#Danny is solid middle class cool

[dcxdpdabbles]

Bruce: What do you want from me!? Are you here to make me suffer more? To show me the weakness of my humanity? Are you the physical proof of my failures to deny sin?!

Danny: I'm literally just standing here, man. I haven't done anything.

Bruce: Then stop wearing my butler's face!

Danny: Look, dude, I don't care what mental breakdown you're going through. Schedule it for three a.m., like the rest of us. I'm just looking for Alfred Pennyworth. According to my adoptive parents, he is my biological father, and he might have an answer to a medical problem I'm going through.

Bruce: No! Alfred can't be your dad!

Danny: Why not?

Bruce: He just can't!

Alfred: Master Bruce, you are sixteen. You're old enough not to be threatened by another child being mine. Cease this jealousy at once.

Bruce in French: It's not jealousy. It's puberty.

Alfred also in French: I beg your pardon?

Bruce crying French: He's so hot Alfred and I didn't know he looks exactly like you at that age. I basically dreamed of kissing you in the moonlight.

Danny in french: Again. Mental breakdown needs to be rescheduled. So you're my father. I thought you would be taller.

Bruce: *Screams of anguish* HE SPEAKS FRENCH.

[reallydumbdannyphantomaus]

Holiday Truce

@ectopal so fucking sorry for the lateness!!! it has been a little wild in my life lately but i did get it done!!! i picked your prompt of dash finds out danny's secret in micromanagement. very sorry if this is not what you were hoping for, but here's what happened :D

“So,” Dash said.

“Uh,” Fenton said.

Dash looked at the shaking nerd in front of him. Fear, he recognized. Fear, he knew. He used it as a weapon, knew how to loom, how to make himself larger and intimidating. Hell, he’d seen it on Fenton plenty of time before.

Except this time Fenton wasn’t afraid of his fists.

“You’re—you’re he? Him?”

“No?”

“Are you lying?”

“... No?”

Dash reached out with a finger and poked Fenton in the shoulder. It was solid. Squishy, but he thought that had more to do with Fenton not being muscular than with him being a ghost. Still, he knew what he saw. This whole time, he’d been shrunk down with Phantom, the cool, brave, awesome hero of Amity Park, the guy he had a poster of in his locker. Then they get unshrunk and Phantom is gone. In his place: Fenton.

Dash wasn’t the best at math, but even he could add this up.

There were thousands of things he could have asked in that moment. Things he’d wanted to say to his hero for years. Thanks for saving us or Can you take me flying? or Can I have your autograph? Instead, what came out was: “So, are you dead?”

Fenton flinched. “No, I—it doesn’t matter. Just—just be quiet, okay?”

“It doesn’t matter?” Dash wanted to thwack himself in the head. He didn’t want to be continuing this line of questioning. Why was his mouth saying this shit?

“Not to you, anyway.” Fenton spoke with such vehemence that all at once Dash was reminded that Fenton being Phantom also meant that Phantom was Fenton. His hero was the same nerd he’d been shoving in lockers since middle school.

“Oh.”

“Look. Just don’t tell anyone, okay? No one would believe you anyway, so just don’t tell anyone.”

“Okay,” Dash said, voice thready and small. What else could he say? Fenton could’ve been kicking his ass all this time, but instead he’d been saving it. If nothing else, Dash could keep a secret.

“Good,” Fenton said, turning to leave.

“Why?”

Fenton stopped without turning around. “Why what?”

“Why don’t you tell people?”

Fenton’s voice was nasal through his sneer. “Try thinking about it. I’m sure the answer will come to you.”

—

The answer did not come to him.

He watched Fenton from a distance, noticed all the signs he dismissed before. Constant bathroom breaks. Bruises in the morning that were gone by the afternoon. Gasps of blue air that always preceded a ghost.

But he never saw why Fenton kept it quiet.

Teachers yelled at him for being late. Other students laughed behind their hands when he fell asleep at his desk. Paulina watched him rush out of class to the “bathroom” and whispered, “He should start wearing a diaper to school if he goes so much.” He tried to chuckle, but all he could manage was the slight curling of his mouth, and even that was strained. Paulina would never say something like that if she knew the truth. Fenton would have so much support from everyone in the school if he would just tell them the truth.

So, yeah. He didn’t get the secrecy.

Fenton, though, had avoided Dash like the plague. He’d never sought Dash’s company out before, but now the sight of Dash’s shadow was enough to have him scampering away. He tried to corner Fenton once, in the janitor’s closet, but forgot about the whole ghost thing. Since there was no one else around to see, Fenton just walked through the back wall, leaving Dash alone with the mops.

What was he supposed to do?

It felt like a secret of this magnitude should change things more. True, he couldn’t bring himself to shove people around anymore (what if some of them were secret heroes, too?) but otherwise, life went on. He went to football practice. He failed his math test. He laughed when Kwan made fun of Lancer’s pants falling down (again).

He stared at Danny Fenton across the cafeteria.

Danny Fenton did not look back.

—

No one in Amity Park liked the Guys in White. They only ever got in the way of Phantom trying to do his job, while being utterly ineffective. Even the Fentons did more to keep the city safe from dangerous ghosts—mostly through supplying anti-ghost tech and not through actual hunting, but it was still more than the GIW ever did.

So when the GIW locked down the school, most everyone rolled their eyes in disgust.

Every once in a while, the GIW had one of these sessions. He wasn’t entirely sure what the point of them was, but it usually involved a bunch of dumb questions about whether they’d talked to any ghosts. Like they were all conspiring against the government with the ghosts, or something.

(Well, he probably would, given the opportunity, but he hadn’t exactly talked to a lot of ghosts who weren’t trying to kill him. The only ghost he knew personally hated being in the same room as him.)

“Have you had any contact with the ghost masquerading as a musician, known as Ember McClain?” The agent in white drummed his fingers on the desk. Dash had the sudden urge to bite his pinky.

Dash furrowed his brow. “I think she is actually a musician, though?”

“What?”

“Ember. She does, actually, like, play guitar and sing. So I think she’s a real musician? Just. You know. A ghostly one.”

The agent leaned into his face. “So you have had contact with her.”

Dash leaned back. “Uh, no? Not since the time she mind controlled a bunch of us. Which I don’t think is my fault.”

“And you haven’t sought her out since?”

“Uh, no. I don’t actually enjoy being mind controlled.”

“Hm. And the menace known as Phantom?”

Dash barely kept his shoulders from tensing. “What about Phantom?”

“Have you contacted him?”

“I mean, he’s saved me a couple times. But he saves everyone.”

The agent snorted. “That’s what the ghosts want you to think, kid. Make no mistake: all ghosts are the same: evil, greedy, and power-hungry. We don’t yet know what Phantom’s true intentions are. It’s our job to get that creature off the streets and into containment, where he belongs.”

Dash was never the smartest person, but sometimes, when all the pieces were in front of him, he could add two and two and get four. He remembered the Fentons echoing the agent in front of him almost word-for-word. Or maybe this agent was echoing them.

Either way, Dash finally knew why Danny Fenton had a secret.

Dash curled his hands into fists. Fenton didn’t want to talk to him; that much was abundantly clear. But Fenton had still saved his life, saved the lives of everyone in the town, the world even. He could do this much for him.

“Look, dude, you think what you want,” Dash said. “I can’t exactly change your mind. Never been good at persuasion. But,” he said, and he stood up, crossing his arms and hooding his eyes, “no one else here believes your bullshit, dude. We know the truth, no matter what you say.”

“Mr. Baxter, the science—”

“I don’t care what studies you’ve faked. I’m telling you right now that if you seriously go after Phantom like you would any other ghost, you’re going to have to go through the whole town first,”

And Dash wasn’t very smart. And he wasn’t persuasive. But he knew fear. He was 16. This agent was probably somewhere in his thirties. By no means should the man be afraid of him. But Dash knew how to make himself bigger. Dash knew just where to strike someone, just what made them scared. This man was only as brave as his badge. A whole insurrection? One aimed at him? That thought terrified him.

The man was silent.

Dash smiled a shark’s smile. “Do yourselves a favor and leave Amity Park alone. We’ve got it handled from here.”

The door swung shut behind him as he left the agent alone in a dark room, still stuttering for a response.

[redrobin-detective]

From a young age, Jack Fenton wanted a life of adventure and excitement. Working on his family’s quiet farm in the middle of nowhere never sat right with him. Late one night, he sees something he can’t explain in the woods which sparks a lifelong passion for the supernatural. He worked day and night at various odd jobs once he was old enough in order to save up money for school. Pa and him had a huge row when he saw how much money Jack had saved over the years. That money could’ve bought new equipment, could have put food in his sisters’ mouths. But Jack held fast, he loved his family but he needed to find his own way and he wouldn’t find it here. As soon as he got his acceptance letter for his college of choice, he left the farm and never looked back.

Rooming with Vlad Masters was a struggle at first but his roommate’s intense desire to prove Jack wrong about ghosts eventually sparked a friendly continuing argument which just became friendly in general. Jack was too loud, too enthusiastic for everyone else, almost always the biggest and broadest guy in the room. Jack first met Maddie during college orientation, or rather he met her bountiful bushy red hair 3 rows up that his eyes kept wandering to. He met her properly when they got into an intense discussion of the use of the supernatural in fiction during literature class. Girls had never registered for Jack before, always seemed less interesting than his research. But Maddie, she like a revelation in and of herself. They continued their debate after class, into the dining hall where Vlad somehow got roped in. They exchanged phone numbers and continued their theories long into the night. They never really stopped.

Maddie was like the campfires Pa used to make when he was young. She was small and contained but with an all-encompassing energy that warmed everyone around her. He finally met his match with her, her enthusiasm encouraged his and vice versa. Her mind thought differently from Jack but in a complementary way, he did his best thinking when she was there to bounce ideas off of. As close as he and Vlad were, sometimes the whole world disappeared when Maddie was around. Vlad proclaimed his desire to date Maddie on a couple of occasions, asking Jack to back him up. Jack never knew how to answer, it should be okay as long as the two of them were happy and he and Maddie could stay friends. But he couldn’t just ignore that chemistry he felt when Jack’s eyes met hers.

 Vlad’s accident occurred not long afterwards, he was stuck in the hospital and forced to drop out of school their last semester. The guilt ate away at Jack but Maddie made things better. He danced with her for their last college dance, kissed her for the first time as they threw their caps into the air for graduation. Being with her was like being whole for the first time in his life. When he got down on his knee and asked her to be his lab partner for life, it was the best thing he’d ever done. They had something of a shotgun wedding, neither of them had two nickels to rub together both coming from poor families and a load of student debt. Jack couldn’t afford to rent a suit so he wore his hazmat suit, figuring Mads would get a kick out of it. When she walked down the aisle with her lab goggles on, he knew he’d found the one.

They moved to Amity Park, a peaceful but still bustling suburb an hour outside Chicago. In their research, they’d discovered several anomalies in and around the area that suggested it was a hot bed of paranormal activity. They bought a house and worked on making it their own. Maddie initially hadn’t wanted children, wanting to focus more on their work. Jack, however, had come from a big family and had wanted kids even when he’d been a kid. Many long discussions and time to settle and soon they had a beautiful daughter. He asked to name her Jasmine. His mother had loved the smell and kept it around the house growing up, even years later, the scent calmed him. Looking at the precious girl in his arms, he knew that she would be his new home.

Danny had been a little bit of a surprise. Him and Mads were content with their chatty, precocious daughter. They hadn’t even discussed having a second when they found out she was pregnant several months in. She hadn’t been symptomatic, Maddie fretted the rest of the pregnancy, worried she’s inadvertently harmed their child by exposing herself to chemicals. But everything turned out alright, Danny was born just fine, if a solid pound smaller than Jasmine. While Jazzy had wailed and wailed, Danny was a quiet baby, instead choosing to look around with wide, curious eyes. When he gripped Jack’s finger and brought it into his little mouth, Jack was smitten.

He loved being a scientist, a husband, but Jack especially loved being a father. Maddie said he never quite grew out of being a kid and he agreed with her. The sound of his daughters delighted screams as he ran around the house with her on his shoulders. The beaming smile Danny gave when Jack held him up high so he could be closer to the night sky. He loved his work, an obsession he was more than willing to admit, but his heart truly lied with his family. Jack could have lived an eternity in those early days when his children looked up at him like he could do no wrong. Of course, it wouldn’t last. Children grew up, socialized and learned that ghost hunting wasn’t the cool, legitimate profession they’d believed. His kids loved them but there was a separation that hadn’t existed before, a disconnect of a passionate farm boy searching for the unknown to modern kids who didn’t understand what it meant to to crave understanding.

Maddie was the one who shopped the idea of working on the portal again. Jack had been skeptical at first, it had been his dream but after what happened with Vlad and with the kids still living in the house... But Vlad was fine now, on his way to being a millionaire the last Jack heard and his thirst for knowledge couldn’t be quenched. It took years to draw up the schematics and begin building. The process was slow, made slower by Maddie going back to school for her second degree in psychics, by losses of funding, taking shady government contracts to put food on the table. When he saw the sad, hungry looks on his kids’ faces when they had discount TV dinners, he finally understood his father’s anger over Jack selfishly hoarding money for college. But years of blood, sweat and tears saw the fruition of their dreams completed.

The portal hadn’t worked right away to his immense disappointment only to miraculous start up when him and Maddie weren’t looking. Danny started acting sick immediately after, enough to scare the hell out of Jack. Visions of Vlad’s ecto-scarred face and the sounds of him vomiting up blood and ectoplasm haunted him. Not his Danny, not his sweet boy. But Danny recovered and things seemingly went back to normal. They say hindsight is 20/20 but Jack will curse himself until the day he died for not seeing the signs until it was spelled out for him. He knew Maddie and him were unconventional but he tried to foster love and trust in their home. The idea that his son didn’t think he could come to them for the dramatic changes the portal had done to him, that he was scared of them. Jack wept heartily at the thought of how he’d failed, that he’d been the sort of prejudiced, uninterested father like his Pa had been.

So he’d gotten down on his knees, making himself smaller and less threatening to his boy - he was so tall now, when had that happened - and asked for another chance. Danny, always too kind for his own good, forgave them. He said it before Jack believed he meant it but it was the biggest relief he’d ever felt in his life to have the opportunity to make things right. It was hard, erasing decades of biases. To not jump when Danny acted a bit too ghostly, to not to correct him when his boy made some comment on ghosts that Jack disagreed with. But he listened and he learned and even though his heart was already fit to burst, he found more love in his heart for his son. His son, who carried a heavy burden with dignity and grown into twice the man Jack was when he hadn’t been looking. Jazz too was paving her own way forward with the same zeal and intelligence that Jack admired so in Maddie. 

His wife, his friend, his lab partner for life stood by his side as their children left home to change the world. When he was young, Jack dreamed of excitement, of never-ending exploration and fearsome battles. He got all of that, and more, but he also found something else. Jack found people who loved him for all his eccentricities, who he felt free to be as loud as silly as he desired. He raised two beautiful children who he loved more every day and who he knew loved in return. He wished he could tell his younger self that while excitement put hair on your chest, his Ma and Pa had been right in that family was something worth investing in. Jack Fenton made staggering advancements to the field of ectology over the years but his greatest accomplishment, should you ask him, would be living his best life with the woman of his dreams and their children.

