#Anyone else get worried when a fic they like doesn't update & you don't know if it been discontinued but you don't wanna harass the author

[notokbutthriving]

Lunar n Sun n their eldritch partners

Seriously lulu doesn't get to judge sun he's pulling one too-

Idk I jst like the idea of the parallel of a being made of shadow and one made of light-

Neways inspired by @sinclairmaxwellao3 's fic A Trembling of Fear

https://archiveofourown.org/works/63913600/chapters/171890590?view_adult=true :}

[queen-scribbles]

Okay, so. In the spirit of that 'letting people be there for you' post I reblogged earlier, here's a personal update I was really, really, REALLY hoping I wouldn't have to make.

(before anyone gets worried, it's not me, I'm okay as circumstances allow, but family health stuff under the cut)

My mom's been fighting cancer for the past eight years. There was a one year remission in there after the initial discovery and treatment before it came back, so this round has been six years. She's moved though different chemo-lite medications like ibrantz etc, had to switch to actual chemo just before Thanksgiving 2023. And it was working. The lesions were shrinking and disappearing, it was going away. Until this past September. When it was discovered that the stupid fucking cancer had migrated to her bones. So they switched chemo cocktail. Found out just before this Christmas it wasn't working. She had several multi-day hospital stays between November and December, the last of which was over a week, starting Dec. 23, so we wound up not having Christmas until she came home on new year's.

There isn't anything else that will work. So she transitioned to hospice home care, oncologist was talking in terms of months to live. I'll spare you all the medical details, but we're talking multiple tumors, fluid buildup around her lungs(Dad's been draining that p much daily), on oxygen, all that.

This morning she woke up super confused, my aunt who's visiting to help called the home care nurse, it could be next stage transition for end of life, could be just she took too much of a medication last night. I had some errands to run, not much good I can do at home, so I go do that, praying super fucking hard it's the medication one. Come back to the update NOPE the nurse thinks it's the next stage end of life. Now, barring a miracle, we're talking days. Maybe a couple weeks if we're lucky.

I just

My parents are great. They've always been loving and encouraging and supportive and our family is all super close and this sucks. It sucks so much. Stupid fucking bullshit cancer.

I've been hoping one of the treatments would work. That she'd go back in remission and get more time. She just turned sixty, for crying out loud. Normally there'd be another 20 years before we had to worry about losing her, she'd get to watch Starfish grow up, see any other grandkids that come along.

I feel like I should apologize for keeping all this to myself for so long and then dropping an update like this, but in a weird way I liked having somewhere where that wasn't a known part of my life? So I had somewhere I wasn't always being asked about it and having to think about it and this has always been my fandom/escapist place so it made sense to my brain to not mention it. I was meaning to say something when we got the 'months to live' news, but I've been dragging my feet. Don't feel like I can drag them any more.

I just wanted y'all to know what's up with me if I go quiet for a few days, or there's less writing, or--as I suspect will happen--there's a near-manic amount more and it's all fix-it, fluff, and fuck-it-eucatastrophe-time type stuff. I feel like I'm gonna use fic to cope; I can't fix real life but I can fix my characters' lives.

I love my mom and I'm worried about my dad(he's been joking for twenty years he doesn't know what he'll do if she goes first and well. fuck cancer) and I hate this. so. much.

[nonbinaryautisticfanficfanatic]

Apollo Justice fanfiction request

This is a request for a fanfiction. I don't know how to write fanfiction but I have an idea of what I want. I might update it once in a while if I think of something else I want in it. I want it posted on ao3. The tags below need to be in the work. You can add more but I want those tags in the work. Please, no major character death or graphic depictions of violence. Also no investigations spoilers. I want a fic where Apollo Justice, for a reason that is likely trauma, is selectively mute. I say selectively mute because I still want his chords of steel. The conditions of his muteness are that because of trauma, he doesn't trust anyone or he thinks that if he talks, bad things happen so he doesn't talk at all. You can add panic attacks. You can be as creative with his backstory as you want as long as the characters don't know what it is yet. Exception to this could be clay terren. But he dies anyway. He lets people know what he wants by writing in a notebook. Or by acting out what he wants, leading to funny moments of people trying to guess what he wants, with the two wrights being bad at charades. Or the best form of communication, paper airplanes accurately thrown to the person's head. And yes, he can still make sounds, so he can scream, gasp, whine, squeak, etc. So if someone were to bring up magic panties, expect a loud whine from Apollo in response. But as he comes out of his shell and trusts people more, he starts talking. I want mainly klaivar to bring him out of his shell but in a nice supportive manner. And slowly they fall in love with each other. If you make them have sex, make Apollo the bottom. Trucy helps Apollo too. She is okay with the fact that Apollo doesn't speak. She is happy to advocate for Apollo. She tries to help by talking for Apollo but she doesn't even get close to what Apollo wants to say, leading to funny moments. She can still prank and make fun of him but never in a bad way. If you can reference this video, that would be great. Phoenix Wright is also supportive. I don't want you to make him an asshole. I want Phoenix to basically be Apollo's dad. Phoenix never forces Apollo to talk but tells him that he'll be there for Apollo. I think he'll make jokes of "what that, timmy stuck in a well" or other jokes like that. Don't worry it's all in good fun. I don't know how Miles will come into play. Maybe he'll be awkward but trying to help Apollo. You can make Phoenix and edgeworth married if you want. Or just boyfriends. But they need to be together. Kristoph is of course going to be an ass. He unfortunately is going to be a abusive, manipulative little shit to Apollo. Trying to rip his notebook and beating the shit out of the cat. Always forcing Apollo to talk like the asshole he is. Being a ableist piece of shit. I want the storyline to be the same as the game. From the first trial of Apollo Justice to end either at the end of the game or the end of the trilogy. Sorry if this sounds like too much work. Also I want Apollo's cat to be like a service animal. What tasks that the cat can do is up to you. In the beginning of the fic, I want the first word in front of people that Apollo says to be "gotcha." Which shocks everyone in court, including himself. Because of that, lets everyone know that he has the ability of talking but can't talk. Also judge at first doesn't understand why Apollo doesn't talk but later tries to accommodate for him. All the prosecutors are assholes about Apollo not talking, except for klaivar and edgeworth. You can make the title of the fic whatever you want. I want the fanfiction to be complete, so if you think you can't finish, no worries. And again sorry if this sounds like too much work. You don't have to do it, you can always just let someone else do it. When you are finished, or have started, please share to me and credit me for the prompt. Ao3 username is same as tumblr. Comment or message directly for any questions. Thank you and I hope to see your work.

[dcficrecs]

In my last post, I mentioned a series called "Spark in the Dark" by paganpunk2 on FanFiction.net. The first fic in the series is a retelling of Dick Grayson's Robin origin story, and the first installment has 300k words and a hundred chapters. There are seventeen fics in this series, so I'm just going to put the links to all of them in order so I can reread them all in proper order later (the layout of FanFiction.net does not let you save a series as far as I know and it sucks) and in case anyone else wants to read them:

Firework - The story of how Dick Grayson was adopted by Bruce Wayne and starts his crime fighting career as Robin to avenge his parents' murder

Summer Shorts - Short stories about Dick's first summer under Bruce's care

Batfairy - Dick loses a tooth but doesn't believe in the tooth fairy (He is 8 or 9 in this fic)

The Princely Pardon - The Wayne family household has had this tradition of eating a freshly turkey every Thanksgiving, meaning the bird is still alive when it comes to Wayne Manor to be killed for dinner. Dick does not like that idea, so he does what he can to save the turkey

Of Friends and Foes - Dick is having a hard time at school making friends when he meets another young hero, Kid Flash

A Frivolous Holiday - It is Valentine's Day at Dick's school, so Alfred reluctantly helps him make some cards for his classmates.

A Weekend in Bruges - Bruce Wayne is required to go to Bruges, Belgium for a business trip while Dick is sick and Alfred is out of town. Bruce does not cope well with missing his son.

Turkey Song - Dick's pet is nearing the end of its life and he learns about one of the first cases the Justice League ever worked on, and the reason for his pet's sudden demise

Camp Batman - Batman, Robin, Flash, and Kid Flash go camping to help teach them some survival skills.

A Haunting in Central City - Robin and Kid Flash go trick or treating an encounter their first haunted house

Sick Day - Dick comes home from school sick, and Bruce spoils him

Hope - Clark Kent spends the new years with Bruce and Dick, written from Clark's perspective as if it were a journal entry

Instant Gratification - Bruce has Dick complete an exam every two weeks to enrich his education and help him as Robin. Dick becomes inpatient when Bruce is grading his exam.

Phenom - A group of aerialists come to Gotham and Dick watches the show with his best friend Wally West, also known as Kid Flash. Watching aerialists perform makes Dick sad about his past and his old family.

