#But I can definitely take what I had from the develop phase— all those b/w sketches— and build on those

[softservesoymilk]

Viscomm is FINISHED‼️ 🗣️🗣️🔥🗣️🔥🔥😭😭😭😭

[sincerelybubbles]

Hi, could I please have a A,G,H,K for Shinsou and a B,R for Ashido? Sorry if that's a lot lol! Only just found your blog but its great!

sorry this took so long!! thanks for the compliment love :) everything’s under the cut bc it got a tad long. i didn’t know if you wanted platonic or romantic for R for mina, so i did both <3

Hitoshi Shinsou

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Shinsou isn’t a super affectionate guy typically

He definitely isn’t into PDA

He’s not super touchy, but he does tend to stand closer to you then he needs to, just so that you know he’s there

While he won’t reach out and grab your hand, if you reach out for his he won’t let go. He doesn’t mind small things like that, just don’t expect him to initiate it and don’t take it too far. He doesn’t want you to hang off of him, but he does like just simply holding your hand

When you’re hanging out with a smaller group of friends, he tends to relax and appreciate some affection more, so he’ll wrap his arm around you or reach for your hand first

One hundred percent the type of guy to only use his phone with one hand so that his other can be around your shoulders or waist

He doesn’t see any reason to kiss you in public, so he doesn’t. The most he’ll do around others is kiss your forehead.

Alone? He’ll kiss you as much as you want

If it’s just the two of you, Shinsou becomes a cuddle-bug. He prefers playing video games with you beside him, either laying on his shoulder, with your head in his lap, or letting him lay against you

He likes the reassurance that you’re there without having to say anything.

And if you play with his hair? He’s out, he will fall asleep so quickly

Something I whole-heartedly believe? Shinsou likes to dance but only alone w u

I’m talking cheesy slow dancing

But also dance parties where he can just watch you relax and let-loose and pull you close if he wants

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

THE absolute gentlest

Physically, he never does anything that could even possibly hurt you

Because of the kids bullying him when he was little for being a villain, Shinsou has spent a lot of time making sure that he’s not ever rough with people, and that extended into your relationship completely

If he needs to get past you, he does the cute little hand-at-the-small-of-your-back thing where he gently nudges you out of the way

He gently tugs your wrist when he wants your attention

And even in the heat of a fight against a villain (if you fight with him) he’s oh-so-aware of where you are at all times so he can protect you and ensure that nothing happens to you.

Emotionally, he can be distant at times

He’s a great listener and gives the best advice

But, he really isn’t so great at the sharing thing

He wants to open up to you, but doesn’t quite know how

He tries his hardest to be gentle with your feelings and how you’re coping, but will sometimes harden up if you try and approach how he’s feeling

He apologizes if he snaps when you try and talk to him about specific things, he really doesn’t mean to hurt your feelings by being so distant with his own feelings, he just doesn’t know how to talk about them without them consuming him

After a while of bottling things up, he eventually breaks down and tells you everything

And keeps you up all night doing it, oops

But after that final wall is broken down, it’s slightly easier to get him to talk and he feels a bit more comfortable opening up

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

He likes hugs more then he would ever admit 

Shinsou craves your hugs, but doesn’t really know how to initiate them

It doesn’t take too much time for you to realize that he likes your hugs a lot though

When you hug him, he always leans into them and holds you tight, pressing his face into the curve of your neck

His hugs are warm, tight, and lingering 

And when you pull away he always kisses your forehead, without fail

He won’t reject a hug from you if it’s in public, but it’ll be shorter then normal and he’ll pull away first, kissing you briefly before turning away with a slight blush

It’s not that he’s embarrassed to be with you, he just likes the fat that you’re his and your relationship is something he’d rather be private and kept between you two 

Alone? His hugs can last for several minutes

He doesn’t like to talk while he hugs you, but rather sits there and closes his eyes and relaxes

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Shinsou loves kissing

And he’s really good at it

i mean,,,,

He is so gentle at first, taking his time and making you melt before suddenly flipping the switch and leaving you breathless

And he holds you so close while you kiss, his hand on your hip to keep you close, his other hand holding your cheek

He tastes faintly of peppermint and coffee

He loves kissing your forehead or nose, he likes the way you scrunch your nose when he lands a peck just on the tip of it 

Tired Shinsou requires many kisses and you tease him for being sloppy with them, half of the time not even landing on your mouth but slightly below on your chin before he readjusts and kisses you properly 

He absolutely melts when you kiss his collarbones or the corner of his mouth

But, to be fair, this boy just loves your kisses so much that he’ll take them anywhere you wish to give them 

He’s not really a tease when it comes to kissing, he’d rather use his time making you both happy with the kiss rather then leave you both wanting for more 

Even when he has plenty of time, he keeps the teasing to a minimum, favoring kissing you fully and relishing in how he leaves you breathless, trying to avoid keying you into the fact that he’s just as affected

Mina Ashido

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Mina would one hundred percent approach you first 

She thinks you look cool and wants to talk to you

Even if you’re shy, she wouldn’t be phased, talking enough for the both of you to fill the silence 

And if you match her outgoing energy? Even better

Mina prefers close friendships rather then just people she hangs out with, so she’ll make an actual effort to get to know you

Mina tends to invite herself over to your house or dorm at the beginning of your friendship, but as it develops it’s not even a question if you two will hang out all night on a weekend night. You just do

Mina is the type of protective friend who will absolutely fight for you

She’s a good listener, as long as you treat her the same 

She’s all about supporting you, but wants the same behavior in return 

Also, the crackhead friend

Can and will text you at three am

“Why have there been no recent sightings of the Loch Ness Monster? Do you think he’s okay?”

“Mina, it’s 2:34 in the morning. Go to bed.”

Tends to pick up things for you from the store casually just because she knows you’ll appreciate it and won’t accept excessive “thank you”s for it. She got you the sweater because she knew it’s look cute on you, so put it on and look cute, no need to say thank you

There’s always a fifty fifty chance that she’ll disappear for a few hours and then call you saying that she’s four hours away, lost, but has the best story to tell you about this one guy. . .

Also drags you along on her adventures whenever she can 

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?) 

Platonic:

The road trip the two of you took on a whim along roller coaster road

You actually came to her and said you wanted to go, so you packed the car within an hour and set off 

Mina made a playlist and you drove and had the wonderful idea to pack the car with blankets so it was cozy

It was just the two of you and you talked for hours 

She loves this memory because it was the first time she really felt that you two were connecting and getting to know each other 

You guys had had sleepovers before, of course, but those were packed with expectations, this was free, spontaneous, and she felt like she could tell you anything and you would just understand

And after that? You two were indubitably best friends, closer then ever before 

Romantic

Definitely your first date 

You looked so cute and nervous waiting for her to show up, and the endless compliments within the first five minutes were absolutely adorable 

You were so sweet and, luckily, loosened up quite quickly into the date, making it so much more fun with easy banter 

She’ll never forget how surprised she was that she was there with you and it was going well

It wasn’t awkward after the first few minutes and she knew that she wouldn’t rather be anywhere else

You made her feel comfortable, accepted, heard, and happy 

She can’t remember a night where she smiled or laughed more

She spent the night after in her bed, chest feeling light and a smile on her face that she couldn’t loose, not that she was trying

[everydayanth]

Question re: cultural appropriation: I am Vampirically WhiteTM (I combust/evaporate if exposed to sunlight over 5 seconds), but I sometimes do *all* my hair in tiny, uneven plaits that don't hug my scalp. Answers on various forums seem to only distinguish between big/sparse braids & Black hairstyles, so there isn't a nuanced answer for, "This style isn't Cornrows but I *do* use all my hair." [1/2]

The intention *isn't* to cuddle up as closely to traditionally African styles as possible, but rather so I can take the braids out 3 days later to poof up like a lion/Princess Merida. Humans are a braiding, weaving species, I really do like doing this thing, & I'm not always of the mindset that just b/c something *might* be problematic, I should just bend to my anxieties/White Guilt. Am I still sending the wrong message with my style? [2/2]

Honestly, I have to start by saying I’m a white female, so the action/consequence of this process holds no harm over me and therefore my answer cannot speak for the people (black, specifically women) being potentially appropriated. I can only speak of my own development and understanding of appropriating black culture, specifically with hair.

I grew up in a “black neighborhood” (a problematic concept in itself) and in school, we sat in a train-line of girls during read-aloud and braided each others’ hair. I learned to braid black hair by 2nd grade. We were kids, we saw the differences in our phenotypic traits, but we adapted and didn’t mind much. One time a friend tried oiling my hair and it did not end well, lol, I was a greasy mop the whole day. Braiding was culturally relevant to us as friends, but also to me as an individual: my mom would braid my hair on her good days. In the summer, she would put my hair in many tiny loose braids, similar to what you described, not cornrows, but small braids because it was hot and we didn’t have ac and it was an easy solution. We were judged accordingly based on uniform and size and I distinctly remember the day I learned about the use of a long pinky nail, lol. I didn’t think about it much until I got to high school, then college and studied social science and talked to POC friends there and really began to understand the problems. 

It’s not the act of wearing your hair in a particular style, we humans learn from each other, we copy, we reproduce, we recreate, and we do it for decoration and efficiency or usefulness. Every culture plays with hair and braids and for every example of appropriation, someone has a counter example perceived to be “their ancestors” or some sort of genetic heritage (”I’m 1/32 Native”) giving them rights to partake in a specific kind of decoration or practice. But that’s not the issue. The issue is that when black people, specifically black women, wear their hair in braids, they are treated disrespectfully by our society, while when white people, specifically women, wear locs or braids, they are often rewarded for being worldly or exotic or interesting. 

There is not a common consensus; “black people” are not made of a uniform opinion, and whether something is problematic or offensive varies from one person to another. Appropriation, however, is a little easier to spot because it comes with a reward to some but with a punishment to the people who owned, initiated, or historically created or utilized a thing in the same way.

Black hair and hairstyles have been historically degraded, and its easy to think we live in a better world, but when Kim Kardashian wears “boxer braids” it becomes a trend, while Sasha Obama’s braids were criticized or attributed to past trends rather than her own rich ancestry. When Zendaya shows up in beautiful dreads and dressed to the nines, she is met with racist remarks, while Christina Aguilera’s were considered an “urban” phase.

Appropriation comes from capitalizing off something that isn’t yours, or that you can remove from your identity should the oppressor challenge you (thus why “white-passing” is often part of the conversation). Actively fighting against it means educating yourself on histories of oppression and abuse, modern social perspectives of white privilege, and what we do with all those pieces. 

Black girls are sent home from school or suspended all the time for wearing their hair naturally, in traditional styles, or in styles like weaves that make black hair easier to manage in a non-African climate. Loose braids worn by black girls are still condemned in schools today, while white girls back from Jamaica go unpunished and their braids and beads remain a symbol of money, experience, and privilege. Black men, as well as black LGBTQ+ individuals, are also judged harshly by different (often white-dominated) groups for their own styles and are definitely part of the conversation. 

Understanding the role of hair in culture and seeing the ongoing inequality is the most important thing we can do. Ideally, someday, we live in a world where we can all do what we want so long as it doesn’t harm another person, but we do not live there, and BIPOC are much more subjected to policing of their images, bodies, and especially hair than white people. 

Hair dressers learn white hair by default, not both, most kids never learn about different hair textures or the evolutionary purpose for the differences, they simply learn that one majority group can do whatever they like without negative reinforcement, while the other must adhere to strict rules to emulate the look of the majority with chemicals, expensive tools, and treatments, or be mocked, judged, degraded, and not able to participate in society without fear or ridicule of their personhood, their bodies, their natural selves, as well as the potential loss of job security, violence, or harsher social punishments, like ostracization, being jailed, or murdered by police without consequence. How a majority identifies an “other” has historically included hair texture and style as well as skin color.

Personally, I think intent matters. I don’t braid my hair anymore as a public style. Sure, I braid clumps of it while watching TV or hanging out around the house if I want something of a uniform wave (my mom has type 3 and my dad has type 2 and I got a franken-head of both lol), but I don’t wear many braids as a style out in public. Wearing braids as a young kid made me look like the girls in my class, it connected me to the people around me, and I was subjected to judgement by the black moms based on quality (at least those who spoke up, again, I was a child). I was blending, but when I got to high school, I realized that wearing braids brought an attention with it - oh, you’re interesting, or pretentious, but for my POC friends, employers made them remove braids. They heard condescending things like “your hair is too ghetto” while I began to hear that I was the “ghetto friend, wow so cool and cultured and street smart.” It was always insulting, but one is shittier (you know which one) because it is only condescending, and seeks to erase culture and judges based on racist biases.

If we normalize black hairstyles through popular trends, that seems like a good thing, right? But if white people are the ones normalizing it, then the agency of black people has been taken away from the black communities and restored through a white-savior complex. Not free will or choice, but through the appropriation of their own culture which then replaces the act of demonstrating culture (like wearing braids) as an act of the oppressor mocking and being praised. 

I know or plenty of white girls who wore braids or dreads or black hairstyles as a counter-culture identifier, in the way of popular artists and celebrities, but also activists and stoners appropriating Rastafarian culture. This makes black culture a counter-culture instead of an aspect of American culture or black culture within America that is respected and valued inherently. It otherizes, fetishizes, and tokenizes black culture, takes advantage of the current racist system and white privilege/bias, and gains an aesthetic. That is an intent to appropriate for social gains, and it’s all over the music industry and Hollywood. 

At the end of the day, I don’t think my opinion here can matter, I’m not harmed by your action. Braids are braids and I have a... not-normal history of exposure and love of black hair that most white girls don’t, but even then, I had to grow and listen and understand the nuances of my environment and the society around it. Is it different wearing styles in the middle of nowhere with no social interactions vs. posting on social media or interacting in society? Yeah, I think it is.

So I suppose the sum of the parts is:

Are you benefitting socially from wearing your hair this way? If so, then yeah, that’s sucky for the BIPOC people being pushed down for doing the same and is harmful appropriation. How you measure that seems to depend on intent, so the bias of wanting to keep doing something you like has to be accounted for. 

Is your intent to fit an aesthetic? If so, yeah, definitely a problem. 

Reflect on why you like doing this, what is it you gain or feel or imbibe or get out of the experience in the first place? I’d say at the end of the day, know the history of oppression that exists in America and around the world. Being aware and able to identify appropriation in media, pop culture, and everyday life, as well as the history of it, allows you to be an ally.

And finally, do you listen to what people are saying?

If/when people say things about your hair, understand that you are a social exception to the style and address it. I do think there is a responsibility to engage in these conversations when we ride the line of these grey areas, like when culture is shared with us, to what extent we participate and own it is 100% dependent on that relationship. Be willing to hear black people if they say it is uncomfortable, listen to what they mean, have a conversation about it and be willing to let go of a thing you want if that is the feedback you get.

I think a lot of appropriation comes from the denial of history and the ignorance of oppression. If Kim K made a statement that said “these aren’t boxer braids, they are cornrows, worn by African American women for centuries, mocked and ridiculed by white culture, but have been an efficient way to manage African textured hair in the new climate environment of the Americas when forced here as slaves. Many were forcibly shaven, but for those who were allowed to express themselves in small subtle ways as slaves, through jim crow, and even today, the decoration and design of cornrows was and is incredibly meaningful.” That’s a different conversation about appropriation, that’s using privilege and platform without placating or denying the experiences of others to educate and address appropriation, rather than solely profiting off the attention and claiming to create a “trend.” Black hair is beautiful and should be appreciated and allowed to be as bold or big as an individual wants it to be. 

Hair is one of the coolest, most useful phenotypic traits of thermoregulation in humans/primates, and science still has a few questions yet to research regarding the evolution of different textures and colors. Your own hair texture can change over time, as you grow, especially in women, depending on hormones, especially through pregnancy, nutrition, and chemical treatments like chemotherapy, as well as genetics, and even environmental changes in water hardness, haircare routine and treatment materials. 

With slavery, migrations, immigrations, and other historic and contemporary movements of humans comes the issues of adaption and change to fit the new environment, fighting forced assimilation, colonization, denial of cultural expression, and active racism. We need to be able to talk about these aspects of race in society and listen if and when people say what we are doing is harmful. I think the most important thing to do is educate ourselves on the purpose, history, and meaning of a thing, particularly if we are gaining positive attention from it while others suffer for it. Talk to people of color around you who are willing to offer an opinion, and listen to them. Research the history and speak up when you see the double standard in practice. 

My line is here: if I can find evidence of a POC being criticized for a style (and it’s not my natural hair), I’m not going to wear that style in public or on social media, but I am going to praise it, and criticize those racist comments degrading or demeaning it, I will champion it and demand schools do away with discriminating hair policies, and ask my library to spend money on children’s books about black hair, and do the work of finding black people voicing their opinions, or having a vulnerable and authentic conversation with a friend, then listen and make a judgement from there. If the consensus is that the style is harmful and you continue to wear it, then yeah I’d say that’s a pretty bad message that says: I just don’t care, I want to do this so I will. 

This follows a moral judgement for me: if you love someone and they tell you a thing you do is actively harming them and show you evidence of the harm (as in: it’s not just annoying, but actually harmful to them), but you continue to participate in the thing, that’s not love. I can’t fully picture the specific style, and I don’t know your intent or if/how you gain from the style, so I’m having a hard time forming a full opinion. Is this a style that has been addressed by black communities as harmful? Is it a few different styles put together? Are you in a diverse place, are you criticized for the look, is it even a look to you? 

