#10 paragraphs........... this is how i write correspondence

[angel-wings-and-tattoos]

as someone who has an unhealthy obsession with both taylor swift and dean winchester I could write a 10 paragraph essay for each TTPD song about how exactly it corresponds with any given relationship dean has ever had. but most importantly castiel.

[deadpresidents]

I stopped procrastinating and am finally reading Grant's autobiography. A few chapters in, I'm surprised by how readable and relatable they are. Having been raised on Mark Twain, how much influence did he have over the final version? Or are we reading most of Grant's original words?

The Personal Memoirs of Ulysses S. Grant (BOOK | KINDLE) really is a great book. It's not always easy to read things written in the 19th Century because the rhythm of the writing is usually so much more formal than we are used to now. But Grant's Memoirs flow really well, and I think anybody interested in the era should have Grant's book at the top of their reading list. I'd especially recommend checking out the annotated edition released in 2017 by Belknap Press/Harvard University Press (that's the version I linked at the beginning of the paragraph). But the beauty of Grant's book is that you don't need annotations because the prose is so clear and easy to read.

As for the authorship, there have been rumors about the part that Mark Twain played in the writing of the book ever since the book was finished literally a few days before Grant died in 1885. And the flames were also fanned by Grant's former military aide Adam Badeau who helped Grant in the early stages of the writing process and was bitter about not getting paid more money, so he also claimed to be Grant's ghostwriter. But while Twain did help with some editing, his major role was in getting the book published in the best way to ensure that Grant's family would benefit financially from its publication. Grant wrote the book because he was broke and dying, and he wanted to make sure his family was going to be okay. Twain didn't think the contract that Grant was about to sign with a publisher to write the book was fair and felt that Grant could make significantly more money selling the book via a subscription service (the original deal was supposed to net Grant 10% of the royalties; Twain's deal guaranteed Grant 70% of the royalties). So the most significant part that Twain played was in regard to the finances, which again was the reason why Grant was writing the book in the first place.

Twain definitely helped Grant with proofreading and literary advice throughout the writing process, but Grant had started writing the book before Twain was involved and had already been writing articles about his Civil War experiences for magazines and serials for a few years. There is a unique voice to Grant's writing style and I think it is clearly recognizable, especially in comparison to how other public figures wrote at the time. So, it's definitely Grant's book. Plus, the Library of Congress still has the original manuscript of Grant's Memoirs (alongside all of his other papers and correspondence) and every page of the book was handwritten by Grant.

•One of my favorite photos in Presidential history is this one of a gravely ill Ulysses S. Grant, who by this point could no longer speak because of the throat cancer that was killing him (he had to write notes to communicate with his family and his doctors), feverishly writing to finish his book at his cottage on Mount McGregor in the Adirondacks of New York:

The photo was taken on June 27, 1885. Grant finished writing his Memoirs on July 19, 1885. Four days later, on July 23, 1885, he died at the age of 63.

[d-dormant]

For the ask game:

🍓 ⇢ how did you get into writing fanfiction? 

🕯️ ⇢ on a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you enjoy editing? why is that?

🐇 ⇢ do you prefer writing original characters, reader inserts, or a mix of both? 

🔪 ⇢ what's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

🧩 ⇢ what will make you click away from a fanfiction immediately?

🍓 How did you get into writing fanfiction?

Okay long story.

So when I was in primary school, I made an account on odnoklassniki.ru. It's a Russian social media, kind of like Facebook. At the time I was really into The Sims so I'd spend a lot of time in different fandom communities on the website.

Not sure about how it is these days, but in the late 00s-early 10s the Sims community had a big culture of comics. You'd come up with a story, make sims of your characters, take screenshots that fit your plot and treat them as a strip in your comic. You could make a photoalbum in one of the popular public fanpages, upload your pics and in the description write the corresponding part of the story. We had all sorts of fanfics: lots of romance and drama, some thrillers, some sci-fi and fantasy. The readers would just find a story to their liking and flip through the photos to read, like/rate them and leave comments if they wanted to show support.

I thought it was insanely cool (still do, really), and I desperately wanted to make comics of my own. The problem was that my game was rather lame. The Sims players make tons of custom content, and comics authors would use a lot of them: cool hair, better makeup, fashionable clothes and furniture, and poses for sims to stand in to make shots even more convincing. I had no Internet access on my computer to get that custom content, so I was making do with my plain game and it was making me insecure. I had a feeling that my stories are overlooked because the visuals are just not up to the standart.

And then one day as I was scrolling through the comics, I fould an album called "Fanfics". I'd never heard of the term yet, so I was intrigued. The photoalbum had no screenshots — only covers of stories, and authors would write the story itself in the comments of the picture. You'd just scroll though paragraphs of text (and the readers' reviews too, cause it was all in one place) and read.

I was like, "oh my god so you can write comics with no pictures??? that's exactly what i need!!!" So I started writing "fanfics". Mind you, in my head, "fanfics" was what you'd call your sims comics with no screenshots. I had no idea that a) fanfics are not a Sims thing, you can write about whatever you want and b) I was, in fact, writing original stories, not fanfics – the only thing that attached them to a fandom was that I was uploading it in a Sims fandom community.

That would go on for a year or two, and then in 2014 Gravity Falls came out and all my friends were into it. One day in my feed I saw that my friend had updated her status. It was a lengthy exerpt of a text that she called her "new fanfic" and there was a hyperlink at the end for those who wanted to read the rest. I did, because the text was interesting — not to mention I was like "Wait, how is that a fanfic?" — so I found myself on ficbook, the biggest Russian fanfiction platform. And it blew my fucking minddddd

I realised fanfic was a thing you could make (and a thing I actually had made sometimes, because I'd write stories and poems about Winx Club, I just hadn't known the name for it). I spent the whole spring-summer reading, and then in May I saw "Maleficent" in the theatre and so it went.

🕯️On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you enjoy editing? Why is that?

Zerooo! Maybe 1 at best. I hate it because at the point when I'm supposed to do final editing, I'm honestly sick and tired of the text and itching to just upload it and get some distance (and find all the embarrassing typos in the following days, of course). Most of the time all I can make myself do it proofread it one time. I read it out loud so the mistakes in syntax and style are more noticeable, and that's usually the extent of my editing.

In my defence, I do most of the editing while writing, so I'm usually not left with much to change.

🐇 Do you prefer writing original characters, reader inserts, or a mix of both?

Original characters. Not sure if I've ever done a proper reader insert in a fanfic.

🔪 What's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

For Ornithology, probably menstrual pads in the Middle Ages. Got to read a lot about what medieval people thought of health, women, and youth.

Or the inside structure of a windmill. Or a detailed plan of an Irish town as it stood in the 14th century. Thank god for libgen because that time I found a book with exactly what I wanted and more. Overall, the story being set in the medieval times makes for a lot of fun searches. Wouldn't say they're weird necessarily, but maybe a bit niche.

🧩 What will make you click away from a fanfiction immediately?

Honestly, not anything at this point, I'm that desperate ahah

I guess the closest I have to a pet peeve is when the dialogue is formatted in a confusing way. When you can't tell who's saying what or to whom just by the punctuation or the phrases themselves. It gets me out of the text very quickly.

Thank you for the ask! 💜

[agent-troi]

Twenty questions for fanfic writers

I was tagged by the incomparable @baronessblixen 🫶🫶

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

104

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

396,351

3. What fandoms do you write for?

The X-Files, Star Trek, and I have one The West Wing fic

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Platonic Procreation

Security Questions

Eden

Mother Knows Best

The MSR Files

5. Do you respond to comments?

Sometimes! I usually try to respond if someone commented about something specific, and essay length comments always deserve a reply❤️ also if someone comments saying they reread your fic bc that's the best feeling in the world

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Hmm I only have a few that end angsty but I guess that would be my canon compliant post-IVF Rain King fic, Driftwood Lullaby

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Probably Aqua Vitae, but I also wanna spotlight one of my earlier fics, in which Mulder gives Scully a real wedding ring for their case in Arcadia, Though the Heavens Fall

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I've gotten a couple of nitpicky comments and one actual hate comment (ironically that one was on my most popular fic!😆)

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

No, I know it's popular but it's just not my thing either to write or to read

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I haven't written one yet but I have several ideas for TXF/Star Trek, TXF/SVU, TXF/Bones gathering dust in my google docs😅

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I hope not!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not as far as I know

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Several! I contributed a chapter to Anahata: The Heart Chakra, Eden, The Amazing Muldeeni, and Agent Scully is Already in Love

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

MSR!

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

A prequel to Purplerow by @katy-kt-katie, an AU in which Scully is an astronaut, about the time she made first contact with aliens on Mars (I really wanna finish this but life has decided to just keep throwing bricks at me and I haven't been able to concentrate enough to write in so long😭)

16. What are your writing strengths?

I've been told I'm good at dialogue😅

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I struggle so much with choosing the right word to describe something sometimes, and also finding alternative words to use when I accidentally use the same word four or five times in the same paragraph😂

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I like reading it! I think it adds to the atmosphere of the story, but I don't think I've ever done it myself except to copy and paste the German dialogue from Triangle😅

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Lord of the Rings, I wrote a sequel featuring Aragorn and Arwen's daughter and posted it on Instagram back when I was active in the Tolkien fandom circa 2015 (posting fic on instragram probably sound super weird lmao but it was what people did, they'd post a pic corresponding to the fic and the chapter went in the captions)

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

I'm pretty proud of the fic I wrote last October for Mulder's birthday, Where a Million Stars Catch Fire

Tagging @katy-kt-katie @tofuttim @television-overload @cecilysass @slippinmickeys @skelavender @virtie333 and idk who else writes and hasn't been tagged so if you see this have at it lol

[gogandmagog]

Okay, cute! Tagged by @batrachised! Thanks so much for thinking of me, you’re the actual best!

1-How many works do you have on AO3? 

Aw, man. Not a single one. I’m on fanfiction.net, because I feel like it’s the best spot to find fellowship with other likeminded or book-based Montgomery readers. (At least for the Anne series.) 

2-What's your total AO3 word count?    Not a lot! I’ve written four weency sketches that don’t actually even count fully as stories, because there’s scarcely any plot, only niceties and overall sweetness. My word count is something around 6.7K, which is piteous, following batrachised! 

3-What fandoms do you write for?    Lucy Maud Montgomery. I’ve done a lot of Anne, and little of Emily. 

4-What are your top 5 fics by kudos?    I haven’t even written five! I’m probably unqualified for this whole list of questions. Is a kudo interchangeable with a follow? My most followed is the Smugglers Jug.

5-Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?    Yes, of course! If anyone has a fanfiction.net account, and they left me a comment, I’ve responded over private message, which is the vehicle that ff.net allows for such correspondence. It never feels like enough, though! In a perfect world, I’d be able to take you out for coffee or tea, as a way of saying thanks. Comments or reviews mean so much. 

6-What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?  

Angst? I don’t know her. 

7-What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? 

Sincerely all of them. Anne and Gilbert are happy in canon, and all I even do are canon expansion/inserts.

8-Do you get hate on fics? 

Mercifully, no. I’d probably cry. I can’t imagine what inspires people to leave hateful comments. It’s fan fiction! It’s supposed to be fun!

9-Do you write smut? If so what kind? 

Please, I’m blushing. I’m actually writing something right now (when I say ‘right now,’ I just mean that it’s a Word document I’ve glanced at in the last six weeks) that I’ll have to label as M! But it’s not all that explicit, and it’s really just something seen by a third party. And anyway, we’ll see if I can ever summon the courage needed to post it.

10-Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Not yet, sorry!

11-Have you ever had a fic stolen?     I don’t think so! Small potatoes. 

12-Have you ever had a fic translated?    One time someone asked me if they could "podfic" one of my works, but this is the closest I’ve ever gotten to such a thing. 

13-Have you ever cowritten a fic before? 

I didn’t even know that was a thing! I love it.

14-What's your all-time favourite ship? 

Walter/Una? Walter’s parents, too.

15-What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will? 

I mean… speaking of crossovers! I have about 2K words done of an Ingleside/the Alienist (they exist is the same time period, and only 1200 KM apart; in my brain this is totally feasible) crossover that sees an awful murderer land in Glen St. Mary, and Doctor Blythe being relied upon by Doctor Kreizler for professional assistance throughout. I might have the time to complete this when I’m 85.

16-What are your writing strengths? 

I think it’s a strength that I always want to be writing, isn’t it?

17-What are your writing weaknesses? 

I can’t stop writing run-on sentences. Like… think an entire paragraph that’s one sentence. I’m wholly aware that I do it. But I still can’t stop. I’m out of control, really. In other places, while it’s true I always want to be writing, I also can’t write unless I have the right pen the exact environment and circumstances that I feel are conducive to my best writing. (A desk, my favourite lappy, an empty house, pink noise, and a coffee.) If one small thing is off, I’m useless to my own endeavours.

18-Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? 

I could do it in Lushootseed?

19-First fandom you wrote for? 

Lucy Maud Montgomery books. First I read for, first I wrote for, first I ever cared enough about to seek ‘more’ of. We can add ‘only’ here too.

20-Favorite fic you've ever written? 

Awoo, I don’t know! They all stress me out equally? No matter what, I’ll always think to myself, ‘yikes, I could have done that better.’ I wish this had asked for recs, though! I have a bunch of those.

21-Tagging:

@dandelionsandderivatives! 🫶🏻

[residenthesitant]

Tag game!

Rules: share the first lines (or paragraphs) of ten of your latest fanfics (or up to if you have less!) & tag 10 people. I was tagged by @antimony-medusa! All of my works are currently archive-locked, so you will need an account to read them. If you want to do this, say I tagged you! :D

1) tonight we sit reclining (Arcane)

Jinx Warwick - 5:34 pm yo mista white we got the goods [41225_533p.png]

2) Shake the Shadow: Chapter 6 (Arcane)

It wasn’t that Viktor had necessarily moved in to Jayce’s apartment, but the last four months saw him there more often than not.

3) Dawnlight and Adjacent Oneshots: Guyswap AU (Yogscast - Jaffa Factory 2)

“Faulty clone, you think?” Xephos asks, voice quiet. Lalna grimaces, shaking his head. “I think it’s worse, somehow.” 

4) live a life that's so demanding (when none of us get happy endings): Memories Relived (D&D OC writing)

You're walking through a field. The moon is full. You are alone, but you are carrying something bulky. If your brother were here, he'd be helping you carry it. He, unfortunately for you, is still cleaning up the lab. There had been quite a mess. You do not envy him, though you wish you weren't carrying your bundle alone.

5) Grief as a Blanket (DSMP)

For Aimsey, grief has become a comfort. She wears it around her shoulders like a child with a blanket. It has become her armor. It will keep away the monsters. 

6) (Falling From) A Different Sky (Yogscast - Blackrock Chronicle; Flux Buddies)

It starts with a girl falling from the sky. She lands in a body of water — in Zoeya’s case, a lake; in Nano’s, a fountain.

7) correspondence (just to get it off my chest) (DSMP)

To their royal majesty King Er Dear E Big man! Eret, First off, hey. Hi. Been a while. I never know how to start these things off, so, sorry if this comes off a little stilted.

8) Dedication (Arcane)

Viktor gets the text shortly before Jayce puts the oil on the stove. Jinx Warwick - 6:36 pm hey doc This can only spell good things, in Viktor’s experience.

(as you can tell, this takes place in the same continuity as tonight we sit reclining)

9) Per Me Si Va Ne L'Etterno Dolore (Critical Role: The Legend of Vox Machina)

This is not the first time Percy has woken up bound. Not the first time he’s been kidnapped, either. He has the distinct feeling it will also not be the last time either of these things happen.

10) Le Roman de la Couronne (DSMP)

The thing about fairy tales is that they never tell you what happens after the princess marries her one true love.

technically not the latest but i did update this one recently to change the pronouns lmao

alright! if you wanna do this, say i tagged you! i've been branching out a bit, as you can see hehe

[koa-z]

So I've been practicing modding dialogue (this is Cursedcure's Gojo Satoru Mod, but the dialogue is mine- I was testing questions + relationship boosts/ losses in response to answers).

Extremely long explanation of how to write interactable dialogue / answerable questions outside of cut scenes below the cut, because I couldn't find a good guide anywhere.

Every guide I saw expressed that the authors were confused about how to write questions. I unpacked the actual game code and figured it out, so here's the explanation.

IMPORTANT: each "paragraph" below is one line of code.

"Introduction": "Ah, a new face. Interesting. I'm Satoru Gojo. You can call me Satoru!$3#$q 1/2 Introduction_Old#And you are?#$r 1 2000 Introduction_01#Hehe who, me? *Tucks hair behind ear cutely*#$r 2 0 Introduction_02#Don't be afraid little guy, I'm just a reclusive forest hermit. Pspsps c'mere buddy.",

"Introduction_Old":"A man of mystery, I see. Hot.",

"Introduction_01":"Holy fuck he's the handsomest man alive.^Holy fuck she's the most beautiful woman alive.$10#$b# Did I just say that out loud?$4",

"Introduction_02":"Haha I'm in danger.$8",

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So, the entire question and all possible responses must share the same line of code. I'm going to be breaking it down in the order that the commands appear.

"Target": Tells the program which target prompts the dialogue to occur. I.e "Introduction" (thanks to Cursedcure's modding) will be prompted the first time that you interact with the character. Note that the semicolon must come after the "".

"": Everything that the character's dialogue is supposed to be doing must be inside of the quotation marks, even if it's not their actual words.

$3: Any time that you see $ + a number, it's telling the code to summon the character head shot which appears on the right side of the speech panel. That number refers to a sprite's position on their "portrait" sheet. The very first sprite (top left) is always 0, and if you do not specify a sprite by typing $number, it will default to $0 without you having to type that. For CANON characters, $h = happy sprite, $s = sad -- numbers are better for modded characters. I also prefer to use $number in all cases because it removes any possible ambiguity.

#$q: In order to make a question, all that you have to do (upon creating or editing a dialogue line) is type (within the quotation marks) "#$q".

