#At least not without like 50 Trigger Warnings

[kitsune528]

There's something really funny about being asked about pmmm and me mentioning that it looks like it has vibes similar to Higurashi in the cosmic timeloop sense and then going into the Higurashi tag and seeing Pmmm x Higurashi crossover fanart the same evening

[lukie17]

Ordering a body pillow of them!

It was a sleepless night when you decided to doom scroll until sleep finally kicked in. Until an ad caught your attention, a deal of a costume made dakimakura. It was 50% off and you could ask for the pillow to show a fictional character, an actor or even someone you knew. Without thinking twice, you send the picture of your husband with your specifications.

You tried to keep it a secret from him, until he found out.

Xavier

He was supposed to be on a mission and not return until a few days later. While he was gone, you used the pillow and put it back into your secret spot. But this time it went wrong, Xavier being the freak he is, ended up the mission earlier than expected and wanted to pass out in the arms of his partner in life.

But what did he find? His beautiful wife hugging someone else. He did not know who it was nor he cared, he yanked the pillow out of you and his sword pressed against the "neck" of the intruder. Scared out of the sudden attack, you raised your weapon and aimed at him, carefully turning the lights.

Xavier's scowl only grew heavier as his own eyes met him. The pillow showed him in his cat butler self with the difference that his uniform was open, showing his torso and chest. The hunter's face was an enigma, and you froze, knowing too damn well that it could either go wrong or really wrong. Xavier was even jealous of himself and the pillow might trigger it even more.

To your demise, but not surprising, Xavier cut the pillow into tiny pieces. You sighed as you let him rage, trying to find the right words to ease him, maybe there could be a way where you get out of the mess without walking funny for the next few days. But the beast was on the loose.

In a second, Xavier's lips were on your own, one hand pressing you against the bed while the other one ripped his uniform apart. His kisses were a warning, he would make sure that you won't even for a pillow or him.

Zayne

Zayne discovered it by accident. He was doing some spring cleaning at your apartment when he found it. Stacked at the bag of the closet, Zayne almost froze the dakimakura when he landed his eyes on it. Not because of jealousy, but he thought that there was an intruder.

Out of curiosity he examined the pillo. He was in his doctor's coat or at least a spicy version of it. He wondered why you had ordered it and when you did it. Since the pillow smelled like you, he guessed that it was something that you used frequently. Zayne could have taken the path of hiding the pillow away, and save you the embarrassment, but you had played a lot of pranks on him lately, so he had a score to settle.

That evening you walked home tired of a long shift and just wanted to rest, but Zayne had everything planned. As soon as you opened the door, he greeted you.

"Welcome home, cheater" sipping tea from his mug "Did you have a nice day?"

You were confused. You would never dare or wanted to cheat on Zayne. In fact, he looked really calm and was he smirking? He had not a smile on his face but you could tell something was going on.

"What?"

"No need to play dumb" his head pointing to your room "I have discovered the man that is in your bed"

No sound came from you, still trying to understand what was going on. Yes, you invited friends like Xavier or Caleb to your apartment but never cheated on Zayne. Wondering what made him act like that, only to discover your body pillow in bed. You wanted to crawl in a whole, you wanted to die and get eaten by a wanderer. But Zayne had other plans.

"I think I got the messge" his arms caging you against him "I need to stop more time with my wife or else she would leave me" before you could explain yourself, Zayne devoured your lips.

Sylus

He will never, never, NEVER, let you forget what you did. You were on your knees sitting on front of him as the pillow floated infront of you while Sylus made it turn around with his evol. In the pillow, he was wearing some kind of armor that looked like a dragon. It was both endaring and weird.

You did not know what to say. Sylus, as always, had the upper hand and there was no way gettint out of it. So you decided to play your trick card: jumping into his lap hopping to distract him but he had other plans.

The red mist caught you and pushed you down until your face was against the body pillow, making sure that your face was against his face in the pillow. Then he position himself behidn you, his lips brushing against your ear.

"I never thought that you would be such a naughty kitten" you could not tell if he was mad or happy about the fact that you had a body pillow of him, and you did not want to know "Though, I do not know what it took you to buy another version of me when you have me right here"

He sponned you around so you could face him, and when you tried to look away, his evol made you look at him. He looked like a lion about to devour his prey, and for the first time in a while you were a little afraid of Sylus, in a good way.

"Cat got your tongue?" he mocked as he leaned closer "Or are you only going to talk to the pillow, kitten?"

Sylus closed the distance between you, making sure that any sound woud be trapped in his mouth. You don't know if you regret buying the pillow or not changing the address direction to other place rather that your shared home with Sylus.

Caleb

My husband , Caleb would tease you and feel so flattered at the same time. He didn't know that you had it in you, but he also had to tease you as we know. He will lift the body pillow high enough for you to not reach it, and he will se your face blusing as you try to get it back.

"What's that pipsqueack? You missed me so much that you have to get one pillow out of me" you were basically a tomate, but you could not lose.

"Who are you to talk, panty-thief!"

Caleb froze and he left the pillow hit the floor, quickly you grab it at tossed in the closet.

"You- you know?" he was now the one who was turning red "How-how? I was sure that I was careful..."

"How could I not when my old underwear kept reapearing as if it was new!" you protested, hoping that he would forget the body pillow "You pervert! Why do you think I make sure to do all the laundry?"

The body pillow was now a thing from the past for him, the lonely travels to the deepspace tunnel were only bareable because he took a piece of you with him. He never anything pervert with them, but he liked to have them close, he did not know if he could survive with them. He got in his knees, and hugged your legs, looking like a dog who was sad for being scolded.

"Pips, pleasee" he rubbed against your legs "Let me do your laundry again"

You only sighed with relief, now he would forget about the pillow and let you be. After all, you need someting to cuddle against when he went to missions for while. Though you were lucky that he had not open the pillow and found his own underweare in there. What can you say? Weirdos attract each other

[mitskicodedwukong]

💥 PIGSY, QI XIAOTIAN, REDSON, SIX-EARED MACAQUE, & SUN WUKONG WITH AN EXPLOSIVELY-POWERED CHILD 💥

» the family jewels (marina) « 0:50 ─〇───── 3:58

╔⏤⏤⏤⏤╝🍑╚⏤⏤⏤⏤╗ AUTHOR'S NOTE ╚⏤⏤⏤⏤╗🍑╔⏤⏤⏤╝ ➤ This is reposted from my old account, @nothyenlowz :3 ➤ This is a scenario. ➤ This is platonic/familial. ➤ For this scenario, MK will be aged up to 23! ➤ TRIGGER WARNINGS include profanity, hurt/comfort, implied child neglect, homelessness, attempted robbery, break-in, animal attacks, violence, biting, blood, injury, PTSD(?)/trauma flashbacks, and past near-death experience. ➤ Word count: 4,233 words

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

❝ Welcome to the family jewels; coal to diamonds, sold to fools .❞

╔⏤⏤⏤⏤╝╚⏤⏤⏤⏤╗ PIGSY 🐖 ╚⏤⏤⏤⏤╗╔⏤⏤⏤⏤╝

➤ You were a frequent at the shop. Pigsy immediately took notice of how you were alone each time you visited, how you were dirty, how you ate like it was your last meal, etc.

➤ It was easy for him to put 2 and 2 together. So, each time you visited, he gave you anything you wanted, and even went out of his way buy you gifts (toys, clothes, books, etc.). Tang even stopped being a freeloader for a while to ensure Pigsy could afford it.

➤ Somewhere along the line, Pigsy managed to adopt you! Now you were always at the shop, or at least not anywhere without him and Tang. No longer did he have to worry about you!

➤ ...or so he thought. One day, a robber busted into the shop demanding Pigsy hand over the money. Of course, the pig demon wasn't surprised; it wasn't the first time this has happened, but it was the first time he'd been threatened with a butter knife.

➤ Anyway, that's to say Pigsy knew there wasn't any real danger proposed by this rude stranger. But you, well, you were so young, and Buddha knew what you'd been through—how were you supposed to know the difference between genuine danger and a mild inconvenience?

➤ Just as Pigsy was about to give the guy the typical "bugger off or I'm gonna toss you out and report you", you raced out from behind the counter and slammed your fist into his stomach, sending him crashing against one of the (thankfully) empty booths.

➤ Pigsy was stunned for a minute, watching customers race out to avoid being caught in the crossfire. His eyes landed on you, still approaching the downed robber, and honed in on the electric green glow encasing your hands and eyes, snapping around your body like emerald lightning.

➤ He managed to shake himself from his stupor before you reached the crumpled man and stepped between you two, kneeling in front of you with gentle words and a soft voice, trying to coax you out of your explosive state.

➤ "Hey, hey, kiddo. We're alright. He's not gonna hurt you. You can calm down now."

➤ Exhaustion from the exertion your body experienced seemed to finally catch up to you, the green snaking around your body before disappearing. You collapsed forward, curling into Pigsy's arms and beginning to cry softly.

➤ "Bàba," you sniffled, trembling.

➤ Pigsy hushed you, holding you close as the guy limped out of the restaurant.

➤ "It's okay, kiddo, I'm not angry. Let it all out."

➤ He had quite the research assignment for Tang later.

╔⏤⏤⏤⏤╝╚⏤⏤⏤⏤╗ QI XIAOTIAN ✨ ╚⏤⏤⏤⏤╗╔⏤⏤⏤⏤╝

➤ MK met you after defeating Lady Bone Demon. You were the unfortunate host she used, and you needed a lot of help afterwards. You were fragile in a number of ways; sickly, physically fatigued, afraid of your own shadow and plagued by nightmares. MK understood all of that, and so you two became close, helping each other recover bit by bit.

➤ It was a day where you were hanging out with everyone at Flower Fruit Mountain, including Wukong. One of the cheeky monkeys had snagged your phone, so you chased after them to retrieve it. Unbeknowst to you, Wukong had followed after you to make sure his subject didn't give you a hard time.

➤ You managed to catch up to the monkey, but not before they squirreled away into a tree. So you were left at the bottom, hands on your hips as you attempted to negotiate with the little cream-furred simian.

➤ What came next happened fast: another monkey dropped from the foliage cover of the tree, beginning to tussle with the other. It flung the electronic in the scuffle and you stumbled forward in a venture to catch it, and then you caught sight of the monkey king's hand outstretched towards you.

➤ "So, your plan is to fist fight a child?"

➤ "Have you forgotten? Destroy me and you destroy the host!"

➤ "Have you become so desperate to end that you would sacrifice this blameless, innocent child?"

➤ "I told you—"

➤ "y o u s h o u l d h a v e s t a y e d b u r i e d . "

➤ "NO!" you shrieked, crossing your arms over your face as you braced for the hit that should have taken your life months ago.

➤ Sobs wracked your body as you crumbled to the floor despite remaining untouched. A cold, incessant chill pressed in on on you and you hated it, you hated it so much. All you could think of was her; the stink of old bones, the constant ache of ice, the cracking of your very body as that wretched demoness used you as a vehicle for her wicked deeds...

➤ and how willing the legendary Monkey King, the greatest hero of all time, had been to kill you, if it'd meant she would have died too.

➤ You continued to sink further into your memories, hands clawing at your scalp in a vain attempt to pull yourself out of it. The cold got worse, making each breath grate your throat on the way in; your tears froze to your face and your body weakened more and more until you collapsed in a heap, praying under your breath that someone would save you.

➤ "Hey!"

➤ The voice reverberated around your head, your thoughts moving sluggishly as you attempted to place a name to the familiar cadence. The cold went away ever-so-slightly as you calmed, focusing on the voice.

➤ "M...MK?"

➤ A sharp, cracking noise came from your left, followed by the last hints of a green flame. You blinked wildly out of a newly formed hole, light pouring into whatever dark place you'd gotten stuck in. Warm air scented with sweet fruits and flowers billowed into your face and you breathed it in deeply, feeling your body begin to relax.

➤ Hands temporarily filled the hole, blocking the heat and making you frown, but they ripped away more and more of your enclosure until MK's face comes into view, strained with worry and fear. As soon as his eyes met yours they softened, the successor leaning forward and gently pulling you up and towards him.

➤ You allowed him to do so, limbs shaking as you stepped out of the ice ball you'd been trapped in—wait. Ice ball? When... how did that get there? It was the middle of summer on Flower Fruit Mountain! There shouldn't have been any snow, much less ice!

➤ You looked around wildly, eyes taking in your surroundings: most of the scene is the same plentiful forest, but there's about a fifteen foot radius surrounding the shattered ice ball that's marred with gnarly spikes, curled like claws. You see Mei and Tang exacting magic on the ice to melt it, trying to free—oh god. Wukong lies pressed flat to the ground, ice digging into his clothes and, more frighteningly, his throat.

➤ Did... did you do that?

➤ You started sobbing immediately, clinging to MK. You grabbed fistfuls of his shirt, feeling the fabric tear under your desperate grip, but you couldn't will yourself to let go.

➤ "Hey," MK cooed, sitting on the ground and holding you close. "It's okay. You're safe."

➤ "S-She's still here! She's still in me! MK, please, please, we have to get her out b-before she gets too strong a-and Monkey King has to...has to—"

➤ "She's not," MK reassured you softly, gently rocking you as you waded through your panic. "It's just the after effects. You're still you. You're safe."

➤ "I'm safe," you choked out, pressing hard into MK's warm, solid body.

➤ The gang'll have to do some research on just how much power you retained from the Lady Bone Demon's possession, but they'll wait until you've had proper time to process.

➤ For now, they'll just make sure you remember you're safe.

╔⏤⏤⏤⏤╝╚⏤⏤⏤⏤╗ REDSON 🔥 ╚⏤⏤⏤⏤╗╔⏤⏤⏤⏤╝

➤ After the defeat of the Lady Bone Demon, the demon bull family welcomed a new member: you.

➤ Redson was immediately enamored with you. After only days of existing, you had your elder brother wrapped around each one of your tiny fingers. He was a dutiful sibling, working late into the night to craft you new toys, weapons, vehicles (the latter two he was forbade to give to you until you were at least eight)—anything you could desire.

➤ They discovered early that you had wind magic similar to your mother, with the added gift of blessing any item with your powers. This eventually earned you the title Prince/ss Strong Wind and brought your family great pride. And while it wasn't fun to chase around flying cups or run from enchanted bull clones, at least you weren't a Redson level catastrophe!

➤ That was before the... hm, accident, though.

➤ It wasn't your fault! You'd been practically attached to Redson's hip since you learned to walk (and he to your's for even longer), what were you supposed to do when you heard him shrieking "dragon horse girl" at the top of his lungs?!

➤ (Nevermind the fact you knew how dramatic your brother was... unfortunately for your parents [and anyone else who got involved with your family], you'd adapted his theatrics.)

➤ So you, upon hearing your beloved brother's scream, raced out of your mother's very important etiquette lesson and to your brother's room, damn-near ripping the door of its hinges when you busted in. You were so trained on the fact there was a stranger in Redson's room that you didn't even spare him a glance, missing the giant grin on his face (one that quickly morphs into "oh shit", mind you).

➤ The stranger—or the dragon horse girl, you presumed—gave you a big, lop-sided smile, acting as if she hadn't just broke into the Demon Bull family's keep!

➤ "OHHHH, you must be Redson's new nibby! I'm—"

➤ You didn't give her the chance to go a second further. Whipping winds travelled down your shoulder to your wrist, and when you outstretched your hand, a powerful gust struck the dragon horse girl right in the chest and forced her into the wall, cracking it.

➤ She peeled herself from the wall with a groan, wincing as she looked at you. You're quite the sight, raging winds strengthening around you, steam surely billowing from your ears and nostrils, teeth bared threateningly as you stalked closer.

➤ For a second, she looked afraid, and you internally rejoice at that. Yes. Yes! You've done it; you've protected your brother, your family, and your reputation as the baddest demons in this sorry city!

➤ But just as you were about to send the dragon horse girl through a few walls (and hopefully out of your house), Redson slid in front of her, halting your attack.

➤ "You have to calm down!" he yelled over the wind, bracing his arms over his face and creating a small shield.

➤ Your brows furrowed upon hearing your brother speak. It was hard to understand what he said between the wind and the adrenaline, but you managed to grasp on to the words just enough that the air relaxed ever-so-slightly.

➤ "But I...I'm protecting you! I'm protecting the family!" you replied back, the harsh gusts making you stumble to the side a bit.

➤ "Yes, you're doing so well!" Redson praised you, an ecstatic expression on his face. Then his eyes flicker behind him and you can just barely make out a scowl on the dragon girl's face, making him clear his throat. "However, this is no stranger. This is my... friend. She just has no manners."

➤ "HEY!"

➤ "Your friend?" you echoed, and the wind finally relented. When it disappeared, a fair amount of your energy went with it. Redson hurried forward to stabilize you, one hand holding your shoulder and the other holding your hand.

➤ "There you go," Redson said softly, guiding your breathing. "There you go. Breathe. Relax. Let it go."

➤ "I'm sorry," you mumbled, bone-tired now that your attack was over. "I didn't—I was worried, I thought you were...in trouble."

➤ Redson hummed, walking you to his bed and sitting you down. "I understand. I'm sorry I worried you."

➤ Eventually, the dragon horse girl wandered closer, rubbing the back of the neck sheepishly. "Yeah... I'm sorry, too. I'm used to just Redboy being here so I, uh... don't bother knocking," she says with a small smile.

➤ Redson gave her a side-eyed expression and a raised eyebrow, then huffed and focused back on you.

➤ "Would you like to spend the day with us? Mei and I are making gauntlets to help her with her powers, so you two can get acquainted and make sure we're playing nice."

➤ You smiled, comforted by your brother's sweetness. "That'd be nice."

➤ Mei will definitely bully him for being so soft later, but for now (and, let's be honest, forever), all he cared about was that smile on your face.

╔⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤╝╚⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤╗ SIX-EARED MACAQUE 🔮 ╚⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤╗╔⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤╝

➤ Macaque was no stranger to life on the streets, well-aware of the lack of food and water, shelter, good clothes, and protection. He was familiar with just how dehumanizing it could be to live in Megapolis' alleys, scrounging from dumpsters and snoozing in dilapidated buildings until having to move to avoid being found by less-than-forgiving company.

➤ Maybe that's why, when he found you in the alley behind his dojo trying to cram yourself beneath a dumpster to hide from a hailstorm, he invited you in.

➤ And maybe MK's rubbed off on him more than he expected, because after he let you in, he never made you leave.

➤ Eventually, you two went from co-existing to something more... familial. It was sort of like you'd been there the whole time with the way Macaque's routine came to revolve around you.

➤ Anyway. That's to say you were very grateful the demon gave you a home that stormy night.

➤ Maybe a little too grateful.

➤ Early on, Macaque noticed your determination to "pay him back" for his kindness. It was a silly concept to him, something he paid little mind to. But when he started to realize just how dedicated you were, he tried valiantly to convince you it wasn't necessary.

➤ You didn't relent, and for several weeks, you bent over backwards to try to make things even between the two of you.

➤ And then, just when you were coming to terms with never being able to repay him, a big bad wolf wandered by.

➤ You were asleep when you awoke to shattering glass, the sharp sound making you bolt straight-up. Your heart pounded in your ears as you kept listening, and you contemplated calling for Macaque, but the man had six ears. He could hear your heart, and surely its rabbit-like rhythm would have been enough to draw him to you if the broken glass didn't.

➤ Something was wrong.

➤ You slipped out of bed as quietly as you could manage, tiptoeing out of your room and to the top of the stairs. You listened intently, hoping for a clue on what to do.

➤ With every second that passed, you felt sillier. Maybe you imagined it. Maybe you had a nightmare and it scared you so bad you woke up. Maybe you were still dreaming.

➤ But then you heard a screech unmistakably belonging to Macaque, succeeded by crashing, and you couldn't stop yourself from racing down the stairs, your thudding footsteps nothing in comparison to the thud thud thud of your hammering heartbeat.

➤ As you turned the corner, you found the broken window, glass scattered all over the dojo floor; and across from it, Macaque pinned beneath a behemoth of a wolf demon.

➤ You didn't even think, your body naturally moving towards the intruder, your teeth bared. You barely noticed your body shifting, fangs and nails sharpening like thorns and a tail sprouting from your back.

➤ You landed on their back and, purely on instinct, sunk your teeth into the back of their neck, tightening your grip on them when they shrieked and reared back, allowing Macaque to scramble away. The monkey demon watched in shock as you remained latched to the intruder's neck despite their wails and attempts to tug you off, blood dripping down their body and on to the dojo floor.

➤ Unfortunately, Macaque remained in his shocked state until the wolf demon managed to grab you by the hair and rip you off of them, making you cry out as you dangled from their hand. You heard the shadow caster snarl, your only warning before the intruder was dragged helplessly into a shadow portal by angry clones, one of them snagging you before he disappeared completely.

➤ "..id, hey, kid, kid!" You blinked as you found yourself in Macaque's arms, the monkey's expression sharp with pain and worry. "Hey, are you with me, kid?"

➤ "I...I'm... I don't know what... I was... who..." you babbled uselessly, your voice beginning to descend into sobs as the pain set in. Aside from your body just aching, your head felt hot, a little wet, and that scared you—but not as much as the sticky, iron taste coating your mouth, staining your chin and your hands when you tried to wipe it away.

➤ "Fuck, kid," Macaque hissed under his breath, a gentle hand pressing against your head. "Why would you do that?"

➤ "I-I have to protect you," you stuttered, whimpering as a wave of pain rippled through your head.

➤ "Protect—" he cut himself off, his expression firm and his lips pressed into a thin line. His head tilted away from you, a long exhale huffed out through his nose as his eyes slipped shut. When he spoke again, it was softer. "You're an idiot, and we're going to have a very, very serious conversation about this "I owe you" bullshit later, but for now we're going to go patch you up, okay?"

➤ You don't answer, too busy trying to fight off tears. But then Macaque presses a soft kiss to your temple as he gathers you in his arms and stands, whispering, "You were very brave. I'm proud of you, kid."

➤ Maybe taking care of each other was just part of having a home.

╔⏤⏤⏤⏤╝╚⏤⏤⏤⏤╗ SUN WUKONG 🍑 ╚⏤⏤⏤⏤╗╔⏤⏤⏤⏤╝

➤ Wukong... didn't really know how he met you.

➤ You just kinda... showed up. No, literally. He was taking a walk along the beach one day and you were just there—some random little seemingly human baby crying on sand, waves lapping at your chunky legs.

➤ Wukong knew next to nothing about human babies, but he knew humans in general, and unlike his pre-Journey self, he actually liked them. So he picked you up, cradled you in his arms as best as someone with no knowledge of how to hold babies could, and sought out the mothers of the troop.

➤ Despite knowing he wasn't really qualified for the job, he grew attached to you very quickly. And you seemed to do the same, if your wails were anything to go off of when he tried to hand you to some of the other, more experienced parents. So Wukong, for all intents and purposes, became your father, giving you a liege of aunties and uncle s and cousins ready to fight for you at the drop of a pin.

➤ It was... hard. Oh, wow, it was hard. You seemed to be an especially picky baby, which made caring for you even more difficult considering all your guardians were monkeys who barely ever interacted with humans. Wukong found himself frequently visiting the growing village across the sea, keeping himself updated on appliances and foods in human homes.

➤ As you grew older, he discovered you especially liked fish, which meant he had to learn how to fish (it was very, very embarrassing in the beginning). But it was ultimately a win, your fussiness practically nonexistant as long as you got something seafood related during the day.

➤ Foolishly, Wukong thought this would be the end of his parental struggles.

➤ It was one of many days where you picked fruit with the troop, but the first in weeks where you'd gotten to check out the west side of the island. Previously, hunters had moved in and he wanted to make absolutely sure they left before allowing you or the monkeys near that side of the mountain. That time seemed to have come, the scent of humans faint on the breeze.

➤ So finally, after hundreds of agonizing hours, you got to harvest the westside fruit with your family! Some of the adolescent monkeys aided you and the adults in filling the baskets while the infants played, with a few hanging on to you and napping. It was going wonderfully.

➤ Until it wasn't.

➤ All you heard was a shrill warning bark before one of the monkeys screamed. You whipped around, horror gripping you as your eyes locked on to a hunting dog latching its jaws around the arm of one of the elder monkeys, forcing them to the ground.