Personally, I’d say it rides too close to the line for my own comfort and I wouldn’t be wearing a multi-braid style in public (as in more than two, I rock the french-braid pigtails while hiking because its easier to find ticks), but again, I’m not someone who would be being harmed by it. I often try to resist judgement of strangers’ hair unless I know them and their background or platform, because I don’t know their culture, ancestry, or heritage, so I don’t hold others in society to the same standard as myself.

I’d love to hear other peoples’, particularly POC, opinions and experiences with hair and appropriation. 

If there are a few un-uniform braids, is it different than many uniform loose braids, what about compared to cornrows, where is your personal line? Is it different from your social line? How would you judge or hold people accountable in society?

P.s. Thanks for asking and trying to learn more about the potential social impact you are having. I think that’s a great step toward a more equal world that can appreciate culture without taking advantage of others. It sounds like you’re trying to do your research to learn more about whether your action is having a negative consequence, and I appreciate you taking the time to be vulnerable and research and question yourself. I think that also has to be rewarded.

[himbowelsh]

valentine's day with Eugene Jackson or Henry Jones, pls ♡

valentines day alphabet  ( accepting! )

yo what’s up can you hear me screaminggggg i had no idea how to do this!!  they’re both such minor characters, but i went with jackson because i’d already written a few headcanons on him already.  hope this is okay, love!!

A   :   AFFECTION.   how does your muse show affection?

Physical affection all the way, baby  ---  Jackson’s the kind of guy who doesn’t think twice about it. He loves touching as much as he loves being touched   ---  a hand on someone’s arm or clutching their shoulder is a great way to let them know that they aren’t alone. (It helps that he’s a hugger.) When he really cares for someone, he’s prone to teasing them as well  ---  always in good humor, but his sharp-witted jokes underscore a deep affection.

B   :   BOUQUET.   does your muse like flowers? which ones are their favourite?

Lol nah. His mama was passionate about her flower garden, and Eugene was basically forbidden to go near it when he was little (being the type of kid who caused carnage without even trying). He’s developed a natural distaste for flowers ever since. Not a fan of bouquets at all, and tries to avoid them.

C   :   CHOCOLATE.   does your muse like chocolate? which one is their favourite?

All chocolate is good chocolate  ---  which is why he should just be given all the chocolate.

D   :   DATE.   what is your muse’s ideal date? where / who with / etc?

He’d love something daredevil-ey, like jetskiiing or parasailing; even an amusement park date, as long as his partner’s willing to ride all the giant coasters. He craves that shot of adrenaline, but also to see how his partner reacts under intense circumstances. Nothing’s sexier than steel nerves.

E   :   EMBRACE.   does your muse like hugs? what are their hugs like?

I’ll reiterate  ---   Jackson is a hugger, and he’s not ashamed of it. Part of it comes from growing up in a big family, when sometimes in the winters you just had to dogpile each other to stay warm. He loves being held, but especially loves getting to hold someone else; just feeling another body presses against his summons a tranquility within him that’s not often seen. His hugs tend to last a few seconds   ---  and god forbid he sits down to hold someone, because then he’s in it for the long haul. Half-assed snuggling? Not here, no sir.

F   :   FLIRT.   is your muse good at flirting? how do they flirt?

Lots of winking; he’s got an arsenal of pick-up lines, ranging from really corny to really dirty, and he’ll whip them out according to his mood. No champion flirt, but he gets points for trying. Also very liberal with buying people drinks, so that helps.

G   :   GIFT.   is your muse good at gift - giving or do they struggle to get it right?

No! He’s horrible at it! The absolute worst! Which isn’t to say he doesn’t try, but he’s not intuitive when it comes to what the people in his life want...  so if he tries to get them something, it’s always exactly the wrong thing.  His mother doesn’t need a new potholder, she already has five! What does his sister need a geometry textbook for, she finished school last year! Just go with gift cards, buddy, it’s your safest option.

H   :   HEART.   is your muse quick or slow to give their heart away?

Jackson rushes into everything, and falling in love is no exception. As soon as someone strikes his heartstrings, he’s all in. However, it’s harder than you’d think to get to that point; he’s not easily moved emotionally, so for someone to capture his heart they’d really have to make an impression.

I    :   I LOVE YOU.   does your muse find ‘i love you’ easy or hard to say?

It’s not something he really gives much thought to. His partner would probably have to say it first   ---  it’d give him pause for a moment, just enough to stop and realize, “oh, that’s pretty cool”, followed by, “huh, should I have said that first?”  immediately succeeded by “ah, what the hell, I’m saying it now”. Once that barrier’s been crossed in a relationship, he says it enthusiastically and often. 

J   :   JEALOUSY.   does your muse get jealous in a relationship?

Extremely.  He’s not ashamed of it, either  ---  in a relationship, a fella’s got certain rights, and those rights include not seeing some other guy cozying up to his partner. Jackson will make a scene about it, and if they choose not to take the hint, isn’t above throwing a punch. While his partner might be a little embarrassed, he doesn’t have any shame

K   :   KISS.   is your muse a good kisser? why / why not?

He uses a lot of tongue. Like...  occasionally too much tongue. He’s a biter, too, bit is more careful with that, and it works to his advantage. When he takes his partner’s lip into his mouth, allowing his teeth to bare down on the skin just enough to get them moaning, he means business. Loves to have his hands on his partner’s ass while kissing, feeling it up like a prize ham at the fair. Definitely a grinder; even though he gets ahead of himself quickly, his kisses are a whirlwind, definitely worth the price of admission.

L   :   LOVE.   who does your muse love?

He’s a bit of a Momma’s Boy, even if he won’t admit it   ---   she’s always got prize place in his heart, and the last thing Jackson would want to do is hurt her. (Unfortunately, impulsive sons have a talent for hurting their mothers.) He’s very fond of his siblings, had a few teachers in elementary school that he’ll still sing the praises of today, and is very, very attached to his buddies.

M   :   MOONLIGHT.   is morning or night a more romantic setting?

Midnight is where it’s at. At least, that’s when he’s always in the mood, every night, without fail. “Romantic” is one word for it.

N   :   NAUGHTY.   what is your muse like in bed?

He’s got so much energy, man. Where does he get it? Where does he keep it all? Where does it go as soon as the deed’s done, and he’s passing out in minutes? Jackson’s a very physical lover; he likes it rough, just because he loves grabbing his partner and keeping his hands on them for as long as possible. Nails on his skin? Hell yes. Doing it in weird places  ---  somewhere they could be discovered easily? Sign him up. He’s got a thing for flexible partners, plus partners who use teeth. Leaves love marks like they’re going out of fashion. If he hasn’t completely worn his partner out by the end, leaving them too exhausted and satisfied to sit upright, something went wrong.

O   :   ODE.   does your muse have a way with words?

Definitely not. He’s plainspoken, quite blunt, and couldn’t string together a poem if you paid him  ---  but he always says what he means. When something’s on his mind, Jackson’s the type to just blurt it out.

P   :   PARTNER.   what does your muse look for in a partner? looks / personality?

Jackson wants someone entertaining, someone not afraid to have fun; a down-to-earth person who’s not afraid of a challenge. Super competitive people are a kink for him. Someone with a tough side. They have to have a good sense of humor, and understand his, even if his humor is...  offbeat at times. They must be a dog person. He’s got a thing for dark hair, and would love a partner who knows how to move it on the dance floor.

Q   :   QUESTION.   would your muse ask the big question or expect their partner to?

Like...  he’ll do it. Eventually, he’ll do it. He’s in no rush to do it, but if his partner wants to, he’ll give them the best damn proposal they’ve ever seen. So long as he doesn’t trip and drop the ring.

R   :   ROMANCE.   is your muse a romantic or a cynic?

He doesn’t have a romantic bone in his body, unfortunately. Some romantic veins, a few romance-inclined nerves, but other than that, he’s not wired that way. Candles and roses go way over his head; Jackson shows his love in different, more physical ways. But if his partner wants romance, and they make that known to him, he’ll put every ounce of effort into it   ---   Jackson’s ride-or-die til the end, and he won’t stop until he’s made his partner happy.

S   :   SWEETHEART.   did your muse have a childhood sweetheart?

From the age of four to the age of fourteen, Jackson was very set in his “girls are gross” phase. He had no desire for a childhood romance whatsoever, even if he’s sure one of his sisters’ friends was a little dewy-eyed for him.

T   :   TRUE LOVE.   does your muse believe in true love?

It’s genuinely not something he’s ever given much thought to. He wouldn’t even consider it ‘til he found someone who might be the genuine article  ---  someone he could conceivably spend the rest of his life with. Then...  yeah, true love might be real after all, if it’s real enough for him.

U   :   UNREQUITED.   has your muse had their heart broken?

Nah. Never let himself get that far. Jackson is scarily durable, and bounces back from emotional/physical injuries like a ping-pong ball. It would take something absolutely devastating to break him.

V   :   VALENTINE.   how does your muse feel about valentine’s day?

He’s never given it much thought before, just been sort of annoyed at how his sisters fuss over who gave them flowers at school, and who’s going out with who. A Valentine’s Day novice. If his partner wanted to do something romantic, he’d be completely at a loss, but try his damn best.

W  :   WEDDING.   would your muse get married? why / why not?

It’s something his Mama really wants, but Jackson’s in no hurry. Life is long, he’s young and healthy, not planning on going anywhere anytime soon...  before he tethers himself to anything, he wants to live. If a partner comes along who’s eager to live with him...  well, they might just be the one. He’d marry, but it’d take a while, and only in a long-term relationship.

X   :   XOXO.   does your muse use / like pet names?

Not often, but sometimes he’ll make up goofy ones, just to get a smile out of his partner. All his younger siblings have nicknames that he uses religiously, though.

Y   :   YOURS.   does your muse get protective easily?

Oh, god yeah. He’ll get feral about it. 200% not afraid to clock a bastard if they threaten someone he cares about. He doesn’t even need a reason, he’ll just fight for funsies.

Z   :   ZZZ.   how many people has your muse slept with?

He didn’t get many opportunities back home, but in the army he’s gone a little wild. Lots of going out with the boys, lots of picking up ladies  ---  paid company of otherwise. There have been a few legendary whoring binges in Easy Co’s history, and Jackson has been on all of them. Probably about...  8-9 partners??  He wracks them up fast.

[presidentrhodes]

Spider-Man Far From Home spoilers

I just finished watching it and, honestly, I’d say it was a pretty good way to bid farewell to the first three phases of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. 

Spoilers under the cut. This is pretty long and rambly. 

1. Midtown high is supposed to be a school for geniuses but these little shits use comic sans in tribute videos and steal watermarked Getty Images pictures to put in them. I loved it, particularly with the song choice and the fact that Vision’s picture was from the Civil War airport standoff in Leipzig — that means only Peter could’ve provided it and no one bothered to ask how he got it. 

2. Tom Holland really wasn’t kidding when he said the film was a love letter to RDJ/Tony Stark. He was everywhere, his sacrifice was being recognised around the world: they even had a documentary on him, which was available in the in-flight entertainment, plus, there were murals and photographs in Venice and Prague. He was very much present throughout the film. 

3. EDITH. In a nutshell, it’s an augmented reality-enabled AI that controls a tactical and defensive system Tony built to protect Earth in the aftermath of his demise. Think Ultron’s perfect self minus the winning personality — EDITH controls a bunch of massive Stark Industries satellites in orbit that are equipped with thousands of weaponised drones. It can remotely target individual threats and take them out with simple voice commands. It also is able to connect to any network in the vicinity, so, Peter was able to see what his classmates were doing on their devices. 

I’ve already seen so many angry posts comparing EDITH to Project Insight without taking into account a) intent; and b) the reality of the MCU. Tony didn’t build EDITH for the same reason Zola built Project Insight. The former was meant to be a last or first line of defence, controlled by an Avenger Tony personally trusted. The latter was a means to subjugate the world population to Hydra’s will. 

All tech in the MCU is dangerous when it falls into the wrong hands — that’s why they’re called the wrong hands and why Steve once said the safest hands are their own. The supersoldier serum gave us Steve Rogers; it also gave us the Winter Soldiers, a bunch of dangerous, invincible highly-trained assassins. Pym particles gave us Ant-Man and the Wasp as well as time travel; it also gave us Yellowjacket, who immediately wanted to weaponise the tech. The Iron Man suit gave us Iron Man; but also gave us Iron Monger, who wanted to build an army of metal soldiers. Wakanda’s highly-advanced weapon systems were able to withstand a full-scale invasion from the Outriders, but those same weapons almost started a global war in Killmonger’s hands. Project Insight and Ultron showed us the bad side of AI; JARVIS, Vision, FRIDAY, Karen and EDITH, to an extent, showed us the good side of AI.

The point is, technology in the wrong hands will always be a bad thing yet people only seem to gripe about Stark tech while ignoring every other piece of advanced technology we’ve seen weaponized or misused. I wonder why. Since the MCU canonically isn’t made up of one big Luddite colony, there’ll always be new technology being developed and bad guys finding ways to abuse them. 

Just look at the holographic tech Mysterio designed while at Stark Industries. Even before he was fired, his ambitions were grander and afterwards, he weaponized it and willingly sent people to their dooms so that he could play a hero. When 16-year-old Peter Parker, MJ and Ned — literal children — found out the truth and Mysterio risked being exposed as a fraud, he actively tried to kill them. Mysterio beat the shit out of Peter and threw him in front of an incoming high-speed train, so, no, I don’t care if Tony Stark was mean to him by firing him, he was a piece of shit who tried repeatedly to kill a kid. 

Tony, meanwhile, spent $600+ million on the holographic tech to design B.A.R.F — a technology with some really promising applications in the MedTech sector to help people overcome their PTSD and trauma. That’s the fucking difference between a superhero and a supervillain.

Sure, EDITH also has massive privacy concerns. That’s on Tony, but after the Decimation, I think people have bigger problems to worry about than whether Peter Parker is snooping on their text messages. Ultimately, EDITH offers Peter, and whoever else is going to fill up the Avengers roster in the future, a plan B to strike the bad guys from a safe distance. I

4. Tony left Peter in charge of EDITH. Not the Avengers, not SHIELD, and definitely not the US Department of Defense — a fact that actually pissed off Mysterio. Tony left it in Peter’s hands because he knew Spider-Man took the meaning of responsibility far more seriously than he ever did. All those years ago, Peter told him if one could do the things he could, and they didn’t, and then the bad things happened, they happened because of them. And, honestly, if anyone deserves to have control over such a potentially dangerous piece of tech that can help in future battles, then it’s Peter — even more so than Tony. 

5. Again, Peter is 16 in this film and still coping with loss and trauma. He willingly gave controls of EDITH to Quentin because Mysterio had everyone fooled, including Nick Fury/Talos — they’re both highly experienced soldiers. Fooling them wouldn’t have been easy and Mysterio’s plan was extremely well thought-out and perfectly executed. Peter redeem himself in the end and takes back control of EDITH. 

6. Peter and MJ were super adorable. Spider-Man is the only franchise apart from Iron Man, where the secondary lead characters are allowed to grow without it all being about the main hero. MJ is allowed to explore her feelings for Peter and measure them against Brad’s affection. Ned is allowed to also grow in his character and be more than Spider-Man’s best friend/guy in a chair. 

7. Happy and May were also adorable.

8. Happy ruined a perfectly good bed of tulips just to rescue May’s nephew and give him the TLC/pep talk he needed after, again, Beck pushed Peter in front of a high-speed train that would’ve killed an ordinary person. 

9. Peter confusing ACDC with Led Zeppelin is the most Gen Z thing ever. Happy watched Peter design his own suit and it reminded him of the times he spent watching Tony tinker in his lab. You could feel Tony’s absence pretty viscerally in that scene on the jet. 

10. Peter tingle. Lol. 

11. Happy’s words about Tony were beautiful. He said something along the lines of, “Tony was my best friend. He second-guessed everything he did. He was a mess. But the one thing he didn’t second-guess was picking you.” That really furthered the Iron Dad Spider Son narrative.

12. Iron Zombie was the w o r s t thing ever. Again, Beck emotionally manipulated 16-year-old Peter Parker and said if Peter was any good, his mentor would still be alive just as he projected an illusion of a decaying Iron Man corpse attacking him. To give you a sense of how manipulative he really is, he told his guy in the chair that Peter’s blood will be on his hands because he had failed to report a missing drone part that MJ had discovered in Prague. 

13. Peter finally understanding that he doesn’t have to be the next Tony Stark or Iron Man. He just needs to be the next Spider-Man and Peter Parker. 

14. Peter choosing to safeguard EDITH. 

15. J. Jonah Jameson and J.K. Simmons. That is all. He’s the MCU equivalent of Alex Jones and I love him so much. I wonder if this means we’ll see Doctor Strange offer Peter his help to erase everyone’s memories about the reveal of his secret identity. 

16. Every Nick Fury scene automatically becomes 2000x funnier when you realize it’s Talos posing as Fury and 90% of the time, he has no idea what the fuck is going on and he’s just winging it as he goes along. Also, he was furious that he and his wife, as members of a shapeshifting species, were unable to detect Mysterio’s ruse. 

17. Mysterio was a douchebag. Apart from trying to kill actual kids because he feared they might expose him, he did nothing worthy of a hero. He was jealous and angry about Tony, and he wanted to usurp Iron Man without doing any of the hard work. He willingly put people in danger, was prepared to sacrifice people to make his actions seem more realistic and wanted to take credit for saving the day and preventing an Avengers-level catastrophe. I’ve already seen reviewers trying to sympathise with Mysterio, and his persistent attempts to kill a 16-year-old kid because Tony was apparently mean to him. 

