#APJFM asks

[neroli9]

I kept meaning to ask this and meaning to ask this and meaning to ask-

> He turns around and winks at you. “let’s all take a break."

Is sans?? Talking to us?? Did the "you" just shift from being "you (reader-character perspective)" to being "you (actively reading this, behind the fourth wall)"? The same way we've been able to see into the void through our little device screens, have they also been able to see us in return?

Maybe I'm reading too much into it but that "let's all" felt so emphasized to me-

Sans grins at you. "welcome to the void. it's not great out here, but we'll make it out together."

[beaubartley]

I want Reader and Jerren to hold hands. :<

C’mon, we all know Prince “My Way or I Send You Kerening Off a Cliff” isn’t the hand holding type. Wrists though...? Well, that’s a different story. :))

Did you guys know I take asks and requests? Because I do!

(@neroli9, it’s ya boy.)

[inthesequietmoments]

I am so happy to hear you're going to be working on it again! ITQM is one I've always remembered with great fondness 💖

I posted the next chapter of APJFM after a hiatus of two years, eight months. I expected the only people who'd really care were the die-hards in my Discord. Instead, people wrote comments about how they'd got the email from AO3, and started screaming. They wrote about re-reading the whole thing over again, just to catch up to the joy that was a new chapter of an apparently abandoned fic. And they wrote about what the story had meant to them, and how it'd helped them cope with a stressful part of their lives.

You'll be surprised at how many people will care, deeply, that you're back! 🥰

This makes me so happy to hear! I'm scared for a few things - I can tell my writing style has changed a lot; I'm definitely not as sassy. I've been concerned it won't flow as well, or it won't be as enjoyable, but I've wanted to complete this for so long.

I've thought about it during car rides, or whenever I see UT stuff, or I hear the music, and I just thought to myself, why don't you finish it?

I really do hope people react the same way, this story got even myself through some extremely stressful times in my life, so it's a labour of love. Once in a blue moon over the past few years, I'd get a comment from a person who read it, asking if it was a dead fic, and I'd be happy someone read it, but also be immensely sad.

Thanks for the encouragement. :) I'm excited to be back. I hope you enjoy what's to come! <3

[neroli9]

I love all three of these pictures individually, but taken as a group I feel like they truly express who APJFM Sans really is! They all show genuine aspects of his character, all hidden from other people to some degree.

One of my favorite comments I ever received on APJFM was:

I don’t think I’ve come across another fic or theory that so closely mirrors how I believe Sans would spiral. Even pulling away the mobster au and the worldbuilding, this feels genuinely like the response Sans would have to the genocide run.

Thank you, not only for the incredible story and all of your dedicated work, but for taking such a thorough and honest look at Sans’ nature.

When I read this, I felt proud that I was able to achieve one of my goals for APJFM, which was exploring all the sides of this character. This included the ones it’s easy to like, like his playfulness and creativity, his kindness and care for others, his brilliance and perceptiveness, the mysteries surrounding him, the sense that he was someone you could rely on, his particular moral code. But it also included the disturbing ones. To me, canon Sans is clearly sadistic, apathetic, controlling, manipulative, calculating, withholding, cruel and violent. (And any honest fic with him as a love interest has to ask, at some point, ‘How is this actually a good idea’?) I feel that way when I look at these pictures. The hyper-capable, dangerous Dead Eyes; the relaxed, playful Sans that Reader knows best, and the Sans who’s been paralyzed by grief, when his hold on reality wasn’t exactly all that strong even before Papyrus died.

This is a wonderful set of portraits -- thank you so much! 🥰

so. at some point during october, while i was brainrotting over @neroli9's APJFM (again, if you're alright with reading very explicit nsfw, cannot recommend this fanfiction enough. if not, trust me, it's not your cup of tea) and i thought about how in her fic, there are vastly different perceptions of her mafia!Sans. and i decided i wanted to do a short series of pieces portraying these very different images of him. you can see all 3 of them below the cut!

Dead Eyes, the freelancing skeleton gangster, feared by even the cruelest gang leaders in New Ebott.

Just Sans, Reader's relaxed content companion enjoying time with his girl after a long day.

And finally, Sans, the haunted man forever grieving the loss of his dear brother.

[neroli9]

Sans of the void, tell me your best joke! (Sorry Papyrus :,)

Sans looks thoughtful. "my best joke, huh? really putting me on the spot. uh, have you heard the one about the rope?" He pauses. "never mind. it's too long. how 'bout a joke about pizza? eh, that one's too cheesy." He looks thoughtful for a moment. "i know a couple of jokes 'bout unemployment, but they need some work. i could go with the one about paper... but it's tearable. maybe the one about the roof?" He makes a dismissive waving gesture. "no good. it's over your head." "Oh! The other Sans told me that one before," Reader says, beaming.

