random person you met online…That has nothing to do with how someone looks.” He explained, blushing before continuing. “The fact that you’re also adorable is just an added bonus.”

You laughed, pulling your hand out of his so you could re-do your messy bun that was currently falling. “This is crazy. I want to re-read everything I’ve ever sent to you to make sure I didn’t make a complete fool out of myself.”

“Y/n.” Colby laughed. “You didn’t. I promise. There’s not a single thing you’ve told me that I don’t like.”

You stared at him for a moment, trying to figure out what the hell you were supposed to do now. “I have one question.” You said, leaning your elbows on the table.

“Ask away.” He answered, leaning forward the same way you were.

“What’s the REAL reason Elton always tries to get you naked in his vlogs?” You smirked, hearing Colby bust a gut laughing.

“Honestly, I’ve questioned it myself. The only answer that keeps me sane is clickbait.” He shook his head. “So, we’re good?” he asked.

“I mean, I don’t know WHAT we are, but I hope it isn’t bad.” You laughed.

“Well, we’ve been friends for over 6 months. I’d like to still claim that even though you know now that I’ve been a dumbass this entire time.” He smiled.

“I think I can deal with that.” You smiled back at him.

“Should I push my luck and ask you if I can buy you another coffee?” He asked, a shy look on his face. “I think coffee is disgusting, but I hear coffee shops make for great first dates.”

“You went from being afraid to show your face to asking me on a date.” You laughed.

“Well?” Colby said, waiting for your answer.

You nodded, your cheeks turning pink. “I’d love another coffee.”

I can remove any of the tumblrs I’ve used if you’re uncomfortable being mentioned. @daddydobrock @absolute-randomness-forever @sp00kybrock @jakeywebber @lightenupbrock @that-one-brock-boy @badassbrock @the-sun-is-dark @colbyjacksmack @rewindfridaynight @brockboytrashz 

[drabblesofrapture]

Mod Dusty here. Following up Vicey’s post about the Among Us AU with a scene that I wrote for it. It’s not a continuation of her scene (sorry) but it does contain the same characters!

First time posting one of my written works here so I hope y’all like it!

