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strictpunishedhubby · 5 months ago

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Vor einer angekündigten Züchtigung lässt mich meine Frau oft bis zu einer Stunde mit heruntergezogenem Schlüpfer in der Ecke warten. Ab und zu hat sie ihre nostalgische Phase und erinnert mich daran, wie meine Mama mich bis vor und sogar noch am Anfang unserer Ehe erzogen hat, nämlich bei Ungezogenheit mit Haue auf meinen nackten Po. Erst als meine Mama davon überzeugt war, meine Frau erzieht und bestraft mich sogar oft noch strenger, übertrug Mama ihr das alleinige Erziehungsrecht. Meine Frau setzt das ihr übertragene Erziehungsrecht bis heute verantwortungsvoll und akribisch in Mamas Sinne um. Die langanhaltenden Prügelstrafen und einschneidende demütigende Vorschriften und Gebote, die schon meine Mama bei mir anwendete hat sie nahtlos übernommen. Wie meine Mama sieht meine Frau mich noch heute, obwohl ich ein erwachsener Mann bin, in mir nur den kleinen, unreifen, ungezogenen Rotzjungen. Ironisch gönnerhaft, um wie sie mir sagt die Zeit bis sie mir meine angebrachte Tracht Prügel verabreicht zu verkürzen, erinnert sie mich daran, wie meine Mama ihr von Episoden vorschwärmte, wie sie mich verprügelt hat, wenn ich ungezogen war. Sie merkt ich bin dann wie Wachs in ihren Händen, denn durch diese Erinnerungen bin noch immer der kleine Junge geblieben, ich mit Haue erzogen werde, wenn ich unartig war und ich das ergeben, als normal und selbstverständlich hinnehme, sogar erwarte, einfach weil ich es seit Kindheit gewohnt bin. Erst gestern stand ich so beschämt in der Ecke, als sie mir zufrieden, nicht zum ersten Mal, wieder vor Augen führte, wie ich damals als 17-Jähriger bestraft wurde, wegen einer schlecht benotenden und deshalb von mir verheimlichten Mathearbeit. Sie erinnert mich wohl deshalb regelmäßig an die von meiner Mama durchgeführten Bestrafungen um mir zu zeigen, ich habe bis heute nichts dazugelernt, folgerichtig müsse sie in die Fußstapfen meiner Mama treten. Deshalb stände ich hier um wie schon wieder darauf warten zu müssen versohlt zu werden, was ja leider wegen meines noch immer so oft ungezogenen Verhaltens schon fast an der Tagesordnung sei. Sie weiß, ich habe immer ein schlechtes, schuldbewusstes Gewissen, wenn sie mich wie einen ungezogenen Rotzjungen zurechtweist. Auch heute noch sei ich ein verlogener, kleiner Flegel, sie befolge deshalb gerne den Rat meiner Mama, mich weiterhin streng mit Prügelstrafen zu erziehen und mich wie ein ungezogenes Bübchen zu behandeln, dementsprechend weiterhin nur beschämende Wäsche, solche wie Du sie hier siehst, zu genehmigen.

Before an announced corporal punishment, my wife often makes me wait in the corner with my panties down for up to an hour. Every now and then she has her nostalgic phase and reminds me of how my mummy raised me before and even at the beginning of our marriage, namely when I was naughty with a spanking on my bare bottom. Only when my mummy was convinced that my wife educates and punishes me even more severely, did mom give her the sole right to educateme. To this day, my wife continues to implement the sole right to educate entrusted to her responsibly and meticulously in mummy's spirit. She seamlessly adopted the long-lasting beatings and drastic, humiliating rules and commandments that my used on me. Like my mummy, even today my wife, even though I am a grown man, only sees me as a little, immature, naughty brat. In an ironic, patronizing way, as she tells me, to shorten the time until she gives me my appropriate spanking, she reminds me of how my mom used to rave to her about episodes in which she would spank me when I was naughty. She notices that I am like putty in her hands because, through these memories, I have always remained the little boy that I was brought up with a beating when I was naughty and I resign myself to it, accept it as normal and self-evident, even expect it, simply because I have been used to it since childhood. Only yesterday I was standing in the corner, so ashamed, as she happily reminded me, not for the first time, how I was punished as a 17-year-old because I got a bad grade on a math test and therefore kept it secret. That's probably why she regularly reminds me of the punishments my mummy carried out to show me that I haven't learned anything and that she must follow in my mummy's footsteps. That's why I'm standing here waiting to be spanked again, which unfortunately is almost the order of the day because of my still so often naughty behavior. She knows that I always have a bad, guilty conscience when she reprimands me like a naughty brat. Even today I am a lying, little lout, so she is happy to follow my mummy's advice to continue to discipline me strictly with corporal punishment and to treat me like a naughty little boy, and accordingly to continue to only allow me to wear shameful underwear, such as the one you see here.

Zu meiner Schande um mich weiter zu demütigen, erinnerte sie mich an den Vorfall von damals. Während ihrer Schilderung versetzte sie mich dabei wegen meiner bevorstehende Rohrstockstrafe in eine noch angstvollere Stimmung. Aber nicht genug damit, zu meiner Bloßstellung und Deiner Aufheiterung (so wie Du gleich erfährst, meine Klassenkameraden mich damals ausgelacht, gehänselt und mich mit Spott überzogen haben), beauftragte sie mich Dir hier diese für mich so missliche Episode wiederzugeben, die ihr meine Mamma genüsslich, erfreut und detailliert schilderte.

Als er 17 Jahre alt war, hat er im Beisein einer Klassenkameradin und ihrer Mama einer der demütigsten Tracht Prügel seines Lebens von mir bekommen. Dabei stellte ich eindrucksvoll unter Beweis, dass man keine Gegenstände braucht um einem ungezogenen Bengel wie ihn, den Hintern so zu versohlen, sodass er Rotz und Wasser heult.

Wir saßen in der Küche als seine Klassenkameradin sich verplapperte, dass schon die Mathearbeit (er bekam eine glatte 5) zurückgegeben wurde. Als ich den Bengel danach fragte hatte er es verneint, also mich angelogen, und das musste äußerst streng bestraft werden. Er bekam zwei Ohrfeigen und dann machte ich mich an seiner kurzen Turnhose zu schaffen. Mit einem Ruck zog ich diese mit seinem rosa Schlüpfer herunter. Ich nahm mir einen Stuhl, stellte mein linkes Bein darauf, zog den faulen Lügner darüber und klemmte ihn unter meiner linken Achsel ein. Was ihm in den nächsten Minuten passierte, hat er wohl nie mehr vergessen. Vor den Augen seiner Klassenkameradin und ihrer Mama bekam er jetzt mit meiner flachen Hand den nackten Hintern versohlt. Die ganze Zeit über schimpfte ich ihn wütend aus, während meine Hand immer und immer wieder abwechselnd heftig auf seinen beiden Pobacken klatschte. Er heulte Rotz und Wasser, schrie was das Zeug hielt, bettelte ich möge bitte aufhören. Aber meine Hand war unbarmherzig und brachte mein Werk gnadenlos zu Ende. Als ich von ihm abblies, lag er schluchzend auf dem Küchenboden und rieb seinen knallroten Hintern der wohl wie Feuer brannte. Kurze Zeit später stand er mit nacktem Po noch immer heulend in der Ecke. Seine Turnhose und sein rosa Schlüpfer, die während seiner heftigen Züchtigung herunterfielen, weil er so heftig mit seinen Beinen gestrampelt hat, lagen noch auf dem Boden. Das stattfindende Gespräch über seine Erziehung beschämte ihn noch mehr, denn ich berichtete den beiden ausführlich über sein so oft ungezogenes Verhalten, und das ich ihm dann jedes Mal seinen nackten Po versohle. Er verhält sich dabei wie ein kleiner Junge, nicht wie ein 17- jähriger und ich werde ihn auch zukünftig so bestrafen und erziehen. Als mich seine Klassenkameradin fragte ob meine Tochter auch so bestraft würde, sagte ich ihr, in keinem Fall, Mädchen schlägt man nicht, aber da er ein Junge ist, dazu noch ein frecher und unfolgsamer, bekommt er meist mehrmals wöchentlich seine verdiente Haue von mir! Ein Lächeln ging über ihr Gesicht, und sofort darauf erfolgte ein lautes, hämisches Lachen von uns dreien, während wir ein jämmerliches, erbärmliches Schluchzen von dem unartigen Jammerlappen zu hören bekamen. Daraufhin brummte ich ihm eine Woche Stubenarrest auf. Nachdem der Besuch gegangen war, holte ich ihn aus der Ecke und den Rest des Tages musste er im Bett verbringen.

Als ich einige Tage später zufällig seine Klassenkameradin traf, berichtete sie mir fröhlich, wie köstlich die anderen Mädchen und Jungen aus der Klasse sich amüsierten, als sie detailliert von seiner von mir durchgeführten Abstrafung erzählte. Sie wussten alle sowieso schon seit langem, er ist ein Mädchenwäscheträger, der trotz seines Alters noch seinen Po versohlt bekommt.

Wenn ich in der Ecke stehe und meine Frau erinnert mich daran, dass ich schon als Kind und Jugendlicher ungezogen, frech und wehleidig war, dem nur beizukommen war, indem meine Mama mich unter anderem mit Prügel, Eckestehen und frühe Bettzeiten bestrafte, bin ich fügsam und kapiere, meine Frau handelt richtig, denn noch heute sind die Strafen gerechtfertigt und angemessen.

Meine Frau hofft doch sehr darauf, auch Du unterstützt ihre Vorgehensweise mich zu einem artigen Ehemann zu erziehen, auch indem ich mich hier offenbaren muss und zuzugeben habe, ich bin der kleine, unartiger Rotzjunge von damals geblieben. Durch ein like, und / oder einen Kommentar, und/ oder einen Reblog bestätigst Du ihre strenge Vorgehensweise beizubehalten. Sie dankt Dir dafür! Auch ich habe Dir dann zu danken, sozusagen als Ausdruck meiner Einsicht, bei Ungezogenheit von meiner Frau weiterhin so bestraft zu werden.

To my shame and to further humiliate me, she reminded me of the incident from back then. During her description she put me in an even more anxious mood because of my impending caning punishment. But that wasn't enough, to expose me and cheer you up (as you will soon find out, my classmates laughed at me, teased me and ridiculed me back then), she ordered me to recount to you this episode, which was so unpleasant for me and which my mummy described to her with relish, delight and in detail.

We were sitting in the kitchen when his classmate let slip that the math test (he got a straight 5) had already been returned. When I asked the brat about it, he denied it, which meant he lied to me, and that had to be punished extremely severely.

When he was 17 years old, he received one of the most humiliating beatings of his life from me in the presence of a classmate and her mummy. I impressively demonstrated that you don't need any objects to spank a naughty brat like him until he cries his eyes out.

When I asked the urchin about it, he denied it, which meant he lied to me, and that had to be punished extremely severely. He got two slaps in the face and then I started working on his gym shorts. With a tug I pulled them down with his pink panties. took a chair, put my left leg on it, pulled the lazy liar over it and trapped him under my left armpit. He will probably never forget what happened to him in the next few minutes. In front of his classmate and her mother, he got his bare bottom spanked with the flat of my hand. The whole time I was scolding him angrily while my hand slapped both of his buttocks, alternately, over and over again. He cried his eyes out, screamed at the top of his lungs, begged me to please stop. But my hand was merciless and finished my work without mercy. When I let go of him, he was lying sobbing on the kitchen floor and rubbing his bright red bottom, which was probably burning like fire. A short time later, he was standing in the corner, still crying, with his bottom bare. His gym shorts and pink panties, which had fallen off during his severe punishment because he had kicked his legs so hard, were still lying on the floor. The conversation that followed about his education embarrassed him even more, because I told them in detail about his often naughty behavior, that I then spank his bare bottom every time. He behaves at the same time like a little boy, not like a 17-year-old, and I will continue to punish and educate him like this. When his classmate asked me if my daughter was punished in the same way, I told her that I definitely wouldn't do it. Girls shouldn't be hit, but because he's a boy, and a cheeky and disobedient one at that, he usually gets the beating he deserves from me several times a week! A smile spread across her face, and immediately there followed a loud, malicious laugh from the three of us, while we heard pitiful, miserable sobs from the naughty wretch. As a result, I grounded him for a week.

