#14 days. I’ve wanted to answer this for 14 days and I kept forgetting

[seungsluv]

Left on Read

── .✦ content warning : SMUT! MDI!!! fem!reader; kinda angst; mild burnout; miscommunication; light argument; explicit sex;

✮⋆˙ pairing: idol seungmin × fem!reader

✮⋆˙ word count: 2,1k

✮⋆˙ synopsis: “He shuts you out. You show up anyway. Tension snaps, words cut, and then it's just hands, mouths, desperation — because silence never kept you from choosing him.”

✮⋆˙ A/N: heyy!! I personally didn't like this one – cause I hate writing short ones – I just wanted to post something so the blog doesn't ""die"". if you have some requests or thoughts you want to share, please feel free to send me a message and lmk what you think. don't forget to like and reblog it!! xox ૮ ․ ․ ྀིა

The lights in the apartment clock flashed 00:42 AM. I sat curled up on the couch, my phone screen glowing in my palm as I stared at the latest message I had sent him.

No response. Again. I had already double-checked if the messages were delivered. They were.

I sighed and typed another one, shorter this time.

[00:42 AM] Y/N: Are you still at the studio?

[00:56 AM] Y/N: Seungmin?

[01:09 AM] Y/N: Do you at least ate?

Still nothing.

My lips pressed into a thin line. I tapped on Chan’s name instead and sent a quick text:

[01:14 AM] Y/N → Chan: Is Seungmin still at the company?

The reply came almost instantly.

[01:14 AM] Chan: Yup. Still in the recording booth.

[01:15 AM] Chan: He’s arguing with himself about how his vocals suck.

[01:15 AM] Chan: You should probably come take him home before he erases the whole track.

My jaw tightened, fingers clenching around the phone. This wasn’t the first time. I tossed a hoodie over my tank top, grabbed my keys, and headed out.

The city passed like a blur outside the window as I drove, hands tight on the steering wheel, jaw clenched. Maybe this was insane. Maybe he just needed space. Maybe I was overreacting. But I knew him. And if there was one thing Seungmin was good at, it was pretending he was fine when he wasn’t.

The building was mostly empty at that hour, the distant hum of ventilation systems the only sound as I made my way through the halls. When I reached the studio, the door was slightly ajar, a soft trail of Seungmin’s voice leaking through.

Chan was in the producer’s chair, arms folded, head leaning back like he was halfway to sleep. He turned when he heard the door creak. His eyebrows rose. “Wow. He really pushed you, huh?”

I dropped my bag onto the couch with more force than necessary. “He’s not answering me. Again.”

Chan shrugged with a tired smile. “He’s locked in perfectionist mode. Keeps saying his tone sounds wrong. I’ve told him to stop at least four times. He argued. I gave up.”

I crossed my arms. “Is he eating?”

“No. He’s eating self-hatred and... vocal fry.” That earned a half-smirk from me.

Chan stood, slinging his jacket over one shoulder. “He might listen to you, though. I mean... if the pissed-off girlfriend look doesn’t make him flinch, I don’t know what will.”

I narrowed my eyes. “Coward.”

“Correct.” he said, grinning as he walked to the door. “Good luck. Don’t destroy any equipment.”

When the door clicked shut behind him, I finally turned to the booth. Seungmin was inside, headphones on, replaying the same take, muttering under his breath as he adjusted the mic. He hadn’t noticed me yet. I moved closer to the glass, arms folded.

Eventually, he turned and froze. Our eyes locked. He blinked, surprised, pulling off his headphones. I didn’t wait for an invitation, I opened the booth door and stepped in.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, voice rough. Seungmin blinked, pulling the headphones off. “It’s late.”

“Yeah. No shit.” I stepped further in. “Did you plan on ignoring me until morning or…?”

He sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “I didn’t mean to. I’ve just been working—”

“You always say that.” My voice cracked, just barely. “I get it, Min. You love what you do. But I’m not just some… background character in your day.”

A beat passed.

“I just... needed to get this right.” he muttered.

“You’ve been doing this for days. Skipping meals. Coming home after I’ve fallen asleep. Acting like I don’t exist.” His jaw clenched. “You think I’m mad because you’re working? I’m mad because you won’t let me in.” He didn’t answer. “You don’t have to carry everything by yourself, Seungmin. Not when I’m right here.”

He exhaled slowly, voice strained. “I didn’t want to worry you.”

“Yeah well, too late for that.”

He looked at me, finally meeting my eyes. And for a second, he looked smaller. Tired. Vulnerable. “I’m sorry.” he said. “For shutting you out. For making you feel like you don’t matter. You do. More than anything.”

I softened, stepping closer. “I’m sorry too. For making you think you can’t fall apart in front of me.”

He opened his mouth like he wanted to say something more, but the words didn’t come.

“Let me hear it.” I said. He hesitated, then pressed play. The recording played softly in the background. His voice filled the booth — raw, imperfect, and beautiful. I didn’t look at the monitor. I watched him. When it ended, silence hung between us.

“You sound like you mean every word.” I said. “It's good. Better even.”

He let out a shaky laugh. “You always say that.”

I reached up, brushing her fingers against his cheek. “Because it's always true. That’s the curse of caring too much.”

He leaned into my touch without thinking.

“I missed you.” I whispered.

“I’ve been here.”

“Not really.”

He looked at me again — really looked this time — and everything about him softened.

“I’m sorry.” he said quietly. “For not replying. I didn’t mean to make you feel like I wasn’t listening.”

I stepped forward, my voice lower now. “Sorry if I made you feel like you’re never doing enough. That’s not what I think. That’s never what I think.” The tension in his shoulders. The tired edge in his voice. I leaned in, closing the space between us slowly, giving him time to stop me. He didn’t.

Our lips met, slow and deliberate, like we were savoring something we weren’t sure we’d be allowed to taste again. There was nothing rushed about it. It was all breath and longing and the echo of weeks spent in silence. His mouth moved against mine like a silent apology, and I kissed him back like I wanted to undo every minute of distance with nothing but my lips.

The way he touched me wasn’t hungry at first —it was careful. Like I was glass. Like he was afraid I’d shatter and disappear. His hands rested at my waist before sliding up, tentative, brushing under the hem of my hoodie. The heat of his palms made my skin jump, and I gasped into his mouth when his thumbs grazed my ribs.

I pulled him closer, fingers threading into his hair, nails scratching lightly against his scalp. His soft groan vibrated through me. It was the kind of sound you only make when something feels too good to be real.

And it did feel unreal.

The studio was quiet, lit only by the soft glow from the control board. The world outside didn’t exist anymore. Just me, him, and the months of tension unraveling with every brush of skin.

He broke the kiss first, breathing hard. “You should go home.” he whispered, but his arms tightened around me like he couldn’t bear the thought of letting go.

“Not happening.” I murmured, my lips ghosting across his jaw. “You don’t get to shut down and pretend I don’t exist just because you’re scared.”

His eyes fluttered shut, like he was fighting something heavy inside him. “I’ve been so fucking lost lately.”

“Then let me find you.” I pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it somewhere behind us. My hands moved automatically, relearning him — his collarbones, the heat of his chest, the slight tremble in his stomach when my fingers dragged down his abs. His breathing hitched.

“You’re shaking.” I said quietly.

“I haven’t touched you in weeks.” he replied, voice wrecked. “I’ve been thinking about this every damn night.”

My hoodie was next. He peeled it off slowly, reverently, like each inch of skin he uncovered was sacred. When he kissed my shoulder, just below my collarbone, I felt my knees weaken. Then he looked up, eyes dark, lips parted. “I don’t remember how to take it slow.”

“You don’t have to.”

I pressed my body to his, grinding slowly against the bulge in his jeans. He cursed under his breath, gripping my hips hard enough to bruise. When he kissed me again, it was messy and breathless. No more restraint, just weeks of built-up tension crashing into us like a wave.

He backed me toward the padded bench, lips never leaving mine, hands everywhere, waist, hips, the underside of my breasts. He pushed me down gently, then stood between my legs, looking down at me like I was some beautiful secret he didn’t know how to deserve.

“You’re so fucking beautiful.” he whispered, almost angry with himself for not saying it sooner.

He kissed his way down my body — hot, open-mouthed kisses on my chest, my stomach, the insides of my thighs. When he pulled my underwear down with his teeth, I thought I might combust right there.

He looked up at me from between my legs, eyes smoldering. “Let me taste you.”

I barely had time to nod before his tongue slid over me, slow, firm, deliberate. My hips bucked involuntarily, and he moaned into me like the taste alone was enough to undo him.

His tongue worked me open with practiced ease, lapping, teasing, circling my clit just right before sliding two fingers inside me. I gripped the edge of the bench, gasping, back arching as he pushed deeper, curling his fingers until I saw stars.

“Seungmin— fuck— don’t stop—”

“I’m not going anywhere.” he growled against me. “You’re shaking so pretty for me.”

And I was, legs trembling, breath ragged, vision blurring. He kept going, steady and relentless, until my orgasm hit me hard. I cried out, fingers tangled in his hair, thighs clamping around him as I came with a force that made the world tilt sideways.

He didn’t stop until I was panting, sensitive, trying to push him away with shaky hands.

Then he stood, wiping his mouth, looking thoroughly wrecked and incredibly proud.

“My turn.” I said, breathless.

I pulled him down by the waistband of his jeans, undoing the button with slow, teasing fingers. His cock sprang free, thick and flushed, and when I wrapped my hand around him, he hissed through his teeth.

“You’re killing me.”

“You like it.”

“Too much.”

I stroked him slowly, dragging my thumb over the head, watching his jaw clench and his eyes flutter shut. When he looked down at me, his control was visibly cracking. “Turn around.”

I blinked. “What?”

“Bench.” he said, voice low and dangerous. “Hands on the bench. I need you.”

The words made heat pool in my stomach. I did as he said. Bent over the bench, back arched, looking over my shoulder at him.

He lined himself up behind me, running the head of his cock through my folds. “You’re dripping,” he muttered. “Fuck. You feel ready?”

“Don’t make me beg.”

He slid in slowly, inch by inch until he was fully seated inside me. We both groaned. My hands clenched the edge of the bench as he pulled out halfway, then slammed back in, making the whole booth shake.

“I missed you.” he rasped against my ear.

“Shut up and keep fucking me.”

He obeyed, thrusts hard and deep, filling me completely. The sound of skin on skin, his breath in my ear, the ragged moans he tried to hold back, it was too much. And not enough.

I pushed back against him, meeting every thrust, panting his name between gasps. One of his hands slid under me, fingers finding my clit again. I jolted. “Oh my god— Seungmin— ”

“Come again for me, baby,” he growled. “I want to feel you fall apart.”

And I did. Harder than before. My vision went white, body clenching around him, drawing him deeper. He cursed loudly, fucking me through it, and moments later, he stilled, burying himself deep as he came with a broken gasp, his chest pressed to my back.

We stayed like that for a long time, breathing in sync, sweat cooling on our skin. He kissed my shoulder again, softer this time. More tender than desperate.

“You okay?” he whispered.

I nodded, twisting just enough to see him. “That was... good.”

He pulled me into his arms, tucking me against his chest like he couldn’t stand the thought of space between us. We stayed like that, still tangled, breathing each other in.

Eventually, I smiled. “I guess I really did have to come get you.”

He huffed a quiet laugh. “Yeah. Please keep doing that.”

I kissed him again, softer this time, and in the quiet hum of the booth, it felt like the rest of the world could wait.

[stellar-waves]

free space

. . .

[ boondock saints : connor + fem!reader ] fluffy february : prompt 14 ⚠ warnings: v. angsty, some strong language, established friendship, mention of death, pre-canon/au whatever A/N: I had all the intentions to make this super fluffy, but clearly it took an angsty turn and I kept going. Maybe that's just how my mood is lately? I don't know. I don't know why I do this to myself. So, apologies that this isn't what it should be.

. . .

“Connor?” He turns quickly at the sound of his name, the sound of your voice. “What are you doing here?” 

“Could ask ye the same myself, lass,” he retorts with a smirk and takes a sip of his beer. 

A laugh falls from your lips, leaving you smiling and blushing as you adjust the strap of your duffle bag on your shoulder. Running into Connor MacManus at the airport was definitely unexpected, and you can’t help feeling flustered. “Uh yeah, I’m flying back home for my friend’s birthday party.”

You glance at the bar top, noticing the passport and boarding pass tucked inside. “Aye, that’s right,” he agrees, taking another drink before you can ask the next question sitting on your tongue. He rubs his lips together and blinks at you. “California, yeah?” 

Connor remembers you telling him about it, that you were looking forward to getting out of Boston for a bit. And you remember the hurt in his eyes when you said that, like you meant to get away from him. Really, that was the last thing you wanted. 

“When’s yer flight?” he asks as you join him at the bar. 

You look at your watch. “A little over an hour.” One eyebrow raises up his forehead inquisitively. “I’ve missed flights before, so I show up early now,” you explain, gesturing towards Connor’s beer when the bartender approaches. You let out a sigh, resting your chin in your hand as you lean onto the bar. “Plus, I don’t know, there’s a certain…romanticism about being at the airport.”

Connor scoffs. “Think ye need to be in a relationship for this place to feel romantic.”

You pout, disappointed that your friend is choosing cynicism today. “Come on. Even if you’re single, it’s still fun to daydream and fantasize about things like…meeting a stranger at the airport bar.” You draw out your suggestion slowly, taking a sip of beer and nudging Connor’s arm with yours. 

He stares at his beer though, his mouth slightly open as he doesn’t really react. But you can tell something’s on his mind as his tattooed index finger rubs over the embossed passport cover. 

Your face falls into concern, realizing something critical. “You didn’t answer my question, Connor.”

He swallows hard, inhaling deeply as he mulls over what to say…if he can say anything. 

A lump in your throat forms, pushing another question out of your mouth. “Where are you going?”

“I have to go back home, to Ireland.” 

Your heart drops to your stomach. And you don’t want to ask, but… “Why?” you mutter. 

His mouth twists and he shakes his head, his eyes still fixed on his beer. “Ma died a couple of days ago.” 

Your hand is already on his arm before you can consciously think to move. “Oh Connor. I’m so sorry.”

He shrugs. “’Tis what it is. She’d been sick for a bit, so…”

His finger moves across the passport, and you realize you see another passport underneath the blue one. You look around the bar, quickly searching for another familiar face, because surely Connor isn’t alone. 

“Murph flew out last night,” Connor adds, knowing why you’re twisting and craning your neck. “We couldn’t get on the same flight at the last minute.”

Despite your heart still churning in your gut, you drink your beer, hoping that the alcohol will magically change everything, make all of Connor’s pain disappear. 

He wipes a hand over his face, the way he does when he’s just done. “Fuck, I’m sorry, lass.” You watch him drop his gaze back to his beer and his passports, and you mentally reprimand yourself for forgetting that of course he has two passports��one for the U.S. and the other for Ireland, naturally. His lips form an O as he exhales, blowing out the weight of everything, and desperately wanting a cigarette. “Didn’t mean to ruin yer ‘romantic’ time at the airport.”

“Don’t even think that for a second. You mean more to me than some stupid fantasy.”

Connor finally lifts his eyes to meet yours, the usually bright blue dulled to a stormy grey. His lips twitch into a sad smile, and he takes your hand, squeezing it gently. “Thank ye, love.”

You keep your eyes on him, wondering what you could possibly do to…

“Connor.”

“Hmm?”

“What time is your flight?”

He pulls out the boarding pass, narrowing his eyes as he scans the printed information. “Around the same time as yers. Why?”

Your heart creeps back into place, the space you hold him in. “Because I’m coming with you.”

. . .

[deeptrashwitch]

A Haunting Past (Part 14)

I hope you all enjoy this part! Shout out to Taro as usual for being my beta reader 💖 love you, aulelei :3

Taglist: @alypink @stuffireadandenjoy @snootlestheangel @islandtarochips @raresvtm

@piouswolf @midnight193 @mutantthedark @justasmolbard @welldonekhushi

@tapioca-milktea1978 @imagoddamnonionmason

Tw: There's no triggers in this part, so it's safe to read!

The next day, Alicia drove to the bar where she will meet with Oliver. As she was driving, her knuckles were white due to how hard she was grabbing the steering wheel. Each meter that the car got near to the bar, her mind kept repeating the words she was told once by Oliver. Despite the years, it wasn’t getting better at all. It was painful.

During the 267 funeral, right after it finished and she gave away the flags of her fallen teammates, Oliver walked near her. They stared down at the graves, the names especially…names that they knew perfectly and met for so long. She still remembers word by word what he told her that day. “What kind of Captain are you? You let them all suffer and DIE. And you did nothing about it. It should’ve been YOU.”. And for a long time, she actually believed it. She believed that it should have been her who should have died inside that place and not them. Not her teammates. Not the one who she called FAMILY.

However, looking behind now, it wouldn’t change anything. Now she wasn’t even sure if Oliver blamed her for these many years because of his grief for his former team or if he really thought what he said. Whatever the case is, she will get her answers. So she parked her car in front of the bar and sighed heavily for a second before getting out. In silence she entered the bar to look for her old comrade.

Soon she spotted him sitting near the window, already drinking a Cuba Libre in silence. When they locked eyes at each other, he smiled a bit and that made Alicia absolutely uncomfortable. She walked over to him and simply sat down feeling a bit awkward to see him. Before she saw her drink on the table. As if Oliver had already ordered it for her before she arrived.

“You look good, Alicia.” He said with a smile. “How long has it been? Since you’ve created your team, right?”

“Yeah, it has been a long time indeed. Why do you want to speak with me, Oliver? We aren’t on the best terms.”

Oliver sighed softly before looking at his drink that was in his hand. “You still remember what happened during the funeral?”

“Difficult to forget, y’know?”

“Listen, I’ve been living with the pain of losing them for a long time. Isn’t that fair for what I told you?” He asked with a sad look.

Alicia gave him that serious expression while crossing her arms. “I guess, but you haven’t answered.”

“Alright, alright. It’s about the mission you had before.”

“Which one? I’ve been quite busy.”

Oliver sighed and sipped his drink. “The one in the Pacific.”

Alicia cursed internally to herself, but remained silent and tried to keep a blank expression as she waited for Oliver to continue talking.

“I was told that you contacted the Navy yourself? Alicia, we all know that there’s a chain of command that we need to follow. What you did was unacceptable.”

“I didn’t contact the Navy, the General did.”

“My point remains, you stomped over the chain and went to speak with such a high ranked officer. How did you even manage to speak with a General? You're just a Captain.”

“That’s a long story.”

“We have time.”

“You do, I don’t.”

Oliver laughed, but it sounded almost forced as he was gripping onto his glass a bit. “Well, at least can you tell me who helped you?”

“I don’t have the obligation to do so.”

“You’re being so cold now, if it’s because of what happened…”

“It’s not that, I simply was asked to not disclose the name of the General.” Alicia lied as she grabbed her drink and took a sip from it.

“What a shame, but I bet you have a great team to manage two missions at the same time in such different conditions.”

Alicia just remained silent.

Oliver sighed. “C’mon, Alicia, I’m trying to talk with you here. Why are you being so cold with me?”

“I’m not.”

“You are, we used to speak for hours when we were younger.”

“Oliver, just leave it like this.” She said with a sigh, being a bit annoyed by this. But she decided to calm down.

For some minutes, they stayed in silence and simply drank their drinks without looking at each other. However Alicia was feeling uneasy. She shook her head and focused on her drink once again. Then hear his sigh as he calls her attention once again.

“Alicia, I’m actually hurt because of you.” He said with a resigned expression.

“Excuse me?”

"I always tried to help you as your direct superior, but you just brushed that off and stomped over the chain."