18. And, no, Tony did not steal B.A.R.F tech from Mysterio as some review sites are claiming. The narrative is unreliable at best because we hear only Quentin’s point of view — the same Quentin who had been using his holographic tech to deceive people and put them in harm’s way because he wanted to shake the Queen’s hands or some misguided bullshit. He deserved to fired. Plus, he was a Stark Industries employee. Tech companies almost always own the patent to whatever tech you design or invent for them when you’re on their payroll. It’s how corporations work.

19. Tony quoted Henry IV to Fury when he told him to give EDITH to Peter and said Spidey wouldn’t get the reference (Heavy is the head that wears the crown) because it’s not Star Wars. It was a nice, poignant moment — made funnier when you realize that’s Talos in disguise, which means at some point, Fury had to have a conversation with him about Shakespeare and Star Wars. Someone pls write the fic. 

20. The most important thing is that this film actually tried to address the Decimation. Endgame pretended to gloss over it to give Gay Joe Russo his 15 minutes of fame. But this film actually started with May and Peter organizing an event to help the displaced. Pepper sent a huge check and apologized for not being able to make it in person. :( 

20a. I love Jake Gyllenhaal. I had expected Quentin to be a dramatic thot but he really brought a lot of depth to the character. 

Overall, I liked the film a lot more than I had anticipated. Some people are going to scrutinize this film to death to prove Tony was the ultimate MCU villain and, hey, if that’s the hill they choose to die on, I don’t really care. After 11 years and 23 films later, if they still think that Tony was the real villain all along, then nothing we say or Marvel does, will change their mind. 

Personally, I thought this film was a good send off to Tony, now that they’ve firmly established that Peter Parker/Spider-Man is going to be the new face of the MCU and will carry with him the Iron Man legacy. He wasn’t always right and a lot of his choices tended to backfire but, in the end, his motivations were good and he still went out as the man who saved the world. He, unlike Beck, or Vulture before him, never tried to kill a child, not even when he brought him to a parking lot brawl among friends. 

Now, if only Marvel can just leave Tony’s legacy alone and let Peter, and the rest of the MCU, thrive on its own instead of retconning established Iron Man lore to fit new narratives. 

[shooter-nobunagun]

Quarantine UST 7

//About to reach the climax (hah)...Apologies for the delay (gasp) but I took some time off and then when I came back work piled up so...this chapter took longer. Also, it went very differently than what I’d originally planned, so...I’m not sure if I’m 100% satisfied with the direction, but when the muses want something, there’s not much I can do about that. I think it turned out all right, I hope it feels natural and not too...’perfect fantasy’ scenario.

Warning, some mature content this chapter (masturbation) but not super explicit.

She stared at the text on her screen, debating if she really wanted to send the message, or simply relegate it to her ‘unsent drafts’; where it would join the hundreds of other ramblings that never made it to Asao.

[Sio]: I’m screwed; I seriously think I’ve got more than just a ‘crush’ on Adam...like, I literally spend all my time obsessing over whether or not he LIKE likes me ??? and even if he does, what if we get in trouble? >__<||||

“Ugh...mendoukusai...why do I always make things more complicated than they need to be...” Sighing, the sniper looked mournfully at the message, wondering if it was a good idea to spill the beans. Even though Asao was her best friend and had been a godsend this entire time, somehow just declaring it—even in text form—seemed to cement it somehow, instead of remaining this nebulous fantasy that she could always dismiss if things got too tricky.

For sure though, as the third week passed through, Sio noticed a definite change in Adam’s attitude towards her. He rarely made sarcastic or snide remarks anymore, and even his quips about her inexperience felt more like gentle teasing instead. No, there was something there, for sure...the real question now was whether it was a cozy, platonic friendship, or the stirrings of something deeper and more passionate. Shaking her head, she took one last look at the message, then hit ‘send’ before she could change her mind. She half-hoped Asao wouldn’t see it until the next day; if she responded now, Sio wasn’t sure she could sleep without another all-night rant session.

In the meantime, if she needed a way to wind down and get sleepy... Sio glanced at the phone one more time, before turning off the lights and pulling the covers up. With a practiced hand she casually slipped off her panties, preferring to touch herself directly. If she was feeling particularly horny and wanted to spend a little extra time stretching it out, then she kept them on, teasing herself through the fabric until she couldn’t stand it anymore and then plunged her fingers straight into her core. This time though, it was more a nightly habit than anything else; a little ‘me time’ and a good way to relax before bed.

She sighed as her fingers slipped through her curls, reaching that warm, secret spot. It usually took a bit of friction to coax her sensitive little pearl out from its hiding place, but that could definitely be helped along by just thinking about a certain tall, white-haired e-gene holder. “Mmn...A-Adam...I bet, your hands would feel pretty good, t, touching me down there...” Just the other day he’d put his hand over hers while helping her lift correctly, and the difference in size, along with those calloused, but gentle fingers, did not go unnoticed. Her own slim digits rubbed the outer hood, Sio shivering as she felt her folds getting moist from the stimulation.

‘Seriously, I don’t know how much longer I can keep it a secret...’ There was only about another week left on their quarantine, and Sio was simultaneously excited and depressed about it. On one hand, she couldn’t wait to return to some semblance of normalcy, but on the other, what if they went back to acting as if this time never happened? Boring as it was (save for a minor skirmish that did occur, and where Adam actually admitted her aim had vastly improved), a part of her was genuinely sad that there might never be another time where they would all be like this: acting like close friends and maybe even a family.

But most of all, what if these feelings she was developing for Adam never went anywhere? Or what if they faded, after things went back to normal? The twinge in her heart hit harder than expected, and her arousal dropped a little, to Sio’s frustration. ‘Ugh, just stop overthinking things, Sio...now’s not the time for it, anyway.’

She focused on her fingers instead, on the physical sensations this time rather than her mental fantasies. It was surprising how quickly she’d become familiar with her own body, and where it felt good for her. Her breasts, for instance, weren’t as sensitive, but it was still nice to massage them gently, and when she got really horny her nipples were nice to tweak with. Given that she was masturbating on a near-daily basis (and sometimes more than once a day), it was easy to experiment with different areas and techniques. After a while, she’d even worked up the courage to stick a finger inside, which wasn’t nearly as difficult or even painful, unlike most of the gossip she heard. It just felt a little weird, except the few times her fingers managed to brush a particular spot—though it hadn’t happened very often. Mostly she just like rubbing her clit, and it usually only took her a couple minutes to reach a satisfying climax.

“Nng...” Sio bit her lips; for some reason it seemed like she wasn’t really in the mood today. It was taking her longer than usual to reach an orgasm, and despite her fingers it felt like she was stuck at the plateau phase. ‘Maybe I should just call it quits and go to sleep...but argh, I’m already more than halfway there...�� She couldn’t decide which was worse: working towards a half-hearted orgasm, or trying to sleep while still tense and aroused. Taking a break she laid on the cool sheets, running a hand up and down her thigh, enjoying how smooth and soft the skin felt. 

Funny how she couldn’t really remember when or what cause her feelings for Adam to change. Since the beginning, they’d always had this weird, almost love/hate thing going on, possibly since their first encounter in Taiwan. Sio knew she respected his skills on the battlefield, though his manners towards her could’ve used a lot of work. Even then, even back when he was all sorts of abrasive and prickly at her, she still couldn’t outright hate him. Be annoyed and upset, sure, but there was always a part of her that wished she could know him better, to find out what kind of a person he really was.

‘Adam...’ Just thinking about him, whether it was his physique or his interactions with her, filled her heart with a sense of longing. What kind of person was he like before DOGOO? Who were his friends? Was his ‘tsundere’ attitude just a facade to protect his true self? She wished she could just work up the courage and confess her feelings, consequences be damned, but she knew it’d probably never happen in a million years. But oh, how strong those feelings were, sometimes...to know him beyond his e-gene and touch his true soul... Slowly, her finger gently prodded her insides, Sio imagining what it would be like if he held her tight in those strong arms; whispering sweet nothings into her ear while brushing her hair soothingly, telling her how much he cared about her and admired her, how cute she was...

“Hnn...! Oh!” To her surprise her body started jerking, Sio so caught up in her romantic fantasies that she didn’t notice her orgasm until it literally shook her out of her reverie. “Hah, hah...A-Adam...I wish, I wish we were real...” Suddenly reality came back, and the sniper remembered where she was: in her own room in a borrowed house, in the middle of a foreign city, waiting out a quarantine with her teammates in the hopes that they wouldn’t get infected and die. Panting, she pulled her sticky fingers out, wiping them down before putting her panties back on again. Now that the euphoria was fading, she felt an almost crushing sense of defeat. 

‘Hah, who am I kidding; there’s no way I can ever tell him...I just can’t! Not to mention, what if he...really doesn’t feel the same way? I don’t wanna make him feel awkward, not when we’ve finally established some kind of friendship...’ Yet the thought of taking this secret to the grave made her heart feel even heavier, and despite being physically exhausted, Sio sensed the beginnings of insomnia—and groaned.

Suddenly her phone lit up. She must’ve forgotten to silence it—but the sniper immediately snatched it up, scanned Asao’s reply, and hit ‘call’ without even bothering to text first.

“Moshi moshi? Sio-chan? Is everything alright?”

“Asao-san! I’m sorry for calling you so suddenly, but...I really need to talk to you!” Sio half-wailed into the phone, trying to keep her voice down.

“Oh my, of course Sio-chan. But calm down first, what’s going on? Aren’t you supposed to be asleep now?”

“Well, I was...but I just can’t fall asleep.” She heaved a sigh. “It’s about...Adam. And well, you probably already saw my text, but...” her friend hummed in understanding on the other end, “and well, you know! I just don’t know...what to do about this!”

“I see...” Her friend replied seriously, Sio so worked up she was on the verge of tears at this point. “How do you know it’s forbidden? Do you know for sure that fraternization among DOGOO members is illegal?”

“W-Well, no...I mean, I don’t know for sure...if it is, then I haven’t heard of it,” Sio admitted, “b-but even then, like, what if...what if he, doesn’t like me back...!”

“Okay, let’s take this one at a time,” said Asao gently, trying to get Sio to calm down. “Let’s not worry about whether or not it’s against the rules or whatever— I’m pretty sure even if it is, it wouldn’t stop your feelings.” Sio grunted in response. “As for whether or not Adam feels the same...I mean, what do you think? What’s your instinct tell you? I’m not there, so I can’t say anything aside from what I’ve heard from you—but it doesn’t seem like it’s completely impossible, right?”

“I...well, I mean...” Her instincts, huh? More than once the others had pointed out how Sio sometimes just seemed to know things, yet be unable to explain how she knew afterwards—except that it just came to her, like an instinctive pull. “I...feel like he’s aware that there’s something more than just, friendly camaraderie between us...I-I mean for sure, I’ve noticed he’s changed how he acts towards me and speaks to me...s, so, that’s a positive sign, I guess...”

“Mm hmm, that’s good.” Asao encouraged from the other end. “So he’s definitely not avoiding you or anything.”

Sio shook her head. “No, if anything we’ve actually been spending a lot of time together, lately...heh, who would’ve guessed,” she gave a small laugh. “But, I guess it’s just...I just can’t be sure, right? Who knows if he likes me like, that, or what if it turns out he’s just a really nice guy, underneath all that Jack the Ripper e-gene crap?”

“...Well, that wouldn’t be so bad, would it? At least you know he’s a decent guy then,” offered Asao, but that didn’t seem to console the sniper much, if at all.

“I know, but that’s not what I want!” She lamented, even though she knew how lame it sounded. “I know I know, at least he is a good person, and for sure, I am really glad that he’s not the asshole I thought he was. Trust me, if all we did end up becoming was just good friends, then I guess I’ll accept it, but...” Sio sighed heavily, scrunching up on the sheets.

“...I really like him. Like, I...want to be with him, for real,” she whispered, surprised at the sudden wave of emotions it triggered in her. “I-I mean, maybe it’s too early to say this, but...i-is this, what it means to...fall in love?”

“Ah...Sio-chan...” Even Asao seemed to be at a loss for words, Sio clutching the pillow to her chest as she tried to get rid of this heavy ache. “...If you have such strong feelings for him, then, I think there’s really only one thing to do.”

“What?”

“You should tell him,” was Asao’s response, Sio having frozen at the blunt suggestion. “I’m serious, Sio-chan. I know you, and the longer you keep holding it in, the worse you’ll feel.”

“B-But, but...what if he—argh—doesn’t...like me back?!” The poor girl nearly sobbed into the phone, still caught up in her emotions. “I just don’t know if I could handle that kind of rejection...”

“Now Sio-chan, you’re stronger than that,” her friend’s voice took on a stern tone. “Even if he rejects you, so what? Life goes on; trust me, if that happens it won’t be the end of the world. You’ll encounter a lot more challenges later on, after this. You can’t let this one thing dictate the rest of your life.”

Sio sniffed and wiped her tears, knowing Asao was right. “...I, I know... You’re right, Asao-san...I-I mean, I’m already half-resigned to just remaining friends anyway, so...” She took a deep breath to calm her nerves. “...You’re right. The worst part about this is just not knowing the truth. If he really isn’t interested in me, then fine; at least I can say I tried, and hopefully we’ll still be friends.”

“Sasuga, Shio-chan. I know you can do it.” Sio smiled at her friend’s encouragement. “Now you should be getting some rest. Tomorrow’ll look a lot better through fresh eyes.”

“Hai...oyasumi, Asao-san.”

“Oyasumi nasai, Shio-chan.” --------- “Mornin’ Ogura. You sleep alright?” Adam greeted the girl as she came down the stairs, a huge yawn tearing from her mouth. 

“Hnn...ohayou, Adam-san...” She rubbed her eyes, Asao’s words from last night still turning themselves over in her mind. Tell him... hah, as if she could just blurt it out. If only she could plan it out beforehand, but no; experience told her that whenever it involved her and Adam, nothing ever went according to plan.

“Sunny-side up eggs alright with you?” The sniper nodded in thanks, before wandering over to the cupboards to fix herself some tea. “...Everything alright?”

“H-Huh? Wh, what do you mean...” She nearly dropped the cup, but caught it just in time. “I’m just, tired...stayed up too late talking to Asao-san again...” Adam’s perception was incredibly sharp; she’d have to watch herself to make sure she didn’t give anything away.

“...I see. How’s she doing, by the way?”

“Eh. Same as usual...from the sound of it, Japan’s doing okay, except they’re not in school right now so she says it’s kind of boring staying inside all day.” Before she knew it, she had somehow automatically made two cups of tea, even though Adam usually drank coffee in the morning. “Oh, ah...I forgot, you usually drink coffee, don’t you, Adam-san?”

He glanced over at the mugs just as the eggs finished and he slid them onto a plate, alongside the bacon, toast, and other trimmings. “Sure, but I don’t mind tea, either. Remember, I’m British,” he winked at her, “and we take tea very seriously.”

Sio found herself blushing at that playful wink, and before she knew it her lips curled into a small smile. Every time he did one of those little quirks towards her, she felt herself growing warm. As they ate their breakfast in a now-comfortable silence, she thought back to what she’d told Asao last night. About how she was resigned to just remaining friends, and accepting it, if he didn’t feel the same...

‘...But is that really true? Could I really be satisfied with just staying friends?’ That was what she’d claimed, but thinking on it now, and especially with the two of them like this already... Biting her fork, Sio was beginning to think she wouldn’t be able to settle for anything less than going all in. If she was rejected, then fine--that would be something out of her control, but to not even try...

“Say. You got any plans today?” She looked up with a start at Adam’s question. Why would he be asking her this now... Pretending everything was fine (when it was definitely not), she gave a casual shrug.

“Not really. I-I mean, aside from the usual stuff...was probably just gonna try and finish my FF7 file, since we’ve only got like, a week left...”

He nodded. “Yeh; seems like time was slow and fast all at the same time, didn’t it?”

“Heh, yeah it did; oh man, I remember when we first got here, and I was complaining about how I was gonna survive a month with everyone...but, now that we’re almost at the end, I’m actually gonna miss it...” She gave a melancholy smile, stirring the leftover bits of eggs.

“Well, I was thinking of just going for a drive along the shoreline. Maybe get out and walk along the beach...” For a few seconds there was only the sound of forks scraping the plates, as Sio’s heart started to pound in nervous anticipation, while Adam turned away so she couldn’t see his blush.

“...Is it, just...you?”

“...Well, that depends; you wanna come with?”

Their eyes met for a second, and Sio was sure she was probably redder than a tomato—but the strange thing was, Adam was also oddly pink, with an expression she’d never seen before. Later on, she would realize it was a sign that he’d been just as nervous as her, but in the heat of the moment, all she could think of was how to not make a fool of herself.

“U-Uh, I—I um, I...I’d like that,” she heard herself saying, though the voice seemed to come from somewhere outside her body. “If it’s...okay...”

“Of course; it’s definitely more than ‘okay’.” He got up to clear their plates, Sio grateful he couldn’t see her smile. 

‘He’s actually taking me somewhere...just the two of us...! Wait, is this like a...date?!’ Her excitement was suddenly replaced with a bolt of fear, as Sio’s mind finally realized the possible implications of this. ‘Oh no, what do I do...! Maybe I should change—but into what? It’s not like I packed anything nice since all we’d be doing was lounging, not going out—’

Luckily she was saved from indecision by Adam announcing that he’d already written a note for the other two, and it would be easier if they left now before they woke up. They packed some water and of course, the usual masks and hand sanitizer; then Adam was easing them out of the driveway and onto the hilly streets, Sio finally sitting shotgun for once.

The car was awkwardly silent, Sio wrestling internally with wanting to start a conversation but not knowing what to talk about. In the end, she simply turned on the radio, and the two listened to whatever the latest hits were as the car wound its way out to the coast. At least the breeze was nice, Sio enjoying the fresh air while she subtly watched Adam shifting the gears; somehow, just watching his fluid actions, and trying to understand how everything worked, was quite interesting.

