#Alone and and and ouuuuugh

[tropicalcontinental]

"If i don't come back I love you all."

how about your lungs first?

[thedemonscrawler]

ouuuuugh..... Ruin is killing me here....

This man is always composed, always has the answers. Even if he DOESN'T, he ACTS like he does, and like he's waiting for everyone else to get on the same page. At most he's shown exasperation with those around him.

But NOW we got something that he cares about enough that the mask is coming off.

He knows he's making the 'wrong' choice here. He knows he's putting everyone's life at risk. He KNOWS that the smart thing is to kill his Monty, he literally already weighed the pros and cons of "the needs of the many vs the few" on a much larger scale.

And maybe that's another reason why he doesn't want to do the 'right' thing. He ALREADY DID THAT. And it hurt, and he feels remorse that an unimaginable number of people lost their lives because he couldn't come up with anything better.

But he's selfish, and he wants this, because he can't bring himself to just kill Monty after everything he already did. He hates himself enough already, and clearly taking the 'smart' way is something he can't bear even more than "all of the friends I made in this dimension are going to hate me for putting their lives in danger over someone that is just going to leave if I succeed".

He's gonna end up alone again, also by his own actions. I like to bat around the idea that Ruin feels like his existence is cursed somehow because he wasn't MEANT to exist, and boy howdy is that an idea that keeps getting reinforced.

Cos like... How do you just wash your hands of someone you already betrayed when they need help, because you're comfortable in your current life?

It's an easy choice for everyone else because it's not THEIR choice.

And if he chose the people in this dimension, he might have a life... but the guilt would kill him the rest of the way 8'D whatever didn't die while he was under the Creator's thumb or when he snapped the dimensions.

Hell, he might even try to figure out a way to actually get infected so at least he can lose his mind finally and not have to LIVE with this.

And i really would like someone to just HELP HIM-- meet him halfway with compassion, "Okay, this is important to you, so lets help you find a cure" (Not to mention that that would resolve things faster than making him do it all by himself) but also this show isn't know for resolving plots in a compassionate way, so 8'D

My man can't win for losing

[agenderpunked]

just finished lost. will not be recovering, ever, me thinks...

I'M GONNA RAMBLE BECAUSE WHAT WAS THAAAAT OUUUUUGH I DIDN'T SEE ANY OTHER WAY FOR IT ALL TO END BUT THE FACT THAT IT *IS* WHAT THEY WENT WITH hURTS

I have so many thoughts and many of them are spoilers so if you haven't watched Lost (2004) stop reading this and go watch it instead.

- Jack dying in the same place he started. The cinematography and spiritual implications of making a trek back to the beginning and finally closing his eyes... DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON VINCENT LYING DOWN NEXT TO HIM I CRIIIIIIIIIIIED. THE DOG KNOWS "LIVE TOGETHER OR DIE ALONE" AND HE MAKES SURE JACK DOESN'T DIE ALONE IM IN SHAMBLESSSSS DONT TALK TO ME

- rose and bernard. i care you so bad. i want a bob ross energy survival show spin off that just follows them making their cabin and garden and traps and such and exploring the area around their cabin. Unproblematic favs, truly. THE FACT NO ONE BELIEVED ROSE WHEN SHE SAID SHE KNEW HER HUSBAND WAS ALIVE???? who visited you and told you that? are you just that faithful??? Did that hope, faith, and love protect both of you from dying on the island before you found each other??

BC ALSO. sorry but i view faith as energy, and when you focus and devote that energy to something it becomes concentrated, and what do our brains run on? electricity. what is everything about Lost about? electromagnetism. What can spirits fuck with? electromagnetic frequencies. That energy can be used to attract what you're searching for. Rose is such a necessary character ESPECIALLY for Jack's development because of how she displays such radical acceptance when she knows there are things she cannot change, ie. cancer, being trapped on the island, being surrounded by danger, and focuses instead on what she can, confirming her husband's status, creating an environment that feels safe, and enjoying the time she has left with the people she loves.

