#8) They found a bug ^_^
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I was so happy about getting multiple 1A requests that I decided to just dump all my recent 1A doodles in one post :-)
#1a#Context ahead for the enjoyers -->#1) 1A-centric AU which is basically the only RVB thing I've been working on recently. It's a really good AU trust me.#2) Technically a whole other AU but the gist of the comic is Hao making weapons for fun.#3) Andre redesign notes! His first name is Augustin but everyone calls him Auggie.#4) Hao yelling at an offscreen Ilhan </3#5) Marah asking for permission to take a break! She also got a minor redesign WRT her hair.#6) Rey with my self-insert (Two-Ten) who is tangentially 1A. I need an excuse to talk about Two-Ten LOL.#7) Rey Andre and Coelho bullying AI Lopez...#8) They found a bug ^_^#mine#Also Meg I really like the way you draw Watt with no eyes in his glasses so I've been doodling him like that LMFAO.
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Just realized I’ve literally never drawn my John design before so have this

#Johnny boy realized he found the weird twink with a guitar in his bedroom attractive#only to go to work and immediately be like crushed to death by a grain silo and 5 to 8 bugs or something. poor guy#my art#jrwi bitb#bitb
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I think drug addicts stayed in this room before us...
#found an orange needle cap behind the bed side table#good news tho is there are roaches or bed bugs or mold#just body glitter on the tub floor and odd stains in a few places#the bathroom is TINY and the door has to be physically lifted up to open and close#theres a dish washer and garbage disposal (i think)#i used a real stove for the first time in 8 years#the front door is kinda janky#but st least the manager made it clear to yhe other employees that we HAVE to have a downstairs room for#disability purposes#talkies
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daily whistlepaw until bu becomes PoV day 1098
Songleap showing off the cool bug she found
#warrior cats#whistlepaw#songleap#windclan#medicine cat apprentice#warrior#bugs make me uncomfortable and I find that so sad and annoying at the same time#I wanted to look at pictures of beetles found in the UK but goddamn I felt uncomfortable the whole time#so I give you a *very simplified* stag beetle because more details would not be too pleasant now#maybe I should therapise myself by drawing detailed bugs#but not when 1. sleep deprived and 2. I have other urgent matters (aka EXAMS)#I've been tired all day. it is bullshit and I want a refund. I haven't studied today yet and when writing this it is already 8 pm#I know my days are shifted and I am usually active until around 4 am but stilll...#not happy#but I'll add detailed bugs in the projects list#alongside HUMANS and backgrounds (I want to test the lined bg thing again)
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Recent-ish life pictures and etc.
#image commentary in tags once again since they don't allow captions anymore and I feel weird using the alt text for that --#1. bright very poofy cloud sky#2. saw these weird bugs on a sidewalk that were clustered in a pile and some of them were sitting butt to butt or something.. I wonder if#that's how they mate?? or maybe just some sortof strange bug fight or something.. interesting little creature party happening#out on the pavement on that day#3. Its kind of hard to see but on the inside of this watermelon there is a slightly lighter formation that sort of looks like a heart shape#4. special breakfast of scrambled eggs. soy sausages. and jarred artichoke heart. with some black coffee and whipped cream + a strawberry#5. ARBY.. fish ...traditional summer treat available only until like september maybe for like a month. but I love them because theyre cheap#lol.. the next closest/cheapest fried fish sort of option that is easily acessible to me is a more upscale fast food place where you can ge#three tiny little chunks of fish maybe the palm of your hand sized for about $17 lol... so 4 arby fried fish chunks for like $5 is good#6. & 7 - very cool sunset colored sort of pink/yellow/orange flower I found growing wild in someone's yard#8. got as a gift from someone who got it for christmas but didn't really want it and asked if I did since everyone knows Im like The Person#Who's Obsessed With Cats out of any group of people.. but I still havent done it lol.. it just sits there gathering dust until I have#the time on top of my 600 other projects. I think it's cool that it's gray so it does look like noodle (my cat)#9. Noodle (the aforementioned gray cat) with fancy lighting behind him#photo diary
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apropos of absolutely nothing. i am not a witchy person i am never really going to be. but. but. if crystals are "magic" or give "good vibes" or whatever it's because they're Of The Earth. you know what's better than getting some cheap quartz at a boho store. finding a really fucking cool rock. or a stick. i think if physical items have the sort of power people believe they do then it would come from literally anything that nature makes and you have to love that thing at least a little bit. anyway don't steal from parks and don't put rocks up your vagina.