➤ "NO!" You shrieked, dropping your basket as you raced towards the dog. You tried valiantly to rip it off, but you were quickly seized from behind and pulled backwards.

➤ "Stop! Let me go! BÀBÀ!" You screamed, fighting and kicking as hard as you could to break free. It was a fruitless venture, and you felt yourself slow to a stop in shock as hunters poured from the woods, escorted by hunting dogs who kept the monkeys from running away.

➤ Seeing this did nothing short of destroying you, and you felt something... swimming beneath your skin. It grew hotter and hotter, your breath coming out in ragged ivory puffs like... steam? It was strange, to you, to the troop, to the hunters, and everyone stopped, watching you with bated breath.

➤ "Let them go," you hissed, straining with effort as the heat increased. "and get off my mountain."

➤ The hunter holding you laughed, condescending and wicked. "Your mountain?"

➤ "Mine," you wheezed. "And I'll not have you beasts terrorizing my family any longer."

➤ "Wha—" the hunter had no time to finish as your body dramatically morphed, your human features forgotten as your body stretched and winded upwards, covered in scales and fur, your hands replaced by talons and your legs replaced with hooves. In your full, cool-toned glory you were a small, scrappy thing by dragon standards, but you were still frightfully sized compared to the foolish humans that invaded your home.

➤ With a roar, the heat coursing through your body built in the back of your throat and shot out in way of boiling water, making the victims who didn't duck in time howl in agony. Hunters dropped their weapons, screaming indistinct orders as they ran, dogs in tow, and you gave chase for a bit, literally snapping at the heels of the few slowpokes in the back.

➤ When they were out of sight, you stomped back to the troop, softening your footsteps when you saw them. You quickly realized speaking was hard in this form, so you laid down, hoping you hadn't scared your family.

➤ And slowly, surely, they crept towards you, running their hands over your scales. Some of them crawled on top of you, exploring your new form, while the others held your face, stroking you comfortingly. A few vanished into the forest, presumably to fetch Wukong.

➤ "We thank you, Prince/ss," cooed the monkeys.

➤ "Yes, you've vanquished the hunters, Prince/ss! Our King will be proud of you."

➤ Finally, Wukong appeared, rushing in on his somersault cloud with a few monkeys hanging on to his clothes. You nearly cried upon seeing your father—or you would have, if you could.

➤ "Oh, pit seed!" Wukong cried, the other monkeys making room for you as he knelt before you and held your head. "The monkeys—they told me that the hunters didn't leave. I'm so sorry, pit seed, I swore they'd left, I should have been more careful, more thorough—"

➤ A rumble cut through you, a desperate attempt to speak to your father. In quick succession, another rumble of frustration escaped you, boiling water beginning to drip from your jaws.

➤ Please please PLEASE I DON'T KNOW HOW TO TALK TO YOU, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO CHANGE BACK, I DON'T—

➤ "I understand you, pit seed, don't worry," Wukong soothed, brushing the water away from your scales without so much as flinching. "You have to relax. Think of your human form. What it looks like, how it feels. Imagine changing back. Go on, that's it. You're doing so well, pit seed."

➤ Before you knew it, you'd shifted back, on your knees with your head in Wukong's hands. You met his eyes and your lip quivered, and the Monkey King pulled you into a tight hug once he saw it.

➤ "I-I'm sorry, Bàba, I didn't know what to do a-and Tāo got hurt and—" You tapered off into sobbing, burying your face in your father's neck. He hushed you affectionately, rubbing your back and gently rocking you.

➤ "I'm so tired," you whimper.

➤ Wukong laughed gently. "I bet, pit seed. Go on and sleep. Bàba will handle it from here."

➤ And sleep you do, comforted by the closeness of your troop and familiar presence of your father.

➤ Wukong lifted you carefully, cradling you to his chest as he approached his cloud. He turned to two of the larger monkeys in the group, the two straightening as their king addressed them. "Put Tāo up here so I can see to him," he said softly. "and make sure everyone steers clear of the westside again. I'll make sure the problem is properly dealt with this time."

➤ The hunters wouldn't get off with a warning this time.

❝ I can't keep my cool, I can't keep my cool . . .❞

[redfoxwritesstuff]

A Misdemeanor Of The Heart: Chapter 1 (Alastor x Reader)

Rated Adult for adult themes, triggering content and sexual content. I wouldn't say this is dead dove but it's dead dove adjacent. Series Trigger Warnings: Adultery, stalking, Sexual assault, Rape, smut of undetermined sorts, Domestic Violence, Time period accurate views on women and domestic violence and skin color, Alastor is a serial Killer, there's murder, there's angst, there's dark content.

Summary: Fading away in an abusive marriage, each day passes just the same as the last. Painful monotony eats at you until a pair of warm brown eyes sparks the idea that you could have something more. When a business deal between men sparks a torrid affair, how long can you keep things going before the fire either leaves you a burnt out shell or burns up everything around you?

And what becomes of the radio host who thought he was above the fickle fires of the heart when the match he strikes burns his hand instead? Can he possess what rightfully belongs to another man without leaving everything he has fought for in ashes?

Please be mindful. This story is dark and triggering at times. I've written portions to elicit an emotional reaction. As you should always do with dark content, even if you're not at risk of being triggered, please step back and take a breather when needed. The story will always be here when you get back. I am so tickled by the excitement this story has generated ahead of its release. We're looking at tentatively between 20 and 30 chapters (A note from future Kit: Ha! That was a cute prediction... I'm drafting chapter 37 rn and looking at 50...)(Another note for future-er Kit...we're writing chapter 51 rn... we're not passing 60) (Oh look, another note from future kit! Drafting is finished as of 2/23/25 and we're at a total of 63 chapters! oops...) posted once a week on Fridays.

Masterlist AO3 KoFi

Audio by Nyx Productions, Part 1, part 2

To the world, you appeared nothing more than a simple woman with a placid smile, gliding through town. The rhythmic click of your sensible black heels echoed against the sidewalk. To a trained eye, your gait could be categorized as slightly staggered, stiff, and just a little uneven, but to an untrained eye? There was nothing to see, but a modestly dressed woman, impeccably put together though just slightly out of fashion, performing the role of the ideal well-to-do wife with the precision of a clockwork automation. 

You could have taken a bus, but you would rather walk, or at least that was your story, but it wasn’t totally true. You tried to focus on the positive, a lesson your parents had instilled in you from an early age. If you couldn’t focus on the positive little bits of your life, what else was there?

It was nice to get out of the prison of your home. That is what you’d tell anyone that asked, though you wouldn’t call it a prison to anyone but yourself. They would smile and nod, like was polite and they’d make small talk about how mundane the life of a homemaker was and assure her that as soon as little ones landed her days would be filled with excitement and joy. 

What wouldn’t be said was how you wished she could brave the bus because your simple heels hurt your feet or how the idea of falling pregnant terrified you. You couldn’t, wouldn’t really, brave the bus because it would jostle you and you’d surely bump into someone or something. This time of day, the bus would be crowded and people would bump into you.

Today you couldn’t have that. 

Today you needed to protect yourself.

Stepping into the tailor shop you thanked the man on his way out, holding the door open for you on his way. With a sigh, you let the relief of an errand half done wash over you as you stepped up to the counter. Behind you, the bell above to door jingled, announcing another new arrival to the small shop.

Glancing over your shoulder, you hardly registered the tall man with tan skin and fluffy brown hair as he held the door open for his short blonde companion. An odd pair, you thought before turning back to the counter, showing the woman where the sleeve on your dress was torn, seam along the shoulder ripped and explaining your fabricated story of how it happened. 

She smiled at you with pity. This was injury to clothing she knew well though she would never be so bold as to talk about it. You were not the only woman in town to frequent the tailors with ripped shoulder seams or dark rust colored stains. These were the secrets she kept, a professional curtesy that was expected from her but always unsaid. Did the people of the city even realize the things she knew?

“It’ll be ready in a few days, Mrs. Latimer.” The shopkeeper was quick to take the dress from you, doing the work of holding it up and examining the rip. 

It was a small mercy, to not have to raise your arm much at all. The woman folded the dress neatly away and slipping it below the counter before motioning you aside while she wrote out your ticket. She was a master at multitasking, finishing your ticket as she greeted the newcomers who seemed less eager to step up to the counter than the shopkeeper was to serve them.

“What about that one?” the blonde woman whispered to her companion as you thanked the shop keeper as she handed you your ticket. The newcomers lingered, taking their time making their way to the counter. 

“Mimzy, we are here to pick up your dress,” the man’s rich voice sounded familiar but you couldn’t place it. Glancing at him, you tried to place where you could know him from but came up blank. That was just as well, Laurence didn’t let you really socialize much outside of your day to day tasks.

The blonde, Mimzy you had gathered her name was, wiggled her fingers to you in a wave as she caught you looking their way before directing her attention back to the man she was with. 

“Yes, yes. And you need the lining of your coat restitched,” She made a show of rolling her eyes, performing for an audience of only a handful, “You’re no fun sometimes.” 

“A dreadfully dull time, that’s me,” the man laughed lightly.

“I’m just saying,” Mimzy continued as you stepped toward the door, “You’re a good man. A decent man. You should find someone, is all. You don’t gotta settle down but you don’t gotta be alone all the time either.” 

You cringed, struggling to push open the heavy door, trying to not listen in on the pair’s clearly private conversation. You had been too eager when you pushed on it and your shoulder didn’t hold up to the stress well, pain flaring. It was easy enough to forget how painful your shoulder was in the moment. 

It wasn’t so bad, as long as you didn’t overdo it. Pushing open the heavy door yourself was clearly enough to count as overdoing it today. 

“Here, allow me.” The man pushed open the door for you, holding it open with a palm high along the edge of the door, giving you plenty of space to exit. 

You ducked under his arm with a mumbled word of thanks. It didn’t matter, he didn’t seem to really be listening for it anyway as he directed his attention back to his companion as he let the door begin to fall closed as soon as you were out of striking range of it.

“And why should I-” the rest of his words were lost behind the closing door. 

Alastor sat in the empty lounge, sipping his rye as Mimzy talked on and on while she changed. The dress surely would fit her just how she wanted, it was custom fitted but that didn’t stop her from putting on this whole production every time they got back from the seamstress. 

He knew the song and dance well enough, having known the woman for the past few years. She would change. He would complement. She would complain. He would reassure. She would blush and call him a flirt. He would move on with his day. 

“Oh!” Mimzy interrupted herself, earning a raised eyebrow from Alastor. “I forgot to tell you.”

“Tell me what, my dear?” 

She popped her head out from between the curtains, “I think I found myself a new juice supplier. You’re off the hook.”

“You think?” Alastor downed the rest of his drink in one smoothe gulp.

“Ya- Laurence’ll be able to take over soon and you’ll be off the hook again. I know you ain’t eager for that amount of risk. Told you it was only temporary.” 

Alastor hummed in acknowledgement as Mimzy went on and on about Laurence. He was tall, not as tall as Alastor, she assured him, but still tall and handsome. He tuned out her ramblings, mind instead turning back to the woman Mimzy had pointed out at the tailor shop. Such a timid little thing, fashion just outdated enough to stand out. 

Mimzy smacked his shoulder with a bar towel, leaning across the counter to look him in his eyes as she demanded his attention, “Yes?”

“You’re distracted,” she stated simply. 

“Just thinking about tomorrow’s broadcast.” Alastor answered simply, running his finger over the rim of the empty glass. “That’s all.” 

“Mhm,” she narrowed her eyes at him as he leaned back from her. “You sure you ain’t thinking about a pretty face?” 

“Haven’t seen any prettier faces than yours today.” 

Mimzy laughed loudly and teased, “Flirt! But I know it ain’t my face that’s got you distracted. Was it the doll at the shop? She was cute!” 

“She’s got a man,” Alastor countered. 

“And how the hell would you know from not speaking to her at all?” 

Alastor shrugged, “Just got a feeling about her.” 

He could tell Mimzy that she had that hollow look in her eyes that a woman got when she had a partner that got a bit too rough with her. Hell, he could point out the way she couldn’t manage to open the door to the shop, her shoulder weak from strained muscles. Did the man that called her his toss her around by the arm last night? Yank her a little too roughly?

He wouldn’t though because it didn’t matter. It wasn’t worth having Mimzy ask questions about his past or worse, assume the reason he had no partner of his own was due to any reason beyond him not desiring to be weighed down. 

“I bet a charming lad like yourself could sweep her out from under whatever man she’s caught up with anyway. Want another?” Mimzy pointed at the empty glass as melting ice settled in the bottom. 

“I’m good, Darling- It’s early yet.” 

Your feet were killing you as you made your way home. Still, you couldn’t help but take your time. If you were out, you were not home cleaning, cooking or waiting for your husband to return. While you were out, you could pretend to be your own person and it was alright, you had to keep up appearances as long as it was the right appearance. 

Lingering in front of the newsstand, you let your eyes run over the papers and magazines each with bold words on the covers, fighting for the eye’s attention. 

The headlines were polar opposites in many cases. Some celebrated the progress and change made in the 24 months since women had been granted the right to the vote. Others bemoaned the change and the influence women could now have on the world around them, pointing at any little thing as a sign of the doom this would spell for society as a whole. 

The idea made you laugh. Two years and while you did your best to learn, you hadn’t even come close to a polling center. Your husband wouldn’t allow it. Whatever change there may have been for better or for worse, you had no part of it. 

You knew which of the papers your loving husband would pick up and celebrate. It wasn’t the same ones you would but that didn’t matter. Women may have had the right to vote but you knew you were little more than an accessory in the world you lived in. 

Moving on with your walk home, you tried to force yourself to relax your shoulders and back. The pain was starting in from tensed muscles, telling you that while you hadn’t been watching your posture well enough, you had curled in on yourself. 

A deep breath in through your nose and out through your parted lips, slowly as you pulled your head up and your shoulders back, trying to ignore the way the muscles screamed in protest. You forced your spine straight and winced at the pain in your shoulder as you worked your fingers into the tense muscle, trying to convince it to relax. 

It would pain you for a few more days yet and if you were lucky, that would be it. You just needed to be good until it had a chance to heal. 

“Good Day, Mrs. Latimer.” A man you should have known tipped his hat at you in greeting, startling you out of the thoughts you hadn’t realized absorbed you as you walked slowly down the sidewalk. 

He was closer than you had expected when he snatched your attention, causing you to gasp and flinch back, shoulder twinging in pain. You didn’t like people in your space, at least not without warning. All it would take was someone saying you were getting too close to a man to your husband and hell would rain down on you regardless of the truth of it. 

Your shoulder banged into the light post behind you. You didn’t know it was there, having lost track of your surrounding as you walked in the haze of thoughts. A gasped yelp slipped from your lips before you could stop it.

Appearances. You had to keep up appearances. Swallow the pain, don’t let anyone know. Don’t let anyone see. 

“You alright?” The man asked as he steadied you, large hand gripping the outside of your shoulder only making the pain flair more. 

Shrugging out from under his grip, you painted on a false smile as you willed the tears in your eyes back. 

“I’m fine,” You looked away as you saw pity cross the man’s face. How much did he see? Surely not more than what was normal, what was acceptable?

“You be careful ma’am,” the man nodded wisely to you. “Didn’t you hear? There’s a serial killer running around. Probably not good for a lady to be out alone till they catch the bastard- pardon my language.” 

“Oh my,” you tried to play the unsteadiness on your feet as being from the terrifying news. Would be believe it? Did be believe it? “I’ll be sure to be mindful, thank you.” 

You didn’t need his pity but what you needed even less of was him seeing any real reason to pity you. Forcing your hand from your shoulder, you tried to ignore the pain, to will it away. 

There was nothing to see here. Just Mrs. Latimer making her way home from the tailor shop. There were no bruises. No torn dresses. Nothing wrong. 

Life was perfectly normal, a storybook where you were married into a family of means with your family having so very little to offer. 

Tag List: @xalygatorx, @catticora, @alastor-simp, @alastorthirsty, @nyx91, @lilith-jae, @goyablogsstuff, @kaylopolis, @sirens-and-moonflowers, @charlottemorningstarsdarling, @diffidentphantom, @rainydaysmut, @honestlyshamelesskid, @yui-onnero, @lunarmango

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[kulemiwrites]

Do you think that they like backhugs

And with they, i mean you get to pick whoever for it becuz i am bad at picking sorry first time doing this ;_;

All good! Since you said I could pick, I think I’ll be going with my usual line-up. I also assumed you meant in relationships because tbh, I think if I went the platonic route, most of these might've been a 'No'🥺.

Thanks for the request! It was fun to think about :)

MASATO AIZAWA

He loves ANY form of physical affection that his s/o has to offer! He’s an affectionate man that craves the warmth of his person. A back hug, especially when he least expects it may startle him at first but he’d melt into it and run his rough fingers along their arms with a little smile on his face.

AKIRA NISHIKIYAMA (0)

He doesn’t mind them, but he’ll grab the arms wrapped around his waist and chuckle out a “O-oi, what are y–” to cover the fact that he was a little caught off guard. If his s/o’s height allows it, he’d relax his head back enough to rest into their chest or on their shoulder and make a small humming sound that sounds suspiciously like a purr. 

AKIRA NISHIKIYAMA (K)

It’s risky considering how on edge he is. If it’s done when he’s fully aware that his partner is behind him, then he’ll just mutter a “Hey, you...” and pry their arms away juuust enough to turn around and pull them into his arms instead. If it’s done suddenly at a time when he thought he was alone, there is a 50% chance he’ll lash out. On the bright side, he might apologize for doing so… Heavy on the ‘might’.

REINA HATTORI

Once Reina finds her person, nothing would make her happier than being held by them! It doesn’t really matter if it’s a regular hug, a side hug, a back hug or good old spooning in bed. She just loves to be loved on. The only caveat is that she startles easily. So, her s/o should at least warn her that they’re approaching.

KAORU SAYAMA

As long as it’s done by the person she trusts, she’s impartial to them. She hates people touching her but her partner gets away with most things. When it happens the first time, she just sort of goes big eyed for a second with a “What’re ya doin’?” but once she realizes they’re just showing her love, she lets out a sigh and a “Geez.” while patting their clasped hands as if she’s bothered– she is not. 

OSAMU KASHIWAGI

No. He might not appear bothered by his partner doing it, but he really isn’t a fan of anyone approaching him from behind. It triggers a part of him that he worked hard to leave behind. Aside from that, it’s like gymnastics for him to get over the part of him that is a little embarrassed by physical affection. So, it’s definitely not in his s/o’s best interest for them to do it in public.

KAZUMA KIRYU

When he was younger, he was probably a little taken aback by most forms of physical touch but life’s hit him in a way that sort of forced him to appreciate the bits that he does get. If his partner wrapped their arms around him behind, once the initial “!!” wears off, they’ll notice that so too does the stiffness in his body. He’ll allow himself to melt into it for a bit, but of course not without his signature, “Heh.”

GORO MAJIMA

The loss of his eye sharpened his senses in many ways, which is great because he’s been able to rely on it to keep himself (relatively) safe. That said, it’s not all that easy to sneak up on him. He sometimes jokes that his missing eye isn’t really missing, it’s just gone to the back of his head. So, by the time his s/o is stepping toward him, he’s already looking at them over his shoulder with his good eye and turning to meet their embrace with open arms.

TAIGA SAEJIMA

He’s probably not going to turn down a hug no matter how his partner serves it up. Originally, he defaulted to being the one wrapping his partner in his big, protective arms but he’d be lying if he said he didn’t like being the one who’s getting swaddled in love instead.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Silver Lining 1

Warnings: non/dubcon, speech impediment, bullying and other dark elements. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.

Characters: silverfox!Bucky Barnes

Summary: You have an unpleasant encounter with an older man.

Note: I was going to add this to the bookstore au but realised Bucky is a side character in Steve's and not old so....

My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.

As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging.

You stand on the corner, head down, book in hand, right at the crux of the tall shelves. You squint at the pages, doing your best to block out the figures and noises all around you. You remind yourself it's okay to take up space when you need it.

As you close the book and slip it back onto the shelf, you slide out another, ignoring the lingering shadow, looming closer like a vulture. A year ago you would sidle away empty-handed to save yourself the awkward tension. Not anymore. You're done being a pushover.

As you check the price inside the book jacket, the customer nearest you clears his throat and coughs. You sense his impatience. He wants you to move. Too bad. Lisa, your therapist said it's okay to hold your ground. You'll be happy to report back that you did just that.

You keep the book, it's not a bad price, but you're looking for something a bit different. You keep browsing, the customer next to you edging ever nearer. You hold your breath, static in your ears as you fight the urge to retreat.

You deliberately take your time reading the next synopsis. The customer, a man, brushes his arm against yours as he reaches for a book. He clears his throat again as if to say ‘move!’

You refuse. You switch books again. You feel his proximity radiating towards you. You plant your feet, focusing on the words but not understanding a single one.

You give up. You tried. You made it that far but it's too much. He wins.

You set the book in your hand on top of the other and sidle away, pretending to peruse the shelves on your other side.

You turn to face the opposite shelves of books as he sighs. Loudly. You get it. You took up his precious time.

As you put your head down and grab another book, this one random, merely an excuse to peek over at him. Typical. Male, 50s, silver-haired, stocky but not out of shape. That certain type that is the scourge of any retail environment.

As if he can sense your sneaky glimpse, he peers over, the wrinkles around his eyes deepening. He looks back to the book in his hand and flips it over. He sets his feet wide, taking up at least twice as much room as you had.

You don't know why he gave you that look. This is a store open to the general public. People are going to get in the way. You just don't get why other people can't just chill out. Whatever, in twenty years when you're his age, you hope you're not a total asshole.

You leave the aisle, taking a deep breath as you break free of the tension. You stroll along the next lazily, taking your own advice as you calm down. Don't let him get to you. Like Lisa says, you can only control yourself and how you react.

You make a slow advance through the store like a Sherman take sneaking up on the Wehrmacht. Sure your references aren't the most relevant but you're not worried about entertaining anyone else. Love yourself first and all that.

You go to the counter and checkout, grabbing a cute koala pen before paying. You take the paper bag from the cashier with a thank you and tally up your spending. You could go for a treat without breaking the bank.

You sweep out the front doors, buttoning up the top of your coat as the winter greets you frigidly. You cross the lot to the cafe in the same plaza. Inside, the ambiance is warm and soft, the lights dimmed, the tables low, and the aromatic coffee wafting delightfully. You greet the barista with a slight stutter; you're still working on that.

"White hot chocolate," you order the season special.

"Would you like to make it candy cane?" The girl behind the till asks. "No extra cost."

"Hmmm, uh, s-sure! Why not? Tis the s-season, r-right?" You try to smile through your embarrassment. You get a little tongue tied. Well, a lot.

The door jangles loudly as you move towards the pick-up window. You bounce on your feet anxiously and catch yourself humming to the holiday music. You know this one. You know most of them but your family always made fun of you for that.

You admire the white Christmas tree set up by the window, not paying attention as voices mingle through the cafe. You sense someone behind you as they join the queue for pick-up. Maybe you'll stay in. You're in no hurry to go home. You're sure no one would miss you anyway.

"Dark roast," the barista sets out a cup of black coffee, "Bucky."

You try to move out of the way of the customer behind you only for them to move the same way. You knock into them before they can reach their coffee and they growl. You skirt back and face them.

"S-s-sorry, I didn't m-mean to," you stammer out, biting down as you recognise the stranger.

He scowls and grabs his coffee just as your name is called next along with your order. He puffs out a nasty scoff and eyes you. You raise your chin. You're not going to lose this one.

"Watch it," he warns as he steps past you and puts his cup down at the stand where they have the diary and sugar set out.

You roll your eyes and take your cup, going to the other end of the counter to grab a plastic lid. As you do, he mirrors you and his hand comes down on yours. You retracts, pulling free several lids as they fall over the counter. He huffs again.

"Hot chocolate," he mutters as he pops a lid onto the brim of his cup, "shoulda guessed."

You blink and frown, swallowing as your heartbeat picks up. Passive aggression, that's easy, that's woven into your genetics, but actual confrontation? That's another thing.