Number/Number: AFTER #$q, you must put a series of numbers. If it is the FIRST answerable question that your character has ever asked, use 1/2. Those numbers correspond with each reply (even if there are more than two possible replies). SUBSEQUENT answerable questions must use higher numbers (so if I have Satoru ask another question later, it'll be 3/4.)

Target_Response: AFTER num/num, you should type the unique name of the CHARACTER's reply to what you're about to say. The VERY first one should always be Target_Response_Old (i.e Introduction_Old on my picture above).

Target_Response_Old: I.e "Introduction_Old" -- this will happen in an emergency if the player escapes the dialogue without choosing a reply. I dunno what happens if it's not there, but just to be safe, always include it.

#: In most dialogue, a # indicates a break. In NON-QUESTION dialogue, it will cause a break in dialogue which requires the PC to click the character again in order to continue the conversation. In QUESTION dialogue, though, when placed after Target_Response_Old, it indicates the reply which will happen if the player says nothing. So # after Introduction_Old calls to the actual target Introduction_Old, which is (in our case) on line 2.

Question: Place the question here. It will appear at the top of the prompt box, as pictured. Note: it doesn't have to actually be a question. The entire reason that I was messing with this was to make it possible for the PC to respond when he says "I love you." So really, you can use this in any situation to make the dialogue interactable! NO SPRITE $ IS NECESSARY HERE, BECAUSE NO SPRITE APPEARS IN INTERACTABLE DIALOGUE.

#$r: Place after the question / replyable dialogue to indicate the beginning of the response. Remember # indicates a break, $r indicates a response.

1: Number comes after #$r should refer back to the first number in the num/num pair we made before.

2000: Whichever number comes after that will indicate the change in friendship. I put 2000 there just to make sure it works, and that it could work to the biggest possible extreme. 250 = one heart/ friendship level; 2000 = 8 hearts. Most dialogue in the game is like, 25 or 30 max. So if you want to code a normal positive response give it like 30.

Target_01: Tells script that the text following the next # will refer to whatever Target_01 is (see Line 3). These denote the NPC's response to whatever the player is about to say after the #.

,: The comma at the end of a line of code tells the script that the line is over. If you don't include it, then all subsequent commands will be read as the same line (until a comma outside of quotation marks appears). What this means is that without a comma separating them, "Introduction_Old" (the one on line 2) would NOT be read as a new target that can be called to by the text in "Introduction".

#$b#: Not relevant to question asking, but since you can see it in some of my replies: # breaks a bit of dialogue requiring the player to click the NPC to continue the next thought. #$b# also breaks the dialogue, but continues it in a new panel without requiring the player character to click on the NPC again (they still have to click the text box).

[ronieislove]

Pre-Qualifying Exam of DILG

This is not a post that shows sample tests about the DILG Pre-Qualifying Exam but rather a post of my experiences when I took the exam and twelve things to know about the DILG PQE.

I took the Pre-Qualifying Exam (PQE) today at the Baguio City National High School Library. I counted a total of 61 examinees, including me, who bravely took it unaware of its contents.

I only remembered the number of items and corresponding minutes and not a specific question of the exam inasmuch as I wanted to remember. What is the Pre-Qualifying Exam or the DILG PQE?

It was (and is) a gruelling exam that will really exhausts you, the applicant/examinee.

It was (and is) a time-pressured exam which will rattle you once the proctor announce the remaining time during the examination.

It is the national qualifying exam of the Department of Interior and Local Government.

It is a battery of tests aimed for applicants who wants to join and become part of DILG.

It is a continuous exam with a duration of two to three hours.

It consists of four parts, namely:

Logical Reasoning Tests -

55 minutes for 100 items.

Language Tests - 

3 parts. 

Part 1, PD (Paragraph Development), 7 minutes for 10 items; 

Part 2, RC (Reading Comprehension), 13 minutes for 22 items; and

Part 3, LT (Language Test), 10 minutes for 20 items.

Verbal Tests - 

3 parts. 

Part 1, (Analogy), 6 minutes for 20 items; 

Part 2, (Analogy, requires 2 answers), 6 minutes for 20 items; and 

Part 3, (Mathematical Test, no choices, input your answer after solving using provided scratch paper), 10 minutes for 20 items.

Non-Verbal Tests - 

3 parts.

Abstract part.

Part 1, 3 minutes for 16 items; 

Part 2, 3 minutes for 16 items; and 

Part 3, 4 minutes for 18 items.

It is usually administered every last Friday of the month in the DILG Central Office located in Quezon City but in our case, it was scheduled in Baguio City and a representative from DILG Central Office officiated the examination.

In the case of my application, I had to write a request for endorsement to take the PQE and also indicating that it is a prerequisite for non-DILG applicants.

Passing the exam does not mean you are hired already. According to the DILG employee, there may be another exam to be taken depending on the position applied for. It also depends on the assessment of the regional or district office.

You must be prepared to read fast and analyze quickly for the logical reasoning test.

Mathematics is still a part of this exam and you need to know how to compute because guessing will definitely not help you on this part of the exam because you need to write an answer and there are no choices to select from.

Common sense and stock knowledge will help you plus lots of prayers to survive this challenging examination.

[mocha000]

Yay a new series! A little sad that it's 5 parts and not longer but oh well. I've been getting wrecked by Hobi recently. All alpha pack is hot.

Thank you for a great ch!

I feel a little reassured that I'm not the only person who think Hobi is too skinny recently. The world lore is pretty interesting.

"He’s sweat tacky in places he’d rather not name and yet despite this night-" lol I was wondering why he is so mad and it's because she's sick. Thought it was cute at first but the world context makes his anger seem more normal. "But not anymore. You're Hoseok's. In every way that matters. You're his." Goddamn he's more aggressive than bily Hobi. I like it. "But war is different. Rage- Hoseok is learning, Is a particular monster that doesn't go down easy." Damn, nice line.

"He knows that Yoongi's still not used to buying less than 8 people's worth of food at a time after so many years of cooking and shopping for 8. That he struggles to fall asleep at night- too used to the press of warm bodies around him." Oh my sweet baby :( These details show how hard enlistment is for the pack :( "But you'd pouted, and Hoseok (notoriously weak for your every whim and desire) had predictably melted." Cute :3 "To get back to his pack, to drag them back by the scruff of their necks to the pack house and place them gently in your nest where they belong. Damning laws and discharge dates and all associated consequences." Aww.

"Yoonie" is such a cute nickname! My sope ahhh. "But Hoseok can't imagine needing more than you." im soft. "Luckily- the rest of the pack gangs up on you after your shots too. Namjoon puts your bandaid on the inside of your arm and Yoongi soothes your stomach with bone broth and light food to support your immune system." Cute paragraph. I want to be spoiled too :/ "But he's the most likely to burst into tears and then you end up comforting him instead of the other way around." lol

"Hobi, Oh Hobi. You didn't have to come all this way for me." Awww :( "Hobi knows how much you are to eat, there's no reason why you need to worry your pretty little head about anything)." I'm flustered omg. "And then all of a sudden you'd go to nest and wouldn't get up again without medical intervention. Might not get up at all. Might stop breathing- might-" Noo :( "Other times, like this, your anxiety rushes at you, and their touch becomes the only tether you have outside of the fear, the nervousness, the pounding tumble of your heart that ached for confined soft spaces, warmth and enclosed safety. A nest."

"But you do away with your instincts today, in favor of staying close. A few more weeks, you only have a few more weeks until Jungkook goes and you don't want to waste a single minute." Aww. "Little is known about the countries darling, but here are 10 things you may not have noticed based on her last appearance. Read what our omega correspondent says about her body language on page 15." body language?? that's wild to write an article on it. ""they only saw my forehead! how are they talking about skincare routine when they don't even know?" lol

"Your ears ring, and you can't hear anything as Jungkook shoves you behind him." Oh, that's scary. "Jeon Jungkook! No! Bad!" lol like when you scold a dog. "Of course you're not. My sweet little pup. You’re so so brave, you didn’t even cry for that long and alpha is so so proud." I'm blushing ahh. "To art museums and shopping districts for pretty little diamond studded collars and comfortable designer nesting supplies. Café's for famous desserts shaped like flowers and figs, and even the exclusive omega section at Fao Schwartz." Ooh how nice.

"Hoseok imagines it perfectly, teeth sinking in, popping through skin and blood. The image is so visceral that Hoseok almost confuses it with reality." Good lines. "Mr. Lee doesn't flinch, doesn't even raise his eyebrows at Hobi, looking at him with that same impassive expression." Lol that's so like mr.lee. "

Hot: "Jungkook looks at you and blinks back tears. Hoseok wants to lick at the alpha's pretty canines, wants to press your faces together and make you kiss. Make it messy just for him." "Hoseok owns all of him like this, the sole of his rubber boot pressed against his knot, gently pressing it snug between Jungkook's body and the unyielding weight of his dominance. The other alpha pants openly. Hoseok can tell that it hurts. Can tell that Jungkook likes it to by the way his mouth opens in a soundless groan." "Resting his chin on Hoseok's knee once he's finished." "Pretending he's not rutting his hips in tentative circles and making a mess of Hoseok's pant leg. Eyes teary and worked up. Teeth half bared in aggression like he wants to submit completely but can't quite will himself too." "It makes his grin wider, teeth sharper in the privacy of darkness. Hoseok is snarling at the shadows, the toothy grin crazed as he finally makes it back to the dressing room." "“My instincts are telling me you don’t smell like me anymore. That I need to bend you over this bed and make you mine from the inside out. Then take you out there and do the same to Yoongi and Jin until everyone's mine again. I want to devour you until there's no question who you belong to- until the whole world knows you're mine.” oh my god. wasn't expecting that. so hot. “if you can't be- then don't. Don’t be gentle, I don't care.” You’d tilted your head to the side. “Please alpha.” Hoseok is a weak weak man. Hoseok cannot hold himself back from you." ""Is it too big for you little pup? Poor little omega stuck on a big knot, making you feel all full. Don't worry, alpha will fuck you until you're used to it again, until you feel empty without it. Keeping me warm and snug, is it too much? Don't cry, alpha will make it better. Alpha will keep you safe." oh damn. "Yoongi dries his hands slowly from the sink and curses low when Hoseok holds you under your thighs, back to his chest. Spreading you for him. "Fuck- I forgot how it looks like when you knot her it's so-" "Being knotted to the pack alpha is a bit of an invitation. Hoseok has watched the others jerk off over your chest like this, has watched them go between your legs and lap and suck to their heart's content, seen them kiss and suck until your eyes have rolled back." "Maybe that's why you let them do it because in these moments, your bodies are locked together- you belong solely to Hoseok." "You jerk once Jin comes close, his long fingers skimming places Hoseok can't see, buried against the back of your neck, mouthing at your nape hungry still." "you sniffle but nod. Hoseok's knot throbs at your simple obedience. the way that you agree. It makes Hoseok want to bite you more if it's even possible. He laps at your throat some more to ignore the temptation. "Oh? Alpha was mean? Let Jinnie kiss it better." AHHH THE ENDING LINE!!! this pack dynamic is crazy good omg. alpha yoongi too omg, it just hit me. "" You kiss his jaw, pecking at it and a lazy growl builds in his chest, spent cock twitching below you. His appetite is insatiable even after three rounds." the growl ahh. ". Hoseok has a feeling that in a few minutes, you're going to start tugging at the hem of his boxers and ask to cock warm him to sleep. Some nights your omega just doesn't like any distance between you and your pack alpha and now that you have him back you don't want to let him go even a little bit. You could use a plug- but your omega wouldn't like it now that you have the real thing." ahhhh.

"Occasionally you still attend their concerts to remind them of the power you hold, that as much as you give in to their impulses, they're also beholdent to yours. The leash goes both ways. You're a little bit of a legend among the makeup noonas, managers, and bodygaurds. Because before enlistment and before any of this, before you’d been theirs, you’d been here working alongside them- a member of the support staff." Ooh! I'm curious to see what it was like when she was a part of the staff.

"Without omega's, alphas would break out into all-out war. Hoseok imagines The rage. The quiet of devastation of murder out of necessity." oh wow. "No fear is too small, not fear of thunder or fear of darkness. Anything that can lurk can be killed, and alphas will kill for omegas. It’s a culturally accepted fact." Ooh. "Your instincts remained mostly dormant (and what didn't stay dormant you neglected). sometimes you still struggle to understand what your omega wants." :(

"Hoseok hates to admit it and hates it when anyone brings it up, but military service had changed him (and not in a good way)" God Hobi's struggles with his anger and ptsd makes me wonder if the irl boys struggled after coming back :/ "How did being in front of the camera get so scary? Hoseok used to be so good at this- at being an idol. They used to do this all the time almost without thought before enlistment. Are his movements too jerky? Can the fans tell that he's about to burst into tears? Can they tell? do they notice? Is Hoseok not good at this anymore?" a really good section. can really feel his fear and doubts.

"Yoongi is all tangerine goodness." a perfect scent for him :3 "You smell like warm berry jam and nighttime summer air." Ooh ok! pretty paragraph and scent. ""He's so skinny hyung, I saw him take off his jacket and I could see every tendon." This really hit me. Hobi is so skinny irl. Hope he's taking care of himself :( "A quiet whine, a chirp. "don't you worry your little head about it darling, you just sit there, would you like to try the first piece? it's almost done. You don't need to save it for alpha, he'd want you to have it." It takes everything in Hoseok not to storm into the other room and feed it to you himself." "hoseok couldn't explain why when he looks at you he feels like crying. you're wrapped in your most comforting clothing, an old sweatshirt of his that he hasn't worn in two years and has a new hole at the hem like you've worn it every day in his absence. Giggling softly as you try and hang." She's so cute omg.

"Yoongi and Jin squeeze both of them pushing their chests together and trapping both you and Hobi in a Yoonjin sandwich. Hoseok can feel how gently they do it. going slow so as to not aggravate his instincts. His alpha cocks his head, unused to the careful affection." TT need him to be healed by their love soon :/ "They keep squeezing until both of you devolve into giggles and until Hoseok is laughing for real. Unbidden, face crumpling towards the end." Aww. "Jimin is very very particular about the rules. there are others that apply to the rest of them like 'no staying at the studio over night' and 'pt once a week, no butts' and 'no skipping meals for practice' but there are other ones specifically for you that go a little over the top." Jimin and these few paragraphs damn. I want to see more of him being dom.

"You don't mind the "hold my hand pup" or "Someone's too small for that, let alpha do it." Cute. "Treasured. That's the word for it. You're their treasure. You don't cringe about it when you remember anymore" That's nice aww. "Hoseok closes his eyes and a gun goes off. The feeling of a gun in his hand is heavy and impersonal. Hot and sweaty beneath his fingertips." :( really good. "On night watch near the northern border. His fear plays tricks on him, you can only look into the darkness for so long before your mind plays tricks on you. You can only hunt monsters and play at being a killer before you start to feel too real." damn, poetic.

"Hoseok takes a deep breath and counts to seven." The title! (was the title someone else's idea?) "Pieces are everywhere but no pack." :( "Just the scrape of a wooden spoon across a pan and the quiet comfort of home (but hoseok still feels homesick)." damn. "Failure, failure of a pack alpha. what kind of alpha is he that he can't even handle a hint of a nightmare?" noo :/ ""Is it being home? Being out?” Being free." Wow, it's so good. the tension in this scene. "“What do you want to do right now? Tell me what you need.” your tone leaves no room for his anxiety and Hoseok realizes that his breathing has gone jagged." She's so comforting. His anxiety is well written here.

"He squeezes your hip, reassuring you. The tension dissipates just a little. "I’m so tired,” he laughs, and it sounds sad even to your own ears." Oh wow. Breaks the mood for a bit :( very good. "(Hoseok is little better than a pup bringing his packmates a stick. See? See how good I bred omega, see how good I knotted her. She smells good and I made her this way for you. If he had a tail it would be wagging behind him.)" lol ""I like it. If anyone gets angry tell them not to because I liked it. Makes me feel-" You shimmy and hiss at the ache in your body. "Makes me feel like I'm yours again." Aww :(

"Your expression had gone suddenly panicked, "but- but-" lol ""It didn't make any sense; Yoongi was a beta in it and Jinnie was an omega like me." ohhhh bily reference! ""And like I could ever be anything but an alpha." Yoongi looks a little fragile, a little threatened by the dream." LOL

"sometimes i feel like i frame certain scenes like i'm not like- writing a story so much as vissually looking at a tv and describing what i'm seeing. this is one of those fics that very much felt like that." yeah. "like i truly hope you leave reading it and feel frustrated that you're not there- even though not all of the things described in it are good." yeah >:/ *pouts* im going to sue you! (jk ofc)

"hoseok would have smelled like mangos :( i know not everyone will read bily who reads this so!" ohh ok. "tbh that little bit with the plates being new, this is a. a bily refrence because remember how yoongi breaks them when she leaves?" oh i missed that part :/ "the scene at the end is just hoseok: ready to pounce on the m/c scared of himself and the idea that he could hurt her meanwhile the m/c: thats hot." mood lol

"if we're being honest i think that beta's might be intersex in this universe, do i really really wanna write jimin and her rubbing their pussies together?" ooh! "yeahhhhhhhh, am i actually gonna write it??? probably not." oh :/

Hold your Breath (Count to Seven)

(Pack alpha Hoseok focus, Background ot7 x reader, Omegaverse, Forced Caretaking, Omega scarcity au)

୨୧‧₊˚ Summary: When a performance keeps pack alpha Hoseok from tending to his sick omega, he struggles to contain his rage (and looks back on all the reasons he has to control his anger).

