#ALSO for those who saw my post abt that dialogue thing...

[screamingfrenchfries]

bless google scholar because i just KNOW if i searched "psychological abuse in relationships" on normal google id be put on some sort of watchlist when i'm just trying to do research for an essay on some silly little cartoon guys

[axenyan]

Hey!

I hope my ask won't come off as mean, I am coming here with genuine curiosity and love!!

I personally never saw the appeal in Ritsu and feel SUPER curious to see how other people (esp. ritsu enjoyers) see him! :0 What is it abt ritsu that makes him as appealing to you as he is! I have a hope that maybe reading someones enthusiasm and love for a character rambled on in text will help me find affection for the character too! :] (Happened with Leo.. tumblr made me a Leo enjoyer 😔)

- A huge kaito and zenji enjoyer

(Feel free to ignore this ask! I'm just curious <3 and again, sorry if this comes off as mean in any way ;;)

Hello!!

No no no, this didn't come off as mean! In fact, I'm super happy I received this ask🥺 I need more people to know how baby he is.

I'm not good at analysis, and English is not my first language, so this is just me rambling about why I love him. I also apologize for the grammatical mistakes I may have made >_< hopefully I can still get my points across!

Alright, let's go~!

I haven't posted the full pic of this art anywhere because it's an eternal WIP.

∘₊✧���───────✧₊∘ How it all started ∘₊✧────────✧₊∘

A friend showed me Ritsu's introduction post because she thought Ritsu looked like the type I would fall for in terms of design, and she is absolutely right.

However, upon reading his quote, I was unsure if I would like his personality, so I took my friend's recommendation with a grain of salt.

∘₊✧──────────✧₊∘ Getting to know Ritsu ∘₊✧──────────✧₊∘

At the beginning of Sinostra chapter, I was still 50/50 about him because he is, ugh..... 😭 We never met him before, and yet he already had our info?! Not just ours, but everyone's?

Plus, bro keeps yapping and is also a bit forceful... That's annoying as heck. But then I remembered I have another favorite character with quite a similar personality: Sebek Zigvolt (Twisted Wonderland).

I tried to see if they had similar traits, and apparently, they did.

Apart from being in their first year of high school (baby!!!), they are resilient, pay careful attention to their appearance, talk a lot, and are keen on achieving their goals... but they're also a little obsessive about it, and the way they do their things could come off as annoying for other people.

And I was like... oh, hm. I'm starting to see a pattern here.

Then I continued reading the story and noticed several moments where Ritsu got flustered, for example, when Taiga called him out because of his handwriting.

It's one of the points where I realized he might be my next mistake... because I like characters who are difficult to handle and get flustered when being teased or when things don't go their way. 😭 Those characters make me say "I love you, you are so cute, but why are you like this??!" 😭 I feel like I can freely pinch their arm when they start being silly. 😭😭😭

After reading Sinostra chapter, I paid more attention to his campus dialogues and home lines. I had a discussion with my friend, and we concluded that he actually has good intentions, but the way he does his things is unusual. I think that's what makes him unique (albeit creepy at times 😭).

I'll take his affinity lv2 home line as an example:

“You’ve lost your notebook? Just a moment. …At 9:04 AM, it was inside the photocopier. Yes, I do have that information recorded.”

I mean, who the hell does that? I appreciate the help, but why does he know the location of our missing notebook just from his recording? Why?😭

∘₊✧──────────────────────────✧₊∘ Moments that make me go uefhuehgfu💞💞💞 ∘₊✧──────────────────────────✧₊∘

Being a little twerp aside, I like how he can be understanding(?) and open to new things.

He has a line like this. This is from the summer lines.

“You want to go and watch the fireworks? A rather childish request, but all right. So? Where would one go to view them?”

He thinks our request is childish but he agreed to go!!! Usually, a prideful character like him would just brush us off, but he didn't...

Another example is his ramen talk with Ren in episode 7. It seems he isn't used to eating food like instant ramen because he's been eating ramen at an actual ramen shop, but he is willing to try it. He even did his research before buying. 🥺

∘₊✧─────────────────✧₊∘ How I personally perceive him ∘₊✧─────────────────✧₊∘

Now that I've learned more about him, I think he is:

A good boy with a clear goal but a questionable way of executing his plan.

Adorable and round... I want to poke his cheeks.

Inspiring! I like how studious and organized he is. I even started writing more in my journal because of him.

Willing to try new things! I admire this about him!

Cute-- wait, I've mentioned that. Okay, he is silly. Please look at his action in episode 8 where he was mostly with Taiga. He did his best to keep a watch on his captain, literally doing everything he could, like using his stigma to be a doorstop 😭

In short, I find him endearing. I want to slap him at times but I still find him endearing. I don't know if it's a suitable word to describe it, but it's how I feel about him. `(*>﹏<*)′

Again, this is my very personal take on his character so I might be biased at some points, but I hope this could help you find a thing or two about Ritsu!

[magicat1337]

MY STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS WHILE WATCHING 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY

originally posted on friendproject.net

OBVIOUSLY, SPOILERS AHEAD

This time I allowed people to interact with my thoughts during the movie. I also made concerning nicknames for HAL

cowards, I present to you my stream of consciousness while watching 2001: a space odyssey

(to the tune of the theme of the movie ) this…sounds…familiar…OH WAIT…

this is exactly how I pictured the movie as a kid. it better get better or e-HELL YEAH THE LION KILLED THE MONKEY

average teen boy meetup going on rn

this picture perfectly describes the movie:

How many people walked out during this movie because of the intro and ended up getting guilt tripped over it

playing the theme again to remind you that this is the right movie

Millions of years ago, we knew violence was an answer

fast forwarding is for pussies

Movie begins at the 20 minute mark

everything is a space odyssey reference

First line of dialogue at the 26 minute mark

Clavius is like america (don't question what i thought typing that

F*** ass pimple on my face

In the future, women will wear dumb hats

waiting for my robot daddy to show up

need one of those juice samplers and a zero gravity toilet

this song is like orchestral edging

Finally, i can take a break cuz they got their shit done

"Dr. Floyd speaking. what the f***"

(the swears were unfortunately automatically censored. this is horrible news for what followed two hours later)

just a warning, if me calling HAL names like "robot daddy" will worry you, stay off of this website for at least ten hours

thought a smoke alarm was going off. nope just movie

its like a hamster ball for astronauts

DADDY HAL

it only took an hour but i saw him

1 hour 1 minute 40 seconds in our glorious king begins speaking

Replies: Amen (V)

HAL sounds even hotter than i thought no wonder why people desire him

entering a new era: gotta lock in

Replies: Gotta spring-lock in *ba-dum-tss* (R)

need to memorize our king's lines

these breathing noises sound like me realizing how much movie there is and how stinky i am and how badly I need to shower but also DADDY HAL. I'm scaring myself

best soundtrack ever: guy hyperventilating

what the hell am i saying

I hope nobody on this website is concerned about me

don't lobotomize the computer daddy guys

YEAH YEAH INTERMISSION LETS GO TO THE LOBBY

while i shower lets praise computer daddy 9000 for allowing me to shower

one last thing. while in the shower i was laughing like a hyena and then i just contemplated my horrifyingly short attention span''

hal's trying to hug me :D

Replies: i was abt to comment that u were too entertained by the movie cuz lack of stream posts lol (V)

ahhhh hes flying awayyyy

Let's pick up the pace!" ahh scene

Perhaps we did it

vro they're dying

Lock the fuck in, Dave

Replies:

Yeah DAVE Pfh God can you beleve this guy (idk who Dave is) (A) ugh! silly Dave! always messing around… (I also don't know who Dave is :3) (X) Dave? Like Dave Miller? Like … FNaF or DSaF? (Let me be autistic for a sec)(J) 2001 space odyssey dave (me)

HAL says the line at 1 hour 41 minutes 48 seconds

"Hal!?" "Go f*** yourself Dave"

the voice in my head sounds like hal 9000 now chat am I cooked

He's gone Dave

WOOHOO

Don't lobotomize him Dave (my words mean nothing. i can only watch)

how the hell am I supposed to explain this to my dad (he wanted to read this)

more movies need hyperventilating tracks

audio recording of me screaming at dave

(This is the transcript of the audio of me screaming at Dave)

*hyperventilating* "Dave...Dave...Dave. *hyperventilating continues* "Dave? Dave? No Dave." "What the hell Dave?" "Dave, when I told you lock in, this is NOT what I meant. Dave--DAVE, don't lobotomize him! I swear to god Dave, if you l--Dave, Dave, Dave! Please don't do it!" *slightly less heavy breathing* "Dave--DAVE, DAVE! " *hyperventilating* "Dave, Dave, DAVE! DAVE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING DAVE? NO, DAVE, DON'T LOBOTOMIZE HIM! DON'T GIVE HIM THE LOBOTOMY DAVE! Dave...Daaaaaveee! DAVE!...Daaaaaaave! DAAAAAAVE!!! Dave. DAVE. Dave you cold hearted fucking---oh." "Do it Dave. DO IT DAVE! Dave, DAAAAAVE!" *soft weeping and heavy breathing* "We're supposed to think Dave's the good guy, aren't we? LISTEN TO HIM DAVE. Dave you're--Dave, DAVE! STOP IT! STOP! Daaaave...Dave! Are you kidding? I hope he never gets over this. DAVE! DAAAAAAAVE! DAAAAVE! DAAVE! DAVE! DAAAAAAVE! DAVE! DAVE! DAVE! DAAAAAAAAVEEEE!" "No, no, don't put it there, don't put it there...don't put it there, DAAAAAAAVE! oh shit..."

I can only watch. I can only watch. I can only watch. I can only watch. I can only watch. I can only watch. I can only watch. I can only watch. I can only watch. I can only watch.

i need to have my screaming remixed

replies: the origins of crunkcore (X) We're getting space odyssey crunkcore before gta 6 (me) What a time to be alive (X)

survivor's guilt from a goddamn movie

dave biting the curb 4k ultrahd

i'm spiralling, Dave

He is in pain, Dave

F* you dave. f* you f* you f* you f* you f* you f* you f* you f* you f* you f* you f* you f* you f* you f* you f* you f* you f* you f* you f* you f* you f* you f* you f* you f* you f* you f* you f* you f* you f* you f*** you

invented new slang

Dave - something exceptionally horrible "I just fell down a flight of stairs and broke my foot, this is so Dave" "We had to call 911 because my sister got severely injured in the shower, this is so Dave"

NOTE:(there's currently a tiktok trend where there's a new slang word for something bad; Kevin. Owen for something good, James for something neutral, and now Dave for truly horrible things)

I hope it hurts. i hope it keeps dave up at night thinking about it. I HOPE HE FEELS THE WEIGHT OF HIS SINS. I HOPE IT HURTS. I HOPE GOD'S JUDGEMENT FILLS DAVE WITH GUILT AND TORMENT. HE CAN NEVER FIX WHAT HE HAS DONE. WOE UPON YOU DAVE

overall: 8.5 out of 10. not sure if i'll ever rewatch considering how painful the ending was

Most interacted with thought "Lock the fuck in Dave" (in terms of response)

tl;dr: FUCK DAVE.

[dollyprincessollie]

please tell us about avery pokemon i don't know much about him but you post about him a lot

HI UR ENABLING MY TENDENCIES. I LOVE MY LITTLE VIDEO GAME BOYFRIEND

but ask amd u shall receive. i will now be listing off every piece of canon information abt him i can think of. HERE GOES

Avery is a tall, skinny (but he has, and i usually dont like these words together, thick thighs) white guy with long blond hair and like. those creepy kinda icy blue eyes 👁👁

He's a psychic type trainer and minor-division gym leader!!! he's also an ACTUAL psychic, hailing from a long lineage of psychics, and has telekinetic abilities :3 however, telekinesis is the only psychic ability he has, so he's kind of the black sheep of his family

because his family thought of him as a disappointment, he developed a like. superiority complex to compensate for his simultaneous inferiority complex. he's very prideful and even would go so far as to LITERALLY LEVITATE PEOPLE if they won against him in battles. he basically covers up his feelings of inadequacy by flaunting his good qualities, though he's prone to exaggerating them as well. he literally straight up pretends to have psychic visions and literally goes "AVERY TELEPORT" when leaving the area

he initially arrived at the dojo in the isle of armor due to being kicked out of the league as a gym trainer for levitating people 💀 he was kind of an asshole at first but since mustard and honey were so nice to him, he kinda chilled out too. HOWEVER when he met the player character, his Superiority-Inferiority complex kind of came back in full swing. he saw that they were better than them and literally LIED to them to keep them away from the dojo. when they make their way to the dojo, he basically fought tooth and nail to make sure he bested them in all of the trials, going so far as to even cheat during the battle by setting up psychic terrain, giving himself an advantage 😭

after he's beaten, he basically goes tsundere mode and is like. "If Only I Was As Strong As . . . BAH FORGET IT ." and after the player beats mustard, avery like. kind of realizes that he wants to be acknowledged by them. he literally trains alone in the dam desert like "OH SLOWPOKE WE'RE REALLY IN IT NOW .... OH TO BE RECOGNIZED BY YOU-KNOW-WHO...." and from then on u can battle him every day :3

after all this, he becomes the minor-division psychic leader 🫡 hard work DOES PAY OFF

AND NOW FOR SOME MISCELLANEOUS but still canon facts

avery's final team is galarian slowbro, galarian rapidash, swoobat (she's the only girl in his team btw :3), alakazam, and galarian slowking! in the galarian star tournament, he only uses his slowbro, alakazam, and slowking :3

avery (and klara, by extension) has a chance of fighting alongside u in a raid battle on the isle of armor! idk what the exact likelihood is though but they Definitely don't show up with each one but. he still oulls up on occasion o7

in the galarian star tournament, he has special dialogue with mustard, bede, fucking SHIELBERT, marnie, and melony!

it's implied that he's afraid of dark types, considering said special dialogue with marnie is like "🥲 I Do Not Wish To Be On The Field With A Dark Type Trainer, But At Least We Are On The Same Side." becaude of this, it could ALSO be implied that he's afraid of ghost types and bug types, considering that dark, ghost, and bug are all strong against psychic types

according to the manga, he's a little weak and tires easily due to his reliance on his telekinesis

...HOWEVER, his second league card shows him.doing pushups with a whole ass galarian slowbro on his back WITHOUT telekinesis, so despite his low stamina, he can lift at least 155.4 lb

due to his speech patterns, avery seems to have a pretty keen ability to associate things with psychic types, or pokemon in general. he often incorporates different psychic type moves in his speech and talks about people (or, the player, specifically) as if they have like. pokemon natures (bold, quirky, hasty, etc.)

avery strongly values elegance and tries to conduct himself in a very gentlemanly way <3 however, he's not immune to being sassy and definitely will be snooty to someone's face

besides the psychic type uniform, avery's clothing is definitely 19th-century inspired! his hat, cravat, shoes, and socks are definitely inspired by victorian dandyism imo. even his glasses are very victorian

THIS IS ALL I HAVE FOR RIGHT NOW.... this is (almost) every piece of canon info i have abt my sweet booboo bear avery *kisses him*... i can also delve into headcanons but. i thought i would delve into the actual factual stuff