Alicia just looked at her drink. "We didn't have the luxury to wait for the process, so we needed to act quickly."

"Because of that attack in The Hague? Then what about the mission in the Pacific? You could've waited."

"Oliver…" Alicia warned, barely holding a frown.

"From your report, the ship was scheduled to arrive in Yakarta, was it? Why the need to intervene before instead of waiting for it to arrive?"

"If the ship arrived, the cargo-"

"You're putting me in a tough position here, Alicia." Oliver said with a disgusted face. "You discarded my participation like nothing."

"With all due respect, you don't know what that cargo would mean to the Pacific region or Asia if it arrived at the final harbor."

"I'm still your superior, you should've asked me about the mission. Especially about a little operation of a single ship. You went over and beyond…for what exactly? A mission on the coast waters of a single island?"

Alicia was this near to throw her drink into his face out of rage, he knew NOTHING about that mission. He spoke as if he could do it way better, and that infuriated her since she knew the huge effort it meant all the mission for the WTF. She forced herself to remain calm. She forced herself to breathe deeply and try not to do something worse.

"That mission was meant to happen, and if the General give green light-"

Oliver interrupted her. "Not the point here."

"Then?"

"Do you remember what Artemis, no, what William taught us?" He asked, staring at her eyes. "I remember it perfectly. 'No matter what you think about a mission, you must stick to the rules and walk together.' Remember?"

Alicia felt off when Oliver mentioned William's words. She remembered them too, he told them that when they almost ruined a mission. When they first started to work together. She sat in silence, feeling her chest tighten at the memory.

Oliver looked at her calmly. "We were meant to work together. Do you really want me to be not only reprimanded but also possibly demoted because you didn't tell me your plans? I thought we were a team."

"I…" Alicia murmured a bit uneasy.

"I tell you as a friend. I've always helped you despite what we did to each other." He said surprisingly softly. "Next time you think of taking a mission, tell me about it. I'll speak you out of any bullshit you try, yeah? Like the old times."

Alicia didn't answer.

Oliver finished his cocktail and stood up, leaving the money for it over the table. "Next time, Guardian, don't make a decision you'll regret later. We both know what happens when you make solo decisions."

She stayed there, while Oliver had left. As she tried to ignore the nickname and the pain it brought with it. At the same time her mind simply started to go over the records for her team's part of the mission. Now she was anxious, wondering if she actually fucked up everything by not speaking first with Oliver. Which somehow made sense, she was a Captain and he was a Major, not only that, they worked together before and they should keep doing that.

"No, no, just stop thinking that." She murmured to herself, closing her eyes and pinching her nose bridge. "I did good, I did…"

She went back to silence for a moment, then cursed under her breath. With a last sigh, she went to pay while the words of what Oliver said kept echoing in her head. After that she went back to her car and stayed there in silence, pressing her forehead against the steering wheel as she started to ask herself if she was making the same mistakes again.

[clumsiestgiantess]

Day 14: Linger

Some fucked up shit (whump) I wrote several years ago, re-written for your viewing pleasure.

(For those of you who don’t like torture scenarios, you can skip this one; idk what younger me was on when I wrote this)

Hailey

My parents are fighting again.  At least, I like to think of them that way — parents instead of total strangers.  It's been harder and harder to see them shouting like this.  I can hear their screaming all the way from my room on the top floor.  It's been hard on my brother too, I think.  He hides it better than I do.  I just want things to be normal again.

Sighing, I slunk downstairs and slipped outside before anyone noticed me.  Taking a deep long breath, I gently closed the door, peering into the dark.  Walking out to the edge of our yard-  sorry, table, I sat down on its edge.  Four years of living on a surface raised several whole feet in the air and thinner than you is definitely not for everyone; I'm ok with it though.  I don't fall off too often anymore.

My family and I; we’re all dolls.  Yes, literally.  I’ve been like this as long as I can remember, passed from hand to hand, attic to garage sale.  The girls in this house — they used to play with us all the time.  It was amazing!  The world of plastic would fall away into something real and true.  Life was only worth living for those moments.  But the older human grew up, and the younger one was bought a brand new dollhouse, unlike this ancient one.  Soon after our abandonment, my parents — the older dolls — started arguing nonstop.

Sometimes I'll imagine what life would be like if I lived on my own, but then I wouldn't have a life.  Literally.  My whole reason for existing is to be played with.  I wouldn't be miserably listening to a never ending argument, but I'd be miserably sitting in the dark, alone, by myself with nothing to live for.  So that's not really an option.  The pent-up stress and depression that comes with being rejected took its toll on everyone in different ways.  I come out here to sit at the edge of our table and wait for one of the humans to come down.  Maybe, just maybe, they’d remember us.  Even if they don’t want us around, surely they’d pass us along to another human that does.

Just then, the basement lights snapped on.  Yelping in surprise, I slipped off the ledge and braced myself for the hard ground below.  As a doll, I can go from flesh to plastic pretty much instantly, so I can't get hurt from this kind of thing.  Every once and a while I forget that as plastic, I’m immune to the fall.  Even without pain, the drop is still plenty terrifying.  I'm not supposed to be seen by humans — not without being plastic — so I scrambled away from the open floor and hid behind one of the table legs.  Apparently, humans don’t like it when we’re flesh like them.  

When I was younger, I vaguely remember all of us trying to live life alive, like humans do.  When an actual human found us, they got so scared they passed out.  My oldest sister tried once more to interact with them, but she didn’t come back.  I tried to ask what my parents meant by that, but they didn’t give an answer other than she was never coming home.  Now I know that they’d tried to ‘exorcise’ her — a gruesome process humans inflict on dolls like us to stop us from living.  I didn’t even know we could die until then.  None of us show our living selves anymore.  As long as we’re complacent, nothing bad happens.

The girl who’d come downstairs so suddenly was the older one.  She ran right past me to the door with her dog in tow, so I took the opportunity to get climbing.  She never comes down to play with us anymore, so I know I have some time before anyone notices me where I didn’t belong.  

My first few attempts to scale the table failed pretty miserably.  I kept sliding back down the slippery wooden columns which served as table legs.  Finally, I'd managed to climb halfway up the vertical surface when the door to the yard opened, letting in a hyperactive puppy with the girl right behind it.  After running a few laps around the basement, the fluffy bullet settled down on the couch while the human pulled out her phone and sat down beside it.  

Inch by inch, I slowly began hauling myself up the table again, refusing to go back down.  It had taken me so long to get where I was.  In hindsight, that wasn't one of my best ideas.  The dog spotted me moving less than a few seconds later, and began barking as loud as it could at the table leg I was currently climbing.  Instantly, I was back on the floor again.  "Hey!" the human yelled annoyedly, marching over to her dog.  "What in the world are you barking at?!  Is your ball under there?"  Before I could even think about running, she'd stuck her head under the table and spotted me.  I was way too quick for her to catch me alive, though.  

By the time the human got down on her hands and knees, I was already back to being plastic.  "Were you barking at this?" she asked the dog as she held me out for it to sniff.  Now that I was plastic, the animal seemed to lose all interest in me and went back to lay down on the couch.  The girl shook her head and walked back with him, but she'd taken me with her, placing me down on the bookshelf beside the couch.  "You are such a strange dog, Cooper," she said, patting the husky puppy as she sat down again.  

Ok, I've been sitting here for an HOUR now and the girl, Ellie, if I remember correctly, still hasn't left.  She got up a few minutes ago to get her headphones though, and she hasn’t looked up from her phone once.  As quietly as I could, I began to slide away from my spot on the bookshelf.  Mind you, I'm still five inches tall, so one wrong move and I'm easily seen.  I was at the edge of the shelf now, so I hardened my skin to plastic and inched off the ledge, letting myself drop to the ground.  I'd begun traversing the floor, sure I could make the short jog to the play table, which had doubled as a dumping ground over the years.  

Just a quick jog, only a few seconds between me and the safety of the table.  "Holy shit!"  I froze, mortified.  In my prehipreal vision, Ellie stood up, staring down at me from somewhere too far up for me to see.  Before I could even think of running or going plastic, Ellie rushed to a bin nearby, grabbed a fake treasure chest, and closed it around me.  The plastic lock clicked shut, and she thundered up the basement stairs yelling urgently.  "Mom!  Look what I found!"  Panic seized my chest, constricting the air out of my lungs.  Say something, anything!  "NO!  Please!  Please, you can't tell them!" I yelled, banging on the side of the box.  I've just destroyed my life.

Ellie

Running as fast as I could, I slowed as I heard my mom reply.  "What is it honey?"  Thinking back to the tiny doll, I asked myself: was telling her the best idea?  Every time adults found out about something like this in any movie, book, or even real life, they usually messed it up one way or another.  Rather than telling her the truth, I said I'd forgotten.  "That's alright," she replied, "Tell me if you remember what it was."  I ran about halfway down the stairs before she stopped me.  "Now that you're upstairs, why don't you help set the table for dinner?"  I wasn’t upstairs anymore, but I knew I couldn’t argue.  Before I could try to make up a good enough excuse, she had me fishing out spoons and forks from a drawer in the kitchen.  I'd left the locked chest on the couch downstairs.

After a seemingly endless dinner, I was called away from the basement again to put away the laundry.  Groaning, I trudged down the hall to my room.  It wasn't that I was afraid the doll might escape the box; I was more afraid of my sister finding her.  Claire, my younger sister, loves catching cool bugs and other various small creatures.  I know she’ll absolutely adore the tiny doll from the basement.  The problem was, she almost always forgets about the things she takes 'care' of, and leaves them in their containers without… anything.  Now that I think about it, I don't think she's ever taken care of something that's lived for more than a month.  

Once I was finally done with the laundry, I raced back downstairs.  Hesitantly, I crept back to the couch and let out a sigh of relief; the chest was still there.  No one had come down before me.  As carefully as I could, I flipped open the lid, peering in.  The small doll inside jumped in surprise and backed into a corner.  "Wow," I breathed, "You... you're alive."  Glaring at me, she grumbled under her breath.  "You aren’t supposed to know that."  I startled.  For some reason, I’d been unsure whether she could talk.  "What.. Why?" I asked, both confused and alarmed at once.  

"Well, it’s.. for safety," she replied, “Humans don’t react well to seeing us alive.  I.. don't know exactly what will become of us if we’re found out, but everyone says bad things'll happen if we are."  Huffing, she sat back down on the bottom of the chest.  After a second or two, she glanced up at me.  “So, get it over with already.”  My brows furrowed in confusion, wondering what she was insinuating by her last statement.  "But I didn't tell anyone,” I said, glancing back at the stairway, “No one knows except me."  The doll froze and looked up at me incredulously, "You're a liar.  I can hear through this box, and I heard you yelling to your mother.”

"Did you hear me tell her about you?" I quipped.  I could see she was about to say something snide in return but stopped, "... no.  That doesn't mean anything, though.  You still could've told them while I was sitting down here."  Leaning back, I tried to think of a way to convince her I wasn't lying.  "If I told someone, don't you think I would've brought them down here to convince them?"  That silenced her for a while.  "So, you didn't tell anyone?" she finally asked, shock spilling into her voice.  I shook my head.  Getting back up from the floor of the box, she grumbled as she started climbing over the side of the chest.  "Even if you told no one, you still know.  To me, that's one human too ma- AAH!"  As she tried to climb up, her elbow knocked into the lid and it came crashing back down.  Trapping her inside it again.  "Are you alright?" I asked, lifting it gently back up.

"Just get me out of this thing," the doll sighed.  “If you’re not going to trap me, I’m leaving.  Like I was saying, you shouldn't know about me."  As I listened to her talk on and on about how dangerous it was for her, I tilted the box so she could hop out.  "If you know, someone else is bound to find out about me eventually.”  I watched her with silent awe.  She isn’t even plastic, though I know for a fact that she was when I used to play with her.  

When I used to play with her.  What a strange thing to do to someone very clearly alive.  She’s.. a doll, that’s the point of her, but a living doll���. As the thought sunk in, I realized how most people would be frightened at that phrase.  Flashes of horror movies danced in my head and I began having second thoughts about trapping her.  Maybe it is better if I let the doll have what she wants.  I cleared my throat, causing the little thing to jump at the sound.  She’d scaled down the side of the couch where I’d placed the chest, and watched me warily from the floor.  The distance between us didn’t feel like much, yet she looked so much smaller.

“Are all of you alive?” I asked, trying to stop the tendrils of fear in the back of my mind from slipping into my voice.  The doll turned away from me purposefully, “I can’t tell you that.”  Yes.  Yes they are.  “Is everything alive?”  A sneer drifted onto her face.  “Of course not!  That would be impossible to hide!  I don’t think anything is alive besides us.”  The doll cringed a moment later, realizing her slip-up.  Slowly, she turned back around to glance at me, trying to catch whether I’d recognized her mistake.  "Alright, I guess I'll be upstairs then," I quickly headed towards the staircase as horror movies again plagued my thoughts.  "Ok, just… please don't tell anyone," the doll stressed.  When I turned to leave I replied, "I don't think anyone will believe me anyway,” before quickly dashing up the stairs to safety.

I've been staring at the ceiling of my room for the past half hour now, trying to make sense of what I just discovered.  Was it better to leave the doll alone, or would it be better to trap her again?  If my sister found her and mistreated her like everything else she owns, she might invoke whatever paranormal wrath the dolls might have.  I debated it over and over in my head all through the night and into the next day.  I'd just finished breakfast when a crashing sound echoed through the house.  What was that?" I called in exasperation, expecting Cooper to have accidentally knocked something else over again.  "It sounds like it came from downstairs," I heard my sister reply.  The basement?  Oh no.  The doll.

I raced out of the kitchen and scrambled for the basement door.  "I'll get it!  No one move; I'll check it out!"  Not waiting for a reply, I raced down the stairs and froze at the bottom.  One of the other playhouses, a windmill with two small floors, had fallen off the table and smashed on the floor below.  At least it wasn’t some possessed doll ritual. 

"Everything's fine!" I called to my family, "Something just fell off a shelf, that's all!"  I stepped forward to assess the damage when I noticed a string attached to a broken piece of the windmill.  Pulling it off of the balcony, I realized there was a kind of grapple at the end.  Strange.  I followed the string with my finger, tugging it along through the cracked plastic pieces to find what the other end was attached to.  Splinters of cracked plastic parted, revealing the doll from last night.  I found her beneath the rubble, unconscious.

Hailey

My life is literally over.  I thought I might be able to salvage it, but as I walked into the dollhouse it became painfully apparent that I was done for.  Everyone knew what had happened.  Of course they did; the dining room had a clear view of the couch.  I'd been warned explicitly by everyone in this place that if anyone screwed up, they'd pay for it.  One mistake would affect everyone, not just the doll who was to blame.  My so-called 'parents' locked me in my room, blocking the way out with a heavy shelf.  The only reason I'm not still stuck in there is my crafty escape plan I'd devised on day one of the fierce arguments.  Thankfully, I made it out with my climbing grapple and my freedom.

I planned to live on my own.  It’s really the only option now.  I won’t really miss the old house or the dolls there, but I wasn't expecting them to actually stay true to their word.  I kind of assumed that the threats to imprison me were fictions purely to scare me away from the idea of escape.  All night, I trekked across the massive basement floor, not daring to stop for anything until I reached the place I was headed.  I was going to live in the two story windmill on the shelf by the stairs.  It was less used than the dollhouse, and basically inaccessible to any of the others without a grapple like mine.

It was already early morning by the time I reached the stairs.  The distance between the dollhouse and the other end of the room didn’t look nearly as far from my window.  However, my legs ached from the journey.  When I finally got to the shelf, I used my grapple to scale each section.  It was easier going scaling each individual section rather than trying to climb the whole thing, even if it took a longer time.  Almost at the top, I threw up the hook and latched the end of it to a balcony at the top of the windmill.  Just as I'd begun hoisting myself along, I heard a faint creak.  My line slid and I froze, my heartbeat pounding in my ears.  Fearfully, I looked up.  I was just in time to witness the top of the windmill snap off the building.  Screaming, I desperately grasped at my line, but it was no use.  The whole thing had fallen with me.  I managed to become plastic before I hit the floor, but I barely had time to blink before the entire building fell on top of me.

Mommy and Daddy are fighting.  I don't like it, so I turn instead to my pretty little world of make-believe.  My dollies have such a nice life; if only my life were like theirs.  A big house, big adventures, and best of all, a big loving family.  I notice the sky getting dark.  Placing the dolls in their beds, I rush to the window.  A single star shines in the early night sky.  "Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight," I recite at my window ledge, "I wish I may, I wish I might, have this wish I wish tonight."  I suck in a deep breath, and with it I utter: "I want to live like a dollie, my whole family and me."

I woke up with a start, flinching upright in a panic.  What was that?  No, I…  Shit.  I know what that was.  That was me.  The real me.  Before I was like this.  How could I have forgotten?  "I'm.. not a doll," I whispered to myself, "I never was."  

"What?"  I flinched at the new voice.  It was the girl, Ellie.  She was bending over me, concerned and way too close for comfort.  I quickly scrambled backward to get away, only to nearly fall over into the sink behind me.  That's when I realized Ellie had taken me to the bathroom.  She'd woken me up by splashing water on my face.  "Could you, you know, move back a little?" I asked, feeling very crowded by her looming presence above me.  "Oh, sure, of course," Ellie easily put a bit more space between us.  "I just didn't catch what you said before."  

The realization came rushing back, hitting me full force like a kickball to the gut.  So that was the reason I didn’t remember how I ended up in someone’s living room.  That’s why we tried acting human before we recognized how dangerous it was.  But it’s impossible.. how did we end up as playthings?

"I-  I'm a person," I said with a shudder.  "I remember now.  It came to me in a memory when I got knocked out.”  My solemn voice bounced loudly off the walls of the small bathroom.  This.. girl, she can’t be more than 16.  I’m.. I think I’m 20?  I was way younger than her when I made that wish — more like her sister’s age.  How had I grown up?  How had I grown up like this?  The human- the girl- the teenage girl technically younger than me- loomed over me like a giant.  Because she’s a human, my mind replied smoothly.  But.. so am I.

“It's.. I..  I think I cursed myself to be this way,” I stuttered, avoiding eye contact, “Both me and my family."  Ellie withdrew further back, eyes growing wide.  "I knew it," she whispered in fear, "This is how horror movies start; a cursed doll and their unsuspecting first victim."  Ellie stumbled out of the bathroom, looking at me in newfound horror.  "No, I-!" I tried to explain, but she cut me off.  "I should've told everyone about you!  Maybe if they knew, they would lock you away somewhere, and you wouldn't be here now — about to kill me."  I blanched, watching her backpedal towards the stairs.  "Wait, no, I don't want to hurt you!  What are you talking about?  Where are you going!?" I yelled, panicking as she reached the bottom step.  Ellie dashed upstairs before she heard anything else I said.

This is bad, really bad.  I have to stop her.  Now.  Hardening to plasticity, I jumped from the bathroom counter and took off at a run.  Being stupid little doll size, I couldn't get very far.  She was long gone by the time I made it to the stairs.  I cried out in anguish.  Each stair was a few inches — or maybe a centimeter — taller than me.  Having no other way to get to Ellie, I started climbing.  The family upstairs was nowhere to be found by the time I reached the ground floor, which took ages.  Ellie wasn't there.  Thankfully, I know where her room is, though.  I've been on this floor once or twice when Ellie decided to bring us up here to play.  It was often during some sort of vacation scenario where the story required a dramatic change in scenery.  

I shuddered at the memories, taking a moment to rest in the doorway.  I’d been played with, and I’d liked it.  Now, I feel like vomiting just thinking about someone so big picking me up and forcing me around.  

