#Bsd.u

[the-slow-but-make-it-fandom]

⚠️‼️Terror Playlists Approaching‼️⚠️

A continuation of the 8-songs-per-character thing I did a little while back (Link here!) with the same premise: songs were picked because I think a modern-day iteration of the character might listen to them, and because the songs are about the character in some fashion.

I made sure each individual playlist didn't have any repeat artists, but a lot of characters share an artist or two if I wanted to emphasize a connection between them, (EXCEPT for silna's first song that one was just too perfect to not add okay) so keep an eye out for that! This goes for the previous set of playlists as well.

New playlists below the cut!

A Bad Pun | Fitzjames "Are you wearing the-" "The Boots Fitzboots? Yeah, I am."

Guericke's Unicorn - Beirut

This Must Be the Place (Naive Melody) - Talking Heads

Sunburnt Through the Glass - PREP

6am - Fitz and The Tantrums

Back Pocket - Vulfpeck

Sunday - The Cranberries

Sea Gets Hotter - Durand Jones & The Indications

Selfless, Cold and Composed - Ben Folds Five

Not Made Of That | Hodgson When Dave K said Hodge loves a diva he meant Bayonetta, obviously

Falling Behind - Laufey

eScape - Masayoshi Soken

Futile Devices - Sufjan Stevens

Snake Eater - Cynthia Harrell

I'm Not A Mountain - Sarah Kinsley

Fly Me to the Moon (∞ Climax Mix) - Melody Sentai Harmonyranger (but its the real bayonetta version in my heart)

The Place Where He Inserted the Blade - Black Country

I Really Want to Stay at Your House - Rosa Walton

Our Own Choices | Gibson 6ft and bottoming.. this is the type of greed they talk about in the bible

Flower - Liz Phair

BURN THE WITCH - PVRIS

Sympathy is a knife - Charli xcx

Billions - Caroline Polachek

baglaens - Lowly

Bones - Crumb

Kill Bill - SZA

Monument - Röyksopp

Take Our Chances | Armitage sol really was texing tommy like "omggg ur gonna hate meeee"

I Got Heaven - Mannequin Pussy

You Probably Couldn't See For The Lights But You Were Staring Straight At Me - Arctic Monkeys

Ride on shooting star - the pillows

My Trigger - Miike Snow

Philip the Engineer - JR JR

Marine Layer - Pocket Hole

Take It or Leave It - Cage The Elephant

Figure It Out - Queen Cult

Even Now | Goodsir I will never get over JFJ's drawing of goodsir's weak chin like get his ass

Affirmation - George Benson

Take Ten - Paul Desmond

Cool Out - Leroy Hutson

Sonora - Ryo Fukui

Frontline - Butcher Brown

Maybe Tomorrow - Grant Green

Music is mine - Nujabes

And Then - James Tillman

Even If I Could | Silna Silna made friends with ONE guy and the worlds worst boyband fucking ATE him

Vision One - Röyksopp

Shelter - Porter Robinson

You Can Say Hi - Soia

ataataga - Riit

Head of the Lake - Leanne Betasamosake Simpson

Bebop - [bsd.u]

Luv(sic.) pt3 (feat. Shing02) - Nujabes

Solitude - re:plus

Dead, and Gone | The Terror (2018) Their asses are NOT "𝒶𝓁𝓁 𝓌𝑒𝓁𝓁"‼️

The Last Ship - Sting

The Switch and the Spur - The Raconteurs

Black Smoke Rising - Greta Van Fleet

Back Stabbin' Betty - Cage The Elephant

Vultures - John Mayer

Sea Gets Hotter - Durand Jones & The Indications

Spinning - Zero 7

Approximately 906 Miles - Harrison Fjord

[saturntheday]

music tag game!!

thank you for the tag @onthewaytosomewhere! <3

rules: put your music library on shuffle, then list the first five songs that come up in a poll to let people vote for which one they like the most! 🎶

im not sure which of yall have done this already so if i tagged you and you've already done this feel free to simply just vote :D

no pressure-tagging @getmehighonmagic @luainthewild @firenati0n @appletaterghoul @softboynick @henrysfox @mossy-fae @almightaylor @coffeelovinggayidiot @perezzakhartaylor and open-tagging anyone who wants to play!