The Boy in the Box - Clark Kent gave Bruce a flash drive containing what he called "Dick's childhood," which was performances of The Flying Graysons

The Ache of Cowardice - This is the only entry in the Spark in the Dark universe that's rated M for mature, and for good reason. HEAVY TRIGGER WARNING AHEAD: It has graphic depictions of sexual abuse against children and child trafficking. The story is that Dick gets injured as Robin and is forced to go to the hospital (as a civilian), Bruce Wayne almost loses custody because of an evil person who has his own malicious motives. While this is happening, Batman uncovers an absolutely disgusting ploy in Gotham

To Catch A Predator - Bruce, Dick, and Alfred go on a family vacation to a small town known for it's fishing scene and find evidence of crimes being committed that only Batman and Robin can solve, only Batman and Robin left their uniforms at home. Despite the title, this fic is not rated M and does not have any depictions of the crimes committed in the show with the same name

The final fic was last updated 12 years ago in 2012. Although the account was last updated in 2021, nothing has been added to this amazing series. Even though it is incomplete, it doesn't really end on a cliffhanger so if you do choose to read it, you don't have to worry about that. Wherever you are, paganpunk2, I hope you're doing well :)

[gleppy]

boundaries

hi!

so, as you grow, so do i has gotten really popular. way more popular than i ever expected it to. and with that, i've obviously gotten a lot of comments.

comments are a great way to make authors smile! i truly appreciate every time someone takes the time out of their day to leave a comment on my work. however, personal boundaries of mine have been routinely breached in my comment section, and it's gotten to a point where i feel like i have to say something about it. i'm not blaming anyone, as i try not to assume bad faith in people and it's not like you guys would know what does and doesn't bother me just from reading my fic, but i do want to put this out there so that i can avoid it happening again. so! here's a list of what to please avoid doing when leaving a comment on as you grow.

i've talked about this one before, but i'm going to reiterate it because this is probably what bothers me the most: do not give me "suggestions" for stuff to include in future chapters. this isn't one of those request book fics. the version of my story that i'm excited to tell is the one i envisioned, not the version others want to see. "pitches" just make me feel like i'm not being trusted as the author to make my own creative decisions and get me all worried that i'm going to disappoint people if they don't see exactly the things they want so please just don't. this is my fic, it's not a community effort. if there's something specific you want to see, you are always free to write your own fic rather than trying to take control of mine. i've been writing fic for years, i'd like to think i know what i'm doing instead of needing randos to tell me how to write my own story.

alongside this, i do not want constructive criticism. unwarranted suggestions make me worry that i will disappoint readers. unwarranted critiques make me worry that i already have. pointing out a typo or a continuity error is one thing, but straight-up telling me "here's what you could have done better" is rude. i did not ask.

related to the above: it is ESPECIALLY disheartening if you do this without ever bothering to sandwich your critiques/advice between praise or compliments. i don't want concrit or pitches in general, but telling me about the things you liked alongside it will at least soften the blow somewhat. if the only times you ever interact with my fic are to give me unwarranted advice (including if you just point out errors!) and you can't be bothered to say a single good thing or even do the bare minimum in leaving a kudos, i will block you.

do not heckle me about updates. if you can believe it, i have a life and responsibilities outside of writing fanfic. there are days where i lack the free time or the motivation to write. i already feel guilty whenever i miss a day of writing, comments complaining that the next chapter hasn't come out yet do not help. to be fair i know this fandom is pretty used to writers that are quantity > quality (hem hem) but that is just not the kind of writer i am. i'd much rather take my time to write an actual well-thought-out and compelling chapter than frantically shit out something soulless and lacklustre and rife with errors to appease the crowd of people who were breathing down my neck begging for an update. i'd like to think my output is pretty damn impressive (230k words in less than a year, and that's not even counting all the spin-offs and additional fics i've written? like, come on) but the constant "where's the next chapter" "when do you update" "i'm begging you to post again" just makes me feel like all the hard work i'm doing STILL isn't good enough. so, let's just not. you all had no problems waiting several months for new md episodes to drop, you can wait 3 weeks (the literal longest i've gone without updating and it was a one-off occurrence, by the way) for a fanfic chapter.

this one isn't as much of a dealbreaker as everything else i've said but please do NOT use tone indicators when commenting (or when speaking to me in general). i know that a lot of neurodivergent people find tone indicators helpful but personally they just make me feel patronized and infantilized. it's especially weird when you leave me a positive comment and then end it with "/gen" or something because like, why did you feel the need to specify that you actually meant it that time? idk, comments with tone indicators give me way more anxiety than a comment without one ever could so please just try to avoid them when conversing with me.

if you're thinking of commenting anything along the lines of "this is why i hate/don't want kids" on a fic written by someone who clearly wants to have kids some day and is writing the fic as an outlet: don't. just do not.

do not act parasocial with me. liking what i create does not entitle you to my time or attention and having a handful of positive interactions with me does not equate to being my friend. i have gotten a lot of straight-up rude or offensive comments and am told to calm down when i attempt to defend myself because the original commenter was apparently just joking. if someone is a stranger and they comment something cynical, i have no frame of reference to determine if they're being serious or not. when are you are jokingly rude to me, you are assuming a level of familiarity with me that is not there. playful rudeness to someone you do not know on a personal level is no different than being genuinely rude. before commenting anything snarky or sardonic on an author or artist's work, even if you have good intentions, please ask yourself, "how would this read to someone who doesn't know me or my brand of comedy?"

(as an aside, if you're blocked and you don't know why, there's a 99% chance that your account is full of incest/underage/noncon/etc fic. look, i get that the whole point of ao3 is that it's the anti-censorship website, and i support y'all's freedom to create or consume whatever content you want if it's fiction, i just want that content to be kept away from me for my own sake.)

i know that the majority of things on this list are done with good intentions and to express your enthusiasm about the fic. as frustrating as this stuff can be, i am absolutely not accusing anyone of trying to upset me on purpose. but please put yourself in my shoes and try to imagine how you'd feel if you worked really hard on something that meant a lot to you and shared it with the world only for someone to tell you it would be so much better if you included (insert thing you had absolutely no plans to include) or that they don't agree with the way you portray certain characters or that they can't stand the thought of what you've written ever happening to them irl (i can completely empathize with the decision to remain childfree but come on, that's not a personality trait, y'all) or that the 40+ chapters you've already worked so hard to put out there isn't enough to satisfy them, they need MORE.

i write for fun and i write for free. i understand that by putting my fic on a public forum, i am opening myself up to these sorts of interactions. but at the end of the day, there is still a whole human being on the other side of the fic you're reading. i am not a vending machine that will spit out a new chapter if you punch in the right combination of numbers. i do not live and breathe fanfic and spend my days sitting at my computer brainstorming my next chapter. and ultimately, i don't owe anyone anything. i don't owe anyone an update within a specific time frame. i don't owe anyone the exact scene/chapter/entire fucking fic (yes i have legitimately gotten requests before for entire multi-chapter fics) that they want to see. hell, i don't even owe anyone an explanation as to why i've blocked them. you are entitled to nothing, point blank.

fic is a gift. i write fic to express my love for a ship, a series, a character. i post it in the hopes that other people will enjoy reading about something they also love. sure, free speech is a thing and you technically are allowed to do any of the aforementioned things. but just because you can, doesn't mean you should.

[mastercherry]

This is for my Buddie friends. My buddies, if you will.

I'm recently super in love with Eddie and Buck are already married when Buck joins the 118 and it just never comes up. Or they don't believe him. Or I don't know. It doesn't matter. Whatever the reason, the 118 fam and friends don't know that Buck is married. I've been reading fics like this recently. They're fun.

But there also aren't very many of them. So, first of all, if you have any recs, please send them to me.

Second of all, I had to come up with my own idea for something like this so keep reading to see what it is.

Trigger Warnings: canon typical violence and abuse (Maddie and Doug plus Buck), life threatening situations typical and atypical to the show, witness protection, Eddie potentially thinking Buck is dead so maybe tempory character death, and I think I'm going to make it where the Buckley parents are killed in a car accident or something. I would tag more things if I actually wrote this or anything.

So. Let's start at the beginning. Evan and Maddie Buckley are living with their parents when Doug comes into the picture. Maddie is so in love with him, it's a little concerning. At least, according to her parents. They are very adamant that she needs to stop seeing him.

She doesn't. She fights them tooth and nail to be with Doug. Her little brother Evan is torn between supporting her and agreeing with their parents. But he's young. He doesn't understand.

Sadly, their parents are killed in a car accident. Maddie fights to keep Buck and she's able to become his legal guardian. Doug becomes the dad Buck always wanted. For a while, it's good. It's great even. They're a small little family, but they're so, so happy. It's amazing.

Until it isn't. Until Doug shows his true colors. He gets so angry so fast. And might be young but he's not stupid. He knows that Maddie is hurting. So he starts acting out. When Doug is mad at him, he leaves Maddie alone. That's all that Evan cares about. If only he could do more. But for Maddie, he can at least be the one who ends up in the ER. Not her.

But Maddie can't let him keep doing this. She has to protect her little brother. They live in this horrible limbo for a few years until Evan is 18. He crashed his new bike that Doug bought for him. He's going to be so mad. He has to warn Maddie. Or maybe... maybe he can convince her to leave with him.

"You and me, Maddie. Come on. Let's go. Just the two of us."

And she wants to leave. She does. But she knows that Doug won't let them. Won't let her. But she agrees. She knows what she has to do. The next day, she watches him leave in the Jeep. She's battered and bruised, but watching him leave actually feels like a weight lifting off her chest.

Evan travels. He goes everywhere he can, trying to find somewhere he belongs. He worries about Maddie every day and sends post cards to her work so she knows he's okay. She holds onto them like a lifeline.

Evan eventually ends up in Texas. That's where he meets Eddie. Helping out on a ranch. It's hard work, harder than anything else he's done up to this point. But being there with Eddie actually makes it fun. He never wants to leave. He even gets invited over to the Diaz house where he meets a tiny little Christopher. The Diaz family is the one he always wanted. So warm and fill of love. They take him in, teach him Spanish, teach him how to make the best food. Teach him about family.

It's no surprise to anyone when he and Eddie start dating. He keeps Maddie updated through his post cards until one day he gets one in return. He recognizes her hand writing. She says she's so happy for him. And how she wishes she could meet Eddie and his son. But she also says that Buck shouldn't send her anymore cards. How Doug found one and how he had wanted to go to that place and bring Evan back home.

