#CLAMM

[dougwallen]

Clamm feature for The Big Issue Australia

[wildwaxshows]

Do., 5.6.2025, 19:00 Uhr: CLAMM (AUS) + BZRSKE (HH) – Goldener Salon, Hamburg

CLAMM

Hailing from Naarm/Melbourne, punk trio CLAMM—comprising Jack Summers, Miles Harding, and Stella Rennex—delve into the tumultuous experience of youth striving to lead an authentic and principled life in an increasingly chaotic world. Their music confronts the challenges of navigating entrenched systems of power and oppression while striving to preserve mental well-being and a strong sense of self. Through their raw and visceral sound, CLAMM aspires to foster community, ignite creativity, and provide a channel for catharsis.

BZRSKE

Punk from Hamburg, Germany.

[boitedeconcert]

Clamm

Scène Banche, Binic Folks-Blues Festival, Binic, France. 27/07/24.

[senorboombastic]

a/s/l: CLAMM

Remember the days of the old schoolyard? Remember when Myspace was a thing? Remember those time-wasting, laborious quizzes that everyone used to love so much? Birthday Cake For Breakfast is bringing them back!  Every couple of weeks, an unsuspecting band will be subject to the same old questions about dead bodies, Hitler, crying and crushes.   This Week: Off the back of releasing their new…

[bsidebookslug]

Post-Punk Revival!!!

As punk (and post the former) is my favourite music genre, and I want to plug a bit of personality here, I thought I'd make an interactive playlist of some of my favourite current post-punk revival artists and tracks from 2024! Let me know what you think! Favourite - Fontaines D.C. ATM - BODEGA Running - Fat Dog

1959 - topographies July - Wunderhorse Flirting Again - Bloc Party U Should Not Be Doing That - Amyl and The Sniffers Dancer - IDLES, LCD Soundsystem Punk's Dead - Soft Play Bethnal Green - Home Counties

Change Enough - CLAMM Black Cat - Irish Basement Starburster - Fontaines D.C.

[eggcompany]

I was eighteen. Innocent. A Virgin. Part 2

It didn’t happen again. It didn’t. 

For a year. 

Then it happened again. Same track. This time Max won. His second win of the season. 

He was eighteen, he’d gone through his first heat alone, some tabloids say with discreet medical assistants but Daniel knew better. Mostly because Max had smiled at him and proudly said that he’d handled it all by himself. Max had said it in a bragging way, like he was gloating, overly proud. Daniel did feel a little proud of him, it was a big deal, and Max felt comfortable enough to tell him about it. Their week off had left him buzzing with lingering post-heat energy. 

But then Max was flying in first, seconds and seconds before the next car, and he was so happy. Daniel had pushed and forced his way to him after, pulling him into a hug, jumping and screaming, Max glowing and red faced. 

That’s when he caught it. A new scent. 

Max didn’t smell the same. He smelled like… sea salt perfume samples and old books. Horrible smell, chemically and a little mildewy. It wasn’t a delighted omega, it wasn’t tempting or sweet. 

“You alright?” Daniel whispered in his ear before pulling away from the hug. Max was bouncing, smiling so wide, eyes scrunched up. He was so happy. 

“Can you- would you- after everything can you take me to the hotel? And…” Max asked but stopped, suddenly a little nervous, flinching a little. His hand landed on his lower stomach for a second before he dropped it, looking at Daniel’s confused face. 

“You can’t anymore. ’Cause I’m older now. It wouldn’t be… proper.” Max finally finished as he looked towards the ground, his smile dropping a little bit. Daniel huffed and shook his head, hand going to the back of Max’s neck. Max was an adult now. Daniel had been an adult. It would be a media hell storm if it came out but Max was still his good friend, his buddy, the racer who’s looked up to him for years, the omega who found comfort in his embrace.  

“Max? Hey, look at me. Come on~” Daniel said, rubbing a hand over Max’s back, waiting till the omega was looking back up at him. 

“You might be legal now but that doesn’t make you any less a puppy. I’ll wait up for you. I know we have separate rooms but I’ll come make sure you get to bed okay. You’re the big winner! Celebrate!” Daniel said and smiled widely, making Max smile again. 

“There he is! I’ll be waiting, promise.” Daniel reassured as Max perked back up and nodded, wiping his face before going to go get pictures and get fawned over. He had a weird gate, his steps coming a little uneven. Daniel smiled, watching the back of Max’s head, his sweaty hair, the pink of his neck, strong, begging for a bite with that ridiculous blush that bloomed at his nape. 

Daniel talked to reporters, talked to the other drivers, turned Fernando down for a party bus trip, and watched recaps, amazed at the way Max dominated the track. 

That was the next world champion. Damn. 

It was getting late, Daniel laying on the small couch in the trailer, showered and in fresh comfy clothes and his flip flops, a nice big sweatshirt over his white undershirt. He was relaxing, half napping, half watching interviews and replays on the TV mounted to the wall. He looked at his phone, it was getting late. 

That’s when Max came in, sweaty in his team shirt and jeans, shaky and panting hard, eyes dazed, dizzy. He fell to his knees as soon as he closed the door behind him, trembling there, shaking as he wrapped his arms around himself. Daniel got to him fast, in an instant he was kneeling next to the omega, shushing him. 

“You want med? Max, you alright?” Daniel asked, one hand going to run comfortingly over Max’s back, the other checking his forehead for a fever. The younger man’s face was red and splotchy, eyes slowly finding the alpha’s face. 

“Stomach hurts. And ’m tired. Wanna sleep.” Max whined, a pout forming on his lips, tears welled up in his eyes. Daniel rubbed his back, getting his hand under the fabric to run over Max clammy skin. He was oddly cool, the night air having cooled the champagne and sweat down to his skin, leaving him sticky and cold. 

“I know Max, I know. Why don’t you sit here for a minute and calm down and I’ll get someone to let the car through and we can get you up to the hotel and all snuggled into bed. That sound good, buddy?” Daniel explained and Max nodded, not moving from the floor but trying to take deeper breaths. He put his hands down to the floor, holding himself up,taking a breath in through his nose, out through his mouth. 

Daniel pulled his phone out with one hand, leaving one on Max’s back, speaking quietly but sternly and soon with some heavily implied words, a sleek black car was pulled outside the trailer waiting. He cringed when Max cried out when he stood up, taking away all contact. Max didn’t want to get up off the floor, shaking his head stubbornly. 

“Come on Max, let’s get going. I’ll get you a water from the fridge. A nice cold water, yeah?” Daniel offered, knowing how thirsty Max must’ve been. He drank a lot of water anyway, but in heat, or pseudo heat, it was very tempting. Tempting enough to get Max up on wobbly legs and into the car. 

Max wiggled against the car's upholstery the entire ride, sipping his water and running his hands over his arms, his legs, rubbing over his lower stomach. He winced, knees hiking up, face twisting up for a minute before he let out a jagged breath. 

“Cramps?” Daniel asked in a hushed voice as they got closer to the hotel, noticing more and more that Max was rubbing and pressing at his hips and stomach. Max nodded, bottom lip poked out, looking over at Daniel like he could fix it. He wished he could, wished he could make Max feel better. He deserved better, deserved to have a night to not have to think about his designation. 

Daniel gave him a sad smile and ran his hand up to the back of his neck, lightly grasping him there, grounding him, not quite scruffing him into submission, but giving him something to help him calm down. He quickly left the car when they pulled up to the side entrance to the hotel, guiding Max through to the elevator by a hand on his lower back. 

Max tried to keep up, he was trying, even with his wonky gate and his aching stomach, he was exhausted on top of it all, and having a big adrenaline dump. He trudged his way to the elevator, leaning into Daniel’s side as soon as the doors shut, letting his eyes slip closed. 

The first issue arose when they got to Max's room and Daniel realized there was no way in hell he could put Max to bed with how stinking and filthy he was. Daniel had to take the keycard from Max’s hands to get them into the room, he was so tired. But finally standing still, Max clinging to his front, hugging him loosely, rubbing his face across Daniel’s shoulder, he finally smelled him. Awful mildew, sweat, and stale alcohol. There was no way that wouldn’t make him sick in the morning, smell alone. 

“Hey Max? Max!” Daniel called and had to push Max away from him to get his attention. Max looked at him, eyes all blown big, bottom lip trembling from being pushed away. Daniel shook his head, this is the guy that terrorized the track and won by eighth seconds a few hours ago. 

“You think you can make yourself a nice little nest while I run you a bath? You gotta get clean before going to bed. You stink.” Daniel explained and Max looked at the pristine bed and then back at Daniel, eyes hitting somewhere on his collar bone as he shook his head. Daniel sighed and resigned himself. Of course Max still didn’t nest himself. 

“Alright. Come on.” Daniel sighed, hand coming to rub over his face. He was tired too. But the way Max smiled at him, that sweet little smile like he was so pleased, so content… Daniel couldn’t argue. He moved towards the bathroom, letting Max catch his hand on the short walk. 

Max sat himself on the floor, yanking his sneakers off, letting them fall halfhazard around the tiles. Daniel ran the large tub full of water, adding some bubbles because he thought that would probably be something the pup would like. He smiled to himself, this was one of his best friends but right in the moment he was struggling to get his shirt up off his pink skin, blushy and warm, mind dumbed down like every other heat dizzy teenager. 

When Max was wiggling on the floor, his damp jeans stuck to his skin, leaving him in a pair of soaked blue briefs, Daniel knew it was time to take his leave. The bath was full and warm, bubbly and smelling fresh. He only watched for a minute, only looked at Max’s soft belly, his hairless chest, his pink cheeks, his little feet, for only a minute. He could blame his exhaustion. 

“Alrighty Maxy-Max. Get all washed up in here and I’ll set some clothes out so you can get all cozy in bed when you get out.” Daniel explained and Max looked up at him, mouth open breathing, eyes droopy tired, and nodded jerkily. 

Daniel left him in the bathroom, keeping an ear out just in case, and dug through Max's suitcase. He tried not to be too invasive, he didn’t look in the black silk drawstring bag Max had poorly hidden in a pantleg, he didn’t look at the package of slick pads as he grabbed one, he didn’t touch the little bag at the bottom of the hardshell case. He found some clean underwear, a pair of fluffy blue plaid pajama pants, and then stopped when he found Max's shirts. He just picked one he’d seen the younger sleep in before, grey with a cat on the front, oversized and worn soft.  

He looked at the bathroom door, picturing Max all curled up trying to get through his sickness without any help. Max was such a stubborn ass, he’d turn people away, Daniel was sure. Maybe. He let Daniel help so maybe he was more… easy going when in heat. Maybe it was Daniel only. 

The alpha stared at the door, that thought stuck in his brain. Was it only him? Max usually steered clear of alphas, usually kept a little distance. Especially since his birthday…. Daniel blinked, looking down at the clothes in his hands. 

And then took his sweatshirt off. He folded it and put it with the rest of the pajamas, leaving them on the bed for Max to find, slick pad stuffed between the layers. He was grateful for his undershirt, at least he was covered. 

“Max, I’m gonna wait on the balcony. Just tell me when you’re dressed again, okay? Only when you’re dressed all the way.” Daniel said loudly through the door. He heard a noise, high pitched and a bit squawkish, and assumed it was an affirmation. 