“Huh...so you have to shift in order...” she muttered to herself, unaware of actually speaking it out loud.

“Eh? You interested in drivin’, squirt?”

‘Ah! I did it again...speaking my thoughts...!’ The sniper tried not to panic, instead pointedly looking out the window.

“N, No, it’s just...I’m curious as to how you, uh, drive. Y’know, with the gears and all.”

Adam shrugged, navigating with one hand as they drove along the highway. “Mm, you learn it with practice, like everything else. Why, you want a driving lesson before this is all over?” He teased, shooting the girl a small grin. “Personally I’d recommend starting with an automatic, if you’ve never driven before...”

“No no, it’s fine; I highly doubt I’d need to right now, anyway...” Sio commented dryly. “...By the way, is it true? What Jess-san said...”

“About what?”

“That, you...also owned a motorcycle.”

So. She remembered. “...Yeh, it’s true. I do have a bike; it’s not here right now, though DOGOO has offered to ship it to one of their bases...” The sniper’s maroons grew wide at this piece of news, and inwardly Adam cursed at not having the foresight to having it shipped over. ‘Perhaps we could’ve gone for a ride on that instead...’

“Whoa...that’s so cool...” Sio mumbled, cheeks flushing. “Man, you’re like, perfect...you can do so many things, like—how do you even know all this stuff? And be good at them?”

To her surprise Adam started laughing. “Oh ho, perfect now, am I? That is definitely not the case...and if I really were perfect, then how come I still have trouble with speaking my mind or not being an arse?” He eyed her with a glance and the sniper’s cheeks turned pink, to his pleasure. “Besides, I’m pretty sure that was not your impression of me when we first met.”

“W, Well, still...I just feel so...I dunno, useless next to you—and everyone else, for that matter, sometimes...”

Adam didn’t respond, instead pulling the car into a space as they finally made it to their destination. Sio wasn’t sure if he was exasperated at her whining, or something else.

“C’mon Ogura, let’s go for a walk, yeh? Think that’ll clear your head a bit.”

“Ah...” She put her mask and silently followed him, right along the waves crashing against the rocks. The day had been cloudy for a change, and Sio shivered slightly, even with a jacket. It seemed San Francisco’s weather changed as often as her moods; sunny one day, and chilly with fog the next, sometimes in the same day. 

“Brr...it sure is cold here,” she rubbed her arms, the wind piercing through her thin sweater. “Isn’t it supposed to almost be summer?”

“Hmm, reminds me a lot of home, actually. Well, granted it’s not nearly as cool, but, the overcast fog...” Before she could say anything else, Adam was shedding his jacket and gently laying it across her shoulders. “Here, this better?”

“Ah, uh...th-thanks...” There wasn’t much she could say, without revealing her true feelings—instead Sio simply nodded, hugging herself as she slipped her arms through, the fabric still warm from his heat. ‘Mmm...of course it smells like him...it’s comforting, somehow...’

“Don’t worry about me, squirt,” Adam answered before she could even ask. “The cold doesn’t bother me much; in fact, I find it rather refreshing.”

“O-Oh...w, well, if you say so...” She didn’t even need a mirror to know her cheeks were pink at this point—in fact her entire head felt like it was on fire as they walked in silence along the trail, despite the sea breeze. In an effort to distract herself, Sio took in the sights: the grey-tinged clouds, waves that broke along the rocks, and the occasional seagull brave enough to dive into the water. The air smelled briny and cold, similar to Tokyo Bay—but again different. It was mesmerizing to stare out at the waves, how they grew, then crashed, receded and then it started all over again. A few joggers and bikers were out, but it seemed most folks chose to stay indoors when the weather turned.

They hiked to an outlook with a few benches, Sio taking a water break as Adam leaned over the railing, taking in the view himself. She desperately wanted to break the silence, but at the same time, she didn’t know what to say. Even if Adam had other reasons for asking her to come with, somehow, it felt wrong to force the question.

“You doin’ alright, Ogura?” Adam turned around, nodding at her newly-acquired jacket. “Let me know if you’d rather head back. Wouldn’t want you t’ get sick.”

“I’m okay, thanks to you...” She hugged herself again, as if to remind herself this was real. “U-Um, A-Adam...” he turned around slightly, and Sio felt her heart rate speed up, but she couldn’t stop now. “Th, this place...um, s-so...why did you ask me to...come with you...”

“...Hn. That is a good question.” He wasn’t looking at her directly, but she knew he was paying close attention. “I can’t say I really know why, myself...just, I thought you might like some fresh air, for a change.” He shrugged casually, and Sio felt her heart drop a bit, even though a part of her was also relieved.

“And, well...truthfully it’s because, I guess I’ve come to enjoy spending time with you, is all.”

The sniper froze again, at that comment. ‘No way...it can’t be, is he really serious...is he, really saying what I think he is...!’ She wasn’t even sure what to respond, how to respond—to anybody else perhaps, it would’ve been plain as day that Adam was admitting he liked her, and yet, her insecurities wouldn’t let her believe it.

“A-Ah, y-yeah...um, I, I do...like being out of the house, once in a while...” She was stuttering and trembling, all limbs going numb because there was just no way this could be real, it couldn’t be what she’d really wanted, all along...

“Well, that’s...good to know.” He was coming over now, hands tucked inside his pockets as he sat down next to her. “By the way, I apologise for being blunt, but...I hope I’m not botherin’ you, dragging you out like this. It’s just...well, you often seem so glum about your inexperience and such, I...wanted to see if I could take your mind off that. Y’know, you’re doing quite well, for a rookie. ”

“Eh? N, no, not at all...” Sio wasn’t quite sure what to make of his words; of how he wanted to try and cheer her up, and to know she wasn’t doing as poorly as she constantly thought... “I’m, glad to hear that...b-but, if I’m doing so well, then how come you’re still teasing me about messing stuff up? And don’t even get me started on before...you used to yell at me all the time, or complain about this or that...”

To her surprise he began to laugh slightly, Sio feeling her cheeks burning in a mix of indignation and embarrassment. “Heh, you aren’t wrong; I admit communication isn’t exactly one of my better skills...and here you were saying how I was perfect,” he turned towards her at last, a small smile on his face. “But spending time with you, like this...has changed my mind.”

“Um...” Her voice quivered before she knew it, Adam quirking a brow at her sudden nervousness. “U-Um, I, y, you...” There was no way she could weasel out of this one, now. They were literally sitting next to each other, Adam had all but confirmed that he liked her and didn’t think she was a mere ‘half-baked squirt’; so why was she still trying to deny it?

“Y, You...probably shouldn’t say things like that,” she uttered quietly, picking at the sleeves of her borrowed jacket. “You don’t have to baby me, you know...I can handle the truth...”

Now it was Adam’s turn to look astonished. “...Beg pardon? You think I’m just buttering you up for something?” There was slight cough, as if he couldn’t quite grasp her logic. “I meant what I said, Ogura. I wasn’t joking around or talking shit just to make you feel better,” she winced slightly at his words. “If there is one thing I wish you would improve, it’s your confidence. And I’ll admit, I haven’t been conducive to that, especially in the beginning...but surely you don’t have that low of an opinion of yourself? After all you’ve accomplished in such a short time?”

“B, But, I...it can’t...” The sniper shook her head, frustrated because she knew Adam was right. Even before DOGOO, speaking up for herself and having self-confidence was always hard for her. Even if it caused her loneliness, it was easier than stepping out of her comfort zone, dealing with those awkward looks and moments where people never seemed to know what to do with her. “I...how, how can someone like you see that in me?”

“...What exactly do you mean by that?” His gaze was piercing, but not cruel. “What do you mean, ‘someone like me’?”

“Y-You, you’re...you’re the leader of the Second Platoon, you can do pretty much anything you want—cooking, cleaning, killing EIOs without breaking a sweat, driving, riding a bike, video games, keeping us on track...” She was rambling now, she knew, but Sio couldn’t stop. “How can I...possibly be good enough?”

“‘Good enough?’ For what? To be a part of this platoon?” She didn’t need to see his face to know Adam was upset. “That’s certainly not the case—you really think you’d still be here if you weren’t good enough—”

“—I know that! That’s...not what I’m talking about...” How was it that someone who was so smart could also be so dense? Did she really have to spell it out for him...!

“Then what are you talking about?” Adam sighed, starting to become irritated with her half-answers and nonsensical words. “Can you not just say it straight, Ogura, for once?

“—How can a hanninmae like me possibly be good enough for you?!” She burst out at last, not even thinking about anything else other than what she had to say, at the moment. She felt the man next to her instantly stiffen at her words, the sniper herself too emotional to look. 

There was a seemingly endless stretch of silence after that, Sio squirming with embarrassment but knew she couldn’t turn away, not after all those words. It seemed like forever before the man next to her moved, Sio staying frozen in her spot.

“...Y’know, you really are something else, Ogura Sio.” She didn’t dare look at him in the face, not yet. “It’s funny that you say that...feeling that you’re not good enough for me...when I’ve...been wonderin’ the same about myself.”

“Eh...?” In one moment she forgot she was supposed to be avoiding his eyes and turned around, only to be met with a strangely bashful and...nervous Adam? “What, you...about me?”

Huh? Huuuh? The sniper’s mind flew into a frenzy, suddenly overwhelmed by the revelations—namely that Adam actually ��like’ liked her, and he was insecure about himself? “A-Ano...wha, but you, I...”

“Need me to spell it out for you, squirt? Alright then, I’ll just say it straight: I like you, Ogura; a lot. And it’s not just friendship. You’re no fool, you know what I’m talking about. But I don’t want to force you into something if you don’t feel the same way. Least of all if you’re uncomfortable with the fact that we’ll be continuing to work together after all this.”

He was right. Technically, as members of DOGOO they still had a duty to work together, professionally. Rules aside, she knew that if they committed to a relationship with each other, it could potentially make things very messy. And yet...

“...I, I...don’t care about that. I-I mean, yes, I know it’s probably not the smartest or most logical idea, but...” She finally glanced up, trying not to let her tears fall. “I can’t change my feelings...heh, I think even if there were some kind of rule in place...it wouldn’t change my heart. ‘Cause I, I...really like you, Adam...a lot...”

“...Well, let’s be real, since when were either of us good about following the rules, anyway?” With that one statement, the tension seemed to crack, and Sio couldn’t help but burst into giggles, Adam following suit as the two just laughed.

“You’re pretty when you smile, you know that?” 

“Ah—I, uh, mmm...” She blushed as Adam wiped her tears with a tissue. “Y, You should smile more, too...you’re much less scary when you do...”

Adam quirked a white eyebrow.  “Oh? You found me to be intimidating? Well, I guess that’s another thing I’ll have to work on, huh?” 

“We should both work on it. How to smile better.” The sniper screwed her mouth into a smile-grimace, which only caused the white-haired holder to laugh harder. “H-Hey, I’m trying...!” But she couldn’t help but laugh, too.

It felt like forever since they’d come here for their original purpose of hiking, but as Sio checked her watch, in reality it’d only been about half an hour. And yet everything before that point was now completely different; her feelings, perspective, and most of all what she and Adam were to each other, now...

“U-Uh...Adam-san...? Does, does this mean...well, what are we, now? Does this mean we’re...going out? Like dating?” Her face still flushed as she stumbled over those words, unused to saying them out loud.

He smiled at her, before gently taking her hand for the first time, Sio squeaking in surprise as his fingers closed around hers. “Sure, I suppose...I mean, I don’t really know much myself...but if that’s what you want, then I’m fine with it. Which means...guess I’ll be your boyfriend, from now on. Or lover, partner...” Those fingers brushed against her palm and she shivered; at last she could feel him in an intimate manner, but when it actually happened suddenly she felt very shy, even though it was nothing close to what she fantasized about.

“Mmm...I, I want that. Th-then, I’m...your girl...friend, now,” she nodded to reassure herself, squeezing his hand tightly in return. “Though, I’m not sure I want to tell everybody about it, yet...you know, like Newton and Gandhi...I, I’m sure eventually I’ll be okay, but just, for now...”

Adam nodded, rubbing her shoulder in a reassuring manner. “Same; frankly, it’s none of their business, and knowing what gossips those two are...” He rolled his eyes. “I’m sure it’s bound to come up, sooner or later...but for now, let’s just have this be our little secret, yeh?”

Sio couldn’t help but smile as they walked back to the car. “Hai! Oh, and uh, one last thing...” Adam gave a quizzical look as they got in. “U-Um, it’s okay to call me...’Sio’ now. Just ‘Sio’.” 

Something warm bloomed inside her chest as she said that, more so when Adam’s cheeks turned pink (he was so cute when he blushed), before he nodded. “Of course...Sio. But that means, from now on...I’m just ‘Adam’, too.”

“Okay...Adam.”

[vapormaison]

Best of 2019 Vaporwave Release 3/4: Sensual Loops SPECIAL EDITION by Cyber Club

As vaporwave matures and enters the mainstream, I often find myself having discussions with vapor heads on reddit about the iconography of the genre. I realize that this is a bad idea, but cannot help myself. More often than not, they are pointlessly terse, and tend to be tediously teleological — the type of argumentation featuring enough loops of logic to cause a medieval Byzantine monk’s head to spin.

A recurring topic that baits me every single time is when a poster attempts to criticize the album art of a record, dismissing the entire work on the based on “anime” aesthetics. While this might seem like an argument so off-center and reductive that it’s parody— I’d encourage you to go on r/VaporVinyl and take a look at some of the posts replying to threads about Cyber Club’s Sensual Loops LP series. It’s not pretty, and representative where some of the fanbase is at the moment. Adding to my shock was when one of the self-appointed critics outed themselves as twenty three years old. At that moment, I was forced to confront my own bias. I had mistakenly assumed that the puritan was an out-of-touch Gen Xer or a Baby Boomer. Aesthetic intolerance is not exclusive — and plenty of Zoomers are members of this trash clique as well.

What really boggled my mind, however, was that the user had picked vaporwave out of all the other possible genres to go on their Nipponophobic soapbox against. A quick look at the aesthetic movement as a whole (sonically, artistically, etc.) establishes it as what I would assert as a primarily millennial genre — less of a statement about its creators and consumers, and more about the broader, overarching cultural milieu in which in developed. It was birthed in the decade that heralded the mass-consumption of Japanese media in the Western marketplace. Many of its early practitioners got their start chopping and screwing anime OSTs and hip hop. Future Funk effectively appeared on the sonic map by the sampling of Japanese city pop. What is even worth arguing here?

But that which bothered me even more was the user’s stubborn refusal to even listen to the album. You can not buy a vinyl because you just have a particular aversion to cover art — that’s fine! Better yet, you can not buy a vinyl just because you’re not a fan of the sound. Those are two perfectly fine reasons not to partake in a release. But then to go on reddit and complain about an album aesthetic for something you haven’t even listened to? Come on, fam. Level up your praxis. It is the whitewashing and the boorishness that is most infuriating. I’ve legitimately never heard of anyone who dismissed an entire album’s music purely on the basis of its vinyl cover art before.

And shame on them, because they are sleeping on one of the best works of 2019.

The limited edition of Sensual Loops 1 & 2 is another LP that I had the luxury of listening to while on my East Asia tour. I brought the album (among others) with me to visit a very good pal of mine, Han, who’s retired to Hong Kong. Much to my relief, he’s in a comparatively spacious apartment over in the Tai Wo area — by no means the stereotypical postage stamp — and has set up a little audiophile pad that I’m most envious of. His setup is devoted to all things B&W, and I got a beautiful listen of the album on a pair of impressive and almost imposing 700-series floor standers. Powered by the Cambridge Audio Edge series Amp/Pre combo, this was far above even my paygrade. But after working as a salaryman for two decades, he was finally able to invest in his endgame system. And what an endgame it is!

Getting the chance to listen Sensual Loops on this system cemented my opinion when I had first heard it’s release digitally: I was listening to an instant contender for the best vaporwave release of 2019.

Sensual Loops 1

Introduction immediately fills your speakers with a wide, warm guitar and horn loops that feature just enough static noise to distinguish itself as a vaporwave track. I always like it when a little minute-thirty track gives the amp a little exercise. It also proves to be a perfect sonic setup for the next track, which is ostensibly what every “intro” track should do, right?

Night carries that guitar riff from Introduction but adds a playful variance with a synth loop, and vocals that I believe are sampled from that Philly Soul classic “Children of the Night” done by the Stylistics and the Jones Girls’, among others. All of the moving parts here do wonders, syncing together in a perfect arrangement. Both Han and I commented on just how bright this played on his JBLs, which is a testament to the mix and mastering work here.

Love & Affection definitely feels the most retro-vapor of all the tracks on Sensual Loops 1, beginning with a series of loops, riffs, and synth chimes that feel as if they were picked from a certain collection of sitcoms of an early nineties vintage. The heavily distorted vocals and hypnotic drum kits pop in after about a minute to give the track an almost deep house feel as it progresses. The “all mine” hook then crescendos into a symphony of drum hits that conclude the track with a real sonic flutter in the air when played with high-end speakers.

Pain accelerates the rather slow pace of the album up to this point. I’m a big fan of the synth arrangement that opens the track, and I schmood even more with the powerfully funky vocal set that carries the track throughout. But with its short length, it does feel more like an interlude or setup for what I consider to be the highlight of the LP.

Memories is our certified slapper. It starts off immediately with an incredibly catchy synth chord arrangement supplemented by a fantastically tweaked vocal sample from the fantastically, alliteratively-named Melba Moore, another funky soul queen who needs a revival in the contemporary lexicography.