- Boone and Shannon getting into a bar fight at the end??? Boone walking up to Hurley and chatting??? Boone and Shannon are severely underrated characters in my opinion, and it's 100% from the emotionally incestuous aspects of them, which is a shame because I truly believe they are one of the most realistic depictions of relationships like that that I've seen in media. I didn't immediately like Boone. I thought he was an asshole because the show presents Shannon and Boone to you as they would an unhappy romantic relationship, but they never confirm it, even joke about it, to the point I nearly immediately realized 'They're not dating at all. They're siblings that were emotionally neglected by their parents and are codependent as all hell.'

Watching further, I was so scared to think I'd find Boone slander all up and down in the fandom while Shannon gets victimized and absolved of her fucked up actions, because of the way we immediately see Boone treat her without the context for understanding their relationship and that Boone was only on 815 to bail her out of another abusive relationship. But what I actually got from the fandom was NOTHING. ABOUT EITHER OF THEM!!!!

HOW ARE WE NOT TALKING ABOUT BOONE HALLUCINATING SHANNONS DEATH AND ADMITTING THAT HE WAS UTTERLY RELIEVED 😭😭😭 IM GONNA BLOW MYSELF UP ABOUT IT GOOD GOD.

The fact that Shannon also does find a potentially healthy relationship with Sayid, and that Sayid can allow himself to feel and care for someone and have gentle and tender moments in such a hostile environment while serving as the groups main mercenary, and make her feel safe, regardless of her clearly morally skewed history of dating. Sayid has morals, and he wants to stick to them, but he's been put in environments that do not allow him to adhere to that. He has restraint, and emotional intelligence. The glimpse we get into Shannon's life shows she hasn't been around men of those qualities, at least recently, save for Boone, who even then, doesn't compare next to Sayid. Imagining how Shannon would have felt about Sayid being brought back in the temple and seeing how extremely empty and different he is 😟

- Thinking about the general implications of what the island is, as well... Did they ever survive the initial crash? When they leave the island, were they alive? or was it merely an illusion of life? Is death on the island equivalent to someone accepting that they're dead and moving on for realsies? Is the island symbolizing purgatory? The themes of duality and shadows and light and twins are also not lost on me and rank this media even higher because these were not on my bingo card or prior knowledge of the show and they are damn near a critical criteria for intriguing me and getting me into a media.

Are the souls whispering in the forest of the island trapped there? Michael says they can't move on, but is it a personal choice grappling with what they did? Or is it related to actions done after death, while passing through purgatory, that decides whether you are bound to a place or able to move freely???

Oooooooough.....

[agentmmayy]

2023 monthly music rotation

it's been a hot minute since i've made one of these, but here are all my favorite songs from each month of 2023!

january:

one i wanna be with - trella: oh bop!!!!!!!!!!! this ENTIRE SONG just makes me so happy!!!!!!! it’s so full of love!!! every lyric hits but especially i can’t help but wish we met before we did.

february:

antiques - holden laurence: god the desperation in this makes me want to claw my chest open and rip my heart out. the beat fucks in this jaunty rhythm that’s such a juxtaposition to the haunting lyrics and vocals. then the bridge?????? i promise to be strong i promise to believe in love that lingers on i’ll see you in my dreams. I’M CALLING THE POLICE. this is a tess/joel song. not only because of how apocalyptic this feels (which is a whole other discussion) but also meet me in the space between all the words unsaid when we could not speak meet me i’ll be waiting for you there. thanks for coming to my ted talk.

march:

borderline - tove lo: HOT. listen. everything tove lo writes and sings is inherently sexy i don't make the rules. this one especially wtf!!!!!!

unrequited night - lily kershaw: i- please respect my privacy at this time. this is a masterpiece. immediately a song i listened to laying in bed staring up at the ceiling. VERY tlou coded. (but then again every song i listened to in feb/march and lbr this past year was) AND THE GASP AT THE END GETS ME EVERY TIME.