I ran over to the girls' hallway.  Luckily, it was a straight shot to Ellie's room.  Unluckily, I had to pass Claire's room to get there.  I crawled down the hallway, keeping to the side of a wall to avoid attention.  For a while, I really thought I would make it through without being caught, but as it turns out, Claire was not in her room.  "Oh, wow!" gasped a voice from above.  I didn't even have time to process that I'd been spotted before I was snatched up.  My vision spun from being yanked to such a dizzying height so suddenly.  I desperately tried to free myself from her grasp, but my protests were only met with a tightened grip.  The world whirled by at a sickening speed.

Suddenly, I was thrust into a dollhouse.  This one was nothing like the one in the basement.  Everything was uncomfortably plastic, and it was completely open on one side.  Most annoyingly, it was also scaled to the wrong size.  Even in this dollhouse I still seemed to be a few feet smaller than normal.  

Claire gazed in at me, again getting way too close for comfort.  I desperately searched for a way out, but there aren’t even any stairs leading off this floor.  "ARE YOU REAL?!" Claire squealed in excitement.  I yelped, quickly shoving my hands over my ears.  "OH MY GOSH YOU ARE ADORABLE!"  She reached for me and I screamed, despite myself.  "Please!" I cried, "Please stop yelling.  I'm going to go deaf!"  Claire whined and snached me out of the dollhouse.  She held me close to her face and started petting me.  "Aww, I'm so sorry little thing.  You're just so cute!  Look at how small you are!  So tiny!"  I could practically feel my dignity slipping away.  "No!  Stop it!  I'm not a doll, I'm a person!  Put me down!"  I shoved at her fingers, but they didn't budge.

Claire giggled, sending chills down my spine.  "I know you're a person, silly!  Dolls don't talk!"  She only laughed at my feeble attempts to free myself.  "You're my very own tiny person.  Even better than a doll!  We're going to have so much fun together!"  My stomach dropped.  She knew?  She knew I was a person, but she didn't care?  Claire placed me back into the dollhouse and shut it.  I was too stunned to move.  Only when I heard the click of a latch lock did I snap out of my stupor.

"Wait!" I cried, rushing to the window, "Let me out of here!  You can't lock me in here!"  Claire only giggled and poked her fingers in through the window next to mine.  I retreated backwards in alarm, tripping over myself and falling hard on the pink plastic floor.  "Yes I can," she said cheerfully, "You're mine now!  I can do whatever I want with you!"  How can something so sinister be spoken so happily?  I threw myself against the window.  It was criss-crossed into tiny square sections for decoration, effectively trapping me behind a cruel set of plastic prison bars.  

The lights in Claire’s room flicked off, and soon she was asleep.  Devastated, I searched the floor one last time for a staircase down, or a non-barred window, but no such luck.  There was a bed made entirely of plastic — the covers only a wavy texture on the bed frame.  Peering out the side window, I could see the latch that kept the dollhouse shut.  I stretched as far as I could, almost getting my shoulder stuck in the window frame, but I was just short of the latch.  Retreating to a far corner of the room, I curled up and cried softly.  Why, why did I have to figure out that I’m a person now?  Doll me would’ve loved being this little girl’s plaything.

Ellie

I was right!  I knew it!  And now I'm going to be murdered for it.  I raced into my room and locked the door, determined to stay safely behind it the rest of the day.  I only came out for a few brief moments to grab meals before disappearing into my room again.  As I panicked about what to do and how to survive, I searched up ways to get rid of the cursed doll.  Of course, the internet offered very little help.  Most of the articles I found were clearly fake, and the others were all based on horror movies, which are also fake.  Either way, most of the suggestions were awfully dramatic.  Many of the passages told me to burn her alive, which seems a bit excessive.

Eventually, due to my recent search history and my phone somehow knowing my location, an article appeared in the 'things you might be interested in' tab.  At first I ignored it; the text was a ranked list of the most haunted things in the state.  However, before I clicked away, a picture caught my eye and my heart stopped.  It was a photo of the dollhouse in the basement; discolored and filtered to make it seem more sinister, but definitely the dollhouse.  I sucked in a shocked breath of air.  There was a paragraph posted below the picture.

#4.  The Wilson House

Unlike most of the haunted houses on this list, you can't visit or tour this home… unless you're five inches tall.  Late one June night the owners of the house, Mike and Veronica Wilson as well as their children, Victor and Hailey Wilson, were all at home when the seemingly impossible occurred.  Their house and car, along with the things and people inside of  them, vanished into the night.  This awfully strange disappearance left police baffled after picking up on what they thought was a prank phone call about a "missing house".  Even stranger still, all that was left of their whereabouts was a dollhouse, confirmed to be a replica of the Wilson home.  Today, the replica is lost to time.  This leaves horror seekers and mystery solvers with the same question: Was it a kidnaping, alien abduction, or was there something darker at work here?  

I stared open-mouthed at my phone, reading and re-reading the paragraph and the entire article to see if there was any more information.  The halls were dark by the time I stopped scouring the internet for the Wilson house.  According to the few sources, the family had been on the brink of collapse when the house disappeared with both parents, the 17 year old Victor, and the 6 year old Hailey.

Slowly I slunk under my covers, uncertain.  The doll said she'd been human once; she'd cursed herself and her family.  Between the first article and what she'd said, I’m fairly sure I just stumbled across the truth about who the doll is.  The worst part?  I really doubt she would have hurt me.  There were only a few things I could find about the disappearance, but what I couldn't find was how it had come to be in the tag sale we'd bought it from years ago.  My best guess was that someone scraped it off the side of the road, then lost interest in it.  Most of the articles were dated a few years after I was born, so it was entirely possible people had forgotten its origins and left it up for sale.  

I was up late that night, thinking.  Hailey was likely the doll I'd met, though she'd clearly grown somehow since she'd been cursed.  She looked older than me, and she was already six the night the house went missing.  I wish I could go back downstairs and talk to her, but I don't want to risk waking up my family.  She’d been pretty adamant on ensuring the secret of her existence.  Now I understand why.  Hailey’s probably worried I told everyone, and she's lucky I didn't.  All this time that me and my sister have been playing with that dollhouse…  they were alive.  Not just alive, but actual people too.  Though, apparently Hailey had only just realized it today.  I have so many questions, and a major apology for jumping to conclusions about her, but they would have to wait until tomorrow.

That morning, as soon as I woke up, I headed to the basement.  I searched everywhere for Hailey — the dollhouse, the toy bins, the shelf, even the remains of the windmill, but I found nothing.  She’d seemingly vanished.  Despite my best efforts, I couldn't find her anywhere.  I spent the entire morning scouring the basement, but to no avail.  Finally, I gave up the search to eat something.  I assumed that Hailey had run away, so I checked the backyard next.  I was halfway through my search — and planning to go through the front yard next — when my mom called me away to help her put together a new table for the deck.  If Hailey was still here somewhere, I’d find her eventually.

Hailey

I was woken way too early this morning.  So early in fact, that I forgot where I was for a moment.  That was until the wall next to me was pulled away, and Claire's awful grin fell into view.  "Good morning little thing!" she said in a sappy voice, "I'm going to get breakfast and then we can play, ok?"  I groaned, but she'd already disappeared out the door.  However, Claire left the dollhouse wide open.  I quickly seized the chance to escape.  Switching to plastic, I jumped down to the floor and raced to the doorway.  I barely made it halfway across Claire's room before I collapsed.  I cursed my night of little sleep and my horribly tiny figure.  If only I weren't so small!  I could easily escape this place if I were still human.  But that was entirely my fault, wasn't it?

By the time Claire had returned, I'd managed to hide amongst a clutter of stuffed animals by the door.  I was far too exhausted to go any further.  Once Claire realized I was gone, she rummaged through the entire dollhouse; haphazardly shoving things out as she searched.  When she'd emptied the entire thing and still hadn’t found me, Claire quickly became hysterical.  Enraged, she began to tear her room apart in search of me, her voice harsh on my ears.  "New doll, where are you!?"  It was terrifying to watch from my perspective on the floor.  Even though Claire can't be more than six or seven years old, she still towered above me.  As she searched the opposite side of the room, I ran out the door as quickly as I could.

"WHERE ARE YOU GOING?"  I flinched so badly I tripped, hitting the hardwood floor face first.  Like yesterday, I was torn away from the ground at a sickening speed.  "WHY DID YOU RUN AWAY LIKE THAT?" Claire cried ridiculously loudly, "DON'T DO THAT AGAIN."  "Or what!?" I spat, "You already lock me up, anyway."

I shouldn't have tested her.  I don't know why I did.  All I remember after that was violent force whisking me through the air, then I woke up on the floor of Claire's room.  My head throbbed and I could feel major bruises blooming on my arm and back where I was laying.  She threw me.  Claire reached for me again, and I panicked.  I don't think I'll survive that a second time.  "Wait!"  I hated how desperate I sounded, and I hated how it felt, but I had no choice.  "I fell out and got lost, I'm sorry!" I lied.  "It won't happen again, I swear.  Please don't-" I swallowed a sob, "Don't do that again, please."  

Claire smiled an awful, satisfied smile and backed off.  A few seconds later she returned with a handful of dolls.  "That's ok to get lost,” she assured me sweetly, “I get lost sometimes, too.  Don’t worry, it's only your first day."  I grimaced.  Only my first day.  I tried my best to do what she asked after that incident.  Claire made it horribly clear that she would happily hurt me, or even end my life, if she felt like it.  Days blurred together, mixed with the same bullshit acting she forced me to do — all similar family drama scenarios she played out with her dolls and me.  It wasn't quite torture; it was bareable, at least for the time being.  

Claire made sure to watch me at all times after my first day.  I know I told her I hadn't meant to run off, and she said she believed me, but despite that, she always kept one eye on me at all times.  However, as long as I deal with the stupid little things she asks me to do, I won't get hurt.  I just have to keep playing along until she lets her guard down and I can escape.

Unfortunately, she never let her guard down again.  It was far too easy for her to lock me up inside the dollhouse day after day.  I never got another chance to run.  For what felt like months, I slaved away trapped in Claire's room.  Since I could move on my own, she forced me to act out little scenes for her.  I became an actor, a puppet on a string for her to do with as she pleased.  Charlie was my new name.  Though I continuously try to tell her I already have a name, she stuck with Charlie.  I knew better than to refuse her.  

It was agonizing mental torture day in and day out.  All of her dolls were the same scale as the dollhouse, so my role was that of the small, youngest sister; always belittled by the rest of the family, yet somehow always the center of attention.  Claire made sure of it.  She adored me, but in all the wrong ways.

I was dragged along everywhere with her, but I feared both her wrath and the potential fright from her sister, who thinks I’m possessed or cursed.  Technically, I am cursed, but not in the way she’s probably thinking.  There was a brief moment where I was desperately tempted to tell her, though.  Claire had me with her, sitting right beside her sister.  All I had to do was call out to her, and she’d likely take me far away from my awful captor.  But then what would she do to me?  Rat me out to her parents?  Try to ‘exorcise’ or kill me?  No, it’s better to stay where I am.  Claire also tried to hide me as best she could.  I guess she thinks I might try to tell someone or run away again.  At this point, I don’t think I have the strength to run away.

Late one afternoon, as I was sitting around the table for a 'meal' with the other dolls, I snapped.  Not the violent kind of snap like twigs underfoot, but rather a quiet, groaning crumble like that of a felled tree.  I remember it so clearly.  It was right in the middle of a scene where I was supposed to talk about my fake day at fake school with my fake family.  My line came, I opened my mouth to speak, and.. started sobbing.  Just out of the blue.  I couldn't keep pretending any longer.  

Slipping out of the chair that was just a little too tall, I fell to the ground and continued to bawl.  Two fingers dragged me out of the dollhouse to the bedroom floor.  I could feel Claire's gaze on my back.   I held in a sob long enough to glance upward, and instantly sobered.  My frustrated tears dried on my face.

Claire gave me such a cold, evil glare that my breath hitched in my chest.  "That isn't your line," she said annoyedly, "Get back in and say your line."  I tried.  Trust me, I really tried.  In fear and in vain I tried to go back, but I collapsed within the first two steps.  Before I could continue on sobbing, I was yanked off my feet and thrown angrily down on her little kid's table in the corner.  I could only watch in terror as her form loomed ever closer.  Desperately, I tried to form an apology.  Even if I had, I doubt that would've stopped her.  

"Please, don't do this!  Whatever you want to do to me-"  Claire effortlessly pinned me down while I struggled for freedom.  "No!  I'll do anything!  Just stop!  STOP!  PLEASE!"  My pathetic sobbs fell on deaf ears.  I quickly turned plastic in fear of what would happen, and thank god I did.  In one terrible motion, she grasped my right arm and tore it clean off.  All that was left was a gaping plastic socket.  

"Huh, maybe you are a doll after all," Claire mused, noticing it.  I screamed, but no sound came from my mouth.  I don't exactly have vocal chords when I'm plastic, or a throat for that matter.  I can barely even move.

A new realization dawned on me quickly afterwards.  If I turn back, my arm will bleed out.  My plastic form would have to be my only form.  Unless I could somehow bargain for my arm back.  I did; I tried desperately to get her to listen.  But I couldn't get her to understand me before, nevermind now — I literally don't have a voice.  "Forget your lines and you'll end up with more than just your arm missing," Clare threatened at the end of it all.  

What did it matter?  I can't act for her now.  I was just like the rest of her dolls, still and compliant.  I could move around with enough effort, but why bother?  After only a few days of staying plastic, I became completely lethargic.  There was no hope of escape.  I would die here.  Can I even die now?  Being plastic, I don't think I can.

Ellie

I'd long come to terms with the fact that Hailey had run off.  Wherever she was, I hoped she was doing alright.  There wasn't really much I could do to find her beyond the searching I did, so in the end, the thought of her haunted little dollhouse was melancholy at best.  I visited it on occasion; I even took her older brother to try and get answers from him on where his sister might’ve run off to, but he sat there lifelessly the whole time.  Hailey really wasn’t kidding about them trying to keep the secret.  The rest of the dolls don’t even know they’re people, I don’t think.

I really did try to befriend him, though.  He was clearly adult age, so a lot of my befriending probably went right over his head.  Still, I sat around and gave him company for several days.  Once in the middle of the night, I caught him sneaking around and immediately got up to see him, but he fell over plastic before I got close.  Two weeks went by before I put him back and gave up on him.  Finding Hailey slowly became less and less of a priority.

That was until one day, while I was watching a show on TV, I noticed my sister playing with her dolls on the floor to my left.  This was a completely normal occurrence, except there was a new, familiar-looking doll that caught my eye.  Shuffling inconspicuously closer on the couch, I peered down.  It was Hailey.  It was undoubtedly Hailey.  And she was missing an arm.  I blanched at the sight, and for a moment, I thought she was dead.  Then I remembered the strange way she could switch from flesh to plastic.  Hailey had been a plastic doll instead of flesh and blood beneath the splinters of the small dollhouse where I’d found her.  Her transformation must be some sort of unnatural defense.  I knew Claire would never willingly give Hailey to me though, so I chose to improvise.

I pretended to be uninterested in her games, and glued my eyes to the television.  When Claire disappeared down the hall to use the bathroom, I swept in and stole Hailey away.  In a half run, I rushed into my room and locked the door behind me.  Once I was behind the safety of my bedroom door, I carefully placed Hailey on my desk.  Her plastic form fell sideways, limp.  I stilled, was she dead?  

"Hailey?"  I'd never actually called her by her name before.  Almost agonizingly slowly, she sat up.  Her movements were almost mechanical as she tried to make the best use of the few joints she still had.  Her missing arm only added to her limited movements.  Wait, without her arm…  "You can't turn back, can you?" I realized solemnly.  Hailey slowly shook her head, mute.  I couldn't even tell what she was feeling; her face was a mask of dull plastic expression.  No doubt it was somewhere between terrified and miserable.

"Where's your arm?" I asked her.  "It must be in my sister's room somewhere, right?  If I bring you with me, could you help me get it?"  Hailey nodded vigorously — the fastest I’d seen her move.  Eagerly, I reached out to pick her up.  A second later, she pressed herself against the back wall behind my desk.  Though I couldn't read her expressions, she made it clear enough that she would NOT be manhandled.  I don't blame her, especially knowing where she's actually been all this time.

I cupped my hands together and held them out for her, gesturing to climb in.  Hailey’s plastic form shuddered, but she slowly shuffled her way into my hands, balancing awkwardly on legs that barely bent.  I lifted her up and cautiously opened my bedroom door.  Slinking quietly down the hall, I uneasily watched the doorway to the living room.  Claire was frantically searching through her things, no doubt trying to find where Hailey had disappeared to.  Thankfully, where Claire was currently situated in the living room made it hard for her to see down this hallway.  

I slipped into her room and waited patiently for Hailey to give me the next directions.  It must've been pretty hard work.  She had to put in so much effort to simply point at things around us to guide me.  As it turned out, her arm had been stashed in one of Claire's jewelry boxes.  We'd found it just in time, too.  My sister's footsteps echoed in the hallway outside.  Her room was one half of a jack and jill set, connected by a bathroom.  Before Clare made it to her door, I'd slipped away into the bathroom and out into the other room.  I waited in the second room — a guest bedroom; my room was just beyond this one.  Hailey shifted nervously against my fingers, cold plastic pressing up against warm flesh.

Once I was sure Claire would be in there for a while, I crept back into my own room and re-locked the door.  Placing Hailey back on my desk, I examined the plastic arm I'd stolen.  Hailey desperately tried to stand, but the weight of the plastic was off balance, and she kept falling over backwards.  Eventually, I sat down and took her gently in my hand, cautiously bending her plastic limbs to let Hailey sit down.  She went completely still the moment I touched her.  I didn't know whether it was because she trusted me, or because she was afraid of me, but I'm guessing it was more of the latter.  

"I don't know if this will hurt or not, but I'm going to try to shove this back in now, alright?" I asked, holding out her arm.  Hailey nodded, slower this time, like she was more hesitant.  With one hand, I propped up Hailey’s body, and with the other I held the blunt side of her arm.  Carefully, I pressed the plastic joint back into its socket.  Tenuous pressure soon built up enough to snap the limb back into place with such a loud crack, that for a moment I thought I'd broken it.  

Hailey took one small test movement, then immediately swapped back.  Her ridgid, plastic features melded and smoothed.  Her once expressionless face seemed to vanish beneath a horribly terrified expression.  Hailey’s face was streaked with tears, and her eyes were bloodshot.  It looked like she hadn't eaten or slept in days, which might very well be the case.  She hesitantly edged herself backwards to the far side of my desk, whimpering as she felt the wall behind her, blocking her from going any further.  "Are..  Are you going to kill me?" she asked in an eerily hollow voice, "Be-" she paused to cough, "Because I'm cursed?"  

Oh, right.  The last time we saw each other, I ran off in terror.  Now, I know the truth; it was evidently clear.  Despite her somewhat chilling abilities, Hailey really is just a person.  A person who'd been tortured by whatever hell my sister thought to do with her.  "Of course not," I answered in the kindest voice I could muster, "I'm not my sister.  I won't hurt you."  

Immediately, Hailey started crying.  She knelt on my desk, head bent over as she quietly sobbed.  I carefully reached out and scooped her up, unsure how else to comfort her.  "You're ok," I whispered when she flinched in my grasp.  For the first time, I noticed the ugly purple bruises that lined her arms.  "Forget what I said to you before.  I'm sorry I ran out.  I swear I went back to apologize the very next day.  It never occurred to me that my sister had found you.  I kinda thought you left."  