Sensual definitely swings the record a bit further away from the future funk and back towards the vapor-funk side of things. Back are cyber club’s usual array of jumpy, tinny synth chords and manipulated vocal micro-samples that still provide a really robust sonic experience on the hi-fi system of your choice. When the vocals make their appearance about ninety seconds in, I was expecting them to sound much less rich in the middle than they did, which was definitely a present surprise on the mastering side!

Alone is a beautiful cacophony of micro-samples with a vocal track manipulated to sound like an 80s ideal of a future robot gf. I’m not sure how else to describe this track except as pure atmosphere. The fluttering synths, muted percussion, electric highs that send tweeters bouncing — it’s difficult to precisely describe how a track like this comes over a hi-fi system like the Edge. It just pulls out every detail from an immensely dense track like this and does it every bit the justice it deserves.

Paradise ends up taking a traditional funk and re-engineering it into a sort of quasi-tropical sound similar to some of the early Aloe Island Posse bangers. It’s got a much more lo-fi edge to the track then most future funk takes on a track like this, and creates a really unique and playful experience.

Bliss is almost raw synth pop with a hardened vapor edge to it. Although the original sample is from a very soulful electro R&B outfit — the Loose Ends — we get aggressive drums and synth loops that bring this closer to Paula Abdul than anything that could be traditionally considered rhythm and blues. Just enough manipulation of the vocal sample and some well-timed percussion hits make this more fit for a night out than a baby-making session in, which is both remarkable and a testament to cyber club’s skill.

Sensual Loops 2

Intro captures a little more of than urban-turned-Island soundscape that we caught a glimpse of in Paradise. I’m eternally impressed by this, as it seems like Cyber Club never gets too caught up in the production to bring this too far from its vapor essence while still making this a great lede in its own right.

Sensual was a track I was initially expecting to be a remix or redux of the first Sensual from Sensual Loops 1, but I’m glad to see this piece of bass-heavy vapor exists as its own full-bodied track in its own right. It grabs you immediately with its “I’ll never give up on you” vocal loop spliced in among its synth array, and carries you through with an intriguing arrangement of instrumental loops and micro-samples throughout. The low end can really shine here with the right system.

Hold Her Now is a piece of nostalgic, vintage vaporwave straight out of the Saint Pepsi era. Ostensibly a creative cut-up some New Jack Swing that absolutely slaps with the right electric guitar riff and synthetic percussion hit, it harkens back to when vaporwave was in its “peak aesthetics” phase of production and plunder-phonic glory. Perhaps this reminder of what vaporwave used to be unfairly biases me, but it’s definitely a listen for the nostalgia driven old-heads.

Affair is the type of track that sounds completely different on certain types of stereos. While Han’s stereo brought out the crisp, wide vocal mix — perhaps a testament to Cambridge’s design history, my Harman Kardon/KEF pairing brought the synth flares here to the fore. The testament to this track is that I really enjoyed both profiles, and Affair sounded robust and detailed throughout.

Kiss is one of the tracks that I felt coolest on upon an initial listen, which is perhaps a statement to just how much I enjoyed this album. When presented with the innovative arrangements of tracks like Hold Her Now or Memories, I was left feeling that Kiss doesn’t do enough in its minute thirty second runtime. That being said, it’s fun. And that’s what music can and should be at the end of the day, isn’t it?

Touch heaps on that vapor memory with some creative vocal layering, tinny and distorted high-end flutters, and an electric horn that came out swinging in the Cambridge system, much to my surprise. It’s clear at this point that Cyber Club has created a very particular listening experience here, and I’m oh so fond of it.

Special makes a funky classic fresh and electric again, which is what I’m really starting to vibe with in terms of the Cyber Club oeuvre. It serves as a sort of confirmation, a celebration and an altogether fantastic close to the LP.

Vinyl Physicality & Listening Experience

I like black vinyl. This milquetoast statement has earned for me the ire of some enthusiasts on r/VaporVinyl when I post on my alt-account there. Because vaporwave attracts curators with “experience” in the music industry, I’ve been told by “serious LP collectors [who know] label managers” — the type of folks who spin on $100 Crosley turntables bought at a Kohl’s Black Friday sale — that new black vinyls just doesn’t sell anymore. Not for vaporwave, at least. A release should have a colored vinyl or not release at all!

This was a take from the same twenty-three year old who wouldn’t purchase Sensual Loops because of the hentai on the cover — so take that for what you will.

I’ve always liked the supplier that Sic Records uses — whoever they are. The vinyls always have a bit of mass and heft to them, leading me to guess that they’re probably in the 180g range. But that’s just my finger test. My Jungle2000 vinyl feels just as weighty. I’ve always believed there’s a definite spectrum with black vinyls — from the frail Qrate cheap options to the high end audiophile oriented waxes like the beautifully crafted Victor Japan and Columbia waxes from the late 80s and early 90s that you see most city pop and anime OSTs pressed on.

The masters on these records are definitely intriguing for the format. My biggest critique of vaporwave vinyl at this point is that some labels don’t take the requisite care to put out a good vinyl master, and often just end up going all-in with poorly optimized digital release ones. The folks at Sic definitely know what they’re doing — because this ended up playing great on a number of systems and speakers, from my KEFs and H/K setup, to a friends Technics mid-fi rig, to Han’s Cambridge endgame. Each time, we got a wide-but-not-too-wide play without the sound edging towards the bright end of the spectrum too intensely. I think this is important because it respects a lot of the samples used. The mixing work done on a lot of the Philly soul here definitely had a certain muted approach that really brought out the most from the vocals and left instrumental arrangements to a moderately more ambient role. I get that impression of continuity here and love it for that.

In short, you should snap up this release while you can. It’s a great release, and fuck the vaporwave nannies who’d shut down Cyber Club’s best two albums without even a listen. May that /u/ go down with u/hoesmad_ on r/Vaporwave’s wall of shame.

[newlifefori]

Not all things are B&W. A little story about me.

Roel Williams

The healing process can differentiate depending on how you look at it. It can be meeting a new person that teaches you necessary lessons. It can look like accomplishing the goals you set out for yourself and sometimes it can be the complete opposite. Pure chaos, a total change of everything in front of you. Having everything destroyed and forced to rise again like the phoenix. That, personally, is the healing process, to me. We are all trying to reach the next level or just improve to be the best we can be. We strive to reach our highest potential. And sometimes, when we do not follow our calling, our bodies have a way of letting us know. That is what happened to me a couple years ago.

The street was faintly lit when I left my best friends house. I stumbled a little due to the alcohol circulating through my veins. A night of celebration because in my mind I deserved it. Anyone would after acceptance into the program I was in. I took a couple steps north towards the 7-11 so conveniently placed and open all hours of the night. Ready for anyone to walk in even at 2am. It was a couple blocks away. As I walked, I could see my breath but I didn't feel the drop in temperature until about 5 seconds later. I didn't have my ipod like I usually would so I was observant of the sounds around me. Footsteps walking up is what caught my ear. I turned to the direction of the sound and two males were in proximity. I knew what was going on but they were nice enough to clarify. “Give me all your fuckin shit right now!”. I was staring right into the barrel of a 9mm pistol but I had no signs of intimidation so they acted upon my arrogance. I felt a solid object hit the back of my head with great force. I fell to the ground. When your adrenaline is pumping you don't really feel pain. You kind of just know what's going on with what seems like subtle contact. It was all just a process until someone grabbed my head and slammed it into the cement of a worn down sidewalk forgetting by the city. Blackout.

I was recently accepted into a program that I had an 8-percent chance of getting into. The the program was called YearUp. A year long program that would teach me professional skills as well as technical. 6 months would be schooling and the other 6 months would be the intership at a very big company in the area. YearUp had a very extensive application process. If you happen to make it past the first phase you would be subjected to multiple meetings and interviews regarding your background, financial situation, living conditions, extra curricular activities and much more.  It was a very accomplished moment for me. Here I was in a program that promised me a career in Information Technology. A field that is booming here in the pacific northwest. With this opportunity I tried my hardest and put my heart into it. When it began I was off to the races. I was strong in everything. I excelled in all my classes and I even represented the school when they were trying to score grants. I did so well I earned professional of the week the second week I was there. With all this success I thought IT was the thing I wanted to do as a career. After 6 months of being in the program I was finally sent off to my internship. Seattle Children's Hospital: Research Institute. All was well. I had a badge, access to many different buildings, and on the verge of getting hired on. This was the big reason why I felt the need to celebrate.

I felt the grappling of wires around me, in fact in me. I was turned to my side when I finally awoke. I could see that I wasn't in my street clothes, as I could easily slide back to laying in a position where I faced the bright white lights in the ceiling. I focused my eyes as much as I could and I realized I was in the hospital. As I  focused my eyes a little more I took a glimpse at the foot of my bed. There I saw my mother Donna with her head down. She looked down and out. I softly called out: “Mom”. The moment she heard the sound of words escape my mouth she jumped up and ran to me, being careful to not put any weight of my frail body. She wrapped her arms around me and cried out: “Honey, please don't ever scare me like that again.”. I tried to comfort her by telling her I'm alright but she continued to hold me. I Couldn't blame her. She saw everything and I just saw the aftermath. A few moments later a male wearing white came in. He had a clipboard so I knew he was the doctor. He asked if he could sit down and talk to me. I said yes. He grabbed a stool and sat next to my bedside. That's when he let me in on what happened. “Roel, we almost lost you bud. But you're getting better now. You were in a coma for about 4 days. You really need to thank your mom because she got you here in due time.” I then looked at my mom and saw that she was starting to tear up again, I grabbed her hand. “We’re going to keep you here for a couple more days so that you can heal up a little more. Get some rest ok.” He proceeded to walk out of the room and then he stopped. He turned around, looked at me and said: “You're strong Roel. Get some rest.”. It was a lot to take in and all the medication didn't help either. I needed some clarification. I turned to my mom and asked her what happened. She said: “Honey when I arrived at your friend's house you were unconscious. So I rushed you to Highline Hospital. When they got you into the ER they told me you were blind in your left eye so they had to transport you to Harborview. When you got here you were still unconscious. They started to operate on you and that's when….” She began to cry. “That's when you...flatlined honey. They resuscitated you and you flatlined another time. They were finally able to stabilize for about five mins and for some reason you flatlined again.” I asked: “Mom? Did I die?”  she softly said: “Yes... but you kept fighting honey. You are here now and that's all that matters ok. Just please, don't scare me like that again.” I sat there in disbelief. But I sat there indeed, alive. So, even under the circumstances I was thankful.

When I was finally healthy enough I returned to my internship. It was a drastic change. Every day that I was there I felt like I wasn't supposed to be. I didn't feel fulfilled anymore and that I was wasting my time. Changing printer paper, installing software, taking monitors out of boxes and being around people that seem to be pursuing their dreams, drained me. Just a year prior I had my first keynote speech in front of a crowd of 500 people. I raised up a lot of money for the people that needed it. I felt like I could fly. Being in front of all those people, telling my story and receiving a standing ovation was the most exhilarating thing I have ever done. That was the vivid daydream I would partake in while I was dealing with people's technical issues.

A week later I had my review regarding my internship. They sat me down and told me that they were really happy with my work as well as my customer service when it came to meeting with people for their computer problems. They also said that they were going to hire me on as soon as the internship ended starting off at about 35/hr. The manager asked: “Well, how do you feel?” I replied: “I actually quit. Thank you for the opportunity but I quit.” Those near death experiences really put my life into perspective. Life can be taken away so quickly, for nothing sometimes.  And that forced me to switch my focus to my true calling. To help others find their voice by using mine.

I am a person damaged in many ways. So I will never claim to be fully healed, nor will I ever. I grew up not having a father. I also went through about 16 different foster placements because I lost my mother a day before my 7th birthday. Being 100% will never be an option for me but I can choose to live within the healing process. I believe that I can do that by following my heart and helping as many people as I can.  Because of that, I have set many goals to accomplish. On the surface they may seem to only benefit me, but deep down those goals have my community, the world, and the people ingrained within them. A goal I set for myself, that is a part of my healing process was to find stable housing for the first time in my life. People need basics necessities. Food, love, and shelter. Without those you cannot fully start to develop oneself or even begin to think about assisting someone else in the development of themselves. Shelter was always the one that got away. I've only lived in couple homes where the stay was more than a year. Trust was never established because I never knew when I would be forced to up and leave again.  So I never put up posters, bought furniture. and I sure in the hell never psychologically settled. It wasn't until a 1 ½ ago that I found a place. I was definitely skeptical about it for months but my roommate and I really connected. I could tell she really cared about me and in the process she became another mother to me. Till this day I am still in that place with a big ol poster in my room. From there, I set a really big goal for myself. To earn an opportunity to have a second keynote speech. I had one a couple years ago advocating for the foster care system and the homeless community. I wanted to do it again. I wanted to see how much more I could help my community just by using my voice. And I wanted to know for sure that giving up that job wasn't in vain. I prayed and prayed, worked hard and one day I got an email from someone claiming they had an opportunity for me. It happen to be an event coordinator speaking on behalf of this organization called Amara. Amara is an agency that promotes adoption of Foster children. They also provide resources to any youth transitioning into Foster Care. She asked me to be the keynote speaker of their event. I said: “Yes! Of course! I gladly accept” I knew then the universe was listening to my wishes and that I was on the right path. This meant the world to me because by using my voice and my story, I raised $432,000.00 for Foster Children. Kids that don't know the power of their voice, yet. Then I set a main goal back in April. It was to get back into college. With all the good things that have come from public speaking my dream revealed itself. I want to be a world renowned public speaker that changes the world in a positive way. I know that college is the first step, so here I am, pursuing my dream. And looking back, I can only be thankful for the events that occurred because without them, I wouldn't be where I am today.

I know that “Healing” doesn't occur overnight and sometimes even years. It is up to you to define what healing means and what is needed to be done in order to accomplish that. I also know that there are some things you can't fully heal. Traumas, terrible things you've seen and things you've dealt with. There is no remedy or cure for that. It just becomes fuel that, if you let it, will launch you to the end goal. Personally, I define my healing as trying my hardest to better myself and the lives of people around me. I believe that, it will be the key that unlocks the door to a place where I feel content with what's happened and what is happening. Overall, I believe in my heart, that we are all here to help one another. We’re not here to take what we can take, but here to give all that we can give. That's how I think you heal. You recover when you assist someone along the road of healing. Even if you're there for just a moment or a glimpse in time. Whether it's a smile you put on someone's face or a simple “Hello” that makes the forgotten feel remembered. You are helping someone get through the healing process. And when you do, you are also helping yourself get through it as well.



[bitcofun]

This is a viewpoint editorial by Jessica Hodlr, COO of Plan B Passport and co-host of the "The Bittersweet Podcast." Disclaimer: BTC Inc. is the moms and dad business of Bitcoin Magazine and the Bitcoin Conference. It's been nearly 2 weeks considering that Bitcoin Amsterdam and it was an experience that I'll always remember. Not just did I get to satisfy the incredible European Bitcoin neighborhood, however I likewise got to see how individuals from all over the world will come and gather to one location-- even if it suggests taking a trip 14 hours-- to commemorate this one thing all of us like-- liberty cash. The very first day we arrived was the prequel to the occasion and wow, it was astonishing to see whatever being established and all of the work that everybody had actually taken into making it the greatest Bitcoin occasion in Europe. The lights, the phase, the team-- all of it felt so surreal and I could not think that I remained in Amsterdam to sign up with all of these individuals to go over among the subjects I am most enthusiastic about. You can inform that everyone on the Bitcoin Magazine group puts in their all to make it an unforgettable occasion for each and every guest. Image source: Author Day One: October 12 Honestly, among the highlights of this occasion for me, was the quantity of effort that might be seen in the introduction video to start the day. It brought chills and truly advised everybody about what we are here for-- flexibility. The reserve banks; those starving for power, have billions of individuals in invisible chains. This is what we are here to secure ourselves versus, with the unassailable innovation and residential or commercial property that is bitcoin. What a method to begin the day. You had extraordinary speakers, as constantly, such as Matt Odell, Adam Back, Knut Svanholm and much more. Katie Ananina ( @KatieTheRussian) and I had the honor of holding a panel in the Whale Lounge to speak about all things jurisdictional arbitrage and flag theory. Not just did you have fantastic speakers to listen to, however you had some mouthwatering food trucks to amuse, a display hall that you might've invested the entire day in and an art gallery to keep you amused. The very first day concluded with a Whale Night occasion held at the world popular Supperclub that included an extraordinary lineup of home entertainment! Honestly, conferencing is an ability that needs a fragile balance of rest and activity and Amsterdam was no various. Not just did you have whatever that was going on at the conference however then you had all of Amsterdam to check out! You had canal boat flights, delicious food, coffeeshops (wink wink) and far more. Day Two: October 13 Again, the 2nd day was filled with some fire material. And I suggest this actually as there were some "like," intense words spoken. Simply as we're about to go on, we started hearing rather the turmoil originating from the phase. " Bitcoin's Media Problem" was the panel that was on in front of us and it was rather the subject. Not just did it develop an amusing piece of material from the conference however it produced a few of one of the most fire memes that I've ever seen on Twitter. And it was rather paradoxical I may include that the reporter who was discussing the quantity of ladies at this conference, stating how we weren't represented and offering the generic "we require more females in [blank]," was being followed by a keynote lead by 2 females. Is it so hard to simply let individuals be associated with what interests them? I digress. It's definitely remarkable the kinds of terrific individuals that we get to get in touch with at these conferences. As discussed in our talk, we have the ability to come together as a people of liberty oriented, sovereign people to develop the lives that we want for ourselves and it's a gorgeous minute. Life is lonesome if you're the one that's continuously speaking to yourself about how you desire life and the world

to be much better (I understand since I did it prior to I discovered Bitcoin Twitter) and it can't be stated enough that it takes every one people to make this thing we call flexibility a truth. We concluded day 2 with the newsdesk, talking about the staying talks with none besides Daniel Prince ( @PrinceySOV). We had a number of hours loaded with laughter, home entertainment and small talk which was another emphasize of this weekend. Image source: @PrinceySOV Day Three: October 14 There was no other method of finishing up this action-filled occasion than with Sound Money Fest. A day loaded with music, laughter and great food-- there's no much better method to end the weekend. We rounded off our Amsterdam journey with a number of train flights to our next experience however that's a story conserved for my Twitter I hope this offers you a little insight regarding what it's like to participate in a Bitcoin conference and the remarkable connections that can occur. We've got Bitcoin 2023 showing up in Miami this coming May and I've got some huge expectations and want to see you there! xoxo, Jessica Hodlr This is a visitor post by Jessica Hodlr. Viewpoints revealed are totally their own and do not always show those of BTC Inc or Bitcoin Magazine Read More

[fotostory5z]

8 filmów o fotografia ślubna warszawa, które sprawią, że będziesz płakać

Should you be a pictures enthusiast and you have a electronic digital camera, then life won't be total with no superior photo printer. Nevertheless, as digital images is swiftly shifting toward cellular units which include smartphones and tablets, finding the top Picture printer is no more a trivial undertaking. That is definitely why experiencing good Image printer opinions is essential if you want to ensure that the printer that you buy is suitable Using the unit exactly where your shots are taken and stored. The dilemma that you've to ask relies on what unit that you are getting. When you've got an apple iphone, iPod or iPad, the question might be whether or not the printer supports Apple's AirPrint. For those who have an Android cellphone or pill, the dilemma might be whether or not the printer supports Google's Cloud Print. But this issue is relevant only if you would like print your visuals straight from your cellular devices.