april:

flowers in my hair - calista garcia: sweet, slow, and syrupy. i love this song and how it feels like a breath of fresh air. it’s achingly romantic and has got me singing along and twirling my hair and kicking my feet. though, at the same time it’s so intimate i feel like i’m intruding. 

labor - paris paloma: the intensity of it still continues to blow my mind. it’s unapologetic and awful. it’s incredible. i felt every lyric in my gut. i don’t want to over explain it since i can’t do the song justice but it’s so brutally honest in describing and dismantling traditional roles placed upon women and girls. the entirety of it is like poking at a wound that never closes, a wound that’s been gaping and bleeding for centuries and it makes me so angry. the visceral reaction i had to the lyric ‘if we had a daughter’ girl i- ouuuuugh. i got sick to my stomach. i was screaming crying throwing up etc etc. anyway this song is a masterpiece. still haven’t recovered from it. also it’s a fucking bop. 

may:

‘i’m just learning how to make peace with feeling small’ ‘but i might drive off if it gets too hard’ ‘there’s always a sunset that i wanna run into’ ‘i’m searching but i’m not lost’ and my all time favorite lyric that put me on the floor when i heard it the first time- ‘i’m a growing tree a few missing leaves i can’t shelter you don’t sit under me’ HELLO????? 

vagabond - overcoats: THIS song. this song has been the one i played the most in may because one it’s an absolute banger and second of all it read me for filth and the lyrics are so beautifully crafted and honest and pure and delivered impeccably. it’s a sweet, slow melody and coupled with the lyrics it reached into the depths of my soul and pulled out everything i can’t say and put it into this song like.

fireworks - JOSEPH: now for ANOTHER song that read me for filth. lately i’ve been feeling this exact way since all my friends and people around me have reached certain milestones in life- such as getting married, settling down, etc- that i haven’t and i’m left even more alone and bereft. but THIS SONG said that’s okay!!!!!!!! this song understood!!!!!! it said i’m not alone feeling this way!!!!

every lyric absolutely sent me through the roof but these especially:  ‘all these long songs might be no good for me’ ‘how long will i wait to be happy all my friends ask me’ ‘what if i’m wrong wrong to think there’s more to this story’ ‘an act of faith even though it hurts to shut that door am i holding out forever?’ ‘am i headstrong or foolish every night waiting for lighting to strike whole you’ve got blue skies?’ and my favorite- ‘i wish i could just flip a switch and accept your kind of muted bliss’ WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! once again HOW did they put it into words!!!!!! this song has such a special place in my heart. i can’t tell you how many times i’ve not only listened to it but also screamed along and cried to it 

also, JOSEPH always creates the most compelling and just fun to listen to songs and this is no exception!!!!!!!!! the harmonies are delicious and the music dropping at certain points is incredible and the beat has me dancing around the room. filed right under beach music! 

moonlight - madison rose: i wore this song into the ground!!!!! AMAZING beat and vibe. liberating rejuvenating sexy etc etc.

june:

cowboy take me away - the chicks: me personally!!!!! my favorite version of cowboy take me away. i DO wanna touch the earth and break it in my hands but i ESPECIALLY wanna look at the horizon and not see a building standing tall!!!!!!!!! every summer is cowgirl summer but this song just turned the dial to the max. never have i ever wanted a cowgirl summer more.

july:

satellites - emi larraud: this one was interesting! VERY 80s themed. it's funky. it's powerful. it's just groovy.

august:

wicked game - ursine vulpine, annica: alright i'm a sucker for these intense ballads especially when they remind me of the 100 but seriously. it's sensuous. it's an experience. the vocals are out of this world.

pretty boy - LEON: of course i had to put a LEON song on here. while this isn't my favorite of hers it was just so nice to get a new song from her again. i felt like a wilting flower getting watered. to no one's surprise it's a bop and delivers lines that absolutely wreck me such as you can't outrun getting old, that hidden place where hope lives, well that's the last it goes. ma'am!!!