And, well, Evan can't do that. He needs to let Maddie know that he's okay. So every so often him and Eddie take a little road trip to send a postcard to Maddie from somewhere else. Just to let her know he's okay. Plus, him and Eddie are going to get married and she has to be there.

But on the day they're supposed to get married there's no sign of her. He's disappointed but he doesn't let it get him down. He's marrying his best friend. He's adopting a son. His life couldn't get any better.

And then, of course, it all comes crashing down. Maddie's friend at the hospital, her only friend there, calls Evan.

"Maddie hasn't been to work in a couple days. She hasn't called or anything. I'm worried about her."

Evan has to leave. Eddie wants to come with him, but Evan won't have his family anywhere near Doug. And he's coming back with his sister this time.

Long story, short, Evan goes back home to check on Maddie. She's hurt when he finds her and he's already called 9-1-1 when Doug finds them. It's ugly. And they watch Doug kill someone. One of their neighbour's I guess. And the police show up. And they're all rushed to the hospital. And they're met with even more police. And the FBI. Turns out Doug wasn't just the bad guy. He was A bad guy. A bad guy in a whole family of bad guys.

And so Buck and Maddie have to go into Witness Protection until Doug and his family are taken care of for good. Evan doesn't even get to say goodbye to Eddie and Christopher. He just gets carried away to a new place to start a new life.

Alone.

He ends up in Los Angeles, CA. He's going crazy. He can't talk to Maddie or Eddie or Christopher. He can talk to his agent. That's about it. Despite his agents better judgement, he goes out for the fire department. He's too restless to do anything else. He has to help someone. He needs to do something useful. Meaningful.

And that's how Kyle "Buck" Jones joined the 118. How'd he get his nickname? No one knows.

[lolotr]

fanfic author 20 questions!

I am late to the party, but i was tagged by @shadowquill17, thanks my love <3 <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

51

2. What’s your total AO3 wordcount?

162,166 total words! Not too shabby

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I've written for a bunch of fandoms, but these days it's mostly Dead Boy Detectives. in theory i have other fandoms, but none that i'm so feral for at the moment

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

all of them are DBD which is kind of astonishing to me, this fandom never ceases to amaze 1. after the insects have laid their claim 2. like breathing 3. terms of endearment 4. a certain step towards falling in love 5. you can throw a party full of everyone you know

5. Do you respond to comments?

yes, every single one, no matter how old the fic is! i might be a little slow or miss one every so often, but i really try hard to respond to every one i get. comments mean the absolute world to me, so i want to thank everyone who takes time out of their day to tell me they enjoyed my work <3 <3 i also LOVE when fanfic writers respond to me, so i assume other people do, too

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i am an angst with a happy ending sort of bitch, but probably one of the fics i wrote during the Nothing Much To Do Radio Silence (TM) when we were all losing our minds with no updates. haven't read those in forever, so maybe Something to Do, Someone to Blame? or maybe it isn't cinema that i wrote for Nothing Like the Sun? or maybe Tropes for Keleidotrope?

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

gosh, so many. again, i write mostly happy ending stuff, so it's hard to pick just one. maybe my fourth favorite public building to visit, if i had to pick one that hasn't been mentioned already. though after the insects have laid their claim has a VERY happy and corny ending that i will forever be proud of haha

8. Do you get hate on fics?

no, thank goodness

9. Do you write smut?

yeah! i'm new to it, but it's a lot of fun

10. Do you write crossovers?

not usually, but i'll stick characters from one universe into a similar universe because something resonates (like Heartstopper Squared or The Quest of the Maddening Mace), but i don't usually write characters meeting or anything like that.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of! *fingers crossed*

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

no, but if anyone wants to do so, just make sure to tag me in it and go right ahead!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

yeah! i have stuff in progress (that we haven't worked on in a while sorry @courfaeriedust) but i've also definitely written collabs that i've published, i think?

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Charles and Edwin from Dead Boy Detectives have such a special place in my heart, and I really hope this hyperfixation doesn't go anywhere, but in terms of pure longevity? Merlin and Arthur from BBC Merlin. I've been reading that shit for a decade. Special shoutout to Alex and Henry from Red, White, and Royal Blue, and Drew and Harrison from Keleidotrope, because I'm still insane about you all too, don't worry.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

THAT IS QUITTER TALK AND I WILL NOT STAND FOR IT. but to give a kind of cutesie answer, i'm not sure i'll ever be done with the libraryverse. there's so much story there, and i keep having ideas for it, so maybe i'll be able to keep playing in it forever. that would be kind of nice.

16. What are your writing strengths?

why are you making me say nice things about myself. why. overall, i think i'm good at dialogue. i actually wrote a whole manuscript in instant messages because i love writing dialogue so much. i'm pretty good at getting into characters' voices, whether they're my own or someone else's, and i find a lot of joy in writing everything from banter to flirting to meaningful conversations (but some of those are easier than others lol)

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

action, descriptions, things that aren't dialogue. i also tend to keep my writing kind of short, so i don't always allow for moments to breathe the way they should.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

woooooof the only other language i speak is hebrew (and not amazingly well) so probably not. if i ever got good enough at another language, maybe? but english is my first and by far my strongest language, so I don't think i'd ever be able to express myself well

19. First fandom you wrote for?

as far as i remember, Lord of the Rings. (no you will never find it.)

20. Favorite fics you’ve written?

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO CHOOSE, THEY'RE ALL MY CHILDREN. how about this, you tell ME what your fave stories of mine are, because im tired of linking things. and because i thrive on praise lol

i am too lazy to tag people specifically, so anyone who writes fic is welcome to answer!

[mysteriouslybluepirate]

2024 results warning rant: protect your peace before reading

Hello my mutuals. I just wanted to give a post election update and confirm stuff. I apologize for my absence, but I need to scream somewhere.

My state fully slipped red this election season.

My state was once seen as a state where you voted based on values and not sides. We were red, but had blue leaning federal representstives. Our rep in the senate went from blue to red. The new dickhead is pro a national abortion ban. Selling off our national land to rich out of staters. Further deepening the wealth gap in my state.

The only good news is that my state is still temporarily a safe haven state for abortion care. As all states surrounding us have harsh laws surrounding abortion.

I am safe as I can be for now. I have a home.

But I know that my state has homosexual marriage as being illegal on a state by state level. We still have Sodom laws that are canceled out by the federal right to marriage. If that right to marriage was stripped at the federal level, we would lose it here.

As someone who is studying to go into social work i am looking at the reality that every field i want to enter is going to get cut or reatricted into obsolescence. I was going to specialize in community aid. Getting my masters to work as a therapist for rural communities.

I understand the want to punish those is red states. I really do. But we did what we could. In the next few weeks you will blame the 3rd party voters, and electoral college. But this doesn't change the fact that our government will have 3 republican branches in government. Even ignoring the Supreme Court, this is bad.

I am scared.

The thing about rural red states is, there is no where else to go. Whenever people panic about the prices of blue states. There is somewhere for them to go. Out of their city or move to a big safe city somewhere red. Rural but safe. Where do I go? Living in one of the cheapest areas in my shitty state. I worry that i wont be able to stay safe forever. Most men I work with comment about how thin. Or frail. Or weak I am. Its a joke that i would lose any fight. That I easily get tired when doing anything that requires manual labor. Thst I have a good body and not much else. Women here get married at 20. Maybe go into nursing if they dont marry blue collar. All the jobs that pay well employ the men I fear. Where can I go? I don't love men, and the men here are those who put us into this mess.

I am scared. Scared that the one field i was passionate about was about to be stripped away from my hands. That I am going to watch my town of retirees realized how fucked they are without their Medicaid and Medicare. The fact that I still need to cut off half of my family for my own sanity. The fact my family has been outing me to anyone they know, because they are accepting enough to have a gay child. That I can't feel safe anymore. That the jobs that keep me alive won't keep me safe.

Soon, the family i live with will want me out. Throw the bird out of the nest, as clearly i am just a leach.

Living on my own in a cost of living crisis. In a few years. One or two. There will be no safety net. That's my reality.

What if he cuts FAFSA scholarships? What if I can't even get my degree?

That's in the future.

We had our first snow last night. And I am tired. So I'm playing dragon age. And eating good food.

I will post something helpful later. But for now. If you need something to do, go download fics you love. I suggest calibre to keep them sorted.

I know I will survive this.

But what does survival look like? Going to work, living paycheck to paycheck. Not saying the wrong things. Then going home and hoping to find the queer community i crave online. Watching people lucky enough to not be born here live the lives i want. Living life vicariously through my phone at my grown ass age. An age i fully expect myself to be happy and out.

I'm tired. So for now. I will let myself be scared. This will pass.

[lovova]

2024 Writing Recape

The year is just about over, so time to do a recap of what I've written this year!

In truth, this was a really slow year for me. My original work slowed down to a crawl and it was tough to find the time or energy to really work on the writings I wanted to. But! I still did do some, and I wanted to give myself credit for that, so here we go!

January: Wrote 'Rescuing Dumb Trailblazing Heroes', an Oumota oneshot that I rushed out to try to qualify for a zine. For being a rush job though, I still enjoy re-reading it, which is my main criteria for my own writing~

February: 'Pomegranate Kiss and' and 'A Universal Constant', two Oumota Oneshots that I believe I did for Ouumota weekend? Fun fact, Universal Constant actually got a Podfic version put out by the talented ArashiPodfics, which I'll link to at the end if this entry. It was so cool, still very honored they put in the time to do something like that: https://archiveofourown.org/works/58555561

March: I think this was when I managed to finish a VERY rushed first draft of Hanahaki Original Story, and honestly? That might be the start of me burning out this particular year with my original work. I think I just pushed myself too hard.