"W-what d-does that mean?" You challenge as you clean up the lids and put them back on the stack.

"Who goes to a cafe to get sugar?" He snorts, "I'd also guess the military books are for show too."

"Huh?" You scrunch your nose up. You don't need to explain yourself to this man.

"Leave the heavy lifting to the big boys, sweetie," he gives a trite smirk and turns on his heel, "and get some glasses."

You stare after him dumbfounded. What a grump. You get it, it's stressful being out in public but you hardly think you earned all that.

"W-well," you call out after him, not able to stop yourself as your heart surges, "m-maybe you should get g-glasses, old m-m-man!"

He stops right by the door. His shoulders square but he doesn't look back. He pushes outside and you're left to stand in the echo of your lame insult. You refuse to look around yourself, instead turning to flee into the customer bathroom. You'll hide there until the coast is clear.

[queenshelby]

Our Little Secret (Part 50)

Pairing: Cillian Murphy x Reader

Warning: Infidelity, Age-Gap, Triggers, Smut

Over the next three months, Cillian and you attended family counselling together once a week to establish a parenting plan and some serious boundaries after Cillian had overstepped the line on numerous occasions, bursting into your home uninvited and without any reason whatsoever. You were determined to work on your past relationship and give Mara the best chance at a healthy family life.

"Communication is the key" was what the therapist drilled into both of you, time and time again and, much to your surprise, Cillian was making a real effort. He attended every counselling session despite his busy schedule, and you could see a change in him.

He was no longer the hurricane of emotions, but a man on a mission to heal and rebuild what he had lost.

In time, you even started to see some glimpses of your old relationship with him, moments where you would laugh and talk like you used to. It was comforting in a way, but at the same time, it made things even more complicated than they already were.

You couldn't deny that you still had feelings for Cillian, and it seemed like he still had feelings for you too. But you also couldn't deny that you had moved on in some ways.

Over time and with the help of the counsellor you found a rhythm whereby Cillian took care of Mara most days when you were attending university again. She also stayed with him two nights per week, giving you a break from motherhood.  

It was not an ideal situation considering the circumstances, but it worked for all parties involved and you managed to share a communication book so that you could avoid endless text messaging just as the therapist had recommended. 

During these months, you also continued to see Sean, casually, for a date or two. He had turned out to be an unexpectedly sweet and sensitive lover and the sex between the two of you improved too.

You even managed to reach complete satisfaction now and then, whenever you were able to take charge of the situation, as Sean's love-making was unfortunately, rather passive compared to Cillian's experienced touch which, deep down inside of you, you craved deeply.

Usurpingly, Cillian insisted on no contact between your newfound lover and Mara until you considered something more serious with him which, to you, seemed fair. The therapist concurred with Cillian in this regard, demanding the same from him if he was to start dating again, and you were simply grateful that, after all this time, Cillian, as Mara's father. accepted the fact that Sean was in your life now.

Occasionally, Cillian would call Sean your toyboy to get under your skin while, at the same time, reminding you how much you still meant to him without being too pushy. 

He still couldn't stand the thought of you sleeping with someone else and it was clear to you that he missed you terribly and was struggling to deal with the fact that you had moved on.

This was an issue that came up during therapy now and then where the counsellor reminded him of your boundaries, but overall, Cillian's interference in your life was minimal. 

So, in the grand scheme of things, you were able to focus on your new relationship with Sean while also trying to establish some level of peace with Cillian for the sake of Mara which was, at least, until you both got caught up in a situation neither of you could foresee and this was Siobhan's wedding. 

Due to the close connection you had shared with her for almost a year now, Cillian's sister Siobhan invited you to her upcoming wedding in Cork where she would marry one of Cillian's friends. 

The two of them had been dating for almost 18 months now and their decision to get hitched caught everyone by surprise.  Siobhan, being Cillian's younger sister was like a second sister to you and she had been your confidant more times than not during the early days of your breakup with Cillian.

Now, she was inviting you to her wedding at the idyllic Bay View Hotel, nestled along the coastline overlooking the ocean. It was a beautiful setting, but it was also making you somewhat anxious due to the fact that Cillian would be there as well, which Sean wasn't too happy about either.

"I don't know, Y/N. Being surrounded by Cillian and his entire family can't be a good thing," he confided in you as you told him about the invitation and the fact that you would not be taking him as a plus one simply to defuse any potential conflict with your ex.

"Cillian's family has been great, Sean. I have to go. Siobhan is a friend of mine and I couldn't have gotten through the breakup and counselling without her," you explained, giving him a gentle squeeze. "Despite, it's my decision and we aren't even dating, so there's nothing for you to worry about."

Sean looked at you, his eyes full of uncertainty. "I know, I just don't like it though," he stammered and you immediately rolled your eyes. 

"Please tell me that this isn't jealousy Sean, because we agreed to be friends with benefits, and nothing more," you replied sternly. "I don't want a relationship right now and you told me that neither do you," you added, trying to make him see reason.

Sean hesitated, his gaze dropping to the ground as he fiddled with his hands. "I know, and I'm not asking for one," he said, looking back up at you with a sincere expression. "I'm just concerned that he will ruin what we have built so far." 

You couldn't help but roll your eyes again. "Cillian and I are over Sean. We have been trying to remain cordial for Mara's sake, but our relationship is purely platonic now," you assured Sean, knowing that both of you were still in limbo and trying to figure out where your relationship was going.

You weren't ready to commit to Sean, and neither was he, refusing to introduce to his friends because of your complicated past with a man who was in the public eye. 

It upset you greatly that he never introduced you to his friends and you knew that he was embarrassed about being with someone like you, someone who had a child at a young age with someone famous. 

But what upset you even more was the fact that he brought Cillian up continuously, asking you how you were able to fall for him, a man so much older than you. 

He would ask you why you were still hung up on Cillian, why you couldn't move on from the past when it was clear that things between you and Cillian had come to an end.

You tried your best to explain it to him, telling him it was because you had a child together and went through a lot with Cillian, but Sean never seemed to fully understand. You knew that he was insecure about the situation and you couldn't blame him for that, but it still hurt that he couldn't see things from your perspective.

You didn't want to be stuck in the past, but you also couldn't forget about it either so, in the end, you became rather excited about Siobhan's wedding, which was a small gathering of only fifty or so people. 

A week later, you went dress shopping with Siobhan and two of her friends who, just like her, were in their early forties.  They turned out to be fabulous women with sharp wit and sarcasm that matched your own. You laughed and joked together while trying on various dresses in a quaint store on Grafton Street, which is when one of the women brought up a more sensitive topic again.

"So, I hope you don't mind me asking Siobhan, but is your brother Cillian going to bring a plus one to your wedding?" she inquired innocently, looking at her friend thoughtfully, while not realizing that you were Cillian's ex-girlfriend and the mother of his child. 

Siobhan shot her friend a look before turning to you. "I'm sorry, Y/N, she doesn't know," she said apologetically before explaining to her friend that you are, in fact, Cillian's ex-girlfriend. 

"Oh shit," she gasped, looking guilty before apologizing again. "I didn't realize that! I'm so sorry for bringing that up then."

"It's alright," you laughed, brushing off the comment. "We are on reasonably good terms," you told the friend  , hoping that you sounded convincing.

"So, you wouldn't mind if I made a move then?" the woman then asked, causing you to chuckle.

"Not at all, go ahead," you replied, smiling awkwardly just as the friend looked back at Siobhan who rolled her eyes again. 

"Geez, what is it with all you women taking an interest in my brother?" Siobhan complained, causing you and the friend to chuckle again. 

"He is a good-looking man Siobhan," the friend continued, causing Siobhan to want to throw up while you took another big sip from your glass of champagne to ease the discomfort in the pit of your stomach. 

"Well, if it's any help to you, I can confirm that he will be attending the wedding solo, as the best man of the groom. He is still single after the beautiful Y/N here broke up with him and, from what I have heard, he has no interest in dating anyone right now, whether casually or otherwise, so good luck to you," Siobhan informed her friend before sipping her own glass of champagne, relieved that the awkward topic was behind them.

"That's a shame," the woman said, pouting her lip pensively. "You broke his heart, sweetie," she then teased you, genuinely trying to be funny, but causing you to relive  some of the pain you went through when you broke up with Cillian.

"I suppose I did," you agreed, trying to keep it as lighthearted as possible, but finding it difficult.

You knew that breaking up with Cillian was the right decision for both of you, but it still hurt as you missed his company every day. 

"But hey, that's life, right?" you continued, trying to brush it off and everyone agreed to change the topic.  You and Siobhan walked around the store, trying on various dresses for the wedding, with the woman and her friend tagging along.

You were the most comfortable in a stunning emerald, green dress that hugged your curves perfectly, but it was way out of your price range.

You took a deep breath as you turned away from the mirror, hunched over with disappointment.

"It looks absolutely amazing on you," she told you , standing so close behind that you could almost feel her excitement.

"It's stunning," she admired the dress again, unable to take her eyes off it, but deep down, knowing that you couldn't justify the price.

"I know, I absolutely love it," you sighed. "But I just can't afford it, which is fine. I have other priorities," you said, turning to face her with a frown on your face.

"My brother is giving you money, isn't he?"  Siobhan asked knowingly, a smile playing on her lips.

"Yes, and I told him many times that I don't want his money, so I have been putting it all straight into Mara's bank account," you admitted  , knowing that Cillian has been trying to assist financially, knowing how hard it is to provide for a child on your own.

"But that was not the agreement you had put in place, and I know that because I wrote up the agreement between you and my brother well before Mara was born," Siobhan reminded you, squeezing your hand lightly as she stood beside you. Siobhan had always been the voice of reason in your life, and you were grateful for that.

"He is giving you money until you graduate and find employment in a law firm. That money is not child support. It is money for you and Mara to share, so you can afford that dress Y/N," Siobhan continued, looking at you with gentle knowing eyes.

"I know, but it doesn't feel right," you told her honestly, feeling a pang of guilt and remorse. "So, I will just think about it, okay?" 

you finally told Siobhan, trying to appease her without making any promises.

You had always been proud of your independence and self-sufficiency, and the thought of taking money from Cillian felt like a step backwards.

But Siobhan was right, the agreement had been made and Cillian was determined to fulfill his obligations towards you and Mara.

You had to admit, the money would come in handy, especially now that you were back in university and had student loans to pay but that all was for another day.

For now, you wanted to just enjoy your time with Siobhan, whose wedding day was fast approaching. 

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[gxrefxtish]

How would Obey Me characters react to me touching them for the first time?

This is platonic because I am using the persona that I call my “irl persona” because it’s most similar to me age and personality wise.

I will include the reason I don’t like being touched or touching at the end for context but it may be triggering for some so I will add a warning before it!

The short version is that I’m scared of touching people because I’m scared my touch will hurt people because of how I was hurt and scared of touch because I think they’ll hurt me.

Persona: Scott 14 (he/him)

Lucifer

He probably is one of the people most likely to respect the boundaries without accidentally breaking them.

he’d probably break it on accident by putting a hand on my shoulder or upper back.

The way I’d first touch him would probably be to hold his hand honestly and then after that I’m never letting go. He’s stuck with me.

I doubt he’d be the bragging “look what Scott did? I’m amazing” but definitely feel a sense of pride over the fact I felt comfortable enough.

He’d probably say “you seem comfortable.” And then I’d get insecure and stop touching him even though he’s just like that.

Mammon

He’d probably break it immediately, im sorry but day one when he meets me, he’s putting an arm on my shoulder and doesn’t get a chance to try and scam me before I’m freaking out and pulling away.

He’d accidentally break it a couple times but overall never on purpose.

I cant really think of a way I’d touch him but I think it would be one of the times he puts and arm on my shoulder and I don’t react much.

He’d brag about the “first man” thing. Gonna be honest he probably wasn’t the first

“Of course you’re okay with the great mammon touching ya!” Well not anymore! (He’s too cocky about it)

Leviathan

Well, he’s definitely not breaking it anytime soon…we probably aren’t even in the same room long enough for that to happen.

In the case he does accidentally touch me it’s probably when he gets excited over an anime or game and excitedly holding my shoulders and shaking me and when he stops I’m just sitting there, blankly, and very tense.

I would probably touch him when he’s shaking me excitedly and I put my hands on him to shake him back with the same excitement would being scared and tense. He’d get so excited over this he’s be like “omg I’m surprised you wanna touch a gross otaku like me” in true leviathan fashion.

He’d brag to Mammon about it to specifically make him feel bad and happily text everyone in the group chat so much he can’t type properly and annoys everyone.

Satan

He’s probably 3rd least likely to accidentally touch me Lucifer right under him. (haha)

I think he’d read up on it and ask me so many questions about it to try and understand, I actually enjoy stuff like that because it shows me they care.

I think the only way he’d touch me on accident is trying to grab something and accidentally grabbing me or touching me instead but he’d probably apologize right after.

I’d probably touch him when he’s sitting on the couch reading and I sit down next to him (which is a feat in its own) and lean my head on his shoulder.

Rubs it in Lucifer’s face.

Asmodeus

He’d break it so many times and immediately first meeting honestly, he’d feel terrible every time but he’s trying, guys, he’s trying.

He’d hug me so many times causing me to panic, especially from behind touching me from behind is 50/50 chance of me punching you.

The first time I let him touch me is when I let him paint my nails for the first time, I’m very sensitive about my hands so letting him touch them is a huge step.

He’d get so giddy and excited happily telling everyone, less in a bragging way but more of a “I’m so proud” way.

Beelzebub

He doesn’t have a reason to touch me so he probably won’t, 10/10 very nice.

He’d probably only do it on accident trying to get my attention by tapping on my shoulder resulting in me freaking and punching at him, he doesn’t flinch, just stares at me very concerned.

I’d probably touch him by hugging him he just looks so huggable, or holding his hand. After that it’s piggyback rides and hand holding constantly.

I don’t think he’d brag, just be like “yeah Scott���s holding me hand a lot” not understanding how big that it and wondering why everyone is so shocked.

Belphegor

He’s asleep half the time when the fuck would he ever have that chance.

I think I’d have one of the worst experiences with him honestly, he’d probably grab me as he’s sleeping and pull me close to him and I would start freaking out and the only way I’d get out is when is brothers come rushing in because of me yelling and they have Beel pry me away from him.

Traumatizing -10/10.

I think I’d touch him when he’s sleeping and I go over to him and lay with him, probably for comfort.

Also rubs it in Lucifer’s face and happily talks to Beel about it.

Diavolo

I think he’d try to help me up when I’m on the ground after getting sent to Devildom or holding his hand out for a hand shake and I’d just stare at his hand but when I reach out out of nervousness to say no he’s like “you don’t have to.”

He’d probably touch me on accident in a similar manner to Lucifer with a hand on the shoulder and I almost punch him to but luckily he managed to stop it. (I’d hide in my room under the bed for a week out of pure embarrassment and regret)

I’d probably touch him when we are hanging out or something and im thinking about how I’ve never given him a proper handshake and I finally (very hesitantly) give one. That or a hug, probably the hug, he also looks so huggable like AHHHHHH-

He’d get so excited and talk to Lucifer and Barbatos about in in their group chat just going “OMG THEY TOUCBEF ME” “that’s great my lord now please do your work.”

Barbatos

He’d know immediately not to touch me he’s awesome I love barbatos so mu

I cant really think of an incident he’d accidentally touch me tbh…idk maybe when he’s stopping me from freak out punching Diavolo. maybe when he’s handing me a drink or food he accidentally touches my hand making me scratch at that spot repeatedly.

I actually think I’d have like touch therapy session with him, like he puts his hands on my arms and I put mine on his to show I’m not hurting him and he’s not hurting me.

(I actually have a drawing like that but of me with Hannibal)

He’s not a bragger or even much of a teller, he’d probably tell Lucifer and Diavolo, the end, that’s it.

Simeon

He’s amazing at respecting boundaries with only the occasional slip up about them, overall great.

I think he’d try to gently put a hand on my shoulder to signal for me to move over or something and I accidentally scare him with me getting scared. (Sorry Simeon)

I think the first time I touch him is a hug, or leaning on him in some way like a head on the shoulder.

He’d be so excited and would spam Luke and the Purgatory Hall chat about it, crashing his phone.

Luke

I’m not scared of him hurting me I’m scared of hurting him. I don’t want to do something to make him uncomfortable.

He’d probably try to tap my shoulder to get my attention and I’d scare him on accident, luckily I’d probably catch myself before hitting him but I’d have to sit him down and very calmly explain he can’t do that and I won’t take any touch well and I don’t wanna hurt him, and some better alternatives are saying my name or tapping the table in front of me.

I’d probably touch him first by rubbing his hair like an annoying older brother or when he’s upset and I hesitantly (and very awkwardly) hug him

So giddy about it, he’d happily tell Simeon, Barbatos, and Solomon about it like “He finally touched me! He isn’t scared of me anymore!” And then Simeon would have to explain I’m scared of myself not Luke. (Luke was very sad about how I felt and baked for me)

Solomon

Accidental Cunttm I honestly think he’d accidentally be a bitch. He doesn’t mean wrong he’s just a fucking idiot.

He’d probably try to gently elbow me as a joke, like when someone’s laughing and elbows you? Ya know? Anyways I’d push him over and immediately apologize.

I think the first time I’d touch him would be a high five I’m not kidding a high five is probably the first thing I do.

He doesn’t seem like a bragger, he’d probably be like “nice haha” and then we go along normally.

Why I don’t like touch

TW SA, COCSA

I’m not going into detail because I like my privacy but I was assaulted when I was 4 or 6, 9, and I think 12-13 and I’m scared of being touched but also scared of hurting people, especially those younger than me even though I know I’m not going to hurt someone on purpose.

Anyways that was silly of me haha😝

[mysticpearl]

-> hospital beds and romaritime flowers

synopsis -> after getting pummeled by a ruin gaurd, your girlfriend, furina, pays you a little visit.

warnings -> bone breaks, mentions of injuries, hospitalization, reader does have a vision, mostly fluffy

w/c -> 1.2k

it’s around 6:00 PM at night when you hear footsteps coming down the hallway to your assigned room. they sounded rushed. you could only imagine it was your girlfriend, considering she called ahead of time to tell you of her visit. 

“what did you even do??” furina frantically makes a halt at your doorway, immediately clearing her throat, changing to a calm and semi-carefree tone. “i-i mean… why are you here?” 

you sighed, showing her what the scans said. you were lying in your hospital bed, due to an injury from a mission the traveler asked of you. it was more like a mini favor, but somehow you got hurt. the scans showed a fracture in the spine, and a bone break in your tibia. 

“how did you do that? you have a vision, so unless you fell from, like, the palais mermonia-” you cut furina off, shaking your head due to the fuss she was making. your body felt 50 times more sensitive, and your head was pounding. noise in general seemed to piss you off even more at this point. 

“no, furina, i did not fall from that. that would be death.” you giggled slightly, toying lightly with the tube that attached your IV to the IV pole. you looked up at the fluid bags hanging over you, and then back down at the IV in your hand. “i did the traveler and paimon a slight favor, and underestimated the strength of a ruin guard. thats all..” 

furina rested her shoulders, finding no more need to be tense. yes, a spinal and tibial injury is horrible, but at least you’re alive. she sees you trying to tilt your head, realizing your pain, and then putting her head down, looking at her feet and then at the flowers she discarded on the back counter by where the curtain closes. she slowly inches back and grabs them, putting them on your bedside table. you smile, moving your hands to signal that you want them to be put on your lap. 

she cautiously puts them in your grip, allowing you to get a better look at them. Once you see them, you smile widely before gripping her hand. 

“my favorites,” you whisper, before having furina help you bring them to your nose to smell them. you exhale before slowly setting them down on the counter, bringing her hands in yours once more. “thank you, mon cheri.” 

furina can sense a slight blush forming on her cheeks, and she is quick to laugh a little bit. 

“ah, you know it’s no issue, i was just out and i saw them, that's all… and i got them because i know they’re your favs, obviously!” she continued to giggle, bringing a smile to your face. you were too tired to tease her further, the urge to tell her that there was certainly another reason than just coming upon them. you could only assume she panicked, and wanted to make you feel better with your favorites- a bouquet of romaritime flowers. 

“you don’t have to justify yourself, dear. i understand your intentions.” you smiled. you didn’t know if she smiled back or if you hit a playful nerve by pointing out that what she said was a cover up to what she truly did it for. 

“well, i told you my intentions! they were only because i found them. if i didn’t come across these, i would’ve gotten you something different.” she went into a coughing fit, likely choking on her spit, making you laugh a little bit. 

“h- cough hey! Don’t- cough laugh!” her flustered and slightly embarrassed look made you laugh even harder- or at least as hard as you could without triggering some pain. she turned away, pretending to drink a small cup of water she poured from the sink, but instead smiling. 

“can you sit with me?” she heard you whisper, and after she gulped down the last sip of water, she twirled over to your bed, plopping down on it almost perfectly, without hitting you at all. you giggled a little more, seemingly impressed with what she just did. 

“i wish i could do that. this bed hurts my tailbone… people weren’t kidding when they said these cots feel like sleeping against a brick wall with a weird gravitational pull. i wanna leave.” you sighed, wishing you could go back to normal, where in any instance like this you’d teasingly let your head fall onto furinas shoulder or lap to spike a reaction.

“i want you to leave too. whatever shall i do without my y/n unable to assist me at work?” she laughed, making you smile before locking eyes with her. you always admired her eyes- the one shined a beautiful blue, like the fontainian ocean in the midst of the night, and the other looked like the shimmering blue sky mixed with white, fluffy clouds. 

“you’ll live for a little while..” you smiled even brighter. “it’s not like i’m in hospice and it’s my last days alive. if that were the case, then this situation would certainly be a lot different.” 

furina nods, looking at the nurse entering the room to check how your back and leg is doing, and giving you more information on what day and time your surgeries will be taking place. 

“well, good news is, we only have to replace one spinal disk. but the bad news is, we’re gonna have to do a full tibia repair. the spinal one will happen in a few hours from now, and the tibia one will be sometime tomorrow afternoon. i just need your spouse to sign these papers, understanding that she likely knows of your medicinal history and if you’ve had any other significant injuries or surgeries in the past,” the nurse gave furina the clipboard and a pen before sitting down on a hospital stool, rolling it towards you before slightly turning your head to face her. “is this position okay, or would you like me to turn you?” 

you thought for a moment, and then nodded. “please turn me, but nothing too significant. i just need relief to my tailbone.” 

the nurse nods and slowly but surely turns you to a more comfortable position, redoing your pillow arrangement and adjusting the back brace before focusing on your legs. after she turns your legs, she walks out, putting the call remote back up by you.

at this time, furina was almost done signing the medical papers. she just had one more to go, occasionally asking you questions she didn’t have too much background information on, and then signing off her name at the end of each. you looked out your window, being able to see the center of the city, and smiling at the bright lights contrasting the darkness of teyvat. 

she leaves the papers on your side table, seeing the visiting hours were almost up. she couldn’t believe how fast time went- she got there at 6, and now it’s 8:30. 

“i have to leave now, but i promise i’ll be back tomorrow, my love,” furina giggled, getting up and walking with a little pep in her step over to where your head is. “sleep as well as you can. i know you’ve got a surgery coming up pretty soon, but try to sleep until the anesthesia guy comes in. everyone needs their beauty sleep, hospital or not!” she kissed you on the lips.

“bye y/n! i’ll be back soon!”

you said a bye back, slightly waving, before drifting off into a rather uncomfortable sleep.

[skzhocomments]

Dear Diary, - Kim Seungmin Fanfic - Chapter 19

General Masterlist

Story masterlist - please consult it for the summary of the story, trigger warnings etc.

