#*barely controlled breathing*
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jesuis-assez · 10 months ago
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Tim unconsciously sending/showing signals of his feelings for Lucy
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feroluce · 1 year ago
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I've only recently started having my own thoughts about Emanator!Sampo and I think my favorite version of this is that he is technically an Emanator, it's just that he doesn't talk about it because Aha is a dick who only blesses people that don't want it and Sampo hates it here dkjxkdkdck
Aha blessed the Mourning Actors! A whole faction of people who have specifically made it their life's mission to resist Elation! THEY made a literal worm THEIR Emanator just to see if it would be accepted into the Genius Society! And when it wasn't, Aha just as easily killed it and tossed it aside! So I feel like there is a good possibility that Aha looked down at Sampo, this little oddball who doesn't seem to even like Epsilon or a lot of the Masked Fools and was like.
Hey.
You know what would be really really funny.
And I feel like being an Emanator wouldn't even be a plus for Sampo, because of how he operates. Sampo excels at blending in; he managed to smuggle himself onto a planet
that had been isolated for 700 years,
with only one (1) single city on it,
and going even further, he snuck himself into the Underground,
where the population is even more sparse,
and STILL. Not a single accusation of him being an alien! Not even after the Astral Express lands and proves that interstellar space travel is possible! Sampo is so thoroughly ingrained into Belobog that yeah, some people admit they don't know his origins, but none of it ever comes with the question of whether he actually is a Belobog native or not. Sampo knows exactly how to blend himself into his surroundings in the most subtle way possible. And being an Emanator, something far more powerful than any normal human or Pathstrider could ever hope to be, would only throw in a massive extra variable for him. Sampo would have to be so so careful to keep a lid on his Emanator traits, to keep up the appearance of being totally normal and average at all times. It doesn't help him at all.
And this part is pure indulgence, but I love taking Aha's closeness with mortals, and THEIR tendency to take human form, and twisting it into a case of THEM using Sampo as a vessel.
I want Aha to look at Sampo the same way all of us look at Sampo. A chew toy. A plaything. Something to shove through the meat grinder. Aha thinks Sampo is hilarious and a funny, silly little guy, and THEY want to put him in Situations just to see what he does. Sampo is not a fan.
This though, this is what makes Sampo so wildly entertaining as a vessel. Because Aha knows that Sampo does not want to be a vessel, does not even want to be an Emanator, and THEY find it SO much fun to watch the mental gymnastics he has to pull to convince himself he's ok with it, this is fine actually, because he's not exactly about to tell off a literal god. He doesn't feel like getting a smiting today, please and thank you.
Because squeezing yourself into a human vessel is so different than merely adopting a human disguise, there's already a human soul in there, it's kind of a tight fit. If Sampo doesn't make room, doesn't all but dissociate right out of his own body, it could cause. Consequences.
And so, Aha always gives a warning, just to watch him squirm.
It begins with the sound of bells.
Just little ones, at first. Small, clinking little sounds that could even be considered nice. Something almost gentle, like a wind chime in a pleasant breeze on a warm day. This is the signal for the countdown.
Sampo breathes in, breathes out. Makes himself as small as possible within his own body.
The bells rise and multiply, tinkling wind chimes give way to sleigh bells, to shopkeepers bells, the sound of something inevitable approaching, something entering.
Sampo breathes in, breathes out. Dilutes himself, weaker and weaker concentrations.
The bells rise and rise, multiply and multiply, celebration and tragedy resonating in the sound of church bells, ringing bright and loud, the sounds of weddings and funerals both the same.
Sampo breathes in, breathes out. Becomes like smoke, like vapor. Hollows himself out.
Empty, empty, empty until he echoes, like a bell, like something with the sole purpose of being shaken and rattled around, a thing to be struck, the sounds jarring and punched out and gasping and piercing the air, the lung, the eardrum.
Sampo breathes in.
Beaten he rings, bashed in he sings.
Aha breathes out.