[kinglazrus]

The Haunting of Danny Fenton

Phic phight 2020

Submitted by @ave-aria: Valerie Gray is Danny Fenton's Bodyguard AU (*can be Modern AU, Medieval AU, Corporate AU, Full Ghost AU, whatever)

Summary: Valerie knows Danny Fenton, everybody does. Youngest of the family, son and heir, future owner of Fenton Works. Notable for all those reasons and infamous for none of them. Where Maddie and Jack are the local quirks, Danny is the tragedy. And, for the next week, he's the Red Huntress' newest client.

Chapter One: Local Tragedies

Word count: 1988 | [ffn] [ao3] | [next]

Valerie doesn't know what to expect of the Fentons. She knows about them, everyone does, but she's never met them. At least not face to face. The Fentons aren't just citizens of Amity Park, they're a feature of it, like the statue of the city's founder on Main Street, or the novelty billboard that welcomes people into town. Amity Park wouldn’t be the same without them.

They send her a town car. At this point in her career—which admittedly isn't that far—it's standard practice, at least when dealing with richer clients. The aggressively middle class can't afford the car. The lower class can't afford her, which is why she does those jobs for free. No point robbing good people of their money when the Amity elite already pay her extravagantly.

The Fentons aren't exactly the extravagant type, but they're nothing to scoff at, either. On the outside, the car looks fairly normal. Sleek, black, freshly polished and so clean she could probably eat off the hood. It pulls up to her office building, stopping right outside the front doors, snug to the curb.

Valerie doesn't wait for the driver to get out before opening the back door herself. She thinks it's such a ridiculous practice. Are rich people so needy they can't open a door for themselves? With a shake of her head, she picks up her suitcase and slides into the car. She freezes.

Inside, it's nothing like any town car she's been in before. It has the standard four seats, two against the back, two against the front, turned to face each other, but otherwise, it lacks all expected luxuries. Instead of plush leather, the seats are basic vinyl with neoprene covers on top. The carpet is stripped away, replaced with metal panels. Computer screens bearing the Fenton Works logo cover the windows on the left side of the car. The small drink stations Valerie has grown used to over the past couple years are gone. In their place stands a compact computer console on one side of the car and a fully stocked weapons' rack on the other.

Valerie stares at it all, mouth gaping shamelessly, wondering what all of this says about the Fentons themselves. Are they showy? Practical? The number of guns—she counts six—seems unnecessary. But, thinking of her own arsenal compacted into thick bracers on her wrists and cuffs on her ankles, she knows there's no such thing as too many guns when it comes to ghost hunting.

The partition separating the driver from the passengers goes down. The driver turns to face her, and Valerie's mouth falls open even wider. There's no mistaking that red beanie, those bulky half-moon glasses, the impossibly turquoise eyes.

"Tucker Foley?" Valerie exclaims.

"The one and only!" Tucker grins. Turning all the way around, he leans over the partition, elbows braced on the seats facing Valerie. "Haven't seen you since graduation. Feels like yesterday."

"It was two years ago."

Tucker sighs wistfully. "Yesterday."

"You work for the Fentons now? As their driver?" Valerie asks. She always thought Tucker would go big into technology development, coding, something like that. Or become a wanted cybercriminal.

"Me? A driver? And waste all these good looks? Please." Tucker scoffs and waves a hand dismissively. "I run the computer division at Fenton Works. When I heard Mr. and Mrs. F were hiring you, I just had to come get you myself."

"You're twenty," Valerie says.

"Hey, cool, you still know how to count. That's a great skill."

"You're twenty, and you're running a whole division at Fenton Works?"

"You're twenty and you have your own security company," he points out.

"One person company.

"One person division." Tucker grins. "It's really just me and my computer. Cyber security against ghosts isn't a big field yet."

Valerie eyes Tucker, unsure how to respond. Whatever she expected, Tucker wasn't it. Now, she feels off-balance, like she's missing something important, and she hates that feeling. It shouldn't matter that much. Amity Park isn't a huge city; the chances of her running into a former classmate are rather high. But Tucker was prepared for Valerie, and she wasn't prepared for him. Childishly, she feels like she's at a disadvantage. Which is ridiculous because she's here to fight ghosts, not Tucker. But his sudden appearance has disarmed her so completely that, if a ghost were to attack right then, she would be too stunned to react.

"You should see the look on your face," Tucker says.

Valerie purses her lips and scowls, wiping away whatever amusing expression has Tucker giggling under his breath. "You should drive."

Tucker's laugh balloons into gleeful cackles as he turns back around. "Whatever you want, Ms. Grey!"

Valerie, fuming, slams her thumb on the partition button, rolling it back up. To her annoyance, she can still hear Tucker's infuriating laugh through the glass.

—

When Valerie says the Fentons are a feature of Amity Park, she really means their laboratory, Fenton Works. Don't get her wrong, Maddie and Jack Fenton are a sight all on their own. On any given day, they can be seen tearing down the street in their bulky weaponized RV, guns blazing, wearing their brightly coloured jumpsuits. Seeing them for the first time is quite the experience. You can easily spot nearby tourists by checking people's reactions to the Fentons.

But Fenton Works. Fenton Works is a monolith dedicated to every crackpot idea the Fentons have ever had. When Valerie was in high school, Fenton Works was a single townhouse standing proudly at the corner of Lady and Red, bearing an obnoxiously neon sign. Above it loomed a massive saucer-shaped structure covered in more satellites than the local news station. Back then, Valerie thought the townhouse was a leering giant. Nowadays, it's dwarfed by the massive warehouse that takes up the rest of the block.

"Damn," Valerie whispers, peering out the righthand window as they turns onto Lady Avenue.

Tucker lowers the partition. "Pretty cool, right?"

Valerie eyes the mural of ghosts decorating the side of the building. "It's something."

Rather than stopping in front of the townhouse, Tucker turns onto Red Crescent and loops around to the back of the facility. Along the avenue, the warehouse is built almost right up to the sidewalk. On this side, however, there's a wide parking lot and, oddly enough, a lush garden surrounding a pond.

"I'm not the only one who thinks that looks weird, right?" She points to the pond.

Tucker cranes his neck, following her finger, and chuckles. "Jazz asked her parents to put that in so that employees have somewhere 'calming' to go. There's a greenhouse up on the roof, too,"

Pressing her cheek to the window, Valerie tries to spot the aforementioned greenhouse, but they're too close to the building now for her to see it.

Tucker pulls into a reserved parking spot just across from the homely picket fence that surrounds the townhouse's backyard. Valerie officially has no idea what to think about the Fentons.

"Come on," Tucker says, throwing open his door. "Everyone's waiting for you."

Valerie grabs her suitcase and climbs out of the car, nudging the door shut behind her. "Everyone?" She looks over the car at Tucker.

He twirls the keychain around his finger. "You'll see."

Valerie expects him to head for the townhouse but, to her surprise, he pivots right and starts walking to the warehouse doors.

"Come on," he calls over his shoulder.

Valerie jogs after him, easily hoisting her suitcase in one hand, and ponders on what the inside the facility looks like. Crates of weapons stacked one on top of the other. An arsenal of ghost hunting vehicles, everything from their patented RV design to their one of a kind all-terrain bus. All-terrain meaning it flies in the human realm and the Ghost Zone. The ground can't stop you if you never touch it. She pictures an honest to god warehouse and prepares herself for exactly that sight when they reach the front doors.

The moment they go inside, however, Valerie promptly decides to never assume anything about the Fentons and how they operate ever again.

"Something wrong?" Tucker asks when he sees Valerie stuck in the doorway.

"No," she says honestly. "It's fine." She steps into the foyer, complete with a receptionist's desk, comfortable armchairs for waiting, and a few potted plants. Looking behind her, she sees floor to ceiling windows looking out onto the pond. Valerie could have sworn the walls were solid from the outside.

"Hey, Octavia." Tucker waves to the receptionist. Pulling a lanyard out of his pocket, he shows her an employee ID card. "I've got the nine o'clock."

"It's four in the afternoon," Octavia, a modest middle-aged woman, says without looking up from her computer.

"Time is relative. Val." Valerie stops gawking at the room and looks to Tucker. "You can leave your suitcase here, unless you need anything from it. Octavia can take it to the guest room."

"I can, but I won't," Octavia says. "They're in the Boom Room."

"Love you too, babe." Tucker clicks his tongue, shooting Octavia double finger-guns, and ducks through a doorway at the back of the room.

Valerie stands awkwardly in the middle of the foyer.

Octavia finally raises her head, giving Valerie a critical look. After a moment, she sighs and holds out her hand. "I'll take your bag. Trust me, Tucker'll be halfway across the building if you don't follow him now. That kid never looks back."

"Thank you." Valerie rushes over, passing her bag across the desk, and follows Tucker. On the other side of the door is a long plain hallway. She looks right, then left, but there's no sign of Tucker. She debates her chances of choosing a random direction and finding him by pure luck. Before she can decide, a long ding rings out. The noise draws her attention to a set of elevators down the hall on her left.

The doors open. Tucker pokes his head out. "Hurry up, slowpoke.

Valerie wonders if punching Tucker in the face will affect her paycheque. Just once. Just a small jab. She won't even break his nose. In the end, she decides not to risk it, settling on a fierce glare as she reaches the elevator.

"This is a big place, you don't want to get lost," Tucker says.

"Then don't leave me behind."

"Not my fault you're slow." Tucker hits the button for the third floor—third out of five.

What on Earth the Fentons need all this space for, Valerie has no idea. She tries to picture it, then remembers how her expectations keep getting smashed to pieces and thinks better of it. There will be lots of time to find out.

"Why Fenton Works?" Valerie asks, filling the silence.

Tucker rocks back on his heels and hums. "Ghost stuff is kind of cool. I get to pioneer a whole new area of cyber security that no one even realizes we need, and I'm not even done college yet. Working here helps me pay for my online classes, too, so I don't even have to leave Amity."

"Why? Sounds like you'd still have a job waiting for you when you graduate." She can't imagine Tucker spilling his cyber secrets to someone else before he can cultivate the field himself. Surely, then, the Fentons would need him on board, no matter how long he puts off working for them.

"Yeah," Tucker nods, "I would. But I'm staying for Danny."

The elevator chimes when they reach the third floor, the doors sliding open. Tucker glides through them without looking back, but Valerie hesitates once again. Danny—Daniel Fenton. She knows Daniel Fenton. Youngest of the lot, son and heir, future CEO of Fenton Works. Notable for all those reasons and infamous for none of them. Where Maddie and Jack are the local quirks, Danny is the tragedy.

[moist-astronaut]

things my friends and I have said over the last year

“I’m verbally illiterate” “Isn’t that called dyslexia”

“I’m going to chemistry and I’m gonna light myself on fire” “No” “Damnit let me burn like the witch I am!”

“Don’t worry it’s not anti-Christ it’s just anti-government”

“I’ve been getting migraines everyday and I’m considering chopping my head off” “But that would kill you” “Two birds one stone!!”

“I swear to god I will hug you” “My house is 5 miles away and my doors are locked” “Your locks are FEABLE”

*writing an email* “Bitch comma”

“Ok but I could be a top” *laughing* “What I totally could be!” *laughing and crying for literally 6 minutes straight*

*on a group call, friends cat misha walks into the room* “Tell misha I would live and die for her, whichever she prefers” “She says thank you” *cat noises*

*joins discord vioce chat at 11:26 pm* “You guys are gae but I love you” “Thank you saeren very cool” “Goodnight” *leaves chat at 11:28pm*

“Jake jake jake jjjake -j-jaaake hey jake” “W H A T” “Can I eat your pens” “I literally have a restraining order against you”

“I’m educatn’t”

“Me calling you to dumb to be a slytherin is payback for you leaving multiple handprint bruises on my legs” “It’s not my fault your skin is weak”

“He’s rolling so that we can walk” *rolling in the grass and collecting leaves on his jacket* “I’m rolling for your sins”

“There are 7 of us so we can each be a deadly sin” “I wanna be Ross” “You mean wrath?” “No that dude from Friends”

“Ok but other than his strict attraction to women, his multiple wives, his hatred of gay people, and the fact that he is dead, what is standing between me and Joseph Smith the All American Hottie from being happy together”

“Consider: Mullet” “No”

“I do my homework while loudly eating a pop tart asmr”

“No no listen, he’s my brother, he’s a bastard of my dynasty…I might just ransom him off”

“These Norwegian bastards indroduced a fucking PLUAGE to my COUNTRY”

“Ooooo meth”

“Half of my life is me resisting the urge to sing the zaboomafoo themesong, the other half is me actually singing the zaboomafoo themesong. So either way my entire life revolves around zaboomafoo.”

“I just don’t think I would hire a gay man-wait no I’m not homophobic”

*chucks half a gallon of milk in a gas station* “-ah- got milk?”

“Gimme your sternum boy”

“Nooooooo he stole my sternum!!!” (Side note these were two separate occasions)

*being force fed milk duds* “No!! This is the worst way to die!!”

“Hey babe come over I have a hammock and a heated blanket”

“Be afraid, be prepared- IN THE WORDS OF SCAR”

“Stress eating stress gummies Stress eating stress gummies Stress eating stress gummies stress eating-”

“I thought to myself ‘Y’know if I die today this is how I want to be remembered- a leather skirt and leg warmers’”

“I think I’m telling you to go to sleep” “You’re gonna have make me” “I can’t tell if this is cry for help or flirting” “Yes”

“This is at best cannibalism and at worst being straight”

“Oh look Percy Jackson’s here now, ooh they replaced every character’s face with Mr. Bean. I hate it”

“You can’t be mean to me! I’m gay AND a woman! That’s a hate crime!” “Yeah well I’m brown and Muslim! Square the fuck up bitch!”

“Babe it’s not very metal to be afraid of your hair dresser” “It’s not very metal to have a hair dresser and yet here we are” “It’s fine you’re into glam metal”

“Hey augie, got any grrrrrrapes?” “I’m doing IXL :(“

“Can I come?” “No” “What if I bring watermelon?” “You can come, leave the watermelon, then leave” “:(“

“What in the jersey shore”

“Rad’nt”

“Ok but consider: Mullet-hawk” “I can and will divorce you”

“Dee-vorce 👏 Just to 👏 re-vorce 👏 👏 “

“Ah yes, that’s why I’m fat…for combat reasons…”

“You fool I consent!”

“My Boston fern is being a bitch but that’s because it’s winter and that’s BITCH season”

“You walk through the rest of the house and it’s like ‘ooo witchy and aesthetic’ then they’ll get to the guest room and it’ll just be a tacky twink Fever dream”

“Who needs a scalp”

“HeHe, sexing”

“Council has decided, your vibes are rancid (and not the band)”

“You’re never to young to hate women”

“Look at me I did the dishes I’m a 1950s housewife with a strangely new jersey accent and affinity for lesbianism”

“Well look who has the table now”

"contrary to popular belief, fuck you"

"There's nothing here that requires whisking, i'm just problematic"

"If you could go anywhere in the world with two people, who would you choose?" “New Orleans!”