The balcony was small and square but welcoming. Mostly because Daniel needed to not smell Max. He was slowly falling into his scent. Daniel leaned against the railing as he thought about it. 

He didn’t get his scent all the way till he was almost twenty three. Max usually had a bit of a flowery flour scent, milky, sweet. Max only heated once a season, two a year. One on the off season, one… one during. Daniel had his ruts every three months till he was… twenty one. Maybe Max just didn’t need as much release. Daniel shook his head, telling himself not to think about Max and his release. 

He turned to look over the city and wondered what everyone else was doing. Charles was probably partying after his second place position. Pierre was probably with him. Lewis was probably replaying the race over and over again after coming in fourth. George was probably doing a spa treatment to himself. Carlos… Carlos was definitely partying. Definitely. He’d been on it when Daniel last saw him. 

“I’m dressed.” Daniel heard coming through the suite. Max sounded better, a little less breathy. He took a big calming breath before turning to go back to his friend. Friend. 

Max looked so little in Daniel’s sweatshirt. He liked baggy clothes and Max usually wore more form-fitted garments. But he was swimming in the soft fabric. He looked not just little but small. Kiddish. His cheeks were pink and his eyes were droopy, sleeve covered hands coming up to wipe at his damp face, water dripping from his hairline. He smelled better at least. There was a tinge of something in his smell, a powdery dusty smell. Daniel couldn’t place it. It was a little… gross. 

“Think that shirt’ll help you sleep?” Daniel asked and grabbed Max's shoulders giving them a light squeeze. Max looked down at it on him, looking down at his own torso, nose flaring as he took in a big breath. 

“It’s like being hugged. I like it. I feel a lot better.” Max said and smiled a little, finally looking up at the alpha. Daniel squeezed him again before looking at the bed. 

“Long day Maxypants. Let’s get you to bed and I’ll see you in the morning, alright? We can snag breakfast together?” Daniel asked as he turned Max towards the bed, wrists rubbing over his back, scenting the fabric a little more. Max nodded and flopped down on the bed, a mess of kicking legs and grabbing hands until he got wrangled under the blankets, curled up and cozy. Daniel huffed and pulled his hands away, letting the omega get comfortable by himself. 

“Alright, I’ll see you in the morning. Just text me if you need something. I’ve got your second keycard.” Daniel said and walked towards the door, patting the card in his pocket. Max watched him, eyes glued to him as he got to the door. 

Daniel looked back at him, hand on the door handle, and just… looked. Their eyes were glued together, no tension, no heat, just… something warm and swiggly that made them both stay still for far too long, staring at each other in the darkness. 

“Goodnight, Max.” Daniel finally said, forcing his eyes to the floor as his hand wrapped around the doorknob. He could feel those blue eyes still on him though, even as the omega’s voice floated into the air. 

“Night, Danny.” Max said and the words fell onto Daniel in a way that had him statue still for a minute. Because Max sounded so soft. Not kidding, not playing, just genuine and soft, sweatshirt collar pulled up to his nose, snuggled in bed, gentle. The alpha left before he couldn’t. Before he crawled into that bed like his instincts were screaming to do. Like his heart was pulling him to. He walked quickly away from the omega’s door. In the morning Max was dressed for breakfast, smiling as he returned the sweatshirt, now reeking of mold and sour milk, apologizing for the smell, blaming a bad dream. Daniel relaxed, his Max. Because when he was in heat, pseudo heat, whatever, Max wasn’t his. At least that’s what Daniel told himself to keep himself sane.

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[theurgists]

⋆｡‧₊°♱༺ DIRTY LAUNDRY ༻♱༉‧₊˚.

abby anderson x fem!reader

summary: bitter about having to drag your laundry basket down the street for your weekly wash, you have a not-so-nice first encounter with the girl who's wearing the same band tee as you. the good news? she's the type of girl you only see in your dreams. the bad? she's your roommate's girlfriend.

warnings: modern!au, implied cheating, cheating, alcohol usage, mentions of guilt, slight angst, not proof-read

a/n: a republish of a small little unfinished series from last year. before anyone gets on my head, i promise superheaven was not as viral early last year as it is now lolll ( its one of my favorite bands ) anywho, enjoy almost 8k words of tea.... lmk what you think, i love getting feedback!

You were precisely three hundred steps away from your destination; a small, collapsing laundromat a couple of blocks from your lackluster apartment. If you widen your short strides just a bit then maybe you’d be able to cut the distance by a few seconds  — maybe, five or ten just to escape the intense rays of the summer sun that beamed down on you.

It was hot enough that the cartilage of your ears were warm to the touch, practically torched by the heat as your fingers ached, feeling as if they were to lock in place at any second from the continuous minutes of strain they had endured. Dirty clothing sat piled in a white, plastic laundry basket, stuffed without care, and unmatched in terms of colors; heavy on the muscles of your arms as you attempted to lift it once more.

The action caused the muscles in your upper back to flex, an ache to accompany the dull throb in protest of the weight that you had tried to pull. A sheen of sweat formed on your forehead; thin enough for you to wipe away with the back of your hand as you puff your cheeks out, letting out a dramatic huff of air. 

After you had straightened your back from being hunched over, the heat seemed to creep through you in the form of a dry throat and sticky skin, bare skin trapped under molecules of heat, and clothing damp from the unrelenting ball of fire in the sky. You couldn’t help but let your lips press into a thin line at the feeling of embarrassment starting to burn up on your bare neck, spreading but unseen to the eyes. The band tee you wore did little to shield your self-consciousness, your tension-filled aura seemingly spreading a transparent mist as you resorted to dragging the basket across the uneven concrete of the sidewalk. 

Twenty more steps and you’d be able to melt away under the cool blast of the dusty air conditioner. It was better than nothing.

“Do you need some help?” 

The voice was one laced with curiosity, a certain playfulness entwined within it as you kept your gaze locked on the tips of your worn shoes. 

A second passed by — two seconds, before you shook your head in refusal, pushing wisps of hair out of your face and behind your ear with a finger on your right hand. “No, I think I can manage.” 

A dry chuckle reached your ears and that’s what finally caused you to glance at the stranger who had so kindly offered you a helping hand. 

She was tall. Her shoulders were broad, and her arms bulky but sculpted so perfectly, the thought that she had to be a bodybuilder had crossed the expanse of your brain. Hell, she had ‘athlete’ written all over here as she towered over you, shielding your frame from the sun, giving you a much-needed break from its unintentional abuse. 

In one of her large hands, she held a small bag, a half-eaten empanada taking refuge within the greasy paper staining her fingers in an orange hue that could only be from blotches of oil that littered it. 

Her blonde hair cascaded down her back in a fishtail braid, tendrils of it framing her sun-kissed, freckled face as her blue eyes scanned across the expression you tried to mask with confidence; albeit the very lame effort to do so. 

You watched as she raised a brow, eying your clammy palms that circled one of the short, white handles of the basket that was filled to the brim with clothing. She couldn’t help but assume that you were someone who waited last minute to do things due to your frazzled state, although she internally slapped herself for criticizing someone when she knew for a fact that she wasn’t in any position to do so. She was way worse.

That’s why she was here too, was it not?

“Doesn’t seem like you’re doing such a good job.” 

Immediately after those words were pushed past her lips, she pulled them back in a grimace; realizing just how rude it sounded even though it was unintentional. 

With your eyebrows furrowed at the jab, you scoffed with a not-so-nice murmur under your breath before pulling on the basket once more, rushing to move away from the rude stranger awkwardly as her gaze burned into your already heated skin. 

Why had that comment bothered you so much? You didn’t know.

 But your sour mood was rubbing off on her, you noticed, as she had rolled her eyes before cocking her neck to the left, then to the right to a row of parked cars before her eyes locked on a trash can a couple of feet behind you. She had retreated out of your line of vision, a shuffle of noise being picked up by your ears before a whoosh of air had weaved itself between your now empty hands. 

It was only then when you had blinked your dry eyes that you noticed the basket was missing, having been scooped up in her broad arms with ease as she held it in one hand and pulled on the rusting, metal handle of the laundromat glass door with the other, the bell above it ringing loudly as she turned to look at your awkwardly stiff frame stood in the middle of the sidewalk. 

“Are you comin’?” 

It didn’t take a genius to sense the hesitance that was harbored within you as you continued to stand there, the sun illuminating you in a light glow before you started to move your feet toward her. 

Moving past her, you inhaled the faint scent of her — earthy yet comforting; with a hint of cinnamon mixed with sandalwood and clean soap. Turning your head, you found yourself in dimmer lighting and a cooler atmosphere, glad to finally be out of the scorching sun. 

“So first you insult my strength and then you find yourself wanting to help me?” 

Surveying the empty laundromat, you could hear the small echo of your voice as you questioned her with curiosity, inhaling the scent of different detergents and fabric softeners. If you squint your eyes hard enough, you could spot the small remnants of chewed gum smoothed into the scuffed flooring as it had practically blended in with it from the lack of maintenance the place had received. 

Seriously, who was running this place?

Turning on the balls of your feet in a means to face her, you watched as she set your laundry basket down in front of a washer with a small thud.  “My goal from the beginning was to help you but I didn’t get my point across in a very polite way, did I?” 

“Hm,” You hummed slowly, pretending to think for a second before lifting your shoulders into a shrug. “No, I guess you didn’t.”

Her lips had lifted into a smirk at your snarky response before she jutted her chin outward, nodding in your direction. “Cool shirt by the way.” 

With lips open and ready to respond to the sudden compliment, your eyes quickly scanned across her attire. Throughout the small interaction, you had seemingly failed to notice the dark muscle shirt she wore. 

Five blue mushrooms with pink stems decorated the front, along with a mint-green snake wrapped around the mushroom in the middle. The words ‘Superheaven’ took all the attention in big, bold lettering in a shade similar to Indigo Blue — but not quite the exact color. 

Looking down at your own, you realized that you were wearing the same shirt, and a twinge of interest sparked up in you.

“You listen to Superheaven?” 

The girl raised an eyebrow, “Asking me personal questions already and I don’t even know your name.” 

Rolling your eyes for what was the hundredth time today, you leaned down to pull the washer door open, shoving a handful of clothes in the small circle hastily before slamming it shut, pushing until you heard the small ‘clink’ of the latch as it was now secure. “It wasn’t a personal question.”

Digging your right hand into one of your back pockets, you retrieved a chipping, neon orange card, inspecting both the front and back side, shrugging in satisfaction at the state of it. 

You silently prayed it worked; as you had found it in the depths of your drawer. It had almost faded into the abyss of all the junk in the dusty area as you stared it down. The contemplation on whether or not to save yourself a couple of dollars for half of the bills of your cracking apartment and risk it not working and being fucked — or — spending the money on a good wash and clean but regret it in the hours of the night where you’d find yourself staring at the ceiling in the darkness of your room, mentally beating yourself up for the path you had taken resulting in your financial choices. 

Thus, here you were, sliding it into the beat-up machine that provided small packets of powdered detergent, inconspicuously crossing your fingers in the hope that there was just enough money in there for you to wash your clothes. “Just one someone else would’ve asked you eventually if they haven’t already.” You continued.