After the visitor left, I took him out of the corner and he had to spend the rest of the day in bed. When I happened to meet his classmate a few days later, she happily told me how much the other boys and girls in the class enjoyed themselves when she described in detail the punishment I had given him. They all knew for a long time, that he was a girl's underwear wearer who, despite his age, still got his bottom spanked.

When I stand in the corner and my wife reminds me that I was naughty, cheeky and whiny as a child and teenager, and that the only way to deal with that was for my mother to punish me with things like beating me, standing in the corner and sending me to bed early, I am docile and understand that my wife is doing the right thing, because even today the punishments are justified and appropriate.

My wife is really hoping that you will also promote her procedure to raise me to be a well-behaved husband, even though I have to reveal myself here and admit that I am still the little, naughty brat I was back then. By liking and/or commenting and/or rebloging, you confirm that you will continue to follow her strict procedure. She thanks you for that! I also have to thank you, so to speak, as an expression of my insight, if I am naughty, to continue to be punished like this, by my wife.

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utilitycaster · 2 months ago

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when you say ‘this wasn’t the intended campaign’ in your last post, do you mind please explaining what you’re referring to? it’s been a while since i’ve watched the wrap up, and i think i only really remember matt saying he thought they’d join the side of the empire more. i’m sure you’re absolutely correct, i trust you knowledge over my memory! but it would be great to hear what the ‘intended’ campaign was in your opinion

Sure - so I do not know the exact specs of Matt's intentions because this was a much more open-ended campaign anyway, but part of it is the Empire plot you allude to - he expected the party to work with the Augen Trust and that it would be a pretty significant part of the campaign (to the point where he had an extended guest role for Matt Colville planned). He also had planned for Lucien to be a campaign-long recurring enemy, trying to get his body back from Molly, and he was always intended to be the endgame villain.

I was talking this over with some mutuals and like, pretty much all of that except the specifics of Aeor (which make sense as a later-game reveal anyway; the draw is a combination of Caleb's interests and the party's investment in Lucien) was already seeded by episode 20 or so. What I suspect but cannot confirm happened was that when the party decided to take jobs for the Gentleman instead Matt planned to let them finish out those jobs and then draw them to the the Empire via other means - Lucien would make sense to strike in Shady Creek Run,, perhaps moving up the attack on Felderwin to give the party reason to accept a job with the Augen Trust - and then the coast stuff would have come up rather later. But Molly died, and I think that scuttled Matt's ideas so hard he sort of let the party go where they wanted (he also did introduce the idea of Avantika immediately after Molly's death), and they ended up going there both to spend time with Jester's mom and also accidentally stealing a pirate ship, and then the party followed the Felderwin attack but had coalesced and their feelings on the Empire strengthened such that they went to Xhorhas instead, and I think at that point he realized this party had sufficient drive that he just needed to give them gentle nudges, and then bring down the hammer at an opportune moment to arrange peace talks, which would introduce Vess, and she'd be the hook to get them to Aeor and then they'd find out about Lucien and go into the same approximate arc there. I also think that a number of interesting choices (stealing the beacon in this episode, for example) made the party more sympathetic and intrigued by the Dynasty much earlier on.

So yeah I suspect in short the intended game in the sense of "what Matt had planned, roughly, in early 2018" had them working with the empire and learning a lot more about Lucien earlier on (and having to dodge him as an ongoing enemy). But it still works because the characters were so well crafted and motivated, and because ultimately the overarching goal of the campaign was to explore Wildemount, introduce some key concepts and figures, and generally build out the world - and also prove that they weren't just a one-trick pony with Vox Machina. So they were able to stray from that story because Matt was able to give them a lot of free rein and show the war from a different perspective, which is very cool!

#long post #cr tag #my secret opinion is also that a combination of external events played a huge role here #and some of the issues with c3 are to be fair things that c2 dodged by sheer happenstance.

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one-sleepy-banana · 4 months ago

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Glaub wir können gerade alle bisschen Ablenkung gebrauchen *gestures vaguely*, deswegen hier endlich Teil 2 der Spatort-Reaktionen meiner Mama, hier gehts zu Teil 1 (DfL-FdG) :)

Das Ende der Nacht Spoilers unter dem cut

Beim Abba-Intro mit den Bankscheinen dachte meine Mama erst wir sehen jetzt, wo Betty aus FdG jetzt mit dem Geld gelandet ist (it was giving Adams ,,Nicht schon wieder Geld")

Erster Auftritt von Pia nachts im Büro: ,,Geht die eigentlich auch mal heim?"

Bei ,,Frauen sind wie Speck" hat sie sich nur zu mir umgedreht und mit den Augen gerollt (mood)

Erster Auftritt von Adam, er sitzt am Pool: ,,Ach nee Adam, was ist denn das, Zigarette schwimmt im Teich oder was"

Esther beim Bäcker: ,,Und die holt wieder Croissants" (Hörnchen fans rise up)

Lacher bei Pias ,,Mein Französisch ist leider nur croissant, baguette, ça va"

Skeptisches Lachen bei Adams ,,Ich bin Nichtraucher"

Sie mochte die Dynamik zwischen Esther und der französichen Polizistin (Néomie Legrand)

Größter Lacher bei ihr war Esthers ,,Ich verstehe ein bisschen Französisch, aber das muss ja nicht jeder wissen"

sie war ein großer Fan von dem Duo Pia Adam

und hat bei der Glückskeks/Bierkastenwalzer Sequenz durchgehend gelächelt

hab von ihr erst gelernt, warum man den Bierkastenwalzer überhaupt so nennt (weil man die Grundschritte im Rechteck abtanzt, makes sense ig)

Lacher bei Leos ,,Das würde niemals funktionieren, ich bin Nichtraucher" *wink*

generelle Anspannung bei Pias Entführung

Pia versucht zu fliehen: ,,Los Pia, mach das du weg kommst"

Pia wird angeschossen: ,,Oh-oh"

Belustigte Reaktion auf Adams Verfolgungskills

laut meiner Mama stammt der Vogelruf, der Béatrice Radek auf das sich nähernde Auto (Leo & Adam) aufmerksam macht, von einem Eichelhäher

die sind anscheinend dafür bekannt, andere Tiere im Wald vor Gefahren zu warnen (die Ringeltaube steht für FdG, der Eichelhäher für EdN, you heard it here first)

beim Showdown war sie sehr angespannt an den Bildschirm gefesselt (bei mir war es der dritte EdN watch und ich war noch nie so gestresst vom Finale wie dieses mal, idk why)

Abspann: ,,Na immerhin muss ich nicht mehr ganz ein Jahr auf den nächsten warten" (der instant Optimismus an der Stelle, sehr bewundernswert)

zu EdN generell: ,,Also der war auf jeden Fall spannender, als der letzte, vielleicht sogar spannender, als die letzen beiden"

zu der Frage, was ihr Lieblingsspatort war: ,,Ich glaube der mit diesem fleißigen Lieschen, der Fall war gut und da war auch alles noch so neu"

anscheinend hat sie vor ein paar Tagen beim Einschlafen über die plot holes und Unstimmigkeiten von HdW nachgedacht: ,,Da passt so viel nicht zusammen"

hab vergessen bei pt. 1 zu erwähnen das es sich bei dem Einatmen von Dino laut meiner Mama um eine echte Atemtechnik handelt, um danach länger ohne Luft auszukommen

sie unterstützt für den siebten Spatort die Idee eines Caro Hölzer Auftritts und einer ,,Leo liegt im Krankenhaus, Adam kommt ihn besuchen und ist für ihn da"-Situation

(bisschen unrelated aber ich schau spatort bald noch mit zwei guten Freunden, die tatort saarbrücken noch nicht kennen und freu mich schon richtig drauf)

#spatort watch feat. meine mama #pt. 2 #das ende der nacht #edn spoiler #tatort saarbrücken #spatort

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braxlrose · 1 year ago

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PLEASE MAKE 2005 BILL HCS 🙏🏻🙇🏻‍♀️

I based this on the song Ich Bin Nich' Ich from their Schrei album so I hope you enjoy!

content warnings: bill being sad? 😭 lots of angst yk (which if you've been here for a while you'd know I actually LOVE writing angst) idk if this is considered toxic bc the way I've written it, it's very much filled with codependency to like a point where without a person youre suffering so 😬.

summary: bill misses you more than anything right now.

word count: 1.4k

a/n: for this fanfic, you're dating Bill at the time and have been for a little while, and it's set in like 2004/2005. I decided to do this bc Ich Bin Nich' Ich is literally my favorite song from Schrei sooo I can't wait to write this. I'm not sure if anybody else has done this so if they have please tell me! also, lmk if you want to be added to the tag list 💖💖

+ this is from bills perspective

Ich Bin Nich' Ich

meine augen schaun mich müde an und finden keinen trost

I laid down in my bed, my head pounding achingly from tonight's show. Sweat dripped down my forehead and rolled onto my pillow as I turned over. My shallow breathing was catching up to me and my eyes closed ever-so lightly. The cold pillow was a perfect embrace after the show tonight. Well—almost perfect.

My heart twinged with sadness as you came into my head. You always sat in the back of my head like a lingering melody, haunting and sweet. My mind never was able to get fully rid of you, especially now since we're on tour. Your soft and supple hands always seemed to fit perfectly in mine. You're glistening eyes, staring back at me and that enchanting smile that sat flawlessly upon your face. Nothing could ever pull me away from staring at you when we were together. Everything about you always made me feel like we were destined to be brought together, we fit so well with each other and our bodies seemed to always be pulling towards each other like magnets.

My fingernails dug into the bed sheets as I closed my eyes to "watch" you. Who cares if I couldn't see you right now, right? I could always close my eyes and watch the way your perfect body; your perfect everything, moved like the water as you glided through the air, running towards me whenever we would see each other again.

That wouldn't be for months, though..

The coldness of my pillow was fading as my body denied itself rest. I couldn't fall asleep with the sound of your angelic voice, whispering in my head. Which was ironic, because that voice was the same one that always helped me fall asleep on my hardest nights. Nothing right now could ever comfort me.. not unless you showed up.

I groaned in annoyance as a soft knock cracked against my door. Who needs to talk to me right now, it's 11 o' clock at night.

I pulled myself up off of my bed; the bedsheets lightly sticking to my skin from the sweat that once dripped from my body. Walking felt like trying to pull myself through quicksand, all I wanted to do was to see you. You see you—no, feel you jump into my arms and press your beautiful lips up against mine.

God, how amazing that would feel right now.

My body finally brought itself to the door and my hand slowly pulled it open to see a face I had known for quite some time.

"Tom?" I mumbled out, pressed my face into the tinted wall, "What are you doing up here?" I asked, my breath feeling heavy again.

"We're going to a party, are you coming or are you going to coop yourself up in your room again, for the nth time in a row." He spouted at me.

I rolled my eyes before telling him I'd be staying in my room again. He may have seemed a little agitated about that, but from the way he was looking at me, I think he could tell what was wrong. He always knew what was wrong.

"It's always obvious, your eyes tell us everything, Bill.." He would say to me every once in a while when I felt down. I guess I was never the one who was good at hiding my feelings, especially from my brother.

ich kann mich nich' mehr mit ansehen—bin ich los

alles was hier mal war—kann ich nich' mehr in mir finden

I forced myself into the bathroom, my hands gripping onto the sink in front of me as my eyes hesitated to look myself in the face. I'm sure I looked awful. Ever since I met you, I never felt like myself without you. You brought the me out of me. That's what I loved about you so much.

My eye makeup was smeared a bit and some of my mascara had run down my cheeks. I honestly looked like a mess. I blinked in the mirror, watching myself crumble. I needed you so badly. This was one of the hard nights, the hard nights when I really needed you.

The water i splashed upon my face dripped down my neck as my eyes slowly came upwards to look myself in the face.

I could never seem to see myself when you weren't with me, you always made me feel so much better. About everything and anything. I'm still not sure how you did it..

alles weg—wie im wahn, seh ich mich immer mehr verschwinden

My freshly dried face from a cotton towel felt stiff as tears rolled down my cheeks. My eyes stung with a fiery intensity that only someone as gracious and wonderful as you.

