#APJFM Ask Reader

[neroli9]

sasha can i offer you a nice durian in these trying times

Sasha takes the durian without a word and holds it to her chest with both arms, apparently insensible to its spikes and scent.

Reader blinks. "She's really not herself right now," she offers weakly. She looks to her sister for an explanation, but Sasha says nothing.

[beaubartley]

I want Reader and Jerren to hold hands. :<

C’mon, we all know Prince “My Way or I Send You Kerening Off a Cliff” isn’t the hand holding type. Wrists though...? Well, that’s a different story. :))

Did you guys know I take asks and requests? Because I do!

(@neroli9, it’s ya boy.)

[neroli9]

I love all three of these pictures individually, but taken as a group I feel like they truly express who APJFM Sans really is! They all show genuine aspects of his character, all hidden from other people to some degree.

One of my favorite comments I ever received on APJFM was:

I don’t think I’ve come across another fic or theory that so closely mirrors how I believe Sans would spiral. Even pulling away the mobster au and the worldbuilding, this feels genuinely like the response Sans would have to the genocide run.

Thank you, not only for the incredible story and all of your dedicated work, but for taking such a thorough and honest look at Sans’ nature.

When I read this, I felt proud that I was able to achieve one of my goals for APJFM, which was exploring all the sides of this character. This included the ones it’s easy to like, like his playfulness and creativity, his kindness and care for others, his brilliance and perceptiveness, the mysteries surrounding him, the sense that he was someone you could rely on, his particular moral code. But it also included the disturbing ones. To me, canon Sans is clearly sadistic, apathetic, controlling, manipulative, calculating, withholding, cruel and violent. (And any honest fic with him as a love interest has to ask, at some point, ‘How is this actually a good idea’?) I feel that way when I look at these pictures. The hyper-capable, dangerous Dead Eyes; the relaxed, playful Sans that Reader knows best, and the Sans who’s been paralyzed by grief, when his hold on reality wasn’t exactly all that strong even before Papyrus died.

This is a wonderful set of portraits -- thank you so much! 🥰

so. at some point during october, while i was brainrotting over @neroli9's APJFM (again, if you're alright with reading very explicit nsfw, cannot recommend this fanfiction enough. if not, trust me, it's not your cup of tea) and i thought about how in her fic, there are vastly different perceptions of her mafia!Sans. and i decided i wanted to do a short series of pieces portraying these very different images of him. you can see all 3 of them below the cut!

Dead Eyes, the freelancing skeleton gangster, feared by even the cruelest gang leaders in New Ebott.

Just Sans, Reader's relaxed content companion enjoying time with his girl after a long day.

And finally, Sans, the haunted man forever grieving the loss of his dear brother.

[neroli9]

For Sasha, I know it’s a cold comfort, and probably doesn’t help much… But It will get better. Always darkest before the dawn and all… Every reign has its end one way or another. And for Reader… I temporarily grant you my chainsaw Katana. Being an inter dimensional traveler has its perks. Use it wisely. Protect yourself. It won’t get easier. But it will get better eventually. Hold out hope. Protect the ones you love. Cause someone out there really cares for you. -Neko

Sasha chuckles grimly. "Sure." There's cookie crumbs on her hands, but she doesn't even bother to brush them off. She just slumps over, staring out into nothingness.

"She's really not herself right now," Reader says apologetically. "It's just a wrong day. I think." She inspects the chainsaw katana, a smile breaking over her weary face. "Thank you! I can think of some great uses for this. Look, Sasha! A sword with a chainsaw on it. You could do a lot of damage with that, huh?"

Sasha stares blankly through the katana.

"She's really not herself right now," Reader repeats in a low voice.

[neroli9]

doubtful that this will reach him, as he's no longer available, but i'd like to give Sans a light pat on the shoulder, and a somber nod of respect.

Reader sighs. "Yeah. Me too." She wraps her blanket around her a little more tightly as Sasha continues nibbling at the cookies, one by one. "I know he wants to be alone, but... I'm worried about him."

[neroli9]

This isn't really a question per se, but i brought blankets and cookies for the Sad Squad and i hope everyone feels better soon

Sasha takes possession of the cookies and eats them mechanically, staring into space the whole time. "I may as well enjoy them while I can," she mumbles.

Reader wraps her blanket around herself and watches her sister. Even with a blanket, she's still shivering.

Sans' location is unknown.

