#AND I GET TO EXPERIENCE IT FULL FORCE
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YOURHT TURN

ROOOARGGGGGGGG IM LITERALLY BAWLING MY EYES OUT RN HES SO FUCKIGN ETHEREAL?????? LIKe IT FEELS SO WIERD AND OUT OF PLACE SEEING HIM IN PASTEL COLOURS BUT HES ABSOLUTELY DEVOURING IT RIGHT FUCKIGN UP MWAH MWAH IM GOING DEHYDRATED HAVING A MIGRAINE EXPERIENCING MULTIPLE CRAMPS AND SORE MUSCLES IN MY BODY THE DISHES IN THE DISHWASHER ARE CLATTERING THE WINDOWS ARE SHATTERING AS I SEE THE QUEENDOM OF ROSES EVENT STOMP AND ROAR MY WAY
#moots — ♡#NOT BEING IN THE JP SERVER IS BOTH A CURSE AND A BLESSING LIKE#LIKE I GET TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS IN THE JP SERVER#AND THEN I REMEMBER THAT ITLL BE ADDED INTO THE ENG SERVER SOMEWHERE IN THE FUTURE AND ANTICIPATION EXPLODES IN MY BODY#AND I GET TO EXPERIENCE IT FULL FORCE#EVENTS WITH SSR DEUCE CARDS WILL RUN ME RAGGED I CANNOT????#LIKE PLEASE IM BEGGING U SIR LET ME PUT A RING ON IT YOU CANJ WIFE ME UP ANYTIME I WILL TAKE YOUR LAST NAMEEEEE#IMR CHOKIGN AND GAGGING ON MYU CUP NOODLES RIGHTJNOW#AND THJE FACT THAT WISHUPON A STAR IS GONNA GET A RERUN I NEED A LOBOTOMY
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okay final post. i think part of the reason why i hated taash's story so much is i DID find it relatable, they remind me a lot of myself at sixteen: coming out as a teenager and being extra sensitive to anyone who doesn't immediately understand you and lashing out at your well-meaning but uninformed parents is pretty common. shathann dying before this is resolved and taash realising they were needlessly cruel out of fear of rejection COULD have been heartbreaking and an actual good way of pushing the regret theme, but this isn't what happens lol. taash acting the way they do could be fine, i like it when a character has flaws and an exploration of how messy coming out as trans is would be an interesting subversion of how fucking boring coming out stories become when you reach a certain age, but the fact that rook can't really tell them to cut it out and the fact that they have literally no reflection or regret beyond "i wish my mum and i had had more time together but at least she didn't misgender me as she died 👍🏻" makes it feel as though the writers actually think them treating their mum the way they do is somehow satisfying or good, because the game's narratives feel like they were spat out of an ai trained solely on reddit aita posts. and that isn't even getting into the multicultural angle which needs a whole essay by itself and i've already annoyed myself too much for one morning.