[neroli9]

Question for Sans of the void. You said the human thing is still kinda weird to you. Do you think the attraction/fetish for humans would have been there had your soul been whole? Or do you think it developed in the Sans we know because of his circumstances? Or would the attraction/fetish not have developed if your soul wasn't split, do you think?

Sans' eye sockets widen. "fetish?"

"Um... he was already into humans by the time he met me," Reader explains.

"huh." Sans turns back to the asker, looking disconcerted. "uh, you gotta remember, our knowledge is kinda limited. it took us long enough to figure out she an' the other guy were a thing."

"THAT'S RIGHT! I ONLY REALIZED IT WHEN HE STARTED DREAMING ABOUT HER DEATH MORE THAN HE DREAMED ABOUT MY DEATH!" Papyrus chimes in.

Reader shudders. "That's morbid."

"how am i s'posed to answer like this?" Sans says. "c'mon you two, clear out."

Once they're gone, he turns back to the asker. "okay, well, i stopped caring 'bout all that kinda stuff a long time ago. so all i can tell you is that whatever preferences her sans had, they developed after i got split off. we guessed that papyrus died in that timeline, given how people reacted to seeing him in their dreams, and i am not in the least surprised that the other guy started acting erratically afterwards. so..." He shrugs. "i'd guess it had more to do with his circumstances than his soul getting split up. but i couldn't say for sure."

[neroli9]

Yooooooooo, congratulations on completing APJFM! 🎉✨️🎉✨️🎈🎈🎈I admit, I'm going to miss seeing that update in my AO3 bookmarks from now on. So, after this years-long journey, what are you looking forward to next?

... have you read 94 yet? 😅

[neroli9]

GAHH NO! Don't make me think Jerren isn't that bad just because he never want his own kid to suffer or whatever with the resets hence never made one!

-🍯

Papyrus thought there was good in Jerren. He wasn't wrong.

What makes Jerren so terrifying is that he's so human.

[neroli9]

Ok, I have two questions for Jerren. During your many thousands of years of life, did you have any children? If so, what happened to them? And question two: when you jump in the timeline, what happens to your bodily functions? Like, if you have to pee before you jump do you still have to after you jump, or does your body follow the point in time where you currently are in that sense?

"I can say for certain I've never had any children," he says. He pauses. "The idea of resetting away my own son has always given me a particular kind of terror. I never complete the sex act without resetting it away soon after. From a certain perspective, one might consider me a virgin," he says with an impish smile.

"As for my bodily functions and emotions, they always match the point at which the bookmark was made. So if I am angry and need to urinate, then jump back a day to when I felt mellow and hungry, I will technically lose the anger and the urge. I am adept at retaining my emotions between jumps, however. If I feel angry when I made the jump, and I return to a time when I felt mellow, I have merely to remember what made me angry in great detail, and my mood swings accordingly."

[neroli9]

Kind of simple questions, but I wasn't sure what exactly to ask (yet), and I wanted to participate in the Ask Cast Event, this time.

So how is everyone feeling right now? And how are feeling towards each other currently?

Everyone, or at least, Sans, Reader, Sasha, and/or Jerren.

Sans looks grim. “let’s just say i’ve never been this motivated in my life. it’s NOT gonna end like this.” His expression softens. “i made a lot of promises to my wife, an’ that asshole’s not gonna make a liar out of me.”

---

Reader's expression is blank. “Uh, well, I’m constantly terrified. I know Jerren’s not going to be this nice to me forever. And whatever happens, I'm stuck. He’s God, after all.” She closes her eyes. "I just hope Sans and Sasha forgive me.”

---

Sasha turns on her heel, her hands on her hips. “How do I feel? How do I feel?! I’ll tell you how I feel! I feel like I wanna take Sans, and I wanna take Jerren, and put them BOTH in a coffin and seal it up forever! And bury it six feet deep, but — but leave little airholes, so Jerren can just BARELY breathe — and let them ROT, TOGETHER.” She smacks her fist against her hand. “I can’t believe she DID that! I can’t believe he LET her! And I — I had to watch her go so many times —“ Tears come to her eyes, and she wipes them away angrily. “I SWEAR I’m gonna kill Jerren! And if that man gets in my way I'll kill him too!”

---

Jerren beams. “This is the best thing that’s happened to me in centuries.”

[neroli9]

Question for Jerren: what the genuine fuck, dude

Jerren beams. "Oh, we're just getting started, my friends!"

[neroli9]

Are we allowed to make art/fanfics of your story? I feel really inspired from this latest chapter!

Absolutely! Please do! I'd love to see whatever you come up with 🥰

[neroli9]

You mentioned that this last sex scene was difficult for you to write. What other scenes did you find surprisingly hard to put words on the page, even if the scene itself was clear?

I had to write ch. 70 (dear sans) indirectly, through the letters Jerren wrote to Sans. I'd originally intended to do more of a Sans POV, as he truly started to understand the full weight of the punishment he and Reader were being subjected to, and it turned out to so terrible inside his mind that I couldn't do it. Even writing it indirectly, as I did, was very hard.