[neroli9]

Ask the APJFM Cast Questions from Discord!

Some time ago, I offered people on the APJFM Discord server the opportunity to ask the APJFM cast questions. Here's what they came up with!

From @minagi: So muffet, what are your thoughts on sans' contract with your ex-employee? It seems like a pretty unusual agreement for all parties involved, surely it interests you at least a little.

Muffet titters, all eight eyes dancing with amusement. "Oh, dearie, it interests me a good deal. When it inevitably falls apart and our friend returns to my service, I do hope she’ll tell me all about it." She takes a delicate sip of her tea.

Two from @fancies:

- is there anyone in the cast who really enjoys a good scary story/movie? anyone who really doesn't?

Adaleia’s eyes twinkle as she looks at Reader. "The twins were the biggest wimps imaginable. I suppose she still is."

"Yeah, I am," Reader agrees, shaking her head.

Adaleia sighs happily. "Remember the ghost baby?”

"Oh for God’s sake, let’s not tell them about—"

Adaleia interrupts. “She used to leave when I started telling ghost stories, but Matty would keep listening, just to try to prove he wasn’t scared. And then he’d go and tell her about them, because he had no tact. ‘Did you know there’s a ghost baby in this house!?’ And he told her all about how the baby died in the crib, and it still roamed the grounds some nights looking for milk. And she’d get that annoyed look, and say I was just telling stories again. Then that night, I climbed the tree by her room and hung a baby doll from a branch right outside her window. The next morning, I heard her scream clear from my garden."

Sans winces. "harsh."

"It's not my problem if she can’t take a joke," Adaleia protests.

"a joke’s better if everyone’s laughing."

"What are you, some kind of comedian? I suppose you don’t like scary stories either.”

"don’t really care about’em one way or another," Sans says with a shrug. "nothing really gets under my skin."

"You *just* said a joke’s better if everyone’s laughing, and I am certainly *not* laughing at  that atrocious pun,” Adaleia sniffs.

Also @fancies: - for reader and sans, if you could choose what the other wore for a bit just for fun,  what would you go for?

Sans eyes Reader speculatively. "hard to say. i mean, i own the gal. if i wanna see her in a little maid costume or wearin’ nothing but a pair of rainbow striped socks..." He pauses, and there’s a distant look in his eye sockets.

Reader waves a hand in front of him a few seconds later. "Still with us?"

He chuckles. "sorry. uh, well, as i was saying all i gotta do is give the order." He looks her up and down. "wouldn’t mind seeing ya in one of those bunny girl getups."

She laughs self-consciously. "I would look so ridiculous."

"c’mon, you’d look great."

"So you’re really into that?” She sighs. “The one thing human men and monster men can agree on, apparently. As for what I’d like to see on you...” She eyes Sans.

You’d like to see him in a tuxedo, leading you around the dance floor, and you’re in that dancing dress you just finished and he’s brought you a corsage and it’s pinned right above your heart, and as he glides along with you, his hand so comforting at the small of your back, his fingers interlocked with yours, he tells you that he’s never seen anything as beautiful as you look tonight, and all he wants is to be with you forever and ever and—

It’s Sans’ turn to wave a hand in front of Reader’s face. "lemme guess. nothing but rainbow stripey socks?”

"Uh, actually I was thinking you’d look cute in a Krakens uniform," Reader stammers. "With the stripes, you know? A different kind of pinstripes."

"i could go for that, s’long as you let me get to third base with ya," he answers with a lecherous grin.

"I think you could pull off a grand slam," she says, raising her eyebrows.

"that reminds me, i never got the end of that lap dance..."

From @musterd: JERREN why do you refuse to live into the 1990s so that you can enjoy the wonder that is dial-up Internet?

Jerren raises an eyebrow, then holds out his hands as if he’s weighing two things on a scale. "Eternal youth... internet. Eternal youth... internet. My dear, I hate to disappoint you in anything— being as you are my staunchest, most steadfast fan— but I must say I already have my existence arranged just as I want it."

From firefoxkitsune8: Sans, opinions on going down on a girl? You have interest in doing that with your girl at all?

Sans chuckles. "if she'd be into it, you bet your ass i'd be into it. but i'm not really sure if she is."

Want to ask the cast your own questions? I'll be taking more once APJFM hits 2000 kudos! (Currently at 1905). So give them some thought and watch this space!