#like as someone who did have a very similar experience. losing a parent between coming out and transitioning and#kind of regretting that period of rebellion i had. the conclusions drawn in the story and the way rook is forced to react suuuck so hard#even if they were an educational character for cis people it COULD have been interesting to portray the rawness of coming out and#how defensive you get. it might have been a good way of subverting the idea that trans people get too mad about#misgendering or whatever. like trying to meet vg at its level they could have had a nice convo with rook#where they're angry at themself for yelling at shathann just before she died and trans rook is like 'ouguh noo i was the same. you were#waiting for rejection because you were afraid of it. but you know what ? [crosses arms] you're alright.'#yk???#my memory is kind of fuzzy because it was a while ago but iirc when i tried to defend shathann at the dinner all my rook could say#was 'she'll come around :)' like ? what. she didnt even reject them.#i think i would like to actually go deep on vg's weird relationship with transness one day. like full essay. but id probably have to replay#and i dont think i can put myself through that yet lol
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Happy Pride, gay therapists (Patreon)
#Doodles#Clinical Trial#Lee Smith#Vargas#Edgar#Damned#Way to make friends Lee#Wander would also fall in under the umbrella but he's elsewhere rn it's fine lol#With how unrepressed he is it'd be no fun! Gotta pit the two Extremely repressed guys against each other lol#Each with their obsession with a stripey blue-haired genderfuck....#I'll go insane about it later#<Has already gone insane about it#Lol#Enjoying my tags brought to visuals? The fun of reading my tags - you get the text preview of my ideas in real time! Haha#Also! These doodles are much newer! I have like a full week's worth of sets in the drafts that I just Cannot edit hegh#So I ran an experiment with these and it worked! Yay!#I haven't played with my ink pens all that much and in a good long while - so! This paper has gotten increasingly difficult to edit#Midtones just unfriendly on the page - so I'm forcing the issue and making the lines Hecka dark#And also not leaving any pencil residue where there's not toning - which means No Sketching#These were made completely freehand-eyeballin' it haha - I think they turned out pretty good for that :)#I am admittedly very used to drawing 3/4th bust-ups lol all that practice paid off!#And this being a short idea made it easy to see through all at once :D My favourite!#I wonder how Scriabin would react to Lee... Plenty to dig at that's for sure hmmm#It really does tickle me that technically None of the current round of therapists would qualify according to the original rules haha <3#Lee is the closest but he still doesn't actually make the cut! And Edgar and Wander aren't even close haha <3#I think that's very fun personally ♪ DAX is against the rules so why shouldn't they be as well <3#It's fun to see everyone in weird circumstances! I mean it's fun to see everyone in general lol but to meet the expectations there#To be therapists or patients amongst each other ♫ How do they hold up under scrutiny!#Lee you better be careful or the Institute is going to take issue with your meddling :)
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love ep 33 don’t poke the bear I love how well it sets up how two faced the si-5 is. Just a whole episode of them getting in the good graces of the Hephaestus crew. No Jacobi and Maxwell aren’t on their side helping lovelace sneak into Kepler’s private information, but it sure would help lower defenses if they seemed more amicable and against Kepler than they really are. No Kepler doesn’t give a shit about Eiffel but he can pretend to white-knight him against the decima project and keep Hilbert from learning why exactly eiffel’s health is improving after the shuttle incident. They suck so bad <3 all of them <333
#wolf 359#Si-5#yelling. screaming even. :0]#their passive aggressiveness drove me insane during my first listen bc I was very much team Hephaestus#so relistening to the show knowing what’s going to happen means I get to just experience their nonsense full force#study them like bugs <<333333 there’s something wrong with them <33333
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You guys don’t know how much yearning for Baghdad takes up of my mental real estate
#I have so many videos saved of last year’s trip#Me and my cousin laughing and joking w my dad while getting ready#The fact that multiple men asked my dad for my hand in marriage (lmao)#Me calling my mom every night to make fun of my “suitors”#All the gorgeous restaurants#Forcing my dad to rate every dress I tried on whenever he took me somewhere#Being catcalled by guys was an unpleasant experience but it was still fun to laugh ab it w my mom#Me having a MASSIVE crush on a family friend#That one time my dad said all the dresses I brought were too short so he bought me a dress that#Went down to literally my ankles#But the family friend was gonna be there so I showed it to my mom and she was like#“You’d wear that??? The queen of mini skirts????” And then she IMMEDIATELY clocked me and was like#Ur behaving strangely. U must have a crush. Who is it.