Hailey only curled up tighter in my hands.  Eventually, she was all cried out.  I placed her down and she stumbled backwards drowsily.  I caught her before she could fall, and eased her down.  She slumped over and almost fell asleep right then and there before she bumped one of her bruises and flinched awake.  Startled, Hailey looked up at me frighteningly.  "Why am I..  tired?  So.. tired?"  She could barely form words.

"You're probably sleep deprived, and by the looks of it, starving too."  I lowered her to the surface of my desk, "Stay there, I'll get you some food."  I raced out of the room and straight to the kitchen.  A slice of bread and a bottle of water were all I could grab before dashing back.  Again, I double checked the lock behind me.  Hailey had fallen asleep, but I'd taken enough health and science classes to know that this was bad.  If she fell asleep now, there was a good chance she wouldn't wake up.  

I shook Hailey awake; thankfully she hadn't completely checked out.  Then, I quickly ripped up the slice of bread into pieces small enough for her to eat, and handed her one.  She scarfed it down while I poured out some water into a bottlecap for her to drink.  It looked so wrong watching her practically eat from my hand, but right now Hailey probably couldn't care less.  After making sure she'd eaten enough, I let her sleep.  It was a bit safer now that her body had something to sustain itself for a while longer.

I dutifully sat at my desk until she awoke.  Only leaving once to poke my head out the door to say: "No Claire, I haven't seen your missing doll, but I'm sure it's around somewhere.  After all, it can't just get up and walk away, can it?"  As I sat there patiently, I thought through what had happened between Hailey and my sister.  Could Claire really be that sadistic?  Why did she do this to Hailey?  I had to admit, she didn’t have the best track record, but she should surely know better than to do this to a person, right?  I huffed, plunking back down next to my desk.  While Hailey slept, I looked over her bruises.  She looked awful, tortured even.  I gave my sister the benefit of the doubt and hoped that this had only happened because Hailey could barely move and couldn't speak.  Hopefully, Hailey had been plastic the whole time, and my sister had only mistook her for another doll.

Hailey

I was greeted with three different kinds of pain when I woke up.  My stomach was eating itself from the inside out, my head was pounding, and the bruises everywhere throbbed dully.  I groaned a little in agony, and the whole right side of my vision shifted.  My first instinct was to brace myself for the worst.  I'd been sleeping, and it was daylight.  Surely Claire would punish me for this.  However, when nothing happened, I risked a glance at the gigantic figure beside me.  I realized with a mixture of relief and terror that I was now held captive by a different sister.  At least this one understands that I'm a person.  This one tries to communicate with me.  

Then, I noticed the plate of food and water to my left.  Not even bothering to ask if I was allowed to, I scrambled the short distance across the desktop and ate.  I was in the middle of another ravenous bite, having eaten a good amount of the available food, when Ellie suddenly interjected.  "You probably shouldn't eat much more, you don't want to get sick."

Who the hell cares if I get sick?  I'm hungry.  I tried to keep eating, but she reached for me and I practically flung myself out of the way.  Trust me, I wanted to stand my ground, but I'd been attacked so many times for disobedience it was like a natural reflex to me.  My landing only made my bruises throb angrily, and I sucked in a harsh breath of air to calm the pain.  Ellie gave me a sympathetic look and poured me a fresh cap of water.  It only then occurred to me that I was very much her pet, all things considered.  I came when I was called, did as she asked, ate from her scraps.  Hell, I even cried right in front of her as she held me.  I didn't like that revelation one bit.  

"What do you want with me?" I asked, remembering our brief conversation before I passed out.  "If you're not going to kill me.. am I just your pet now?"  Ellie seemed shocked, which might be a good thing?  I watched as she looked between me and the plate of food next to me.  No doubt recognizing the sad predicament I was in.

She sighed, "I read about what happened to you."  Ellie leaned forward slightly and looked me over.  "You're Hailey Willson, aren't you?"  It was strange hearing my real name for the first time in who-knows-how-long.  I almost didn't recognize it.  "Yes, I'm Hailey Willson, a REAL person.  I-  I'm not a doll.. please, I-"  I what?  I'm tired of being treated like shit?  I just want to be normal again?  Was it not my own damn fault that I'm stuck like this?  

"Just.. I'm begging you, you have to understand."  But how could she?  Never in her wildest dreams would Ellie be in the same situation I am.  "I'll try to," she answered cautiously, "And you aren't my pet, or anything like that.  I do see you as a person, honestly I do.  I know how this looks," she gestured to the meager little meal she'd given me, "but I swear it's only because I was in a hurry.  You're not a pet, you're not a doll.  I.. don't know.. a friend, maybe?  That is if you're willing."  

I knelt, trying to process what I was hearing.  My head pulsed painfully against my skull.  "That's..  Thank you, I- I just don't feel like making any more life-altering decisions right now."  Ellie nodded, and I eased myself backwards until I was lying half propped up on a stack of books piled on the desk.  I closed my eyes and took a few shuddering breaths.  How had I screwed myself over so completely?  Everyone, even a little kid, has more control over my own life than I do.  Any of these people could do whatever they wanted to me, and I'd have no choice but to comply.  Sure, I would be treated, for the most part, like I should be here with Ellie, but that was entirely up to her.  If she felt like it, she could turn on me in an instant and I would be powerless against her, against any of them.  

This was all too much for me; I could feel hot tears sliding down my cheeks.  Not again.  I must look like such a pity case to Ellie.  No wonder she wants to take care of me.  Then again, I probably looked just as bad around her sister, but Claire had never so much as given me a day off.  I don't want to be 'taken care of', though.  I just want things to be normal.  A longing pain jabbed at me from the inside as still more tears seeped through my eyelids, now shut tightly. 

I'll never have a normal life, I realized in mental agony.  Even if I am a person, at least to Ellie, there are still so many things I’ll never be able to do on my own.  

While I sat hunched over in desperation, I began to wish that I'd never known I was human.  My life as a doll was terribly simple, but at least I didn't feel like this.  I cut myself off at the last moment, eyes flickering open.  You idiot!  Wishing on stupid shit is exactly what got you into this mess in the first place!

I gasped, realizing that I could've doomed myself a second time.  Slowly, I turned to Ellie.  She was still sitting next to me, hand slightly outstretched like she wasn't sure whether she should try to comfort me with it.  Her face was etched with worry; she looked almost as helpless as I felt.  It was slightly relieving to see Ellie so distraught — so entirely different from her psychotic sister.  I know that probably makes me a terrible person, but it’s reassuring to know that she actually cares about me.  Despite everything, I just might survive.

[septemberskye]

20 questions for fic writers!

tagged by @aevallare, ty bestie<3

i'll tag @again-please and @jaynovz and @narastories (i know this'll work its way around to the rest of the Sunder City gang if i tag you two lol)

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

four. wow. why does that get so huge if i just do the number

2. What's your total AO3 word count? 

113,782. more than i thought!

3. What fandoms do you write for? 

Dishonored, Black Sails, and Horizon: Forbidden West have all gotten varying amounts committed to the page. Stargate: SG-1 has plans but no actual fic

4. What are your top five fics by kudos? 

let’s just not worry about this

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? 

yeah, i really like to, but i suffer from forgetfulness disease so i don’t always manage it. i’ve made friends in the comments! 

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

the planned ending of No Worms, for sure. the only non-canon upsides are that Vane and Abigail Ashe survive to the end. they will be desperately miserable but live to see another day

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? 

a kind of peace that might even last. i sidestep all the sadness of DH1 by making some things happen eight years ahead of schedule :) 

8. Do you get hate on fics? 

i’ve never gotten hate, but there was a person reading Potential Merits that kept leaving comments about how genuinely, personally upset they were at the narrative choices i was making that really contributed to me burning out on that one :/ 

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? 

yeah, sure! as for what kind… i’m quite sure i have not written enough to establish a brand 

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written? 

nah

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? 

not that i know of

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? 

not so far

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? 

i've co-planned a couple! @neosatsuma and i worked together on the Stargate fic (it slaps btw), and @donotfeedthewildauthor and i have a very light and silly Dishonored modern au

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

i shrimply cannot answer this. i have so many beloveds. 

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Potential Merits. the thought of trying to go back over all 86,000 words of it and make it into something i could be proud of again is way too daunting. 

16. What are your writing strengths?

i like to think that my characterization is strong, and that i’m good at leaving breadcrumbs. i always know the end i’m working toward, too 

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

banter. good god i do not know how to banter. there’s a reason i’m writing a poorly-adjusted ranger in my BG3 fic instead of, say, a bard. i’m never as poetic as i’d like to be, either

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? 

i wouldn’t do it unless i had someone fluent in the language helping me, i’d be too worried about making mistakes. i really enjoy reading it in others’ work, though. 

19. First fandom you wrote for? 

PotC, all the way back in 2nd grade

20. Favorite fic you've ever written?

a kind of peace! i think my humor lands, it’s fun, i met all the goals i had for it.

[askyaboionicole]

what if Cole ate the oni weed? Would he still get high, or would it be like catnip where ingesting it has a different effect than huffing it? Would he be bouncing off the walls with crackhead energy if he ate it?

I imagine yes, oni are just big cats afterall.

[amournoir]

𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 — 𝐧.𝐦

warning: these will be my personal thoughts, some are tame whereas others are sinful to say the least. read at your own peril. 

1. the first time you and klaus meet would probably be at some sort of party, ball, gala, etc. 

2. klaus is many things but shy sure as hell ain’t one of them, if he wants you, he’ll make it known. 

3. but just between us girls, iykyk, you want him. i don’t blame you. 

4. he’s a gentleman though, he’s no elijah, but close enough. 

5. he’s always paying attention to everything you say and keeping a mental list of it all. 

6. on random days you are greeted by new gifts whether it’s a holiday or not, he doesn’t care. 

7. speaking of caring, you’re the only one he cares about but it can get a tad bit toxic. just a tad. 

8. he’ll spare people, save your friends, do anything you ask simply because it comes from you. 

9. you actually hate asking him for favors, you enjoy doing things by yourself which pisses him off because he wants to be of some use to you. 

10. back to the gentleman thing— he’ll hold a door or two, open the car door, stand in front of you in the presence of enemies, pull the chair for you, etc. 

11. he spoils you rotten. no really, the man will literally shower you in gifts regardless of whether you want him to or not.

12. he’s an old soul, don’t forget that although it can be easy to when he’s throwing childish tantrums. 

13. he’ll ask your permission for things that pertain to you or are personal. 

14. for example during your first kiss together, he kept looking into your eyes to make sure you wanted that.  

15. he respects you so much. your opinion on anything and everything is held in high regard to him, even higher than elijah. 

16. that drives you insane sometimes. you can never go a day without a text or phone call from him. if you don’t answer, his siblings will call you as well (he forces them). 

17. he’s a huge teddy bear, or a cuddly puppy i should say. he’s got a soft spot only you are privy to. 

18. believe it or not but he’s not a pda guy though he wouldn’t pass on an opportunity to mark his territory, you, in front of other guys & make a show of it. 

19. possessive much? it’s ok, you secretly like it though. his jealousy turns you on. 

20. cheek kisses, back of the hand kisses, temple kisses are more his thing as far as pda goes. 

21. side note, are you a pet name type of person? no? oh well, you’ll just have to get used to his pet names for you: love, darling, sweetheart, princess, my queen, etc.

22. somewhere up there i mentioned gifts, one of them would be paintings of you. some of them are you doing mundane things like eating or even sleeping but you adore them! 

23. this goes without saying but i’ll say it just in case. along with the gifts he gets you, your drawer/closet is filled with expensive clothing and accessories.

24. some of which he uses during your sexy time. he’s ripped and torn far too many lingeries but you don’t mind, he replaces them. 😏

25. now that i’ve slightly mentioned kinks, if you squint very hard you’ll see, let’s get down and dirty.

26. let’s start with his jealousy. he can easily tell when it turns you on, your heartbeat gives you away and this leads to rough sex or depending on whether you purposely made him jealous, he would punish you. 

27. you are turned on by the simplest things when it comes to him. his smirk, his focused state when he’s painting, his tight black pants and skin tight shirt, his playfulness with his brothers, etc. all of this ends with sex because like i said, your heartbeat tells on you. 

28. let’s mention his kinks that you’re aware of thus far. 

29. he has a dominance kink (duh), breeding kink, boob/nipple kink, toy kink (on you), breath play, and bdsm. 

30. now it’s your turn. your kinks include submission, praise, degradation, spanking, exhibitionism, edging, and role play. 

31. this man enjoys seeing you in two positions: a) on the floor on your knees, hands back, mouth open and head tilted back and b) on your knees on the bed with your bare ass up in the air, hands on your back, legs slightly parted and a gag in your mouth. 

32. you as the good girl you aim to be for him, happily oblige. sometimes. pfft, i didn’t say you were an angel. 

33. i wanna go into slight detail about the toy kink. it drives him mad seeing you filled to the brim, one in your cunt and ass. sometimes he’ll shove himself with the toy too, especially if it’s a vibrating dildo. the last time he punished you, he made you wear a vibrating one in public for over an hour and you almost broke but the promise of being fucked when you got home made you hold it in (pun intended). 

34. you were never really a role play type of girl but after modeling for one of his paintings nude, you were sold. that day you had sex in his art room, bodies slathered with paint in certain places. “paint me like one of your french girls” you had said after watching titanic the first time and he sure as hell did. he painted your spongy walls with his cum. 

35. oh i almost forgot to mention the simple things he enjoys. 

36. for example, he loves when you choke on his dick or when he eats you from behind until you collapse. 

37. he likes blood play but he’s never forced it on you, it only happened twice. it’s not your thing but you let him indulge when he’s a very good boy. 

38. on special occasions, he’s always welcomed by your naked body on the bed. legs spread open, hair down with a white bow, gag in hand, and your tits on display for him. he’s never ran or undressed so fast in his immortal life. 

39. let’s remember that he’s an animal and he fucks you like one as well. you’ve been bent over your fair share of surfaces throughout the compound with the exception of his siblings’ rooms. 

40. you’re always a drooling whimpering mess by the time he’s done with you and you beg for more still. 

41. like that one time he fucked you silly, you actually collapsed and when you woke up like minutes later, you had this stupid grin on your face and said “round three?” he made sure you were okay then agreed but it turned to 4 rounds. 

42. as a hybrid, his sex drive is always high but there are rare times where he doesn’t want to have sex so you just jack him off or suck him. 

43. ironically those times are the ones that you are the most horny so he just fingers you or eats you out, depending on what you want. once, you took his hand and used his digits to finger yourself which was hot as hell. seeing you getting yourself off on his fingers was a sight to behold. 

44. i said he likes boob play and he really does. when you’re cockwarming, a  favorite pastime for you both, he’ll just suck on them. in the morning, he’ll pinch your nipples or tug on them to turn you on. at night, it’s how you end your sex time but it doesn’t really end because it just turns you on all over again. 

45. waaaaay up there i said that he marks his territory when he’s jealous and this is true in sex too. he’ll leave bite marks on obvious places and smirks whenever someone asks you about it. the darker marks are between your thighs, your nipples, just above your clit, and your ass cheeks. 

46. on more than one occasion you’ve had to find ways to get off when he isn’t there. when he caught you for the first time, he was upset but he was more turned on than anything. his good little girl had missed him so much, it slightly hurt him that you had to resort to other methods. so that night you were fucked to sleep. since then, you play with yourself while he watches on facetime and he praises you to get you off, he’d then return home and give you what you had been craving. 

47. sharing is absolutely not caring when it’s about your body. he will not share you with anyone so he’d gladly play whichever role you want him to in order to satiate you. 

48. he can be a sweetheart though, he’s able to be gentle with you. he always would be if you asked but your kinky self rarely does, you prefer his roughness and being thrown about like a rag doll. 

49. just like he’s not a pda guy, he doesn’t brag about his sex life although he made no promises about teasing you in public. when you’re horny, he teases you. when you have a mark, he teases you. when he met your ex, he implied what a good girl you were for him. 

50. he has sexually ruined you for any man and that’s fine by you because you’re cock drunk for him. you’re both freaks in the sheets but it’s all good, whatever makes you both happy. 

a/n: only saw it fit to do Nik since i did Eli already, sorry it’s semi-short. may add more to this one day, who knows. anyways, hope you enjoyed! 

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[justice-is-a-weapon]

In vino veritas [Dazai x gn reader]

·•━━━━━━━⋆⋅☆⋅⋆━━━━━━━•·

Chapter 11 | ?

previous | next

TW: some symptoms of an anxiety attack / reader has a sensory overload at the end and some swearing

It all changed one morning while I had decided to take a stroll through Yokohama Chinatown. It was quite cold that day so I was wearing a thick woolen coat and gloves. It was pretty windy too. I had a day off with no gigs to play so I thought I might just look at the town.

Who I didn’t expect to see however was a familiar face. I could recognize that choppy, white haircut even from afar. It was Atsushi, the boy that Dazai had taken under his wing. With him was a girl, I think about 14 years old. She was wearing a kimono with a sprout-like pattern and seemed rather reserved from what I could tell. She didn’t gesture as much as Atsushi did. Her hands mostly kept to her sides.

Atsushi seemed to notice me as well since he started waving enthusiastically. I decided to come over to him and say hello. At least I would have something to do then.

“Ophelia, was it?”

He seemed a bit unsure but happy to see me.

“Yes. Atsushi, right? You’re Dazai’s colleague."

He nodded.

“Oh that’s Kyouka by the way”, he pointed at the girl, “She’s also a colleague of mine. I believe you haven’t met yet.”

She gave a short “hello”. I took another look at her.

“Isn’t she a bit young to work in a detective agency?”

Atsushi laughed nervously and tried to explain himself, which he totally failed at might I add, and kept glancing at Kyouka to help him out. I ended up not asking any further. Instead I corrected myself, telling him not to worry and that it had only been a joke. I asked another question to make small talk.

“So what have you two been up to?”

“Oh just some groceries mostly but we need to go like 10 other places too? I don’t know why they always make me do all the side jobs as well.”

Kyouka looked at him with a deadpan face.

“You suck at paperwork, Atsushi.”

Yep, I was beginning to like this girl already. I had to chuckle quite a bit. Atsushi got red at that, feeling like he had been exposed.

“Kyouka, you know I can’t spell for shit. Yeah but anyways back to the topic: We actually wanted to go get crêpes,” he glanced at the crêpe booth longingly (I think I actually heard his stomach growling at that), then he made a face,“I think there won’t be any time for that though.”

I don’t know what came over me when I started talking. Maybe I had felt a bit of pity for the boy. He was young. He should enjoy himself. Also this would give me an excuse to keep myself busy.

“Is there something I could help with? I don’t have anything to do anyways.”

Atsushi looked surprised.

“You really don’t need to!”

“Don’t worry man. I seriously have nothing better to do.”

Then he glanced at Kyouka as if to check if it was alright to give me an answer.

“I mean there’s one thing.”

Kyouka continued talking for him.

“You know Dazai, right? At least that’s what I’ve gathered. We need to drop off some stuff at his place. You could bring him that. He’ll may like to see a face not related to work. He doesn’t like work.”

Atsushi nodded at that.

“Yeah, he kind of forgets to buy groceries sometimes. Or to leave his house for that matter…”

I swallowed hard. This was the chance I’ve been waiting for. But somehow this felt illegal. “All personal things you will get to know about me will be told to you by my humble self”, his voice said in the back of my head. Yep he definitely wouldn’t want me ringing his doorbell, showing up out of nowhere.

However, I thought: But who was I to follow rules made up by someone? So I will liberate myself from my self-inflicted immaturity! Sapere aude! I’ll do what seems reasonable to my humble self, not him. So for now I would ignore that rule. I decided to ignore it just like he had ignored me. Serves you right. Was I being petty? Maybe.

So I said:

“Oh I can totally go drop that off. I just don’t remember his address. We usually meet at my place.”