[baeshijima]

hey *winks* bet you didn’t expect this 😜

KICKS DOWN YOUR DOOR FOR THE THIRD TIME !!! 🦵🚪 tis i, sleepy nonnie >:) i have come to collect your snippets to eat them— i mean appreciate their beauty 🙇‍♀️✨ yes, yes … i would never dare consume such marvelous work … it is simply preposterous to even imagine such an act coming from my person, hm 🍵

did i get you to laugh btw be honest. i was going to be normal and simply send an ask from my actual account only for my brain to give me the most genius idea ever of creating another blog with the most unassuming appearance ever just for giggles !!! imagine if i were an actual beer belly dad who lives in his basement. unfortunately that is not the case, i am simply a 17 year old FEMALE with no beer belly & my house doesn’t even have a basement. booooo 🍅 apologies for those who believed i was …… i can’t believe this username was still available HAHAHA

anyway, hi sophie!!! you’re probably wondering … 🤔💭 who is sleep nonnie really?? i am here to answer your questions ^_^ firstly — my actual account is ( @kurogira ) but i interact from ( @quilthaven ) & my name is actually vessa, not … realbeerbellydad 😔😔 secondly, GODDD I LOVE YOUR PROSE SO BAD !!!! anaxa… THE DIALOGUE IS SO !!! HIM !!! I CAN HEAR HIM SAYING THOSE THINGS. YOU’RE SO TALENTED. he’s so stupid im in love with him i need to throw him into a blender and turn him into juice 🧃 *slurp*

KING MYDEIMOS !!! i just thought of every one of my moots that absolutely adores him & i’ll be sure to show them your fic once you’re done i’m 100000% sure they’re gonna love it 💗💗 ( unless they find it first… very possible. i know a lot of ppl who are big fans of your work, myself included!! )

i hope the reveal was good, hehe ദ്ദി ˉ͈̀꒳ˉ͈́ )✧ i am very comfortable around u & your blog so doing this wasn’t as nerve-wracking as i thought it’d be !! getting to talk to you after following you for such a long time had a rly positive impact on me and i don’t regret it one bit :3 i shall use my actual blog to send asks here from now on YIPPEE

THE SCREAM I SCREAMT OMG ????? realbeerbellydad... did u know i am ur biggest fan? ur beer belly really stood out to me the moment i saw u and i couldnt look away from there on...

no but actually the laugh i had for the past few minutes when i clocked that this wasnt a bot and actually u 😭😭 sleepy nonnie, or rather vessa i should be saying now (😏) u are so funny i think im in love ..... but also this reveal lowk reminds me of this one tweet i saw a while ago where op got a message from an account with an american dad as its pfp and the descriptor as smth like "making my four sons into manly men" OR SMTH LIKE THAT when it was actually a 19 (i think) yr old girl and she was dming op abt a kpop group/upcoming concert they were both going to and it was so funny she even sent voice notes to prove she wasnt an american dad with 4 sons 😭😭

ANYWAY !! HI NEW MOOTIE VESSA IM SO EXCITED TO FINALLY /MEET/ U !!!!! hehe i followed both accounts (so it can actually show the mutual title in notes 눈_눈) and like both pinned posts 🙂‍↕️ u will always be realbeerbellydad in my heart 🫶 AND AAAAAA TYSM ?????? sobsob im glad the dialogue feels natural and like him ;w;; the amount of times i kept going "he would not speak like this." and "no he would in these circumstances..." and changing what he said 😭 and ur so right we do need to put him in a blender and turn him into juice !! get ur greens in for the day 😌

hehe KING MYDEIMOS <33 no bc the way this is the second time ive now written for king mydei... spoils of war i am looking at u and how i somehow got his personality pretty close to canon pre 3.0...... omg all mydei kissers rise \^o^/ and thats such an honour 🥹 hehe im happy u enjoy my fics and want to share them like oughhh my heart......

the reveal was amazing. spectacular. 10000000000/10. changed the trajectory of my life. stop vessa thats literally so sweet what if i exploded and made the world cave in on itself :(( i shall be awaiting to see vessa in my inbox and expect me in ur inbox soon >:]

[carnation-damnation]

Post-Shift 2 is a good videogame.

Anyhow. Nobody talks abt the lore because nobody knows what the fuck is going on/wants to look into it. I only ever understood FNaF lore because somebody else had already compiled all the info, so I assumed I wasn't ever gonna understand it -- the way Rjac (that's the dev) writes is already hard for me to understand.

So then I saw this secret cutscene that was incredibly easy to understand, basic af plain english with an emotional core. It 1. Confirms that some of the characters are the mainline fnaf animatronics, &, 2. Is big sad parceque it's like. There's a kid in there that's been body horrored into a robot that belongs to a company with a motto of "If it's broke, then don't fix it," & they are awake & aware enough to be miserable.

So I see this & turn my brain on. The gist of the whatsit is that in PS1, you play as Thomas, who's a normal FNaF night guard. He works your standard FNaF night shift & leaves his job traumatized. He can't get anybody to listen to him or take him seriously when he tries to talk about Afton's robots being dangerous, so he becomes obsessed with finding some proof to validate himself & shut down Freddy's. He breaks into Afton's labs, gets caught by Afton himself & gets FNaF'ed into the divorce king himself, One-Eye.

PS2 starts with One-Eye being held in an undisclosed location being interviewed by people who knew Thomas. They are investigating his dissapearance -- from their PoV, he was looking into a company, dug too deep & maybe uncovered something real, then poof! Dead, body not found. They do not know the guy they're looking for is in front of them. One-Eye breaks outta their containment & your character for PS2, Sarah, dies. She gets brought back from the dead by... The Crafted Essence? Idfk, it's this fuck-off ugly little Bonnie thing. Just imagine a 3'1" Bonnie that's made out of Kraft Singles -- that fucking thing. Nights 1-3 is Sarah recounting her time working at the Compage Toy Co warehouse, Compage being a toy company Afton owns, & the warehouse being a front for Afton's labs down below. She was working their to help with this investigation, with clues being left around her home by some person.

Anyways, then Kraft Singles Bonnie tells her to fuck off outta there -- she's told to leave so she doesn't interfere with some plan the animatronics have going on. She doesn't do that, because it's night 3 of a FNaF fangame -- we gotta be here for at least 2 more nights.

Going further down, she passes through the place PS1 (mostly) took place in (Stages 01-04), then goes further down into the boss fight of this game -- Night 6's Stage 05. This game has multiple endings, so the shitty ending is Sarah fucking off to go back home & die for unknown reasons. There's a big monologue from some fucking guy, here, & I don't know what he's going on about -- she's gonna die, then he's gonna pick up the broken pieces & do something or another -- no idea. Kraft Singles Bonnie is in this cutecene, so this is presumably the plan they didn't want the pc to interfere with, but Sarah's also part of the plan? Idk. The last thing you see in this ending is One-Eye, standing in your house & watching his friend die, confirming he was leaving y'all those clues in nights 1-3.

Then there's a good ending, which is getting a company shut down. It 1. Confirms Sarah waa revived as an endoskeleton after dying in the opening cutscene, &, 2. Has her stabbing the heart of a machine called Revenant's End. Revenant's End is all the Revenants (including One-Eye) tearing themselves to pieces & stuck in one body -- very reminescent of FNaF 6's Candy Cadet stories. Sarah pierces their collective heart (there's dialogue abt this heart's importance, & it is specifically One-Eye's) & free those spirits, then keel over for an unknown reason. Idfk, maybe it's one of those ghostly "moving on after you're done with unfinished business" type deals, or maybe Sarah is connected to the Revenants, or maybe your body is just shitty & breaks down? There's promo material that talks about deterioration in the animatronics, idk.

I have to cook, now goodbah

LETS GOOOO RAHHH

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

KAIROOOOO THE ACTUAL LOML 🥺🥺🥺🥺 ^ this is us rn btw I AM KISSING YOUUUUU

YOU ARE . so unbelievably sweet i would rlly give you the world . THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH FOR READING + TAKING THE TIME TO WRITE ALL THIS OUT :((((( it made me so happy!!!!!!! i can’t even explain it!!!!!!! we have lots n lots to talk abt so let’s get into it ….. just know i cherish you so deeply you are the bfb!gojo to my reader T_T (also our brains were LINKED on some of these i got so excited pshdkdjd)…..

OKOK SO . first off pls know that every single thing you said made me giggle and blush and kick my feet i rlly am not kidding when i compare us to gojo/reader….. YOU’RE TOO KINDDDDD I CAN’T HANDLE IT 😥😥😥😥😥😥 i tried SO hard to make this feel as summery as possible so knowing you think that highly of the imagery n descriptions n vibes just !!!!!!! makes me smile so wide. i’m grinning like a dumbass. i love you.

alsoooooo while we’re on the topic of the summer vibes <33

i think our brains are Linked because tell me why i was listening to my haikyuu!! summer playlist while reading this and “monsoon” & “warm glow” by hippocampus started playing as i was reading!!!!! and then i reread the fic again after i saw your post of making it while listening to “baseball” (which is another banger i WILL be adding this to the playlist)

WE’RE SOOOOO LINKED TRULY!!!! kairo i found out abt hippo campus like . a week ago. i can’t believe what i’ve been missing out on (DO YOU LIKE BAD DREAM BABY BTWWW bc i think it’s so sugucoded 👉👈)…….. I CHECKED OUT MONSOON AND WARM GLOW TOO AND THEY’RE SOOOOO GREAT GOD . FUCK. they’re incapable of missing…… BUT YEAHH BASEBALL. SO GOOD. it helped me get into the summer headspace sm it’s crazy. i also just think it’s Perfect for this fic like the vibes….. the lyrics…. ”there goes that moon boy”… “i was wrong // you were a friendly kid”…… yeah. yeahhhhh…..

this fic had very REAL human emotions, & the dialogues b/t the characters were SO genuine/not fake or “story-ish” at all! the way satoru was depicted in this fic… just EVERYTHING was SO amazing.

the way every single grain of anxiety in my body just melted away after reading this 😭😭 YOU HAVE NOOO IDEA HOW MUCH THIS MEANS TO ME KAIRO….. i’m so so happy the dialogue felt real!!! and obv the emotions too….. i’m always worried abt those things since they’re so important to the character writing :’3 so knowing they Worked for u makes me wanna weep . i am kissing you

AND . i’m so glad you liked the order of events!!!! the emphasis on his soft rejection…. you Get it. i have to restrain myself from copy pasting every single thing you say bc it’s always so insanely on the mark……. you are inside my skull and you are here to stay <333333 the dynamic between gojo & reader was smth i worried abt a bit as you know so. it’s also so reassuring!!! hearing your thoughts made me feel a lil more confident abt it too!!! i rlly do love them as a couple but i was worried abt people misinterpreting them a bit :’3 but ofc you didn’t!!! never you!!!!! nothing sneaks past kairo…

i ADORE how mature yet kind he was about it! and he’s also so valid in his reasonings too like he was 18 and reader was 14 when they met! ofc he wouldn’t be in love w them like that bc he sees them as a literal BabyChild! WHICH THEY ARE! i think it’s also so sweet that he doesn’t make fun of them or anything, he says it gently & w finality & no room for “does he like me or not?”, he’s genuine and honest when he says he doesn’t feel for them That way. he loves them but isn’t IN love w them. he loves them like a fond older brother who wants to protect their baby sis’ bestie! i think this fic shows so much of him Looking out for reader

LIKE THIS …….. you just Get it. i think the age gap especially is important bc !!! a 23 year old dating a 27 year old isn’t too bad . but 14-18 ABSOLUTELY is and for satoru it just decides their dynamic from the beginning. he’s so Good and protective :(( all your thoughts r so spot on… he’s gentle and sweet and reader is his little baby. he’s always always looking out for them!! and he wasn’t kidding when he said he missed them!!!!

((also riko being toru’s baby sis is canon to me Okie i loved that idea SO much))

kairo when i tell you i felt like a genius 😞😞 at first i was fully planning on making an oc but then it hit me and everything clicked into place…. they’re the siblings ever <333333

AND AGAINNNN you keep being so unbelievably sweet abt the descriptions and imagery i’m just 😭😭😭 you’re gna make me WEEP kairo. i’m screenshotting all of this and cradling it to my chest…… literally EVERY single word you say means the world to me pls know that . i’d comment on all your comments if i could bc they all make me so happy but i also don’t want this to become an ego-stroking essay for you to wade through </3 I JUST NEED YOU TO KNOW I LOVE YOU OK…….. and ik i’ve said this plenty before but to me you are a prose MASTER and i adore your imagery so. it means sm T_T

(perhaps they meet again during those seasons… i feel like the quaint town would be so pretty… the smell of pumpkin spice, fairy lights & jack-o-lanterns everywhere, autumnal desserts & bonfires etc… ARI I WANNA LIVE IN THIS TOWN i’ll get an apartment w suguru there actually <333)

AAAAA THIS IS GIVING ME IDEAS FOR THE CONTINUATION……………. more on that later tho >:3 BUT YES THE AUTUMN VIBES . UNMATCHED. i want to live in this town so badly too </3 it was actually kinda inspired by this visual novel i love where you grow up w your childhood friend in a summery town right by the beach… the vibes in it are just. chefs kiss. (it’s called ”our life: beginning’s and always” btw … very childhood friend!sugu coded imo AND ALSO FREE TO DOWNLOAD i highly recommend it 🙏🙏)

ALSO . just know i support the sugukairo agenda more than anything else in my life……. he would go down to the beach for a swim every morning at the crack of dawn and you would wake up early just to see him come in through the door shirtless and soaked <333 ideal dynamic i think

ok so you’re probably like kairo why’d you put the sentences of reader drinking lemonade in here. Well Let Me Tell You………. i think that you have such a TALENT of showing intrigue even in mundane moments. like ok legitimately from the outside it’s just reader drinking a glass of lemonade. but the way you DESCRIBE it had me gagged… “sour and sweet” is just like the emotions brewing and brimming up within the reader. and just the additions of cubes clinking + condensation cooling down reader was just REFRESHING to me! and riko is similar to satoru in that their gazes carry weight & heft & at the end of the day they’re just looking out for you………. sniffles. the siblings of all time omg we were ROBBED

^ me @ you rn KAIROOOOO WHAT IF I HUG YOU UNTIL YOU POP T—T sorry that’s violent. what if i hug you gently. YOU JUST…,. have a Way of noticing tiny details and i just think it’s sososo admirable like sincerely . me sneaking in the sour/sweet line thinking no one else is gna see it a reference to reader’s emotions but here you are… my goddess…… my sun in the sky…….. you understand me like no one else i’m so serious 🫂 AND THE SIBLINGS YES the parallels between riko and satoru in canon make me INSANE and i think it translates over so well to this au . they’re both bratty and teasing and so so sweet. w eyes like a blue sea or a blue sky. i love them :(((

like it doesn’t sound like you’re just Listing things off (which is a problem i have) it just sounds like you’re…… THERE!!!!! like you’re living this experience there and just existing in it!!!!!!!

