#CW: Negativity

[psychotic-tbh]

Do any other social folks on the schizophrenia spectrum also feel like they don’t know how to “people” after an episode?

It’s so strange to look back on how social I was when my symptoms were less severe and how (almost) outgoing I was

Now I’m not even sure how to talk to close friends and am just awkward. I lost my conversation skills :(

[vreenak]

I'm that close to giving up on gifmaking again. Anything that isn't Star Trek or CBS Ghosts gets pretty much ignored. And my expectations are already low. Many sourceblogs have become so picky and elite that it's pretty much impossible to get a reblog as an average gifmaker.

I'm having a hard time feeling like I actually belong in my fandoms. I feel like the only things that get people actually excited are shitposting and fanfiction. But that's not what I do, sorry. Idk man, I need a nap.

[yellingmetatron]

i really, really get tired of wanting to write but getting stuck just staring at the screen.

[wastheheart-arc]

Met someone yesterday with a newborn who couldn't be that much older than me, and then the woman next to me (who's only 5 years older than me) was telling me she has 7 kids and like...

I feel like I'm nowhere near accomplished in life as I should be. I love my job, but it's not the industry I trained for, and I feel like my time trying to figure out if 1 want kids or not is running out (as my mum says, my "b.iological c.lock is ticking").

I feel so far behind people my age and without space to really work out what I want for my future.

And like? That's not even important tbh. There's g.enocides and f.ascism without consequence happening globally. People are d.ying and my problems are so miniscule in comparison, but ugh.

[gcmecn]

𝗗𝗢𝗡'𝗧 𝗬𝗢𝗨 𝗝𝗨𝗦𝗧 𝗛𝗔𝗧𝗘 𝗧𝗛𝗔𝗧 𝗥𝗘𝗙𝗟𝗘𝗖𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡 𝗢𝗙 𝗬𝗢𝗨𝗥𝗦?

𝗜 𝗦𝗨𝗥𝗘 𝗗𝗢 𝗛𝗔𝗧𝗘 𝗠𝗜𝗡𝗘.

Jaden can feel his shoulders lock up.

........... His reflection ....

...... BROKEN .....

........... A BURDEN ......

All of these things were something that really ate himself inside. He doesn't express it openly. But when he was home it was a different story. Inside Jaden really hated the way that fate had in stored for him. On top of that, the way Yubel also felt. Whatever Yubel had, Jaden also had. The feeling of being broken. The feeling of being a burden to his friends.... Family.... The way that he couldn't face his fears. That living was such a cruel thing in his eyes. Every time he looked himself in the mirror, he couldn't stare at himself for long. Yubel already has the aura that can break mirrors. Not to mention the way that they talk about them both. A face of someone who has been through a lot. Who hurt his friends with the darkness of his heart.

.... You abandoned them....

Jaden had every reason not to show up to his graduation. He couldn't face those he has hurt. Jaden still and is self reflecting. The man wants to get better. But sometimes... Those voices of guilt, negative thoughts, surrounded his mind. The man could feel a single tear drip down his face. Why the hell was he staring at the mirror in the first place...?

Better get away from the mirror before I smash it again.

Jaden took a deep breathe as he splashed water in his face. Proceed to quickly move away from the mirror as fast as he could. No one shall know how much he hated this side of himself.

[hetchiew]

I feel so shitty that everything is blending together

I can’t tell what’s from being sick, what’s chronic illness stuff, and what’s just from stress anymore

I’m just a pile of pain😣

[cosmicallybound]

alright pookies, this is my last post for the evening. i might reblog some things, but i will mainly be on discord while trying to fall asleep. i desperately, desperately want to interact with y'all, both ic && ooc. however, i will let you in on a lil secret... i hate feeling like i'm bothering people by reaching out, && never want to annoy anyone. logically, i know that i'm not annoying y'all, but still. anyways, this is just me baring my heart a wee bit for y'all.

[vicit-vim-virtus]

[ Ooc: I have a job interview today but like, in a previous one, they already said they doubt I'm the right person for their traineeship (it's not even a job job, and yet they're strict, like isn't the point of a traineeship to learn), and I'm just like, should I even bother, then? Or will this be yet another disappointment to add to my wall of disappointments? ]

[psychotic-tbh]

LOL just got a “narc abuse” truther on here trying to clown on one of my posts 😭 p sure they’re a troll tho so idrc about replying to ‘em

So erm anyway folks with NPD ily and support u, it’s not easy living with stigmatized disorders but ur rockin’ it :3

[vreenak]

movie rant

Alien: Romulus and Twisters are some of the worst movies I've seen lately and it worries me that so many (young) people think they're great cinema. Like, I'm genuinely glad you like it, but they're not even average.

Sorry for the negativity, but it feels like I'm losing my mind. Like ... that was it?

[yellingmetatron]

just apropos of a sleepless night: being a person who really loves shipping but has an IRL broken heart is... tiring. i don't want to avoid an aspect of rp i love. but i wish thinking of love didn't make me feel sad right now.

gonna keep doing shipping stuff. and any partners who read this-- please, don't feel like you should dial back on it. just... i wish things were different.

[wastheheart-arc]

i'm so tired of being m.entally i.ll. what do you mean i have a b.frb to self soothe when all it does is ultimately make me feel even more shit than i already did?

why can't i just be normal and stop, y'know? i'm so fucking tired, angry and fed up with myself. always in some level of discomfort because of me and my shit excuse of a brain.

[distopea]

Sorry for ghosting messages on discord and such these days...

To be honest, I'm not okay. Really not okay, but I have to cope with it and move on, move forward, and it's difficult. I'm going through three weeks of nightmare, dealing with an exhausting personal situation that drains me emotionally, physically and mentally. I feel that my energy is incredibly low, sporadic, and this is quite chaotic to handle.

I'm also... Not very much able to deal with people's issues as well, and the slight negativity makes me run away from discord because I just can't cope. I'm usually a very good listener and I don't mind when you come chat about what you're going through, but these days, I feel that for my own good I need to save that empathy of mine and shelter myself to get better.

That being said, my activity on tumblr will be matching my current moods. Sometimes I'm overly focus, sometimes I'm a void with nothing inside. Things will get better, but I just require a bit of patience 🖤 and understanding... Thank you all.

[aqqleshiqqing-archive]

ah im suddenly dreading over school starting on... the 15th of August I think

my parent have high expectations for me though it's understandable

and tbh... i still don't know what course I'll take

[songandflame-archived]

It feels like all my purpose is in life is to watch everyone around me succeed while I chase the same goals and can never reach them. I feel like I'm always so happy for people, but unable to achieve similar.

[nanamimizz-archived]

i think i am having a depressive episode