#The hot fuckin summer nights that I spent sitting outside w my cousin on the big swing in the garden#The capital when it was drenched in sunset#When my aunt’s husband took me to the University of Baghdad and I got to literally play act being a student there#Which was a profound experience bc it’s the university my mom went to#Sneaking into the library even though u needed a student pass for that (:#Shadowing my uncle in his laboratory#My first ever nishan !!!#No weddings sadly but I got to see the buildup to the wedding so#And I think getting to call the shots and fly solo from the states to Amman and then to Baghdad was sick as hell#My mom never let me fly abroad by myself before and now im probably gonna be going solo all the time#Help I need to go back#Bro I wish I could drop everything#But before I go to Baghdad I’ll probably have to go to Belgium first for my uncle#SO many stops before I get to where I rly wanna be#I never explicitly told my dad im not religious but I think he already knows im full of sin. Memories..#Omg and my bibi’s delicious food
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„Wenn man mal zurückschaut – Titel sind das eine, das ist die Belohnung, ist natürlich das, was man vorzeigen kann. Aber wenn ihr später mal aufhört und zurückblickt, sind's eigentlich die Menschen, die Momente, die bei euch hängen bleiben werden. Uns hat's 'ne Riesenfreude gemacht zu sehen, was aus dieser Mannschaft geworden ist. Wie sie zusammengewachsen ist, wie jeder an das Ziel geglaubt hat, wie ihr alles dafür getan habt. Und ich glaube, das ist ein wahnsinnig wichtiger Prozess für euch. Für jeden von euch, vor allem für die jungen Spieler. Ihr werdet das später sehen, dass diese Weltmeisterschaft euch wahnsinnig viel gebracht hat. Egal, ob das jetzt Weltmeister ist oder Dritter oder Vierter.“
Deutschland. Ein Sommermärchen (2006), dir. Sönke Wortmann
#saw a yt comment the other day like 'Ich glaube wir wollen alle einschlafen und noch mal hier aufwachen' and. yeah. tbh.#football#World Cup 2006#Deutschland ein Sommermärchen#Idk what else to tell you guys other than I can hold it together pretty well for more than 90 minutes even tho there are plenty of scenes#destined to make me highly emotional (I have an itemized list I could type out on the spot. if you even care.)#but when they arrive in Stuttgart and get to take in the view from the hotel window front#and the camera pans to Klinsi being his super joyful self excitedly pointing to the crowd going 'Die Schwaben!! Die Schwaben!'#the tears start welling up behind my eyes instantly. nothing I can do about it. all of it literally unfathomable even almost 20 years later#that was b e f o r e the third place match. after the ita loss. they had nothing to show for. yet the love was there.#a once in a lifetime experience. I am grateful I got to witness it. I am grateful this silly little docu exists.#(did you really think with all of the Sommermärchen talk I wasn't gonna fall back into this at one point this summer? lmao.#interestingly enough for it to hit me with full force I can only watch it with huge time gaps in between. so. first time since 2018)#(blink twice if you want me to talk more about gif 14🤭)#alternative caption was Merkel's 'Kann noch was Schlimmeres passieren als Dritter zu werden.' dkfkflgl
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Fnaf au where William figures out how to actually resurrect cc and then the aftons just have to live with that— not only is cc undead now but dad is freaking victor Frankenstein !! (like, literally, I imagine William discovered how to harvest remnant from recently deceased corpses rather then killing anyone himself, thus the mci doesn’t happen and Charlie doesn’t die either)
They just have to pretend this is normal and fine
#I imagine it’s especially awful for cc and Micheal I mean#think about how odd that is for cc#most of him are the original parts but many internal organs had to be replaced#the parts that become unusable quicker..#he looks the same on the outside but he knows the difference. he knows something is very different#furthermore he wouldn’t age normally#if he ever wanted to look older he’d have to add new parts.. new bones and skin#and I imagine that’s a disturbing prospect for him so he’d avoid it at all cost#trapped in an unageing body for presumably eternity#and then theirs Micheal#while the whole family grieved Michael’s grief was in tandem with guilt#he killed his brother- it’s his fault this happened#but then he just.. came back.. as if it didn’t happen? how is Micheal supposed to be ok with that#how can you ever reverse the death of someone in your mind when you’ve already lived the grief?#I wonder how this would effect Williams relationship with his family#Clara I’m sure would be upset with him for not telling her#like he was digging up corpses and experimenting with forces beyond human comprehension#and he didn’t think for even a second “maybe I should tell my wife??”#she’s worried she’s not getting the full story- that’s it’s worse then he’s telling her#and I think Williams relationship with his kids would change too#Elizabeth could go either way but maybe she’d side with him#she in her naivety would believe that it’s a good thing#cc is alive! isn’t that what matters? didn’t you miss him? aren’t you happy he’s back?#I’m gonna cap this here#I’ve been going on too long
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i just watched a clip of alucard's english dub voice and im CryING i never heard it before???? i laughed so hard i squeaked like a squeaky toy
its like cool and too much at the same time, somewhat tempted to watch some more dub moments..