[neroli9]

I would like for all characters to experience the wonder of nature that is the durian. If possible, make them eat it. At gunpoint, if necessary.

“So we’re all here to… eat some fruit?” Reader looks around dubiously. She’s sitting between Sans and Sasha at a table covered with paper. Also present are Ionathia, Adaleia, Clarence, Jack and Gracie. There’s an empty chair at the head of the table; Jerren has just left the room to get the durian.

“If it’s lenavis’ idea it’s probably poison or something,” Sasha grumbles.

“Poor dear Sasha! Are you still cross about the bedpan question?” Ionathia asks. Sasha scowls.

“I like this lenavis person,” Adaleia says. “No one else had a question that us peons got to answer.”

“Anyone who lives on the surface doesn’t get to call themselves a peon,” Clarence points out, narrowing his eyes at Adaleia.

“You must be such fun at parties,” Adaleia snaps. “Oh, wait! This is a party and you’re not fun at all.”

“Now, now!” Gracie puts her hands up in a conciliatory gesture. “This is a special occasion! Do let’s put our differences aside–”

“like the fact that one of us is an abomination,” Sans mutters, glancing at the door Jerren has just walked through.

“– and enjoy a new experience together! Doesn’t that sound splendid, Jack darling?”

“I’m always up for something new,” Jack says with a grin. “And I hope you all are too, ‘cause the question specifies ‘at gunpoint’…” He reaches inside his suit coat as if he’s going to draw his gun, then catches Sans’ eye and chuckles awkwardly. “Kidding, kidding!” He glances at Clarence, then at Sans, before sidling up to Reader and stage-whispering “So that’s your type, dollface? Men that can’t take a joke?”

“Offering to shoot people is a lousy joke,” Reader says sourly, crossing her arms over her chest.

The door opens, and Jerren returns with a large, spiky brown sphere on a silver platter. He smiles widely as he places it on the paper-covered table. “Ladies, gentlemen and Sans, I present to you the king of fruits.” The others recoil as the aroma of the ripe durian fills the room…

Ionathia gags. “I – I’m so dreadfully sorry, I –” She flees the room, her hand over her mouth.

Reader doesn’t look particularly regretful as she follows, mumbling “Just gonna make sure she’s all right.”

“Are you… well, pardon my bluntness, but are you quite in your right mind, Prince Jerren?” Adaleia asks.

“The durian truly is considered a delicacy, in countries where it’s grown. It just takes a little getting used to.”

“'A little getting used to,’ the man says,” Adaleia mumbles. “It’s a godforsaken stink bomb.”

“Lemme see that thing,” Jack says, holding out his hands. Jerren passes him the fruit, and he brings it to his nose and takes a whiff, then screws up his face. “Whoo! That’s ripe.”

Gracie leans over to smell it, then pulls back. “It’s awful. Simply awful. Like rotting onions and pineapple and feet all together.”

“And farts,” Jack adds. Don’t forget the farts.“ He tosses it in the air a few times, not betraying any pain as the spiky, heavy fruit lands in his palms. “Hell of a snack. Maybe five, six pounds?”

“Five and a half,” Jerren says.

“Here, Dead Eyes,” Jack says, tossing the fruit to Sans. Sans, too, doesn’t appear to feel pain when the spikes hit his bones, but the onlookers flinch. “’S all right. He’s got this creepy pain tolerance,” Jack explains.

“most people just call them bones,” Sans says as he examines the fruit. “too bad i can’t try it. sure, it smells godawful, but monsters eat some weird stuff, as humans reckon it. maybe i’d actually like it.”

“Very true,” Jerren says. “The first time I was served snail pie, I could barely choke down a single bite. I think it’s delicious now, but it took some getting used to.”

“Snail pie! How very strange,” Gracie exclaims.

“My kind hostess was rather hurt by my reaction, that first time. She was only mollified when I praised her butterscotch-cinnamon pie.” He glances at Sans, whose already forbidding expression darkens further.

Reader returns. “Ionathia says she’s just going to sit this one out, if we don’t mind. She’s a little under the weather.”

“The poor dear,” Gracie says, raising her eyebrows.

Jerren shakes his head. “How unfortunate for her.”

“I’m not so sure about that,” Reader mumbles, sitting next to Sans. “Can I see?”

“if ya like. but i don’t think you’ll find this fruit a-peel-ing,” Sans answers with a grin, passing it to her. There’s groans from the group, particularly from Sasha, and his smile widens. “aww. was that a berry bad pun?”