Wattpad | AO3

Chapter 18 | Chapter 20

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Chapter 19

Chapter word count: ~3.3k words

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27th of May Dear Diary, I have so much to fill you in. In just 2 months, my whole world literally changed for the best. I’ve never been happier. For starters, Seungmin and I started dating. We became a couple almost exactly 2 months ago, at the end of March. And let me tell you, if I were head over hills for friend-Seungmin, you should see boyfriend-Seungmin. It’s like this man was written by a woman!!! It’s like he went to classes on “How to be the most perfect boyfriend in the world and pamper the shit out of your girl”!!! When I tell you, future Phoebe, how much he pampers me, I wonder if you’ll still remember by the time you read this again when you’re 50 or whatever. As you know, I’m a daddy’s girl, and my dad spoiled me a whole lot and taught me how a man should treat me. But Seungmin? Seungmin is on a whole different level of spoiling. He is taking me out almost every day after work (on nights when he doesn’t particularly feel like studying), he is showering me in gifts and compliments, he buys me flowers every single week without fail – my favourites, too. Yuna even said she can’t wait to move back out after the wedding, as her allergies are flaring up because of the flowers. I literally can’t keep up. I even complained that I’m getting uncomfortable to receive so many things when I can’t give him anything in return, but he always plays off my concerns and says I shouldn’t worry, that I already give him enough just by being with him and loving him genuinely. And I guess he’s right about that. There are literally no words to describe how much I love this man. I’m head over feels for him. Now, I bet you’re curious about the spicy details… And I’m sorry to disappoint you, but other than very intense kisses in the middle of the park or in front of my dorm room when we’re getting home late from the library, not much has happened between us. Seungmin really meant it when he said he wants us to take it slow. This is both reassuring and annoying. I know he’s serious about us, and he doesn’t want to rush me into anything considering I never had sex with anyone, but I’m getting impatient over here. I think he gets some twisted pleasure in giving me blue balls and seeing me flustered, honestly. Anyway, the other news is, the second semester exams are starting, which means the office work is officially postponed for the time being. Seungmin and I talked a bit about how we’ll manage work going forward, more specifically, what I want to do, since summer holiday is starting, and my parents want me to come home. To be honest, I don’t really want to spend the summer holiday in my hometown. It would mean not seeing Seungmin at all for three months – well, Yuna’s wedding is coming up, but still. On the other hand, I also miss my parents, and I know I only have 2 more summers that I can spend with them. I was thinking of suggesting to Seungmin to take some time off and come live with us for a few weeks, but I’m not even sure if that would be possible, considering we have one more year and then Seungmin’s supposed to take over the company. Things are very real for Seungmin, that’s for sure. He doesn’t have much wiggle room when it comes to taking time off, not as long as his father has such high expectations of him. Oh, and speaking of parents. My family is OVER THE MOON that Seungmin and I became a couple, but his family is an entirely different story. I mean, Seungmin told them (or at least that’s what he said), but so far, he was quite hesitant to talk about their reaction, and to be honest, I wouldn’t be surprised if they wouldn’t really agree with us dating, considering how the dinner went last time we were over there. It's a bit disappointing, but I hope they’ll end up accepting it. Oh my, what if it’ll be just like in those dramas where the parents give me a money envelope to break up with their son??? That’d be hilarious, I should tell Seungmin, LOL. Anyway, I need to go to the office today to finish up my work, and then, wish me luck for the intense exam session. Love, Phoebe

“Ahh, I love showers.” I smile gleefully as I walk back into my dorm room after a long tiring day at the office.

It took Seungmin and I way longer to finish than we thought it would, but thankfully, we managed to complete our tasks and can now take a few weeks off to focus solely on exams without issue.

“I don’t know how you take showers here. They’re communal!” Yuna shudders, but I just laugh back.

“You’re such a princess!”

“Of course. Ughhhh, Bibi, what am I gonna do? How am I supposed to focus on studying?! All I can think about is the wedding! My florist made up some bouquets for the table and I hate them! This is a crisis!” She pouts, and although I chuckle hearing her, I can see where she’s coming from. It’s the most important event in her life so far, and it’s less than two months away.

“It must be stressful.” I rub her back, and she nods approvingly. “Why don’t you go sleep at Jeongin’s tonight? You still have a whole week until your first exam, so there’s no rush.”

“Off, should I? But I feel very stressed leaving the dorms when I know I should be studying.”

“Then ask him to come over. I’ll just go sleep in Seungmin’s room.” I shrug.

“Really? Would that be okay?”

“Of course!”

“Thank you, Bibi, you’re the absolute best!!!” She squirms with happiness and immediately calls Jeongin.

~

I feel slightly embarrassed to knock on Seungmin’s door at 11PM in my pyjamas. Of course, it’s not the first time I’ve been over to his room in the dorms late into the night, but it’s the first time ever since we became a couple.

I knock hesitantly a few times, very quietly, but still, he hears and comes to open the door immediately.

“Bee?” He asks, his eyes widening. “What’s wrong?”

“Surprise!” I say weakly, wanting the ground to swallow me. I don’t know exactly why I feel so embarrassed. It’s just Seungmin. “Can I come in?”

“Yeah, of course. Did Yuna kick you out again?” He chuckles.

“No… it’s on me this time. She was stressed so I suggested she should call Jeongin over, and yeah…” I walk inside his room that’s engulfed in a soft yellow light coming from a lamp on the table.

“Did it to yourself.” Seungmin laughs again.

“It appears so… Is it okay if I stay here tonight?”

“Of course, no worries.” He smiles and closes the door behind me, locking it.

“What were you doing?”

“Nothing, just cleaning up a bit and preparing to go to bed.” He points to the stack of books on his desk, but all I can focus on is how his T-shirt is hanging a bit too low, exposing his collarbones, and how plump his lips are, and how I want to kiss him.

I instinctively reach out for him, placing my hands first on his shoulders and then moving them around his neck, and my heart starts beating faster as my insides start turning in nervousness.

I lean in slowly, hesitantly, and press a soft, unsure kiss against his lips that Seungmin is quick to reciprocate in a gentle manner. My stomach is filled with butterflies, and I feel electric, like I could fly.

“What was that for?” He smirks when I pull back slightly to breathe, our faces still close enough for our breaths to turn into one. My eyes get stuck on his, melting in the beautiful brown I’ve grown to love, a sudden rush of adrenaline going through my body as my fingertips start tingling.

“I… like you.” I say, and Seungmin chuckles.

“I thought we established that a while ago.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry, I just-” I start, and Seungmin kisses me again, cutting me off.

This time, however, his lips linger on mine for longer. The kiss is no longer unsure but daring, bold, certain, as if he’s saying “I want you.”, and God knows how much I want him too. He starts nibbling on my bottom lip, biting it as his hands move on my waist, confident. His touch is gentle but steady, giving me goosebumps, and I can feel him tightening his grip ever so softly, holding me in place.

I let a small moan out, my lips parting slightly, moment when his tongue touches my upper lip, and in a dash of courage and desire, I touch his tongue with mine, and our kiss deepens.

We’ve kissed like this before, passionately, with urgency and desire, but not with roaming hands and panting, not with my back against his mattress and him on top of me, between my legs, not with his mouth sucking spots on my neck and my nails under his shirt on his back, scratching patterns softly.

“Fuck, Bee.” Seungmin whispers in my neck, biting it again as I let another moan come out.

It sounds whiny and I feel embarrassed, but I can’t help it, not when his hand is moving under my shirt and palms my right breast.

“We should really stop.” Seungmin continues, his breath hurried as he moves my shirt’s collar lower, kissing a spot on my chest.

“Stop? No, why?” I ask, completely caught in the pleasure.

“Because I’m afraid if I don’t stop now, I won’t be able to stop.” He says, his thumb grazing my nipple as I roll my head back.

“Please don’t.” I pant. “Don’t stop.”

“But your first time should be special.” Seungmin speaks, as if trying to convince me, but my back arches into his touch, and my mouth finds his again, and I can’t stop, not now, not when I want him so badly; not when I wanted him for months.

“It’s special.” I reassure him. “Because it’s me and you. How could it not be?”

“I didn’t want to- uhm, I wasn’t planning on this, so I’m not… ready.” Seungmin looks into my eyes, and noticing my confused expression, he continues. “I don’t have a condom right now, and-”

“What?” I chuckle. “Uhm, okay… but I’ve been on birth control for years though.”

“You have?” His eyes widen.

“Yeah, so… I mean, if you’re comfortable with that, I don’t mind not using one…” I blush and avert my gaze slightly, before realising I should be braver about these things.

“Shit.” Seungmin curses under his breath, his eyes closing as if he’s trying to regain his composure. He still seems slightly unsure when he opens them again and looks at me, so I decide to give him a little push and pull him into me again, kissing him and biting his lip.

“I want you.” I whisper when he pulls back, our foreheads still touching. “No, even more than that, I need you…”

Seungmin buckles his hips forwards, his covered dick grazing my pussy, and I let out another moan. Desperate for some more friction, I start grinding slowly, and Seungmin’s mouth immediately reattaches to my neck.

The hand he previously used to play with my right boob is moving slowly down my abdomen, disappearing into my pyjama pants, and the moment his fingers touch my cunt, I almost feel myself astral projecting from pleasure.

He raises above me in the cramped bed before he settles back between my legs, and his lips touch my abdomen as his fingers play with the hem of my pants.

I’ve never felt so impatient before, but the urgency pools down in my stomach, and I feel myself clenching around nothing, my heart beating faster in anticipation.

He doesn’t rush at all when he drags them down slowly, as if tauntingly, as he kisses my naked thighs, sucking spots on them, not hard enough to hurt, but enough to possibly leave hickeys. I suddenly feel vulnerable, and the embarrassment rushes back in my chest as he spreads my legs apart and he starts staring.

“Please don’t look like that… there…” I say, trying to force my legs back together to no avail. He has a strong enough grip on them to keep them apart.

“Why not? You’re so beautiful.” Seungmin praises, his breath hurried, his eyes full of lust.

“Because… it makes me self-conscious…” I say, and he tuts, before chuckling lowly.

“My honey, don’t get shy on me now.”

“But I-”

“Shh.” He cuts me off as his mouth connects to my core and I feel his tongue licking precise stripes up and down.

My whole body is on fire and trembling, and my lungs don’t seem to let in enough air, I feel suffocated. I roll my head back and let out a loud moan as he keeps going.

“You sound so beautiful, love.” He praises, and my hands turn into fists holding his sheets for support, his tongue playfully rolling up between my folds, teasing my entrance, making me almost lose it.

“Fuck, I’m close.” I say, my eyes shut tight, my breath coming out irregular, my words desperate as Seungmin pushes me over the edge.

With a loud whine, I let go on his tongue, my whole body shaking as the overwhelming waves of orgasm go through my lower stomach.

“You sure make it hard to be patient.” Seungmin says, kissing his way up my body slowly, smirking each time his mouth touches my skin, and I jolt. He’s enjoying this a bit too much.

“Mhm?” I ask, confused, only no words come out.

“I wanted to take my time with you, to do this differently, to make it memorable somehow, but you come to my room at night, you look so damn good, and you kiss me like that…” He tuts again. “How am I supposed to be patient and take it slow?”

Seungmin takes off his pants, exposing his hard cock that makes me involuntarily lick my lips. Although I wouldn’t mind sucking him off, he seems to have other plans as he settles back between my legs.

“Fuck…” I curse once again as his dick brushes against my entrance, but he doesn’t push it in just yet.

He grinds on me slowly, his tip grazing my clit, his hips moving in a precise motion, sometimes putting more pressure on my entrance, but nonetheless, teasing me.

“Seungmin…”

“What?” He smirks as I lift my hips up, desperate to feel him inside me. If so far I had some anxiety about my first time, it’s been completely replaced by desire. I want us to become one, I want him closer.

“Please… stop teasing me.” I say, and he chuckles as his dick once again brushes against my entrance. Only this time, I don’t let him play with me anymore. I raise my hips again, making the angle just right for him to enter me slowly, and as he does, he closes his eyes and mutters a soft curse under his breath.

“My fucking God…” He stalls for a second as he feels my body tensing under him, which makes him open his eyes. “You okay?”

“Mhm… hurts.”

“I know…” He caresses my face softly, pressing a kiss against my lips as I shut my eyes tight. “Don’t focus on the pain, just focus on me, yeah?” He says, kissing me harder, forcing me to open my mouth and putting his tongue down my throat, more passionate than any of our shared kisses so far.

He pushes his whole length inside me, making me whimper slightly, but his kisses are so intense, it’s easy to lose myself in them, to wrap around him completely and let him push me into the mattress as he pleases.

Once he breaks the kiss, he caresses my face gently, his touch soft, feather light, and when I open my eyes, we just look at each other in silence, our heartbeats syncing together.

“I love you, Bee, you mean the world to me.” He says, making my eyes widen at the sudden confession. My heart begins doing rounds in my chest, and it feels like no matter what words I’d want to say, nothing would come close to describe what I’m truly feeling for him.

“Fuck, I love you too.” I say, my hands moving behind his neck, pulling him once again into me, kissing him.

“Can I go faster?” He asks, biting my lip before kissing me again.

“Mhm.”

My hands travel to his back, and I regret not taking his shirt off earlier, but it doesn’t matter now. Nothing matters, but him and I, and our feelings for each other that grow and grow big enough to make anything else feel insignificant.

His thrusts become more intense, and the pain subsides, shifting into pleasure as our moans disappear into each other’s mouths. A knot tightens once more in my lower abdomen as his movements become more erratic, and soon enough, Seungmin becomes a panting mess on top of me as he suddenly stalls.

“Fuck…” He says, looking at me. “I know you said you’re on birth control, but I still should’ve pulled out… It was just so good-”

“It’s fine.” I chuckle, making him collapse on top of me and hugging him tightly. “Don’t worry about useless things.”

“We should finish our studies before becoming parents…”

“Shut up.” I laugh, and he plops down next to me in the small bed, spooning me from behind. “I have complete faith in my birth control.”

“I don’t.” Seungmin chuckles nervously.

“If you’re that scared, I can take a plan B tomorrow.” I caress his hand as he nuzzles into the back of my neck.

“I’m sorry, I’m just worried. It’s the first time I had sex without a condom and knowing that contraception is in this case not under my complete control, I feel uneasy. I know I shouldn’t be so anxious, I just-”

“It’s okay. We can use condoms next time if it makes you feel better, hm?” I try to reassure him, but he starts chuckling.

“Yeah, but… after trying it without, do I even want to go back?” He laughs.

“Then shut up and trust me. I don’t want to baby-trap you.” I laugh as well, feeling Seungmin hug me tighter.

“I trust you.”

“I trust you too. And if we have a baby, you better not abandon me.”

“What, do you think I’d abandon you?” Seungmin gasps.

“I’m just saying!”

“I’d never abandon you and our hypothetical child, Bee.”

“Alright, that’ll make me sleep better.” I chuckle, and Seungmin kisses my shoulder.

“I never thought I’d have sex in a bunk bed. So inconveniently small.”

“Uncomfortable, too.” I agree. “But I loved it nonetheless.”

“Yeah?” Seungmin asks, and by the tone of his voice, I’m sure he’s smirking proudly. I decide to give him the victory this time.

“Yes, it was amazing.”

“We should probably go clean up, hm?”

“I’m soooo lazy though.” I whine.

“Yeah, me too, but I don’t want any of us to get an UTI, so move your ass to the bathroom and pee, please.”

“Tsk, fine.” I roll my eyes playfully and stand up, feeling Seungmin’s release drip down my leg. I immediately try to catch it with my hand, but Seungmin’s faster – he kneels in front of me with a towel and wipes it away.

“Sorry about that.” He chuckles, kissing my other thigh and making me smile.

“God, why are you so fucking perfect? Let me go to the bathroom.” I yank the tower away and grab my pyjama pants, going out the door with my heart beating a million miles per hour.

I’m way too in love with him, to the point where it’s not just in my chest anymore. I feel it everywhere, in the way my body yearns after his touch, in the way my stomach flutters when I catch him staring at me, in the warmth I feel all over my body when he takes care of me.

I’m in love with Kim Seungmin, and I wouldn’t want it any differently.

~

Chapter 18 | Chapter 20

[hopelesslys-world]

50 SHADES OF FUCKED UP | CH. 3

TRIGGER WARNINGS!: TOXIC RELATIONSHIP, reader is kind of a bimbo, heavily detailed smut, basically porn, loss of virginity, harsh language, anger issues, stalking, obsession, jealousy, controlling behaviour, DOM-SUB themes, BDSM Expand considered to be portrayed with incorrect/poor etiquette, emotional abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse/assault, statutory rape.

Tell me if I missed anything...( As you can see most of the warnings will appear in future chapters. )

I apologize for any grammar mistakes...

Y/L/N: Your Last Name

Y/M/N: Your Middle Name

Y/N/N: Your Nickname

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*𝙔𝙊𝙐𝙍 𝙋𝙊𝙑*

┅┅

𝐁𝐄𝐋𝐋𝐀 𝐈𝐒 𝐄𝐂𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐂.

“But what was he doing at Clayton’s?” Her curiosity oozes through the phone. I’m in the depths of the stock room, trying to keep my voice casual.

“He was in the area.”

“I think that is one huge coincidence, Y/N/N. You don’t think he was there to see you?” she speculates. My heart lurches at the prospect, but it’s a short-lived joy. The dull, disappointing reality is that he was here on business.

“He was visiting the farming division of WSU. He’s funding some research,” I mutter.

“Oh yes. He’s given the department a $2.5 million grant.”

Wow.

“How do you know this?”

“Y/N/N, I’m a journalist, and I’ve written a profile on the guy. It’s my job to know this.”

“Okay, Carla Bernstein, keep your hair on. So do you want these photos?”

“Of course I do. The question is, who’s going to do them and where.”

“We could ask him where. He says he’s staying in the area.”

“You can contact him?”

“I have his cell phone number.”

Bella gasps. “The richest, most elusive, most enigmatic bachelor in Washington State, just gave you his cell phone number.”

“Er… yes.”

“Y/N! He likes you. No doubt about it.” Her tone is emphatic.

“Bella, he’s just trying to be nice.” But even as I say the words, I know they’re not true – Christian Grey doesn’t do nice. He does polite, maybe. And a small quiet voice whispers, perhaps Bella is right. My scalp prickles at the idea that maybe, just maybe, he might like me. After all, he did say he was glad Bella didn’t do the interview.

I hug myself with quiet glee, rocking from side to side, entertaining the possibility that he might like me for one brief moment. Bella brings me back to the now.

“I don’t know who we’ll get to do the shoot. Levi, our regular photographer, can’t. He’s home in Idaho Falls for the weekend. He’ll be pissed that he blew an opportunity to photo one of America’s leading entrepreneurs.”

“Hmm… What about José?”

“Great idea! You ask him – he’ll do anything for you. Then call Grey and find out where he wants us.” Bella is irritatingly cavalier about José.

“I think you should call him.”

“Who, José?” Bella scoffs.

“No, Grey.”

“Y/N/N, you’re the one with the relationship.”

“Relationship?” I squeak at her, my voice rising several octaves. “I barely know the guy, give me a break Bella.” I roll my eyes.

“At least you’ve met him,” she says bitterly. “And it looks like he wants to know you better. Y/N/N, just call him,” she snaps and hangs up. She is so bossy sometimes. I frown at my cell, sticking my tongue out at it.

I’m just leaving a message for José when Paul enters the stock room looking for sandpaper.

“We’re kind of busy out there, Y/N,” he says without acrimony.

“Yeah, um, sorry,” I mutter, turning to leave.

“So, how come you know Christian Grey?” Paul’s voice is unconvincingly nonchalant.

“I had to interview him for our student newspaper. Bella wasn’t well.” I shrug, trying to sound casual and doing no better than him.

“Christian Grey in Clayton’s. Go figure,” Paul snorts, amazed. He shakes his head as if to clear it. “Anyway, want to grab a drink or something this evening?”

Whenever he’s home he asks me on a date, and I always say no. It’s a ritual. I’ve never considered it a good idea to date the boss’s brother, and besides, Paul is cute in a wholesome all-American boy-next-door kind of way, but he’s no literary hero, not by any stretch of the imagination.

Is Grey? My subconscious asks me. I shut her down.

“Don’t you have a family dinner or something for your brother?”

“That’s tomorrow.”

“Maybe some other time, Paul. I need to study tonight. I have my finals next week.”

“Y/N, one of these days, you’ll say yes,” he smiles as I escape out to the store floor.

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“But I do places, Y/N/N, not people,” José groans.

“José, please?” I beg. Clutching my cell, I pace the living area of our apartment, staring out of the window at the fading evening light.

“Give me that phone.” Bella grabs the handset from me, tossing her silken red-blonde hair over her shoulder.

“Listen here, José Rodriquez, if you want our newspaper to cover the opening of your show, you’ll do this shoot for us tomorrow, capiche?” Bella can be awesomely tough.

“Good. Y/N/N will call back with the location and the call time. We’ll see you tomorrow.” She snaps my cell phone shut.

“Sorted. All we need to do now is decide where and when. Call him.” She holds the phone out to me. My stomach twists.

“Call Grey, now!”

I scowl at her and reach into my back pocket for his business card. I take a deep, steadying breath, and with shaking fingers, I dial the number.

He answers on the second ring. His tone is clipped, calm and cold. “Grey.”

“Err… Mr. Grey? It’s Y/N Y/L/N.” I don’t recognize my own voice, I’m so nervous. There’s a brief pause. Inside I’m quaking.

“Miss Y/L/N. How nice to hear from you.” His voice has changed. He’s surprised, I think, and he sounds so… warm – seductive even. My breath hitches, and I flush.

I’m suddenly conscious that Isabella Clark is staring at me, her mouth open, and I dart into the kitchen to avoid her unwanted scrutiny.

“Err – we’d like to go ahead with the photo-shoot for the article.”

Breathe, Y/N, breathe.

My lungs drag in a hasty breath. “Tomorrow, if that’s okay. Where would be convenient for you, sir?”

I can almost hear his sphinx-like smile through the phone. “I’m staying at the Heathman in Portland. Shall we say, nine thirty tomorrow morning?”

“Okay, we’ll see you there.” I am all gushing and breathy – like a child, not a grown woman who can vote and drink legally in the State of Washington.

“I look forward to it, Miss Y/L/N.” I visualize the wicked gleam in his gray eyes. How can he make seven little words hold so much tantalizing promise?

I hang up. Bella is in the kitchen, and she’s staring at me with a look of complete and utter consternation on her face.

“Y/N Y/M/N Y/L/N. You like him! I’ve never seen or heard you so, so… affected by anyone before. You’re actually blushing.”

“Bella.” I whined. “You know I blush all the time. It’s an occupational hazard with me. Don’t be so ridiculous,” I snap. She blinks at me with surprise – I very rarely throw my toys out of the pram – and I briefly relent. “I just find him… intimidating, that’s all.”

“Heathman, that figures,” mutters Bella. “I’ll give the manager a call and negotiate a space for the shoot.”

“I’ll make supper. Then I need to study.” I cannot hide my irritation with her as I open one of cupboards to make spaghetti and meatballs.

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I am restless that night, tossing and turning. Dreaming of smoky gray eyes, coveralls, long legs, long fingers, and dark, dark unexplored places. I wake twice in the night, my heart pounding.

Oh, I’m going to look just great tomorrow with so little sleep, I scold myself. I punch my pillow and try to settle.

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The Heathman is nestled in the downtown heart of Portland. Its impressive brown stone edifice was completed just in time for the crash of the late 1920s.

José, Travis, and I are traveling in my Beetle, and Bella is in her CLK, since we can’t all fit in my car. Travis is José’s friend and gopher, here to help out with the lighting. Bella has managed to acquire the use of a room at the Heathman free of charge for the morning in exchange for a credit in the article.

When she explains at reception that we’re here to photograph Christian Grey CEO, we are instantly upgraded to a suite. Just a regular-sized suite, however, as apparently Mr. Grey is already occupying the largest one in the building. An over-keen marketing executive shows us up to the suite – he’s terribly young and very nervous for some reason.

I suspect it’s Bella’s beauty and commanding manner that disarms him, because he’s putty in her hands. The rooms are elegant, understated, and opulently furnished.

It’s nine. We have half an hour to set up. Bella is in full flow.

“José, I think we’ll shoot against that wall, do you agree?” She doesn’t wait for his reply. “Travis, clear the chairs. Y/N/N, could you ask housekeeping to bring up some refreshments? And let Grey know where we are.”

Yes, Mistress. She is so domineering. I roll my eyes, but do as I’m told.

Half an hour later, Christian Grey walks into our suite. He’s wearing a white shirt, open at the collar, and grey flannel pants that hang from his hips. His unruly hair is still damp from a shower.