Glancing at her from behind your shoulder, a challenging look crossed your features once you had gotten her attention. “Unless you respond to everyone in the same manner you talked to me in and they were put off by that?”

Turning your head toward the machine again, you pressed the dust-covered buttons for your desired laundry soap, watching the price flash in red on the small screen above the keypad as it dispensed. 

From behind you, she cleared whatever blockage was in her throat, the muscle behind her closed lips clicking against the roof of her mouth as she thought of a retort.

“No, just you.” She confirmed, moving her azure eyes from your frame to focus on the task of shoving all of her clean laundry from the large dryer in a white, plastic garbage bag; the material of it ripping as she tried to stuff every article of clothing she brought with her inside. 

You hummed, nodding your head despite knowing that she wasn’t staring at you. “I still didn’t get your name though.” 

She wiped the layer of sweat forming on her forehead, swiping at it with the back of her hand before dusting the perspiration on the denim of the loose jeans covering her thighs. “Abby.” 

It was a curt reply to your statement. A simple — but sweet and short answer that caused the corners of your plump lips to quirk up in a lop-sided smile as you bent down, outstretching your arm to grab the small packet of laundry detergent before retreating to your clothing.

“Okay Abby,” A satisfied look crossed over your features as you decided that you liked the way it sounded after it rolled off the tip of your tongue. It suited her just a tad, even though it wasn’t the first guess you would’ve made if she had asked you to play that sort of guessing game with her. “So, judging by the shirt, I’m assuming you listen to Superheaven?” 

Opening the small, built-in compartment in the washer for the soap, you poured half of the packet, figuring it was just enough to get the job done before closing it. A couple of feet away from you, you could hear the taller girl shuffle around before she sat on one of the chipping wooden chairs; the object creaking with a small groan under all of her weight. 

Watching as she shrugged, you noticed how her tongue broke through her once-closed lips, moisturizing them before she cocked her head to the side. “Kind of? I mean, my girlfriend does. She was the one who got me into them.” 

Your finger stopped above the button to start up the machine only for a fraction of a second before you pushed inward, a small beeping noise filling the tension-filled silence before a rush of water signaled the start of your cycle. 

Settling for a lame, “Oh, nice!” you awkwardly leaned against the dusty metal of the vibrating machine, looking at her freckled face, flushed and shiny with sweat as she focused all her attention on tying the second knot of the bag.

 The old, rusty air conditioning did little to cool the temperature of your body as you glanced around the stuffy area, sniffing lightly from the particles of dust floating in front of you, disturbed from the palm of your hand slapping onto the surface of cool metal behind you. 

Abby kept her eyes locked on the torn trash bag as she stood from her position, back cracking slightly as she stretched her limbs, letting the blood flow regularly through her veins once more. “What’s your favorite song by them?”

“Uh,” You paused, biting on your lower lip, scanning your brain for the songs you remembered from their discography which was only about two albums long. “ it’s gotta be their most known one, I'm not gonna lie.”

Abby hitched the bag over her shoulder without struggle, biceps flexing as she snapped her fingers before holding her other hand out to stop you from uttering your next sentence. “Wait, don’t tell me. Is it, uhh…” She thought for a couple of seconds, pushing wisps of blonde hair that had fallen in front of her eyes behind her ear; opting to angle her mouth to blow them away when that temporary solution didn’t work. “... ‘Youngest Daughter?’”

“Close, ‘Life in a Jar’.” 

“I was on the right track, though.” 

You scoffed playfully, craning your neck in the direction of the impending darkness that awaited you outside, the sun low on the horizon and casting a warm glow of gentle light into the dim, dreary, place. 

“By all means, don’t let me hold you up either.” You expressed, gesturing to the bag over her shoulder which she seemed to momentarily forget about with parted lips, raising both brows in surprise that there was even something in her hand.

It came as a shock to you when she had set it down with a small ‘thud’ once more, pulling her phone out of her back pocket a minute after as it had quietly buzzed in the space of her jeans, warm on both sides from being trapped against two heat sources. You watched with bated breath as she sat again, thumbs furiously typing away on the screen, her lips all but pressed together into a thin line. 

Turning back to your clothing being tossed about in the wash, you focused on the suds of soap sloshing around the hazy water, clusters of bubbles forming before they’d be ripped apart by the force of the splattering water. 

“I was gonna stay here and chat a little longer, but I’m needed elsewhere.” Her words pulled you out of your spinning thoughts, your bottom eyelashes fluttering against your skin as you blinked, clearing your throat.

Before you could speak, the bell above the door rang, and she was out the door with a small ‘it was nice meeting you’ left in her wake as slammed shut behind her, leaving her scent and the previous conversation lingering.

And then you were alone.

━━━━ ◦: ✧✲✧ :◦━━━━

Standing behind the kitchen island, you squeezed the damp, wet rag between nimble fingers, the muscles in your bicep straining to scrub at a particularly stubborn stain on the counter that refused to leave. 

Over these past couple of days, an overwhelming sense of guilt has consumed you. Guilt for thinking about Abby. 

Whenever her face flashed as if it were a film on the reel of your mind, you thought about the short, meaningless interaction you had to remind yourself that she was just a stranger being nice.

Nothing more, nothing less.

So, why exactly did her name bounce in the space of your brain in big lettering, screaming for attention? 

You had no idea. 

Sighing dramatically, you grasped one of the sharp edges of the cool, marble counter with your left hand, scrubbing at the same spot with your right furiously. 

“Are you okay?” 

Freezing in your tracks, you titled your head up to come face-to-face with your roommate, Lorelai, observing how the once relaxed muscles under her smooth skin contorted into that a worried expression as her bare feet padded against the wood flooring. Her eyes never left yours even when she lifted a hand to pull the refrigerator door open, curling her fingers around the handle as she turned her torso to face you. 

You nodded, darting your eyes from side to side as you dropped the rag onto the island, discarding it before leaning your lower back against the edge to fully show your interest in the arising conversation. 

“Yeah. Why?”

Lorelai shrugged nonchalantly, bending down to get a better look at all the drink choices available in your limited supply of groceries; some of which were close to being unusable due to upcoming expiration dates. “I figured I’d ask 'cause you’ve been a little spaced out these last couple of days.” 

Pulling out a half gallon of Orange Juice, she closed the fridge door before making her way to one of the many cupboards in the kitchen, grabbing a glass, and rinsing it with faucet water. 

Tapping your short fingers against the polished marble, you spoke. “I just have a couple of things on my mind, but really, I’m good.” 

You had met Lorelai in your senior year of high school; having sat next to each other in chemistry class unwillingly as you were given assigned seats for the semester. While others sulked with their seating partners, you and the brunette hit it off as soon as her butt touched the chair. She was an extrovert; a bit on the chatty side, wanting to cover any and every ground possible in terms of socializing without crossing any boundaries. As sweet as she was, the girl who only stood at a mere five foot three deemed herself to be just as scholarly, graduating top of her class and valedictorian. 

From then on, you two were stuck at the hip. Spending all three months of summer after graduation vacationing to wherever your near-empty wallets, and even emptier bank accounts allowed. 

She was your best friend; so much so that after your sophomore year in college, you made the big decision to move in together.

She scoffed, rolling her eyes playfully before gulping a large sip of her extra pulp-filled orange juice. “Yeah, okay.” 

She resolved to put her short glass in the sink once she got to it, “So, you know how I uh,”

Her lips pressed into a thin line as if she was debating on letting her next words slide past them. 

After a couple of seconds of her silence, you slowly raised a brow, cocking your neck to the side as tendrils of hair tickled the skin of your shoulder through the material of your shirt; an involuntary shiver being sent down your spine at the movement.

The gasp that left you when she quickly whipped around was low, reverberating in the back of your throat when she stared at you with wide eyes. 

“I have a girlfriend and she’ll be here in like five minutes. I didn’t wanna tell you 'cause I know how you go into mom mode making sure the apartment is clean and I didn’t want you to feel stressed, especially since it’s just her.” 

Parted lips turned into a slack, achy jaw as you took in the rush of words she threw at you in the form of a confession. The cogs in your brain turned a little too painstakingly slowly, your eyes narrowing into slits as her rant hit you right across your face. “Oh, my god.” You chuckled. The noise develops into a maniacal laugh, then you gasped dramatically, “Oh my god!” 

This was her very first relationship. Ever. And you were freaking the fuck out.

For as long as you had known Lorelai; she kept the possibility of meeting someone in a romantic aspect within arms reach; coming to the conclusion that it was something she’d commit herself to once she was ready to make that big of a leap — you guessed this would be the point in her life where that leap was being taken. 

For that, curiosity gnawed at you greedily as you found yourself desperately wanting to know who exactly had her on her high horse; apples of her cheeks rosy with admiration, an equally love-drunk smile and a few extra skips in her already peppy step. 

But as you went to speak, to let your questions flow out of you as the metaphorical dams had been picked up from your mind, letting you gather yourself; there were three, sharp knocks at the front door. 

With a giddy smile on her face, Lorelai ran in place for a couple of seconds, ridding herself of the burst of energy as she looked from you, to the door, then back to you again. “She’s here,” 

Looking down at your attire, you decided that short shorts and a crop top wasn’t suitable enough to be meeting a girlfriend — let alone your best friends, so you pointed a thumb back to your room, heart beating erratically against your ribcage.

 “I’m gonna go change. Open the door.” You whispered, scurrying back to the confines of your bedroom and closing the door behind you. Looking around, you blew out a breath, eying the pink dresser to your right, a couple of feet away from the foot of your bed before shuffling toward it to yank open the third drawer down. 

Ransacking for a pair of sweats seemed to be a hard task on this night out of all nights as you grew increasingly annoyed at the lack of pants you had stumbled upon. The pressure of presenting yourself for Lorelai’s sake in a timely manner compacting tightly, as if to signal that you were treading on thin ice. Loud muffled laughter could be heard, a sound that was slightly foreign to your ears as you shook your head, rifling deeper into your drawer as if it were a bottomless pit.

Seriously, you just fucking washed laundry too.

Your hands ghosted across the waistband of your blue shorts, fingers yanking the material down as to rid yourself of the article of clothing. Sighing to yourself, you bent down to step out of the thin cotton material, throwing it somewhere in your room for you to find later before adjusting the lace of your thong.

 It was one of your favorites; all white with small, red cherries patterned across with a lace waistband. You had gotten it on a self-care day, something that you had spoiled yourself with once in a blue moon for all the hard studying you do. Plus, there was a sale at the local mall in Victoria's Secret; Lorelai had all but dragged you right into it as soon as her brown eyes fell on the sale sign.

Shimmying on your sweats, you were able to pull them up to your ankles before a sudden rush of air hit your ass, goosebumps rising on the once smooth, blemished skin there as you grew stiff, the hairs on your arms raising, tickling the flesh covering your body in a taunting manner as you sighed, preparing to turn yourself around. 

“Lorelai - I said-“

Only it wasn’t your best friend who you were standing half naked in front of; nipples perked through a thin spaghetti strap, lace thong leaving little to the imagination — it was her girlfriend. 