As I gathered more of an audience, and also as my husband started reading APJFM, it became more difficult to write the sex scenes simply because my ego / prudishness got in the way. (This is different from the 94 sex scene which was difficult to write because of the circumstances around it.) I'd feel like, whew, should I really write Sans hurting and degrading Reader this much, or can I really make this consensual non-consent scene as dark as I want it to be, etc. I was always able to get over it, and return to that headspace where I felt like, fuck it, I'm writing for me first and foremost, and I'm not going to compromise just because I'm embarrassed. But it took time and practice.

Once I get into Jerren's headspace, the scenes where he is cruel are not hard to write. But it takes time and effort to get there. I have to be able to focus on my writing (that is, no kids around, nothing else to distract me) and I have to consciously use writing sprints to start getting an outline on the page that I can then build on once I've entered into the spirit of the scene.

[neroli9]

SO! SINCE THERE'S MORE - I was wondering if you'd truly be done with the undertale fandom once this finishes or could we expect more maybe? It sounds like we're nowhere close to the actual ending and I can only imagine how much this final stretch will take out of you lol nice chapter btw my favorite part was when Sans got judged at the bar

Once I'm done with APJFM, I want to try writing original fiction -- I doubt I'll ever spend this much time on a fanfic again! However, it'll be a while until we're done with APJFM.

Sans getting judged at the bar was inspired by @peonylanterns' reactions when she read what is now ch. 87, and Sans initially suggests marriage to Reader. She's allowed me to excerpt her reactions under the cut. (Red is her comments, blue is me.)

He frowns, leaning on the table and holding his hand to his chin. Then he brightens up. “those fuckers couldn’t call you my mistress if we were married, right? they’d have to call you my wife, or it’d be libel.”

death penalty

Yep — just as he’s thinking “hey here’s a great idea” he is actually signing his own death warrant 

You freeze. He doesn’t seem to notice.

“that’d give'em something to write about. we just have to find the right piece of paper and the right asshole in a suit, and boom, they gotta change their tune. how soon can we do that? there some kinda waiting period for a marriage license? i dunno anything 'bout this kinda stuff."

death penalty by buzzsaw

🤯🪚

“I, uh…“ 'Flabbergasted' doesn't quite seem to cover your reaction. "Are you seriously proposing to me?"

He frowns. "yeah. i mean, it makes sense, right?"

“You want to marry me because it makes sense,” you say, your voice unnaturally calm.

He looks more carefully at your face, and frowns. “i thought human girls liked getting proposed to.” 

death penalty with buzzsaw and also your ashes get thrown into the sewer so you can be essence of shit for all of eternity

So what I’m hearing is, you don’t think this is a good plan on his part 

“I thought you didn’t care about human marriage."

“i don’t,” he says with a dismissive gesture. “just figure it would make things a little easier on you. can’t control what the papers print, but if we’re married, they gotta treat you with a little more respect.”

going to take him apart ligament by ligament with my bare hands

But he thinks he’s being so damn smart 🤪

“So you’re making an honest woman out of me.”

He looks at you, and suddenly seems to grasp that mistakes may have been made. “look, it was just an idea. if you don’t wanna do it, it’s all the same to me.”

going to pay someone to continually restore your HP while you get eaten by dogs so that you can't die

Hahahaha

[neroli9]

Any good deleted scenes/lines from the latest chapter? 👀

I do keep some scenes / lines in another file, but there weren't any from 94. However, I can tell you a little about developing the scene. (Under the cut are spoilers for ch. 94 -- please read the chapter first!)

I had the idea of Reader going to Jerren to buy Sans time a very long time ago, but at the time I thought she would try to keep Sans in the dark, fearing he'd stop her. Of course, it is hard to keep Sans in the dark about anything because of the face reading ability, so I didn't really know how that would shake out; perhaps she'd distract him with sex, or drug him somehow. I also imagined a scene where Sans guessed what she was planning, and offered help. At that point, it was all nebulous, and I just kept it in the back of my mind as a possibility. But as I kept writing, I realized that there was an arc for the relationship as well (the 'indifferent => pet => partner' progression I mentioned earlier) and that this would be a really great way to show that they had actually become partners.

[neroli9]

Who's your favorite character in this? The one you spent the most time (happily) working on?

That's such a tough question! I feel like I'm arguing with myself, making a case for a half dozen different characters. Sans, Jerren and Reader are the three most obvious candidates, with Sasha very nearly making main character status in her own right, but I also really like writing the uninhibited side characters -- Undyne, Mettaton, and Adaleia. I suppose in the end it's got to be Sans. It's been a joy to explore the various aspects of his personality, and take him on two main journeys. As concerns his own self, he went from nihilism to true despair to a complete shift in his worldview. And as concerns Reader, he went from indifference to infatuation to treating her like a pet to treating her like a partner. Only took 600k words.