Atsushi then gave me the address. Adrenaline was now rushing through my whole body. I didn’t know if I was happy or scared of what’s about to come. Atsushi then asked me for another favor.

“You’re friends right? You reckon you could check if he’s doing well in there? He hasn’t left the house in a couple of days as far as I know. We don’t see him much these days.”

I made a face. Fucking hell. So I was right to worry. I knew I was scared of seeing him. But now I also knew I needed to see him. Under the pretense of a welfare check issued by Atsushi of course.

“Yeah I’ll do that. I’ve been worried too, y'know?”

The boy smiled at me after that and handed me the plastic bags.

“Thank you so much! I’ll make sure to return the favor when I’m given the chance.”

With that they took their leave. I was still shaken up. Had I really just agreed to this?

When shaken up I get overwhelmed pretty quickly. The full streets here in Chinatown didn’t help either. All the sounds and smells confused me beyond belief while I was painstakingly aware of my own heartbeat. I needed to get out of here. At least for a minute or two. I ended up disappearing into an alleyway to calm down and sat on the pavement.

“Holy shit.” I ran my fingers through my hair. Nope. I wasn’t going to do it after all. This was too much. Dazai and the world could go fuck themselves. I hated it. I hated those sounds and those smells and those-

I then heard a sound. Like something had been thrown over. I stared down the alleyway seeing something move. Adjusting I could slowly figure out what it had been. Nothing more than a mere stray puppy. It looked at me and turned its head to the side. Yeah I’d be confused too seeing a random person panting and shaking on a sidewalk. I began to talk.

“Oh hey there. You good?”

It slowly began walking towards me. Then sniffing. Then wagging its tail. “Friend”, the puppy must’ve decided. I reckoned it also wanted a break from the busy street.

“Also overwhelmed by all the smells? I feel you buddy.”

After a few tries it ended up letting me pet it. I dragged my hand over its smooth brown fur. It felt nice, calmed me in a way. This felt like a sign that I should go through with it and get my ass up to see Dazai, get myself together. I wouldn’t tell him I had just pet a stray dog though. He’d probably stand five meters away from me after hearing that. I think if it had been a cat however he would’ve been fine with it. My mind was clearer now. I ended up giving the puppy the plain rice I had left over from the lunch I had taken with me. I had already eaten most of it out of boredom and I felt like I should pay this little fellow for helping me in a way.

Because stray dogs help each other.

·•━━━━━━━⋆⋅☆⋅⋆━━━━━━━•·

[Can you tell the reader is getting increasingly more stressed out? Yeah… They’re just like me fr. BECAUSE I’M FREAKING OUT AS WELL. I have some of the most important exams of my life coming up in a few weeks and never really learned how to study, which is just GREAT (please tell me you could hear the sarcasm). Anyways I still will try to upload. I may be a bit inconsistent but I still want to provide you guys with further chapters. But be prepared for what’s coming because (as you may have guessed by the tags) Dazai is an asshole and a mess.]

[tarosin]

the great adventures of y/n tommy tubbo ranboo & others are mentioned - tommy won’t go home

this is part 14 to the great adventures series

an: I tried, days are a social construction on the tarosin blog… also i’m back baby <3

from the moment you were forced awake by tubbo streaming with ranboo, Tommy began sending several messages as in his own words you ‘weren’t answering him quick enough’, probably because you had only just woken up and had no idea what day or time it was.

Tommy: y/n

Tommy: y/n were going out soon I've decided so answer me

Tommy: y/n wake up

y/n: heh? I’m going nowhere I’m tired

Tommy: I’m sending you a ticket make sure you meet me there

it was around now you had the feeling you were going to be stuck with Tommy for a while and you had no idea what to expect. an hour later tubbo stopped streaming so you took this as an opportunity to say your goodbyes to tubbo and ranboo explaining you had no idea what was happening as Tommy refused to explain but you’d probably be back later so they don’t lock you outside like last time

“don’t smirk at me ranboo just because you’re tall doesn’t mean I can’t take you down”

“mhm sure yep”

“y/n you’re going to be late we’ll see you later”

soon enough you were with Tommy who finally decided to inform you of what was happening

“we’re going to go annoy George”

“great idea Tommy let’s go”

the pair of you stood at the door waiting for George to answer, the look on George's face is something you’ll never forget.

“Hello Tommy, is that y/n what are you doing here”

“Nice to see you too… the fuck”

a few minutes later you and Tommy were sat next to George when you found a rubber duck and started making it squeak annoying the others well that was until Tommy took it and started doing the exact same thing you were doing

“I now understand why you looked pissed George”

during the stream, you were sat in between the pair George looked at you and you nodded. a few seconds later George threw the rubber duck hitting Tommy, the pair of you left not long after that event and made your way to the hotel after calling tubbo to explain what was happening.

the next day you and Tommy met up with tubbo ranboo and George at a shopping centre where you were all almost immediately met with several people asking for photos and the chance to talk to you all, you hid behind ranboo until the crowd grew smaller. it didn’t take long for everyone to notice the piano before you had time to process what just happened tubbo ran to the piano dragging you with him accidentally pushing ranboo in the process

“SORRY RANBOO”

the pair of you began playing the piano Tommy joining shortly after. time flew by the five of you spent the rest of your time shopping and just enjoying each other’s company, before you knew it, it was time to get the train. you laughed at tubbo falling asleep on the window however karma quickly caught up as you ended up falling asleep on ranboos shoulder ranboo laughed quietly to himself not wanting to wake up you or tubbo

“I swear its always y/n and tubbo who fall asleep”

“its been a long day y/n couldn’t sleep in the hotel they kept mentioning something about ghosts I don’t know man they must have been watching too many horror films”

“mhm probably”

soon enough you were with the others, minx quickly pulled you into a hug

“Nice tattoo”

“I did it for money it was a sub-goal”

you and tubbo stood with Tommy looking at the ferret

“why’s it so long”

“tubbo does it look like I study zoology I play Minecraft for a living”

the next day you were at the beach, having only had a few hours of sleep the previous night it was safe to say you weren’t in the best mood, you sat next to ranboo occasionally falling in and out of sleep, ranboo kept an arm around you pulling you into his side making sure you were safe and didn’t hit your head on the rocks when you fell asleep. you were woken up by tubbo walking on something which he clearly shouldn’t be. eventually, you all made it back to tubbos house, Tommy and tubbo were in the kitchen while ranboo practised for mcc and you were asleep in the room you had been sharing with ranboo whilst he’s in the Uk.

the next day you all went out on another adventure, at this point you had no idea what was happening but you just went with it. you and Tommy chased a bird telling him about the subscribe button and giving him the name ‘funny boy’

“Why does that bird look just extremely anxious”

“because we’re too cool ranboo”

“maybe we should give him another name than funny boy”

“Charles”

it was at this point you all decided to leave poor Charles alone as it was pretty clear he wanted nothing to do with you.

the three of you made your way to the train station forgetting that the school students would be there, a few minutes later the three of you were swarmed by several students all trying to talk to you all.

“I think we might have got on when the schools are here”

“so thankful you pointed that out boo I thought we were being mobbed by several people cosplaying as school students”

“hi everyone hopefully no one has covid”

you backed away from the crowd moving closer to ranboo

“I bet tubbos really glad he chose not to come”

you tried to avoid the crowd by getting on the train, this failed miserably. people were excited to meet the people they look up to they were all determined to sit with you all on the train taking up the seats around you all, the three of you spent a lot of the train ride talking to them, unlike ranboo and Tommy you ignored the comments aimed at the three of you not wanting to get involved after all it was rather overwhelming so many people talking loudly at once, you ended up moving seats and had a quiet conversation with someone from your community, around half an hour later you were at your destination and said goodbye before joining Tommy and ranboo at wills. the three of you sat on the floor listening to will and the others practice. it’s pretty clear Tommy has a habit of finding things as you turned around to see him with a puppet of a shark pretending to bite you

“Tommy what are you doing”

“bye y/n scream it’s going to get you”

“ah”

realising you weren’t going to scream he began telling joe, Wilbur and David to scream.

after spending time with the others and having a quick trip to the beach you Tommy and ranboo ended up at the shop recording the three of you on the security camera

“If you take a picture from there 50p”

you looked at ranboo tilting your head in confusion even though he was wearing a mask and sunglasses he was clearly equally as confused, he pulled you into his side noticing you were clearly starting to get anxious, you hated confrontation even though it turned out to be a joke it still shook you up a little bit

“I'm only joking my friend…but I did get them”

“you did we took it serious”

“aye you did”

the three of you walked away Tommy still laughing

“he scared me”

after a long day, you all went back to tubbos, you and ranboo decided to end the night early, the pair of you made your way to the shared room. you both spent a few minutes talking about mcc and how you were both going to win and coming up with new strategies. you must have fallen asleep mid-conversation as you didn’t remember seeing Tommy come into the room last night yet you were woken up by him complaining that ranboo playing mcc woke him up.

after getting ready you sat planning an adventure with tubbo

“So where do you wanna go bo”

“We should do something really cool”

“l hope you know that wasn’t helpful”

“pumpkin patch”

“it’s summer where do you think we’re going to find pumpkins…wait tubbo in October I’m taking you to a pumpkin patch it’ll be great we hardly spend time together as a pair near Halloween”

“I promise this year we’ll spend more time together”

your conversation was interrupted by Tommy and ranboo announcing they were ready to go to the beach again. once there tubbo sat arguing with Tommy and ranboo over them needing a life jacket. meanwhile, you had walked away collecting pretty rocks and sea glass putting them in the velvet blue bag covered in embroidered gold stars that dream had sent you as a thank you for the merch you sent him not long ago, you walked along the beach quietly talking to yourself

“ooh jack would like that and I could turn this into a ring for Niki…techno would like this and this would annoy schlatt it's perfect”

you laughed to yourself as you made your way back to the others thinking about schlatts reaction when he sees his gift. when you made your way back you watched Tommy swim over to tubbo leaving ranboo on his own probably waiting for you to return

“did you get any nice rocks then y/n you were out for a while”

“I did. come sit over there with me I’ll show you”

the pair of you sat next to each other away from the sea, ranboo matched your excitement every time you picked the rock you wanted to show him

“you’ve been collecting more than rocks? what’s that”

“I have !! you wanna see?”

“of course I do”

this was a moment neither of you would forget, the pair of you sat enjoying each others company looking at rocks and sea glass you had found on the beach ignoring the world.

taglist:

@denkisclown @emma0nline @fuzzycloudsz @wtfwriter @milkydisaster @dumb-chaotic-bi-energy @uselesssapphickitten @l0ver0fj0y @etheriaaly @xx-smiley-xx @hawarun @cawcaw-pretty-thing @reverse-iak @renleicrashed @augustine-is-joy @c1loudee @orkwardx0 @bearytime @kylobensgirl

[imagine-a-life-like-this]

Too Many Mistakes - Part 2 (S.CB)

Warnings : swearing, mentions of cheating, smoking

Word Count : 2008

Synopsis : a year after she left, she was face to face with him once again. in the past, she forgave him without him trying. but this time, he was going to prove to her that he could be the man she deserved.

Author’s Note : i wasn’t intending to write a part 2, but an anon requested it so I wrote it for them. i hope you enjoy this part 2! if anyone else has any requests, let me know. i’ll try my best!

He spent the next year alone, waking up in an empty bed made for two, her side completely untouched. Sitting at the table to eat, looking at the empty chair across from him wondering if she was eating wherever she was. Coming home to the place that no longer feels like home, not with her gone.

           He messed up time and time again, that he knew. She was always forgiving, loving him in a way he knows he never deserved. He no longer goes to the club, no longer entertains other women, and instead spends his days alone, holding onto a love he knows deserves better. But he wants to be better; for her. Anything for her.

           After traveling for a couple months, she returned to Seoul, moving into a new apartment, and getting her life back on track. She enrolled in university after finding her dream and got a delivery job that works around her school hours. After a year, things were finally falling back into place.

           Until they fell apart. She stood in front of the place she once called home, holding a bag filled with an order she knew all too well. It’s been a year, but he was still the same. He was still the only man she’s ever loved, but today he was just a customer. “Y/N.” Her name always sounded the best coming from him.

           “Delivery.” She handed him the brown paper bag. “Cash or card?” She already knew the answer, pulling out the portable debit machine and handing it over before he could even say a word. She took this time to study him. His hair was a mess, sticking up in random directions, and he had dark circles under his eyes. When the machine was back in her hands, she turned to leave, hoping he would let her go.

           “Can I talk to you?” But he didn’t. It’s been a year since he’s last seen her, and he wanted to take her in just a little longer. He doesn’t deserve anything from her, not even a minute of her time, but he was going to ask. And she gave it to him. As if one year hadn’t passed, as if he was still her boyfriend. She stood in front of him, waiting for another excuse like all the ones from the past. “I’m sorry for not loving you the way I should.” But they didn’t come.

           “What’s your excuse this time?” He didn’t say anything at first, not used to the bite of her words. He didn’t deserve her forgiveness, and sorry is nowhere near enough to fix the hurt he gave her, and he knew that. He knew a year was a long time, people change in shorter periods of time, but he couldn’t help but miss the girl she once was. So loving, so forgiving. But he knows he’s the reason she changed, he’s the reason her walls are built so high up.

           “I don’t have one, not this time. I’ve been kicking myself in the ass ever since you left. But I know I deserved to be left. You’re a diamond, but I treated you like dirt.” He took a step closer to her and her feet stayed planted on the ground. “And I just want you to know how sorry I am.”

           “I don’t forgive you.” He nodded but still took another step closer to her. “I forgave you too many times. You no longer deserve my forgiveness.”

           “Let me earn it.” Her eyes went wide at his words. “I never did anything in the past to earn your forgiveness. So let me earn it this time.” He was still the same Changbin that stole her heart all those years ago, but he was so different from the Changbin she left a year ago. She knows he doesn’t deserve this chance; he doesn’t deserve her. But he’s still the man that owns her heart. No matter how hard she tried to forget him, how hard she tried to move on, it still came down to him. She always came back to him.

           “I make no promises, but you can try.” A soft smile spread across his lips before he pulled her in for a hug. He still smelled like her Changbin, but he hugged her tighter. He held her as if she would disappear if he let go. “I have to get back to work, but my number is still the same.” She pushed him away, got into her car, and drove away.

           She didn’t expect him to reach out, to actually try and earn her forgiveness. But he did. He woke up earlier to deliver her favourite coffee from her favourite café every morning before her class. He spent his weekends with her, giving her the attention she had to beg for in the past. He tried his best to show her he was going to love her right this time; if he got the chance.

           “Are you free this weekend?” Jisung, a classmate and friend, asked as they exited the school. “I have a show on Saturday and I was hoping you’d come.” She could see the hope in his eyes and happily agreed.

           “Y/N!” Her and Jisung looked in the direction of the voice calling her name. Changbin pushed himself off his car and walked towards them. “Did you want to grab something to eat before your shift?” Jisung looked between the ex-couple, wondering who this man was, and why she never brought him up before.

           “Sure. I’ll see you tomorrow, Sungie.” She waved goodbye to her confused friend and followed Changbin to his car, getting in when he opened the door for her.

           She really didn’t want to fall in love again, especially with Changbin. But he makes it so hard when he looks at her like she’s the only girl in the world. And to Changbin, she is. She is the only girl he’s ever loved, the only girl he will ever love. He can’t believe he ever allowed another girl to take him away from the beautiful girl in front of him. No one has ever compared.

           “Where are you going?” Changbin asked as he stood in the living room of her apartment, watching her rush around to finish getting ready. They spend every weekend together, but now here she is getting ready to spend Saturday evening with another man.

           “I told you yesterday, Bin. Jisung has a show tonight and I promised I’d be there.” She grabbed her purse from the kitchen table before walking towards the door to put her shoes on. “You can come if you want.” He didn’t hesitate in following her out the door and to the club Jisung was performing at. A club Changbin recognized all too well. It’s been 14 months since he last stepped foot in this club.

           The place was crowded, more than he remembered, but she seemed to know exactly where to go. He wondered how many times she’s been here. If she always goes to Jisung’s shows. Is he the person that kept her company all these months? “You made it!” Jisung exclaimed when he saw her, throwing his arms around her.

           “Have I ever missed one of your shows, Sungie?” Changbin stood back a couple steps, watching the way the two interact. She doesn’t seem to hold back with Jisung, not the way she holds back with him. Her smile was wide and she seemed truly happy, happier than when she’s with him. “I hope you don’t mind, but I brought Changbin.” At the mention of his name, Changbin took the few steps forward and properly introduced himself.

           “Nice to meet you, Changbin.” He could immediately tell why the two of them got along. Within seconds, Changbin knew Jisung was a better option for her. Jisung would never make the mistakes he made.

           Jisung soon disappeared backstage to prepare. “I think you’ll really like him, Bin.” He smiled as he draped his arm across her shoulders, keeping her close to him. He fully expected her to push him away, but she moved closer to him, smiling softly back at him.

           “If you think I will, then I’m sure I will.” People were surrounding them, but his eyes were only on her. He only has eyes for her.

           “Oh my god! Binnie, is that you?!” Changbin turned when he heard his name over the loud chatter around him, his arm falling from her shoulders as he came face to face with a girl he barely recognized. “It is you!” She wrapped her arms around him, but he didn’t return the hug, instead pushing her off him. “Oh come on Binnie, it’s me!”

           “I’m sorry. I don’t remember you, and I’m here with someone.” He turned to introduce this strange girl to his true love, but she disappeared. Immediately, he started searching for her, frantically running through the crowds of people, desperate to explain that he truly only had eyes for her. He will only have eyes for her.

           After searching the whole club, he made his way outside, spotting the love of his life sharing a cigarette with a man he didn’t recognize. A man with a kind face and broad shoulders. As he got closer, he could see Jisung beside them, shaking his head at whatever she was saying. “Y/N.” Changbin softly called out, causing all three of them to look at him.

           “No.” Jisung said, taking a protective step in front of her, but she pushed herself forward, telling Jisung it was okay.

           “I wanted to believe you, Bin, but you haven’t changed. You’ll never change. I can’t forgive you, no matter how hard you try to earn it. So just walk away.” She turned back to Jisung and the other man, but Changbin wasn’t going to back down, he wasn’t going to lose her again.

           “No. I’m not going to walk away. Not this time, not any time.” When she faced him this time, he could see the tears that threatened to fall, but he refused to be the reason she cried, not this time. “I promise you I have no idea who that girl was. If you had waited just a couple more seconds, you would have seen me push her off and try to introduce her to you. Because I’m all about you. I made mistakes in the past, too many to count, but I will never make those mistakes again. Because I know what it’s like to be without you, and it’s fucking hell, Y/N.” His voice was getting louder and louder the more he spoke, but he had years to make up for. Years of sitting idly by while he watched her hurt. She always fixed everything even when it wasn’t hurt fault. Now it’s his turn. “I stopped going out after you left. I didn’t even try to move on because I knew no one could ever compare to you. It’s always been you, and I wish I realized that before I ruined everything. But I am not walking away. I am never going to stop trying to earn your forgiveness. Because I love you, and I fight for what I love.”

           “What if I can never forgive you?” She met his eyes as the tears began to fall. He cupped her face, wiping away the tears with his thumbs.

           “Then I’ll never stop trying to earn it. Because you’re worth it, Y/N.”

           “You really didn’t know her?”

           “Not a clue.” He whispered, wiping another tear as he blinked back his own. He sees now just how badly he broke her, but he will spend a lifetime putting her back together.

           “Kiss me.” She whispered. And he did. No hesitation. She knew there was still things they had to work on, things to talk about. He made a lot of mistakes in the past, and she forgave him too many times. She forgave him without him having to work for it, but not this time. This time, Changbin earned her forgiveness.