#i wholeheartedly believe that carrying around a piece of bark you found on the side of the road is a thousand times more likely to#manifest good things for you than the $8 shiny perfect rock that was imported from a child slave labor mine#was talking about this with my pagan/witchy bf like. finding and loving and working with a cool stick is probably going to give better#results than Buying Rocks. anyway my no-fun psych perspective on it is that a lot of practices involving this focus heavily on staying#present and in tune with nature/your surroundings. and that's really good for you no matter what you believe in#and it is going to make you happy and it is going to help you in every aspect of your life. do things with intention#thank a bug. put ur hands in the dirt. u are part of a very big n very unknown world n i do believe there's more to it than whats visible#i find it very hard to believe that certain items do certain things but yall do you. i see where you're coming from and im kissing u
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trick or treat!!!!!!! give me your bugs >:]


e bugs!!! happy halloween!! this is a Hackberry emperor butterfly! fun fact: they don't drink nectar, they get their nutrients from other places instead, like my skin! this one was drinking my sweat because it was hot out. boys gotta have his supper!
#id in alt#magic 8 ball#so cool to see this behavior in person !! i found it on the ground and was trying to move it so it wouldnt get stepped on- found out later#that they actually crawl around on the ground looking for a lot of their nutrients!#theyre also very naturally curious which is why it was so chill with me holding it#bugs#hackberry emporer butterfly
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scariest 5 minutes of my current honor run
#mse's playing baldur's gate 3#this guy also has so many fucking actions and reactions i thought the whole fight was bugged out#restarting it also didn't fix it i still couldn't check what this fucker was doing#every time i hit i also just saw 'not found' pop up above it it was crazy#i don't even think i have the patch 8 update yet this just seems like some random bug
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FAMILIAR FAMILIAR MASTERPOST
If you want to see my general info (and also which tags to look at my other art, click here)

FAMILIAR FAMILIAR is a self indulgent TOTK AU where Link and Zelda traverse the wild lands of Hyrule together. There are ruins to be discovered and monsters to be eaten.
This project is a linktober challenge that will extend past the month of october. Please be patient with me as this is entirely being funded by a hyperfixation and the support of beloved patreon backers (ty patreon backers). Pls note fanart, fanfics, and spinoffs are perfectly fine as long as credit is due!
Chronological Order (updating as we go!)