My body didn't seem like my own anymore as I crashed down against the soft, recently sweaty bed. Makeup smeared on the pillow as my cheek rested against it, staring over at the dimly lit; slightly sparky (?) lamp next to me. The curtains surrounding my room seemed to understand my awful being right now as I could feel more tears threatening to spill over my waterline, down my face.

I could almost swear this was an out of body experience, maybe I was just tired. Everything around me felt like a dream and I could feel myself slipping away. My body, my dreams, my everything. Nothing felt real anymore. Not when I'm away from you.

ich bin nich' ich wenn du nich' bei mir bist—bin ich allein

und das was jetzt noch von mir übrig ist...

My breath was caught in my throat as more memories of you poured into my head.

××× I remember the first time I saw you—

Walking outside the studio while everybody else finished up inside, the cold wind blowing in my face, brushing my hardened bangs to the side. My teeth lightly chattered as you flowed by me. I could swear you were an angel.

From your angelic face, to your scent. You were absolutely perfect and I was infatuated with you. I remember thinking someone like you would never go for someone like me.. right?

How happy I was when I figured out I was wrong.

From the way you held yourself to your laughter to your strength. You were everything I was looking for and more. How could I stumble upon love so quickly? How was I so lucky to have you enthralled with me.

You had never even heard of my band yet, you weren't a crazy, obsessed fan girl. You weren't someone looking for a one night stand or someone who wanted fame by association. You were so beautiful and real and absolutely raw. I still don't understand sometimes why you chose me, but I'm so glad you did.

×××

but here... without you. I feel as though I've lost a part of me. Like I'm not me when I'm not with you. I don't feel whole and I don't think I will until we've been reunited.

××× you're bright red, slushy red tongue seemed to gawk at my blue one as we laughed. I laid my around around you as we walked through the park. I finally had a day off from rehearsing and playing live shows, to hang out with you.

I swear my heart was going to explode out of my chest just from staring down into your beautiful eyes. The way you were staring up at me—i don't think I had ever loved somebody so much. You were my true "everything".

××× your warm breath, slowly yet calmly blowing against my neck as you fell into a deep slumber was probably one of the most relaxing things I could ever dream of. My arms were wrapped around you as the TV quietly played in the background. My body had never felt so amazing. And now with you—you just made everything so much better.

My hands glided into your hair as you snuggled closer into me. With the warm air surrounding us and the soft hum of the noise around us. Everything seemed absolutely perfect.

How could I live without you?

will ich nich' sein

draußen hängt der himmel schief

und an der Wand dein abschiedsbrief

ich bin nich' ich wenn du nich' bei mir bist—bin ich allein

I slowly closed my eyes, my body finally relaxing. Ever-so slightly, at least. We'd be together again soon, I'm not sure why tonight was so hard for me, to be without you.. but I cannot wait to see your sparkling beauty staring back at me when we come together again. I don't feel like myself right now, but hopefully with time, you will bring that back to me...

sorry this isn't longer 😭 I hope you guys enjoyed this though! also here are the English translations for the lyrics. They're pretty accurate, but some stuff may be a little off 😞

translations:

one: My eyes show off all of my sadness, and find no comfort here.

two: I can't face myself anymore, I'm not me.

three: Everything that was here, I cannot find myself inside me.

four: Swept away like a dream, I see myself vanish more and more.

five: I'm not myself when you're not, not with me, i'm all alone.

six: And everything that is still left of me.

seven: I don't want to be outside the heavens hang a slope and on the wall your farewell note. I'm not myself when you're not, not with me, I'm alone.

also this isn't proofread, so if there are any mistakes sorry!!

taglist: none yet

#tokio hotel #bill kaulitz #tokio hotel x reader #tokio hotel bill kaulitz #bill kaulitz fanfic #2005 bill kaulitz #bill kaulitz angst #tokio hotel fanfics #tokio hotel angst

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marimayscarlett · 8 months ago

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LIFAD turns 15 years old today 💿🎶

On this day, the 16th of October 2009, the album 'Liebe ist für alle da' was released. The work for this album started the year prior, as the preproduction for the album took place from February to October 2008. The focus of the band in the beginning period of the production lay on learning how to work together again, playing songs together and gather ideas. In Hermannshagen, over the course of about one month, the band came up with up to 90 recordings of little snippets (like choruses and riffs), which they recorded for later.

After this brainstorming period, the band moved to the Beesenstedt castle in Sachsen-Anhalt to rehearse. The process apparently was less than easy due to tension in the band. The individual members seemingly first had to reconnect with each other, since the last production had been some time ago. Richard described the process of working on the album as difficult at times: "Everyone was involved and interested in everything, which meant the decision-making power was practically zero because everyone wanted to go in a different direction. Six people on the boat and everyone playing captain – that's really tough."

After the work period in Germany, the band moved over to the US for recording. Drum recording took place in the Henson Studios located in Los Angeles, and the final destination were the Sonoma Studios in San Francisco. The studio they had booked there fell far short of their expectations – the band felt cramped and not as comfortable as they had hoped for a successful recording of their new album. Paul describes it as follows: "There we ended up in a studio that was in the middle of a retiree resort. We had imagined that differently, because actually the area was quite cool. There were cougars and deer running around, but we were in the middle of nowhere, and when we booked, we couldn't see the barbed wire that fenced off all the paths. We felt cramped, and on top of that, the studio wasn't exactly inviting. The owner had hung unsightly things everywhere that we had to take down first. However, after de-cluttering the rooms, we started to feel better."

In total, about 20 songs were recorded, of which 18 songs were published (15 on the special edition of the album, plus Mein Land and Vergiss uns nicht on the single for Mein Land, and Gib mir deine Augen on the single for Mein Herz brennt.)

The promotion for this album was done by advertising clips, for example an old lady enjoying "Frühling in Paris" and a bodybuilder lifting weights while listening to "Mehr".

Eugenio Recuenco was the artist behind the album aesthetic - he shoot the pictures for the booklet as well as for the cover of the album. Richard mentioned a similarity to the painter Hieronymus Bosch regarding the style and arrangment in the pictures. In the US, the cover was censored - an additional inlay paper on top of the usual cover showed the cover picture, but without the woman on the table

Less than a month after the album's release, it was placed on the German index. The reasons given for this were the song Ich tu dir weh, which was seen as glorifying violence, as well as this particular image of Richard:

Due to these reasons, from November 11, 2009, the original version could only be sold upon request to adult customers and was no longer allowed to be advertised. On the re-release of the CD following the indexing of the album, there is only a several-second pause in place of the song. On the cover, Ich tu dir weh is crossed out in red and marked with the footnote "Removed after censorship by the authorities of the Federal Republic of Germany." The letters of the song lyrics in the booklet were replaced with Xs except for brief excerpts.

After a lengthy legal dispute, the album was finally removed from the index in October 2011 and can once again be distributed with Ich tu dir weh.

Nevertheless: The album, like its predecessors, entered directly at number 1 on the German charts and stayed there for two weeks. In total, it was in the Top 100 for 83 weeks. It also held the number 1 spot for several weeks in Austria and Switzerland, and even reached the Top 20 of the album charts in the USA and the UK. In the ranking of the best-selling albums in Germany in 2009, Liebe ist für alle da ranked 7th.

Some additional facts surrounding the album:

During their tour for the album, Rammstein performed Ich tu dir weh with altered lyrics.

The album was originally supposed to be called Wiener Blut – like the Rammstein song about child abductor Josef Fritzl. However, they decided against it because there was already a Falco album with the same name.

Richard about the album title: '"Liebe ist für alle da" (Love is there for everyone) is a very Christian thought. Of course, one must ask, is love really there for everyone? I would hope that it is. Can we forgive those who have misunderstood love? I often think about that, and I fail, then make some progress, only to go back again.'

The chorus of Frühling in Paris is inspired by Edith Piaf's chanson Non, je ne regrette rien.

Four years after the album's release, Führe mich was used as a soundtrack for Lars Von Trier's controversial film Nymphomaniac.

The song Haifisch is inspired by Mack the Knife from Brecht's The Threepenny Opera.

Sources: rammwiki metalhammer rammstein.de welt.de noz.de

#rammstein #liebe ist für alle da #lifad #lifad album #idk. I treat tumblr like a journal when i make these posts #like a little scrap book with informations i find

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baby-mama-vienna · 17 hours ago

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Schimmernder Lidschatten: Glamour für Date & Party

Du hast ein Date oder eine Party und möchtest dich richtig schön fühlen? ✨ Dann darf ein bisschen Glamour nicht fehlen! Und was wirkt glamouröser als schimmernder Lidschatten? Genau! Mit dem richtigen Schimmer zauberst du dir im Handumdrehen einen atemberaubenden Augenaufschlag, der alle Blicke auf sich zieht. 💖 Ich weiß, manchmal fühlt man sich mit Make-up etwas überfordert. Aber glaub mir,…

#Abend Make-up #Augen Make-up #Date Make-up #Familienblog #Glamour-Make-up #Lidschatten #Make-up #Make-up Tipps #Party Make-up #Schimmer Lidschatten

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dumpsterfire-daydreams · 7 months ago

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Evil Ghost, protective Price, protective König, violent König, sad Soap, protective Alejandro, sad/protective 141, TW: Blood, TW: Hostage situations, TW: Physical Violence, TW: Rape kit, TW: Gunfire/gunfight

Translation Guide:

“Deine ganze Sippe gehört ausgerottet, du übel Hurensohn!" - "Your whole family should be eradicated, you evil son of a bitch!"

"Schließe ihre Augen" - "Close her eyes"

"Ich mach dich kalt" - "I will kill you" (Lit.: "I will make you cold")

Reader POV:

Before either could make a move, the bedroom door practically flew off its hinges as a hulking figure charged into the room. König was on Ghost in a flash. He tried to react, but only had time to spin around before König's hand locked around his throat. Ghost immediately swung, attempting to ram the broken glass into his arm. But König caught his hand in the air.

“You hurt my Maus? You caused her pain?! ” he roared, squeezing Ghost’s fist in his own. “I will show you what real pain is when I tear you apart!”

Ghost hollered as his makeshift weapon was turned against him, unable to stop the increasing pressure as the glass cut into his hand. It shattered with a crunch, the tiny pieces shooting into his palm like tiny daggers. He bowled over as König drove his knee into his stomach and then kicked him as hard as he could. Ghost finally stumbled back, unable to maintain his balance as he collapsed onto the floor. He scrambled to drag himself as far and as fast as he could. But König was hot on his heels, eyes blazing with murderous rage.

Trusting König to keep Ghost at bay, Price barked into his comms as he ran to your side. The last thing you saw before Price blocked your view was König dropping his full weight onto his target, pinning him in place before seizing him by the throat. A chorus of threats sounded out from across the room as Price quickly cut you free. He rushed you over to the bed and, once there, instinctively shielded you with his body. It was still far too early to let his guard down, but he had to make sure you were okay. But out of respect for you, he also averted his gaze. After finding you naked and badly bruised, he could only assume Ghost had done the absolute worst. And Price didn't want to give you the slightest worry that he would do the same.

He continued to look elsewhere until he'd wrapped you in the bedsheet. Only when you were as modest as he could manage did he join you on the mattress, eyes frantically scanning your injuries. You were practically covered in them, so there were plenty for him to find. The raised bruises, the reddened welt on your cheek, the angry scars across your blood-stained thigh. You knew there were a lot of them. But tears welled up as their sheer number finally sank in.

"It's okay, I'm here," Price murmured, moving to sit behind you. "We've got you. I've got you."

He tugged you between his thighs, pulling you to his chest with one arm as you wept. But he kept his handgun aimed across the room, determined to be your final line of defense if Ghost somehow got free.

Across the room, König was holding his own just fine. He still had Ghost pinned against the floor beneath him. Both of Ghost’s arms were trapped between the ground and König's knees as he lay helpless in the sniper’s shadow. And with a guttural yell of rage, König slammed his fist across Ghost’s face.

"You monster! I'll fucking kill you!" He screamed, blow after blow raining down in rapid succession. "I trusted you! What the fuck did you do to her?"