CW: graphic depiction of violence, blood, mentions of weaponry

~~~~~~~~~~~

“IT WAS HIM!” Takeo roared, his arm raised to point at Johnathan at the other side of the round cafeteria table. “THE BASTARD KILLED HER RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME!”

“You’re a terrible liar, Takeo. Only you are capable of such a grisly crime,” Johnathan responded immediately, his voice steady and calm.

“Takeo... how could you?” Roxanne managed to croak out in a shaky voice. She stood close by Johnathan with tears in her eyes, practically hugging the boy’s side. She broke down into a fit of heavy sobbing, burying her face in John’s shoulder.

Takeo’s lips pulled back in a snarl to reveal his pointed teeth. “THAT’S FUCKIN’ BULLSHIT, YOU WEREN’T EVEN-”

He was cut off by Jeff slamming his hands down on the table to get everyone’s attention. “That’s enough, we’re not going to solve anything by just yelling at each other.”

“Who even died?” Selena interjected with a confused look.

“Take a look around the bloody table you nitwit,” Oliver spat. “Notice anyone missing?”

Selena took a second to scan the other seven crewmates sitting around the table. “Jazzy?”

“And the last horse crosses the bloody finish line,” Oliver scoffed with a sarcastic slow clap.

Jeff just pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. Of all the people to be stuck in space with. “Listen we don’t have much time. Let’s just let both sides tell the story from the beginning. Johnathan?”

He had been comforting Roxanne, one arm wrapped around her slender frame while the other softly petted her raven hair. Once Jeff addressed him, he looked up and gave a small nod. He let go of Roxanne, whose sobs had now died down into quiet sniffles, and turned to address the others. “It happened right before the O2 was sabotaged. Roxanne and I were walking into the reactor room to do our assigned tasks. As the alarms went off, there was a gunshot and we saw Jazzy drop dead in the doorway to the reactor with Takeo standing just inside the room.”

“It was so awful…” Roxanne murmured. “The blood... her head…” She buried her face into her hands as she broke down sobbing again.”

“That’s not what happened!” Takeo insisted, slamming his fist on the table. “We were coming out of the reactor and that emo SHIT STAIN slaughtered her like a goddamn ANIMAL!”

“John and Roxy both said they saw you do it though,” Selena pointed out. “Sounds kinda sus if you ask me-” “SHE WASN’T EVEN FUCKING THERE!” Takeo shouted once more, pointing an accusing finger at Roxanne, causing the poor girl to cry even louder. ‘SHE’S LYING, I’LL BET SHE’S AN IMPOSTER TOO!”

“You leave her the Hell out of this!” Johnathan said defensively, a hint of anger slipping into his voice.

“Enough!” Jeff said sternly, raising his voice to be heard above the chaos. He leaned over the table, propping himself up on his elbows and lacing his fingers together as his eyes flitted between the two parties. “Did anyone else happen to see Roxanne anywhere else on the ship?”

There was a collective shaking of heads from the other crewmates. “The two lovebirds seem to like sticking together so it checks out,” Melissa said nonchalantly.

“I’m sorry Takeo, but it’s two against one,” Jeff said as he pulled out his tablet to vote. The others followed suit and Takeo could feel his heart sink as the small beep sounds came rolling in. He looked around the table desperately, trying to find one kind face to defend him.

“Guys come on! I loved Jazzy, she was my fiance for Christ’s sake! I would never do anything to harm her I swear!” He looked around at them but all faces were solemnly turned away from him. His eyes landed on Derek who was looking down indecisively at his tablet. “Derek c’mon bro! We did wires together earlier, remember? I watched you clear out those asteroids!”

Derek looked down, not daring to meet Takeo’s gaze. “I... I don’t know. All the evidence seems to point to you-”

“Oh are you FUCKING KIDDING ME?!” Takeo snapped, his eyes burning with fury. “YOU ALL THINK I’M JUST SOME KIND OF MINDLESS MONSTER HUH?! YOU’D RATHER BELIEVE THAT I KILLED MY GODDAMN FIANCE INSTEAD OF BELIEVE THAT I WAS FRAMED, IS THAT RIGHT?! GO FUCK YOURSELVES!”

Derek flinched at Takeo’s rage and pressed the skip button in the voting options on his tablet. Selena patted the poor boy’s shaking shoulders while Jeff glared daggers at Takeo. No one said a word, the only sound being that of Roxanne’s weeping. Everyone had voted now except for the hulking ghoul himself. Takeo’s anger subsided and he just scanned their faces hopelessly one last time as he slowly lowered himself onto one of the seats around the table and looked down at the tablet in his hands.

“I’m comin’ home, Jazzy,” he murmured to himself as his trembling hand pressed the “skip vote” button. There was nothing more he could do, it was over for him.

***

TAKEO HAGAKURE HAS BEEN EJECTED.

The words flashed in white on the screens of their tablets as Takeo’s frozen corpse drifted out into the empty vacuum of space. The remaining seven crewmates sat around the meeting table in quiet reflection, none of them wanting to look out the window as Takeo became a tiny spec, drifting farther and farther away from the ship. Jeff looked around at the rest of the crew before standing up, drawing all eyes to him. “Ok listen up, if Takeo was an imposter then that means there’s still one left on the ship. I want you all to just continue doing your tasks and stay sharp. Let’s try to get this ship up and running before the imposter has a chance to strike again.”

They all nodded and started getting up to leave. Roxanne clung to Johnathan as they both stood up; she was still crying quite a bit. Johnathan looked over at Jeff as he tried to comfort her. “You go ahead, I’m going to take her to medbay for a bit so she can calm down.”

Jeff just nodded, but he narrowed his eyes at the two as they left. He dreaded to think about it, but he couldn’t deny the possibility that Takeo had been right. The girl did look pretty shaken up though, so it would probably be best to just let them be for a bit.

When the two finally walked into medbay, Johnathan brought Roxanne over to one of the beds to sit down while he went to peek outside the doorway to make sure no one had followed them. Roxanne just sat there hunched over on the bed with her face buried in her hands. However, as she carried on, her sniveling started to change into something else entirely; it quickly became apparent that she was giggling. It kept twisting into something more sinister until she finally couldn’t contain it and threw her head back to let loose a torrent of uncontrollable maniacal cackling. Johnathan began chuckling in a similar manner, his deep voice resonating ominously in his chest. The room was filled with their sounds of twisted and insane delight.

“That was almost too easy,” Johnathan said with a contemptuously smug grin. “Those damn idiots will believe anything; they’re even willing to condemn an innocent man to death over a hastily cobbled-together alibi.”

“Oh darling, it was wonderful! I can’t believe they even bought that I was with you!” Roxanne cackled. She mocked a look of helplessness and began fake crying. “I saw it happen... it... it was awful!” Her crying quickly devolved back into that sinister giggle.

“We’ll make quick work of those fools for sure,” Johnathan said as he strode over to the bed Roxanne was sitting on. He bent down slightly so their faces were about level and she put her hands on his cheeks to pull him in for a kiss. After that, she stared dreamily into his eyes for a few moments and smiled.

“Oh, what a lovely pair we make darling.”

[batskulldrag]

Phoenix by Fallout Boy

chapter thirteen is here. this one contains Romile, and plenty of fluff

Chapter Thirteen: Out of Hell by Skillet      

Virgil fluttered nervously past Roman for the third time. Roman watched as his nephew peered out each window and retreated back to the couch. Virgil drummed his fingers against his laptop and chewed the band aid on his stationary hand.

               “You ok Billie Stylish?” Roman asked, sitting down beside him.

               “Sure. I’m fine.” Virgil didn’t look up.

               “It’s going to be ok.” Roman put a comforting hand on his shoulder. “Payton has laughed his last laugh. And he will spend the rest of his days being beaten up in prison.”

               “But what if Payton accuses you guys of being child rapists or something? Then he’s going to win because everyone always believes him, and he’ll have ruined your lives. Or he’ll lose anyway, but still manage to ruin the three of you, and I have to live with the constant guilt that this is all my fault for getting you into this. And Uncle Patton and Uncle Logan are going to be quiet about the whole thing while silent resentment grows, because everything was fine until I showed up. Or worse, they’re not, and they’re just gonna forgive me for bringing this plague down on them.”

               “That’s quite the soliloquy.” Roman patted him on the head. “And that’s not going to happen. Payton can accuse us of whatever he likes, but I know a secret.”

               “You can blackmail him?” Virgil jolted up.

               “No, it’s like this. You remember how the bastard always told you that people always side with the adult?”

               “Yes, that’s why I’m worried.”

               “Well, first of all it’s a fallacy. Secondly, what is true is that people tend to side against the man who is in prison for trying to murder a child.”

               “He wasn’t trying to kill me.” Virgil’s heart audibly sank. “Was he?”

               Roman leaned back in surprise. Payton probably hated Virgil, at the very least he didn’t love him. And the viper had put him in the hospital more than once. Yet, Virgil was still hurt to think that Payton wanted him dead. Why should he care what Payton wanted?

               “I don’t know.” Roman hugged him. “He trapped you in a burning building. If he wasn’t trying to kill you, then it just means he’s not a murderer per say. But at the very least, it means that he didn’t care if you died. And that’s not your fault. That’s on him.”

               “I’m sick of being upset about this.” Virgil made a sound halfway between a scream and a sob. “I know he doesn’t care about me. Why is it still a gut punch? Why do I even still care at all?”

               “Humans feel.” Roman rubbed his back softly. “And feelings never make sense.”

               “I hate it.”

               “Come on, let’s go do something to take your mind off things.” Roman patted him on the shoulders. “It’s about time you got to be a kid.”

                                                                               #             #             #

               Virgil chewed on his hoodie strings as the crowd gathered around the tour guide.

               “Sacred of ghosts, Sweeny toddler?” Roman teased, ruffling his hair.

               “I ain’t afraid of no ghost.” Virgil sneered.

               “No, but I bet they’re terrified of you. We might not even see any with you around.”

               Virgil laughed softly. Two hundred uncle points. Roman put his arm around him and they walked up to the guide.

               “Two spots in your tour please.” Roman said as he produced the fairs with a great flourish.

               “Oh, you again.” The guide exhaled. “And you have a kid with you. Great.”

               The guide took the money and Roman contentedly fell into step with Virgil in tow.

               “He doesn’t like you.” Virgil taunted. “Did you steal his boyfriend?”

               “Virgil, a man does not steal a life partner, nor does he win one. He woos one.”

               “Woo. Woo.” Virgil added with a straight face and a straighter voice.

               “And the tour guide simply doesn’t appreciate me practicing my improv while I’m on his tours.” Roman explained. “Although, he is a very nice fellow. We both work as nude models at the portraiture class. He’s straight, so I had no chances.”

               “Not that there’s anything wrong with that.” Virgil mimicked.

               “You’ve been watching a lot of sit-coms?”

               “I can’t sleep some nights, so I just YouTube deep dive. And now I know how to make a life like moose out of old newspaper.”

               “Chamomile tea. Try some before bed, or warm milk.”

               “You make it sound like conspiracy theories aren’t good for me.” Virgil grinned like the Cheshire cat. “Did you know that there was this one lady who made her victims into soap, and she used the soap. But the worst part was she also turned them into cake, and she ate the cake.”

               “Remind me to get you some video games, something less… horrible.”

               “I thought video games cause violence.” Virgil smirked.

               “Sure, and vaccines cause autism. Pencils cause bad handwriting, spoons cause fat people and gays in media cause gay people.”

               “Yeah, I’m gonna murder a bunch of people because I’m playing Pokémon.” Virgil sneered, damn he was good at it. “It has nothing to do with the school system that does nothing to stop bulling, or the extremely abusive dad y’all sent me home to every day. It was the video games, Linda.”

               “What kind of Pokémon did you have?” Roman changed the subject away from Payton.

               “I had a Mew, a Haunter and a Psyduck. And a psychic type Evee.” Virgil sighed. “I went with the mind powered ones and all the ghost types.”

               “That sounds fun.” Roman beamed, finally one nice thing in this little boy’s life.

               “My dad broke my computer, and any other device that had my game on it.” Virgil looked at the ground. “I think they starved to death.”

               Why is it that whenever something good happens you show up to ruin it? You snake in the machine, I hate you. Roman silently scripted a call out letter to Payton.

               “Hey, it’s Dr. Picani.” Virgil derailed his train of thought.

               Roman looked over and spotted the familiar blond-haired doctor now wearing a brown T-shirt that displayed the Scooby Doo gang and khaki cargo shorts. More importantly though was the fact that his now exposed arms showed off an array of tattoos. Roman rubbed his eyes, no way. No way did this man, this doctor have tattoos. No, it was far more likely that he had a twin brother, and that was who they saw now.

               “He’s got ink.” Virgil squeaked in awe. “Let’s go say hi to him.”

               Virgil grabbed his hand and darted towards the doctor. He was alarmingly strong for a kid who only weighed a hundred pounds.

               “Virge, wait.” Roman said in a hushed voice, pulling the emo back. “I’m not sure we should.”

               “Are you a-scared of the doctor?” Virgil laughed.

               “No, he was in my still life class last week…”

               “OOOOOO, you’re embarrassed to talk to a guy who has nudes of you.” He was incorrigible. “Maybe if you ask nice, he’ll give the pictures back. Or are you afraid he’ll post it on social media?”

               “I’m not embarrassed for me, he ended up getting really upset and I consoled him afterwards.” Roman explained. “I’m worried if I talk to him it’ll put him in an awkward position.”

               “SUUUREEEE.” Virgil rolled his eyes. “Cause the dude who strips down and poses isn’t the guy in the awkward position.”

               “Why do you suddenly turn into a kid now?”

               “What’s the problem?” Virgil shrugged. “So he got upset, big deal. I cried in front of him a few times and I’m not embarrassed to talk to him. If you refused to talk to anyone who’s seen you naked or who’s gotten frustrated with painting, you’d have to be a hermit. Just like if I avoided everyone who has seen me crying about something, I wouldn’t be able to leave my room.”

               “You’re stunningly sharp.”

               “Hey! Dr. Picani!” Virgil yelled, which Roman didn’t think he could do, as he waved over to the doctor.

               Picani waved back and approached them. His legion of tattoos becoming clearer. Unsurprisingly, if anything about this could be considered unsurprising, most of his tattoos were from cartoons. The one that struck Roman in particular was the image of Lady Rainacorn wrapped around his left arm from shoulder to wrist. His right arm displayed a group portrait of Clifford, Courage, Scooby Doo, Blue, some green dog that looked like a stuffed toy who he didn’t recognize and Goddard.[1]  

               “Hey Virgil.” Emile greeted happily. “Hi Roman.”

               “Awkward indeed.” Virgil looked over at Roman with raised eyebrows.

               “Good evening Emile.” Roman added cordially. “Are you out ghost hunting as well?”

               “Yeah, I figured I should get out. And this sounded like a nifty idea. What brings you to this haunted cul-de-sac?”

               “We live here.” Virgil said smoothly with an air of villainy. “Well, lived here. We’re the ghosts that haunt these streets.”

               “Aren’t you the cutest thing?” Emile ruffled Virgil’s hair. “It’s nice to see you so excited.”

               Virgil scowled at the sidewalk as his face turned red. The tour guide started walking and they followed him in quite precession. Roman rubbed his hands in anticipation of their first stop. Now he had two people to impress.

               “I didn’t know you had ink.” Virgil pressed Emile. “And I really didn’t know you had that much.”

               “Yeah,” Emile looked at his arms. “I’ve got a couple of books worth of it. Lady Rainacorn is new. I think it’s healing up nicely.”

               “Did it hurt?”

               “Not as bad as my first one did.”

               “What was the first one?”

               “It was actually Clifford,” Emile showed them the portrait. “I got it to cover up a dog bite.”

               “Really?” Virgil leaned back in surprise.

               “Yeah, he was old and sore, and I tried to pet him. Still got me good.”

               “That’s awful.” Roman added.  

                “It’s ok.” Emile shrugged. “He was a good boy, he just got old.”

               “Alright our first stop.” The guide had everyone gather around. “This building stands abandoned due to the ghosts that torment anyone who dares try to live in it. The house was built atop an Indian burial ground. The spirits buried here cannot rest because of the desecration to their sacred place.”

               “That is wholly inaccurate.” Roman added loudly. “The tormentors of the building are remnants of the poor souls who died their when it was used as an unlicensed hospital in the eighties. The proprietors mismanaged their facility horridly and would even go so far as to steal supplies from the actual hospital. They would go on to receive more unwelcomed visitors from beyond in the form of men and women who died as a result of their theft. Malpractice insurance really didn’t cover that one.”

               “Really?” The guide looked bored. “Who are you tonight Roman?”

               “Dr. Roman Brown. Paranormal expert.” Roman put his arm around Virgil. “I’m here with my ward.”

               “How’d you get a kid?” The guide expressed genuine confusion and revulsion.

               “I’ve had Virgil for a time now, I caught him trying to pick my pocket. Poor creature lived on the streets.”

               “Really?”

               “Yes really.” Virgil retorted. “I was abandoned as a baby on the steps of a Catholic church. But they believed that I had demon’s blood in my veins and sent me out into the streets to fend for myself when I was four.”

               “You’re half demon?”

               “Maybe.” Virgil shrugged. “Who’s to say? All I know is that there are a lot of things that keep trying to pull me into hell.”

               “Really?” The guide scoffed.

               “Just last month a hand shot up out of the dirt and grabbed my ankle.” Virgil continued flawlessly. “I fought it as it tried to drag me under and broke my foot in the process.”

               Virgil pointed at his walking boot. The crowd murmured in astonishment. Roman’s heart swelled with pride.

               Defeated, the guide took them to the next stop.

               “Virgil, that was beautiful.” Roman said quietly. “The way you flawlessly wove your cast into the narrative as proof was inspired. I’m so proud of you, I may weep.”

               “I got good at lying.” Virgil looked at his feet. “I learned from the best.”

               “Never mind Payton.” Emile patted him on the shoulder. “You can just have fun making up stories tonight. Be a kid.”

               “Are those doctor’s orders?” Virgil looked up at him.

               “They are now.” Emile stood up straight.

               Roman noticed an indent in Emile’s shirt. It looked like a stud in his navel. Did he have piercings as well? Who was this man?

               “Here we have the next stop, it may not look like much, but Kim and Jim’s Bar and Grill was built on top of the remains of the old mortuary and is plagued with strange events to this day.” The guide explained, you could tell he hated this job.

               “Yes,” Emile chimed in. “There was a gruesome series of experiments in the mortuary and now the woods are inhabited with the results. Terrifying amalgamations made of severed limbs. Hands attached to feet, heinous arm-leg monsters and every other combination that doesn’t include a face. Stripped of their identities they roam around helplessly.”

               “And at night, when the drunks go home,” Roman added. “You can hear them crying. They’re in so much pain.”

               The audience and guide looked at them, baffled.

               “Of course.” Virgil suddenly said, gesturing towards Emile. “Dr. Emile Vankmen. Parapsychologist. A true credit to his field.”

               There were many nods. The tourists didn’t really care for a believable story, they wanted a good story. And by the sniped snakes of a gorgon salon, that is what they were going to get.

               They went through the stops, trumping the guide’s every tale with a gruesome murder, demonic happening or cartoon plot line. The crowd was eating it up and Virgil was teaming with energy. He seemed to be absorbing it and converting it into power.

               “Virgil is having fun.” Emile laughed.

               “I know,” Roman beamed. “We uncles know how to let one become a kid.”

               “Are you related to the other two?”

               “No, we’re just especially close.” Roman recalled fondly. “I cheated for Patton for a month while he was dealing with his mother’s death. Of course, without him knowing.”

               “How did you do that?” Emile looked confused and slightly impressed.

               “I wrote a few essays in character as him.” Roman brushed it off as if it were nothing. “I’m always up for a chance to practice my vocation.”

               “Virgil, don’t let him cheat for you.” Emile looked down at where Virgil was.

               Emphasis on was, because he was gone. Roman felt instant panic. He had lost Virgil! He had lost a traumatized child with anxiety! Virgil was probably terrified! What if he was hurt?!

               “Where did he go!!??” Roman yelped. “He was just here? Virgil!?”

               “Ok, ok.” Emile held up a shaking hand. “Maybe he walked to the front of the group.”

               Through their panic they heard Virgil scream, then the tour guide and a few tourists scream.

               The worst had happened! Roman ran to the front of the line and saw Virgil on the ground laughing while the guide stared at him irately.

               “Virgil!” Roman grabbed him. “Don’t do that again! I thought I lost you!”

               “Sorry.” Virgil relented rather easily. “I didn’t mean to scare you like that. I, I hadn’t considered that you’d notice I was gone.”

               “Well, I did.” Roman walked back to their place in the group, holding Virgil’s hand. “I want you to stay where I can see you. It’s dark and you don’t know the neighborhood, something might have happened to you.”

               Virgil was quiet as he looked at the sidewalk in confusion. He was probably wondering why no one was hitting him. In fact, he was probably wondering why Roman cared what happened to him. Roman sighed, he didn’t know how to un-traumatize a kid, all he really had to go off was how Logan had been after everything came out. And Virgil and Logan were drastically different characters with very different abusers. So, that wasn’t much of a comparison.

               “Virgil.” Roman put a hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry I yelled. But you really scared me, and I don’t want you wandering around where I can’t see you.”

               “You call that yelling?” Virgil looked confused. “It’s fine. I didn’t mean to worry you. I’m sorry.”

               “Ok. Let’s continue our tour.” Roman wrapped his arm around him. “But now you have to hold my hand.”

               “Whatever.” Virgil rolled his eyes and smiled.

               “And to this day, no one knows the cause of the building’s collapse.” The guide pointed at a vacant spot where a house had once been.

               “Actually, that one was us.” Emile interrupted, feigning embarrassment. “It was how we found out about Virgil’s powers.”

               “He has powers now?” The guide raised an eyebrow.

               “Yep,” Virgil picked up. “Demonic powers made the whole building implode. I can control them much better now.”