My mouth goes dry looking at him… he’s so freaking hot. Grey is followed into the suite by a man in his mid-thirties, all buzz-cut and stubble in a sharp dark suit and tie who stands silently in the corner. His hazel eyes watch us impassively.

“Miss Y/L/N, we meet again.” Grey extends his hand, and I shake it, biting my lip out of habit.

Oh my… he really is, quite… wow.

As I touch his hand, I’m aware of that delicious current running right through me, lighting me up, making me blush, and I’m sure my erratic breathing must be audible.

“Mr. Grey, this is Isabella Clark,” I waved my hand toward Bella who comes forward, looking him squarely in the eye.

“The tenacious Miss Clark. How do you do?” He gives her a small smile, looking genuinely amused. “I trust you’re feeling better? Y/N said you were unwell last week.”

“I’m fine, thank you, Mr. Grey.” She shakes his hand firmly without batting an eyelid.

I remind myself that Bella has been to the best private schools in Washington. Her family has money, and she’s grown up confident and sure of her place in the world. She doesn’t take any crap. I am in awe of her.

“Thank you for taking the time to do this.” She gives him a polite, professional smile.

“It’s a pleasure,” he answers, turning his gray gaze on me, and I flush, again. Damn it.

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*𝘾𝙃𝙍𝙄𝙎𝙏𝙄𝘼𝙉'𝙎 𝙋𝙊𝙑*

┅┅

Is it just me who makes her blush? The thought pleases me.

“This is José Rodriguez, our photographer,” Y/N says, and her face lights up as she introduces him.

Shit. Is this the boyfriend?

Rodriguez blooms under Y/N’s sweet smile.

Are they fucking?

“Mr. Grey.” Rodriguez gives me a dark look as we shake hands. It’s a warning. He’s telling me to back off. He likes her. He likes her a lot.

Well, game on, kid.

“Mr. Rodriguez, where would you like me?” My tone is a challenge, and he hears it, but Isabella intervenes and waves me toward a chair.

Ah. She likes to be in charge. The thought amuses me as I sit.

Another young man who appears to be working with Rodriguez switches on the lights, and momentarily I’m blinded.

Hell!

As the glare recedes I search out the lovely Miss Y/L/N. She’s standing at the back of the room, observing the proceedings. Does she always shy away like this? Maybe that’s why she and Clark are friends; she’s content to be in the background and let Isabella take center stage.

Hmm…a natural submissive.

The photographer appears professional enough and absorbed in the job he’s been assigned to do. I regard Miss Y/L/N as she watches both of us. Our eyes meet; hers are honest and innocent, and for a moment I reconsider my plan. But then she bites her lip and my breath catches in my throat.

Back down, Y/N. I will her to stop staring, and as if she can hear me, she’s the first to look away.

Good girl.

Isabella asks me to stand as Rodriguez continues to take snaps. Then we’re done and this is my chance.

“Thank you again, Mr. Grey.” Isabella surges forward and shakes my hand, followed by the photographer, who regards me with ill-concealed disapproval. His antagonism makes me smile.

Oh, man…you have no idea.

“I look forward to reading the article, Miss Clark” I say, giving her a brief polite nod. It’s Y/N I want to talk to. “Will you walk with me, Miss Y/L/N?” I ask, when I reach her by the door.

“Sure,” she says with surprise.

Seize the day, Grey.

I mutter some platitude to those still in the room and usher her out the door, wanting to put some distance between her and Rodriguez. In the corridor she stands fiddling with her hair, then her fingers, as Taylor follows me out.

“I’ll call you, Taylor,” I say, and when he’s almost out of earshot I ask Y/N to join me for coffee, my breath held for her response.

Her long lashes flicker over her eyes. “I have to drive everyone home,” she says with dismay.

“Taylor,” I call after him, making her jump. I must make her nervous and I don’t know if this is good or bad. And she can’t stop fidgeting. Thinking about all the ways I could make her stop is distracting.

“Are they based at the university?” She nods and I ask Taylor to take her friends home.

“There. Now can you join me for coffee?”

“Um—Mr. Grey, er—this really…” She stops.

Shit. It’s a “no.” I’m going to lose this deal. She looks directly at me, eyes bright. “Look, Taylor doesn’t have to drive them home. I’ll swap vehicles with Bella, if you give me a moment.”

My relief is tangible and I grin. I have a date!

Opening the door, I let her back into the room as Taylor conceals his puzzled look.

“Can you grab my jacket, Taylor?”

“Certainly, sir.”

He turns on his heel, his lips twitching as he heads up the corridor. I watch him with narrowed eyes as he disappears into the elevator while I lean against the wall and wait for Miss Y/L/N.

What the hell am I going to say to her?

“How would you like to be my submissive?”

No. Steady, Grey. Let’s take this one stage at a time. Taylor is back within a couple of minutes, holding my jacket.

“Will that be all, sir?”

“Yes. Thanks.”

He gives it to me and leaves me standing like an idiot in the corridor.

How long is Y/N going to be? I check my watch. She must be negotiating the car swap with Bella. Or she’s talking to Rodriguez, explaining that she’s just going for coffee to placate me and keep me sweet for the article. My thoughts darken. Maybe she’s kissing him good-bye.

Fuck.

She emerges a moment later, and I’m pleased. She doesn’t look like she’s just been kissed.

“Okay,” she says with resolve. “Let’s do coffee.” But her reddening cheeks somewhat undermine her effort to look confident.

“After you, Miss Y/L/N.” I conceal my delight as she falls into step ahead of me. As I catch up with her my curiosity is piqued about her relationship with Isabella, specifically their compatibility. I ask her how long they’ve known each other.

“Since our freshman year. She’s a good friend.” Her voice is full of warmth. Y/N is clearly devoted. She came all the way to Seattle to interview me when Isabella was ill, and I find myself hoping that Miss Clark treats her with the same loyalty and respect.

At the elevators I press the call button and almost immediately the doors open. A couple in a passionate embrace spring apart, embarrassed to be caught. Ignoring them, we step into the elevator, but I catch Y/N’s impish smile.

As we travel to the first floor the atmosphere is thick with unfulfilled desire. And I don’t know if it’s emanating from the couple behind us or from me.

Yes. I want her. Will she want what I have to offer?

I’m relieved when the doors open again and I take her hand, which is cool and not clammy as expected. Perhaps I don’t affect her as much as I’d like. The thought is disheartening.

In our wake we hear embarrassed giggling from the couple.

“What is it about elevators?” I mutter. And I have to admit there’s something wholesome and naïve about their giggling that’s totally charming. Miss Y/L/N seems that innocent, just like them, and as we walk onto the street I question my motives again.

She’s too young. She’s too inexperienced, but, fucking hell, I like the feel of her hand in mine. In the coffee shop I direct her to find a table and ask what she wants to drink.

She stutters through her order: English Breakfast tea—hot water, bag on the side. That’s a new one to me.

“No coffee?”

“I’m not keen on coffee.”

“Okay, bag-out tea. Sugar?”

“No thanks,” she says, staring down at her fingers.

“Anything to eat?”

“No thank you.” She shakes her head and tosses her hair over her shoulder, highlighting glints of auburn.

I have to wait in line while the two matronly women behind the counter exchange inane pleasantries with all their customers. It’s frustrating and keeping me from my objective: Anastasia.

“Hey, handsome, what can I get you?” the older woman asks with a twinkle in her eye.

It’s just a pretty face, sweetheart.

“I’ll have a coffee with steamed milk. English Breakfast tea. Teabag on the side. And a blueberry muffin.”

Y/N might change her mind and eat.

“You visiting Portland?”

“Yes.”

“The weekend?”

“Yes.”

“The weather sure has picked up today.”

“Yes.”

“I hope you get out to enjoy some sunshine.”

Please stop talking to me and hurry the fuck up. “Yes,” I hiss through my teeth and glance over at Y/N, who quickly looks away.

She’s watching me. Is she checking me out? A bubble of hope swells in my chest.

“There you go.” The woman winks and places the drinks on my tray. “Pay at the register, honey, and you have a nice day.”

I manage a cordial response. “Thank you.”

At the table Y/N is staring at her fingers, reflecting on heaven knows what.

Me?

“Penny for your thoughts?” I ask.

She jumps and turns red as I set out her tea and my coffee. She sits mute and mortified. Why?

Does she really not want to be here?

“Your thoughts?” I ask again, and she fidgets with the teabag.

“This is my favorite tea,” she says, and I revise my mental note that it’s Twinings English Breakfast tea she likes. I watch her dunk the teabag in the teapot. It’s an elaborate and messy spectacle. She fishes it out almost immediately and places the used teabag on her saucer.

My mouth is twitching with my amusement. She likes her tea weak.

Enough of this preamble; it’s time for some due diligence in this deal. “Is he your boyfriend?”

Her brows knit together, forming a small v above her nose.

“Who?”

This is a good response.

“The photographer. José Rodriguez.”

She laughs. At me.

At me!

And I don’t know if it’s from relief or if she thinks I’m funny. It’s annoying. I can’t get her measure. Does she like me or not? She tells me he’s just a friend.

Oh, sweetheart, he wants to be more than a friend.

“Why did you think he was my boyfriend?” she asks.

“The way you smiled at him, and he at you.” You have no idea, do you? The boy is smitten.

“He’s more like family,” she says.

Okay, so the lust is one-sided, and for a moment I wonder if she realizes how lovely she is. She eyes the blueberry muffin as I peel back the paper. “Do you want some?” I ask.

She shakes her head. “No thanks.” Her voice is hesitant and she stares once more at her hands. Why is she so jittery? Maybe because of me?

“And the boy I met yesterday, at the store. He’s not your boyfriend?”

“No. Paul’s just a friend. I told you yesterday.” She frowns again as if she’s confused, and crosses her arms in defense. She doesn’t like being asked about these boys. I remember how uncomfortable she seemed when the kid at the store put his arm around her, staking his claim. “Why do you ask?” she adds.

“You seem nervous around men.”

Her eyes widen. They really are beautiful, the color is truly majestic. I should take her there.

“I find you intimidating,” she says, and looks down, fidgeting once more with her fingers. On the one hand she’s so submissive, but on the other she’s…challenging.

“You should find me intimidating.”

Yeah. She should. There aren’t many people brave enough to tell me that I intimidate them. She’s honest, and I tell her so—but when she averts her eyes, I don’t know what she’s thinking. It’s frustrating.

Does she like me? Or is she tolerating this meeting to keep Clark’s interview on track?

Which is it?

“You’re a mystery, Miss Y/L/N.”

“There’s nothing mysterious about me.”

“I think you’re very self-contained.” Like any good submissive. “Except when you blush, of course, which is often. I just wish I knew what you were blushing about.” There. That will goad her into a response. Popping a small piece of the blueberry muffin into my mouth, I await her reply.

“Do you always make such personal observations?”

That’s not that personal, is it? “I hadn’t realized I was. Have I offended you?”

“No.”

“Good.”

“But you’re very high-handed.”

“I’m used to getting my own way, Y/N In all things.”

“I don’t doubt it,” she mutters, and then wants to know why I haven’t asked her to call me by my first name.

What?

And I remember her leaving my office in the elevator—and how my name sounded coming out of her mouth. Has she seen through me? Is she deliberately antagonizing me? I tell her that no one calls me Christian, except my family…

I don’t even know if it’s my real name.

Don’t go there, Grey.

I change the subject. I want to know about her.

“Are you an only child?”Her eyelashes flutter several times before she answers that she is.

“Tell me about your parents.”

She rolls her eyes and I have to fight the compulsion to scold her.

“My mom lives in Georgia with her new husband, Bob. My stepdad lives in Montesano.”

Of course I know all this from Welch’s background check, but it’s important to hear it from her. Her lips soften with a fond smile when she mentions her stepdad.

“Your father?” I ask.

“My father died when I was a baby.”

For a moment I’m catapulted into my nightmares, looking at a prostrate body on a grimy floor. “I’m sorry,” I mutter.

“I don’t remember him,” she says, dragging me back to the now. Her expression is clear and bright, and I know that Raymond Y/L/N has been a good father to this girl. Her mother’s relationship with her, on the other hand—that remains to be seen.

“And your mother remarried?”

Her laugh is bitter. “You could say that.” But she doesn’t elaborate. She’s one of the few women I’ve met who can sit in silence. Which is great, but not what I want at the moment. “You’re not giving much away, are you?”

“Neither are you,” she parries.

Oh, Miss Y/L/N. Game on.

And it’s with great pleasure and a smirk that I remind her that she’s interviewed me already. “I can recollect some quite probing questions.”

Yes. You asked me if I was gay.

My statement has the desired effect and she’s embarrassed. She starts babbling about herself and a few details hit home. Her mother is an incurable romantic. I suppose someone on her fourth marriage is embracing hope over experience. Is she like her mother? I can’t bring myself to ask her. If she says she is—then I have no hope. And I don’t want this interview to end. I’m enjoying myself too much.

I ask about her stepfather and she confirms my hunch. It’s obvious she loves him. Her face is luminous when she talks about him: his job (he’s a carpenter), his hobbies (he likes European soccer and fishing). She preferred to live with him when her mom married the third time. Interesting.

She straightens her shoulders. “Tell me about your parents,” she demands, in an attempt to divert the conversation from her family. I don’t like talking about mine, so I give her the bare details. “My dad’s a lawyer, my mom is a pediatrician. They live in Seattle.”

“What do your siblings do?”

She wants to go there? I give her the short answer that Elliot works in construction and Mia is at cooking school in Paris.

She listens, rapt. “I hear Paris is lovely,” she says with a dreamy expression.

“It’s beautiful. Have you been there?”

“I’ve never left mainland USA.” The cadence in her voice falls, tinged with regret. I could take her there.

“Would you like to go?”

First Cabo, now Paris? Get a grip, Grey.

“To Paris? Of course. But it’s England that I’d really like to visit.” Her face brightens with excitement. Miss Y/L/N wants to travel. But why England? I ask her.

“It’s the home of Shakespeare, Austen, the Brontë sisters, Thomas Hardy. I’d like to see the places that inspired those people to write such wonderful books.” It’s obvious this is her first love.

Books.

She said as much in Clayton’s yesterday. That means I’m competing with Darcy, Rochester, and Angel Clare: impossible romantic heroes. Here’s the proof I needed. She’s an incurable romantic, like her mother—and this isn’t going to work. To add insult to injury, she looks at her watch. She’s done. I’ve blown this deal.

“I’d better go. I have to study,” she says.

I offer to walk her back to her friend’s car, which means I’ll have the walk back to the hotel to make my case.

But should I?

“Thank you for the tea, Mr. Grey,” she says.

“You’re welcome, Y/N. It’s my pleasure.” As I say the words I realize that the last twenty minutes have been…enjoyable. Giving her my most dazzling smile, guaranteed to disarm, I offer her my hand. “Come,” I say. She takes my hand, and as we walk back to The Heathman I can’t shake how agreeable her hand feels in mine.

Maybe this could work.

“Do you always wear skirts?” I ask.

“Mostly,” she says, and it's another great information about her added to the list; she almost always wears skirts…I like my women in skirts. I like them accessible.

“Do you have a girlfriend?” she asks out of the blue, and it’s the third strike. I’m out of this fledgling deal. She wants romance, and I can’t offer her that.

“No, Y/N. I don’t do the girlfriend thing.”

Stricken with a frown, she turns abruptly and stumbles into the road.

“Shit, Ana!” I shout, tugging her toward me to stop her from falling in the path of an idiot cyclist who’s flying the wrong way up the street. All of a sudden she’s in my arms clutching my biceps, staring up at me. Her eyes are startled; they’re beautiful, more beautiful this close. Her pupils dilate and I know I could fall into her gaze and never return. She takes a deep breath.

“Are you okay?” My voice sounds alien and distant, and I realize she’s touching me and I don’t care. My fingers caress her cheek. Her skin is soft and smooth, and as I brush my thumb against her lower lip, my breath catches in my throat. Her body is pressed against mine, and the feel of her breasts and her heat through my shirt is arousing.

She has a fresh, wholesome fragrance that reminds me of my grandfather’s apple orchard. Closing my eyes, I inhale, committing her scent to memory. When I open them she’s still staring at me, entreating me, begging me, her eyes on my mouth.Shit. She wants me to kiss her.

And I want to. Just once. Her lips are parted, ready, waiting. Her mouth felt welcoming beneath my thumb.

No. No. No. Don’t do this, Grey.

She’s not the girl for you. She wants hearts and flowers, and you don’t do that shit.

I close my eyes to blot her out and fight the temptation, and when I open them again, my decision is made. “Y/N,” I whisper, “you should steer clear of me. I’m not the man for you.”

The little v forms between her brows, and I think she’s stopped breathing.

I step back and she releases her hold on me, yet weirdly, I don’t feel any relief. I slide my hands to her shoulders to ensure she can stand. Her expression clouds with humiliation. She’s mortified by my rebuff.

Hell. I didn’t mean to hurt you.

“I’ve got this,” she says, disappointment ringing in her clipped tone. She’s formal and distant, but she doesn’t move out of my hold. “Thank you,” she adds.

“For what?”

“For saving me.”

And I want to tell her that I’m saving her from me…that it’s a noble gesture, but that’s not what she wants to hear. “That idiot was riding the wrong way. I’m glad I was here. I shudder to think what could have happened to you.” Now it’s me that’s babbling, and I still can’t let her go.

I offer to sit with her in the hotel, knowing it’s a ploy to prolong my time with her, and only then do I release her.

She shakes her head, her back ramrod stiff, and wraps her arms around herself in a protective gesture. A moment later she bolts across the street and I have to hurry to keep up with her.

When we reach the hotel, she turns and faces me once more, composed. “Thanks for the tea and

doing the photo shoot.” She regards me dispassionately and regret flares in my gut.

“Y/N…I…” I can’t think what to say, except that I’m sorry.

“What, Christian?” she snaps.

Whoa. She’s mad at me, pouring all the contempt she can into each syllable of my name. It’s novel. And she’s leaving. And I don’t want her to go. “Good luck with your exams.”

Her eyes flash with hurt and indignation. “Thanks,” she mutters, disdain in her tone. “Good-bye, Mr. Grey.” She turns away and strides up the street toward the underground garage. I watch her go, hoping that she’ll give me a second look, but she doesn’t. She disappears into the building, leaving in her wake a trace of regret, the memory of her beautiful blue eyes, and the scent of an apple orchard in the fall.

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[ series masterlist ]

DON'T BE AFRAID TO SPAM WITH LIKES AND COMMENTS. I WOULD ALSO APPRECIATE IT IF YOU COULD REBLOG THIS POST <3

[tomtortillasoup]

Marigold

Summary: The desert fucking sucked, V knew it, Johnny knew it. Still, there was friends to be made and corpos to find in the restless rocky dunes.

A/N: I’m really excited for the next chapter!! It’s all fun times with Johnny but for now you get V with PTSD. I think it’s a cool concept to write about a ‘badass’ merc that keeps getting triggered by death. Also this is still a lot of long dialogue from the game…sorry guys…At least it makes the chapter longer :)

Word Count: 5,780

Chapter 3: Check My Brain

Walking into the Afterlife made you nervous, your palms felt sweaty and every step down the stairs felt heavier than the last one. Last time you were there Jackie was still around, felt wrong showing up alone - scratch that, felt weird having Johnny in tow.

Getting used to Johnny was not as bad as you had originally thought, push that horrible first meeting aside and you guys were starting to meet eye to eye. It seemed that he always had a little comment about your everyday routine, from gigs to your apparent shitty taste in ‘everything’ as he liked to say. He liked to come out of your head and make appearances to the outside world, even if you were the only one who could see him. If you had to guess you assume it makes him feel a little bit like he’s actually back amongst the living.

You kind of wished Johnny would make himself appear as you walked past the bouncer, nodding at him and saying a quick hi as he opened the door for you.You were pleasantly surprised that he remembered you, feeling a small sense of confidence come back into your body as you walked with more determination. Making a beeline towards the booth in the back, you could see a glimpse of the Queen of the Afterlife herself, seeming bored out of her mind as some chick cursed her out.

The angry woman stormed out, bumping into the bodyguard outside the booth. She took a quick glance at you, “Be careful who you bargain with.”

Wow. As much as you’d love to heed her warning, you didn’t have people lining up to help you. Plus if Johnny vouches for Rouge that must mean something, right?

Right?

You turned away from the retreating woman to face Rouge, albeit her bodyguard blocked you from truly getting close to her.

“Rouge? Wanted to talk.” You said with a wave of your hand. Luck seemed to be on your side as she waved you down, yelling out a command to her guard to let you past.

Walking into the wolves den, she eyed you up and down as you stood in front of her, turning her body towards you.

“Hm. Not here, not there. Who’re you?”

“Name’s V.”

“And what is it you want, V?”

Johnny appeared from the corner of your eye, making himself at home on top of the couch as he stared at Rouge openly without his usual aviators on. “All these years…It’s really her. Fuckin’ Rouge, just kickin’ it back on a couch at the Afterlife.” He said in disbelief, guess you couldn’t blame him for being surprised that after being dead for 50 years he’d still be able to see his friend alive and kicking. He gave you a serious look as he nodded, “Don’t mess with ‘er. She’s got MR-eyes. See right through you. Give ‘er the truth.”

You had to stop yourself from nodding back at him, remembering who you were in front of and didn’t want to make an idiot about yourself as a first impression. You’d seen the awkward looks or how fast a person walks by you when you would stare at a corner for too long, obviously you would be talking to your new imaginary friend but for all they know you were on the verge of cyberpsychosis.

“Need your services. Gotta track a guy down.”

Rouge simply hummed, an invitation to keep talking.

“Anders Hellman. Hot-shot engineer. Worked for Arasaka.”

“Millisec.” She turned away from you as she called someone, “Anders Hellman. Pinpoint him for me?”

A small chuckle left your mouth, “Huh. Thanks.” She quickly cut you off before you could get another word out.

“Jumpin’ too soon. First, my help’s got a price. Second, and third-Dexter DeShawn. Jackie Welles. T-bug. Multiple bells ringin’, V. Left a lot of bodies behind, death walks in your wake. Chalk that up to bad luck?”

You clenched your jaw, maybe you should have listened to that girl that walked out earlier.

“Theeere’s the bitch I know…Ask her about ‘Saka Tower. How they shot me up right in front of her.” Johnny said as he pointed a finger gun towards himself. Well you know what they say, when they go low - I go lower.

You took a step closer as you spoke,”Wanna go through obits? Really? Fine. Johnny Silverhand. Zeroed inside Arasaka Tower, before your very eyes.” You nodded at her, “Got more, if you want. Or we could just talk.” You said with a shrug of your shoulders. Johnny seemed to straighten up a bit as he heard his name, studying Rouge for a reaction.

“Got balls on you, girl. Don’t like that on everybody, but they seem to suit you.” She said with a shake of her head, “Anyways…feelings be damned, I’ve always said. This is pure biz. You need my help, so get those eddies ready.”

After a beat of silence you transferred the eddies, “Should be enough.”

“Mhm. Come back tomorrow, we’ll talk.”

-

Fuck Rouge, actually fuck Johnny in the first place for telling you to even speak to her in the first place. You were currently in fuck-knows-where Badlands with your newest companion, Panam. Who knew that it got this cold at night in the desert, you guys just finished jacking Panam’s car from some scums that jacked it from her. Lots of jackin.

Funny enough Rouge gave you the contact information to the girl that had cursed her out yesterday. Chick seemed stubborn as all hell but Rouge reassured you that she’d play nice if you helped her first, scratch my back I’ll scratch yours type thing. But she seemed to be asking for an extra favor by trying to convince you to get revenge against these people, you wanted to tell her no - get everything over with, but somehow she got you on board.

“Fuck Panam!” You yelled out as she didn’t bother slowing down the tunnel you guys were currently going down on, making your body jump against every bump hit. She ignored your complaints, seemingly going faster if that was possible and quickly swerving. She got out of the car and immediately started shooting, “What, asshole? Did you really think I’d let it slide?” She yelled over the sound of gunfire. Yup, fucking crazy.