1. Blood Moons and Headaches
2. Basement Adventures
3. Basement’s Adventures Haunted
4. Basement’s Extra Haunted
5. Lost (and found)
6. World’s Endin, Purah’s Stressin
7. Concern about Death Mountain
8. Goron City and Yunobo
9. Death Mountain vs Oversized Railgun
10. The Sage of Fire
11. Interlude
12. Goodbye Eldin!
13. Rained In
14. Skyview Towers
15. Close Call
16. Welcome To The Swamp
17. A Guide Named Yona
18. Sidon’s No Good Very Bad Two Months
19. Authority Issues
20. Lab in the Sky
21. The Water Sage
22. Reprise
23. Century Idol
24. Safe Travels
25. It’s Free Transportation
26. Song of Perseverance
27. Crack in the Maze
28. Looking for Lunch
29. Pirates, in MY Hyrule?
30. Ghost Ships
31. Great Fairy Cotera
32. Arm Collection
33. Mushrooms and Cheese
34. Three Headed Public Menace
35. Back into the Basement
36. Spider Jumpscare
37. It’s Free Spine Residue
38. Song of War
39. Wet Sand
40. Fight or Flight
41. Flooded Desert
42. Gut Conductor
43. Riju’s Bug Zapper 9000
44. The Shroud Bringer
45. Weight of Responsibility
46. Ghost Nap
47. Restless Dead
48. Lightning Sage
49. Surcease
50. Kept Promise
EXTRAS:
- Link and Zelda Reference
- Spotify
- Oneshot ficlets

(EDIT; Due to work and bills, Familiar Familiar will be returning June, just to give me some breathing room! Sorry for the wait)
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☕🪲🤢🤮
#bug flew into my coffee and only found it in my mouth after drinking the whole thing dhfkfbfkfnfjfhfjfjfjf 🤮🤮🤢#le whiny text post#tho I do remember some school agenda saying we swallow an average of like 8-10? spider a year so I shouldn't be too disgusted dhdkdbfj#still. nasty 🤢
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meowdy! looks like our move to a new apartment is not going to be so peaceful after all - our old apartment is currently leaking sewage water and we have to evacuate four people and two cats! donations are appreciated, but im opening an emergency sale + commissions too! (more under the cut)
KO-FI SHOP SALE + EMERGENCY COMMISSIONS ARE OPEN!
DISCOUNT CODE IS 'LEAK' IN ALL CAPS
so for this section, i'm going to break down everything thats happening + when things will come off hiatus! i'm hoping that everything will be set up in the new place by JUNE 1st, so that is the hard deadline i'm setting to start all functions up again as usual.
WHAT'S HAPPENING?
two years ago, my fiance and i were offered emergency housing when we (very suddenly and tragically) became the parents to his orphaned little sister. both of us are only 26 and had to move 8 hours from where we had been living at the time, so the housing we had was the best 2 people with few connections and no established jobs could find within a single weeks notice.
since then, we have been saving up and working to finally have a proper place to live. and we did so! at the beginning of this month we found an apartment where all of us can move to. we have a friend staying with us who is helping with the move as well.
i really wanted this move to be seamless - basically, you wouldn't have had to know it was happening. we were going to pay double rent for two months while i would stream and work from the old place, and begin sleeping at the new one. its expensive, but i didn't want my real life to trouble anyone here.
unfortunately this is no longer possible. the old building we were staying at had a pipe begin to leak, then eventually flood our entire apartment. this has been a reoccurring problem the landlord hasn't seemed to find a solution for, and it's led to a biohazard where we were planning on slowly moving from - leading to an immediate and emergency evacuation for the safety of everyone in our family.
SO... STREAMING?
will be back online as soon as possible! we moved out our tech as soon as we could due to fear of water damage, and it seems like everything is A-OK. we just need to rebuild my desk and sound proof the new room, so this will probaaabbly be back online within a week? im just going to take the week off to make sure everything is set up and there are no bugs. (digital. digital bugs.)
LAIKA'S COMET?
for the sake of not losing my buffer crazystyle, i'm pausing laika's until JUNE 1st. but i'm going to post one more page right now to leave you guys on a cliffhanger because i think it's funny. (the ko-fi will still update as regular as i finish pages! tbh, in between moving i am going to be drawing.... a LOT... it's like my only self soothing activity i have access to right now </3)
SHOP STUFF?
you basically won't notice a difference. orders go out every 2 weeks anyway, and literally the day before this happened we completely caught up to date. that + all of the goods we had were already moved over because (similar to the tech) we were worried about water damage, so nothing will be yucky... (i dont know if i can say the same about our furniture or clothes ; _ ; )
FINAL NOTES
while we did manage to get out with emergency bags and a weeks worth of outfits + things to sleep on + cook with, we have no real means of knowing the extent of damage until we bring things out of the apartment and clean them here. thankfully *most* things appear undamaged, its largely the flooring and the smell that are unliveable... walking through puddles of sewage water and having to wear a mask to breathe is not really liveable conditions.
however, considering this move is sped up way faster than planned, and i wont be able to work during it - any sales or donations are hugely appreciated. ; w ;
i'm sorry to ask for help like this, and its only if you are comfortable to do so!!! i can work hard, so i don't mind doing a little extra art to make money, this is just if you feel okay to help out and would like to.
if you read this far, thank you so much - hopefully next time i will return with good news - and maybe a new apartment tour...?
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having a nightmare of a day.