               “He had a nightmare that manifested itself into physical form and started haunting us.” Emile continued. “It picked us off one by one until only Virgil was left. Last thing I remember is just… blackness. No sound, no light. I don’t think I could even feel anything, then next thing I knew, I was just back and there was no more building. Not even rubble, just what you see now, with Virgil standing in the middle of it.”

               “Yes, I remember that night.” Roman joined in. “A hideous creature started roaming the halls. It was six feet tall, completely black and had no face. Well, no face on its head. But it’s chest. Right where men have a navel, it had a mouth. And when it opened that horrid maw a vertical slit went up to its pencil thin neck and showed a ribcage. A ribcage broken down the middle that it used as teeth. A long red tongue cleaned saliva and blood off the jagged ribs as it drooled in anticipation of its next meal.”

               “And the smell.” Virgil added solemnly. “It reeked of decay. Of maggot filled puss and blackened flesh. Not like cooked blackened, more like dead five times over blackened. And he enveloped his prey in darkness like a spider cocooning its next meal.” Virgil gagged, for real. The little one had just made himself sick.

               “And he took the other two.” Virgil looked at the crowd. “I was the only one left, and just when I was sure that I was gonna die alone, with only that, that thing as company, I felt this sensation in my gut. Like a burning. And it went through my whole body and a moment of realization overcame me. This heat was natural, familiar. I realized what I was, who I was. And that thing, well, that thing was gonna pay for what it did. So, I focused my energy, my hatred, my courage on it and the whole building came down around us, and the thing was sucked into the ground, leaving me standing in an empty lot.”  

               “Let’s just move on.” The guide was even more unimpressed with them.

               Virgil made faces behind the guide’s back for the rest of the night. Emile did as well. Roman sent him a few ungentlemanly hand gestures and internally called him a bitch. He had no taste for a good horror story. Heathen. That was an excellent description and a lovely climax.

As the night went on Roman noticed that Virgil was walking differently and always stood on his good foot whenever they stopped. When they were moving, he would either limp very slightly or hop on one foot, which he tried to cover up, but really couldn’t.

               “Is your foot hurting?” Roman asked, fairly aware of the answer and the lie that Virgil would tell.

               “No.”

               “Yes, it is.”

               “That’s a neat trick. Can you tell me if my neck hurts next?”

               “Alright, come on.” Roman picked him up.

               “What are you doing!?”

               “I’m going to carry you.”

               “Like hell you are!”

               “Come on, you really mean to tell me that you don’t want a piggyback ride?”

               “I’m an adult.”

               “You’re a teenager at best.”

               “That’s still too old.”

               “But someday you’re gonna be too big to carry.”

               “Yeah, yesterday.”

               Ignoring him completely, Roman slumped Virgil over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and kept walking.

               “Have you been sleeping better lately?” Emile asked, lagging behind slightly so he could see Virgil’s face.

               “Yeah. I guess.”

               “He,” Roman interrupted. “Has been watching horrific true crime stories on his computer.”

               “Oh, sure. Say nothing about the newspaper moose.” Roman assumed that Virgil was sneering.

               “Well, they proved that you shouldn’t be on your computer before bed.” Emile offered.

               “Uncle Logan told me the same thing.”

               “Wikipedia’s sleep routine doesn’t help him sleep though.” Roman accused.

               “I’m telling him you called him that.”

               “He knows.”

               They apprehensively arrived at their last stop.

               “This cemetery is a hot spot for paranormal activity.” The guide explained. “It is home to The Tunnleberry Vampire, the bipedal dogs and the ghost of many a deranged Civil War general. The most famous of which resides in that mausoleum over there.” He pointed to a large grey building with carved angels out front. “Legend has it that he was betrayed in battle and rose from the grave to exact his revenge on those who betrayed him. His lieutenant who spear headed the mutiny was found suffocated to death inside the general’s empty casket. The general’s body was never found.”

               “I believe the vampire was just the cemetery caretaker in a mask.” Emile interrupted. “He wanted to increase tourism in these parts to drive up the value of this graveyard so they couldn’t sell it.”

               “And those bipedal dogs turned out to be a pair of really hairy dudes banging.” Virgil shuddered. “I think it’s scarred onto my retinas.”

               “But that mausoleum.” Roman said seriously. “There is definitely something about that place. Something that haunts me. Something that despite all my years of ghost hunting still strikes me as the most unnatural event I have ever been unlucky enough to witness with my own eyes.”

                “Of course, there is.” The guide sighed.

               “It was back when I was still trying to get my paranormal business off the ground.” Roman dove into the story. “My then partner, and senior ghost hunter, Luigi Verd, was by my side the entire time. True blue he was, I’ll always remember him. We found ourselves in this graveyard investigating a series of disappearances around town. Mostly just troubled teens, alcoholics, and the homeless. But a life is a life, and a mystery is a mystery indeed. So, we set up.”

               Roman took a pause to let them get sucked in.

               “I was doing most of the lifting, as Luigi was recovering from a head injury. He had healed nicely in the hospital. The only sign of trauma was a stitched-up gash along his forehead. He was excited to have a scar to show off.” Roman looked at the ground sadly. “Or so I thought.”

               He could feel their anticipation.

               “Just as I had set everything up for our séance, we were hoping to ask the dead for a clue about the living. Anyway, just as I had finished these hooded men burst into the tomb. They were clad in floor length, red robes with their hoods pulled up to block out their faces. Before I could even react, two of them had me by each arm and they forced me onto one of the coffins and started tying down. And Luigi, who was like a brother to me, he just watched. They didn’t even go for him, but he just watched them bind me. I called out to him, and in response. He…” Roman took an exaggerated gasp. “He pulled out the stitch on his forehead. And his skin fell limp, but behind it where I expected flesh to be was more skin. And he pulled his face off as if he were removing a mask. And under the mask, under the face of a man I had known my entire life was this… this stranger! This figure who I didn’t know from Payton, slowly pulling the hide of my friend off his face. Wearing Luigi as a mask! The stranger laughed at me! He laughed at the brutal terror that welled up inside me! And he pulled out a long sharp knife…”

               “I was at the cemetery myself that night.” Virgil took up the story. “Following the dudes who were nice enough to not have me arrested for picking their pockets. In my childish mind I had sworn a life debt to them in that moment. But, little did I know that I’d be paying it off that night. Because that was when I heard the screams.”

               Mimicking Roman’s style Virgil paused and took a breath.

               “Being seven, whenever fight or flight came up in my brain I would normally fly. But that night, and I can’t for the life of me figure out why, I chose to fight. I sprinted towards the source of the screams and found the tomb doors closed to the outside. But did that stop me? No, with whatever strength a half-starved kid possesses I threw myself into the door and just kept slamming into it. I was in a frenzy! I just kept bashing into that door with all my weight. Seventy pounds of skin and bones ramming the door like there was no tomorrow.”

               “That’s where I came in.” Emile joined. “I had hit an alligator, literally there was a tiny alligator wrapped around my tire and was trying to fix my tire when I heard both the screaming and the constant thudding. I too ran to the source and saw a small child, bruised and bloody, hammering his fragile body into the concrete doors. The first thing I did was wrestle him away from the door before he killed himself. Then, I forced my tire iron between the crack in the two doors to pry it open like a lever. It budged open an inch, but then the men inside swung it open to see what was going on. I fought them as best as I could, even managing to break one’s arm. But then their leader pulled out this whip, made out of bones, human spinal bones and he snapped my weapon out of my hands while I was still reeling from the shock. Next thing I knew I was being chained to the floor.”

               “They took this distraction in their stride.” Roman shuddered. “And with Virgil and Emile dealt with they turned back to me. The knife wielder tore my shirt off in one swipe and drove his knife into my chest. Just when I thought I was done for I realized that he wasn’t about to stab me to death. Instead he slid the knife down towards my stomach, he was skinning me!”

               “I did the only thing I knew how to do.” Virgil jumped in. “I played dead. And miracle of miracles, they bought it. The one with the whip bent down to check on me, and I bit him. I sank my teeth into his wrist like it was the most delicious prime rib known to man. He fought me with his free hand, but no number of blows was making me spit that fucker’s arm out. I dug in until I hit bone, I ground my teeth to widen the wound, I sunk in until I was certain that he and I were one…”

               “And I took the opportunity to dislocate my thumb.” Emile jumped in on cue. “And slid out of one of my wrist restraints. With my free arm I put Virgil’s new chew toy in a head lock, he didn’t put up too much of a fight, as now he was woozy with blood loss. He collapsed, and Virgil started rooting through his body for the keys. Another robed guy came at me, so I did the worst thing I could think of. I grabbed his groin and I pulled with all my strength. He doubled over and Virgil tossed me the keys.”

               “With this madness going on, the leader had stopped trying to skin me and was now running towards the other two.” Roman took the reins once more. “He flew at Emile with the knife and they engaged in battle. Meanwhile, Virgil freed me, and I took the leader from behind. Emile dodged a stab and the leader fell into his own weapon. I took it from him, and Emile took up his tire iron once more. And.” Roman stopped. “Knowing that we couldn’t go to the police for fear of how deep this madness runs, without any other options. We… we finished them off.”

               “With that done. We sealed the tomb and vowed never to speak of it again.” Emile added. “And then we took Virgil to a hospital.”        

               “I had a collapsed lung.” Virgil added happily.

               The crowd applauded them and even the guide looked impressed. Emile and Virgil were satisfied, but Roman had one more trick left.

               “And,” Roman added, pulling up the hem of his shirt. “Here’s the receipt.”

               He pulled his shirt up to display a long scar that went from his sternum to his navel, well past his navel actually. The scar took the place of the more traditional bellybutton. It was still visible in the evening light. The scar itself was horrid looking. It was jagged, narrow in some places and bore the impression of skin grafts in others. It folded in slightly at his stomach giving a clear picture of how deep it was.

               The crowd gasped. Virgil squeaked in surprise and Emile looked on baffled (and hopefully impressed to be seeing Roman’s physique a second time.) Roman laughed to himself. This had been an excellent improv session and he had managed to both impress his nephew and a rather charming doctor.

               At the end of the tour Roman had done the gentlemanly thing and walked Emile to his car. The three of them laughed about their story telling talents and the tales of terror they wove.

               “Well, this is me.” Emile stopped at his car. “Thanks for walking me to my car. I didn’t want the cult to catch me alone.”

               “Of course not.” Roman agreed.

               “So, stop me if I’m intruding.” Emile started hesitantly. “But how did you get that scar?”

               “It’s far worse than the story.” Roman sighed.

               “Now you have to tell us.” Virgil bopped his shoulder.

               “Ok. I was born a conjoined twin.” Roman sighed. “They had to cut us apart. Remus, that’s my brother, has the same scar. Well, at least a similar one”

               “You both made it? That’s amazing.” Emile looked impressed. “Also, your names are Roman and Remus? Like Romulus and Remus?”

               “I hate it when people get that reference.”

               “Whatever would they have done if you were triplets?” Virgil taunted. “Hey, we all have Italian names.”

               The two adults laughed at Virgil’s observation.

               “Oh.” Emile started. “Would you two like a ride back home? I think Virgil over did it with the walking.”

               “That would be lovely.” Roman lit up slightly.

               “Woo.” Virgil said softly to Roman.

               “Now Virgil,” Roman said as he buckled his seat belt. “What would you normally do if a stranger offered you a ride home?”

               “Fight him to the death.” Virgil said plainly.

               “Ok, the correct answer is to say no and run away.” Roman disregarded that comment.

               They pulled into the driveway and saw that Patton and Logan were home already.

               “Thanks for the ride Dr. Picani.” Virgil said quickly as he darted out of the car.

               He was inside in a flash, no doubt to tell his parents everything he had been up to. Good. Roman exited the car with a bit more grace.

               “Thank you very much for the ride back, Emile.” Roman said graciously.

               “PSHSHHSHH.” Emile swatted the topic out of the air. “It was nothing.”

               There was a pause.

               “I had a good time hanging out with you.” Emile said timidly.

               “I had a good time with you too.” Roman felt himself blush.

               “I know there’s still the court case and everything…” Emile blushed as well. “But after that, when there won’t be any conflict of interest… are you single?”

               “Completely.” Roman answered.      

[1] The dogs are Clifford the Big Red Dog, Courage the Cowardly Dog, Scooby Dooby Doo, Blue from Blue’s Clues, Gir from Invader Zim (Hi Marie Pippins, that one’s for you) and Goddard from Jimmy Neutron

[archiefm]

         ... claws my way up from hell once more and vomits onto the dash.... hello. its nora. i used to write rory bergstrom, but if u were here before that u might remember me as greta or alma putnam or..... som1 else.... an endless carousel of trash children..... this is finn, who i actually wrote for an early version of this rp abt 5yrs back now...... grits teeth..... so forgive me if im rusty i havent written him in a long time but seein honey boy gave me a lotta finn muse n im keen to get Back On The Horse yeehaww...

DYLAN O’BRIEN / CIS-MALE — don’t look now, but is that finn o’callaghan i see? the 25 year old criminology and forensic studies student is in their graduate year of study year and he is a rochester alum. i hear they can be judicious, adroit, morose and cynical, so maybe keep that in mind. i bet he will make a name for themselves living off-campus. ( nora. 24. gmt. she/her )

shakes my tin can a humble pinterest, ma’am....

finn has a bio pasted at the bottom (n written in like.... 2015.... gross) but it’s long  so if u don’t wanna read it here’s the sparknotes summary..... anyway this was written years ago n a lot of it seems really cliche and lame now but..... we accept the trash we think we deserve

grumpy, ugly sweater wearing, tech-savvy grandpa

very dry sense of humour and embraces nihilism. 

if ron swanson and april ludgate had a baby it would be finn

he was raised in derry, just south of dublin.

from a big family. elder sister called sinead. he also has a younger sister (aoife), a younger brother (colm), and a collie named lassie because his father lovs cliches (finn hates cliches but loves his dog). 

his father was a pub landlord and his mother worked at the market sellin fruit n veg when they met but got a job as a medical receptionist when she had kids cos it meant she cld be there with them in the day and work nights.

his parents met when they were p young and fiesty and rushed into marriage cos they were catholic n just wanted to have sex. his family were literally dirt-poor, but they had a lot of love i guess

hmmmmm his relationship w his father wasn’t the best cos i can’t write character who have healthy relationships w their parents throws up a peace sign. yh, had a pretty emotionally distant, alcoholic violent father n so gets a lot of his bad habits i.e. drinking as a coping mechanism and poor anger management from him BUT anyway

as a kid he was never very motivated in class, he always had a nervous itch to be off somewhere doing something else. struggled under government austerity bcso there just wasn’t the resources to support low income families where the kids had learning difficulties n needed support. fuck the tories am i right 

his mum suggested he try sports to help w his restless energy but he was never any good at football so he took up boxing and tap dance instead. he took to tap dancing like a fish to fuckin water. as adhd n found this as a really good way to use his excess energy in a creative way

had a few run ins with the police in his early teens for spray painting and graffiti, but he straightened himself out n now actually considering becoming a detective inspector??? cops are pigs.

he had a youtube channel where he posted videos of him tapdancing and breakdancing as a kid, basically would be a tiktok boy nowadays, n had like... a small fanbase in his early teens. attended several open auditions unsuccessfully, until he was finally cast in billy eliot when he was fifteen.

during billy eliot he began dating an italian dancer called nina. they became dance partners soon after and toured across the republic with various different shows (inc riverdance lol the classic irish stereotype). their relationship was p toxic tbh, they were both very hot tempered people and just used to argue and fight all the time.

he went semi-pro at tap dancing, and nina couldn’t stand being second best so she moved back to italy with her family. ignored his texts, phone calls, etc, eventually he was driven to the point where he used his savings to buy a plane ticket, showed up at her house and she was like wtf?? freaked out and filed a restraining order accusing him of stalking.

he was fined for harassment and then returned home to derry, but after the incident with nina he quit dancing for good and finished his leaving cert before heading to university in the US to get as far away from nina and his past life as poss. and basically since he quit dancing to study forensics (death kink. finn cant get enough of that morgue. just walks around sayin beat u) he’s become a massive grump and jsut doesn’t see the good in people any more.

u’ll find finn in an old man bar drinking whiskey bc he is in fact an old man at heart or sat on his roof smoking a joint, drawing wolves and lions and skeletons and shit, playing call of duty or getting blazed or at the corner of the room in a house party ignoring everyone and scrolling through twitter. is a massive e-boy. always up-to-date on memes and internet slang. has reddit as an app on his phone

not very good at communication. rather than solve his issues by talking, he’d prefer to just solve them through fighting or running away from his problems hence why he has come halfway across the world to get away from an issue which probs cld have been solved w a few apology emails.

takes a lot to phase him, but when his beserk button gets pressed he can become a bit pugnacious like an angry lil rottweiler. in his undergrad he was in a few fist fights but doesn’t really do tht any more as he doesn’t condone violence.

 in the previous version of this rp he was hospitalised like 5 times. pls, give my son a break. stop tryin to kill him. he literaly got a bottle smashed over his head and bled out all over his favourite angora rug that was the only light of his life

works at the campus coffee shop n always whines about how he’s a slave to capitalism. always smells of coffee

lives off campus with an elderly woman named Marianne, and basically gets reduced rent bcos he makes her dinner / keeps her company. they have a great bond

fan of karl marx. v big on socialism

insomniac with chronic nosebleeds

cynical about everything. too much of a fight club character 4 his own good n has his head up tyler durden’s sphincter

always confused or annoyed

statistics

basic information

full name: finnegan seamus o'callaghan nickname(s): finn age: 25 astrological sign: aries hometown: derry, ireland occupation: phd student / former street entertainer fatal flaw: cynicism positives: self-reliant, street smart, relaxed, intelligent, spontaneous, brave, independent, reliable, trustworthy, loyal. negatives: hostile, impulsive, stubborn, brooding, pugnacious, untrusting, cynical, enigmatic, reserved.

physical

colouring: medium hair colour: dark brown, almost black eye colour: brown height: 5’9” weight: 69kg build: tall, athletic voice: subtle irish accent, low, smooth. dominant hand: left scar(s): one on the left side of his ribs from a knife wound that he doesn’t remember getting cos he was drunk distinguishing marks: freckles, tattoo of a wolf howling at a moon allergies: pollen and the full spectrum of human emotion alcohol tolerance: high drunken behaviour: he becomes friendlier, far more conversational than when sober, flirtier, and generally more self-confident.

psychological

dreams/goals: self-fulfilment, travel the globe, experience life in its most alive and technicoloured version, make documentary films, help the vulnerable in society, grow as a human being.

skills: jack-of-all-trades, very fast runner, good at thieving things, talented tap dancer, good in crisis situations, dab-hand at mechanics, musically-intelligent, can throw a mean right hook and very capable of defending himself, can roll a cigarette, memorises quotes and passages of literature with ease, can light a match with his teeth.

likes: the smell of the earth after rain, poetry, cigarettes, shakespeare, whiskey, tattoos, travelling, ac/dc, deep conversations, leather jackets, open spaces, the smell of petrol, early noughties ‘emo phase’ anthems.

dislikes:  the government, parties, rules, donald trump, children, apple products, weddings, people in general, small talk, dependency, loneliness, pop music, public transport, justin timberlake, uncertainty.fears: fear itself, drowning alignment: true neutral mbti: istp – “while their mechanical tendencies can make them appear simple at a glance, istps are actually quite enigmatic. friendly but very private, calm but suddenly spontaneous, extremely curious but unable to stay focused on formal studies, istp personalities can be a challenge to predict, even by their friends and loved ones. istps can seem very loyal and steady for a while, but they tend to build up a store of impulsive energy that explodes without warning, taking their interests in bold new directions.” (via 16personalities.com)

full bio (lame as fuck written years ago..... pleathe...)

tw homophobia

born in quigley’s pub on the backstreets of sunny dublin, young finnegan o'callaghan was thrown kicking and screaming into the rowdy suburbs of irish drinking culture. the son of a landlord and a fishwife, he never had much in the way of earnings, but there was never a dull moment in his lively estate, where asbo’s thrived, but community spirit conquered. at school, finn was pegged as lazy and unmotivated, though truly his dyslexia made it hard for the boy to learn in the same environment of his peers and only made him more closed-off in class. struggling with anger management, finn moved from school to school, unable to fit the cookie-cutter mould that school enforced on him, though whilst academic studies were of little interest to the boy, he soon found his true passions lay in recreational activities. immersed into the joys of sport from as young as four, finn was an ardent munster fan and anticipated nothing more than the day he could finally fit into his brother’s old pair of rugby boots.