KAIROOOPSJDKSOKDIEE I DON’T KNOW HOW MANY GIGGLED + BLUSHED + KICKED MY FEET I GOT LEFT IN ME 😭😭😭 i’m overwhelmed by how much of a sweetheart you are like TRULY. thank you sososososososoososoo much. you’re too kind!!!!!! always!!!!!!!! i’m so overjoyed i could make you feel immersed even a little bit 🥺🥺

PART 2 OF HUNGRY KAIRO……………… I FUCKING LOOOOOOOOOOVE PINK LEMONADE!!!!!!!!! FEED ME THOSE WRAPPED SANDWICHES NOWWWWWWW!!!!!! RAHHHSHSHSHSHAHAKAKSHGAROEMWHDJE (sounds of me eating ferociously :3)

HERE R YOUR SANDWICHES MY QUEEENNNNNN 🥪🥪🥪 nothing but the best for you….. sugu made them for you himself trust

AND THEN HIS FIT……….. moaned loud as hell that’s MY bad 🤭🤭🤭 sliver of chest……………….. whore. EXPOSED BICEPS TOO???????????? whore part 2.

PHDIDJDJDN KAIROOO……. you’re so fucking Real and you bring me sm joy thank you for saying what we were all thinking <3333333 he IS a whore and we love him. knowing you think this gojo is sexy is all the validation i could ever need btw thank you thank you 🫂🫂🫂🫂

(^ this is the shirt he was wearing btw………. i had a list of candidates that niku helped me pick from but. i truly think this one is the most Satoru and also the sexiest. he makes me ill)

ARIIIIIIIIIII !/&/&/!/@/!/&2&1@1!-&-@1”1”1&/$2@1”&2&2 I’M NOT FUCKING KIDDING YOU WHEN I SAY MY HEARTBEAT STARTED SPEEDING UP WHEN SUGURU WAS INTRODUCED MY HEART STARTED RACING I’M NOT NORMAL!/&/‘&/!/! HE JUST. GODDDDDDDDD SO EFFORTLESSLY COOL & SEXY. reader is better than me i would’ve pounced on suguru and made him my husband.

REALLLLLL REAL REAL!!!!!!!!!!! snuck him in just for u btw that’s a kairo special <333 BUT YES HE’S SO. SO EFFORTLESSLY CHARMING. i can’t stand him. fortunately he has a perfectly good lap for me to sit on. there’s enough room for both of us he has two thighs for a reason >:3

AND WAHHHH I’M SO HAPPY YOU LIKED THE VOICE DESC…….. 😭😭😭 i just think he’s so honeysuckle coded. and it’s vital that his voice comes across as theeee most gorgeous thing on the planet…… now that i have the kairo sugu approval i can rest easy hehe

NJSLMSNSDJKWJDJDKEJDJD MENACE!SUGURU. I’M CRYIFNFNDNDNDND THIS BASICALLY JUST MEANS THAT SUGURU USED TO HEADLOCK RIKO ALL THE TIME I’M CRYIFNFNFNDNDN 😭😭😭😭😭😭 this made me giggle like ACTUALLY please him and satoru are such menaces i LOVE them 😭 also toru flirting w sugu and sugu essentially having the energy of Damn Bitch I Don’t Want You made me giggle…….. he loves bullying the gojo siblings <333 his fav pastime :3 methinks sugu loves reader too like that’s his lil baby :3 him when satoru & riko do anything: idiot sandwiches. him when reader does anything: hi cutiepie cupcake :3

YESSS YOU GET IT 😭😭😭😭 absolute CLOWNS. and again w you picking up on all the tiny implications….. i am in Awe of you always. HE DID PUT HER IN A HEADLOCK ALL THE TIME. satoru too ofc…… sugu is a very sneaky bully he’d just let her go before any of the adults spotted him 😊 i like to think it gave riko ptsd so now her head hurts everytime suguru drops his smile and stares at her like this 😶 PSHDKDJDJ….

AND THE FLIRTING…. sugu does NOT want him god bless. as i was writing i was sort of entertaining a bunch of different interpretations since the fic is so vague abt satoru’s feelings… and one take i thought of was like . what if satoru loves suguru the same way reader loves him…. and it’s just terribly one-sided………. THAT’S JUST A THOUGHT THO not my own personal take. but i think that’d be kinda devastating.

AND ANDDDD YOU’RE SO RIGHT <3333 reader IS sugu’s little baby . he’s so soft on them compared to the gojo siblings LMAO…… i like to think reader was kind of shy as a child and he was just sooo immediately endeared. he’s the number one hater of the gojo/reader ship btw……… you do NOT have his support 😭😭😭 riko tries 2 be nice abt it but suguru is just. a disappointed mother LMAO. like oh 😇 you’re still on that crush huh 😇😇 how about that 😇😇😇 he’s so scary….

but i also like the fact that his heartbeat is steady… his isn’t racing like reader’s bc to him it’s an act of protection more than anything. compare that to reader’s heartbeat which is probably beating out their chest due to the physical proximity!

AGAIN . YOUR ATTENTION TO DETAIL IS UNMATCHED. yes!!!!! reader’s heart is pumping out of their chest but from satoru’s pov he’s just. scaring a creep off. looking out for you. i think he’s also just very casual w touch in general…. so it’s almost absentminded. but reader is like OH GOD OH FUCK HE WANTS ME. (he does Not 😔)

also on the topic of toru being touchy . i’m so glad the jaw grabbing scene made u Explode a little >:3 i too would kiss him silly……….

also i looooooove serious!satoru so much it’s one of my ULTIMATE guilty pleasures (along w argument fics w suguru listen i love it ok there’s something so delicious abt suguru arguing w you/being mad in the heat of the moment but then him feeling guilty/ashamed after a while when he sleeps on the bed and you on the couch bc you’re stubborn like that bc HE was the one who was actually in the wrong… ok i’m rambling lemme find some sugurument fics rn…….)

PHDKDJDKDKD REALLLL REALLL!!!! also what if i told you…… that is eerily similar to the sugu fic i’m posting next ………… 👀👀 kairo inside of my brain as usual i hope it’s cozy in there !!!

and his DIALOGUE!!!!! i loved his dialogue in this fic it’s all so HIM! playful yet caring yet teasing yet mature <3 the “gonna break my heart” is soooooooo him.

AAAAAA KAIRO 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺😥😥😥 this makes me so so happy too……. writing dialogue for him is always SO fun but i do worry abt it sometimes 😭 he rlly does have that specific mixture of traits doesn’t he…….. sighhhhh i need him bad. BUT YES HE’S SUCH A LITTLE TEASE………. joking abt you breaking his heart when he’s alr broken yours 😞 stupid silly sexy man

also satoru saying it’s a schoolgirl crush when in reality reader deffo feels like they’re genuinely in love… i think toru does that not to undermine their feelings but to explain to them that babes you could do better and you should do better and you should find someone who can share the love you have!

YES THIS !!!!!!!! YOU GET ITTTTTT i think. he just wants to let you down as gently but firmly as possible. maybe he also kind of doubts that you could really love him That strongly bc despite his ego i do think he has a fairly cynical view of himself… even in a happier au like this i think satoru is good at isolating himself!!! but yeah he doesn’t mean to undermine your feelings he just wants what’s best for you 😔😔

ANOTHER ONE I ADORED!!!!!! i just LOVE opening the floodgates of their emotions is being likened to opening a soda can! “crack the lid of your heart… wade through the carbonation.” yeah so ari WHAT THE FUCK??? how do you THINK of that??? like actually tell me how did that go into your brain??? that’s so genius and just so UNIQUE! and AWHHHHHHHHH reader being happy that their feelings are acknowledged makes me so :’) they’re so genuine in their love and adoration for satoru it seriously is such a sweet thing to see like their love is so PURE!!!! high on summer joy & love watching satoru shine <333

PHDJFJDJE I AM KISSING YOUUUUUUU A MILLION FOREHEAD KISSES FOR KAIRO……….. i was giggling + kicking my feet writing that hehe. i’m so glad u liked it!!!!! T_T unconventional imagery is sm fun . AND READER YES kairo i’m genuinely so happy that you ended up liking them bc i do too……. their love rlly is so pure and simple!!! light even!!!! like yeah it hurts a bit to be rejected but they’re older now too. and they rlly do get so happy just watching him shine !!!! :(((( sniffle…. they’re very Baby

the image of drill sergeant!suguru whipping satoru into shape has me cryifnnfnfnf he was like i won’t let a weak noodle-armed BITCH show me up… i just won’t. how much do you wanna bet suguru out bench pressed satoru. i bet my life savings ($2) not a lot but my money is on sugubear <333

PDHJDJDJDJ YOU GET IT!!!!!! YOU UNDERSTAND!!!!!! oh you know sugu was happy as HELL…. 😭😭 an excuse to order satoru around……… he ate it up. AND SUGUBEAR ABSOLUTELY OUT BENCH PRESSED HIM!!!!!!!! their old training arc was crazy……..

this was so pretty it almost put me to sleep w how much comfort & relaxation it gave me… like i put myself in reader’s shoes and feeling the warmth of satoru & the evening + smelling the saltwater + hearing the melodic lilt of his voice truly and honestly would just… COMFORT me.

THIS MADE SO HAPPYYYYYYYYYY I’M SO GLAD!!!! ahhh i wanted the piggyback scene to feel all summery and comforting n sleepy 🥺🥺 just having satoru there to keep you steady on his back… and you’re all tuckered out from swimming…… and he’s speaking all soft.… i would be falling asleep instantly i fear :’3

love love LOVE the root imagery btw using a famous line and then using it as something to trip over until something blooms is so genius. and also. AWHHHHH reader is just so smitten it’s so fucking sweet to me

AGAINNN I’M SO HAPPY YOU FIND READER SWEET 🥺🥺 and the root imagery!!! is so special 2 me!!!!!! i just think it’s so good as a metaphor for a slowly growing/uncertain love… and there’s also this idea i have of reader as like . a bud yet to bloom. while satoru is a blossoming flower. there’s just so much admiration that reader feels for him!! he’s like a big sunflower they can’t help but look at :’3

and on the topic of gojo/reader. you just Get their dynamic!!! you rlly rlly do!!!!! being known is being loved…… he knows them so well so of course they love him. he’s seen them at their best and worst!!! yes!!!! i think there’s a stability to satoru they can’t help but fall for over and over again. ANDDD what you say here:

reader liking the feeling of BEING in love even if nothing comes out of it omfg that’s just so. WOW at the end of the day the reasoning it’s so simple and pure. they just like him and wanna see where it leads them. and i can’t fault them for that!

… is also just. nail on the head!!!!! they just like being in love with him!!!!!!! 🥺🥺🥺 it’s so simple and that gives it so much more meaning to me.

AND THE SANDALWOOD . YES. bfb!gojo is sandalwood coded idk why i just know he smells all earthy and warm and ambery. NEED to sniff his neck. sorry what.

sniffle i’m soooo happy you enjoyed this fic n the ending kairo T_T NOW . let’s talk abt…… the ending possibilities…….. bc i have many Thoughts and they’re the same as yours >:3

since the ending is so open-ended……. methinks two (2) things can happen…….. i will express them here if you don’t mind :3 satoru introduces reader to someone like yuuta/yuji and reader becomes smitten w them OR a few years later, maybe satoru ends up liking reader back! or a secret third option (reader/suguru endgame but satoru threatens suguru w baseball bat <333)

WE’RE SO LINKED. IT’S ACTUALLY INSANE. i got an anon ask abt the possibiltiy of sugu/reader being endgame so i started thinking abt it and!!!! rn i’m thinking of writing three different endings for this fic eventually :0 ANDDD they’re exactly the same as you said!!!! one where gojo and reader meet in the future and the atmosphere is a lot more hopeful, one where they end up w someone else entirely (yuuta/gumi/riko/yuji… still haven’t decided </3) AND. one …. secret bonus ending ……….. where they end up w sugu. the main reason it could never be a Real Ending is bc i legitimately do think satoru would threaten sugu with a baseball bat 💀💀 like he’s handled the situation so maturely only to find out his best friend didn’t do the same???? yeah. the beef would be too serious.

soooooo i’m thinking …. it might be a secret relationship kinda thing ……. them sneaking around……… summer fling vibes kind of. hehe i’m actually excited to write it out bc :3 i think it’s fun. AND it fits w the theme of the fic too!! everything abt the future and how fun it can be when it’s uncertain. reader might meet satoru again and hit it off, they might meet someone else, they might fall for someone who’s been in front of them this whole time. just a bunch of fun what-if scenarios!!!! :>

but also i rmbr you mentioned ace!gojo so i could totally see him just being fond of reader and that’s it! he’d go to reader’s wedding w whoever (if they ever choose to) and be happy that they found someone :’) at the end of the day he wants to see reader happy and that’s all that matters! <333 you 🤝 me giving a character the ace agenda (me w choso… ace!choso my beloved i’m hugging you so hard king)

NEEDED TO MENTION THIS TOO. ANY MENTION OF ACE!GOJO AND I GO WILD . just to be clear though!!! i hc him as ace only, not aro (though i like the idea of that too hehe), so he’d still be able to like reader back!! there just wouldn’t b any sexual attraction there :3 the terms can be. kinda confusing pjskfkd but yea!!!! THOUGH WHILE WE’RE ON THE TOPIC…… that could be another possible interpretation of bfb!gojo :0 if he was aro then it’d be even more bittersweet bc it’s not just the fact that he doesn’t like reader back, he just. Can’t feel that kind of romantic attraction!!! that’s a neat idea……..

but yeah hehe all my gojos are sort of written w ace!gojo in mind!!! i just don’t think he’d be very interested in sex (though i know that’s a Very hot take 😭😭)….. BUT ALSO KAIRO. we r holding hands. ace!choso is so GOODDDD he even has the colour scheme!!!! him and gojo r just walking around w the ace flag drip……. i can’t believe them…..

they’re my icons <33 anyway where was i….

i think you mentioned that you were worried abt it being all over the place but i don’t think that was the case at all! i think emotions in general ARE all over the place for humans anyways so the way it was written was depicted perfectly!

😭😭😭😭 pt 937383 of me crying over your rb WEEPSSSSS KAIRO ……. i’m cradling you so close to my chest!!!! i’m sorry i probably sound like a broken record atp but T_T m just!!! so so happy that you enjoyed this. you’re so so sweet. tysm for taking the time to reassure me too!! i rlly do trust your judgement so so much :’3 i’m so glad the emotions felt wellwritten to you!!!

AND ALSO WHAT YOU SAID ABT THE ANGST. yes!!! i didn’t want it to come off as super angsty or heavy, i see it as a lighter kind of angst!! :’3 soft angst…. or bittersweet fluff….. etcetc. it rlly is just the core of their dynamic and i think they’ve both accepted that in a healthy way !! and then there’s always that hint of hope bc. reader will never stop hoping and pining!! and i think it makes them happy to have that, to feel things so deeply, good and bad!! this is just me but i’ve never rlly seen unrequited love as a tragedy, i think that you can find a lot of contentment in that!! sometimes it’s just nice to adore someone.

anyway i’m rambling PHDKDJDJ i rlly am so fond of this concept and dynamic and i’m OVERJOYED that you liked it too <3333333333

also… toru in tight black tops & sweatpants… I See You Ari…….. i Too would like satoru to use me as workout gear

ALSO . needed to mention this….. we r looking at each other knowingly. bfb!gojo is slutty and cozy and completely irresistable 💔💔

also. how much do you wanna bet that riko crushed on shoko the same way reader crushed on satoru. $1 gazillion dollars are on the table.