The girlfriend who you saw less than a week ago in the laundromat in all her muscular, blonde-haired glory. 

God, you were fucking mortified.

“Well this isn’t the bathroom.” 

“Obviously not.”

What. 

The. 

Fuck. 

━━━━ ◦: ✧✲✧ :◦━━━━

“She can’t know.”

“Jaime, I can’t kick her out of the apartment for two hours. She lives here too, just a reminder.” With the heat of your cell phone against the tissue of your ear, you maneuvered yourself around the island counter. Bare feet padded against the hardwood of the freshly mopped floors as you opened the freezer door with a free hand, eyes darting across the small space in search of your dinner for tonight. “She’s also not stupid so she’ll know something’s up.”

From the other end of the line, crackling static was all your ears could pick up before she sighed loudly, breaking the beat of silence. “Well, I have to decorate the apartment for her birthday. What kind of friend would I be if I didn't set up a celebration? Can’t you just ask her girlfriend to take her to do shit? Unless she’s one of those whacko types of people. God, I hate buzzkills.”

Rolling your eyes, you outstretched an arm into the coolness of the frosted freezer, digging out a pint of unbranded mint chocolate chip ice cream. “I’m pretty sure she has a couple of things planned. From what I’ve seen so far she’s in good hands.”

“Okay, so what I’m hearing is that the girlfriend’s cool, and there isn’t an issue with her keeping Lorelai out of the way.” Her chirpy voice held a hint of a smile as she shuffled about. You assumed she was gathering her things; keys, purse, charger, and the decorations she had hoarded up in a brown, cardboard box for the past two weeks for this occasion. 

Jaime was a good friend. That was evident from the numerous times she’s run to your side, consoling you in the instances that you’ve cried due to personal happenings… and the group of individuals she’d hang out with. Truthfully, the capacity of your brain couldn’t comprehend the exact reason as to why she rubbed shoulders with who she did, mostly because they had money; something Jaime was practically swimming neck-deep in.

You shrugged, an action accompanied by the edges of your lips which turned into a frown as you focused your attention on the plastic lid of the container, peeling it off with your right hand, the phone still sandwiched between your ear and shoulder blade. “Yeah, Abby’s cool. Bestie approved.”

Abby. 

Three weeks. Three weeks and two days had passed since that bathroom mix-up fiasco, and to say things were tense was putting it lightly, to say the least. After you frantically shooed her away, bent forward and pants mid-thigh, the uncomfortable silence that hung in the air after the door closed had your heart palpitating. It was embarrassing to the point where the blood flowed to your cheeks, causing them to be warm to the touch. When the door had closed after the short exchange of words, you had sat in the corner of your bed, pants still halfway on, and eyes as wide as could be. 

At the time, you had no idea how much time passed when you sat there before finally taking a deep, burning inhalation of breath and pulling the rest of your sweats up your thighs. Wiping your warm, clammy hands on the fabric of them afterward as a means to rid any nervousness and tension that had weaved itself between your muscles. 

Looking back at your past decisions, hiding behind the chipping, wooden door frame that lead to the living room area wasn’t the best idea, as it only made things just a tiny bit more awkward when Lorelai coaxed you from your shell, leaping for you to reveal the look of embarrassment that clouded over your features. The thick fog that compressed your lungs had nearly sent you into cardiac arrest as the three of you stood there in silence, and it had been Lorelai who had been the one to ask if you two knew each other, taking notice of your body language. 

It was Abby who had nonchalantly shrugged and said that the both of you had met a week prior at the laundromat, leaning against one of the countertops, muscles bulging from underneath the t-shirt she wore. 

This was truly a revelation to you and an unexpected one at that.

Out of all people. It had to be her. It had to be Abby.

Shaking your head, you rolled your eyes at how peppy you sounded, setting down your phone on the marble of the island counter. Twisting your body around to pull open one of the many drawers, your fingers flexed, plucking a silver, metal spoon from the small bin, twirling it in your grasp.

Jaime clapped her hands together, mumbling something incoherent to who you assumed was her cat judging from the low, crackled meows that followed. “Nice, I’ll be there in an hour.”

Opening your mouth to interject, you huffed at the beeping that signaled the end of the call, and your very short conversation with Jaime.

 Puffing out your cheeks, you sighed to yourself dramatically, scanning your eyes around the expanse of your shared, empty apartment before stabbing the tip of your spoon in the lush green of the cream, scooping up an extra chocolate chip or two along the way.

It was just you and your thoughts.

 On any other day, you would’ve enjoyed it, sitting in silence; listening to the muffled chirps of the birds outside hidden in green shrubs, the whoosh of wind ruffling trees, and the constant honk of horns at the end of the street. It was a thinking period, a time when you’d plan out your day without having to worry about anything  — or anyone. 

Clearing certain things from your consciousness was a talent, and you pride yourself in your ability to tune out things. It was something Lorelai had learned to live with these past couple of years, even though it still annoyed her to no end. 

Practically throwing yourself onto one of the three wooden stools lined up against the outer end of the island. It creaked beneath you when you leaned back, causing the skin of your lips to pull back into a grimace as you continued to sulk in the presence of nobody else but yourself. 

Shoveling the cold spoon in the warmness of your mouth, the mint flavor seeped onto your tastebuds, melting as you swallowed. The enamels of your teeth were cold from the contact they had with the dairy, a slight throb forming near your gums when you took another bite. 

You had no choice but to text Abby, even though you were deciding against it. After all, you didn’t want Lorelai’s surprise to be ruined and Jaime to hit you upside the head for neglecting the only task you’d been assigned. 

So, with the slightest bit of hesitance, you left your spoon in the container and picked up your phone from the counter, typing in your six-digit password and scrolling through your messages to find her name. 

Her number had been given to you last weekend by Abby herself, who had awkwardly pulled you aside and silently passed you her phone, the contact info option already open, as well as the keypad. Just as you should’ve been — you were confused, very confused. 

In every crevice and dark corner of your mind, there should’ve been a reason as to why exactly she wanted your number, but that question quickly left your mind when you looked at her freckled face, and long, fluttering lashes.

Fuck.

Biting the inside of your cheek, you let your fingers hover over the keyboard as you organized the right words to text in your brain, the sentence a jumbled mess. 

“ decorating the house for lorelai :) keep her occupied for an hour or so, please!”

“ for sure. what time do I bring her back? “

“ four?? I don’t know, around there. “

Receiving a thumbs up back in response, you pressed one of the side buttons, clicking off the screen. 

━━━━ ◦: ✧✲✧ :◦━━━━

“Happy Birthday!” The numerous voices shouted with you, all facing toward the front door where Lorelai stood, Abby in tow. 

It had been three hours since Jaime burst through the door, the box of decorations in hand, giddy with excitement at the opportunity to execute her vision. She had shoved the brown box into your hand, asking you to set it down on the coffee table in the living room as she spun on her heel to start, babbling about where things should go. 

The decoration process went more smoothly than anticipated, and it was because you had just stood in the corner the entire time, watching curiously as she set the house up for the occasion. 

Once Jaime started something, you just had to leave all the work to her, or else it wouldn’t turn out how she envisioned.

“What the fuck? Oh, my god!” Lorelai’s face morphed into one of surprise, a smile overtaking her lips as she clasped her hands together in front of her. “You guys did this all for me?”

From beside you, Jaime raised her hand, “No, just me. C’mere you big goober.” 

The space she once occupied was empty as she met Lorelai in the kitchen area, embracing her in a tight hug before letting her go. 

You watched from your spot near the arm of the couch, as Lorelai’s eyes darted from every party guest and straight to you, a big, lop-sided smile gracing her face as she made her way over to you. 

Your lips curled upward in response, arms outstretched to hold her in your arms. She smelled like freesia and cotton candy perfume, something comforting to you, but not to the point where you could feel all the guilt melting away. 

It was hot on your skin, burning you alive and tainting your very existence, starting from the outside. 

You were a bad friend. A fucking horrible one for thinking about her girlfriend, who looked at you from behind Lorelai’s shoulder with a toothy grin, her irises practically boring into yours. 

“Happy Birthday, Lai.” You muttered quietly into her ear, cheeks warming once she pulled away to look you in the eyes. They were swimming with adoration — something you didn’t deserve.

“Thank you.” She expressed over the chatter, hands interlaced with yours as she swung them from side to side. “This year’s birthday is tied with last year's so far.”

At that, you snorted. “So indoor drinking is better than the carnival I took you to?”

Her brown hair fell over her shoulder as she cocked her head to the side, and just as she opened her mouth to answer, Abby appeared next to her, guiding a hand to the small of Lorelai’s back.

“This looks nice,” Tilting her head to look at the colorful eyesore of streamers, she pressed her tongue against the inside of her cheek, letting her eyes travel from the ceiling to the walls that were littered with pink balloons. A large “HAPPY BIRTHDAY” sign hung across the width of the wall-mounted flat screen tv, decorated with heart stickers to, in Jaime’s words, ‘make it more noticeable.’ although you doubted anyone beside you, her, Lorelai, and Abby had taken the time to look at.

Nodding your head, you fiddled with a loose string at the end of the blouse you had changed into, something a little more modest than you’d usually go for, but cute nonetheless. “Yeah, Jaime did a good job.”

The fast-paced clicking of heels had you turning your head in the direction of the sound. Jaime stood with four wine coolers in her hands, dangling them in the air from the necks as she outstretched one of her arms. 

“I heard my name, so I came with drinks.” 

You narrowed your eyes, the gears in your head turning as you tried to decipher what brand rested in her shaky hands, smiling widely once you realized what they were. “I can never say no to Mike’s Hard.” 

Abby nudged you playfully, nodding her head to agree with you as she took the two glass bottles from Jaime’s left hand. “In my top five.”

Snorting, you turned to her, jaw agape. “Top five? You have horrible taste. Top three at least.”

She shook her head, tendrils of hair falling from her usual fish braid. “My top three spaces are reserved for the hard shit only.”

Rolling your eyes, you shooed her off, watching as she handed Lorelai one of the bottles, leaning down to whisper something in her ear, which earned her a giggle from the brunette as she slapped her bicep.

Averting your gaze from the pair, you sighed, grabbing one of the bottles Jaime held out to you, and popping the cap open with your shirt. Wasting no time, you chugged half of it down, the cool liquid soothing the dryness in your throat before removing it from your lips, licking the saccharine sweetness that lingered.

“Why the fuck are we all standing in a circle? I have a game of beer pong set up in the kitchen, let’s go birthday girl.” Taking her hand, Jaime dragged your best friend to the island counter, initiating a conversation with two other kids from campus for what you assumed was the game. 

You weren’t sure who connected their phone to the portable speaker, but you were grateful that it was no longer silent, especially with the building tension between you and the muscular girl next to you. 

“So,” Abby began, leaning against the wall, leg crossed over the other, “I kind of wanted to talk to you about something.” 

Taking another swig from your bottle, you pulled your eyes away from the crowd sitting on the couches, a very intense match of uno taking place. 

It took everything in you to stare at her straight-faced, despite your curiosity. What could she possibly want to talk to you about? 

“Yeah?”