#i’m being dramatic#this is about bugs.#like 3 crickets have found their way into my apartment#wish i wasn’t so weak when it came to bugs#my 8 cats have been useless love them tho#josie talks
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Scientists have found an effective and natural method to repel mosquitoes
All you have to do is mix these essential oils with olive oil and you will make a mosquito repellent that works better than commercial insect repellents.
Recipe : 👇
• 2 f oz Extra virgin olive oil
• 10 drops of lemongrass oil
• 8 drops of eycalaptus
• 5 drop of lavander
The mixture works as a great bug repellent as well as few benefits for the skin. 🤔
#pay attention#educate yourselves#educate yourself#reeducate yourselves#knowledge is power#reeducate yourself#think about it#think for yourselves#think for yourself#do your homework#mosquito repellent#for your health#health tips#healthy living#natural remedies#home recipes#news#truth be told
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ateez recs: fic series edition
these are fics that have genuinely changed my brain chemistry. most are ot8/ateez ensemble.
the places between us by @written-in-flowers
HOLY SHIT! warning for anyone who comes across this, it is a HEAVY read. lots of content that may feel uncomfortable. oh my godddd the way i was screaming at the protagonist for making stupid decisions. honestly one of the best reads i've had in a while i won't lie to you.
clair de lune by @atzfilm
this series had me gripping my fucking sheets. it was so so good and i wish i could read it for the first time again. this one also has slightly heavy themes so warning to those who wanna read it.
into the aurora by @honeyhotteoks
lots of crying, sobbing, and even more crying. they all love each other so much, this is what i show to people when they ask me what love means. everyone is a ride or die here.
like a waltz by @justbelievinginmagic
i actually found this gem on ao3 (WE LOVE YOU AO3 🫶🫶). ateez are all red flags in this but i'm just like the protagonist, COLORBLIND ASF! not her fault though #letherdance. it's not completed yet but definitely recommend!!!
like the moon by @sunmoonjune
FREE BUG!!! SHE JUST WANTS TO HAVE A FAMILY!!! FUCK HER DAD!!! ateez clan are bug's ride or dies and i stand with them!!!
the answer by @berryunho
hongjoong is so fucking uncanny in this. every time he's up to no good i hear music from hereditary playing. ALSO FUCK YOU SAN!!!
in love and lore by @shadowynn
y/n helps someone and suddenly gets eight lovers, can we give her 5 big booms?
hotel california + paradise gardens by @mint-yooxgi
give me whatever the protagonist has (minus the people that are targeting her). 8 HOT lovers who would give me the world, genuinely love me, and got MONEY?? ladies, don't EVER settle for less.
not all that glitters is gold by @the7thcrow
TOOOOO GOOOODDD. i wanna give wooyoung a hug but also punch him.
pirate king by @chaseatinydream
the first ateez x reader i read and it was so beautiful. the lore the storytelling the world buildup was top tier and i wouldn't change a single thing about this. i love that the protagonist is her own character and while i love an x reader where i can imagine myself, this is so incredibly well made.
cat's cradle by @raincoreee
i have no idea when this'll update (i have hope) but sannie is a cat and reader is gender neutral!!
don't forget to support and show love to these amazing authors. may fanfiction never die 🙏🙏🙏
#ateez x reader#ateez ot8 x reader#ot8 ateez x reader#ateez fanfic#ateez fanfiction#ateez ff#ateez au#ateez scenarios#ateez imagines#ateez smut#hongjoong x reader#seonghwa x reader#yunho x reader#yeosang x reader#san x reader#mingi x reader#wooyoung x reader#jongho x reader#ateez hongjoong x reader#ateez seonghwa x reader#ateez yunho x reader#ateez yeosang x reader#ateez san x reader#ateez mingi x reader#ateez wooyoung x reader#ateez jongho x reader#ateez poly
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I'm obsessed with The Price is Right and therefore I think that Steve is obsessed with the Price is Right also.
He watches the reruns on weekends and loves the days when he's sick (or pretending to be sick) and he can watch it on the living room couch when he's in high school. When he graduates he tries to get all his shifts to start after 12:00 even if it means he has to close.
He loves watching and judging people's fashion and hair choices. He does all his own shopping so he's pretty good at guessing prices and scoffs when people make stupid guesses. He's convinced himself that there's a technique to spinning the wheel to guarantee the best results.