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icewindandboringhorror · 1 year ago
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sometimes looking at like Self Help Strategies lists for the symptoms I'm having is always just like:
thing that I already do
thing I have tried 10 times
thing I already do
thing that I don't have the money to do
thing I already do
thing I've been doing since I was 10yrs old to no avail
thing that is impossible given my situation
thing that doesn't apply to me
thing that I already do
thing I have already tried
hrmm, oh wait, maybe finally- OH, yeah.. okay. thing that I already do but it was just phrased slightly differently
thing I have already done
#I think maybe productivity tips help less if the reason you're unproductive is partially like.. physcial health and other extenral things#out of your control. rather than just like having trouble paying attention or spending too much time on tiktok or whatever#all the strategic to do lists in the world are not going to somehow prevent me from waking up with a debilitating migraine or whatever#or having external stressors or lacking resources and connections or other Productivity Essentials etc.#especially many tips involve stuff like 'cut off from social media' since thats the modern day time waster for so many poeple#and it's like.. lol.. i can hardly even maintain a blog even thuogh i actively WANT TO DO SO. 'shut off your smart phone!' already#done babey i fucking hate smart phones i shall never use an app unless i am forced to. 'delete tiktok' yep. already covered. tiktok and#all of those thinsg are my enemies. 'save money by cancelling some of your services' cool. already ahead of you.#who the fuck is out here paying for like 10 different subscription services. pirated videos uploaded to google drive and youtube to mp3#my beloved. etc. etc. and so on. 'socialize less' .........LOL.. if only you knew.. mr.writer of the article. i can barely muster#talking to friends more than once a month and even less if I'm actively sick (often occurence) etc. etc. ... hewoo#I think maybe instead of generic productivity tips I need more like.. how to refocus and be productive anyway even if you have a headache#or are nauseous or etc. Not that those are always things to ignore. and of course you should let your body rest and etc. But plenty of peop#e have mild physical symptoms and just work through them. Ithink something about the way my body/mind is SOO hyper attuned to all#sensory information just makes it like... constantly 'GRR well I cant focus on WRITING right now because my lef#t ear feels weird and my socks are too itchy and my back has a strange pressure and I'm vaguely warm and my eye feels some ssort of#way it doesnt normally feel and I'm hyperaware of my breathing and also nauseous for no reason' and like half of those things I#think '''normal''' people wouldnt even notice or at least would be able to just live through. but for me it's like.. nealry impossible to i#gnore and soooo distracting always. like 'wahh.. nooo we can't draw or get anything done.. my legs feel slightly heavy or something!!'#like............. ok......... who cares. thats not even a PAIN sensation it's just something weird. but it's just like.. NO. constant#mental alerts about the 'heaviness' of your legs be upon ye. Though Imean like.. yes.. 70% of the time I am in genuine pain#or having some sort of actual ailment with trackable physical symptoms. but sometimes it's just like... we could totally be working right#now and ignoring this silly thing but my brain is fixated on it for no reason uncontrollably. etc. etc. I guess it's the same way that like#most people can go to a grocery store without the whole experience being so overwhelming and so much stuff going on at once#that they have to rest afterwards but like.. in my own HOME doing NOTHING i feel like I should be able to not get overwhelmed lol. ANYWAY#Rolling my bastard little rock up a dumbass hill and so on and so forth
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spliffywhiffy · 11 months ago
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Who are you spending the next week with?
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Sabine, Ditte or Candycrush. All smell equally as bad. All as fucked off with you as each other. you gotta pick one for your punishment. The one on the top is Sabine. The more mature one of the 3. She knows her way around a guy. She knows just how to get her feet bad enough for you and won’t ever crack a smile for you.
The one on the left is Ditte. She puts a lot of hours into her job and loves her nylons. Bad news for you. They make her feet smell unbearable. She just hates how you like the pain of her housemate and wants to make you feel what her housemate feels.
The one on the right is Candycrush. Her feet just smell. Bad. All the time. Wearing any sort of shoe makes her reek. She has thick feet so there is almost definitely no clean air under her. Think you can handle a constant week of her brutal onslaught?