#i love that he sounds like hes forcing this cool voice because that is very in character for alucard#one clip he said “hi >:)” and i died laughing#i should watch more and get the full experience#english voices always sound so much more potent then other languages#makes sense tho because i am english and dont fully understand japanese yet#txt
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Yeah the mouthwash game is pretty good

#the klock keeps ticking#gonna have to stew on this one a lot and probably go back from the beginning and analyze everything#but uhm. damn it goes so hard#just some things I WAS able to pick up that I wanna highlight#the whole ‘take responsibility’ thing has so many meanings but the way jimmy avoids responsibility for everything thats his fault#and takes responsibility for all the wrong shit like taking on the captain role after the crash and his ‘reckoning’#is him so not getting it at all and taking it upon himself to ‘save’ curly#he really does go ‘i learned my lesson’ while not learning shit its so good god#its so infuriating how it ends and its so good and it hits too hard ugh#i love the way curly is portrayed like he does seem like a nice well intentioned guy and a good leader#but like. everyone except anya is a man. so first off we cant say hed be as well regarded if more women were around#and the way he enables jimmy its too real like. he personally hasnt seen jimmy be that way so oooh#surely he cant be beyond reasoning with surely he just needs someone to talk to#its a very good subtle way of showing complicity cuz curly really isnt ill intentioned but he doesnt grasp the severity#and anya is trapped in this really unsafe position and her other coworkers are a kid and a drunk#also the way she acts around jimmy in his pov where shes like praising him is like#can be interpreted as her being scared of him and trying to stay on his good side#or jimmy being full of himself so his image of her is warped as some damsel fawning over him#and the way curly post crash cant speak or move he can just watch with one eye#and he in a very fucked up sense ‘takes responsibility’ for not putting his foot down with jimmy cuz he watches the guy be a horrible#captain and he literally experiences frequent assault cuz oooghh god the painkillers oof#their dynamic is very well written just the resentment and adoration jimmy feels is so fucked#he wants to be the biggest man he sees curly as the cake at his special party#forces curly to eat his own leg saying ‘someday he’ll thank me’ UGHHH#also the mouthwash itself symbolizes a lot of shit ive not gotten to think about yet but honestly one of the hardest hitting parts of the#game for me is the reveal that the stuff these people were risking their whole lives to ship was just. mouthwash. poor quality too#like stopppp its too real like we’re supposed to devote our lives to capitalism and kill ourselves for it and its literally for something so#so fucking worthless like you put everything into this but you contribute nothing to society#im def hitting the tag limit so ill finish with. curly in the cryo chamber absolutely going to die and the credits rolling#jimmy is so stupid and you know hes kissing his own ass for this and will survive i hate it its very good
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I'm actually really wondering how Bojan feels about... everything, cause Kris is just in denial but he's clearly very deeply in love. But what about Bojan? Does he know that he is in love with Kris? Is he also in denial? I don't think he really knows but maybe he does feel it but can't place the feeling?
You probably can't really answer this without spoiling, but I just had to ask.