You quickly ran towards the closest person and started slicing, you on the offensive as you got close and personal while Panam stayed on the defense, shooting from afar. You guys whittled down the men until it was just the two of you standing, the smell of gunpowder and must reeked down here, you were looting whatever you could find off the bodies when you heard Panam behind you.

“Hello Rouge.”

Panam really doesn’t let shit go huh, you didn’t want to be part of that conversation so you fucked off deeper into the cave where there was some buildings. You heard a string of curses a while later, your cue to go back towards the fuming woman. Awkward.

“C’mon, let’s get out of here.” You weren’t the best at being there for people when emotions were high, deciding on just ignoring stuff like that all together. Seemed to suit Panam just fine as she walked back towards the car silently, she didn’t seem the type to want to be coddled anyways.

She seemed to be on another call once you got in, guess she would be completing her own gig after all. You both arrived at the meeting point, Panam talked to them as you waited by the car, gun in hand in case of anything. Things seem to go your way for once as the meet went without a hitch, to celebrate a gig well done (and a new friendship) you both drank at the motel’s bar. After a couple drinks and swap of stories you both decided to call it in for the night, Panam told you she had a plan for Hellman so that made you breath easy.

As you laid down in bed you looked up at the stained ceiling in thought, you’d be lying if you said you didn’t have a bitter taste in your mouth still from when Rouge mentioned Jackie’s death last night. What if she was right, it’s not a coincidence that those around you died, maybe you were to blame for his death. You gripped your necklace tightly, trying to anchor yourself before you started to spiral.

“Hey.”

You sat up in surprise as you made eye contact with Johnny, you usually heard him when he would appear but he caught you off guard this time. Your hand was still tight around the bullet charm, “Hey.” You said after a beat of silence.

“I saw you, dancing.” He lit up a cigarette, you eyed his familiar cigarette he held in his hand. “Saw your memories, you and that big guy were dancing in some shitbox of a club with music that made your ears bleed.” He said with a grimace.

You remembered that, you actually dreamt about that recently, both of you had gone to a club to celebrate a high paying gig. You also remember getting the shit beat out of you, some guys had picked a fight with you on the dancefloor, causing you two to get kicked out. Mama Welles had also given you guys a slap on the arm when you walked into the house, not before serving you a hot plate of pozole. Fuck, that sounded really good, your stomach grumbled as all you’ve had today was beers, and maybe a pound fi sand. You hated the desert.

You let yourself smile at the memory, Jackie had been more pissed about getting kicked out rather than getting used as a punch bag. “You dance?” You asked curiously, you haven’t had the pleasure of getting any of Johnny’s memories (other than the ones you first lived through when he first appeared in your head, you still felt nauseous at the thought of feeling his death first hand).

“Nah, don’t dance. More into performing myself.” He said as he looked away, sometimes you forget that he was an actual performer and not just a terrorist or a voice in your head.

“How’s that, performing I mean.” You had finally let your grip on your necklace fall as you started to lean back towards the bed, making yourself comfortable.

“Mmm. It’s like having sex, it’s hot and sweaty and my names getting yelled constantly.” He said with a smirk.

“You’re a fucking gonk.” You groaned in annoyance but there was a small smile on your lips. After a beat of silence you spoke up again, “You think we’ll be able to find Hellman?” You turned your head towards him, he was already looking at you when you turned.

“Well that chick Panam seems to have her balls in check, gets shit done, so I think so yeah.” Finally he seemed to reach the end of his cigarette and threw it down on the floor to stomp on it. You nodded and turned your body to face the other way, your back to Johnny, you willed yourself to go to sleep even though you didn’t feel tired. “Goodnight Johnny.” you spoke out loud as you closed your eyes.

“G’night V.”

Johnny looked at your sleeping body, watching you breath in and out peacefully, fuck you were a handful. Who knew this little merc would have crazy PTSD about her dead choom, Johnny knew death among friends but you seemed to deal with it in a horrible way. It kind of reminded him of himself when he first served in the corp wars, just a kid in the middle of a shitty situation No matter, each day with V got easier, she wasn’t as dumb as she looked and was able to hold her own ina fight, he found her impressive at times. Although, he needed to distract you from your own mental state if he wanted to get a cure from the chip fast, couldn’t waste his time with shaky tears. “Fuckin’ kid” he muttered as he disappeared back into your headspace.

-

You awoke a little past midnight, reading a text from Panam saying to meet her in the garage. Slowly, you stretched your body out, bed wasn’t the comfiest thing but you’ve slept in worse. You met up with Panam in the garage, she had given you a run down about her plan, something about jacking a power station to fuck with the AV that held Hellman.

Panam drove towards some rubble, convincing you to grow accustomed to it in case you needed to use it, you two swapped stories as she drove. She had you connect via peronsal link, you waited in silence as she ran some quick diagnostics. You were really starting to like the woman, she was quite easy to talk to despite being hot-headed, and Johnny seemed keen on her as well.

Error 205: Incompatibility Risk

“Shit. It keeps giving me an error. Odd. Let me work around it.” Panam said as she furrowed her brows and started tapping on the cars screen.

“And now, Panam, here’s Johnny! Out in the middle of bumfuck nowhere. Great work, V.”

Aaaaand there he was, he leaned over from the backseat as he made himself comfortable, all smiles as he spoke. Fucking gonk.

“Hey, uh, I think your implant has a virus. The one in the nape of your neck.” She said warily, pointing at her own neck.

You felt yourself get nervous as you just blurted out whatever smart thing could come out of your mouth, reassuring her that nothing would happen to her car. She seemed to hesitate a bit but moved past it, you did some target practice as you took control of the turret, it was pretty tanky. Panam started driving towards a spot near the power station, ‘get a good view of it’ she said as you guys could revise the plan last minute.

“Sabotage a corpo power station, jump a corpo transport, kidnap a corpo suit.”

You had honestly forgotten that Johnny was still in the backseat, you stared at him through the rear view mirror.

“This a plug for the word corpo or do you have a point?”

“Know what? You’re starting to remind me of me…fifty years back. Minus the charisma…and impressive cock.” He said with his signature smirk. “Mm. Maybe we CAN just get along.” Does this guy ever get tired of stroking his ego.

“Could be something to that, I suppose. What happened to us, it must’ve had some effect.” You looked out the window as you spoke in your head. “You’re more like me than you think. You’ll see.” He pointed a finger towards you, if you didn’t know any better it would’ve sounded like a threat.

You turned back as you shot him a quick look before looking forward again, didn’t want to freak Panam out, “But it goes both ways. Maybe you’re becoming more like me.”

“Nah, no way.” Crossing his arms over his chest, he acted like a fucking child at times. It was both amusing and annoying, Panam brought you back to reality as she parked the car. You guys went over the plan, go in, overload the systems, get out, seemed easy enough. Now it turned into a waiting game, you and Panam kept talking, in between moments of silence you and Johnny bickered, you had also managed to take a nap before being shaken by the nomad. It was early morning, the sky was still dark as the sun barely started peeking out, “Time to roll.”

-

Overloading the systems was a bitch, each time you went up to a terminal the pain would get worse, at one point kneeling down as your vision went static and pain shot throughout your body. Once Panam was satisfied with your work you both quickly got into her car, her quickly backing out while you catched your breath in the passenger seat.

“V! Get the fuck out before something happens to the chip!” Johnny rasped from the backseat, suddenly appearing.

“Thanks for the tip. Y’know, I was just about to set up a picnic, maybe lay out, work on my base tan.” You said sarcastically as you glanced back at him, holding a hand up to your chest as you monitored your breathing.

“I mean it. Watch out, the next one migh-“ Johnny cut off as he started wildly glitching out before disappearing, you quickly whipped your head back, not really caring if Panam got weirded out by it.

What the fuck just happened? You felt your heart start to race as you panicked.

“Johnny? Johnny?!” You called out anxiously, eyes searching for any sign of the rocker.

The familiar noise the engram made when he came back made you let out a breath you didn’t even realize you were holding. Jesus fuck, you were really scared for him, you hadn’t heard him sound like that before. He held onto Panams seat as he breathed harshly through his nose, yanking off his glasses and throwing himself back on his seat momentarily before going back to his original position and putting on the glasses to mask whatever dread he felt. You weren’t sure if it was his or yours to be honest, but it was making itself apparent between the two.

“OK. I’m fine. It’s…it’s OK, I’m fine…Yeah…Just - DELTA THE FUCK OUT.”

-

Everything was going to shit again, a lot of Panam’s clan laid dead because of you. Rouge was fucking right, death follows you everywhere, Panam had also gotten hit in the process but still was well and alive. You had tracked down Hellman successfully but at what cost? Panam nor Saul, her clan leader, blamed you - if anything they thanked you for helping them but you couldn’t understand why. The whole clan had come to lend you a hand, it would’ve make you happy if you didn’t have innocent blood on your hands. You forced yourself, willed yourself, fucking begged yourself to ignore all the dead bodies in your wake as you carried Hellman towards your motel room.

-

“Hey.” You called out, slapping the corpo roughly. You sat down in front of him as you stared him down, he looked around nervously as he spoke, “Where am I? What is this place?”

You held your gun out just in case, ignoring his question “Wanna talk about your little invention. Biochip you made for Arasaka.” He relaxed a bit as he heard you, leaning forward he spoke, “Fine. But let’s get one thing straight first. Yorinobu Arasaka didn’t send you?”

“No.” V narrows eyes

“This means you must have an offer for me. If your boss will pay more than Kang Tao, I believe we can talk.”

This fucking guy, you couldn’t believe that he’d think you’d offer him money after shooting down his AV and knocking him out cold. Were all corpos this fucking dense?

“You misunderstand me. There is no offer.” You said with a frown.

“What do you want?” Yup, this guy is just dense.

“Got Silverhand’s construct in my head. It’s literally driving me crazy, and I know it’s only gonna get worse. That is, unless I remove it.” He looked puzzled “And that, none of that’s on the billboards I saw. Not even in the fine print.” Johnny appeared before you, taking a seat behind Hellman.

“Silverhand? Construct…? That’s impossible! Where did you get this biochip?” He pressed. You debated lying, quickly deciding that was dumb, not like he could go back to Arasaka, chip in hand and begging for forgiveness.

“Klepped it off Yorinobu Arasaka. Job for a client, but the client left me out to dry.” He looked baffled at your words.” And you decided the best place for it was in your own goddamn head?” He asked as he scrutinized you.

“Actually, wasn’t a bad idea. Construct rebooted me when my own goddamn head took a bullet.” You held the gun against your head to hammer down your point, Hellman seemed uncomfortable by your action.

“I always knew Yorinobus plan would fail. I just never imagined it would turn out like this. Arasakas prize tech really is in the very streets of the city.” He shook his head in disapproval.

“You have to remove the biochip from my system.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“Look, you made the thing, didn’t you? So what’s the problem?” You snapped, patience wearing thin. The one fucking man that could’ve potentially solve your problems and here he was, telling you to your face that ‘it’s not that simple’. What fucking bullshit.

“If you’re telling the truth, you slotted in a new, experimental version of the biochip.”

You looked around incredously, “How’s the prototype version different? It’s got a different engram? Something more…” you trailed off as you waved your gun around in thought, trying to find an accurate word to use.

“Aware?” Johnny chimed.

“Aggressive?” You said, desperate for something.

“The biochip is what’s unique, not Silverhands engram. The previous version of the chip was only used to communicate with pre-saved engrams.” You quickly cut him off, “And it was rare as fuck and cost a fortune, yeah.”

“This one’s rarer. Meant to install and activate the engram in a new body. When I left Arasaka, the project was still in the trial phase.”

You were over this, you were getting nowhere with this guy, “Yeah, yeah, great, your tech works. Now get it out of me.”

“I would have to see it first.”

A beat of silence, you nodded, “Ok.”

Not like you had an option, if this guy made the chip itself he was your best bet to salvation. Plus you don’t think he could do anything to hurt you or the chip itself, choosing to trust him.

You leaned towards the man as he jacked his internal link in you, looking at the chip in awe. Johnny circled the corpo, he leaned towards him and motioned with his glasses as he spoke, “Can’t believe this suit’s the one who’s gonna help us.”

“Hmm…Unbelievable. It looks like…Oh fuck.” He said shakily, disconnecting from you. You felt your heart drop at his tone, you knew what was going to happen next, the barer of bad news.

“What? What is it?” You said as you studied his face, hoping he was somehow just psyching you out. He shook his head, not looking at you, “What a pity I won’t be able to examine it fully.”

“Yeah, real shame, you coulda been his guinea pig, too.” Johnny spat, tired of the useless man in front of him and throwing himself on the bed.

You looked back to Hellman, furrowing your brows again, “Tell me how to get rid of it.”

“I’m afraid I have bad news. Your neural network has completely deteriorated. It can no longer function independently of the chip.” He said with a sigh, looking almost bad for you, “The only thing I could do-“

Johnny yelled out from where he laid on the bed, ”Woo-hoo! It’s bargaining time!” You ignored him as you listened intently as to what the corpo said to you, not once breaking eye contact with him.

“-is to give you information on a good clinic in Sweden. They’ll help you through the terminal stages, minimize the pain.”

You were growing desperate, this truly couldn’t be the end right?

“What exactly is going on in my head?” You asked shakily.

“You tell me. What’s it like to have two personalities? Because it’s not like you’re hearing voices. You’re both yourself and Silverhand, simultaneously.”

It didn’t feel like that at all, it felt like you were two different people, just sharing the same body. You were you and Johnny was, well Johnny. You hadn’t felt like you’ve shared the same body truly, yes you share memories and thoughts but you could still differentiate what’s yours and his.

Fuck, you were lying to yourself. When Johnny had disappeared back with Panam you were fucking terrified, you both were. Or maybe it was just you, there’s no way you both simultaneously felt the same fear. That just meant that the relic was quickly doing its job, erasing and replacing you with Johnny.

“I can see him and talk to him.” You said weakly, Hellman simply shook his head at your words as he spoke. “You’re not ‘talking’, but yes, I understand what you mean.” You noticed in the background Johnny lighting up a cigarette, fuck, you would kill for a cigarette right now.

“Have you noticed the construct’s influence on your decision making?” Hellman questioned.

Johnny seemed annoyed at the question as he walked atop the beds, disappearing to god knows where. “Sheesh. Give it a rest?”

“What do you mean?” You asked, cocking your head. Johnny reappeared next to Hellman.

“You will start doing things that were once unthinkable, at least to your old self. And you know exactly who he was. A fanatic. A terrorist. A suicide bomber.”Johnny started pacing as he listened to Hellman, “Well fuck me, who’s trying to mess with your head now?” He spat.

“At least Johnny never whored himself out like you.” You scoffed at the corpo.

Your words came out faster before your head could catch up with what you had said. You felt yourself freak out internally, was that Johnny? No, no you were just defending a friend, you justified your anger as your own and not his.

“Are you defending him? Or is that Johnny speaking now? Oh let me guess - he already tried to take over your body? You know, just for a little while?” He jeered at you, well fuck me he got you there. You didn’t hesitate as you answered, “No.”

Johnny quickly turned to you and sent you a small smile, “Would you, though? Could be fun…” You groaned internally as you sent the engram a pleading look, “Johnny…” He immediately sensed your frustration, reeling back his words, “Kidding. But watch out - suit’s getting ready to talk your head off.”

You held your hands up in defeat, “Know what? That’s enough. You just playing for time? Because I can’t tell - are you trying to convince me you’re useless?” You ran a hand through your hair, “I mean, in that case, I can just shoot you in the head and save us both some time.” You cocked your gun threateningly.

“Ugh finally.” Johnny said, just as ready as you to be done with this whole thing.

“I will try to help you - if you come with me to Kang Tao.”

This was going nowhere.

“Forget Kang Tao. Got any other ideas?”

“If you think there’s anyone else who can help you, I could give you the blueprints. Complete project documentation. Kang Tao offered quite the sum for it.”

You nodded at him and leaned forward, “You got it with you?”

“He’s got to. Gonk’s fucking useless without ‘em.” Johnny had a point there, those blueprints were essentially what made Hellman worth something. Suddenly the door opened, Hellman looked like he’d just seen a ghost by the way he set eyes on Takemura as he walked in.

“V.” The older man said in acknowledgment, Hellman looked between you and Takemura, fear setting in his eyes.

“Takemura? What the hell is he doing here?” Hellman whipped his head to you, searching for answers.

Johnny moved spots to the bed in the back as Takemura stood next to Hellman, god there was too much testosterone in this fucking room.

“He’s got a few questions of his own for you. You play nice, he might even save your ass.” You looked up at Takemura, “I’m almost done.”

“The blueprints.” You held a hand out expectantly. He grabbed a chip from his pocket and cautiously handed it off, you quickly inserted it in as you looked through it. None of it made much sense to you.

“Better than nothing. Long as we find someone fluent in technobabble.” Johnny said as he most likely was skimming through the blueprints himself.

“What’ll you do with him?” You questioned Takemura as you stopped looking over the chip. Takemura looked down at Hellman, “I haven’t decided yet.”

“Are you serious?” You asked dumbfoundedly, you needed to get the fuck out of here.

The older man simply shrugged, “You know me. I can be impulsive.” You accepted that answer, not like you really cared what happened to Hellman, you got what you needed.

You stood up from where you sat, “He’s all yours. I’ll give you two some space.”

As you walked out the room, you could hear the muffled voices of the two men, but there was also a ringing in your ear? What? Before you could realize what was happening you stumbled to the railing, immediately throwing up, there it was again, that stupid fucking message.

Relic Malfunction Detected

“See that? Fuck me, just look at that.” You hear Johnny say as you coughed up the vile taste that stayed in your mouth. You quickly push yourself off the railing and make your way down the stairs, only to fall on your face, dirt flying all around you. Pushing yourself up you looked to where Johnny sat and slowly made your way over, you could tell that Johnny had something in his mind by the way he couldn’t sit still.

“Sons of bitches.”

“Whatever you gotta say - say it. Got somethin’ eatin’ at your code, that’s clear.” You said in between heaves, these little relic attacks not getting any easier.

“Been tryin’ to learn how you’re wired this whole time. To know who I’m dealing with. Thought you were just unlucky at first. But then I kept watchin’ and finally realized what your problem is.” He crossed his arms as he looked you up and down.

“You’re a dirtgirl from Heywood who found the guts to walk a few extra blocks from home. But turned out the best you can do is chase scavs for ennies.”

You felt yourself tense up at his words.

“You’re a dick, y’know.”

“And you’re a cunt. Maybe we’ll fit together after all?”

You sighed, sitting next to him but making sure to leave space between you two, quickly letting go of your anger. You weren’t in the mood for a fight, between being in this shitty desert for the last couple days and talking to Hellman about your impending doom - you had been beyond exhausted.

“Sure seem to know a lot about my past.” You murmured as you mirrored how he sat, wrapping your arms around yourself, feeling a small chill down your body as the cold air nipped your skin.

“Well, seen flashes of your past, just like you’ve seen flashes of mine.”

You stayed silent for a moment, when you first heard that he could see your memories you were beyond pissed. You didn’t need a stranger to know your whole life, details you’ve spent hiding, memories you’ve buried, free for him to access whenever he wanted. The two of you have grown closer, becoming accepting of one another but not being best chooms, far from it really. You noticed Johnny liked to look at your memories with Jackie, he brought those up a lot and asked about it randomly, once asking you why you had a guitar at your place if you didn’t play. Jackie would leave his guitar to use whenever he’d come over, he once tried to teach you and you quickly gave up after 15 minutes, annoyance taking over as Jackie laughed his ass off.

“Honestly, I’m scared of the day I’ll start seeing your memories as my own.” You confessed, your eyes turning sad.

“Shit, if it’s a two way street, I’ll somehow have to live with the fact that I let DeShawn best me, fuck me over.”

You shook your head and looked towards him, “Can you just tell me what you want? What you really want?”

“Help me settle my score against Arasaka. That’s it.”

You liked Johnny, you really do, but he pissed you off. All he ever wanted to do was fight, he had such a violent nature, so much hate. You wondered how he grew up, the people he was surrounded by, you didn’t have the privilege of looking at his memories - only showing up to you at random really. The things you do know about him he’s shared cautiously, alway guarding himself when you two spoke about his life.

“As I see it, you don’t know what you really want, so you concocted a bogeyman to fight - Arasaka.”

“Heh. You’re funny.” He said with a sarcastic smile, you could tell it bothered him though by the way he looked away from you.

“Got a new life, you did, but you got exactly no idea what to do with it. Honestly, don’t differ a bit from these poor bastards handcuffed to the feeders in their megablock pads.” You refused to back down, even though you didn’t want to fight you refused to be the only one to be dissected.

Johnny turned to you, voice turning serious as he spoke,“Ok, I’ll tell ya why I wanna destroy Arasaka, but I’ll only tell ya once. Wanna hear it?” His demeanor seemed to change completely as he waited for you, it surprised you, you had been ready for him to yell and blurt out anything to piss you off but he was just there, looking at you - waiting expectantly.

“All right.”

“I saw corps strip farmers of water…and eventually of land. Saw them transform Night City into a machine fueled by people's crushed spirits, broken dreams and emptied pockets. Corps've long controlled our lives, taken lots... and now they're after our souls!”

“Might be right, can’t really argue with you there.”

He quickly interrupted you, standing up abruptly and pacing around.

“V, I've declared war not because capitalism's a thorn in my side or outta nostalgia for an America gone by. This war's a people's war against a system that's spiralled outta our control. It's a war against the fuckin' forces of entropy, understand?”

He leaned in close to your face, looking straight into your eyes as he spoke.

“Do whatever it takes to stop 'em, defeat 'em, gut 'em. If I gotta kill, I'll kill. If I need your body, I'll fuckin' take it!” He threw his hands up in frustration. “Fuckin' hell …”

“You still don't see it. But you will one day.” He looked back at you, making sure you understood every single word he said. You stood, words on your tongue when Johnny disappeared, leaving you alone under the cold desert sky.

[umbravirtus]

🌙 Hello and Welcome!

I’m Nox (he/him), a 35+ writer who’s been on the RP scene since 2013. English isn’t my first language, so you might catch the occasional typo or a dash of Spanish in my posts. If anything here doesn’t vibe with you, no hard feelings—feel free to scroll on or unfollow. I’m just here to write, connect, and enjoy the stories.

This is a sideblog. Follows and likes come from: @umbravorago

This blog is canon-divergent, headcanon-heavy, and fueled by longform drama, sharp prose, and good old-fashioned character suffering.

🔹 Current Muse: Hans Westergaard (Frozen Franchise)

That one prince who tried to speedrun royalty through villainy and is now stuck on the "redemption arc" DLC. @umbravirtus – Virtue in the Shadows. (Or at least, he's trying.)

A study in: The youngest son of thirteen, raised in a house of lions where strength was currency, weakness was exile, and love—if it existed—was conditional, fleeting, or cruel. Some fall in line. Some break. And some—desperate, cunning, furious—decide to rewrite the rules of the game. Hans took destiny into his own hands—and broke it. Terribly. Unforgivably. As if playing the villain was the only role the world ever rehearsed him for. A story of cycles: of abuse, of ambition, of the desperate need to matter. The prince who stole his future, lost everything, and now has to decide if redemption is a battle worth fighting—or just another throne too far out of reach.

✨ TL;DR

RP-focused. Drama-free. Pro-ship. Chemistry-driven. Be chill. Have fun. Respect boundaries. That’s it.

📌 About Me

Proudly Mexican, trans, AuDHD, and LPA. Living outside the U.S. and here for RP and positive vibes only. No politics, no drama—just creative chaos and story-building. Anon hate, negativity, or toxicity will not be tolerated.

🖋 RP Preferences

I like starting with spontaneous, low-stakes interactions to test chemistry.

If things click? I’m all in for longer, deeper threads.

Crack, memes, banter? Fully encouraged. Bring the chaos.

⚠️ Content Warnings

This blog may contain dark/mature themes, all tagged as tw trigger.

This is a DDDNE (Don’t Like, Don’t Engage) space. If it’s tagged, it’s intentional.

🤝 Contact & Private RP

Discord available upon request after a bit of OOC bonding.

I don’t jump into private or NSFW threads without trust and discussion.

🔄 Thread & Follower Management

I cap active threads at 50 to keep it fun and manageable.