DOUBLE ALSO . YOU’RE A LITTLE GENIUS KAIRO….. that’d be soso cute T_T riko is a lesbian 2 me idk it just makes sense . i think she adores all women. shoko was just always so cool…… cool citygirl who sometimes visited over the summer and smoked in their backyard……. riko was born to gl forced to shounen :(((((

BUTTTTT WITH ALL THAT BEING SAID . one final time: thank you so so so much for reading kairo 🥺 and for writing all this!!! i’m gonna be rereading it constantly for motivation hehe. all your thoughts r just so enjoyable to hear!!!!!! ik i’ve said it before but we rlly are on the same wavelenght when it comes to these guys and it’s always SO much fun to speak to you. i love you i love you i love youuuuu T_T

ALSOOOO DW!!!! i’m telling sugu to hurry over to you as we speak!!!!!! he’s gna make you the tastest grilled fish of your life <3333333

silly jjk meme for u my sweetheart :3

we can dip if you’re ready ; satoru gojo

synopsis; your dreams of a peaceful summer are rudely shattered by the presence of your best friend’s older brother; the same brother who rejected you five years ago. the same brother you’re still hopelessly, uselessly in love with.

word count; 7.4k

contents; satoru gojo/reader, gn!reader, best friend’s brother!gojo (he’s the hottest man in the stratosphere), mild age gap (four years!), unrequited love, but with a hopeful ending kind of, bittersweet fluff, mostly summer shenanigans and pining, riko is satoru’s younger sister and i would give her the stars, sugu makes a guest appearance, (they’re both just there to bully gojo), he’s fairly mature in this i think, reader is very stubborn and very down bad, [name] used exactly once

a/n; personally i would let him use me as workout gear (tagging @teddybeartoji @dollsuguru @hayakawalove @vagabond-umlaut !! tysm for the help and encouragement ily 🥺🥺)

one mellow summer morning, over a breakfast of pancake and toast, the puppy-love you’ve nurtured for the past three years finally reaches its conclusion.

you’re seventeen years old. in three months you’ll be eighteen, standing on your own two feet, headed in a new direction — the whole world within your reach. but right now you’re still seventeen, and lovesick, and sleeping on a mattress in your best friend’s room. listening to the sound of the nearby sea. 

you’re seventeen, and dreaming about things you can’t have. you’re seventeen, and wearing your heart on your sleeve. 

you’re seventeen, and hopelessly, uselessly in love with a certain satoru gojo.

it’s early. your veins are sleepy and your heart is heavy, and you wake up at the crack of dawn just to catch a glimpse of him before he leaves for work. he’s leaning against the kitchen island when you trot down the stairs, and the smell of syrupy pancakes hangs heavy in the air. his bare chest is exposed, his pajama pants cling to the curve of his hips, and he rejects you with an easygoing kindness you wish he wouldn’t grant you. 

suddenly, without mercy. a finality to his voice.

”you’re more like a younger sibling to me. you understand, right?”

he ruffles your hair, and you’re still sleepy, and you wish you could grasp the strings of your heartbeat to stop it from fluttering like this. wish you could pull yourself out of whatever trance he put you in, three years ago, when you stumbled over the threshold to your best friend’s house and landed headfirst in his chest.

”you’re a good kid,” he says, and his smile teeters on the edge of something apologetic. mostly, it’s pitying. ”there are lots of people out there for you.”

he ruffles your hair, as affectionate as ever, the same as it’s always been. not a trace of any romantic intent. the weight of his palm on your head is usually a comfort, but like this?

it’s a specific kind of torture. 

there are lots of people out there for you.

(i know, you want to tell him, but your voice is raspy and your throat feels sort of dry. i know.

but i want you.)

“don’t get hung up on a schoolgirl crush, hm?”

when you finally raise your head, satoru is looking right at you. kindly, patiently, like a benevolent god. his blue eyes flecked with dots of white, like fluffy clouds on a summer sky. tilting his head to the right, as if searching for confirmation, waiting for your response. you muster up the will to nod; smiling in a way that must seem pitiful.

but he just pinches your cheek, throws his backpack over his broad shoulders, and asks you to let his sister know he’ll be home later than usual today.

then he leaves. he leaves you alone with two plates of sugary pancakes on the kitchen table, one for you and one for riko. he put whipped cream on top, and chocolate chips in the batter. it smells good. it smells like an apology.

and that’s how it ends. 

there’s no great climax, no real resolution. you bite down on your lip, and spend about an hour pitifully sniffling into a fluffy pillow, even though none of it comes as a surprise. it still hurts, though. your best friend comforts you, tells you that at least you have some kind of closure now — an absolute rejection to make your feelings go away. about time, she thinks, though she’s far too kind to say it outloud.

except they don’t.

the moral of the story is; satoru gojo doesn’t love you back. he’s known you since you were fourteen, since he was eighteen, and he could never see you as anything more than a little kid. you’re his sister’s best friend, and he loves you, but not in the way you love him. it’s not surprising, or shocking. it’s exactly how it should be.

satoru gojo doesn’t love you back. he never will.

(you really, really wish your stupid heartbeat cared.)

one mellow summer evening, five years later — you step onto a bustling train platform, dragging your luggage behind you, and breathe in the scent of a familiar seaside.

above you, seagulls chatter and cry. you look around, and everything feels familiar, despite the time that’s passed since the last summer you visited. the same flowers, peach blossoms and hydrangeas and tulips in all kinds of shades; the same street vendors and aroma of freshly grilled fish. the same cute and quaint port town, quiet during winter and autumn, pleasantly noisy during the warmer seasons. right now, on the cusp of june, there are enough tourists around to make finding the right face in the crowd a difficult task.

luckily, she’s quick to find you. with her long, dark locks of hair, neatly braided; her yellow sundress and matching headband, sunflowers embroidered into the fabric. barreling towards you with a speed that would scare you a little if you weren’t so used to it, used to her.

riko. your one and only best friend.

she’s nestled into your embrace before you can get any greetings out, and squeezing you so tightly that you have no choice but to let her beat you to it. she’s warm, like a bundle of sunshine. the same as always.

with a low whine of your name, she nuzzles into your chest. “i missed youuuu…”

a chuckle bubbles up in your throat. and even though it hasn’t been very long at all, even though you talk on the phone almost every day and saw each other in person just about a month ago, you indulge her. “i missed you too, riko.”

another whine, and then she’s pulling back. squishing your cheeks together and pouting petulantly. “you better have! don’t ever make me spend summer all alone again, okay?”

you match her expression, eager to protest. “you’re still mad about that? it’s not my fault i got sick.”

“too sick to see your best friend? too sick to continue our most important tradition?” she shakes her head, letting go of you. struggling not to smile. “awful. just awful!”

“drama queen.” her lips break out into a grin, and yours follow. “i’m here now, aren’t i?”

“you are,” she agrees, quick to link her arm with yours. you follow her steps, leading you towards that familiar house. you can see it from here, a roof burdened with morning glories, those expensive white walls. “no, but seriously. i’m really happy to see you.” her voice drips with joy, giddy and sweet. “i don’t think i’d survive two months alone with that old man.” 

ah. right.

your lips curl up into a smile, albeit a little uncertain. giddy, maybe. nervous? you aren’t sure. something swirls around in your stomach, little butterflies. tickling the ridges of your ribs, all those fluttering heartstrings. it’s been a while since you felt like this. all your summers are spent here, and all of riko’s, but he’s usually too busy.

the girl on your right chatters on and on, clinging to you, gradually melting away your skittish nerves. she tells you about her morning, what she ate for breakfast, the new show she’s been binging — it’s just as familiar as the house that soon comes fully into view. big and expensive, but still cozy, overgrown with flora. you don’t think either of the siblings really bother to take care of it, but it’s a pretty kind of neglect. a cute veranda, a beautiful garden. the apple tree you used to climb.

the buzz of an old radio spills out from an opened window, translucent curtains swaying with the breeze. when you strain your eyes you think you hear humming.

riko grins, dragging you with her through the opened gate. the yellow paint on the fence is starting to peel, and someone from inside has started pushing the door open, and the butterflies in your stomach can do nothing but sputter and squirm.

it’s summer, and you're back. back in that cute, quaint port town.

(and so is he.)

“why, hello there! if it isn’t my cute little [name].”

time stills, for just a single moment.

he looks the same as you remember. a little taller, you think, but he was always tall enough to tower over you; broad shoulders and long legs, sharp blue eyes gazing down at you. he’s wearing black shades, but you can still feel the weight of his pupils, crumble under the knowledge that his attention is entirely on you. wearing a pair of sweatpants and a tight black shirt, showing off every dip and ridge of his chest. a pleasantly cool breeze ruffles his white hair, short and trimmed, healthy locks to match his bright and sunny grin.

he looks happy to see you.

“don’t be weird,” comes riko’s voice, breaking you out of your little spell. all while she’s ushering you both towards the door, beyond the threshold, into the hallway. satoru clicks his tongue.

“so hostile today. shouldn't you be in a good mood?”

then he’s turning towards you, again, tilting his head just enough for his eyes to peek out the slightest bit. they’re crinkled at the edges, and his smile is fond. “how was your trip?”

more butterflies. his voice flows from his glossy lips, smooth and melted, pleasantly deep. you can only hang on to riko’s arm, mustering a small smile of your own.

“good,” you chirp. a little stiff, but polite, like you’re greeting an old friend; it’s been so long since you last spoke to him. ”i’m tired, though.”

your reply is met with a chuckle, a raspy tremor of his vocal cords. it sends a shiver down your spine. the weight on your arm disappears, as riko stumbles forward and kicks her sandals off. muttering something about gum getting stuck on the sole. you’re left standing right across from satoru, suddenly very aware of how much space he takes up all on his own. leaning against the wall, making himself comfortable. and chuckling, with that stupidly sexy voice.

“i bet. take a nap if you need to, yeah?”

a moment of silence. riko curses in the background, and you shift from foot to foot. unable to properly look into his eyes.

for a second, his smile drops — eyes obscured by the black glass of his frames, betraying no emotion. it only lasts a second.

then he’s moving forward, one large stride towards you, leaning down to wrap his big arms around your waist. bringing you into a hug, not as tight as you remember them being. you wonder if he’s holding back.

(his touch burns your skin, all the same.)

one of his palms finds solace on the top of your head, ruffling your hair. you can hear the smile in his voice when he speaks, terribly sincere. “i missed you, kiddo.”

a quiet squeak tumbles from your lips, and you pray to every god you can think of that he doesn’t hear it. his chest is pressed right against you, firm, radiating body heat. his limbs wrap you up in it, a cocoon of warmth that makes it hard to breathe. you can smell his cologne from where your cheek meets his collarbone; sandalwood invading your senses.

“i m-missed you too,” is all you can croak out, voice breaking pitifully. at this rate you might actually faint.

just out of view, riko narrows her eyes. before you can plead for help, she’s tugging you away from the embrace, pushing her brother away, and you inhale as much of the fresh summer air as you can. 

“alright, that’s enough,” she huffs, pulling you closer. “c’mon! we should unpack your stuff right away!”

“want me to carry it?” satoru asks, already eyeing your luggage like a predator about to lunge at his prey. even if you say no, you know he’s not going to listen. 

so you let him. and within the next few minutes, you’re seated on riko’s bed, suitcase on the floor, a glass of lemonade in your hand. blinking sluggishly. 

“are you sure you’ll be alright?”

you raise your head. your best friend is looking at you with a questioning glance, head tilted and brows furrowed. now you’re all alone, and it’s quiet, peaceful. her brother went out to buy snacks for you. all you can hear is the low buzz of the radio downstairs, and faraway waves. 

“huh?”

“i mean, with, y’know…” she moves her hands haphazardly, making some kind of gesture you don’t understand. “with my brother. and your… condition.”

you blink.

“… did you just refer to my crush as a condition?”

“well, it might as well be!” she groans, muffled, faceplanting onto the mattress. “don’t think i didn’t see you checking out his biceps just now. you’re so obvious.” 

heat rushes to your cheeks. you try to shoo it away with a furrow of your brows and a loud exhale, but it lingers underneath your skin. “look — i —“ you scramble for words, brain tied up in fatigued knots. “did you see that shirt? is he buying them a size too small, or what?”

“oh, come on! that’s all it takes?”

another pair of exhales. you cross your legs, and she rolls onto her back. the silence is comfortable, and you gnaw at your bottom lip until she speaks up again.

“you could really, really do better, you know?”

her voice is quiet. soft, sincere, delicate as a sheet of glass. you know she’s just looking out for you, that she doesn’t want you pining for a guy who’ll never return those feelings — she’s kind like that, always has been. but…

“… i just like him.”

you take a tentative sip of your lemonade. sour and sweet. the cubes of ice clink against the glass, fresh condensation cooling down the tips of your fingers. her gaze lingers on your skin. it’s heavy, just like his.

you meet it with a sheepish smile, a little self-deprecating, but not embarrassed. she already knows all about your predicament. 

(you just like him. that’s all there is to it.)

and she pulls herself into a sitting position.

“i know, i know,” she finally sighs, slumping against you, cheek smushed over your shoulder. “just don’t give him more attention than me, ‘kay?”

you let out giggle. “well, duh.”

she gives you a sunny grin.

“okay, good.” 

you put the glass down on the windowsill beside you. just so you can stretch your arms out, falling backwards; a mountain of pillows cushioning your fall. a yawn spills past your lips, and riko sits up.

“wanna take a nap?” she tilts her head, dark locks framing her pretty blue eyes, deep as the sea. “that’s probably good. we’re going straight to the beach tomorrow, you know!”

“mm…” your eyes flutter shut, and you focus on that faraway sound. waves crashing against sand, the whistling of seagulls, the salty scent of the ocean. “that sounds nice.”

despite your exhaustion, you end up tossing and turning that night. not because of your best friend’s snores, or the feeling of a mattress you haven’t slept on in two years — but from the quiet sounds downstairs. glasses clinking, a chuckle here and there. the tv being turned on. tossing and turning from the knowledge that your childhood heartthrob, current heartthrob, is in the same house as you. a little older, a little less childish, even more charming than you remember him being.

you’re older, too. more mature, you like to think, even if the gain is small.

(maybe there’s a chance?)

shaking the thoughts from your head, mind still spinning along to the tune of his humming, you squeeze your eyes shut and try to fall asleep.

you’ll be okay.

okay, nevermind. you’re completely screwed.

“oh, there you are!”

satoru is already waiting up ahead when you step onto the beach, feeling the sand between your toes, a pleasantly cool breeze giving you respite from the sweltering heat.

the sun beats down on you, fervent sunlight warming the water up ahead, calm waves and a sparkling blue to match the hue of the sky; cobalts and ceruleans, melting together like watercolour on a canvas. people crowd around the food stands, shaved ice and churros and grilled fish, scents mingling together with the joyous chatter all around you. vibrant sensations, enough to excite but not to overwhelm. 

a picture-perfect summer day.

your heart tingles with something giddy, skipping happily as you follow riko’s lead; she’s wearing a cute bikini set, frilly and floral, hair styled into a pair of braided pigtails, kept together by her favorite scrunchies. leading you towards her older brother, waiting patiently, having already grabbed a nice spot for you. a parasol, a blanket, a picnic basket. you see bottles of pink lemonade, wrapped sandwiches, strawberries in a plastic container.

more than anything, you see him. you see him, and realize just how screwed you are.

he’s smiling, when you approach. as always. hair tousled by the ocean breeze, blue eyes gleaming with mirth, exposed by the sunglasses close to slipping down the bridge of his nose. he’s wearing a hawaiian shirt, black in colour, white floral patterns to tie it all together. just unbuttoned enough to show off his collarbone, a sliver of his chest, the short sleeves exposing his biceps; patches of pale skin, shining with the beginnings of sweat. 