😌
sorry i started typing out two tags and then just kept going i shouldve just put this all here but now its too late argh. sorry </3
#well .... we will hear about bojans side a bit later but i can say that at least right now this very moment neither of them have fully#defined romantic feelings for each other? theyre definitely SO slipping into it but without even noticing it#ofc ofc you can all interpret it in your own way as well but from my perspective its like. hm.#not DEFINITELY romantic yet but a weird limbo between platonic and romantic that theyve slipped into and i mean we all know its not gonna#stay platonic forever lmao but THEY dont know that yet 😌#but we'll get more into how bojan experiences it in a later chapter dont worry ✌🏼#inbox#apfel07#txt#chapter spoilers#like especially for kris i can say this:#him realising hes not in love with anja anymore / doesnt mourn the breakup anymore is HUGE and its a combination of#a) being forced out of his isolation that he put himself in after the breakup aka he is more social now he hangs out with the guys and#hes having fun and making connections and that helped him so much to get to this point#and b) the connection he has with bojan. developing new feelings (although hesitantly so) drew his focus away from clinging to what hes los#from anja#-> and then now that he stopped clinging to that loss those feelings hes starting to have for bojan have full freedom to develop further#so thats where hes at at the moment
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because briar is a bard 1) we pretty much never experience morale failures as her charisma is obviously outrageously high 2) we identify magical items immediately as her lore is also outrageously high. i don't know if i ever wanna experience the non-bard experience. you die so much early in-game but the payoff is SO FUN LATER. we are at the point where i just hand things to briar and she immediately knows what they are
#celia plays bg2#briar the adventure bard tag#i like her as a party leader because there's something kind of intrinsically unsettling about it#like she presents herself as this sweet little butterfly empty headed princess#but she is actually outrageously competent. she just so does not want to be here#i love when my long term plans pay off........#love crafting a narrative with such deliberation and getting to experience the full force of it now....
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Not particularly into forcefem or forcemasc for the same reasons which is that they assume that I am some sort of regular human or even pretending to be one. Where are my fellow objects. Items.
#original posts tag#forcemasc is just the exact emotional experience I had of trying to be binary ftm (which I was not happy as)#full respect to ppl who do these#maybe someday but it just feels too literal to me#I’ll never be happy being one of the boys the way you think I should#I will genuinely never be either of the things that people want me to be#and any time I tried it made me dead inside#no forced femininity or masculinity for me just forced objecthood which hopefully people can get behind
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#max talks#an hour and a half after submitting a resume for a job i actually want my dad comes to talk to me about a job a friend told my mom about#that goes in the complete opposite direction of what i'm pretty sure i should actually be looking for in a job#and would be full hours#i wish i was in korea now like i'd planned. if i'm forced to take the second job traveling properly like ever will not happen#rip i knew i needed to travel before i started working and i was right xxx#that's what i get for fucking up xxx#no life experiences for me xxx
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what’s up with me and plane crashing dreams. perhaps my life long obsession with the show air crash investigations is hitting or smth
#this is the second time in a row#I slept like four hours but i still managed to dream something#and I dreamed all of this between this post and my last reblog.#basically it all started that I was reading a post (idk if it was Twitter) of a woman saying that she had to wait for 3 hours on a airplane#for the bathroom to free and she had to stay awake the entire time#and a moment later I was on that plane too. watching her. I was about to return to my seat (I think). also i was in first class. the only#way I’ll ever experience it) but OUT OF THE NOWHERE my last year surpervisor for an expo and her husband (which I saw once a picture) stand#up. and she starts screaming something about “something sweet coming for women”…? I have no idea what that means. but all the women/girls#on the airplane stand up (they were all sleeping before) and start to crowd in front of me and i start to feel like we are going down. DOWN.#and we were in fact. going down. crashing. and I was scared as hell so while everyone was laughing/celebrating (???) I was screaming of#horror. but just before we crash I wake up and I’m in my bed (but I know I’m still dreaming. because it’s like a slow downloading of the#image). I wake up and I decided I’m late for school (which i don’t have) and I get ready quickly and I march in full force to the bus statio#then I realize there is no school and I’m outside at 5am. I found a supermarket cart and idk why but I take it with me and only when I get#home I realize that the supermarket is nowhere close to my house (like irl) and now I have a freacking shipping cart and I decided to park#it in my garage#and then my mom woke me up as my alarm for 7am went off.#I feel like by brain has been fucked. I’m not used anymore to sleeping poorly because I’ve taken a great interest in better sleeping since#last year and I can’t stand this now ugh.#good morning people tho#dream