Threads inactive for a month may be archived or untracked—nothing personal.

Hiatus? Want to replot or revive something? Just message me.

I soft-block inactive mutuals to keep the dash fresh.

This blog is not mutuals-only. Everyone is welcome to interact.

⚔️ Rules & Boundaries

Please like this post to confirm you’ve read it.

Mun and muses are 18+. MINORS DNI.

This blog is DDDNE.

I’m sex-positive, but I no longer RP smut on the dash due to past experiences.

Smut may happen in private (Discord) after discussion.

Otherwise, we fade to black like a classy 1950s movie.

I do not RP pregnancy or child-based plots unless explicitly discussed.

No god-modding. No meta-gaming. No assuming shared verses.

Every interaction is a standalone verse unless we’ve agreed otherwise.

Special partners may be referenced in lore with mutual consent.

I ship chemistry. If it’s not there, it’s not happening.

I am proudly proship.

I supported Helsa when it was the “problematic” ship.

I defend the right to enjoy fictional, legal content, even if it’s not your thing.

Purity policing, virtue signaling, and unsolicited moral takes will get you blocked. I’m not here for it.

[imabeautifulbutterfly]

Once Upon a Time on the Razor Crest

Summary: Lunch time

A/N: Hello lovelies,

What an amazing Bad Batch episode. Had me in tears, made me smile, made me laugh, made me upset. Just all over the place. Anyway, I'm on vacation, so no updates next week. I'll be content creating.

Also I just reached 450 followers! I'll be coming up with a way to celebrate it.

Love oo

Due to the past history of the OC there will be discussions alluding to past domestic abuse, please note that as it could be a trigger for some.

Warnings: discussions of lunch. If I miss any warnings, please let me know.

AO3 Link |   Words: 1,103 |   Previous -> Next

Main Master List   |  Once Upon a Time on the Razor Crest

THE CRESTWORLD

CHAPTER TEN

It felt weird being around people again, when for the past several weeks all I’d seen was Din and Grogu, and now there were at least 25 pairs of eyes watching me. It was nerve wracking.

“Why is everyone staring? Is there something on my face?” I quietly asked Din as I wiped away what I thought could be the issue.

“It’s not you, it’s me,” he responded, matching my tone.

“I don’t understand”

“Don’t worry about it, just look at your menu” he motioned with his head. 

“You guys ready to order, Din?”

I looked up to see one of the most beautiful women I’d ever seen before, she was almost as tall as Din, with a fantastic smile, incredible eyes, and the most thick head of hair ever. Instinctively, I touched my own, wondering how badly my own thinning hair looked; I had lost a lot of my hair due to the stress I experienced for the past few years. Even her skin was smooth and without blemish, I couldn’t help wondering what her skin care routine was, that she was able to look so amazing.

“I’ll have the fried nuna please, Omera,” Din responded without looking up.

“Sure, and you sweetie?” She smiled, radiating warmth and friendliness. 

I was lost for a second in her warmth and beauty, “Hmm, sorry”

She chuckled a little, “What do you want to eat, Ann?” Din let out exasperated.

“Oh, right sorry” I looked at the menu again, “What do you recommend?”

“The fried nuna is good, I like it, but the burgers here are quite delicious”

“Then a burger please”

“Coming right up, usual drink Din?”

“Sure, and bring one for her too.” He motioned towards the woman sitting in front of him. It had been a while since he had seen Omera and truthfully, he thought it would be a bit more awkward, especially after the disastrous date.

“Alright, two jogan fruit drinks coming up”

“Thank you, uh … O-Omera. Sorry if I messed it up”

“Not at all. Ann, right?”

“Yeah”

“Welcome to Sorgan”

“Thank you. Nice meeting you.”

“You too. I’ll go put in your order”

Din watched as she walked away heading to the counter behind him, a smirk appeared on my lips, as I took in the scene before me, “Oh, I see” I whispered.

He turned back to look at Ann, confusion on his face, “You see?” Din tilted his head.

“Nothing” I shook my head, I wasn’t about to open up my mouth about what I suspected. Not after what happened this morning, it was better to keep my nose out of it.

He glanced out the window, not saying anything to what she could possibly have been implying. He wasn’t in the mood to listen to any sort of speculation or remarks.

I took my time eyeing the rest of the patrons, there was an older couple off in the corner, smiling and joking. An older man in his late 50’s who looked annoyed and very miserable. Two men who were sitting eating their meal in relative silence, but seemed to be making jokes with one another every so often. There was a young guy maybe in his mid to late 20’s sitting at the bar of the diner, he glanced over to us every so often, his eyes caught mine. He gave a little smile, which left me feeling uneasy. I simply looked away and focused instead on reading the signs around the diner.

“Well-well, what brings you here, stranger?” 

I turned to the very unique and familiar voice, and there standing in all his glory, his cowboy hat on his head with that same smile I saw, from our first meeting stood the Marshall.

“Marshall Vanth” Din nodded, addressing him.

He took off his hat as he sat down beside me. The smile never leaving his face, he looked at Din, grabbing the menu from in front of him. 

“So Mr. Shut-in decided to bring you for lunch, huh?” He chuckled, nudging my arm as his warmth and friendly nature filled the table.

“Apparently, I did a good job today” I bumped his shoulder, as a smile graced my lips, grateful he was there adding a warmer atmosphere than what Din was providing. He seemed to have fallen back into his colder persona when we got closer to town. 

“Hmmm, yeah, if you mean nearly getting yourself killed a good job” he motioned with his hand, as he turned to look at the two of us, “then yeah, you did a good job” Din let out, annoyed at Cobb who felt it was acceptable to just sit down without asking. More annoyed that he was able to get Ann to smile so easily.

“I did not get myself killed. When would I have gotten myself killed?”

“You didn’t notice, because I stepped in and helped you”

“You know” I turned to look at Cobb, “he was all grumpy, being all kinds of rude this morning and I graciously let it slide, and now he’s been all fussy again. Especially after he went into detail about how good of a job I did.”

“Ha! Graciously?” Din huffed.

“I’m not surprised,” Cobb chuckled, ignoring Din’s comment.

“Hello Marshall” 

“Well hello Omera, you’re looking beautiful as always” he gave his best flirty smile as he looked at her.

“Thanks, your usual?”

“Today, I think I’ll go with a club sandwich today, Omera”

“You know Cobb, the chef wanted me to tell you, you try the club sandwich at the beginning of every month, and every time, you don’t like it, ending up sending it back and ordering your usual. He said that if you did it again, he’d come out and force you to eat it. Now, with that in mind, do you really want to order the club sandwich?”

“Of course not, I’ll just have the usual”

“Ugh! Every time.”

“You love me”

“Hardly”

“But I’m wearing you down, aren’t I?

“Not even close.” She shook her head, but there was a definite blush on her cheeks, “I’ll put your order in, give me a minute, what do you want to drink?”

“Caf would be lovely”

“Regular or your special?”

“My special, thanks”

I noticed Cobb also watched Omera walk away, hmmm, interesting, “So did you guys grow up together or something?” I motioned between Din and Cobb. As much as Din tried to be irritated with the man there was a definite hint of a smile on the corner of his lips, while Cobb simply chuckled as he pushed away the menu.

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@littlemisspascal @sprout-fics @liadamerondjarin @badbatch-simp24 @spicymcnuggies @lady-ren @firstofficerwiggles @darkangel4121 @discofern @kavecika @monako-jinn-stories @ladykatakuri @avathebestx @theroguesully @furyhellfire66 @carodealmeida @ciramaris @twinkofthedink @dindjarin-mandalorian @tortor-mcgee @sarcasmismyonlydefense24 @chiyo13

[ranchracoon]

Ch. 22 The Challenge

Trigger Warning: Mentions of blood, death, and wounds towards the end.

"Y-Yes." You answered.

"You hesitated." Donna responded.

"Well I-"

Donna only looked at you and it was enough for you to sigh in defeat. Who were you kidding, you said you could kill but doubted if you realistically could. She kissed the top of your head and lowered your hands down, when you lifted your head you looked around to see that everyone else was leaving. Except Alcina and the girls. Alcina approached Donna, her daughters formed a single file line behind her.

"Donna, may I ask a favor of you?" Alcina asked.

Donna nodded her head.

"I would like it if you used House Dimitrescu's family rapier. I know you will win, and it would give me great joy to see House Moreau fall at the blade and hand of the families they tried so hard to erase."

You looked up in time to see Donna swallow, her jaw flexed with tension as her eye drifted off in thought. She then gave Alcina a short, curt nod of her head to which Alcina smiled proudly. Her head was held high and her shoulders visibility relaxed, she took a deep breath and also nodded her head.

"Excellent. I will have Cassandra sharpen it for you. Would you two like to join us at the castle? We do have some time before dusk, and, perhaps it would be best not to be alone right now."

You and Donna looked at each other, she tilted her head at you meaning it was your choice.

"We'd love to." You answered.

Angie stood from the pew with the help of Daniela who then pranced over to her girlfriend, linking arms with her. Donna squeezed your hand and followed behind Alcina with you directly behind Donna, Angie behind you, and the girls formed in a half circle around the three of you. The first thing you heard was yelling, some of it angry, some of it cheerful, and you flinched when the door opened. The roaring of the crowd stung your ears, you cupped one hand over one ear and leaned against Donna to cover the other.

The crowd was surrounding Salvatore, some of the people rooting him on, others cursing him, and a few others making bets on who would win. Some of the villagers spotted you and Donna, they tried to crowd around but Alcina firmly stood her ground, ordering them to let her pass. She parted the crowd for no one dared to be too close to her, she looked over at Donna who exhaled audibly while squeezing your hand. It seemed like forever to get to the Castle and by then the crowd had dispersed enough you could uncover your ears.

Although your time was very brief here, the overwhelming shudder of dread and fear ran up your spine. Once you were safely behind the castle doors, you relaxed and leaned more against Donna. There were still hours before dusk and you could feel the exhaustion of the stress and anxiety starting to get to you. Daniela, Ina, and Cassandra all went their separate ways leaving Bela, Alcina, Donna, and you in the main hall. A maid appeared from the double doors leading to the dining room, you didn't recognize her but then again, there had to be at least 50 women working here. The maid approached the matriarch without so much as a look in yours or Donna's direction and held out her arms, Alcina removed her long fur coat and handed it to the maid.

"Thank you Ingrid. Please be a dear and inform the kitchen we have guests, I'm sure these two are starved. We will be in the seating area next to my chambers."

"Right away ma'am."

Ingrid curtsied and left the hall as quickly as she arrived, the seating area was directly down a hallway from the main hall. Inside was a roaring fire, bookshelves from floor to ceiling, a couch, a very large coffee table with a marble top, and two chairs on the other side. You and Donna sat on the couch, Bela and Alcina sat in the chairs, the warmth from the fire wasn't unpleasant although a bit warm for your liking. You slipped off the cloak to relieve yourself of some of the warmth. You looked around at the portraits hanging between bookshelves, and the expensive looking dishes above the fireplace. No one said anything, the only sound being the crackling of the fireplace until Bela finally broke the tension.

"I think this is the first time you've been to our home Donna. Sorry it's under such circumstances."

Donna stared at the fire, the flames reflecting in the virgin white of her mask. She took a breath and turned to look at Bela, her cold, resolved face softening the same way it did when she looked at you. Donna gave her the tiniest smiles.

"I had always hoped to see it but could never find the courage. I'm sure after today that will change." Her hand squeezed yours.

There was a knock on the door, Alcina gave the order to enter and the maid from before, Ingrid, came in with a rolling cart of goodies. She set down a cup in front of everyone, some pastries, finger sandwiches, and cut seasonal vegetables. Then she stood upright and held one hand out, palm up, in front of three pitchers on top of the cart.

"I have brought coffee, tea, and water. What would everyone like?" She asked as if she's repeated this line a thousand times.

"Coffee please." Alcina answered almost excitedly.

"Tea please." Bela answered.

"I'll have tea please." You answered.

"Coffee please." Donna answered.

You were surprised to hear Donna speak so easily, but then again, she's known Alcina much longer than you and they are family. Ingrid pours each of the liquids and Alcina dismisses her but she leaves the cart there. You lean over to watch her leave then straighten back up.

"Is that what Mother Miranda wanted me to become?" You asked.

Bela snorts into her cup and coughs to clear the burning liquid from her nose and throat, she uses a handkerchief to wipe herself clean. Donna's shoulders shake and you see her suck in her lips to suppress her laughter. Alcina attempts to sigh as if she's irritated at the question, but even she cracks a smile.

"One could only hope. Ingrid is by far my proudest work and somehow I have yet to replicate that amount of servitude. She's rather impressive." Alcina explained.

You look over at Donna who pours some cream and sugar into her coffee then leans back sipping it.

"Is that how you want me to be?" You asked in a playful tone.

"No, you're plenty submissive and obedient when I want you to be."

Now it was your turn to choke, your face burned from the intense blush and your jaw dropped. Where was your sweet, innocent, shy, Donna? Bela erupted in laughter, even Alcina chuckled to herself as her cup hovered by her lips. Despite the hours of talking and near rib-breaking laughter, you could see Donna stare off into the distance. She sipped her coffee and when she was done, she switched to water and only nibbled on the food. Her mind is obviously somewhere else and unable to fully relax, you couldn't blame her though, you're not the one who has to fight. When the clock chimed six times, all three pots and the plates were empty and Ingrid returned to announce dinner was ready.

You sat with Alcina and Bela at the dining room table, Daniela and Ina joined soon after but Donna didn't sit. Instead, she waited for Cassandra to appear who was holding a long, slender box. Donna took the box and leaned over, kissing you briefly before she turned around and went out into the courtyard. You wanted to ask her to stay but Cassandra shook her head at you, when you looked at Bela she gave you a sympathetic smile.

"It's bad luck to eat a big meal before a fight. If you're too full it slows you down, and if you're too hungry you get distracted." Bela explained.

"Also when you die all your bowels unleash at once so, less food also means less crap. Literally." Added Cassandra.

"Cassandra, language." Alcina scolded.

You looked back toward the door and sighed before turning yourself fully to the table as the maids from the kitchen served dinner. Not wanting to seem rude you picked at the food but now the anxiety was getting to you again. Over an hour passed and just as dinner was being taken away did Donna return to the dining hall with the box underneath her arm.

"This will work just fine." She stated calmly.

She looked down at you and you back at her, she offered her free hand and you took it when the clock struck seven. Alcina stood from the table and took a deep breath, everyone including you silently understood that it was time to leave. Ingrid came out and handed Alcina her fur coat, the girls each a black cloak, and you the cloak the cloak you left in the seating area. Alcina was right, Ingrid certainly is impressive. Your group walked in the same manner as before with Donna directly in front of you, holding your hand, with the girls around you. They didn't think anyone would try anything, but it was better to be safe rather than sorry.

By the time you arrived at the ceremony site the sun was setting below the mountain range in the distance. Mother Miranda stood near the cliff's edge directly across from where you walked in, you, Donna, and the Dimitrescu women approached her right side. You could see Karl's factory from there and huddled against Donna who let go of your hand to wrap her arm around you tightly. Villagers slowly arrived in single file, many of them carrying lanterns or torches and some of them lighting the large basins of wood. Fire light slowly illuminated the site until every inch was covered as if it were the middle of the day. Now you can see the site clearly for the first time, and thankfully Karl was seated on the opposite side .

Four enormous statues of sitting kings were erected in each corner, there was a ring engraved in the ground with a chalice looking statue directly in the middle. Carved in the mountains on each side between two of the statues were what looked to be rows of seats that the villagers were now sitting on. Alcina gently took your arm, silently urging you to go with her to the stands and leave Donna there. You wiggled out of Donna's grasp and cupped her face, pulling her down to kiss you deeply. She returned the kiss, her lips still as soft as you remember and when you pulled away you could see the tiniest speckle of fear in her eyes.

You were politely dragged away by Alcina who sat you next to her on the cold stone, Bela sat next to you. Cassandra sat on the very end whilst Daniela sat on the other side of Alcina with Ina. Your heart thudded loudly in your chest as you heard a dull roaring of people, Salvatore, followed by a group of loud supporters arrived. She stood on Mother Miranda's left side, in his hand a rapier that looked freshly plucked from the ocean floor. Donna knelt down on the ground and set the case down, she knelt upright and shimmied off her coat then opened the case.

She pulled out a golden rapier with the hilt cover being the Dimitrescu signature flower. Even in the dim firelight you could see how beautiful of a weapon it was, it gleamed with pride. If a weapon could be excited to be in battle once again, that rapier was the picture perfect example. Donna approached the center chalice with Salvatore across from her, Mother Miranda walked up to both of them.

"How are you feeling?" Bela whispered in your ear.

"Honestly? Half of me is pissed that Donna is letting this happen even if it's some ancient law or whatnot. The other half is terrified." You answered.

Bela reached over and grasped your hand, holding it on your thigh in reassurance. You were terrified, but also a tiny, microscopic sliver of you was incredibly turned on by how attractive Donna looked right now. Mother Miranda raised her hands to silence the whispers, she cleared her throat and spoke clearly.

"Great ones, hear our voice, together as one in reverence. We call on thee within the endless dark to deliver us into fate's hands. As the midnight moon rises on black wings, so we make our sacrifice and await the light at the end." She prayed.

You bowed your head and swallowed tickly trying to hold in the giggle that wanted to erupt from your throat. Somehow you managed to hold it in and coughed when the prayer ended, you could only imagine the smug look Donna would have given you.

"We are here as witnesses to the challenge of Salvatore Moreau and Donna Beneviento. The challenge will end when one takes the life of another. May the black God carry you to eternal paradise." Mother Miranda stepped back from them.

Donna and Salvatore raised their rapiers, with your limited knowledge it was obvious who had more experience. Donna's stance looked true, grounded, while Salvatore's looked like one you saw in a movie. The sound of metal striking metal startled you despite seeing it happen, they clashed swords. They danced around the chalice until Donna lunged back to give herself more space, Salvatore charged at her and she easily blocked it. Yet somehow whenever she moved to strike he managed to either block or dodge it.

Salvatore was like an enraged drunk, he was yelling, swinging the rapier violently. One swing was strong enough that when Donna blocked her arm was thrown back, leaving her torso open. Salvatore swung but was just barely out of reach, cutting open Donna's vest and partially her shirt but nothing else. Donna regained her traction, she came to the same conclusion you did; Salvatore was stronger physically but she had speed and dexterity. Even with that though, Salvatore quickly realized that Donna was blind on one side, he would move around and she would turn her whole body rather than follow with her head.

He now moved so strike her on that side, he darted off and before she could fully turn he would attempt to hit her. She of course would block within a moment's notice, but it was clear she needed to do something before he actually got another good strike. She circled back around toward the chalice, perhaps utilizing it to her advantage to gain the upperhand. Now that he had one strike under his belt, Salvatore became much more confident.

He swung again but this time Donna lunged forward and caught him mid swing, making him stumble back against the chalice. She was hovering over him, using her body weight to press down onto him into the statue, her blade digging into his. Both of them were trapped, pushing against one another but from the lying position he was in, Salvatore had little maneuverability. That didn't stop him from swinging his other arm straight into Donna's face, she flew backwards and landed on her hands and knees.

"Cheap shot!" A woman screamed.

That woman being Alcina which made you, Bela, Cassandra, and everyone in the stands look at her. She cleared her throat and acted composed as if she didn't just scream at the top of her lungs. You're thankful she did, because you were about to and might have done something drastic if she didn't. Salvatore pulled himself off, adjusting himself as he started his approach toward Donna. Her back was to him, her sword was off to the side and she held her face with one of her hands, you couldn't see her face or anything. He raised his rapier up with the point directly at Donna's backside.

"Donna!" Now you screamed.

Donna threw herself to the side, rolling over as Salvatore's sword came crashing down onto the stone with a clang. Donna grabbed her sword and stood abruptly, Salvatore stopped in his tracks and you heard a collective gasp from the other side of the site. You stood up from your seat with Bela still holding your hand, the only thing you could see was a few pieces of white porcelain on the ground. Salvatore stood like a deer in headlights, and Donna flexed her sword to her side. She leapt forward and charged her rapier forward, Salvatore didn't have enough time to react as it pierced into his chest.

It wasn't a fatal strike, but it was enough then when Donna removed the sword that his former light blue undershirt was now being dyed red. He clutched his hand over the wound and raised his rapier, snarling at her. He opened his mouth to say something at her but she slicked her sword upward and cut him across the mouth, splitting his lips open. Salvatore coughed and out of instinct dropped his sword to cover his mouth, the blood leaking through his fingers. Donna charged him, and this time her sword went clean through.

You looked away, squeezing your eyes shut and burying your face against Bela's arm. Basic scrapes and cuts were fine, but this was a level of blood that made you want to hurl. Bela tapped your head, you looked up to see Donna standing there with Salvatore's body blocked by the chalice. She turned around and there was another collective gasp, even Bela and Alcina sucked in sharp breaths. Donna's chest visibly rose and fell with her heavy breathing, and you saw her face fully exposed with blood running down from her hairline. The burnt half looked more horrific in the firelight, giving her the illusion that part of her face had melted off and only bloody charcoal remained.

Without thinking you bolted from the stands, thankfully you were on the first row and didn't have to climb over anyone. You ran to her and she caught you in her arms, her rapier clattering on the ground when she dropped it. Her arms embraced you tightly, holding you, she hid her face against your neck and you felt something wet against it. You told yourself it was probably tears so you kept some fabric of your sanity intact. Your eyes were sealed shut because you knew if you opened them you would be tempted to look at Salvatore's body, and you didn't want that image in your head.

There were sounds of shuffling, whispering, and footsteps all around you but you pinpointed that people were leaving the stands. Mother Miranda's voice was nearby you as she talked to somebody about removing the body; some other voices were muffled but you distinctly heard Donna's name and something about her face. A hand touched your shoulder and you let out a choked sob as if the touch burned you, that surprised you, Donna, and whomever touched you.

"It's just me." Said Angie.

You and Donna both relaxed in each other's arms, your eyes peeled open and you looked around with your eyes. Angie moved around into your eyesight, she looked tired but still managed to give you a half smile.

"Come on, let's get you two home."

Continue Reading

[boysplanetrecaps]

Produce 48 Recaps: Auditions Begin (episode 1)

When we left off in my probably-unnecessary-but-still-necessary Rewatch Recap of Produce 48, the 96 girls had made their entrance into the huge studio, and the judges were just about to reveal themselves. Let's get to it!

The judges come out!

First, it’s Lee Hong Ki, a powerful vocalist, here to teach them to sing. He’s from FT Island, and amazingly, was in the *second* K-drama I ever watched, You’re Beautiful, which was fun at the time, but which I cannot actually recommend. I will say that Hong-ki is the best part of it despite his, let’s say, broad acting choices. 

The character he played on You’re Beautiful was named Jeremy, and I can’t help but think of him as Jeremy. So just understand that I will be calling him Jeremy for the duration of these recaps. Thank you. 

Here he is as Jeremy. He’s ACTING! 

Next, it’s Soyou, from Sistar. She was overshadowed by Hyolyn but is an excellent vocalist in her own right. She’s here to be the other vocal trainer. 

It wouldn’t be an MNET show without this asshole:

I don’t want to learn his name but he’s that choreographer/dance teacher/ sociopath who always makes sure that all of the trainees’ mental health is hanging on by the merest of threads. I’m going to call him Psychopath. Seriously, fuck this guy. I’ll note that he comes across as sweet and loveable in this episode but I can’t forgive him for the shit he pulled during Boys Planet. Nope. Never. He has earned my undying hatred. To be clear, I do not support sending him hate messages or harming him in any way. I will just quietly, and personally, hate him on my Tumblr which gets maybe 5 or 10 readers. 

And then there’s her:

Bae Yoon Jung! She’s also pretty intense, and I know she’s mean to them on the first day, but she has the capacity for normal human empathy, as I recall. I’m going to call her Dance Bae. That doesn’t mean that I co-sign on her casual cruelty. It’s just that it’s literally her name and it’s easy to remember.

I don’t remember this lady:

Her name is May J Lee and she’s also a dance trainer. She’s cute. Here’s to hoping she understands that the trainees are human beings!