his calling finally came unexpectedly, not in the form of rugger, but through dance. to learn to express himself in a non-academic way, he began tap dancing, finding therapy in the beat of his soles against the cracked kitchen tiles (much to his mother’s disgrace). it wasn’t a conscious choice, finn just realised one day that dance was something that made him feel. a king of the streets, finn made his fortune on those cobbled pavements – dancing and drawing to earn his keep. by default, finn became a street artist, each penny he earned from his chalk drawings saved in a jam jar towards buying his first pair of tap shoes. though many of his less-than-amiable neighbours called him a nancy and a gaybo, finn refused to quit at his somewhat ‘unconventional’ hobby, for the young scrapper found energy, life, and released anger through the rhythm of tap. soon he branched out into street dance, hip hop, break dancing, lyrical, his days spent smacking his scuffed feet against the broken patio into the night.

when he was thirteen he took up boxing, and as expected, his newfound ‘macho’ pastime conflicted with his dancing. the boxers called him ‘soft’; the dancers called him ‘inelegant’. he felt like two different people; having to choose between interests was like being handed a knife and asked to which half of himself he wished to cut away. he couldn’t afford professional training in dance, with most schools based in england and limited scholarships available. instead, he made the street his studio, racking up a small fanbase on youtube. when he was fifteen he made his debut in billy eliot at the olympia theatre in dublin. enter nina de souza, talented, beautiful and italian; ballet dancer, operatic singer, genius whiz kid, and spoiled brat. she was selfish, conceited, hell bent on getting her own way, and every director’s nightmare. finn fell for her like a house of cards. he’d always had a soft spot for girls who meant trouble. and so their hellish courtship began.

by the time they were seventeen, the two young swans had danced in every playhouse across the republic. they were known in theatres across the country for their tempestuous personalities, their raging arguments with one another, their tendency to drop out of shows altogether without any notice, yet the money kept rolling in and the audiences continued to grow. for three years, their families continued to put up with their hysterical fights followed by passionate reconciliations. he was too possessive, and she was too wild. their carcrash of a relationship finally came to a catastrophic halt when nina broke off the whole affair and returned to italy with her family. for months finn tried to contact her, yet his phone calls, texts, facebook messages were always ignored, until finally he was driven to drastic measures and used his savings to get a plane to her home town. when finn turned up uninvited at nina’s house she freaked out – and rightly so – she contacted her agent, accused him of stalking her, and had a restraining order placed against him. finn was arrested, held in a station overnight, and charged with harassment before he was allowed to return to dublin.

after the incident with nina, finn lost the fight in his eyes. he became far more hostile, far less likely to retaliate with his own fists, and picked fights not for the thrill of feeling his own fists pummel another into a wall, but for the sensation of his own brittle bones cracking. he dropped his tap shoes in a dumpster, stopped talking to his friends, followed his father’s advice and went back to school to complete his leaving certificate. a few short months later, and finn was packing his bags, saying his bittersweet goodbyes, and travelling half-way across the globe to be as far away as possible from his past self, his mess of a life, and most of all nina. it seemed somehow ironic that the boy who had been cautioned by the garda so much during his youth for spray painting, busking without a liscence, and raucous parties would become the grumpy, aloof overseas student studying a degree in criminology; that his once reckless spirit could be crushed so easily. 

of all things that finn could be called, straightforward would never be one of them. ever since his first days in atticus, the boy was pegged as hostile, hot-headed, cynical, rude. he seemed to spend more time in his thoughts than engaging in conversation. like a ticking time-bomb, finn’s anger was of the calm kind, liable to explode without a moment’s noticed. his unpredictable personality make him something of an enigma to those who aren’t amiable with the lad, though hostile as he may appear, he harvests a good heart. loyalty lies at the centre of his affections, and whilst his friends are few in number, he makes a lifelong partner. somewhere within finn, there’s still some fight left, but mostly he has recognised that his hedonistic lifestyle did little to leave him fulfilled – mostly, it just emptied him out – and over his three years at university has resigned himself to a nihilistic predicament.

        if u wanna plot with me pls pls pls im me or like this post!! i am always game for plots i love em so excited to write with you all here r some ideas

study buddies. finn is now a phd student so has to start takin shit seriously. he gon be in the library every day doing that independent study. if he had ppl who were also regular library goers n they get each other coffees to save time.... tht wld be sweet

ppl who love techno dj sets and going super hard on the weekends!!! fuck yea

friends with benefits. exes on bad terms. ppl he tried to date but couldnt because he’s always emotionally hung up on someone else. spicy hook up plots

ppl he met touring?? maybe ppl who were also in the entertainment industry..... anyone got a character who is ex circus hit me up

does anyone else study criminology / forensics / criminal psych / law? phd students sometimes lecture so he cld be an assistant lecturer / tutor if ur character is in a younger year

gamers !!! social recluses !!! hermits !!

finn goes to the skatepark and all the young boys there think he’s a gradnpa which he is! 

[crwndsprkzy]

Damon Hugh’s Diary

30/1/2021 9:30 pm

I’m Damon Hugh. I’m 16 and am in year 10 in high school. I am a boy who likes to draw, paint and listen to MCR and P!ATD. My favourite colour is dark purple. I’m an absolute loner: no friends, no life, ignored by everyone unless they’re bullying me.

At least this diary I got (stole) from my (someone else’s) school supplies will listen to me.

 15/2/2021 10:30 am

I’ve been at school for less than two hours now (I arrived late). It’s a normal school day so far, regular boring classes, all that jazz. But I can’t help but feel like someone is watching me, like intensely. Meh, not likely though, I’m really uninteresting. I mean, yeah sure, I “befriended” that popular Mia Talune, but I’m not liked by anyone. Oh well, at least science is finishing soon.

 15/2/2021 11:03 am

Not a normal day any more. That Heath Forest guy who bullies me? I found him dead outside the main building. Stabbed in the chest and abdomen. Yeah no, first on the scene on accident equals not fun! So I called the police then rushed to find a teacher. It wasn’t that hard (the main building, duh). But now people think that I killed him! Which I definitely did not! As if the bullying about the heterochromia, me being ace, my height, the fact that I’m a guy who’s artsy and having anxiety wasn’t enough.

Whatever. But still, now I’m wondering who killed Heath? I’m not torn up about it since I don’t like anyone here, I just want to know why someone actually had something against him. He was only mean to me after all...

 15/2/2021 2:30 pm

Yeah no, I’m getting weird vibes from this girl in my class. She keeps staring at me with this glazed look. Her name is Bianca Cornwel (only found that out through the roll) and to be honest, that last name is atrocious. 

There’s been questioning taking place all day because of the cops, and my class has been talking non-stop about it. I have noticed whenever anyone brings up that it was me, the class prez, Rory Dee, gets very defensive and brings up that it couldn’t be me (a few points he made were hurtful: “He’s too weak to do something like this”). He also seems to turn his head from his front seat and glare at Bianca.

 15/2/2021 10:37 pm

A quick sum-up of today:

-woke up

-went to school late

-had to sit through science 

-found the dead body of a regular bully 

-got accused all day (for the murder)

-was stared at by a girl (every lesson)

-was defended by the class president (why?)

-was questioned twice by the police 

-went home 

-wrote this instead of sleeping

 16/2/2021 2:48 am

I was woken up by my phone. It’s a news story. I only really get notifications from the news (I’m a loner) so this is regular.

So I had a look at it and the headline reads: “16-year old’s body found dumped in a sewer”. Ew.

Oh. The murdered teen was Tanisha Andre, a girl in my class.

 Something’s up.

 16/2/2021 8:55 am

I got to school on time. My problem now is that I don’t have an alibi as I did for Heath. Hopefully Class Presi-Dump has something to defend me with. Clearly he will. I mean, he’s perfect in every way! He’s good at everything, popular, a high achiever, kind blue eyes, lightly tanned skin, fluffy looking golden blonde hair, cute little freckles around his nose and cheeks, his pearly white smile, his smooth voice that’s perfect for singing, the fact that he smiles softly at the people who he passes, his laugh; he’s just perfect. I mean, prince charming 2.0 much. 

But still, why is he defending me of all people? We’re polar opposites! He’s tall, I’m short. He's popular, I'm a loner. He's class president, I'm assumed to be a murderer. He's brave and strong, I'm shy and weak. He listens to pop music, I listen to emo music.

It is a bit refreshing now that Bianca isn’t staring at me, but now Palace Tucker (one of the chicks that hang around The Mythic B***h Mia) has been glaring at me ever since I arrived today.

I wonder if there’ll be questioning today following Tanisha’s death?

  16/2/2021 12:30 pm

President Perfect did defend me, as I expected. 

I have noticed that after Palace left Maths class, Bianca followed after her. So far Bianca has come back, but Palace has not.

Yeah, I don’t trust Bianca. I mean, that’s a given considering she’s always watching me. I’m in the middle of the class and she’s at the back, so she can stare at me without suspicion. Which is REALLY uncomfortable! But I’m not going to tell the teacher, duh, debilitating social anxiety.

 16/2/2021 1:35 pm

I found a hall-pass on the ground. It's one for Bianca and Palace. It says “mental health break”. I did see them both wandering the edge of the oval when I was in class. It’s a regular route for me at break time, so I’ll see if Palace is out there.

 16/2/2021 1:38 pm

I definitely found Palace. Just drenched in… blood. And stab wounds through her head and her eyes gouged out. That too.

The song I’m listening to (Teenagers-MCR) ABSOLUTELY describes my realisation. My realisation being: Bianca is the killer and because I’m weak, I’m probably next.

And because of Tanisha's death being out of school, I can't hide at home. Hell, since I walk home, practically everyone knows where I live. I would know, a ton of them egg and t-p the house.

What if I encourage dad to get us moved to a city further away? What if we got out of the country? What if I learn how to fly planes and land on a deserted island? What if I went back in time and posed as an artist who sculpted attractive men for the church? What if I got astronaut training early and flew to Pluto?

I don’t know, but my anxiety is worsening just thinking about it. I'm just going to run and scream.

Hopefully they don’t think it was me.

 16/2/2021 2:45 pm

The cops are back and that’s not helping my anxiety. If anyone talks about it again or to me, I'm gonna break down.

 16/2/2021 2:57 pm

The police questioned me alright. But I couldn’t answer any of their questions; non-verbal panic attack. It wasn’t helped by intrusive thoughts about me getting framed, getting killed and being called a liar.

Bianca watched me on the way out and on the way back into the classroom. But so did Rory. He also looked at Bianca.

Has he realised? He's smart, he probably has.

Guess I’ll have fun for the last bit of class by listening to bands.

 16/2/2021 3:51 pm

So Class King didn’t know anything about it. Then what does he have against Bianca? He can’t be glaring for no reason.

I did overhear Callum Jones talking to Bianca about how he's “going to a totally rad party with lots of babes tonight”. Bianca just told him to “stop lying” and that “everyone knows you're going to go home and DM Mia with your 5 different insta accounts”. Oof. There was nothing saying he was lying though. How did she know? 

Oh yeah, Callum was definitely offended by that and took a swing at Bianca, but she was already gone.

 17/2/2021 12:30 pm

I'm not dead yet, but I am going to be soon. I decided to, for whatever reason, talk to Rory about the murders. I could not stop stammering or going quiet for extended periods of time, but when I was talking I asked royal Rory what he thinks of Bianca. I haven’t got a response but I'm slowly dying…

Nobody has died yet today, but I'm absolutely paranoid. I just keep thinking I'm next or that I'm going to be confronted by the football team and they’ll punch me to death. Whenever I think these things, I can practically SMELL the blood. Even when I'm not imagining them I can smell blood.

Wait, what are those red stains on Jules Elvis’ yellow cardigan?

That’s what I've been smelling! Wait, was I wrong about Bianca then? Was it really this eager to please girl who did this?

No, if she was a murderer, she would know how to dissolve blood, or at least know not to wear the clothing worn while committing the crime.

But nobody is noticing Bianca.

 17/2/2021 2:30 pm

The teacher has announced that there has been another body found- Felicity Forest, Heath’s younger sister. They showed a fairly censored version of the security tape to us. It showed a tall girl with brown hair, pale skin and a yellow cardigan on.

Guess who fits that description perfectly? Jules. The blood-stain on the yellow cardigan was pretty telling. Felicity was also Jules’ best friend, so the connection was there.

But Bianca has the exact same cardigan, I've seen her wear it. The tape was early, so she could have easily framed Jules. She was also asking our health teacher how healthy it is to be awake all night.

When the police came in for Jules, she was violently sobbing. She was saying stuff like “I would never!” “I didn’t do it!” “But… I was going to ask her today to be my girlfriend” “I LOVED HER!” “Our friendship bracelets said ‘together forever’!” and more.

I don’t think it was Jules at all. I know it wasn't Jules. 

But I couldn’t speak up, the words got caught in my throat as if a dagger had cut them off.

Sorry Jules…

tags- @fallenfromforgotten @random-artsy-stuf @flowersanddinosaurs (you can request to be added at any time!)

[forever-more-never-again]

In My Dreams (Scene Eleven/Fifteen)

Word Count: 1923

Pairing: Slow burn Dean Winchester X Reader

Summary: What happens when you wake up in the Supernatural Universe? And also happen to have a crush on one Dean Winchester! Will you make it back to your normal college life? Slow burn romance. Angsty Fluff.

Scene One / Scene Two / Scene Three / Scene Four / Scene Five / Scene Six / Scene Seven / Scene Eight  / Scene Nine / Scene Ten

Masterlist

Eventually two O’clock rolled around. Dean still nowhere in sight. I spent the whole afternoon pacing in the hotel room, Sam watching from the corner of his eyes as he tapped away on his laptop.

“Ready to go?” He stood up and pulled on his suit jacket.

I sighed, realizing that I wasn’t going to be able to apologize to Dean before the meeting, “Yeah, let me find something nice to wear.” I walked over to the duffel bag and shifted through the men’s clothes.

I pulled out a white dress shirt and holding it up, I caught a whiff of the heady, whiskey, woody smell that was oh so familiar. Dean.

Closing my eyes, I inhaled deeply before ducking into the bathroom and slipping it on along with a pair of Dean’s jeans.

Walking out with Sam, I watched as he locked up the room and slid into the driver’s seat of Baby.

“Do you think he is okay? He’s been gone all day.” I couldn’t help but voice my worries. If I Knew the show Dean as well as I thought I did, he would be at a bar right now, getting shitfaced and flirting with anything with breasts.

Sam seemed to know which way my thoughts were drifting as he gripped my shoulder, his hand big enough to crush my head. A weak smile on his face, “He’ll be okay. He just needs to think things through. And he won’t blame you.”

I frowned, “But he should. I said some hurtful things,” I held up a finger to Sam as he opened his mouth to argue, keeping my eyes on the windshield, watching the town fly by, “and I know you said I should choose happiness for now, but I can’t turn off my brain. And it’s headache inducing trying to keep the two lives separate. Sometimes I wonder if I should just give in to this reality me and forget about the other one.”

The rumble of Baby cut off as Sam pulled into the parking lot of City hall, where various rusty trucks and mini Suvs were parked as well.

Before I could reach for the door handle, Sam spoke up, his voice soft and low, the tone of voice that I knew as him being sincere and hoping for a heart to heart.

“[Y/n]....I don’t think it’s a choice of choosing which one you want to be. I think it’s the choice of choosing to live in the moment. Who says the two realities of yourself are so different in their wants and desires? SUre, their pasts are different, but their future...your future, is right in front of you, right now, and you’re letting it slip away from you. Think on that.”

I sat, stunned, frozen, as Sam slowly unfolded himself from Baby’s driver’s seat. Shaking my head, I got out of the car and walked up to where Sam stood waiting before the doors.

Entering Ocean Shores City Hall, we found it to be quiet. The soft smell of seawater and mold tickled my nose. As we followed the signs to the meeting room, the low murmur of conversation grew louder.

Standing before a wide set of double doors near the back of the building, me and Sam stood for a minute to listen.

“The police are helpless, and they think we’re crazy!”

“Well, Donna, who wouldn’t. You went in their raving about mermaids and shouting that they were stupid! You ruined our chance at stopping more deaths.”

“Yeah right Carl, like you had a better plan.”

“Why don’t we ask Serena? After all, it’s her clan that is doing the killing.”

At that, Sam shot me a determined look.

Nodding back at him, we opened the doors and walked inside.

The room was white and empty, aside from a circle of metal chairs were five people sat, all staring at us in varying degrees of surprise and suspicion.

A big burly man with a wide, bright red handlebar mustache stood up and rested his hands on his wide hips, glaring at the pair of us, “And who might you two be? You ain’t from around here.” His tone was layered with distrust and his face was weathered and bore the look of extreme distrust.

A homely older woman with gray curly hair stood up and swatted the man on the back, “Oh you shush Carl!” Turning to us, she widened her smile and her hazy blue eyes sparkled, “We always welcome newcomers to the Mermaid Club! I’m Donna! The founder!”

Despite his girth, Carl seemed properly chastised by the grandmotherly elder, his countenance fading to chagrin. He took of his baseball cap and rubbed his balding head, “Sorry about that. Always been suspicious of strangers.”

I could feel that my mouth was open, watching the proceedings with something akin to disbelief and awe.

Luckily, Sam had experience, so he stepped up during my minor shock.

Sticking out a hand to Carl, and then to Donna, he gave an easy going grin, “Hello, I’m Charles Zeppelin and this is my Sister, Sarah Zeppelin. We’re moving in to town and saw your meeting flyer. Sarah here,” At this he placed a hand on my lower back and pushed me forward, jump starting my self-preservation as I smiled at Donna and shyly took her warm hand, “Swears she saw a mermaid last night by Pacific Beach and wanted to come to the meeting.” Sam let a slightly derisive laugh slip in, “Of course, I had to indulge her. Even though There’s no such thing.”

Carl glared at Sam while Donna gasped and whirled onto me, eyes wide with awe and wonder, “You saw a mermaid?”

I nodded, still play acting the shy younger sister.

Donna tugged my hand, pulling me into the circle where the other members still sat, watching the previous introductions.

She spun around, pointing out everyone, “The goth teenager,”

The fishnet, black eyeliner, bedhead teen glared through her bangs and hissed, “It’s Emo.”

“Is Emma. The Hippie looking blonde young man is Zack, and this here,” Donna dragged me to stand in front of a metal chair where a young woman, with shocking silver hair and porcelain skin sat, milky white eyes seeming to look through me, “Is Serena, our resident Mermaid.”

At this, Serena spoke, and my eyes widened as her voice flowed towards me. It was like windchimes, melodious, and soft and seemed to wrap around and trap me in it, “Could you describe what you saw?”

I shot a look over my shoulder to where Sam was stopped from entering the circle by a defensive Carl. He nodded at me, saying that it was okay, before he redirected his stare to Serena. I could see his hesitancy to believe Donna’s claim that the woman before me was a mermaid, she looked nothing like the thing we had seen last night.

I kept my voice meek as I described what I had seen, “There were big ripples in the water and then this blue person popped their head from the water. Their eyes were black as night and they had no hair. Their mouth was full of razor sharp teeth and they…” I stuttered for a moment, “They spoke to me.” I finished in a whisper, dropping my gaze to the dirty tan tiled floor.

A gasp from everyone, even Carl had turned around, taking his attention off Sam, while I told my encounter.

Serena stayed perfectly still and then she slowly raised a single hand. “What did they say?”

The words rolled off my tongue without my permission, “It’s not over.”

A musical sigh, Milky White eyes closing slowly as she breathed out. I took a moment and saw that her teeth seemed a little sharper than normal, but not as sharp as the creatures from last night.

“You have had an encounter with my Kin.”

A silence flooded the room. Stifling as if everyone held their breath waiting for Serena’s next words.

“You have no chance. If they have their sights on you, if they have shown themselves to you, you will die by their hands within the fortnight. Dragged to a watery grave where they will consume your flesh and laugh at your strangled cries for help.”

“Bullshit!” Sam’s angry, very loud exclamation startled me so badly, I yelped and fell to the ground, Donna’s hand slipping from mine as gravity took ahold.

Sam stormed up to where Serena sat, her white eyes open once again, settling in the direction of where Sam was.

He jabbed a finger at her, “How do you know? Why don’t you look like them and how are you walking around?”

Carl grunted as he moved to where Sam stood and barked at him, “Now! You listen here young man, you can’t just accuse-”

Serena interrupted him, “He is right to be cautious. After all, you are a hunter, are you not? Sam Winchester..”

I held my breath as I watched the blood drain from Sam’s face, a split second before he had the demon knife in hand and pressed up against Serena’s throat.

The group members screamed. The hippie Zack, running from the room. Donna leaping back and hanging off of Carl’s girthy frame, while Emma stared at the scene and smirked while whispering, “Finally something fun.”

A snarl ripped out of Sam, the sound so terrifying I forgot for a moment that it wasn’t targeted at me.

“How do you know who I am?”

Serena didn’t even flinch, her eyes staring through Sam, her creamy flesh pulsing against the knife as she breathed evenly, “I made a deal with a demon when I was still a younglin. I didn’t want to terrorize people. I wanted to walk amongst them and feel the love that my clan often spoke so callously about. They gave me legs and hair and skin to blend in, but they took away my sight. So that I could never see the beauty of Mankind. I heard about your kind from my Clan, and then when I was on land, I heard whispers as I wandered. Sam and Dean Winchester, the boy who lived and the demon boy king.”

She slowly rotated her head back to me, the blade that Sam held against her neck wavered as he took in her words.

“And [Y/n] [Y/l/n]...a ghost.”

I gathered my strength, and ignoring the excited whispers from the strange little emo teen and the frantic whispers from Donna dn Carl, I stepped forward and asked, “How do we kill them?”

Serena smiled, but it was not a pleasant smile, “Why?”

I cocked my head to the side in confusion, “What do you mean, ‘Why?’. They’re killing people! More people will die if we don’t stop them!”

Serena took in my passionate words, but then she spoke and shocked me again, I was starting to get irritated at her seemingly pleasant personality and her condescending attitude, “That is his reason,” She tilted her head to where Sam still stood bearing down on her with a frown, “But why do you care so much? What are you running from that has you so desperate to get away from this place?”

“I-I...wh-what? I-I..” My eyes flickered over to Sam, who wore a similar shocked expression.

I took a step backwards...and then another. And then I turned and ran.