You watched cautiously as she focused on the miniature opening of her alcohol bottle, index finger tracing the rim once — twice — three times before she puffed out her cheeks, sighing. “Did I do something?” 

“What?”

She lifted her shoulders in a shrug, “I don’t know. I’m trying to be friends with you and it seems like that’s not what you want from me. If it’s about what happened a couple of weeks ago, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to embarrass you.”

Turning your body to face her, you noticed the rosy tint that consumed the apples of her cheeks, beet red and burning. “What common interests do we have other than Lorelai that calls for us to be more than just acquaintances? And I wasn’t embarrassed, I was mortified.”

A dry, airy laugh made its way past her lips. “You and me both.”

“Didn’t seem like you were.” 

“Oh, I was.”

You downed the rest of your ‘Mike’s Hard’, lifting it to your face to observe the label. It was something to keep yourself busy to not stare at her again. Because, fuck, if you stared at her again, you were sure you’d go into cardiac arrest.

“Besides that, as I said, there isn’t a reason for us to be friends.”

Abby raised an eyebrow, staring at you with a hint of curiosity swimming in her eyes. “You said we don’t have any other common interests besides Lorelai, I don’t think that’s the case. What about Superheaven?”

You were surprised, even if your face didn’t show it. She hadn’t forgotten that meaningless three-week-old conversation? Interesting.

“See, the only common interest we have.”

“No, we still have Mike’s Hard to talk about.” She pressed, eliciting a low laugh from you. 

“What? You want us to discuss our favorite flavors?”

Abby clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth, “That depends on if you want me to get you another drink or not.”

If this was her attempt at trying to pry a conversation out of you, she succeeded. 

“...Okay, surprise me.”

━━━━ ◦: ✧✲✧ :◦━━━━

As seconds turned into minutes, and minutes turned into hours, your crowd of friends retired home for the night.

 That left you, Lorelai, and Abby alone in the apartment, separated by walls and your figure hunched over the toilet. 

Mentally, you were slapping yourself at the excessive amount of drinks you consumed throughout the night on an empty stomach. And the cold sweat you were in made it all the more worse for you. 

Lorelai had gotten violently drunk, stumbling all over the place, words slurred and incomprehensible, the world slowly spinning. She was always a clingy drunk. That was evident from the multiple times she had hugged you and Abby throughout the night, drunkenly expressing how much she cared for the both of you, switching between holding both of your faces in the palm of her hands. 

Her actions pierced your soul. She had been nothing but kind to you, showering you with positive affirmations and listening to your rants about things that bothered you, because she cared, she always did. 

You did too, but not in the way she did for you. 

Unlike you, she considered people’s feelings. Especially when it came to relationships, and unbeknownst to her, you were slowly weaseling your way into hers. 

It wasn’t like you wanted to. As the days turned into nights and the process repeated itself, you tried damn near everything you could to get her girlfriend out of your mind. You failed — miserably. 

Clutching the sides of the ceramic toilet, your stomach empties its contents, causing your mouth to taste sour and the saliva to pool at the surface of your tongue, bringing you to swallow back the bile. 

You gasped at the unforeseen knock at the bathroom door, brushing a hand through the knots in your hair. 

“Yeah?” Clearing your throat at how hoarse you sounded, you could hear Abby’s muffled laced with concern as she spoke.

“Are you okay? I heard you throwing up so I brought you some water.” 

Setting your butt down on the tile flooring once again, you brought your knees up to your chest, closing your eyes to see if that would make you feel any better. “I’m fine. You can come in.”

Her broad figure stood in the doorway, a bottle of water swallowed by her right hand as she pursed her lips, closing the door quietly behind her. She stared at you for a couple of seconds, ocean-blue eyes searching your face for any sign of discomfort.

“Don’t look at me like that.” You snapped.

“Like what?”

“Like you’re judging me for not knowing my limits.”

Her face scrunched up, the skin there creasing, as if she ate something sour. “What? I wasn’t looking at you like that. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” Bending her knees, she leaned down until she was face to face with you. 

You swallowed thickly, “Where’s Lorelai?” 

Abby lifted a hand to scratch the back of her neck, biceps flexing as she did so. “She’s sleeping. I got her changed and put her to bed.” 

You opened your mouth, “Oh.” 

“Yeah, you should probably lie down, too.”

Waving a hand in her direction, you lazily shooed her off. “No, I-”

There it was. You making an embarrassment of yourself, vomiting for the third time in the toilet bowl, spitting, and pressing down on the handle to flush.

“See, I told you.” She chuckled, amused at your stubbornness and the fact that your face had turned an unappealing shade of green. 

The blonde took the initiative to hold your hair back as you threw up again, liquid this time as you had filled yourself with nothing but alcohol and ice cream earlier on in the day. 

She didn’t know why she was sitting in here with you, you were fine, you could take care of yourself. She should be with her girlfriend, already tucked beneath a thick, warm comforter, drifting off into sleep. 

But here she was instead, with you — someone who she assumed harbored some sort of dislike for her.

To her, that was unfortunate because after she had left the laundromat the day you two met, you were all she could think about. She was filled to the brim with guilt, even without knowing who you were, and when she found out  — hell, it made the battle in her mind ten times worse.

She watched as you lifted your head, tilting your head back against the coolness of the wall, hoping to at least lessen your sickness slightly to eventually pick yourself up from the floor and drag yourself to the confines of your bedroom. 

This was enough for today.

Uncapping the cold, plastic bottle, you let the stream of water slide down your throat, gulping mouthful after mouthful until you were satisfied.

“Thanks.”

“Anytime.”

Abby didn’t know why, but she found her limbs moving without her mind catching up to match her actions, hands on either side of her cheeks, thumb brushing over her cheekbones, feeling the heat of your flushed skin against her own. 

She was full of surprises today, and you weren’t prepared for the last one of the night.

It concluded with the flesh of her warm, chapped lips against your cold, wet ones, despite the numerous times you dipped your head in the toilet. 

And just like the bad friend you are, you kissed her back, hard enough to knock her off the tips of her toes and onto her bottom as it came in contact with the tile of the bathroom floor.

She pulled away, looking you straight in your eyes without a hint of guilt giving away how she felt right now, but the hammering of her heart against her ribcage gave you the answer you needed.

“What’re you doing to me?”

[bleggish]

pearls bedore swine: tiramasu before clammes

[galebrainrot2024]

Gale x Tav Enemies to Lovers Part 15

Tav's POV - with a slow build, comes the promise of a massive, angsty pay off. Shout out to @thelittlepinkwitchblog and @stuffforthestash for helping me in the brain room and with the lore! Getting back into the rhythm after being away for a week. Had a little block because I'm excited to get to the meat, and in order to enjoy we must savor the build. Enjoy! Content Warning: death/suicide

“Farewell, my friend,” Elminster said, the seriousness in his eyes unmistakable. Tav’s eyes jolted back and forth between the two, heat pricking her cheeks. She felt dizzy, unbalanced by what Elminster was asking - what Mystra, their Goddess was asking. 

Had Tav not been studied in magic perhaps the news would have felt less jarring. To use Magic and to be studied in the art was to know lMystra. To be an extension of her. Seeing this knowledge dropped on Gale like his life was frivolous and replaceable repulsed her. It made Tav’s stomach rot. It made her feel the slow creep of a gag at the back of her throat. 

Tav looked Gale up and down as he bid his friend, “Fairwell, Elminster. I’m glad she chose you.” 

Tav stood, dumbfounded. Just like that - Gale was sending him on his way. As if the message wasn’t what it was from his ex-lover. 

Ex-lover. Even the idea of it made her skin creep, it felt like she was covered in black tentacles. She wasn’t naive - it wasn’t unheard of for Gods to have sexual affairs with their devotees. But Gale spoke of his relationship with her as if it was mutual, as if she could see him in the way he saw her, with the same reverence and appreciation. 

Thinking about the imbalance of power made Tav grow tight at her seams. Was his naivety invisible to him? Why did Gale give so much of himself to Mystra when she would never do the same? Would never see him as he seemed to need her to. 

Tav wondered if Gale had ever felt superior, to have bedded a Goddess. The emotion that broiled within her felt quite the opposite. It felt cold, and lonely.

Tav felt her muscles twitch as the adrenaline surged in full force. Her hair stood on edge. They’d been so vested in finding a cure - in getting to the heart of the Absolute - Tav realized she understood very little about how complicated his relationship with Magic must be. 

When he explained his folly about the orb, he had a heavy air about him. A weight that seemed to suffocate him underneath the lie of being unworthy. Tav felt guilt wrap her, remembering how her initial thought was thinking he deserved such a punishment for thinking he knew better than a God. Gale was reaching for an impossible goal. Instead of looking on solid ground he looked above for escape. 

Tav couldn’t blame him for that. 

In all of their lectures of Gods of course she learned they had dealings with mortals - blessing their chosen with extended life, clerical abilities and that to harness unique powers. Gods taking on mortals as lovers, though was thoroughly glossed over. 

Tav finally understood what her father had been saying from the moment she discovered her abilities. He had no magic in his blood, as far as she they knew, so her abilities were a surprise to them both. He rarely spoke about her mother but he didn’t indicate she was gifted. 

He told Tav humans were puppets to the Gods. Trifles. Children’s amusements. That if she were to study magic to stay grounded in everything that made her mortal lest she lose herself in the process. 

The Gods had no vested interest in individual mortals. Tav had seen it already: Shar and Vlaakith proved as much with Shadowheart and Lae’zel. It was one thing to read about in textbooks, it was another thing entirely to experience. The Gods had as much a vested interest in mortals as the people Wyll tried to polity flirt with along their journey. 

Mystra was asking - expecting - Gale to end his life like he was nothing. Tav needed to lie down.

The feelings hit her and splintered through her core like icicles. It made her skin clammy and cold. Often Tav felt it - unworthiness, the same self-deprecation she recognized in Gale. No Wizard in the realms would touch her after her final Blackstaff demonstration, a wound that still wept on occasion. It was so mortifying that Tav sought refuge in anonymity.

Tav gritted her teeth. To Gale, Mystra had been and was everything. Would be everything until his last breath. Even if Mystra the Goddess was nothing to him, Mystra was the Weave, and they were inextricable. Tav began tapping the tips of her fingers together and realized she was standing where the conversation had just been taking place, now alone. Shadowheart and Astarion were whispering, their bodies tilted towards Tav and their eyes shooting away from her when they caught her staring. 

“You can’t seriously be considering what he just said?” Tav ignored them and approached Gale, not quite able to match his pace as he started to walk away as if avoiding her and she clasped his arm.

Gale stopped and turned, his eyes dropping to where her fingers gripped, and she felt his muscles tense. “For Mystra to have sent him, the severity of her bidding could not be clearer or weigh more heavily on me.” Gale put a hand on his hip, the other running across his jaw and mouth. “Time seems so infinite when you’re young. A month is an age. A year is a lifetime… it is a strange feeling to realize how little of it one might have left.” He paused for what felt like eternity. “Of course I have to consider it.” Tav felt his body pull closer to hers as he whispered this, his tone laced with solemn regret. “She’s offered the clearest solution to our problem. All I have to do is find the right place and time, close my eyes and let go.” Tav searched Gale’s eyes and they did not meet hers. They seemed to focus beyond on and yet into her all at once. His eyes traced her lips, her hair, but not to meet hers. “The slate will be clean. Wrongs will be righted. The Absolute will be gone.” Tav shuddered, “And I along with it.” 