It’s Cheetah, here to be the rap trainer! God, I love her song Villain so damn much. The video is great, too, but trigger warning for violence. “I could fix you, but I won’t.” HECK yeah. 

And special one-day trainer, Kahi, who was the dance trainer for PD101 Season 2.

Kahi was in After School, then “graduated” in June 2012, right around the same time that Gaeun joined. They undoubtedly have spent time together, so it’ll be interesting to see if they interact much in this episode. (Maybe Gaeun being on the show this season meant that Kahi couldn’t really be the judge for the whole time?) 

The judges glare holes into the trainees while explaining that they’ll be sorting them into groups -- A, B, C, D, and F -- based on skill level, with the ultimate goal of bringing them all up to A-grade. And now it’s time for these would-be performers to perform, and of course, they don’t want to actually perform. 

41:50 The Auditions Begin

The girls are nervous. Yoon Hae Sol (윤해솔), 20, former member of Aqua, lets out a gusty breath. And this girl is nervous too, whoever the heck she is. 

Kim Chaewon, it says on her nametag. Well, she’s cute. Meanwhile I’m fascinated by the shoe behind her. WHOSE SHOE IS THAT? WHAT IS THIS SHOE? 

The AKB-48 girls are even more nervous. Oda Erina, 21, in a stylish bob and a blue, yellow and white jacket is intimidated by the Korean girls. Mogi Shinobu, also 21, a living meme with blue furry sleeves, is so nervous she looks like she might cry. We love you, Shinobu.

Time for the first audition! Or at least, the audition that the editors have moved to the beginning of the episode, even though it was probably not the first one to happen in real time! Because they wanted to front-load excellent Korean auditions to emphasize the skill gap between the Korean and Japanese contestants! 

Audition 1: Yuehua

Kim Si Hyeon (김시현), age 18, in the long sleeved shirt, now a member of Everglow. 

Choi Ye Na (최예나), age 18, with her hair in a ponytail.

Wang Yi Ren (왕이런), age 17, pink shirt with black edges. She’s Chinese and is now a member of Everglow. 

We see a clip of the Yuehua girls back stage, where Choi Yena accidentally draws on the camera with red marker and then apologizes profusely. AND SHE NEVER WORKED IN KPOP AGAIN!!

Then we get a flashback of Gross Guy personally watching the auditions of all 96 girls prior to the filming of the first episode. He’s so gross. Ugh. He makes JYP seem like a sweet, safe guy. Anyway we find out that after Choi Yena performed her song, she asked to do an extra performance. She begins speaking in what sounds like decent Japanese and does a little miming routine with sound effects. She’s pretty charming, actually. 

Cut back to audition day. The Woolim girls are backstage waiting for their turn when they recognize Sihyeon from her time on PD101, Season 1. Sihyeon interviews that she’s embarrassed when she looks back at herself on PD101 and that she’s gotten a lot better since then. In fact, as we find out later, she got an F in that season. 

Link to full audition on Youtube

Song: Move by Little Mix 

My Thoughts: They do great, in my opinion. Siyheon has a great clear, strong voice and her English pronunciation is mostly pretty good. Yena and Yiren don’t sing as clearly, but their dancing is great and they have a lot of presence. God, Yiren sparkles so much! I feel like she’s getting bad advice from whoever is around her now, because in more recent Everglow performances she always seems so muted. Seeing this, I can see she’s capable of great stage presence -- I hope she finds her way back to this. I dig Everglow and just want them to keep living up to their potential. I would have given Siyheon an A and the other two Bs, I think, though it’s hard without seeing the other trainees to compare. 

The MNET Edit: The editing emphasizes Yiren and Yena more, but overall the editing is kind to all three. We see some of the Japanese girls saying “why is everyone so good”, almost as if this ISN’T the first team to go up. (Also, we see that other girls are already wearing their grade name tag, though they’re blurred out.) The judges give Yena an A and the other two get Bs, which I guess reminds us that as long as you *kind* of sing while you also dance a lot and are very charming, then…. you get an A. Anyway, A and B are fine.

The editors really want us to know that the Japanese girls are very worried about their auditions. It is true that they generally don’t have the training the Korean girls have -- I’m not commenting on their inherent worthiness, just their preparation. But the show really, really focuses on that. I’m sure at least some of the Korean girls were nervous too, but we don’t seem to be seeing clips of that on the show.

Auditions 2 and 3: Woolim and WM Entertainment

Next, the MNET editors decided to further confuse anyone who has previously confused WM Entertainment with Woolim Entertainment by overlapping these two agency’s auditions, same as they did when the girls entered the auditorium. Thanks, MNET editors! Thmeditors. We learn that Woolim manages Lovelyz, while WM manages Oh My Girl (their rivals), though now in 2023 I think we all know that Oh My Girl kind of won that particular fight. Apparently the girls view each other as rivals? ...? But do they, though?

Woolim is up first. They take a moment finding their places, and we learn that Eunbi is their leader/mom who brought them medicine and Japanese phrase books. What a good unnie! 

Left to right: Suyun, Eunbi, Sohee, Chaewon

Kim Chae Won (김채원), age 17   now: Le Sserafim   wearing a short sleeved white top, tie Kim So Hee (김소희), age 14  now: Rocket Punch  wearing pigtails Kim Su Yun (김수윤), age 17  now: Rocket Punch   wearing short sleeved black top Kwon Eun Bi (권은비), age 22   now: soloist wearing a tie, cardigan

Link to full audition on Youtube

Song: Ah-Choo by Lovelyz / Bad by Infinite

My thoughts: It’s always awkward when you have one member who’s 14 (and looks 12) and one who is 22 (and looks 25) -- they’re always going to sort of make one another look bad. But overall, this is actually a really good audition.  I watched it multiple times and didn’t pick up on any mistakes or bad moments. All four of them had kpop acceptable vocals that didn’t stand out as fantastic or terrible. Chaewon’s a tiny bit shaky on the high notes, but they are really high notes. Little Sohee’s dancing was less powerful than the others’, even during Ah-Choo, but that’s fine considering she’s so much younger. I did think they looked a tiny bit silly doing that super powerful choreography to Bad while still dressed to perform Ah-Choo, but the goal was to display different skills and they did that. Knowing how deep the hole can go, I think I would have given all these girls As or Bs, maybe a C for little Sohee. It’s hard to know for sure since it’s not always clear what is live singing and what’s the backup track. 

The MNET Edit is fair. The rest of the trainees appreciate their performance. 

Backstage, Lee Chaeyeon says Eun Bi caught her eye the most. I actually noticed Suyun a lot too, but her time will come later. 

The judges compliment their synchronization and ask to see them perform something else. They launch into a second performance, which seems equally well rehearsed. I don’t recognize the song off hand (if any of you do, feel free to let me know!) but they do a great job with it. Dance Bae says, in an almost irritated way, “why haven’t you debuted yet? You seem ready to me.” I think she’s speaking mainly to Eunbi, who smiles wide at the compliment. We won’t hear their grades until later, but I’ll tell you their grades now, because I just love subverting the MNET editing monkeys. Kwon Eun Bi gets an A, ChaeWon gets a B, and the other two get Cs. Maybe I’m just biased toward Suyun from knowing her now? It’s hard to say. But I still think a B would have been fairer for her. 

Next, WM Entertainment. The girls come out on stage and the judges immediately tell Chaeyeon she looks familiar. She acknowledges having been on Sixteen with Somi (2015) and on Kpop Star 3 (2013). She says that this time she really wants to show us what she’s got. The other girls are excited to see her dance.

Trainees: 

Lee Seung Hyeon (이승현), 17 now known as Riina in H1-Key, in the black shirt Lee Chae Yeon (이채연), 18, currently a soloist, in the pink shirt  Cho Yeong In (조영인), 16, in the white Link to full audition on Youtube

Song: Shower, originally by Becky G

My thoughts: All three of them do well dancing wise. It’s not surprise that Chaeyeon would dance well, and she certainly outshines the other two, but Seunghyeon holds her own and Yeongin doesn’t look bad. I think vocally, Seunghyeon does the best job, but Chae’s belted note sounded good. Yeongin’s vocals were noticeably shaky compared to the other two’s. I think I would have given Yeongin a B or C, Chae would get an A, and Seunghyeon an A or a B depending on what the dance teachers said. Overall though it was a good audition. 

The MNET edit is again pretty kind. Everyone focuses on Chaeyeon, of course. When they’re done, the judges ask her to freestyle to Instruction by Jax Jones featuring Demi Lovato, and she dances in a style that’s really appropriate to the song. Everyone’s impressed. The judges announces the grades. Chaeyeon gets an A, which seems completely correct. The other two get Bs, which is ok. 

The editing is setting Kwon Eun Bi and Lee Chaeyeon up to be rivals. Surely, they must hate each other, if they’re both good dancers and their agencies are on the same street in Seoul! 

In the audience, Kojima Mako says to her friend, “It’s so amazing that I’m not even nervous anymore. Our friend Juri says to Shinozaki Ayana,  “I feel like I’m just watching a TV show.” Me too, Juri! We stan a relatable queen. But yeah, it’s more of the whole “the terrible, silly, weak Japanese girls are in awe of the mighty, powerful Korean girls” narrative that MNET’s editing monkeys keep pushing. 

Auditions 4 and 5: The Very Pretty Girls

Next, we have the introduction of two Very Pretty Girls:  Kim Min Ju (김민주), age 17 from Urban Works, in her colorful striped shirt, and Kang Hye Won (강혜원), age 18,  from 8D Creative in a blue mini dress with a big pink and white collar. The other trainees think that these two girls look like actresses, so maybe it’s no surprise that now (2023), they are in fact both actresses. I renew my complaint from earlier that I don’t understand why certain girls are considered prettier than the others, and remind you that this isn’t an insult to them, as they are certainly very pretty, but more of a compliment to the others, who I view as equally pretty. Isn’t Kwon Eun Bi just as pretty? Is she not? I don’t understand. I will be saying that a lot in these recaps so I guess I’ll just call it my Particularly Pretty Problem (PPP) and leave it at that. 

Agency:  8D Creative

Trainee: Kang Hye Won

In a pre-show interview, they ask her such questions as “were you always pretty?” and she says that yes, she is. This is the part of kpop I like least. She says that the position she wants is 청정 or purity. I guess I understand that -- there is usually a sexy member of a given group (see: Kai in Exo, Hyunjin in SKZ, Joy in Red Velvet, Soojin in G-Idle) and there’s usually a funny or approachable one (see: Chanyeol, Changbin, Wendy, Yuqi), so I could see there being a sort of pure or extra cute one. It’s not as crazy as it might sound.

Link to full audition on Youtube

Song: You and I by IU (2011)

My Thoughts: Well, that was pretty terrible. There’s room at the bottom, but she barely dances and she only kind of sings. The singing is breathy, faint, and pitchy. The dancing is half hearted and my grandma could have done this choreo even after her stroke. She has negative stage presence. Also, to me, she always looks confused. There’s something about either her facial features or her expression that make her look bewildered. I’m sorry if she’s your favorite. She may have charming personality traits that I don’t know about yet. She’s just not particularly skilled in either singing or dancing. She should get an F. 

If you can’t handle me saying that about this audition, then I really suggest that you just not read any more of my recaps because I’m going to say stuff like this about bad auditions. I don’t care if she’s “pretty”. I don’t care if she has gone on to be successful. Other people -- Eun Bi, for example -- are pretty and they can also sing and dance. I believe that if you make your living as a singer and/or dancer, you should be able to sing and/or dance. 

The MNET edit:They don’t do her any favors, zooming in on her non-dancing and focusing on the judges’ reactions to her shaky high notes and nearly stationary body. When she’s done, she stands there with this look on her face, which is the way I always remember this girl looking and how I recognize her in her more recent endeavors. 

Dance Bae says, “Purity is all you have. F.”  Done and done. 

Agency:  Urban Works

Trainee:  Kim Min Ju 

Link to full audition on Youtube

Song:  No Matter What by BoA

My Thoughts: This was so much better than Hyewon’s audition. For one thing, she actually danced. She showed a variety of different actual dance steps, including legs, body, arms, head, face. She danced! The singing was extremely faint and I think a lot of it was the backing track, but this was leagues ahead. Without being able to clearly discern her singing, it’s so hard to tell, but I think I’d put her in C territory. 

The MNET edit:They show the judges adjusting their ear buds and looking bored or put off, and focused on a part where she dropped into a squat and looked a little awkward. But that was just the dance move! This was originally done as a partner dance and it was adapted for a single person (I think? Unless it was just made new, whole cloth?), so maybe they should have just cut that squatting part out -- it’s not her fault. They also show a girl in the audience looking bored (maybe cut in from a totally different performance). It’s not kind. Minju, you deserved better. 

They give her a D. I don’t know. Seems like they’re punishing her for being pretty. But maybe the singing was worse than I thought. 

I’m not going to comment on it every single time it happens, but just assume that after every performance there will be a reaction/voice over from a Japanese girl saying, “If that didn’t get an A, I’m going to get an F for sure” or “the Korean girls are so much better than me” or something like that. It’s constant. 

Auditions 6 and 7: The Punching Bags

These next two auditions are shown mainly to mock these trainees. Neither of them do a stellar job, but both deserved a little better than what they got.

We see a scrap of  the audition from Shin Su Hyun (신수현), a 22 year old represented by FAVE Entertainment. 

She’s performing Playing with Fire by Blackpink. I watched her full audition, but we only see a little bit of it in the actual show. She started off with rapping, which the edit doesn’t show; I think she’s going for a rap position, not a singing one, which helps excuse why her singing was weak. The dancing wasn’t great -- she was a beat or two ahead of the choreography (something I only noticed because I know the song so well). But I thought she at least had charisma. I think a C wouldn’t have been out of line, but I don’t know the rubric. The edit replays a part where she sort of does a chicken-dance wiggle during the chorus when that’s not quite what the choreo is like, but I had to go back and rewatch the original to see that the original choreo is different. The PWF choreography is kind of weird -- I’ve always thought so. What’s with the dogpaddling in the chorus, or that weird “drawing a line with your finger” at the end? Anyway, my point is that the edit makes her look even worse than she actually did. 

They intersperse her audition with the audition of Cube’s Han Cho Won -- she’s only 15 here, but you may now know her as one of the most popular members of Cube’s youngest girl group,  Lightsum. The edit here make her look like a complete idiot. If you watch her full audition, you’ll see that, yeah, it’s not great, but there are some extenuating circumstances.

The biggest problem is that the song was a poor choice. Red by Hyuna is a HYUNA song. Like a third of the lyrics are “red is Hyuna”, and there’s a whole 10 second segment where Hyuna just sits on the ground and flirts with the camera. It’s all about being sexy and having a nice body, specifically a nice butt, and the choreography is very core/waist/butt centered. It seems that Chowon just can’t quite move her body that way, and at 15, maybe just isn’t up the task of embodying the universal sex symbol that is a full-grown Hyuna. I don’t know who is! 

Anyway, I think Chowon should have done Pepe by CLC, assuming she was going to stick to a song by a Cube artist. The song has a fun retro feel and it would have been more appropriate for a 15 year old who doesn’t know how to twerk yet. Or maybe Pretty Pretty by Pentagon -- I bet Hui would have helped her remix something for the show if the agency had asked him to -- he's a good sunbae -- and the song has quirky, funny choreography that might have made the judges smile. Sigh. 

Poor Chowon -- it wasn’t a great audition, but I blame whoever either told her to do this song, or allowed her to do it if it was her choice. The whole point of having management is to get smart people to help you make decisions like this, especially when you’re fifteen. But that’s asking too much from Cube, I guess. Kahi even says that she had been at Cube briefly and that they don’t teach you anything, which checks out. Cube is just the WORST. 

Both Chowon and Suhyun get a lecture on needing to learn (or review) the basics and both get a D. It’s not totally unfair -- it’s just that I know that there is so much worse to come. 

More discussion about how the Japanese girls aren’t really given any training and just learn to perform by watching their sempai/sunbae/seniors. Dance Bae says it’ll be fun to watch them grow. 

And now it’s time to see the AKB48 girls perform. We see that they’ve changed out of their entrance outfits -- those plaid monstrosities -- into different outfits, most of which are also monstrosities. 

Audition 8: Get You!

See, it's a play on words because the song is called Get You and also MNET wants to get them

Agency:  AKB48

Trainees: Oda Erina 21, and Nakano Ikumi 17

Erina, left, with the shorter hair and Ikumi, right, in the blue shorts.

The judges comment that Erina is known for her singing and Ikumi for her dancing. 

Link to full audition on Youtube

Song: Get You! by Morning Musume (a different J-pop idol group)

My Thoughts: Well, this wasn’t terrible. They do sort of take turns either singing or dancing, and rarely do both at the same time. The choreography they do is mostly extremely simple and not super well synced, but they do throw themselves into it. They have a lot of energy, which I know is important in J-pop. If you asked me, “which of these is the singer and which of these is the dancer?” I wouldn’t be able to tell you. But neither of them assaulted my ears. Judged by J-pop standards, this was great. By K-pop standards, not great. I’d give them a C and see how they do learning the choreography for the signal song.

The MNET edit: The edit makes it seem much worse than it really was. Honestly, it wasn’t that horrific. They were more fun to watch than Kang Hye Won for sure. 

The judges ask Ikumi to freestyle dance, which she agrees to with an English “Yes!” They play “Look What You Made Me Do” by Taylor Swift. She tries to do a sort of interpretive dance thing, and I appreciate that she at least tried. She has lovely body lines and seems to understand rhythm and tone, anyway. They keep showing her trip a little on her platform sneakers. God, those things look hard to dance in. After a bit she seems to give up, pulling her hair over her face, and the judges call it. Her AKB-mates are impressed, but the judges aren’t. 

Dance Bae compliments her on her energy, but says she seems to not know what to do with it. “I’m not sure that the fact that you danced to the beat warrants you having won first place in a large competition,” Dance Bae scolds. “If you keep continuing like this, you won’t ever be able to perform on stage.” 

Ikumi gets a D, and Erina gets a C. We don’t actually see that, though -- I had to look it up. It’s not part of the narrative to see that neither of them got an F, I guess.

Next, we have a mini montage of various girls, especially Japanese girls, saying that Dance Bae is the scariest judge, known for her terrifying line: “You really want to be a singer?!?” Which I think is a fair question! So many people get into the Idol Biz because they want to be actors or tv hosts -- I wish there was a pipeline to celebrity for people like that that didn’t involve them humiliating themselves on a show like this. 

Auditions 9 and 10: What’s Your Name and Knock Knock

We cut to another audition, in progress, with a caption that seems to imply that this is just a preview (“Coming up…”) but no, this is the actual audition, as much of it as we’re going to see.

AKB: What’s Your Name?

Here’s the original song being performed by 4Minute. Things were different in 2013 -- this was before Catch Me If You Can by SNSD came out so nobody yet knew that women were actually able to do intense choreo, I guess. But even for 2013 standards, What’s Your Name has easy choreo. I mean, it barely has choreo aside from just sort of bending over and displaying your butt. Also, the lyrics are three quarters “what’s your name/ ireumi mwoyeyo?” So it’s a really good choice for a rookie group!

Here’s their audition.

Left to right: Manami, Ayana, Chiyori, Miho, Shinobu

Ichikawa Manami, 18, in the blue top, red skirt Shinozaki Ayana, 22, in the light blue skirt Nakanishi Chiyori, 23, in the pink fluffy skirt Miyazaki Miho, 24, in the sparkly top, navy skirt Mogi Shinobu, 21, in the turquoise skirt, fluffy blue sleeves

We just met Shinobu earlier, when she was talking about how scary Dance Bae is, got her name wrong, an apologized profusely. She's our living meme and we love her. We also almost met Miho; she was the one who knows how to write in Korean.

My thoughts: Oh no. There’s something so incongruous about someone in a sparkly cupcake skirt and Mary Jane shoes doing a pelvic thrust. These outfits look like… Ok maybe this is a deep cut but do you know those fashion plate toys? I had my cousin’s old one and I was obsessed. It was like stencils, but you had a head and a top part and a bottom part, and you’d choose one of each and then stencil over it to make a picture you could color.

That’s what these outfits look like. Like someone went nuts with a fashion plate and glitter glue and then just brought it to life.

Left to right: Shinobu, Chiyori, Ayana, Manami, Miho

It’s so hard to pay attention to their performance in those outfits. And the shoes! Those shoes I noticed behind Chaewon earlier are Shonbu's! And I’m obsessed with Ayana’s red-shoe-and-patterned-socks combo.

Also Miho’s and Shinobu’s… furry… peplums? And the quilted skirts? And how none of the tops seem to go with any of the bottoms, even though they appear to be dresses? Question Mark? It’s so bizarre to me. What. Is. Happening. Each dress is awful alone, they’re worse together, they're even worse with the shoes, and they’re the worst in the context of this particular song, which is meant to be sort of swaggy hiphop. 

When I try to focus on the actual singing and dancing, there isn’t much there to judge. The song itself is kind of a nothing-burger tune wise and there’s hardly any choreo to speak of. They have energy, I’ll give them that. No one strikes an obviously horrendously bad note or falls over. They manage to do what they’re doing in some reasonably high heeled shoes, and they’re singing a song that is at least mostly in Korean. It’s clearly not up to the standard expected from debuted Kpop artists. I feel like I’d have to see them in normal clothes to be able to really judge. None of them stands out as better or worse than the rest. I give them an E for effort and I’d probably give them all Ds. They were still better than Hyewon. 

Dance Bae gives Chiyori and Miho both Ds, and the rest get Fs. (We hear Dance Bae saying that they all get Ds, but the on screen caption says otherwise, and my internet sleuthing agrees with the on screen caption.) I think, watching it back, that Chiyori and Miho got Ds for just taking on a big role in the performance and trying that little bit harder. Miho seemed to be the main vocal, sort of, and Chiyori was the center. 

Ok, let’s take a peek at some of the youngest -48 girls, singing the Japanese version of Knock Knock by Twice.

Asai Yuka is 14 and from SKE48.  We met her earlier when she walked in with Jurina. Umeyama Cocona is also 14 and is from NMB48. 

Left to right: Cocona with the big bow, Yuka with the blue ribbon

My thoughts: Aww, they just little babies! They probably practiced by themselves in a hallway or something for a few hours with no help. There’s not much to judge here. They’re obviously underskilled for this show and would have to be given Fs but it’s not their fault. I’m not going to make fun of a couple of 14 year olds who signed up for an adventure, not knowing how hard it would be. I sense tears in the future. 

I wrote that, and then watched Dance Bae give them both Fs and say, at a pre-show meeting, “I think these girls will cry a lot while they’re here.” Perhaps she’d be pleased to know that poor Cocona withdrew from the show before the second evaluation even took place! There's also some potential back story here. Per reddit:

From what I’ve heard (and I’m not sure how credible it is), Jurina and Yuuka planned to perform together for the first evaluation, but the producers wanted Jurina to do a solo, so Cocona got pulled from the NMB group [that performs Funny People] and her and Yuuka did this. That may explain why they did…particularly bad, to the point where it looks like they don’t even know the song.

That does sound like something MNET would do, and it also would explain how these two girls ended up in a performance together despite being in different groups (SKE48 and NMB48), giving it the ring of truth. So I'm going to be even more sparing of my criticism of the girls. They do come across as unprepared, but I think that's just because.... well, they were, through no fault of their own.

In any case, Cocona is one of the Japanese trainees who withdraws early in the process. It's probably for the reasons we'd imagine -- flying back and forth from Japan is taxing, and she's young enough to need to go to school still. She probably just wanted to go through so much stress just to get insulted and yelled at. Can't blame her!

Since we’re not going to see much of Cocona again, let’s find out what happened to her after she withdrew from the show. She went back to NMB48 and continued performing with them for a few more years, graduating at a special concert on March 26, 2022. She did some modeling for magazines in 2020, so she might still be pursuing that. Here’s her instagram -- she has 95,000 followers and seems to post influencer-esque content with lots of hashtags.

 Ganbatte, Cocona! Happy trails and much success to you!

10 auditions down, about 30 to go! Thanks for reading so far -- feel free to do all the things: like, reblog, comment, share, blah blah blah. Tune in next time when we continue the auditions, and stay warm, my friends!