"So he proceeded to bite me on the butt...like, really, really hard."

“I don’t cheat, I win. It’s not cheating if it’s consensual.”

“My mouth, my choice”

“Do you like my ombré of a tan"

“Who’s the cutest in the chat right now then?” “It’s Paige!” “No, it’s obviously Augie.” (paige's boyfriend)-said by a straight man

“Francis is just a one and done.”

“Would you ever have a threesome?” “...yes...” *To Francis* “Sure!”

“How do you feel about anal sex?”

“Of the people in this room, who would you most want to make out with?” “Augie” “The answer is yes, but only if it’s 6 feet apart.”

“Square, flat, and overcooked.”

“The virus would be over if everyone would breathe underwater for 5 minutes.”

“I have daddy issues, but not with my father.”

“You’re a ladies man but you have two boyfriends.”

“That means lesbian in sign language” “No, that means fuck boy in American”

“I’m like a parasite, you can’t get rid of me. I’m here forever.”

“You’re like my long term hit man”

“Is it Jake?” “No, why would the evil Russian man be Jake?” “Because he would never hire a gay man and you don’t look like a gay man”

“Jake is homophonic, Augie is racist, and Francis is a woman hater!”

"Grew a korean radish, 1 star"

"I've got more cause i'm a rich boy, and by that i mean my father sometimes buys avocados. And that's on what? Upper middle class"

"Tell your good for nothing boyfriend to stay away from my mom"

"It's not inciting violence it's just ~inspiring it~ "

"Listen bitch just because you have avacados and a roomba doesn't make you better then me"

"i would totally let narthex ruin my life. and that's on what? daddy issues and bisexuality"

"who is titty"

"how is he racist" "he hates the french and russians right?" "don't forget italians" "that's just self loathing"

"This is the last time i wear a thong- it's for educational purposes"

"babe come over i'm a burrito"

"he put bread with milk. luckily he passed away"

"you touched my wiener!" "you offered it!"

"foot'nt"

"i took a shower and realized the floor doesn't bounce"

"i love ass whoooaaaaaa i meant cassie"

"Rosalie you're the deciding vote. Be decisive." "Dude i'm bisexual and a gemini. what're you talking about?"

"Okay so to recap: jake is homophobic, augie is racist, francis is a woman hater, and now paige is a bunny abuser?"

"Just bring a watermelon keychain and it'll be fine" "Whooaaaa i'm gonna need a big key then"

"If you were blind what would you even see"

Post Traumatic Youth, plus D for danny's disorder"

"i think she's past the phase where she likes people just because they're russian"

"francine is a lesbian, but only during quarantine"

"don't be a home wrecker!" "i can't help it!"

"we are not doing coed tents" "i wanted to go purple-ing though"

"if it's not perfect i'm gonna through hands" "with who" "i don't know, the CEO of stupid"

"don't make me feel guilty for bullying you"

"it doesn't look very cash money cool but okay"

"slinky cat" (ferret)

"The pond behind my house didn't freeze all the way through this winter, so i couldn't go ice skating" "okay, so i have an idea. we can go to walmart and get-" "ANTI FREEZE!" "well, yes- wait, no. No, the more i think about that definitely no."

"The amish will win, the amish will prevail" "the amish will conquer us all!"

"He do be kinda mafia doh"

"i'm being sneaky sneak. stairs go creaky creak. and i need. DRUGZ"

"brain on shutdown, power saving mode"

"Somebody go tip her, she's dancing like a stripper" "thatd be nice- oh wait no!"

"fellas, is it gay to lick your homies eyeball?"

"it's not racist if you're only targeting one group of people" "that literally racism" "but what if they're french"

"i'm not racist yet but the option is available, and it's good to have options"

"they don't call me Mr. Steal Yo Boy for nothing!" -a straight man who has a girlfriend

"i think he has a bad habit of not dating girls"

"kinda hot tho 🥵 in a Santa Claus kinda way...hoe hoe hoe"

"i'll be your hot jacuzzi bubble dealer"

"when deceit and doubt fills you up, you cleanse your mind through creative activities, such as making organic soap"

"friendly reminder #4: you're never to old to eat a freezie-pop"

"sorry i'm just nervous" Chinese Teacher: (Waving her hand in front of her face) “Just pretend I’m cabbage.”

"me when my dads name is publicly broadcasted on the radio for his 14 felonies and assorted war crimes"

"<@!523669420435046401> I sentence you to a solid nine by the banhammer. For your crimes against Humanity, God, Satan, and Matt Frank. See you in hell."

"Danny, just because you're playing *Just Cause* doesn't mean you need to Just Cause our friendship!"

"Silly Matt! You fell for the ole’ Heimlich maneuver!”

"i got a bunch of new shirts over quarantine" "you would"

"Ok, there's a 32 year old doctor in new Jersey dying right now" "Yeah, but to be fair everyone in new jersey has a pre-existing condition"

“This is the longest period of time we’ve had without a Nintendo direct” “Maybe they’re gonna make a Nintendo indirect?”

"you’re looking extra white today.” "thanks i've been practicing"

"do you have any batteries" *looks inside shirt* "not yet"

"let's go colonize the middle school!" "yyayayyayayay!!!" " wait I gotta ask my mom first" What happened next is know called the *Juniors burden*

"oh so you're a DOWNSTAIRS milk kinda guy"

"you are literally the human embodiment of crumbs in a bed"

"The Berk-ey Creamery isn’t a place, it’s a people!”

 "He shoved a floating joy-con straight up his flux-capacitor.” "great! now it's paired"

"No, that isnt armor, the real armor are the friends you made along the way"

"This one goes out to all my lady friends out there *proceeds to kill himself in game*

"i'm a coward" "that's what a coward would say!"

"rest is for cowards and fools"

"every time you speak you take years off my life"

"Shark dick hoo ha ha"

"Me and the boys brushing our teeth at 3 AM"

"remember if you kill yourself the fascists win"

"The Beatles aren’t real. Have you ever seen a beatle? No? Exactly." "Babe” "Shut up I’m right."

*reading over these quotes* "god i hate that" "you said that!"

[zukadiary]

Ocean’s 11 ~ Cosmos Troupe 2019

Ocean’s was great! I loved it so much! I thought the previous two versions were fine, but never cared for either enough to go back and watch them again. Turns out if you adore every single person in the troupe putting it on, the ensemble cast makes it a home run. 

If I remember correctly, there are some noticeable differences between the Hoshigumi and Hanagumi versions. This was a slightly tweaked and polished Hanagumi version. The show does a great job of featuring a lot of people; nearly everyone gets something fun to do (it’s consequently not the best taidan for Akkii or Riku, but if it wasn’t their last I’d really say it’s good for everybody). The scenes change quickly (and flow a lot better than I remember), so even if a given person’s appearances are short they’re typically fairly frequent. I’m not terribly pleased that the prolific use of projections seems to be a continuing theme in Takarazuka, but Ocean’s actually used them WELL, and with all the hacking/security/surveillance going on, and the flashing lights and artificiality of Las Vegas, it actually makes sense. 

There are three (3!) major ad lib scenes that are different every day, something I didn’t realize ahead of time having only seen the previous versions on DVD:

Tess walking in on Benedict and his lackeys trying to physically threaten the Evergreen people into handing over the rights to their non-profit and Benedict having to lie about what they were doing

Saul giving everyone a pre-caper “acting lesson” in which Susshii says something ridiculous and the rest of the eleven have to remember it and mimic her in unison

Rusty pretending to be “Dr. Johnson” to cart Saul off after the fake heart attack that serves as a distraction during the actual heist (for those who can read Japanese, one brave twitter user is keeping track of all the Dr. Johnson ad libs)

...and these made me really look forward to seeing the show again and again. I probably could have gone every day and been thoroughly entertained. 

Danny Ocean is the most boring vanilla blank canvas of a character and requires the actress playing him to really bring everything herself. Fortunately, Makaze and her devastatingly attractive body could have stood in the corner in those open-necked suits without saying a word for 3 hours and I’d still have given it a 10/10. On top of that though, I thought she played him perfectly. Her sort of low-key coolness that for me has come off a bit stiff at times with some of her other top star stuff was spot on for Danny, who I fully believed was chill, aloof, and sexy enough to both pull off such an impossible robbery without a moment’s anxiety, AND stalk the woman trying to divorce him such that she was not only NOT immediately put off completely but also ultimately able to fall back in love with him. In the dream sequence that opens Act 2, when Makaze changes from serpent to prince and leaves the bouquet of flowers on Tess’s bed for her to accept whenever she’s ready, my heart clenched so bad I accidentally groaned audibly the first time I saw it. She also sang the best I’ve ever heard her sing. 

Madoka is a beautiful Tess, and above all else I was THRILLED that they finally let her have such a grown up role and that she slayed it. I had absolutely no doubt that she’d slay it; she’s a fantastic actress who as far as I can tell is only battling her round little face and height difference with Makaze when it comes to getting mature roles. But they styled her flawlessly and her dresses were to die for and she looked so fantastic I hope all concerned parties got the hint that this is fine. I want to see the two of them do something sizzling hot together (although I have to admit, dude chasing after his wife who wants so badly to divorce him IS a fun dynamic that we never really get to see in Takarazuka, unless they’re doing Ocean’s).  

I love Kiki more and more every time I see her, and while it’s hard not to be annoyed that she’s not a top star already, I will be so furious if they take her away from Soragumi; I absolutely love what they bring out of her. I think she and Makaze have a great dynamic together, and she was both cool and funny enough to make Rusty very enjoyable to watch. There wasn’t a single Dr. Johnson scene I saw that didn’t have me laughing out loud and wishing I had another ticket. One day I sat in B-seki with a group of students on a class trip, and one of them gasped すごい when she finished her finale-opening solo. Here’s a funny story from Makaze’s ochakai that I read on twitter: there is a duet between Danny and Rusty during which Rusty lights a cigarette, and apparently Koike wanted to modernize Ocean’s by giving him an IQOS instead. Makaze convinced him that was the worst idea ever and wants all Kiki fans to thank her personally.

MVP: Zun as Benedict. I suspect her interpretation might be polarizing once the world at large gets to see Ocean’s, but I loooooved it. Once upon a time there was a Japanese meme going around about what kind of date various prominent otokoyaku would bring you on, and Zun was pegged as a young, sweet, filthy rich kid who would reserve the entirety of Disneyland and then take you there. Her Benedict was like the evil version of that. I appreciated so much that she went a different direction than Beni and Daimon and played him as just a rich sleazy horrible asshole without the over-the-top comical bits—and she was STILL very funny, just as the straight man to everyone else’s ridiculous antics. She was so dark, so angry, and had such a scary glint in her eyes for such a cute little muffin; so impressively gross it was weird to see her smiling genuinely in the finale. And she’s a DAMN GOOD STAGE KISSER, astonishingly so for someone who’s yet to have a romantic lead outside of shinko and Bow Hall. I very much enjoyed her team as well—mostly Mitsuki Haruka as Taylor, Aishiro Moa as Beth, and Hoshizuki Rio as Charles, keeping things funny and chaotic. Kihou Kanata/Manase Mira were even hilarious as the bodyguards (Wakato Ritsu was a fine Bruiser, but IMO it’s pretty hard to beat Taso... and I felt a gaping hole where Fuuma Kakeru should have been).

Seiko could have carried this show by herself. For whatever reason—and I rewatched the Hanagumi version recently—I didn’t think Queen Diana, outside of being sassy, was as good of a role as it was (does the DVD fail to show a lot of her antics? Maybe. Was I doing a lousy job paying attention? Possibly). But no, Seiko was all over it, convincingly the biggest force in Vegas (and this cast). I am going to miss her so so so much. Akkii and Riku ended up with the more senior but less meaty roles of Frank and Basher respectively. While Frank is on the quieter side during most of the scenes with all the 11 except for his opening solo and arrest, I personally, for probably biased reasons, really enjoyed watching Akkii and Sora in the background, where Frank is very frequently trying to coerce Linus into getting over himself and just doing the thing already. I don’t know if this has been especially tough on Riku, but her eye bags have eye bags :( As much as I’m going to miss her, I hope she gets through this and takes a nice long rest. The Soragumi landscape is going to be so weird and different without these three. They come down for the parade together with Seiko in the middle and I got choked up every single time. 

I’m thrilled that Sora got Linus mostly from a rank standpoint; they announced Ocean’s before Aichan’s transfer to Senka and I was positive she was going to be Livingston. The role itself kind of unfortunately emphasized how tiny and behind she is in this troupe, but at the same time she was SO grumpy and SO cute. I feel bad taking pleasure in her angst but boy was she cute. She talked about how interesting it was to play someone who was struggling to overcome his own roadblocks, both as the only upperclassman to ever play this role, and also having just turned ken-10, where otokoyaku are supposed to “come of age” so to speak. And the frustration and uncertainty she put into the role was extremely palpable. As I’m used to her being a disembodied arm or a blurry image over someone’s shoulder on most DVDs, I couldn’t be happier that she finally has a whole solid handful of her very own scenes that I might actually be able to see not only in the theater. She’s closer to the middle when the otokoyaku dance too, AND she moved up a parade spot. I most definitely teared up when she came down the stairs featured between Rara and Mineri.

Moeko was SO CUTE as Livingston, and the scene where Rusty busts into Livingston’s place pretending to be an FBI agent was one of my favorites, along with the one where Danny comes to get the Malloy brothers and they mess with his face on the security camera. I’m so enamored with both Kotti and Yuuki Shion (Yuuki Shion dangerously so, YIKES; she’s like the awkward baby Sora I fell in love with reincarnated, plus she can do Komu-esque things with her legs and jump so astonishingly high). I will forever be obsessed with Susshii and how much joy and passion she pours into playing even the most crotchety old men. I don’t know what it IS about Rinkira that screams old man to the producers (other than that maybe they just need someone to do it), but I even liked her as Reuben, and Akine Hikaru as Yen a surprising amount. I always thought of Yen as a scary role that you don’t want your girl to get stuck with, and for someone prominent I guess it would be a bummer, but I don’t think I’ve ever noticed Akine Hikaru do much of anything before, so I was mostly just wide eyed at how acrobatic and good with a yo-yo she is. 

The finale is REAL good; Makaze is hot and a little sweaty and her hair is styled to make her look even sweatier. The top-star-in-a-harem-of-musumeyaku number is done in one of my favorite aesthetics, where the musumeyaku let their hair down (literally) no matter how intricately they were styled up to that point, and you can see the creases from their former pins and braids and it’s a little messy and loose and sexy which are all things I wish they’d let musumeyaku be more often, and Makaze is in the middle just like doing illegal things with her mouth and all that jazz. The otokoyaku dance is good too, and the duet dance is cute as shit (there’s a part where Makaze like boops Madoka’s nose and then Madoka pushes her like ~stop that~ and ugh). 