April: Nothing.

May: 'What Comes Next', an Oumota oneshot. I don't remember if I made this fic for an event or not or just felt like it. I like this one though, it ends with a fun premise.

June: June was Oumota Week and I always try to participate as much as I can with those, so here's the list of pieces I put out for it: 'Amore e' Caffe', 'Reset' (a personal favorite, I've reread it so many times), an update to 'I don't Gotta Worry About What's Impossible', 'The Hero, The Trickster & The Demon Prince' (This one was a monster to write, it's more of a novella than a oneshot), 'Courting Through Murder' and another update to 'How to Survive to the End of the World'.

July: Nothing.

August: Some VGCP updates. In truth I don't really know when I update VGCP, I might have done a chapter in July too, but August was my last update and I think I only managed three updates this year. I'm not sure about that, it might have been more, but VGCP is that endless story I use as a writing warm-up for my Original Works, and because my Original Works took such a huge hit this year, VGCP suffered along with them.

September: Nothing.

October: Nothing

November: Nope.

December: Doesn't look like it. Though, this month I have started copyediting VGCP in order to get back into the story and refamiliarize myself with everything that's happened so far. But for new content put out to be read by anyone? Nah.

So, that's my 2024! Yeah, it's been a pretty intense writers block for six months now and for my originals writers block for most of the year, but you know what? Seeing what I did manage to get done written out like that does make me realize I wrote more than I was giving myself credit for. And honestly, even if it hadn't done that? I was busy this year, and writing is my hobby, not a job, and sometimes you're just doing other things, and that's okay.

I hope everyone else had a good 2024, and I hope 2025 is better! See you guys in the New Year!

[aestheticsfandomsandmore]

bad buddy fandom getting-to-know-you meme!

Thanks to @fiercynn for creating this tag and for tagging me! Lots of love for you, honey ♥

Name and whatever you want to share about yourself

Hey! My name is Alessandra (I'm Italian); you can call me Ale, Alex, Alexa, or just Giandra (my nickname); my pronouns are she/her. I'm 22 years old, I'm bisexual (no matter what your gender is, I'm gay for you) and aromantic.

Creative writing is my biggest passion. I also love reading and watching all sorts of stuff. Storytelling and character writing will always be my favorite thing to study.

I really care about social topics such as feminism, the LGBTQIA+ community, racism and poc communities cultures and issues, ableism and disabilities (right now, I'm specifically discovering the world of neurodivergences, as I suspect I may be ADHD), classism and all things related to these matters.

No judgment over fictional tastes will ever come from this account; however, you will be judged, and blocked, the moment I see you discriminate someone else, may it be over fandoms issues or real life issues.

When did you watch bad buddy/join the fandom?

July 28-30th, 2022. I watched the first five episodes in one go (in one night!) and then watched the next seven in the next few days (I had to study in between, or I would have binged it in less than 48 hours).

I joined the fandom pretty much immediately? The moment I watch or read something, the first thing I do is going on Tumblr to search for content and other people's reactions. So I entered the Bad Buddy fandom as soon as (actually, even before) I finished watching the show.

Favorite ship(s)

PatPran. Pat and Pran are my 2nd favorite otp between ALL the otps I've ever had (and I've been a professional shipper since I was, like, ten years old).

I love InkPa too, though. They're so soft and amazing and I love them as individual characters. If PatPran weren't in the show, or if they had been written and/or played differently, InkPa would have stolen all my attention, to be honest.

Favorite character(s)

Pran. I don't have enough energy to elaborate right now; it couldn't be anyone else but him.

Favorite episode(s)

Episode 5 and episode 11, but to be honest I love pretty much all the episodes immensely. I guess my other faves are episode 8 and episode 4.

Favorite scene(s)

My favorite scene in the entire show is the rooftop kiss in episode 5, but my favorite PatPran moment is the balcony scene in episode 8.

One thing you would change about the show if you could

Oh, well. I would definetely have the whole Wai-curtain drop thing be handled differently. I love Wai! And I think that what he did was totally IC (and Bad Buddy being set in a universe without homophobia doesn't make it as bad as it could have been otherwise), but I think the narrative needed to be more clear about who was at fault there (definitely not Pran).

I wanted Ink and Pa to kiss. They deserved it.

I wanted tongue (or at least... Idk... open mouths?) in PatPran's beach kiss. (I wanted the scene where Pran bit Pat's lip that was filmed but that they chose not to have in the actual show; what a shame.)

I wish they didn't add the cringey, unrealistic crime subplot in ep9; like, I'm even okay with Pat getting shot, but everything that followed should have been handled differently.

What are some of your favorite fanworks made by other people?

Oh, God. This is hard.

FAN FICTIONS

Just to be fair, I'm going to link my AO3 bookmarks page, because all the stories I bookmarked are amazing and they deserve to be here. I'll try listing a proper top 5, but I'll be definitely forgetting a lot of amazing fan fictions, not to mention I'm currently trying to read all Bad Buddy's fics starting from the very bottom of the AO3 section, so my bookmark page will be updated constantly.

The Fine Line Between Hormones and Home

traffic was slow for the crash years

Dynamic

Hands on My Body

I'll fight their doubt and give you faith

(+bonus) Don't worry

VIDEO EDITS on YT

My all time favorite one was tragically deleted a couple of months ago; my top3 is currently this one:

Message in a bottle

Heat Waves

Gives you Hell

(+bonus) A Thousand Years (currently not up on YT, but will be again soon, and then I will link it)

Needless to say that there are so many more I'm in awe with, but then the list wouldn't end, so I just had to choose some favorites.

VIDEO EDITS on IG

Don't blame me

The 7 things I hate about you (version 1 and version 2)

Loverboy

Just keep breathing

Atlantis

(+bonus: this is really just a love letter to the show and it hit close to my heart)

There are a couple others about them as individual characters and of InkPa that I really loved too, but to avoid listing too many I'll just link my saved posts on IG.

FANARTS

There are countless amazing fanarts of Pat and Pran, but my favorite BB artist is probably @hereforlou, because her style is just too cute to be true and her portrayal of the characters is always so IC.

(If you create fanworks) What are your favorite fanworks that you’ve made?

I made five video edits focused on Bad Buddy, but I don't really like any of them, except maybe this one, which is some sort of tribute I made to the show as a whole.

I made tons of mep parts focused on Bad Buddy/which included Bad Buddy; I made more than 100 parts since I've started video editing about two years ago, and at least 60 of these have something related to BB in them; the point is that I only really like few of them. One day I will upload a collection with just my favorite parts and I'll get back here to link it.

I wrote five PatPran fan fictions in English (although I only actually like three of them) and five PatPran fan fictions in Italian. My favorite in English is I wish I were her; I'm kinda proud of this one, to be honest!

A song that makes you think of bbs (the ones in the show don’t count lol)

I PatPrannize every song I listen to... literally so many songs have me screaming 'Oh my God, this song was written for them!'.

Some classic forbidden love songs like Rewrite the stars or Secret love song, one that's super sweet and I think captures PatPran's spirit a lot is also Enchanted, then you have Angel, baby which also fits them a lot, Exile is also very PatPran coded, a lot of angsty songs are made for them, in all honesty.

Idk anything else you want us to know?

Yes: I've been obsessed about Bad Buddy since the day I watched it for the first time and have never been able to recover since then. Also: I loved the OS2 special episodes.

[lightlycareless]

Hi!! I hope you are doing well 🤧🥺 I want to ask for tips on how do you write so long like I usually write around 500-1k words. After reading your fics, I get inspired to write longer than usually. Thanks to you 🤩

Heya anon!

AAAAAAAAAAAAA I'm very flattered I've been of inspiration 😭😭🥺❤️❤️❤️!! Now I just hope I'm able to offer helpful advice!

I think what helped me the most is that I have a somewhat set schedule for updates that essentially forces me to write lol. I tend to set an hour and a half just to writing—and it doesn't have to be good, perfect, or anything like that. It just has to be whatever comes out of your mind, you can edit it later :>

The other thing that helped me the most is reading; getting to observe how writers tend to describe environments, character's reactions, dialogues and all that.

I tend to imitate the work at first, take what I need, and slowly make my own voice.

I guess the best example of what I tend to do (as silly or obvious it might sound) is try to describe how the character is feeling or thinking during the scene, or explain why they do what they do? Add depth to their actions.

Instead of:

Naoya rushes to open the door before anyone else.

Something like:

Knowledgeable of the appropriate etiquette thanks to his status of heir, Naoya rushes to open the door before anyone else.

You'll see that things like that add up words to your work lol. I just like how it reads if that makes sense, but of course you can be selective of when to apply that. (In fact I'm trying to stop doing that cause I think they tend to be annoying lol—I want to learn how to write less 😓)

I think what helps the most is reading, trying to imitate their writing style. Just like drawing haha, and give yourself dedicated time for it.

I used to struggle to write 3k words at first (you'll see that in the first chapters of my story), 1k in my most primitive beginnings, so it's totally normal to not be able to write that much. Don't worry about it too much ❤️ As long as it's something you like, and if you continue practicing, everything else will fall in place.

I hope my advice was of much help, and that it didn't sound like "oh gee, who would've known that to write I needed to write?" lol

Also, here are some tools I use when writing! I hope they too are of help to you:

220 words to use instead of said from SPWbooks

Synonyms and Antonyms of Words | Thesaurus.com

Paraphrasing Tool (Now this used to help me allot, but then it would just change the order of words instead of the actual words? It's a matter of taking what you need really lol)

Tip of my tongue

There's many resources out there in tumblr, like... a world of them. These are just the ones I use the most. :>

Once again, I hope this was of help to you! And if there's anything else you'd like to know, don't hesitate to tell me! I'll do my best to answer 😎❤️

Thank you for sending in an ask, take care, and hope to see you around!