Tav’s breath stuck like glue in her throat and her knees buckled. Sure, she’d be annoyed, angry with Gale even at times.. yet, the possibility of the world no longer including him felt incomprehensible. “We’ll find another way - I’m not going to let you blow yourself up. She can’t ask you to do this - it’s insane!” 

Gale’s nostrils flared and he tilted his head to the side and when his gaze met Tav’s she sank into his pupil’s black abyss and saw herself reflected in their severity. “Let’s save such certainties for later. I need time - to process. To think. Excuse me…” Gale sighed and lifted his hand as if to touch her and dropped it as abruptly and turned to walk to his tent. 

** 

As they sat around the fire, midday turned to late afternoon and soon the sun dusted the horizon with streaks of mellow purple. They were restless, no one yet confident enough to broach the glaring bulette in the room.

Tav was standing off to the side, chewing on her lip and pulling her amulet back and forth. Tav jumped when she felt the fingers tap her shoulders. “I know that Gale just received some difficult news..” Shadowheart began her long fingers resting delicately on Tav’s shoulder. “We were wondering if we should set up camp. It feels unwise to travel much farther late as it is and I’m afraid we’ve all had quite a bit of wine between us.”

The rest of the companions waved a bit dramatically as Tav glanced over. Ah. They must have nominated Shadowheart to ask for the plan. Tav knew they didn’t have an infinite amount of time. Every hour they wasted was a moment closer to becoming a mindflayer.  

“I think it’d be best if we camped for the night. Maybe ask Wyll if he can make dinner… practice for his future dates.” Tav tried to force a smile that didn’t come, her joke landing flat. Shadowheart flipped her hair with a nod, Tav assumed she was glad to escape cooking duty again. 

Gale did not emerge from his tent for dinner. Tav didn’t know if she should leave him or check on him. For the rest of the companions the choice would have been easy. With him she questioned every word, every action, mulled it over like an overly complex problem. 

Despite the fire before her, Tav shook. Shadowheart leaned forward on her knees, holding her hands up to the heat. Her eyes danced beneath her dark curtains. “I can’t believe Mystra actually expects Gale to just sacrifice himself like that. It seems like a waste of a fine mind if you ask me.” 

Murmurs of agreement swept through them and Karlach paced behind those seated, swinging her axe. “Mystra asking Gale to end his life… I mean this is a lot to take in. What do you think he’s going to do?” 

Karlach looked expectantly at Tav and Tav shook her head and shrugged quickly, looking away. “Oh… I don’t know. If I had to guess, I’d say he’s of two minds.”

Karlach groaned and swung her axe into the dirt. It landed with a thud and she pulled it out like a knife into cake. “Well, tell him to pick the right one.” Tav felt her cheeks redden. 

“He won’t listen to me.” Tav said, pulling at her fingers. 

“He doesn’t listen to anyone,” Astation tossed, only mildly interested in the conversation. 

“Fine, I’ll do it.” Karlach said, “Fucking wizard’s, man they always need help picking the simple, obvious option. If Mystra can’t think of another way to stop the absolute other than sacrificing Gale, she is no God worth worshipping. I’ll say that to Gale in, you know, gentle terms. Lae’zel, you’re one of our resident experts - what do you think?” 

Lae’zel stepped away from sharpening her sword, even she compelled by the visitor in their camp and news to Gale. “Even the Githyanki have heard tell of the sage of Shadowdale. Some of his works have been translated to tir’su.” Lae’zel came to sit by the fire and Shadowheart bristled. “That doesn’t mean his every word carries wisdom. Near as I can tell, Mystra demands Gale’s faith but holds no faith in him.” 

“That’s what I’m saying!” Karlach waved her arms towards Lae’zel, her eyes widening as if to say ‘see?’ 

Lae’zel continued, “Why else would she demand Gale sacrifice himself and  perhaps so many others? Does she not think he can destroy the Absolute with his own immense talents?” 

“Well I wouldn’t call them immense…” Astarion mumbled under his breath and Tav shot him a nasty look that made even him wither. 

“Does she not know the mighty company he keeps?” Lae’zel said, undeterred, “Demanding as Vlaakith may be, she acts for the good of the Gythanki people. Mystra is concerned only for herself. Perhaps he can find forgiveness in a fiery death… but I cannot help but wonder why he’d want it at all.” 

Everyone was silent for a moment and Tav stared into the fire as if scrying. “To suffer on the Wall of the Faithless is no fate anyone should want.” Her voice was a whistle that brushed through them. “It’s cruel to ask it of him because she knows he’ll say yes. It’s wicked.” 

“I can’t believe Mystra is asking Gale to sacrifice himself,” Astarion agreed, scooting closer to Tav and putting a hand on her knee. She flinched but did not pull away. “It’s just a perfectly good waste of a cult we could be controlling!” Before Tav could scoot away she felt him lurch, Shadowheart nudging him. “And a perfectly good Gale, I suppose.” He said the final part with poorly disguised ambivalence. 

Anger simmered in her and Wyll’s calming voice placated her, if marginally. “Listen, I might invoke the triade from time to time and appeal to Helm, but I’m no man of faith. Not like Gale.” Wyll looked at the fire, tossing a stick into it. “I don’t know what drives a man to consider his own death to be an appropriate exchange for his goddesses forgiveness. To me, it all sounds like nonsense.” 

“To some of us it’s important.” Shadowheart interjected but Wyll shrugged. 

“The faith that matters most is that which you hold in yourself and the ones that most matter to you.” Wyll pointed to his chest and stood, “Big bomb be damned. He’s got everything he needs to defeat the Absolute already. Nerve, and powerful allies at his side. I hope he’ll come to his senses and see that.” 

Tav wondered if Gale heard how they spoke of him, how the others seemed to revere him - would they be able to convince him to spare his life even if she could not? The heaviest weight was one of knowing a future she began to see unfold might never come. One that built over years and was reignited by the parasites. Like a planet and moon, destined to be within one another's orbit.

She looked towards Gale's tent and saw him in the darkness, looking directly at her. If she hadn't been looking for him he would have blended into the night. When she spotted him, he held up a hand and offered a half-hearted smile. Although it had yet to pass, she knew then the waters of their relationship threatened to surge violently if they continued to be unaddressed. 

[m3dieval]

Jean-Pierre Clamme at Koroneburg Renaissance Festival

[chrrific]

Hyy cute lady don't be sad about those shits just stay clamm~ 🤭🤭💋

aww thank you ><

[hyperdragon24calm]

Haikyuu SickFic

Sick/Sad : Iwaizumi

Caregiver : Kageyama

Soft, wholesome, puking, overworking.

×

Iwaizumi was always picking up after other people, always cleaning up others' mess and troubles.

He never got a break for himself, never had any time to take care of his own needs.

" Hey Iwa-Chan! I need help! "

Oikawa called out to Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi sighed. He was in the middle of his own assignment when Oikawa called him. He dropped his pencil and groaned.

" Just give me a minute! "

Iwaizumi replied. He got up from his desk and went to Oikawa.

" What? "

" I need help with this question, please, Iwa! "

Iwaizumi sighed, and one another, every team member was asking for help from Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi was going back and forth, and by the time he got back to his own work, he was exhausted and fell asleep.

When Iwaizumi woke up, he had to rush his assignment and head to school to hand in the paper.

Iwaizumi, of course, did not get the high score that he wanted. Everyone else on his team did.

" Damn... "

Iwaizumi muttered under his breath, sighing in defeat as he scrunched up his paper.

" Screw this. "

Iwaizumi scoffed, throwing the paper away. Oikawa went to Iwa.

" Iwa! What did you get? "

" Go away, Oikawa, I'm not in the mood. "

Iwa said. Oikawa pouted.

" Don't be rude, Iwa! Come on. Time for practice. "

Kawa said, crossing his arms and scoffing at how rude Iwa was being.

" I'm not going to practice today. I'm going for a walk. "

Iwa said.

" You have to come!! "

Iwaizumi groans.

" Seriously?! Just give me some space, please! "

Iwa yelled at Kawa.

" Oh jeez, so rude. Don't worry about coming to practice. We don't need you. "

Kawa said, and he walked away.

Iwaizumi sighed as he decided to go for a long walk. He didn't even know where he was going. He just walked and walked.

He didn't realise he had walked to the Karasuno school district. He looked at the surroundings.

Kageyama was walking to his house when he noticed Iwaizumi was looking around almost lost.

" Iwaizumi? "

Kageyama questioned out loud. Iwaizumi looked at Kageyama.

" Kageyama? "

Iwaizumi questioned.

" Oh, hello, Kageyama. Jeez, I had no idea how far I walked. "

Iwaizumi said, sighing as he crossed his arms.

" Heh, what brings you here all alone? "

Kageyama asks.

" Oh... I just needed a break. Everyone was just... too much. I couldn't handle the stress. "

Iwaizumi said. Kageyama frowned.

" I'm sorry to hear that. "

" I failed an assignment! Everyone needed my help, and I failed! Because I had to rush!! "

Iwaizumi unloaded, and he sounded stressed out.

" Oh, Iwaizumi, I'm sorry. "

Kageyama placed a hand on Iwaizumi's shoulder.

" You should take a break for yourself. "

" But I can't, I have to help everyone... "

Iwaizumi muttered, Kageyama frowned.

" You don't, though. Iwaizumi, you need to take care of yourself. Have you ever had any time for yourself? "

Kageyama asked, holding Iwaizumi's hand.

" No.... anytime I'm sick, I won't bother taking care of myself... I just ignore the sickness. "

He says sadly, holding Kageyama's hand tightly.

" I just want someone to take care of me... y'know?? "

He said, inhaling a deep breath as he let go of Kageyama's hand.

" I should get back... goodbye, Kageyama. "

Kageyama nods.

" You have my number, just call me, okay? "

Iwaizumi nods, and he walks away.

A few months passed, and Iwaizumi did not listen. He kept helping everyone and not taking care of himself.

Iwaizumi woke up one morning feeling sweaty and horrid. They had a practice match with Karasuno today, but he couldn't take the day off.

Iwaizumi struggled out of his bed, and his stomach churned, Iwaizumi swallowed thickly as watery acid rose up his throat.

" Ngh.. "

Iwaizumi forced himself to get dressed and eat. Today wasn't a class day, just a practice day. An early practice match against Karasuno.

He struggled through the morning before he made his way to school by bus. His body was sweaty and warm, and his palms clammy, his mouth was dry as.

Iwaizumi arrived at the gym, already late for warm-ups.

" Where have you been, Iwaizumi?! Jeez, so late! "

Kawa complained. Iwaizumi had no strength to talk back or make any remarks. He just hobbled over to the team.

Karasuno is arriving very soon. The team had to do some more warm-ups, spiking, and serving drills.

" Iwaizumi, pick up the pace! You are so slow!! "

Kawa spat, Iwaizumi sighed, groaning as his body was covered in a layer of sweat.

The Karasuno Team arrived.