Ghost struggled, trying to use his legs to pull himself out of the bind. But with just one good leg at his disposal, he simply lacked the means to succeed. Blood still seeped from his shoulder and continued to spread on his jeans. At this point, he'd lost a significant amount of it. Because of that fact, the formerly imposing soldier was now growing increasingly weak as his injuries took their toll. He was utterly trapped and defenseless, left totally at König's mercy. And as the punches flew down, it was clear König had none for him.

“Deine ganze Sippe gehört ausgerottet!” Konig growled, German taking over his words as he pummeled his nemesis. "Du übel Hurensohn!"

König's last strike caught him under the chin, causing the bottom of his mask to ride up on his face. Ghost grunted with the impact, spitting out a mouthful of blood. But König was far from finished. He shoved his forearm down against Ghost's throat, pressing down ruthlessly and earning a disturbing gurgle.

"Schließe ihre Augen! Turn her eyes away!" He snarled at Price, his eyes alight with animalistic rage. "She does not need to see this!"

Though you heard him, you were practically frozen in place and couldn’t tear your eyes from the sight. You'd never seen König so violent before. So brutal. So vicious. His whole body was practically shaking as indignation coursed through his veins like fire. His chest heaved, his eyes frenzied in the shadow of his hood.

But Price moved to comply, gently turning your head to press against his chest and raising his arm to block your view. The captain gently rocked you back and forth, whispering comforting words in your ear to distract from the sickening sound of fists meeting flesh. The noise was accented with the occasional curse, yell, or grunt of pain. And each punch landed with a gruesome thud. At one point, a sharp crack rang out. It was followed by a loud clatter as Ghost's mask snapped under the onslaught, falling to the floor in pieces.

The noise increased as military police swarmed into the room, guns and riot shields at the ready. They scanned the scene and moved in to detain their target, immediately spotting the bloody scene in the corner. But König refused to stop. It took the concerted effort of three men to finally pull König off of Ghost. But he continued cursing and shouting at Ghost as they wrestled him to the other side of the room.

As for Ghost, he wasn’t moving. He was still sprawled out right where König had left him. His face was bloodied and discolored. He groaned weakly, more blood trickling from his mouth. The officers quickly surrounded him, checking him for any concealed weapons before dragging him to his feet. His legs were slack and his head hung limply as he faded in and out of consciousness.

A combat medic pushed their way through the throng to get to the bed.

"How bad is it?" He asked Price, removing his pack and jumping into action.

"She needs bandages, stitches, and some strong painkillers," Price rushed. "Grab a rape kit, too."

At the mention of those words, König let out a gut-wrenching scream of rage as he lunged at Ghost again. His minders tried and failed to hold him back as he broke free. And before they could restrain him again, König managed to land one last powerful punch into Ghost’s stomach.

"How could you?!" König shouted, still swinging as he was forced back to the opposing corner. His voice grew thick with emotion as hot tears of anger began to fall. "Ich mach dich kalt! I'll send you to hell myself!"

His rage soon devolved into wails of despair as the grief overcame him. He mourned openly, the haunting sound filling the room. The stress of the stand off, the fear for your safety, the hurt from Ghost’s betrayal, the anger for what he’d put you through. He had kept it all at bay for the sake of the mission. But it was a lot to stoically carry and König had finally broken beneath its weight. As he mourned, the police officers lingered in the room while the medic quietly tended to your wounds. Ghost could barely stand as two beefy-looking men held him by his arms on either side. Their eyes went to Price, waiting for his direction.

The only thing in Price’s eyes was pure hatred as he stared Ghost down. He looked like he wanted to beat the shit out of him himself. And he likely would have if it wasn't for you softly whimpering in his arms. The medic was being as gentle as they could, but everything hurt so much. So, Price clenched his jaw and remained where he was.

"Get him out of my sight unless you want to cuff me too," he seethed. “He’s fucking dead to me.”

Consequences were the furthest thing from König’s mind. He continued spewing threats and insults between sobs and still fought just as hard to get his hands on Ghost again. And he didn't let up until Ghost was cuffed, read his rights, and promptly dragged out the door. It was only then that the other officers released König. They braced in case he moved to chase after Ghost again, but he turned and rushed to your side.

When he reached the bed, he dropped to his knees and clutched your hand. But he couldn’t bring himself to watch as the medic dutifully completed his examination. You tried to be brave. But you couldn’t stop from trembling as the final samples were collected. Price sat at your back, gently rubbing your shoulders and doing his best to keep you calm. He didn't want to look either. So he shut his eyes and let you squeeze his hand as the medic examined your genitals.

"Just take deep breaths for me, okay?" He said, slowly inserting a swab. "This might sting a bit."

You gritted your teeth, hissing as sharp pain shot through your groin. "It hurts!"

"I know," he murmured sympathetically. "I'm so sorry. We're almost done, I promise."

Both Price and König comforted you as best they could until the examination was complete. You were grateful when the swab was withdrawn and any resulting evidence was carefully stored for analysis. After repositioning your blanket and packing his supplies, the medic offered a few words of consolation before backing away. The two men thanked him for his swift aid and he made a solemn exit, leaving the three of you alone in the war-torn cabin.

"Maus, I'm so sorry. This is all my fault," König sobbed bitterly, lowering his head to your hand. "You tried to tell me, but I was too stupid to listen. I didn't understand. But I should have. I was supposed to protect you and I failed you."

"We both did," Price added, also hanging his head. "I should have investigated further before jumping to conclusions. I never thought he was the kind of person who would… I'm sorry too. You have every right to blame us both. And if you’d rather be alone right now, we'll give you space."

"No, please don't go!" You clutched the front of Price’s vest and hugged König's hand to your heart. "I need you here. I tried to get away, König. I really tried to get to you. I tried."

He wrapped his arms around you as you began to cry again, holding you as if he'd never let you go again. "I know, Maus. I know."

The three of you embraced as sobs racked your body. You wept for the pain and suffering you'd endured all that time. But there were also tears of joy that they had found you. Relief that you were finally safe again. König’s shoulders shook softly as he sobbed into your hair. The terror you'd lived through over the past day and the terror he’d lived through these past few hours had been immense. And he was well aware that he could have lost you because of it.

"Don't worry," he sniffled, wiping his eyes. "He'll never touch you again. I won’t let him, I swear on my life. Just tell me what you need, Maus. You say it and I will do it."

Price nodded. “Be honest. Do you still feel comfortable staying on base?”

You silently shook your head. Though Ghost was in custody and would be severely punished, the past day had changed you. Nowhere felt safe anymore. And you couldn't live your life fearing that he would somehow be hiding - around every corner, behind every shadow - just waiting to pounce all over again.

"I wanna go away," you whimpered. "Please, König. Just take me far, far away from here."

König nodded, wiping your tears. Sharing a nod with the captain, he carefully scooped you up in his arms before carrying you to the car. And for the rest of that day, he kept you close.

After Price drove you back to base, König made sure you were either securely tucked beneath his wing or under Price’s watchful eye at all times. Once you arrived back at the barracks, Price carefully lifted you out of the vehicle and ensured you were safely secured in the passenger seat of your car. And as König went inside to gather your things, Price never left your side. He stood right beside the car door, guarding you like a sentry.

König rushed into the building, stopping at your room first. He carefully packed up each item, double checking that nothing was left behind. After closing the door to your former room, he rushed to his own. Packing his own things was much faster. He hastily crammed everything he owned into a few duffle bags. Then, throwing them over his shoulder, he shut off the light and left the empty room behind.

As he went about his tasks, he gathered a growing crowd of confused onlookers. Everyone showered him with frantic questions as they followed him out to the parking lot. When they saw Price beside your car, the questions only doubled. From their perspective, they had gotten back from their morning run, the four of you had simply vanished, and then only three of you had returned looking like you’d fought for your lives and lived to tell the tale. Well, that was how Price and König looked. You hadn’t stepped foot out of your car and Price forbade them from going anywhere near it.

“König’s leaving?” Soap asked, crestfallen and bewildered. “Captain, what the hell is going on?”

“Yeah, what happened?” Alejandro chimed in, brow furrowed in concern. “And where’s Ghost?”

Price sighed, lacking the energy to walk them through the entire situation and then answer the endless questions they’d have once he did.

“I’ll brief you on the details later,” he said. “But for now, this is all you need to know. Ghost is no longer a member of our task force. If you see him, I want to hear about it. König has requested a leave of absence. But after what he’s been through, I arranged for him to be stationed elsewhere until he feels ready to rejoin our ranks. His girlfriend will be going with him.”

“Can we at least say goodbye to her?” Soap asked, struggling to make sense of even the abridged version of events. But there was sadness in his eyes, too. He didn’t understand what had caused any of this. All he knew was that, without warning, he was suddenly losing three members of his team: two soldiers and one dear friend.

Soap moved to approach the car, but Price stopped him with a firm hand on his chest. “No one goes near the car. Do not touch her. Do not look at her. Do not speak to her. She can’t handle that right now.”

But everyone’s eyes widened with shock as they looked beyond him. And turning around, Price saw you gingerly climbing out of the car. Wrapped in the same blood-stained blanket, you slowly limped towards the barracks determined to say goodbye to everyone you'd come to cherish on base. Seeing you bruised, battered, and bandaged filled the team with collective horror and concern.

Both Price and König rushed to your side to support you. And they had a whole army of soldiers hot on their heels. König dropped his bags and carefully picked you up before everyone reached you, not wanting you to overexert yourself.

“Oh my god,” Soap chanted, fully panicking. “What the fuck happened to you? Are you okay?”

“Not really,” you said with a small smile. You tried to laugh, not wanting to cry again in front of everyone. But it was proving difficult. “But I still wanted to say goodbye. All of you were so kind to me. And I want you to know I’ll miss you so much.”

“Who did this?” Alejandro snapped, arms crossed. “I want a name.”

You lowered your gaze, visibly uncomfortable as you tried to find a way to explain all that had happened. But fortunately, Price was quick to come to your rescue.

“No questions,” he ordered. “We’ll talk later. König has a long journey ahead of him, so let’s not keep him too long.”

“I need to be with her," König added, trying to explain. "She needs someone to take care of her and keep her safe. And that is a job I will not take lightly. I hope you understand.”

“Of course,” Soap nodded, his expression solemn. He placed an affectionate hand on König’s shoulder as he bid his friend farewell. Their goodbye was unspoken. They didn’t need words to communicate just how much they cared for each other. But for you, he carefully took your hand in his. “Keep an eye on him for us, okay Mouse? I’m counting on you.”

“I will,” you said, eyes brimming at your honorary callsign. “I promise. I’ll miss you all, truly.”

“We’ll miss you too, mija,” Alejandro said, moving as if to stroke your hair. But he stopped, pulling back out of fear of somehow hurting you. “I look forward to when we meet again, but you must do what you must. We’ll be thinking of you both until we do.”

The rest of the team offered their well wishes before returning to the barracks one by one. And each goodbye was harder than the last. A small part of you desperately wished you could stay. The base had become a second home and König’s taskforce had become your family. But despite the new friends you had made there, you knew that unpleasant memories of Ghost would haunt those halls for a very long time. Him haunting your mind was already going to be enough to battle as you tried to recover. So, though it was hard to leave everyone behind, you knew it was ultimately the right choice for a while.

Finally, it was just you, König, and Price again. Price hugged you both, being careful not to crush you in the process. But you welcomed the embrace and hugged him back as best you could.

“Thank you for everything, John,” you began, choking up a bit. “Thank you both. If it hadn’t been for you…”

You trailed off, emotions trapping your words in your throat. But they didn’t need you to finish the sentence for them. They knew all too well how things could have ended back at the cabin. But they’d emerged victorious and you were safe again. To them, that was all that mattered. Price told you to be safe, that he would check in regularly while you were away. And König thanked him for his kindness and support.

König carefully returned you to your seat in your car as Price loaded your bags into the trunk. Once he’d fastened your seatbelt, König handed you one of his old t-shirts and a soft pair of joggers for you to change into when you felt ready. And after shaking hands with Price and giving him one more long hug, König hopped into the car and slowly drove off.

You watched as the base grew smaller and smaller in the rear view mirror. As it did, a tiny bit of renewed peace settled over you. You hoped that, on some level, the nightmarish event would also begin to fade as König drove off into the sunset. If that was even the slightest possibility, you never wanted the car to stop.