୨୧ ‧₊˚ Word Count: 16.6k

୨୧ ‧₊˚ Tags: Omegaverse au, omega scarcity, forced caretaking, idol au, Pack alpha hoseok x omega! m/c, Sicfic, Angst, Hurt/comfort, Background ot7 x reader, eventual Brat! m/c, Implied chronic health issues, themes of trauma, Hoseok has PTSD from enlistment, healing, Past Medical mistreatment, past neglect, Eventual smut, brief smut, Brief allusions to omega obedience training, Brief Dom! Hoseok, Breif Sub! m/c + Jk, referenced Dom Jimin + spanking, non-chronological storyline

୨୧ ‧₊˚ A/N: This was inspired after i got /dreadfully/ ill after seeing HOTS in march. i've been writing it for a good long while i guess! i'm open to adding more to the story if i'm inspired but as of right now it will only be 5 parts. Please enjoy it and let me know what you think! this story also does go non-chronolgocially, if we organize it by chronology this is actually the middle. basically it goes 3 < 4 < 5 < 1 < 2, but i think you'll enjoy the flashbacks of how they got togeather!

The sound of the audience and the rumble of screams and shouts are still ringing in Hoseok's ears as he exits the stage. The roar of the lyrics are a hum filling his veins. Adrenaline pumps through his system better than any drug or instinct. More addictive and more natural to him than breathing.

He’s sweat tacky in places he’d rather not name and yet despite this night- a show, the dance of performer and performance, the validation that comes from the screams of many waiting fans- despite all of that- Hoseok's still not calm. Hoseok's still not satisfied.

He yanks his in ears out, nearly tearing at the wiring the second he's clear from view. Not even bothering to put his microphone in its correct case as he moves, breathless and hurried in the direction of the dressing room.

A stagehand tries to help him, but after clocking the rage and aggression rolling off of him they think better of it and lower their gaze as he passes, practically curling in on themselves.

He's on alert, aggression a hairpin trigger just waiting to be pulled below his skin. Almost hoping for an outlet. The still lingering roaring cheers of Alphas, a good number of betas, and a sparse select few omegas ferry him as he cuts through the sea of staff.

By all metrics the show had gone well. He's not angry because he stumbled or because someone messed up the queue for the cube again. This performance had gone perfectly. It has nothing to do with why he's about to snap and punch someone. Maybe bite them. Maybe tear them limb from limb- yeah his alpha likes the sound of that. But none of this, none of this is what makes his blood hot in his veins.

That honor belongs to his omega.

You’re not just his, of course, you belong to the others too. But he’s pack alpha, so they all belong to him to some degree. The pups more so, his peers, Namjoon, Jin, and Yoongi- less. Being a part of a pack is more like belonging to matching a set and less ownership.

But not anymore. You're Hoseok's. In every way that matters. You're his.

It's hard to believe, but Hoseok was not always so possessive and exacting as a pack alpha. He never had to deal with any of this- the instincts and the near-feral need that comes with them before the pack became fractured. Broken in a way that can’t be fixed by words and promises. Leaving Hoseok's alpha to pace back and forth the inside of his mind like a monster caged and understimulated.

Hoseok wishes he knew what he was giving up when he enlisted.

Not that knowing would have changed anything. But at least then he'd have been prepared.

Hoseok has seven pups and seven packmates registered to his pack. four alpha's, two beta's, and one precious omega. He's never been without his pack for so long and before 22 months ago they'd never been apart for more than a few weeks. Enlisting posed new challenges, some that Hoseok thought he'd be better at handling by now.

But adjustment takes time. Healing takes time. It doesn't matter how many times he repeats that to himself. Nothing ever gets easier (You might disagree).

The military wasn't easy. They didn't go easy on Hoseok.

He'd never been one alpha among the many, never had his rage cultivated and honed as a weapon to be used and wielded by his superiors. Hoseok learned he was good at being angry- good at melding his body and his alpha together as one- it's only now that Hoseok's out that he's struggling to detangle his sense of self from his alpha.

He'd never been without some sort of pack structure. At least not in so many years. He'd presented with Namjoon and Yoongi- had dealt with their instincts and learned how to settle his own alongside them. A good thing too because a few years after when Jungkook and Taehyung had come along. Young and wide-eyed and entirely unprepared for anything like presenting- they'd needed a pack alpha to help settle them. Someone to guard and mind their instincts, to take care of them, to push when they needed pushing and get them to bend when otherwise they might break.

But war is different. Rage- Hoseok is learning, Is a particular monster that doesn't go down easy.

Of course they'd never been completely broken as a pack. Even now Yoongi is home in the pack house still doing his daily service and coming home at the end of the day. The last time Hoseok had been home (nearly 5 weeks ago before the start of the tour). Yoongi was still struggling; Hoseok saw signs of it everywhere.

His camo jacket wasn't in the house even, it's in the garage where he leaves his boots. Takes them off before he even sets foot inside. separate lives and separate alpha's. There are pack house slippers set up by the door. 16 slippers, 8 sets, color coordinated. Kept meticulously clean like the rest of the house. Namjoon's coffee mug left by the coffee maker, Tae's scarf laid over the chair. A still life painting. hints of the pack left undisturbed. As if they'd just popped out for a moment and where coming back later.

Maybe Hoseok should have realized it when Seokjin was discharged, how you and Yoongi had gone radio silent for 6 hours. How much more communicative Seokjin was after and how every day after he told Hobi how much he couldn't wait for the pack alpha to come home. A new edge to his tone. Hoseok should have suspected something was wrong.

Now that Hoseok's home, he knows. Jin had it easier. Jin's a beta Jin doesn't have a monster in the back of his mind constantly out for blood.

He knows that Yoongi's still not used to buying less than 8 people's worth of food at a time after so many years of cooking and shopping for 8. That he struggles to fall asleep at night- too used to the press of warm bodies around him. Now Hoseok knows that Sometimes when Yoongi wakes in the morning, his hands shake. Instincts and body unsettled.

Hoseok knows, for the first 6 months of his service, his hands shook in the morning too. Call it psychological dependence or physical addiction- Hoseok doesn't quite know what it is. Although Hoseok expects that had more to do with you.

Alpha's can grow dependent on omega's after all. It's no more addictive than a cup of coffee, and yet,

And yet…

In his worst moments, Hoseok wonders what the pack would do if they didn't have you.

If you hadn't have asked, Hoseok wouldn't have let you come on this tour, would have never dragged you across the globe from city to city and would never have taken you from Yoongi. But the fact of the matter is that Hoseok is...it's not that he's not handling this well exactly but...but...

But you'd pouted, and Hoseok (notoriously weak for your every whim and desire) had predictably melted. (He'd been a little oblivious to the thankful looks shot at you over his head, he'd missed the way that Yoongi had cornered you just before the start of tour, how he'd folded himself across you.

"I'll get him back, you know I can be persistent."

"I know, I'm just worried, he's so...unhappy." Yoongi finally settled on. Even if you're both aware that that's not quite it. "You know how I hate it when you push yourself.")

But trauma changes people, it affects everyone differently. Hoseok had changed.

Now Hoseok regrets letting you come even more. When he checks his phone he doesn't have a single text from you. Not a 'good luck on the show.' Or an 'I'll be watching alpha' or anything. Which is not like you. Hoseok shouldn't be so surprised. You're probably sleeping. You're probably just resting like you should be. He'd ordered you to rest last night.

Exiting the stage, Hoseok does try and settle himself. Pausing in the darkness listening the the shouting of the crowd, slowly becoming a murmur and rumble. 60 thousand footsteps trudging towards the exit.

He spends a few moments standing there, staff around him waiting on bated breath, waiting for him to move. He's at least practicing his breathing exercises even if his body still feels like a weapon poised to attack.

When Hoseok closes his eyes, he sees each member of his pack as a pinprick of light against the map. Five dots clustered across the ocean back in Korea, one here close by, and one on the other side of the world.  7 dots and 7 breaths.

Seokjin is in France for an event that left him looking glittery and bejeweled. But he's existed as little more than sinful pictures and soft check-ins on Hoseok’s phone. His phone buzzes, but Hoseok keeps his eyes closed and breathes before he looks at it.

Those check-ins are the only way Hoseok stays sane these days. The updates from Jimin and Jungkook- shots of the dinner they make for the thousands of other recruits. 30 gallon pots of honey potatoes. Recordings of Namjoon's military band. The few promos that Taehyung is allowed to shoot- although he out of all of them is radio silent most weeks. Hoseok knows it's just because he's military police and has a higher clearance than them- even though Hoseok's technically a sergeant- but still-

Taehyung is a shifting wolf, he has different expectations than the rest of the pack.

Hoseok isn't in the military anymore. He's just Jung Hoseok. Only Hoseok could never be just Jung Hoseok- no matter what universe you put him in.

As long he knows exactly where and what his pack is doing the instincts are a little bit easier to bear. As long as he knows when Yoongi's going to come home, when Seokjin will be done with his photoshoot or recording session or this or that and is ready there waiting at the front door for a scenting or a brief nibble at their throat. Hoseok's instincts stay mostly in check.

Mostly. It's easier if Hoseok gives in, just a little bit, to what his alpha wants.

Hoseok's alpha wants more than Hoseok can give him right now, Hoseok's alpha wants blood, wants to tear this stadium apart and hunt across the city, tearing through anyone that steps in his way until he gets to you.

They haven’t all been together in so long his body is almost used to it. His body has adjusted. It’s been months now but there is still aggression that lurks under his skin, alpha constantly roiling to get out out out out. To get back to his pack, to drag them back by the scruff of their necks to the pack house and place them gently in your nest where they belong. Damning laws and discharge dates and all associated consequences.

The truth is that Hoseok's alpha doesn't know what to do when they're not together. Will keep him awake, will keep him from eating or resting. He'd heard that enlistment time could be dangerous for pack alphas, that many don't survive their 18 months without going feral at least once. Hoseok had skimmed by the skin of his teeth.

In many ways, the fight between man and alpha is like a dance, Hoseok’s alpha asks for obedience and Hoseok gives him his body but not his mind when he can help it. He runs and moves, and puts every ounce of discipline and dominance into his dance. His moves are always mastered, never shaky.

Hoseok's not sure he'd know it if he went feral.

When he'd been announced as pack alpha back just after their debut, there had been more than one article that questioned why the sunshine of the group, the ever-smiling and genial member, neither the largest nor the tallest was made pack alpha.

But size has nothing to do with it. Now, no one wonders. After seeing him perform solo on the stage they bought and paid for with their youth and hard work. After seeing him and what he can do no one questions him. Hoseok made discharge look effortless, no one would ever guess. No one would ever wonder.

Other times, Hoseok's alpha asks for more than Hoseok can give without showing it. Like tonight.

The only thing that made their military service at all tolerable was the fact that for those 6 months when the 6 of them had been in active service- at least Yoongi had been able to come home to you.

There’s a text from him on Hobi's phone and he's not asking about the show. Yoongi always watches the live stream and usually texts him the second he's hot off the stage. Asking about how it went even though he saw it. Namjoon might be the group leader but Yoongi has always felt a bit more like Hoseok's second in command.

Hoseok has no doubt that Yoongi saw right through him tonight, saw the furious crispness to his movements, and was able to tell how close he was to breaking. Hoseok doesn’t doubt that the other alpha checking his phone every few minutes. Anxiously waiting for Hoseok's response.

When Hoseok is certain he has enough control over his body that the text isn't going to make him trash the backstage area. He checks his phone.

Yoonie (10:32pm): How is she? Any news? Has her condition gotten any worse?

Yoonie (10:33pm): I know you're probably already considering it, but you know traveling isn't healthy for omega's long term. She needs her routine. You should consider sending her home.

Yoongi has gentler instincts and always has. But even he can't stay settled when their omega is sick. Yoongi also wasn’t taken away from you for a year and a half and taught to kill so Hoseok thinks he’s allowed to be a little on edge.

Hoseok shouldn't feel so fragile and so volatile. He should feel better. This is nothing compared to how it was right after he got back.

Yoongi's not the only one who's texted, the rest already have using their precious 30 minutes of phone time a day to check in. Most of the time, Hobi tries to time his updates to accumulate before they wake.

Jin gets it, Jin understands. Even though he's a beta. His text came through just before Hobi got on stage.

Jinnie (7:05pm): Let me know if you want me to change my flight.

They’ve been separated for a year. There was only Jin’s discharge and then his that they’ve all been together for. They all keep in regular contact and that’s not difficult. They check in and text daily and call weekly. But it's never enough.

As a pack with a registered omega they’re offered some allowances by the government. They get more days off and leeway if one of them gets sick or injured (like last month with Taehyung- Hoseok’s little alpha, bundled close in the nest, face tucked under your chin, so achingly still. His newly big body oh so carefully placed so that he wouldn’t strain his cracked rib.)

Alphas don’t have a better reason to fight than for omegas and recovery rates are always always higher if an alpha has been scented by an omega. The boost to their immune system alone is enough to make omega’s necessary for the war effort. The government even employs some omega's and compensates them greatly for their service as scenters.

The pack would never think about going to a government omega, not when they’ve got you at home.

As a bonded pack there’s no use, it wouldn’t work the same (and Hoseok would never offend you that way). But there’s less time given if more than one alpha is out. It’s one of the few reasons why Hoseok went in first so that he'd be able to help them all adjust when the time came.

He never expected to be the one to have trouble with it. To struggle to turn his instincts off now that they've been turned on.

The people around must be able to tell that Hoseok’s on edge, and the crowd too. Their cries reached a feral pitch, the same shouting that still vibrates the stage beneath his feet. Rage rolls off of him in waves as he stalks back to the dressing room. Smile and grin and smirk falling from his face.

They must be able to smell it on him underneath all the smell of the show, the gunpowder and fire from Hangsang, the roil of steam from sweet dreams, all irrelevant.

This is what they’ve all been waiting for for what feels like years, a chance to be on the stage again, a chance to perform. This is only the beginning leg of the tour and there are still kinks to work out and problems to solve. The logistical nightmare of moving staff and stage across multiple countries never ends. Hoseok is used to this. Hoseok is comfortable here.

He keeps telling himself that.

But right now, Hoseok can't think about it. He can't think about anything else but you.

Because you're sick.

~-~

Omegas are so rare that not every pack can have one.

Only those who can supply an above-average standard of life usually get one. Both prize and packmate. They're more common in celebrity and chaebol circles. Having an omega in your pack is the ultimate sign of success and wealth.

Some packs even have two, especially if the omega's have decided they're nestmates. But Hoseok can't imagine needing more than you.

A disease two generations ago wiped out nearly 90% of omega's. The sickness left only the most looked after, the most cared for unscathed. But those that were alive by the end of the nearly 10 year period scrambled to cope. To this day the omega population still hasn't recovered in any meaningful way. They make up only about 1 in every 100 individuals worldwide, less in Korea.

Most omega’s go through a very rigorous courting period if they're going to belong to a pack at all, only the richest and well-esteemed packs can covet one for for themselves. The rest of the world survives off of government-sponsored nesting and scenting services. There are even government agencies in charge of omega’s. Each omega gets an id card and a social worker. Hoseok hasn't had to talk to yours in years. Omegan Health Services or the OHS that tracks any omega that might have come into contact with the virus and quickly disseminates antivirals and vaccines.

You have to get yours every few months. Hoseok makes sure you never miss your appointments. Usually, he spends the following day confining you to the nest, immune to your restless squirming and your insistence that you're alright, just a little tired. Resistant to his insistence that he carry you where you need to go, that he fuss over you.

Luckily- the rest of the pack gangs up on you after your shots too. Namjoon puts your bandaid on the inside of your arm and Yoongi soothes your stomach with bone broth and light food to support your immune system. Each spoonful blown at, your lips dotted with reassuring kisses between bites. Jungkook and Taehyung usually wrap themselves around you like a living blanket to keep the shivers at bay. Nosing into your spine.

Only Hoseok and Yoongi usually attend your appointments. They're a little too intense for the others. Sometimes Jin comes. But he's the most likely to burst into tears and then you end up comforting him instead of the other way around.

Hoseok is usually good up until they actually put the needle into your skin. He'd broken a chair the first time he'd seen it. Gripping the wooden arm so hard as he heard your intake of pain that it had splintered under his hand.

There's a genetic component to being a pack alpha. Jungkook has the gene too. Hoseok has always been a little stronger, a little more resilient than the others.

Hoseok has only ever missed one of your appointments. Last year, the year Hoseok was enlisted for your shot. You'd spent weeks telling him he didn't have to take a day off for it (he'd been saving all of his leave for his packmate's ruts and your heat, but even then Hoseok knew he was going to have to miss one or two.) You said you'd be fine, that the shot wouldn't be too bad, you've had them before after all.

Only you hadn't been alright, you'd had to be hospitalized for it. It wasn't all that uncommon, omega's have weak immune systems and yours has always been particularly fragile.

Hoseok hardly remembers it. The static through the line, he'd hardly been able to hear Yoongi's voice over the roar of his heartbeat through his ears. An emergency call from Yoongi, something about an allergic reaction, anaphylaxis.

He'd have gone awol if his commander hadn't granted him emergency leave. His brain hadn't stopped roaring until he'd draped himself draped across your hospital bed after making an 8-hour car ride in 6 hours. Beret off, spilled and fallen onto the floor, face crumpling the second Yoongi rose from your opposite bedside.

"Namjoon will be here in an hour, she tried to stay up for you but the medication they had to give her made her drowsy."

Hoseok hadn't been able to speak, to respond to him. The sight of you in the bed. Small looking. The cannula. Supplying your body with oxygen because it's not getting enough. Everything screaming at Hoseok's instincts wrong wrong wrong. Fight protect keep safe.

Hoseok was terrified.

They'd given him a tranquilizer to stop him from pacing outside your door. Apparently its a normal occurrence in the relatively empty but well maintained omega's only wing of the hospital. Guards watch him with nervous expressions as they patrol the halls.

After that, he'd been a little more susceptible to Yoongi's gentle request that Hoseok should come sit by your bedside table. And what started as sitting turned into nuzzling into your hand turned into closing his eyes for just a moment.

You'd been rubbing your hands over his shaved head by the time he'd woken. He'd been so sure he'd been dreaming it, but Your honey voice is so soothing after hearing nothing but shouting to work harder and run faster you're so weak private Jung, can you even hit the target for weeks and weeks that it felt a bit like a lullaby to hear his own name spoken so gently, with such tenderness.

"Hobi, Oh Hobi. You didn't have to come all this way for me."

~-~

This is thankfully not that. Thankfully you're sick with just a cold and not the virus. But Hoseok doesn't take any sickness lightly. Not when it comes to you.