[ambssssssssss]

“I’m so sorry, Lena,” A harsh cough followed the words and Lena felt her eyes begin to fill with water. She was kneeling in the broken streets of National City at Kara’s sighed, mindless of the destruction around them as the injured woman before her absorbed all of her attention. 

“Hold on, Kara, just a few more minutes.” Lena found Kara’s bloody, shaking hand and grasped it with her own. Kara gave her a watery smile. 

“We could’ve had so much time if I hadn’t been so scared.” There’s a strong current of regret in her tone and Lena feels as if she can’t breathe as she pulls Kara’s hand to her lips and presses a kiss against dirty knuckles. 

“We’ll have time now, darling. All the time in the world.” 

“I thought we promised not to lie to each other anymore.” 

A long, uncomfortable pause followed. Kara’s breath grows more shallow by the second, but her eyes remain the same. The deep blue of her iris shines with that same adoration that Lena had always seen in them, and always felt unworthy of. Kara lifted the hand that Lena wasn’t holding on to desperately, ignoring the way her limbs trembled, to carefully cup Lena’s cheek. 

This is the end. They both know it. 

“No, Kara, please,” Lena can hear the desperation in her voice but ignored it just as resolutely as she ignored the tears falling from her eyes. Tears that Kara barely had the strength to gently brush away. “I can’t lose you again.” 

“You never lost me, Lena, not for a single second.” The conviction in Kara’s voice is broken by the blood that slips past her lips as a cough tears through her throat. She collapses back against the broken asphalt after the fit subsides, landing on uneven ground with a pained groan. “I’ve always been yours, even when I wasn’t.” 

The noise around them barely registers in Lena’s mind. The battle had been over for a few minutes at least, but Lena had paid no attention to the chaos around them. Kara, just as she had done since the day they met, commanded all of Lena’s attention. It isn’t until Kara coughs again that Lena realizes that she hadn’t been unconsciously blocking out anything going around them. 

Kara’s cough echoes of the wreckage of a ruined city around them. If Lena had the strength to pull her gaze away from Kara’s slowly dimming eyes, she would have seen the veritable host of people around them falling to their knees as the consequences of this final battle hit home. They won, yes, but none of them thought that the cost would be so high. 

Lena is dimly aware of another person settling on the other side of Kara, taking her hand and nearly gasping out Kara’s name in a choked cry. Even with the addition of Alex with them, Lena doesn’t tear her eyes away from Kara. 

“I know, darling,” Lena grips Kara’s trembling hand tighter, wrapping both of her own around it and pressing a kiss to Kara’s knuckles again. “I think I always have. I should have said something sooner.” 

“Better late than never,” Kara cracked a smile and just for a second, Lena could believe that she wasn’t watching the love of her life die right before her eyes. “Promise me something?” 

“Anything.” 

“Don’t blame yourself, for any of it.” 

“Kara-”

“Promise me, Lena. None of this is your fault, or mine. It happened, and it sucks.” Kara smiled again as Lena released a rueful chuckle. “But you can’t let this stop you. Promise me that you won’t give up.” 

“I promise Kara,” Lena leans over and seals her promise with a trembling kiss pressed to Kara’s forehead. 

“Good.” Kara’s strength left her completely, her head fell to the ground and if not for Lena’s grip on her hand, the same would have been true of it as well. “Remember, I am always yours. Even when I’m not.” 

Kara turns her head then, to Alex who sits on her left. Words are spoken by both of them but Lena doesn’t hear them. She can’t hear anything over the high pitched sound ringing in her ears and Kara’s last words playing on a loop in her mind. 

They should have had so much more time. They should have had years to be together, truly together. Years without lies and secrets pulling them apart. Years of light and laughter and love, so much love that it would be bursting out of them. The kind of love that couldn’t be contained. They should have had it all but now they only had minutes.

They only have minutes and Kara doesn’t know how Lena feels. A sudden panic seizes Lena as she realizes that minutes are quickly receding into seconds and Kaa still doesn’t know. 

“Kara,” even to her own ears, Lena’s voice sounds so far away. “Kara, I love you.” 

There’s no ignoring the tears now, they fall from Lena’s eyes unbidden. But Kara is smiling at Lena, that special, bright smile that always made Lena feel like she was the one who could fly. 

Kara’s smile remains as her eyes fall closed and her body goes limp. Kara’s smile remains as she exhales, whispering Lena’s name with her last breath. 

Supergirl dies a hero, mourned and celebrated by many. 

Kara Danvers dies to the sound of her sister crying beside her. 

Kara Zor-El dies smiling in the embrace of the woman she loves most.

Lena woke up feeling as if that last image of Kara’s smile had been burned into her retinas. The dream, memory, ends in the same place it always does, the moment before the realization of what she had just witnessed sinks in. Lena wakes with soul crushing despair settling deep in her chest so that her breath in a new day is little more than a broken sob. It takes a few minutes for Lena to gather herself enough to climb out of bed and reach for her phone. The move is calculated. Lena knows that if she had reached for her phone first, she wouldn’t have gotten out of bed. 

Every other day, Lena had been able to push herself through it. She could almost pretend that everything was normal, until she caught herself trying to call Kara and invite her to lunch. Even after two weeks, Lena’s first instinct was still to call Kara. The hope that maybe the dream had been a nightmare rather than a memory and Kara would answer when she called had been all that kept Lena going for the past 14 days. 

The day of Kara’s funeral had pulled that hope to a crashing halt. 

There had been a service for Supergirl the day before. It felt like all of National City had been there, human and alien alike. All the heroes that Kara had worked with over the years were there, a few of them people that Lena had only met briefly before the wave of dark matter destroyed all of their worlds. The Flash had a few words to say. Cat Grant had barely held her tears in. Superman openly cried as he said goodbye to his last blood relative. Lena had watched it all with a blank expression, Alex’s hand in hers. 

Lena had made her way to Midvale on her own and was one of the last to arrive at Kara’s childhood home. Eliza had greeted her with a hug and a far too knowing look. Lena had slept in Kara’s bed and refused to cry until she was sure that no one would hear her. 

Now, Lena pulled on the dark outfit she had selected the night before and made her way downstairs. Alex and Eliza met her at the bottom of the stairs and led her to where Clark and Lois were standing with J’onn. Eliza pulled Lena into another hug while Lois looked as if she was the only one in the room who could understand Lena’s pain. Everyone was treating Lena like she was Kara’s widow and Lena wasn’t sure she would ever recover from that. 

She had Kara had never been together. They hadn’t gone on dates or celebrated anniversaries. They’d never even kissed and yet Lena still felt like a piece of her heart had been broken beyond repair. She wasn’t Kara’s widow but she was Kara’s someday and that was somehow worse. 

How could Lena mourn what she’d never had in the first place? 

Kara’s funeral had been short. She wouldn’t have wanted all of her friends and family to spend hours crying over her. Kara had been a ray of sunshine, a becon of joy. Although tears were shed, everyone wanted to follow Kara’s wishes so it soon turned to a memorial rather than a funeral. As everyone had been distracted by Alex’s story of the first time Kara saved her, Lena didn’t think anyone would notice when she stepped onto the back patio. She nearly jumped in surprise when a masculine voice called her name. 

“Sorry,” Clark said as he stepped up beside her. Lena hummed her acceptance of the apology but didn’t say a word. 

They stood together in silence for a few minutes. If it had been any other time, Lena might have made a joke about a Super and a Luthor but it didn’t feel right with her Super missing. Eventually, Lena can see Clark’s shoulders sag and knows that the silence is about to be broken. 

“She was always so much stronger than me.” Clark speaks in a low, haunted voice. “I’ll never be able to thank her for righting my worst wrong.” 

There’s a heavy set to his shoulders and a distant glint in his eyes that makes Lena feel foolish for forgetting where all this conflict had started. Lex had killed Kara, but it was Clark that turned Lex into a staunch believer in the superiority of man. It was Clark who faced Lex time and time again. CLark who wasn’t strong enough to deal the blow that would have ended all of this conflict. It was Clark’s weakness that had pushed Kara into that position, and Clark’s cowardice that cost Kara her life. 

The urge to hate Clark for his inaction is strong, so strong it makes Lena’s stomach clench and her hands tremble. It would be all too easy to blame Clark for losing Kara, but Lena knows that it wouldn’t be fair to him. There’s plenty of blame to go around but Clark doesn’t truthfully deserve any of it. Lex does. For targeting Kara and dealing the fatal blow, but most of them blame falls on Lena herself. For her own war against Supergirl, for the experiments that gave Lex his powers, for not being strong enough to defeat him on her own. 

Kara would still be with them if not for Lena’s failures. 

“But there is something I can do for her, if you’re willing to help me.” 

It takes a moment for Lena to realize that Clark’s statement had been a request. She looks at him, blinking in askance. 

“Follow me,” Clark, in a move that Lena would never have expected to come from him, gently took Lena’s hand into his own and guided her down the porch steps towards the beach. Agreeing to Clark’s request that she wait there for a moment, Lena tries to settle her nerves. When Clark returns, Lena knows that there is nothing she could have done to prepare herself. 

Clark touches down gently a few feet away from Lena and in the space between them hovers a sleek, grey pod. The black surface on the outside fades to clear and suddenly Lena can see Kara. 

She looks peaceful in death, Lena thinks, like she finally dropped all the weight she had been carrying for so long. 

“On Krypton, when a woman died,” Clark swallows roughly. “It was tradition for the oldest female member of the House to speak Rao’s blessing over them.” 

Clark meets Lena’s gaze evenly. 

“I know that would be Eliza here, or Alura if she had come, but I also know that Kara would have wanted it to be you.” 

“Clark,” Lena hesitated, “Kal, I don’t know.” 

“I know what you mean to her. Meant.” Even though they had been doing so all day, hearing Kara referred to in the past tense hurt deeply and Lena felt the tears welling for what must have been the thousandth time. 

“Okay,” Lena agreed with a shaky nod. Clark handed her a small piece of paper from his pocket and then turned his gaze to the pod containing Kara’s still form.” 

“Whenever you’re ready.” 

Lena was sure that she would never be ready to say goodbye to Kara but there was no sense in waiting. Voice thick with tears and barely above a whisper, Lena began to read. 

“You have been the sun of our lives. Our prayers will be the sun that lights your way on the journey home. We will remember you in every dawn and await the night we join you in the sky. Rao’s will be done.” 

They stood there for a moment with only the sound of the waves crashing against the beach breaking the still air. Then, with a heavy breath like he was steeling himself for the hardest moment of his life, Clark lifted the casket into the air with him. A moment later, Kara returned to the stars that had brought her home. 

Clark returned to the Danver’s household while Lena remained on the beach by herself. There was a fleeting feeling of Lena wishing she had something to hold on to, a memento of Kara’s. The feeling faded only to be replaced with a much stronger wish to simply have Kara there with her. The feeling was strong that for a moment, Lena felt the soft, familiar warmth of Kara’s hand in her own, their fingers resting together easily. As time stretched on, Lena let herself be lost in the phantom feeling of what could have been, until the sound of a car door closing shattered the dream and brought Lena crashing back to reality. 

A reality where Kara was gone. 

Suddenly, the beach felt just as stifling as the house had been. 

Realizing that her moment with the ghost of Kara’s memory was over, Lena turned to make her way back to the house. 

Only Kara’s closest friends remained at the house. Clark, Lois, and Lucy were sitting together on the couch, the two normally argumentative sisters silent in their grief. Barry and Iris were curled together in a chair, Barry staring blankly ahead as Iris watched him in concern. Caitlin and Cisco sat together on the floor in front of Barry and Iris, their shoulders pressed together. Ava sat in the other chair with Sara leaning against her legs, her fingers idly wrapping a strand of Sara’s hair around and around. The other Legends must have gone back to the Waverider. Alex and Eliza sat together on the loveseat and made room between them for Lena. 

It was odd, Lena decided as she took the seat provided for her, to be surrounded by so many heroic figures and not feel even the smallest amount of hope. The Kara shaped whole in the arrangement could not be ignored. No one said a word as Lena sat down and the silence was no less disturbing the longer it went on. 

“It doesn’t seem right,” Cisco broke the silence with a sad voice. “The most powerful person we know.” 

“The bravest and most caring, too,” Barry added just as softly. “She didn’t even ask for help.” 

“You were all busy,” Alex shrugged slightly but Lena could see the tension in her jaw. “You all had your own villains to face and lives to live. She wouldn’t have disrupted that.” 

“She wouldn’t put all of you in danger like that.” Lena’s voice was hoarse from disuse. Not counting her blessing of Kara at the beach, that was the longest sentence Lena had said in two weeks. 

“I did, with the Dominators and Crisis,” Barry’s expression shone with guilt. “She answered every time.” 

“She was like Oliver,” Sara said, leaning further into Ava as she spoke. “More of a hero than any of us will ever be.” 

“All these powers, even time travel, and we still can’t save everyone.” Iris sighed and dropped her head onto Barry’s shoulder. Barry pressed a kiss against his wife’s forehead. 

“We would if we could.” Barry said. “I’d go back in a second if we didn’t have to worry about another Flashpoint. An event like this is too big to go back and change.” 

“Flashpoint?” Lena asked curiously. Alex looked at her with the smallest bit of surprise and a hint of question in her eyes. 

“One of the first times I travelled back in time on purpose, to save my mom. I ended up changing everything,” Barry explained. 

With everyone reluctant to leave, it took little prodding to get Barry to continue elaborating. A conversation about the difficulty of preserving the timeline arose between the members of team Flash and the two remaining Legends in the room. Lena listened with half an ear but her mind was stuck on the comment that had started this conversation. 

It didn’t feel right without Kara in the room, not only in the sense that Lena personally felt as though she was missing an essential part of her being, but in the sense that something about all of this was fundamentally wrong. The only thing about Kara’s conflict with Lex was that Lex was gone. It doesn’t make sense for him to have taken Kara out with him, especially not without Kryptonite. Lena remembered the final blow in sharp detail. The beam that had exhausted Kara was golden, not green. 

A comment about the natural order of time caught Lena’s attention and she pondered the implications of it. The natural order of time ensured that everyone was at the correct time and place, whenever that happened to be in the linear timeline of their own lives. Barry and the Legends are able to move through time as long as they don’t disrupt the natural time. There were few rules for time travel, but the most important was that one could not be in the exact same place and time as they had been before. A person cannot physically be in one specific time and place more than once. 

But, there were ways to send other things through time. The Legends used a ship, and Barry had once sent a message back in time to himself, warning of things to come. The beginnings of an idea began to form in Lena’s mind. Physical time travel was limited, but that didn’t mean that other forms had the same limitations. Unfortunately, Lena was kept from following that rabbit any further down the hole by the group finally breaking apart for the night. Lena forced the questions and ideas from her mind until she returned to National City. 

[dreamkidddream]

Hello! I abs love your writing for bsd🐶💕 I wanted to request a quote but wasn’t sure if you’ve been asked it already so I got options just in case that you could choose from hehe:3

1. w/ Poe🦝

4. w/ Chuuya🍷

9. w/ Akutagawa🐕‍🦺

13. w/ Dazai🌝

14. w/ Mori🌚 and/or Fukuzawa

tysm❤️

Thank you!! 💙💙 So I’ve literally been waiting on someone to request quote 13 and now I get the opportunity to write it with Dazai 😈 and I am not experienced in writing angst cause I’ve been writing this for at least 3 days but tbh I think I did alright for my first time (it has a happy ending but still) 🤧 reader is gender neutral!

TW: angst (but with a happy ending!), minor language, season 2/Dark Era Arc spoilers, and mentions of suicide (bc it's Dazai), but nothing graphic is mentioned

Prompt: “I tried to move on, but nobody is you.” with Dazai!

This hurts.

This really hurts.

Ever since Dazai left you, you just feel so...hollow. The apartment feels emptier every time you come home, and you have to stop yourself from crying when you don't see his shoes by the front door. He didn't move in officially, but he was over here so much it felt like this was your home together, not just yours, and it made the separation even worse.

You couldn't stop replaying the scene in your head over and over, never forgetting how dead his eyes looked, how emotionless his voice was as he ended things. He didn't even seem fazed when you kept sobbing and apologizing for whatever happened, for not making him happy. Even when you grabbed at his trench coat sleeve, begging him to just tell you why, to just give you a reason, an explanation, his gaze just hardened and he answered-

“Because I shouldn’t be loving you anymore.”

You didn’t reach for him when he walked out the door, out of your life, and you crumbled as soon as the door clicked shut. You can’t remember how long you laid by the door, wailing until your throat was sore and your tears ran dry. And you still feel the numbness spread through your body every time you think back to that night.

It still feels like it happened yesterday, but it’s been a month since. It took you time to get used to seeing him at work, but it seemed like everything was fine to him, everything was normal, even going back to asking the servers to commit double suicide with him or trying more attempts himself. Like he didn’t leave his partner- ex partner- devastated and crying their eyes out, pleading for him to not leave and then telling them that he’s tired of loving them, even though he has said otherwise before. He acts like you don’t even exist, pretty much ignoring you which made the pain even worse, but you can deal with it- you will deal with it. So you returned the favor; moved your desk far away from him and give him the same cold shoulder that he’s giving you. Everyone in the agency didn’t know how to react to the situation, and whenever someone brought it up to you, you just told them that there was nothing to worry about, which made them worry more.

Maybe it’s better this way anyway...

Who are you trying to fool? You’re still hurting, even after all this time passed. You know that one day you’ll forgive him, even if he doesn’t deserve it, but you’re not going to focus on that right now. You just want to be happy again, and you will be, without him. You don’t need him to be happy, you were happy before he came into the picture, and you’ll be happy now!

Trying to move on when you’re still very much in love with him is hard, and it sucks, especially when you don’t even know what went wrong. But that’s okay, you’ll get over it hopefully eventually.

A night in, curled up on your couch, watching your favorite movies and eating all of your favorite junk food with the rain only soothing you more, is only one of the ways that you’re treating yourself, and you are absolutely loving it. You found a dating app and your thumb hovered over it, but still couldn’t bring yourself to open it. You know that you’re nowhere near ready to be on the dating scene, but it doesn’t hurt to meet new people right? It doesn’t hurt to make new friends-

Someone is knocking on your door. You jumped up, your food finally arrived! Tossing your phone down and unraveling yourself from the blanket, you raced to the door with tip money in tow. Oh, this night couldn’t get any better-

Your heart sunk down to your feet, and your breath caught in your throat.

There was Dazai, clothes soaked and water sliding off his strands of hair, holding onto what looked like a small cake and other sweets.

You both just stood there, him shocked and you horrified. He gave a hopeful smile, and opened his mouth-

You slammed the door shut.

This isn’t happening, this isn’t happening, this is not happening- Dazai is not standing outside of your door with your beloved food. He is not standing outside your door, he can’t be. You’re just so hungry and stressed that you’re imagining things, yeah just imagining things. Just take a breath and open the door, he’s not out there, it’s just your food. Breathing in, you tentatively looked through the crack- and SHIT he’s really there.

“I got your favorites”, he held up the bag with a smile, but let it fell and sighed. “We should- I need to talk to you.” You saw him lift his foot to take a step. “Can I co-”

“No.”

He froze mid step, a look of shock appeared on his face but it quickly melted into a blank stare. “You don’t- you don’t get to do that. You don’t get to come here and say that you need to talk, not after what you did.” What exactly is he playing at? What’s his true intentions?

“Why are you here?”

“Because l need-”

“Do not give me that bullshit, Dazai. Why are you really here? What, another failed attempt? Didn’t find any precious ‘belladonnas’ to drown in the river with and couldn’t do it by yourself?”

You missed the way he tensed up.