[koogi123]

I have kudos on fanfics that didn't tag triggering things ahead of time, instead only adding the tags once they WROTE the triggering thing. :/

So let me add on.... Tag your fics ahead of time if you PLAN on writing something triggering. Or even just straight up NSFW. If the thought even just comes by, TAG IT. "Possible NSFW" works. "Possible triggering content" works. We can see it, we can filter it out, we can avoid it.

(This can also apply to tags in general, ex: "Possible Character/Character, Possible angst, Possible whatever else" Adding "Tags will update as fanfic updates, however there will be nothing triggering/NSFW in this fic or additional ships" somewhere is nice too if you cannot think of tags in the moment.)

We can't take away kudos, and I've lost my trust in leaving kudos on unfinished works after thinking I was okay 60 chapters into an actively updating work- only for them to add a NSFW tag on chapter 61 and go 'Surprise!' in the notes. What is wrong with you. Actually.

Went in there reading something wholesome, even leaving a comment- only to leave feeling not great now that I had kudos on something I didn't support / enjoy.

"But it's not like anyone is going to know that you left kudos?" Ermm... Oh yes they absolutely can know. Don't get me wrong, most aren't gonna be looking for your name in kudos. But when googling/searching your user, sometimes the fanfic can pop up BECAUSE you left kudos on it. It just sucks regardless though. :/

Don't add tags unrelated to your fic for 'traction'. (it doesn't work like that.)

Don't add 'surprise' tags later on that are triggering/NSFW/unwanted by your readers who came for something else entirely.

Tag your fanfic JUST IN CASE the thought comes by of "I think I might write (example) in here but I don't know if I should tag or not." DO IT!

There's notes for a reason too. Explain your reasoning why a tag is there (And the reason cannot be 'to reach more people') if the tag isn't relevant to the (unfinished) fanfic yet.

I apologize- this is a ramble. But it's so frustrating when we have such a good tagging & filtering system on ao3 and it gets abused or misused. As long as you have a decent summary & a few good tags that are related to your fic- trust me, SOMEONE is going to read your writing.

Honestly though, try writing to simply have fun- worrying over kudos / comments in the long run is tiring. I understand the serotonin that comes from it though. Just don't trick your readers as to get that serotonin, it's not as fun for you as it is for us.

nothing pisses me off more than when i see a fic on ao3 talking about reach. "this ship isn't here but i added them for reach" "this fandom tag isn't necessary but i'm adding it for reach" "reposting for reach" STOP IT!!!! this is not tiktok this is not twitter this is an ARCHIVE this is not how it works!!!

[luveline]

do you know why the ao3 reader praised you and at the same time charged for a continuation? because at least here on tumblr that's what you do: come back answering some questions and posting some fics, then you get a bad comment and you insist on replying giving even more visibility to the person (pretending that what they said doesn't affect you when it really does), people stick up for you and you say thank you and always apologize, you slowly stop posting and disappear for a few days and then come back saying you had a hard time even though you said those comments wouldn't ruin your day. You're not under contract and you post and write whatever you want and what makes you happy, you're a human being and you have the right to have hobbies and do whatever you want, but I can't deny that it's frustrating for you to post something, then post countless fics of other characters and after a while say “I intend to continue that story, I just don't know when”. Do you know why people even praise and charge you? because your writing is good, and some people only follow you for that, for your writing. It's no use for you to think you're the best and say to stop following you because that's not what will happen. I repeat again that you are in a cycle and that your writing is the only thing that saves you. And you can come as many people as you want to defend you or say that I hide behind the anonymous, I don't care, these people should stop being hypocrites because when you come back after a long time away one of the first things they ask is when will you post again

— do you know why the ao3 reader praised you and at the same time charged for a continuation?

As I said in my post, I'm unsure! I think perhaps they hadn't stopped to think about why I may not have updated, though the answer to that was that I hadn't posted them on ao3.

—because at least here on tumblr that's what you do: come back answering some questions and posting some fics, then you get a bad comment

Unsure why this matters, like you say a little further down, I have a life, hobbies, responsibilities, and autonomy.

—you get a bad comment and you insist on replying giving even more visibility to the person

The majority of mean or abusive asks I receive go unanswered and blocked, but when I do share them, it isn't to insist on visibility, but to give myself an opportunity to share my thoughts. The anon passed judgement, I used my voice and my space to give my own opinion. Also, there isn't any shame in wanting comfort from others. I'm sorry if that doesn't seem fair to you, or maybe I look like an attention seeker! But I'm in a privileged situation to be comforted and reassured, so sometimes I do want to be comforted, hence sharing the ask!!

—(pretending that what they said doesn't affect you when it really does)

was this supposed to be like a GOTCHA moment where you humbled me, or is this just an observation you didn't think anyone else made? Yeah, half the time I lie and say hate comments don't bother me, because I don't want the person who sent it to know they made me miserable, and I don't want people here worrying about me. It is a very normal human thing to do

—people stick up for you and you say thank you and always apologize

True!

—you slowly stop posting and disappear for a few days and then come back saying you had a hard time even though you said those comments wouldn't ruin your day

Another GOTCHA! Although I'd like to stick up for myself here, considering how breathtakingly observational you are, you seem to have completely ignored the multiple instances where they did in fact not ruin my day, as well as other reasons I might take time away, like my underlying health problems that I've mentioned, which are often the root of the problem. I'm not saying you're totally wrong though, of course you aren't, people say mean shit to me and I don't want to write anymore and I'm not gonna villanise myself for that nor am I going to berate anyone else who feels discouraged at their hobby. Feedback affects the way you look at your craft, it always has, so I don't feel bad for taking time to myself.

—You're not under contract and you post and write whatever you want and what makes you happy, you're a human being and you have the right to have hobbies and do whatever you want, but

I'm definitely being unfair to you in saying this but I literally could've made money betting on the 'but' at the end of this sentence. You're right though!! I do post and write whatever makes me happy

—but I can't deny that it's frustrating for you to post something, then post countless fics of other characters and after a while say “I intend to continue that story, I just don't know when”.

Sub points. 1. I genuinely do not think that it is my responsibility to control how frustrated you become, because like you said, I can write whatever I want. I am so, so grateful that people read my work, that they enjoy it, that they continue to support me while what I want to write changes and goes back and forth, but I won't force myself to only post that one thing because it might mitigate frustration. 2. You say it's okay for me to write whatever I want, but when you mention my posting countless other fics of other characters, I get the sense that you don't truly think it's okay. 3. I do say that! It's actually in my FAQ and has been for months and months and months, because it's true, and I don't see a problem with that answer.

If it is frustrating to you to begin a story that may not have a guaranteed ending, or further installments, don't read it. I don't see why I get the blame here for your actions, why your frustration becomes my fault. My actions are my own, and all I can read from your sentence here is that you're frustrated that I'm doing what I want and writing what I want, which doesn't make much sense, because only a few lines before that, you say I'm a human being with the right... to do whatever I want. So would you like me to do what I want, or would you like me to do what I want only if it coincides with what you want?

—Do you know why people even praise and charge you? because your writing is good, and some people only follow you for that, for your writing

'Charge' I'm sorry genuinely that I don't know what you mean by that, I'm not poking fun here I really just don't know, apologies. I'm glad my writing is good in your eyes! Some people praise me because they think that the writing I post is good, it's entertaining, and because they have genuinely good hearts. And I know that some people only follow me for my writing, but... [see next point (section 2.)]

—It's no use for you to think you're the best and say to stop following you because that's not what will happen.

1.I do not think I'm the best, and I'm not sure what that has to do with it. 2. It's no use to say to stop following you because that's not what will happen— what would you have me do? My writing and my life aren't two separate things, and I'll keep saying it when others try to separate them. I actually think this is where you're getting tripped up. I'm a person, and I'm affected by the way people treat me, how they percieve me, and their expectations. So yes, some people follow me solely for my writing (which is kind of my entire appeal to be fair), and I'm glad they do despite if they might like me or not, but I'm not going to say Yes, please, keep enjoying my hard work, my passion projects, while simultaneously resenting me for the emotions and life experiences that so heavily influence that very writing!

—I repeat again that you are in a cycle and that your writing is the only thing that saves you

Like, my writing is the only good thing about me because my taking breaks from tumblr when hate asks pile on is embarrassing, or makes me a write off? Or that my writing actually saves me? Is it fair to be mad at me for being in that 'cycle', which consists of me getting a bad message and then me doing what ever it is I need to digest or cope with it?

—And you can come as many people as you want to defend you or say that I hide behind the anonymous, I don't care, these people should stop being hypocrites because when you come back after a long time away one of the first things they ask is when will you post again

You seem kind of self aware but not really 😭 you arguments against my– what? Against my not understanding why people complain? I definitely understand why people complain, even if I don't agree, and it is a mixture of a lack of self awareness, parasocial closeness, and genuine critique. Your arguments against me are extremely odd (at least in my opinion). I think that you have complained before about fics not being updated fast enough for your liking, or you've had those thoughts, and that my post has struck a nerve and you've come to set things right in your eyes, because how could you be wrong?