[fayevalentine122]

Found my love for Cowboy Bebop through this…

Memories… ⭐️💖

[neckshallow]

Hood classic

[melon-colli]

Can you be nostalgic for a app? SoundCloud makes me really nostalgic. Obligatory "I FUCKING HATE ALL STREAMING SERVICES I AM NOT SHILLING FOR ANY OF THEM" sign, but SoundCloud was the first one I picked up around like 12 or 11. Sure, I couldn't really access any big artists music 9 times out of 10 cause you had to have premium, but after using a Spotify APK for years, it has more official music sure but I associate SoundCloud more with vibes.

Maybe it's because SoundCloud is also associated with the whole "SoundCloud rap" era (xxxtentacion, trippe red)also where I had my indie music phase at (fox academy, Richie woods) and it's also where I listened to lofi/vaporware when it was first coming up around 2017ish (e e v e e, datfootdive, bsd.u) .

My APK broke a while back so I've been revisiting SoundCloud and everytime I do it brings me back to middle and high school especially and also reminds me of some songs by small artists I used to listen to constantly but now can't remember the name of.

Again, I don't like streaming and I'm looking into buying a mp3 player for that exact reason (I encourage you to download or buy the music you like, actually own your music and listen to it in a way that cannot be taken from you or interrupted via ads), but SoundCloud just reminds me of certain points in my life and the music I listen to during them.

[misophorism]

Captain's Log #4.5

I just wrote a Captain's Log, but I wanted to knock out another one, kinda a sequel. As I'm writing this, I'm again feeling what I described yesterday—the realness of it all; feeling reality as it's intended to be experienced.

Maybe this hurts my Serious Gothic Author aesthetic but I spent some time on Tinder today, and it made me think about the last time I was romantically involved with anyone in this state. It was my last relationship, which ended in 2018 (also mentioned in the last one).

I'm not sure I really have much to say about it that I haven't said already, but thinking about that brought me back to being a teenager. Waking up every morning at 5 am, sitting in my bedroom freestyling to the walls over bsd.u's late night bumps, then watching the sunrise and desperately wishing I had someone to watch it with.

I'm a hopeless romantic. Go figure. You wouldn't get that impression from The Misophorism Trilogy, to be sure. A Sallow Fortune... well, probably. Same with The Suicide and The Scythe.

I love romance, and I love connection, but I also hate it. If anyone reading this followed my old blog or read any of the Captain's Logs you're probably aware that the central tension in my life from late 2020 to now has been the conflict of vulnerability vs. connection—solitude or commiseration.

I've found that I'm much happier in solitude. The Serious Gothic Author part of me won out in the end; my ideal is a cabin in the woods, snow-caressed, a pen in my hand as I write and write, never speaking a word until I give up the ghost.

...but wouldn't it be nice to hold hands once in a while?

Wouldn't it be nice to be told I'm handsome by someone who actually means it?

Wouldn't it be nice to feel desired?

Wouldn't it be nice to make someone else feel desired? To give them gifts? To share my passions to someone who listens to every word? To hear their joys, share it with them, and withstand this awful existence together?

It certainly would.

And then comes the problem. With all of these potentials comes their ends, and it always happens. There will never be a point where agony does not eventually follow. I fuck up, and am left. I do nothing wrong, and am left. It's an inevitable truth.

My last relationship was awful. I mentioned in the previous Captain's Log that I was diagnosed with PTSD following it. One of my triggers was being ghosted. I don't mean just being ignored for a day or two, though that was certainly painful—I mean complete and total cessation of contact.

I tried reconnecting with people over the years after that relationship. Time and time again, it failed. Didn't get much farther than a third date. Sometimes, it wasn't agonizing, just disappointing. A few times potential partners knew my PTSD triggers and trampled all over them willfully—obviously this was mental torture. And the last person is someone I still think about now and again.