Modern medicine has come a long way, but still not far enough. Omegas are so rare a good portion of the population even abandons the idea of having an omega entirely. They’re not exactly a necessity for beta’s but for alphas- it’s a different story.

Hoseok can feel the hum of scent deprivation under his skin. The itch unlike any other. Hoseok cannot smell you on him, not his clothes or his skin. Nothing beyond the smell of sweat and alpha annoyance. Through any other performance, he’d at least have the scent of his pack on him. But not tonight, not until June when everyone will finally finally be together.

You’d been sleeping through the morning when he left, and he’d been reluctant to wake you on account of how you’d fallen asleep last night- or hadn’t. You’d been sniffling and coughing the whole night away. Hoseok had kept watch over you through it all.

What had started as a brief tickle in your throat around lunch yesterday (an easy meal- vegetables for Hobi and a tad bit of meat for you, fed from his own chopsticks, every brief shake of your head met with a disapproving look that you have long stopped disagreeing with. Hobi knows how much you are to eat, there's no reason why you need to worry your pretty little head about anything). Had developed into a fever and a few minutes of terror while they waited for the test to develop.

You've never gotten the sickness before but Hoseok knows how it would start; a feverishness like heat, then tiredness. And then all of a sudden you'd go to nest and wouldn't get up again without medical intervention. Might not get up at all. Might stop breathing- might-

He repeats it to himself again. That you're not sick with it. That this is just an ordinary cold. He has no reason to be so on edge.

The fans tonight could tell there was something wrong. Could spot it. Hoseok knows they're wondering if it's you. You aren’t a secret, but you are a private matter. A person that only the pack and the staff know by name. There have been pictures and speculation. They don't hide you but your last name is not public knowledge. You keep your face hidden almost constantly when you know you’re going to be spotted with them.

You are not someone to be jealous of but to be jealous for. You are not someone to be stalked or photographed. What they ordinarily tolerate out of necessity, they never do with you.

But alpha's are not always good at controlling their instincts. There have been incidents, not always because of them or their lack of control either. Jungkook had almost come to blows with an alpha who dared to sniff in your direction just before Jungkook's enlistment, a month or so after Hobi's.

~-~

The flash of the cameras are dizzying. There's a hush that falls over the room as you and Jungkook enter, before the roar redoubles- twice as loud as before.

You're mostly used to it by now, but still some things- like Jungkook close behind you, his big hand on the small of your back make it easier to tolerate. The press of people on either side of you is stifling, press and fans, guards and security. There's only a few moments of claustrophobia from the car to the showcase.

You hold your breath, and Jungkook stays close. It would be easier if your other alphas were here, but you're getting used to having them far away, to having them only on your phone or during evening phone calls. It's been enough months that Hoseok has stopped apologizing for leaving you and Namjoon has started making promises of all the things you'll do once you're home.

But still, sometimes you wake in the nest in the morning, big and empty of bodies, and feel so lonely it aches.

It will be worse when Jungkook goes. You know it will. Which is why you're tagging along today, why you've tagged along to schedules you'd normally avoid.

Sometimes you don't believe what hoseok says, the way that the world talks about omegas, they say you're more delicate, you're more breakable. Most of the time, you don't believe it.

Other times, like this, your anxiety rushes at you, and their touch becomes the only teather you have outside of the fear, the nervousness, the pounding tumble of your heart that ached for confined soft spaces, warmth and enclosed safety. A nest.

But you do away with your instincts today, in favor of staying close. A few more weeks, you only have a few more weeks until Jungkook goes and you don't want to waste a single minute.

One moment you're in front of Jungkook, walking almost instep with him as he leads you through rows and rows of security. You know what you'll look like in magazines later, wide eyes perched over a mask, hat with bunny ears flopping. Swallowed whole by a jacket, small next to your alpha. That there will be articles and breakdowns of your every movement.

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Being an omega can get a little frustrating. You're not the only one scrutinized this way, most omega's that mate with public figures are the topic of the tabloids. You'd flopped against hoseok's chest the first time it happened, "they only saw my forehead! how are they talking about skincare routine when they don't even know?" he'd just pressed his forhead against yours, nuzzling your nose playfully.

"I hate to tell you that you should get used to it but- the press are just kind of like that."

Most of them keep their distance. tipping their head as you pass. it doesn't make you weirded out or nervous, it just is this way. You take off your hat and mask the second you're clear of the doors and fans, about to turn and say something to Jungkook. You don't see the dark figure at the end of the hall leaning forward ever so slightly.

But Jungkook does.

it happens so quick you can't even blink, one moment you're stumbling, turning to say something to him, a security gaurd reaching out to steady you- The next moment you're holding Jungkook back around his waist, blood on his knuckles and a growl on the air.

More than one security guard and staff gets between you and the other alpha. He spits blood on the floor. Some of it hits your legs.

Your ears ring, and you can't hear anything as Jungkook shoves you behind him. Two other security guards have to hold him back. Hands shaking out of their hold.

They'd still been shaking, as he used a wet wipe to clean the blood off of your legs after.

You just don't sniff at an omega without permission, let alone reach to touch them. Let alone an omega with a pack.

"Jeon Jungkook! No! Bad!"

You don't like using their full names, never have, it's always pet names with you. Hoseok can already hear the gentle velvet of your voice crooning softly, "Hobi, are you okay? Do you want to come lay down in my nest for a bit? Can you come here alpha? I want to scent you."

You are the only person for whom his instincts bend. You are the only person he ever willingly takes orders from. The fight worn out of his body at your simplest request.

Hoseok takes Emergency pack alpha leave precious and dwindling by the month, just to handle the situation again. But disciplining his pack takes precedent.

A tidy settlement had kept the situation from leaking to the press, although Hoseok could hardly blame Jungkook for acting aggressively. His head had hung the entire time Hoseok been home. Jungkook doesn't like disappointing the pack alpha. Especially not now, when they don't have days and weeks of proximity and routine to get back on even ground. Not when Hoseok only has 24 hours, and has to leave in the morning.

It only takes one touch for Hoseok to bring him to his knees. A hand on the back of his neck the second they're clear of the outside. The pack house, dusty and mostly empty. Jungkook's mouth has been running wild since Hoseok first walked into the company building. Apologizing to anyone who would listen.

But Hoseok hadn't accepted the apology until they'd been in private.

"Do you know why you're sorry Jungkook?"

You're sat across Hoseok's lap for it, sniffling slightly. Soothed by the rhythmic brush of his hand down his back, your cold nose pressed against his throat. He hadn't even bothered to change out of his uniform before this. Jungkook is on his knees between Hoseok's parted thighs. Inches from you and kept at a distance by sheer obedience. Hoseok admires Jungkook's restraint. Not every alpha could resist nuzzling into an omega's thighs, especially one so close.

Hoseok knows his weaknesses. Jungkook is also a good alpha. Hoseok's most obedient one. But even then he's not even looking at Hobi when as he kneels.

Jungkook looks at you and blinks back tears. Hoseok wants to lick at the alpha's pretty canines, wants to press your faces together and make you kiss. Make it messy just for him. He redoubles his hold on you. holding you tighter. You lap at his scent gland, trying to soothe yourself, nearly suckling at the skin of his throat.

"For offending our omega and...for putting her in danger?" Jungkook's hands slid down Hoseok's calf muscles, but Hoseok just tipped his feet wider. Giving Jungkook more room.

The ball of your foot pressed against Jungkook's shoulder, undeterred, the younger alpha only tries to nose up your leg. Hoseok nudges between his legs with his boot and Jungkook makes a noise- somewhere between a whine and a growl.

"Look at me. not at her." Hoseok keeps him still, and yet- there's only seconds before Jungkook's attention is diverted from the pack alpha's face to yours.

"And how did you do that? How did you put her in danger? Tell alpha."

"For Fighting? For hitting him?"

Hoseok is quick to reassure him with a hand on his chin, rubbing across Jungkook's cheek. "No no no, you did that perfectly. Alpha is so proud of you for defending our omega like that, try again."

"Because" Jungkook is having a hard time stringing his words together with Hoseok's boot pressed to certain places. But that's the point. Hoseok owns all of him like this, the sole of his rubber boot pressed against his knot, gently pressing it snug between Jungkook's body and the unyielding weight of his dominance. The other alpha pants openly. Hoseok can tell that it hurts. Can tell that Jungkook likes it to by the way his mouth opens in a soundless groan.

"Because I did it infront of her?"

"Yes. And why was that bad?"

"Because stress isn't good for omega's? They're too fragile for it." That Jungkook does not say shakily. He, like Hoseok, knows it in his bones that he speaks the truth.

hoseok is perilously weak not to reward him.

"That's right. Good boy. My smart boy. Pull your pants down for alpha and show me your knot." Jungkook pushes into Hoseok's hand like a puppy, letting out a shaky relieved breath at the words. You squirm a little, stilling when you feel Hoseok's hands go firm on your waist. A wordless command to keep still and stay where alpha wants you.

Jungkook rushes to comply, eager to be good. cock popping free, hitting his toned stomach with a light plop. Resting his chin on Hoseok's knee once he's finished.

He waits. You squirm. Looking at him over your shoulder and then at Hoseok. blushing furiously. unnerved by jungkook's complete obedience. Like you're struggling not to give it to.

You rub your nose up and down the column of his throat like you're trying to soothe yourself. "M' not fragile." Hoseok pulls back to peck your nose, humming and willing to play along. His hands on you are gentle, almost too gentle.

"Of course you're not. My sweet little pup. You’re so so brave, you didn’t even cry for that long and alpha is so so proud."

He adjusts his gaze to Jungkook, who has resorted to clinging to Hoseok's legs again for comfort. Pretending he's not rutting his hips in tentative circles and making a mess of Hoseok's pant leg. Eyes teary and worked up. Teeth half bared in aggression like he wants to submit completely but can't quite will himself too. his alpha bubbling up.

"It was just...Scary." You say, quiet and soft. And when you reached down to touch Jungkook's hair, Hoseok lets you.

Jungkook sags into the touch. He chases your scent gland taking deep grateful lungfuls of the scent there. lips parted against your skin. The ache between his thighs forgotten. Teeth almost pressed and bared. But he wouldn't dare nip at you, not when you're sat in Hoseok lap.

This time when apologies dribble from his lips, Hoseok feels like he means it. "I'm sorry- I'm sorry. I won't do that again in front of her- I didn't mean too-"

Hoseok presses his shoe against Jungkook's cock again, This time there's no fabric guarding the harsh dig of the leather and tred from dimpling Jungkook's skin. The alpha yelps. Thighs shaking with the effort it takes him to stay still. Body going rigid.

When Hoseok takes his shoe off, there's a bit of white wet liquid, staining the dark leather. Hoseok's smile is near feral.

"All will be forgiven, Don't you want to show hyung how good you can be? I think you owe our pup a little stress relief Kookie." Hoseok simply shifts you in his lap. Draping one leg over either knee. Fingers dipping between your legs, low. Fingers parting warmth and sweet. Jungkook's blubbering cuts off.

"All you have to do it open your mouth and apologize."

~-~

Jungkook had been sorry, for almost inadvertently pushing your capabilities. The whole world treats omega's like this- like they are inherently fragile.

You are someone that the fans would never shove or push at. It's generally considered a taboo to be rough with omegas at all and more than one idol has had to issue a public apology after tugging their omega's hand a little too roughly at the airport or through crowds of fans.

At least outside of private matters. Behind closed doors, it's more up to what the individual omega wants. At least that's what Hoseok's learning with you.

It's also considered the bare minimum to provide for your omega an extravagant life. That at least- Hoseok does not struggle with. It's easy to spoil you, instinctual almost. To protect and provide and please.

All in all Hoseok is more straightforward that you might expect, he'll give his pack everything so long as they hold nothing back in return.

Being on tour with him means you can try things you wouldn’t ordinarily eat and go places you wouldn’t normally go. To art museums and shopping districts for pretty little diamond studded collars and comfortable designer nesting supplies. Café's for famous desserts shaped like flowers and figs, and even the exclusive omega section at Fao Schwartz.

The packages for that have already been sent back to Seoul where they no doubt fill the entryway of the pack house. Probably carefully unwrapped and organized by yoongi, still in their silk bags on the border of your personal nest at home. A custom-made monstrosity that Hoseok had made for you and Yoongi designed that cost a small fortune.

But Hoseok had no qualms with him spending the pack's money on that. Not even back at the beginning of your courtship and relationship. Nothing but the best for you.

But delicate requests for room service and delivery from a restaurant you’d wanted to try with a promise for more at the next tour stop are now forgotten. Everything is forgotten now that you're sick.

He’s aware he’s been followed, his manager, a bodyguard, a makeup Noona trail behind him as he stalks in the direction of the dressing room. Where his clothes are, where he can get his things and leave. He can feel the rage polishing his canines already.

It makes his grin wider, teeth sharper in the privacy of darkness. Hoseok is snarling at the shadows, the toothy grin crazed as he finally makes it back to the dressing room. Tearing off his jacket popping the buttons and ripping the hem of it in the process.

It can be fixed before the next performance. Hoseok would rip 100 jackets to get home to you even a second quicker.

Unlike usual, no one offers him congratulations and he doesn’t offer any thanks or encouragement. His hands shake as he bends down to undo his shoes, all but yanking them off of him. His necklaces get tangled around his fingers, 7 of them- one for each packmate, and the second he starts to tear at them. Someone reaches for him- to stop him.

Hoseok turns and nearly lunges at Mr. Lee.

Hoseok imagines it perfectly, teeth sinking in, popping through skin and blood. The image is so visceral that Hoseok almost confuses it with reality. The familiar iron tang on the back of his throat what his instincts demand.

He stops himself just narrowly before he can get to his throat. He loses a growl. A sound so bone chilling that no one dare moves a muscle.

Only pure familiarity keeps him from actually biting the other man. the fact that Hoseok's alpha has sort of identified him as someone safe. But the scent of alpha aggression in the air makes everyone, even the lowliest stagehand, pause where they’re gathered. Hoseok bares his teeth and breathes. Struggling to contain himself.

Mr. Lee doesn't flinch, doesn't even raise his eyebrows at Hobi, looking at him with that same impassive expression. Not intimidated in the slightest by Hoseok snapping his teeth.

His hand smooth over the necklaces. He lets go of Hoseok gently.

Honestly, he should be more careful, they were gifts from the pack. The pack like matching their clothes, their shoes, their jewelry, and matching pack items are fairly common, especially in larger packs.

Hoseok in particular likes to have one thing from each of them on his person at most times, especially when he's traveling. Especially since he hasn't given any of them mating bites yet (none of them could stomach the idea of doing it before service). A little memento to keep them close. The biggest necklaces are from Yoongi and Namjoon and the smallest one is from you. Each of them cost no small sum, they're monetarily valuable as well as sentimental to Hoseok.

Hoseok doesn't thank Mr.Lee as he holds his breath, counts to seven, and goes back to taking them off, this time more gently without yanking at the clasps hard enough to bend the metal. even though he's breathing heavy. even though his hands are shaking. Hoseok struggles but there’s already someone behind him undoing the clasps and finally, it feels like he can breathe.

“Sorry. I’m fine I’m fine just-” Hoseok scrubs his hand across his face. Holding the necklaces in one hand. The diamonds sway. long strands handing towards the floor.

“Can I change in the car?” Hoseok is not asking, even if it’s phrased as a question.

With the way Seejin is looking at him, Hoseok knows the answer, and that he doesn’t want to say it. “Fine just- hurry.” Everyone knows why he's on edge, why he’s off.

Everyone here is well acquainted with the pack's omega.

The first few shows you'd ever attended, you'd been quite the distraction. Falling asleep in Namjoon's lap during his makeup. tugging on Jungkook's shirt while he was getting dressed, playfully feeling Jimin's hair while he was warming up and cutting off his notes. Unwilling to let any of them go on stage without being scented. a reminder as you lingered in the wings of the stage, in their peripheral vision that made even Hoseok stumble.

Occasionally you still attend their concerts to remind them of the power you hold, that as much as you give in to their impulses, they're also beholdent to yours. The leash goes both ways.

You're a little bit of a legend among the makeup noonas, managers, and bodygaurds. Because before enlistment and before any of this, before you’d been theirs, you’d been here working alongside them- a member of the support staff.

~-~

Omegas aren’t officially banned from working, not in any legal or governmental capacity.

Every few years some asshole petitions the current government to put some ban on them working and demand they remain registered to one alpha and one alpha only as is natural. But in all reality, the world could not survive without omegas at least taking some modicum of independence for themselves.

A good number of them appreciate their freedom. Just not you.

Hoseok doesn't like to consider the world where there are no working Omega's, a world where they aren't allowed to help. Now that he's seen the military, and seen what it's like when alphas are taken outside of their normal routine and pack structure and put all together. The idea is even more unsettling.

Without omega's, alphas would break out into all-out war.

Hoseok imagines The rage. The quiet of devastation of murder out of necessity. Alphas already have a hard time restraining their instincts even with an omega. Every few weeks there are stories of some alpha going feral on the news. Can you imagine going 8 weeks without being scented? That sounds terrible. I don't think I'd last 4.

Omega’s are too gentle to do most jobs that aren't specifically designed for them. Omegas are sensitive, in need of protection from just about everything. No fear is too small, not fear of thunder or fear of darkness. Anything that can lurk can be killed, and alphas will kill for omegas. It’s a culturally accepted fact.

No alpha can maintain their instincts for long and keep them under control without an omega scenting them docile at least once a week, it's biological, a necessity as much as drinking water or eating. For beta's its slightly less- they get more snapish than feral. they need it maybe once a month.

Hoseok has still seen seokjin's hands shake, has still suffered through more than one sleepless night with jimin. His body and his brain fighting his instinct to stay awake.

There are modern solutions for age old problems of course. Before you the pack subsided the same way the rest of the population did. There are upscale scenting parlors on just about every street corner in the city, private institutions designed with open air booths or similar to cafes that pay out omega's handsomely for a little acess to their wrists or if they're feeling particularly brave- their throats.