When he gets together with Eddie the other man is incredibly indeared by Steve's love for the show. He loves the days when he gets to stay home with Steve in the mornings and watch him watch The Price is Right. He thinks it's funny how heated he can get about it like it's a sports game. He delights in bugging Steve when it's on, asking him questions really loudly right in the middle just so Steve will give him that annoyed leave me alone look that scrunched up his eyebrows.
It's also what gives Eddie the confidence to start bringing Steve back to the trailer instead of holing up in the otherwise empty Harrington house. Wayne is similarly in love with the Price is Right and since he usually works 4 10s over the weekends he has three mornings a week completely available to watch every week. The two days a week he does have work he just waits up after his shift lets out at 8 eating "dinner" and trying to keep himself awake enough to catch it at 11. Half the time he passes out in the armchair.
Eddie takes Steve back to the trailer one night and invites him to stay the night and passes out with a grin on his face thinking about his two favorite people in the world meeting tomorrow. Eddie wakes up to an empty bed and scrambles out into the living room to the happy sight of Wayne and Steve talking about unfair Take Two is like they've known each other for years instead of a couple of hours at most.
Eddie makes them all box mix pancakes and takes the last of the mostly empty coffee in the pot for himself. He bangs the big pan down loudly on the counter just to get a rise from the two on the couch and turns his back to hide his smile when they grumble at him to keep it down.
Eddie takes Steve with him on a seemingly impromptu road trip to California. Supposedly it's to scope out what kind of metal scene can be found there but the real reason is to take Steve to wait in line to audition to be in the audience of his favorite show and get a chance to play. Steve is so excited and also incredibly annoyed with the surprise. He complains about not being able to pick out his best outfit and only lets up when Eddie assures him several times that he looks fantastic.
Steve, of course, handsome as he is gets pushed through with no fuss and Eddie gets to come with him as a companion. He goes on and on about how much smaller the set is than it even looks on TV and how excited Wayne is going to be. He whispers in Eddie's ear about people's silly handmade shirts and all the people wearing suits when it's gotta be almost 80 degrees in there. Eddie just knows that the camera is going to be panning over his boyfriend as much as it can. He's going to be great for ratings.
Steve ends up getting called down and makes the closest bids on a pair of his and her watches that he's going to split with Robin. Eddie can see his eyes light up as he banters with Bob, cool as a cucumber, the bastard. He gets a nice recliner that will definitely be replacing the old, sagging one that Wayne uses now in the Clock Game and barely misses out on the second prize of a fancy game table that the kids are definitely going to bully him about. When it's time to spin the wheel he holds out on a 75 and goes to the showcase. He is very smug about it all.
In the end, he wins an okay showcase with a strange little toy car he's going to give to Erica to terrorize the other kids with and some ugly living room furniture he's probably going to reject. The real prize is the 55-inch color TV that's going to take pride of place in the Munson house.
At the end Eddie bitches and moans about all the space this crap is going to take up in the van and how their gas bill headed back is going to be at least twice what it was coming down, but he can't really feel too put out with how happy Steve looks.
Back at their hotel room, Steve tackles Eddie into the bed and thanks him profusely for doing all this for him. No one has ever gone out of their way to make him happy quite like Eddie has, and they both can't wait to get back to Hawkins and wait for their episode to air. Eddie is already planning to coordinate with the kids to get them to record a couple of VHS for them to keep.
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Now with some Extras!
#I've been watching an obscene amout of the price is right#i just can't stop#the fashion!#the prizes!#the accents!#steddie#stranger things#eddie munson#steve harrington#blurb#fanfiction#dreamer speaks#wayne munson#the price is right#is there a price is right community on tumblr?#that would be wild#IMPORTANT NOTE I ALMOST FORGOT#You didn't actually get the prizes right away from the price is right#you went home and they reaches out with the tax amount you would have to pay#and then you could either accept or deny#not sure if you could pick and choose though#in this world they just got to take them off the lot#and no taxes#because of the beauty of fiction#Edits made 1/21
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scare | ·˚ ༘ spencer reid ,, (part 1)
synopsis - you’re in a relationship with some one else and have a pregnancy scare, both your own reaction and spencer’s makes you realise that you’re not happy.