"Where are we going?" You asked, settling into your seat for the journey ahead.

König reached over, protectively placing his hand on your knee as he scanned the road ahead. "Somewhere I know you will be safe."

I know this story includes some pretty dark themes. But at the end of the day, I care more about the well-being of my readers than I do for hits or kudos. Period. I never want my writing to conjure up emotions or feelings that negatively impact you beyond the story. This story can be dark and uncomfortable at times. But it is always intended strictly for fun and fantasy. If at any point along the way it stops being a pleasurable experience, please please close this page and walk away. My stories are never worth your well-being, loves.

#konig call of duty #konig x reader #simon riley x konig x reader #simon riley x reader #call of duty smut #call of duty x reader #cod smut #ghost x reader #yhsiw #simon ghost riley x reader

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orthoceras · 5 months ago

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maybe we've both gone mad: a mauraeyk fanmix

Tracklist:

The Sanity Assassin - Bauhaus Salt - Eivør String Quartet No. 12, II. Lento - Antonín Dvořák Tiger Mountain Peasant Song - Fleet Foxes Lieder eines fahrenden Gesellen III. Ich hab' ein glühend Messer - Gustav Mahler Anamnesi - John Doe Verklärte Nacht I. Grave - Arnold Schoenberg Are mou rindineddha - L'Arpeggiata Stagno & Corpo celeste (ghost track) - Subsonica Grading Curve - Coral Bones Ein Heldenleben III. Des Heldenleben Gefährtin - Richard Strauss Lagune - Raffaello Simeoni Verklärte Nacht V. Adagio - Arnold Schoenberg No Words - Clan of Xymox I Come With Knives - IAMX Silent Hedges - Bauhaus Storm Comin' - The Wailin' Jennys Flood II - The Sisters of Mercy Shelter from the Storm - Bob Dylan Die Csárdásfürstin: "Weißt du es noch" - Emmerich Kálmán Last Exit For The Lost - Fields Of The Nephilim The Same Deep Water as You - The Cure 4 doppelchörige gesänge I. An die Sterne - Robert Schumann

Lyric excerpts under the cut:

The Sanity Assassin - Bauhaus

He whispers in your ear Was it nothing that you said He's walking in your sleep now He keeps your fat paranoia well fed

Salt - Eivør

Og sjógvurin tyngist Alt togar móti dýpinum Eg veit eg má fara Eg veit at eg kann - And the swells grow heavy, they all pull down into the deep, I know I must go, I know that I can.

Tiger Mountain Peasant Song - Fleet Foxes

Dear shadow alive and well How can the body die? You tell me everything Anything true Into town one morning I went Staggering through premonitions of my death I don't see anybody that dear to me

Lieder eines fahrenden Gesellen III. Ich hab' ein glühend Messer - Gustav Mahler

Wenn ich aus dem Traum auffahr’ Und höre klingen ihr silbern Lachen, O weh! O weh! Ich wollt’, ich läg’ auf der schwarzen Bahr’, Könnt’ nimmer die Augen aufmachen! - When I wake with a jolt from my dream And hear her silvery laugh, Alas! Alas! I wish I were lying on the black bier, And might never open my eyes again!

Anamnesi - John Doe

Che libero cantare Mi rende più assente Più savio di mente Più alcolico e più prepotente Più magro e maturo - How freeing to sing It makes me more distant More wise in mind More alcoholic and more overbearing More thin and mature

Are mou rindineddha - L'Arpeggiata

Are mou rindineddha Plea talassa se guaddhi Ce aputte ste' ce ftazzi M'utto kalo cero - Who knows, little swallow From where you've flown Which seas you've crossed To arrive with the fair weather

Stagno - Subsonica

Lo stagno pronto a specchiarmi È un abisso per me Che ricambia lo sguardo Che mi parla di te - The pond ready to reflect me Is an abyss for me That returns my gaze That tells me about you

Corpo celeste - Subsonica

E sono qui a immaginare anche per noi Un tempo sospeso Un frammento di eternità Quanto di te Per sempre a caso viaggerà Le curvature del tempo Ci attendono - And I'm here to imagine even for us A suspended time A fragment of eternity How much of you Will always travel at random The curves of time Wait for us

Grading Curve - Coral Bones

Oh I think I told, know I told Your ear too much ... I'm human only by composition, got blood in veins You live in a kingdom of dust and haunted seas Away from the valleys Adventures have started to fill up my windowsill Like fish in a barrel

Lagune - Raffaello Simeoni

Tu sei ciò che ho già E non ho mai avuto Ti addensi come il sale Mi prendi all'improvvisu Come lu entu dal mare - You're what I have already And have never had You gather like salt You capture me suddenly Like wind from the sea

No Words - Clan of Xymox

I saw how you looked at me I saw how you danced with her I saw it before I saw it before Right now, I guess you move

I Come With Knives - IAMX

Kinder und Sterne küssen und verlieren sich Greifen leise meine Hand und führen mich Die Traumgötter brachten mich in eine Landschaft Schmetterlinge flatterten durch meine Seele - Children and stars kiss and lose themselves Gently take my hand and guide me The dream gods brought me to a landscape Butterflies fluttered through my soul

Silent Hedges - Bauhaus

Following the silent hedges Needing some other kind of madness Looking into purple eyes Sadness at the corners Works of art with a minimum of steel

Storm Comin' - The Wailin' Jennys

Will you listen to that thunder roar And let your spirits soar When that love calls Open up your door

Flood II - The Sisters of Mercy

She says no no no no harm will come your way She says bring it on down, bring on the wave She says: nobody done no harm Grace of God and raise your arms She says: face it and it's a place to stay

Shelter from the Storm - Bob Dylan

Now there's a wall between us Something there's been lost I took too much for granted I got my signals crossed Just to think that it all began On an uneventful morn "Come in," she said, "I'll give ya Shelter from the storm"

Die Csárdásfürstin: "Weißt du es noch" - Emmerich Kálmán

Weißt du es noch? Weißt du es noch? War auch nur flüchtig der Traum, Schön war er doch! - Do you still remember? Do you still remember? Was that dream only fleeting? Yet it was beautiful!

Last Exit for the Lost - Fields Of The Nephilim

Between the spaces, along the wall Appearing faces that disappear at dawn We're getting closer, I can see the door Closer and closer

The Same Deep Water as You - The Cure

The strangest twist upon your lips But I don't see, and I don't feel But tightly hold up silently My hands, before my fading eyes And in my eyes your smile The very last thing before I go

4 doppelchörige gesänge I. An die Sterne - Robert Schumann

Sterne in des Himmels Ferne, bis mein Geist den Fittich hebt und zu eurem Frieden schwebt, hang' an euch mein Sehnen hoffend, glaubevoll! O, ihr holden, schönen, könnt ihr täuschen wohl? - Stars in the distant heavens, until my spirit takes wing and flies to your peace, I pin my longings on you, hoping, trusting. O you lovely, beautiful ones, is it possible for you to deceive me?

#1899 #1899 netflix #maura franklin #eyk larsen #mauraeyk #maura x eyk #shows up to the 1899 tag like 2 years late with starbucks #i'm still so normal about these two #I say this is a mauraeyk playlist but daniel is there too. on the periphery #tracks are arranged in order to generally follow their character + relationship development #also some lyric transcriptions and translations are mine - did my best but there's a decent chance there are errors #also yes this playlist is perhaps a bit long and has some genre whiplash. I am perhaps a bit insane. you're welcome

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germanpostwarmodern · 6 months ago

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A hundred years after his birth Dieter Stein (1924-2022) remains Würzburg’s most significant abstract artist although his name has largely been forgotten. In 1950 he was the first to present abstract paintings in his rather conservative hometown. During the 1950s and early 1960s Stein also gained recognition through his participation in numerous exhibitions of contemporary art in Germany and beyond: as part of the „Third International Art Exhibition“ his work „8/53“ travelled Japan in 1955, the double exhibition „Biennale 57. Jeune Peinture. Jeune Sculpture“ presented his painting „9/55“ and in July of 1964 his works were presented alongside those of Cy Twombly and Gotthard Graubner in Wiesbaden. By the time Stein had already left behind the firmly contoured shapes, the grids and lines that characterized his work of the 1950s. Instead, his paintings got darker, the compositions more crystalline, differentiated and multi-faceted. At the same time Stein widely stopped taking part in exhibitions and withdrew from the art market, a conscious step he took after reading the critiques of society and capitalism by the Frankfurt School.

Nevertheless, Stein remained a very active and well-connected artist, alas only in Würzburg. That the quality of work remained consistent and just like his earlier works awaits rediscovery demonstrates the current exhibition at Museum Kulturspeicher in Würzburg: up until February 2, 2025 „Dieter Stein. die Augen auswaschen“ offers the opportunity to explore the complete work of the artist. The same goes for the accompanying catalogue, published by Kerber Verlag, that offers those, like the author, who will not make it to the exhibition the same comprehensive overview of Stein’s work. Besides the obligatory illustrations it also includes three very insightful essays that follow the development of Stein’s oeuvre up until his very late works, situate his 1950s work in the context of German abstract art and trace his few but impressive wall paintings. Interestingly the catalogue also doesn’t leave out Stein’s figurative works on paper, a very different but intriguing body of work whose presentation rounds out this informative catalogue.

#dieter stein #abstract art #art book #art history #modern art #exhibition catalogue #kerber verlag

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killersfool · 2 years ago

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Special Guest | ROBERT KEATING

PAIRING: robert keating x original f!character

GENRE: strangers to lovers

SUMMARY: hina and her band are invited as special guests to inhaler’s show in germany

WORDS: 7.3k

WARNINGS: kissing, swearing, alcohol use

I clutch onto the handle of my suitcase, feeling it bump against my fingers as the wheels roll along. It's a boiling day. It's so stuffy within the airport and the pace of our steps really isn't helping. My other hand is clutching a cup of iced coffee from Starbucks. It's freezing cold and as I gulp it down, I start to feel a little bit cooler. Sweat lines my back and neck. I really need to get out of here.

Michael, the band's bassist, has decided to lob all of his things into a luggage trolley. I pile my suitcase and rucksack onto it. My arm needs to rest for a while. Especially since I'm going to be playing piano tonight. I need to make sure that my fingers are actually intact. Or else everything would probably go wrong.

"Where's the exit?" Sadie calls out. She's got her drumsticks out already. Eager. She's walking around in circles, glancing around corners, shifting through people. She stands out amongst the crowd of tourists. Her blue, braided hair shines under the glimmering lights above her. She's wearing a silk dress and fishnets, completely oblivious to the world around us. She doesn't seem to care. She's instead focused on trying to find the way out. If only airports were simpler. Us idiots can never understand what the bloody hell is going on. The fact we're in Germany in making it a lot worse. My German skills are almost nil.

"Hallo! Wo ist der Ausgang?" Michael is the only mildly intelligent one out of the band. He's got google translate on his phone and is talking to a random man.

"Es ist hinter dir. Hast du kein Augen?" The man seems to be rather pissed off.

"Danke!" Michael points to the sliding doors only metres ahead. Sadie had somehow looked in every direction except the right one. "Wasn't that hard was it?" Michael says.

"What would I do without you?" There's sarcasm dripping through each of Sadie's words. She shakes her head at the sight of the sliding doors.

We walk out of the airport. Michael's bass case gets trapped in the door. He groans frustratedly and uses all the strength he has to pull it out. We laugh at him. German families side-eye us.

"I want to see Bobby Skeetz already, " I say as we leave the airport. There's dozens of cars and taxis dropping off groups of people. "I'm still pissed at him."

"About what?" Eric, the lead guitarist, is clueless as always.

"About blocking me on Instagram, that's what. Just because I commented that his hair needed a wash or summat. I'm going to have a right word with that—"

"Hina —" Michael interupts me. I ignore his attempts.

"—complete total bellend-sucking rat." I grin to myself, downing my drink. The rest of the band are staring at me as if I've killed someone. Sadie's eyes are so wide I wonder if her eyeballs are going to fall out. Eric has a hand over his mouth. Michael is completely frozen in place which is rather unusual.

"Nice to meet you too."

