#swishers

[goaskangel]

older boyfriend!simon headcannons (slightly toxic)

older boyfriend!simon expects you to open the door for him every friday night. he comes with flowers of course, your preferred candy of the week too. he’ll scruff off his work shoes and hug you with one arm as he kisses the top of your head.

older boyfriend!simon who’s tired as hell after a long week and doesn’t say anything until he’s taken his freezing fucking showers in your bathroom. washing off grime from the earlier work day so he can get back to you all clean and tidy. he likes using some of your fancy scrubs so he can get a little feel of what it’s like to be all soft and smooth like you. especially likes how the fruity scent lingers. 

he’ll yawn as he gets back to you at the couch, tossing the towel on the back before melting right onto you. you wince at his damp skin and slowly warm up to him, stroking his wet blonde hair, twirling at the greys of his roots. he’ll groan at the shitty reality tv and turn his head to the other side, closing his eyes and yawning away to his sleep. 

older boyfriend!simon doesn’t realize how deep of a sleeper he is because how on earth did you get up with his heavy body laying atop yours on the couch without him getting up? he scratches his head and rubs the sleep off his eyes as the morning sun warms his face. he gets up to stretch and finds you scrubbing away at his printed mask at the kitchen sink. walking behind you, he slips his hands under your thin shirt and rests them on the curve of your hips. he squeezes the fat and drops his face to kiss and lick at your neck. sloppy and sleepy pecks below your ear. 

you ring his mask out, “yeah, good morning to you too, si.” 

he ignores your sarcasm and slides his hands on yours, “reckon it’s time for somethin’ to eat, yeah? know a spot not to fa’h that you’ll adore.” you comply. you’ve had no groceries and didn’t wanna cook something anyway, plus you know he wouldn’t let you pay for anything. 

older boyfriend!simon makes you put something more decent on. he got such a pretty little thing, he can’t just show her off so easily! you both compromise on his hoodie (it’s been at your pace for so long that it’s practically shrunken down to your size) and shorts. he’ll stand behind you to the right with his arm around you on the sidewalk (he follows the sidewalk rule without even knowing it, he thought it was just basically common sense.) 

he knows the staff and orders his usual, suggesting you try it. the waitress there calls you both darlin and love, squeezes her server book when simon holds your hand across the table a little too tight. he likes having you beside him but sometimes you’ll sit across, he likes the way you chub your mouth full when you’re hungry, grinning at the taste. he’ll make you try something new off his plate, feeding you with his fork and wiping a crumb off your lower lip as you nod with a oh yeah that’s good. 

he knows not to make a scene over paying the bill, it’s his natural language of care/ the last time you tried letting him know you could also pay it, he just gave you this dirty look. god forbid you feel a little guilty because he’ll stop you with a “don’t even start, love.” 

older boyfriend!simon wouldn’t call himself toxic, he wouldn’t call himself anything. so what if he likes the fact you’re not too close with anyone? if you’ve only got a few girlfriends to hang out with, he gets all the precious time with you in the end. he likes how you’re always free, anytime he calls you’re already out the door. it’s either you're bored at home or you’re finishing up your shift, he’ll pick you up and treat you. 

maybe you rely on him a little too much. simon never forgets his kiss before showering so what the hell could you have done to upset him? he’ll leave knick knacks like candy or a book you’ll like just around instead of handing it to you to see your reaction, does he just not care anymore? it’s just his way of being petty, even at his old age. 

he’s not big on solo trips. what if something happens? you’re all he’s got and so what if something goes wrong, the only close person you’ve got around is him. it wouldn’t look too good if the police had to ask a man twice her age where his lady went, now is it? it’s better if he looks after you. 

older boyfriend!simon is big on routine, he wouldn’t call it controlling. it’s just unspoken: don’t cancel friday night, nothing too scandalous unless he picks it, and definitely no declining his calls. its good for both of you, he swears it. the weekend’s where you both can wind down, he can’t have certain men playing cheap games around you, and he doesn’t see a reason you can’t accept his calls. he knows your routine and he barely does anyway. 