As with all new engineering, reception to electronic pictures was not all lukewarm all through its early a long time of introduction. This is a A lot different photo now as the quantity of buyers opting for analog digicam is shrinking to around extinction. Determined by The present point out-of-the-art, it really is argueable that analog digicam still retains few edges but They can be speedily diminishing. The greatest edge that electronic digicam has above its analog counterpart is the more Value successful plus much more practical storage. As opposed to capturing illustrations or photos on film that needs to be developed thereafter, pictures captured using a digital digital camera tend to be stored in SD or Flash memory cards which lessens the price of Every single picture capture to zero. When the maximum storage capability is achieved, the images could be transferred out to the PC as well as space for storing is often resetted to its primary potential. Image preview feature is one other benefit that is frequently touted from electronic cameras. Instantly following Every single graphic capture, a single can perform a quality Examine over the image that has just been taken and if sought after, the picture can just be deleted and retaken.

In deciding for the most effective photo printer, There's a single fundamental matter that is frequently ignored by most consumers. The first thing that the majority of consumers will probably be weighing is actually the price tag that may be attached to the printer. On nearer seem, this upfront Value will not be the most important element that could attract income from buyers' pocket. It can be a standard information that foremost makers for example Canon, would not make the bulk of their take advantage of advertising the printer itself, but with the ink instead. It is actually amusing to know that In spite of this kind of know-how becoming readily available in the general public domain, it is actually a single variable that is definitely mostly overlooked by most shoppers. So, a person need to look at the cost of the ink the printer is applying and the quantity of output that could be churned out of each and every cartridge rather than basically considering the acquisition selling price. Over time, the better measurement metric to decide which Image printer is the best can be the associated fee per printout.

You probably have switched to digital camera by now. With profits of smartphones last but not least surpassing that of 'dumbphones', I wager that you are Keeping on to at least one at this time. With all the know-how continue to evolving consistently, usually do not presume major brand names to become the leader. Even if you find yourself buying a Canon printers, you should definitely browse Canon photo printer critiques and open up on your own to the entire world fotograf warszawa of possibilities. You can find new products released From time to time. And on the earth of engineering, disruptive innovation usually arises from challenger and never the incumbent. Do not which the listing of greatest photo printers for 2013 will definitely be different from that of former calendar year.

Many learners Understanding the art of photography with London Photograph studio retain the services of services experiment with image modifying software package to publish their images in black and white modes.

There is a thing Unique concerning this Model that excites Everybody, even when they hardly ever seasoned the first method of black and white images.

The technology that may be presently beneath thirty several years of age is not really pretty acquainted with the photographic film that was a critical factor of pictures for many years. And Until their grandparents or mother and father have preserved some classic objects in family members households, they may have probably in no way touched the basic 'box camera'.

On the flip side, Many people realize that the origins of photography are traced back to an period when newspapers had monochrome shots and have films were also shot in black and white.

During the yesteryears, the black and white photographers utilised a Specific film, Specific chemical compounds and rinse-clean-dry cycle in two discrete phases: the entire process of building pictures took hours or maybe a couple of days.

Right now, any time you guide a photograph studio for use in London to choose headshots, portraits and various pics, you could however have a black and white Image and the main gain is the time saving. It is way less difficult to perform a photo shoot with Innovative digital cameras and gear.

You not only get the final item immediately but can also publish it and share it with the whole world via social media in seconds.

Even so, when you actually need to offer your B&W images a excellent top quality, a random simply click with the camera won't work. It is sweet to acquire some Expert understanding of the approaches.

Attending a images coaching or workshop may even be helpful. Meanwhile, Here are a few suggestions you can decide on:

Don't hurry: Take into account the course of action along with the medium deeply. The way of thinking for productive B&W pictures needs to be various from colour images.

Preserve that ISO setting lower: Some photographers insist that electronic sound provides a creative impact in B&W photography, much like what 'grain' did inside the film period.

Having said that, this isn't really genuine. This is due to the grain composition of film was distribute over the entire vary of final print. Sounds may be fussy about where it wishes to demonstrate up: and that's generally 'only' while in the shadow stop of your histogram scale. This randomness can make digital sound appear far more like an error than an artistic effects of movie grain.

Do not melt away out the highlights or block up the shadows: This can certainly transpire within the taking pictures phase and in many cases in the processing phase. To avoid burning out the lights and blocking shadows, generally don't forget - If the eyes can observe it, How will you help it become obvious with your photograph? Article-process appropriately.

Make the most of digicam Uncooked structure: To understand the deserves of raw format it is nice to be aware of the peculiarities of dynamic vary. The dynamic choice of a digital camera is its ability to reproduce "An array of tone and brightness values from shadow to spotlight".

Ever For the reason that evolution of digital age the dynamic choice of cameras is lower than that of B&W negative movie. That is now little by little improving upon. Nevertheless, digital camera raw will deliver you the widest range from your digital photo file. In that component, in addition to Some others, it is actually better than the .jpeg structure.

Figure out how to perform with tone: Turning colors into the best shades of gray is the prime art of black and white imaging. Earlier, movie photographers had to progressively develop their techniques on how a particular colour would grow to be a shade of gray when using the shot.

Today any time you produce pictures in colour, you might want to help it become monochromatic only in the article-processing stage - give some imagined on how the colors will change to tone when the image turns into black and white.

You can even realize the right amounts of tone by creating appropriate use of sunshine and brightness in the studio. Specialists presenting London photo studio rental expert services might also tutorial you at exactly the same.

Lastly, if you are attempting to optimise your photography techniques, avoid black and white conversion presets and motion sets. The most effective leads to this way of pictures arrive from the personal creativity and also a histogram.

SBM: Do you think you're seeking a favorite Image studio rental in London? At Simulacra Studio you might meet proficient photographers who produce Specialist solutions transcending modern-day standards. The group is devoted to building unique, natural and organic encounters that translate into actual memories being cherished eternally. For facts pay a visit to

[winterywitch]

I just want to say that I really admire the depth you put into your OC's and your confidence in talking about them! I'd like to learn more about them, but I'm on mobile and it isn't letting me search the tags, so... are there any W@tchtower Grotto characters you haven't talked much about that you'd want to talk about?

oh!! ;-; gee thank you.......................

uhhhhhhh gee idk why but it feels like i dont have an actual comprehensive post on who/what nana actually is bc most of my friends know him very well already? so here’s that

hes like... early 30s?? in terms of appearance/maturity, hes the godking of the country in midnight

nana is uh... certainly a rebel at his core thats one way to put it, a lot of core things about him for better or for worse challenge the status quo. he thinks this is a good thing 100% of the time, like he’s some kind of radical rebelling against an oppressive norm on every single norm he challenges. (its not)

he is RIDICULOUSLY people-smart, hes likely an empath and could easily be called a genius when it comes to reading people and understanding how people tend to work.

if he were a dnd character he’d be a sorceror, he casts from charisma not intelligence [though he is certainly NOT lacking in that department]

hes definitely considered the leader of his little commune of kings [involving desiderius, hachi and kyuun], those three tend to defer to him and seek him out for advice [well. they mostly Used to now its just hachi that does that last part]

he sees himself as a teacher and guide to people, which isnt inaccurate necessarily!

hes very good to his people, his country as a whole is doing pretty well financially, there’s a vibe there of everyone taking care of one another! not to mention the fact that its lovely visually

he’s right about most things and he’s comfortably aware of the fact that he’s right about most things. but hes open to being corrected! he cant possibly be right about everything ALL the time!! he just has to consider you an authority on what youre talking about, which is something he very rarely considers other people to be, or he might just ignore your correction. but sometimes he wont, which makes you feel kinda silly for pointing out his tendency for hypocrisy! how confusing. it’s hard to keep up with this one.

he, like all of his colleagues minus desiderius, thinks he is the only Good King while all the others are complete messes who dont know what theyre doing or are just flat out bad people. but like, yknow, its a fucked up dysfunctional family! that’s totally normal, right??1/11

something about him just makes you think “theres a guy who knows his shit,” its probably his sturdy [outward] confidence, his [appearance of] wisdom, his [very real] intelligence and his long list of supporters that make you think that about him

his hair is weird as shit! there are ‘stars’ in it that glow, not BLINDINGLY bright but i mean yknow, they do glow, and where theyre embedded in his hair theres increased physical sensitivity. pulling on this guy’s hair fucking HURTS, even petting it can be uncomfortable if youre not really really careful. not to mention a fucking haircut, good lord (haha)

his parents were kind of like... very emotionally shallow, they were the sorts of people to be like Oh I’m Fine ^_^ at everything, and in subtle and hard-to-detect ways, they would punish nana for showing emotion of any kind (for example, laughing at him when he would cry at sad things as a child). because of this, he is now very open about his emotions and embraces them as something he should listen to and follow rather than only relying on cold logic as his parents tried to have him do. (its a lot more sinister in practice than it sounds, because yeah most of the time it is innocent like this but at the same time, he takes his own feelings VERY seriously and if you hurt them, even if it’s just by having boundaries, he will identify you as someone mistreating him or even abusing him depending on how close you are]

[heres where we get into The Shit, big tw for abuse, csa/pedophilia and “marital” sexual abuse/assault]

his closest friend and advisor arya kurosawa has been his best friend since they were both teenagers. they met when arya was 14 and nana was 17 [in terms of appearance/maturity are what those ages refer to, they were both immortal] and they got along very well.

of course by very well i mean on top of getting along very well, nana has ALWAYS had an inherent, base-level disrespect for arya’s boundaries. it’s been there since they were teens, and it mostly manifested in nana pressuring arya to do [mostly innocent - but the pressure and coercion made them not so innocent] things he was scared to do.

they were inseparable pretty much ever since they met and VERY, very in love with each other

they definitely were a romantic item by the time nana inherited the throne from his mother, and the age gap was definitely concerning but it only grew more concerning as nana’s mental/appearance age rose because he was growing up emotionally and psychologically and arya’s... stagnated.

when nana was in his early 30s so to speak, arya was stuck at 14-15 or so. and like... they didnt really see anything weird about that, they figured “well we both met when we were kids so its not like nana is a pedophile or anything, why question something so good?”

to someone who didnt know better wrt age gaps in romantic relationships and pedophilia, the relationship between those two would have looked completely normal and healthy. there was certainly an appearance of mutual respect, support, love and commitment

nana could only treat a 14-15 year old so much like his equal. to be totally honest, even since they were teenagers, nana treated arya like his inferior, like a student that needed to be taught, and that dynamic only grew/got worse as nana aged mentally.

but at the same time arya also taught nana so many things! see? nana wasn’t some condescending prick! obviously everything is fine. there were a lot of ways sometimes in which ARYA was the adult and nana was the child ^_^ so it’s equal, right?

arya certainly didnt know any better, nana was the love of his life and that was all there was to it. he knew [because of nana] that any discrimination they might face due to their ages in this relationship was simply unfounded, cruel bigotry from a species of essentially cavemen who were afraid of fire. he knew he was progressive for his time, in a couple decades probably everyone else would come to their senses too!

long story short, one day arya very quickly, almost violently realized EXACTLY everything that was wrong. nana’s condescending behavior had come to a head and someone arya considered a playful rival had forced him, very painfully, to face the truth of what this relationship was: abuse from a man who should know better, taking advantage of a boy who didnt.

arya couldnt exactly love nana after realizing this. and it really fucking sucked. he really wanted to go back to the way things used to be, he wanted to “undiscover” what he’d discovered, but there was no way back and he felt so broken and dirty and ungrateful and bratty and selfish for suddenly feeling this way.

nana on the other hand noticed arya very suddenly averse to being touched or held or even looked at. for a while, he was very understanding about this - what that playful rival did was essentially cast a spell and at first he thought arya was just sick or physically not well or something, and that he’d get better soon.

he didn’t.

nana didn’t know what to do. suddenly arya was neglecting him, acting like he was terrified of nana. he’d never been like this before, what happened? it’s incredibly painful and confusing, losing the love of your life like that; one day you’re everything to them, and the next they’re flinching every time you raise your hand around them. nana had never hit him or abused him verbally... in fact, it was nana who HELPED ARYA gain the strength and courage he needed to become independent from his emotionally abusive parents. so why was nana suddenly the bad guy? he had no idea what happened, why, how to fix it, or anything like that.

eventually he snapped, unable to take being deprived of love and attention like this, so he just took whatever he wanted, physically, not caring what arya thought of it.

he knew it was wrong. he knew he’d definitely crossed the line into objectively unforgivable actions. but he was almost too afraid to stop and relinquish this power over arya, because then he had to A.) lose arya, and B.) be held accountable for his actions. both two very terrifying things he saw no personal gain in.

that went on for a long time, until nana sort of... slowly realized he was feeling weaker and weaker, more prone to physical weariness dizziness, severe headaches and nausea, and he didn’t put 2 and 2 together until it was too late.

arya had figured out how to start poisoning him and getting away with it.

by that point, nana realized not just what was happening and why, but also that he unquestionably, factually deserved this pain and much, much more. that realization was too much for him, it sort of broke him psychologically for a very long time, leaving him completely helpless to whatever revenge arya decided to take on him

[it was all physical and psychological torture, but arya was certain NEVER to stoop to his level and sexually abuse nana. he couldnt even think of sleeping with nana “consensually” anyway, it made him horribly sick to even consider]

eventually after a long-ass time of this, arya just got sick of looking at nana and couldn’t even be around him anymore without feeling absolutely god-awful, so he just abandoned nana, leaving him to fester in his broken body and mind

and y’know, stuff happens after that, but thats all there really is to the most prominent phase of nana’s development in THIS story. i also play him in his phase of development after that last bullet point [roughly 200 years later], where he’s fucked up in all kinds of ways and totally deserving it, but also trying to... not really redeem himself or anything like that, he knows that’s not really a thing, but rather to make himself useful to good people who want to do the right thing, in a dnd campaign

nana goes through a SHIT TON of changes, to the point that each phase of his development has his own individual profile on toyhou.se, he’s become a Big Trauma Coping Character for me and somewhat an experiment in redemption arcs, seeing what exactly should happen and how to make “redemption” arcs seem not cheap or forced

here’s the one i talked about in this post though

http://toyhou.se/335049.nana-of-the-stars

[deverodesign]

Reading Time: 13 minutes

Future is closer than you think. And, there is no way you can escape it. Yet, you can prepare for it. Your web design skills will either help you survive and thrive or die trying. In this article, we will discuss last three key skills every web designer needs to have. These skills will help you adapt to anything the future may bring. I have to warn you. We will not discuss any specific technologies. They are in a constant flux. Instead, we will focus on more meta skills. I hope you will enjoy it.

Table of Contents:

Find the previous web design skills in part 1.

Creative thinking

How to develop creative thinking

Grit & perseverance

Make adversity your teacher

The good news about adversity and stress

Growth mindset

Fixed mindset

There is no pure growth or fixed mindset

How to develop growth mindset

Advice for parents

Creative thinking

One of the web design skills you will definitely need to survive in the future is the ability to think creatively. It is true that you can get far just with copying other web designers. However, I can’t recommend this approach for anyone who wants to build either successful business or career. Does it mean that you should pursue creative thinking right from the beginning? Meaning, should you always strive for coming up with something that is different and unique?

The answer will depend on your current situation. If you are a beginner who just started to work on his web design skills, then no. When you are learning about the craft, it is usually better to follow the steps of masters. At this phase, it is more important to learn and master the fundamentals. Creative and innovative ideas can wait. The same is true about breaking the rules. You need to learn the rules very well before you can think about breaking them.

