#CryptKeeper

[slasherparty]

i’m a freak for the cryptkeeper can we get some of him xx

dude thank you for being the only one ever to request him 😭 finally i can let my inner john kassir freak out‼️

the cryptkeeper 🪦 x reader 💭

he’d sweep into your peripheral vision like a poorly hinged door in a haunted house, all rotten flair and a grin that suggested he knew exactly where the bodies were buried. (they’re right under your floorboards. he helped.)

“my dear, you take my breath away… though that’s not saying much for someone who doesn’t have lungs anymore. but you? you’re to die for — literally, let’s pencil in a date.”

he’d offer his bony hand with mock sincerity. “care to dance, my darling? just don’t mind the occasional bone cracking. it’s… ambiance!”

“so, tell me, do you come here coffin? because you’ve put me six feet under in love, my sweet!” you’d feel an overwhelming urge to both laugh and groan — and perhaps book a séance.

a skeletal finger would present you with a dusty bouquet of nightshade and dried roses, accompanied by the comment, “these flowers are to die for. just like me!”

“your laugh, my dear! it’s like the creak of a floorboard, the kind that makes villagers grab pitchforks. truly, it sets my tibia a-tingle.”

after one of his more daring remarks, he’d lean in conspiratorially, as if letting you in on a secret. “i’m not usually this forward… but then again, time is relative when you’ve already passed your expiration date.”

should someone else glance in your direction, he’d pull you closer, whispering conspiratorially, “careful, my sweet, i don’t share. just ask my last competition — they’re still haunting me.”

“i’ve already got a plot picked out for us! literally. side by side for eternity. isn’t that gravely romantic?”

he’d offer you a perfectly polished skeleton key. “this unlocks the crypt where i keep my heart. mind you, it’s… err… not beating much these days. but it’s yours all the same.”

with a final gleeful cackle, he’d murmur, “now, my darling, don’t you go running off to the land of the living too quickly. you’d break my… well, ribcage.”

thanks for reading! 💌

you can find more of my writing here on ao3!

[90smovies]

[thegoodmorningman]

CHOP of the morning to ya!

[rabid-dog-steve-horn]

Chucky’s eyes from the first Child’s Play were reused for the Crypt Keeper puppet in Tales from the Crypt.

[sophiasneerus]

The Crypt Keeper is being a sweet, silly boy. 🖤 Art credits to Jack Davis, one of my favorite comic artists.

[brokehorrorfan]

Spirit Halloween has released a Crypt Keeper motion-activated animatronic for $400. Available online only, the Tales from the Crypt host is 2.5’ and speaks 11 phrases.

[we-will-swallow-your-soul]

Would you believe that this cool picture is actually a puzzle?

[spacemonstersmag]

Incoming Transmission, Commlink Established.......

Heck no!

End transmission

[breizhpixtoyz29]

Night of the Dead

[gamingisalifestyle]

Cryptkeeper by Vladimir Kafanov

[abuddyforeveryseason]

Good "mourning", "boils" and "gils", (or, if you're reading this "late"-r, good "scream-vening" or good "fright"). This is the "Boo-dy" for "May-I-go-home" "sixth-sixth-sixth". It's I, the "crypt"-"creeper", "ghost"-ing the "scare"-tch of a terrifying skeleton "fear"-son.

If you've "scream" or re-"dead" Tales from the Crypt (or, as I call it, "Tails" "broom" the "Creep"-t) before, you might re-"surrect"-cognize the horror "g"-host Cryptkeeper and his trademark-"of-the-devil" macabre puns.

I think it's "horrifying" that H-"boo"-O-"my-god-it's-dead!" doesn't "scream" (meaning stream instead of seen this time) the "horror"-show on Max anymore.

Is it because of all the "boo"-dity on "it" (the John Carpenter film)? Nah, it's probably because they're "ash"-amed of such a "thrash"-y show on their "frightfully" fancy plat-"formless monster".

Well, now, sleep tight... hope you don't get any night-"scares"! Mwahahaha!

[90smovies]

[letsgethaunted]

Really looking forward to being the cryptkeeper in Hell someday

[burningexeter]

I personally like to believe that a number of episodes from Tales From The Crypt, the show that created the TV-MA rating basically, are all set in the same universe as each other with the Cryptkeeper being somehow responsible for the events in all of them:

It consists of all the following below -

Season 1:

The Man Who Was Death, And All Through The House, Dig That Cat... He's Real Gone, Only Sin Deep, Lover Come Hack To Me & Collection Completed

Season 2:

Cutting Cards, 'Til Death, Three's A Crowd, The Thing From The Grave, The Sacrifice, For Cryin' Out Loud, Four-Sided Triangle, Judy, You're Not Yourself Today, Fitting Punishment, Lower Berth, Mute Witness To Murder & Television Terror

Season 3:

Carrion Death, Abra Cadaver, Top Billing, Easel Kill Ya, Undertaking Palor, Mournin' Mess, Split Second, Deadline & Yellow

Season 4:

None But The Lonely Heart, This'll Kill Ya, On A Deadman's Chest, Beauty Rest, What's Cookin', The New Arrival, Showdown, King Of The Road, Maniac At Large, Split Personality & Strung Along

Season 5:

Death Of Some Salesman, As Ye Sow, Forever Ambergris, People Who Live In Brass Hearses, Two For The Show, Well Cooked Hams, Came The Dawn, Oil's Well That Ends Well & Half-Way Horrible

Season 6:

Let The Punishment Fit The Crime, Only Skin Deep, Revenge Is The Nuts, The Bribe, The Assassin, Staired In Horror, Surprise Party, Doctor Of Horror, 99 & 44/100% Pure Horror & You, Murderer

Season 7:

Fatal Caper, A Slight Case Of Murder, Escape, Horror In The Night, Cold War, The Kidnapper, Report From The Grave, About Face & Confession

And last but not least, basically serving as the grand finale to it -

Demon Knight

[sophiasneerus]

He's in my home, now!!

[brokehorrorfan]

Gutter Garbs has released a Tales from the Crypt design based on the first episode, "And All Through the House," by Sam Coyne. T-shirts ($30), zip-up hoodies ($50), and 12x18 prints ($36) are available to pre-order through Sunday, November 12, and will ship the week of December 10.