“You’re plunging me in the pit of despair,” Reader answers, holding the durian gingerly and taking a cautious sniff. “Whew!”

“Your puns are out of date, Sans,” Jerren chimes in, also grinning. “I don’t know how I’m going to en-durian them.”

Sans narrows his eyes. “how many resets did it take to make those sound natural?” he mutters under his breath.

“It’s more like some sort of medieval weapon than a fruit,” Reader muses, turning it over carefully in her hands and looking at it with distaste. “Those spiky ball things, I mean…”

“Morning stars,” Jerren prompts her.

“Yes, exactly, morning stars! At least those wouldn’t stink if you got hit with one…”

“I wanna see,”  Sasha says, holding her hands out to Reader. She winces when the durian lands in them. “Oh wow that’s spiky. And people eat this?”

“It’s an acquired taste, but its fans consider it a delicacy,” Jerren says.

“Huh.” She lifts it to her nose, then shakes her head. “I can’t really smell it. Here, take it,” Sasha says to Adaleia, passing it before she has a chance to say no.

“Ow! It stung me!” Adaleia cries, passing it on just as quickly to Clarence. “Why are we going to eat this unholy monstrosity again? Just because the resident provocateur thinks it would be funny?”

“Basically, yes,” Jerren says.

“Well, I hope our suffering is sufficiently amusing,” Adaleia says with a scowl.

Clarence takes a whiff, then recoils. “Merciful Father that’s revolting. And…” He runs his finger over the spikes. “Just as forbidding on the outside.” He looks down at the durian, frowning, then looks Jerren in the eye. “How much did it cost to import this?”

Adaleia looks scandalized and makes a move as if to stop Clarence from asking such a rude question, but Jerren answers in a calm tone, “About as much as you make in a month.”

“That’s more disgusting than anything about this fruit,” Clarence says. “I think I’ll pass.” He hands the fruit back to Jerren and stands up.

“Oh? I was hoping you would say grace for us,” Jerren says.

Clarence stops short. “Er, well…”

Jerren gestures invitingly at the durian. “If any fruit could use a blessing, it’s surely this one. So far it’s been described as godforsaken, godawful and unholy, and we haven’t even opened it yet.”

Clarence can’t help but smile. “All right.” He sits back down and holds the durian in his hands, bowing his head. “Mother and father above the clouds, we are gathered here today to set aside our differences and partake of one of your most precious gifts. We give humble thanks for the labor of the men and women who planted and tended the tree, harvested the fruit and brought it to us today. Let this your creation remind us that not every challenge you place in front of us is a pleasant one, but as you have seen fit to create this fruit, so too have you created the forces that shape our lives and characters. We cannot necessarily see the value in the experiences that challenge us, yet there is worth in all that you have created. And let us all spare some thought for the children of New Ebott, far too many of whom cannot afford so much as a bag of plums while those to whom they look for leadership indulge themselves with rotten-smelling fruit that you could kill a man with. Amen.”

Sasha can’t help snickering at this last point, and Jack laughs outright. “Clarence my man, I’d go to your church.”

“I’m no preacher,” Clarence responds. “Thinking about going into politics though.”

“There ya go! Shake the bastards up a bit,” Jack replies with a good-natured grin. “You got my vote. Now how d'ya open that dang thing?”

“With a hammer, perhaps?” Gracie says, eyeing the durian. “Like a coconut…”

“Maybe a really big knife?” Sasha suggests, her eyes lighting up. “Right down the middle.” She pantomimes slicing into the durian with relish.

“Allow me to demonstrate,” Jerren says, taking the durian back from Clarence. He studies the fruit for a moment, tracing his finger from one end of the fruit to the other. Then he pokes his fingers into a particular spot on the fruit, slowly splitting it along a hidden seam. As the seam opens, he works his fingers in deeper, careful to avoid the spikes, then pulls the two sides apart to reveal the fruit’s creamy yellow flesh. He splits off a lobe of the fruit as the onlookers look on wide-eyed.

“You make it look so easy,” Sasha says. Jerren grins as he opens up another lobe of the fruit, then another.

“The smell is unbearable,” Adaleia grumbles. “Surely this all must be some horrid joke?”

“Reserve judgment until you’ve tried the flesh,” Jerren says as he removes the flesh from the rinds and cuts it into smaller pieces. “There’s nine of us, but Ionathia is indisposed and Sans is monstrous, so…”

“you are NOT one to talk, buddy,” Sans mutters as Jerren arranges seven pieces of durian on the platter.