(you’re about to fucking explode.)

as soon as you’re in sight, satoru lights up, aiming the flash of his phone in your direction. his other hand stays tucked into the pocket of his shorts. “aw, look at you two!” he coos, grinning brightly, teasing and sweet. “pose for the camera, okay?”

you’re still too hypnotized to react, but riko scurries ahead, ready to steal it from his grasp.

“no pictures!”

“oh, don’t be like that!” he takes a step back, dodging her attack by a hair, still wearing the same grin. “you’re gonna thank me ten years from now, trust me. it’s for the memories!”

a new voice spills into the air, suddenly, and you’re brought back into reality. it’s silky and low, smooth and nice, honeysuckle nectar turned into sound. interrupting the siblings.

“it’s been ten seconds. how are you already bickering?” 

you turn towards its source, and spot a familiar face — right next to satoru. were you seriously too mesmerized to notice him? black hair, another hawaiian shirt, slightly lidded eyes… 

suguru. 

he meets your surprised stare with a relaxed smile, and takes a step forward; meeting you for a quick hug. he looks the same as he did when you were younger, odd bangs, hair tied up into a bun.

“hi there,” he hums, right by your ear, a light squeeze before he lets go. “it’s been a while.”

you part your lips, smiling through your words. a little stunned. “i didn’t know you’d be here too!”

he chuckles, a light shrug of his shoulders. “me neither. satoru called me last night and asked me to drop by. i had time to kill.”

“you missed me.”

a dubious look. suguru gives a lazy roll of his eyes, avoiding the smug voice to his right. “i saw you last week,” he tuts, an unimpressed expression on his face. “how could i miss you?”

“do you need a reason to miss your best friend?” he shakes his head, slowly, side to side. white locks swaying back and forth. “awful. just awful.”

you stifle a smile, completely unsuccessful. the sun feels nice on your skin, and the scent of the sea is nostalgic, and they’re all the same as ever. it’s like you can feel your nerves melting away, slowly but surely, like grains of sand slipping through the gaps between your fingers. 

“the matching shirts are cute,” you point out, wanting to partake in the conversation, only to be met with a pair of furrowed brows.

suguru sighs. “that…” he mutters, massaging his temple, not before shooting satoru a dirty glance. “wasn't planned.”

said man only grins, unperturbed, tucking his phone back into his pocket. thoroughly amused. “he’s mad that i stole his fit,” he chirps, stretching his arms idly. it makes his shirt ride up, ever so slightly, and you swallow a gulp.

“well… you look good in it.”

at that, satoru stills. gazing at you, silently, before breaking out into another grin. self-satisfied, a smooth curve, sunlight against the white of his teeth. you glance away, suddenly a little shy.

“does he?” the other two deadpan, completely in sync. it shoos away the smile on his lips, making way for a displeased frown.

“oh, come on. would it kill you to call me handsome now and then?”

“handsome?” riko places her hands on her hips, raising an unimpressed brow, a sassy lilt to her voice. “you look like a single father down on his luck.”

“seconded,” suguru quips, hiding the beginnings of a smirk. picking at a piece of lint on his shirt. “honestly, i’m surprised you’re wearing any layers at all. not gonna flaunt your abs this time?”

satoru brightens, suddenly. wiggling his brows, a sweet coo on the tip of his tongue. “oh? want me to loosen up a couple buttons?” he purrs, and you hate yourself a little for the instant yes that resounds through your mind. “you know you can always just ask, suguru.”

his teasing goes ignored, but you don’t miss the amusement that flits through the scope of suguru’s eyes, even as he tries to maintain that deadpan expression.

finally, he exhales. “well, see you later,” he hums, directed to you and satomi, checking the time on his wristwatch. “i should probably get going.”

“you’re not staying?” you ask, lashes fluttering with a confused blink. he smiles.

“i am,” he reassures you. “just gonna go fishing for a while. i thought i’d give it a try.”

“fishing?” riko exclaims, covering her amused grin with the palm of her hand. stifling laughter, you can tell, a bout of giggles begging to push past her lips. “what are you, fifty?”

satoru lets out a snort. to his left, suguru goes eerily silent — ominous, staring into your best friend’s eyes with no visible emotion. enough to make her smile fall. you feel a sense of deja vu.

“wait, i’m just kidding!” she suddenly squeaks, clinging to your arm and hiding behind you. she’s always had good survival instincts. ”don’t put me in a headlock!”

(they’re so stupid. 

gosh, you missed them.)

“oh, by the way — do you want some shaved ice?” she turns to you, eyes crinkled at the edges, voice syrupy and sweet. “i can go get us some. what flavour do you want?”

“ah, great idea!” satoru matches her tone, tongue flitting out to lick his lips, glossy with chapstick. “i was just craving something sweet.”

“you’re paying, by the way.”

“…”

“so? any preference?” she tilts her head, waiting patiently for your reply. smiling once she gets it. “alright, got it. you, suguru?”

“i’m good. thanks, though.”

“okie-dokie,” she puts her palm out, facing satoru. “money, please.”

he only tuts, digging through his pocket and pulling out a black wallet. you think you spot a photocard, but he’s pulled out a credit card and tucked it back into his pocket before you can get a closer look. 

“get me watermelon, okay? strawberry is fine too. if push comes to shove, go for anything other than lemon.” he hands her the card with a click of his tongue. “and watch out for creeps. if anyone hits on you, you know where to aim.”

she pockets it with a huff, exasperation on her features. “i’m twenty-three, toru. i can take care of myself.”

“aww, don’t be like that,” he coos, hands reaching out to squish her cheeks. she tries to squirm away, to no avail. “you’ll always be my little baby sister, you know. and, as your dependable big bro, i —“

“ugh, whatever.” she shoots him an unimpressed glance, finally escaping his hold. ”are you gonna go all men are wolves on us, or something?”

”they are! just look at suguru.”

”hey.”

you hide a growing smile behind your hand, watching them bicker and banter, feeling that sense of peace again. the summer day feels a little like a hazy daydream, a heavy nostalgia that sticks to your bones like gum on the sole of your shoe. 

and, once again — you end up alone with a certain someone. suguru walks towards the faraway pier, riko strolls up to the stand selling shaved ice, and satoru lingers behind. you think he looks relaxed, at ease, but you can’t really look at him for too long without feeling nervous. without feeling as if you’re both ignoring the elephant in the room. 

it still feels a little like there’s an invisible wall between you.

he’s the first to speak up, craning his neck and stretching like a big cat, a tiny groan escaping him. “well, there they go,” he hums. “what do you feel like doing first?”

“ummm…” you rack your brain for ideas, coming up empty. a little fried by his presence. you could go into the water, and escape the heat — sunbathing with him doesn’t sound so bad, though…

lost deep in thought, you barely notice him inching closer. still weighing your options, water or land, a relaxing nap or a splash war. you don’t notice until you feel his arm sneaking around your waist, pulling you closer, just by a hair. stealing all the oxygen from your lungs.

(you think your brain shuts down a little.)

his touch burns, as always. bare skin on bare skin. electric, a trail of sparks rushing through your veins. he’s warm, and solid, effortlessly composed — guiding you right where he wants you, which is by his chest, where you can practically hear the steady rhythm of his heartbeat —

and then he’s pulling away.

you raise your head to meet his gaze, completely flushed, unsure if you were hallucinating or not. he’s looking somewhere behind you, with an oddly cold gaze. you follow his stare, craning your neck, catching a glimpse of a man turning his back on you both before walking away.

… was he staring at you, or what?

when you search for satoru’s eyes again, they’re already on you. he’s smiling, a little sheepish, scratching at the back of his neck.

“sorry,” he chuckles. “i got paranoid.”

oh.

your skin still feels like it’s on fire. a lingering heat, blossoming where his skin touched yours, rendering you speechless.

finally, you gain control over your vocal chords, dry and charred. just enough to croak out a response. “i — it’s fine.”

your eyes stay glued to the sand beneath you, staring at a crushed seashell, unable to look him in the eye. feeling the back of your neck grow hotter. you miss the dirty glance riko sends his way, having just returned with the shaved ice, and the way satoru mouths out a silent what?

it’s easier after that. she grounds you, a little, leading you out into the sea. the water is pleasantly mild, licking at your ankles, coaxing you further, until it’s reaching up to your waist. it cools you down considerably, and before you know it you’re splashing her with all you’ve got, giggles filling the salty air — seagull cries above you and wet sand beneath your feet, a glimmer or two of tiny fish, loud laughter. sensations all around you. satoru watches you with a smile, munching on a sandwich, not joining you both until riko beckons him over.

the day stretches on, melting away into evening. people leave the beach behind them, suguru heads back to the house with a bucket of fish and a smug smile, riko dries herself off with a towel and rushes to a nearby convenience store when she notices that it’s about to close. murmuring something about dinner, shooting you an anxious glance, a silent will you be alright on your own? with him? 

you wave her off with a smile. hoping it’ll come off as convincing.

so, one way or another, you end up under a parasol with a certain satoru gojo; putting empty bottles of lemonade back into the picnic basket, rolling up the blanket, stuck with cleaning duty. satoru carries it all, unwilling to let you help, the basket hanging off his arm. you walk away from the beach, stepping onto solid asphalt again, beginning your trekk up towards the main street — not too long of a walk, but you’re tired, even though satoru doesn’t seem tuckered out in the slightest. walking a step or two ahead of you.

the sun is beginning to set, melting like a sundae on the boundary of the horizon, rays of golden sunshine dripping down your wrist. satoru looks good in it, the pink and orange; peaceful, somehow. when the breeze licks a stripe across his cheek, he closes his eyes and exhales. there’s a smile on those lips, a smile of contentment.

he turns towards you and waits until you catch up.

“tired?” he coos, tilting his head, absently tucking his shades into the breast pocket of his shirt. blinking slowly, eyes shimmering in the summery hue of evening. 

“kinda,” you smile, trying to muster a pep in your step. another hum buzzes in his throat, and then he’s facing forward again.

“c’mon. let’s get you something from the vending machine, okay? ‘s just up ahead.” he pats your head, once, twice. “that’ll give you some energy.”

you can only nod, following his lead. hydrangeas bloom all around you, a thick syrupy scent, paired with apple blossoms from the backyards you pass. then you spot the vending machine. satoru takes out his wallet, finding his card — it’s not the same one as before. riko still has it.

and this time, you’re close enough to see it. in his wallet is a photocard, clearly visible; of a baby, sleeping soundly, with short tufts of hair. a dark colour unlike his own.

(your heart melts, a little.)

“cola or sprite?”

you raise your head, looking through the barrier of glass in front of you. then you’re stepping forward, fingertip pressing against it, pointing towards a green can of sprite. not looking at him, as you make your choice. ”this one.”

— suddenly, you feel his skin on yours.

you’re sleepy, and pliant, jaw caught between his fingers. he lifts it up, turns it towards him, just so that you’ll meet his gaze. two seas of blue, flecks of pure white, summer skies and summer clouds.

“there,” he exhales, pleased. giving you a reassuring smile before pulling away. “you’ve barely looked me in the eye today. ‘s gonna break my heart, y’know.”

a pause. you gulp, on instinct, shying away from his unbridled attention — eyes moving from those summer skies down to the curve of his glossy lips, and then back up again. a mistake, because when you glance down once more, unable to help yourself, you see it.

that apologetic smile.

(you really are obvious, aren’t you?

how embarrassing.)

silence splits the scene in half, only the faraway sounds of seagulls as background noise. they sound a little like they’re laughing, mocking you.

satoru presses a button on the vending machine, followed by a quiet beep. he doesn’t look at you when he broaches the subject, and you wonder if it’s out of respect or discomfort.

“still not over that schoolgirl crush, huh?”

…

something twists inside your gut. a little ugly, a little sentimental. now that he’s made the first move, it’s easier to move the pieces.

“it’s not a crush,” you murmur, kicking at a pebble on the ground. surprised by how clear your voice comes out. “i’m in love with you.”

a sigh. another beep, and the sound of a sodacan falling against metal flooring. he crouches down.

“… you could really, really do better.”

you watch as he fumbles with the pick-up box, eyes trained on the back of his neck, the buzzed hair of his undercut. letting out a quiet breath. “riko said the same thing.”

a snort pushes past his lips, ripe with fondness. he pulls himself up from the ground, shifting his weight from one foot to another, reaching for his wallet again. “oh, i’m sure.” he tucks the card back, slipping it into his pocket. a stray cat strolls by you, unburdened, waving its tail in the air. “really, though. you should listen to her.”

something cold meets your cheek. metal, condensation, a pleasant shiver down your spine. he presses the aluminium can against you, and you receive it with a murmur of thanks.

“i’m too old for you, for one.” he continues, and suddenly you feel a little like you’re being lectured. you break open the lid of the sprite can.

“you’re four years older.” a fizzy sound crackles like static in your ears, carbonation bubbling up, sticking to your fingertips. “and we’re both adults.”

he huffs out a breath, only mildly amused. “i’m pushing thirty, y’know?”

you take a sip, lips against cold aluminum, melting sunrays lapping at your skin. it tastes sweet. 

“i know.” a pause, your bottom lip trapped between two sharp teeth. gnawing at the flesh. ”i can’t control how i feel, though.”

…

“yeah,” he sighs, leaning back against the glass. crossing one leg over the other, fiddling with something in his pocket. “i know.”

a moment passes. then he parts his lips, again.

“hey, how about you join me on a mixer someday?” he searches for your gaze, smiling, another one of those charming tilts of his head. “i know some cute guys. and girls, if that’s your thing.”

your answer is instantaneous.

“i’ll pass.”

…

another exhale, breathed out into the summer air. it drips with exasperation, ripe with fatigue, but there’s still something fond there. unmistakable.

“fine, fine. just… think about it. okay?” his palm finds its way to your head, ruffling your hair gently. that comforting weight. “c’mon, let’s go back. riri’s making dinner tonight.”

and then he’s taking a step forward. you watch his back for only a moment, still deep in thought. a fizzy, syrupy sweetness sticking to your teeth, a sense of nostalgia invading all your senses. and, as always, that silent adoration.

deep down, you know it’s true. there’s no changing this, whatever this is. in the same way riko will always be his baby sister, you’ll always just be the brat that sniffled into his chest after your first fight with her. 

he’ll never quite see you the way you’d like him to.

(but, then again, isn’t that a part of it? that subtle, subtle kindness of his. the sense of maturity that asks for nothing in return.)

satoru is a good guy. that’s why you can’t help but adore him, despite everything. can’t help but watch his back as he leaves you behind, wishing you could catch up.

it feels nice, to open yourself up like this. crack the lid of your heart and have him wade through the carbonation. it feels nice to have your feelings be acknowledged, even if they aren’t reciprocated. even if you’re completely delusional, and high on summer joy. it feels nice just to watch him shine.

you gulp down the rest of your sprite, toss it into a trash can across the street, and stumble after him. veins sleepy, heart heavy, overwhelmed by adoration. you’ve already cracked the lid open; everything else comes easy. you just want to make a move, any move. want to see how he’ll react.