Careful who you pick. It would be a shame to annoy the other 2 more…
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thebluebygracieabrams · 8 months ago
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i think growing up is just life repeatedly sucker punching you and saying bitch you thought things were gonna better lmao no you're so naive and stupid for having hope in 20 years the world will be flaming bag of garbage and no matter how hard you work you'll get eliminated at some point
#and then you just have to get up and keep living anyway because what else is there to do?#but man my heart keeps feeling heavier with every blow#2024 has literally been the worst year ever god personally too#like everytime i think it can't possibly get worse than this it does#i remember literally 9th jan i had such a horrible breakdown in an auto because the first friend i ever made#after school was leaving my work and therefore my life#9 days into the year. seriously. and i was so happy on 8th because it was my birthday#i don't know im trying hard to think okay this doesn't even affect me it's fine im privileged enough that even my own countrys politics#barely affects me#but just. india is already so behind in everything. if developed nations are doing shit like this then well#it will never get better right like who do we even strive to be#i want to get more into indian politics but my god. it's so horrifying and depressing all the time#like i remember resolving to follow politics closely few years ago and the first news#i read was about some minister talking about how girls skirts lengths IN SCHOOL is the reason boys do sa and boys will be boys etc etc#i know i could just follow business news stuff like that god knows it'll help in my field but it just. doesn't resonate with me doesn't#make me feel anything at all. like i so desperately want to care about ooh stock markets and how to grow your money etc etc#but when i think about being rich enough to invest idle money all i can think is sitting in my own home peacefully#drinking a glass of cold coffee and just being able to breathe freely because me and my sister used to joke in childhood#when dad went thru a coffee v bad for health phase and he wouldn't let us drink it so we would drink it very sneakily#at night when he was asleep or went out for an hour and make absolutely no noise while mixing the sugar. we said that we know#we'll* know we have achieved true freedom and happiness in life when we can peacefully drink cold coffee in the hall and not secretly#in the dead of night in our room#i don't even know what im talking about and my period is late again and nothing is working and my lazer focus#that i had built in the past few weeks is gone because suddenly im like what is the point????#i just don't understand how the fuck humans can fight over stupid fucking things like who is kissing who and who is doing what with their#body instead of focusing on collective issues like our planet is dying so fucking fast and every summer is getting impossibler to survive#i hate that the united states control the UN fuck this world fr man i hate being born in such horrible helpless times#like call me a kid or dumb or whatever but i cannot understand how MILLIONS of people do not#have sympathy for ppl around them and who don't care about the planet at all like how????? how did you grow up????#not trying to boast but this is so natural to me!!! didn't you make save water save earth posters in school!!! didn't anyone
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sar3nka · 2 months ago
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I hate depending on meds but it is what it is I guess. At least I was strong this time and did not call da ambulance lol
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jimmyspades · 1 year ago
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forgotten-daydreamer · 10 months ago
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vent moment but my health is a bit worse than i let on, which is weird ik since it seems like complain about it all the time here, and apparently i also look sick, because two separate people in their 40s or 50s asked me, 24, if i needed their seat on the bus. kind of them. but humiliating nonetheless.
#medical stuff cw#i sat on the steps instead of taking their seat#vent cw#i have to take five different pills a day excluding birth control which i also take for health reasons but okay#i have to thank italy for its healthcare system because at least i dont have to pay a fuckton for all that stuff. except birthcontrol.#as i may have mentioned they found quite a bit of blood in my piss so im getting tested for ✨️cancer✨️#also because i've been having health issues which might be rated#my blood work is all off but i didnt get tested for tumoral cells specifically because i may have 'just' an autoimmune condition#so im on heavy duty antibiotics too now bc i also developed antibiotic resistance last year. anyway.#i need to take those and then they'll test my peepee again but this time they will also test explicitly for tumoral cells#because something is off and my previous blood work didnt point out what exactly#terrible anemia and other slightly-off numbers that however shouldnt be off considering my lifestyle#i eat almost everything. drink plenty of water. exercise. barely smoke. not even drinking anymore. i'm not too fat nor too skinny.#so. some of the numbers that are off dont really have a reason to be off which is why they are testing my blood and piss for cancer#but like. in 3 weeks because i have to take antibiotics and iron meds (not supplements. meds.) first#so my mind's trying to convince itself that i dont have a tumor. but what if i do? i know i dont. but not knowing makes me go insane#also i have to get tested for heart disease because that motherfucker is not working properly. doesnt pump enough blood to my brain.#i took an ekg and it came back pretty normal except for tachycardia#now i have to go get an holter ekg - but was told to wait until uni starts again bc i need that exam to be done when i have a daily routine#so basically they slap electrodes and shit on me for 24 hrs while i go do my shit around the city and then see how my heart behaved#because i cant stand without struggling to breathe and sometimes it happens when in laying down to.#sometimes i cant fall asleep because i cant breathe#at first the doc thought it might be a reflux issue but not. all good on that front.#so. we'll see. and i mean. i KNOW it's not cancer. like. i'd be dead by now bc i've been having these symptoms for five months#however. i dont know if it's not an autoimmune disease. and if it is? what am i gonna do?