september:

moonburn - dani sylvia: feeling very seen rn thank you!!!!!!!! literally spongebob leaning against rock.jpg every time i listen. it's- ough. this song has layers and i am peeling them back like an onion. when does the healing start if you leave before daylight. saying SO much in one line!!!!!!! it's the inversion of the typical light vs dark trope for me! and the chorus is immaculate.

super graphic ultra modern girl - chappell roan: chappell hit it out of the park with her first album and THIS SONG SPECIFICALLY. the absolute journey @152glasslippers and i went on listening to this... especially at 22 seconds in. WHEW. super graphic ultra modern girl IS THAT GIRL!!!!!!! SHE IS THE MOMENT!!!!!

october:

honest mistake - bears den: screaming shaking crying throwing up etc etc. bears den always writes songs that lift me by my ankles and shake me until every humiliatingly private thought comes tumbling out in the lyrics of their songs. also i love how consistent they are with the aesthetics and formality of their songs. it's very soothing while ripping me up inside.

mars - noelle: listened to this 60 times in a day. you don't understand i found this song 10/17 and spotify stopped tracking 10/31 and it was my most listened to song of the year. it's dreamy. it's sweet. the vocals are stunning and the music is fantastic.

heart to heart - now more than ever: banger. when that beat dropped i was shook!!!!!!!!!! it's a very early 2000s emo vibe but also delightfully contemporary? the vibes are there. oh and the lyrics and the way they're sung is amazingly bittersweet.

november:

swimming pool - jack kane: one of my favorites of the whole year. if spotify didn't stop tracking before november this would have been my top song. it is 100000% a slow sad groove bop. every time i listen maybe not physically but spiritually i am girl at table.jpg. formally this song is delicious and lyrically it is devastating.

december:

scorpions - distance sprinter : okay this one might be a contender for top song. impeccable. there's crack in this. the beat is OUTSTANDING. i literally can't play this in the car if i'm driving because i will start dancing. the vibes are off the charts. at no point in this song do you expect what's next. the lyrics are heartbreaking and beautiful. there's so much i can say about this song but i am gnawing on the words it's just so good.

TOP SONGS OF THE YEAR: these have 5 stars. to me. 6 stars even.

antiques - holden laurence

unrequited night - lily kershaw

vagabond - overcoats

fireworks - JOSEPH

moonburn - dani sylvia

swimming pool - jack kane

scorpions - distance sprinter

[toxycodone]

realizing my dungeon meshi sona is just tomoko from watamote if she grew up to be a magic school dropout lolll- my sona went to the same school as marcille and falin but failed out before moving to the island to live in her sister’s basement. her sister is a really good mage so when falin was eaten by the dragon, marcille came to their house to ask for help. but my sonas sister was already on a job so marcille asked her for help instead before realizing how fucking lame she is. my sona does know magic because she spends most of her time reading but she only really uses it for loser reasons. illusion magic and scent masking? it’s because she hasn’t bathed in a week and doesn’t wanna be judged. confusion spell? she casts it on people who try to speak to her when she dares to leave the basement and thinks she’s a genius for it. also she has like a dozen fairies that don’t look like her and won’t say where/who they’re from. i have sooo many thoughts on her and no one to share them with so thank you for your blog that makes me feel like i’m not a lone freak :3

you’re never alone. just know there’s always someone weirder out there (me).

dude I fucking LOVE tomoko. I related to her waaaay too much when I watched watamote when I was 12 GAHSVDBDB

I FUCKING LOVE YOUR SONA….OUUUUUGH BASEMENT DWELLING FREAK WHOSE ONLY FRIENDS ARE FAIRIES I AM. A HUGE FAN OF THIS…

I wanna be the annoying ass neighbor that keeps talking to her and inviting her to things and she’s like “STOP FUCKING TALKING TK MEE. WHY ISNT MY CONFUSIÓN MAGIC WORKINF ARE YOU TOO STUPID”

[year2000electronics]

HELLO. I have a very fitting song for Freeman, and the Admins in general, like... freshly after episode 1 when Freeman is getting his memories back and adjusting to that... as well as having a family again at all when he was forced to be used to being alone, reserved, observant—but never truly living or existing.