And speaking of ugh, the end of Act 1 where all 11 of them turn around and saunter toward the back of their stage after formulating their flawless plan put my stomach in knots, both for the sheer swagger and the overflowing love I feel for this lineup of this troupe. I know I’ve been saying this for like two years and it STILL hasn’t happened on the scale I’ve been expecting, but I can feel the transfers coming and I’m scared. 

[star-scroll]

This is set after D-stabilized, so Val knows what Vlad is. Enjoy!

Casper High's government class was all gathered together and shoved onto a bus in the middle of the school day. Well, almost all of the class. Danny was absent as usual, though everyone expected he'd probably show up at some time during the day saying he'd been there all along.

They were taking a field trip to City Hall, but nobody wanted to be there. Field trips were normally a cool experience and a chance to get out of class, but already half of them felt like they were gonna fall asleep.

Valerie, however, was filled with a sense of dread. City Hall meant Vlad, the man she had been trying to avoid for weeks, ever since that whole mess with Danielle. Sometimes Valerie wished she hadn't gone back, but other times she was glad she had. She didn't want to be the bounty hunter for a sadistic half-ghost.

When they arrived Valerie placed herself solidly in the middle of the class, desperately trying to avoid being seen. It would in no way stop Vlad if he really wanted her, but it was all she really could do when her classmates were nearby.

And so the most boring tour of their school careers began. The most eventful part was going to the archives, and seeing just how far back records were kept. The oldest box was dated 1897.

Valerie's worst fears were coming to fruition as it was announced that the next part of their tour was going to be of the mayor's office.

"Oh just kill me now," Valerie complained under her breath. She was fairly certain Vlad didn't know she knew he was half-ghost but she didn't exactly want to find out face-to-face.

The class went up the elevators in groups of 2, one with Mr Lancer and the other with their tour guide, and somehow Valerie found herself standing next to Mr Lancer even after they exited. Which of course meant she was at the front of the group. But if she tried to duck back now Mr Lancer might call her out.

The class filed past the receptionist and down the hall. Just in time to see the mayor dissapear right through his office door. One minute Vlad was standing in the hallway, and the next he was walking through solid matter.

"Phantom of the Opera!" Lancer pseudo-cursed.

"Did- did he just-?" Mr Lancer stuttered. Murmurs spread throughout the class, and the tour guide -who was in the back and hadn't seen- went ahead of them all and knocked on the door. There was no response at first and for a solid minute they all stood there in silence. She tried the knob, but the door was locked and it only rattled. But when something hit the ground inside and when there was a crash she pulled keys out of her pocket and rushed in anyways.

"Mr Masters?" She asked worriedly. The sight that met them was honestly more surprising than seeing Vlad walk right through his office door in front of an entire high school class.

Vlad Masters had Daniel Fenton hauled up in the air by his shirt, the younger's feet not even touching the ground. Danny was glaring venomously at Masters, eyes glowing a toxic green that vanished the moment he locked eyes with Valerie. Vlad dropped Danny immediately, leaving the teen to collapse on the floor like a ragdoll. Vlad straightened immediately, rattling off some explanation. But Valerie had her eyes on Danny, on those features that had become so familiar.

"Phantom." She practically cursed under her breath.

Valerie and Mr. Lancer are shocked by the mayor of Amity park.

[weekendwarriorblog]

WHAT TO WATCH THIS WEEKEND August 16, 2019 – GOOD BOYS, BLINDED BY THE LIGHT, WHERE’D YOU GO BERNADETTE and more!

Five more new wide releases this week, three of which I’ve seen, although one is embargoed until Wednesday night i.e. after this column “goes to press.”

My favorite movie of the weekend is Universal’s R-rated comedy GOOD BOYS from Bad Teacher writers Lee Eisenberg and Gene Stupnitsky, the latter making his directorial debut. It’s been one of my most anticipated movies of the year, since I’ve loved all the trailers I’ve seen. Maybe it’s just because I still have the mentality of a 10-year-old, and I generally enjoy R-rated comedy, the raunchier the better, but I’ve also been a pretty diehard fan of Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg’s work and been itching to see this movie since it debuted at SXSW all the way back in March. It’s a nice comedic turn for Room and Wonder star Jacob Tremblay and he seems to have great chemistry with Keith L. Williams and Brady Noon, but I guess we’ll see if this is the next Superbad (after the attempt by Booksmart to be, that is)…

Mini-Review:The best comedies deliver the simplest of premises but try to fill every second with jokes that find a way to connect. In that sense, Good Boydelivers big time.

Tremblay, Williams and Noon are best friends who dub themselves the “Bean Bag Boys” who are about to enter the 6thgrade and are desperate to be seen as cool by the other kids. When Tremblay’s Max is invited to a “kissing party” by one of the cooler kids, he brings his best friends Lucas and Thor along, but first, they have to find out how to kiss.

If you’ve seen the trailers, you probably already have some idea of the hijinks they get into. Sure, there’s a danger of some of the best jokes being used in the trailer, and there’s a lot of that at least in the first half, but other jokes play out much better in the movie than they do in short bursts of marketing.

Mind you, I wasn’t a fan of the filmmaker’s Bad Teacher but having the control of directing allows them to take the humor inherent in watching young actors swearing and getting up to some crazy shit makes Good Boyswork well beyond my already high expectations. Tremblay transitions so smoothly into comedy, using all his adorable sweetness in new ways, and the other two actors are just as funny.

Like Booksmart, and yes, Superbad, and other comedies as well, this is a simple story about a group of kids on a mission to get to a party and the adventures and mishaps they get into along the way. This includes having a run-in with two older girls whose molly ends up in the boy’s hands, one of the longer over-arching subplots which leads the boys into deeper and deeper shit.

You have to give Stupnitsky a lot of credit to be able to get so much funny stuff out of the movie’s young cast and just being able to work with kids in general, but especially getting them to do and say such funny stuff without (hopefully) scarring them for life. (And if there’s an opportunity for a third movie in a Will Forte awkward Dad trilogy, I cannot wait!)

At times Good Boys goes into some obvious territory as it heads into the final act – just like in Booksmart and many of Rogen/Goldberg’s comedies, the friends have a falling out -- but it recovers nicely, keeping the laughs coming as it resolves many of the jokes set-up much earlier in the movie with a solid pay-offs.  

Basically, I haven’t laughed this hard in a very long time.

Rating: 8.5/10

I did finally get to see Gurinder Chadha’s BLINDED BY THE LIGHT (New Line/WB), which was all the rave out of Sundance (and I kind of missed at CinemaCon cause the screening was too late at night). It stars Viveik Chalra as Javed, a young man living in Luton, England in the mid-80s, who wants to be writer, much to the chagrin of his traditionalist Pakistani father (Kulvinder Ghir). When he meets a classmate named Roops (Aaron Phagura), Javed is turned onto Bruce Springsteen, and hearing his music inspires him to go for his dreams, including his classmate Eliza (Nell Williams). This musical comedy is based on the memoir “Greetings from Bury Park: Race, Religion and Rock N’ Roll” by Sarfraz Manzoor, and it uses a LOT of Bruce Springsteen in the movie, for better or worse.

Let me explain…

I have never been a fan of Bruce Springsteen. Sure, I’ve always been familiar with his music, but maybe it was because I lived in New England and was more into prog rock and new wave/punk that I just never really cared to buy any of his records. (Also, I was never into the whole “rah rah USA” themes that were emerging in the ‘80s around the time of “Born in the USA.”) Oddly, the one Springsteen album I DO own and enjoy is “Magic,” which is about as big an anomaly to the rest of his discography as you can get. It’s with that in mind that I went into see Chadha’s latest movie unsure if I could bear so much Springsteen in such a short period of time…

Mini-Review: Making a movie based on a memoir generally has its limitations that may sometimes limit or constrict a filmmaker, and that might be the case with Blinded by the Light, based on Sarfraz Manzoor’s book, since he also co-wrote the screenplay.

We meet Javed (Viveik Chalra) as a boy as he hangs with his best friend Matt and navigates living in a strict Pakistani household in Luton, England with a father who wants everything a certain way. The idea of his son becoming a writer is foreign to Javed’s father Malik (beautifully portrayed by Kulvinder Ghir) but Javed perseveres and takes a creative writing class in school that inspires him to continue. (He’s driven by his teacher, played by Hayley (Agent Carter) Atwell, but gives up frequently out of frustration.)

Surprisingly, I could relate to a lot of what Javed is going through Blinded by the Light, even though I myself didn’t start writing until a much later age. The biggest immediate problem with the film is that it takes quite some time for Viveik Chalra to show any sort of personality, and this is the movie’s lead, someone that you’re supposed to care about.

Surely, there will be comparisons to other music movies of the year including the recent hit Yesterday, which under the aegis of Danny Boyle, was just a tighter piece of storytelling, maybe because he was not beholden to a real-life person like this and Rocketman.

Still, the movie does go off on too many tangents that don’t seem necessary to the overall story, like spending time with Javed’s sister at a daytime disco, something that was obviously supposed to explain her situation, but just feels extraneous. Also, the whole subplot with Javed’s childhood friend Matt feeling like Javed is growing apart from him feels unnecessary and both things take away from the main story.

The thing is that I love all the ‘80s new wave and pop that permeates the movie’s first half hour and when it’s replaced by “Born in the U.S.A.” and “Born to Run” and other Springsteen hits, it just wasn’t as enjoyable to me.

I totally can understand Chadha relating to what Sarfraz went through in terms of racism and dealing with the National Front in the ‘80s, and that aspect of the movie really comes through the best. Similarly, I enjoyed the budding romance between Javed and his classmate Eliza, although the way the film breaks out into song seems rather silly and off-putting compared to how this same thing was done in Rocketman.

Essentially, Blinded by the Light is a thoroughly enjoyable film with a lot to like about it, even if you’re not a fan of “The Boss.” It’s a film that has tonal issues and could have used some tighter editing but generally gets Sarfraz’s story across in a relatable way.

Rating: 8/10

I have seen Richard Linklater’s new film WHERE’D YOU GO, BERNADETTE (U.A. Releasing), starring Cate Blanchett, Billy Crudup, Kristen Wiig, Judy Greer and newcomer, but I’m under embargo so I’ll have to add the review later on Wednesday night. I can say that Blanchett plays Bernadette Fox and she’s a rather difficult woman, although you do generally root for her when she gets into a feud with her neighbor, played by Wiig. The movie won’t really be for everyone, although I guess I can find 30-something-plus women finding it empowering but I’ll save my thoughts for the review.

Mini-Review: 

There are times when I feel bad for the pressures Richard Linklater must face just by being Richard Linklater. He makes a movie like Before Midnight or Boyhood which just puts a bigger onus on him to live up to those movies, even when he wants to do something lighter or less weighty. After 2017’s Last Flag Flying, which dealt with heady topics like war in a fairly light way, Bernadette must have seemed like the perfect antiseptic.

Cate Blanchet’s Bernadette Fox was once one of the hottest up and coming architects in L.A. but after a series of disappointments, she moves to Seattle with her tech-savvy husband Elgie (Billy Crudup) where they have a now-teenage daughter named Bee (newcomer Emma Nelson). The thing is that Bernadette is rather abrasive, and she’s made enemies in the community, particularly her neighbor (Kristen Wiig) who has been complaining about blackberry bushes that are infiltrating her own yard. One thing leads to another and then another and before you know it, Bernadette has decided to pull a runner.

I should really like this movie more. I loved Ben Stiller’s remake of The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, and Bernadette is very much in a similar vein but about a middle-aged woman trying to find herself.

The movie just putters around for a good hour or more trying to be funny or witty and generally failing at being even remotely entertaining. It finally gets into gear when the story moves to Antarctica as Elgie and Bee try to find Bernadette, who has gone off on a voyage to the South Pole. (Trust me, to explain her logic would involve so much time and effort that I’m not going to bother.)

The movie offers such a sweet payoff ending, but it’s hard to discount the rest of the movie leading up to that, and it never really earns that payoff since it’s wasted much of the early part of the movie trying to be a budget-rate version of HBO’s Big Little Lies.

Even the title is rather deceptive, because it’s not about everyone looking for Bernadette as much as the more metaphysical “Where’d you go?” as in “what happened to that promising architecture career you gave up?” That is what you're dealing with here.

It’s hard to completely fault Linklater for trying something different, but Bernadette is not the witty mainstream comedy it’s being advertised as and probably veers more into Cameron Crowe’s recent, experimental work in terms of tone and pacing. I’m trying hard not to outright name the movie, but you probably know the one I’m referring to. Think Hawaii.

In other words,Bernadette won’t be for everyone. I wish it luck finding its fans, but this is likely to be a cult movie that only finds a rather small following. I’m honestly surprised this isn’t a Netflix movie.

Rating: 5.5/10

Also, Entertainment Studios is releasing the underwater thriller sequel47 METERS DOWN: UNCAGED on Friday night (with Thursday previews). The first movie was a surprise hit, and it was an enjoyable entry into the shark movie oeuvre, so we’ll have to see how director Johannes Roberts takes the concept to a new level with a cast that includes a couple second-gen actors like Sistine Stallone and Corrine Foxx, the daughters of Sly Stallone and Jamie Foxx.

I was invited to see Sony’s THE ANGRY BIRDS MOVIE 2, but I saw the first movie, so I didn’t feel like waking up early on a Saturday to catch the press screening. Basically, this is what it is with most of the same voice cast joined by Leslie Jones, Tiffany Haddish (of course) and a few others.  It looks cute and I’m sure the characters have some fans from the multitude of games, but I’m not sure a late summer release is the way to go with this rather than just holding it for Sept. where Sony had success with the Hotel Transylvania and Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs movies.

LOCAL FESTIVALS

Before we get to the limited releases, I want to shine a special spotlight on Film at Lincoln Center’s 12th installment of its annual “Scary Movies” series, which will kick off on Friday with Dan Berk and Robert Olsen’s Villains, starring Maika Monroe (It Follows) and Bill Skarsgard (from It) as a renegade couple who break into a house in the woods. This year’s closing night film (and party!) on August 21 is Radio Silence’s gory Ready or Not, essentially on the same night of its nationwide release. Also, Andrés Kaiser’s Feral will get its New York Premiere (also Friday), as will Søren Juul Petersen’s Finale. Ari Aster will debut his longer director’s cut of his recent horror film Midsommar, but what I’m really excited about is the “Terrible Bears” double feature of the 1976 movie Grizzly and a 40thanniversary screening of John Frankenheimer’s Prophecy, two movies that scared the shit out of me as a kid and guaranteed I’d never go camping – I’ll be there for that double feature on Saturday. Basically, it’s six days of scary fun and movies that shouldn’t be missed seeing them with an audience.