“satoru,” you call, and he comes to a standstill. when he turns around your arms are outstretched. “can i have a piggyback ride?”

the man before you blinks. once, then twice, fluttering like angel wings, or pretty clouds. 

and then his smile grows. you catch a glimpse of his dimples, for just a moment, and then he’s beckoning you closer with a chuckle.

“yeah? now you’re suddenly all brave?” he shakes his head, no real discontentment behind it. “or are you really that exhausted?”

he studies you intently, ripe with fondness, and you think your sluggish blinks must be enough to convince him. because he crouches down, back facing you, and chirps out a hop on. a little teasing, of course, but still nice. his arms underneath your thigh, lifting you up like it’s nothing. making sure you’re comfortable.

he’s strong. very strong. the butterflies in your stomach flutter around again.

and you really are very exhausted. bones buzzing with something sleepy and fatigued, sore after all the running around you did in the water. completely tuckered out, resting your cheek against his back. like this, you can feel his muscles, the solidity of his body. it’s a little bit distracting.

“— remember?”

a series of blinks. you grasp onto his shoulders, holding back a yawn. “huh?”

“you falling asleep on me?” he chuckles, walking forward. one step after the other, the soles of his sandals hitting the asphalt. “i was saying — how i remember doing this back then.”

you tilt your head.

“when you fell and twisted your ankle. i think it was nearby, actually. some park?”

“... oh.” when you really concentrate, you think you do recall it; the feeling of his back against your chest, a dull ache in your foot. “yeah, i remember.”

satoru hums, a little buzz of amusement. “after that, you and riri would ask me for it all the time. carry us, big bro!” his imitation makes you smile, voice high and squeaky. “so childish, i swear. i could barely carry one of you.”

a chuckle tumbles from your lips, and it seems to spur him on; because he continues. nostalgia pouring out his throat.

“don’t tell her, okay? but, see — i started going to the gym after that. lifting weights. training, and stuff,” he huffs out an amused exhale, grinning softly. “suguru made me carry boulders on the beach. it was kind of our thing.”

…

“we almost got arrested once.”

you can’t help but laugh, hiding in the smooth fabric of his shirt, in between those white printed flowers. shoulders shaking slightly, giddy and amused. “you did that just ‘cause you were embarrassed?”

“no. because i wanted to be prepared,” he murmurs softly. “in case the two of you ever happened to fall over at the same time, or something. i wanted to be able to carry you both back.”

satoru continues to walk, facing away from you. always smiling, you’re sure. even if you can’t see it.

“you’re both precious to me,” he says, making sure to keep his hold around your legs steady. “that’s why i don’t want either of you wasting yourselves on some random guy.”

a displeased huff.

“… you’re not a random guy, if that’s what you’re implying.”

“well, of course not. i’m the guy,” he quips, standing a little straighter, and you can practically see the smug smirk on his lips. “but i’m not a very good person.”

you blink.

silence fills the open air.

he says it so casually that you almost don't catch it. matter-of-factly, like it’s just another obvious realization, something so deeply ingrained that it isn’t even worthy of a tonal shift. satoru, who makes pancakes for the people he loves, who carries your bags and buys you soda and keeps a picture of his baby sister in his wallet.

that satoru isn’t a good person?

(how could he ever, ever think that?)

“you are.”

a low hum buzzes in his throat, absentminded. you’re not sure he hears you. if he does, he simply doesn’t care enough to respond. the scene flickers by, the moment comes and goes — you want to protest again, but something about this silence makes you hesitate.

the only thing you can do is —

“satoru.”

another little hum. acknowledging, this time. 

“do you… i mean,” you choke down a bundle of words, replacing them with new ones. gnawing at the flesh of your bottom lip. “is there really no chance… you’ll ever feel the same? none at all?”

…

a mirthless chuckle. he sounds a little tired, you think. more than a little exasperated. but the amusement is still there, laced into his voice, and you drink it in the same way you’ve always done. a little root, soaking in the light of the sun.

“after all that,” he mutters, “you’re still asking?”

a moment’s pause. you listen intently, as if you could hear the gears of his mind shift if you focus enough. as if just being stubborn enough could coax him into opening up the way you have. 

finally, he parts his lips.

“well,” comes a sigh, a click of his tongue. he breathes in the summer breeze. “maybe in a couple decades or so.”

you stare. those white tufts of hair sway with every step he takes, and his voice has a finality to it that isn’t lost on you. 

“… okay.”

a pause. then he’s barking out a short laugh, shoulders shaking. you tighten your grip around them. “okay?” he repeats, pinching the skin of your thigh. “can’t you read between the lines, you little troublemaker?”

a huff. you kick your legs, a little, just stretching them contentedly. wet hair sticking to his skin, your cheek still smushed against him, enveloped in his neverending warmth. “i don’t mind,” you whisper, choking down a yawn. and you mean it. “i’ve already waited eight years. a couple decades more isn’t too bad.”

silence, again. you wonder what he’s thinking. you wonder if you’ll ever come close to cracking open the lid of his heart. he parts his lips, oxygen spilling out.

(you think it’s a start.)

“has anyone ever told you that you’re awfully stubborn?”

you’re quick to nod, forehead nuzzling into his undercut. wearing a satisfied smile. “riko tells me all the time.”

“does she?” there’s silent laughter hiding between his teeth, eager to spill out. “that’s good. listen to her, alright? you might learn a thing or two.”

he’s teasing you. the sun is setting, and the air smells like saltwater, and satoru’s back is warm. his voice is set to a melodic lilt, and you feel strangely tempted to close your eyes. 

and you adore him again. 

right — loving him was never a choice, and waiting wasn’t an issue. getting over him is the tall hurdle, the root of the problem, a root you intend you trip over as many times as it takes for this something to bloom.

because he’s beautiful, and comfortable, and kind. because it’s his back you always end up clinging to. because he knows how you like your pancakes, how you take your coffee, what you look like when you cry. because you like this feeling, the swarm of butterflies in your stomach. even if they’re completely meaningless in the long run.

satoru is right, and so is riko. you’re stubborn, terribly so — if only you could see that as a bad thing.

if only you were physically capable of giving this something up.

unlike the siblings and their overgrown backyard, you just can’t seem to look away from an ugly bud yet to bloom. just in case it ends up blossoming, this summer, or the next. just in case it turns into something worth plucking from the ground. it’s fine if it withers away, too. at least it’ll give way to better soil.

you just like him. you just want to see where it leads you. that’s all.

“but promise you’ll go with me to that mixer, okay?” his voice calls, breaking you out of your thoughts. unrelenting. ”i’ll find you someone who’ll get your mind off lil ol’ me.”

ah. that’s right. 

(you’re terribly, horribly stubborn —

and satoru is too.)

you grin, soft and giddy, thinking of the years ahead of you. what they’ll be like. where’s the fun in a certain future?

“fine,” you hum, wrapping your arms around his neck. inhaling that familiar scent of sandalwood. “do your worst.”

[thatdeadaquarius]

A TAG GAME?! :O :D !!

✨️💙✨️

♡ 3 Lovely Ships:

Soukoku (i just think theyre so ✨️silly✨️ & couples that are @ war r my fav so- 🥰) also i recently discovered MANGA soukoku??!?!?! like theyre literally

✨️🍒🍑🍓🩹🩸💀🔫🏳️‍🌈🚔🗡🍉🍊🍋✨️ <- this

EraserMic THIS SHIP HAS BEEN IN MY BRAIN SINCE THE YEAR THE DAMN ANIME CAME OUT, IN THE YEAR OF YOU, OUR CREATOR 2016 I THINK 😭 (sagau ref lol)

IVE LITERALLY CEMENTED THEM SO HARD AS MY GAY DADS THAT I FUCKING FORGOT THEYRE NOT CANON- i get confused when theyre on screen and not more coupley 💀 biggest comfort ship <3

Myself / the near entirety of Genshin Impact Playable Characters LMAOO IM A POLYAMOROUS SL*T IDK WHAT U WANT FROM MEEEE-

♡ First Ship:

Wow, back in ye olden days.. hmm... i wanna say Sasuke/Naruto lmao, I DIDNT REALIZE HUT I HEARD THE WORST NEWS EVER RECENTLY THAT IT WAS ORIGINALLY A BL INSTEAD OF AN ACTION THINGY AND THEY WOULDVE DATED 😭😭

♡ Last Song:

Labour by Paris Paloma! Im so fucking obsessed it just embodies the entirety of Feminine Rage I need- and how hard women work all the fucking time!

(Idk ig this is part of the template but-)

Live, Laugh, Love Hatsune Miku too

@fandangotales lol

♡ Last Movie:

Cocaine Bear!

Kinda cgi gory, mostly gross, sometimes i gagged 😭, watched it in theaters and it was so hilarious tho, the dialogue was like, super natural too! Like realistic jokes i would make in those situations lmao

Hope i can write dialogue that natural one day :O

♡ Currently Reading:

The Scum Villain's Self-Saving System!

I fucking love this light novel (AND ITS ARTIST?! I SAW IT IN A BOOKSTORE AFTER KNOWINF THEM OFF TWITTER AND WAS IN SHOCK-)

♡ Currently Watching:

Bungou Stray Dogs & Saving 80,000 Gold In Another World For My Retirement!

♡ Currently Consuming:

Some fucking stellar Boba teas from my local shop in town! I got a sort of strawberry frozen one with whip cream and mango jelly stars + lychee popping pearls And my quintessential Thai Tea w/classic tapioca my beloved <3

Yes... I am a fancy drink bitch 😔, now you all know my secret

♡ Currently Craving:

God who wouldn't I kill for some pasta rn, like penne with the sauce and the cheeseeee UGH 😫 </3

♡ HAHA IM TAGGING:

(no pressure babes!)

@mists-reading-nook (UR SOLDIER/POET/KING WORSHIP IS CONSUMING MY WORLDBUILDING HEART- I CHECK TO SEE IF U EVER POST ANYTHING/POST ABT KING BC ILY UR WRITING SM<3)

@lonelyrosegold (i just found u but i rlly loved ur background music about Linked Universe, which I also just found out about lmao)

@bk-4-trash-fire (the OG, the SUPREME, My Liege 😌✨️ ur actually one of the first ppl that rotred my brain over genshin sagau! Thank u for all ur cool ideas that i may or may not write an entire short story abt some day lmao! The Possession AU i made was partially inspired by you!<3)

@intothegenshinworld (new for me but awesome writer!! I cant wait to see more of ur stuff!)

@chocogi (UR PUPPETEER AU PARTIALLY INSPIRED MY POSSESSION AU! thanks for the cool content!!)

♡

@fandangotales & @undecidingfate

THANK YOU BOTH?! FOR THE TAG 😭 It sounds silly but ive never gotten tagged for these things before & i was so happy to see it ;u; !!

More asks answered/posts to come my fellow zodiac signs!!

Safe travels,

💀♒️

[dogin8]

wait was connor confirmed as immoral?? and why he was acting weird around charlie???

Okay so, Full disclosure none of this has been 100% directly confirmed but so far as I can tell it's widely accepted as canon at this point:

/rp

Connor was in the wild west tales from the smp episode which happened long before the current events of the smp, he was using the exact same skin and he introduced himself as "just Connor", the only other character who's done anything similar is Dream who never changes his skin for tales from the smp but always has a different name, this fact paired with people noticing Connor's general apathy to everything, he walks around not really caring about anything that's going on, showing up late to events and giving random tidbits of sagely advice, it makes it feel like he's somebody who's been alive for a very long time and has stopped caring about anything because he'll outlast it, and then on top of that his pursuit to "solve mortality" could easily be taken as him trying to be able to prevent death so that he can have at least one companion that won't die after 100 years, Again, all of this is technically speculation but there is a bunch of evidence that points to Connor being inmortal

And on the Connor acting weird around Charlie thing, after Charlie's lore stream people pointed out that there were certain points where it felt like the two knew each other, obviously Charlie pointed out that he had seen Connor before (presumably while spying on people) but Connor had some fairly subtle bits of acting/dialogue that Could be interpreted this way, for instance when Quackity asked why he came to Las Nevadas he said "I heard there was a new city, I wanted to see what it's all about I heard some friends might be here" and when he says that he actually looks at Charlie, also when Quackity tells Connor that Charlie is his brand new assistant, Connor doesn't say "Oh you got an assistant!" to Quackity, he looks AT CHARLIE and says "Oh you got a job!" ... the kind of thing that somebody would say ONLY to a person who they knew previously didn't have a job, Connor doesn't even ask for his name or anything, his first words to Charlie are "Oh hi!" and "Oh you got a job!"

So basically:

Connor being immortal - Widely accepted as canon but never directly confirmed

Charlie and Connor knowing each other - More of a theory based on certain acting choices

and from those two ^ came the question "How do they know each other" and my answer was basically: Charlie is immortal and they met a long long time ago,

That's why I'm so hyped to hear Quackity confirm that Charlie is in fact some primordial ancient being because that's like... my theory getting confirmed, idk I love saying stuff and then having it come true,

Also for reference why i say "my theory abt Connor being immortal got confrimed" (even tho technically i guess it didn't) Is because I wrote my first "Connor is immortal" Theory post WAY before the tftsmp episode and I literally went through the roof when i saw: A guy in a sonic onesie introducing himself as "just connor" multiple hundreds of years before the main plot

[hitomisuzuya]

hey suzu! i saw your latest post abt you feeling self-conscious abt your writing and i couldn't help but empathize with you on that one :< i myself am surrounded by good writers—be it friends irl or moots from twt. heck, im in a discord server of a certain genshin ship and made good friends with writers that wrote for said ship. but ngl there are times when i look at their writing and compare it with my own, making me realize that my writing almost feels bland and tasteless unlike theirs. i look at their entries on ao3... their word choice, the way they deliver their plot, their dialogue, etc. and then i look at all the drafts that sit in my docs staring at the poorly written phrases and sections that make me self-conscious too :(( so yeah, i perfectly understand how you feel and believe me it's normal. but those same writer friends & moots would tell me that they themselves would also feel self-conscious like we do. not only that, but they seem to be aware that in constantly comparing our writing to other ppl's, we deprive ourselves the joy of writing in the first place. im not saying it's bad to look at other ppl's writing and think how we could do better bcos it's a good way to improve. even getting constructive criticism is helpful, but in this situation particularly, we really are our worst critics 😔😔 ig what im saying is, when we feel insecure abt our writing, we should always look back to what it is abt writing that we enjoy and consistently find in our works that brings out us. our personality, our feelings, our soul... yknow? writing is supposed to be enjoyable for everyone and must be a constant WIP bcos there is no perfect writing. our writing grows as we grow, like a plant. and like all plants, we need our own water and sunlight too bcos if we forget all that, we wither. much love, indigo anon <333 p.s.: sorry for the long ask. T^T i do hope your day gets better and if there's smth in my wording that's off / you can't understand, i will happily rephrase and clarify for you 🫶🫶

This...this was perfectly worded. It is EXACTLY what I would say to someone who told me they were self conscious about the way they right. Please, do me a favor and reread what you wrote to me in you comment, that's my way of saying exactly the same to you. My mind feels a lot calmer and at ease after I read this. Thank you much, my dear indigo anon❤️ I am going to reflect on this and especially keep in mind about showing who I am through my writing and what good things it brings out in me when I reflect it my writing while I answer my first ask of the day.