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talxns · 1 year ago
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brudick + ilya repin’s painting ivan the terrible and his son ivan on 16 november 1581
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soupcrouton · 9 months ago
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It's that time of month! (Every month I type into google "how bad do period cramps need to be before I go to hospital")
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rosykims · 2 years ago
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like out of all the many, many traumas ive given elspeth my favorite has gotta be the deep roads lol. and specifically the way she never really got OUT of them. yeah so maybe her body did but not HER. shes still down there with ruck and helspith every time she closes her eyes. and during future expeditions when she goes down into the deep roads for real, it doesnt feel like some horrible nightmare it feels like REALITY and its the surface and love and warmth and alistair thats nothing more than a pleasant dream. one shes always going to wake up from. bc even in her happiest moments she's never not aware of the darkspawn digging up towards her just a few miles under her feet. and never not feeling the eyes of the deep roads looking at her, gleefully waiting for her, and knowing its not going anywhere
#i love shale but for elspeth's worldstate i dont recruit her bc im so obsessed w the dynamic of it being elspeth/alistair/oghren/the dog lol#oc: elspeth#tay plays dao#she got SEVERE shell shock being down there in the dead trenches after the realization that came from helspith's poem#why shes never seen any female darkspawn and why there apparently arent as many female wardens either#and like. Understanding that death is the absolute best case scenario for her.#alistair had to 100000% step up as the leader because she was completely out of commission. barely able to breathe let alone fight or lead#going from this unstoppable warrior who NEVER loses her nerve or control on a battlefield#to nearly dying to the broodmother bc she was so fucking terrified. bc all she could see was her own fate mirrored back at her#finally FINALLY understanding what it means to be a grey warden. and then trying to reject that reality with her entire body and soul#she pulls herself out of it enough to get out alive but she never had a moment of like... triumph over the deep roads where she had a burst#of courage and saved the day or whatever. thats not usually how trauma works and so alistair carried them thru that#thru the broodmother and the anvil and branka and back to orzammar just as elspeth was beginning to put herself back together#afterwards the lack of closure to what was one of her ''weakest'' lowest moments rly weighed her down with guilt and shame#and its only a year later during awakening when she finally reconciles with having NO choice but to go back into the deep roads#and being able to kill the mother. THAT helped. that restored some small part of her#gave her the strength to start going back down there when the need arose. resigned to an early death but ready to put up a fight#but ye. still such a fundamentally devastating thing she went thru which altered her entire personality to the point where she starts fully#embracing being a warden (bc how can someone who's seen what shes seen and done what shes done be anything else???)#and INSISTING alistair take the throne despite having always been supportive of his desire not to. even if it means she loses him.#bc its a last ditch effort to save him from the fate she's completely surrendered herself to#sigh. this game man.#i need dadw to Confirm that the grey wardens have found a cure and alistair and hof are safe because jesus christ. my girl NEEDS a win
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wikagirl · 1 year ago
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I keep saying that I‘ll write the ultrakill fic, which I will, but if I post it is a whole nother question because the thing about the ferrymother I posted allready almost made me throw up with anxiety soooooooooo ye
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hyuuukais · 1 year ago
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ALLIE I AM MY FAMILY RN.....................
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daedrabela · 1 year ago
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i miss being hot. i miss taking pictures and feeling cute. i miss dressing up and wearing minxy little outfits. i can't stand myself anymore. i can't look in the mirror.