But the dreaded E word, entitlement! It's easy when a writer says the word entitled for you to scoff or roll your eyes. You're not entitled!! You want something, sorry to say this, but free, something free that you personally had little hand in creating, and when you don't get it you feel frustrated and leave a message explaining why– well, I'm not sure what you were trying to explain. That I'm a huge loser or something 😭 but that's not entitlement or anything. I'm not sure if you were under the impression that I didn't know lots of this stuff about myself and that by telling me I was going to change my rotten ways and give you the new chapter of fanfic you deserve because I tricked you into reading and enjoying the first one, but I'm going to keep doing things how I'm doing them! Like you said, like I've said, I write because I really fucking love doing it, the one and only downside is when people like you start to think you know everything about me from the single facet of my life you see online, and decide that's grounds to talk down at me, or attempt to dictate how I am.

And yeah some people are hypocrites like that, but so is literally everyone on the entire planet, me and you included 😭 you're literally a hypocrite in this message as I pointed out, explaining that I'm a person with rights to do as I want to, but also that to some I'm like a sophisticated chatGPT bot who should sit down, shut up, and write what others want, lest they become upset with me, and I should be okay with that.

I try not to attach malicious intentions to anonymous messages even when I know they're cruel on purpose, but this just couldn't be abided by. You've embarrassed yourself by assuming multiple things about me, and you've outed yourself as a dick — your precursory and oh so generous paragraph about how I'm not under contract didn't really work when you couldn't resist your 'countless other fics' comment afterward. It's obvious that you expect things from me, and it's obvious you look down on me.

I realise that nothing I could've said here would satisfy you. You have me figured out, and this will just seem like a defensive and hostile message to your well-meaning advice or something, but I really don't care anymore. I'm not solely a 'content maker' or a fanfic writer, and I don't owe you things just because you've decided you want more.

If anyone has sat here reading this all the way to the end, I just want to say that although I stand by everything I've said, this is in NO WAY meant to be a dig at people who ask me when the next part of something or other is coming out, nor is it a brand on every follower of entitlement. I KNOW that it can be frustrating when you grow used to the things you enjoy, but I genuinely cannot help being affected by things in my life, and I also won't put what other people want over my own happiness on a regular basis, and while I regret that you're frustrated by wanting something and not getting it I really think that this life is about doing what you love when you love it. Writing is my escape, and I'm so privileged, so thankful, and so grateful to be able to share it with people who are so amazingly kind hearted, patient, and loving. So so happy that the vast majority of you are okay with me writing what I'm in the mood for and what's fun for me. I really mean this without malice, anyone who doesn't like the way that I operate is more than allowed to continue reading in silence and resenting me, but please do it quietly, cos I won't be answering a message like this again, or to unfollow me, block me, whatever makes you feel better.

I may not owe anyone certain pieces of writing, but I do owe my kindness and understanding to the people who have shown it to me. Thank you so much if you're someone who has reassured me after a mean anon, or who's defended me, or who's waited between those long gaps of my posting chapters just as eager as when they started. Writing is so much more fun when I get to share it with people like you!! I don't like letting people down, I don't like knowing that someone who's sent me a long kind anon message or reblogged the first chapter of a fic is upset that there isn't more, I doubt the person who sent this ask has ever done either, I promise I don’t relish in disappointing you.

[myoddessy]

could you maybe do headcanons or a short fic ab being in a poly relationship with mike and will?? ty!

three's the magic number. poly!blyer headcanons!

gender neutral reader !

ngl, i can mainly see this working if you were part of the party since it started. you and mike were will's first real friends, he felt safe around you both. safer than he'd ever felt around anyone else.

you felt the same for the two of them, you weren't entirely sure what set them apart from your other friends, but they were always that bit more special to you.

i'm not really going to touch on how exactly you got together because that would take too long, but i feel like you and mike would probably be the first to initiate anything romantic. when at hawkins middle school, back in s1 when will was still missing, mike kissed you instead of el while dustin rambled abt chocolate pudding. ever since then, you knew there was something between you both, so it was only a matter of time before you realised it for will too.

honestly, you probably never had the "what are we?" talk. it was more of a "wow, we all act like a couple." "does that mean we are one?" "i guess." bam, happy days!

mike has a jealousy problem. he just does. he's rlly worried that you're both going to leave and find something 'better' because he knows that he can be selfish from time to time. but you and will always reassure him that you're happy together and he feel better.

that doesn't stop him from glaring at anyone who flirts with either of you two and passive aggressively putting himself in the conversation.

will isn't the best with expressing his love with words, so he would definitely draw something for you both or make you fucking great mixtapes with love songs and songs that remind him of both of you as a way of reminding you that he loves you so much.

when you guys cuddle, you and will take turns being in the middle. sometimes he gets really bad nightmares because of the upside down and physically cannot sleep unless he can feel both of you to know that he's safe and you're safe.

speaking about the upside down, they will literally be so worried for you whenever there's anything bad going on. they know you're, like, the most badass person ever and can definitely take care of yourself, but they're always scared that you'll try to take on too much by protecting and helping others that you'll get hurt in the process.

they're so supportive of everything you do it's crazy. they think you're the coolest person in the world and admire you so much. if you do any sports or clubs that involve competitions or showcases, they will be front row, holding banners, signs, screaming, whatever it takes for you to know that they're there and they couldn't be prouder.

will moving away was really difficult for you all and honestly, mike nearly ended it between you guys because he was scared for long distance but thankfully you managed to talk some sense into him before will found out and spiralled.

you guys write letters and call literally all the time.

about calls, you and el are literally so close so she keeps you updated on any embarrassing stories about will ( like jokingly complaining about him talking about you both 24/7 and constantly asking joyce when he could visit you or when you could visit them. )

whenever you guys are all together in hawkins, you're probably hanging out at mike's because he parents don't really care what you do together because they think you're just best friends.

the only downside to this is that nancy, who knows abt you, will dip her head into mikes room sometimes and lightheartedly make fun of you all when she's there. but all you know she doesn't really mean it because she really cares about the three of you and loves seeing you happy.

will is a cheek-kisser and mike is a neck and nose-kisser, argue with the wall.

i feel like eddie would be really supportive of your relationship when he finds out because he's all for fucking over society and this is a very big fuck-you to society.

he's fighting el and joyce for position of your biggest fan.

i love them sm help-

[libraryofneith]

Out of Mind - Chapter 7 (Joel Miller x Female Reader)

@hiroikegawa @evyiione​

If anyone else wants to be the first to know when this fic is updated let me know and I’ll add you to the taglist!

Sorry for the wait but if it makes you feel any better, our plot is finally starting to pick up the pace. I probably won’t be updating again until next month tho :’(  I'm also introducing a Tess POV in this chapter, trying to experiment a little with different narrative types for each character POV. Hope that's not too confusing, let me know what you think.

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6

Summary: An attempt to prove yourself blows up in your face.

Warnings/tags: [whole fic is 18+ minors DNI], brief descriptions of violence, characters having to kill people, but it’s FEDRA so who cares, Joel being a dick, again. 

Don't put her on jobs with me, don't make her train with me, as far as I'm concerned she doesn't exist. But don't come crying to me the next time she gets hurt. 

You

"We shouldn't be doing this."

"Heard you the first 300 times Joel" Tess growled back. You ignored them both, determined not to let anything throw you off your game. You were finally getting in on the action and between the nerves and adrenaline, you already felt like you were about to jump out of your skin.

The three of you reached the fence and squirmed under it. You didn't even have to cut your way through, it'd been damaged for years. It should've been fixed ages ago but a lethal combination of bureaucracy, incompetent leadership and an ever-present apocalypse requiring constant attention meant holes in the system - both literal like this one and metaphorical - went unaddressed. That was the key to outsmarting FEDRA you figured: the longer they stayed upright, the more power they wielded, the lazier they got. An army of fireflies may not be able to take them down but one girl with an ability to squeeze into tight spaces and a refusal to be bested could rob them blind.

Joel rattled the door you'd led them too. It was locked.

"Now what?" He hissed at you. You weren't worried. The door was always locked, it wasn't the door you were trying to get into. You smiled and looked upwards. Tess gaped at you while Joel glared even harder.

"You made us think we were coming in through the door."

"Yup."

"Why?"

"To fuck with you." Now Tess was glaring too.

"Don't get cocky kid or we might not take you with us next time. How're you gonna get up there anyway?" That earned an eyeroll from you.

"Next flight leaves in ten minutes" you retorted, taking out two short narrow blades, sticking them into the well-worn divets you'd created over multiple trips and beginning your ascent. You heard Tess curse but you were already several feet up, slotting your feet into the tiny spaces that your muscles had memorised, making your way up to the window which opened into the warehouse. You sucked your tummy in as you slotted yourself through the window - you were definitely going to have to lay off Bill's cookies - and froze as you made eye contact with two guards.

"Shit!" You scrambled your way out, hands and feet clawing for purchase as panic made your mind go blank. Then you could feel your centre of gravity shift and you were falling, landing with an ungraceful smack on the concrete. The pain made your head thrum as Tess hauled you to your feet.

"What happened?" You were trying to splutter out "go" when the door flew open and those two Fedra guards came storming out. Then they were raising their guns, Joel was yelling and your brain snapped to attention.

Bullets popped all around you as you sprinted for the fence. You dared a glance back as you ducked down under the wire. One of the guards lay still as Joel struggled with the other. You scraped yourself under the fence, pulling Tess after you. You screamed for Joel who had the guard in a headlock. Then Joel had one hand reaching for the guard's jaw and the other hand on the top of his head, and with a grunt and one swift motion there was a crack and the guard crumpled. Then he was diving under the fence that you were still holding up.