Jerren just smiles, then pushes the platter onto the middle of the table. “Who’s first?”

Everyone looks at each other. Sans leans back in his chair.

“I am curious,” Reader says, reaching for a piece. She sniffs it, then drops it on the paper covering the table in front of her, gagging. “Whew! Dunno if I’m that curious. Ugh!”

Sans takes the piece she dropped and passes it in front of his nasal cavity, then gives it a tentative lick. “yeah, that’s something. reminds me of sentry duty down at the dump actually. breaking up fights between the junkpickers, stepping in god knows what. you all enjoy.” He sets it back down on the paper-covered table.

“Why would anyone eat such a horrid thing, anyway?” Gracie asks, touching her hand to her forehead as if in physical pain.

“The fruit itself is unlike anything else,” Jerren explains. “It has a higher fat content than most fruit, giving it a buttery texture. At its best, it’s both fruity and creamy, with complex undertones of caramel and nuts. And it’s thought to be an aphrodisiac.”

This makes Jack reach for a piece. He eyes it suspiciously, then glances at his fiancée. “Do I feed it to her, or eat it myself?”

“You make me eat that and you’re never touching me again,” Gracie shrieks, wagging her finger at Jack.

He chuckles. “Guess I gotta be the guinea pig then.” He pops the whole piece in his mouth, then immediately gags it back into his hand. “Whew! That’s potent,” he manages to get out between coughs before grabbing his glass of water and downing every drop.

There’s laughter from around the table, and Jack grins too. “Let no one say a damn fruit got the better of Bear of the Carpainter Family!” He holds his nose and swallows the piece of durian in one go, then reaches for Gracie’s water and chugs the entire glass. He pats his chest, still swallowing hard, and makes a face. “There. I feel it working already!” He takes a squealing Gracie into his arms and crushes her to him, smacking his lips at her.

“Don’t you dare! Your breath smells like that horrid fruit!” she squeals, laughing and squirming as he smacks his lips ever closer to her face. “You let me go this instant, you brute!”

He laughs and plants an exaggerated kiss on her cheek. “Give it a try, baby!”

“Just a tiny bite,” she allows, climbing onto his lap and reaching for a piece of fruit. “Ugh! It’s all slimy.” She pinches off a tiny bit of durian, scrunches up her face, and pops it in her mouth. She retches and grabs her napkin, bringing it to her mouth to spit out the fruit as she gags and coughs. “Oh – oh, it’s awful,” she cries.

Jack laughs heartily. “Not gonna serve it at the wedding, huh?”

“Not on your life!” She shudders.

He puts his arms around her and whispers something in her ear, and she blushes and giggles, punching him lightly on the arm.

Jack gestures at the others. “Who’s next, huh?”

Sasha mumbles something that sounds suspiciously like “not gonna let that airhead show me up.” She reaches for a slice, breaking off a piece, then glowers at it and screws up her face. “Jerren, I may not have very long to live,” she announces in her most dramatic voice, holding the back of her hand to her forehead, “and if this turns out to be my last meal, I’m gonna come back and haunt you.”

“I have a feeling that if I actually try it, it’s going to be my last meal,” Adaleia grumbles. “I’ve never smelt anything so bad in my life.”

“I suppose you’ve never taken out the trash or changed a diaper before,” Clarence says, looking critically at her.

Adaleia looks back at him just as critically. “Oh, am I rich and spoiled? My goodness, I would have never known if you hadn’t been so kind as to inform me! Allow me to express my gratitude by donating to your campaign for New Ebott dogcatcher.”

“Will you two shut up? I’m having a dramatic moment here,” Sasha grumbles. She pops the piece of durian in her mouth and chews thoughtfully. “It’s kinda slimy and sweet,” she says, making a face. “Of course, I can’t smell it, that probably helps.” She swallows, then drains her glass of water. “Ugh. Well, at least now I can say I’ve tried it.” She shudders. “I wonder why anyone ever thought to eat it in the first place? You’d have to be really desperate. It’s like, it looks scary and off-putting on the outside, but when you see what it’s like on the inside, it’s…” She gives Sans a meaningful look. “It’s even worse. It’s not even, like, neutral. It’s actively sickening. It has no redeeming qualities whatsoever.”

