#alfred pennyworth
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@meatomeato
#superbat#batman x superman#battinson#corensupes#superman x batman#clark kent x bruce wayne#superman 2025#lois lane#james gunn#kal el#superman spoilers#superman movie#superman#krypto#dccu#clark kent#the batman 2022#bruce wayne#batman#batman 2022#the batman#alfred pennyworth#batfam#dc headcanon#dc batman
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“Bruce doesn’t know how to cook” “Bruce doesn’t make his own bed” have you considered the possibility that Bruce knows how to do all of those things but lets Alfred do them anyway because if he doesn’t, the whole Manor falls apart?
Bruce lets Alfred make the bed because after the close call with Killer Croc last night it’s either crisp folded sheets pressed to perfection OR Alfred goes deep into the Gotham sewers with a rifle, a belt of flash-bangs, and 30 years of unresolved overprotectiveness.
let the man cook. literally, please let him cook something.
#batman#bruce wayne#dc#alfred pennyworth#Gotham#Alfred had to stitch up a painful claw mark last night while Bruce tried not to make noise#you KNOW he’s gonna be folding sheets all day
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dpxdc 3
dick and his family were all playing cards when the doorbell rang. Sitting up he walked over to the door and opened it to see a young boy who was prime adoption bait with black hair, blue eyes.
"Hi there! I'm danny."
"hey Danny, what'cha doing here? I'm Dick."
"I'm here to visit my dad!" Danny said happily, "papa said he was here"
Dick froze. Dad? Did Bruce adopt another one without telling anyone? Or did one of his brothers have a kid without telling anyone?
Leaning back into the living room with the rest of his family he yelled "who had a kid without telling anyone?" Bruce dropped his cup and you could here a pin drop.
Suddenly Danny the yelled "Dad!" And rushed past him. Looking to see he almost passed out when he saw Alfred hugging the young boy. Bruce actually did.
__________
Aka, clockwork adopts Danny and after a bad reveal he sends him off to go stay with his husband(alfred) in another universe.
Now everyone has to get used to this 14 year old who is younger than Damian and yet their uncle because he's their psuedo-grandpas kid.
#dpxdc#dp#dcu#batman#dp x dc#danny fenton#danny phantom#clockwork#alfred pennyworth#Clockwork adopts Danny#Alfred x clockwork#grandfather clock#Grandfather clock ship#Bad reveal au#alternate universe
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sometimes dick gets nightmares when bruce isn’t around. alfred’s sense of propriety vs dick’s big ol’ puppy dog eyes <- a battle for the ages.
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Ok so, when Damian is like 14, he starts to grow out his hair (like current comic canon lol), and Bruce is confused (and worried that he's hallucinating because the gelled spikes are gone but any questions asked in that bruce way of his bring out the prickliness) while the batsibs start placing bets on the reason. No one knows why because Damian is tight-lipped but he roams the manor with well-oiled hair and meticulously directs its growth until a few months later when everyone's gathered at the table for family dinner and Dick walks in. Because. Dami's hair mirrors his. It's cut and kept in the way Dick keeps his own hair (shorter behind bc of nightly activities but still long in the front) and. Oh my god it makes so much sense but also what the hell cause from Damian, the gesture is very loud and open and showy —it might as well be a confession of love and admiration — and...cue the others handing money to Steph followed by a lot of groaning and grumbling (Alfred did not participate in the bet but guessed correctly and steph bet that alfred was the closest while Jason "it's because of teenage rebellion" Todd was the farthest away from the truth).


Simone DiMeo killing it as always
#dc#dick grayson#damian wayne#dick and damian#stephanie brown#jason todd#batfam#bruce wayne#batkids#batsiblings#alfred pennyworth#dick is def teary eyed#gives dami a big hug#thats his baby#who thinks he's cool enough to mimic#think about it dami has always followed/tried to mimic habits of people he thinks are the top#dick knows#so does alfie#i have too many feelings about these two#dick and dami
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When your adopted son can spot a shapeshifting imposter because they tried to be nice, that's your sign to reevaluate and make changes Bruce.
#batman#bruce wayne#dick grayson#robin dc#batman & robin#batman and robin#batman & robin year one#dc comics#dc#comics#alfred pennyworth
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Bruce suddenly realizes that his kids are telling Dick everything. Not only do they tell him, but they ask his permission and advice. And the best part is, they listen to him.
Bruce enters the cave and sees Tim at the computer: It's time for you to go to bed.
Tim, still typing: Yeah.
Dick, walking in after him and seeing the same thing as Bruce: Timbo, in bed.
Tim immediately turns around in his chair to whine pitifully: No-o-o, Dick, please, I need another half hour.
Dick, already lifting him from his chair and dragging him toward the exit: Come on, little birdie, it's bedtime.
Bruce: *moment of realization*.
Another time, Bruce spots Damian heading for the exit with a bag of things.