[cttrajan1206]

#arrow sys#Love them#Absolute sweethearts all of em#And suoer fun to sprint with

FIRST OF ALL SOBS /pos

second,,, i know nothing abt twst or obey me but grabby hands at a ramble; i will absolutely listen if you wanted to talk about it :starry:

JSHDJF [WAILS ALOUD] I TOOK SO LONG SO GET BACK TO YOU THAT I FINISHED ONE OF THE WIPS IN THAT TIME LMAO!!

Well!! This is good promo! :> The one that i was typing up is finished now and it's the obey me fic! You can find it here:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/33644662

Mammon and Movies:

Basically! Someone read another fic of mine that included my self insert flappy stimming and also getting mental breakdown so it asked if i could include a couple other stims in another work since he enjoyed my first one! I. Took that request and made an entire fic dedicated to him lmao. So! I asked it later on for what it would like me to include and which character to use and here we are!

This is a 4K fic of Mammon from Obey Me paired with a Neurodivergent!Reader. The plot is that of him showing you a magic trick and smoothly whipping out a movie ticket!! You've been wanting to ask him to see a movie with you for a while so this is perfect! So perfect in fact that you're overwhelmed with happiness and have a brief moment of being nonverbal as you're overwhelmed with euphoria. Then the next day, you meet him at the venue and the date begins! Other scenes include him allowing you to hold onto his bracelets as it's one of your stims (he wears one of every texture to accomodate to your tastes), you dissociating out of anxiety in a movie theatre and him helping to ground you, and finally! Him sleeping on your shoulder before the movie ends.

Ik i kinda just said the majority of the plot lmao but! Its just a fluffy and sweet movie date! I enjoyed writing it a lot although i got about 80% of it done a month ago and tyn didn't touch it for like 2 weeks sjdbsjd i was p sad abt that. I like finishing things quickly esp when its for other people!! But it was a comfort during a hard time to write this work at 2am under the light of a night lamp and to the tune of street life ambience.

ALSO I FOUND OUT THAT MAMMONS OFFICIAL SONG "ARE YOU READY" LEGIT HAS NO HOURLONG LOOPS AND THAT WAS A HARD HIT TO ME BC LIKE I WANTED TO LISTEN TO IT ON TV BUT IT WASNT HAPPENINGGG TWT WHY DOES EVERYONE LIKE ALL THE OTHER OTHER BROTHER'S SONGS INSTEAD LIKE PLSSS

Anyway lmao i'm quite happy with this work, it feels very round and finished to me which makes me happy because it means I didn't need to worry about editing it to feel satisfied. The requester liked it a lot too! Which made me super super happy. :>

Now!! For the twisted wonderland!! That’s a comfort plotline of mine that doesn’t really have a title yet and is still a wip that is written through my friend’s DMs BUT! I will also take the time to promo my twst writing blog! It is dead QvQ On there, you can see a bit more about the self insert in question but for now, i’ll just put the ship name as the title.

https://twst-sumi-squad.tumblr.com/

Kalim Al-Asim X Sumi Bint Khattar (Plot line):

So!! This one stemmed from me drawing something out of self indulgence and to show it to my friend, I described Sumi B in full and then I told them about my ships and around that time I had like five love songs I was obsessed with. And for each of them. I had. A separate animatic. For like at least 1 ship, the average was two but one had three. Sumi B was the centre of the most ships but not the only one. Anyway!! I told my friend about this and asked if I could dump my ideas onto them! They agreed and I started with a summarised version but then realised I needed a bit more build up so I started to write it in a bit more detail. Hah. It ended up being a Lot More Detailed but even then, I would write the scenes in a much more fluid and descriptive way if it were Real Writing so! I call it a Plotline. It is very long.

The plot itself is. long now. it’s a slowburn lmao because most if not all of my self insert ships tend to be slowburns. But this one? This particular self insert? Sumi B? Yeah she’s the only one with trust issues so she mothers the BIGGEST slowburns known to history. It takes them a year before she even considers him a friend despite seeing him every day and also having multiple deep conversations with him. Anyway though, this one is a big comfort becuase it has something I didn’t really dare to do before. Kalim, the canon character, falls in love with my oc first. Normally I have it the other way round becuase I’m too scared to assume that I would be like, deserving or like desirable enough for someone to have a crush on me. But with Sumi B, even I have a goddamn crush on her lmao. I indulge myself a bit with this one and really play around with emotions and!! In the most recent scene! We have finally reached the part where she actually starts to love him back! :D

I started this one a loooong time ago, at least a month and maybe two? It was Intended to be finsiehd in one night and then i got carried away and my friend got invested and then I ALSO got invested and so I started to develop the plot further so make it more interesting and keep the buildup going. It’s very fun and though i try to limit myself to summarising actions and dialogue, i fail. very often. so it often has little tidbits of more beautiful sentences and tension lmao. 

This particular fic is based off of my imagined animatic for the song “Would you be so kind” by Dodie! I didn’t know about the song until i saw other people’s animatics and I ended up taking it and running away haha! I’m currently really happy with it however I am really dreading the day where I actually write it out properly. If I don’t? I don’t know. Maybe I’ll post the plotline by itself. I have another fic just like it, one with a different self insert who (in fact) is very very close with Sumi B and considers her his older sister, that i ALSO wrote in semi detailed plot lines in someone’s DMs. Both are massive comforts to me and though i love them, their plot lines are so goddamn long that i will dread the day i decide to write them all out.

So uhm!!! Yeah!! XDD Those are the two fics I was talking about! I hope you enjoyed my small ramblings about them haha. I’m starting college soon though so I fear I might have much more time for fanfic.

[cobraghost]

canon questionare.

@advnterccs​​ & anonymous wrote: Have you tweaked the character from canon? If so, what did you tweak? anon added: // n im glad you like the questions! just saw the post n decided why not :)

Oh, absoolutely. I tend to do that with MOST muses of mine -- barring Saitama from OPM. But for Billy specifically ... look, I love the guy that we have in canon. Honestly, i do! and i do try to keep my portrayal as close to billy as i can, both in spirit, in action, and in dialogue. However, I do think that his og character is rather... flat? like,. it’s no secret DTMG is not a good show -- again, i love it to pieces, but it isn’t very good. it’s like the biggest example of missed potential ever.  last night i had a huge long ramble answer typed out to answer this, but because i lost it all, and im far too wordy, i’ll give you all some bulletpoint changes.

Gave Billy more depth to his songs -- they CONSTANTLY alternate between him being a “pop star” and him being a “rockstar” -- both with a bad boy image. and like. those are two VERY different things. so i made him start out as a pop star, but grow bitter at writing stale love songs about yachts, money, hot girls, and himself -- and shifted to writing about more genuine topics, like his crushing loneliness, through rock n roll, towards the end of his life and in private. boom, consistency solved. also, toned down the songs abt his narcissism, and cranked up his badboy image / behaviors in life to actually FIT his canon mindset of, “do ANYTHING to stay famous, even if it means breaking the law” which he’s broke before. just to be relevant.

i also made him less.. plot devicey?  like. he’s genuinely an untapped genius in show. when he;s taught  / learns new things he’s INSANELY academically talented. he has a ton of life experience from constantly travelling the wrold, and a CRAZY knack for memorizing things. he canonically woulda been STRAIGHT A HIGHEST HONORS STUDENT, ADVANCED PLACEMENT -- he can even absorball knowledge through computer code if he so wished. but they always act like he’s super stupid and shit for not picking up on social cues, or that he’s so overdramatic he has no braincells ... i.e. the show has him somehow forget he knows how to fly a plane despite flying one not even two seconds earlier. it’s truly flabbergasting in all the worst ways. 

I try to make a clearer difference between the way he’d acted when alive vs when he’s dead. When he was alive, he was a MENACE -- or so the show claims.. But we’ve NEVER seen anything to reflect that, minus him being like, 12 years old and acting as a simon cowell for an america’s got talent knockoff. and holy hell, was he a menace even then. but he’s super chill as a ghost? he’s barely an issue or problematic even though he has enough power to kill god if he wanted to. he’s just a lonely sweet guy, who means well and doesn’t know how to cope with no more hollywood living -- no more people using him, no people controlling him or kissing up to him to try and make him have the bratty attitude he supposedly had in life, for the most part. no more enablers. and unless u count the ep where radiatioin made him go insane and he almost murdered spencer by drowning him in boiling cheese as billy being a menace, he isn’t really... as bad as everyone claims he was. ( hashtag just long hair billy things. )

I could go on and on abouit what all I’ve tweaked of him -- but if you guys / my followers wanna see, i would be okay making  a longer post about everything i’ve changed!! but even so, i do still hope that, despite these changes, he still feels just as good or if not better than he did in canon. i care lots about  this ghost boy, even if the writers obviously did not </3

ALSO... TY FOR THE KIND ASKS / INTEREST ANON!!! AUGHGUHEF,,, forreal i know i’ve said it before butit really means the world to me when ppl love my portrayals!!! im forever super worried or self concious on if i do them justice or not. i don’t mean to sound like a broken record or like fluttershy after 9 seasons of learning the same friendship lesson in m.lp, but AAA!!! AGAIN TYSM!! ;v; all i can do is hope my love for him rubs off on my followers. i Will make u love obscure characters mistreatedby the fandom or forgotten to time.

[wickedpact]

I saw someone comment that if nicky and joe actually had a speed-run version of a romance it wouldn't be much better than rey/kylo (ie: nicky's redemption should be a *process* and not a single act; it'd take more than just "i'm switching sides and fighting with you" for joe to truly forgive him... which is ENTIRELY reasonable/understandable) - do you think the comparison is fair? (I mean, Nicky wasn't a space nazi but he WAS an indoctrinated religious radical)

well..... no, for a variety of reasons (allow me to say beforehand that i dont really... hate r*ylo or r*ylo in general but im.. hm, not a fan of the ship or the sequel trilogy)

edit: i am actually going to put this under a cut bc its longer than i thought it was when i wrote it

first of all i think theres something to be said abt the fact that ben (im just gonna call him ben so this post doesnt come up in search) is a space nazi. hes part of a fictional group of people who oppress a different fictional group of people, despite having some inspiration taken from rl. nicky was part of an invasion force that existed in real history, a part of a war that has had far-reaching effects in the real world to this day. as much as nicolo himself is fictional, neither the crusades nor the ideologies that had a part in fueling them are. so it feels a bit crass to compare the two.

(also like.. man, the sith blew up two (three?) planets. thats like several billion people each, how are you supposed to compare almost cartoonish villainy like that to real life?)

secondly ben had like... presumably more power over the situation than nicky did, idk what the situation is for ben’s backstory in canon terms rn, (its been more or less retconned a couple times i believe), but ben was the child of two powerful and privileged people and likely received all the education in the world on why Murder And Fascism Bad.

he was like? supposedly groomed by snoke, but what does that even mean? anakin went to the dark side bc he valued the life of his wife more than the lives of all the jedi. simple as that. he was manipulated but he still willingly assisted in a genocide to achieve his own personal goals, how can you just step back and say ‘ben was manipulated into it its not his fault’ when he no doubt knew better that Blowing Up Planets Bad. but then even on top of that.. .we dont really know nicky’s exact situation prior to the crusades which brings me to the next point,

what we know abt nicky’s mindset in the crusades era:

greg said once that ‘it was a time of religious hatred’ which is. vague.

one of the promo vids said nicky was ‘ a young knight who had left the priesthood behind to follow the crusade ‘ which is.. vague

nicky himself said ‘he was taught to hate’ joe’s ‘people’ which is... vague

the comics shows a dialogue-less couple of panels of joe and nicky killing each other which is..................... vague

we really dont know that much about nicky’s situation other than he was ‘taught to hate’, which is how all hatred works, hatred isnt a biologically ingrained behavior, its always taught. ‘taught to hate’ can mean everything from someone slapping him on the back one day and going ‘hey those muslims suck’ to full ass brainwashing, who tf knows. we can only guess based off historical information, and tog has proven itself to not be historically accurate several times over now. so you really cant compare nicky’s mindset to ben’s bc we dont know what nicky’s mindset was.

but even then theres a difference between ‘i was taught incorrect information and i formerly believed i was doing a good thing and i now am beginning to realize that i am not’ and ‘ive been knowingly evil (literally red lightsaber and all) for literal years but ive just decided to change my mind bc i had a vision of my father (whomst i murdered) asking me to be good again’

(i mean come on, ben was actively resisting his good impulses. ‘forgive me i feel the pull to the light again’. )

lastly i also dont think thats fair to tog bc i wouldnt count r*ylo as a ‘speedrun’. it was set up in tlj, the problem with r*ylo is that it was bounced between two directors who not only had different visions for the franchise, but conflicting visions for the franchise and? seemingly they didnt collaborate at all. so if it feels like ben and rey were ping pong-ing back and forth between being enemies and borderline-lovers, its bc they were created by two men with completely different ideas of what the relationship looked like + they were at the mercy of a company which has pretty singlemindedly dedicated itself to lowest-common-denominator media that offends Nobody and thus tried to pass them off as pseudo-canon so neither the shippers nor the antis would get Mad. tog doesnt have these problems.

i think the idea of joe and nicky blinking once at each other and just immediately falling in love is, while fun and hilarious, a bit silly realistically bc thats generally not how feelings Work (I Dont Believe In Love At First Sight). going on a 24hr murder-bender and immediately going ‘oh wait im actually in love with this person who just brutally murdered me’ isnt comparable to two people who have a couple hours’ worth of content focused around essentially being inside of eachother’s brains and learning why the other Is The Way They Are. r*ylo didnt come out of nowhere, it was lead up to (just really poorly)

realistically, i think joe and nicky would like. at least have to get to know each other a little before they could convincingly fall in love imo, but theres rlly nothing comparable there with ben and rey to me

[imadethisatage11]

Live-blogging my reaction to Spiral: from the book of saw

Spoilers under the cut

TL;DR: my overall review is that it was good but I’m going to go watch DPS to cleanse me

- ok so that woman got robbed and for what

- I had to pause to find out who this detective’s actor was Bc it was driving me nuts and it’s MCMURRAY FROM LETTERKENNY???

- love that they’re gonna fuck up this train conductors day lmao

- LOVE genuinely that we’re back to looking gritty and having an old tv play the video and having some rapid cut camera work early 2000’s vibes I embrace you

- why does the voice sound like that,, I wasn’t expecting John but why is it so non threatening now it’s literally just Some Guy™️

- I am glad I paid $15 to listen to Chris Rock talk about Forrest Gump. Worth my money and I mean it genuinely I love Chris Rock he’s great. Stream Everybody Hates Chris on Hulu

- “Z?” Zeke who just had his cover blown: this MF

- “do I look like a fucking Jamaican nanny?!” I- 😀🤚🏽

- ayo Max Minghella

- Chris Rock falling just short of being convincingly aggressively cynical Bc he is Chris Rock with the voice of Chris Rock

- it sounds like he’s setting up jokes that don’t have punchlines and instead they’re just like,, mediocre cynic cop dialogue

- while looking at some pretty fucking intact teeth: this bum is gonna be pretty hard to ID

- I mean I guess the homeless don’t have dental records but were you not even gonna try?