Sans raises his eyebrows. “can’t help but feel like you’re trying to make a point here.”

“No idea what you mean,” she answers airily. “Stepstool Man,” she adds under her breath with disdain. She nods at Reader. “Your turn. Unless you’re chicken.”

“I think I might be pretty chicken,” Reader murmurs, picking up her piece of durian and squinting at it, her face screwed up in disgust. “But I hate to disappoint lenavis… Here goes.” She takes a small bite and gags immediately, cringing and coughing. She drops the rest of her piece and drains her glass of water, then reaches for Sans’. “Good lord, that’s the worst thing I ever tasted,” she mumbles.

“You barely tried it,” Jerren points out.

“Yes, and that was enough,” she replies between swigs of Sans’ water.

Sans pats her on the back. “you’re a good sport, kid.”

“And now she’s pumped full of aphrodisiacs,” Jack says jovially, winking at Sans. “Bet she’s gonna jump your bones tonight! Get it? Jump your bones! ‘Cause you’re a skeleton!” He guffaws, and Gracie giggles, clinging to him. Reader looks down, her expression deeply embarrassed.

“that’s enough,” Sans says in a low voice, narrowing his eyes.

Sasha looks nauseated, making a face that’s even more exaggerated than the one she made while eating the durian, while Jerren’s blandly pleasant expression is momentarily replaced with revulsion.

“Can’t take a joke 'bout your sick little fetish, huh?” Jack says, his smile nasty. “Well, ain’t none of my business what you get up to with your –”

As Jack talks, Sasha growls and Sans gets to his feet –

“I think I might be pretty chicken,” Reader murmurs, picking up her piece of durian and squinting at it, her face screwed up in disgust. “But I hate to disappoint lenavis… Here goes.” She takes a small bite and gags immediately, cringing and retching. She drops the rest of her piece and drains her glass of water, then reaches for Sans’. “Good lord, that’s the worst thing I ever tasted,” she mumbles.

“You barely tried it,” Jerren points out, smiling to himself.

“Yes, and that was enough,” she replies between swigs of Sans’ water.

Sans pats her on the back. “you’re a good sport, kid.”

“And now –” Jack starts.

Jerren cuts him off. “Right, then! Adaleia, Clarence, I believe you two are the only ones left…” Jack looks sour at the interruption, but contents himself with feeling up Gracie’s ass. She giggles and rests her head on his shoulder.

Adaleia sighs. “Thanks for nothing, lenavis. Next time, ask for us to have a wine and cheese tasting, or something. If that wouldn’t be too offensive to his revolutionary sensibilities, of course,” she says, gesturing at Clarence.

“Or lenavis could ask for you all to help out with one of my classes,” Clarence says. “It’d be an educational experience for all of you. You and your other heiress friend can read the kids some stories. I’m sure you know your history,” he says, nodding at Jerren. “You can teach them art and music,” he continues, gesturing at Reader. “Your sister can help me grade homework. Those two,” he says, pointing at Sans and Jack, “well… they can be cautionary examples.”

Jack guffaws at this. “You got me there. I dropped out of school when I was thirteen.”

“i can teach'em anything they wanna know 'bout physics,” Sans says with a grin. “just don’t get me started on philosophy. you’d wind up with a class full of little nihilists.”

“Shall we get this over with?” Adaleia asks Clarence, splitting a piece of durian and handing half to him.

“Here’s to what may be the weirdest party I’ve ever been to in my life,” he says, holding up his piece.

“There’s one thing you and I agree on,” Adaleia says, touching her piece to his as if making a toast. “And I’ve been to a party where she –” Adaleia gestures to Reader. “–caught her skirt on a nail, and it ripped and came clean off.”

“Addy!” Reader glares at her as the others laugh.

“Here goes nothing,” Adaleia says, taking a tiny bite of the durian. She coughs a few times, swallowing hard, then takes another small bite. “Astonishingly enough, it’s not that bad,” she says, raising her eyebrows. “It’s like… fruity cream cheese with caramelized onions. You just have to get past the smell.”

Clarence takes a small bite of his piece, then makes a face, swallowing hard and gagging. He reaches for his glass of water and drinks the whole thing before replying “Wow, now I know surface folk are crazy. You had me thinking it might be all right, but… nope. Revolting. Here, you can have my piece.”