Haunted by Radical Face. It's just... it hits SO hard.

-Headcanon anon

OUUUUUGH THIS *HITS*

[dayurno]

ouuuuugh….will we ever get to see kevin miku day?

IM SORRY PROBABLY NOT i think itd just go against the whole Using colored pencils for fun alone time thing :( but when i have some time to spare im gonna really draw a miku kevin and post it ok

[tortoise-teapot]

whenever the line "you'll never be alone again" is dropped i get a knife to the gut ouuuuugh

[avvidstarion]

For the album ask game... how about The Black Parade?

oh ABSOLUTELY. i LOVE you. this is all subject to change at the drop of the hat bc im wishy-washy and i love all of these songs anyway so

this got WAY too long so i am putting it under a readmore shhvkldlkdgjlkdsj

not including b-sides:

1. Teenagers- kind of a basic pick i know, BUT, in my defense, the song slaps. it’s such a fun song, especially when you’re singing it at the top of your lungs. the guitar part is super cool too- im trying to learn it rn but it’s a slow process bc im bad at guitar.

2. Mama- what can i say. it fucks. the old time-y feel, the harmonies/background vocals, the layers. the guitar goes so fucking hard. banging lyrics- “you should’ve raised a baby girl, i should have been a better son”??????? songs to be trans to.”but the shit that i’ve done with this fuck of a gun” is the kind of lyric that you can only properly convey if you’re screaming it at the top of your lungs. the whole ending is just. mind blowing

3. The End.- LISTEN!!!!!!!!! the end is WAY TOO FUCKING UNDERRATED!!!! oh my goddd i love it so much. i love it SO much. it’s such a perfect beginning to the song. the lyrics are great (”now come one, come all, to this tragic affair” if you look in the mirror and don’t like what you see, you can find out first hand what it’s like to be me”, “another contusion, my funeral jag. here’s my resignation, i’ll serve it in drag. you’ve got front row seats to the penitence ball, when i grow up, i want to be NOTHING AT ALL!!! SAVE ME!!! GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE!!!! SAVE ME!!! TOO YOUNG TO DIE, AND MY DEAR!!! IF YOU CAN HEAR ME JUST WALK AWAY AND TAKE ME!!). the bit with the snapping and the ooooohs is fun too. such a good song, it could honestly be 1 or 2 but my ranking system isnt based in logic and makes no sense to even myself

4. House of Wolves- house of wolves was my favorite mcr song for a good chunk of time, but as a result i’m kinda burned out on it, which is why it isn’t higher.  however it is still number four  because it’s objectively a fucking amazing song. the guitar is so fuckin fun, the lyrics are great, and it’s just. fun to dance around and sing it at the top of your lungs. you better run like the devil cause they’re never gonna leave you alone!!!!! tell me i’m a bad, bad, bad, bad man!!!

5. Welcome to the Black Parade- the big man itself. the titular song. their biggest hit. a lot of people shit on wttbp for being popular and, like, pretty much the only song of theirs to ever be on the radio anymore (and even then it’s once in a blue moon), BUT. it got popular for a reason. it’s a really good song. i love the structure of it, i love how it builds and builds and builds. the lyrics are wonderfully done- “a world that sent you reelin from decimated dreams/ your misery and hate will kill us all”, the whole “do or die, you’ll never make me” stanza is The Ultimate rallying cry. and the “im just a man, i’m not a hero” is just. ughghghdlkslakdjglsdkg. the titular song of an album entirely about death and dying and misery being SO hopeful and SO upbeat really portrays the album as a whole much differently- mcr is known as The Emo Band because, yeah, their aesthetic is dark and their songs touch dark stuff but they have never been all whiney and boo-hoo-y and melancholic for the sake of melancholy. there’s always been a positive note to their music and a lot of people just don’t get that which makes me sad. anyway. wttbp is fun and i like it and i like the drums and the trumpets at the end. marching bands fuck