“[Y/n]!” I heard Sam shout out in concern as the doors slammed shut behind me.

FOREVER Taglist:

@sxph-t @mialeelavellan @rainydaysrnevergrey  @platonic-plots @sociallyawkwardcircus-freak-hi @ayyidkeither @queenbbarnes @mythixmagic @chas-z @thefridgeismybestie @strangersstranger @princess-evans-addict

In My Dreams Series Taglist:

@jadepc @stevieboyharrington @clarinette07 @topthis808 @wolfkg @heythereamigodude @100kindsofblake @animegirlgeeky

[myvideosscripts-blog]

ONISION'S ACCUSATIONS DEBUNKED + RECEIPTS

Hello everyone, and before you make a comment on the sound, consider not doing that and reading the description box first and I am aware that my videos are low quality. Please understand that this is what I do in my spare time, it's not my job and I don't have the kind of time Greg has to dedicate to my channels, I actually take care of my family. Thank you and remember to reach out on my social medias down below if you wish, just give me a little request! Let's begin (and if you already know everyone involved please just skip to the time stamp where I debunk Greg's accusations against Madison and Ayalla: 10:30

Greg has struck again. I have a few videos on the back burner because this dude just wants to dig himself a hole so deep, he's about to go straight through the earth's crust and hit the mantle. The video we are debunking today is Greg's attempt to smear those who are coming forward with accusations about how absolutely trash he is.

Before we dissect and debunk his video I think we should take a look at the history of each party involved. For the sake of continuity, I'll be referring to Kai (formerly known as Lainey and Taylor, and I think even Eli at one point) as Lainey and I will be using they/their pronouns. I also want to address comments I made about Lainey changing their mind on... everything, because they do. That's no excuse for me to question their gender and I deeply apologize for that. There's no excuse for that and I won't attempt to make one.

We'll start with the largest figure in all of this. Onision, also known as Greg and more recently "character" but because nothing out of his mouth is blatantly fact, nor opinion, nor joke, we'll refer to him by his biological given name, Greg. Remember how I said in my last Greg video regarding the allegations that he is both technical and metaphorical when it suits his narrative. Keep that in mind throughout this video. It's very important.

To keep things as brief as possible while also hitting the main points, Greg has always been problematic on youtube. These days he chalks it up to being a jokester and everyone else just not getting it. Sure, Greg. He has a history with younger girls and publicizing his relationships, and exploiting his "personal experiences" and those involved, whilst getting upset if the other party does the same, these are facts. Forums like lolcow and kiwifarms and Greg himself have documented this. Greg has also exploited his own drama, claiming to want to squash things to garner sympathy from his audiences and the skeptics among us. He has ALLEGEDLY rated inappropriate photos of underage girls on his forum... I'll be using that word, allegedly quite a bit in this video. He has allegedly coerced women into having sex with him. He has allegedly harassed women via text, phone call, twitter, video - women whom are either easy targets, like Eugenia Cooney who I've voiced my opinion on, Jaclyn Glenn whom is staying neutral and/or not voicing her opinion on the current situation (as of right now), Shiloh who was "too much to handle" but also was so underage at the time that he ALLEGEDLY drove her across the country so that he could legally consummate their relationship. Speaking of which, according to this 2017 twitter interaction, Greg seemingly replies to Billie saying "I'm not a liar or a criminal. I'd take 1 person like me over 100 like you any day. You got dumped, again, you can leave now." To which Ayalla, another big part of this, replies, "this coming from the man who told Billie to shave her head and get a tattoo that says, "I'm a liar" to prove herself". Thanks to tumblr I found the following screenshots. Shiloh said on her blogspot that shaving off the rest of her hair caused her to become depressed and that her femaleness had been stripped from her completely. In the next screenshot (which looks like a wiki article) it reads: "On June 30th, 2011, Shiloh uploaded a video titled "BALD!!!" to one of her channels to announce her newly full shaved head. Throughout the rest of their relationship she dyed her short hair different colors and wore wigs. This did not cause controversy until later when Shiloh revealed more of her side of the relationship on her tumblr. She claims that Greg forced her to shave her head and told her, "I want you to shave your head cause you're a good bitch." She says he took her into the bathroom and shaved her head. She says she felt ugly and de-feminized because of it. Could it be a coincidence? Sure, suuure. There are a plethora of details I could go into to make this an hour long video to absolute kill my computer, but rather than doing that, just comment with anything you'd like me to cover and I'll do my best to do that. Until then, explore the rabbit hole that the internet has to offer about this.

Next, let's explore Lainey. Lainey has been at the center of quite a few controversies mostly due to their proximity to Greg. Lainey is 24 years old and claims that Greg and them started dating February 7th 2012, however the article on their wikia page, states that they were married in November 2011, so that's a little conflicting. That would mean they married Greg when they were around 16 years old and Greg was 25. When they met, Lainey had a striking resemblance to Shane Dawson, a particular obsession of Greg's, however that could be attributed to Lainey's scene/emo phase... and not any pressure from Greg to look like a guy he kissed and has since made numerous accusations about. Lainey specificly said in a livestream with Sarah that they were Sarah's guardian, which makes this entire situation a little messed up. I can speculate the Lainey Sarah relationship, but I'll save that for another time. The last thing I'll mention is that Lainey has made numerous tweets using slurs that I won't repeat.

There's an interesting timeline on reddit regarding Greg and Lainey, which I'll leave in the description if you want to dive a little deeper into those two. And though Lainey is an adult therefore fully accountable, I have a little more sympathy for them, despite their seemingly blind loyalty towards Greg. Lainey is complicit in everything that has happened in the house of horrors. At 24 years old, that needs to change or you need to be ok with the drama channels calling you out.

Next in this is Sarah, who was a long-time fan of Lainey. I need to correct myself in saying that Sarah was actually 14 when she and Lainey interacted, but was 16 years old upon meeting in person, which strikes me as odd, especially given that Greg has used the age of consent technicality before and how 16 years old is the age of consent in Washington. It's a little odd to me. Sarah was allegedly having... home trouble when she joined the household. There's been a lot of vague alluding to... well... abuse, it seems. Despite the fact that Sarah might be mature for her age, she still was only 14 years old when they interacted vs Lainey's 20 years old, a 6 year age gap. There's been a bit of drama with her online, like confusion about her mental disorder (borderline, not bipolar - apparently those two still get confused). Sarah used to confide in Lane, and frequently ask her to delete texts. During a livestream with Sarah and Lainey, when the first grooming accusations came out a couple years ago, Lane watched the broadcast and both Sarah and Lainey allegedly "freaked out" on Lane. For the record, Lane had no direct contact with Greg and Lainey, and there was nothing beyond brief twitter interactions between Lane and Lainey.

Next we have Madison who was strictly friends with Greg and Lainey, and states to have only ever had platonic feelings for the both of them. But given that Greg has accused her of inappropriate conversation and over-staying her welcome at Greg's house of horrors, and Greg's history with rejection... the following information is not so surprising, but keep in mind we're seeing things from a very limited scope. Madison and Greg were friends for just a few years shy of a decade when she found out she was blocked, to her it was out of nowhere. But there could have been discussions between Greg and Lainey about how one or the other felt uncomfortable, and since Greg is a manipulator, he may have even told Lainey half-truths about Madison, and their interactions. The only reasonable explanation for being blocked was that she had made a video explaining to her audience that Greg's DDlg video was done preemptively on his part with cruel intentions behind it, and/or misleading her to make the uncomfortable video. She clearly states, and I've never seen him actually deny it, that Greg brought up the idea of doing his usual diaper bs, and she could actually explain and give context behind the kink (although if kink isn't the correct term in this case, please let me know in the comments). There's also been some controversy with her making a statement against Greg, retracting the statement and apologizing for it, and lashing out at RSN for inciting drama.

The last player in this situation is Ayalla, easily the most consistent and honest out of everyone here. Ayalla is a musician here on youtube who was introduced to Lainey and Greg through Billie and Social Repose - the former is her best friend and the latter being her now ex. Her previous experiences with Greg and Lainey have not been positive - having resorted to posting a cease and desist against Greg when he wouldn't stop posting about her, which makes one of his recent videos all the more... ugh gross.

With all that said, we're going to thoroughly debunk this video made alleging that Ayalla and Madison are creeps. Bear in mind, he is attempting to discredit them after these allegations came out to sway his audience and any skeptics watching that they are not credible sources.

It starts off saying "the truth will set you free", which probably should say "the truth will send greg to jail or at the very least to the authorities possibly resulting in having to register as a sex offender, so why not make a video making allegations against those brave enough to speak out against greg and lainey's inappropriate and immoral behaviour (if not blatantly illegal... allegedly)"

The next slide is a screengrab of Madison with the caption "Onision ended his friendship with this girl for repeatedly trying to be in a relationship with him and his spouse despite him having no interest in her, cheating on her boyfriend with his boss at Fred Meyer and going behind Onision's back to trash talk him all while pretending to be his friend". I haven't seen the deleted tweets that Madison made with regards to her and Greg's friendship ending and I can't find them (though if you have access of them, feel free to leave a comment of the link below or DM me on instagram or twitter, all links are in my bio). Madison has gone on stream herself to debunk this, and Lainey has also made statements about this situation. The statement that has absolutely zero proof is that Madison tried to be in a relationship with either of them, and she has vehemently denied those claims. Greg mentions that his zero interest has to do with the cheating and gives details, but Madison herself has stated that her now fiance is her daughter's father. Bringing up specific details like that, repeatedly, is a diversion tactic so that his viewer will hopefully not think twice to ask for the evidence. Whether or not she cheated on anyone is irrelevant in this video.

Next, it reads: "Not long after Onision cut ties with her she decided to connect with a girl who cheated on Onision and gather dirt from the very same girl Onision dumped for cheating on him." The amount of exes Greg claims to have, also who he claims cheated on him, is such a large number that Madison could walk down the street and bump into anyone who he says he dated. She's allowed to befriend others, especially given that she was hurt by the random ending of said friendship. And if Madison had made them feel uncomfortable, either of them could have voiced that instead of coming up with this elaborate story of all the terrible things she did while never taking responsibility for their own actions. Greg is incapable of doing that, but Lainey gives half-hearted, almost disingenous apologies for any of their wrong-doing.

Next the slide reads, "Onision and his ex started dating legally, consentually, however this girl lied to everyone and told everyone that Onision had dated her when she was younger than the age she was. And here are the receipts." Notice how Greg is not naming this person at all. The receipts he shows, are between him and Madison and this seems to be about the clip of her and BillytheFridge about Greg's alleged interactions with underage girls. Greg is blue, Madison is white. I'll do my best Greg voice for you all.

It's dated Saturday December 29, 2018, just last month. Greg says "Unfortunately we're going to have to sue you for slander. Best of luck to you." Madison replies, "Okay. I will press charges for this then." And Greg replies, "For?" The next message is a screenshot or document that says Washington Wiretapping Laws, and I'll provide the larger image which states that Washington is a two-party consent state. In his next message he says, "Like I said, there is no recording of your voice without consent." He sends a separate message a minute later saying, "We are going to have to sue you however, as there is a recording of you publicly slandering me." She never outright slandered him, she questioned his motives and stated some simple facts.

Madison responds, "You stated out loud, verbally to me that you were presently recording me. If you deleted it then great. But you verbally stated to me on the phone call you were recording me." Directly after, and her message was cut off in the screenshot, she says, "Be my guest. I don't have a fn dime. So you won't get anything out of it but paying for your own legal fees. And what I said wasn't untrue." Greg replied, "You were informed on the phone that you were wrong about Shiloh's age. You need to publicly state that." He never actually denies verbally telling her he was recording her, he just says that there isn't a recording. As for Shiloh's age... when they started recording videos together, Greg was 24-25 and Shiloh was 17, there's been speculation that Greg was talking to Shiloh while he was still married to Skye. There's a lot of conflicting information regarding when Lainey and Greg got together. I remember reading somewhere that Lainey was 15 when they first started talking, there are texts between the two that state they were 16 when Greg asked them about being his soulmate. In 2012 they were already married.

Moving on, he says, "You also implied I was a pedophile, you need to retract that statement as well. Otherwise we have to sue. It is our only option." I do find it interesting that just a couple days after the stream where she had made the comments, and RSN made the video with all of the clips, Greg texts her. I can definitely see where it looks like Madison has inside information on Greg. The general consensus is that she's afraid of Greg and that's why she retracted her statement, flippantly saying it was a poor choice of words, however I believe if she does have information about him and underage girls, she should join the other brave people who have come forward and say something. With the recent wetland situation, which fines are up to 10s of thousands of dollars, and given that Greg complains about his finances, and he even stated that he was using the money from his bogus gofundme for a forum (rather than paying himself, if he's so financially stable), it's safe to assume that Greg does not have the money to pay a lawyer and court fees in order to sue anyone. Don't be afraid to tell the truth. Stand by your convictions.

Madison replies to his message saying "I'll speak to Shiloh and I'll say what ends up being the truth. If I was wrong I will happily state that. I already publicly retracted the statement regarding you being a pedophile. Multiple times. But have you retracted yours regarding Shane? No. Have you retracted your comments regarding me being a sexual predator toward you or your family? No. You have not."

Greg responds "Please watch the documentary I made on Shane. It proves your wrong. Also I never called you a sexual predator. You are wrong about that as well." In this text we're seeing technical Greg. He implied many times that Madison made his family feel uncomfortable, that she overstayed her welcome, etc. Though I think it's a jump to use the word sexual predator, I can understand why Madison would feel that way. Technically he didn't call her that. His Shane Dawson "documentary" had no clear point, but even if she wasn't refering to that, Greg has made a lot of statements against Shane Dawson.

Madison replies, "You want me to dig out the texts you decided to publicly tweet about me?" I think those are deleted now by the way, but with Greg's audience, it doesn't matter if they're deleted, the damage is done.

Greg's reply is, "ALso why would you be in contact with a self-admitted pathological liar (my ex of over 7 years ago)? Do you not see how weird and inappropriate that is? I broke up with her for cheating on me, then I end your and my friendship/refuse to work with you, and this is what you do?" He makes a few more messages, but this one speaks volumes because it looks as though he is trying to make her out to be the bad person when he's been accused of something. Classic deflecting Greg.

The next three texts say, "Like I said, I never called you what you say I did. However I do have proof you slandered me, heavily. Retract, completely or we sue. And you need to retract it on the same place you accused me. On both the Drunken Peasants and wherever else you wrongly acused me." That was at 1:28pm. At 4:11pm Madison's response to him is cut off which says "Do not contact me again." So if there's anything in between those messages, Greg hasn't show us.

Greg reponds to her, "Expect to hear from my lawyer."

Madison says, "I retracted the statement you requested me to retract. Do not contact me again." But that's not good enough for Greg, and this next text of his shows us the controlling nature behind this "man". He says, "Unless you completely retracted your implication that I was ever with a 16 year old and also retracted your implication that you believe I am a pedophile on both The Drunken Peasants & Twitter (as well as anywhere else you said it) I will still be pursuing you legally, making an example out of people" (and it cuts off, but we can assume what it says). The words Greg chooses to use speaks volumes. Unless you do this, I'm gonna do that - whereas she already retracted what she needed to saying that it was a poor choice of words. Her opinion is not something that she legally needs to change. She can believe he's a pedo all she wants. We can believe that shady stuff goes on in the House of Horrors all we want. You can't sue someone for having an belief or opinion.

Next slide is where he highlights the message from her and uses the caption, "She made a public false claim about Onision, and admits it was false. Yet the damage is done. People continue to believe her lies, despite the fact she admitted she did not tell the truth." Once again, the use of his words speaks volumes. He always stresses the words honest and truth. As for the damage being done, the same can be said about his implications and accusations against Shane Dawson. Shane actually has the money and the means to sue Greg for the malicious things Greg has said about Shane. But it only counts if Greg is in that position, right?

The next slide is what Greg probably thinks is an unflattering photo of Ayalla. You could google a better image of her, but Greg uses this tactic that we see so often in the news and media of using unflattering images of people to paint them in a negative light. The caption reads, "This is the ex girlfriend of Social Repose. Onision defended her when she was being blackmailed by Social Repose. She is also the friend of Onision's ex girlfriend, who Onision dumped repeatedly for lying, cheating, and illegal drug use." Greg once again attempts to put himself on a pedestal by saying he defended someone, whilst also victimizing himself claiming that Billie lied, cheated, and participated in illegal activity. Which is interesting given that by all accounts, Greg himself is a criminal. In true Onision fashion, let's go over the definition of criminal: Criminal. noun. 1. a personal who has committed a crime. Destroying wetlands is a crime. Also, Greg is a cheater as well, considering he continued his relationship, or at least attempted to, with Billie, the person he refers to in this, while Lainey was taking care of their kids.

Next he says, "This girl claims that Sarah, a girl Onision and Laineybot first met in person when she was 16 and were only friends (and remained just friends even after she turned 18) "groomed" the girl." He conveniently left out the fact that Lainey was in contact with Sarah when she was as young as 14 years old. Lainey was 21 at the time. If it was a cis-man in contact with a 14 year old girl, it would be considered disgusting and creepy, so how about we toss out the double standards and call it like it is.

Moving on, in the next slide Greg mentions everything he did for Ayalla as though that has any bearing in the situation... especially since it was years ago. Notice that this is one of Greg's favorite tactics making him seem like a caring, good guy. It reads, "This girl spent about a week total around Onision, free housing, free meals, collaborating in videos, free plane ticket paid for by Onision, and knows for a fact we never did not do anything inappropriate with Sarah. In fact she knows very well that I (Onision) was often mean to Sarah. Which I have since apologized for."

What strikes me as odd is that Greg, the literary guy, says "we never did not do anything inappropriate" Freudian slip or just a rush in editing? What also strikes me as odd is that he says, in fact she knows I treated Sarah like crap, as though that makes any of this better.

Next slide reads, "In fact the only reason this girl was even around Kai and Onision is because Onision's ex begged Onision to bring her, despite Onision preferring not to take care of another adult's expenses." This is a world of crap right here. For starters, Greg can't stay consistent and switches from referring to Lainey as Lainey and as Kai. He also fails to include Lainey in the relationship.... Lainey was the one who initially pursued Billie and the intent was for those two to have the relationship, to which Greg sorta invited himself into and whether by spousal pressure or insecurity, Lainey allowed for a very short time. It's clear with how many failed poly relationships that this marriage should not be poly but rather just open. As for the begging, I believe this was debunked already. Billie did not beg for Ayalla to be there but asked. However by using the term beg, Greg attempts to make Billie and Ayalla look as though they had stepped on his toes. He could have said no, but he didn't. That's on him.

Next slide reads, "Onision's ex indicated that this girl was the reason why previous relationships did not work out because her ex-boyfriends did not like her." That has absolutely no fact behind it, we're literally supposed to take Greg's word for it. This is Greg attempting to pit Billie and Ayalla against each other. Notice how he uses "indicated" instead of "stated".

Next, "Other than her previous boyfriend who allegedly cheated on her with Shannon (the youtuber) according to Onision's ex at the time they were dating." This is one of the few times Greg mentions a person's name, and he uses the word allegedly. Allegedly to cover his own ass. I'm sure this is to deflect and create drama between other people. Remember when it comes to Onision, he loves to deflect from his own issues and stir up stuff between other people... allegedly.

Next is where it gets real with allegations. Greg states in this slide, "While this girl lies about Sarah being groomed, she leaves out the fact that she asked Sarah if Sarah would have sex with her in just the short week she was around Onision, Sarah, and Kai. So you can understand why I regret ever flying her out. She is a liar and a pervert." Meanwhile Ayalla ain't stressing because she knows that's not true. Greg asked Sarah to make a video saying that there was no sexual intercourse between them and Sarah, but doesn't ask her to make a video with these allegations? Is Sarah even aware that he's using her as a pawn in his twisted game? Furthermore, the evidence is stacking against Onision and Lainey about the grooming allegations. Whereas there's nothing remotely substantial to back up the claims of Ayalla asking Sarah to sleep with her, besides Greg's statement. Not even from Sarah herself, this is coming from Greg.