Adaleia waves him off. “I didn’t say I liked it *that* much. I’d much rather have some grapes, or an orange, or something decent like that. I’m just saying, it’s not as bad as you all make it out to be.” She puts her piece back onto the platter in the middle of the table, then sips her water.

Jerren stands up, gathering up the pieces of durian and putting them back on the platter. “Right, then! Now everyone’s tried it, there’s cookies for everyone in the next room down, so as to escape the smell. I’ll meet you all there in a few minutes.”

The group files out of the room, and Jerren reaches for a partially eaten slice of durian. He takes a bite and leans back in his chair, savoring it with his eyes closed. Then he glances over at you and raises an eyebrow. “What’s that look for? Durian is my favorite fruit.”

(Ask the APJFM cast anything! Still taking questions. This perhaps stretches the bounds of a question, but I hope you all enjoyed it.)

[neroli9]

Hypothetical question for Reader! Let's say you accidentally dust Sans. Please describe to us, in detail, how you'd go about getting rid of the evidence.

Reader scrunches her face up and scowls at the same time. “Come on! That’s a horrible question. Pass.”

Sans chuckles. "c'mon kid, that's an easy one. ya just get a hose an'..." He mimes washing away a pile of imaginary dust with a hose.

Reader shudders. "That's not funny!"

[neroli9]

Psst. Reads, it was rough seeing you feeling a little down on yourself a bit back, so uh, if ever you need reminding: you're an endearing, fun, bangin' lady. And bangin' ladies deserve to get real good head and kisses and the occasional massage from someone nice. Wisdom for the heart.

Reader laughs awkwardly, looking down to the side and smiling a wide, genuine smile. “Aw, jeez, I – thank you, that’s so sweet of you to say. I just, I dunno, God that sounds so damn nice and, uh, I don’t want to complain, I know I’m incredibly lucky, Sasha’s getting better and Sans is, um, he’s great, I really like him, it’s just that, uh… what I’m doing, it’s hard sometimes and I – I hope I get all that someday from… from someone who loves me…” She swallows hard, blinking a little too fast. “Uh, I – I’m gonna go see if Sasha got any questions…” She flees the scene, keeping her head turned away.

(Ask the APJFM cast anything!)

[neroli9]

Reader: I recall you saying you've met a skeleton before sans. Seeing as how skeleton are rare I'm curious as to what that one was like <-<

Reader smiles. “He was wonderful.”

“Seriously! Everyone had been treating us like – like complete garbage, for *months*…” Sasha says.

“And then we went underground, we didn’t know anything –”

“We got mugged,” Sasha adds darkly. “And lost. Though that was my fault.”

“Then we got to the outskirts of monster territory, and there was a bit of confusion with a puzzle. But once he realized we weren’t dangerous, he was so sweet to us…”

“Fed us, gave us a little money, cheered us up. She does a pretty good imitation of him…”

Reader laughs awkwardly. “Uh, I dunno about pretty good, but I can try. ‘NEVER GIVE UP, HUMANS!’ Kinda hard on my voice,” she says as Sasha cracks up.

[neroli9]

Any particular places y'all like being touched the most?

Reader: “Well, about ninety percent of the attraction for dancing for me is having a guy hold me in his arms and make me feel… secure, you know? Protected. I feel his arm around my shoulders, or my waist, and I hold his hand, and I let him lead me around the dance floor, and for a little while everything feels like it’s going to be all right. So basically I’m a sucker for anything that gives me that feeling. Getting hugged, or having a guy put his hand on my lower back as we’re walking, or sitting together with his arm around me, or holding my hand in both his hands… anything like that.”

Sans: “my skull’s actually really sensitive, particularly around all the holes. never quite been able to ask some poor gal to play around with my eye sockets, though.”

Sasha: “I kinda want to know what it’d feel like to have a guy pet my butt. I also like backrubs. Except that Howie – that’s the guy who couldn’t kiss worth beans – well, he wasn’t good at that either. He starts kinda like squishing my back and I’m like, uh, try something else. So he kinda…” She balls up her hands into fists and mimes rubbing back and forth with them, her expression nonplussed. “I’m thinking, well, the poor guy is just nervous, and I tell him, Howie, you’re obviously angling for a makeout session here so why don’t we just go for it? But his kissing wasn’t any better.” She sighs heavily. “My sister and I give each other backrubs, and that feels good and all, but… you know what? If I ever get out of this stupid hospital, I’m going to go right up to the first cute guy I see and ask him to give me a backrub. And if he’s good, I’m going to kiss him. And if he’s good at that too, then he gets to pet my butt.”