genre - bau!reader x spencer, friends to lovers, multi-part, pregnancy scare, reader has sort of a douche bf, one sided love (at first), angst and fluff
warnings - pregnancy talk, mentions of sex, unhealthy relationships, stress, sickness
w/c - 1.4k?? take a guess cause that’s mine.
a/n - i’ve got 9 weeks free. yeah, i have a job. and yeah, i have about 6 other hobbies i enjoy. but am i gonna make promises i can’t keep about writing more?? yeah. i am. here, enjoy. (pls lemme know abt mistakes it’s rlly late at night rn.)



The plane whirrs, small chatter from Morgan and who you assumed to be Penelope over the phone humming along with the music you try to distract yourself with. It isn’t working.
Because every song has its own special and quirky musical instrument that happens to sound like a message notification. And you keep getting your hopes up.
Your left leg started to bounce, your fingernails found their way to your anxious teeth. And Spencer noticed.
He noticed about halfway through the case, when you stopped talking as much, started drinking an influx of water, started discreetly taking pain medication. At first, he thought it was a simple stomach bug, and he knew your stomach didn’t agree with a lot of travel. But then you started getting nervous.
Spencer glanced at you a few times before moving, sitting next to you (attempting to be discreet). He can’t be discreet though, because every time he’s around you, his body does this weird thing where it can’t decide whether it should be instantly calm or instantly more nervous. Your presence stopped his fidgeting hands, his tired thoughts. But god, when he looked at you, it’s like his heart wants to see you for itself.
And right now his heart hurt, why were you scared?
You barely noticed Spencer sit down, usually you would, but your phone was annoyingly blank, silent. You turned it off and on three times, and re-entered the plane’s wifi password five times.
And now your stomach was grumbling, and not in the way that those nice small sandwiches can help out with.
“Are you okay?”
You jumped, taking your earphones out and staring at Spencer surprised. You laughed nervously, quietly, “Spencer! Sorry. Yeah, I’m fine.”
His warm eyes searched yours and for a second you could ignore the tight feeling in your chest. It made you think back around 8 months ago, when Penelope, your childhood best friend and now co-worker, created a pros and cons list for both Lloyd, and… Spencer.
It was unprofessional and inappropriate, especially when you decided to listen because you had nothing better to do. And especially when she started making some good points.
He squinted his eyes, and you sighed.
“Sorry, I’m just a bit antsy. Feeling a bit… off.”
You felt sick, and stressed, and like your thoughts were going to be the cause of your death. Because you’ve never been sick like this. And to your overworked brain, it only meant one thing.
Spencer’s a great profiler. And although the team collectively agreed to not profile each other, it becomes hard for Spencer when the girl he’s in love with is so obviously in distress. Even worse when he can’t be the hero.
“I can leave you to sleep if you want.” He says, getting up to leave.
“Oh, no. That’s okay. Honestly, I think sleeping would just make it worse.”
Ah, right. Travel sickness, Spencer thought. He gaps his mouth slightly and nods. He relaxes into the couch and looks over to you, heart picking up slightly as pieces of hair fell from your loose ponytail.
You looked over to the table he was previously sat at, the book you gifted him last Christmas open and nearly finished. You smiled to yourself, but it was bittersweet.
“You’re actually reading it?” You asked, looking back at him with slight surprise.
“Of course. I’ve read it 6 times already, it’s a great pallet cleanser- Just like you said in that Christmas card!” He smiled childishly, like he was recalling the first snow.
“I know right! It’s so simple but interesting, I mean I’ve only read it three times but to me I always found it to clear my head.”
Spencer angled himself towards you, “Did you know that the author actually interviewed his daughter’s teachers to see what ages teachers were more invested in compared to class sizes? He said in an interview that depending on a students intelligence, there’s an underlying emotional connection made between student and teacher,” he took a breath, “It plays into the intelligence to ego ratio that so many people claim isn’t true. Which I’m not trying to say you have a big ego, or that I do-“
You waved you hands, “Woah, woah. Why would I think you’re talking about me?”