His face stayed blank and he was quiet, and it was just pissing you off more and more. Did he think that he’s being the bigger person to let you release all of your pent up frustrations? You swung the door fully open and laughed dryly, “You are just unbelievable. What is there to talk about? You made it crystal clear that you don’t love me anymore-”

“I never said that.”

You were caught off guard at the dark look that crossed his face, the anger radiating off of him being on the brink of overwhelming (was this how he was in the Port Mafia?). But you were not going to back down. He thinks that he has the right to be upset, to be mad at you, after everything?

It just pissed you off more.

“You said and I quote, ‘I shouldn’t be loving you anymore’, so what the hell do you think that means? Do not sit here and lie to me anymore Dazai! Because if you even had an ounce of love left for me, you wouldn’t have abandoned me the way you did. You would have actually gave a damn about me!”

He just gave you that same damning look, at least that’s what you can tell, your tears are making your vision blurry. You cursed, you didn’t want to cry over him anymore, let alone in front of him. You swore that after that night, you were done wasting tears over him, and you couldn’t even keep your own promise.

What’s worse is that you still love him.

Your relationship wasn’t toxic, it had its up and downs like any other (but it was more ups and rather any downs), and the memories that you two make- made together will always stay with you. The times spent together goofing off, waking up next to each other in his arms, him finally letting you in, the “I love yous” shared...you couldn’t forget those even if you tried, and it just made the pain you felt excruciating.

“I hate...I hate that I don’t hate you, that-that I can’t hate you. I hate that I still love you despite everything!”

You kept wiping at your tears, but they just kept falling at a quicker pace. You don’t care how childish you sound, it wasn’t fair. It just wasn’t fair to you.

“Why can’t-why can’t I move on?”

You felt so weak, and you felt yourself crumble again. Your knees buckled, and you don’t even care that you’re about to hit the ground-

But you never felt the impact.

Dazai had caught you and brought you to his chest, sliding to the ground with you. You tried to weakly push him away, cursing at him to let you go, but he just tightened his grip around you. After feeling the warmth that you had missed for so long, your pushes casually decreased and you just fell apart in his arms. He didn’t get up or let you go either, he stayed with you the whole time, shirt soaked from both the rain and from your tears. It was only when he heard your sniffles that he let you pull away somewhat, and even then he still kept you close.

“(Y/N), look at me, please.”

You lifted your head up with the help of him lifting your chin, your eyes puffy and nose runny. You were met with his own gaze, his eyes full of...regret?

“I never stopped loving you, no matter how much I tried to force myself to. I didn’t want to, I never wanted to, but I came to the realization that I shouldn’t be loving you, because I don’t deserve you.”

“W-What?”

“I don’t deserve you (Y/N).”

His mask is starting to crack.

“You mean so much to me, and the thought of living is already pointless to me, but...it becomes unbearable without you. I still want to leave this world, but...you make me want to stay in it a little longer. And that- that worries me. A horrible being like myself isn’t deserving of you. Misfortune and death always follow the people that I care for because of it. Always.”

You didn’t miss the flicker of pain in his eyes, he still bares the weight of Oda’s death on his shoulders, even to this day.

“Yet, that still hasn’t stopped me from loving you.”

Who knows how long he was feeling this way? “Why wouldn’t you tell me this? We could have talked about this-”

“I wouldn’t have been able to go through with it if we did.” He gave a dry chuckle, “But, I guess it was all in vain anyway. I still found my way back to you after all.”

Bit by bit, you can see his facade breaking, and you could feel the tears welling up in your eyes.

“I love you with my entire being and that will never change. Even when I tried to stop, to give you up, I couldn’t. How could I? I was a fool to even think that it was possible, let alone that someone can replace you, even if it was to commit the perfect double suicide” he brought his hand up to his face in disbelief. “Honestly, what was I thinking? That someone can replace you? That I could leave you alone?” He scoffed.

He inched closer and closer to you, him touching his forehead to yours. His chestnut eyes glimmering and his gaze sincere, the opposite of the dullness he left you with that night.

“I tried to move on, but nobody is you. Nobody will ever be you.”

His thumbs rubbing off the tears that were glistening your cheeks (when did you start crying again?), “You’re so stupid Dazai, seriously. Do you like making me cry?”

He hummed, “Not at all. If you had to cry, I rather it be happy tears instead.” He turned serious, “You don’t need to cry anymore (Y/N), I won’t be making this mistake again, I promise.”

“Next time, you have to talk to me, okay? I know- I know you don’t like feeling vulnerable, but you need to know that you’re not alone. I’ll always be there for you, right by your side okay? Because if you pull a stunt like this again, I will personally un-alive you myself.”

“Ooo, that would be perfect.” He gasped. “We can even make it a double suicide!”

“You’re such an ass, Osamu.” You pushed him, sniffling once more. He just smiled in response, and stood up to lead you back into the apartment, his arms still wrapped delicately around you. “But I’m your-”

“Don’t finish that sentence, you’re already on thin ice.” You’re officially worn out, your clothes are damp, you look a mess, but you feel so much better now. Despite how emotionally draining this night was, it really was needed, for the both of you. “I’m tired, and I’m calling it a night, and you need to change if you’re staying here.”

“Does this mean, I can finally be back close with my dear love-”

“But you aren’t sleeping next to me in my bed for the next month.”

He started to life his arms in his usual dramatic fashion, but just sighed. “That’s fair. Cruel but fair.”

“Good, because it’s not up for debate. Now, I’m going to take a shower again, since someone just had to come and get me drenched. And you’re taking one after me because you are not messing up my couch.”

“But what am I going to wear?” He whined.

“You figure it out, and my snacks better not be messed up when I get done either!” The door slammed shut, ending the discussion. He just chuckled and went to your dresser, opening the bottom drawer.

You always put his spare clothes there, and it made him feel grateful to see that you never threw them away, even after the break-up. Your words still rang in his mind, “Why would I not keep your stuff here? This is pretty much your second home, or your only one really, since you never want to go back to your own place.”

“Well why would I need to go back to my own place when I have everything I need here?” And you would always roll your eyes and giggle when he kisses you afterwards. But he was telling the truth, and still is.

As long as you’re there with him, he has everything that he needs.

And it’s you.

[fivelakesinwriting]

Enough Part 2 (Rafe Cameron)

Author's Notes: This is a continuance of Enough - Thank you for your support and the interest in a second part. I hope you all love it, and please let me know what you think if you have a moment! xoxo

Warnings: Drinking, Swearing, Angst, Sexual references - Sexual innuendos - I would say more fluff than anything.

Requested? Yes! And thank you so much for it! Requests for OBX are open!!

*My work is not to be transferred, copied, translated or reposted to any other sites without my permission. Please see my masterlist for all other works and warnings. Thank you! xoxo

It had been close to two weeks since Rafe had seen her. She had asked him for more, he denied her, and she had walked out of his bedroom and not said a word to him for almost 14 days. For an island that seemed to be the size of his thumbnail, she had done an incredible job at avoiding him.

To bring her in closer proximity to him, Rafe decided to throw a party, but not at his house. He decided the best route at bringing her around at him again was to convince Topper to throw at party at his house that Friday night.

The Thornton house was filled to bring with attractive kids, but Rafe had yet to see the girl he had been missing. He twisted his ring around his index finger as he slowly made his way from the back of the house and out to the back lawn.

Across the yard, by the pool, he saw her sitting with her feet dipped in the water sitting next to Sarah's friend Scarlett. She had a small smile on her face as she listened to whatever story Scarlett told her, but he could see she was just as sad as they day in his bedroom when he told her their relationship as it was, would have to be enough.

Rafe took a deep breath, then made his way across the lawn, kicking a couple of discarded cups along the way. He kept his eyes on his prize the whole time, watching as Scarlett whispered something in Her ear before standing up and walking away.

Rafe made his move and walked quickly over to where she sat, sitting beside her before she was able to register that the body heat beside her had gone up several degrees.

"Can we talk?" Rafe asked under his breath as he crouched beside someone he used to call 'his', if only to his friends.

"Depends. Is your answer different?" She questioned before she brought her cup to her lips.

Rafe hated that she wouldn't look at him. Her eyes were either straight ahead, or on her feet as her toes touched the water of the pool, but never on him.

"That's why I want to talk to you." Rafe replied, still twisting his ring around his finger.

"You get two minutes, Cameron." She sighed as she pulled her feet out of the pool to stand up straight again. She gestured forward to let him lead the way, bringing her cup to her lips again for a generous sip to calm her nerves.

Rafe placed his hands in his pockets as he weaved them through the hoards of people scattered all over the Thornton's lawn. He led them towards the hedges at the back of the property, his hand running over his face as he waited for her to make her way in front of him.

"The other day -" Rafe began, his eyes darting around them to make sure no one was within earshot of his vulnerability.

"When you fucked me, and then dumped me?" She asked with a scowl on her face, her hand crunching her cup before she tossed it across the lawn with the others.

"That's not what happened." Rafe barked with a glare at the girl in front of him. He pushed a hand through his hair as he took a deep breath and gathered his thoughts again.

"Then what happened, Rafe?" She asked as she looked his rigid form up and down.

"I didn't do...what you said. I wasn't expecting you to ask that of me. I mean, I was. Just not there, or then. It caught me off guard. And I'm...I'm sorry that I hurt you." Rafe twisted his ring around his finger the whole time he apologized to her. He realized that he might have a bit of a nervous tick.

"You made me feel like you didn't want to be around me. Like to be seen with me was the worst thing that could have happened to you. You didn't call me." She replied, her voice wavered at the end of her sentence as she avoided his gaze.

"You told me not to." Rafe scratched the back of his neck while he looked down at her.

"It's okay if you don't want to be with me, Rafe. I just wanted you to be honest with me. That's why I was so upset with you." She whispered, the toe of her shoe kicking at the pristine grass beneath her.

"It's not that I don't want to be with you. It's just..what happens when you stop liking me? What happens when you like Kelce more than me because he got into a good school and I didn't? Or you stop liking me because we don't have sex as much, or like we used to? What if you just stop liking me?" Rafe asked with a heavy sigh, his eyes looking up towards the sky.

Rafe jumped a little bit when he felt her hands on his sides. He looked down and saw her smiling up at him, a tear or two on her cheeks. He brought his hands out from his pockets and up to her neck thumbing away the stray tears on her sweet face.

"Then we'll deal with it. But I don't ever see myself getting bored of you, Rafe Cameron." She sniffled, a small smile on her face as she wrapped her arms around his waist.

Rafe smiled as he leaned down to press a series of soft kisses to her forehead, before he wrapped her in his arms to bring her close to him.

"I'm really sorry that I hurt you, and made you feel like I didn't want you. If you'll let me, I'd like to take you upstairs and make up for it." Rafe mumbled with his lips still pressed to her forehead.

"But we're at Topper's house.." She trailed, her hands on his chest to push away from his slightly.

"I know." Rafe grinned, his thumbs brushing over her jawline as he held her face to bring her back to him for a kiss.

"What are you suggesting?" She asked against his lips, her fingers curled into the thin material of his button up.

"I think, we go upstairs and you let me kiss you out of your clothes because it's been entirely too long since I've seen you naked." Rafe grinned as he kissed along her jawline.

"Then what?" She asked softly, her fingertips pulling at the material of his shirt as he kissed along her neck.

"We make a mess of Topper's guestroom." Rafe smirked against her neck before he grazed his teeth over her skin. He breathed out a laugh when he felt her shiver against him, her fingers pulling at his shirt to bring him even closer to her.

"What are you waiting for, Rafe?" She questioned as her fingertips crept beneath his shirt to feel his skin, her lips pouting up at him for a kiss.

"Nothing." Rafe reached his hands down to grab at the backs of her thighs, lifting her up to wrap her legs around his waist. He carefully began his walk through the crowd once more, this time with his girl in his arms. He didn't look at anyone on his back into the house, he only felt and saw Her in his arms.

Rafe carried her the entire way upstairs and down the hall to the guestroom in the Thornton house. He kicked the door shut behind him. He placed her down on her feet again then without a word pulled off her shirt.

"I missed you." Rafe muttered while his hands felt all over her skin on the way to unbutton her shorts. He pressed a soft kiss to her forehead as he thumbed open the button to her shorts, then pushed them down her legs.

"I missed you too, Rafe." She smiled as she placed her hands on his broad shoulders for balance while she stepped out of her shorts.

Rafe grabbed hold of her backside then lifted her up to carry her towards the large bed in the guestroom. He laid her down on the neatly made bed, then knelt between her legs as he quickly unbuttoned his shirt. He dropped down to his hands above her, letting her push her fingers through his hair.

"You're not close enough." She whispered as she wrapped her legs around his waist and tugged him down on top her.

Rafe forget what it had felt like to be needed, and wanted so desperately by someone. To feel like he was more than enough. He breathed out a smile and pressed his lips to hers as he dropped to his forearms to bring his body even closer to hers, ready to show complete disregard for whoever made up the guestroom in Topper's house.

Please let me know what you think if you have a moment! Thank you! xoxo

Requests for OBX are open!

[ninyard]

i want to know ANYTHING and EVERYTHING about the andrew meets neil as stefan au

YES PLS OKAY

(holy shit this was supposed to be a HC ramble/snippets from the fic but uhhh….here’s a mini fic instead????? The actual fic I wrote isn’t even set back in California it’s set in PSU??? This was supposed to be short backstory!!!!!! Anyways lmk if u want the foxes stuff lol Enjoy <3)

Neil had natural looking ashy blonde with green eyes at the time, no older than 14 years old, going by the name Stefan Montgomery. Him and Mary ended up in a motel in Oakland for a couple weeks, regaining their footing after a close-call somewhere in Oregon.

Mary had hit Neil a gnarly heavy-handed blow after he forgot which name he was using in Eugene. Was it Sam? Or Dylan? Or had it been Joseph? A nice inch wide cut sat where his perfect court tattoo would sit, just on the turn of his cheekbone below the corner of his eye, bordered by a healing purple-brown bruise. Stefan was born on the border between California and oregon, stolen from a waiter at a pit stop diner, who didn’t let their coffee cups go empty as they mapped out where to go next.

He had met Andrew by chance; Stefan had been sitting on the bottom of the metal stairs that led up to the floor they were staying at. Mary was having a shower, dying her hair, becoming Georgia, perfect mother, a beautiful, average woman. He was people watching, looking at the cars pulling in and out of the car park, making up his own stories about who was who, what their names were and if they were worth stealing when they inevitably moved on. Andrew hung around the motel because just behind the building was an old, decrepit playground that’s should’ve been foreclosed years ago. Nobody ever used it, so it was a quiet place for him to be alone. He’d been walking through the parking lot after having just grabbed a chocolate bar or two from the vending machine when he stopped in front of Neil.

“What happened to your face?” It was quiet, barely a sentence, not big enough of a question to be intrusive or over-stepping.

“I’m a boxer.” That was the lie he’d been using for a few days. “I had a fight a couple days ago.”

You see, Stefan was a name Neil didn’t want to remember, like a bitter memory he forced himself to forget. It was just before Mary’s paranoia began to spiral even worse that it had already been. Stefan was keep your head down, we won’t be here long, give it a week, give it a week. Stefan was sleepless nights, watching his mother sat upright almost all night, eyes on the door, a knife under her pillow. Stefan was you don’t need friends, they’ll drag you down.

Mary didn’t know until the end that they’d been friends, Neil teaching Andrew the little boxing he knew, Andrew teaching Stefan how to keep yourself busy when you needed something to do. There was something about Andrew that made it impossible for him to stay away; he wasn’t a particularly happy kid, but the way he spoke, the way he cared about the fake life Neil had made up, the way he saw Stefan’s life as something he could never have.

“Have you ever thought about kissing a boy your age?” They’d been in Oakland for three weeks, and the two kids had made plans to meet every time Mary was occupied and Andrew was around. Neil didn’t really think to wonder why Andrew was always around. Didn’t he have a family who would miss him being gone all this time? Didn’t he have a home to go to?

“No,” Neil answered honestly. There wasn’t time for thoughts like that. Kisses weren’t signs of affection; kisses were lies, kisses were dangerous, kisses occupied a space in the mind that could be filled with run, run, run.

“Do you think it’s wrong?” Andrew had been swinging on the swing set, his feet dangling from the chipped plastic seat, the creaky chains holding him up. The question was loaded. Behind it was a conversation he’d had with his foster-mom, a slur from his foster-siblings, another hit from his foster-father.

“No,” that was an honest answer too. In his head his answer sounded like I’ve been told all kissing was wrong. But he couldn’t say that. Normal teenagers thought about kissing, and boyfriends, and girlfriends, and worried about how they looked in front of their crush. “Do you?”

“I don’t know.” His words were a sigh. Andrew trusted Stefan in this weird, out of character way. He’d never met anyone who’d been more interested to hear about his life than talk about their own. Of course, half of it was a half-truth, lies weaved into the story of Andrew.

Andrew was the first person who made Neil smile in a very long time. It was foreign hearing himself laugh, a sound reserved for fake interactions with strangers who couldn’t help but prying. Neil trusted him. His honest eyes often burning a hole in his face, on the days when Neil couldn’t bare eye contact. Andrew was a rock that Neil could feel himself becoming more and more attached to, more and more…attracted to? He didn’t know what that feeling felt like, but when he caught himself thinking about what a long hug from him would feel like, or a kiss on the forehead, the cheeks, the nose, the….

It was an impossible thought that Neil kept buried. Until Andrew had a bad day. Until Neil met him in the playground and he was sat underneath the slide, face buried in his knees that were pulled to his chest. Black hood pulled so far forward it almost covered the wet cheeks and puffy eyes he tried to hide. Stefan sat just across from him, the tips of their shoes not quite touching, but Neil rested his open palms on his shoes for Andrew to hold if he needed. He didn’t ask what was wrong.

“You’re my friend?” Andrew asked, half statement, half question. There was no hesitation in Neil’s “Of course.”

Andrew gently weeped, babbling on about wishing he could feel normal, or have a normal family. He wished he could understand himself. He wished he didn’t have to hurt so much. He’d looked up at Neil with his red eyes and wiped the tears from his face with the cuff of his sleeve. “Can I trust you?”

The statement hurt Neil far more than he thought it would. He hated that words spilled out of his mouth, his eyes stinging at the thought of saying what he really wanted to say. His mouth said “You can tell me anything,” when his brain said “I think Stefan dies in a week”.

Andrew told him about how he thought he was gay, and how embarrassed, alone, and ugly he felt to think that way. He didn’t know what normal feelings felt like. He didn’t know what it felt like to kiss someone he actually wanted to kiss. The statement hung in the air like a floating question. Did he…? Andrew had brushed away the thought almost as quickly as Neil did, but not without both their cheeks flushing pink at the unspoken idea. Neil watched as Andrew messed with the strings on his hoodie. Andrew cheered up after a little while, but when Neil realised how long he’d been gone for, he panicked. Instinctively, he pulled Andrew into a hug before running back to the motel room.

Stefan was bad memories, he’d always had to remind himself. Stefan was a mistake, a fuck-up, a vulnerability he would never, ever show again. Stefan was a slap across the face when he came back late. “Where the hell have you been?” Followed by a lie, then another, then another. Neil had only lied to his mother a handful of times in his life, but when it came to Andrew they seemed to slip out of his mouth at an alarming rate. The next time he seen Andrew, his swollen, burst lip barely hidden, Andrew had brushed his fingers across it and sarcastically asked if it was the product of another boxing match. Neil shushed him when he asked if his mother had done it. That was too personal. He was letting Andrew in too far and he was rotting Neil from the inside out. His hardened exterior fell away when he was around Andrew, and boy, was that dangerous. It shattered into a million pieces when they sat at at the top of the jungle-gym and Andrew asked so gently if he could kiss him.