LIMITED RELEASES

It’s a wild and eclectic mix of limited releases this week, beginning with Victor Kossakovsky’s doc AQUARELA  (Sony Pictures Classics), opening in New York and L.A. and playing at 48FPS in the theaters capable of that tech. Kossokovsky’s film centers around the theme of water, and it travels across the globe filming all sorts of scenes most humans will never have had a chance to see from rescuing cars that have fallen through the ice at Russia’s Lake Bailal to Venezuela’s Angel Falls to Miami being hit by a hurricane. The film does have a meditative quality that I quite enjoyed, but as with many cinema verité films, there just wasn’t enough of a narrative, so you never really know what you’re watching. It’s beautifully-shot with some of the most impressive cinematography you’re likely to see (and shot in 96 FPS to really create such vivid clarity). I also kind of liked some of the music, but even at a short 90 minutes I found myself getting bored, so this probably won’t be for everyone.

Although I mentioned I’m not a fan of cinema verité docs, I thoroughly enjoyed Iván Osnovikoff and Betinna Perut’s LOS REYES (Grasshopper Film), which looks at two homeless dogs, Chola and Football, that live at a skatepark in Santiago, Chile. The movie basically films the two dogs and follows their exploits 24/7 and pieces together a compelling story that shows these animals to have true emotions equal to that of any human.  The footage of the dogs is superimposed with dialogue between some of the skaters (and drugdealers) that convene at the park, which is an interesting dichotomy to watch.  It’s a beautiful film that opens Wednesday at Film Forum on Wednesday, and while I will recommend it to dog lovers, I will mention one caveat that there is a sadder portion to the movie that might upset those who love watching the dogs. (In other words, I’m not sure it would be a good movie for younger kids.)

Yet ANOTHER cinema verité doc out this weekend is Roberto Minervini’s What You Gonna Do When the World’s on Fire (KimStim), the filmmaker’s follow-up to his Texas Trilogy. This one is a portrait of disparate African-Americans in New Orleans dealing with the cultural racism that has kept them down their entire lives. I can’t say that I was a huge fan of the movie, because I tend to prefer docs that have a stronger narrative rather than being random scenes – beautifully-shot in black and white, mind you. After a preview screening at the Maysles Documentary Center up in Harlem  on Wednesday night, the movie will open at Film at Lincoln Center on Friday… and then it’s back at the Maysles for five days starting August 23, before it goes to L.A. Laemmle Glendale on Sept. 6 and other cities after that.

Not cinema verité but still a documentary, kind of, is Danish filmmaker Mads Brügger’s COLD CASE HAMMARSKJÖLD (Magnolia), which begins as his examination to try to prove that UN secretary-general Dag Hammarskjöld’s 1961 plane crash in Congo was a deliberate assassination attempt. In trying to solve the case about what happened, the filmmaker -- who inserts himself into the movie similarly as Werner Herzog might, almost to a fault -- discovers something even more nefarious involving Apartheid in South Africa. I will give Brügger points for being innovative with this quirky pseudo-doc, but after two hours, the movie leaves you with more questions than answers, which is frustrating. It opens in New York, L.A., San Fran, Philly and a couple other theaters this weekend.

From GKIDs comes Salvador Simó’s animated BUÑUEL IN THE LABYRINTH OF THE TURTLES which follows the Spanish surrealist who has been shunned from making films in France and has had a falling out with his collaborator Salvador Dali. Broke, he returns to Spain where his poet friend Ramón Acin offers to fund his next movie if he wins the lottery, which he does, as the two of them go into the mountains to film the documentary Las Hurdes in the impoverished village.

This is a really interesting film, not only because the story itself is quite fascinating, but also Simó’s decision to use animation to tell the story. The animation is fairly simplistic, but it works, and it gets even more interesting as Simó actually intersperses footage from the documentary Las Hurdes into the animation showing them make the movie. I honestly know very little about Buñuel other than his classic works, so it’s interesting to see his transition after the disappointing showing for his feature L’Age D’Or, as well as how both his provocative and more humanistic sides  come out while making the movie. Simó’s film will open at the Quad Cinema in New York and L.A.’s Landmark Nuart on Friday, plus other cities later.

Shinsuko (Bleach) Sato’s action epic KINGDOM (FUNimation Films), based on the Japanese manga, will open in select theaters nationwide Friday. Oddly, it’s set in China during the 3rd Century where the kingdom of Qin is separated into seven divisions constantly battling against each other. The story mainly focuses on two boys who were raised as slaves and then separated, one to go work under the king.This film was also frustrating, because I generally love this genre, but the storytelling was all over the place in terms of tone and the pacing was off, especially with the sporadic spacing of the action scenes. Also, it covers some of the same territory as Zhang Yimou’s Hero, which is one of my favorite Asian martial arts films of all time, and this pales by comparison. I’ll be curious to see how wide FUNimation Films releases this on Friday and if there’s enough of a fanbase for the Manga stateside for it to have any sort of impact, but I was generally disappointed.

Opening at the IFC Center Wednesday is Rhys Ernst’s coming-of-age comedy (of sorts) ADAM, which premiered at Sundance this year. It stars Nicholas Alexander as high school senior Adam Freeman who goes to visit his older sister Casey (Margaret Qualley) in New York City over the summer and falls for Bobbi Salvör Menuez’s lesbian Gillian who presumes that Adam is trans, and he doesn’t bother to correct her. This is a really fascinating film written by Ariel Schrag, writer on “The L Word,” that takes an honest look at gender and sexuality in a way I haven’t really seen in many movies. It’s a light film with humor but it handles the topic in a serious and almost educational way for those of us CIS-hetero-males who may still be somewhat lost when it comes to some aspects of the LGBTQ+ community. The cast is fantastic, particularly Alexander and Menuez, but also Leo Sheng as Casey’s roommate who befriends Adam. It’s kind of interesting seeing Qualley playing a modern-day woman – the movie actually takes place in 2006 – since I’ve only seen her in period films like Novitiate and Once Upon a Time … in Hollywood, but her role is fairly minor even if it helps explore the different types of lesbians. The movie has sweet moments but most of it works due to Schrag’s fine script and Ernst’s ability to get such great performances out of the cast. A worthy addition to the conversation.

Also opening at the IFC Center Friday isArgentine filmmaker Lucio Castro’s debut End of the Century (Cinema Guild), which follows a 30-something Argentine poet named Ocho (Juan Barberini) who travels to Barcelona where he falls for as Spaniard from Berlin named Javi (Ramón Pujol) and after a few failed attempts to meet, they finally hook-up.

Also opening at the Maysles Thursday night is Danniel Krikke’s Scared of Revolution (Film Movement), a documentary about Last Poets performer Umar Bin Hassan, who is struggling as he reaches his 70s decades after influencing many later hip-hop artists.

Opening on Thursday in about 200 theaters is the Bollywood release Mission Mangal (FIP) from director Jagan Shakti, based on the true story of the women scientists who take part in India’s space program. Akshay Kumar plays Rakesh Dhawan and Vidya Balan is Tara Shinde, who lead a team of scientists to launch India’s first satellite to Mars.

After that is a bunch of odds and ends…

William McGregor’s thriller Gwen (RLJEFilms/Shudder) stars Eleanor Worthington-Cox as the title character whose world is collapsing around as she deals with a malevolent presence, while the Korean thriller The Divine Fury (Well GO USA) is about an MMA fighter who helps an exorcist fight evil.

Nick Hamm’s comedic crime-thriller Driven (Universal Pictures Home Entertainment), starring Jason Sudeikis, Lee Pace, Judy Greer and Justin Bartha with Pace playing John DeLorean and Sudeikis playing his ex-con FBI informant friend Jim Hoffman who lured him into a cocaine trafficking ring. It gets a theatrical and On Demand release almost a year after it premiered at Toronto.

Opening in L.A. on Friday and then in New York on August 23 is Nick Richey’s teen drama Low Low (Halfway Crooks Entertainment, Gravitas Ventures); the Jonathan Rhys-Myers-led suspense thriller Awake (Cinedigm) directed by Alex Cher and Fedor Lyass; and Brazilian-American director Alexandre Moratto’s gay drama Socrates  (Breaking Glass Pictures), which opens at the Laemmle Music Hall in L.A. on Friday and at New York’s Cinema Village on August 23.

STREAMING AND CABLE

By now, you’ve probably already heard the consternation of Marlon Wayans going full Eddie Murphy for his comedy SEXTUPLETS premiering on Netflix Friday. The concept involves Wayans as an expectant father who learns that he’s actually 1/6thof a series of sextuplets, so he goes out to meet them… and they’re all played by Wayans in various make-up prosthetic and fat suits.

Netflix is also debuting the new docu-series Happy Jail about a Philippines jail that becomes known for a viral Michael Jackson video that’s then taken charge by a convict.

I’m embarrassed to say that I still haven’t seen the first season of Mindhunter, but the 2ndseason premieres on Friday as well.

Also Friday, there’s an animated movie called Invader Zim: Enter the Florpus which continues from the popular Adult Swim cartoon show from the early ‘00s.

REPERTORY

Opening on Thursday night nationwide is Francis Ford Coppola’s Apocalypse Now Final Cut, the 3-hour plus version of his 1979 movie being released in IMAX theaters on its 40th Anniversary following its premiere at the Tribeca Film Festival. Check theater listings as it’s only playing once a day at some theatres and might only be for a few days.

METROGRAPH (NYC):

Starting this Friday is the new series Minelli Widescreen, as in Vincente Minelli, the Oscar-winning filmmaker behind films like Gigi  (1958), An American in Paris (1958), Some Came Running (1958), Bells are Ringing (1960) and many more, all shown using the filmmaker’s 2:35:1 widescreen frame, so this should be something special. This week’s Late Nites at Metrograph is Leos Carax’s 2012 film Holy Motors and the Playtime: Family Matinees  is the 1973 film (one of my favorites) The Golden Voyage of Sinbad. This week’s installment of “Godard/Karina Late Nights” is Alphaville (1965) on Thursday through Saturday nights. Unless it’s extended, Thursday will be your last chance to see the 4k restoration of Juraj Herz’s 1969 film The Cremator.  It’s a very strange movie, kind of like if David Lynch directed an Addams Family movie, but then it gets far darker and more nefarious.  Not to be shown up by BAM’s recent Millennial series, Metrograph is bringing back two of what I consider the most overrated movies of the year i.e. two movies that Millennials love – Joanna Hogg’s The Souvenir and Claire Dennis’ English debut High Life, starring Robert Pattinson.  I didn’t care for either movie.

THE NEW BEVERLY (L.A.):

Just because it’s his theater and he can do whatever he wants Quentin Tarantino continues to use the theater to mostly show Once Upon a Time… in Hollywood through the end of August. As far as rep stuff, this Wed’s matinee is the Rock Hudson-Doris Day film Lover Come Back  (1961), the weekend’s KIDDEE MATINEE is Norman Tokar’s 1969 film Rascaland then Monday’s matinee is James Mangold’s Girl, Interruptedfrom 1999, for which Angelina Jolie won an Oscar.

FILM FORUM (NYC):

The Burt Lancaster series ends Thursday so you have one last chance to see Criss Cross, Elmer Gantry, The Rose Tattoo and Conversation Piece, as another fantastic rep series comes to a close. Starting Friday is the next three-week series called “Marty and Jay’s Double Features.” The “Marty” is one Martin Scorsese and the Jay is film critic Jay Cocks, and they’ve put together a pretty amazing line-up, beginning with Robert Bresson’s Pickpocket (1959) paired with Hitchcock’s The Wrong Man (1956) on Friday, Saturday is Renoir’sThe Golden Coach  (1952) with Minnelli’s The Band Wagon (1953), and a double feature of Olivier’s Richard III (1955) with Roger Corman’s The Tomb of Ligeia (1964). By the way, those are the only days you’ll be able to see these movies, since they won’t be screening multiple times. The one exception is Sunday and Monday’s double feature of Kubrick’s Barry Lyndon (1975) with a very rare Peter Sellers short called The Case of the Mukkinese Battle-Horn from 1956. I’m not going to go through the whole series but click on the link above and start planning accordingly.  Remember, it’s two classic films for the price of one!

EGYPTIAN THEATRE (LA):

Not to be outshone by Tarantino and the New Bev, the theaters is doing “Once Upon a Time” double features… no, not Tarantino’s movie but a double feature of Once Upon a Time in China (1991) and its 1992 sequel Once Upon a Time in China 2on Thursday, then on Friday, Robert Rodriguez’s Once Upon a Time in Mexico (2003) with the 2012 Turkish film  Once Upon a Time in Anatolia.  Of course, they’ll show Charles Bronson’s Once Upon a Time in the West  (1968) on Saturday and then the Sergio Leone crime-thriller Once Upon a Time in America (1984), starring De Niro and James Woods, on Sunday

AERO  (LA):

Weds night, the AERO is screening the musical comedy How to Succeed in Business without Really Trying  (1967) with star Robert Morse in person! Thursday begins a series called “The Neo-Noir of John Dahl” with filmmaker John Dahl in person for double features of The Last Seduction  (1994) and Rounders  (1998) on Thursday, then Val Kilmer’s Kill Me Again (1989) and Nicolas Cage’s Red Rock West  (1993) on Friday. The “Highballs and Screwballs” series continues Saturday with The Lady Eve (1941), starring Henry Fonda and Barbara Stanwyck, and Fritz Lang’s Scarlet Street(1945). The AERO has also started a “Dysfunctional Family Matinees” series with Ozu’s Tokyo Story (1953)screening Tuesday afternoon.

QUAD CINEMA (NYC):

You have a couple more days to catch a few of the “Beach Reads: From Sun to Screen” movies, basically Airport, The Deep and The Island on Wednesday, and then Hotel, Valley of the Dolls and The Love Machine on Thursday. Beginning Friday is a restoration DCP of Jacqueline Audry’s Olivia (1951) set in a French finishing school where an English girl finds herself falling for her teacher Clara.

IFC CENTER (NYC)

This week’s Weekend Classics: Staff Picks Summer 2019 is Satyajit Ray’s 1955 film Pather Panchali, Waverly Midnights: Staff Picks Summer 2019 is chosen by some guy named “Ezra” who picked Lexi Alexander’s 2008 movie Punisher: War Zone, while Late Night Favorites: Summer 2019 is… once again… James Cameron’s Aliens. (Seriously, these movies really seem to be on a loop.) On Tuesday, as part of its “Movies with MZS” aka film critic Matt Zoller Seitz, the IFC will screen James Cameron’s 198 movie The Abyss in 35mm print)

BAM CINEMATEK (NYC):

Punks, Poets & Valley Girls: Women Filmmakers in 1980s America continues through the weekend, screening Julia Bashore’s 1986 film Kamikaze Hearts, Kathryn Bigelow’s 1987 vampire flick Near Dark, Allison Anders’ Border Radio (also from ’87), and then from 1988, there’s Genevieve Roberts’ Casual Sex? And Penny Marshall’s Big, Martha Coolidge’s 1983 film Valley Girl, and Amy Heckerling’s classic Fast Times at Ridgemont High from 1982. On Sunday, the series will screen Mary Lambert’s Pet Sematary with some of her music videos. Also, on Thursday night, BAM is screening Spike Lee’s School Daze (1988).