Next, "Remember how the first girl asked Onision to stop contacting her right after she realized she was wrong and retracted her slanderous statement? People often do this when they realize they have lost the argument. They have nothing left to defend themselves with, because the truth is not on their side." Wrong on so many counts. Let's bring the texts up again, part of them are cut off. Madison retracted her statement multiple times already, but Greg really wanted it in text. She did not lose anything. People often tell others to not contact them when they are tired of being harassed and/or don't want contact with that person. Since he continued to threaten her with being sued via text - rather than actually following through with it - he did not respect her statement. Greg does not understand what the truth is, given how biased this video is. Next slide he says here are the receipts (spoiler alert they aren't actually receipts, just screenshots, in which he proves that he doesn't respect the wishes of anyone telling them to stop contacting them):

We can assume he has tried to call her and she texts him: "Anything you have to say to me you may say in writing. I don't know what you could possibly discuss with me." Straight to the point.

Greg's response: "It's ok. Our lawyer will contact you." Again bringing up the lawyers that he allegedly doesn't have the money to pay for.

Ayalla responds: Looking forward to it.

And rather than ending it there, he texts her at length the next day: "Sarah very clearly asked you to not talk about her/to leave her alone. Why are you harassing Sarah? Can you please stop causing problems in her life?" I'm gonna stop to say, there's no evidence or screenshots of harassment. The fact that Ayalla slipped up and used Sarah's name in a stream is very clearly just a mistake. Anyone who had tuned into the livestream was there because of the allegations against Onision and Laineybot with Sarah. I understand her not wanting to be named, and Ayalla did her best, it was clearly not malicious. "Additionally Sarah has made it clear you hit on her when you were at our house. You even asked her if she would be willing to sleep with you, and these are Sarah's words." Unless Sarah comes forward to accuse Ayalla, it bears absolutely zero truth. Given what both Lane and Ayalla have had to say about Sarah and what Sarah has said about her possible future relationship with Lainey, I cannot believe Greg.

"I keep hearing about the things you are saying and you admitted you have brain damage acording to Sarah who watched your live stream." Having brain damage does not equate to memory damage, it could be that she has trouble with finding the correct words, and needing extra time to find the correct words. Classic Greg trying to discredit someone with more evidence than he could provide.

"Please get help for your issues and leave Sarah, who has asked you to not discuss her in any way, alone." And this is the Greg who has shown a little bit of concern and empathy lately, but by Greg's own admission, it's easy to fake. "You are harassing her and she just wants to live her life." Again, no evidence of harassment. You got receipts on that, Greg?

"Lastly, you will be receiving a cease and desist soon." Except he continues not just in this same text, but in another.

"You told me long ago to move on, and I did, yet here you are, trying to get back in all of our lives. Please take your own advice, leave Sarah alone and be happy with your own life. Thank you and get well soon." For starters, I feel as though if Ayalla wanted to actually be in their lives, she would reach out to them personally instead of speaking out against them. Secondly, Greg attempts to put himself on this pedestal by showing us his fake concern by telling her he wishes her well.

"Additionally Sarah confirmed most everything you're saying about her is a lie. I'm going to assume you are saying these things as a result of the brain damage you mentioned. I do hope you get well soon." Again, Greg tries to discredit Ayalla and claims that Sarah has confirmed Ayalla being a liar, without providing a lick of evidence. She can't confirm anything, all she can do is say, "uh yeah, false." And I understand why Sarah would say none of this is true, if she's attempting to stay in Greg and Lainey's lives, and maybe she thinks she's the exception because she's just so mature for her age, but she's still young and fully capable of being manipulated by Greg.

Ayalla replies, "I have asked you repeatedly to stop contacting me Greg. You may paint me however you wish but I know the truth and you can't hide from it anymore." Again, short and to the point.

Greg says, "Then why does everyone involved, both Sarah and Kai, claim you are lying? You, a person who was only around for one week, who also hit on/asked Sarah to sleep with you?" Ok, before we continue, I want to mention that if Sarah truly was 16 at the time and Ayalla was 18 or 19, it would have been legal. I'm going to read this for all of you, so that you may get a better understanding of why Greg is wrong on so many counts:

The Washington Age of Consent is 16 years old. In the United States, the age of consent is the minimum age at which an individual is considered legally old enough to consent to participation in sexual activity. Individuals aged 15 or younger in Washington are not legally able to consent to sexual activity, and such activity may result in prosecution for statutory rape.

Washington statutory rape law is violated when a person has consensual sexual intercourse with an individual under age 16. The age of consent is raised to 18 when the partners are a foster parent and foster child, when the older partner is at least 60 months older than their 16 or 17 year old partner and abuses their significant relationship(as defined by RCW 9A.44.010) to have sexual intercourse, or when the partners are teacher and student(this law was actually interpreted by the Washington State Supreme Court to extend to students up to 21 years old).

I don't personally believe that Ayalla would say that considering she was in a relationship with Social Repose at the time, but even if that was the case, it would have been legal for her to ask, or even act on it. It would have been completely illegal for Sarah to have sexual relations with Lainey if she were 16 because of Lainey's guardianship, which they spoke about in a stream. Now that Sarah is 18 years old, it would be legal. Morally questionable, but legal.

Continuing, Ayalla responds, "Your lies will get you nowhere." Greg says, "That's Sarah saying this." Either she is using his phone to which she would probably not refer to herself in the third person the way Greg does. Also, she never states that Ayalla asked her that, or remotely hit on her. Ayalla responds, "Please stop contacting me." Greg does not respect this and continues, because he has a fundamental lack of respect for all women. That's nothing new though.

"Stop talking about Sarah, publicly humiliating her. None of us are saying anything bad about you publicly, you are the one who needs to stop. Sarah asked you, I'm defending her right to privacy. You need to move in with your life, finally." Sarah is an adult now, at 18 years old, so she will be treated as such. No one can defend her using harassment.

Ayalla simply says, "Do not contact me again." Take a shot every time she has to say that. Don't do that, you'll get alcohol poisoning.

Once again, Greg disregard her wishes and says, "All right! Just please don't ask people like Sarah to sleep with you and then years later claim others were as perverted as you are." Oh, Greg. You're doin too much. He literally says, don't ask people like Sarah to sleep with you... what? People who you want to possess or...?

"Best of luck to you and reviving from your brain damage. Seriously, wish you will. Cease and desist is being sent soon and legal action will be taken against you if you continue to humiliate and harass Sarah." Again with the brain damage to which Greg doesn't even know the extent of. Why bother mentioning cease and desist if you already said that if not to use it as a scare tactic? And he also says he'll pursue legal action if she continues to humiliate and harass Sarah... which there's no evidence of anyway, so clearly he's not going to.

Greg being Greg doesn't even end it there, "Heal, get well and find a better use of your time than harassing victims of your sexual harassment (Sarah was 16 at the time you asked her if she would sleep with you) - Get help and become a better person. Goodbye." Was Greg a cheerleader when he was younger because I can almost hear him chanting, "Be aggressive, passive aggressive." Again, no evidence and big if, but if it were true it would not be illegal for Ayalla to ask Sarah to sleep with her.

And of course, in all caps, Ayalla says "STOP CONTACTING ME".

In the next slide, he says "Sarah asked this girl to stop talking about her, directly, and in response this girl tweeted "the plot thickens" - Ok, for starters, Ayalla could have been talking to multiple people about this situation and found out more. Your attempt at correlating is not a direct causation.

"Then proceeded to live streaming, exploiting Sarah for personal gain despite her asking for her to not speak of her. She then uploaded a youtube version of her live stream, where she made hundreds of dollars on her channel, which prior got barely any views." He doesn't know how much she made, and since it is her channel she is allowed to do what she wants. Also, Ayalla has 50k subs, so I'm sure she gets more than just barely any views.

Next slide, "In response to this liar/pervert who asled a 16 year old girl if she wanted to sleep with her making false claims about Kai, the now adult Sarah made the following public statement." Again, harping on the accusation, making it seem like it's illegal. The now adult Sarah did not address anything other than what Greg allegedly asked her to address... something no one was even accusing them of. Grooming has been speculated and there's more evidence of that than anything.

Over this video, Greg has made captions, which read, "Sarah asked this girl to stop talking about her/stop srpeading lies, yet she continued. This video was made as a public plea to discontinue the lies. The girl simply refuses to stop harassing Sarah"

Let me repeat. The accusations were about the inappropriate nature of Lainey and Sarah's relationship and grooming.

"The ex girlfriend of Social Repose" keyword ex and they are no longer associated with each other. "the friend of a girl who was dumped repeatedly for lying, cheating, breaking the law" Greg's way of being a hypocrite. "The girl with nearly no views on her youtube channel" actually about as much if not more than Greg, so... "who was asked by multiple parties to not try and exploit their lives with lies," which she didn't do. "the girl who has everything to gain off lying to the public through revenge and monetary gain for her friend being dumped" why does he keep bringing up Billie... the dude doth project too much if you ask me. "The girl who also asked a 16 year old Sarah to sleep with her (and Sarah backs up this claim)" Sarah just said she didn't want others speaking for her, so she herself can accuse Ayalla publicly, and even then, it's not illegal - whereas anything between Sarah and her former guardian was entirely illegal.

"The girl who also, with Onision's ex, Onision's ex tried to convince a 16 year old Sarah to starve herself like she did, to become part of her eating disorder" that is so grammatically incorrect I can't properly address it, but again, Sarah's an adult now she can address it herself. "and the friend of Onision's ex who offered Sarah illegal drugs, as a 16 year old" no evidence, Greg, "who tried to get Sarah to move in with them as well..." and honestly if the latter is true, I'd assume it had something to do with being concerned about Sarah's wellbeing... you know, like how Lainey took her in for Sarah's wellbeing.

"Again, all facts backed up by Sarah's claims." If you're going to use the term facts, back it up with evidence. Claims are not evidence. "Sarah, a person who is does not have Youtube channel and does not try to turn drama into money" except when she livestreams about the drama?

The next slide is of Madison again where he harps about how desperate she was to date Greg and Lainey. "And this girl, someone who tried to get in a relationship with Onision and Kai and was repeatedly rejected." EVIDENCE. "A girl who cheated on her boyfriend with his boss, who was drunk while slandering Onision, someone who went out of her way to connect with Onision's ex of over 7 years." Hang on though, it's not really that hard to get in contact with another person... like you type some words... sorta how it wouldn't really be that hard for Greg to look up laws about age of consent laws and the EPAs stance on wetlands.

"A girl who lost her friendship with Onision for going behind his back while still trying to be his friend, dishonest." Sure Jan.

Next slide he completely contradicts what he had texted to Madison, "And admitted she was wrong about Onision, issued a public retraction of what she said about Onision." So it's almost like he manipulated her into the retraction to specifically discredit her in this video. Hmm... interesting.

Next slide is of both Ayalla and Madison. The above heading reads, "You trust these two people, one of which admitted she lied.. and the other asked a 16 year old girl if she wanted to have sex with her..." Under the photo of Madison it says "Lied about Onision publicly and later admitted it/retracted." She didn't lie though... she admitted it was a poor choice of words but not that it was a lie. And under Ayalla, it saus "Asked a 16 year old girl if she wanted to have sex with her and offered the 16 year old drugs illegally" do i need to harp on the legalities like Greg harps on his ex, who was initially just supposed to be dating Lainey until he forced his way into the relationship. Was that a poor choice of words? Allegedly.

In the next slide there's a picture of Lainey with what looks like Greg's mom and he has a caption pointing the picture, "And this is the person you think is guilty? THIS is the person you guys are demonizing and trying to ruin the life of? Over what?" Then a caption pointing to a picture of Ayalla reading, "This girl's attempt at five seconds of fame?"

This is Greg's poor attempt at mimicking what the news and media does by using a flattering picture of Lainey and an unflattering one of Ayalla, because he thinks this sweet picture of his mom and Lainey will make us change our minds when there's a lot of shady stuff online that doesn't paint Lainey as this innocent party.

In the next slide, he lines up a well done photo of Lainey, a well done selfie of Sarah, and a photo of Ayalla midspeech, basically just repeating what he had already claimed.

Then he dedicates a slide just to the word and and an elipses, followed by a slide, again harping on Madison, which says that Madison "claims she publicly retracted her statements about Onision" except using the phrase claim is incorrect because she factually retracted her statement by saying, I REPEAT, it was a poor choice of words. Next to an image of Greg and Lainey, with the caption "if very happy he is no longer friends with a liar like her." She may flip flop, but at least the chick corrects herself.

Long story short... is the next slide. Followed by a slide of both Sarah and Ayalla but with the word pervert over Ayalla's photo... The caption says the same shit he's been claiming in this video. The next slide of Madison is pointless really and pretty much his attempt at being gracefully petty, but falls short because it's Greg.

Next, Greg says in true narcissistic fashion - oh no, there I go diagnosing a narcissist without any credentials, just my diploma from Google University - he says "To everyone else, I forgive you for being wrong... But now you have no excuse to continue being wrong."

Then Greg asks everyone to go to twitter and apologize to Lainey, and to comment an apology to Sarah on that video... because he needs the engagement that badly I guess.

And in his next slide he alleges, "We are still pursuing legal action against this girl, who has yet to retract her statements and will be pursued in court with three separate witness and other evidence that remains private." I love that he claims he has evidence and conveniently states that it's private after previously saying that he's taking Sarah's word for it and Sarah is the one making all of the claims. I repeat, claims.

TL;DW: Greg is trying to manipulate his audience into believe that he and his spouse are not predators by attempting to discredit one person who has come forward, and another person who made a passing statement in a livestream and apologized saying it was a poor choice of words.

If you've had any interaction that you find odd or questionable or has made you feel uncomfortable, don't hesitate to reach out. My twitter and instagram require requests and you can reach out to me, but I am not the only one willing to listen. Ayalla has made a tweet saying her DMs are open, and if there are any other youtubers, streamers, etc who are open to listening, please feel free to comment and I will the comment a heart.

I'll catch you guys in my next video.

[ethxndolan]

Ruin The Friendship (D.T.)

Based off the song Ruin The Friendship by Demi Lovato 

Summary: Y/N’s been best friends with the twin’s her whole life, but all at once her relationship with each one starts to change...

Word Count: 10,475 lmao another novel whoops 

Warnings: it’s kinda emo & typos 

MASTERLIST 

“Ethan!” I yelled, pounding on the door of his apartment. My heart was racing with fear every second that ticked by without him answering. I pounded my fist against the door again. “Ethan, please I know you’re in there, open up. Grayson called me and he’s really worried about you.” I pressed my ear against the door to see if I could hear anything, but all I heard was dead silence.

I raised my fist up again to knock, when the door swung open to reveal Ethan. My heart broke into a million pieces when my eyes landed on him. Tears were pooling in his eyes and I could see the pain he was in so clearly written across his face. I had never seen him cry before, and it was making me want to burst into tears right along with him.

I immediately stepped into his apartment and wrapped my arms around him. He didn’t move immediately, just stood there as I awkwardly clung to him. “Ethan, I’m so sorry…”

“Y/N, I don’t want to talk about it,” he said and stepped back to break our awkward embrace.

“That’s okay, we don’t have to talk about it, but I’m not going anywhere,” I stated.

He huffed, but didn’t say a word. He turned away from me and walked over to the couch, where he collapsed on it face first. I followed him and took a seat near his had and started running my hands through his hair because I knew that always soothed him. Ethan was my best friend in the entire world and it physically hurt me to see him in this much pain.

“I know I said we don’t have to talk about it,” I started and he immediately groaned. “and you don’t have to say a word, okay? But I need you to know that I love you, and I’m here for you and I think that Quinn is the dumbest girl in the entire world for cheating on you. I always assumed her IQ was below average with the amount of perfume she wore, you know that had to have been killing brain cells, but the fact that she would cheat on someone as wonderful as you proves she’s an idiot.” I wanted each and every word that came out of my mouth to heal him and take away all his anguish, but realistically I knew he was probably barely listening.

“Are you done?” he asked, his voice was muffled from where it was pressed against the cushion of the couch. I opened my mouth to speak, but even though he couldn’t see me, it was as if could sense it and cut me off before I could even say anything. “You’re done. I don’t want to talk about it.”

“So, what do you want to do?” I tentatively asked.

He sighed and took a moment to collect his thoughts before responding. “I want to lay here and never move or think again.” I rolled my eyes at his dramatics.

“Well as fun an interesting as that sounds, I have a better idea.” I stood up and walked into his kitchen and immediately began opening all the cabinets until I found what I was looking for. I grabbed the bottle of tequila and two shot glasses and walked back over to Ethan. I set the stuff down on the coffee table and Ethan’s eyebrow shot up in question. “What?” I said, “This is a classic breakup cure. Like, did you even break up with somebody if you don’t get rip roaring drunk and cry about it all night?”

“I don’t cry,” he mumbled even though his eyes were still glossy with tears.

I patted his arm. “Okay, buddy, whatever you say. Are you going to drink with me or not? You know I hate drinking alone.” I sat down on the floor in front of the coffee table and started to pour the liquor into the shot glasses.

Ethan moved and took a seat on the floor next to me. “You’re a terrible influence,” he said. I just looked over at him and smiled. He rolled his eyes and grabbed the shot, throwing it back without a second thought.

Shot after shot later we were both feeling the effects of the alcohol at this point. Ethan more so than me, considering he was throwing them back like his life depended on it. “And you know what the worst part is?” he slurred, “I just dropped 400 dollars for tickets to go see that stupid concert of that stupid band she likes!”

“E…” I laughed, “You can always sell the tickets.”

His eyes shot to mine, “That’s not the point, Y/N! The point is … the point is I loved her. How could she do this to me?” His eyes were looking at me and they were filled with so much sorrow and agony. I didn't understand how anyone in the entire world could want to hurt Ethan. Ethan was the best person I knew, he was my favorite person. I loved his sarcasm, the way he overreacted in any situation, the way he did… everything.

I watched as a tear finally fell from his eye and slowly dripped down the smooth skin of his face. I reached up and wiped the tear away. “I don’t know, Ethan. I don’t know…”

He threw his head back and groaned in frustration. “God, I wish I could just stop thinking about her for five minutes! I just keep picturing her with that guy in my head, it’s like it’s on and endless loop and it just won’t stop!” He rubbed his hands against his eyes, which only pushed out more tears. He looked at me, “I need it to stop, Y/N.”

I leaned my forehead against his, in the exact same way we had been doing since we were little kids. “Maybe you just need to replace that image with something different,” I suggested.

“Maybe…” he mumbled. Before I could even register what was happening, he was placing his lips against mine in a soft kiss.

I instantly jerked away from him. “Ethan, what the fuck?”

He ran his hands through his hair and pulled on the strands in aggravation. “God, I’m sorry. You just said to replace the image… and I thought… I don’t know what I thought. Well I do, I thought you could help, but that was so dumb, you’re my best friend.”

I looked at him and the sharp angles of his profile and I thought about how I was in love with my best friend. I had known since I was fourteen and he held me in his arms all night after my dad died. I had thought about telling him how I felt so many times, but I knew he didn’t feel the same. All throughout high school he was blowing through girl after girl, more interested in racking up a high body count than being in a relationship. Until Quinn that is, she changed everything for him. Suddenly he was the mushy romantic type and all about commitment. I stood by his side through every girl that called him an asshole, every girl that threaten to key his car, and now I sat with him as he went through his first heartbreak. I knew how he felt because my heart broke every time he said another girl’s name.

I had always been so cautious around him, never wanting to hint at my feelings for him in fear of ruining our friendship. But tonight with the alcohol coursing through my veins and him asking me to help him forget… I couldn’t think of a single reason to stop myself.  

His head was still leaned back against the couch as I moved to straddle his lap. His head instantly shot up, eyes wide, as he looked at me in shock. “Let me help you forget…” I whispered. He didn’t hesitate.

—

I woke up with a pounding headache as the events from last night came rushing back to me. I looked over and saw Ethan’s bare back as he was sleeping facing away from me. I cringed thinking about what I had done. We have crossed a line we could never go back from.

I had crossed a line that I didn’t think my heart would ever recover from.

I quietly got up from his bed and ran around his room collecting my clothes. I quickly got dressed, scared to even breathe and risk waking him up. The sound of the zipper on my jeans was suddenly the loudest noise I had ever heard. I couldn’t face him right now, not when everything was so recent and raw. I couldn’t sit here and listen to him tell me that it was a drunken mistake and that it didn’t mean anything.

Because it meant something to me.

I slipped out of his bedroom and ran smack into Grayson’s chest. “Sorry,” I mumbled in apology. I was irrationally scared that Gray was going to take one look at me and know instantly what happened between his brother and I last night.