Most priced too expensive for the average person to afford, let alone a couple of broke trainees drunk on foolish dreams. There are alternatives for most of the population. Synthetic omega scent (that always smelled too chemical to Hoseok) available for purchase at every convenience store. Fortified drinks with omega pheromones that sort of work that keep you awake when you need to make deadlines. Yoongi used to overindulge in them.

If you're willing to pay extra, you can even buy something that's actually been scented by an omega. They have boutiques for it.

Although very very few packs can have an omega- most idol companies at least employ one designated omega scenter. They’re becoming more and more popular. A perk, similar to a 401k or unlimited PTO. See you don't need to worry about who will scent you next. See, if you're having a bad day or need help pushing through, we have what many don't.

And still- despite their necessity. Not all societies worship omegas. In certain pockets of the world, omegas are thought of as spoiled and lazy. Some are even kept secret to keep their freedoms, their omegan instincts suppressed until later by medications.

Either consensually or non-consensually in your case. You hadn’t known, not until you were well into your teenage years and nearly a legal adult, that you were an omega. Your instincts remained mostly dormant (and what didn't stay dormant you neglected). sometimes you still struggle to understand what your omega wants.

The others just think you're a little more spirited than a regular omega. But Hoseok knows. Hoseok's alpha has always been able to sniff it out.

Hoseok's blood still boils when he thinks about what your parents did to you. They did it in the name of protecting you but still. He'll still rant if given the opportunity (as long as it doesn't set you on edge). Hoseok's ranting is usually met with understanding from the other alphas and chagrined comfort from the betas in his pack.

The alphas understand that the anger never really goes away. But Seokjin and Jimin are different. They get a little spooked when Hoseok shows how truly angry he is.

Jimin usually exits the room when the others decide to indulge hoseok when he wants to hash it out again. He and Taehyung and Yoongi and Namjoon will find themselves in Yoongi's studio with a twelve-pack or they'll hit golf balls off the roof of the company building when the restlessness of unmet anger really tares at them. Hashing it out yet again until the rage has quieted to a dulcet murmur and Hoseok feels like writing songs about it again.

But not now. Hoseok can't calm himself down right now- Not right now when you’re back in the hotel room running a fever. A fucking fever.

You can’t blame Hoseok. He’s protective of you for a reason. It’s not only the omega plague that has him concerned but…your general health.

It's been harder to resist the temptation to worry since after his military service. Without all of them here to temper his anger and calm him down, Hoseok's alpha has been running a little wild. Bubbling up under the surface. Constantly close and whispering in his ear.

You even thing you see it come out on stage sometimes. Sometimes when he commands the crowd or asks them to roar for him it feels almost like he's using alpha voice with them.

You’d noticed the shift in Hoseok the second he’d come back. The second he took off his uniform for the last time after 18 months. His instincts were closer to the surface than ever before. He was so quiet. So silent. None of his usual electric energy, none of his quiet sureness that you were so used to.

Hoseok hates to admit it and hates it when anyone brings it up, but military service had changed him (and not in a good way).

It’s a good thing he has you- if it wasn’t for you- Hoseok doesn’t know if he’d have been able to find his way back to himself.

~-~

Coming home went something like this:

His eyes were wide through the live, open and unsure, a dazed look, almost shell shocked. Trembling with the new weight of old feelings. The position is familiar but the anxiety at his every move being watched- is unmatched. Like Jamais vu. How did being in front of the camera get so scary?

Hoseok used to be so good at this- at being an idol. They used to do this all the time almost without thought before enlistment. Are his movements too jerky? Can the fans tell that he's about to burst into tears? Can they tell? do they notice?

Is Hoseok not good at this anymore?

Leaving his station had felt like walking away from a nightmare only to find himself still asleep, somewhere between a night terror and a sweet dream. Because you were there in the van. You were there. A small body that nearly collided with his with how fast you pushed yourself to grab him the second he'd opened the door, A hand on your back and Hobi's neck, Yoongi close behind.

The cameras had only gotten one picture. Small arms wrapped around his waist and a blurry profile of a face pressed into his stomach.

Now, he listens to the sound of Yoongi prattling to Jin in the kitchen. sitting on the edge of your bed in the packhouse trying to decompress. there's an invitation to shower off the scent of the barracks before dinner that remains unfulfilled. The air smells like garlic and gochujang. the tang of ssamjang too. Smoke and fire. hoseok still hasn't undressed.

But Hoseok just sits on the bed. Hoseok can't move, lead weights attached to his extremities. Frozen there. Listening to the three of you and scenting the air.

the whole house smells like you, Jin, and Yoongi. just the three of you. none of the other alpha's, not Jimin. Hoseok never thought it would smell strange to him. Never thought that it would smell even a little unfamiliar.

Yoongi is all tangerine goodness. Bright and fragrant just on the edge of ripeness. Jin is soft as a peach, sweet and gentle. But You- oh you-

You smell like warm berry jam and nighttime summer air. Something drippy sweet and dark. Like the hint of sunshine and warmth and like syrup moving slow. Those early summer evenings where you can still smell the sun on the air even though it's already set.

Hoseok breathes it in through his teeth, Gritted. On edge. Alpha close under his skin.

Jin's teasing and Yoongi's low murmur fill the air around your bird chirps and squeaks, even when he falls silent. Absorbing it all, adjusting. It's only been a few hours. Only a few. Hoseok should cut himself some slack for not immediately being chipper and lighthearted.

Yoongi sounds relieved and excited even from here. There’s expensive champagne to celebrate (Hoseok hardly tasted his glass when he downed it, trying to calm his nerves) and a home-cooked meal that Hoseok has been looking forward to for months.

He hears the murmurs too, Yoongi breathing heavy, tense. Words he thinks Hoseok can't hear. "He's so skinny hyung, I saw him take off his jacket and I could see every tendon."

"I know, I know, but he's back now, he's safe, that's all we can change now. At least it's over for him."

"But the others."

"Baby I know." A quiet whine, a chirp. "don't you worry your little head about it darling, you just sit there, would you like to try the first piece? it's almost done. You don't need to save it for alpha, he'd want you to have it." It takes everything in Hoseok not to storm into the other room and feed it to you himself.

Hoseok knows what he looks like, knows that he's skinnier than normal, that he looks underfed and somehow more muscular than before. starved for something that isn't food maybe. the military keeps alphas well fed but not satiated. feeds them enough protein and wolfsbane to make them stronger and yet more susceptible.

But in the meantime worry and anxiety have eaten away at him. His cheeks are hollow and his thin birdlike bones look like they've been wrapped with corded muscle. You'd squeezed them appreciatively earlier, the same as you had with Jin. And Yoongi's eye roll had been hassling. But even the other alpha smelled pleased.

"Yah what am I going to do, if they all come back like this it's going to be me and you against the world pup." You'd giggled, and Hobi had delighted you by letting you hang from his arm.

hoseok couldn't explain why when he looks at you he feels like crying. you're wrapped in your most comforting clothing, an old sweatshirt of his that he hasn't worn in two years and has a new hole at the hem like you've worn it every day in his absence. Giggling softly as you try and hang. Yoongi's hand twitches like he's sort of ready to catch you incase you teeter.

"You're so strong now! Bet you're stronger than Jungkookie even! you can lift me all the time not just when you wanna show off!"

"He could always lift you pup," Jin had crooned looking down at you, a head taller, stooping to drop a kiss on your forehead. His knowing smirk light and teasing. "Hobi just feels like lifting you is more for him than for you so he resists, kind of like how I feel about hugging- like this."

Jin has the longest arms but for what he can't reach Yoongi makes up for. The second he reaches around you and Hobi- Yoongi mirrors him. Both of them are in sync and Hoseok mistimed. off beat. Missing a step. Yoongi and Jin squeeze both of them pushing their chests together and trapping both you and Hobi in a Yoonjin sandwich.

Hoseok can feel how gently they do it. going slow so as to not aggravate his instincts. His alpha cocks his head, unused to the careful affection. They keep squeezing until both of you devolve into giggles and until Hoseok is laughing for real. Unbidden, face crumpling towards the end.

The pack house is part of a gated community. Insulated from the public eye by high walls and a guarded gate. It’s a mixture of modern Western architecture on the outside and traditional Korean wood tones and airy skylights on the interior.

Everyone has a bedroom although they more often than not find themselves scattered in pairs or trios. When the pack doesn't have a schedule to attend to the following day and your health allows for it- they pile into your bedroom heaped all over each other. Unworried about sleeping in uncomfortable positions or needing to wake up everyone to pee.

It's adjacent to your nest room and the kitchen on the ground floor- because you were as equally as prone to bumping into things and tripping as Namjoon. The pack couldn’t bear the idea of you having to go up and down the stairs every night.

You could call them overprotective and you would be right. Your comment about Hoseok carrying you wasn't just teasing. You're lucky your alpha's keep you on such a long (and thankfully metaphorical) leash.

Many many omegas find themselves in more controlling situations than you do. Monitored, and kept safe by personal bodyguards or packmates (often times beta's or lower ranking alphas whose sole job in the pack structure is to protect and guard the pack's omega).

The closest thing you have to that is Jungkook and Taehyung. You don't think it's that over the top. In some parts of the world omega's occasionally disappear. Snatched from street corners or stolen from nests in the dead of night. Usually just after the presentation when they haven't found a pack yet to keep them safe.

You're lucky that the pack only sometimes ask to carry you up and down the stairs. You're lucky they don't have the habit of 'omega wearing' as some more traditional all-alpha packs do. No one's kept omega's like that- as little more than pets- in generations. You don't live in a country that requires omegas to wear a collar when they're out in public.

But still, sometimes it's hard not to be protective. You're used to most of it, every time that you so much as pick up a butter knife someone's shushing you and taking it from you. When you bend down to tie your shoes someone is already on their knees before you. Your jacket is always zipped for you, mittens always on, scarf tucked. Whenever you try and put a shirt over your head someone is aiding you. You've lost track of the times that you've heard them say "let alpha do it."

Jimin doesn't even ask, he just glares and puts his hands on his hips if you struggle too much. Surprisingly stern when you feel like you want to squirm or struggle. He's one of the very few packmates whose not uncomfortable landing a swat over your behind or making you write lines.

Jimin is very very particular about the rules. there are others that apply to the rest of them like 'no staying at the studio over night' and 'pt once a week, no butts' and 'no skipping meals for practice' but there are other ones specifically for you that go a little over the top.

Rules like I will tell my packmates when I'm feeling overstimulated and I will not go places in public alone without someone there to protect me. I will not behave in a way that puts my physical wellbeing in danger even inadvertently. If I go into omegaspace I will go and get someone no matter what they're doing because I cannot be left alone unsupervised.

Other things too like- when i feel needy i will not touch myself like a greedy little pup when I have 7 healthy packmates to fuck me. When I want a knot I will not demand it but ask for it nicely and say please and thank you. I will not take out my plug after breeding until Jiminie or Hoseokie or Namjoonie has told me I can. When I want bruises during a spanking or a settling I will clear it with every alpha first starting with Hoseokie and then Yoongi and Namjoon, then Jinnie, and Jungkookie and Taehyungie, only then will Minnie take you over his lap.

And you'll say please and thank you.

You're getting a bit ahead of yourself. Jimin is a very very particular beta. You miss him so much it aches. You miss all of them so much it hurts you, manifests as a physical ache in your temples or under your ribs. A breathless furious need to burrow away where no one could see you. unsafe without your familiar cadre of packmates.

Most of the ways that they take care of you are completely innocent. A tangle in your hair is hardly there before someone asks you to come sit between their thighs, brush in hand. You rarely ever have to sit on your own, a rotating schedule of who gets to have you in their lap during meal times. You haven't picked out your own clothes in years- someone's always there to do it for you.

At least not before enlistment.

After enlistment, you'd learned to do alot for yourself again. With Yoongi home in the evenings, it wasn't quite as lonely as it could have been but still-

It's the little things, that you'd struggled to accept at first that you ended up missing the most. It's insane to you now how you used to live before. That you were used to being independent and uncared for.

Maybe the truth is you don't hate all of it. It was so much nicer than being hissed at and shunned. You don't hate it when you fall asleep in the car or the couch and Namjoon or Hoseok carries you to your bed. You don't hate it when you're in public and someone is always gripping your arm or hold your wrist and guiding over every uneven doorway or step down. holding the back of your head when they guide you to bite. You don't mind the "hold my hand pup" or "Someone's too small for that, let alpha do it."

It's strange sure, but it's a little true. even when you don't want to admit it.

It's strange when Seokjin blows on your spoon of soup before letting you take a bite. When the alphas growl at you if you linger too close to someone who's not them- But it makes you feel comfortable and cared for in a way that you weren't always used to.

Treasured. That's the word for it. You're their treasure. You don't cringe about it when you remember anymore. (The truth is that the pack has made you a bit spoiled now. You don't resist their babying nearly as much as you used too).

It had felt like something of a game at the beginning. You asked for things to see if you could and they fulfilled it, only to shrink before what they actually wanted to give. But eventually you got so used to them handling everything that even when you'd squirmed and struggled and called too much you'd trusted them enough to let them push- and you'd eventually given in.

Maybe you'd be more used to it if you were born an omega (you were born an omega, you try to remind yourself. It just feels like you weren't sometimes).

Now their bedrooms are spaces that you haunt when you miss them. when they're home there are still moments when they each need their own space to either sleep without temptation or decompress after their busy schedules. It serves no one if they always wake each other up by leaving early for filming, or practice, or meetings.

The only bedroom that’s fit with a bed big enough for all of them is your bedroom, more out of necessity than anything else since your bed is the defacto favorite. You’d tried for a normal bed when you’d first moved in but found it quickly overrun and too crowded by packmates. Giving you the largest bedroom was something Hoseok insisted upon.

His own bedroom is now across the courtyard next to Yoongi’s, hardly used. Last time Hoseok checked, Yoongi had taken to storing some of his recording equipment in there, had propped the old bed up against the wall to make room for a pseudo recording studio. Before enlistment Hoseok rarely spent a night away from you, only if you were sick again and if he had an early schedule and didn’t want to wake you- and even then- he'd just rather steal away to someone else's room rather than sleep on his own.

The packhouse is arranged in a big rectangle with an open-air courtyard at the center. The soil there is crammed close with as many plants as Namjoon can stuff there. Tended to by staff twice a week now that the alpha isn’t home regularly to look after his precious camellia and cloud-pruned spruces. The cherry tree sits stubby, blooms just tempting to burst but not here yet. by spring time a small patch of grass will sit studded with clovers and small flowers, a spot for you to lounge in the middle of the day and curl up like a cat in a puddle of sunshine.

Hoseok and Yoongi are on the other side of the courtyard adjacent to the entrance. close to it just incase anyone tried to enter. The rest of the pack is upstairs. In their various bedrooms scattered between the workout room and entertainment center a larger studio space and a tiny art room where taehyung stores his canvases.

Now, Hoseok sits in your empty bedroom. Trying to decompress. Emphasis on trying.

It's hard when every time he shuts his eyes a new memory assaults him. It's hard to stay present. Hoseok knows his breathing is getting more and more ragged the longer he spends alone. It's so quiet here in the pack house. Hoseok's alpha doesn't like it.

Hoseok closes his eyes and a gun goes off. The feeling of a gun in his hand is heavy and impersonal. Hot and sweaty beneath his fingertips.

He opens them and sees your striped red and pink robe hanging by the door, side by side with Taehyung's green and yellow one. Yours warn and his brand new but both of them purchased on the same day. Taehyung just hasn't been here to use it.

He closes them and a sergeant is yelling in his face. Prodding his shoulder with their finger until his body moves. Hoseok can feel the growl in his throat threatening to burst.

Hoseok opens his eyes and notes that you've dropped one of your heated stuffed animals on the ground, that it's rolled half under the bed, he retrieves it and sets it on the bedside table.

Hoseok blinks again and Hoseok must not be composed enough. He must lift his lip because they're yelling at him to drop and give 50. But it's better than being on night watch for a week. Better than sleepless nights spent staring into the darkness and snow, not better than your bed here, plush and soft, smelling like good summer evenings.

Hoseok undresses in the barrack bathroom shoving the second someone comes too close, body-calling threats before he's even turned to see who it is. Hot water is better than the cold that digs into Hoseok's body like it's something with teeth and claws.

On night watch near the northern border. His fear plays tricks on him, you can only look into the darkness for so long before your mind plays tricks on you. You can only hunt monsters and play at being a killer before you start to feel too real.

Hoseok takes a deep breath and counts to seven.

Tonight is supposed to be full of his favorite things. Marinated crispy beef and seafood that smells rich and buttery on the air, music playing low. Things that Hoseok hasn’t been able to indulge in in months.

Like Yoongi’s cooking and your head in his lap after. Winding down and going slow. Easy slowness warming up to it so that Hoseok can start to get used to living again. He'll go back to work tomorrow with Jinnie because he doesn't have time to waste but with this and everything else. He'll adjust.

Hoseok doesn't have to be asleep tonight by the zero hour and doesn't have to be up tomorrow morning for early drills. He can sleep as long as he wants and He's not going to be able to enjoy it at all. Not while he's so keyed up.

He tries and does his best. Breathing in and out to calm his heart rate, decompressing in the half-darkness of the bedroom. It feels a bit too much like a shrine. There in the corner is Taehyung's record player collecting dust, and there on the shelf is Jimin's cologne.

Jimin doesn't always like to hide his scent, lightly floral, something delicate like roses or lychee, fruity and divine for a beta. You like to press your face into his throat hard enough to make Jiminie giggle. Hard enough to tip him over. He's prone to exaggeration. But when it comes to others outside of the pack Jimin prefers to hide his scent with a light layer of cologne, pushing it just a little more subdued, a little more masculine.

Scents are up to everyone's preference, and a fair amount of betas wear scent blockers and Jimin prefers to keep his scent for only the pack to indulge in and enjoy.