MUSEUM OF THE MOVING IMAGE (NYC):

With Netflix’s The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance premiering later this month, MOMI is going to show the original The Dark Crystal… and while you’re there, you might as well check out the Jim Henson Exhibit, which has been running there since January.

ROXY CINEMA (NYC)

The downtown New York theater will screen Truffaut’s 400 Blows  (1959) on Weds and Saturday and Jacques Demy’s musical The Young Girls of Rochefort(1968) on Thursday and Sunday.

LANDMARK THEATRES NUART  (LA):

Friday night’s midnight offering is Harmony Korine’s The Beach Bum.

Next week, fewer movies as we get further into the “Dog Days of Summer” although I’m kind of looking forward to seeing Angel Has Fallen, the third movie in the Gerard Butler action franchise.

[officialmccall]

Believe It or Not. Part 14/?

Summary: With tensions increasing between Derek and the rest of the pack, they try to understand why he's turning other teenagers. In the midst of everything, expectations of one's self get in the way. (Based off 2x02 “Shape Shifted”) “I’m serious. It's not like the last full moon. I don't feel the same.” Scott said with reassurance while walking down the halls between his sister and best friend. “Oh, does that include the urge to maim and kill people, like me?” Stiles quipped sarcastically. At his comment y/n leaned behind Scott and punched Stiles in the arm playfully. “Hey!” He shouted grabbing his arm. Y/n just laughed. “I swear I don't have the urge to maim and kill you.” Scott laughed along with y/n as they continued walking. “You say that now, but then the full moon goes up and out come the fangs and the claws and there's a lot of howling and screaming and running everywhere, okay? And it's very stressful on me so yes, I’m still locking you up.” Stiles finished without taking a second to breathe. “Okay, fine,” the beta gave in, “but I do think I have more control now. Especially with how good things are with Allison.” Y/n rolled her eyes, “Oh my god Scott! Yes, we’re aware of how good things are with Allison. You make us aware every 2 seconds.” Her words barely phased the boy, “they're really good.” He whispered with a big goofy smile on his face. “Please just shut the hell up before I have the urge to maim and kill myself.” Stiles chimed in, making Scott look butt-hurt and y/n to continue giggling. They parted ways as the boys entered the boys’ locker and y/n the girls. - Y/n rather quickly dressed in her cheerleading uniform and made her way out to the field. She found a nice, dry spot on the grass to sit down and begin their routine of stretches. Silently, she watched the lacrosse team run laps for warm-up. A jersey she’d never seen before, number 14, caught her eye. He must be a new player. Time seemed to pass by as she was down to the last 15 minutes of practice. She felt a little bit a sweat lightly run down as she ran through the new routine for what felt like the 50th time. She decided to take a break, walking to the bleachers to grab her water bottle. As she was taking a cool drink, she turned towards the lacrosse field to see her brother practically running over every single person trying to score a goal. The players were all in one straight line practicing running towards the goal, Scott guarding the goal which was odd since that's not his position. She watched a few more guys try to run through and score, and each time Scott ran away from the goal and straight at them. Ramming into them and making each of them flip and land on their backs. “McCall! The positions goal keeper. Not goal abandoner.” Coach yelled at her brother, before blowing his whistle. Y/n noticed Stiles standing outside the line of players intently watching Scott plow through everyone. Y/n found herself walking across the field until she reached Stiles. “Hey.” She said rather firmly, grabbing his attention as he turned to look at her. “You wanna tell me why Scott’s beating down half the team?” She stood next to Stiles, watching as Scott, again, destroyed a poor boy. “Look it's fine,” he said holding his hand up to her signaling for her to calm down, which actually just annoyed her more causing her to cross her arms, “When we were in the locker room Scott felt the presence, or smelt, or something but he thinks there’s another werewolf on the team.” “So… He's attacking everyone on the team because he knows the werewolf will use their abilities to land and not let themselves get hurt?” She clarified, putting the pieces together. “Yeah exactly, although no luck so far.” He said as Scott repeated his actions, Stiles and y/n flinching as the player obviously wasn’t a werewolf. Without them noticing coach had marched over to them, “Stilinski! What the hell is wrong with your friend?” “Uh, he's failing two classes. He's a little socially awkward and if you look close enough, his jawline is slightly uneven.” Y/n didn't even try to suppress the snort that left her as she immediately put her hand over her mouth to control her laughter at the sarcastic boy’s response. Coach looked at her as she laughed, finally noticing she was there. “You, who are you?” He asked pointing at her. “Y/n McCall.” She furrowed her eyebrows. “Oh great,” coach rolled his eyes, “there's more of you.” After that he blew his whistle again, and walked away. “And that's my cue to leave-” y/n started to walk away but caught herself turning on her heal. They both watched as Scott ran at the last player in the line, number 14. But this time, as the boy flipped in the air, he landed on his feet in front of Scott. Y/n’s jaw dropped in shock. “I think we found him.” Stiles whispered from next to her. Not taking her gaze off the scene in front of her, she just nodded her head in response. - Just ten minutes after the figured out that the boy who's the beta’s name is Isaac, the police showed up and arrested him. Scott, Stiles, and y/n stood together watching him be taken away. “So they think he killed his own dad?” Y/n asked while watching them drag the boy away, he turned around and made direct eye contact with her as if he had heard her. She turned away immediately, feeling a little bit of fear take over her. “They can lock him in a holding cell for 24 hours.” Stiles said. “Like, overnight?” Scott replied. Knowing exactly why Scott was asking he looked at him with an expression y/n had never seen before, “During the full moon.” Stiles confirmed. “Why would Derek choose Isaac?” Scott asked out loud, not really expecting an answer. Before anyone could say anything else, they bell rang signaling they had ten minutes to change and get back to class. “We gotta go.” Y/n reminded, picking up her bag. - They were sitting in their biology class at their lab table that seats three. Y/n in the middle with Scott or Stiles on either side of her. “Doesn't being a teenager mean your dad can't hold him?” Scott leaned forward to look at Stiles. “Not unless they have solid evidence, or a witness” y/n answered before Stiles could. “Wait,” Stiles said turning around to the table behind him, “Danny, where’s Jackson?” Now all three of them had turned around and were staring at the poor boy. “Principals office.” “Why?” Y/n questioned. “He lives across the street from Isaac.” They turned back around, all glancing at each other. “We have to get to the principal’s office.” Y/n smirked. “How?” Scott asked. Stiles and y/n locked eyes, smiling, already knowing what the other was thinking. All of the sudden, three pieces of balled up paper flew across the room, all hitting Mr. Harris. He turned around, annoyed. “Alright, who in the hell did that?” The three determined teenagers all pointed at each other, solidifying their plan. - The plan to get to the principal’s office turned out to be a bust, except for finding out that Allison’s grandpa, Gerard, is the school’s new principal. He asked that only one of them stay behind to accept the punishment. It couldn't be Scott, because he had to talk to Derek. So Stiles finally gave in, offering to stay behind. Scott and y/n pushed open the door exiting the office, and Scott took off sprinting towards the exit. “Scott wait!” Y/n called after him, breaking out into a run as well. He ran straight through the two blue doors, only to see Isaac in the back of a police car being driven to the station. He was too late. Finally, y/n managed to catch up. Doubling over and breathing heavily. Once she caught her breath she stood up, still wincing. “You know,” she took another deep breath, “I don't remember you ever being that fast.” “We were too late.” He ignored her sarcastic statement, watching the police car until it was officially out of sight. As if on cue, Derek’s car speedily pulled up to the curb. “Get in.” He said directly to Scott. “Are you serious?” Y/n yelled back before Scott could. “You did that! That's your fault!” Scott yelled angrily, walking down the steps until he was at the window of Derek’s car. Y/n wouldn't say it out loud, but she felt a little hurt, and disappointed in Derek. He was the first person to tell her the truth, and she thought she had a friend or at least an ally in him. And now he was going around biting teenagers? Taking their life away from them? He didn't have the right to do that. She slowly walked down the steps, following Scott. “I know that. Now get in the car and help me.” Derek demanded. “No, I've got a better idea. I’m gonna call a lawyer. Because a lawyer might actually have a chance at getting him out before the moon goes up.” Y/n was proud of her brother for taking charge, almost like an alpha would. At least a good alpha. But his last sentence kind of caught her off guard. “Scott, we can't afford a lawyer.” She whispered to her brother, but both of them ignored her. “Not when they do a search of the house.” Derek said smugly, “Whatever Jackson said to the cops, what's in the house, it's worse. It's way worse.” Y/n heard Scott sigh. Defeated, he opened the door to the car. “I’m coming too.” Y/n piped up, hopping in the back and buckling her seatbelt all in one quick motion. Both Scott and Derek turned around to look at her. “No.” They shouted simultaneously. Y/n raised her eyebrows at them, it was cute that they were trying. “Okay,” she nodded, “which one of you is going to drag me out of the car then?” She crossed her arms, staring at them with a smile. Derek and Scott turned to look at each other. Derek annoyed, but Scott’s expression had turned into a smile. “She's coming.” Scott stated, Derek rolling his eyes before pressing on the accelerator and taking off towards Isaac’s house. - Derek pulled up to the house, the brakes screeching as he came to a sudden stop. “Damn, where’d you get your license? Doggy-Day care?” Y/n said while rubbing her neck. “You're fine.” Derek got out of the car, not even glancing at her. “I think I got whiplash.” She whispered to herself before finally exiting the vehicle. She followed Derek and Scott into the Eerily quiet house. “If Isaac didn't kill his father, who did?” Scott asked breaking the silence. “I don't know yet.” Derek replied walking further into the dark house. “How do you know he's not lying?” Asked y/n, glancing around the house and taking in all her surroundings. “Because I trust my senses,” Derek turned around and snapped at her, “and it's a combination of them. Not just your sense of smell.” He aimed the last statement at Scott. Scott’s cheeks turned red with embarrassment. “You saw the lacrosse thing today? Did it look that bad?” Derek smirked, “yeah.” Derek grabbed Scott’s arm and lead him to a door that opened up to a staircase, leading to the basement of the house. Y/n watched from behind them, not really thrilled about what she assumed was to come next. All three of them stood there, looking down on what faded into complete darkness. You couldn't even see the whole staircase. “You want to learn? Let's start now.” Derek’s voice echoed down the stairs. “What's down there?” Scott asked, fear evident in his shaky voice. “Motive.” “And what am I looking for?” “Follow your senses.” Was the last thing Derek said before Scott started taking hesitant steps through the doorway and into the basement. “What happened down here?” Y/n could barely hear Scott’s voice. No more creaking from the stairs could be heard, signaling that Scott was finally and completely inside the room downstairs. Y/n crossed her arms over her chest for some sort of comfort. “Stay here, I’m going to go guide him.” Derek whispered to y/n. “Wha- really? No I don't want to stay up here by myself.” Y/n complained moving closer to Derek. “You being down there will just distract him, you'll be fine.” Before she could say anything else he was already hopping down the stairs leaving her behind. She sighed rolling her eyes and moving away from the open door. She walked around the house, looking at photos on the wall in the kitchen, trying to keep her mind occupied. Y/n took a few more steps before she heard something break beneath her foot. She bent down to pick up whatever it was, it looked like it was part of a glass that had broke. Examining it, she shifted her gaze to the wall in front of her. It had a dent in it, she stood up to get a closer look at that too. Once y/n could see clearly, she saw a piece of glass sticking out of the wall as well. The glass had been thrown across the room. The thought sent a shiver down her spine, she knew at that moment a lot of bad things happened in here. - Stiles was let out late again from detention purely just for Mr. Harris’ enjoyment. It was now dark out. As he frantically made his way to the jeep he quickly got out his phone to call Allison. “Hey, sorry, Harris literally just let me out of detention. Literally. And he had my phone the whole fricken time.” The boy babbled. “Well, we need to do something right now. They were asking me all these questions about Lydia and how she was bitten by Peter, and then they sent this guy out.” “Wait, what guy?” Stiles asked as he opened the door of his jeep and put the keys in the ignition. “He was dressed as a sheriff’s deputy.” She calmly replied. Stiles stop moving altogether, rolling his eyes as he put it all together, “They’re sending him into the station for Isaac.” “I’m on it.” Allison hung up quickly, a devised plan already in place. - She followed the guy sent out to kill Isaac. knowing exactly what streets the car was going to drive down, the girl positioned herself out of sight behind a corner. She patiently waited until she could see the dim glow of headlights shine on the brick wall in front of her. She placed the arrow in the correct place on the bow, readying herself. Allison watched as the car drove by and waiting until it was just a little bit in front of her, aiming her arrow towards the back tire and releasing. It wa a direct hit. She confidently placed another arrow in place. Once the man stepped out of the car, she shot another one right into his calf. She smirked to herself and called Stiles back. “Hey, did you slow him down.” His voice echoed through the phone. “You could say that.” “All right, I’m headed to the station right now. Scott’s at Isaac’s.” She furrowed her brows, “does he have as plan?” She asked knowing tonight was the full moon and Scott may still need some help controlling himself. “Yeah,” Stiles’ voice interrupted her thoughts, “but not a very good one. And unfortunately we don't really have time for anything better. I’m on my way there now to pick up Derek but I won't be able to stay.” “I’ll go there now.” Allison said, hanging up on Stiles’ again. - Y/n continuously paced around the cold, dark house. Her teeth slightly chattering as she shivered, although she wasn’t cold. Just scared. Scott and Derek had been in the basement for awhile, and she still remained upstairs. Y/n walked back into the kitchen to look at the hole in the wall she had found earlier. As she was looking at it, a sudden burst of light illuminated the wall make her turn on her heel quickly. It was headlights from as car that were blinding her. She walked closer to the kitchen window to try and determine who had just pulled up. Only to recognize the familiar blue jeep. She ran outside to see what he was doing here. Stiles looked up to see the McCall girl standing in front of his car. The light from the jeep making her look even more beautiful. However, he was overcome with confusion to why she was here. He rolled down the window as she made her way over to him, grasping the the door with her hands and staring at him. “What are you doing here.” They both questioned simultaneously. Stiles was the one to continue. “Y/n why in hell would Scott let you come here?” She tilted her head in confusion at the outburst, “what do you mean?” “You remember what day it is right? The full moon. What happens when Scott loses control and attacks you? What happens when Derek decides to widen his pack even more and he bites you? You can’t just be running around and going wherever you want.” She was shocked to say the least, not really understanding where this was coming from. “And you can?” She sasses back, catching him off guard. “Stiles you're human too. Every risk that I’m taking right now you've taken everyday for the last couple of months. So don’t you dare sit here and tell me that I should just stay home while my brother and my- and you are out here every night risking your lives for our friends who happen to be my friends too.” When she finally stopped, face red and breathing heavy, he stayed completely silent. Honestly, he was speechless. He knew everything she just said was right, and that he had no right to make her feel stupid. They just stayed there, locked in each other’s eye contact until the sound of the passenger door opening startled them both. “Let’s get going, we don’t have much time.” Derek said to Stiles as he buckled himself in. Stiles wanted to apologize, but it would have to wait. Y/n backed away from the car and he drove off, leaving her standing in the street. No more than 15 seconds later another car pulled into the driveway that she recognized as Allison’s. Feeling more calm, she waited for Allison to get out of the car. Once she stepped out, she didn't waste anytime. “Where’s Scott?” She asked with worried eyes. “In the basement,” y/n answered, “here I'll take you to him.” She started walking back inside the house, Allison right behind her. Once the girls reached the bottom of the stairs they were met with Scott doubled over, heavily breathing. Allison began walking towards him, y/n remained in place knowing that he needed Allison right now. The brunette glanced to the duffle bag filled with chains on the ground, knowing what was about to take place. “Scott, are you sure we have to do this?” She whispered sweetly to the boy. “Yes.” He huffed back. “Where?” She placed her hand on his arm. Both Allison and y/n watched as he glanced back to a large freezer behind him. Y/n watched sadly as Scott placed himself inside, Allison shutting the lid and locking it. Not before kissing him on the forehead. Y/n couldn't watch as Allison officially locked it. “Scott-” y/n started to speak to her brother. “Just go!” He yelled, almost sounding like a growl. Y/n and Allison hurriedly made their way up the stairs, neither one of them wanting to be down there any longer. When they reached the top y/n waited for Allison to get through the door before shutting it completely. They both stood there for what felt like hours. Silence drowning them both. “Talk about something,” y/n said grabbing Allison’s attention. She looked up to see y/n staring back at her, “please, anything so I don’t have to think about what my brother’s going through right now.” Allison smiled, “Okay, sure,” she swallowed, “well, what’s going on with you and Stiles?” She teased slightly. “Oh god, anything other than that.” Y/n sighed throwing her head back against the wall she was leaning against. Allison laughed at her reaction, “no, come on, before everything went to hell the night of the dance you two totally could not stop staring into each other’s eyes while dancing.” Y/n squeezed her eyes shut, sinking down to the floor in embarrassment as Allison continued to laugh. She covered her eyes with her hands so she couldn't see Allison as she let the words fall from her mouth, “We kissed.” Allison’s jaw dropped, “you what?” Well have you guys talked about it at all?” “No!” Y/n threw her hands up in the air in frustration, “I’m afraid to. Because just ten minutes ago he was a complete asshole, also he’s probably still in love with Lydia.” Allison’s shocked facial expression faded into an empathetic smile. “You’ll never know anything until you ask him.” Y/n knew she was right, so she didn't say anything back. The room becoming silent until Allison spoke again. “Okay but I have to ask, was he good?” Y/n couldn't help but completely lose control and burst out laughing at the question, Allison following suit and doing the same. Everything was fine, and they were having a good time until Allison lifted her finger to her mouth and shushed her. Y/n stood up from her place on the ground, fear consuming her again. “Do you hear that?” Allison whispered. Y/n just shook her head. She followed Allison into the kitchen, watching her grab two knives, handing one to her. Y/n gripped the knife with both hands, trying to steady her shaking hands. Frozen still, she watched Allison continue to walk forwards. Then she heard it, a hissing noise. Glancing up towards the ceiling, she saw- whatever it was- glancing down at her. “Allison” she whispered with terror lacing her voice. Allison turned around, but before she could do anything the animal used its long tail to rip the knife from y/n’s grasp. Continuing to wrap around her ankle and throw her on the ground, knocking the air out of her. “Come on!” Allison shouted at the creature, but it never approached her. It ran away and broke through the front windows of the house. Allison ran towards her friend on the ground, trying to help her sit up. “Y/n are you okay?” The girl struggled to get her breath back, and once she did she looked at Allison with wide eyes. “What the hell was that?” (Leave feedback/ questions in my ask hoes)