“Is he doing okay?” he asked. Genuine concern was laced in his voice and the worried look in his eyes made me want to melt. “I’m so glad you spent the night with him, I wasn’t able to get back home until a couple of hours ago.” Relief rushed through as I realized he assumed I had just casually spent the night like I had so many times before.

“Um, it’s pretty bad. He’s really hurting, but I think we just have to give him time and he will come around,” I said. My words sounded way more confident that I felt. Ethan’s was truly in love with her and I have never seen him this way before.

He nodded. “God, I always knew that fucking bitch was bad news.” He ran his hand through his floppy hair, messing it up even more than it already was. “I told you she had crazy eyes and that she was extremely shady. Nobody’s teeth are that white.”

His light joke erupted a giggle from me and brought a smile to my face. “Gray, you’re so suspicious of everyone. Statistically speaking if you accuse everyone of being shady, you’re bound to be right eventually,” I said.  

He rolled his eyes. “I’ve never accused you of being shady.” His eyes locked onto mine and suddenly the conversation didn’t feel as light anymore.

I nervously looked away and tried to steer the conversation back to joking. “You’ve known me since we were in diapers? I don’t think that counts.”

“Okay, but I was right about Quinn. I suspected her beyond the normal amount, you have to give me this one.” He poked me in the side and I flinched away laughing.

“You’re right!” I squeaked. “You were right about Quinn. Are you happy now? Do you feel validated?”

“Yes, thank you, I do,” he said. Gray and I always had such a easy understanding of each other that being around him instantly relaxed me. There was something softer about him than Ethan and it had such a calming effect on everyone that was around him. Which was ironic considering he was the one with anxiety, but he would be damned if anyone besides me or his family knew.

“I bet Ethan sleeps for most of the day, we drank pretty heavily last night. Do you want to go get breakfast?” I asked. I knew going back to my place wasn’t an option, I would just sit around all day thinking about what had happened. Overthinking it, analyzing it from every angle, maybe taking a quiz on cosmo.com to see if Ethan returned my feelings, and I knew none of that would help me out. Being around Gray would help.

The biggest grin spread across his face. “As long as we go somewhere with pancakes.”

—

Ethan actively avoided me for a full week which left me with a constant feeling of uncertainty. Was it because we had slept together? Was it because he was heartbroken? Gray and I were both stumped by the whole thing because we had never seen Ethan heartbroken before, so we had no idea how to approach the delicate situation.

I had actually been spending way more time with Grayson lately, which was highly unusual, not because we weren’t good friends, but because it was typically Ethan and I attached to each other’s hips.

In fact Grayson was hanging out at my apartment watching TV with me when I finally heard from Ethan after the longest seven days of my life. I quickly answered my phone afraid he was going to change his mind and end the call. “E?” I answered.

“Hey, Y/N. Are you home?” he asked. He sounded like his normal self, which surprised me because nothing about the past week had been normal.

“Yeah.”

“Ok, cool. Be there in 5,” he said. My heart beat instantly increased at the thought of seeing him. Would things be weird? Different? Would we pretend it never happened? I wasn’t sure which option would hurt the least.

Before I could respond he had ended the call. I looked at Gray, “I guess Ethan’s coming over. Have you talked to him today?” I was suddenly so grateful that Grayson had come over today because as least I wouldn’t have to face Ethan alone.

“No,” he said. “He’s been avoiding me almost as much as he’s been avoiding you. I got up this morning and he was nowhere to be found.” I could tell Ethan’s distance was also taking a toll on Grayson. He cared about his brother so much.

It wasn’t long before Ethan was walking into my apartment. He immediately looked shocked when he saw Grayson sitting next to me, but quickly recovered and relaxed his face. “Oh, hey, Gray. I didn’t know you were here,” Ethan said.

“Yeah, well I needed someone to hang out with me,” he replied.

“Hey!” I exclaimed, and back handed him lightly across his arm.

He chuckled and curled up on the couch as if to defend himself. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding. I love spending time with you, Y/N.”

I rolled my eyes. “Anyway, what’s up Ethan?”

He walked over a took a seat on the coffee table before us. “Actually, I’m glad you’re both here it’ll make this easier.” He took a deep breath before continuing, “Quinn and I are back together.”

“What?” Gray and I said at the same time. I was pretty sure the cracking of my heart could be heard throughout my entire apartment building. “You can’t be serious,” Gray said.

“What the fuck, Ethan?” I asked. We were both leaning forward giving Ethan our full attention. Nothing could have broken our focus on him.

He gulped and nodded. “I am,” he said. “She called me last night and begged me to go over to her place today.” He wouldn’t look either of us in the eyes as he spoke. “She explained to me what happened… and I believe her and I don’t think our year long relationship should be thrown out the window over one mistake.”

I choked on a laugh. “One mistake? There’s no way this was a only time thing! She’s a liar, it’s what she does this instant the first time she's lied.”

“God, Y/N. Would you just fucking let that go already?” he said, clearly aggravated. “She apologized a thousand time for lying to me about meeting up with her ex. That was literally months ago, you’re the only one who’s still pressed on it. And besides, with the cheating thing… as far as i’m concerned her and I are even.” All the color drained from my face and I tried to look anywhere but at Ethan.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Gray asked, clearly confused. His eyebrows were pulled together so intensely.

“Nothing,” Ethan muttered. “I know you guys both have strong feelings about her and this situation, but I want you both to know that I don’t care. And i’m asking you to respect my decision and respect her as my girlfriend. I’ve forgiven her and that means you guys need to as well, okay?”

I don’t think Gray or I were in any kind of place to give Ethan a response. He seemed to take our silence as acceptance and nodded to himself. “Okay, cool, well I’ll see you guys later. Quinn’s waiting for me.”

And just like that he got up and left Gray and I sitting in what felt like complete silence, even though a low murmur from the TV could still be heard, the air was just that thick. “What the fuck was that?” he asked.

“I have no idea…” was my only reply.

—

E: up for an adventure tonight?

His text lit up my dark room at midnight. I wanted to say no, but there was no world where I could ever turn down the opportunity to spend time with Ethan.

Y/N: Ya, pick me up in 20.

I got up and threw on an old baggy t-shirt, jean shorts and my old dingy Adidas. It was the standard uniform of our late night adventures. Ethan texted me that he was here already so I left my apartment and ran down the stairs to meet up with him.

“Hey,” I said as I climbed into his passenger seat.

“Hey,” he responded. As he started to drive away from the city the awkwardness was thick in the air and was weighing heavily on me. We hadn’t been alone since that night and since he announced he was back together with Quinn, and it was super obvious in the way neither of us seemed to know how to act. This had never happened before, Ethan and I knew each other so well that was usually navigated slightly awkward situations with ease. Not this time.  

I finally couldn’t take it anymore and just wanted to get the conversation out of the way. I knew it was going to hurt, but pushing it off longer would only hurt our friendship more. “Ethan-“ I said just as he said “Y/N-“ We awkwardly laughed. “You first,” he said.

I so didn’t want to go first, but I knew this had to be done. “Listen, I don’t want to talk about this at all, but I really think we need to.” My voice was weaker than I wanted it to be.

“What? About Quinn?” he asked. I could tell he was tense as this clearly was not a topic he wanted to discuss. Luckily, we had to discuss a far worse one.

“No, I mean the night she cheated on you.”

“Oh,” was all he said. His were glued on the road ahead of him. He had to have felt my eyes on him desperately trying to figure out what he was thinking, but for once I couldn’t read his face. Usually the smallest tick of his eyebrow or the lift of his lips would tell me all i needed to know about how he was feeling. But his face was eerily straight.

“Oh?”

“I don’t know what you want me to say,” he said slowly.

“Literally anything would be fine, I hate that it’s this giant awkward thing hanging between us,” I pleaded.

“I don’t think it’s awkward,” his eyes shot over to me to see me glaring at him. He sighed. “Okay, fine. It was just two friends….” he was struggling to find words. “I don’t know what it was. All I know is that I don’t want anything to change between us. I think we should just pretend it didn’t happen, I would hate for this to ruin our friendship.”  

His words hurt, but I hadn’t been expecting anything different. While I wanted him to confess his undying love for me, I knew that was the furthest thing from what he felt. So I swallowed my pain and said, “Yeah, okay. It never happened.”

He looked over at me and smiled. “Good, I’ve missed my best friend.” I tried not to wince at the word friend.

We finally pulled up to the entrance of a path in the woods that we knew so well. We had walked this path so many times that it was as familiar to me as the veins on Ethan’s hands that I had trailed so many times with my eyes. We got out of his car and left everything behind. The moon was full so it provided plenty of light and we were far enough away from the city that the stars could be seen. Ethan took a deep breath of the fresh air and I watched as he visibly relaxed and left all of his stress go. He always felt better being outside in nature, the city had a way of draining him.

I realized I had been looking at him for too long, so I quickly averted my gaze and started down the trail. “Hey, remember when we found this place?” he asked.

I snorted. “How could we find a place that is a national park. There’s a giant sign at the entrance, you make it sound like we were out here exploring and were the first one’s to ever come here,” I said. I kept my eyes down on the path so that I could step over branches and other objects that were in the way.

He laughed lightly. “We were eleven, so excuse me if it felt like we were the first one’s ever to discover it. Anyway, not my point.” He sped up a little so we were walking side by side. I instantly became super aware of my left had, not wanting to accidentally graze him with it. He seemed to have no such reservations.

He didn’t continue immediately. “Do you even have a point?” I teased.

He lightly shoved me. “I always have a point. I was just thinking about how when me, you and Gray came out here when we were about thirteen and you tripped over a fallen down tree and broke your arm.”

I laughed as the memory played in my head. “Yeah, only I could miss a giant log in my way.”

“I know, but I was actually thinking about why you didn’t see it,” he said. “I remember the moment so clearly because you and Gray were in front of me and you were crying with laughter at something he said and I kept wishing I could make you laugh that hard. And then you know, you tripped and cried and whatnot.”

He stopped like he wanted me to say something, but I had no idea where he was going with this. So I just gave him a “mhm” to continue.

“Have you ever thought about it?” he asked. He had this habit of skipping around sometimes in conversations because the thoughts in his head were so fast that he didn’t even notice he had missed something important.

“Thought about what?” I asked patiently. His response was quicker than I expected.

“You and Gray,” he said quietly.

My face scrunched up in confusion. I had no idea where he was going with this. “What about me and Gray?”

“I mean you and Gray as like a thing…” his voice trailed off. “Like dating,” his said with more conviction.

My instant reaction was to laugh, but I immediately stopped when Ethan’s eyes caught mine and I could tell he was serious. “Honestly?” I asked and he nodded. “I thought about it once for like five seconds we were ten, but that’s it. I’ve never really looked at him that way.” Because I was too busy looking at Ethan. But I left that part out. “Why?”

He shrugged as if this was some causal conversation, but nothing about his body language said this was casual. “I’ve always thought you two would be good together. I know you guys were hanging out all the time when we weren’t talking, and you guys have always seemed to have a connection, so I just… I just wanted you to know that I would never stand in your guy’s way. Like, I wouldn’t want you to worry about making me uncomfortable or something.”

“No offense Ethan, but a lot of things make you uncomfortable. If I worried about that all the time  we never would do anything.” The serious look he shot me made me think that maybe him and Gray had talked about this or something. I cleared my throat trying to make a clear change of topic, “Anyway, you’re gonna have to find the break, you know I never can.” I was talking about a break in the trees where we had created our own path that led to a waterfall we loved to swim at.

He nodded his head in the direction of the break as he found it with ease. I followed behind him and watched as he pushed branches out of the way so we could pass through. We hadn’t come out here very often since he started dating Quinn, and the path definitely showed it as more leaves and branches than usual covered it.

We finally broke through and saw the waterfall before us. It emptied into a large natural swimming pool that was about a six foot drop from where we were standing. I didn’t hesitate as I started to take my clothes off so that I could jump in. We were constantly coming here and swimming in just our underwear, and it never occurred to me that it might be different now until I saw Ethan watching me. The look in his eyes confused me because it looked a little lustful? But that couldn’t be right.

When he noticed me looking at him he quickly jerked his eyes away and started undressing. Before he was finished, I kicked my shorts off and dove into the water. The cool water felt so good as I passed through it, being in the water always calmed me.

When I broke through to the surface all I saw was water splashing in the air from where Ethan had jumped in. When he popped up he immediately swam over to me with a huge smile on his face. “I’ve missed this place so much,” he said.

I floated on my back. “Do you think it missed us?” I inquired. One of my favorite thing’s about Ethan was his view of the world, and the way he saw connections and understood it differently than most people.

“It may have missed me, but definitely not you,” he teased.

I splashed him. “You’re such a jerk.”

“You know we’re not supposed to splash each other,” he threatened. “It never leads anywhere good…” I didn’t responded, just splashed him again. “Okay, now you’re gonna get it,” he said as he hit me with a huge amount of water.

I was about to raise my hand so I could splash him again, when he disappeared under the water. I tried to track him with my eyes, but even thought the night was bright it did little to light up the dark water. I felt his arms warp around me from behind and hold my own close to my body. “Ethan! That’s not fair!” I shrieked as he came up for breath behind me.

I felt his chin rest on my shoulder and his warm breath hit my ear as he said, “Since when do I play fair?” Goosebumps instantly rose across my body even though it was a warm night. I tried to wiggle away from him, but he was much stronger than me and wasn’t breaking his hold. “Stop struggling and admit I won,” he said.

“I refuse,” I declared. I could feel his legs constantly brushing against mine as we both moved them to stay afloat. I’d be lying if I said every brush was an accident on my part. He took his right hand and dunked my head underwater.

“Say I win,” his voice was deep and commanding. I rolled my eyes, he always had a complex with being dominant and I was in no mood to cave tonight.

I looked over my shoulder at him and was a little startled to realize just how close he was. Inches barely separated our faces as I said, “No”, almost as if I was releasing a sigh of breath.

His eyes which had been holding mine instantly dropped down to my lips. My heart squeezed in anticipation and I hope and prayed he would just do it. When his lips finally pressed against mine it was an explosion of feeling. His arms loosened their hold around me which allowed me to turn my body to face him and intensify the kiss.

We were struggling to stay above water as our lips locked in passion. His tongue tasting my own just as it had that one night so many days ago. His was extremely skilled with his tongue as it moved in my mouth. It reminded me of a very specific part of our drunken night together that caused heat to pool between my legs.

I ran my hand through his wet tendrils and lightly pulled in just the way I had learned he liked. I was rewarded with a deep moan from him.

Just as quickly as the kiss had started, it was over. Ethan pulled back from me with a horrified look on his face. “Oh my god, I can’t believe I… that never should have happened,” he stuttered.  

My body instantly went rigid at his words, but the most painful part was the look in his eyes. If I wasn’t sure that he didn’t have feelings for me before, I definitely was now. He was looking at me in pure disgust. I started to swim towards the shore as the water that was usually so welcoming and comforting, felt like it was going to swallow me whole.

He followed me and we climbed our way up the rocks to where our clothes were laid out. We silently got dressed and made our way back to the car.

Just as I reached for the handle on his passenger door, he grabbed my arm and turned my body to face his. “Y/N…” he said, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that.” He ran his hand through his went hair and pulled on it in frustration. “I just… Getting back together with Quinn has been way harder than I thought it would be. I feel like I can’t trust her, and after that I feel like I can’t trust myself. I’m just all over the place right now and I’m really not sure which way is up. Can you forgive me?”

I smiled sadly. “Nothing to forgive, E. It never happened, remember?”

—

After the kiss we shared things were even more awkward between Ethan and I. We still texted and hung out in groups, but we were never alone and it was very deliberate on Ethan’s part. He wasn’t so subtle about suddenly finding a reason to leave when Gray left us alone. And even those times were few and far between because he seemed to be spending most of his time with Quinn.

Which meant that it was pretty much always Grayson and I hanging out.

Gray and I were sitting on my couch watching TV just like we normally did. However, I noticed Grayson had been unusually quiet all day. I could tell he was working something over in his head, he could barely sit still and he was constantly checking his phone as if something major had changed since the last time he last checked it five seconds ago. I wanted to ask him about it, but I knew he would say something when he was ready.

“Hey, Y/N?” he asked so softly I almost thought I had imagined it.

“Yeah?” I said, keeping my eyes on the TV before us.

“Never mind,” he mumbled and slumped farther into the couch.  

I let it go, knowing that we would probably go through this a few more times until he finally got his thoughts together.

Just as predicted 15 minutes later he broke the silence again, “Y/N?”

“Yeah?”

He leaned forward and grabbed the remote and hit pause on the TV. “I kind of have something I want to talk to you about,” he said.

“Mmm, you don’t say,” I teased. “You’ve only been acting weird all day.”

He laughed a little awkwardly. “Yeah, I just can’t seem to find the words to say what I want to.”

I turned on the couch so I could give him my full attention. “You know you can tell me anything,” I said, trying to reassure him with my voice.

His anxiety was clear as his eyes darted all around the room. I so badly wanted to reach out and touch him, but I didn’t want to push him. “I know, but I’m just nervous about that this is going to change things between us,” he mumbled slightly. Now I was really confused. I had been thinking it was something do do with their channel, maybe being away from home? But I completely was floored that it had to do with me.

Suddenly I was 10 times more anxious than Gray. Was he trying to talk to me about Ethan? Did he know? Was he judging me?

I put my hand on his knee and looked him in the eyes as I said. “Nothing’s going to change between us Gray, I promise.” At least on my part I knew it wouldn’t. Grayson’s opinion of me certainly could change.

He let out a deep breath, the air causing the hair on his forehead to flutter. “That’s the thing… I want things to change between us.”

I removed my hand and leaned back. “Oh?” I had no idea where this was going but I was suddenly starting to get even more nervous as this headed in a different direction.

“I was just thinking, that maybe you and I could, like, I don’t know… maybe you and me and just us could maybe hang out somewhere, sometime… and like it just be us.” I was watching his lips move and I knew words were coming out, but I could barely register them as I feared where this was going.

“We’re hanging out alone right now,” I said.

“Yeah, but I was thinking it could be like… a thing, you know?” I could see him struggling to find the right words and I was so nervous I couldn’t wait any longer for him to figure it out.

“Gray, are you… are you asking me out?” I questioned. He looked at me and simply nodded. “Oh,” I said. That was it. That was my brilliant answer to him putting himself out there. I tried to find literally any other word in the English language to say, but it was like my mind hated me and couldn’t come up with anything.

His eyes instantly got huge with panic. “Oh my god… I knew it, but Ethan said…”

“No!” I exclaimed, wanting to stop him from panicking. “I don’t mean oh like no, I mean oh, like I’m surprised. Like super surprised, like never would have expected this surprised.” So many thoughts and feelings were running through my head and I had no idea how to navigate this situation. But hearing him confirm my thoughts about him asking me out, didn’t bother me like I was expecting it to. I was looking at my best friend and I realized I didn’t want to say no. I knew how fucked up that was because of my feelings for Ethan, but I had always known I needed to move on from him. And there was nobody better in the entire world than Grayson. He was my best friend and I loved him so much.

“You’re not saying anything,” he told me.

“Sorry,” I mumbled. “I’m just thinking a lot of things right now.”

“Well… like what?” he asked.

Gray was my best friend and I knew I couldn't hide how I was feeling about this, so I decided to be honest. “Like you’re my best friend in the entire world, and I never want to lose you. Ever. And if things were too go bad, you, me and Ethan wouldn’t be a thing anymore… and we’ve always been a thing. I don’t think I know how to be myself without you guys.”

His eyes instantly softened when he realized I wasn’t outright rejecting him. He actually seemed to be a little more confident as he spoke, “I know you’re worried about that, I knew you would be, so I talked to Ethan about it…” Gray kept talking but I stopped listening as everything clicked together. Suddenly Ethan and I’s awkward conversation from a few days ago at the waterfall made sense. He was feeling me out… for Gray. Him and Gray had talked about me. Gray liked me. I wondered how I had never noticed before, but I knew first hand that Ethan had no idea I had feelings for him. I guess we all could be oblivious.

He was still talking but I stopped him. “Gray, can I… can I think about it?” It pained me to say the words, but I wasn’t taking any of this lightly and I wanted to give him the honest truth. “This feels like a really big thing and you’ve obviously been thinking about it for a while and it’s like brand new to me and I feel like I need time to process? That sounds fucked up, that’s not what I mean.” His face kind of fell at my words and it broke my heart. “I just feel like I can’t give you an answer right now, and I would hate to give you one and then wind up regretting it later.”

He paused for a moment processing what I was saying. He nodded and then his whole body relaxed a little. “Okay, that’s okay. Can you just not take forever like you do with every other decision in your life?” his tone was lighter and I was relieved I hadn't ruined everything between us.

I gasped dramatically and lightly shoved him. “Grayson! You asshole, you make it sound like I’m out here taking two hours to decide what to get from McDonalds.”

He shot me a look that said thats exactly what I do.

—