Bruce: Where are you going?
Damian: To the Kents' farm, obviously. They invited me for the weekend.
Bruce, shocked: Why didn't you tell me about this?
Damian, looking genuinely surprised: Why? I told Richard, he said yes.
Bruce: ...
And so it is with everything. Bruce realized that the kids only listen to him when he's on patrol, but in their normal lives, Dick is their parental figure. Even Jason, despite his grumbling, follows his older brother and listens to him.
Alfred, hearing Bruce's complaint: hm...
(After this, Alfred began using the mention of Dick as a manipulation. "Oh, don't you want to eat lunch, Master Tim? Maybe if I call Master Dick..." And yes. It works every time.)
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My favorite part of this is Alfred and Papa Kent apparently talk and that just makes me smile.


JONATHAN KENT JUST FULLY BODIED BATMAN'S ARGUMENTS IN THREE SENTENCES. GOOD. Like, he does it with kindness and because he knows Bruce is looking out for them and wants them to be safe, but also he's right and his point stands--if Bruce is strong enough to withstand looking for the good even in supposedly "bad" people, he's strong enough to withstand being wrong about them if he is indeed wrong, well, then Jon Samuel Kent, son of Superman, is also strong enough to do the same. And they should trust him, because Bruce of all people should understand exactly what Jon's going through.
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Nightwing (2016-): Fear State
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@drpaint_png
#superbat#the batman#bruce wayne x clark kent#clark kent x bruce wayne#superbat fanart#battinson#robert pattinson#david corenswet#the batman 2022#reevesverse#dc comics#batman 2022#batman#dc batman#batman comics#dc comcis#alfred pennyworth#bruce wayne#superman 2025#lois lane#kal el#lex luthor#james gunn#superman movie#superman#dc movies#clark kent
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Bruce: *is dead again*
Dick: well this s-
Tim: *carrying a go bag* I can't believe this! I'm gonna put a tracker on him when I- oh hi Dick.
Dick: ...you don't think he's dead?
Tim: WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME ANYONE DIED! ok Alfred but at this point I think he's using this as a vacation from us but PAST THAT! Who ACTUALLY dies? Superman 'dies' every few years, Bruce keeps 'dying' hell YOU 'die' sometimes. Obviously Jason, Damian, Cas, Steph have all 'died', my friends have'died',BUT THEY COME BACK! everyone. comes. back. I'll be back when I find Bruce for the THIRD TIME! *slams door*
Alfred: *walking into the room* he's not wrong. Tea?
#tim drake#comics#dc comics#robin#batman#bruce wayne#dick grayson#nightwing#alfred pennyworth#incorrect quotes#incorrect batfamily quotes#incorrect batfam#incorrect dc quotes#dc#Alfred lives cus i say so. death is simply a vacation
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My reasoning for Jason not being a citizen is that, and even if he was born in Gotham, he's still legally dead in my headcanons lmao
He doesn't have a valid passport or ID, he just doesn't have documents period and this makes him being a crime lord more convenient so I don't think he would go through the paperwork to legally bring himself back to life just for kicks, and now I bring you; Alfred also isn't a citizen because, like Jason, he's either legally dead (in war) or legally does not exist because of his history of working with M16.
Bruce is literally on the verge of an anxiety attack, Harvey is watching his phone vibrate nonstop with calls he's willfully ignoring, Steph is having the time of her life, Alfred is in the corner quietly watching and hoping Bruce doesn't question his citizenship status as Bruce is being hounded by Dick and Damian over why he couldn't forge their paperwork lile he did for Cass, Cass who FaceTime Barbra so she could witness the shit show.
bruce storming into the manor because with WE in the news there’s been an influx of rumors and scandals and it’s fine if you make up lies about him that’s what he does for a living. but coming after his kids?
they’re all used to sly remarks being made about their backgrounds, things alluding to stereotypes and the such. but to outright claim that dick isn’t even an american citizen? too far.
he confronts dick, tells him he’s sorry about all this and he’ll have this rumor taken care of asap. he’s halfway done dialing the daily planet when dick is just nonchalantly like.
“rumor? b in their defense, i’m not a us citizen. i mean at least i don’t think i am?? i mean i never took the test.”
and bruce pauses and is like. what are you talking about of course you are you were born her- ohhhhhh. ohhhh yeah. oh yeah so actually i did in fact take you in on a whim cause the night your parents died the world traveling circus just so happened to be in gotham. and now he’s spiraling about how he could’ve let something like that slip.
he thinks to himself - did i just. never do that paper work? was there even paper work? how did he graduate high school- (it’s cuz ur rich bruce) and then he’s deleting clark’s number and starts dialing harvey’s instead.
jason listening in the back is like dude you voted this year and dick is like i think i’ve run for office ???