Namjoon's bonsai tree sits in the nook by the window, clipping shears and a pair of reinforced gloves (because the pack can't even let you handle scissors without worrying a little). A piece of Jungkook's artwork hangs above the bed. something that was sort of a courting present for you, it's mostly artful splatters but when you look at it in just the right light- it almost looks like a pair of eyes. Pieces are everywhere but no pack.

All of it, all of those months of discipline and control are gone now. Done and over. Everything is in frightening detail. His civilian clothes sit folded, his jacket off in just his undershirt now.

You scented them. Hoseok can smell it even without bringing it to his nose. Everything feels a little too sensory, a little too close. Like Hoseok is too aware of his body and how different his surroundings are. He closes his eyes because he can't bear how strange his life all looks.

Hoseok knew he had to be the first alpha out, he knew that this would be difficult. That it would be hard for the others to adjust and that it would be beneficial for them all if the pack alpha came home and got settled first. Hoseok can't imagine any of his alpha pups feeling this way, can't imagine Taehyung or Namjoon or Jungkook feeling like this. So tremulous, so fragile, and yet so volatile.

There are no barked orders, there is no rigorous schedule here. Just the scrape of a wooden spoon across a pan and the quiet comfort of home (but hoseok still feels homesick). Jin's creaky laugh, and the burst of champagne. The shuffle of slippered feet across the floor too.

You’re talking to them in the kitchen, can hear Yoongi ask if you need help carrying Hoseok's champagne glass to him- a silly thing to say. but instincts are a little silly sometimes. Hoseok swallows back a lump in his throat at it.

It's not like you’re strangers again, he's had nightly phone calls and daily texts and a night or two of leave a month. It’s only been weeks since he last saw you. But keeping it together for a day before he goes back to the day-in-day-out rigor of the military is different than coming home for good.

This means more, this is different. Hoseok isn't going back. He's never going back.

He holds his breath and counts to seven, then 14, then 21, 35, 49, until he's half gasping.

Hoseok feels the need to catalog everything, the curtains pulled against the window. when did you stop sleeping with the sunlight?Your slippers by the door, new. The plates in the kitchen green instead of white. What happened to your old ones? When did you stop wearing bunny slippers and start wearing matching kitty ones with Yoongi? What more has Hoseok missed by not being here?

The scent of omega anxiety is on the air, scared and nervous. You’d been feeling all those things this morning when you’d woken. Hoseok can smell it on the bed. A nightmare? Have you been having nightmares? Is that what it is?

That’s not all Hoseok can smell, the dewy sweet scent of omega slick lingers too. Slightly stale. The spicey tang of another alpha’s arousal also tingles at Hoseok's nose. Yoongi’s and Jin’s if Hoseok breathes deep, tracing the fresh scent of tangerines and peaches, a pure scent that deepens. Soothing, a balm to his nerves and likely yours.

Whatever solution the others found for your anxiety was the intimate sort. Hoseok can tell.

Just like he can tell that someone had stripped the sheets, had taken your clothes- drenched with the scent of omega arousal, out of the basket in the corner and taken it out, probably to keep Hoseok from scenting it, probably to keep Hoseok from being on edge.

but instead of making him comforted, it just makes him feel like a failure.

Failure, failure of a pack alpha. what kind of alpha is he that he can't even handle a hint of a nightmare? He’s angry, and not at you or at Jin or Yoongi, but at the situation. At things he can't change.

Hoseok can't hear your light footsteps. Can hear them get closer and closer and closer until you're a silhouette in the doorway, lingering, unsure. Catching him like this, sat on the edge of the pack bed, legs parted, head in his hands.

Hoseok opens his eyes; a shadow cuts across the light that streams in, and he flinches before he can stop himself.

“Hobi? Are you alright?” You take a step closer to him and he tenses. You notice, stopping in your tracks. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Hobi-" you make to take another step closer and he lets out a sound, neither a hiss nor a whimper, neither a warning growl nor an invitation to come closer. Threat and protector blur.

For a second Hoseok's unsure if it's safe for you to be alone in the room with him.

“Stay back for a second pup, I’m sorry I’m just-” He takes off his beret, running his hands over his spiky hair. You probably thought that Hoseok went to shower minutes ago, not that he'd just be sitting here. “This is a little overwhelming.”

"What is? Us? Should we-" Hoseok nips it before your emotions have the chance to spiral.

“No. Not you- never you. Just-" he exhales shakily, trying to tame his racing heart rate. No matter how many times he tells himself there's no reason to be so on edge, Hoseok just can't will himself to relax.

"Is it being home? Being out?” Being free. It goes unspoken but Hoseok hears it and feels it regardless. He never imagined freedom to feel so stifling. To feel so unsure about his next move that he can't even make himself get up off this bed without worrying that he's going to lose control.

“No, it’s my instincts. I feel…” he trails off, resting a hand over his heart and hissing through it. You take a step back; his closed eyes shoot open and he lets out a growl. A real one. You freeze.

The tension is so thick in the air Hoseok could cut it with a dull knife. Do not let the omega escape, sweet omega, pretty omega, omega under your thumb. Protect devour provide devour, please.  His instincts are practically howling out in his ear. Loud, drowning out your words, the concern.

There is a furrow between your eyebrows, Hoseok wants to smooth it out and then bite your cheeks, round and flushed. Why are you blushing?

It takes him a second to answer. He registers you've asked him another question but he can't even hear it over the roar of his heartbeat.

“Sorry. Feel like I’m going crazy.”

“Oh you- oh Hobi. You’re alright. It’s over. We’re gonna be okay.” He hums skeptically when you say it. Blinking rapidly. He hopes its so dark you don't see the glassiness to his eyes. He doesn't respond right away. Can't.

It’s a reminder he’ll need again. He's going to need to hear you say it about a dozen times over the next week. You'll repeat it to him whenever his instincts get like this; whenever they go a little feral. A little haywire. He's not sure if he wants to burst into tears or stalk across the room and pin you to the wall.

It takes a second for Hoseok to work up the courage to be honest. A few seconds where you wait, swaying slightly in the doorway. You're wearing a matching pj set, the top has little iridescent buttons that catch the light like the eyes of a sea creature. The object of his every frustration and all his desires. The confession lurches from his chest, feels like a knife, and feels near violent. 

“I’m worried I don’t know how to be gentle with you anymore. They made me so- I’m worried I’ve forgotten. I don’t- I can’t-”

“What do you want to do right now? Tell me what you need.” your tone leaves no room for his anxiety and Hoseok realizes that his breathing has gone jagged. Hoseok is barely contained, teeth bared, alpha going wild at your scent. This time when you step closer, his alpha lets out a growl purr. A pleased sound, a soothing one. Tempting you closer. His legs are splayed, and a few more steps and you'd be standing in between them.

Hoseok’s hands are fisted in the sheets. He doesn't know if he can hold himself back. “Pup- I don’t, I can’t- i'm going to attack you-”

“Alpha.” Your voice cuts through the bullshit. You step closer and this time he doesn’t flinch away. You set your hand on his knee. Gentle. Barely touching. “What do you need alpha? What are your instincts telling you to do right now?”

He surges forward, stopping himself at the last moment. Your back against the door, swathed in shadow, a column of light flat across his face. Nose to nose with you. He grips your cheeks instead of your throat. You don't flinch and you don't sigh. Your reaction is immediate. Pushing into his touch. Hoseok's whole body is trembling with the effort it takes to stay gentle.

Hoseok hisses through his teeth. “My instincts are telling me you don’t smell like me anymore. That I need to bend you over this bed and make you mine from the inside out. Then take you out there and do the same to Yoongi and Jin until everyone's mine again. I want to devour you until there's no question who you belong to- until the whole world knows you're mine.”

He breaks off with a contemplative hum, and you realize how much his muscles are trembling, the dark tilt of his eyes as he stares at you, the dilation to his pupils. It’s faint, but it’s there. The physical strength it takes to hold himself back- you can't imagine.

he rests his forehead against yours. and his hand tightens to a fist on the wall. He lets your face go to skim his hand down your throat, feeling your pulse. Beating out a 120 tempo against his fingers. Then to your waist. Only a fool would mistake his touch for anything but claiming.

If you ran, Hoseok would catch you. You kind of want to do that, to run and have him hunt you down. You wouldn’t get far probably not even to the doorway. You imagine him taking you right there right where Yoongi and Jin could see.

They'd probably just tease you both and keep cooking.

Hoseok's hands smooth up and down your sides, from your spine to your ass. You let him touch. You're his in every way that matters anyway. You don't react or at least you try not too. You jump a little, when he squeezes, hissing appreciatively. His fingers continue to touch, to devour, slipping lower, palming, between your legs from behind.

He brushes something sensitive and you jerk. He growls. "Stay still omega."

"Trying alpha it's just-"

He undoes the buttons one by one on your top, hands surprisingly steady until it falls away from your shoulders. Hoseok nuzzles. Dark hair tucked beneath your chin as he mouths at your scent gland, hot breath dusting your skin. You're not worried or shy, Hoseok has seen all of you. You stay still until you feel the press of his teeth, jerking.

He squeezes your hip, reassuring you. The tension dissipates just a little.

"I’m so tired,” he laughs, and it sounds sad even to your own ears. He pulls back away from your skin, lips glossy and he rubs his hands over his face and then his hair. Your body burns when his hands leave your skin. It looks like it takes him real effort.

He leaves you there, standing half undressed by the doorway, shucking off his own shirt as he goes, setting it on the bed. Back to you.

There are bruises on his spine, up and down his back from a heavy pack or the strap of a gun you're not sure. You stumble forward, still half winded to touche them. Hoseok's body stills when he feels you come close.

You trace over them softly. Hoseok's breathing is so measured you know each breath must take herculean effort.

There have been so many weeks of teasing that have led up to this. Picture after picture, you pouting asking for your favorite alpha home. Pictures that Hoseok dared only open in the privacy of the bathroom that left little to the imagination. A shot of Yoongi's head between your thighs, a shot of you nesting in next to nothing. Virtual bait and blood in the water to Hoseok's hungry alpha more than willing to take a bite. All to give him something else to think about during that home stretch.

You wrap your arms around him and press your bare front to his warm back.

“I'm so tired that I don’t think I can be gentle, and I want to be gentle with you. I can’t not be gentle with you. I don't think I could do it without loosing control.” His fingers are mostly gentle as they pinch your cheeks, making your lips pout out. It's a little goofy.

Your eyes already look shiny, and he almost jerks when he registers the scent of slick on the air.

“Then don’t be gentle.”

“Pup.” There's a warning in his voice and he looks visible startled when he turns around. He pulls back until you let go of him, turn around. but you're not dissuaded easily, arms loose until he grabs your wrists. no matter how hard you pull you can't get them out of his grasp. but that's sort of the point.

You let Hoseok hold you, let him keep you still, a teasing smile on the edge of your lips. He huffs after a second, palms sliding up to your elbows. "You're gonna make me get more grey hairs."

"but you love me anyway?"

Hoseok nods. "but i love you anyway."

“if you can't be- then don't. Don’t be gentle, I don't care.” You’d tilted your head to the side. “Please alpha.”

Hoseok is a weak weak man. Hoseok cannot hold himself back from you. Not today. Hoseok proceeds to do exactly that, hunting and running and all. you smile and bolt, and hoseok bends to his instincts just this once.

You don't make it farther than the doorway.

Sprawled and giggling. Somewhere along the next few minutes, the sound of Seokjin and Yoongi cooking quiets, they listen but they don't interrupt. You try to push, try to fight but it's futile. it's all a game. Giggling all the while and it's like candy and conquest.

Hoseok's mouth runs wild like this- instinctual and driven.

"Is it too big for you little pup? Poor little omega stuck on a big knot, making you feel all full. Don't worry, alpha will fuck you until you're used to it again, until you feel empty without it. Keeping me warm and snug, is it too much? Don't cry, alpha will make it better. Alpha will keep you safe."

By the end of it. You'd been dazed and boneless, little more than a puddle of whimpers and whines. He had carried you tender and knotted to him in the direction of his pack. Instincts driving him to show (Hoseok is little better than a pup bringing his packmates a stick. See? See how good I bred omega, see how good I knotted her. She smells good and I made her this way for you. If he had a tail it would be wagging behind him.)

Dinner and celebration traded for a different sort of meal. Hoseok sits with you in his lap at the kitchen island. Yoongi dries his hands slowly from the sink and curses low when Hoseok holds you under your thighs, back to his chest. Spreading you for him.

"Fuck- I forgot how it looks like when you knot her it's so-"

It will take a good hour for Hoseok's knot to go down. Until then, the pack will play with you as they see fit, completely at their mercy, just the way that Hoseok likes you.

You always get a little bit more suggestible when you're knotted. Hoseok likes to think that you don't let them do everything they want to you when you are knotted but…you sort of do. While you're more than comfortable telling them off and showing off any wandering hands normally (and there are alot of wandering hands) you're almost docile when you're knotted to Hoseok.

Being knotted to the pack alpha is a bit of an invitation. Hoseok has watched the others jerk off over your chest like this, has watched them go between your legs and lap and suck to their heart's content, seen them kiss and suck until your eyes have rolled back. He doesn't mind. It doesn't make his instincts feel threatened. It feels good.

But only if Hoseok lets them. Maybe that's why you let them do it because in these moments, your bodies are locked together- you belong solely to Hoseok.

Hoseok's nose traces over your spine, over the nape of your neck. His alpha likes it very very much. The other alpha's like it too.

Now Yoongi eyes the spot where you stretch around him, the place you go pink and dewy, licking his lip and adjusting himself in his pants. Hoseok knows there's not a thing in the world he wouldn't give up for this.

Hoseok reaches between your legs. You whine when you feel him touch you, eyes fluttering against his throat, but Hoseok tips his fingers into your dewy folds, parts your lips and shows them. "opened right up, cute little cunt. Your whole body is lax, head full of mango colored cotton. the haze of pleasure just a little too much, a little too much to sort out your desire to please from everything else.

distantly you can hear yoongi's deep chuckle. "Your knot is the same size as mine. It looks like this when you do it too."

Yoongi's dark eyes are unreadable. The room smells like smoke, the burners are turned off, but no one is plating any food. Hoseok didn't even bother to undress just pulled down his pants enough to get his knot free. But you're nude clutched against his chest. Clothes torn up in the other room. Bite marks up and down your body.

Jin coos and looks you over. Hoseok feels…satisfied when the beta purrs in approval. The sight of it going straight to his head judging from the way his peach scent ripens on the air.

"It's different, it's different when it's yours."

You jerk once Jin comes close, his long fingers skimming places Hoseok can't see, buried against the back of your neck, mouthing at your nape hungry still. "Sensitive" you shutter but your pleas remain mostly ignored. a whine escapes your pressed lips and a furious blush lights down your midline. Jin keeps touching you. Hoseok wraps his arms around your middle to stop your squirming. Keeping you still so that the beta can do what he wants with you.

"Alpha bit me there too." You mumble against Hobi's throat, shifting restlessly from whatever Jin is doing. Shifting more. "Jinnie- I'm sensitive,"

You nearly flinch, but Jin's thumb presses. "Oh here? Right here?" Hoseok's teeth dip into the nape of your neck and you go boneless. Hobi laps at the pink skin when he pulls back. you pant openly, incapable of letting out more than whines.

"Let Jinnie see what alpha did to you pup." Jin drops to his knees to look closer and hobi holds you wider.

When he looks up, he makes eye contact with Hobi before you. His smile goes a little teasing.

"This little spot right? It's a very cute little spot, I understand why Hobi bit it."

Hoseok's nose traces your ear. "Don't act like it didn't make you cum." you sniffle but nod. Hoseok's knot throbs at your simple obedience. the way that you agree. It makes Hoseok want to bite you more if it's even possible. He laps at your throat some more to ignore the temptation.

"Oh? Alpha was mean? Let Jinnie kiss it better."

~-~

You end up ordering takeout. Yoongi burnt the meat too bad to be edible.

Later there is this; you cuddled up on his chest, nearly nude, wearing someone's boxers as shorts as you often do post-breeding. You claim it helps you feel closer to your alphas and although stealing clothes is pretty typical of an omega. Jin still teases, "you're not even wearing ours; those are Jungkook's."

Yoongi had stood up, pawing for his phone. "I'm gonna send him a picture- he's gonna love-" Yoongi's fingers pause on your hem. a shocked laugh bursting from his throat. "Hobi you literally left teeth marks on her ass."

Hobi's arms go firmer around you and he's about to apologize when you beat him to the punch. "I like it. If anyone gets angry tell them not to because I liked it. Makes me feel-" You shimmy and hiss at the ache in your body. "Makes me feel like I'm yours again."

There is a lump in Hoseok's throat, and his instincts go just a little more quiet. He's so fixated on that that he hardly hears your next reply, the teasing tone of your voice.

"And besides Jungkook's boxers are so much softer than yours."

"Yah-"

"You little brat." You shake against Hoseok's chest with the force of his laughter. And jump when yoongi reaches out to pinch the bruises. yoongi hadn't cum more than once earlier, and hoseok knows that although the other alpha is the least deprived out of all of them- he's still needy, still a little wound up by seeing it earlier.

They make eye contact over your head and Hoseok feels a little satisfied when yoongi looks away first.

"Fine, be like that, I'm gonna wash all my sweatshirts then and you won't have any left for your nest."

Your expression had gone suddenly panicked, "but- but-"

Now your bellies are full from takeout because Yoongi had actually ruined dinner- granted he had good reason to be distracted. Hoseok feels properly worn down, properly settled, there's still a tiny bit of anxiety in him, and his alpha still looms awfully close. But he knows that won't really go away for a good long while. Not until the whole pack is back here and safe. The doors locked and the windows shuttered.

Yoongi gets up when you ask for water, and Jin gets up when you realize you've neglected to put on your eye cream. Both strange things. In any other world Namjoon and Jimin would have done both of those things for you.

He might just confine them all to your bedroom for their first week back. His alpha likes the idea of that. You purr softly against his chest, and Hoseok holds around you with that same gentleness that he'd been craving earlier, finally capable of it with you smelling like him and the others too. They had only done the bare minimum of cleaning themselves up with lazy swipes of a damp cloth.