I stop in my tracks. An Irish accent rises behind me. It's close. I can almost feel the words press against my sunburnt neck. I'm trying to mouth questions to my band mates, trying to ask them who it is that's standing behind me. If it's Bobby, I'm fucked. If it's Eli, we could probably laugh it off. If it's Ryan, he'll throw his drumsticks at me. If it's Josh, I'll jump off a cliff. All great options.

I pluck up some courage. Cautiously, my feet swivel around. Then my legs, then my torso, then my head. I take a thankful breath at the sight of dark, curly hair. This feeling deteriorates when right beside him, blue, piercing eyes are staring me down. Arms are crossed across his chest. Lips are pursed tightly shut. Messy hair has been blown in all directions due to the light, fluttering wind. Sunglasses are resting atop his head. I try to look anywhere else but him. He's taller than I'd expected, he looks down at me and I'm finding it very hard to escape those eyes. I stare at the sliding doors we'd just passed through. Eli is laughing to himself. Just as I had suspected.

Josh and Ryan are beside the two other boys. They're laughing as well. At least they're not taking it too seriously. I didn't mean it. I think.

I'm caught in the most awkward silence of my life. My lips have parted out of pure confusion. No one is saying anything. I don't know whether I feel stupid, embarrassed or proud. I just stay there, rooted to the ground like an oak tree, standing as tall as I possibly can.

"I was not expecting that," Eli tries to ease the tension rising in the air. I silently thank him through the motion of my eyes. Who knows how long we'd just be stand there if he hadn't have said anything?

"Well, shit. Hi," I say. For some reason I'm standing in front of the others. They've left me to fend for myself. I probably shouldn't have said that. I can never really control my mouth. I guess this is karma. "Nice to meet you too..."

Robert isn't speaking. I take a look at his clothes. He's got shorts on and a plain white tee with the words 'The Strokes' upon it. There's a hat atop his head which barely fits him and sort of hangs off his head. His long eyelashes flutter upwards and downwards as he traces his gaze towards me. He's still giving me a certain look. It's angered but it also seems as if he's trying to contain a smile.

"Sorry about that." I look at Robert.

"I'm very hurt." He feigns a look of sadness. He lowers his gaze to the ground, downturns his lips and shakes his head from side-to-side. "I can't believe you could ever say that."

"Oh shit-" Michael murmurs behind me. I kind of want to hit the three of them. They're not helping at all. God... is he joking or not? Elijah and the other lads seem to be taking it seriously. They're patting his back awkwardly.

"Where's the nearest exit?" Sadie's already planning an escape route. She's taken a few steps away from the group to look around at the airports different paths.

"Geez, Robert, I wasn't being serious-"

"Only joking, you tossers." He cuts me off with the biggest laugh I've ever heard. He finally breaks through the morose facade, revealing a toothy grin. His earrings glint as he tilts his head. The other members are having none of it. They all punch him playfully in the stomach. He groans. "Welcome to Berlin," Robert continues, raising his hands up in the air. My friends are still unsure about this whole situation. I am too. We start to stride down past the airport to a long stretch of streets.

"I really fucking hate you sometimes," Elijah says to the blue-eyed boy with an irritable sigh.

Robert grins. "Oh, I know you do." He then approaches me. "Did I actually block you?"

"Yeah, you did. I was heartbroken."

"Don't remember doing that." He snorts. The tension between us is starting to diminish. "Must've been drunk. Or played one too many rounds of bird bingo. Gets me angry, to be fair. Probably went on a blocking spree. Went through all my followers and eeny meeny miny moed them."

"Bird bingo?" I try not to make fun of him. It's proving to be a difficult task.

"Don't even try to disrespect it- I will actually burst into tears if you dare say a word against it. We'll show you at some point. It's life changing." He's stepping down a stone path, trying not to step on the cracks. It's the most Robert thing I've ever seen. "How's the new album going?"

I didn't expect him to ask that. By the cheeky smile upon his face, I was sure he was going to make some weird comment. "A lot worse than the first one."

"I'm sure it's class," he assures.

"It really isn't."

"I bet it is."

"It's not."

"Alright. It's shite then."

"Better."

Eli has somehow become our tour guide. We're following him now down the streets. "We've booked you a hotel down in Berlin. It's grand."

"Brill, thanks," Sadie says. She's been flirting with Josh for the past half hour. She'd been eyeing him up and down at the airport and is now making him laugh like crazy. They'd be a great couple. I watch them walk together. I just know that they'll be a thing by the end of this.

"Where are we actually going?" Michael, as usual, is the one asking the sensible questions. We've been following Eli like blind puppies. We could literally be walking into a trap. They could kidnap us right now and we would never have expected it.

"The tour bus," Eli explains. "It's green. If you see it, shout."

Michael and Eric are talking to Ryan. They're talking about all things music theory, tour, favourite songs. Just your typical musician conversations. Eli is at the front, navigating. He's spotted the green tour bus in the distance and is making sure we're all going the right way. It's helpful because none of us really have a sense of direction. Robert is walking with me for some reason. He's been a few steps in front of me for the whole time. It's probably because he's got longer legs. I think he's cute. Sure. I might have stumbled across some Twitter edits of him and daydreamed about him a few times. In person, he's just as pretty— prettier in fact. I feel annoyed at myself for making a fool of myself.

I watch the muscles in his back as he strolls before me. His shirt has stuck down due to the nightmarish temperature. I thank the sun for it's service. I don't think it gets any better than this.

We continue through the streets of Berlin: winding paths, brick graffiti-stained walls, little German cafes. I've been to Berlin only once before. It feels different this time. My brain has somehow warped and I can now appreciate the simplicity of each street. Maybe it's because I focus more on the world around me as a songwriter. Ice creams are melting, music is thrumming from little speakers where buskers are singing in German. I close my eyes, feel the heat dance across my skin.

"I'm sorry about earlier." I decide to break this weird oath of silence we've somehow agreed to.

"What, the bellend-sucking rat thing?" Robert says with distaste. He now turns to look at me. He raises a hand over his eyes to shield them from the sun. Silver rings adorn his slender fingers. He seems to be taking a long, hard thought about what to say next. "I forgive you. I mean, fair enough."

"What?!" I'm flabbergasted.

"I deserved it. Had it coming. I guess I've learnt my lesson to not block Hina Irvine." The way my name falls from his lips is so effortless, so smooth. Honey spilling onto a morning toast or yoghurt upon granola. It almost feels practiced. As if he's said it countless times before. I let the two words echo in my mind, dance through my skull.

"Good," I say, an afterthought. I'm glad it's settled. "Are you going to unblock me then?"

"Later. Phone's dead."

"That's what they all say."

"No, honestly. Eli drained the battery because he was calling his mam. They would not stop talking." He rolls his eyes.

"Why didn't he use his own phone?"

"He 'left' it in the bus." He moves his index and middle finger to make parenthesis. "Five minutes later, lo and behold, out appears the phone he'd supposedly 'left'. I don't know why I trust him. He's just got such a trustable face. God. I hate him."

"If any of my friends did that to me, there'd be consequences."

"I'm sure." He nods.

We follow Eli into the doors of the tour bus. It's pretty much a physical form of the band. Posters are scattered across the walls, stuck in by little silver pins. Their instruments are leaning against the two little green sofas sat in the corner. There's music playing on a bluetooth speaker. It's a song by 'The Strokes' which is perfectly matching Robert's shirt. There are a few cowboy hats sat on top of a coffee table. They've probably started accumulating them after each show.

"Ignore the hats." Josh is the first to address the mess. He picks up the hats and takes them away. He passes a green curtain to what I assume are the beds.

There's still one hat to spare which has the words 'Cheer up Baby' made with black glitter. It's bright pink with little frills across the sides. I plonk it onto my head without a second thought. I'm sure glitter has just splattered everywhere.

"Make yourself at home." Eli points over to the sofa. There are dark green pillows planted all over the place and a black blanket is draped across it. I glance at the polaroid pictures of each of the band mates that are pinned to the walls. There is one where Robert is half asleep on the ground. His hair is messy, his arms are across his chest as if he is a vampire. Each of the photos tell a story and they are all set out in chronological order. The oldest is from 2017. As I take my gaze to the first ones, I notice how much younger they all look.

The keyboardist, Louis, appears out of nowhere. He's been in the other room and is holding a cup of coffee. He greets all of us, compliments our music then begins talking to Eli.

I sit down. Ryan passes each of us a cup of orange juice. I accept it gratefully. I'm parched after being in the heat for so long. The tiny fan beside the coffee table is a welcome relief. I sigh as the cool air reaches my skin. I watch the ice cubes swim inside my cup, nudging them along with my straw.

Robert has sat down beside me. He's adding songs to the Spotify queue on Ryan's phone. He's been swiping through a playlist. I see one of our songs on it. His thumb hovers over the 'add to queue' button. I push it down onto the screen. He startles at my touch. I only realise how close I am when he turns around.

"Good song, right?" I joke. His hair has just swiped across my cheek. I try to ignore it just happened.

"Yeah..." He continues staring at the screen. It's almost as if he's scared to look at me.

"Who wants to drive?" Ryan asks.

Michael jumps up. "I will. I'll need some directions though."

"I'll co-pilot," Elijah offers. "I think I know where we're going."

The pair walk to the front of the bus. It starts moving. I drift from side-to-side as we turn corners. My head hits Robert's shouder more times I can even count on my fingers. He's still evading my gaze. He's pulled out his bass guitar and is playing through some of the songs. I watch his thin fingers dancing across the fretboard. He's got his eyes closed as he plays. I'm trying not to stare down at his hands or the muscles in his forearms. It's proving to be a very difficult task. His movements are so skillful. He makes it seem so easy.

Sadie somehow has a sixth sense which helps her detects where the nearest bottle alcohol is. Every party we've been to, every place we've performed at. She arises from the most random of places with a glass of wine or vodka. I remember one of our first gigs was in Edinburgh. There was a room backstage where we'd been left to get prepared. Michael had mentioned wanting some drinks. Sadie literally picked up a piece of the wooden floorboard to find a secret stash of whiskey. I never doubt her powers now.

She's pulled out a bottle of vodka which had been left behind the sofa. Fleetwood Mac is playing. She turns the music up and starts waving her hands in the air, already drinking shots. Eric never really know how to control her. Ryan and Josh entertained. They're bopping their heads to the music. I contemplate moving away from Robert. They're all having so much fun. Robert has gone quiet. He's still picking notes on the bass guitar.

"Hina? You want a shot?" Sadie shouts for me over the loud music. She pours some vodka into each of the boys' cups.

"Yeah, sure." I'm about to hold out my glass. Instead, I grab the bottle and take a swig. I instantly regret it. My features contort into a look of disgust. I can barely even feel my tongue. I hold it in place at the roof of my mouth to try to find any sensation. Nothing works.

Robert, now awoken from his trance, peels his head from the sofa. His eyes open until they're half-lidded. A little blue is visible under those long eyelashes. His head is tilted to the side as if he's questioning something. The bass guitar is still resting on his thighs.

"D'you want some?" I manage to say after staring at him for far too long.

His eyes fall from my face to my hands. He takes the bottle from me. His fingers brush softly over mine, all calloused yet delicate. He, similarly to me, takes a drink straight from the bottle. The others make some drunken noises of excitement. I don't even know if we'll be able to perform in this state. Sadie is standing on top of the coffee table, holding Josh's hands. Eric and Ryan are jokingly slow dancing together with cheesy smiles. Elijah has appeared and is on the phone to his mum yet again in the corner.

"We'll be at the venue in five minutes everybody!" Michael shouts down the bus.

Everyone begins to cheer. I lean against the sofa, now suddenly realising I'm sort of alone with Robert.His hands are behind his head and his eyes are closed again. He's humming along to the song that is playing. It's Love Story by Taylor Swift. Eric surely suggested it. He's obsessed with Taylor. Robert is sitting with both of his legs parted. Manspreading. I don't think he understands the effect he has on me. Especially on my intoxicated mind. I just want to crawl onto him and-

"Hina," he whispers, eyes still closed. I like the sound of my name from his mouth. It sounds like he's singing it. "When we perform tonight. Can I sing a song with you?" He looks at me. His hands are wrung together. One goes to play with his hair and his voice is hushed, nervous.

"Really? One of my songs?" I remark. I can't help but smile.