#batman#batfamily#batfam#batfam headcanons#dick grayson#bruce wayne#jason todd#arab damian wayne#chinese cassandra cain#mexican jason todd#romani dick grayson#stephanie brown#duke thomas#barbra gordon#alfred pennyworth
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pls dont mind how badly photoshopped this is i made it at school on my crappy chromebook
#fyp#fyp tumblr#tumblr fyp#batfam#photopeablr#batman#bruce wayne#batfamily#alfred pennyworth#jason todd#red hood#damian wayne#dick grayson#boy wonder#dc robin#dc#dcu#dc comics#dc universe#nightwing#red robin#tim drake#stephanie brown#spoiler dc#orphan#cassandra cain#duke thomas
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what do they get at cafes
Duke: Bruce, can we go to the Bat-Café?
Bruce: You know, I'm getting tired of all these businesses using my brand unlicensed.
Duke: Is that a yes or...
Bruce: Sure, I guess. Everyone, get in the car.
[at the Bat-Café]
Steph, the barista: Welcome to the Bat-Café. What can I get you?
Duke: I'll have a Signal, light ice.
Steph, tapping the screen: Small black coffee.
Alfred: What do you recommend?
Steph: Our most popular is Batman's Butler.
Alfred: He is quite a charming fellow. I will have that.
Steph: One London fog, got it.
Jason: I'll have the Red Hood.
Steph: Extra large flat white.
Barbara: What's the Two-Face?
Steph: It's one part espresso, another part espresso.
Barbara: I'll take that. Dick?
Dick: No coffee for me, but I'll try the Nightwing pastry.
Steph: Okay, that's a Two-Face and an apple bottom cake.
Damian: No caffeine for me, either. Unlike the rest of you, I respect my body. Give me your healthiest item.
Steph: One water.
Cassandra: What's the sidekick meal?
Steph: A Robin egg sandwich and Bat-Cow milk for $6.99.
Cassandra: I'll take that. Make the milk big.
Steph: What bread?
Cassandra: Surprise me.
Steph: Clayface sourdough it is.
Selina: I'll have the Sirens lunch.
Steph, tapping the screen: Tuna salad, green juice, and cherry bomb muffin.
Harper: I'll do a Token Bi. Cullen and Carrie also texted me. He wants a Token Gay and she wants a Token Ace.
Steph: Double dipper sandwich, fruit cup, and garlic bread.
Helena: I'll have the Italiano.
Steph: A cappuccino, americano, and macchiato blended in one cup.
Bette: What's the Flamebird?
Steph: It's a chicken wrap with hot sauce.
Bette: I'll one for myself and one for Kate.
Jean-Paul: I want vengeance.
Steph: We sell food here, sir.
Tim: I'll do a tea.
Everyone: *stares at him*
Tim: Just trying to beat the fanon allegations.
Bruce: What about you, Steph? You should get something too.
Steph: I've been duplicating every order. I have one of what each of you are having. Do you want anything?
Bruce: Yeah, I'll have a half-caf/decaf peaberry non-fat latte, steamed to 145 degrees, not too much foam, light cinnamon, shot of butterscotch. And the beignets.
Bruce: And I wanna buy this place.
Steph: Your total will be $1,099,000. Would you like anything Jokerized?
Bruce: This tiny place is a million?
Steph: This place is ten bucks and a pack of gum. The water was $999,900.
#dick grayson#jason todd#tim drake#damian wayne#duke thomas#stephanie brown#cassandra cain#barbara gordon#harper row#helena bertinelli#bette kane#alfred pennyworth#selina kyle#jean paul valley#bruce wayne#batman#batfamily#batfam#batboys#batbros#batgirls#batkids#batsiblings#batman family#incorrect batfamily quotes#incorrect quotes#incorrect dc quotes#dc comics#headcanon#shitpost
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Stephanie dying her hair black for an undercover OP
Stephanie: So what you guys think
Dick:
Tim: That is so freaky
Jason: You… you look like Bruce’s mom!
Stephanie: WHAT? No I don’t!
Dick: You do! And it’s so fucking freaky!
Tim: It’s a really fucking eerie resemblance. Are you sure you’re not related to him? Like a distant cousin or something?
Stephanie: Your all fucking insane. I don’t look like her!
Jason: Hold on. Alfred! Can you come here!
Alfred: There is no need to shout Master Jason. Now what is all the commotion?
Jason: We just need to know, does Steph look like Bruce’s mom?
Alfred: Bloody Hell. You do bear a very striking resemblance to the late Martha Wayne, Ms Brown.
Tim: Told you.
Dick: Come on let’s dye it brown before Bruce sees and has a fucking panic attack.
#gotham#batman#batfamily#the batman#batgirl#bruce wayne#batfam#batman and robin#batman: wayne family adventures#incorrect batfamily quotes#stephanie brown#dick grayson#tim drake#jason todd#alfred pennyworth#martha wayne
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