you like his little rules too. you don’t admit it but his guidance makes you wet like nothing else. he can tell—he can always tell. when he’s got his fingertips grazing your mound before sliding his hand under your panties, the way your cunt drools when he talks about why he doesn’t do this too often, “don’t wan’ you gettin’ too used to it, birdie. i know you can only take so much.” his gruff words make you twitch and you swear if he went on a little longer, you’d come. 

it’s anything he says mixed with the accent, if public humiliation weren’t a thing, you’d drop your panties any time he’d try to correct you. 

when you confront him about not kissing you, not touching you like he normally does, that you'd rather have him raise his voice at you, he tells you, “ain’t raisin’ my voice. you’ll know when i’m bitter, love.” his arms crossed with a smile tugging a little at his lips–what were you even upset about?

or when it’s late at night and he’s damn tired but you can’t help yourself. you’re rubbing up on him like a minx, he sighs and slides his hand to your ass, “don’t start thinkin’ you can get away with that pout every time. s’gonna stop workin’ one of these days.” you know it won’t. 

older boyfriend!simon makes sure to take care of you so you can take care of him. The best way to make sure he stays steady is to make you feel safe enough to soften. he despises when you ask for his help, he thinks of it more as since you look after everyone else so much, thought it was my turn, yeah? more like his purpose to have this quiet authority over you. 

masterlist

[yellowbugifs]

You really know nothing of your mermaid mythology, do you? - Probably about as much as you know about people mythology, I think.

[dailygingerheads]

JOANNA GARCIA SWISHER. She Knows Magazine.

[lomagiffing]

COMMISSION! in the source link, you’ll find FIVE HUNDRED gifs of the actor JOANNA SWISHER GARCIA in SWEET MAGNOLIAS (SEASON 4). all gifs were made by me from scratch, therefore i’d appreciate if they are not edited, redistributed, added to other gif hunts or claimed as someone elses. if you enjoy or plan on using them, please like or reblog the post. if you enjoy my work, please consider buying me a coffee!

[fanzines]

Just found out comedian / actress Michelle Buteau made zines in her youth! Listen to her full interview with journalist Kara Swisher here. “I was seven or eight and I lived in a cul-de-sac in [New] Jersey and instead of just drawing I made a little magazine, because I found the stapler and thought “oh, I can put it together!”. “I decided to make a bunch of magazines and called it ‘Head Over Heels’. It had a severed head in a shoe (I was very literal). I would write stories about all the happenings on the cul-de-sac; “so-and-so’s dog pooped” and “so-and-so’s doing their pool over” and I would put it in everyone’s mailbox." “I just remember thinking “this is so fun... I was like “I’m going to bring everyone together and this is going to be really fun and I get to be artistic.” "At one point the neighbours asked my parents for me to stop putting stuff in their mailbox.” [laughs]

[starberry22]

Name a better duo 🌬️🍃

[drawfee-quot3s]

when we hit two million subscribers i'll wrestle a sheep

- jacob

[kat-the-sapphic-barber]

Alison Bechdel's greatest gift to humanity was Lois' haircut between early and modern DTWOF

[baseballmomlesbiandad]

messy lesbian day!!! aka ultimatum queer love season 2 just dropped

[macrolit]

"Twitter, stupidly renamed X, has mutated into a platform where the richest man in the world offers his retweet support to racist, sexist, and homophobic conspiracies." - Kara Swisher, Burn Book Read my short review of Burn Book at my mlbooks IG.

[reusedtvseriescostumes]

This green dress with colors lefs on is worn on JoAnna Garcia Swisher as Cheyenne Hart-Montgomery in Reba (2001) and later worn again on Mischa BartonMarissa Cooper in The OC (2003)

Credit: cinemaspells

[ronantwins]

On empathy for the people around you.

Gabe by Sky McCreery / @mothercain on tumblr / Once my brother stole my wallet and then helped me search for it by Kate Swisher / Tell Me Why, 01×03 Inheritance

[generic-whumperz]

You can catch me in the candle isle, picking the scents that remind me of the ocs

[dreamcatchercall]

SIGMA!!!