[realtalk-princeton]

Just depressed how I don't have a dream major/much interest in anything i study unlike others. My academic advisor told me I already seem too unhappy with my current major and recommended me to take this egr class that I might like. Yes I think math is interesting but I'm mediocre. Yes I think physics is cool but the last time I took it was in middle school lol. I'm bad at what I want to do and unhappy at what I currently major in. Imagine liking and being good at what u major in. can't relate.

Response from Marty:

Are we a film starring Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny Devito? Cause we must be twins. I think a lot of people at this school (definitely including myself) have had a similar problem, and it kind of sucks. However, all you can do is make the best of the situation. I personally have tried to separate the issues that you described here and address them individually in figuring out what to do.

One issue is that you feel intimidated by certain majors. Let’s talk about that. I happen to be quite familiar with both math and physics as majors here, so perhaps I can give you a bit of insight (if those are indeed the majors you most prefer). I should say up top that I’m pretty negative about both of those as majors, so I might be a little biased coming into this, but I’ll do my best to be objective. I genuinely believe that neither of these is inherently especially difficult, and anyone who is interested can be successful in either one. It’s true that there are many exceptional people in both math and physics, so you might be a little intimidated and the curve could be harsh. However, in math you can mostly avoid them by taking the applied versions of classes (plus the curves are usually generous enough anyway). In physics you may indeed have a problem, but you also don’t have to do anything especially creative to do well in physics. You need to understand complicated ideas and be solid at calculus, but I don’t think you’ll do poorly in classes in either subject if you actually are excited to spend time doing well. Physics independent work could be bad cause some advisors expect you to have your own ideas or whatever, but you will probably find something that you’re good at to do iw in so I wouldn’t worry too much about it. For math you can just do junior sems and try to finesse an easyish thesis. If you haven’t taken physics since middle school I refuse to believe that you’re bad at it because you don’t have enough information. Idk what math you’ve tried, but I think it’s a skill that can be worked at. Either way, there are paths to successfully majoring in either one if that’s what you want, but you’ll probably have to do some work. 

As I mentioned, I don’t really think either of those majors are so great, so you may end up dealing with the second of the issues you mentioned which is that you just can’t find a major that you want to do. That sucks. However, you can still make the best of it. I basically chose based on two broad criteria: how shit these four years will be and how much I’ll benefit from what I learn/having that major on my resume. The first should probably be the main deciding factor, and you should do whatever you’re most interested in. However, if there isn’t any such thing, try to think longer term. I personally have had a pretty crappy time at princeton, but all the stuff I did was good for learning skills that will probably make my life a decent amount easier when I look for a job (plus already made my life easier looking for an internship). Even if I had preferred another major, in a roundabout way I found stuff that I actually like to do from a major that I don’t like. Plus, things could always get better. Maybe you’ll end up liking your major if you give it a chance. 

I think in a broader sense, if you don’t really like anything you study, then you should try to find some other interests. Join a club or something. If academics aren’t your whole identity, you could actually be quite comfortable with a major you don’t like. Hopefully there’s some major that’s pretty easy for you and won’t require much work, so if you find something else to be excited about, doing schoolwork will just be a nuisance that you put up with on the side. That’s a valid way to live too. 

[itsworn]

Car Craft’s Top 40 Hits at Detroit Autorama 2017

Without fail, the middle of winter in the frigid Midwest creates a hunger in car crafters that cannot be satisfied by reruns of Overhaulin’. The Detroit Autorama at the expansive Cobo Hall is a welcome feast for the Midwest’s winter car show famine. For 2017, a strong smorgasbord of modern muscle, street machines, race cars, customs, and hot rods came together to feed the hungry.

Basking in a sea of subjectivity, attendees formulated their favorites and their also-rans. From this author’s perspective, the Autorama was highlighted by the “UFO” 1965 Plymouth Belvedere A990 A/FX owned by Clark and Collene Rand. The “real deal” A990 altered wheelbase car was restored by Adam Engelhart’s AAA Restorations in Rushford, Minnesota. This 1965 Plymouth A990 Super Stock Hemi is 1 of 102 built in 1965. The car retains original body panels and original wheels and tires from its racing career.

Documented by the Chrysler IBM card, the UFO is only one of two cars built for Chrysler Engineering delivered to an individual in 1965. That individual was Chrysler Race Group engineer Tom Tignanelli of Roseville, Michigan, then co-owner of Shadowoods Auto Center in Roseville, Michigan. With help from family and friends, the UFO was created. Tom piloted the Mopar as the UFO enjoyed a successful drag racing career, achieving the titles of 1966-1967 National Champion and 1967 World Champion. The car remained in storage in Canada from 1970 until 2014, ended up in Clark Rand’s hands, who then had AAA Restorations restore it. It is pheneomenal.

Similar stories swarmed among the crowds at the Detroit Autorama 2017. It was a great time to drink in the traditions and trends of hot rodding. The quality of new cars being built continues to rise, while the restorations of historically significant vehicles maintain the rich heritage of automotive legends.

Highlighting this premiere event is the assembling of the “Great 8”- the 8 finalists in competition for the prestigious presentation of the Ridler Award. The elite car builders around the world vie for this coveted accolade, which last year was given to Billy Thomas and his 1939 Oldsmobile Convertible “Olds Cool”, built by Andice Hot Rods and Customs in Andice, Texas.

This year Ridler was awarded to the “Renaissance Roadster”, owned by Nancy and Buddy Jordan. The car was designed by Chris Ito and Steve Frisbie, and hand-built by Steve’s Auto Restorations. Craftsmanship on the car was over the top. The show certainly offered other eye candy as well. Check out Car Craft’s Top 40 Detroit Autorama hits of 2017, a mix of pro builds, street machines, race cars, a few hot rods, and a van thrown in for good measure.

The 1965 Plymouth A990 A/FX “UFO” was acquired and built by Tom Tignanelli, along with significant help from the Tignanelli brothers and their father Robert Tignanelli Jr. The brand new Hemi car was immediately converted from Super Stock status to run in the Experimental Stock, “X/S” class, commonly referred to as the “Funny Car” category. The rear axle was moved forward 18″, and the front suspension was ditched in favor of a Logghe straight front axle moved 12″ forward of the stock location. Plexiglass, fiberglass fenders and hood, aluminum floor and dashboard, and grille-mounted fuel tank completed the transformation. Displayed next to the car is the original nosecone used at some events during its career.

The 1965 Plymouth A990 A/FX “UFO” was acquired and built by Tom Tignanelli, along with significant help from the Tignanelli brothers and their father Robert Tignanelli Jr. The brand new Hemi car was immediately converted from Super Stock status to run in the Experimental Stock, “X/S” class, commonly referred to as the “Funny Car” category. The rear axle was moved forward 18″, and the front suspension was ditched in favor of a Logghe straight front axle moved 12″ forward of the stock location. Plexiglass, fiberglass fenders and hood, aluminum floor and dashboard, and grille-mounted fuel tank completed the transformation. Displayed next to the car is the original nosecone used at some events during its career.

Owner George Messner handled all fabrication, mechanical, interior, and paint work on his 1972 Pro Street 1970 Camaro. Dubbed “Lazarus”, presumably risen from the dead, the Camaro is powered by a 404 cubic inch engine with Scat rods, Brodix heads, a Comp cam, and Edelbrock intake and carburetors. SlamAir front and rear air suspension and custom four-link rear setup, contribute to Lazarus’ killer stance. Though the 14-point roll cage sacrifices some interior room, the Vintage Air and an IDIDIT tilt column provide a measure of comfort for sustained Pro Street cruising.

Easily one of the finest Fords on main floor of Cobo Hall was the “’61 Bossliner” owned by Danny and Diane Shaffer from Bakersfield, California. American Speed Company in Plymouth, Michigan performed the build. The 1961 Starliner is powered by a Jon Kasse Racing “Boss 429″ 598 cubic inch engine producing 815 horsepower. A Roadster Shop chassis hosts a Corvette ZO6 front suspension and a Strange Ford 9” rear with 3.90 gears suspended by a four-link suspension. A Tremec TKO 600 five-speed transmission raises the fun quotient on this spectacular car.

Shannon Poole from Street Outlaws New Orleans brought his newly-completed 1965 Corvette to Detroit Autorama. The car was owned by his father for the past twenty years, but now newly updated by Shannon. Shannon built the 632 cubic inch engine using a Brodix block with cylinder heads by RFD. Power production from the 632 is expected to be about 1350 horsepower on the motor, with about 1,000 more on nitrous.

Bold yellow paint with blue graphics highlight Tony Valenti’s 1969 Camaro RS. The Pro Street build comes complete with yellow interior and full roll cage. Holeshot Holestar wheels with beadlock rears mount Hoosier tires to create proper Pro Street audacity at its finest.

Feast your eyes on Casey Hornik’s 1970 ‘Cuda “Killer Instinct”. ZRODZ and Customs performed the fabrication work and modifications on the Killer Instinct. Colors include Viper White, Graphite Gray, and Hemi Orange. Power comes from a 572 Hemi built by Moran Racing Engines that registered 850 horsepower and 780 lb-ft of torque on the dyno. Bowler Transmission built the 4L80E automatic. An Art Morrison “Max G” chassis with Multilink Independent Rear Suspension and Wilwood Brakes with 14″ rotors makes for rock solid handling. Nutek wheels, 19×10 fronts and 20×12 rears, round out an awesome build by the crew at ZRODZ.

The “Gone Mad 55″ Chevrolet Nomad is up to the minute with its Krazy Kiwi and Truffle Butter Gold BASF Glasurit Paint. The car sits on a Roadster Shop Revo Chassis with four-link rear suspension and adjustable coilovers. Power comes from an all-aluminum Shafiroff Racing 509 cubic inch W-Series motor that pumps out 625 horsepower. A Bowler 4L80E transmission and Ford 9” rear round out the powertrain. Billet Specialties SLG 15 wheels in Truffle Butter Gold hue, 18×8 fronts and 20×12 rears, set this ’55 apart at any Tri-Five convention.

Andy Leach and his team at CAL Automotive Creations in Omaha, Nebraska created “After Thought”, a 1930 Model A coupe owned by Ted and Colleen Hubbard. Inspired by a finned exhaust manifold, Andy brilliantly carried the finned theme throughout the car for a strong, traditional, and artsy theme. The judges gave the coupe a “Great 8” Ridler Award Finalist. It is stunning.

The 2017 Ridler Award was won by Nancy and Buddy Jordan’s “Renaissance Roadster”. Steve’s Auto Restorations (SAR) built the car from scratch. The car is a craftsmanship wonderland. The body and panels were handcrafted from 0.064-inch 3003 aluminum. The frame was also handbuilt from 3/16″ steel plate and 1 ½-inch diameter chromoly tubing. The front suspension includes an SAR independent split tube axle, remote shocks with custom machined ends, CNC-machined aluminum bobby pins, and rack and pinion steering. The rear suspension consists of SAR-built A-arms, uprights and halfshafts, and remote shocks. Powertrain is made up of a smoothed and customized Anniversary Edition Chevrolet Performance 427 cubic inch engine and 4L60 transmission. Congrats to the Jordans and Steve’s Auto Restorations!