6. Blood- ok so the pattern here seems to be that i favor the fun songs over the slow ones, and blood sticks with that. much like with mama, i love the old time-y feel. i love that this is like a fun little bonus ditty to end the album on. the lyrics are silly and fun and jovial, and the piano is great. love it and it makes me happy

7. Disenchanted- OUGHH. OUUUUUGH. i know cancer is objectively the saddest song on the album, but disenchanted just hits different. “when the lights all went out, we watched our lives on the screen/ i hate the ending myself, but it started with an alright scene” just DECIMATES me, man. the acoustic guitar is a nice change of pace, and the vocal performance is just. so fucking emotional. especially the “woahhhhhhhh-ohs” at the end. great song, makes me Feel Emotions

8. The Sharpest Lives- ok so i know this is pretty much in the middle of the list, but i want to stress that i dont hate any of the songs on this album, so even the middle of the list is pretty fuckin good imo. the sharpest lives makes me go batshit.  the lyrics are so fucking wild. “a light to burn all the empires, so bright the sun is ashamed to rise and be” is SO fuckin sick like OH my god. what a line. also “there’s a place in the dark where the animals go/ you can take off your skin in the cannibal glow/ juliet loves the beat and the lust it commands/ drop the dagger and lather the blood on your hands, romeo” like WHAT?????????????? GERARD POPPED OFF W THIS ONE FOLKS!! also i love how at the beginning the whisper-y vocals bounce from ear to ear. also “so why don’t you blow me......a kiss before she goes” is fuckin hilarious. honestly this song should be higher but i havent gone through a phase where i’ve been obsessed w it yet so it stays down here for now. one day it will take hold and be all i can listen to for a month straight and THEN it will climb the ranks. 

9. Cancer- makes me cry like a liddol baby. my mom doesnt let it play in the car cause it makes her too sad. twenty one pilots covered it and it was FUCKING AWFUL so the song is kinda ruined now cause i can only think about their shitty cover. like the AUDACITY. but anyway besides that the song is heart wrenching and amazing. the hardest part of this is leavin you!!!!

10. Dead!- look, i know technically the end. and dead! are the same song/ are just continuations of each other but i’m listing them separately bc dead! is, to me, the worse of the two. not that it’s bad or anything, it just doesn’t pop off the same way the end. and all the songs before it on the list do. however i do love the guitar at the beginning and the solo, and the “one! two! one two three four! LA LA LA LAs” are super fucking fun. 

11. Famous Last Words- i used to hate this song!!!! i truly did!! it’s obvs not on the top of my list now or anything, but i have grown to appreciate it a lot more than i used to. like with wttbp, it is the silver lining of the album that betrays its optimistic side. it’s a happy final message to a dark album. the ending is fucking amazing. I am not afraid to keep on living!!!! i am not afraid to walk this world alone!!!!!!

12. Sleep- Sleep is, unfortunately, just kinda boring in comparison. i almost forgot to even put it on the list. however, i do like the “the hardest part’s the awful things that i’ve seen” and the “a drink, for the horrors that i’m in. for the good guys and the bad guys, for the monsters that i’ve been” lines. also the “three cheers for tyranny, unapologetic apathy!” line. but overall it’s just. eh

13. This is How I Disappear- i have. complicated feelings on tihid. on one hand, it reminds me of my favorite oc, re, and is on their playlist. on the other hand, i have grown bored with it over time. it just doesn’t stand out to me at all really. that being said, i do really like the “who walks among the famous living dead” and the “can you hear me cry out to you” stanzas. 