There was a shot and a bullet pinged off the ground where Joel's head had been a second before. But his head had jerked and it scraped his ear instead. Tess whipped out her gun and fired at the guard on the roof as you grabbed Joel's arm and tugged him to your side. You didn't see who or what Tess had hit but you heard a thump 10 seconds later then Tess was pulling you both to the alley screaming one word on repeat. You couldn't hear her over your own ears ringing but you could read her lips and you knew what word she was sounding out, it was a word you'd seen on countless people's lips.

"Run."

---

Joel

His back was glued to the wall as he surveyed the apartment building and everything, everyone surrounding it. They'd lost the guards several streets back, or at least he hoped they had. It didn't look like there were any FEDRA soldiers hanging about and he didn't think that any of the guards they hadn't killed had seen their faces anyway so it was safe as it could be under the circumstances. He signalled silently to Tess and Ciara behind him and they cut across the street, trying to move quickly and quietly without looking like they were sneaking about.

They climbed the stairs to the apartment in stony silence, Joel's ear still throbbing where a bullet had grazed it and Tess staring straight ahead with pursed lips while the girl kept eye contact with her shoes. She looked miserable, but she deserved to. It was her plan that had blown up so spectacularly in their faces, and they'd only agreed to it because she kept insisting that she knew what she was doing. But she'd been arrogant and careless, everything Joel warned Tess she was and everything he'd begun to hope she wasn't.

She dared a glance at him once they were inside. He stared back. He could feel the familiar tension in his eyebrows and clench of his jaw as he glared at her. She shrank back from his gaze and started looking at the floorboards.

"What happened?" Tess snapped.

"I... I don't know, there's not normally guards in that room." She still couldn't look at either of them.

"Maybe they stepped up their security when they realised they had a thief." She sank further into her chair."

"Yeah. Maybe."

"This is exactly what we warned you would happen" Joel growled.

"I know."

"Do you? Cos you seem to think our orders are some kinda joke. You strut around acting like you know it all just cos you know how to steal from idiots on the street. You think you can actually handle what we do? You can't. I tried to tell Tess, tried to tell you. You're just a dumb kid, don't even know how you managed to last this long."

"That's enough." Tess's voice cut through his rage and he realised that there were tears glistening in Ciara's eyes. He suddenly felt sick to his stomach. "Kid, we need time to talk alone." She brushed her eyes fiercely and slunk past him back to her room.

"Joel." Tess gestured sharply to their room. Shit, he was in for it now.

"I don't wanna hear it Tess."

"You wanna say I told you so? Fine. You warned me, I put too much trust in her too soon but I'm not getting rid of her." Joel stopped. That thought hadn't even occured to him. Jesus I'm getting soft.

"I ain't saying I want rid of her."

"Really? Cos you seem to be doing everything in your power to drive her away."

"I told you from the start this was a bad idea. She's too green, can't be out there with someone we don't trust, always having to keep an eye on em."

"That's not the problem."

"It's not?"

"Look, I was hoping you'd figure this out for yourself eventually and do something about it but someone's gonna have to spell it out before you say or do anymore stupid shit."

"What the hell you talking bout?"

"You like her." You like her. The words rattled through Joel's ears and spun around in his head. You like her you like her you like her you like her.

"That is... that's the stupidest shit I ever heard."

"It's stupid alright but it's still true."

"Tess-"

"Jesus Joel how stupid do you think I am? Your eyes follow her about the room, you have a nervous breakdown every time you say more than two words to her and everytime we go out on a job you keep checking to make sure she's still there."

"Cos she can't be trusted!"

"Cos the thought of losing her terrifies you!"

"She's too young for me."

"No arguments here but the fact is you still like her."

"Look, I told you from the start that taking her on was a bad idea. But you weren't hearing it so I went along with your stupid fucking plan. I tried to make sure she knew what she was doing, I looked out for her on jobs, that does not mean I have some stupid fucking crush. Don't go accusing me of shit just for following your orders," he snarled jabbing an accusing finger at her.

"I'm not accusing you of jack. I know you haven't done anything and you're so fucking repressed that you'll probably never do anything but in case it's not already painfully obvious, that girl has her own stupid crush on you, so you need to stop saying shit to hurt her or you might get your wish. She might leave and not come back and god knows what'll happen to her without us. She might be arrogant, naive to the point of being downright stupid but she's still my friend, and since I took her on, my fucking responsibility, and I won't have you getting her hurt just cos you can't handle your feelings like a fucking adult."

"You think I'd hurt her? You think I'd get her hurt? Maybe I should just stay away from her altogether."

"Fine. Whatever it takes to get you to stop acting like such a goddamn baby."

"Fine. Don't put her on jobs with me, don't make her train with me, as far as I'm concerned she doesn't exist. But don't come crying to me the next time she gets hurt" he yelled, slamming the bedroom door behind him, then slamming the apartment front door as he stalked out.

Then he was stood in that damp, musty hallway alone, and suddenly all the anger sagged out of him. He imagined Tess watching him as he watched her. Tess who never missed a trick with anyone, who'd always been able to see right through him and call him on his bullshit, following his eyes, his movements, the way he acted around you and realising what it meant, probably before he even really knew. Tess who'd been his family, his first real friend after the world went to shit, the first person he'd trusted enough to sleep in the same bed with, who'd never asked for anything even when she clearly wanted more than he was giving her, only to see him on the verge of giving it to someone else. He ran his face through his hands as if he could wipe the images from his brain. He fucking hated himself.

---

Tess

The whiskey bottle stood empty on the kitchen table, its contents burning their way through Tess's system. Her head was swimming so much that she barely heard the creak of a door opening, then she saw you standing sheepishly in the doorway, shuffling from foot to foot.

"I'm sorry." Tess shrugged.

"Not your fault."

"Yes it is. I nearly got us killed. You were right about me, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing."

"Oh, you're talking about what happened at the barracks?" She saw you blink at that.

"Yeah. What else would I be talking about?" She doesn't know, of course she doesn't know, Tess realised with a lurch. Probably just as well she'd run out of whisky.

"So you couldn't hear what me and Joel were saying."

"I could hear you yelling but I couldn't make out anything specific. You were arguing about me right?"

"Yeah."

"He thinks you should cut me loose?" Tess ran a hand over her face, trying to figure out what to say next.

"No, not exactly."

"Maybe you should." She gave you a long look.

"Maybe I should, but I'm not." You sagged into the nearest seat.

"He hates me, doesn't he?" Tess almost wished she could tell you how wrong you were when she saw the dejected look on your face.

"He doesn't hate you, he's just pissed with you. He'll get over it."

"Oh please, he barely tolerated me anyway. Now he can't stand the sight of me."

"That's not true." She wondered if you'd honestly never seen the way his eyes tracked you at every moment.

"But he won't work with me anymore." Tess sighed.

"No he won't." You nodded. You were trying to look understanding, passing it off like it wasn't a big deal but she could see your disappointment.

"Guess you're my only friend now," you looked up sharply, "I mean, if you ever were my friend." She chuckled and put an arm round you.

"Sure kid. I'm your friend." God knows you needed one now.

[evecolourshock]

I... kind of fixed it. In fic. Because Cutler deserves better.

Cutler knows he's not getting out of this one. One too many times too close to the line, and he's noticed.

Noticed, when it's the Occupation taking interest, is bad.

His armband-

The soldiers cornering him try to grab it. Rip it off him like they did last time, leave it broken and shattered on the floor - no Renegade to save him this time, no Beck to fix it-

Beck.

One corner of Cutler's mouth curls up. That beta. Clever, subtle beta, innocent in all the tricky ways someone can be. Someone whose fingers have been in his armband's code - logged, trackable.

He's never used the protocol before. Never trusted anyone to get close enough - knows if he goes down, his whole group's good as derezzed anyway. Didn't input anyone as his emergency responder.

But Beck? That beta's got connections. If anyone can keep Cutler's network and movement going now, it's him.

"Pass the torch." A whisper of a command, and the armband vanishes. Cutler's still grinning, when they throw him in the rectifier and the world goes red.

Good luck, Beck. It's all up to you now.

This, Beck thinks hysterically, is quite possibly the worst cycle he's ever had, and that includes when Tesler almost derezzed him.

Able derezzed two millicycles ago, sacrificing himself so Zed and Mara could live, lost to the schemes of a Program who'd long since lost his way. Tron is dying in front of him by his own admissal, weakened and in pain and looser lipped because of it. And now, Cutler's armband just ported itself to him.

That's- that only means one thing. Cutler's gone too, or as good as. Guess Beck didn't have to be told who Cutler trusted with that protocol any more.

Something snaps.

Beck cannot and will not lose any more friends.

Cutler's armband isn't just a symbol of rebellion. It's a key. Beck remembers discovering so many hidden functions, fixing it. Comms. Status updates. Cloned access. Message decoder. Spyware.

So many illegal and dangerous things, packed into a tiny band of light. Even just knowing about it felt like a bigger target on his back than the one already there.

Beck takes a breath, and slips it on.

The bombardment of messages almost deafens him. "Stop." Beck growls out, voice hoarse. All Renegade. If he's anything else, he'll be too paralysed to fix this.

The messages cease. Anxious. Wary. Beck's an unknown to this network.

"This is Argon's Renegade." Beck grits out, steeling himself. "My name is Beck." Tron's cardinal rule, broken. Beck's going to be breaking a few more, soon. "Some of you may know me, at least in passing. Most of you, I doubt it. I'm not expecting you to trust me, especially after an imposter stole my suit for a while recently."

"But Cutler trusted me, and I'm asking you to trust him."

Cacophony. Mara's voice loudest among them - so she's still fighting, good. Beck had started to get worried.