With three packmates wrapped around you, Hoseok under you, cheek resting over his heartbeat to listen, Yoongi against your back, and Seokjin at your front Hoseok finally feels like it's enough. You're safe like this. Nothing could ever hurt you.

Not even himself.

A concerning number of bruises trace up your thighs that Hoseok will apologize and worry over tomorrow. Even though you've told him you don't mind them- that you even like them. Everything can wait until tomorrow, healing included. Hoseok finally gets the courage to ask.

"When I came into this room, it set me off. I can tell you were anxious this morning when you woke up. What was it? Was it me?" He has to crane his neck to catch your expression and how your face goes from stricken to polished in a second.

"It was nothing, we handled it." Seokjin tries to smooth over it. But Hoseok’s warning growl cuts him off.

You trace mindless patterns over his heart, and your purr peters off. "I had this weird dream; it was a nightmare and just weird." You pause, looking up at him. Your expression is so calm that Hoseok doesn't believe it for a second. "In the dream you hated me, or at least really didn't like me." Hoseok's hold on you goes just a little tighter like his alpha is offended by the very idea of it. "There was glass everywhere and Tae was wearing pink."

Yoongi speaks, and Hoseok knows he's taking it seriously just trying to make you feel better by being a little silly."That's not that weird, Tae wears pink all the time."

"Only when he steals Jin's clothes."

"Did you know he got ketchup on the last one? I swear these kids-"

You peak up at Hobi tentatively. And he can tell that you're still a little upset by the dream. "Don't worry- I think by the end of the dream we loved each other and anyways-" You kiss his jaw, pecking at it and a lazy growl builds in his chest, spent cock twitching below you. His appetite is insatiable even after three rounds. Once on the floor, and again on the kitchen table. And again here.

"It didn't make any sense; Yoongi was a beta in it and Jinnie was an omega like me." you trace circles over his heart. "It was a bit ridiculous."

Jin ducks low pressing a kiss to your forehead, “yeah, as much as I love you being an omega I don’t know how you handle all of us pawing at you like this. I’d get like so overstimulated. And you’ve told me how sleepy you get.”

“Yeah, it is a little annoying, needing more sleep than you guys do to like. Function.”

"And like I could ever be anything but an alpha." Yoongi looks a little fragile, a little threatened by the dream. Hoseok wonders what else was in it if the other alpha is so on edge. Because there must have been more. “I can’t imagine not having instincts at all.” Jin pinches him and Yoongi jumps.

You don't have to look to know Jin's rolling his eyes. “Yeah like not growling and not nosing after anything that smells even a little bit sweet is such a curse.”

“You didn’t seem to mind it when I was nosing at you yester-“ Yoongi is interrupted by a pillow to the face, feathers fluttering down as you giggle against Hobi's chest.

Hoseok ignores the bickering, still watching you. "What was I in your dream? Was I an alpha?"

"Yes, but you weren't mine." You scoot closer to him, wiggling like just the weight of your body isn't enough to get close enough. Hoseok has a feeling that in a few minutes, you're going to start tugging at the hem of his boxers and ask to cock warm him to sleep. Some nights your omega just doesn't like any distance between you and your pack alpha and now that you have him back you don't want to let him go even a little bit. You could use a plug- but your omega wouldn't like it now that you have the real thing.

(omega plugs are fairly standard, alot of packs make omega's wear them to sleep or when they go out. A physical reminder to the omega soft minded and a way to ensure they're docile. There are even fancy ones that log body temperature, dampness and location. Sending notifications to the alpha's phone and information like rem sleep and lengh of orgasam. The pack has never needed one of those with you.)

Now though hoseok wishes he had some sort of insight into what you're thinking as you rest your cheek on his chest and look up at him. frowning and thinking hard. hoseok's thumb rubs over the nobs of your spine, up and down.

“You kind of hated me and you were so sad. I couldn’t do anything about it. That's what made me anxious- the idea of you being sad and not being able to fix it.”

You turn to nuzzle into his shoulder. The movement is so routine, so normal it almost looks like breathing. Hoseok's heart hurts from it. Your scent smells a little disconcerted, a little worried. Like just the memory of the dream is enough to set you on edge. “Like I said it was a nightmare."

Hoseok just holds you tighter, dragging his cheek along the top of your head. His scenting is a little overkill given the circumstances. any alpha in a 3 mile radius would be able to tell it's him that's claimed you.

"Yeah," he says, voice rough and quiet. "Sounds like a nightmare to me too."

~-~ Stay tuned for the next part ~-~

Notes:

sometimes i feel like i frame certain scenes like i'm not like- writing a story so much as vissually looking at a tv and describing what i'm seeing. this is one of those fics that very much felt like that.

i feel like this story is more of a true story vs a plot. i've made no secret of the fact that what i really like about fanfiction is making a world that you can sink your teeth into- and i feel like this one- this universe with pack alpha hoseok is like- ugh so drippy. like i truly hope you leave reading it and feel frustrated that you're not there- even though not all of the things described in it are good. for that reason i think there's less plot in this. like i just want it to be something that envelops you- not necessarily something that progresses although there definitely is plot to it.

i toyed alot with the idea of having there be shifting wolves in the one. i put that little tidbit in with taehyung just incase i fell like touching on it here. but honestly i may not have enough time.

i think one of the scent fortified drinks that yoongi drank too much of in their trainee days was probably "omegabull" or "omegaster" idk i didn't put it in because it felt too goofy. my favorite redbull is cranberry flavor :) maybe i'd smell like cranberries if i was an omega?

okay so- the pack's scents in this- i know it's not mentioned all that much in the first chapter- but!!! their scents for hoseok and the m/c are what their scents would have been had they not been abused in bily- this universe is sort of a foil of the other one. but yeah- hoseok would have smelled like mangos :( i know not everyone will read bily who reads this so! i tried to make the allusions to it less on the nose than in the first draft.

tbh that little bit with the plates being new, this is a. a bily refrence because remember how yoongi breaks them when she leaves? yeah this version of yoongi also broke dishes when the pack left. BUT ALSO- i do think i wanna touch a bit more on yoongi and her's time alone togeather. i like the idea that in every universe, they have their moment where it's just the two of them.

the scene at the end is just hoseok: ready to pounce on the m/c scared of himself and the idea that he could hurt her meanwhile the m/c: thats hot.

the moment where he says "the object of his frustration and all his desires' is a nod to bridgerton because i was re-watching it and loving it.

if we're being honest i think that beta's might be intersex in this universe, do i really really wanna write jimin and her rubbing their pussies together? yeahhhhhhhh, am i actually gonna write it??? probably not.

[theattainer]

How Today’s Students Can Become Great Writers by Using Thomas Jefferson’s Methods

https://i0.wp.com/theattainer.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/thomasjeffersondeclaration.webp?fit=700%2C464&ssl=1

https://theattainer.com/how-todays-students-can-become-great-writers-by-using-thomas-jeffersons-methods/

How Today’s Students Can Become Great Writers by Using Thomas Jefferson’s Methods

During my high school years, a number of my friends were homeschooled kids who belonged to a particular accrediting organization. This organization required each student to write an annual research paper, the length of which corresponded to their grade (i.e. a 10th grade student was required to turn in 10 pages).

Over the years, I heard many groans about these infamous papers, which made me quite glad that my school did not have the same expectations. In retrospect, of course, I see that my friends who did the torturous assignment likely had a jump on me in terms of writing experience.

As it turns out, those friends appear to have had the jump on not only me, but much of the American high school population. According to Jay Matthews in The Washington Post, “almost no U.S. high school students are required to do long research papers.” Other writing is also minimal, largely consisting of only a few paragraphs here and there. With numbers like those, it’s no wonder that only one in four seniors leave high school as proficient writers.

But Matthews has a theory on how to change this problem. He suggests:

“‘Require students to take at least one semester of reading and writing instead of their regular English class. A paper is due each Monday. In class, students read whatever they like or work on next week’s essay while the teacher calls them up in turn and edits their papers as they watch.’

Each student would get about 10 minutes of live editing a week, much more than the zero minutes usually allotted. A few teachers told me they were doing something like that, but I realize it is too radical a reform for most places.”

In brief, Matthews is encouraging a focus on the basics. Read good books. Devote lots of time to writing. Be mentored by people who know their stuff.

Indeed, this advice is similar to that given by Thomas Jefferson for the education of his grandson, Francis, in 1821. According to Jefferson, literature and rhetoric – the art of persuasion through writing or speaking – were two subjects in which Francis could educate himself. Jefferson noted, however, that good writing is particularly advanced when guided by “the judicious criticisms of a qualified judge of style and composition.”

Jefferson himself seems to have had the benefit of this type of mentor while in his late teens. As he notes in his autobiography, he became a close friend of Dr. William Small of Scotland during his time at the College of William and Mary. Although Dr. Small was a mathematics professor, he appears to have been well-rounded in various disciplines. Two of these areas were literature and rhetoric. Apparently, Dr. Small was such an expert in these areas that he was the first to give regular lectures on both at William and Mary.

So, did Dr. Small’s expertise in these subjects rub off on Jefferson?

It seems likely that it did, for it was these very areas which catapulted him to a position as drafter of the Declaration of Independence. Recounting the occasion, John Adams wrote:

“Mr Jefferson came into Congress in June 1775. and brought with him a reputation for literature, science, and a happy talent at composition. Writings of his were handed about remarkable for the peculiar felicity of expression.”

When Jefferson protested being made the head of the Declaration committee, Adams gave him three reasons he should take the lead. The third? “You can write ten times better than I can.”

One has to wonder if Jefferson would have landed such an important job if he had not spent extensive time reading and been under the mentorship of someone skilled in literature and rhetoric.

Would today’s students soar to greater heights if schools took the advice of Jay Matthews, devoted more time to reading and writing, and were mentored by teachers who did the same? Would such a practice not only turn out better writers and communicators, but better thinkers?

What do you think?

[daddy-socrates]

okay I'm curious Why did you mention salior uranus in your thesis?

THANK you for asking because i love to talk about it hehe >:3c buckle up

back in undergrad, i was invited to do a senior thesis. i wanted to do mine on language and gender because my (problematique fave) professor whose class got me into the field at the start just... wouldn't use my pronouns. she's very bad at using pronouns and frankly i think she does not understand limits. a philosophy of language class does not mean you get to just say ~whatever.~

basically, this project was borne out of "hey! use my fucking pronouns :))" i had (have) pretty severe "i can fix her" disease :// i....... was not a really great student in undergrad. people who have followed me since then can probably attest to that through my personal ramblings. my advisor (a different professor) was disappointed in me like the whole way through and i live in constant fear that she will find this blog and go "oh! thats why you didnt pay attention in class, dumbass :)" (though maybe she would see this post and say "oh.... growth :)" who's to say)

but see, though i struggled to get myself to stay engaged in my advisor's class, both she and that problematique fave had assigned texts that would lend themselves beautifully to my dream project - even though i just..... had a terrible habit of misunderstanding readings to basically an absolute inverse degree. like it's a chronic issue. maybe i should have figured out "this is what im understanding so the opposite is probably more correct." i'm working on it, though, and i'm better at getting it the second time around now that im in grad school. ^^;;

SO this brings me back to my thesis: basically, why does language matter? one of my chapters was about representation. i talked about janet in the good place reminding people every day, "not a girl." i talked about haruhi fujioka from ouran high school host club, "i don't care if people see me as a guy or a girl. it's what's on the inside that's important." i talked about stevonnie from steven universe, being the first fusion to be addressed with they/them pronouns. i talked about jesse and james from pokemon and their frequent "gender swapped" costumes. and, at last, i talked about sailor uranus - tenou haruka - using both masculine and feminine self-referential language and presentation.

the thesis statement of my tragically mediocre thesis paper is basically "when you have access to language, you can better describe your experience and understand the experiences of others." you can come to a stronger self-understanding, form connections with others who share some traits, discover community, come into support, enact change, and so on.

the paper im writing "writing" right now for my epistemology class is pretty much an elevated version of that, though i'm focusing less on gender identity and discussing like.... more like the "concept of identity" itself. one of my first grad classes was hermeneutics - the study of meaning, where it comes from and where it leads - and there is so much ~delicious~ overlap between the texts for that class, those from the undergrad class on language, the undergrad class on gender and intersectionality, and my current class. my current paper is on "epistemic injustice;" that is, lack of access to language (whether deliberately or unconsciously through systems that no single individual person had set up) puts people at disadvantage for the huge sector of life that they otherwise could understand.

ALL THIS to say, i was a snarky asshole in undergrad but i have very real investment in media representation. if i had watched she-ra before i presented my paper, i would have included double trouble (my beloved), and i have yet to watch owl house but i see there's another they/them? we love they/thems <33 i am always thinking back on when korrasami became canon, how that was a huge moment of positive bisexual representation. i think about sophia in orange is the new black, introducing to a more adult audience different layers and kinds of violences that she and other trans women, especially she as a black trans woman, are uniquely at risk for.

my graduate school thesis is going to diverge a bit from the language of justice and of personal and group understanding to an even broader scale, though i am going to have a lengthy chapter on the matter. (literally like one hour ago i emailed my county representatives to say "hey, the training material for my substitute teaching agency Fucking Sucks, how can i help bring appropriate language and subsequent recognition of mentally ill, neurodivergent, and disabled folks to the stage?")

the many forms of the philosophy of language is what sparked my passion for the field, and i want to give language to those who may have difficulty understanding texts like i do. i want to take all that i am learning and share it as best i can with others, or at the very least, use it to aid my interactions with others. that's why i have this stupid tongue-in-cheek blog in the first place! academic shitposts and some current social and political events are so important to share.

i do have a side blog for fandom shit since i wasnt smart enough to make that the main and this the side, so fan artists see @/daddy-socrates liking their posts and i am So Sorry About That but like... i don't want to take everything in life so, so, gravely seriously. OBVIOUSLY there are subjects and scenarios that are not to be joked about, but i think we get so bogged down in the severity of all the global problems that we forget to play around a bit. purposely putting a handful of anime characters into my undergrad thesis was my way of being both playful and highlighting how fun is a critical social learning tool. it may well have been the only really solid thing about that project, honestly. i hope that in the future i can revamp it, using what i have now.

so............. that was WAY more than you asked for, but there you have it, my whole raison d'être. :'^) thanks for asking, hope i made sense

[bbygirl-aemond]

do you have any advice for planning out the story and each chapter? im trying to plan out this fic idea i have but i don’t really know how so i thought i’d ask one of the best ao3 authors i’ve seen

oh bby i'm about to go into SO much detail that i'm sure you didn't ask for but here we go! i've spent countless hours of my life on fic planning, and it usually goes entirely unseen by y'all! i'll try to use parts of my earlier planning for stormbreak as an example so as to avoid spoilers while giving you the ability to see how the plans translate into the finished product. this will also give anyone who's interested a cool behind-the-scenes look at how some of stormbreak's chapters evolved from my earliest notes!

i organize all of my planning in google drive, and i have several distinct stages i go through that increase in detail the further along you go.

at the broadest level, i have two documents that i use for brainstorming. one of them, called "snippets," is miscellaneous little half-thoughts and snippets or late-night ideas. it includes both scenes and characterizations. it's basically little notes and reminders to myself. these snippets can usually be worked into the fic at mostly any point. this document is pretty long; about 50 pages. here are some examples of the types of things i put in this doc, including something that inspired a scene later in chapter 11:

the second brainstorming document is called "scenes." this is basically a list of every single interaction and moment that i want to happen. each line of text will represent one of the povs that will end up in stormbreak, with usually 2-3 povs per chapter. each sentence is super brief, like max 10 words, and i'll usually spit them out without regard to chronology since some scenes can be worked in anywhere.

now beginning to put things together i have the document i call "chronological events." here, the scenes are all put in a specific chronological order. i'll assign chronology to certain scenes that have chronological flexibility. and each scene will be expanded into 3-4 bullet points that get at how this scene will advance the plot (through politics, characters, or relationships). here's an example of what this looked like for the scene that became alicent's pov in chapter 12:

and for the scene that became aemond and daeron's povs later in the same chapter:

the "chronological events" document is what i reference first any time i'm going through the planning process for a new chapter. it reminds me of what i need to accomplish with the chapter.

so now let's say i've looked at this document and want to proceed to the initial outline for the chapter. i write these in documents within a folder called "short chapter outlines," and each document is titled "short chapter X outline," with X just corresponding to the number in the actual fic. this will expand the bullet points from "chronological events" into an a few actual paragraphs, and add in some extra padding that isn't strictly plot-relevant but helps to build out the scenes. this is an example of what this looked like for the scene that became aemond's pov in chapter 2:

you can also see that this doesn't always end up being fully translated into the end product. in this example, i changed the events towards the end when writing the actual chapter because it made more sense to me.

okay now we go onto the last stage of planning before i write the actual chapter: the long outline. just like with the short versions, i keep these documents in a "long chapter outlines" folder and each doc is titled "long chapter X outline." it further expands upon the short outline; i'll put the short outline on the left half of the screen to look at it while i write the long outline on the right half of the screen. this is basically me stream-of-consciousness writing the chapter. the goal is to get the entire scene hammered out, pretty much paragraph by paragraph. if there are any particular descriptions, lines of dialogue, or even brief moments that i get stuck on, i write them in shorthand and don't worry about making them pretty. here's an example of this, from the scene that became aemond's pov at the start of chapter 6:

you can see that i expanded on most of these paragraphs and polished the sentences between this and the final chapter. but also that the level of detail here is really high.

lastly, we have the actual chapter, which i write based off of this long outline. i put the long outline on the left side and the chapter itself on the right side of my screen so i can see both at once. i write all of my chapters in microsoft word because that's the format i've written stories in since i was a child and it's where my creativity works best for whatever weird reason. the chapter always stays very true to the long outline, but as you'll see if you compare the long outline above to the actual chapter 6 i do add in a bunch of extra detail. the long outline is usually between 4,000 and 5,000 words and 10-15 pages, while my chapters are pretty much upwards of 9,000 words and 20+ pages. so it about doubles in length at this step.

i do most of my editing (switching certain lines and paragraphs around) as i write this first full draft of the chapter. so when i'm proofreading, i'm only ever checking for errors and seeing if i want to replace any words or phrases with a better idea. this last step usually doesn't take me more than a hour.

from there on, you guys are familiar with the end result! as a note, the "chronological events" and "short chapter outlines" are all fully completed for this story! i prefer to finish this level of planning before even beginning to seriously write. it helps me to lay the foundation for my plot twists from the very beginning of the fic!