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I <3 blowing up my save files mid-playthrough or after I've beaten the game and feel aimless or I'm three hours in and incredibly indecisive and perfectionistic and have to start over Better this time or I just get really into One Idea and blow up the save for the sole purpose of achieving the One Idea and once I have it's like. Well. What was the point of that actually. And then I blow it up again
#IDK IDK I FEEL LIKE I'M CURSED.........#i swear to god it all started when i realized i'm transgender. experience that changed me forever#OBVIOUSLY. IN POSITIVE WAYS.#but also i just feel like i'm constantly starting over. i used to have master files.#it was actually such an emotionally fucked up experience i used to write my deadname on the back of my 3ds carts#i used to be ambivalent to my deadname until i felt like i had to prove it to myself. and in doingvthat#i did come to appreciate it and it did feel associated w me. or at least what i was meant to embody.#i was always trying to Prove It. to myself. that if i can Prove It i can make this work and get all i've ever wanted#like love. ect ect#in ways i won't elaborate on my name now does honor my deadname. without really being reflective of it at all#which is exactly what i needed esp at that time in my life. it was SUCH a sudden upheaval.#like all of this i've been burying and stomping out for so many years like. once i finally just allowed myself to question.#and be at peace w it. it just all spilled out full force and like. i think i still experience side effects from it LMFAOOOO#like my save files. being unable to revisit certain games. hell even fe becoming one of my main interests#was a direct side effect of me needing a game where i could be myself and not have any prev memories attached#also just. the fucking type of person i am. guy who loves to leave and start over all the fucking time#but also also like. i think it's just the perfectionism sometimes. like eo2 i'm trying to get my party/lore Just Right#so i can fully immerse myself in it and NOT feel bad. for making any amount of changes to my party 😭#I'M SUCH A SENTIMENTAL BITCH. WHO CAN'T HOLD ONTO ANYTHING. WHO REFUSES TO LET GO. WHAT‼️‼️‼️#and w miitopia it's just. i need to update the artwork here it's insane. i gotta fix this. no one is allowed to see this.#anyways. starting over in miitopia and fixing it. i don't even know what my party is gonna be tbh#i usually plan this shit out but again. deep deep DEEPLY rooted Need to just blow everything up forever.
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who is your favorite one piece character. *staring intently no pressure no pressure no pres (´灬⊙ω⊙灬`)♡



Idk some fucking guy that showed up on screen for a bit he was kinda cool
#luffy is a character that i feel everybody including the viewer is meant to kind of underestimate at first#to chalk him up to a naive fucking idiot that's gonna get himself killed by something more powerful because he overestimated himself#you keep waiting until he bites off more than he can chew#yknow you wait until he finally meets that match that makes him hesitate and think ''i'm not strong enough‚ i need to improve''#like so many shonen do nowadays where the main character gets humbled by someone more powerful than the level they're at#but with luffy that just.... doesnt happen#no matter how fucking awful and horrifying the series gets sometimes and how high the stakes rise with more genocidal villains#luffy acts as the humanized force of unshakable freedom that cant be silenced for good#luffy is a protagonist but he is also an all-encompassing metaphor that seeps from every pore of the series#and i feel extremely strongly about what he represents and the way he can change YOU and make u feel the hope u thought u lost#he is a character but he is most importantly a vessel for a story that‚ at heart‚ wants you to laugh and dream and love unabashedly#he is not a mascot lil shonen protag created for the sake of telling the viewer ''killing bad! friendship important!''#that motherfucker is built to inspire you to be shamelessly happy to fucking live and laugh and dream big idiot dreams#its hard to describe what he fucking Does to your brain to people used to consuming trash anime with basic niceguy protags#but luffy isnt just a protag. he is a feeling that you learn to adopt. but the depth of that cant be described until you feel it#its a shame people get so scared of the episode count because theyll never experience one of the most soul-changing series ever made#luffy is just one guy in a series full of characters so nuanced and fleshed out they could have their own damn shows
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