"Silence." Beck hisses. "This is hard enough as-is." He waits for the noise to die down. "We fought alongside each other in the Games. He saved me, more than once. Once we helped each other get out, I repaid him by fixing his armband. The very armband I'm speaking to you all with now."

The words are weighty, but they need to be said. "Cutler is compromised. Maybe rectified, maybe derezzed. I don't know. But he trusted me with this. With you." Beck barks a laugh, his own voice foreign to his ears. "My mentor is dying - and if you know my suit, then you can guess who that is. Clu, his cronies, they took his strength. They took Cutler. They took our friends-" his throat closes up a little. Able, a victim of Cyrus, who in turn was a victim of Clu. All of it, stemming back to one Program and his delusions. "-our families. And I don't know about you, but I am sick and tired of losing everyone I care about, one by one."

"And I think you are too."

Beck could tell himself he doesn't know where the words come from. He's not one for speeches, and really neither is Tron. Both preferring actions to words. But he'd be lying. He does know.

Some of it's Able, long shifts post-reveal spent quietly chatting to the Program he saw as a Creator. Some of it's Cyrus - as insane as he was, Beck can admire how charismatic the former Renegade was to go with it, and use that like he does everything else he's learned from his enemies.

Most of it is Bodhi. Passionate, fiery Bodhi. Beck's first friend, first love... first loss. Bodhi would have loved this, would have been a natural leader, would know exactly what to say to inspire and encourage.

Beck doesn't, but he's all the Uprising has right now. So he's going to try his best.

"I lost my best friend. My other half. Before all this. Before I became who I am now. They derezzed him, for being outspoken and brave and all the things I loved about him." Beck's voice is raw. Grief doesn't heal, not this kind, not this quickly. "I'm not the only one, I know. All of us have lost someone - we wouldn't be doing this if we hadn't. This fight is personal for us, because they made it that way."

"I'm not losing anyone else. Not my mentor, not you, not my friends. And not Cutler. Not now, not ever." His voice steels again. "So this is me, asking for help. I cannot do this alone. None of us can - that's how they beat us. They pick us off when we're separated, because they can't fight all of us."

"They take us, they twist us, they turn our friends on us. I say no more. I say we take back what's ours. We undo what they did. We fight in our own ways - I know, not all of us can be on the front lines, but we need healers and thieves and saboteurs and strategists just as much as we do warriors. We fight together. For our home, for our loved ones, for everyone those monsters took and bent to their will."

"Are you with me? Will you fight?"

The cheers that erupt make Beck's head ring, but he smiles. "Then let's get to work."

The prognosis still isn't good. To heal Tron, he's going to need a rectifier to strip out the virus and damaged code, so what's left can be manually rebuilt. Even with Tron in a state where he's not exactly able to object, and therefore not able to be his usual gruff combative self, it's not an option Beck likes.

Having a few Programs who know rectifier tech inside and out, due to pasts they aren't keen on sharing, helps. Beck isn't about to judge - they got out, left, chose to do the right thing. That's good enough in his datasets. A Medic used to Monitors and their antics on standby helps too - Tron may hate everything medical as much as Beck does, if not more so, but at least he'll be in good hands while he recovers. He can be grumpy about it as much as he likes, because he'll be alive and well enough to be grumpy.

The easiest rectifier to get to is definitely a trap. But it's also where Cutler is. Cutler, decked out in a Commander's red uniform, so like himself but hollow it's eerie.

Two Gridbugs, one throw. Beck hopes.

Three Programs help a fourth into a rectifier, tense with the knowledge the Grid's future rests on there being no mistakes. Beck goes looking for his target.

It's... easy to talk to this shell of Cutler. To pretend he's fallen for the ruse - the hurt at seeing Cutler in red is all too real, the relief at fake-Cutler saying it's just an act so he can take them down from within too easily faked. Because Beck- if he didn't know, hadn't put it together from the spyware and the armband and the grieving, angry militia he's found himself at the head of, Beck would believe him. Would fall for this shell's lies, because it's Cutler.

But it isn't him, too. So Beck only feels a twinge of regret when he tackles Cutler into the rectifier once Tron's done with it. "I'm sorry." He breathes, head bowed and forehead pressed to the field separating Cutler from the world as his team works to save him. "I'm so sorry."

Beck has two bedsides to stay at, when they make it back to a temporary base. The escape left him with scrapes and scratches, a lovely fresh wound stretching cheekbone to jaw - a guard swinging too close, reflexively kicked off the edge of a platform and sent hurtling to their death. Beck's first direct, non-forced kill - he wants to hope the last, but isn't quite so optimistic about that any more. Everyone who came with him is battered in some way, defending the pair who were in no condition to defend themselves.

Tron's going to be pissy about being sedated enough to keep him out of action, but he hadn't been repaired and one wrong move would have shattered him. Beck's selfish enough to bear the brunt of Tron's anger if it means there's a Tron to be angry at him. And Cutler... Cutler needed his mind to settle, needed to rest, not be dragged into fights when he would be so dazed he'd probably not know which way was up.

Beck curls up on the floor between them. Not the warmest, or most comfortable, but he's not going to leave and risk losing his friends again.

Cutler blinks bleary eyes up at the ceiling. It's- it's blue. All the reflected lighting, blue and white. Not red. He pinches his arm - nope, that hurts.

This is real. Or at least, he's pretty sure it is.

"Welcome back." The voice is familiar, slightly artificial, rough with exhaustion and warm with fondness.

"Renegade." Cutler tries to say, words scratchy in his throat. Argon's masked menace, Tron enough to fool the masses. Someone he's deeply relieved to see. "How long-?"

Cutler dissolves into coughs, strong white-clad arms helping him sit up and feeding him chips of frozen energy. Cutler's cheeks flame slightly, but his hands shake too much for holding a glass right now, and the cold... helps. They had everything uncomfortably warm, he remembers enough about that.

"I don't know." The Renegade answers quietly. "It's been... almost a dozen cycles since we rescued you. Anubis was getting worried, and anything that worries a Medic scares everyone. I don't know how long they had you before that."

"I... activated the Torch protocol." Cutler keeps his eyes on his hands, wondering how many of the voxels on them are from those he promised to protect. "My armband- Beck will have it. You know him - the beta who fixed it, last time. I sent it to him. It'll have logs-"

"I know." The voice doesn't... change, exactly, but Cutler sure as surges hears a helmet retract. He averts his eyes hastily - Programs wear masks for a reason, especially now. "Definitely one way to find out I made an impression."

Cutler's head snaps up at the teasing tone, shock electrifying every character of his code. That-

White suit. Tron's distinctive emblem. Snark and sarcasm and quips.

Brown eyes. Fluffy five-spike hair. Light and mischief and hope.

"Beck." Cutler whispers, having trouble believing what he's seeing. Beck, the Renegade, a beta Mechanic choosing to fight the Occupation head-on, intelligent and innocent and good at making people's eyes skip right on by if he needs to.

...so much makes sense now. And yet he can't- it's too outlandish to be imagined, too strange to be something they're trying to trick him with.

Cutler crumples. Relief, grief - how many were lost, because of him? How many of his own aren't coming home?

"We're all here." Beck pulls him into a hug, white melting away into those vibrant blue circuits. "I- the moment the armband came to me, I told everyone you were compromised. They moved - all of them. Just in time for some, a couple had to fight their way out, but... they got out. Found a few new places, ones you wouldn't have known. And- a friend of mine is pissed at me for having so many descend on his secret base, but he'll get over it. Programs who don't tell me they're dying until they're most of the way gone can suffer through the indignity of both having to make friends, and a live-in Medic calling them out on their problems."

Cutler snorts despite himself. "This friend... wouldn't have happened to own your suit first, right?" Beck's blinding grin is answer enough, and Cutler lets himself be distracted by the thought of the legendary Tron being bullied into socialising by a beta less than half his age.

There's a patch line covering a good portion of Beck's face. It's not... obvious, but once Cutler sees it he can't help tracing it. "There was a trap. A rectifier, you, more soldiers than on the manifest." Beck hums, catching Cutler's hand. "I knew. I went anyway."

Cutler's breath lodges in his throat. The Renegade is... trained, highly so, takes risks Cutler wouldn't dare attempt and comes out mostly okay. But even so- "Why?"

"Two reasons." Beck buries his head in Cutler's shoulder. It's adorable, and Cutler doesn't want to find out why his core starts racing. "One of them involves an idiot friend who didn't tell me he was dying, and it took a combination of a rectifier and a recompiler to reverse that." A smile curves into Cutler's collarbone. "The other involves a friend who got himself in over his head and needed rescuing again. And I'm tired of losing my friends."

Of all the reckless- "You actual Gridbug, you could have derezzed." Cutler chokes out between sobs and giggles, shoving a laughing Beck - accidentally tipping him entirely onto the floor.

"Must be a normal cycle." Beck deadpans at him, popping back up, and Cutler's laughter wins out over his tears.

"I love you so much." Cutler murmurs, and it's Beck's turn for flaming cheeks - blue all the way to his ears, tinting as far as his neck.

"I know." Beck tries to stop looking so flustered - fails, which is even cuter. "You, uh. Weren't awake. But made it pretty clear."

Cutler's not sure he wants to know.

There are other things to focus on, anyway, as much as he wishes there wasn't. "So what now?"

Beck offers Cutler's own armband back to him, invites Cutler to take it - there's a new addition to the design. Four small squares inside the ISO hexagon, arranged like a User letter T. "We fight together. We've learned how to take back our friends and our homes. They can't stop us all, any more."

Cutler grins, and takes Beck's hand. Bright blue bands gleam on their upper arms.

awaughhh I just realised in the last episode Cutler doesn’t have his ISO armband anymore :[