"No.. nevermind." He turns to face away from me. "Yes. Really." He says those words with more force. He leans forwards in a way of accentuating his point. "It'd be an honour."

"What do I get in return?" I challenge. He's getting closer by the second.He smells like blackberries and melted chocolate. It's a cozy scent. Inviting. I'm trying to figure out what's going on in his head. He's lost in his thought. Gears are cranking, mechanics are whirring. Until, he nods to himself as if an idea has appeared. A lightbulb has turned on. I hope he'll spit it out. Hopefully soon because the bus is going to stop any minute now.

"After the things you've said about me... I'm not sure if you deserve the incredible the thing I'm about to offer you. Like, not to burst my own bubble or anything but this is just- out of this world," he begins to ramble. I wonder if it's nervous dribble or if he's buying time because he doesn't want to say it. He leans away from me. His cheeks are a little flushed and his lips are parted the slightest bit.

"What is it, Rob?"

He takes another sip of the vodka before murmuring something incoherent.

"What was that?" I put a hand to my ear.

"A kiss!" He says it far too loud. Ryan gives us both a look, his eyebrows thread together in confusion.

I feel like we're teenagers again. "That's a shit offer." I glance down at his lips, they're pink and a little chapped. I then see how red his cheeks are now. His hair has fallen over his eyes. I ask myself whether he'd be a good kisser. Would he cup my face with his hand or grip my waist? Would he be delicate and soft or rough and practiced? My mind begins to wander to all kinds of places. I've got into a spiral of thoughts. Would he kiss me here on the sofa or press me against the wall of the bus? In the venue? At the hotel? In a bed..? I swallow. Breathe out.

"Well?" He runs his tongue over his lips, teeth appearing. He's trying to tease me, trying to make me nervous.

I bite down on my bottom lip. I try to find an answer in those angelic eyes. There's nothing. Singing with him would be great. He's got an amazing voice. Kissing him would be... well-

"Fine," I murmur.

"Now or later?" He points between us with a devilish smile.

I scoff. "Later. Don't get too excited. Which song do you want to sing?"

"Nightmare," he says. It's the title track of the album and my personal favourite. His harmonies will surely add more to the song, flesh it out all the more.

He's sat there, studying me as if he's a painter. Maybe he's asking myself the same questions I had been asking myself a few minutes ago. That's a strange thought.

"We're here!" Eli announces. Thank God. Saved by the bell. I take this as an excuse to run away from Robert. I meet with Sadie. She wraps her arm around me to steady herself as we step off the bus.

"Think you can still play drums?" I pass her the drumsticks she'd left on the sofa.

She rolls her eyes. "Yeah, of course. I'm not even that drunk." Her words are incredibly slurred.

"Doubt that."

"What's going on with you and Bobby?" She winks.

"Nothing."

"Hmm. Didn't look like nothing. I think he likes you. Josh said he wouldn't shut up about how great your songs are."

I blush. "Oh? That's..."

"Yeah."

It's still warm outside but there's a slight chill that strikes me. It's windy. It's nice. After being cooped up in the bus for so long, fresh air is a gift from the heavens. My hair blows away from my face and I breathe in.

We've reached the venue and parked at the back entrance. There's thankfully no fans around. They'd probably be scared of us, seeing how drunk we are. We walk over pebbled ground. Stars are glittering up above us. There are street lamps everywhere, illuminating everyone's faces.

I'm pretty sober compared to the others. I make fun of them as they stumble around like total idiots. It's my favourite pastime when touring with the likes of Sadie Green. They're all unloading their instruments from the bus, carrying them on their backs. As the keyboardist and singer, I don't have to take anything. They already have a piano in the venue and microphones. Louis has his own keyboard and synth stuff. I feel a little out of place with everyone else.

A crash sounds. The backstage door opens. We all turn at the exact same time. There's an old man with hair like a storm cloud who waves at us. "Willkommen! Welcome! I'm Albert. Come in, my friends!" His strong German accent catches me off guard. "You're just in time. The crowd is getting loud."

"Hi!" Eli shakes Albert's hand.

We follow Eli into the building. It's has a pale, beige exterior with moss growing against some of the upstairs windows. Robert walks in before me and holds open the door. He's staring right at my lips. Not even being subtle. I kick his shin once I've got inside. He makes a mouse-like squeak.

"What was that for?" He trying to act serious but he's most definitely holding in a laugh. He softly kicks the back of my leg once I've passed.

I ignore him and continue down some stairs into a dressing room. Eric, Michael and Sadie are already getting their stuff ready.

"You four are on in ten minutes, we've already set up everything for you on stage." Albert steps into the doorway. He looks like the type of guy to wear a monocle. His pocketwatch is in his hand. He gives each of a bag of German sweets. "I must say, I am a fan."

"Thank you," Eric says as he rips open his bag and begins munching.

I put my bag into my blazer pocket. I drop the cowboy hat down onto the floor, forgetting I even had it on. I sit down in front of the mirror and begin to do my makeup. Eyeliner, mascara, lipstick, eyeshadow. The speed of my movements is impalpable. I never knew my hands could move this quickly. By the time I'm finished doing my dark blue eyeshadow, the Inhaler boys come to the door.

"Good luck. You're gonna smash it," Josh says. Sadie jumps towards him and pecks his cheek. There's a lipstick stain left there once she pulls away. He cups his hand over his face with a nervous smile.

The other boys all wish us luck as we begin to file out of the room. Eli gives us all fist bumps, Louis gives us hi-fives. Ryan, Josh and Robert just wave us off. I'm the last to leave the room. I pick up my water bottle then pass all the instrument cases to get to the door. I give Eli a fist bump and I'm about to give Louis a hi-five when Robert grabs my arm. My gaze falls down to the hand on my bare skin. His fingertips are warm and soft. He just whispers into my ear, "Be prepared for the unexpected."

"What?" My nose scrunches out of confusion. I didn't think he'd be sending some random quotes in my direction.

"Hina! Hurry up!" Eric shouts from upstairs.

I just shake my head and keep walking. Now, I'm worried. Is he going to do something when he comes onto stage? Something stupid? Am I going to regret agreeing to this dumb deal? I just continue forward. I need to focus on what I'm about to be playing, how I'm going to cope multitude of people just down the hallway.

We reach the wings of the stage. Sadie is the first to go on. The crowd erupt into a frenzy at the sight of her. I glance around the corner to see dozens of smiling faces. The majority of people are hidden under the cloak of darkness. But, the ones at the front are coloured blue by the lighting above us. The crowd looks endless from here. There's a knot forming in my stomach as Eric and Michael follow Sadie onto the stage. They plug in their instruments to the amps laid out. I finally step onto the stage. The crowd screams all the more. I wave as I place my water bottle beside the mic stand. There are little golden stars painted all over the floor of the stage. I step onto one, deciding that it's going to make me lucky. This is all going to be great. Definitely.

I sit down at the piano. I press my foot onto the peddle. Sadie begins playing. The beats of the drum crashing through the air sound perfect. There's not even a single sign that she's drunk at all. This is probably the best I've ever heard her play. We play through two songs from the album. The crowd recognise them and they sing along at the top of their lungs. They're punching their arms into the air, filming us, laughing as Eric cracks his signature jokes.

By the end of the second song, I'm sweaty and pretty out of breath. I don't know how Inhaler cope with the amount of songs they do. I already feel like I'm on the verge of passing out.

I take a sip of my water. I turn to the side to see all of the Inhaler boys in the wings. They're holding their thumbs up. They had been singing along to both of the songs.

"I'm going to have a special guest for this song-"

At that, Robert decides it is his cue to run onto the stage. He doesn't even let me finish a sentence. The crowd begins chanting: 'Bobby Skeetz. Bobby Skeetz.' I laugh awkwardly into the mic. Robert sits beside me at the piano, wrapping a lazy arm around my waist. My head bumps into his side. The other band members are all mouthing words to eachother.

"Hello," Robert whispers into the mic. The crowd go silent. He's changed into some flared jeans and a white button down shirt. There's a silver chain around his neck, sitting just above his collarbones. It's weird to see him on stage without his bass guitar. It doesn't really feel right. More people have pulled up their phones to film this strange interaction. "This will be the duet of a lifetime." His hand is still at my waist, fingers lazily moving around my lower back. I drop my head upon his bare shoulder, closing my eyes at the feeling of his cooler skin.

"Are we sharing a mic then?" I whisper into his ear as Michael starts playing the bass riff. Some people at the front of the crowd instantly figure out the song. They're jumping around like lunatics.

"Is that really a bad thing?" He smirks.

"Fuck off."

"You're stuck with me now, darling." His fingers traipse up the length of my spine.

"I could stage dive right now."

"You wouldn't."

"I would."

The introduction finishes. I start to play chords on the piano. Robert sings the first line. He sounds like a fucking angel. He waves his hands along with the audience. They're loving this. No one is singing. They're all listening to his voice. I'm in some kind of trance. I can barely even remember the words. Words that I literally wrote myself. He's driving me crazy.

I near the microphone. My head brushes against his. He doesn't want to move. He's still holding onto me. I sing along with him. He starts to harmonise and I almost melt on the spot. He's looking at me with those eyes. He's smiling, freckled cheeks tinged pink. His nose bumps against mine once we get to the chorus. I swear I hear someone below us scream. There's a little beard growing that I hadn't noticed before. Little spots of acne are on his jawline. I'm using all the strength I have in myself to not kiss him right now.

As we sing the next verse, for the whole time, he just rests his head on top of mine. Strands of his hair are drifting over my forehead. He harmonises every other line. Each word is spoken softly as if he's speaking to me. It's like the crowd isn't there, or the band, or anyone. It's just me and him and the piano.

His mouth reaches my ear again. I shiver as his lips brush across the lobe. "I want to kiss you so much," he says, breathless.

"Don't." I feel a warmth in my lower stomach. I point to the crowd. They look like they're waiting for something.

"I know." He removes his hand from my back, moves away. He's using all the strength he has to not kiss me right now. He grins at the crowd. The song draws to a close. Michael plays the bass riff for a final time.

Shouts reverberate throughout the room. Robert puts his hands up and down as if he's worshipping me. I smile. He laughs. The crowd are loving it. Eric and Michael are still extremely confused but they also seem pleased. We walk towards the wings after bowing. I have a bouquet of flowers in my hands. It had been thrown in my direction by a fan.

"After our set..." Robert is at my ear again. He's panting like a dog after a walk. "Meet me in my dressing room. For, you know, bird bingo of course."

"Yeah, yeah. Course." I leave him to get prepared for their performance.

"That was bloody awesome!" Ryan gives Robert a pat on the back before they walk on the stage. "We fucked up not making you the lead singer."

Eli snatches a drumstick from Ryan's hand. He holds it centimetres from his friends face. "Don't make me do this!"

"Chill out, Eli. I'm just better." Robert crosses his arms over his chest.

Eli just scoffs. "You tell yourself that, mate." He pauses. "But, honestly, you two sing so well together."

They all go onto the stage and start playing. I'll admit this, I have seen them on stage before. I went to one of their concerts about a month ago in Dublin. We had been touring up and down the UK and somehow ended up in Ireland. I kept it a secret from my band mates that I was going to watch Inhaler. I needed some time to myself. It gets tiring being with the same people for such a long period of time. That was one of the best nights of my life. The music, the atmosphere, the band. It was brilliant. I don't think any of them remember me being there, thank God. Sadie still thinks I disappeared that night because I'd met a fit Irish actor in a pub.

I sit down on the ground, taking a massive gulp of water. My friends are all breathing heavily. I always enjoy the feeling after the show. I always have the best sleep. I'm so tired. I can barely process any thoughts. A comfortable silence dances between us. We're all drinking and laughing.

"Should we just hire Robert at this point? The chemistry you two had was- can't even describe it." Michael is leaning against the wall, his long legs are sprawled across the dusty floorboards.

"I thought you two were going to start making out or something," Eric admits. "Sexual tension was off the charts."

"Stop." I laugh to myself.

Sadie hasn't spoken. She's too focused on Josh. Her eyes are gliding across his whole frame. She gasps everytime he plays a solo.

"You too as well. Get a room. I swear to God." Eric has had enough of us. He really can't take us seriously. "I mean, fair enough. They're pretty hot."