He furrowed his eyebrows, “Well, you’re very intelligent.”
“Oh!… Thanks for thinking I’m intelligent, or smart.” You shrugged, “But I think you insulted yourself. You don’t have a 187 IQ for nothing do you?”
“You remembered my IQ?” He laughed nervously. His smile warms your chest like a candle. Like that candle he got you randomly in April, after you mentioned your favourite one being used up by your boyfriend.
Your boyfriend. Ugh.
You smile falters for only a second, “Of course. You only mention it to every person that second guesses you.”
He nods and smiles, “Must be my ego.”
You laugh, subconsciously bumping your shoulder with his. But- Jesus. Your stomach is queasy.
“Hey, uh, do you want some travel sickness pills?” He reached over for his satchel but you grab his forearm and smile as convincingly as you can.
“No, no. We’re landing soon, but thank you.”
You’re overreacting.
That’s what he said. When you texted your boyfriend of a year and a half that you thought you were pregnant he said, You’re overreacting. Two words, two hours after your first text, on his day off.
Maybe you are. You started feeling sick on a slightly more gory case, it’s lasted ever since the case started, you get travel sick as well.
The headaches are from the computer screen and stress. The stress is from fatigue. The fatigue is because of the lack of sleep. The lack of sleep is because of the headaches.
Why do you always do this? Always thinking that there’s something wrong with you. Always being the biggest person in your own life, selfish.
But… what if?
There’s a sudden squeak from behind you, and you instantly snapped out of it. You took a deep breath and looked at your surroundings. You were at your desk, standing, the strap of your bag clutched in your hands - god, your knuckles were white. Your eyes darted in surprise and confusion, and you jumped once again when Spencer spoke into the silence.
“You okay?”
“Um…”
You didn’t look back at him, only looking down at your shoes and taking a deep breath. You plastered on a smile despite the bile collecting in your throat.
“Yeah! Yeah, I’m fine. I’ve gonna go, the bus leaves at um…”
You took out your phone. He didn’t even respond to your text asking him to pick you up.
“I’ll drive you home. But uh, I gotta pick up some groceries. I hope you don’t mind.”
He curved to your desk and gently took your bag from your hands, glancing at the way you traced your knuckles and how the leather strap now had slight wrinkles in it. He smiled, warmly. And he started walking like you rejecting the idea wasn’t an option.
Which is wasn’t, because he knew you too well.
“Well, a cucumber actually has 3% more water than watermelon. So if you really want a refreshing snack, cucumber is your man.”
You smiled and raised your eyebrows in interest. He’s had many vegetables and fruits in the basket, not a lot of protein. Explained a lot.
My man, you thought with a smile.
My man, you shivered.
“I don’t like cucumbers.” You said like it was distraction, and he nodded, picking up some kewpie mayo as he you around to the next aisle. He glanced at you,
“I know. You say it’s tasteless. I like it.” He shrugged.
“I know.” You smiled, and he smiles back.
God, you wish you could bask in it, the warmth. But your chest was still tingly, and your heart hadn’t stopped aching ever since you got excited about an email notification.
“Hey, are you sure you’re okay? I noticed you’ve been tense for like… a week.” He grabbed some pasta sauce and put his hand on your shoulder to turn you around - you obviously looked too far into your own head.
“Yeah, just feeling-“
“Y/n.” He turned to you, stopping your venture into the dairy aisle. His eyes were hard, worried. The fluorescent lights swayed slightly. A worker walked by the end of the aisle with a trolley full of food.
“Sorry.”
“Don’t,” he lifted one arm, wanting to rest his hand on your upper arm, to help you, “Don’t say sorry. Just tell me what’s going on.”
“I have been feeling sick. That’s true. And I’ve been stressed and, thinking a lot. A lot.”
It felt weird to nearly tell Spencer about your relationship problems. It was like complaining to a doctor about healing crystals. It was like a slap in the face. Maybe that’s why you never did tell him about it, because it was facing your fears.
It was the pros and cons list made by Penelope.
But I’m overreacting.
“It’s nothing.”
Spencer sighed. You had that habit, of nearly opening up, and then shutting the door just as he was about to walk in.