This doesn’t mean that you should neglect creative thinking. Even if you are a beginner, you should work on this skill. You will need it in the future. However, you don’t have to push it too hard. When you master the fundamentals of web design, then you can dedicate more of your time and energy to training your ability to think creatively. Even masters like Da Vinci, Michelangelo and Picasso were apprentices. Even these greats started by following the footsteps of others.

How to develop creative thinking

What if you know the fundamental well? The easiest thing is becoming observant of your environment. Explore the place where you are. And, don’t rely just on your sight. Use all your senses. Another way to train your ability to think creatively is by being curious and inquisitive. Ask a lot of “why?”, “why not?” and “what if?” questions. When someone says something, ask “why”, at least five times. Question and challenge the dogmas and assumptions other people believe.

Next, be open-minded to new and even radical possibilities. Just because someone never tried that doesn’t mean it can’t be done. To do this properly, suspend your judgment. You have to stay unbiased. This can be hard. Another tip is to make unlikely connections. Study things that are not related to web design. Steve Jobs studied calligraphy, among other things, even it was not directly related to computers. So, don’t neglect something just because it doesn’t make sense right now.

Developing the beginner’s mind is also great way to improve your ability to think creatively. It doesn’t matter how much experience and expertise you have in the subject. Try to look at it as complete beginner who knows nothing about it. Then, question everything. Why is something done this way? Is this really necessary? What if there is some better way to do this? Remember, act like you know nothing about the subject. You may even act like a child.

Learn to see things from different angles and perspectives. See it backwards, inside out or upside down. Think inside the box as well as outside the box. Then, question the box itself. And, finally, forget that there is any box. Also, work on your empathy and get really good at seeing things through the eyes of other people.

Another often mentioned tip for thinking more creatively is about breaking your routines. If you are used to doing something in a certain way, try to sometimes deviate from it. For example, you can take a different road to your office. Or, you can try different brand of coffee or tea. You can also change the time you drink your favorite beverage. If you usually read non-fiction books, read some good fiction. Talk with other people. Share your ideas and listen to theirs. Combine these ideas.

You can do something similar at work. Take pieces of work of other people and mix them together to create something completely new. A lot of great ideas we think are original are just a mixture of two or more different ideas. You don’t have to create something completely new in order to be original and creative. You can also combine ideas in original and creative way.

Finally, travel and exercise. Exercise allows your conscious mind to access fresh ideas that are hidden in the subconscious part of your mind. Traveling shows you the world from different perspectives. When you visit foreign country, its culture can fill you with inspiration. This works even if you visit just a different city, or places in the same city you’ve never been before. The key is to expose yourself to novel environment. So, are there any parts of your city you’ve never visited?

Grit & perseverance

It doesn’t matter whether you work in design agency, as a freelancer or have your own business. Grit and perseverance are among the most valuable skills or traits you can develop. You will have to go through a lot of situation where things will go wrong. Your client could decide to change some “small” detail after you agreed on the design. Another client could decide to terminate his project after weeks of work. Or, your client could reject the thirtieth version of the design.

Situations such as these can happen every day. And, when they happen, you have to grit your teeth and keep going. Because the true test of a person’s character is how they stand during the test of adversity. So, when something goes wrong, take it is an opportunity to train your grit muscle. This is all it is, just a muscle. And the more you train grit and perseverance, the stronger they will get. So, instead of being afraid of adversity, you should welcome it.

Make adversity your teacher

I believe that adversity is one of the best teachers one can have in life. Think back about all the times when you had your back to the wall. It is very likely that you learned something about you. Maybe it was something you had no idea that it was inside you. Moments of discomfort are usually those moments when we learn the most and the fastest. So, should you look for adversity? I think so. You should be proactive in pursuing new ventures and leaving your comfort zone.

If you want to improve your web design skills, or just any skill, don’t wait for someone to show you the path. Strike your own path. And, when you hit some obstacle, don’t give up so fast. Think about perseverance and grit as a habit. You give up once, you give up twice and it becomes a habit. So, had better not even think about giving up. Otherwise, it will become a habit as well. Instead, make it a habit to push yourself.

Client rejected your design? Great! You can create a better one. Another client decided to give the project to other designer? No problem! Now you can find client who will want to work with you and maybe also pay more. Do you struggle with some project? Take it as an opportunity to train your grit muscle. You can also see it as a challenge and see what can you achieve. The goal is not to give up at the first moment when you hit some obstacle. If one way didn’t work, find another.

The good news about adversity and stress

Good new is that if you face adversity often you will get used to it. With time, you will learn how to cope with it. You will be able to manage the stress coming with it. I will not lie to you. It will be hard in the beginning. It can be very hard, depending on the adversity and obstacle you have to cope with. However, nothing lasts forever. Everything is only temporary. So, regardless of the stress you are experiencing right now, remember that this too shall pass.

As you expose yourself to adversity, stress and obstacles it will have smaller and smaller impact on you. You will become more resilient. Also, you will be able to think more clearly under the pressure. So, if you are going through some tough times right now, you should be optimistic. Even if the situation will not get better, you will get used to it. And, if you are thinking about working in design agency, include grit and perseverance among your web design skills.

The same for entrepreneurs or wannapreneurs. In a fact, I think that everyone should develop grit and perseverance. Without these two, succeeding in anything is like tossing a coin. Finally, you will have a hard time developing any web design skills without grit and perseverance. Whether you want to learn how to code, the theory of design or communication, you need grit and perseverance to learn these any of these web design skills.

Growth mindset

This is the last of the web design skills you need to succeed in the future. If you would have to choose just one skill from all we discussed, this should be your choice. Grit is important, but without growth mindset it is like a car without engine. So, how developing a growth mindset relates to web design skills? It does. In a fact, developing growth mindset is key to success in any and every area of your life. So, what is growth mindset about. Is there any way we can define it?

The simplest definition of growth mindset is believing that you can develop your talents through hard work, good strategies and feedback from people around you. In a short, Anyone can be good at anything. Skill comes only from practice. Figuring out if someone has growth is relatively easy if you know what to look for. People with growth mindset are not afraid to seek help from others. They are constantly trying new ways to do things. And, they are not afraid of failures and setbacks.

They know that failures and setbacks are part of the process. For them, failures and setbacks are only signs that they are moving forward, that they are trying something new. As a result, there is no such a thing as loss. This should be clear. However, it is worth saying it. People with growth mindset are proactive. They don’t wait until someone tells them to learn or do X. These people look for opportunities to learn and improve their skills on their own.

I guess that now you have a solid idea about how person with growth mindset looks like. My hope is that you can less or more see some of these traits in yourself. If not, you have some idea about where to start. Also, we will discuss how to develop growth mindset later. For now, let’s quickly talk about the other opposite side.

Fixed mindset

The opposite of growth mindset is called fixed mindset. People with this mindset believe that all their talents are innate gifts. These people also believe that they can’t improve these talents or develop new ones. One of the consequences of having a fixed mindset is that they are afraid of situations that can test their skills or knowledge. This is partially caused by their fear of showing people their flaws because they think that they can’t improve.

One sign that some person is more inclined toward fixed mindset is avoidance of feedback. People with fixed mindset don’t believe their intelligence or skills can improve. If they don’t have certain “talent” for something, they don’t think that any effort will change it. For them, without talent there is no chance of success. And, talent is something you are born with. It is basically the old question of nature vs nurture. Another way to spot person with fixed mindset is by listening to her.

When someone talks about successful people, what words does she use? For example, is it something like “He’s a natural born athlete”, “He was born with talent for doing business” or “He was born with talent for design”? Similar thing is true when that person talks about herself. For example, “I am not good at doing X or Y”. Or, “I was born with talent for math”.

You can also use the opposite-hand version to find people with growth mindset. For example, “She is so good at dancing because she trained it a lot”, “He has great web design skills because he practice a lot” or “I am not good at drawing, but I can get better with practice”.

There is no pure growth or fixed mindset

One thing I should mention is that everyone has a combination of fixed and growth mindset. And, that this combination fluid. It evolves with every experience you have. This also means that there is no such a thing as pure growth mindset. And, the same is true about fixed mindset. This is something you need to keep in mind to get the benefits of growth mindset. Remember, growth mindset is about believing that you can always improve. Therefore, there is no ceiling or plateau.

If you do believe that there is some ceiling, it is only a sign that you are at least a little bit more inclined toward a fixed mindset. This is not a bad thing. If this is the truth, you need to acknowledge it. Then, when you do it, you can deflect the scales in direction to growth mindset. And, this is the next step, believing that you have the power manipulate these scales. Who knows? Maybe these steps are exactly what you need in order to start developing growth mindset.

How to develop growth mindset

So, let’s assume that you want to develop growth mindset to improve your web design skills. Where should you begin? First, you need to understand that hard work and effort beats everything. If something doesn’t work the first time, it is not a sign that you are not talented for it. It is only a sign that you should try again and try harder. When you hit the first obstacle or setback, remember that it is hard because you are trying something new. So, don’t give up so easily.

Next, think about your flaws as just things to improve. Just because you are bad at something now doesn’t mean you will suck at it forever. Build your confidence by always pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. Seek unfamiliar situations and learn to improvise. Another step is to commit to mastering valuable skills regardless of your mood. Remember that passion and purpose come from doing great work that is result of expertise and experience. Not the other way around.

Remember that it is all about the process, not the outcome. So, commit to learning. It doesn’t matter if you want to improve your current web design skills or acquire some new. Developing and nurturing growth mindset is possible only when you make learning part of your life. This doesn’t mean that you have to watch courses or study a textbook every day. It can be learning about anything, trying something new or trying new way to do what you already know.

Make it your goal to end each day at least a bit better and smarter than you were when you woke up in the morning. For example, read some new book. Just yesterday, I started reading Upstarts by Brad Stone. It doesn’t even have to be a non-fiction. If you prefer fiction (which I don’t), just try different genre. However, give a non-fiction a shot. You can learn a lot by reading about other people stories. As we discussed earlier, failure is overrated.

The truth is that you don’t have to fail in order to learn. Aside from books, try new music or podcast. Watch a movie or read interesting magazine. What I want to say is this. Opportunities to learn are everywhere. However, you can find only if you are looking for them. In other words, you will learn only if you want to. This is also why so many entrepreneurs don’t learn from failures. It is not automatic. You still need your part of the work.

This brings me to my final advice on improving your web design skills and developing growth mindset. Make it part of your daily routine to review your day. Ask yourself couple of questions. What did you learn from today? What steps did you take to improve your web design skills, or any skills? What could you do differently? How did you keep going when things got tough? What could you do better? And … What can you do tomorrow to avoid the mistakes you made today?

Advice for parents

I can’t believe that I am about to give you advise how to should raise your children. I don’t have any kids and I don’t even plan to change this in the next two decades. Anyway, let me give you just one simple advice. And, no. This advice is not about web design skills, but about learning in general. Every time your child does succeed in something, praise her effort. Don’t tell her she has some talent or that she is special. Sure, she is special because she is your child.

However, the problem is that when you praise talent, your child will not see effort as valuable. If she is good at something, it is because of her talent. If she is not good at something, it means she is not talented at it. And, since talent is something you are either born with or not, it is a waste of time trying to develop this talent. As a result, your child will more likely pursue activities that are easier. The rationale is that if it is easier you have talent for it.

Never let your child believe this illusion of some inborn talent. If you have doubts about this, I recommend reading a book Talent is overrated by Geoff Colvin and Peak by Anders Ericsson. These two books blew my mind. And, both are great material if you want to work on your web design skills or just any skills in general. Back to children. Remember, praise effort and hard work. If your child fails at something, it is not because she is not “talented”. She just needs to put in more effort. Encourage her to try again and not give up. It is hard work what creates success, not talent.

Closing thoughts on web design skills

This is all I have for you today. I hope this mini series was not a disappointment for you. Sure, we could discuss more specific web design skills such as what front-end or back-end language or framework should you learn. The problem is that languages and framework are very prone to change. Technology that is hot right now may not exist next year. So, talking about this subject could prepare you for the next couple of months, but not for more distant future.

That’s why I decided to stay away from the ever-changing topics and focus on skills that are useful, regardless of your age, experience or the time. So, even if the skills we discussed are not exactly web design skills, you can still use them to reach your goal. Is your goal to be a web designer working for agency? Or, is it being a freelancer working for clients? Your goal may be building your own company. These skills will help you in all cases. I hope you enjoyed this mini series.

Thank you very much for your time.

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The post What Web Design Skills You Need To Survive In The Future Pt2? appeared first on Alex Devero Blog.

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5 Reasons You Shouldn't Feel Bad About Not Talking To Toxic Parents

ByGABRIELLE MOSS

Sept 23 2015



The last time I heard my mom's voice, she was cussing me out on my voicemail. I hadn't heard it for a few months prior at that point — I was in the middle of my third or fourth attempt to stop talking to my mother, and I'd made a practice of not listening to her hurtful voice messages, reading her emails, or opening her letters. Just overhearing the muffled sound of her agitated voice, as my boyfriend listened to the voicemail for me, was enough to ruin my day. But it also helped me confirm that not talking to my mother was still the right decision for me.

If you're reading this, then know that not talking to a parent or other family member might be the right choice for you, too. Maybe you're an old hand at not talking (or going "no contact," as it is sometimes called). Maybe you just stopped talking to a toxic parent yesterday. Or maybe you're just beginning to consider the idea that limiting your contact with a family member who manipulates, guilts, or otherwise emotionally harms you might make life better. No matter what phase you're in, you've likely received a lot of pushback, both from your parent and the world at large, about your decisions. Friends might be confused, or even tell you that you're selfish ( a sentiment that the toxic family member whom you've disconnected from has almost definitely seconded).

And the judgment doesn't stop with people you know. If you Google the phrase "not talking to my parents," you'll primarily find resources aimed at soothing parents who have been cut off — or, at the very least, aimed at shaming children who did the cutting off. Most major articles about kids who are estranged from their parents, like this 2012 article from AARP, take the parent's side, accepting their confusion about why their child cut off contact at face value, and judging the child for being self-absorbed.

To use some extremely serious journalistic terminology right now: uh, no. If you've stopped talking to a parent, it's probably a struggle every day to keep doing it. But you shouldn't feel guilty or bad about the decision, should you make it. Here are five reasons why.

1. You're Doing What's Right For You

Odds are that you didn't come to this decision lightly. Despite what many "experts" would have you believe, we actually live in a world that makes it as difficult as possible to cut off communication with a family member, especially a parent. So actually taking this step probably means that your relationship with your parent was so toxic that you felt like you had no other option.

Of course, some people will be unable to believe this. They legitimately can't imagine anything "bad enough" to cause someone to stop speaking to a family member.

But that's OK. Your life is not limited by what your friends, co-workers, or other family members can imagine. Your choices don't have to be relatable to your roommate or best friend in order to be right for you. You're the one who knows exactly how interacting with this family member hurts you. You're the only one who has to live with the aftershocks of maintaining this relationship, and so you're the only one whose experience matters when deciding what to do.

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2. You're Not Alone

While you may feel like you're the only person on earth who's had to deal with something like this, you're not. And while a quick Google may primarily reveal materials aimed at parents who have been cut off, the Internet is actually chock-full of support communities for folks with toxic parents, including those who have broken contact with them.

I've personally found Reddit's raisedbynarcissists community to be a godsend — just reading posts by people who have had the kind of experiences that were once a part of my daily life with my mother (but are beyond the wildest reaches of most of my friends' imaginations) really helps me, and reminds me that I've made the right choice.

There are great books out there on this subject, too — the recent Mothers Who Can't Love by Susan Forward (who also wrote the classic self-help volume Toxic Parents) was immensely helpful for me.

There are also tons of great personal essays out there about being estranged from parents, which can help you feel comforted and understood. I recently read an excellent one by Katja Bak on Medium; the takeaway beautifully distilled the struggle of the estranged child: "It’s okay to let go of your family. Society tells us that family is number one in your life — they come first ... They would do anything for you, and you would do anything for them. It’s not always the case. The truth is, they are just people. They are not infallible. They are not perfect. They can be bad, and cruel, and toxic — despite being your blood. And it’s okay to walk away. It’s okay. It is okay."

3. You're The Best Judge Of What Happened (Or Is Happening) To You

Emotionally abusive or manipulative parents often make a practice of constantly questioning their child's reality and experiences. Our childhoods were full of moments of being told that problematic parental behavior "never happened," that a problem our parent created doesn't matter because they "did the best they could," or that an event that traumatized us "didn't happen like that."

Telling someone that the things they remember didn't happen is a tool of emotional control called "gaslighting" — and a lot of people who cut off contact with their parents have been gaslighted so hard and for so long that they barely have a handle on reality sometimes. In my own life, my mother and I were the only people in our home, and thus, all our conflicts were her word against mine. When my word conflicted with hers, she went to great efforts to proclaim that my memory was cloudy or that I was a liar — to the point where today, at 33, I barely trust my own memory of where I left my keys, let alone my memories of interacting with other human beings.

As you can imagine, trusting my memory of my mother's hurtful behavior was pretty difficult. But I got there eventually. Not all children who have toxic parents were gaslighted, but many were. Your parents may have done it on purpose, or they may have done it simply because they had mental health issues or other problems that kept them from being able to empathize with you or see any perspective besides their own.

But your experiences are real. Just because your parents claim that they "did the best they could" doesn't mean that they actually did — and even if they did, the fact that they did their best doesn't mean that you are obligated to be emotionally wounded by them for the rest of their life. You know best how your relationship with your parents impacts your life.

4. You Can Find Your Own Support System

The idea that pushing away your family means that no one will ever love or support you is a common threat used against children who are trying to cut off contact, but it is very, very untrue. If anything, ending a relationship with a toxic parent (and the toxic love that they provide) may give you an opening in your life to accept genuine love and support for the first time.