“Paint by Chevrolet and Mother Nature” properly introduces one to Gordon Rojewski’s original-paint 1967 Camaro that spent its life in the dry California and Texas climate. Originally equipped with a 250 six cylinder and a Powerglide transmission, Gordon’s car is now running a Thomson Automotive 442 cubic inch LS7 with a D&D-built Tremec T56 six-speed manual transmission. Detroit Speed front and rear suspension with mini-tubs and subframe connectors properly addresses chassis needs. Stopping power comes from Brembo GT brakes, 6 piston 365 mm fronts and 4 piston 345 mm rears. Wheels are Formula 43 RAD 10 18×10 fronts and 19×12 rears with Michelin Pilot Sport rubber. Gordon’s Camaro is a smart and bold blend of preservation and innovation.

Bob Adel’s 3M Raspberry Blue wrapped 1993 Mustang is “Fueled by CPRacing”. The 25.2 chassis was built by Zartech Race Cars. Bad Habitz Fabrication did the carbon fiber work, tubs, and interior fabrication. A Holbrook Racing Engines 540 Chevy employs twin 94mm Garrett turbos, Jared Thompsen billet manifold, and Dart heads. SSP built the turbo kit, front clip, doors, and dashboard. Lots of horsepower is sent through a Powerglide transmission to the fabricated Ford 9-inch with Strange Engineering 40-spline axles and Ultra center, with 4.11 gears. Bob will be spending a lot of time at Milan Dragway in 2017 shooting for 4.0’s in the eighth mile. It’s already fast, with a best run so far of 4.30 at 181 mph.

The original “Border Bandit” 1971 Mercury Comet was on display at Autorama by present owner Ivan Landry. The Comet was campaigned by Sandy Elliot in NHRA Pro Stock racing and featured one of the memorable race car paint schemes of all time. A 429 Cobra Jet engine is connected to a Toploader four-speed transmission and a Dana 60 rear with 5.38:1 gears.

GM’s G Body platform, makes for a great street machine, as evidenced by Will Johnson’s 1980 Malibu. A stout and clean small block, two tone paint, and Billet Specialties wheels blend together for performance and strong visual appeal. A custom interior with custom console and B&M shifter make for comfortable cruising.

All of us who lived through the Pro Street Vega craze of the ‘80s will always be drawn to a slick contemporary example like Kevin Bibwell’s 1976 Vega drag car. Cates Custom Painting brought the body to perfection. BobO’s Motorsports is painted proudly on the wing. Weld V Series wheels with beadlocks round out the package of this stellar Vega.

Dennis Mariani’s 1929 Model A Sedan, built by Rad Rides by Troy, was on display in bare metal to stop spectators dead in their tracks, highlighting the phenomenal work by Troy Trepanier, Adam Banks, and the Rad Rides crew. Check out the custom visor, hand built and shaped grille shell, chopped top, formed metal insert, and removable rear tail panel. These are only a fraction of the custom work performed on this car. Bob Panella Motorsports built the 377 cubic inch Chevy engine that is fed by an Offenhauser intake manifold mounting three Auto Trend EFI throttle bodies.

Nicholas Perry called on Brian Moat and All Speed Customs (ASC) to build the wildest 1971 Cuda on the planet. They succeeded. The stated theme for “Medusa” called for a blending of contemporary Viper styling with the “Cuda’s iconic looks. A race-spec Viper V10 engine with Kinsler injection and a six-speed automatic transmission powers Medusa. The Roadster Shop custom chassis incoepoeates Corvette C6 front suspension elements with their four-link rear suspension. A Strange Engineering 9-inch rear spins the Forgeline Custom color-accented wheels, 20×10 front and 20×12 rears. Body modifications include extended rear quarter panels, a custom front air dam and rear valence, Aston Martin door handles, and flush-mounted glass. The Viper-style custom hood includes custom vents and center air induction. The bold, modern interior is decorated with Recaro seats, a hand-crafted console with center mounted iPad, and custom gauges.

The Bourikas Bros. 1955 Belair was looking strong in its Brandywine paint and bad boy stance. The foundation for this build is a Pro Mod Chrome Moly Chassis built by Tube Chassis Designz in Hanson, Massachusetts. Power comes from a Kinsler Fuel Injected 540 big block Chevy built by Camco Racing Engines in Weymouth, MA. Interior was stitched up by Fred Carello, while the paint and body work was performed by George Bourikas at Perfection Auto in Quincy, MA. Peter Bourikas at Hot Rod Services in Hull, MA handled assembly and shakedown duties resulting in a dramatic impact in Detroit.

The NHRA-legal FS/D COPO Camaro owned by Rich Rinke was on display. NHRA’s Stock Eliminator ranks have undergone a major upgrade with the advent of the Factory Stock race cars like this COPO. Rich won class with this car at the 2016 “Big GO” U.S. Nationals at Indy. Right now, the COPO cars are the class of field in Factory Stock, and can be had from Chevrolet Performance for just a tick over six figures.

MPR Race Cars is the headquarters for chassis guru Mike Pustelny. As a matter of note, MPR Race Cars designed the rear suspension of the COPO Camaros for Chevrolet Performance, and Mike was on hand with his FS/E 2014 Mustang Cobra Jet dressed in silver and blue.

ABC Performance had this 1970 Chevrolet Chevelle owned by Tony Grzelakowski on display. ABC Performance offers high-end chassis parts for the muscle car owner serious about building an all-around performance machine, including tubular control arms, tall spindles, coilover conversions and splined sway bars. Tony’s car is motivated by a 380 cubic inch Chevrolet built with a Dart SHP PRO block, 12.0:1 compression, Callies Crank, Edelbrock Victor Jr heads, Dart intake, and a Holley 4150 carburetor. American Racing headers routes the exhaust through an ABC Performance three-inch exhaust system. The Chevelle is dressed in 3M Garnet Matte Metallic body wrap. Tires and wheels are satin black Forgeline 18″ hoops with monster BF Goodrich G-Force Rival 315/30 tires front and rear.

An early 1940/1941 Willys is indisputably the perfect gasser. Bill Kellog’s 1940 Willys looks like it just rolled out of a barn after a long hibernation. It is powered by a blown 392 Hemi with an Isky Roller Cam, which is mated to a TH400 transmission. Power is sent back to the spool-equipped Ford 9-inch rear with 4.56 gears. The requisite straight front axle gets the nose up just right, while the rear suspension is track-ready with Ladder Bars and drag shocks.

“The All American” ’57 Chevy gasser was built at Woody’s Hot Rodz in Bright, Indiana. It is the giveaway car for the 2017 Danchuk Tri-Five Nationals in Bowling Green, Kentucky on August 11-12, 2017. The gasser features a No Limit Engineering chassis, Speedway straight axle, fiberglass front clip, Viking double-adjustable front shocks and rear coilovers, and 48-inch ladder bar and Panhard bar rear suspension. The engine is a Chevrolet Performance 502 big block, with Hilborn Injection and fenderwell headers. A GearStar Level IV 4L80E transmission allows for reliability on street and strip, spinning power to the John’s Industries Ford 9-inch rear with 4.56 gears. Coker skinny bias ply tires and rear cheater slicks are mounted on Keystone Klassics. Win it!

The lower level “Extreme” show at the Detroit Autorama transfers attendees to an exciting world of traditional hot rods, rat rods, gassers, and freaks. Jarvis High Performance had their 1969 Chevy shorty van featuring a 90-inch wheelbase and straight axle for a wild, gasser stance. Zoomies out the side, Rocket Wheels fronts on M/T front runners, and rear aluminum slots with Hoosier tires set off the satin black paint. The monster behind the wheel and creepy red headlights complete this tribute to Rat Fink.

“The Instigator” 1962 Mercury Comet gasser was built by Glenn Botting and won the 2015 “Best Gasser” Award at the Detroit Autorama Extreme show. The new owner had the car on hand, and it was looking fresh and bold as ever. The engine is a 355 cubic inch Chevy with a cross ram intake with dual Holley 600 cfm carburetors. Bold vintage scoops and white fenderwell headers are period perfect. The tilt front end, Moon tank, wide whites, and awesome lace paint with variegated gold leaf lettering set this car apart in a sea of wild vehicles at the Extreme show.

Probably my all-time favorite gasser, Jim Oddy’s AA/GS 1948 Austin with blown Hemi power was the highlight of the Extreme show. This is the “REAL DEAL” car that was raced in the 60’s by Jim Oddy. An impeccable restoration had the car looking great, with its Cragars, chopped top, blower, blue paint with perfect lettering. Jim Oddy and present owner John Cassiol were on hand to visit with attendees. The car was awarded “Best Overall Comp Car” at the show.

Ralph and Linda Miller from Columbus, Ohio are the proud owners of this newly-completed 1930 Model A Ford Tudor. The car was built at Hilton Hot Rods. Power comes from a blown 392 Hemi built at Ross Racing Engines. The interior was created by Mike Lippincott. The period perfect panel paint job was applied at Bucky’s Ltd. Auto Body by Travis “Tuki” Hess. Smoothies and skinny bias ply tires make for a period perfect ‘60s-era hot rod.

The later second generation Camaros can make great street machines, as evidenced by Tom Joysey’s 1977 Pro Street Z28. The car is powered by a Bill Joysey Racing Engines big block Chevy with a Demon carburetor, MSD ignition, and a big nitrous kit. Big meats with classic Weld Draglites make that Camaro look proper. Pro Street is alive and well.

Picked as a Great 8 finalist for the Ridler award, this true widebody 1967 Corvette received an extra 6 3/8 inches down the center, was channeled, had the rear windshield opening moved, a curved firewall, dropped floor, restyled grille, and custom bumpers. A 636 horsepower LS9 supercharged 6.2-liter engine hides under the custom Stinger hood, while a Tremec T56 is the only acceptable choice for this canyon carver. OEM style sidepipes and EVOD wheels designed to mimic the original Corvette knockoff wheels serve as a tip of the hat to the car’s rich heritage.

Del Rau owns this 1970 1/2 Camaro RS. Premium parts include Detroit Speed’s front subframe, QUADRALink rear suspension, and coilovers at all corners. The engine is a 497 cubic inch big block running on E85 backed by a TH400 transmission. Restoration duties were handled by Showtime, with paint performed by Lakeside Collision and interior from JuJu Sewing. Wilwood brakes provides halting, while American Racing wheels put the power and the g-forces to the ground.

My Mopar tracking senses dragged me over to David Smith’s 1964 Dodge 440 hardtop. Dave tells us that this car is a restoration of the car he drove to Norton High School in 1966 and raced at Dragway 42. The big B-body is powered by a 572 Hemi with a crossram intake and Holley carburetors. A Tremec T56 transmission sends power to a Dana 60 rear with 35 spline axles, Sure Grip, and 4.10 gears held up by a four-link suspension.

The Roger Lindamood “Color Me Gone” 1977 Monza funny car was there as a rolling work of art and chronicle of drag racing days of yesteryear. The car is owned by Jim and Julie Matusak from Caro, Michigan. The car debuted at the 1977 Winternationals, and was runner-up at the 1977 Gatornationals. The best e.t. for the car was a 6.20, with a best recorded top speed of 240 mph. Why can’t today’s funny cars look this cool?

On the subject of great looking funny cars, check out the Poncho Rendon sponsored “Detroit Tiger” 1977 Monza funny car that was driven by Tom Prock. The car debuted at the 1977 Detroit Autorama and won its class. It won its first drag race at the season opening event at Napierville Dragway in Quebec, set a low e.t. of 6.26 at the Detroit Funny Car meet in September 1977, and won “Best Appearing Car” at the 1977 World Finals. Today, the Detroit Tiger is owned by Tom and Stephen Timoszyk from Belleville, Michigan.

Christopher Rose owns this 1962 Plymouth Belvedere with a 413 Max Wedge ] and what looked to be original paint with serious case of checking. All things being equal, this is the car I would have driven home from the show. Virgil Exner got it right.

In 1974, Pontiac snuck the GTO name over to their Nova clone, the Ventura, and created a downsized GTO. This particular example received the full Pro Street treatment, but stayed with Pontiac power via a 428 HO engine that churns out 500 horsepower. A TH400 trans is equipped with a manual valve body with a 3,500 stall converter. The 4.10 rear makes for a nice dual-duty street/strip car.

In 1974, Pontiac snuck the GTO name over to their Nova clone, the Ventura, and created a downsized GTO. This particular example received the full Pro Street treatment, but stayed with Pontiac power via a 428 HO engine that churns out 500 horsepower. A TH400 trans is equipped with a manual valve body with a 3,500 stall converter. The 4.10 rear makes for a nice dual-duty street/strip car.

Less is more with this 1962 Corvette owned by Jim Dillon of Highland, Michigan. A common sight at nostalgia events, this black Corvette sports perfect stance with period-correct vintage Cragar SS wheels. Jim rows his own with small block power and four-speed stick with Hurst shifter. The center-mounted fire extinguisher adds an extra measure of safety during occasional quarter mile runs.

The “Extreme” collection of hot rods included this great primer red Pro Street Dart. The front suspension includes tubular control arms, disc brakes, coilovers, and rack and pinion steering. Tasteful pinstriping and wide steelies painted white looked perfect on a car that looked to have some serious race heritage. Power is all Mopar with a 340 small block with Holley carburetor, MSD, and rat skeleton under the hood. Way kool.

It remains a mystery that so few 1964 Buick Rivieras are seen as proper street machine fodder. Ken Becker Jr. from Mokena, Illinois owns this Riviera he calls “Deception”. Ken Sr. helped install the 425 cubic inch Buick Nailhead with TH400 transmission. Body modifications include shaved door handles, frenched Cadillac tail lights, a billet grill, and smoothed firewall. The five spoke wheels are American Racing VN805 18’s mounting Nitto tires. The car is lowered 4 inches all around, and looks sharp with its two-tone House of Kolor paint.

New rule: Every car show from this time forward must have a psychedelic Henry J gasser in attendance. Daniel Nelson had this spectacular, incredibly detailed “Henry Jaded” on display. The car was built by Dave Shuten of Galpin Auto Sports. A 599 cubic inch big block Chevy is installed in the full tube chassis for quarter mile recreation, while the trailer hitch makes Henry Jaded ready for Drag Week. Wilwood brakes are installed for braking power. The paint design is awesome, using House of Kolor products to create a mix of panels, shading, bubbles, rows, and gold leaf. Billet Specialties wheels host the Moroso front tires that are way too small, and rear MT tires that are way too big… in other words, they are perfect. The car was unabashedly sending the crowd back to the early ‘70s, and it is easily the nicest Henry J this author has ever seen.

A rotating display showed off this gorgeous 1955 Chevrolet Bel Air from every angle. Dale Frasca from Bloomfield, New York owns this car. Rod Tech performed the chassis and fabrication, body work, and paint. Interior chores were turned over to JMB. Glistening Cragar SS wheels never looked better than they do on this 1955 Chevy. The car won 1st place in “Conservative Hardtop 1955-1958” class. In my fantasy world, this ’55 Chevy would be towed to my house behind my ’62 Max Wedge Plymouth. Can someone make that happen?

The post Car Craft’s Top 40 Hits at Detroit Autorama 2017 appeared first on Hot Rod Network.

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