You heard his sigh.
“Okay. I gave Lloyd my car because he has the day off, and he likes going to his friends houses on his days off. And, I told him something that should probably freak him out. But he doesn’t really care. I don’t think he really cares, about anything. At least about me.”
You started walking, because holy shit you’ve never said that out loud before, and Spencer followed you,
“Y/n, if you want to tell me something-“
“I think I’m pregnant.” You stopped, and started picking at your fingers, acting as if it was admitting to not knowing your left and rights, or that you don’t really like coconut.
His eyes widen, and his heart drops. It was like his worst nightmare coming true- jesus, how could he even think about himself right now? The girl he loved felt trapped with a man she thought might be the father of her baby.
Spencer gulped, “Oh.”
“Yeah, oh.”
You looked at each other, scared, you more than him. And then you cringed,
“God, I’m sorry Spencer. I shouldn’t have said anything-“
“No- Y/n, it’s fine. I’m glad you told me-“
“I haven’t even, like, taken a test yet-“
“Wait so-”
You spun on your heel and looked at him exasperated.
“So… let’s go get some tests.” He said (he hopes) calmly. He was really trying, to pretend to be calm and collected. That’s what you needed, a clear head to replace yours.
He paid for everything, even the 5 pregnancy tests and the over sized lollipop you put in the basket to ease your nerves later on.
The moon was high, you were about three hours late to get home now, and your head was attacking itself with rambles and aches and honestly, you were sick of it.
You shivered, huddling in your jacket and drawing only slightly closer to Spencer. His silence was like a hook, drawing you in closer and higher and taking every word you had been thinking that day to the tip of your tongue.
You looked up to him. His hair fell into his eyes, the breeze reddening his cheeks slightly.
It’s Spencer. You’ve known him for nearly 6 years, but it feels like you’ve known each other for ever. You know everything about him, and he knows everything about you. Well, not everything. He doesn’t know how you feel in your own apartment, how every anniversary had been forgotten even when it was the ‘1 year’ mark, how you felt like you were raising an over grown child who could drink.
He knows you’re strong, but admitting all that? I’d look weak.
You have looked weak in front of Spencer. He stayed overnight in your hospital room, he held you when you watched a little girl die, he wiped your tears when you watched a sad short film during your break.
You couldn’t hide anything from him.
“I don’t think I’m pregnant- Well, I mean I might be, but there’s a very low chance,” You started, Spencer’s jaw clenched for a millisecond, “I’ve just been feeling sick and… it could be because of stress from work, or just general stress- like, I don’t know.”
Spencer moved the grocery bag to his other hand.
“Kids are great, don’t get me wrong. Some people don’t get the chance to have kids. I mean…” You gulped, and Spencer finally looked down at you. But now, all you could do was stare at the car park’s concrete floor. Speaking out loud was like clearing your brain, the fog was lifting. “Lloyd doesn’t want kids. I do, at least in the future, not right now. I just hope it’s not with-“ You cut yourself off, and slow down a bit. Spencer matches your pace.
I just hope it’s not with him.
He gulps, and clears his throat, looking down at you with understanding eyes, “With everything that’s going on.”
“Yeah… yeah. You know, my job, my…” It’s no use lying to Spencer. He knows. He’s known, for a long time.
Your chest was tight, and you made eye contact with the pregnancy tests lying on top of Spencer’s groceries. The thought of going home, rushing to the bathroom, avoiding your boyfriend who was already waiting angry, made your throat close up. Because only now, when you were three hours late from work and ignoring his one attempt at a phone call, Lloyd texted, ‘I think you need to calm down.’ It was a bare minimum, and finally Spencer could see you realizing it.
No, ‘Wre you okay?’, ‘What’s making you think this?’ ‘Where are you?’
No. He was making you out to be the crazy one, the one to be over thinking, over bearing, too much.
You were confused. To put it blankly. And scared. And questioning your life decisions. And honestly you just wanted to curl up in a ball and to have Spencer make you bad cucumber salad at his warm apartment.
You looked up to Spencer but he was already looking down at you, reaching for his keys and nodding, “You can come to mine, it’ll be okay.”
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