" Great King!! "

Hinata said cheerfully as he ran to Kawa and hugged him.

Iwaizumi wiped his head with a damp cloth. His breathing was ragged and shallow, Iwaizumi struggled to catch his breath as he gulped down a heap of water to coat his throat that was dry.

Iwaizumi immediately regretted gulping down that amount of water. He felt nauseous and sick. He could feel the watery liquid rising up his throat.

Iwaizumi quickly ran out of the gym. Nobody noticed except Kageyama. Kageyama noticed the pale greenish hue on Iwaizumi's face.

Kageyama followed Iwaizumi out of the gym, Iwaizumi was leaned over a bush, watery liquid spilled from his mouth.

Kageyama rushed over to Iwaizumi.

" Iwaizumi, oh gosh... "

Iwaizumi coughed wetly, his legs shaking as he struggled to keep himself upright. His legs were trying to hold all his upper body weight, and he was so weak.

Kageyama held Iwaizumi, trying to take some weight off of Iwaizumi.

" You're okay, I'm right here. "

Kageyama rubbed Iwaizumi's back, and Iwaizumi heaved up more liquid from his mouth, his stomach convulsing.

" Oh fuck... "

Iwaizumi muttered, he eventually got a break. They heard other team members come outside.

" Come on, Iwaizumi, let's get you to the bathroom. "

Kageyama said.

" Oi! Iwaizumi, come back inside! You have warm-ups to do! "

Kawa yelled.

Kageyama glared at Kawa.

" He won't be doing any warm-ups. Iwaizumi is sick. I'm taking him home. "

Kageyama spat, absolutely appalled by Kawa's behaviour as he helped Iwaizumi stand up and took him to the bathroom.

Iwaizumi's legs trembled.

" K-Kageyama... "

Iwaizumi faltered with his words. He was so exhausted and burning up badly.

" I... don't... "

Iwaizumi was stopped by more liquid rising up his throat. He jerked forward and gagged.

Kageyama helped Iwaizumi over one of the sinks.

" Sshhh, don't try speaking. You are too sick. "

Kageyama said soothingly, rubbing Iwa's back and whispering soothing and comforting words.

" I'm right here. "

Kageyama said gently, Iwaizumi heaved up more puke into the sink, sweat drops rolling down his head as he trembled.

Soon, Iwaizumi got a break. He felt only a little bit better. He didn't feel like he would vomit anymore, so that was a good sign for him. He hated the feeling.

" Kag... I want to go home. "

Kageyama nods.

" I know. I'm going to take you home now, okay? "

Kageyama said. Kageyama cleaned up Iwaizumi and helped him home, Kageyama knew where Iwaizumi lived since one day Iwaizumi needed some company.

Kageyama opened the door with the spare key, and he helped Iwaizumi inside the house.

" We are home, Iwaizumi. "

Iwaizumi let out a small groan. He was so exhausted, and he just wanted to rest now, Kageyama placed him on the couch.

" Kageyama... hold me, please. "

Iwaizumi pleaded softly. He was in such a vulnerable, weak state that he just needed someone there to hold him and take care of him.

" I'm here, Iwaizumi, I'm going to take good care of you. "

Kageyama assured as he sat on the couch and pulled Iwaizumi into his embrace, holding Iwaizumi close and taking off Iwaizumi's shirt.

" You are burning hot. I'm going to get you a damp towel. For your head. "

Kageyama went to the bathroom and wet a cloth. He went back to Iwaizumi, who was already asleep.

Kageyama placed the damp wash cloth on Iwaizumi's head and held him close, keeping Iwaizumi company and taking care of him.

×

End of chapter. May make a second part!

Words : 1335

[cherrytran99]

Tâm an và từng bước mọi mục tiêu đều dần hoàn thành

Mình đã chính thức học xong học kì 3 ở trường. Một gánh nặng nữa đã dần dần trôi vào quên lãng, là thứ mà mình của một năm trước, hai năm trước từng mơ ước. Mình rất tự hào về bản thân.

Mặc dù còn đường dài phía trước để hoàn thành mục tiêu ổn định, nhưng ít nhất mình đã hoàn thành được chặng đầu tiên cũng xem như là đã đi gần hết hành trình rồi.

Dạo này cuộc sống mình có nhiều thay đổi lắm, nhưng là những thay đổi lớn rất tốt và rất có ý nghĩa trong cuộc đời mình. Cuộc đời mình chỉ có tiến lên phía trước thôi.

Mình và Michael đã yêu nhau được 3 tháng hơn, mặc dù chỉ mới 3 tháng nhưng tụi mình cũng rất hạnh phúc và luôn quấn quýt nhau, không bao giờ rời xa nhau quá 2 ngày, còn 1 ngày không nhìn thấy nhau chắc chỉ đếm trên một bàn tay thôi. Tụi mình quấn quýt vậy đó.

Mình cũng mới đi Sydney vào tuần trước, khi mình kết thúc học kì 3. Michael đã tạo bất ngờ cho mình với chuyến bay trực thăng 20 phút ngắm thành phố Sydney. Mình hơi bị ốm trong chuyến đi vì đi suốt ngày ngoài đường, cộng với tới ngày, gió Sydney quá là mạnh và thời tiết thực sự rất lạnh. Đi trực thăng thì vui đó, nhưng coi như là trải nghiệm thui, chứ mình cũng không mê lắm, đi được tới 15 phút là tự nhiên bắt đầu thấy hơi hơi chóng mặt và chán rồi.

Chắc nhớ nhất là con Pelican ở trong zoo, BBQ ở nhà hàng Hàn tại China Town, đồ ăn Trung được ăn clamms, laska ở nhà hàng trung nằm gần Town Hall, chơi game trong khu giải trí, rồi đi tàu mấy chặng ở Sydney.

Mình hoàn thành học kì này thật sự là một việc mà mình hạnh phúc, mình cứ phải nhắc đi nhắc lại. Nhưng thật sự thì mình chính thức có sự tự do 90% rồi. Học kì cuối cùng sẽ là 2 môn học và một đồ án tốt nghiệp, thực sự có rất nhiều lúc mình muốn bỏ cuộc, nhưng mình đã cố gắng đến cùng, thật sự rất nhiều môn mình trễ deadline tận 3 ngày, mình khóc vì sợ mình sẽ không hoàn thành được, nó quá sức với mình, nhưng rồi mình cũng vượt qua.

Ngày 24 tháng này, tức là 6 ngày nữa, mình sẽ chuyển vào ở chung với Michael, mình không biết lựa chọn này sẽ ra sao, vì kế hoạch mình bị thay đổi khi anh cả và bạn gái của anh í sẽ về ở chung. Mình sẽ tiết kiệm được rất nhiều tiền, và có thể sẽ hoàn thành những mục tiêu của mình. Nhưng cũng có thể sẽ xảy ra những xung đột nào đó mà mình không thể lường trước từ tính cách, phong cách sống khác nhau, hay những va chạm trong cuộc sống.

Mục tiêu lớn nhât tiếp theo của mình chính là trả nợ.

Michael 3k, cậu Hảo 5k USD, mẹ 400 triệu. Mình muốn mình sẽ trả hết toàn bộ vào cuối năm nay. Nhưng mình cũng muốn kiếm được việc đúng chuyên ngành để mà còn lo xây dựng tương lai và cuộc sống mơ ước. Nên nếu mình trì hoãn một xíu thì có thể mình sẽ trả hết toàn bộ nợ vào tầm tháng 3 hoặc tháng 6 năm sau (2026).

Dự định sắp tới là mình sẽ chỉ làm ở bưu điện Úc (mong mọi chuyện suôn sẻ), và mình tập trung thời gian còn lại để chăm sóc bản thân và quan trọng nhất là nâng cao kỹ năng để tìm việc software engineer.

Mong muốn của mình hiện tại vẫn là tự thân nỗ lực kiếm được việc đúng chuyên ngành, thi các chứng chỉ và tự bảo lãnh chính bản thân mình để đứng vững trên nước úc. Nhưng nếu không được thì mình cũng không lo lắng gì nhiều vì mình còn có Michael bảo lãnh cho, mà lỡ không được thì mình sẽ về Việt Nam sống với ba mẹ cho thoải mái.

Tháng 10 này mình sẽ có bằng thạc sĩ rồi.

Mình muốn rằng tháng 10 khi mình đứng trước hội trường để thuyết trình bài tốt nghiệp thạc sĩ mình có thể mời tất cả bạn bè, gia đình Michael đến nghe mình.

Mình cũng mong rằng mình sẽ tìm được việc đúng chuyên ngành ngay từ khi ngồi trên ghế nhà trường. Một trong những lí do mà mình nói là mình có được sự tự do đó là mình không quá áp lực trong việc trả tiền học hay trả nợ cho mẹ, mình chỉ muốn nó nhanh, nhưng nó không nhất thiết phải nhanh. Và mình cũng không cần phải lên trường, nên mình hoàn toàn có thể bay đi tất cả các bạn nếu mình kiếm được việc ở bất kỳ bang nào trên nước Úc.

Mục tiêu cuối cùng của mình vẫn là sự tự do. Kiếm được ít nhất 100-150 triệu một tháng sau thuế. Tự do làm việc ở bất kì đâu trên thế giới. Và quan trọng nhất là về nhà ở với ba mẹ.

Rồi mình cũng có thể về Việt Nam làm giảng viên thời vụ nếu muốn. Mình cũng hoàn toàn có thể làm bất kỳ cái gì mình muốn bắt đầu từ hôm nay. Chỉ mong ba mẹ mình sẽ luôn luôn khỏe mạnh.

Chỉ một năm nữa thôi sau khi toàn bộ nợ được trả hết, rồi thì mình sẽ chăm lo cho mỗi người một chút một, đặc biệt là chính bản thân mình.

Ở Việt Nam đúng là mình rất thích, cảm giác mình được làm nhiều việc hơn, và sống thanh xuân đúng nghĩa hơn. Mình gặp gỡ và cảm giác giá trị của mình cũng cao hơn rất nhiều. Ở Úc nhiều khi mình chỉ là con kiến trôi nổi trong thế giới rộng lớn, đi làm rồi thì ai về nhà nấy. Mình cũng rất thích, nhưng ở Việt Nam cũng có cái hay riêng của nó. Ngoài ra mình cũng muốn nếu có cơ hội mình sẽ sang Mỹ để làm việc ở Bay Area trong những công ty công nghệ hàng đầu thế giới.

Đời của mình (có thể - finger crossed) bắt đầu nở hoa từ đây. Tốt nghiệp thạc sĩ, có bạn trai tuyệt vời nhất thế giới, đẹp trai thông minh chăm chỉ cực kỳ tôt bụng lại cực kỳ hài hước hướng ngoại khi cần thiết, được rất nhiều người yêu quý. Mình có được sự tự do về tài chính, danh tiếng khi làm việc ở những công ty công nghệ hàng đầu thế giới, làm việc với những người giỏi nhất, có hiếu với ba mẹ, mình xinh đẹp vốn có, mọi thứ đều hoàn hảo.