In my own life, my mother's love had a stranglehold on me; she regularly made sure to do everything she could to sabotage my friendships, romances, and professional relationships. Despite her threats that no one would ever care about me besides her, I found that building a life apart from her allowed me to find a real network of friends, and a truly loving boyfriend, for the first time.

Your new support system can be anyone — a "chosen family" of friends, a partner, members of an online or real-life support group, a sympathetic and understanding therapist — as long as they get it. And you will find someone who gets it. A good therapist, in particular, is trained to understand things about human relationships and families that might be hard for other people to hear, so they can be a great place to start when building your support network. But remember: You're not crazy for feeling this way, and someone else is going to understand.

5. You May Talk Again Some Day

This may be a good thing — your parents are willing to try to develop a healthy relationship! Hooray! Or it may be a bad thing (i.e. you initiate contact because you miss them, and end up opening every wound you've healed in your time of no contact). But not talking to a parent does not often last forever.

You can use this to soothe yourself if you feel bad about it, but you should also keep it in mind if you initiate contact and end up regretting it. Wanting to be in contact with a parent is a very natural urge, and you shouldn't blame yourself if this urge motivates you to do something that is ultimately bad for you.

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Though I've been actively putting distance between my mother and myself for nearly a decade, I've also re-initiated contact with her a number of times — because I was worried about her health, because I felt lonely, because I wanted to see our aging family dog. Yes, things got out of control almost immediately every time, and I regretted reaching out, but we need to be easy on ourselves when stuff like this happens. It's not your fault for hoping or wanting — and it's also not a mark against you if it doesn't work out.

So remember, no matter what, that you're not nuts and you're not alone. No one — not even the people who birthed you — are automatically entitled to your time or energy if they hurt you.

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Tax law questions and answers from Riley Aviles

What can I do about the irs? First they say I owe back taxes, then I don't, now I do. Please help!

Innocent spouse filed after finding my ex-husband did not claim income for one year and made a tremendous mistake on another leaving me in debt to the IRS for about 50k. I received a letter that there was no tax owed for one of the other year as well as those years I was relieved of any responsibility. I've yet to receive any kind of notice in the email regarding this debt owed, just told over the telephone (when I call) that I owe this 20k. I've asked repeatedly for an invoice to be sent and have gotten nothing. They keep my tax refunds. I was told by the lady on the telephone today if I actually don't set up payment arrangements, they will begin levying my wages. But I have a letter saying nothing but over the phone they say I owe!? What do I do? A: Get in touch with an enrolled agent or a tax attorney as soon as possible. If you're considered a low income taxpayer, you can seek help with a Low Income Taxpayer Clinic in your own state. You can also try the Taxpayer Advocate. You want help immediately, in the event you are at the phase that is garnishment.

What is the best way to approach the fact that my Husband is not disclosing his actual income? Do I bring it up?

For 10 years he has said he didnt have his taxes he made fake paystubs with bank statements for distinct periods. LFLR 10 has never been complied with by him. This is a post secondary support that is now a total change and they're saying it hasnt been 2 years HELP!!! There reallly is a sig change. I keep getting laid off due to my daughter at 17 has major depression and keeps attempting to kill herself and is a late stage alcoholic/addict. I believe, as well as my supervisors, although I now have ADD but cant function with this all. She's now greatly in the juvinelle justice system, she voluntarily went to treatment but only after 5 days in ICU and then 4 in the mental ward at childrens. I had to borrow money to get her into a spot right away cause now she is shooting heroin...4.0 pupil 3 months later here comes the Fs. Meanwhile my mature perfect cheerleader girl with a minor learning disability that prefers to be a DDS needs help. I cant get it becasue of back taxes. HELP? A: Contact a tax lawyer promptly. You are able to definitely go to a low income taxpayer clinic in your own state, if you are a low income citizen. This really is extremely serious and shouldn't be handled by yourself.

What is the proper way to handle a buyout of another person's share of a house inherited through a trust?

If two individuals inherit a Calif. home and some cash (from a trust) and they agree that one of them will buy out the other's interest in the home, how will that trade be managed and taxed. There is insufficient cash in the inheritance to use to cancel the buy out, therefore it will involve a personal check from party A to party B to compensate them for their share. Since the house was inherited at current market value and for that reason no taxes due would this be a sale at zero value? Could the trustee (and beneficiary - Party A) who'll be doing the buy out only transfer ownership of the property directly to herself and compose a private check to the other party, or what are the appropriate measures? I know the government will be challenging a big check composed to another individual. Would a personal check to the other individual then create a taxable event for them instead of an inheritance? (So much red tape, so little time.) A: It should be handled like any house purchase through private parties, in writing and recorded with the county. Contact a CPA or tax lawyer re: your tax questions. The best first step is an Initial Consultation with an Attorney. You can read more about me, my qualifications, awards, honours, testimonials, and media appearances/ publications on my law practice web site. I practice law in the following areas of law in CA, NY, MA, and DC: Company & Contracts, Criminal Defense, Divorce & Child Custody, and Education Law. This reply does not represent legal advice; make warranties, guarantees, or any predictions; or create any Attorney-Client relationship.

In the state of Tx, Was my self insured employer supposed to tax my WC income for the year?

I was injured as well as on WC for 90% of 2016. My W2 reveals the complete year of wages was taxed including WC. Now I'm confused if I'm supposed to claim my WC income on my tax return. A: No, wc benefits are NOT taxable. Your company is wrong is it paid wc benefits to you. If they somehow withheld taxes (ss and FICA tax as well) it owes that cash back to you at once! However, if it was a wage continuation program, rather than TIBs payable under the wc Act, that's a completely different subject. The determining factor is whether your self-insured company paid TIBs and/or IIBs or a wage continuance to you. A clue would be if you're a salaried worker and received the same weekly payment following your injury as before. TIBs are computed predicated in your average weekly wage for the previous 13 weeks prior to your harm and multiplied by either .70 or .667 depending on your hourly rate.

Real Estate Lawyer Kitchener. №❶ Real estate lawyers in Kitchener

Do I have to pay FTB fees?

Hello, I was wondering if someone can help me with this. A corporation started in 2014 and since then have collected fees to the Franchise Tax Board when I didn’t understand better. I used to not do anything with the business, and I owe around about 4k in back fees. I recognize that that money is owed by the corporation and it's going to keep going up yearly. The corporation is now frozen due to back fees. What should I do? I really can’t manage to pay. What can the authorities do to me if I only don’t ever pay? Can they take my private things? Will this impact my business in the future, if one day I decide to start a small business? What can happen to someone who does pay, and what're stuff I can’t do personally if I just allow the taxes develop on the corporation that is suspended? A: It is best to consult with a local lawyer privately and give him or her all the facts and trades and get a special advice and plan of action with respect to your personal liability or lack thereof. Normally, if a corporation complied with the state law and is created properly, is considered a separate legal entity and its own accountability shouldn't create personal liability for its stockholders. The information presented herein is for general purposes only. It may not be construed as tax, legal or accounting advice, and is not intended to. Neither is it meant for solicitation purposes. For specific guidance, please consult an appropriate lawyer in person. Good luck. Zaher Fallahi, Business and Tax Lawyer, CPA.

Property has been sold for taxes, Im not able to pay the taxes back by the redemption period how long do I have to stay?

Redemption span is 9/21/2016 my dad's property he moved. Im still there, filed chapter 7 May 2015, dispatched. A: If you never have already done so, you should contact a lawyer immediately.

Uncle w/o family left me a house in LA. How can I find out the new reassesment property taxes and how much I owe?

A: Contact the city tax office. The best first step is an Initial Consultation with an Attorney. You may read more about me, my credentials, awards, honours, testimonials, and media appearances/ publications on my law practice web site. I practice law in these areas of law in CA, NY, MA, and DC: Criminal Defense, Divorce & Child Custody & Contracts, Business, and Education Law. This answer does not constitute legal advice; make any forecasts, guarantees, or warranties; or create any Attorney-Client relationship.

MY child support is in Florida and I live in another state can child support still take my income taxe money arrears?

And also I don't comprehend how federal cash can be taken by a state from me A: Check with one or a FL lawyer in the state where you currently reside. The best first step is an Initial Consultation with an Attorney. This response does not constitute legal advice; make warranties, guarantees, or any predictions; or create any Attorney-Client relationship.

I received a "Notice of Intention to File an IRS 1099-C Form"

This notice was from a CA law office who said it was the legal owner of the debt (not representing a client). There was a 1099-C form for an 2017 event comprised, together with a settlement offer. I filed a report with the State Attorney General promptly to be wise. I just moved to OH from MI, as well as the letter was forwarded from my MI address. The account was supposedly charged off in 1999. I've been questioning this account for a long time, and it keeps bouncing between collection agencies. The account never existed, as well as the original lender has no knowledge of the accounts. I was contacted about the debt in the middle of last year by another collection agency, whom I questioned it with. Prior to that, I heard nothing for years. My understanding is that the FDCPA doesn't always apply to this scenario, although I am prepared to send a letter of dispute to this law office. Any guidance on the next steps would be greatly valued! Thank you. A: It's time to involve a tax lawyer. A 1099-C is a form filed by a lender when they cancel a debt. The IRS considers the cancelled debt taxable income. You can be about to get an immense tax bill.

[josephwright-blog1]

Research Report

Major Project Title

(Or working title - how and why did this title develop?)

I would like this project to be entitled ‘Nemophilia’. However, the problem is that this word doesn’t actually exist. I derived it from the mostly abandoned noun Nemophilist which is defined as: One who is fond of forests or forest scenery; a haunter of the woods.To avoid the insinuation that the projects concerns an individual, some sort of character, I looked unsuccessfully for a form describing the general definition of the word, this led me to coin: Nemophilia. This however, is open to change.

This title developed purely out of it’s personal relevance to oneself. I was also encouraged by the connotations of Romanticism I believe are inherent in the word, or this would be suitable for the rather gothic-romantic aesthetic of my images. Furthermore, the word implies a love for one’s natural environment, this was especially suitable, as I am working toward a theme concerning the suffering one experiences as a result of the necessary separateness of material reality; the inability to be at one with the essential ‘oneness’ of nature. It is difficult to verbally discuss these subtle feelings without sounding absurd.

Research Methods

(What methods have you used during this phase of the project and how have they helped you develop your ideas and inform your major project proposal?)

Most of my research has been of either a practical or a literary nature. That is, experimenting with a variety of subject matter, equipment, media and chemistry. I have done a lot of research into the practicalities of the methods I’ve experimented with, as I try my best to master whatever I am doing in order to maximise creative control.

It terms of inspirational research, this tends to occur by accident, when I am not consciously trying to research but instead watching a film, walking in a park, sitting with ones own thoughts and so on. I enjoy this method of developing my ideas, because it is so much more tied to real life, real experience, which will in turn have a beneficial effect on the major project. Not that going to a library and consciously seeking out inspiration doesn’t have it’s place.

Pilot Project

(What have you achieved through the development of your pilot project/s? What have you learned from the process? Identify the main concepts that might direct or drive your major project.)

I have learnt that, for my particular way of working, I have to accept failure instead of coming to a halt every time I am disappointed by an outcome - because in the end these failures come together to form something positive. Persistence in a specific direction is essential. In a way, through the pilot project experimentation, I have chiselled away the dross within the creative part of my mind, removing what is unnecessary or poor quality by means of producing work inspired by my ideas. Slowly, as I have done away with more and more I have, from these failures, sculpted together somewhat unconsciously, what I set out to achieve.

Furthermore, I have honestly never put this much thought and effort into producing photographs before, and this is where I have been going wrong. I have never pushed myself to create photographs rather than just take them. I feel that, with this work, I have actually created images rather than simply respond to the world around me. And as a result, I believe I have benefitted, for I am pleasantly surprised by the success of some of the photos - not to say that there is not a lot of work to do, but I didn’t expect to be in this position at this stage. Additionally, I didn’t expect the images to correspond so accurately to how I imagined them. So I have achieved the benefits of getting out what you put in.

From this point, a few concepts may direct my major project. I believe the concepts are strong enough in a few of the images to be carried through to my F.M.P however only after they have been carefully tended to, as I had limited time, aspects such as editing, printing etc. have had to be neglected. I would like to spend an extensive amount of time finalising their presentation, something in the past I am usually unable to do due to poor time management on my behalf.  Also I want to introduce other plans I am yet to undertake, mostly regarding printing. I want to look extensively into paper types and also alternative methods of development specifically those derived from coffee (Caffenol) tea, wine, and related. This, I hope will create the ‘yellow’ I want on the base in order for to hand-tint. I think having a base yellow tone and then tinting on top works better than a tinting a plain B/w Print, for the idea of selective colouring has been overused and has become cliche, I hope to avoid this. So, I shall look and practice extensively hand tinting, for it needs mastering to achieve the effect I’m aiming for.

Finally, I have learnt to become directly inspired by my own perception of reality, rather than in previous years where I felt my work was in a sense ‘forced’. I find it difficult to draw the line between reality and imagination in these images, for so many elements hold personal relevance to my reality. This will continue to drive my major project, for I feel inspired by the intimacy of the work to my life.

Audience and Context

(Has a consideration of Context and Audience made you think about your project in a particular way? Have you been aware of the histories, conventions and audience expectations of particular contexts? Have you considered different contexts and how have you responded to them?)

No, I have and always try to completely neglect it. In my view, there is little point trying to create something in consideration of the expectations and tastes of others. The best I can do, when attempting to create genuine art, is create a representation of my inner world, my inner perspective and hope that, as I experience it, there are other out there who do so too - and if they don’t, perhaps even better. I have always thought along these lines, however this was driven home when I showed some photographs of animals that died as a result of farming, the audience completely misunderstood my intention.  

This images are for anyone who cares to look at them, for I feel the themes I have attempted to portray are, although perhaps remain dormant in many, are of universal application. They lies in all of us. An example would be when one reaches the top of a mountain, and the view is simply overwhelming, that one doesn’t know what to do with it, this common feeling is perhaps aroused by an inner desire to merge with the greater universe, a drive toward the unity of the all.

Production and Presentation

(Discuss the production methods you have been exploring through your pilot project. What effects do these different approaches visual strategies have on the work?  What choices have you made in the refinement of your visual approach and why? Is the approach you have chosen effective in communicating your ideas to the identified audience?)

Techniques I have experimented so far include: Dry-Plate Photography, Hand-tinting and Emulsion Lifts. None of these proved successful in themselves, however it was through the failure of these various experiments that I have been pushed in other directions, reaching a point in which now, I can utilise any successful aspects of each experiment. For example, I shot a number of films in a old toy camera, made prints and attempted hand tinting in order to create a project with the theme of transience - this completely failed, however I have no scrapped the theme, and decided that the hand-tinting shall now be useful in my current situation.  

I have finally been won over (reluctantly) by the simplicity and minimalism of using an iPhone and, admittedly it is excellent for developing your photography. Firstly, it has allowed me to photograph unexpectedly, that is, I have been creating images spontaneously, rather than the usual pre-planned, lugging around of heavy equipment ‘looking’ for images. With the iPhone, the images tend to find you. Also the disposability of these images, the fact one can shoot from any angle etc. imbues one with a freedom unavailable in film photography. I have created an Instagram specifically for this, in which I acted as unintentionally as possible - shooting what looks good, editing it to what looks good and then just posting it. I am indebted to this method this year.

Throughout my experimentation, I have refined the style of ambiguity within the images. For example, I began with Dry-Plates hoping this would create the level of dream-like ambiguous atmosphere present in Victorian Slides, however the effect was way to exaggerated and unpredictable. This search for a suitable ambiguous aesthetic has been refined through the various experiments, such as polaroid, and up to my latest refinement and perhaps most successful: to use the ends of 120 film, which are clear, but are covered in scratches, light leaks etc. Scan them, And then apply them on top of the crystal clear 120 images. As I wanted these images to be representations of my inner world, I was troubled by clarity and realism. I wanted elements that were recognisable as being physical and material, but imbued with a sense of dream etc. In other words, I wanted the images to remain realistic but to also seem as if they were not exactly ‘of-this-earth’ as we know it.

Visual References / Bibliography

(List the key visual and critical references you have explored during the research process. Discuss how useful these references were for the project and what you learned from them).

I tend to dislike looking for inspiration in other peoples photographs, as my images always end up appearing too similar. Therefore, for about a year now, I have used concepts, arguments and philosophies of various religious and spiritual authorities as a means of inspiration. This ensures a level of originality in the work as one is transforming abstract concepts to a material level.

Stalker - Film  (Tarkovsky)

Nostalghia - Film (Tarkovsky)

Mirror - Film (Tarkovsky)

Sculpting in Time - Book (Tarkovsky)

Supreme Vice (Zelenkova)

Index of Time (Zelenkova)

777 & Other Cabalistic Writings - Book (Crowley)

Transcendental Magick - Book (Levi)

Tao De Ching - Book (Tzu)

Raja Yoga - Book (Vivekananda)

Zen Flesh, Zen Bones - Book (Reps)

Zen Art - Book (Holmes)

& more.

My main, and surprisingly least obvious inspiration was the work of Andrei Tarkovsky. I cannot explain, or overestimate what Tarkovsky’s films have done for me. They have transformed my perspective upon life, they have revealed the beautiful, the mystical and the poetic in the everyday. Tarkovsky has inspired me to create art compromising of my own archetypes, symbols and feelings. The work of Tereza Zelenkova has inspired me in that, I admire the unusual relationships of her images; that is, although the subject matter within a project is different from photo to photo, there is some sort of linking together, perhaps on a level above both the rational and the logical.