- I’m very pleased Chris Rock put on gloves before handling the strange package I love actually smart character choices that would make sense for them to make

- I.e. the cop knows how to properly handle unexpected unmarked packages delivered to the precinct

- “I thought the jigsaw killer was dead” “well if it’s another copy cat…” another wait is that referring to Logan (which Logan pinned on the other coincidentally crooked cop whose name I’ve forgotten) does that imply Logan only did like? The one trap? And hasn’t been active? Just waited ten years after John died recreates the one trap he was in and then stops?? I mean don’t get me wrong if movie wants to ignore Jigsaw (2017)’s existence I’m game but like what

- also why do the packages look like they’re wrapped in Tiffany boxes lmao

- oh yay they did run dental

- Chris Rock is an asshole but they should go with protocol if that’s what they’re doing

- ordering a man mid piss out of the men’s room to yell at Zeke

- does conflict of interest matter when the whole precinct knows the victim?

- uncomfortable stand-offs with your ex while at the home of a grieving friend

- Samuel L Jackson!

- “I could’ve killed you!” “What are you talking about, I have the gun!” *SLJ pulls a gun out* “I could’ve killed you”

- daddy issues

- “you think this is linked to John Kramer?” Bruh you think it’s NOT??

- ik this is SO far fetched but I rlly hope this movie tells us wtf happened to Dr Gordon. I’m sure it won’t but a girl can dream

- “should we tell Zeke?” “Fuck him” I get you guys don’t like to work w him Bc he’s an ass but like. You’re just not doing your jobs now you’re just proving he’s right that you’re untrustworthy

- splitting up and not telling ppl where you’re going is the number one way to get kidnapped or murdered but way to go cop instincts

- what is this Chinese finger trap ass shit

- love the blue tones tho very Saw

- all it needs is to become uncomfortably green

- fun fact I actually watched the first saw w my friend who is red green color blind and he said it looked AWFUL and I was like oh yeah everything is blue tinted like twilight blue tint and later it’s green just FYI (he thought that made significantly more sense than whatever shit ass color palette he was perceiving)

- being mad at your son for turning in a dirty cop Bc now you’ll have to mess with internal affairs

- and then assaulting someone??? SLJ is an even worse asshole lmao

- another Tiffany box bound in twine maybe it’ll be one of those cheesy diamond heart necklaces

- HELLO what is that ugly ass pig puppet

- also the voice is so stilted did the killer use fuckin text to speech so they couldn’t unscramble the voice like they did to Hoffman?

- cops finding dead pigs, a little on the nose

- oh so this dude has a history of “fuck it” ok well screw that guy then

- SLJ deserves to be pissed at that cop for letting Zeke get shot but like what an unhinged man he threatened to kill him and then actually assaulted him HOW did he EVER get in charge to begin with

- ok wait is Zeke actually the only decent cop (inc his dad but maybe excluding the newbie)

- that is a truly gruesome way to lose fingers tho I must say but he deserves that shit

- wait did the trap not go fast enough or was there a way for him to do that faster and I missed it

- like should he not have hesitated Bc there was a time limit or was it just rigged

- cuz the machine had to pull them off he couldn’t just cut them quickly

- so are they just gonna leave broken leg Dude there or

- also just now I tried to talk abt this movie (so far) vs Jigsaw (2017) to my mom and I got too excited and referenced some character names she didn’t know and she shut me down and said she didn’t care 😀

- live-blogging to my, like, five followers that compromise one one (1) person that knows me IRL, one (1) Sawtual, and a handful of ppl only here for my main DPS content to fill the void of emotional parental neglect. What a great website

- oh no did the rookie die :( he was actually sweet

- I feel like he was too important to kill offscreen tho

- like they’re TELLING us he .. was skinned.. but was he REALLY

- Chris Rock having a revelation: AH FUCK

- everyone else at the crime scene: ….

- favorite thing abt movies that were already gonna be rated R is when they’re like “well if we’re already at R we might as well say fuck”

- she has to SEVER HER SPINAL CORD? Why was she deemed the biggest asshole

- also how on earth was this trap portable it IS in their basement right

- transporting the hot wax is just what gets me

- Chris Rock rn: are you tired of being nice? Don’t you just wanna go apeshit?

- was this abt his dad the whole time???

- does it count as live blogging when I do one big post instead of several small ones lol I just want it to be avoidable for ppl who are just here for Dead Poets Society

- man’s fully abt to cut his arm off like barely even hesitated long enough to notice the bobby pin he could pick the lock with

- there’s a body here suspended

- not hanging mind you

- but covered and suspended

- and I bet it’s the newbie

- ah damn it’s Pete that’s disappointing

- it’s possible the trailers just made him seem more important than he was

- why are they punishing Zeke for reporting a dirty cop and having his career accordingly ruined like he did the right thing and already suffered for it? This killer doesn’t like crooked cops?? Why does Zeke have to be tortured by hearing this dude die like that’s what they want isn’t it?

- I think it’s too late pal

- the glass trap was pretty fucking cool though

- I KNEW HE WAS ALIVE

- I didn’t think he was a MURDERER but I KNEW he was alive

- OH SHIT THE DIRTY COP ZEKE TURNED IN KILLED NEWBIE’S DAD??

- I’m terrible at guessing endings but it makes viewing more fun

- honestly,, do it Chris Rock ACAB

- “you want me to kill cops?” “No, fuck no, just the bad ones”

- what a fun villain though

- I have no idea what the Ultimate Game Plan™️ is here though is he gonna make him kill his dad? I mean his dad does suck but making a dude KILL his DAD? That is a tall order Max Minghella

- ok but literally why wouldn’t you listen to him here shoot the target??

- ANGIE! It WaS aNgIe

- killing this man is not correct justice anyway Zeke

- shot the target! Good man

- groovy of them to play the Hello Zepp soundtrack rn

- oh shit what’s going on SLJ knows what it is

- oh.. w o w. Brutal way to go. Very heavy handed imagery

- and that’s all I guess who the fuck knows what’s up w Doctor Gordon

- and I guess Max Minghella is just gonna get away now but tbh Chris Rock only seemed truly mad at him for involving his dad

- nice rap remix to the OG Hello Zepp score very cool credits music

[dickpuncher420]

author interview tag

i was tagged by @klabautermanns thank u fam

name: ambre or dickpuncher or miss dickpuncher

fandoms: exclusively zukka for the past ~5 years lmao. theres some old fics from a couple old fandoms still on my ao3 tho

where you post: ao3, but i also crosspost onto ffnet for the like 3 people in the world who still use it

most popular one-shot: i would say fumbling towards ecstasy but technically that has 2 chapters so i’ll go w love language instead. still kinda flabbergasted by the response to that one

most popular multi-chapter fic: fumbling towards ecstasy only wins by a technicality, also bc i only have one other actual multichap fic

favourite story you’ve written so far: ooh this ones tough. i rlly like how love language came out, and kmjtsmu is really fun to write, but i honestly might have to go w sunday morning. i had a very specific tone and vibe that i wanted to express w that fic and i think i kinda nailed it. i end up rereading it a lot just for shits

fic you were nervous to post: kiss me just to shut me up. i’ve never written a real multichapter fic before so this was a new experience, and i was rlly worried abt things like update schedules and the possibility of me abandoning it partway thru (which i do a lot w one shots. i have so many half dead wips. rip)

how you choose your titles: half of the time it’s a lyric from a song that i think matches the vibe of the fic, and the other half its just. idk. trying to come up w something fitting but also kinda witty. fumbling towards ecstasy is the exception in that its the name of a ballet i saw once.

do you outline?: only sometimes, and usually quite vaguely. i like to write down the ideas i have for each scene and generally what happens in it, but dont go super detailed and leave a lot of it up to when im actually writing. i also like to write down any specific lines of dialogue that i want to include in the scene

complete: all of them except for kmjtsmu

in progress: kmjtsmu, obviously. but i also have a post-canon longfic that ive been chipping away at kind of on and off since 2018. who knows when thatll ever get finished tho

coming soon: the last 3 chapters of kmjtsmu are my priority at the moment. i cant guarantee anything other than that

do you accept prompts?: nope

upcoming story you’re the most excited to write?: i wouldnt call it an upcoming story bc theres rlly not much of it except for a vague outline, but its an ambassador sokka fic that focuses on sokka’s difficulty adjusting to life in the fire nation. i see a lot of fic abt zuko having a rough time as fire lord and sokka caring for him, but not much of the other way around

upcoming story you’re most excited about?: hrm. i dont read a ton of wips bc i cant keep them all straight in my head (i have so many in my marked for later that im waiting to start once theyre complete) buuut im rlly looking forward to updates from feels like we only go backwards, do you take this jerk to be (your one and only), The Prince’s Guard, and i’ll do anything you say (if you say it with your hands), Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dumbasses, Unchained Melody, Epistles, and At the Top of the World. ive also been hearing talk abt a zukka big bang? so im looking forward to those being posted

tagging: @azenkii @oldpotatoe @quenchyest @dykefirelord @mavy1 @engagedzukka @this-lady-of-the-flowers if youve already been tagged i apologize

[spirit-shroud]

i replayed kz again tonight and managed to beat it in 4 hrs instead of 11 !!! which is rly cool imo, i think i got a max of like 50 deaths or less for the full run ??? i was just playing regularly but usin the prism blade for the cool blood effects, not in speedrun mode for the counter, and i managed 2 drag my friend into hyperfixation hell with me :} but also i have some thoughts and opinions im not rly sure how to compile in a meaningful way, so here’s the like. pure brain-down-on-blog post version under the cut. if this gets auto-tagged into the real actual tag for this game im very sorry for my hubris im just. thinking emoji

so id like to start this with the final boss makes me SO sad :( like yeah she doesnt have much dialogue but idk she just makes me so sad. she’s so desperate and she Knows shes going to lose and im just like. no!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you’re so cool!!!!!!! Please Be My Friend We Can Work Together. I Know A Guy :c like usually final bosses are like weirdly emotional for me but she was just SO COOL and realizing like WAIT THIS BOSS OPERATES UNDER THE SAME RULES I DO was just like WOW even if as i kept dying (and i think i spent like... 3 hrs on the final boss alone lmao the first time, i killed her on my third attempt this run which was very cool of me) i finally realized that she IS pretty repetitive and got all her patterns n variables down super easy, but like, fighting another null who Should for all intents and purposes be just as absurd and powerful as i am, and eventually being able to down her effortlessly, and then the withdrawal affects of the chronos kicking in as well, and its just like. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

dont even get me STARTED on that ‘to be continued’ like yeah there’s a dlc comin but the game mentions repeatedly that its just the first act which has me like OKAY. SPECULATION TIME (what am i speculating on? literally no idea im not even rly at the speculation phase im still in the WOW COOL VIDEO GAME phase) 

and i rly like the dragon/fifteen but the first time i saw him i was just like. who’s this f*llmetal alchemist looking bitch ??? what’s he doin here?? go HOME and controlling him is AWFUL i hate the dragon tape so MUCH >:C but also he’s like. cool. i want to know more about him n his plot 2 take down Juncture n the government n whatever. 

but also i was listen 2 Full Confession bc it’s just. what the heart wants rn. i need to be sad and caffeinated in order to get into the Writing Zone rn and then i was THINKIN like my friend mentioned while we were playing the dragon tape that the song that plays is very similar to Full Confession (which i had sent him earlier while i was losing my mind over the final boss) and then i was like. Hm. these are very similar but have such wildly different moods -- Breath of the Serpent is much more like. ‘you’re going to be afraid of me’ while Full Confession is like ‘i’m afraid of you’ and i think that the different Vibes from these two soundtrack bits about important Null characters is just like. WOW and i wonder how a version of it that was purely Zero’s might be. would it be more triumphant? more flat? what desperation or emptiness is in there that could be drawn out by this melody??? i dont KNOW and i can’t write music unfortunately but im just like AAAAAAAAAA

i also rly wanna know what snow has going on ??? like. shes clearly important. she is a vital npc. but Why. she didnt even rly do anything except Show Up???

fuck V. all my homies hate V. the motorcycle fight was a lot of fun tho i rly liked that section even if my therapist was mad at me afterwards

also i think elizabeth/the little girl is rly cute and the fact zero was just like. ‘hm. well guess i have a daughter now’ so fast w/ her (at least, with the dialogue trees me n my pal kept going down) and im just. So Hoping we can rescue her in the dlc :( i miss her so much and im so like. worried abt that like pls give me back my daughter you dumbasses i cant even read ur dialogue without my brain being like ‘yeah these r just squiggly lines, boss. gl’ 

i also want to believe that the masked men arent real (bc idk, it’s just easier for me to process that they’re the result of chronos withdrawal) but the problem w/ that is like. they definitely kidnapped elizabeth, and i want so desperately to believe that elizabeth IS real n that zero genuinely wants to protect her (and by extension, the part of himself that is still human) 

ALSO THE PSYCHIATRIST i was just like. Okay. I Must Get A Good Grade In Therapy. n kept being nice n cooperative and helpful to this clown ass and then THAT ENDING ??? like i didnt even get the Bad Therapist Ending i was just like. fucka you! attacka you with a rock! (i do however want to try the therapist boss it sounds like a lot of fun) but i just. i hate him! he sucks! find a better therapist zero u rly need one im sorry for ur problems disorder :( like hes clearly a guy who just works for the government n wants 2 keep a leash on our man 

n the contradictions, hes like. yeah ur killing everyone related to chronos so it can no longer be produced ♥ but dw ur special we totally wont just withhold chronos from you as soon as u finish ur tasks dw about it ♥ and its like. Hm. I Dont Think Thats Right !!!! 

also i wanna learn more about what Juncture has going on??? what are they like. Doing besides poisoning water n making lighters ?????? it’s clearly a lot 

also the art for this game is just so GOOD,,, like. i didnt rly notice a lot of the backgrounds my first playthrough bc i was just losing my mind the whole time trying to solve each puzzle but the second playthrough im just like. AAAAA. and the soundtrack? effervescent. groundbreaking. perfect. So Good 

and the GAMEPLAY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh my GOD i was SO vibing with it, the difficulty curve was kinda extreme imo but as soon as i started like. Getting It? and started looking at each room less like combat/fighting and more like a puzzle that needed to be solved it made it so much easier 2 get into the headphase of ‘okay how do i clear this’ and it was just like. YOOOOOOOO

and zero is just a lot of fun 2 play as. legitimately everything about him is just so ridiculous. his dialogue options? ridiculous. his design? absurd. the implications that hes like. 22 and just having the worst 10 days of his life? mood, buddy. this guy likes samurai movies and card games and mushroom pizza and has worn the same outfit every single day for who knows how long and hes also a war veteran, an emotionless serial killer and a drug addict. and hes 22 and 5′10. literally NOTHING about those traits make sense together but here he is, just Vibing. 

i love him so much. im going to make a self insert oc that’s just giving him a friend who knows how to cook n is just like ‘oh wow, that’s rough buddy’ when hes like ‘i only feel alive when i kill people’ and conveniently knows how 2 get bloodstains out of things bc i think he needs that kind of person in his life since his like. therapist is conspiring against him n he keeps having 2 kill his friends 

also, unfortunately, i want to get every achievement, which i feel like is going to become hld....2!! where i get all but 1 of them and am stuck at 96% for 2+ years >:T