Chỉ một chút nữa thôi là mọi thứ sẽ đầy mãn nguyện. Mình đặt mật khẩu của mình với con số 40 và đăng sau đó là chữ Happy, cũng như có chữ cuộc sống trong đó.

Nó được đặt ra khi mình mới tới Úc, với ý nghĩa rằng mình mong muốn mình chỉ cần cố gắng một chút nữa thôi, rồi năm 40 tuổi mình sẽ được viên mãn, không phải lo lắng suy nghĩ quá nhiều, cuộc đời mình sẽ chính thức bình yên hạnh phúc.

Nhưng không, đó là ước mơ mãnh liệt của mình lúc mới sang Úc, và cũng là lúc mình chới với mạnh mẽ nhất, rằng mọi khó khăn mình cũng sẽ đều vượt qua, mình sẽ có được tất cả những gì mình mong muốn, chỉ cần mình cố gắng, và thời gian sẽ bù đắp. Nhưng, hiện tại mình sắp bước sang tuổi 26 (mình sinh năm 99, năm nay 2025), mình sắp có được những thứ mà mình hằng mong muốn rồi. Không cần chờ đến 40 tuổi. Tuổi 27 của mình sẽ tràn đầy rực rõ.

Chỉ một mong ước nhỏ nhoi nữa thôi đó là em sẽ đoàn tụ ở Úc cùng với mình. Thế thì còn gì bằng nữa. Quá sức viên mãn.

18-Jun-2025

Tại nhà trọ Truganina (chuyển vào tháng 11 2024 - chuyển ra tháng 6 2025)

[delicasseten]

ντελικασσέτεν 27.05.25 | New Swang

Lézard - Pop Pop Pop Pop Pop Pop Pop Stop PARADE - Que? These New Puritans - Wild Fields Robert Forster - Breakfast On The Train Wombo - Danger in Fives Stereolab - If You Remember I Forgot How To Dream Pt. 2 Tropical Fuck Storm - Teeth Marché Touchdown Jesus - New Swang

Stereolab - Transmuted Matter Forth Wanderers - 7 Months Wednesday - Elderberry Wine Alan Sparhawk with Trampled by Turtles - Get Still Robert Forster - All Of The Time CIVIC - The Fool CLAMM - Bag I'm In Double Virgo - Bemused Sam Fenton - Aria (feat. Nina) Most Things - Shops! Crowd of Chairs - Laughter

[the-fellow]

[I never post full writing sequences here so I thought I'd give it a shot.]

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Bonus Story #1: A Dream in Another World

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“Duc! Duc wake up! You're gonna be late,” came a voice ushering me to my senses.

I awoke hunched over a desk. It seems that I fell asleep playing games. Wait a minute... I looked down at my hands. My human hands! And human body! This must be a dream.

“Duc! Seriously, come on,” said a boy younger than me, but who looked like me.

Oh, that's my brother. My brother Tommy. I'm remembering?

“Yeah, yeah,” I said getting up and slapping on some deodorant and then grabbing my work clothes.

It was like muscle memory. Whatever memory I was watching play out was from my previous life. A day in the life of Duc the human. Funny, I can't recall my human name and my subconscious doesn't seem to either.

“Bro, I'm gonna be late to college! Let's go!” yelled Tommy for the last time.

“I'm coming. I'm ready.” I said, walking slowly towards the door in a work apron, grabbing my keys.

“Jeez, you look like crap.”

“Let's just go.” I said groggily as we stepped out into the hallway of our apartment building.

We were on the top floor of a four story apartment complex. Most of our neighbors were elderly folks except for… The elevator dinged and she walked off, coming back from a morning workout it looked like.

Oh, I remember her! Rebecca.

The girl I've been crushing on for two years since I've moved here on my own. Tommy has only been here for a couple months and could already tell she was my crush as he met my eyes with a stupid grin.

“OH! HI REBECCA!” Tommy exploded out, causing her to stop.

“Hi Tommy. Duc. It's a hot one out there today already,” said Rebecca making small talk as our eyes met, with some sweat on her forehead.

“Oh, uh, good to know,” I uttered and nodded.

Tommy shook his head in disbelief as she smiled and went on her way. We then made it onto the elevator and headed down. As the doors closed, Tommy just started laughing at me.

I drove Tommy to school and then headed off to work. It was my every day routine. My main job was working a register at the local gas station Clamme, for eight hours a day, five days a week. A basic humdrum life, and for the most part, I was fine with that life.

“Hey! Be on your guard,” came a curmudgeonly old man from the back hallway behind me at the register.

“Oh, Hello Mister Juan. I didn't know you were here today,” I said to my boss.

“Yeah. I wanted to work the night shift because there's been robberies in the neighborhood lately.”

“I didn't know that,” I said surprised.

“Maybe check out the news every once and a while. Jeez.” said Juan turning on our corner tv to the news as a local broadcast was playing.

“Wade's Web, a nerdy hotspot for internet gaming and retro items is the third place hit by a fire in a string of arsons across the neighborhood,” said the newsreporter as they faded into the background noise.

“Robberies and arsons. World's going to crap. World's always been crap. Just be on guard,” Juan muttered and walked back down the hallway leaving me alone.

However, the rest of my shift went by smoothly. It really was the same old same old. But seeing how much bad is so close by and how much I want change in my life… I know it falls on me. I have to be the change. I have to do things differently. But how do I even start?

All I could do was think and think the rest of my work day, on the way home, and as I got back on the elevator to return to my apartment just to start the cycle all over again. But then, before the doors closed, an arm reached in, stopping the elevator. The doors opened back up and it was Rebecca. We were alone and going up together.

This is it! This is my chance to start a change. Do something! Say something!

“Uh,” I squeaked as she looked at me.

“Hi Duc,” she responded.

“He-Hey Rebecca, how're you doing?”

“I'm, good. Tired from the work day. Adulting is just not as good as anyone might say it is,” she laughed.

“I feel that. I always just want to unwind and do nothing at the end of the day.”

“Same! Though some times, I do wish some of my friends lived closer so I could have someone to hang out with every now and then.”

“You could… Er-hang out with me some time, like tomorrow night?”

“Duc? Are you asking me out?” she said seemingly sarcastically.

“Ye-yes.”

I did it. I said it!

“What took you so long?” she laughed again.

“What… do you mean?”

“You don't think after all this time I haven't noticed you always looking at me? Being too shy to say something. I honestly thought it was cute,” she explained.

“Oh, well, just nervous, I guess,” I said scratching the side of my head.

“Better late than never I suppose,” she laughed, as the elevator dinged and the door opened to our floor.

We both went to our separate places, but she turned my way before going in, “Tomorrow night then?”

“Tomorrow night.” I said nodding as I pushed inside.

My chest was beating like crazy! I still can't believe that happened. That I did it! Tommy's never going to believe me. I paced back and forth in the apartment looking for him, but there was no sign.

Must still be working on something at college. Guess I'll tell him in the morning.

It was already decently late, so I decided to go to bed. The faster I sleep, the faster I wake up and start a new day that's not just the same old same old!

𓅹𓅹𓅹𓅹𓅭𓅹𓅹𓅹𓅭𓅹𓅹𓅹𓅹

“Duc! Duc wake up! Seriously, get up!”

It was Tommy, more regular than my alarm clock, except…

It's still night? What's going on?

Tommy was in my room shaking me awake.

“Tommy?” I said groggily, “What's going on?”

“Our building is on fire! Someone disabled the alarms and the neighbors have knocked on everyone's doors. We've got to go!”

“What?!”

I jolted up and followed him to our front door and opened it to a hallway filled with smoke. You could see neighbors running past with their things, pets, and loved ones to the elevator.

“Let's get to the elevator while it's still working.” said Tommy.

As we approached, nearly everyone from our floor was on it. Those missing weren't home at night.

“Is that everyone?” asked one neighbor.

“Who cares?!” shouted another.

“Come on now! The fire's in the stairwell. This is the only way out,” explained another.

After looking around at everyone, I noticed Rebecca wasn't there.

“Tommy. Stay here.” I commanded and took off running towards Rebecca's apartment which was closer to the fire.

I beat on the door, starting to cough from all the smoke. With a mighty kick to the door knob, I managed to push it in.

“Duc?” questioned Rebecca, “Sheesh, I was coming, you didn't have to break the door.”

“Oh, well, I don't think it's going to matter much. Come on!” I said with urgency as I ushered her back to the elevator.

“Alright, that's everyone,” said the floor super. They tried pressing the button, but it made an error noise and the doors wouldn't close, “Oh no, we're over the weight limit!”

Some of the neighbors threw out the belongings they brought with them, making some difference but…“We're still a little over,” said the super solemnly.

I just stood there for a moment. The smoke was overwhelming. The fire was coming. I was… shaking. Then I felt Rebecca touch me with her other hand. I apparently had been holding onto her hand this whole time. Our eyes met and I knew what I had to do.

“Rebecca, I don't think I'm gonna make that date.”

“What?” she asked and Tommy looked at me in confusion.

“Duc?” he asked.

I pushed Rebecca into him and stepped off the elevator, hitting the first floor button.

“Noooo!” yelled Tommy as the doors finally came to a close.

I felt heavy. I was breathing only smoke at this point.

So this is how it happens? I guess, I can die knowing that they'll live.

The hall began spinning and my balance disappeared. I crashed to the floor seeing the approaching flames through the smoke. Things went black. So… I died from smoke inhalation before eventually burning up in the fire.

“Another fire in the string of arsons finally ends with the arsonist going down in flames. A man with the intent on burning down an apartment building full of people, trapped himself in the stairwell, burning to death by his own actions. Unfortunately, there was one other casualty. One of the tenants made a brave choice to get off an over weight elevator before the fire could reach it, allowing his neighbors, friends, and even family to escape the fire unscathed. His sacrifice will surely not be forgotten. For more local news, stay tuned.”

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End Volume 1 of Ducking Around in Another World

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⋆༺𓆩The.Fellow𓆪༻⋆

Find the full story for free on most free book apps(wattpad,inkitt) or my own blog:

[savage-radio-3way-fm]

Episode 073 - X

A favourite of mine tonight X. In hindsight I wish I had my glasses with me so I could read the liner notes easier!

Fun Things - Savage

CLAMM - And I Try Ecca Vandal - Cruising To Self Soothe Sledgehammer Honey - Offshore Rapid Dye - On The Take Rapid Dye - Bite

Forklift Assassins - Something We Want High Angle Beams - Submarine Dictators - What Goes On

Fluf - Peanut Butter The Fall - Frightened Buzzcocks - What Do I Get?

X - You Don't Like Me X - infamy X - Slash Ya Wrists

X - Suck Suck X - Police X - Good On Ya Baby X - I Don't Wanna Go Out

X - Home Is Where The Floor Is X - Fuckin' Rockin (Live 1978) X - Hey You (Live 1978) X - TV Cabaret Roll X - Hate City

X - Dipstick (Live 1979) X - That's Not Nice (Live 1979) X - Halfway Round The World

X - Degenerate Boy X - Oxford Street Nick X - The Feel (Live 1985)

X - And More X - Here's Looking At You

X - Ooh Baby X - I Love Rock N Roll X - Hey You X - All Over Now (Live 2002)

X - Where Did I Go Wrong? (Live 2002)