She was beautiful. Every time I talked to her, I laughed. She made me blush—I'm black. How the fuck do you make a black person blush? I don't know, but she did it, red cheeks visible. We talked on the phone for hours and hours almost every day for months. I have a distinct memory of staying up until two or three A.M. in the extended stay hotel, laughing so loud I probably pissed off my neighbors, but I didn't care. It was the first time in years I actually started to fall in love.

We went on a date in downtown Richmond. It began with a picnic. Even after talking on the phone for two months, no FaceTime, it was not awkward in the slightest, at least from my perspective. I was still a bit guarded because I'm a cynical asshole, but it quickly melted away and I asked if I could kiss her. She covered her mouth, grinned, and said yes. I ended up kissing her like seven times.

We walked through the rainy streets, talking about her courses, the locals, and where she was from. She was a student at Virginia Commonwealth University, thus we went into their cafeteria and sat down across from each other, talking for a long while. I wanted so badly to kiss her again in there; so much of me wanted to be all over her, but not in a sexual way. I just wanted to kiss her over and over.

Eventually we parted ways. I got home, over the moon. Called Gavin, one of my best friends. As we talked I texted her, and she told me she wasn't pursuing a relationship because commitment scared her.

Obviously I was devastated, but tried to be understanding, asking if we could still be friends and if I could still call her pretty. She said, "Of course, and I can still call you handsome."

You've guessed it. That was the last thing she ever said to me. The next month, I texted her once a day for the first week, then once every other day, then once in a while, and then not at all, eventually sending her a Captain's Log and leaving her alone forever. But that month was probably the worst my PTSD has ever been. Constant nightmares, couldn't sleep. Anxiety all the time. Abyssal despair.

My PTSD did not develop from ghosting—not sure if that's even possible. It developed from being pressured (inadvertently, I think) into sex, screamed at constantly, belittled, ridiculed to my friends, schemed against, and having my trust constantly broken through lies and manipulation. Ghosting was part of that manipulation, and it brought me right back to Winter 2017/2018. Every day felt like that awful December. Didn't help that this happened in winter, too (2021/2022).

I spent so many hours in that extended stay just trying to stave off the constant, agonizing despair gnawing at my psyche. Playing Sims for no particular reason. Staring at the wall. Trying to write. Wanting to hang myself. The nadir was a fight with my mom when she told me, in the middle of my suicidal depression, to "act like an adult." I cussed her out for the first time in my life, little Adam's rage bubbling to the surface, and she tried to put her hand around my throat. I pushed her violently and she nearly fell, I stormed out the room. The night before I had written a suicide note and wandered outside, trying to will myself onto the road.

I'm doing a lot better now, but you (whoever I'm talking to—the wall, I guess) have an idea why I'm so avoidant nowadays. That's a lot of power for someone to have over me. Just cutting contact—something so easy for some people—is enough to plunge me into depression, despair, and anhedonia so severe that I'm drifting through twenty-degree wind hoping a car is driving fast enough to kill me upon impact.

...so why risk it?

Romance would feel amazing with this newfound "real" feeling I have.

But maybe the despair would feel even worse.

[lisablack000]

Amanita Muscaria

Amanita muscaria, commonly known as the fly agaric or fly amanita, is a basidiomycete mushroom, one of many in the genus Amanita. It is also a muscimol mushroom. 🍄 Some animals also use Amanita muscaria for recreational purposes. I have observed squirrels in Wisconsin guarding over a cache of these mushrooms up in a tree. It has also been reported that reindeer (caribou) in the northern climates also seek out and eat Amanita muscaria for their euphoric effects 🍄 Gold Panda - Reprise 🌜⭐🐺 (bsd.u Edit) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6dRvJCU0EBQ 🍄

Amanita Muscaria

[taxi-davis]

[ bsd.u ] - bsd.u type beat (Extended)