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catboy-archaeologist · 9 months ago
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I, for one, cannot BELIEVE that I've not found a Single Windows of Opportunity fic about Teal'c and Jack double teaming the daylights out of daniel, it seems so obvious to me
#the foundations are all there!!#maybe im jist not looking hard enough but i fear straying too far from ao3s beautiful tagging and sorting system- call me apoiled as it may-#-very well be true#anyways im just THINKING here. its been a Long l o n g couple dozen loops and theyve very well exhausted their juggling and crafting and#gate-golfing. and while theyre Trying to focus on getting this translation work Done and Over with its alwaya the same!#daniels voice takes on the same inflections. his eyebrows have shot up his forehead the same way each time either of them-#-correct him on a word or phrase and his hands have flapped helplessly and indignantly the same every time J a c k of all people starts-#-lecturing him about the minute differences between This Meankng and That#and of course ot becomes imposible to not notice- after a couple dozen more loops- that as they start to speak the language better-#-and more confidently; that daniel blushes the same. excuses himself to the restroom the same. but the time gets decidedly longer. and jack-#-figures that means hes gone from taking deep breaths to get it under control and to wrap his mind around it the first couple times-#-to not even having the mental fortitude to withstand another hour of hearing them speaking that latin derivative near Perfectly. He's not-#-just flustered. he's getting off. which then Teal'c may point out that he would not do so lightly; he would have to be severely impaired-#-by his arousal to not be able to simply power through it. And isnt that just Something. Theyd consider it for a while (meaning jack shrugs-#-and tealc raises an eyebrow conspiritorily) and by the next loop; once they reach the point daniel has to excuse himself; jack stops his-#-retreat with two arms around his waist from behind. tealc aids with a hand on his shoulder and another low on his hip from the front and-#-daniel gives a half hearted effort at releasing hinself from their loose grasp before resigning with a sigh; 'you know exactly what i was-#-going to do. dont you?' he asks; somewhat still in awe from the Looping Concept but mostly in utter embarasment. teal'c inclines his head-#-with a knowing smirk just barely playing at his lips but having a Feild Day in his eyes; 'we had an inclination'. Jack is already swaying-#-his hips in gentle circles against daniels ass; telling him how agrivating it is that daniel gets to get off every other loops or so but-#-he has to be zapped back into the commisary with blue balls because he just csnt help getting hard at the thought of daniel getting off-#-over something he did. and because there are no consequences and Jack is actually rather frustrated; he allows himself the luxery of-#-talking dirty into the soft skin of daniels neck; getting lost in the babble of his own words 'Ive learned to draw and paint; took up-#-pottery and guitar and golf and ive damn near perfected every weapon theyll allow me on the range. but daniel-' he presses a devious kiss-#-right under his ear and daniel Shivers despite himself '-nothing ive learned holds a candle to finding out what gets you off'
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technicallyoneofakind · 1 year ago
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I still have TWO of these suckers, both different models of the Sony Trinitron. I sleep next to one and use it as a night stand and the other is used as a monitor for a media PC in my art room and it's uh... That monitor's casing is umm... Is held partly together with gorilla tape and the colors are separating in one corner.
Good to know I'm literally within arms reach of a tiny reactor. I love them.
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#also fun story.#i was putting in a window ac in my window#on my own mind you.#and I knocked over my curved lcd i use for my desktop somehow. and it feel forward onto my ihome alarm clock#and ipod classic#that broke cause LCDs are the most fragile fxcking monitors in existence#well not really but in comparison to crts and some Samsung phones I've owned it was#and of course more fragile than the ipod classic (still works PERFECTLY FINE by the way. apple go back to making things sturdy#but after removing the other things from the top of the CRT including my desktop#(I unplugged stuff don't worry. I'm not THAT careless. just careless enough to balance a monitor on top of a sony triniton facing my bed#in a way that can be easily knocked off lol)#so I move the CRT right? problem is I'm the only person moving it from in front of the window I'm putting the AC in#cause I have to block off the rest of the window- it's a big window#so I end up Knocking it over and it falls screen first on the floor of my room on top of chords and other junk that I need to clean up#I don't freak out too much mostly cause it's a glorified side table to me right now. i barely use it#just a little sad if it does break#I get the board in with much struggle with the ac and tack up the curtain so it isn't in the way#so I lift the tv/night stand and pop the control panel back into its spot#i hold my breath and it doesn't look like anything happened. same picture#meanwhile my monitor for my desktop is internally shattered#luckily i had an older back up monitor that uses the old blue display connectors.#But
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