[oh-my-damn]

beep bop BOOP: the cat’s paw has spoken and over the next week it’s asking you to reblog some of your old fics with commentary. whether it’s something you liked about it, cut content, behind-the-scenes, or something else—any commentary goes!

There's no way I could do as this anon asked, without including my very first fic I literally ever wrote. I wrote the beginning of this story before I even knew what fanfic was, or that it existed.

At that point, I just had an insatiable need to create a romantic entanglement with Steve Rogers (and fuck him) and so I literally wrote it down to get it out of my head. Cut to me realizing fanfic is an actual thing that people have been doing for decades, and also something they've been doing with Steve Rogers?? My mind was blown LMAO

Anyway this story is terribly written in the beginning, at least in my own opinion, because I started writing this as a literal outlet for all of my fantasies and at that point, I hadn't written basically anything for approximately 10 years.

I reread the book recently, and I did cringe at times, but to my pleasant surprise, I also found myself getting as invested in the characters and the storyline as I did when I was writing it.

I spent a year writing this book, it has 199 chapters on Wattpad and about 350.000-400.000 words by my estimations, and it received an overwhelming response that catapulted me into writing again. It is currently at 1.4M reads which is absolutely insane, and it has slowly become one of my crowning achievements and despite how I may feel about my own writing, I am tremendously proud of the story and the fact that I managed to finish it.

Had it not been for this story, and the response it received, I most likely wouldn't have written any of my other works.

I constantly think about rewriting it, but then I'm reminded of how any rewrites in Wattpad means the comments will disappear from its corresponding paragraphs, and it makes me change my mind. There are so many comments littered about that story that comment on particular lines/paragraphs and I really don't want to lose them, because I love looking back on them, and considering people are still to this day discovering the book and/or rereading it for the umpteenth time and commenting on it, I just don't want to ruin it.

So I fear this story will forever be a tarnished piece of art from my past, but much in the way gold can become tarnished over time if you don't polish it correctly. It's still beautiful, and gold, and when I look at it I remind myself that it needs to be polished, but whenever someone else sees it, they tell me how beautiful it is, and I accept the fact that perhaps the reason it's beautiful is because it isn't perfect.

Electric Masterlist

Find the full story on Wattpad.

Chronological order (of chapters posted here so far):

Meeting Captain America - Chapter 1

An Awkward Encounter - Chapter 2

The Kiss - Chapter 3

Why did you do this? - Chapter 4

Electric - Chapter 5

You Can Fight Air, Now Fight Me - Chapter 6

Conflicted - Chapter 7

Some of my fave chapters:

Watching - Chapter 41

Nightmares - Chapter 44

Butterflies - Chapter 45

Watch Your Mouth - Chapter 46

Jealousy - Chapter 57

Angry - Chapter 100 *SMUT WARNING*

[undertale-data]

[Image Description: an Undertale textbox with “INTRODUCTION AND DEMOGRAPHICS” in all caps in its middle. To its left and right are a radar screen and an egg, sun, and "WED" from the Dating Hub. End I.D.]

Our sample size consisted of a total of 2651 responses. We did not set any sort of age restriction to take the survey, and no other qualification than self identifying yourself as part of the Undertale fandom.

[Image Description: a pie chart titled “AGE OF UNDERTALE FANS”. In clockwise order, the results: 31%, or 812 responders, are 13-17 years old; 44% or 1160 are 18-24; 15%, or 398, are 25-30; 6%, or 158, are 31-40; 0%, or 6, are 41-50; 3%, or 91, preferred not to answer, and 1%, or 25, are 12 and below. End I.D.]

The age group most represented is composed of people between 18 to 24 years old (also known as emerging adults), corresponding to 44% of all participants. They are followed by teenagers aged 13 to 17 years old (31%) and young adults aged 25 to 30 years old (15%)

(Many more demographics under the cut.)

[Image Description: a pie chart titled “GENDER OF UNDERTALE FANS”. In clockwise order, the results: 374, or 14%, are male; 1144, or 43%, are female; 789, or 30%, are nonbinary; 167, or 6%, identify as ‘other’, and 177, or 7%, prefer not to say. End I.D.]

In terms of gender, most people identified as female with a total of 43%, followed by nonbinary with 30% and male with 14%.  A significant amount of people responded with “Other,” explaining their identity (or questioning) more in depth.

[Image Description: a pie chart titled “UNDERTALE FANDOM AND LGBT+ IDENTITY”. In clockwise order, the results: 1949, or 73%, identify as LGBT+; 293, or 11%, do not identify as LGBT+; 280, or 11%, are questioning; and 129, or 5%, prefer not to say. End I.D.]

Considering the great amount of LGBT+ representation present in Undertale, we decided to ask people whether they identify themselves as part of this community. The majority, 73%, has declared to be a part of it. It is relevant to add that 5% chose not to say, and 11% were questioning. It is possible that media containing well developed representation draws more people to it; many people said that the reason they liked certain characters was being able to feel represented as a minority.

[ID: a pie chart titled: “LOCATIONS OF UNDERTALE FANS”. In clockwise order its results: 1788 responders, or 67%, are from North America; 420 responders, or 16%, are from Europe; 141 responders, or 5%, are from Asia; 94 responders, or 4% are from South America; 83 responders, or 3%, are from Australia; 11 responders, or 0% are from the Pacific Islands; 22 responders, or 1% are from “Other” locations; 92 responders, or 4%, selected ”Prefer not to say.” End of ID.]

The internet has made the game known all over the world, which motivated us to look into the way its fans are distributed around the globe. It is important to consider that since this survey is in English, people were more likely to respond to it if they understood the language, whether it is their native language or not (like Vessel #1, who’s writing this paragraph). It would be interesting if other communities did a similar exercise in the future by translating the survey. 

Having said that, we present the results. To get these numbers some of the answers were distributed into their corresponding existing group, and at least three new categories were created.

North America: 1788 votes 

Europe: 420 

Asia: 141 votes

South America: 94 votes

Australia: 83 votes

The most represented area is North America, which is no surprise considering it’s composed by a majority of native English speakers. It should also be noted that considering Toby Fox is from the US, it makes sense that people with a similar cultural background would more likely hear about Undertale and join the fandom. Europe follows with 420 votes, which could be due to their usage of the English language either as a native language or a frequently taught second one. Asia has a similar situation, however, if we take global population estimates (e.g: 141 per 4.561 billion in the case of Asia compared to Europe with 420 fans in an area with a population of around 746 million people), we can see that the density of Asian fans is drastically lower. After that we have both South America and Australia with a similar amount of votes. In those cases, knowledge of the English language may also factor into the density. Common social media used around the world could also be a factor but we do not have enough data to draw any conclusions.

92 people preferred not to specify and 50 people answered the survey with “Other”, giving their explanation. A few of these responses were put in bigger categories (Canada is in North America, for example). Besides them, the most notable group were Pacific Islanders, making up 11 people, 3 more than Africa. Due to their sizes, further investigation is needed to know if this is a replicable result or just the product of the places the survey was able to reach this time.

[Image Description: a pie chart titled “YEAR FANS FIRST EXPERIENCED UNDERTALE”. In clockwise order, its results: 937 responders, or 35%, experienced it in 2015; 687, or 26%, experienced it in 2016; 231, or 9%, experienced it in 2017; 181, or 7%, experienced it in 2018; 123, or 5%, experienced it in 2019; 145, or 5%, experienced it in 2020; 88, or 3%, experienced it in 2021; 231, or 9%, don’t know when they experienced it, and 25, or 1%, have never experienced Undertale. End I.D.]

We asked about the exposure to the source material. After all, to be a fan of something, you should know about it. The biggest proportion of fans experienced Undertale for the first time in 2015 and 2016, with those two years amounting for more than half of our sample. As for people who have only started playing during this year, they represent 3% of all participants.

[Image Description: a pie chart titled “YEAR FANS FIRST EXPERIENCED DELTARUNE”. In clockwise order, its results: 1585 responders, or 60% of those responding, experienced Deltarune in 2018; 275, or 10%, experienced Deltarune in 2019; 213, or 8%, experienced it in 2020; 126, or 5%, experienced it in 2021; 115, or 4%, don’t know; 253, or 10%, have not played but want to; 77, or 3%, have not played and don’t plan to; and 7, or 0%, do not know what Deltarune is. End I.D.]

Many people are familiar with Deltarune as well. Most of them played the first chapter of the game as it was released in 2018, and other people followed in the next few years. Among the people that didn’t play, 253 manifested interest in playing in the future, while 77 stated they knew of the game’s existence but did not plan on playing it.

[Image Description: a pie chart titled "HOW FANS FOUND UNDERTALE". In clockwise order, its results: 870 responders, or 33%, saw someone play it online; 576 responders, or 22%, were introduced by a friend; 539, or 20%, saw fancontent first; 195, or 7%, read reviews or recommendations on social media; 63, or 3%, came through the Kickstarter before release; 50, or 2%, came through a different fandom; 34, or 1%, came by following Toby Fox, Temmie Chang, or other collaborators; 221, or 8%, came through another way; and 101, or 4%, don't remember how. End I.D.]

33% of responders found Undertale by watching someone play it online.  The next largest categories were those who were introduced by friends or saw fancontent first, comprising 22% and 20%, respectively.  These statistics are indicative of the love that fans have for Undertale: they want to share the game with others, whether by creating and sharing fancontent, or just by talking about the game positively enough to inspire others to give it a chance.  In the “other” category, many fans mentioned specific fanworks or AUs as their reasoning for giving Undertale a chance.  Other common answers in the “other” category were through the soundtrack, through memes, through connections to Homestuck, and through curiosity about the infamous fandom.  One humorous response that stuck out said, “I was searching for the word ‘sand’ and had wrote ‘sans’ by wrong.”

[normal-horoscopes]

DANTES INFERNO PUNISHMENTS RATED BY HOW MUCH THEY FIT THE CRIME:

lust - buffeted by eternal winds so the lustful will never find rest

This makes sense as a punishment for like, infidelity. Sexual assault goes to violence and things like pedophilia and incest go to treachery. 9/10 fitting punishment.

Gluttony - forced to wallow in an unending rain of filth

You succumbed to your base desires and chose material pleasure over compassion and charity! Stinky. Big stinky. 6/10 seems like you could be more creative.

Greed - Forced to joust with leaden weapons whose weight corresponds to your avarice in life.

That's it? Sure it's poetic but it seems like demons could come up with something better. Dante did write this in the glorious years before capitalism was invented so maybe greed was less of a problem then. What I'm saying is greed needs an upgrade. Gimme a meatpacking plant made of precious metals where demons can grind elon musk into sausage and blanche him in a river of molten gold. 2/10 earns points for the poetry.

Anger - Eternally treading water in the styx. The demons keep you so close together that you have to fight for space.

Now that's a fitting punishment! There's no drywall to punch here, only more swampy water to flail uselessly against. By isolating the angry from any useful contact, they only ever hurt themselves. Gorgeous. 10/10.

Heresey - buried in flaming tombs

And this isn't just saying the word goddamn. Heresey is reserved for people like the borgias. Heresey is a fun sin and I'm giving this one 7/10 on account of how priests being buried alive in flaming tombs is super fucking metal.

Violence (against people) - cast into the phlegethon, the infernal river of boiling blood.

Pain for pain. Also metal as hell. 7/10

Violence (against the self) - suicides are transformed into trees, their bodies hung from the branches.

Nobody really kills themself to get to heaven early anymore, but if it HAS to be a sin I'd say this is a fair punishment. Being a tree doesn't sound all that bad. 7/10.

Violence (against god) - forced to wander a burning desert for all eternity. Especially violent people are buried in the sand.

Poetic in its lack of drama. Holy wars are conducted with the promise of a righteous and valiant death. There is a justice to the lack of adrenaline here. I can think of nothing a zealous holy warrior would hate more than extreme discomfort mixed with boredom. 10/10

Fraud (panderers and seducers) - forced to march while a demon whips them

Hot. Also, being a golddigger isn't that bad. 4/10

Fraud (flatterers) - submerged in human excrement

Dante who hurt you. Did you get catfished? 1/10.

Fraud (simonacs, the selling of indulgences) - buried upside down in a pit of tar with the soles of the feet on fire.

There's some great poetry to the metaphor here but explaining it would require a paragraph about 13th century italian church politics so just trust me this is a solid 9/10

Fraud (astrologers and magicians) - have their heads twisted around backwards.

Man fuck you. That's not that bad though. I feel like I could learn to run backwards. Me and the other magicians could have goofy backwards races and have a laugh about how silly we look. 5/10.

Fraud (grafters, blackmailers, extortionists) - thrown into a pit of scalding tar, with demons constantly yanking them back inside with grappling hooks.

While there's probably some exceptions for just blackmail, I figure king minos makes exceptions. I like the clever metaphor about being constantly reeled back in. Not so fun is it dickheads? 9/10.

Fraud (hypocrites) - made to march wearing symbolic leaden monk robes.

Missed opportunity in my opinion. I feel like you could do something clever with the tongue? Maybe replace them with swords or make it swell up to where its hard to breathe, something along those lines? 3/10

Fraud (thieves) - some are transformed into snakes and others stay human. The reptiles can only become human by stealing a body, a painful process for both souls involved.

Man that is so fucking cool. 10/10.

Fraud (deceivers, those who give corrupt counsel) - just on fire forever. Whenever they talk fire comes out.

The fire tongue thing is super fitting but the eternal immolation just seems like a bit much. 6/10.

Fraud (scismatics, those who cause drama be it personal or political) - demons with swords chase you around forever and chop you up.

Really fun visual here. Like tom and jerry. The punishment is varied based on the trouble caused so this is for sure appropriate. 10/10

Fraud (falsifiers, counterfeiters, snake oilers) - afflicted with consumptive diseases to mirror their products rotting cores.

This is where antivaxxers go. 10/10.

Traitors (to their kindred) - frozen up to the shoulders in in lake cocytus. Allowed to bow their heads to shield partially from the cold.

Incest, familial abuse, neglect. Lake cocytus is the bottom of the world. The coldest place, furthest from the light and love of God. The damned here can only weep in their profound loneliness until eventually, their tears freeze their eyes shut, depriving them of what little light they were allowed. 10/10

Traitors (to their country) - frozen up to the neck, unable to turn their heads.

Those who would condemn the fate of nations to ruin, to cause the suffering of thousands, all for personal gain, are deprived of all motion, all agency. The only sensation is the bitter cold tearing at their faces. 10/10

Traitors (to their guests) - frozen with their faces to the sky so their tears freeze their eyes shut.

Those who would betray the ones they were given to protect wish to weep, but the action only increases their suffering. 9/10.

Traitors (to their lords, usurpers) - completely encased in ice.

Those who seek power only to wield it themselves. Betrayers of revolutions. The ultimate selfish act. The damned here are deprived of all sensation, condemned to a silent and lightless eternity. 10/10

Traitors (to god) - being chewed by satan forever. only available to judas iscariot people who assassinated julius caesar.

Metal as hell. 10/10.

[jasper-pagan-witch]

Jasper Reviews: A Tea Witch's Grimoire

"A Tea Witch's Grimoire: Magical recipes for your teatime." was written in 2021 by S.M. Harlow, who is a real person (she has an Instagram so there's at least a veneer of her possibly being a real person).

I'm going to get all of my "your paragraph breaks are inconsistent, work on capitalization, get an editor" complaints out in this paragraph, but they're all over the place in the book. Whoever helped edit this book needs to be fired or sent to an editing school.

Next, I want to mention that this is a 69 (nice) page book on mediocre paper for 15 USD. It does not feel like it's worth 15 bucks.

More complaints include "stop gendering the Moon", "add safety warnings if you're going to encourage people to use wild plants for tea", "Wiccan holidays aren't universal", and "stop appropriating chakras".

I specifically want to mention that the Tea Spell Chant on page 44 reeks of "white magic good black magic bad" because it goes as follows:

In this pot I enchant and brew, A spell that is pure and true. I conjure wisdom and creativity, In this tea that honors my divinity.

This is the only chant in the entire book.

And for my last complaint, I want to address the "WISDOM" (please note that this is the only section in all caps) on page 67, where the author says, and I quote:

It is important to know the magic that is within herbs, but always remember to brew and consume these magical remedies in perfect health. Know your body before you drink anything that you may be allergic to, are pregnant or nursing, or taking medication.

The first sentence, when looked at alone, feels rude (ableist, even, to insist that people can't do magic or even drink FUCKING TEA when they're ill - sorry spoonie witches, guess y'all aren't magic /sarcasm) and also brings up the questions of "Why call these remedies if they don't actually heal anything?" and "Why do I even need a tea spell if I don't need anything?" which are left unanswered because there's no text on page 68 and page 69 (once again, nice) is the About The Author page.

Okay. I'm done complaining. Because there are good things about this book.

Firstly, I love the flowery language that the author uses. You can really tell that she writes and loves romance fiction.

The recipes are all listed with enough of each ingredient for a cup, and the author says to double the recipe for a pot.

The tea recipes are separated nicely into the following categories: tea spells (again, called remedies), moon phases, horoscope/zodiac signs, and Wiccan holidays.

Near the end, there are correspondence tables for all of the plants mentioned in the recipes. It's fine, I would have preferred the correspondences to be with the ingredients in each recipe themselves, but that's not how everyone sorts their spells.

The author does NOT spell magic with a K, which automatically wins a point back in my book.

Official Jasper Review: 6/10, overall decent enough recipe book, don't put too much stock in the chapter's preambles, appropriation bad

I wouldn't recommend this book for beginners, but if you're looking for tea recipes and don't care about the rest of it, it's okay enough. Just be safer about eating wild plants than the author apparently is.