No, no, no. The ghost of his mother’s hands in his hair told him to walk away. The phantom pain of a slap, and a hit, and a deafening lecture about his safety told him to stop letting Andrew in. He knew it was dangerous. He knew it, he knew it, he knew it. So why did his lips automatically curl around the word yes and his heart start pumping a hundred miles a minute? They looked each other in the eyes for a few seconds, minutes, hours, days, until they were both so close they couldn’t see each other anymore. It was only a peck, a playground kiss, but Neil’s stomach flipped. Andrew pulled away as quickly as he’d leaned in. He didn’t look at Neil for the rest of the hour they spent together, but Neil didn’t look at him. That wasn’t to say they each didn’t have to constantly fight a love-struck smile off their faces every few minutes.

Their meetings started to get less frequent after that. Andrew stopped showing up, but instead left little notes carved into the yellow plastic of the slide. ‘R u grossed out? -A’ was the first one he left after their moment’s kiss. All Neil wrote back was ‘Never’. The next time they seen each other in person they sat hidden again in the top of the jungle gym. Neil knew Mary was planning on them moving on in the following days. He couldn’t tell Andrew. Even the thought of it broke his heart. Regardless of the kiss, or kisses, they shared, Andrew had become the closest friend Neil had ever had. Neil had to remind himself more than once that everything Andrew thought he knew about Stefan was a fabrication. They spoke about sexuality again, hands brushing off each other, sometimes intertwined, sometimes resting on the others leg or arm. Andrew asked if Neil was gay, and his face fell when Neil said no, I don’t think so. It took him a moment to add on “I don’t know what I am”. They left kisses on each other’s lips that lingered for hours, for days. The more Neil let Andrew in, the harder it was for him to keep lying to his mother. She began to get suspicious of where he was going when she left him alone.

Even still, Neil didn’t hear when Mary came into the playground the last time he seen Andrew. Andrew had his head rested on his shoulder, their hands intertwined and hidden between their outstretched legs. They’d been talking about something and nothing at the same time. Neil’s stomached bottomed out when he saw her brunette hair and tiny figure step around the rusted green fence. He let go of Andrew’s hand as quickly and as subtly as he could, but he knew it was no use. He didn’t know how long she’d been standing there. Andrew looked into Stefan’s green eyes as Neil stood up, searching, scared. Neil sent him a weak smile. This was the last time he would ever look into those hazel eyes, his light eyebrows furrowed as he watched Neil begin to walk away. Neil had nodded his way, and whispered a frightened ‘See you around’ before he walked over to join Mary. She grabbed his arm and pulled him towards their motel room, already mentally packing their bags. Not before she beat him harder than she ever had before. Neil expected it. But every blow reminded him of Andrew until Andrew was no longer gentle touches and honesty and kisses. Andrew was a kick to the back of the knees as he walked through the motel room door. Andrew was a slap, and another, and another. He was a screaming, crying, angry mother, shoving whatever belongings they owned into their single duffel bag. Andrew was leaving their key at reception at midnight and starting their journey to another town. Andrew wasn’t worth it. Andrew was the swollen ankle he walked on for miles. Andrew was Mary pulling roughly at his blonde hair to dye it black in some random gas station that night. He wasn’t worth it. He wasn’t worth it. He wasn’t worth it. Neil left Stefan with Andrew in Oakland. He tried to leave the memories there too. Oh, how badly he tried.

The worst part was, Andrew didn’t know that was the last time he would ever see Stefan again. He waited every day for him to come back. Every day came and went and every day he never showed up. Neil didn’t know about that part, you see. Neil thought Andrew would forget about Stefan like a childhood crush, thrown away, moved on to the next cute boy who listened to him talk. They shared a thought, though, drilling the regret and shame into their minds. He wasn’t worth it. He wasn’t worth it.

(Part 2)

[sophielovesbooks]

Mid Year Book Freakout Tag!

I’m a bit late to this party… but I wrote this a few days ago when I wasn’t feeling 100% after getting my second Covid vaccine and took the entire day off. So I finally had the time to write this :)

Let me pull up my Goodreads real quick and have a look at the 33 books I have so far this year.

1. The Best Book of the Year So Far

Hmm, let’s see. I feel like it’s fair to give two answers to this one, because on the one hand, there is the book that qualifies as “the best” from a literary perspective (at least in my opinion) and that would be CONVERSATIONS WITH FRIENDS by Sally Rooney. Definitely had its own style and felt… infused with a deeper meaning, at least to me. It was also very compelling. Personally, I couldn’t stop reading it. And I feel like it had a lot to say about modern-day relationships (romantic, platonic… all kinds really).

Then, there is the book that I personally enjoyed this most, and that was probably THE GIRLS ARE ALL SO NICE HERE by Laurie Elisabeth Flynn. It kind of felt like your standard thriller, but also not. While it was super suspenseful and fun to read, I also genuinely cared about the characters and loved the portrayal of toxic teen girls’ friendships and generally teenage cruelty in the context of wanting to be cool/to fit in. It made me reflect on a lot of things, so to me, it’s definitely more than a thriller that you forget right after reading it. And it also definitely qualifies as dark academia, and discovering a new DA book I love is always great! <3

2. Best Sequel of the Year So Far

Wow, I am NOT big on sequels. I have only read one this year, which is just further proof that I’m not very into book series and much prefer standalones. The only sequel I have read this year was also a very good one, though: MISTER IMPOSSIBLE by Maggie Stiefvater. Much anticipated by me and thankfully, I had a great time with it. :)

3. A New Release You Haven’t Read Yet But Want To

I’m going to go with MALIBU RISING by Taylor Jenkins Read! I was gifted this book by my boyfriend’s grandma for my birthday on June 29 (so sweet!) and I think I will read it next. I am very excited for this one!

4. Most Anticipated Release for Autumn/Winter

Two books I am VERY excited for are A LESSON IN VENGEANCE by Victoria Lee and IN MY DREAMS I HOLD A KNIFE by Ashley Winstead. I’m not even really sure why. I don’t know that much about either of them yet. But they just call to me, just like The Girls Are All So Nice Here did. And that one didn’t disappoint, so hopefully these two won’t either.

5. Your Biggest Disappointment of the Year So Far

Maybe THE GUEST LIST by Lucy Foley? I mean, it wasn’t awful. But I remember that I wasn’t impressed and had been expecting more somehow. Objectively the worst book I read this year would have to be THE SHARP EDGE OF A SNOWFLAKE by Sif Sigmarsdóttir, lol. But that one doesn’t count as the biggest disappointment, because I didn’t go in expecting that much. It was just an ebook that I bought for a low price at one point.

6. Your Biggest Surprise of the Year So Far

Definitely THE GIRLS I’VE BEEN by Tess Sharpe. I did not expect a YA thriller to be as intense and emotional and fun and just plain well-written as it was! Biggest positive surprise of the year so far, I think. :) I felt similarly surprised by  A GOOD GIRL’S GUIDE TO MURDER by Holly Jackson. Another YA thriller (or mystery, I guess?) that was so much better than I had expected! 

7. New Favourite Author

I’m going to have to say THE MOTHER by Tess Stimson. I was expecting it to be a semi-fun thriller without much depth to it, just easy entertainment, I suppose. I was extremely surprised by the emotional depth I encountered. The death at the heart of this story is that of an infant, but I was expecting the book to sort of gloss over how tragic that actually is. Instead, it leaned into the grief so much, I found myself absolutely shook? The book almost moved me to tears several times. The mystery was so intense, I kept guessing and guessing. At one point quite early on, I had the solution, but the author masterfully misdirected me from that again, so that the twist at the end came as the biggest shock! Yeah, I loved this so much more than I had ever expected! Well done, Tess Stimson!

8. Your Newest Favourite Character

I haven’t absolutely fallen in love with any new characters this year, but three that stand out to me (in the order I encountered them this year) are:

1) Pippa Fitz-Amobi from A GOOD GIRL’S GUIDE TO MURDER by Holly Jackson

2) Katrina Hawkins from THE STARLESS SEA by Erin Morgenstern

3) Nora O’Malley from THE GIRLS I’VE BEEN by Tess Sharpe

9. Your Newest Fictional Crush

Umm… absolutely nothing comes to mind lmfao. Fictional crushes have become so rare for me!

10. A Book that Has Made You Cry

THE MOTHER almost made me cry, I think. Not sure if there were actual tears. CONVERSATIONS WITH FRIENDS and NORMAL PEOPLE both (almost) moved me to tears several times. But I didn’t have any break-downs over books this year. At least not yet.

EDIT: Omg, omg, omg, I forgot A LITTLE LIFE! How the f did I forget about A LITTLE LIFE?! I broke down over this book several times. It was awful. Never before has a book made me suffer so much. I mean that. I didn’t just cry, the book also made me feel physically ill several times. Very well written, yes, but not one I can recommend in good conscience. This is not one of those instances of “You’ll cry, but you’ll love crying”, at least not for me. This is something I perhaps should have not put myself through. Because the experience overall was painful, first and foremost. Stay safe, kids. This one is… a lot.

11. A Book That Has Made You Happy

This is so sad to say, but none of the books I read this year gave me that warm, glowy feeling of pure comfort and happiness you get from books sometimes? Some passages of THE STARLESS SEA came the closest, I would say.

12. The Most Beautiful Book of the Year So Far

Again, I need to mention THE STARLESS SEA with the beautiful prose and imagery! <3 Also A LITTLE LIFE maybe? Beautifully written at times. Absolutely heart- and gut-wrenching at others.

13. Some Books You Need to Read Before 2021 Ends

Hahaha… so many. But I’ll pick out a few that I will likely finish until the year is over: MALIBU RISING, AN OCEAN OF MINUTES by Thea Lim (birthday present by a close friend! <3), THESE VIOLENT DELIGHTS by Micah Nemerever (birthday present my dad gave me! <3) and THEY NEVER LEARN by Layne Fargo (bday present my godmother gave me! <3). You see, I am much more committed to reading books that were given to me rather than books I bought myself. So these have good chances of being finished in 2021. :)

14. Tag Two of Your Favourite Community Members

@books-and-cookies Have you answered these questions yet? And @augustinianseptember? Would REALLY love to read both of your answers! <3<3

[fanmoose12]

Partners

Characters: Petra Ral, Levi, Hanji Zoe x Levi

Genre: Action / Mystery / Romance

Rating: T

Detective!au

Summary: when Petra was promoted to a detective and partnered up with legendary Levi Ackerman, she felt like the happiest person in the world.But, as she soon found out, detective Ackerman she used to admire so much was actually a far cry from the ideal policeman Petra thought he was. He was rude, harsh and easily annoyed. And, in addition, he still hadn’t moved on from the death of his previous partner - detective Hange Zoe.

Chapter 13/14

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Сhapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Сhapter 7

Сhapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Beep, beep, beep

It didn't stop, didn't pause, didn't even quiet down.

Hange tried to ignore the irritating sound, tried to forget about it and return to the dark place where she was safe and warm.

Beep, beep, beep

As though mocking her, it got louder and louder, allowing Hange no respite. Accepting that this battle wouldn’t end in her favor, she groaned and forced her eyes open.

The ceiling above her was white, the walls surrounding her were mostly white too. The bed she was lying on was also white, and to her hand was attached a thin line of IV.

Huh. It was a while since she had the pleasure to wake up in a hospital.

Hange meant to continue her survey, but everything else was too blurry for her to see. Glasses. Where were her glasses?

Her hand flew to her face, touching her nose. No glasses there.

With a considerable effort Hange pushed herself up into a sitting position. She blindly reached to her left where a bedside table stood. She moved her palm all over it, there was lots of things on top of it. No glasses, though.

"The first drawer," a voice behind her helped.

Hange obediently opened it, her fingers immediately finding the familiar shape of her glasses. She put them on and sighed in content, as the world around her finally came into focus.

She turned her head to the direction the voice was coming from. Next to her bed stood another one, separated by a blue curtain. In the corner of it she could see Zeke. Their eyes met, and he gave her a weak, but unexpectedly genuine smile.

"Welcome back to the world of the living."

"Was I out for too long?" Hange frowned, trying to recall what had happened. She remembered Floch, remembered that horrible room in Zeke's safe house, remembered his brother, the erupting pain in her side as he had shot her and the dangerous glint of Floch's blade near her throat. She remembered being afraid and sorry for missing her another chance and not telling Levi how she truly felt all these years. Remembered Levi rushing in, saving her. Remembered his trembling fingers and soft touch. Remembered how he held her and refused to let go all the way to the hospital, remembered—

That was all she remembered.

"It's been almost a day since doctors operated on you," Zeke explained. "You've got your friends worried."

Hange looked to her bedside table again, gawking at the amount of gifts there. There was a box of candies from Nifa, teddy bear from Moblit, balloons from Keiji and Abel, a giant bouquet from Erwin... And a small postcard that stood at the far side. Hange picked it up, studying curiously. Her lips curled up and she giggled - the postcard was from Pieck.

"And what happened to you?" Hange looked back at Zeke. His torso was bandaged and he was unusually pale in the face.

Zeke grimaced, lifting his eyes to the ceiling. "My brother turned out to be a better shooter that I've anticipated."

"And..." Hange began uncertainly. Her fingers curled into the bedsheets, she wasn't sure if she wanted to know, but— she decided to ask anyway. "And what happened to Eren?"

Zeke sighed, pushing hair back from his face. "I took care of him."

Hange looked down, not knowing how to feel about it and what to do with that knowledge. Should she say something to Zeke? Tell him that she was sorry? Or that he did the right thing? What he wanted to hear? He probably didn't wish to hear either.

"And what happened to your eye?" she pointed her finger at a large bruise that bloomed on his face. "Was it... Eren as well?"

"No," Zeke scoffed. "That was your partner, detective. An eye for an eye, I guess," he chuckled dryly.

"Levi..." Hange's heart fluttered at the mention of him. "Do you know if he's—"

"He's been by your side this whole time," Zeke rolled his eyes. "He left just a few minutes ago. I'm sure he'll be there any moment now. He barely slept while you were out."

"Oh..." Hange couldn't help her smile. She wanted to see Levi so much...

"Jesus," Zeke groaned. "The two of you are sickening. If I spend another day watching you, I'd get cavities from your damn sweetness. Damn it, and I can't even smoke here..."

Zeke obviously meant to complain some more, but he fell silent, as the door to the ward opened. Hange turned to it with a grin that dissipated almost immediately, a heartbeat after she saw Petra's sheepish smile instead of Levi's gloomy scowl.

"Disappointed, aren't you, detective?" Zeke mocked with a shit eating smirk.

Hange discreetly flipped him off and roughly closed the curtain between them.

"Sorry about that," she mumbled, giving an apologizing look to Petra.

"It's alright," she said. "Levi is just behind the door, Oluo is distracting him while I'm here." Petra tutted, her auburn locks flying as she shook her head. "I had no choice but to resort to this. He doesn't let anyone else see you. Only Captain Erwin was allowed inside, and that too lasted just for a few minutes."

Hange chuckled, her heart swelling. Yep, that's the ridiculously protective shorty she knew and loved...

"I know you can't wait to see him, too," Petra winked, taking note of her pleased expression.

Hange flushed, but the embarrassed blush turned into angry one, when she heard a not so subtle scoff behind the curtain.

"So I will be brief," Petra sat down on a chair beside Hange, setting her hands on her lap. Her fingers twisted together in a nervous matter as stared at the floor, appearing deep in thought. After a long moment, she lifted her eyes, a small, slightly crooked smile playing on her lips. "I just wanted to thank you for... giving me strength back there. I lost all hope, thought I was done for, but you... You kinda rekindled that light inside me. You showed me what true bravery and resolve means."

"Petra," Hange smiled, reaching out to gently squeeze her hand. "I should be the one thanking you. On the night Levi and I reunited, if it wasn't for you, if it wasn't for your bravery and resolve, who knows what would have happened? Perhaps, I would have never gathered enough courage to face Levi. Perhaps, he would have never found out that I actually survived. Don't sell yourself short, you're a strong and courageous person, and have been like that long before we met. You have a bright future ahead of you. I'm excited to witness it."

Petra bobbed her head, her smile growing wider, more open. "And I'm excited to learn more from you. But as for now," Petra stood up and fixed Hange with a rather strict look.

She is learning things from Levi too, Hange thought with an amused smile.

"Rest and gather your strength. Everyone is waiting for you to come back. Someone is more impatient that the others. I need to go before that same someone rips Oluo's head off for keeping you away from him. Take care," Petra waved her hand, gifted Hange another bright smile and left.

As soon as she closed the door, Hange heard a familiar, grumpy voice.

A second later, Levi walked in. His eyes widened when they met hers. With his hand still on a doorknob, Levi stood at the threshold, staring at her with an intent look.

Hange almost squirmed under his gaze, it was too intense to belong to Levi. She wondered what was the reason for it.

But then the spell broke, and Levi looked away.

His steps heavy, he marched further into the room. He didn't head to her bed, though. Instead he stopped next to Zeke's.

"If I hear just a pip from you," he warned in a low voice. "They'll have to prolong your stay in this hospital."

Levi didn't wait for Zeke to reply and turned on his heels, taking a seat next to Hange. Crossing his legs, he just sat there, his gaze not moving away from her face.

He didn't glare, didn't scowl, just stared like Hange was the most interesting thing in this room. Her stomach turned, and she wasn't sure if she liked this feeling or not.

"Where were you?" she asked, when it became evident that Levi wasn't going to start a conversation.

Her question made him look away, just long enough to roll his eyes.

"That idiot Oluo ambushed me in the hallway. Demanded an advice from me."

"An advice?"

"On how to be a good detective," Levi answered, before Hange could get funny ideas about other types of advice. Not that Levi was knowledgeable enough to give them. "Erwin decided to promote him. Now Petra will have a new partner."

"You and Petra won't work together anymore? Then who is going to be your new partner?"

"Yeah, Hange," Levi sat back in his chair, crossing hands on his chest. "Who will it be?"

"You," Zeke stage whispered.

Levi's eye twitched.

"I told you—"

"Wait," Hange put a hand on his arm, quelling his anger. A heavy feeling settled in her stomach, a hope that was ready to get crushed. She frowned at Levi. "Can I even return to work? Technically, I'm still dead."

"Erwin is working on it. He pulled some strings, asked a few favors..."

"And?"

"He managed to restore your documents. He even kept your full name."

"He wanted to change it? To what?"

Despite the faint blush, Levi held her gaze firmly. "Ackerman."

Now it was Hange's turn to feel flustered.

"And by the way," Levi rose to fluff and fix the pillow underneath her. Hange tried to ignore the subtle tremor she noticed as his fingers moved. "You'll have to stay at my place for a while. Erwin is looking for an apartment, but since most of your stuff is already there..."

Hange couldn't help it - she started laughing. God, both of them were so hopeless.

"Aren't we moving things a little too fast?" she gave him a sly look, a flutter inside her returning as Levi snorted.

"Too fast? If you ask anyone else, four-eyes, we're moving things way too slowly."

Well... Hange certainly couldn't argue with that.

"And if you want to help things move along more smoothly," Levi sat back down, putting his hand on the bed, his fingers almost touching Hange's. "I remember you promising to tell me about your type."

Hange did promise that, she almost did tell him too, back in his office, when they received news about Petra. It wasn't the right time back then. But now...

"My type is certainly one of a kind. You have seen him, though."

"Where?" Levi grew just a little bolder, moved his hand just a little closer to Hange's.

She grinned and shortened the distance, intertwining their fingers.

"In the mirror."

The possibly sweet, tender moment was ruined by a loud groan that was followed by, "God, I never thought that flirting could be so torturous."