14. I Don’t Love You- while i dont think idly is a bad song at all, it just simply isnt my kind of song. i do think gerard’s vocals are extremely strong throughout, especially during the “when you go, would you have the guts to say/ i don’t love you like i loved you yesterday” line. like wow ok maam please continue. but overall i just dont vibe w breakup songs bc i cant relate

including b sides: 1. Heaven Help Us

2. Kill All Your Friends

3. Everything else

4. My  Way Home is Through You

my reasoning: 

heaven help us is tied for my favorite mcr song Of All Time. everything about this song is catnip for lil old me. the angsty christian imagery, the vocals, the guitar. all of it. the lyrics make me lose my mind, especially the “will you pray for me? or make a saint of me? and will you lay for me? or make a saint of- cause i’ll give you all the nails you need/cover me in gasoline/ wipe away those tears of blood again/ and the punchline to the joke is asking ‘SOMEONE SAVE US’” and the “you don’t know a thing about my sins/ or the misery begins/ you don’t know, so i’m burnin! I’m burnin!!!” parts. like i absolutely vibe with this song so fucking hard. i sing it constantly, it’s great to sing (very stimmy for me), it sounds beautiful. i am obsessed with it through and through

similarly, kill all your friends also speaks to my very soul. i can’t pick favorite lyrics bc id just have to copy and paste the whole song. i love the build-up, i love the time progression throughout the song (it’s been TEN FUCKING YEARS since i’ve been seein your faaaaaace rounnnnnd heeeere), i love the “you’ll never take me alives”. literally everything about this song makes me emo. it just Gets Me. it’s literally about my greatest fear. all my friends growing up and moving away and getting on with their lives without me, leaving me to rot in my hometown waiting for them to return. we only see each other at weddings and funerals, so it’s time to kill all your friends so we can party when the funeral ends!! it’s probably tied with heaven help us, but i’m putting it at number two just because it didn’t hook me as strongly as hhu did. it’s more of a strong, steady favorite than a “this song has latched on to my very soul and i have to listen to it on repeat over and over and over again”, if that makes sense. it’s still in my top 5 mcr songs though

i never vibed with my way home is through you. i don’t listen to it often, and i just don’t really feel it. it’s not bad, it’s just. eh.

anyway if you’ve read this far down i love you so much. thank you for listening to me ramble, mcr means a lot and i love to infodump about my music tastes. i really really appreciate being given an opportunity to do so <3

[rogue-of-light]

hate that to cheer myself up i went "naw... mans is gonna digivolve into batterimon" 💀

also </3 that song was so ouuugh... OUUUUUGH !!!

im like the disintegrating emoji with it's hands in the air rn

(very good song though)

man, i can just imagine during this wisper blubbering about how he just wishes things in life never had to be so complicated or life-threatening or so difficult and how all he's ever really wanted is for he and nekane to live out a happy and peaceful life where nekane doesn't have to charge a ship if xe doesn't want to and where he doesn't have to die alone, and he prolly goes on about how everything is just so fucked up and unfair for apparently no reason, and he wonders if all adults stick to their jobs or if some of them have managed to get to some other planet where they 'escaped' and lived the rest of their days, which turns into him talking about how he knows it's idiotic for even want or think about something as unrealistic as *not* going out into space or rotting in a ditch before getting to that point (though honestly most of what he's saying is probably unintelligible through yknow sobs)

i have once again spat out some word soup </3

also why is drawing so hard (j) -KPA

ALKFJLASKJ

and yeah !! i really like the song (: very nice

AND I KNOW WHICH EMOJI YOURE TALKING ABOUT

AND YEAH !!!! banging fists on the table

alright which of us is gonna make a "they run away to earth/become space pirates" au (/j)

also pappappappap

[agentmmayy]

march + april rotation

it’s gonna be...... may finally posting the march + april rotation playlist. combining these two months since most of the music i listened to in march was off the previous rotation list!