Jerren: “I particularly like having my hands and feet massaged. I do a lot of longhand writing and typing, and a good massage therapist who can ease the cramping is worth his or her weight in gold. And I love having my feet rubbed with lavender oil right before I sleep.”

(Ask the APJFM cast anything! Still taking questions.)

[neroli9]

Well as long as we're asking questions about your guys' sex life... Sans, do you prefer cumming in her mouth or her cunt? And reader, what about you? Does it have an effect on how it feels when Sans activates it later?

“also an excellent question. i mean, the obvious answer is ‘both.’ or rather, 'both, at once.’ but if i really gotta pick just one…” Reader squirms with mingled arousal and embarrassment as Sans gives this careful thought.

* that’s a tougher question than it looks, because it’s specific.

* generally speaking i prefer oral sex, but…

“her cunt, i think. i like making her work a little harder, sucking me off, but… fucking her gets a hell of a reaction.” Reader shifts around in her chair, pressing her thighs together, and Sans chuckles. “see? even just making her think 'bout it gets a reaction.”

“As for the rest of the question, yes, the location has an effect,” Reader answers. “I guess if I swallow it it gets in my blood and goes all through me, but if it’s in my cunt, it feels more… localized, I guess you could say. Like this whole area –” She moves her hand over her hips and belly. “It feels extra warm and tingly. It’s a fantastic feeling, and…” She catches Sans’ eye. “If I keep going on about how good it feels, I’m guessing I might wind up feeling it firsthand soon.”

(Still taking questions for the APJFM cast!)

[neroli9]

For Reader and Sans - kinda jumping off from that boobs or butt question - do either of you have any particular attraction to monster features? Horns, teeth, height, uhh... slime? Anything. Sans should divulge as much about his sexual past for this question as possible. :)

Sans raises an eyebrow. “i should, huh? well, lemme see. i didn’t always have a human fetish. but there wasn’t any one common thread between any partners i’ve had before. monsters tend to be capable of a wide range of attraction. some even to humans, although you’d be surprised how many monsters feel that’s bizarre. that’s all it’s possible for me to say on the subject.” He winks.

“I, um…” Reader shifts uncomfortably in her seat, looking to the side. “The teeth can be sexy, I guess…” She glances at Sans, who flashes her a toothy grin. “And, uh… I was really scared of the fire ones, at first, but actually they can make it so it feels, uh… kind of nice. And… same with the icy ones, they felt cool and slippery, I worried my tongue would get stuck to them or something but…” Sans raises an eyebrow. “There were some with muscles, it was kind of nice to see something familiar, even when they were like some sort of demon or… horsey-fishey kind of monster. I felt like, muscles! I know what to do with those!” She brightens as she continues “Actually, the guy who looked like a big, muscly demon, he was actually pretty –”

“great answer. next question. c'mon, we’ll never get through'em at this rate.”

(Still taking questions for the APJFM cast!)

[neroli9]

Paint sans like one of your French boys

Reader’s eyes light up. “It sounds like it’s my turn to boss *you* around!”

Sans chuckles. “boss away, kid.”

“Then strip,” she orders with relish. He peels off his clothes, tossing them in a pile on the floor. “Now lay down… now prop yourself up on your side… now here, put this between your teeth,” she says, handing him a rose.

“the hell did you get this from?”

“We’re not thinking too hard about the nature of our current reality, remember?”

Sans mumbles something that sounds like “alright, alright,” with the stem of the rose between his teeth.

Reader nearly skips back to her chair and starts to sketch.

Ten minutes later, the rose falls to the floor, and Reader stops sketching as Sans rolls onto his back, apparently fast asleep. She looks down at her sketch, then her slumbering figure model, and rolls her eyes. “Well, I got *something* out of it, anyway,” she says, displaying her sketch. “Let’s go see if Sasha got any questions…” She takes her drawing supplies and heads out of the scene.

Sans sits up. “this figure model shit is for the birds,” he says with a wink.

[neroli9]

@all, do you hang the toilet paper over or under?

Reader: “Over.”

Sasha: “Under.”

Reader rolls her eyes. “She corrects me.”

Sasha: “I wouldn’t have to if she did it the right way to start with!”

Sans: “seriously, this is a problem for humans? y'oughta let little things like this *roll* right off your back.”

(Ask the APJFM cast anything!)