That night I laid bed thinking about how drastically my relationship with both Ethan and Grayson had changed in just a short amount of time. I wanted to avoid them because I was worried about it being awkward, which was an entirely new feeling for me. We were usually so in tune with each other that their presence was able to calm me down from anything. Now they were the source of my anxiety.

I thought about Ethan and the night we shared, and how it meant two completely different things to us. For him it was a drunken mistake, a way to get even with Quinn. For me it was everything I ever wanted since I was fourteen, and that left me with a bitter taste in my mouth because he had chosen her. Even though logically I knew Ethan didn’t have feelings for me, there was still a part of me that hoped he just needed time to move on from Quinn and then he would tell me how much that night meant to him. But instead, he chose her.

Grayson had chosen me. And I really didn’t know what to do with that. I loved Grayson with all my heart, but I wasn’t sure if I could ever be in love with him. Which was worse, saying yes and seeing what could happen? Or saying no and never allowing the chance for something more?

There were plenty of things I actively avoided thinking about. Like if Grayson and I did start dating, would I have to tell him about me and Ethan? Did he already know?

Ever since I realized I was in love with Ethan, I never even gave Gray a second thought romantically. I never allowed myself to even think that could be a remote possibility. I was so wrapped up in everything Ethan, I never let myself see what else was out there. And I couldn’t do that anymore. I picked up my phone to text Gray.

Y/N: Yes.

—

I was putting the finishing touches on my makeup when there was a knock at my door. I quickly checked the time and I still had a solid 30 minutes before Gray was supposed to be here. I was expecting him to be early, but not this early.

I opened my door and was startled by Ethan standing there. He looked a little awkward and uncomfortable as he stood before me in sweats and a beanie I had given him for his birthday. Awkward and uncomfortable and unfortunately become our normal. “Hey,” he said.

I opened the door wider so he could come in. “Hey, what’s up?”

He shrugged as he walked inside. “I don’t know, I just thought we could hang out. It’s been a while.”

I looked at him questioningly. He definitely knew I was going out with Grayson tonight, we had only talked about it two days ago. And there was no way Grayson hadn’t been talking to Ethan about it all day, he had a tendency to be nervous over these kinds of things. But then again, maybe I was wrong. I seemed to be wrong a lot recently. “Oh, uh, Gray and I are…” I trailed off as I motioned behind me to the door as if that answered everything.

The tension was thick in the air. Ethan scratched the back of his neck, a clear sign he was uncomfortable. “I forgot that was tonight, I’m sorry. I’ll go.”

He started to walk back towards the door but I stood in front of him, blocking his path. “Ethan, are you okay?” I gently asked. It was killing me that our friendship had come to be this jumbled up awkward mess.

He looked confused by my question, his eyebrow shooting up. “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

“You’re acting kind of weird, you’ve been acting weird,” I said. “You told me to go out with Gray, you told me to pretend nothing happened between us, you told me to respect your decision to get back together with Quinn. You keep telling me what I’m supposed to do, but it seems like your the one who doesn’t know what to do. You’ve been ignoring me constantly and then you show up tonight out of nowhere wanting to hang out, when you knew Gray and I were going out.”

He suddenly got extremely defensive, standing up straighter and his lips formed a firm line. “Okay, first of all I genuinely forgot. Sorry if I didn’t take the time out of my day to mark it in my planner so I wouldn’t forget,” his tone was bitter and sarcastic. He was always like this when he was angry. “Believe it or not, every thought it my head doesn’t revolve around what you and Gray do.”

He started at me like he was waiting for my response. “And second of all?” I asked.

“What?”

“You said ‘first of all’, typically one uses that when they have a follow up point,” my tone was extremely sassy, and I couldn’t be bothered to care. Not when Ethan was blowing this whole thing off while I was trying to save our friendship.

He rolled his eyes dramatically, putting his whole head into it. “I hate when you hit me with that grammar shit, you know that. But just to make you happy here’s my follow up point: Second of all, we’re done here.” He breezed passed me and left my apartment, making sure to slam my door on his way out.

I stood there dazed and confused, just starring at my door. There was another knock at my door and I prepared myself for it to be Ethan, who returned with another point he thought of as soon as he left. “What?” I hissed as I opened the door. My eyes instantly softened when I saw Gray. “Oh, sorry.”

He looked extremely confused as he pointed down the hallway. “I just saw Ethan? And he looked pissed off?” His eyebrows were squished together as he looked at me.

“Yeah, uh,” I nervously played with my hair, “He was just here.”

Gray stepped into my apartment and softly closed the door. He looked amazing with his olive green button up and black jeans, I wished I was in a better mood and could compliment him on it. “Are you okay?” he asked sweetly.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” I shook my head to try and clear my thoughts. “We just had a fight, is all.”

“Was it about…” he trailed off pointing between the two of us, clearly wondering if the fight had been about me and him.

“No,” the lie rolled of my tongue. “It was about him and Quinn. I said some stuff I shouldn’t have,” I muttered. I felt terrible lying to Grayson, but I couldn’t exactly tell him the truth, at least not yet when things were so raw and uncertain. “Are you ready to go?” I asked him.

“Yeah,” he replied.

“Ok, cool.” I grabbed my purse and was ready to head out the door.

Gray laughed and held out his hand to stop me. “Y/N, you’re not. You only have eyeliner on one eye.”

—

Gray and I were uncontrollably giggling as we walked through the sand to reach the ocean. Our shoes were in our hands and the only light guiding us was from the moon. We had gone out to dinner and a movie and unsurprisingly had a great time. While we were in now way shape or form getting to know each other, there was still the excitement and giddiness of a first date as we explored this new side to our relationship.

“Last one to the water is a headass,” I said. I lightly pushed him and then took off running for the last few feet to finally put my toes in the water.

He was chuckling when he came up next to me. “You’re such a cheater, always have been.”

I scoffed and whirled towards him. “I am not! You’re just a sore loser, always have been.” I swung my shoes and lightly hit him with them.

He immediately dropped his shoes in the sand as he reached out to tickle me. I saw it coming and started to run away, but his arms easily wrapped around me and prevented my escape. “You make it sound like I’m always losing,” his voice was raspy behind me.

“I mean if it’s yellow and it quacks… I’d call it a duck,” I giggled.

“I will throw you into the water, Y/N,” he threatened.

I put my hands on his chest and softly pushed him off me. “You say that like I wouldn’t go in willingly.”  

“I know, Ethan and I were always having to pull you out or we would never be able to leave.” At the mention of Ethan’s name the light and teasing air of the night instantly soured. “Sorry…” he muttered.

I shrugged and took a few steps back onto the shore so I could sit without getting wet. He followed and plopped down next to me. “It’s really not a big deal,” I said. “It’s a dumb fight. It’ll be over in two days tops,” I lied for the second time that night.

“You say that, but I can tell it really bothers you.” A piece of hair was hitting me in the eye and Gray reached up to tuck it behind my ear, grazing my cheek in the process. “I always know when something’s bothering you.” His eyes looked up at mine and my breath caught at how intense they were. People always talked about how identical Ethan and him were, but I had never seen it. They were always so different to me in the way they carry themselves, in the way they articulate their thoughts and expressed themselves, that I sometimes forgot they were even twins.

I could tell Grayson was leaning in at an agonizingly slow pace, so I grabbed the collar of his shirt and closed the distance between us. It was nothing like when I had kissed Ethan, this was soft and sweet and full of compassion. He moved his lips against mine so delicately, as if he was afraid to break me.

I wanted it to be this magical, heart stopping moment where everything seemed to fall into place. And while it was a good kiss… he wasn’t Ethan.

I pulled back from him and sighed, not wanting to do what I knew I had to. “This isn’t right…” my voice was barely above a whisper, “I’m sorry, I’m in love with Ethan.”

He didn’t say anything for a moment as my revelation hung in the air. “I know…” he said. “I’ve always known how you felt about him.” He was looking down at his hands as he nervously toyed with his fingers. “I just hoped, you know?” His eyes looked up at mine and my soul shattered. I so wanted to feel the same way Gray felt. I opened my mouth to speak, but he cut me off by placing a kiss on my forehead. “Thank you for trying, you’ll always be my best friend.”

—

Grayson dropped me off at my apartment and wanted to walk me in, but I insisted that he didn’t have to, which was a blessing on my part because when I reached my door Ethan was sitting against it. His legs were bent at the knee as his arms were dropped over, head hanging as he stared at the floor.

I walked up to him and he was so wrapped up in whatever thoughts were racing through his head that he didn’t hear me. “Hey,” I muttered. His eyes shot up to me and they were so red and full of so much pain I nearly stumbled backwards.

“I broke up with Quinn,” he said with no emotion.

“Oh.” I hated that ‘oh’ was becoming my only response to shocking information. I cleared my throat and indicated to the door he was leaning against.

“Oh, sorry,” he said, getting up.

All my concentration was focused on putting the key in the lock and twisting it. When I opened the door and walked in I had no idea what to do or think. I heard Ethan shuffle in after me and close the door.

I rested my hands on the counter and stared at them, not wanting to look at him. “Could you, uh, say something?” he asked. His hands were in the pockets of his sweatpants and his feet were shuffling around nervously.

“Why?” I asked. “I thought you were hell bent on forgiving her.” He only shrugged as a response. I sighed, getting annoyed with him. “Why are you here? Can you answer that?”

“I never left,” he replied.

“What?” I choked out, completely shocked. Ethan loved storming off and disappearing when he was angry. He did it all the time, Gray and I would always have to give him a few hours to cool off and come back.

“After I stormed out, I didn’t leave. I sat in my car for a while, and then I came up here and waited for you to get back,” he said the words so casually. I knew nothing about his actions were casual though.

“I thought you broke up with Quinn?”

“I did, I called her. Kind of a shitty thing to do, but so was her cheating on me, so I’m not exactly going to lose any sleep over it.” He kept looking at me as if I had the answer. When the truth was I had no idea what was going on. I used to be so sure about my friendships with Ethan and Grayson, and now I knew nothing. Even though I knew all their mannerism and expressions, it was like they were strangers with the way they kept surprising me.

“Oh,” slipped out of my mouth again before I could control it.

He ran his hands across the scruff of his face, scratching slightly and leaving red marks across his tan skin. His eyes zeroed in on mine as he said, “I broke up with her because of you.” His words were spoken slowly with intention. His words hung in the air, they swirled around the apartment, they tattooed themselves in my brain.

“Me?” I squeaked.

“You.” He nodded and took a step closer to me. “After that night I was so scared of running our friendship that I did the one thing that would ensure it wouldn’t happen again, I got back together with her.” His eyes were desperately searching mine, but I wasn’t sure what for.

“Ethan, it’s already ruined,” I whimpered. “We’ve barely spoken in the last few weeks.”

“Do you know why she cheated on me?” he asked. He took another step closer to me and made sure to make direct eye contact and she emphasized his words, “Because she thought I had feelings for you. She always did, we fought about it constantly. She always felt like she came second to you, and I really can’t say that she was wrong.”

My breath caught and I hated how audible it was. “What are you saying?” I slowly asked.

“I’m saying… I’m saying I never thought I was good enough for you. I suspected you had feelings for me, but I knew I could never be the guy you deserved, so instead I just blew through a bunch of girls,” he paused and looked away. “Then Quinn came along and finally I liked someone almost as much as I liked you, and I thought maybe she could change things for me… but she couldn’t. Y/N, no one can,” his eyes swung back to mine. “I’m in love with you.”

“I kissed Gray,” I blurted out.

“What?” His voice was a little cold. His entire demeanor changed and I could see him slipping back into a defensive stance.

“I kissed-“

He cut me off, “I fucking heard you the first time, I’m just trying to wrap my head around this. God, I’m such a fucking idiot,” he muttered and stepped away from me.

“Ethan, would you just-“

He cut me off again, anger laced deep within his voice. “I can’t even look at you right now,” he snarled. And then he stormed out of my apartment for the second time that night.

Tears were rushing down my face as I had no idea what to do. How could my only response to him saying he loves me be that I kissed Grayson? I knew it was because I couldn’t not tell him. I told him everything, except my feelings for him. And now I had no idea what to do.

I desperately wanted to call Grayson and have him tell me what to do, but how could I when I practically broke up with him an hour ago? Things were so twisted and I was so confused. Going out with Grayson had felt like such a good idea, but how was I supposed to know Ethan would be waiting for me to get home to tell me he loves me?

And then I got angry. What the hell did Ethan except? He encouraged me to go out with his brother, he encouraged his brother to ask me out, and then he flips out when we do the exact thing he asked us to?

I grabbed my car keys and decided to chase after him, leaving things like this just weren’t an option. No matter what happened, it was going to happen tonight. There was a deep knot in my stomach that feared tonight was irreparable, and that we had truly ruined everything between us by not being honest.

I knew where he want when he was upset, so I pulled up to the entrance of our woods and immediately signed in relief when I saw his car. I got out and quickly went down the path trying to catch up with him.

Tonight wasn’t like the last night we were here. It was super dark and I could hardly tell where I was going, and my sandals were making the walk harder than necessary. I was desperately trying to find the break in the trees that signaled our secret off shoot, but I was having no luck. I finally reached the fallen down tree that covered half the path, and knew I had gone to far. I turned around and headed back, desperately seeking it. Ethan was always the one to find it. I wanted to scream out in frustration as I paced up and down the path looking for it in the dim light.

I needed to find Ethan. I needed to tell him out I felt, to tell him what happened between Gray and I. Even if it didn’t change anything, I couldn’t hold anything in any longer. If things were going to end badly, I at least wanted it to be with the truth out in the open.

I finally was able to find the break and I wanted to jump for joy that I had successfully located it for the first time, but I had more pressing matters at hand. I raced down the path until it opened up to our waterfall and when I saw him my heart clutched. Ethan was sitting on a rock facing the water, his body instantly tensed up as he heard me stepping on fallen leaves.

He got up and glared at me, his normally warm and soft eyes held a darkness I had never seen before. He was angry and hurt, even more so than when Quinn had cheated on him. “You shouldn’t have followed me, Y/N.” He stepped around me and started to walk down the path again.

“Ethan!” I screamed. “Would you stop running away from me? You’re always running away from me!” My voice cracked at the end. He stopped in his tracks but he didn’t turn around. “You always fucking do this, you get mad and you take off.” I was breathing heavily as a result of my outburst, the words had leapt straight from my heart.

He turned back around and faced me, he looked eerily calm as he responded. “Because I don’t want to say something that’s going to hurt you, Y/N.”

“You walking away from me hurts!” I shouted. “You walking away from me hurts more than anything!” We both stood there, our breathing heavy as the sound of the woods surrounded us. “You didn’t let me explain,” my voice was soft as I pleaded with him to listen.

He laughed bitterly and took an angry step towards me. His voice was clipped, “Explain what? How you shoved your tongue down my brothers throat? Is this all just a game to you? Jumping between the two of us? Do you just wake up in the morning and flip a coin to see which one it’ll be today?” His cruel words caused the tears I had been holding back to drip down my face. He released a heavy sigh almost as if he regretted saying it. “See, this is why I walk away.”

I wiped the tears off my face as best I could, but it was almost useless as more just replaced them. “I kissed him and-“ I cringed at how blubbery my words came out.

He shook his head. “I don’t want to hear this.” I could tell he was getting ready to walk away so I grabbed onto his arm and yanked so he would look at me. I needed him to see my face and look me in the eyes as I told him what happened. If he still chose to walk away after, there was nothing I could do. I told myself I would be okay if that happened, but the lie offered no comfort.

“I kissed him, but it didn’t matter, because he wasn’t you,” I emphasized every word, every syllable, every goddamn letter as I tried to make him understand. His face softened the slightest, but his anger was still palpable.

“You still kissed him, Y/N,” he accused.

“You told me to go out with him!” I yelled. “You said you we would be good together, so that’s what I fucking did! Because why wouldn’t I when you were back together with Quinn?”

He yanked his arm out of my grasp. “I know what I said. You weren’t supposed to throw yourself at him!” he seethed.

“I didn’t throw myself at him!” I barked. “We kissed and I told him right after that I had feelings for you! I don’t know why you’re sitting on a high horse when you’ve been with Quinn this whole time. Probably doing a lot more than kissing…” I let it hang in the air.

“She’s not Grayson! She’s not your bother!” He boomed, his voice cracking slightly at the end. I looked at him in confusion. “You know what I mean!” he yelled. “It’s Grayson! I know how he feels about you. How could I ever compete with him? I never wanted to, he’s my brother! He’s the kind of guy you deserve! I thought both of you would pull your heads out of your asses and get together a long time ago!”

“Ethan, that was never going to happen,” I tried to keep my voice calm, but it was still shaking with anger. “It was never going to be Grayson. It’s always been you!”

“I know you love him,” he said.

“Yeah, I love Grayson, but Ethan… I’m in love with you.”

He stepped up and slammed his lips against mine. His kiss was everything Grayson’s wasn’t. It stopped time, it stopped my heart, it made me want to get lost in Ethan and never come up for air. I wanted to trap this moment in a bottle and hold onto it forever.

He pulled back and leaned his forehead against mine, just like we always did. “Tell me you love me again,” he whispered.

I smiled. “I love you.”

He placed a light kiss on my lips. “I love you too.”

THE END

THANK U FOR READING I LOVE U AND APPRECIATE U AND I HOPE U DIDNT HATE THIS

[ladykailolu]

8, 9, 10, 70, 83 and 100!

Goodness! *Shuichi’s voice* I-I’ll get to them right away!

8) Least favourite character? (character hate in the answer)

Hiyoko Saionji. I never liked her from the start of SDR2 all the way to the end of DR3, and my gods, did I actually rejoice when chapter 3 came around and you find that she was killed. I was like “finally the loud-mouthed bitch is out of the picture” and the game became quite pleasant after that.

9) Least favourite class trial? 

Chapter frickin’ 3 of ndrv3! I swear, I spent three game overs trying to get past this one non-stop debate sequence but I didn’t know which bullet to shoot at which word lol. So, I started taking guesses, you know like an idiot who’s not paying attention, and getting frustrated and slightly embarrassed for Shuichi when nothing worked. And I think it was that sequence where people kept accusing Kiibo of being able to sneak underneath the floorboards to kill Tenko. Somehow, I still got an A in that trial lol

10) What would be your Ultimate Title? 

Answered here!

70) Character you would have a sleepover with? 

Um, either Rantaro or Kaito, I think. I feel like with Rantaro, we’d suddenly go off on a midnight escapade to Wendy’s or some shit just to go out and have some fun on the streets at night (responsibly, of course, because Rantaro is a very responsible individual now after losing his sisters all over the world). And with Kaito, we’d probably be stargazing for a long while. And he would point out all the major constellations and if there were any nearby planets like Mars or Venus shining in the sky at that time. It’s very peaceful and relaxing.

83) Least favourite chapter?

Ahaha, the entirety of chapter 1 of ndrv3. Fuck that chapter, seriously. I wish it never happened. We just skipped right over it to chapter 2 and Kaede and Rantaro aren’t in the game anymore because they’re disqualified and taken off of the set peacefully, without violence and blood, and both are still alive.

100) Opinion on all the Protagonists!

Okay!

Makoto Naegi–sweet cinnamon roll. Protect him please. He didn’t want any of that. He just wants to get through highschool and figure things out after that. I love his slight optimism and ability to encourage others. I feel like he doesn’t have the blind hope that Chiaki did in DR3 and still managed to defeat Junko’s despair a few times. Seeing him in ndrv3 though arguing in a round-a-bout way for despair was giving me whiplash though.

Hajime Hinata–cynical yet totally understandable devoted student who just wanted to make something of himself despite being totally normal. I really liked his character in that he was cynical about the absurdities of his classmates, but oh boy, his DR3 self made me feel so bad bad bad bad bad. I totally get where he’s coming from. He tries so hard to be something unique but he’s just so normal out of everybody that it’s frustrating. I wish he hadn’t gone to extremes in the manner that he did where he just rejected himself (well, forced to anyway by the board), but what can you do when you’re just so painfully average and taken advantage of that your hopes and dreams get crushed?

Kaede Akamatsu–my queen. my love. my life. Although she fits the blindly hopeful, cheerful leader trope, gods I love her precious, blessed heart so much. Her blind hope is one of her faults, but she tries so hard to be the glue that really holds the class together. She’s the type who talks to everyone in the class to get to know them better and make some friendships. Yes, she’d even try to establish a friendship with Kokichi, and as unstable and unpredictable as he is, I feel like Kaede would have levels of patience and persistence to match the levels of Kokichi’s insanity. So they turn out to be pretty good friends after a little while. She’s just—That. Damn. Good.

Shuichi Saihara–I love this shy emo nerd to little fuckening pieces I swear right now to Arceus. I think my fav out of all the protags and I will break my foot off in the hindparts of those who call him weak as an insult then make them run a mile. What particularly intrigues me is his character development–he starts as shy, quiet, possibly having social anxiety and an avoidant personality but then he grows to come out of his shell a lil’ bit just to put his foot down and say “we’re not doing this anymore” and officially beat Tsumugi and the entire game by not playing at all. And I was—I nearly flew out of my seat cheering for this freakin’ fictional boy because I WAS SO HAPPY FOR HIM!!! I mean, I see a lot of myself in this character–his personality, actions, responses, etc, etc–and to see him develop a backbone to do good for himself, I just completely lost it. I love him i love him i love hiM!!!!!!! He deserves all the best

Oh boy, I hope I didn’t scare anybody lol Thanks for sending them in!

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