"Exactly!" Sadie seems to be thankful of where she's seated. A front row view of Josh. Robert has been looking at me for this whole time. He's making that unbothered face. Each time that he sings into the mic, I can't stop myself from looking at his lips. I can't stop thinking about how they'll feel against mine.

Robert's dressing room is a mess. His bass case has just been left on the floor. There are picks everywhere. His jacket is on the chair, his cologne is also on the floor. I glance into his open bag. There are a few records inside. He must've bought them recently because they've still got plastic seals on them. I pull them out carefully. One is 'Bleach'. I love Nirvana. I slide my fingertips over the plastic. I contemplate strealing it. I replace the record then pull out the other. It's our record. I'm in the centre of the picture with the others staring at the camera beside me. I hold it to my chest, trying not to smile too widely. I then place it back as if I'd never even seen it.

I lie down on the cold, hard ground. It's so quiet down here. They must've finished playing. My eyes fall shut. I want to fall asleep. My mind then goes to Robert. I'm in a daydream. We're both walking through a field. He's holding my hand, pointing out the birds up above us. I'm trying to focus on the words leaving his mouth but in the harsh light of the sun, he looks perfect. I'm just about to lean it to-

"Hey, Hina." The door opens. My eyes first land on long legs that seem to go on forever, then a belt, then a sweaty shirt and a sweaty face. The thin material sticks to his chest. He closes the door behind him. "What you doing down there?"

"I don't know. I'm tired."

He wipes a hand over his face. "Same."

He sits down beside me then falls back, resting his head on the floor next to me. I roll my head over to see his side profile. Perfect nose, perfect lips, perfect jaw. His hair has gone wet from all of the sweat and he's tried to move it out of his face. I'm sure he can feel me staring because he starts to smile.

"It's nice down here." He's staring at the ceiling. Our hands are so close together. I hold onto his thumb. His fingers twitch at the sudden touch.

"How was the show?" I ask him. He's still not looking at me.

His fingers intertwine with mine. "Good. I couldn't stop thinking about something though."

Now, he looks at me. His eyes run from my chin to my lips to then they meet my gaze. I don't think a guy has ever made me this nervous. I don't know why we're still on the floor. I kind of like it though.

"We don't have to... if you don't want to." I press a hand to his cheek, moving any stray hairs from his face. His skin is so warm. I want to keep my hand there forever.

"I want to," I say. I start to close the gap between us. He parts his lips when I'm just about to meet them.

"Wait." He turns away from me. I press my forehead to his ear, pepper a few kisses along his jaw. He's going red. I love it. "You were at that show, weren't you? The one in Dublin."

"No I wasn't." I grin as I nibble on his earlobe. "Must've been someone else."

He sighs as I start to kiss along his throat. I keep it delicate. I run my hand though his hair, feel each strand fall between my fingers. "Yes, you were. Near the front. You had that dark green cowboy hat. You knew all the lyrics to every song. I remember seeing you and thinking: 'I know who she is'. For the whole show, I was trying to figure out who on Earth you were. Well, now I know."

"Don't tell the others. It's a secret, okay?" I now hold my face just above his.

He places his hands carefully at the back of head. He rubs up and down the nape of my neck. "Okay."

He brushes his lips across mine, teasing me. I close my eyes as our mouths crash together. There's passion in the way he kisses. I imagined him to kiss slowly, softly but instead he's kissing me as if the world is crumbling around us. He's rough yet the movement of his hands across my skin are gentle. He tastes of coffee. His tongue drifts into my mouth, searching, tasting.

I grab fistfuls of his hair, pulling a few pieces. He groans into my mouth. I found his weak spot. I smile into the kiss.

I pull away from him. He raises an eyebrow at the movement. I then clamber on top of him, my legs wrapping over his sides. He puts both of his hands onto my hips to hold me upright. He looks up at me. He's exasperated. I think he's trying to formulate some snarky comment but all he can do is stare at me.

I lean down to kiss him again. He starts playing with my hair, kissing along my collarbones. He sucks and bites every now and then. I play with the chain at his neck, my other hand nearing the top button of his shirt. I tilt my head up to allow him better access. He licks along the base of my throat.

"I thought you said one kiss," I mutter. He's surely painted my skin with a whole load of lovebites.

He just shuts me up by kissing me once again. This time is more passionate that the last. He's bring down softly on my lips, tongue still looking around my mouth. My body is pressed flush against his. He loosely wraps his fingers around my neck, thumbs running up and down. I grind my hips against him. He grunts. "Hina..." He looks up at me. He's now bright red. He's still got his hands around my neck.

I hook my fingers to get under his shirt, slide my hands under the fabric. He leans his head further against the floor as I lean down to press my lips to his lower abs. My fingertips feel every part, as if I'm sculpting a God. His body is too good to be true. I start to suck down on his skin. He's sighing and breathing heavily. He holds onto the back of head for dear life. I start to unbutton his shirt. He puts his hands underneath my shirt as I do, cautiously sliding upwards. Once I've undone every button, I lick a stripe from his lower abs to the centre of his chest. I'm driving him insane. He keeps muttering words under his breath.

"Do you regret blocking me on Instagram now?" I move away from his torso to admire my work. There are at least ten lovebites on his skin, all scattered around his body. He pulls his body upwards to allow me to take of his shirt. I then throw it off to the side.

"Maybe." His hands are cupping my boobs over my bra. He just lets them stay there for a while.

I run my fingertips over the muscles in his back. His shoulder blades shift around. I fall on top of him. We're both tired out of our minds.

"I want to— you know. But, I'm so tired," he admits. "I don't think we'll enjoy it that much."

I glance down at his jeans. I could feel how hard he was. "I could..."

"It's fine," he whispers. He pulls me down against his bare chest. He starts to fiddle with the little braids scattered through my hair. "I just want you here. Hina, you're fucking perfect."

"Says you." I still can't get over how good of a kisser he is.

"I want to stay here forever." He presses his lips to my forehead.

I take a deep breath. Kiss him again. Now, he kisses me slowly. I drift back down to his chest and listen to each pounding beat of his heart until I'm lulled into a deep sleep.

#robert keating #bobbyskeetz #inhaler #inhaler band #inhaler oneshots #inhaler imagines #elijah hewson #ryan mcmahon #josh jenkinson #bobby skeetz #fanfiction #inhaler fanfic #— el’s fics

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utilitycaster · 6 months ago

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I wasn’t around the fandom back in C2, but I know some people didn’t like that the Nein kind of ignored the war and didn’t follow that thread Matt laid out. Was this a widespread enough critique of the campaign to where it would possibly be influencing the players to follow Matt’s premise and threads more here, despite playing ill suited characters? Not looking for this as justification for this campaign's problems, to be clear, just kind of reaching for an explanation for the timidity here. I feel like I’m watching players be too polite to say "actually, we just really don't care if the gods are here or not" but not wanting to harsh Matt's story concept.

Hi anon,

This is a good question, and I think the answer is ultimately "I don't know", but I do want to take you through my thought process which I hope is helpful. The short answer is, however, that while this is interesting to speculate on (this is a good post doing so) I don't ultimately need to know. External factors can influence a work, clearly, but I think that needs to be taken on a case-by-case basis and in this case, an explanation for the timidity doesn't really address that I don't care for it.

Firstly: I think the fandom's influence on player choices is probably overstated. I think that fan influence was something of a concern in Campaign 1, when the fandom was much smaller, the cast was much more hands-on, and, for example, for a lot of the earlier episodes the chat was literally on the YouTube videos so if they went to rewatch their own work they'd see that. Matt used to drop into the Reddit. People who were fans in 2015 and early 2016 would email or DM cast or crew and get direct messages. That's really no longer the case, and hasn't been for a very long time.

I can't speak to the fandom at large's feelings on the war plot in Campaign 2 while it was actually airing. I have seen it brought up a lot by Campaign 2 detractors after the fact, but I don't do Reddit or Twitter and during Campaign 2 I didn't really go into the main tag much until fairly late. Personally, I feel a lot of people lean on the "they didn't follow the war plot" only because Matt revealed in the wrap-up that he had something planned for the Augen Trust, but there was absolutely no way for the cast to know it. Additionally, I think my feeling about this is "their avoidance was a very clear decision that was true to their characters." When the party first leaves Zadash, it is specifically because they are low-level and explicitly want to get out of town before the war leads to heightened security. Nott is at the time a goblin and not treated as a citizen of the Empire. Molly, Yasha, Fjord, and Jester aren't imperial citizens either. Beau hates authority, and Caleb has extremely good reasons (having just seen Trent) to get as far away from anything relating to the Empire's government. After their mission to Shady Creek run, they are grieving and decide to go someplace where a few of them feel at home, and also pursue the note from Avantika they found. They avoid the war because it makes perfect sense for that group of characters to do; and then they eventually go to Xhorhas and see the war from the other perspective! They don't even avoid it; they just engage in a way that is very different from how Matt originally envisioned, and is, again, very true to their characters (Nott wanting to save Yeza; Caleb wanting to avoid imprisonment and being willing to hand over the beacon to do so). The Mighty Nein very much followed available plot hooks at every turn; they might have been different plot hooks than some people wanted, but they were very much making choices based on who they were as characters at each juncture.

I also think that the characters leaning into "we don't really care" early on would have actually been a great move and one Matt could adapt to. I think that might have actually led to him trying to, for example, encourage a focus on either "Predathos is an existential threat that is leading Ludinus to commit multiple atrocities, and killing him will still leave the temptation intact for another Ludinus to arise"; or "well, how about we give you time to explore your own pasts and your own homes and get perspectives from the common people of Exandria and then decide from a humanist perspective". The problem isn't that they may or may not release Predathos or may or may not destroy the gods; it's that their motivations are at best either solipsistic or barely existent and so it's hard to care about anything because the party feels dragged along by a plot they don't care about. They're not even choosing the plot actively; they're just sort of shuffling slowly forward through it.

Now, here's my opinion: I think that even if the fandom were critical of Campaign 2 (and while some people are, it is openly and widely beloved, and I think the cast are familiar with the idea that you cannot make everyone happy), I don't think listening to the fandom is necessarily correct. I think that, in fact, listening too much to the fandom and trying to please whoever is loudest or most unpleasant or threatening or flattering or worse still, multiple of these groups, will nearly always make your art weak.

There's choices where I think the context of said choice is important: I'm a little softer now on the party not having time to mourn FCG in-game than I was at the time because I can understand feeling really bad about and uncomfortable with, essentially, holding a memorial for a character played by your friend currently in cancer treatment. I understand why it happened. I do not blame the cast for making that choice. I do think, however, it does make a weaker story. I would not walk up to Matt Mercer and say "this sucked and you shouldn't have done this" but just because there's a good external reason doesn't mean it was necessarily executed well in game. This may sound cold to some. I don't particularly care; I'm writing this about how criticism from random strangers means very little to me.

I feel very strongly that you should not play to your haters. This comes up a lot when we talk about the misogynistic death threats that Marisha received, and for what it's worth I think Marisha has at all times handled this well and any criticism I have of her characters isn't related to her being overly timid. I really do, as a woman myself, understand that one's safety is paramount, and I would never demand an artist put themselves at risk (though many choose to, and often that work is excellent). But *Dessa Fire Drills voice* that's not, in my opinion, a way to live. It's a delicate and exhausting balance but avoiding making bold moves because the worst fucking guy on the internet will call you a slur is letting him win and he'll call you the slur anyway.

Maybe this isn't a great way to be, and I was not born this way so much as found it through some rough experiences when I was younger, but if someone's never going to be happy with you, or even if their idea of what is acceptable is so vanishingly narrow that you will have to fold yourself up to fit into it, don't you want to 1. focus then on making yourself happy and 2. not worry about pissing them off and indeed maybe even court it a little so long as it doesn't conflict with what you would want if they were out of the picture?

So I don't want to say there's no explanation ever that will make me feel a little more understanding; but "this work isn't great because of external factors beyond the creators' control" doesn't fix the fact that the work isn't great. It's not their fault in that case! But like...you know the college myth of "if your roommate dies you get straight As for the semester"? It's untrue there and it's untrue here. I will be more sympathetic to the artist; but the art still isn't good and I'm not going to pretend like it is.

#long post #answered #anonymous #cr tag

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