flowers in my hair - calista garcia: sweet, slow, and syrupy. i love this song and how it feels like a breath of fresh air. it’s achingly romantic and has got me singing along and twirling my hair and kicking my feet. though, at the same time it’s so intimate i feel like i’m intruding 

back for more - nia hendricks: the usual type of slow groove beat i adore that makes me want to dance around with the love of my life. it’s just as sweet as the previous one but it feels... lonely. mournful. i’d be dancing but with a ghost

bodybag - charlotte lawrence: this song is so *clenches fist* i am obsessed with how the body bag fills in for the other person in the relationship and holds her when they can’t or refuse to! the relationship is already dead! she’s holding on! in that liminal space between resurrection and burial! also the vocals in this are insane. my favorite part is ‘she’s at the bowery bar, showed you her paper heart’ and then ‘help me hurt and then i’ll come back’ YEOW

gasp of air - lisa curtis: THIS SONG MAKES ME WANT TO SING AND SCREAM ALONG AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS!!!!!!!!! and then the lyrics slapped me across the face. ‘but i’ll stay and such ‘cause i think it’s love enough’ ‘i’m yours enough that i come back’ ‘some water if i’m lucky but i would never ask that much’ ‘what kind of person needs to breathe A HEALTHY ONE I’M SURE BUT THAT’S NOT ME’?????????? 

nothing left to give - BAILEN: ‘i wanna live i’m sick of just trying to survive’ *looks into the camera* anyway. obsessed with this band and how weird this song sounds 

kilimanjaro - dolores forever: this song and the next have me asking how songs can be this good. like. is it crack? is that what they put in these?? the music and the vocals are EVERYTHING it’s unlike anything i’ve heard recently and i’m digging it. then the harmonies?? and the lyrics???? ‘a thousand shards of glass from your silver tongue got me like a shot gun’ the way ‘i was young. you were pure ice and snow’ IS SUNG?????? WTF

labour - paris paloma: this has been my hype song for the past few weeks. the intensity of it still continues to blow my mind. it’s unapologetic and awful. it’s incredible. i felt every lyric in my gut. i don’t want to over explain it since i can’t do the song justice but it’s so brutally honest in describing and dismantling traditional roles placed upon women and girls. the entirety of it is like poking at a wound that never closes, a wound that’s been gaping and bleeding for centuries and it makes me so angry. the visceral reaction i had to the lyric ‘if we had a daughter’ girl i- ouuuuugh. i got sick to my stomach. i was screaming crying throwing up etc etc. anyway this song is a masterpiece. still haven’t recovered from it. also it’s a fucking bop. 

bad blood - trousdale: another banger for the books!! trousdale always delivers these perfect harmonies and this time it’s a fantastic, bitter song but that’s not the only element! there’s indifference and confusion and acceptance! there’s healing! and the repetition of anyway *patcha holding earbuds meme* perfection

all the love - katie gregson-macleod: katie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! how am i supposed to live laugh love in these conditions!!!!!!!! this one is SO SAD. i ache each time i listen to it. it doesn’t apply to romantic love but all other types of love and what happens when you lose it and how you deal with that loss. the grief is so thick it’s almost suffocating but as always the way she sings is enough for it to not be overwhelming. every lyric hits but the combination of her voice with ‘but i’d rather do that in bed alone’ is my favorite  

BONUS: here are a few stray songs that didn’t quite fit in the narrative but i wanted to share them anyway :)

far and wide - WILDES: doesn’t quite fit the narrative, but it’s a good follow up to all the love. it’s toned down more and easier to get lost in, but still woven with the running strand of grief that makes it sorrowful. once again, back at it with the yearning 

ava - famy: this song had me by the throat the first time i heard it in teen wolf and it still does. chewing glass over the switch between ‘this world is primal’ + ‘this world is rabid’ to ‘this world is pure’ + ‘this world is learning’  and ‘my conscious burning, my beastly flaw’